1
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:20,360
Ugh! Can you believe this guy?
2
00:00:20,390 --> 00:00:23,130
Pete is over an hour
late for our brunch date.
3
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:26,100
- Pete? Who's Pete?
- Oh, it's this dude who goes to my gym.
4
00:00:26,130 --> 00:00:27,900
Thought Jess could use a
man with a little muscle
5
00:00:27,930 --> 00:00:29,430
for a change, so I set 'em up.
6
00:00:29,470 --> 00:00:31,200
Not gonna marry him, but I'm having fun.
7
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,200
(chuckles) Knock, knock. Who's there?
8
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:35,140
Orange. Hang on a second, Orange.
9
00:00:35,170 --> 00:00:37,640
I'm gonna send a sext to Pete, which I did.
10
00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:39,480
My first one ever. Want
to see? It's super hot.
11
00:00:39,510 --> 00:00:41,240
I don't want to, uh...
12
00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:42,640
Okay, that's just a picture of you
13
00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:44,450
in a bra over a T-shirt
14
00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:46,580
Holding a sign that says "Property of Pete."
15
00:00:46,620 --> 00:00:48,350
- Not a sext.
- I'm wearing a bra!
16
00:00:48,390 --> 00:00:50,290
- No, that's like a glorified selfie.
- You can see the bra.
17
00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:51,990
- Nope.
- (scoffs) I bet he saw this,
18
00:00:52,020 --> 00:00:53,160
and he was like,
19
00:00:53,190 --> 00:00:56,130
(in low voice): "Oh, delicious."
20
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:57,290
You want him to say that?
21
00:00:57,330 --> 00:00:58,630
I have to agree,
22
00:00:58,660 --> 00:01:00,230
(phone blipping) because the true nature
23
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:03,530
of eroticism is what is not shown.
24
00:01:03,570 --> 00:01:05,970
COACH: I never get sexts.
25
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,470
What are you taking?
26
00:01:10,510 --> 00:01:11,610
Just some, uh... motion sickness pill.
27
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,110
It's a mild sedative.
28
00:01:14,150 --> 00:01:15,980
My mom just landed.
29
00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:17,180
That's unrelated.
30
00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:18,450
Oh, my God, your mom's here?!
31
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,020
I'm so excited to meet her.
32
00:01:20,050 --> 00:01:21,880
You probably won't; she's busy.
33
00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,090
But maybe, hopefully, I doubt it.
34
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,190
I can't believe I've never met her.
35
00:01:25,220 --> 00:01:26,920
You know, we get together and we laugh and...
36
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,490
(sighs) she tells me all the ways that
37
00:01:28,530 --> 00:01:30,560
I could be better at
things, and then I do them,
38
00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:31,890
but not right.
39
00:01:31,930 --> 00:01:33,560
Oh, it's fun.
40
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,330
We have, we have fun.
41
00:01:35,370 --> 00:01:37,000
You know, I wish I had fun with my partner.
42
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:38,600
Wow, every time I ask Aly to hang out,
43
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,300
- she's always like, "Nah."
- NICK: Hey, Schmidty, vamos.
44
00:01:40,340 --> 00:01:43,240
I want to show you a surprise
investment opportunity.
45
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,410
Surprise, Nick? I'm telling you right now,
46
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,610
if it is a boat, I'm gonna be so psyched!
47
00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:49,550
I literally jut got new boat shoes.
48
00:01:49,580 --> 00:01:51,580
JESS: (sputters) Standing
here like a damn jabroni.
49
00:01:51,620 --> 00:01:54,320
He hasn't even answered any of my texts.
50
00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:55,920
- He hasn't?
- You don't think he's...
51
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:59,020
(gasping) He is blowing you off!
52
00:01:59,060 --> 00:02:01,490
- He best not be!
- Hell no!
53
00:02:01,530 --> 00:02:03,960
- You guys are getting riled up, huh?
- We are gonna march right over there,
54
00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,660
and we all right gonna
find out what's happening!
55
00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:06,630
Let's go.
56
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,570
(door closes) (groans)
57
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:14,640
Turns out that Pete had a very good excuse
58
00:02:14,670 --> 00:02:16,670
for not showing up.
59
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:23,850
He died.
60
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:25,510
- What?
- WINSTON: ♪ Just got out of the shower ♪
61
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,880
♪ Guess who cleaned everything? ♪
62
00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:30,890
♪ Guess who got in deep? ♪
63
00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:33,660
What?
64
00:02:40,140 --> 00:02:42,800
A motorcycle accident? I
didn't even know Pete rode one.
65
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:46,200
He didn't. Apparently, he was
thinking about getting one,
66
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:49,910
and he slipped and fell
on the showroom floor.
67
00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:52,610
Buffed floors...
68
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,610
beautiful, but at what cost?
69
00:02:54,650 --> 00:02:57,410
The first guy I sext dies.
70
00:02:57,450 --> 00:02:58,950
I should go to the memorial, right?
71
00:02:58,980 --> 00:03:00,420
Jess, don't make this
about yourself, all right?
72
00:03:00,450 --> 00:03:01,720
You went on two dates with the guy.
73
00:03:01,750 --> 00:03:03,920
I was one of the last people to text him.
74
00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:05,550
- On Earth.
- CECE: Look, you didn't even
75
00:03:05,590 --> 00:03:07,320
have sex with him, okay? You're fine.
76
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,190
So if I'd slept with him, I'd go.
77
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:10,860
- Or if you'd gone skiing together.
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
78
00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:12,760
- What are these rules?
- COACH: Just don't go.
79
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,130
'Cause if you go, then I'm gonna feel weird
80
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:15,330
about not going, and I ain't going.
81
00:03:15,370 --> 00:03:17,030
Yeah, just come and have a mani-pedi with me.
82
00:03:17,070 --> 00:03:19,530
I'm going; it's the right thing to do.
83
00:03:19,570 --> 00:03:21,670
Oh, so if I don't go, I'm a bad person now?
84
00:03:21,710 --> 00:03:23,710
- Cece.
- Mm-hmm.
85
00:03:23,740 --> 00:03:26,040
I'm surprised. I thought you, of all people,
86
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,410
would want to accompany your best friend
87
00:03:28,450 --> 00:03:32,450
to the funeral of a guy she texted, but...
88
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,750
I guess... not.
89
00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:41,060
♪ Ta-da! ♪
90
00:03:41,090 --> 00:03:42,360
What do you mean?
91
00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:44,290
What is ta-da? We drove here together
92
00:03:44,330 --> 00:03:45,460
and parked before you covered my eyes.
93
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:47,330
What is the surprise investment, Nick?
94
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:48,560
The bar.
95
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,700
Mike's selling us ten percent.
96
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,330
I really need the cash.
97
00:03:52,370 --> 00:03:54,440
I got swindled by a young gay roller skater.
98
00:03:54,470 --> 00:03:55,670
A rink twink.
99
00:03:55,710 --> 00:03:57,180
I know what a rink twink is, Mike.
100
00:03:57,180 --> 00:03:58,240
Hey, 20 thou
101
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,340
and we are part owners, okay?
102
00:04:00,380 --> 00:04:02,080
I've done my research.
103
00:04:02,110 --> 00:04:04,580
There's a consistent revenue
and no startup costs.
104
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:06,080
You're really serious about this, huh?
105
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:07,680
I really want this, man.
106
00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,050
- Good. I want this, too.
- Good.
107
00:04:09,090 --> 00:04:10,920
Where are we gonna get 20 grand from?
108
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,090
Well, we got the ten grand
we made on the Swuit.
109
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,590
Maybe do we have any rich
friends we can borrow money from?
110
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:16,990
Well, let's think about it.
There's the middle school
111
00:04:17,030 --> 00:04:19,260
vice principal, there's
the cop, the gym teacher.
112
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,030
Let's not forget about the
community college student.
113
00:04:21,070 --> 00:04:23,600
- Whew, lot of options.
- Yeah.
114
00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:24,770
It's tough, it's frustrating.
115
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,740
Yeah, huh... damn it.
116
00:04:26,770 --> 00:04:28,370
Schimdty just had an idea. I know that face.
117
00:04:28,410 --> 00:04:29,970
Give it to me, give it to me.
118
00:04:30,010 --> 00:04:30,910
What are you thinking, big cat?
119
00:04:30,940 --> 00:04:31,870
What are you thinking, big cat?
120
00:04:31,910 --> 00:04:32,910
I just...
121
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:38,050
(grunts) Think, now, if we
own it, don't be kicking it.
122
00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,680
Just... Yeah, oh.
123
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:41,850
Aah!
124
00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:43,120
Ouch.
125
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,490
Okay.
126
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,390
Hey, pal, uh, what's happening?
127
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:50,060
My mom still owes me my bar miztvah money.
128
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,490
I mean, we can ask her,
but, you know, she's...
129
00:04:52,530 --> 00:04:54,560
- Pushy, overbearing, controlling.
- So, what?
130
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,430
Oh, she's a typical Jewish mom?
131
00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:57,870
It's anti-Semitic when you say it like that.
132
00:04:57,900 --> 00:04:59,270
So-so what, she likes to get involved?
133
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,940
That's great, you know.
134
00:05:00,970 --> 00:05:02,870
I don't feel very comfortable
when I'm around her.
135
00:05:02,910 --> 00:05:04,870
Well, boo-hoo, she thinks you
want to have sex with her.
136
00:05:04,910 --> 00:05:06,940
Try learning about the
birds and the bees from her
137
00:05:06,980 --> 00:05:08,880
using a doughnut and a banana. By the way,
138
00:05:08,910 --> 00:05:10,980
neither one of which are used
for what you think they are.
139
00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:13,450
How could that be?
140
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,680
Hey, want to grab a bite later?
141
00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:16,720
You know it, partner. (laughs)
142
00:05:17,990 --> 00:05:19,420
Hey, Aly,
143
00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:21,190
uh, want to grab a beer after work?
144
00:05:21,230 --> 00:05:23,290
Ooh...
145
00:05:23,330 --> 00:05:24,760
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
146
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,860
(groaning)
147
00:05:27,900 --> 00:05:29,600
Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba.
148
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:30,970
Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya.
149
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,670
Ooh.
150
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,700
(humming)
151
00:05:38,410 --> 00:05:40,380
(grunting)
152
00:05:40,410 --> 00:05:41,680
(clicking tongue)
153
00:05:41,710 --> 00:05:43,780
Uh, ooh.
154
00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:47,650
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
155
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,850
No.
156
00:05:49,890 --> 00:05:51,950
- Oh, come on.
- Not work related,
157
00:05:51,990 --> 00:05:53,790
not interested, Bishop.
158
00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:56,290
We're professionals, not friends.
159
00:05:57,930 --> 00:06:00,030
Oh God, here we go. Showtime.
160
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,900
- Mama!
- No!
161
00:06:01,930 --> 00:06:04,870
I was meeting my little boy,
not this handsome movie star.
162
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:05,870
What are you doing with these?
163
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:07,770
Why would you hide your hazels?
164
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,570
(laughs) Hi, sweetheart.
165
00:06:10,610 --> 00:06:12,010
Oh!
166
00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:13,410
Hey, Louise, it's really good to see you.
167
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,910
I bet it is; tape it down, Miller.
168
00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:17,280
- Tape it?
- Here, look at your baby brother.
169
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:18,550
How handsome is Reggie?
170
00:06:18,580 --> 00:06:20,320
(kisses) Give him a kiss.
171
00:06:20,350 --> 00:06:22,520
Kiss your brother. Give him a kiss.
172
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,420
Give him a kiss; he loves
it. Kiss him, kiss him.
173
00:06:24,460 --> 00:06:26,720
Okay, give him a scratch. He loves a scratch.
174
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:28,360
He loves a scratch.
175
00:06:28,390 --> 00:06:30,290
Can I get an alcohol?
176
00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:37,570
So, how's Susan?
177
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,040
Susan's my-my mom's work
friend who she lives with.
178
00:06:40,070 --> 00:06:41,500
Susan cuts her own firewood.
179
00:06:41,540 --> 00:06:42,940
Susan's my girlfriend.
180
00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:44,570
That's what I said, your work friend.
181
00:06:44,610 --> 00:06:46,270
She's good. We just got a new mattress.
182
00:06:46,310 --> 00:06:48,640
So work's been more comfortable.
183
00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:49,980
(chuckling)
184
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,550
What?
185
00:06:51,580 --> 00:06:52,780
What-what now?
186
00:06:52,820 --> 00:06:54,480
Is it my sweater? Is it too dark?
187
00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:55,820
It might be. Here.
188
00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,420
You got, you got me a sweater?
189
00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:59,420
Mm-hmm. Now that's nice.
190
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:00,890
That's nice. Try it on.
191
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:01,990
I'm trying, I'm put-putting it on right now.
192
00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:03,090
It goes over your head.
193
00:07:03,130 --> 00:07:04,530
He's putting a sweater on a sweater?
194
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:05,830
Get over it. Get over it.
195
00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:08,030
That's nice, very nice.
196
00:07:08,070 --> 00:07:09,730
Thank you so much. I love this so much.
197
00:07:09,770 --> 00:07:11,330
Schmidt, isn't there something
198
00:07:11,370 --> 00:07:12,630
you want to ask your mother about?
199
00:07:12,670 --> 00:07:13,770
SCHMIDT: Well,
200
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,640
I did... I did want to ask you about...
201
00:07:15,670 --> 00:07:16,870
Your voice is wavering.
202
00:07:16,910 --> 00:07:18,510
Here, have some chocolate.
203
00:07:18,540 --> 00:07:19,910
- No, Mom, I'm okay. Thank you.
- Have it.
204
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,280
Here, have it, have it, have it.
205
00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:22,610
- I'll just have one.
- Have it, have it.
206
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,650
Have it, have it.
207
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:26,720
There you go. I do love it. Hmm!
208
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:28,920
So, I... What I was thinking about was...
209
00:07:28,950 --> 00:07:30,350
uh...
210
00:07:30,390 --> 00:07:32,720
my bar mitzvah money.
211
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:34,960
Can I have it?
212
00:07:34,990 --> 00:07:37,830
Oh, my God! Of course you can! Yes.
213
00:07:37,860 --> 00:07:39,900
Oh, that was... yeah, so easy.
214
00:07:39,930 --> 00:07:41,500
As soon as you write your thank-you notes.
215
00:07:41,530 --> 00:07:42,930
You didn't forget, did you?
216
00:07:42,970 --> 00:07:44,030
He never did his thank-you cards.
217
00:07:44,070 --> 00:07:45,070
SCHMIDT: Mom, I just thought that
218
00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:46,200
you know, that was so long ago...
219
00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:47,570
- Well, you know.
- If I just gave you
220
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,070
the money, what kind of lesson would that be?
221
00:07:49,110 --> 00:07:50,470
You finish your cards, you get the money.
222
00:07:50,510 --> 00:07:51,740
That's fair, isn't it?
223
00:07:51,780 --> 00:07:53,710
You didn't finish your thank-you cards?
224
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,110
There's a hat in the bag, too. Try it on.
225
00:07:57,780 --> 00:07:58,950
Put it on.
226
00:07:58,980 --> 00:08:00,220
That's very nice.
227
00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:02,050
Take it off, you're in a restaurant.
228
00:08:04,490 --> 00:08:06,450
Sure about this? It's not too late to bail.
229
00:08:06,490 --> 00:08:07,660
We're going.
230
00:08:07,690 --> 00:08:09,460
It's the right thing to do.
231
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,690
Look, we'll be in and out
of there in five minutes.
232
00:08:11,730 --> 00:08:13,760
It'll be so packed, no one will notice.
233
00:08:19,470 --> 00:08:20,940
(whispering): The right thing to do.
234
00:08:20,970 --> 00:08:22,670
Is it?
235
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,420
And uh... Pete said...
236
00:08:27,430 --> 00:08:29,060
"If you gotta puke, Duffy,
237
00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:30,630
just puke."
238
00:08:30,670 --> 00:08:32,100
Almost time to tell the story
239
00:08:32,140 --> 00:08:33,770
about your close friend Pete.
240
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,400
I'm just gonna tell the truth.
241
00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:36,610
We went on a few dates. That's it.
242
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:37,640
I'm Val,
243
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:39,070
Pete's girlfriend.
244
00:08:40,980 --> 00:08:43,410
(sobs) I'm sorry.
245
00:08:43,450 --> 00:08:44,780
Would you mind going?
246
00:08:44,820 --> 00:08:46,150
How did you know Pete?
247
00:08:49,420 --> 00:08:50,920
(clears throat quietly)
248
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,150
Um, from work.
249
00:08:52,190 --> 00:08:53,560
We worked together.
250
00:08:53,590 --> 00:08:54,790
You're a sports agent, too?
251
00:08:54,830 --> 00:08:57,460
- Wow...
- Yep.
252
00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:00,060
Okay, we got a lot of
thank-you cards to write
253
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,600
and not a lot of time.
254
00:09:01,630 --> 00:09:03,170
Let's get into it. I'll start, okay?
255
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,570
Let's go, here we go.
256
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:05,770
"To whom
257
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,600
"it may
258
00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:10,570
- concern..."
- To... to whom it may concern?
259
00:09:10,610 --> 00:09:12,240
- I'm on a vibe.
- Nick, these need to have personal details.
260
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,780
My mom is gonna check them.
261
00:09:13,810 --> 00:09:15,010
All right, then get me the guest list.
262
00:09:15,050 --> 00:09:16,550
Where have you imagined
that I've been holding
263
00:09:16,580 --> 00:09:18,310
onto the guest list for all these years?
264
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:19,780
Just carrying it around in my
wallet? This is impossible.
265
00:09:19,820 --> 00:09:22,450
This is gonna take some
serious detective work.
266
00:09:22,490 --> 00:09:23,790
(chuckles)
267
00:09:23,820 --> 00:09:25,150
It's a good thing I can call backup.
268
00:09:27,020 --> 00:09:29,490
- Hey.
- You said this was a work thing.
269
00:09:29,530 --> 00:09:30,690
It is a work thing.
270
00:09:30,730 --> 00:09:32,560
It's a... work-style thing.
271
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,060
You see, we need your skills to solve
272
00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:36,100
a cold case.
273
00:09:37,540 --> 00:09:41,570
(hip-hop playing)
274
00:09:41,610 --> 00:09:44,270
♪ ♪
275
00:09:44,310 --> 00:09:46,740
ALY: Hey, you want your bar
mitzvah money? Tell me her name.
276
00:09:46,780 --> 00:09:48,980
- I don't remember.
- I don't believe you!
277
00:09:49,010 --> 00:09:50,980
Just relax. Relax. Here, Schmidt.
278
00:09:51,020 --> 00:09:53,820
Sip that.
279
00:09:53,850 --> 00:09:55,480
Want to hear the music again?
280
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:56,920
(hip-hop music playing)
281
00:09:56,950 --> 00:09:58,120
All right, there we go.
282
00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:00,460
Uh-huh.
283
00:10:00,490 --> 00:10:01,820
Yeah, you're 13 years old,
284
00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:03,060
everybody's feeling it...
285
00:10:04,930 --> 00:10:06,800
- ♪ Motown Philly's back
again... ♪ - Enough.
286
00:10:06,830 --> 00:10:08,000
What was her name?!
287
00:10:08,030 --> 00:10:09,030
Sharon Rosenberg!
288
00:10:11,470 --> 00:10:13,470
Okay. 257 Sea Cove Drive, 11021.
289
00:10:16,070 --> 00:10:18,410
Okay. "Dear Mrs. Rosenberg...
290
00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:19,710
Thank you for the check."
291
00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:21,440
- I need a personal detail!
- Personal detail!
292
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:22,540
She had a pool.
293
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,350
"Cannonball!
294
00:10:24,380 --> 00:10:27,350
- Love, Schmidt."
- WINSTON: Cannonball!
295
00:10:27,390 --> 00:10:29,250
Okay, Schmidt. All right, Schmidt.
296
00:10:29,290 --> 00:10:30,990
- Who's this guy?
- SCHMIDT: I don't know, Winston.
297
00:10:31,020 --> 00:10:32,220
It's too far away, I can't tell.
298
00:10:32,260 --> 00:10:33,790
Uh... enhance, enhance, enhance...
299
00:10:33,820 --> 00:10:34,920
Okay, too far, too far.
300
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,830
Dehance, dehance.
301
00:10:36,860 --> 00:10:38,560
- Scott Rubenstein!
- Scott Rubenstein.
302
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:39,700
My mom's CPA.
303
00:10:39,730 --> 00:10:41,960
Scott Rubenstein...
304
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,730
deceased.
305
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:46,740
Yes!
306
00:10:46,770 --> 00:10:47,870
Yes!
307
00:10:47,910 --> 00:10:49,870
Love the dead ones.
308
00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:52,370
You know, Pete wasn't just a sports agent.
309
00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:54,440
He understood sports.
310
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,650
Like, he knew the rules, all of them:
311
00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:58,410
offsides,
312
00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:01,380
unnecessary bumping,
313
00:11:01,420 --> 00:11:04,450
what happens if you hit a bird
with the ball you throw...
314
00:11:04,490 --> 00:11:06,120
- Excuse-excuse me.
- Can I, uh, borrow her for a second?
315
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:07,520
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
316
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:08,660
- What's up?
- Uh...
317
00:11:08,690 --> 00:11:10,630
what the hell are you doing?
318
00:11:10,660 --> 00:11:12,030
I'm trying to save that poor girl's feelings.
319
00:11:12,060 --> 00:11:13,500
If she knew the truth, it would shatter her.
320
00:11:13,530 --> 00:11:15,060
I am going to the nail salon, okay?
321
00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:16,570
- Bye.
- Cece... - I'm out.
322
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:17,630
Hey, wait! Guys, wait.
323
00:11:17,670 --> 00:11:20,170
No, stop... guys.
324
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,040
The only sport I know is Ricky Ball,
325
00:11:22,070 --> 00:11:24,070
and I'm pretty sure my
friend Ricky made that up.
326
00:11:24,110 --> 00:11:26,010
No. Lying about who you are
is not the right thing to do.
327
00:11:27,180 --> 00:11:28,480
- I am going.
- Coach...
328
00:11:28,510 --> 00:11:30,180
(whimpering) Is this, uh...
329
00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:32,050
is this Pete's thing? He was my agent.
330
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,580
Of course he was.
331
00:11:33,620 --> 00:11:36,750
Who else would represent NFL star J.J. Watt?
332
00:11:36,790 --> 00:11:39,890
Uh, Pete was my best friend and, uh...
333
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,790
God, it's good to see you.
334
00:11:42,830 --> 00:11:44,260
LOUISE: Wouldn't the couch
335
00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:46,560
be better over there? All that light?
336
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,700
Or do you like to live
like a radish, underground?
337
00:11:48,730 --> 00:11:52,200
So we worked really hard
on the... on the cards.
338
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,170
Let's see what we got.
339
00:11:55,610 --> 00:11:57,010
Okay.
340
00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:58,610
But you know what would be better?
341
00:11:58,640 --> 00:11:59,680
Connie's into gardening.
342
00:11:59,710 --> 00:12:01,180
You should mention that.
343
00:12:01,210 --> 00:12:03,010
And if you really want your card to pop,
344
00:12:03,050 --> 00:12:04,780
you can use a nice fountain pen
345
00:12:04,820 --> 00:12:06,520
on silver stationery.
346
00:12:06,550 --> 00:12:08,280
And you should sign your
full name, not just Schmidt.
347
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,190
I mean, you have a lovely first name.
348
00:12:10,220 --> 00:12:12,020
Great! I'll just make all those changes, Mom!
349
00:12:15,660 --> 00:12:17,860
(door slams) Okay.
350
00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:20,560
You're not getting me into your
pants, you little jackhammer.
351
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,460
Oh, I don't want you in my pants, Louise.
352
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:23,770
- Okay.
- Okay.
353
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,700
Okay.
354
00:12:28,670 --> 00:12:31,480
- So then Pete says to...
- Allen Iverson.
355
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,620
- "...you want to keep sportsing on the...
- "Grizzlies.
356
00:12:33,650 --> 00:12:35,220
JESS: "...but if you want me
357
00:12:35,260 --> 00:12:36,860
"to show you the money, then...
358
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,430
You gotta finish your
career off with the '76ers!"
359
00:12:39,460 --> 00:12:42,430
(chuckles) And it was classic Pete.
360
00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:45,300
It's so nice to remember work
as more than just a thing
361
00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:46,870
that kept Pete on the phone all the time.
362
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,570
You're very welcome.
363
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,140
Oh, Val, you should have Pete's phone.
364
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,370
All those memories and photos...
365
00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:53,710
It's in the garage with all his stuff.
366
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,110
I'll give it to you before you go.
367
00:12:55,140 --> 00:12:56,340
- VAL: Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
368
00:13:00,410 --> 00:13:03,220
Okay, we gotta find that phone
before Val sees the sext.
369
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:04,880
Yes, it is the right thing to do.
370
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,990
Like I've said all along.
I got a good thing going
371
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,350
with J.J. and I'm not gonna let you ruin it.
372
00:13:08,390 --> 00:13:09,860
That's the funeral spirit.
373
00:13:12,930 --> 00:13:15,260
What are you guys doing in here?
374
00:13:15,300 --> 00:13:16,900
- What are you doing here?
- I'm looking for Pete's phone.
375
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,830
So are we! Did you sext him, too?
376
00:13:18,870 --> 00:13:20,700
No. I fired Pete over text,
377
00:13:20,740 --> 00:13:22,530
so I didn't want to crush his family.
378
00:13:22,570 --> 00:13:24,070
That's why I'm at the memorial.
379
00:13:24,110 --> 00:13:26,040
Not because it was the right thing to do?
380
00:13:26,070 --> 00:13:27,610
No. No. I mean, we never even went skiing.
381
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,940
Who makes up these rules?
382
00:13:28,980 --> 00:13:30,580
Now...
383
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:31,910
What are you guys doing out here?
384
00:13:31,950 --> 00:13:33,050
- Um...
- Singing.
385
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,850
S... What?
386
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,450
We like to sing.
387
00:13:38,490 --> 00:13:40,020
Together. About...
388
00:13:40,050 --> 00:13:40,950
- Sports.
- Food.
389
00:13:40,990 --> 00:13:42,550
Sports foods.
390
00:13:42,590 --> 00:13:43,720
VAL: That's fun.
391
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,620
It's...
392
00:13:45,660 --> 00:13:47,660
Would you guys...
393
00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:50,600
Would it be putting you on the
spot if I asked you to do one?
394
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:51,430
- I think that wouldn't be appropriate.
- COACH: Actually, yes.
395
00:13:51,470 --> 00:13:52,460
I feel like it's a little...
396
00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:55,970
♪ Hot dogs ♪
397
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,600
♪ Hot dogs... ♪
398
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:02,910
♪ Everybody loves hot dogs ♪
399
00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:05,580
♪ Hot dogs ♪
♪ Dogs ♪
400
00:14:05,610 --> 00:14:08,550
♪ Everybody's favorite
treat is hot dogs ♪
401
00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:09,950
♪ Hot dogs ♪
402
00:14:09,980 --> 00:14:13,320
♪ Pretzels! ♪
403
00:14:15,590 --> 00:14:16,820
Whoa, partner!
404
00:14:16,860 --> 00:14:18,020
Wait up! (laughs)
405
00:14:18,060 --> 00:14:19,420
That work-style
406
00:14:19,460 --> 00:14:20,830
thing was pretty fun.
407
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,230
Let's parlay that into a beer.
408
00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:24,560
My buddy has a bar he
works at, down the street.
409
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:26,700
It's carpeted, so...
410
00:14:26,730 --> 00:14:28,730
Bishop, what don't you get?
411
00:14:28,770 --> 00:14:30,340
No.
412
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,340
(SUV door opens, shuts)
413
00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:35,240
(engine starts)
414
00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:37,540
Are you okay?
415
00:14:37,580 --> 00:14:39,410
Oh, hey, man. Thanks.
416
00:14:39,450 --> 00:14:41,380
- Yeah, I don't know, man. It's just...
- (shushes)
417
00:14:41,420 --> 00:14:42,780
I'm talking to a ladybug.
418
00:14:42,820 --> 00:14:44,550
Squeeze my hand!
419
00:14:44,590 --> 00:14:46,890
Just one more push! You're almost there!
420
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,450
The first child is always the hardest!
421
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:51,690
Hey, bud.
422
00:14:51,730 --> 00:14:53,890
- Hard candy?
- Is it butterscotch?
423
00:14:53,930 --> 00:14:56,660
No, 'cause we're friggin' strangers.
424
00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:58,700
(laughs): "Is it butterscotch?"
425
00:14:58,730 --> 00:15:00,670
So, you freaked out a little back there,
426
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:02,500
didn't you?
427
00:15:02,540 --> 00:15:04,940
Not to use some Popsicle psychology...
428
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:06,440
"Popsicle psychology"?
429
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,010
Yeah, it's pop psychology for short.
430
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:09,640
'Cause, you know,
431
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:11,440
you eat the Popsicle and you love it so much
432
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,680
and then you're stuck holding the-the stick?
433
00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:16,110
You get it. you get it.
434
00:15:16,150 --> 00:15:17,580
- Not really, but...
- I think you have
435
00:15:17,620 --> 00:15:21,050
some pent-up resentment towards your mom.
436
00:15:21,090 --> 00:15:22,450
She's trying to control you!
437
00:15:22,490 --> 00:15:23,960
She treats you like a little baby
438
00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:25,790
who can't do anything for himself.
439
00:15:25,830 --> 00:15:27,430
That's why I never wrote the
cards in the first place.
440
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:29,390
Go tell that to your mom!
441
00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:31,300
She'll understand.
442
00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:32,930
I don't understand.
443
00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:35,330
The couch looks good here though, doesn't it?
444
00:15:35,370 --> 00:15:36,900
It opens up the whole room.
445
00:15:36,940 --> 00:15:38,840
Louise, I think what your
boy is trying to say is...
446
00:15:38,870 --> 00:15:40,540
Shut it, Nick.
447
00:15:40,570 --> 00:15:42,510
Honey, why do you hang out with him?
448
00:15:42,540 --> 00:15:46,480
You know Nancy Borkow?
Her son just moved to L.A.
449
00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:48,310
He wrote a movie script for the movies.
450
00:15:48,350 --> 00:15:50,380
I can connect you. You need better friends!
451
00:15:50,420 --> 00:15:52,550
Enough, Mom!
452
00:15:52,590 --> 00:15:53,850
You don't get to choose my friends!
453
00:15:53,890 --> 00:15:55,320
You don't get to choose anything!
454
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,760
Because this is my life!
455
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:01,660
It's my dream and nothing's
gonna stop me now!
456
00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:04,000
It feels like that's from something.
457
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,400
- It feels like, it feels like it's from a movie or something.
- ♪ My life ♪
458
00:16:06,430 --> 00:16:08,400
- Yeah, I think it's a song. It's a song.
- Like some sort of song, right?
459
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,270
- It's the Perfect Stranger theme.
- Well, you know,
460
00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:11,600
it doesn't matter!
461
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,040
You know, we did a good
job with those cards, Mom.
462
00:16:13,070 --> 00:16:14,640
And we don't need any of your money.
463
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,640
Whoa, we're all being very emotional.
464
00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:17,780
Let's just slow everything...
465
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,580
I'm moving the couch back!
466
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:23,720
Gosh!
467
00:16:25,750 --> 00:16:27,390
Did you nail that thing down?
468
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,720
That's... You move that all by yourself?
469
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,560
I'm an adult man, Mom.
470
00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:33,130
And Nick is my best friend
in the whole wide world.
471
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,990
And we're gonna buy a
small portion of that bar
472
00:16:35,030 --> 00:16:37,530
without any of your help.
473
00:16:39,930 --> 00:16:41,470
(sighs) (door slams)
474
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,800
And also, there's some
leftover chili in the fridge
475
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:46,640
if you get hungry, and, please, make sure
476
00:16:46,670 --> 00:16:48,710
to put a plate over it before
you put it in the microwave.
477
00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:50,740
I don't want it to splatter everywhere!
478
00:16:53,050 --> 00:16:55,110
♪ And that's why they call it ♪
479
00:16:55,150 --> 00:16:57,620
♪ The out-of-peanuts ♪
480
00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:59,850
♪ Blues... ♪
481
00:16:59,890 --> 00:17:03,960
♪ Stadium taco. ♪
482
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:10,900
Thank you guys for being a
bright spot on my sad day.
483
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,660
(screams) Aah!
484
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:14,030
- Shucks!
- Sorry!
485
00:17:14,070 --> 00:17:15,870
I thought I saw Pete's ghost!
486
00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:18,170
It was a paint can. (laughs)
487
00:17:18,210 --> 00:17:19,370
(all chuckle) Are you sure about...?
488
00:17:20,470 --> 00:17:22,010
Ugh! We gotta find this phone.
489
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:23,510
And get the hell out of here.
490
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:24,510
Okay, it's ringing.
491
00:17:24,550 --> 00:17:26,950
Can anybody hear it?
492
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:29,550
(cell phone ringing) Oh, no, no, no,
493
00:17:29,580 --> 00:17:30,780
no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
494
00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:33,190
There's another box.
495
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,850
What the hell...? "Property of Pete"?
496
00:17:35,890 --> 00:17:38,490
He made my sext his caller I.D.?
497
00:17:38,530 --> 00:17:40,860
This is a sext?
498
00:17:42,830 --> 00:17:44,330
JJ fired him over text!
499
00:17:48,580 --> 00:17:51,620
After the day I had, I needed this.
500
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:53,350
Me, too.
501
00:17:53,390 --> 00:17:54,620
What happened?
502
00:17:54,650 --> 00:17:55,950
I know you were talking to yourself.
503
00:17:55,990 --> 00:17:57,390
Now you're talking to a stranger.
504
00:17:57,420 --> 00:17:58,820
Get over it.
505
00:17:58,860 --> 00:18:01,360
Is that a crime in California? What happened?
506
00:18:01,390 --> 00:18:03,700
I got dragged to a random dude's funeral.
507
00:18:03,730 --> 00:18:05,530
Who dragged you? My friend. She always thinks
508
00:18:05,570 --> 00:18:06,870
she knows what's best.
509
00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:09,300
Who's your friend... me? (both laugh)
510
00:18:09,340 --> 00:18:11,570
No.
511
00:18:11,610 --> 00:18:14,240
I got accused of that today by my son.
512
00:18:14,270 --> 00:18:15,840
He's tired of me babying him.
513
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,240
But he's my baby, so
what am I supposed to do?
514
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:19,810
Maybe you have to let go a little.
515
00:18:19,850 --> 00:18:23,480
This is why strangers talk.
516
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,180
You're a genius.
517
00:18:25,220 --> 00:18:27,420
Want to see a picture of
my son? He's handsome.
518
00:18:27,450 --> 00:18:29,620
Nah. I'm kind of in love with my ex, so...
519
00:18:29,660 --> 00:18:32,320
All right, you can't date him anyway.
520
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,530
You're not Jewish, so over
my dead body and all that.
521
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,060
(laughs)
522
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:37,760
(laughs)
523
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,930
Today was not a win for me.
524
00:18:39,970 --> 00:18:41,670
It's the right thing to do.
525
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:43,770
I don't even know what that means.
526
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,600
- Well, you made today about yourself.
- Mm.
527
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,340
Not to use popcorn psychology,
but it's human nature.
528
00:18:48,380 --> 00:18:50,410
You know? Soon as I saw
JJ walk in, I was, like,
529
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:51,940
"JJ Watt, be my best friend."
530
00:18:51,980 --> 00:18:52,980
(both chuckle)
531
00:18:53,010 --> 00:18:54,680
(sighs)
532
00:18:54,710 --> 00:18:56,380
I got to do something.
533
00:18:56,420 --> 00:18:57,850
Should I tell Aly off? Uh...
534
00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,720
put in for a new partner?
535
00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:00,850
What's the right thing to do here?
536
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:02,950
I can say with 100% certainty
537
00:19:02,990 --> 00:19:04,560
I have no idea.
538
00:19:04,590 --> 00:19:06,690
Look at you. I'm proud of you.
539
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,630
- I learned from the best.
- That's awesome.
540
00:19:08,660 --> 00:19:10,830
What a wonderful moment we're having today!
541
00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:12,060
You know what? I'll figure it out myself.
542
00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:14,100
Thank you.
543
00:19:14,130 --> 00:19:15,970
This is from that sixth grader over there.
544
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,870
(quietly): Hmm?
545
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:24,310
Aly, what are you doing here?
546
00:19:24,340 --> 00:19:25,840
I just wanted to explain. Look...
547
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,980
I hung out a lot with my last partner.
548
00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:31,250
And we got close and...
549
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:32,550
- You shot him?
- What?
550
00:19:32,590 --> 00:19:33,690
- He died?
- No.
551
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:34,720
Oh, my goodness... is he...?
552
00:19:34,750 --> 00:19:35,720
Did he survive?
553
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:36,860
What are you talking about?
554
00:19:36,890 --> 00:19:38,260
How did you partner die?
555
00:19:38,290 --> 00:19:39,620
He didn't die!
556
00:19:39,660 --> 00:19:40,460
So, what's your point?
557
00:19:40,490 --> 00:19:41,890
He just fell in love with me!
558
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:43,290
- Oh... oh! Oh!
- Yeah.
559
00:19:43,330 --> 00:19:44,660
- Ooh...
- And it messed everything up.
560
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:47,100
And I just don't want that to happen again.
561
00:19:47,130 --> 00:19:50,300
Damn, you're conceited!
562
00:19:50,340 --> 00:19:51,870
Don't nobody want your babies.
563
00:19:51,910 --> 00:19:53,400
I know that now!
564
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:54,670
I mean, you brought me to your loft
565
00:19:54,710 --> 00:19:56,310
and showed me a bar mitzvah video.
566
00:19:56,340 --> 00:19:57,980
- Friends?
- Cool, cool.
567
00:19:58,010 --> 00:20:00,810
Just, uh... don't go falling in love with me.
568
00:20:00,850 --> 00:20:02,980
- 'Cause I'm lovable as hell.
- Okay.
569
00:20:03,020 --> 00:20:04,020
I think I'll be okay.
570
00:20:04,050 --> 00:20:05,550
All right.
571
00:20:14,690 --> 00:20:16,030
Another!
572
00:20:16,060 --> 00:20:17,760
(whoops)
573
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,600
Oh, my.
574
00:20:19,630 --> 00:20:21,030
Michael...
575
00:20:21,070 --> 00:20:22,870
we'd like to buy your share of the bar.
576
00:20:22,900 --> 00:20:26,070
And although we don't have the
full $20,000 at the present...
577
00:20:26,110 --> 00:20:28,870
- You don't have the money? No.
- But we're the right guys.
578
00:20:28,910 --> 00:20:30,140
No, the right guys would have the money.
579
00:20:30,180 --> 00:20:31,640
Or Kieran Culkin's mouth.
580
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,510
How about Owen Wilson's nose?
581
00:20:33,550 --> 00:20:34,950
(groans)
582
00:20:34,980 --> 00:20:36,380
Mom?
583
00:20:38,590 --> 00:20:39,580
Oh, my God!
584
00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:40,850
Schmidt, is this your mom?
585
00:20:40,890 --> 00:20:42,090
Hi. I've heard so much about you.
586
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:43,790
How's Long Island?
587
00:20:43,820 --> 00:20:44,860
Any cute Schmidt stories?
588
00:20:44,890 --> 00:20:46,460
I need less from you.
589
00:20:46,490 --> 00:20:47,830
Okay.
590
00:20:47,860 --> 00:20:50,760
I met a Mexican woman at the nail salon...
591
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,430
who made me realize...
592
00:20:53,470 --> 00:20:55,130
I need to let go.
593
00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:56,530
You're a man.
594
00:20:56,570 --> 00:20:58,900
And you deserve your bar mitzvah money.
595
00:20:58,940 --> 00:21:01,210
Thanks, Mom.
596
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,810
Mike, we want to buy your
ten percent of the bar.
597
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,680
This bar?!
598
00:21:06,710 --> 00:21:09,210
There's a dying catfish laying
on the sidewalk out front!
599
00:21:09,250 --> 00:21:11,680
This would be a hilarious
time for me to back out...
600
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:12,820
but okay.
601
00:21:12,850 --> 00:21:14,720
Yes! We're part owners!
602
00:21:14,750 --> 00:21:17,720
BOTH (chanting): We're part owners!
603
00:21:19,030 --> 00:21:21,730
How great is this moment?
604
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,700
I just think you'd be
more of a success socially
605
00:21:23,730 --> 00:21:26,800
if you let people come to you.
606
00:21:26,830 --> 00:21:28,600
You know what's fun?
607
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,970
I'm not gonna be able to sleep
until we're best friends.
608
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,810
(groans)
609
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:34,810
JESS: Nick, can you believe it?
610
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:36,040
You're a bar owner.
611
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:37,110
I'm so proud of you.
612
00:21:37,140 --> 00:21:38,940
None of this would've happened
613
00:21:38,980 --> 00:21:43,180
- without Schmidt standing up to his mom.
- It was so scary.
614
00:21:43,220 --> 00:21:44,730
I can't believe I missed her.
615
00:21:44,730 --> 00:21:47,620
We still can use the other
90% of the bar, right?
616
00:21:47,630 --> 00:21:49,040
- Yeah
- You know, that's not how it works.
617
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:50,640
It's just this is my favorite
section. I wanted to...
618
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:51,670
It's a financial share.
619
00:21:51,670 --> 00:21:54,790
- To Schmidt's mom. I do want to have sex with her.
- (Shouting) Nick.