1 00:00:16,990 --> 00:00:19,690 Okay, Schmidt, you ready for your feedback for the week? 2 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,660 Yes. Uh, let me just pull up my performance grid. 3 00:00:21,690 --> 00:00:23,560 First off, thanks for keeping sex quick. 4 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:25,630 You were like a dog with an ice cream cone, 5 00:00:25,660 --> 00:00:27,130 and I loved it, but screaming 6 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:29,970 "that's how Schmidty do" was not ideal. 7 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,710 Even though that's how Sch-Schmidty did? 8 00:00:32,740 --> 00:00:34,470 Well, Schmidty did, and he did it good, 9 00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:35,910 but mommy doesn't want to hear 10 00:00:35,940 --> 00:00:37,580 - how Schmidty's doing. - Note... note taken. 11 00:00:37,610 --> 00:00:39,250 - Okay. Great. Good. - Note taken. 12 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:43,420 I feel like I'm watching a porn set in an HR department. 13 00:00:43,450 --> 00:00:45,920 You know, Fawn is teaching me how to be the most effective 14 00:00:45,950 --> 00:00:47,820 and successful man and lover I possibly can be. 15 00:00:47,850 --> 00:00:49,720 Really? I thought you were fine before. 16 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,160 When you two were together? Which time? 17 00:00:51,190 --> 00:00:52,730 The... the first time or the third time? 18 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:53,730 Because... 'cause you two 19 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:55,160 were very off-and-on. 20 00:00:55,190 --> 00:00:57,660 In a... in a very confusing way. 21 00:00:57,690 --> 00:01:01,000 (laughs) I've had sex with him so many times. 22 00:01:01,030 --> 00:01:02,740 We have a fun thing together, don't we? 23 00:01:02,770 --> 00:01:04,700 Super fun, yeah. I really enjoy it. 24 00:01:04,730 --> 00:01:06,510 What is her... what is it, Cecil? 25 00:01:06,540 --> 00:01:07,840 What is your name? 26 00:01:07,870 --> 00:01:09,410 You'll learn it. Don't worry. 27 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,010 Fawn's helping me see that I haven't reached 28 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,050 - my full potential yet. - Well, obviously, none of you have. 29 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:14,550 No, I have. I'm a cop. 30 00:01:14,580 --> 00:01:17,280 And, as of yesterday, my mom no longer buys 31 00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,350 my plane tickets, so... (clicks tongue) 32 00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:21,220 You need a ten-year plan. 33 00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:23,290 Are you in a relationship that's headed towards marriage? 34 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:25,590 I am not currently, but I did go on a date 35 00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:27,230 with somebody named Charles last month. 36 00:01:27,260 --> 00:01:29,960 She was a woman, but she was named after her uncle. 37 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:31,300 Well, Winston has no game. 38 00:01:31,330 --> 00:01:33,070 Dude took a girl to a cement plant. 39 00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:34,730 To see how rocks were made. 40 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:36,300 That's not where rocks are made. 41 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,540 And she loved it, then she abruptly moved away. 42 00:01:38,570 --> 00:01:40,370 (groans) 43 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,310 Work sucked, my friends. 44 00:01:43,340 --> 00:01:46,070 (nasally voice): Hear ye, hear ye. 45 00:01:48,310 --> 00:01:50,150 Milady. 46 00:01:50,180 --> 00:01:54,320 I dub you Sir Winston of the Roll of Egg. 47 00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:56,220 (nasally): Ah, yes. Yes. 48 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,490 Who are you in this story? 49 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:00,730 I'm the jester. 50 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,260 I'm not gonna eat here anymore. 51 00:02:10,110 --> 00:02:12,650 You'd think that the school board would want 52 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,080 to give kids computers, but no, 53 00:02:14,110 --> 00:02:15,790 they just want to get reelected 54 00:02:15,820 --> 00:02:18,550 so they can keep dressing like Realtors from the 1980s. 55 00:02:18,580 --> 00:02:20,390 Solid municipal burn, Jessica. 56 00:02:20,420 --> 00:02:21,490 Fawn... Councilwoman. 57 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,430 Councilwoman... do you think 58 00:02:23,460 --> 00:02:25,930 you could help me get some traction with these people? 59 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,100 Oh, funnily enough, I have a charity event tomorrow 60 00:02:28,130 --> 00:02:29,900 with other high-powered L.A. women. 61 00:02:29,930 --> 00:02:32,470 - I'll put a word in with Yowtz. - Martha Yowtz? 62 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,470 - Yeah. - The lioness of Los Angeles education? 63 00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:37,310 - Yes. - The straw that stirs the school board's drink? 64 00:02:37,340 --> 00:02:39,340 - That's right. - That is a woman I'd like to get to know. 65 00:02:39,370 --> 00:02:41,280 Is there any way I could come with you to this event? 66 00:02:41,310 --> 00:02:44,380 Ah, you know, it's really a networking thing. 67 00:02:44,410 --> 00:02:46,280 Well, that's perfect, 'cause I'd love to network her. 68 00:02:46,310 --> 00:02:47,950 - With her. It's "with..." - You network with her. 69 00:02:47,980 --> 00:02:49,150 Yeah, it's "network with her," 70 00:02:49,180 --> 00:02:50,420 and you don't really strike me 71 00:02:50,450 --> 00:02:51,850 as the "networking" type. 72 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,760 You're more of a "follow a butterfly around 73 00:02:53,790 --> 00:02:55,460 for a day" kind of gal. 74 00:02:55,490 --> 00:02:58,360 Oh, sister, I'm a middle-school vice principal. 75 00:02:58,390 --> 00:03:01,460 You think I got this job without knowing how to network? 76 00:03:01,490 --> 00:03:02,630 Most likely. Yes. 77 00:03:02,660 --> 00:03:04,330 I got an office with a door, bub. 78 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:06,170 Pencil me in. I'll yak with Yowtz. 79 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:07,700 The press will be there, 80 00:03:07,730 --> 00:03:11,140 and I could use a photo with an educator, so... okay. 81 00:03:11,170 --> 00:03:12,510 - Oh, great. - Oh. Hey. 82 00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:14,510 Do you still need me for the photo op? 83 00:03:14,540 --> 00:03:16,310 I will need you there, actually. 84 00:03:16,340 --> 00:03:19,020 I'm trying to become more accessible on social media. 85 00:03:19,050 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaking of which, is there some way you can 86 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:25,020 make your skin look less white in photos? 87 00:03:25,050 --> 00:03:27,390 People are saying that you're haunting me. 88 00:03:27,420 --> 00:03:28,890 I can do that. Absolutely. 100%. 89 00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:30,530 - Let me just make a note. - Wonderful. 90 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,830 And, Jess, the event tomorrow is at a golf course. 91 00:03:32,860 --> 00:03:34,200 Do you golf? 92 00:03:34,230 --> 00:03:37,500 Does a bear eat with his hands? (chuckles) 93 00:03:37,530 --> 00:03:38,530 I don't know. 94 00:03:42,740 --> 00:03:45,240 - I'll be there. - Great. 95 00:03:45,270 --> 00:03:49,550 So I say to her, "Water? I barely even know you." 96 00:03:49,580 --> 00:03:52,150 Stop talking to me like we're in the middle of a conversation. 97 00:03:52,180 --> 00:03:53,680 - We just sat down. - All right. 98 00:03:53,710 --> 00:03:55,690 - I hate when you do that. - Okay. 99 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:56,920 Winston. 100 00:03:56,950 --> 00:04:00,320 That is a beautiful girl right there. Wow. 101 00:04:00,350 --> 00:04:02,190 - Just say something to her. - Yeah, just say something to her. 102 00:04:02,220 --> 00:04:03,590 Shawty, what that thang do? 103 00:04:03,620 --> 00:04:05,390 No. 104 00:04:05,420 --> 00:04:06,860 - What was that? - WINSTON: Dude, I think it's 105 00:04:06,890 --> 00:04:09,270 a nervous tic that stems from my lack of self-confidence. 106 00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:11,070 We got to help. I can't watch this. 107 00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:13,540 Excuse me, miss? Hi. 108 00:04:13,570 --> 00:04:15,610 - Coach, stop. - Um, this is my buddy, Winston. 109 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:18,670 Um... I don't know what he's doing with his mouth. 110 00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:20,510 That's not his normal smile at all. 111 00:04:20,540 --> 00:04:23,080 I'm gonna fix that. If I could just... 112 00:04:23,110 --> 00:04:24,510 Both sides... even it out. 113 00:04:24,540 --> 00:04:26,080 Better. 114 00:04:26,110 --> 00:04:28,120 - I think he likes you. - Oh, yeah? 115 00:04:28,150 --> 00:04:29,820 - Just go talk to her. You got it. - I don't... 116 00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:32,290 - Okay, okay, I'm going. - You got it. You got it. - He's coming. 117 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,560 He's excited to talk to you. Hey... My friends. 118 00:04:33,590 --> 00:04:35,490 (laughter) 119 00:04:36,890 --> 00:04:38,860 Hello. 120 00:04:38,890 --> 00:04:40,400 I'm Winston Bishop. 121 00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:42,900 Winston Bishop. KC. 122 00:04:42,930 --> 00:04:46,160 KC! Just be like, "Yo, KC, where JoJo at?" 123 00:04:47,230 --> 00:04:48,600 In rehab, probably. 124 00:04:48,630 --> 00:04:50,910 - He's... he was on drugs. - Yeah. 125 00:04:50,940 --> 00:04:52,710 WINSTON: Sorry. Um... 126 00:04:52,740 --> 00:04:54,780 I don't know what to say right now. 127 00:04:54,810 --> 00:04:56,550 Uh, kind of blowing this, huh? 128 00:04:56,580 --> 00:04:59,320 Uh... 129 00:04:59,350 --> 00:05:01,650 Um, I think you're very beautiful, KC, 130 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,890 and I would like to see you again soon... 131 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:08,390 like, later today for lunch? 132 00:05:08,420 --> 00:05:10,460 I'd love to. 133 00:05:10,490 --> 00:05:12,430 Really? 134 00:05:12,460 --> 00:05:13,630 - Here. - Oh. 135 00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:15,330 I'm gonna put in my number... 136 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:18,940 or come with me to this thing in the park I'm going to now 137 00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,440 and we can grab something after. 138 00:05:20,470 --> 00:05:22,570 You know, I saw Nick Nolte in the park once. 139 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,270 And I was like, "Yo, Nick Nolte, what you doing in the park?" 140 00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:27,310 And he was just like, "I'm just hanging out." 141 00:05:27,340 --> 00:05:30,010 Yeah, so I thought that was notable. 142 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:32,980 I'm going to a rally to protest the police. 143 00:05:33,010 --> 00:05:35,150 Do you want to come? 144 00:05:35,180 --> 00:05:36,790 Or we could just do lunch. 145 00:05:36,820 --> 00:05:38,590 - Let's do lunch. - Okay. 146 00:05:38,620 --> 00:05:40,650 Yeah. Nice to... nice to meet you, KC. 147 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:49,330 CECE: Fawn is none of my business, 148 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:51,030 and Schmidt seems to really like her, 149 00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:52,670 so whatever happens, I'm just not getting involved. 150 00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:55,270 Then why are you on your way to hang out with him? 151 00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:56,940 - What are you doing? - He said to come over. 152 00:05:56,970 --> 00:05:58,880 He said it was an emergency. 153 00:05:58,910 --> 00:06:00,640 What if he does something sexy? 154 00:06:00,670 --> 00:06:01,640 That's like Gollum 155 00:06:01,670 --> 00:06:03,050 hanging out with the One Ring. 156 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,210 It'll be fine. 157 00:06:05,580 --> 00:06:07,280 Ooh. Hey, Cece, I'm glad you're here. 158 00:06:07,310 --> 00:06:09,450 I need you to put bronzer all over my body. 159 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,390 None of the guys are here, and they also refused to do it. 160 00:06:12,420 --> 00:06:14,820 Um, all over. I know you're giving me a look, 161 00:06:14,850 --> 00:06:16,230 but, really, like, all over. 162 00:06:16,260 --> 00:06:17,660 All the cracks, the crevices. 163 00:06:17,690 --> 00:06:19,660 The engine, the caboose, everything. 164 00:06:19,690 --> 00:06:21,730 Oh, okay. 165 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,910 Gripped it and ripped it. 166 00:06:29,940 --> 00:06:31,170 You da man. 167 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,980 No, say, "Fawn is the man." 168 00:06:33,010 --> 00:06:34,480 Fawn's the man. Fawn's the man. 169 00:06:34,510 --> 00:06:36,210 Oh, hey, there's Yowtz. 170 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:37,910 Woman's got more connections than a flight 171 00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:39,350 from Burbank to Sri Lanka. 172 00:06:39,380 --> 00:06:40,750 Well, then, it's a good thing 173 00:06:40,780 --> 00:06:42,190 I bought the airport neck pillow 174 00:06:42,220 --> 00:06:44,390 in the gift shop, because... (chuckles) 175 00:06:44,420 --> 00:06:46,020 You know what that means. 176 00:06:46,050 --> 00:06:47,820 - I got this. - Okay. 177 00:06:47,850 --> 00:06:49,430 How the hell are you? 178 00:06:49,460 --> 00:06:50,860 Jessica Day. 179 00:06:50,890 --> 00:06:52,290 I need 20 computers for my school. 180 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,830 Just met you, but noted. 181 00:06:54,860 --> 00:06:56,430 You're up. 182 00:06:56,460 --> 00:06:59,270 Thanks. 183 00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:00,740 What? Oh. 184 00:07:00,770 --> 00:07:02,470 You walk towards the... 185 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:11,680 Whoops. 186 00:07:11,710 --> 00:07:13,350 Oh, dear Lord. 187 00:07:15,790 --> 00:07:17,930 Why are we putting this on your body? 188 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,430 Aren't you going to be wearing a shirt? 189 00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:20,670 Well, you know, Fawn wants me 190 00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:21,900 to be prepared for all scenarios. 191 00:07:21,930 --> 00:07:23,200 What if somebody gives birth out there 192 00:07:23,230 --> 00:07:24,770 and I have to swaddle the baby in my polo? 193 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,300 (wry chuckle) Yeah... 194 00:07:26,330 --> 00:07:28,410 I've never been under this kind of scrutiny before. 195 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,240 I'm having my teeth shaved by 196 00:07:30,270 --> 00:07:31,910 a 25th of an inch. 197 00:07:31,940 --> 00:07:34,310 Fawn thinks that I have the teeth of an immigrant. 198 00:07:34,340 --> 00:07:35,510 She says every time she looks at me, 199 00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:37,480 all she can see is Fievel Mouskewitz 200 00:07:37,510 --> 00:07:40,150 singing "There Are No Cats in America." 201 00:07:40,180 --> 00:07:41,720 Those little... 202 00:07:41,750 --> 00:07:43,450 those little mice Jews. 203 00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:45,860 I mean, what do you think, Cece? 204 00:07:45,890 --> 00:07:47,330 You... you like Fawn, right? 205 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,760 Yeah, I mean, as-as long as you're happy. 206 00:07:52,030 --> 00:07:53,230 - There you go. - What the hell? 207 00:07:53,260 --> 00:07:54,370 What? 208 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,770 Why am I sparkly? 209 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:57,800 Sparkly?! 210 00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:01,370 You bought the bronzer with glitter in it. 211 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:02,540 Cece, please, you gotta help me, Ce... 212 00:08:02,570 --> 00:08:04,010 Fawn's gonna kill me! 213 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:05,910 Okay, just don't get too pressive. You'll crease! 214 00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:07,750 So stupid! I feel like I'm trying to get into 215 00:08:07,780 --> 00:08:09,350 an 18-and-under club in Tucson! 216 00:08:09,380 --> 00:08:10,920 So, yeah, at the rally, the was this kid 217 00:08:10,950 --> 00:08:11,950 I know from the youth center 218 00:08:11,980 --> 00:08:13,020 who was arrested last week 219 00:08:13,050 --> 00:08:14,750 because he "fit a description." 220 00:08:14,780 --> 00:08:17,920 I mean, he's 14... he doesn't even fit into his jeans. 221 00:08:17,950 --> 00:08:18,920 (uncomfortable laughter) 222 00:08:18,950 --> 00:08:20,690 - Yeah. - Anyways... 223 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,060 enough about me. Let's, uh, talk about you. 224 00:08:23,090 --> 00:08:24,700 What do you do? 225 00:08:24,730 --> 00:08:25,930 What do I do? 226 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,030 Um... okay. 227 00:08:27,060 --> 00:08:29,330 Well... what do I do? 228 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:30,640 Um... 229 00:08:30,670 --> 00:08:32,070 Okay, the truth is... 230 00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:33,910 Hey, man. 231 00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:35,710 You know them? 232 00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:38,610 Oh, not personally, no. 233 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,380 Hey, what's up, Bishop? 234 00:08:40,410 --> 00:08:41,950 Oh, yeah, I do know them. 235 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,550 We went to school together. 236 00:08:43,580 --> 00:08:44,950 See you at work, bud. 237 00:08:44,980 --> 00:08:46,120 More importantly... 238 00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:47,990 we work together. 239 00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:49,150 You're a cop? 240 00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:50,220 Me? (laughs) 241 00:08:50,250 --> 00:08:51,560 A cop? No! 242 00:08:51,590 --> 00:08:52,990 No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't... 243 00:08:53,020 --> 00:08:54,960 No, no, no. Get that out of your head. 244 00:08:54,990 --> 00:08:57,200 Uh, what I do is I'm a... 245 00:08:57,230 --> 00:09:00,230 - male stripper. - A stripper? 246 00:09:00,260 --> 00:09:01,600 That's why they were wearing the uniforms. 247 00:09:01,630 --> 00:09:03,100 Yeah, I see where you... 248 00:09:03,130 --> 00:09:04,400 why you would think that. No. 249 00:09:04,430 --> 00:09:05,940 A surprising amount of day work 250 00:09:05,970 --> 00:09:07,510 for a stripper. 251 00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:09,770 You know, we just go in there, we do our routine 252 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,340 while they eat their lunch salads. 253 00:09:11,370 --> 00:09:12,440 Wow. (laughs) 254 00:09:12,470 --> 00:09:14,650 You just pray nobody orders soup. 255 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:17,520 Lost a lot of good men to soup. 256 00:09:17,550 --> 00:09:20,020 (short laugh) It's hard to gauge temperature 257 00:09:20,050 --> 00:09:23,650 when you're just... dipping and running. 258 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:26,690 You'd be surprised what you could replace a ladle with. 259 00:09:32,590 --> 00:09:34,600 - Nice day. - Beautiful. 260 00:09:34,630 --> 00:09:37,670 What happened to the top of my hat? 261 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:38,940 You take it? 262 00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:40,710 (laughs) A little, uh... 263 00:09:40,740 --> 00:09:42,040 little visor humor. 264 00:09:42,070 --> 00:09:43,540 Give me back my hat! 265 00:09:43,570 --> 00:09:44,640 I'm kidding. (chuckles) 266 00:09:44,670 --> 00:09:46,380 I wasn't gonna hit you. 267 00:09:46,410 --> 00:09:47,610 I'm just joshing. 268 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:50,240 Just Joshua, Joshua, joshing... 269 00:09:52,510 --> 00:09:54,550 Do you ladies want to join my network? 270 00:09:54,580 --> 00:09:56,490 - Uh, you ladies can just go ahead and play through. - Yeah. 271 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:58,660 - Yeah. - I'll catch up with you later. 272 00:09:58,690 --> 00:10:00,320 Uh, so, how-how do you feel 273 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,160 that the networking is going? 274 00:10:02,190 --> 00:10:03,290 Pretty good. 275 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,500 I would call it, like, a solid B. 276 00:10:05,530 --> 00:10:06,760 It's a cruise ship disaster. 277 00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:08,330 Look, Jess, if you want those computers, 278 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:11,040 we have a lot of work to do and not a lot of time to do it. 279 00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:12,170 Shake my hand. 280 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,340 Gross. 281 00:10:13,370 --> 00:10:14,740 What is your name? 282 00:10:14,770 --> 00:10:15,970 Jess? 283 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,240 You have the confidence of a child 284 00:10:17,270 --> 00:10:18,840 that was raised in a basement. 285 00:10:18,870 --> 00:10:21,110 Say it with pride, and include your job title 286 00:10:21,140 --> 00:10:22,850 like it's the second half of your name. 287 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,150 Like this... Fawn Moscato, City Council. 288 00:10:25,180 --> 00:10:26,420 Jessica Day, Vice Principal! 289 00:10:26,450 --> 00:10:28,190 How the heck are you? 290 00:10:28,220 --> 00:10:30,050 DAWN: Lighten it up with a quick joke whenever possible. 291 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:31,390 Nice shoes. 292 00:10:31,420 --> 00:10:33,090 Look like you chopped off Big Bird's feet, 293 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,230 you murderer. (laughs) 294 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,960 FAWN: And try not to make jokes about murdering 295 00:10:36,990 --> 00:10:38,930 Sesame Street puppets if you can. 296 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,630 - JESS: Good note. - FAWN: Now, tell me... 297 00:10:40,660 --> 00:10:41,500 Are you wearing underwear? 298 00:10:41,530 --> 00:10:43,670 Oh, yeah. Big-time. 299 00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:46,000 Lose them. I never wear underwear 300 00:10:46,030 --> 00:10:47,540 in networking scenarios. 301 00:10:47,570 --> 00:10:49,610 Gives you a secret; an edge. 302 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,010 Besides, I firmly believe 303 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,410 that power emanates from the vagina. 304 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,350 So, why block it? 305 00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:58,080 It's not the only thing that emanates. 306 00:10:58,110 --> 00:11:00,180 What does that mean? 307 00:11:00,210 --> 00:11:02,090 (quietly): Other stuff. 308 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,390 So I said, "Tammy, are we playing golf, 309 00:11:04,420 --> 00:11:05,960 or are we making sand castles?" 310 00:11:05,990 --> 00:11:07,930 (laughter) 311 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,790 Tammy is the worst. 312 00:11:09,820 --> 00:11:12,260 She told my kid to shut up once. I nearly punched her. 313 00:11:12,290 --> 00:11:14,400 I don't want to start talking business while we still 314 00:11:14,430 --> 00:11:15,930 have a whole tournament to play, but... 315 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,600 I'd love to connect about your ideas in the clubhouse. 316 00:11:18,630 --> 00:11:20,300 Let's meet up there when we're all done. 317 00:11:20,330 --> 00:11:21,870 Great. I'll see you in there, Marty. 318 00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:23,370 May I call you Marty? 319 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,440 Oh, I'd prefer it. 320 00:11:24,470 --> 00:11:25,740 (laughs) 321 00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:27,210 The clubhouse? 322 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:28,750 That is where you close the deal. 323 00:11:28,780 --> 00:11:30,450 You are in, my friend. 324 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,150 Now, let's finish up this game. 325 00:11:32,180 --> 00:11:34,080 No problem. 326 00:11:48,060 --> 00:11:51,460 Write a six and let's go. They should start putting 327 00:11:51,490 --> 00:11:53,060 GPS in golf balls, am I right? 328 00:11:53,090 --> 00:11:55,630 We already got lapped by Sue Kim 329 00:11:55,660 --> 00:11:58,840 from the Korean Women's League, and she's 100. 330 00:11:58,870 --> 00:12:01,970 Jess, she is literally 100 years old. 331 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,870 And I'm... I'll tell you what... 332 00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:05,680 Not a young 100. 333 00:12:05,710 --> 00:12:07,640 Martha doesn't strike me as the type of person 334 00:12:07,670 --> 00:12:09,510 who gives computers to cheaters. 335 00:12:09,540 --> 00:12:13,420 You really don't understand how networking works. 336 00:12:13,450 --> 00:12:16,320 The computers are just the thing you talk about 337 00:12:16,350 --> 00:12:18,420 when you're really talking about 338 00:12:18,450 --> 00:12:20,590 how to help each other become more powerful. 339 00:12:20,620 --> 00:12:22,990 Just like the money for this golf thing... it doesn't 340 00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:26,100 go to charity. It just pays for the event where we network. 341 00:12:26,130 --> 00:12:27,630 Isn't that cool? 342 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,670 Yay, America. 343 00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:34,200 Were the computers ever really on the table? 344 00:12:34,230 --> 00:12:35,770 You're still talking about the computers? 345 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:39,110 Okay. Uh, no. No. No money for computers. 346 00:12:39,140 --> 00:12:41,250 I should've never listened to you. I also should have 347 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,680 never removed my underwear, because now it's drafty 348 00:12:43,710 --> 00:12:45,850 and I feel vulnerable to wildlife. 349 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,350 Are your underwear sticking out of your pocket? 350 00:12:47,380 --> 00:12:48,590 Are those boys' underwear? 351 00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:51,190 They're unisex. None of your business. 352 00:12:51,220 --> 00:12:53,560 Look, will you forget the ball? Or none of these women 353 00:12:53,590 --> 00:12:55,630 are ever going to invite you to play golf again. 354 00:12:55,660 --> 00:12:58,700 Well, I don't want to play golf with these women again. 355 00:12:58,730 --> 00:13:00,530 I don't want any part of this. 356 00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:01,770 If I can't have the computers, 357 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,770 I will... I will stay here 358 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,700 and I will play a clean game of golf. 359 00:13:05,730 --> 00:13:08,810 Now, if you'll excuse me, Fawn, I need to go find my ball. 360 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:10,540 Like an honest person. 361 00:13:10,570 --> 00:13:11,640 Okay. 362 00:13:11,670 --> 00:13:13,540 Oh, look... it's a baby bird. 363 00:13:13,570 --> 00:13:14,950 No, it's a dead baby bird. 364 00:13:14,980 --> 00:13:18,050 I need to move on before I get emotional. 365 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:19,650 Can't believe I didn't tell her I was a cop. 366 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:22,820 With everything that's been going on, I just... 367 00:13:22,850 --> 00:13:24,450 I feel like she wouldn't respect me. 368 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,290 - You want to know what I think? - No, Nick, I don't. 369 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:29,090 This is something you can't understand. 370 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,300 - Because I'm not black? - Uh... 371 00:13:31,330 --> 00:13:33,900 What, because I don't work for NASA, I can't fix a rocket ship? 372 00:13:33,930 --> 00:13:35,900 If you don't work at NASA, they're not gonna 373 00:13:35,930 --> 00:13:38,270 just let you walk off the street and fix a rocket ship. 374 00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:40,270 - You're missing my point. - Besides, you lost your right to talk to me 375 00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:42,210 about race during the O.J. trial. 376 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:43,770 Is in the white Bronco... 377 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,640 Why does it have to be a "white" Bronco? 378 00:13:45,670 --> 00:13:48,610 Why not just a Bronco? 379 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,150 I can talk to you about this. 380 00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:51,580 I mean, we grew up together. 381 00:13:51,610 --> 00:13:54,750 We went to the same schools, we watched the same shows, 382 00:13:54,780 --> 00:13:56,250 we listened to the same records. 383 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,760 Your mother got a mouth on the back of her neck, 384 00:13:58,790 --> 00:14:02,660 and bitch chew like this. (grunts, laughs) 385 00:14:02,690 --> 00:14:05,000 Hercules. 386 00:14:05,030 --> 00:14:07,160 - Was that your Eddie Murphy? - That's Eddie Murphy. 387 00:14:07,190 --> 00:14:09,200 That was so bad, it wasn't even offensive. 388 00:14:09,230 --> 00:14:10,330 I said "Hercules," and everyone 389 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:11,500 associates that with Eddie Murphy. 390 00:14:11,530 --> 00:14:12,770 Whenever you do your impressions, 391 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:14,000 it makes me super uncomfortable. 392 00:14:14,030 --> 00:14:15,770 Fine. You know what? You want to do this? 393 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,640 You and me are gonna get weird about race? 394 00:14:17,670 --> 00:14:19,340 - Do your Seinfeld. - Come... Nick, that's not... 395 00:14:19,370 --> 00:14:21,650 - Do your Seinfeld. - What's the deal with bananas? 396 00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:23,510 I mean, they got orange juice, 397 00:14:23,540 --> 00:14:26,510 you got apple juice, where's the banana juice? 398 00:14:28,550 --> 00:14:30,020 (laughs): I never thought of that. 399 00:14:30,050 --> 00:14:31,490 Ah, boy. 400 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:34,060 'Cause you got orange juice, you... 401 00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:37,660 I love you, but you're white, I'm black. 402 00:14:37,690 --> 00:14:39,300 I understand where she's coming from. 403 00:14:39,330 --> 00:14:41,830 When I was a kid, we used to run from the police. 404 00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:44,230 Even if we did nothing wrong, it was just out of habit. 405 00:14:44,260 --> 00:14:46,240 Why haven't you ever told me? 406 00:14:46,270 --> 00:14:48,840 COACH: 'Cause you'll never get it. 407 00:14:48,870 --> 00:14:51,140 How long have you been standing there? 408 00:14:51,170 --> 00:14:53,210 Uh, right around, "Your mama got a mouth on the back 409 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,910 of her neck, and the bitch chew like this." 410 00:14:54,940 --> 00:14:56,480 - Now, that's Eddie! - I don't see the difference. 411 00:14:56,510 --> 00:14:58,220 (laughs): Hercules! Hercules! Hercules! 412 00:14:58,250 --> 00:14:59,650 - He's doing the laugh! - That's what I was doing. 413 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:01,850 (imitating Eddie Murphy's laugh) 414 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:03,320 Stop, Nick. 415 00:15:03,350 --> 00:15:05,060 I honestly don't see the difference. 416 00:15:05,090 --> 00:15:06,520 As the only other black man in this loft, 417 00:15:06,550 --> 00:15:07,690 I feel like I should weigh in. 418 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:08,690 This issue 419 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,030 really hits home with me, 420 00:15:10,060 --> 00:15:11,830 and I feel like I have a lot of thoughts 421 00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:13,560 and ideas that I need to get off my chest. 422 00:15:13,590 --> 00:15:15,100 - Thank you, Coach. - But I'm hungry. 423 00:15:15,130 --> 00:15:16,670 - Man. - I skipped breakfast, and lunch 424 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:17,840 is gonna be dumb as hell. 425 00:15:17,870 --> 00:15:19,740 ♪ Race talk snacks ♪ 426 00:15:19,770 --> 00:15:21,940 ♪ Race talk snacks, gotta get me ♪ 427 00:15:21,970 --> 00:15:23,510 ♪ Some race talk snacks ♪ 428 00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:26,580 ♪ Gonna be super uncomfortable! ♪ 429 00:15:26,610 --> 00:15:27,910 - So, KC... - Shh... 430 00:15:27,940 --> 00:15:29,180 - I just feel like... - Can't-can't weigh in. 431 00:15:29,210 --> 00:15:30,950 - I know, but I... - Can't weigh in. 432 00:15:30,980 --> 00:15:32,880 I do have something I want to say that's not a race... 433 00:15:32,910 --> 00:15:34,350 Shh, don't. 434 00:15:34,380 --> 00:15:35,520 I know what I'm gonna do. 435 00:15:35,550 --> 00:15:37,760 I'm gonna tell her the truth. 436 00:15:37,790 --> 00:15:39,760 I'm a good guy; that's all that matters. 437 00:15:39,790 --> 00:15:41,790 - That's what I was gonna say. - I want to make this... No, no, no. 438 00:15:41,820 --> 00:15:43,060 Shut it down, Nick. 439 00:15:43,090 --> 00:15:44,460 Your mother got a mouth 440 00:15:44,490 --> 00:15:46,530 on the back of her neck, and she chews like this. 441 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:47,890 Murphy, Murphy, Murphy. 442 00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,270 So the good news is you can't see 443 00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:52,600 the glitter anymore. Great. 444 00:15:52,630 --> 00:15:53,800 Well, what's the bad news? 445 00:15:53,830 --> 00:15:55,310 You look like, 446 00:15:55,340 --> 00:15:57,800 um... can't exactly put my finger on it. 447 00:16:01,910 --> 00:16:04,450 I look like the dead body the police pull out of a lake. 448 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,480 That's how you describe it; you look dead. 449 00:16:06,510 --> 00:16:07,820 I don't want to look like a dead boy. 450 00:16:07,850 --> 00:16:09,120 I want to look like a living boy. 451 00:16:09,150 --> 00:16:10,390 Why are you calling yourself a boy? 452 00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:11,590 Because I'm freaking out! 453 00:16:11,620 --> 00:16:12,590 (phone vibrating) Freaking... 454 00:16:12,620 --> 00:16:13,650 Freaking out. Oh, no. 455 00:16:14,790 --> 00:16:15,990 It's-it's Fawn. 456 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:18,900 (sighs) 457 00:16:18,930 --> 00:16:21,000 Hey, Faw... hey, Fawn. 458 00:16:21,030 --> 00:16:25,770 What the Jewish God did you do? 459 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,100 In an attempt to look less ghost-like, 460 00:16:27,130 --> 00:16:28,610 I put on some bronzer, but the bronzer 461 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,010 had glitter in it, and now... 462 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:32,610 You look like a wood carving of yourself. 463 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,910 The press is here. 464 00:16:34,940 --> 00:16:37,920 And single women have proven to be less appealing to voters. 465 00:16:37,950 --> 00:16:40,120 Fix it and get here now. 466 00:16:40,150 --> 00:16:42,490 I am Fawn Moscato, and I will not miss a photo opportunity! 467 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:43,490 Faw... Oh. 468 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:44,780 Fawn? 469 00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:46,620 How about a fake beard? 470 00:16:46,650 --> 00:16:47,760 Get some double-sided tape, 471 00:16:47,790 --> 00:16:49,190 we can shave Winston's cat... 472 00:16:49,220 --> 00:16:50,360 Okay, you know what, enough. 473 00:16:50,390 --> 00:16:51,860 I cannot just stand here and watch Fawn 474 00:16:51,890 --> 00:16:53,300 treat you like she's your pageant mom. 475 00:16:53,330 --> 00:16:55,430 She needs to accept you exactly how you are, 476 00:16:55,460 --> 00:16:57,370 or you need to find somebody that will. 477 00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:00,000 'Cause I think you are fine as is. 478 00:17:04,570 --> 00:17:06,710 Damn it. 479 00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:08,480 You know what, you're right. I'm gonna go talk to her. 480 00:17:08,510 --> 00:17:11,150 Can you drive though? I want to fix my makeup in the car. 481 00:17:11,180 --> 00:17:13,120 For me, not for her. 482 00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:15,220 I don't want to scare anybody. Ugh. 483 00:17:15,250 --> 00:17:17,450 I think I'm drunk from my face fumes. 484 00:17:20,590 --> 00:17:22,390 I've never seen so many strokes taken 485 00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:24,390 on a single hole in all of my life. 486 00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:26,160 This has got to be some kind of record. 487 00:17:26,190 --> 00:17:27,290 Do you care to comment? 488 00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:30,730 Hey! 489 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:32,670 Not bad! Look at her go! 490 00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:34,600 The hole's behind you. 491 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,900 Thanks, Marty. 492 00:17:41,110 --> 00:17:43,310 172! 493 00:17:43,340 --> 00:17:46,120 - Par was five. - I know, Marty. 494 00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:47,680 You're the worst golfer I've ever seen. 495 00:17:47,710 --> 00:17:49,650 Look, I don't care if I look stupid. 496 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,250 I didn't come here to climb the ladder. 497 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:52,860 The only reason why I came here 498 00:17:52,890 --> 00:17:55,130 was to get computers for my students. 499 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:58,430 And that's the only reason why I came: for the school. 500 00:17:58,460 --> 00:17:59,830 I respect that. 501 00:17:59,860 --> 00:18:01,600 I'll get you those computers. 502 00:18:01,630 --> 00:18:03,430 - Really?! - Yes, I will. 503 00:18:03,460 --> 00:18:06,770 In 2018, when the district is fiscally solvent. 504 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,200 I'll... take that as a victory. 505 00:18:12,970 --> 00:18:15,950 I support Vice Principal Day. 506 00:18:15,980 --> 00:18:17,680 It is education 507 00:18:17,710 --> 00:18:20,020 that will bring water back to this city 508 00:18:20,050 --> 00:18:22,490 and will rebuild the middle class... 509 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:23,620 Don't let me back down. 510 00:18:23,650 --> 00:18:25,120 Don't worry, I will not. 511 00:18:25,150 --> 00:18:27,120 You look... so crazy right now. 512 00:18:27,150 --> 00:18:29,130 - You look like a doll boy. - A doll man. 513 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:30,690 I'm a d... I'm a doll man. 514 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,560 A doll man who's about to get his dignity back. 515 00:18:32,590 --> 00:18:33,800 Let's beat China! 516 00:18:33,830 --> 00:18:35,970 I'm Fawn Moscato! (chuckles) 517 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,160 Oh! 518 00:18:38,530 --> 00:18:40,500 (crowd cheers) Oh. 519 00:18:40,530 --> 00:18:41,870 (laughs): I can't believe it. 520 00:18:43,170 --> 00:18:45,040 Now, this ball is a symbol... 521 00:18:45,070 --> 00:18:45,980 (crowd gasps) 522 00:18:46,010 --> 00:18:47,110 (laughter) of the unity... 523 00:18:47,140 --> 00:18:48,680 MAN: Wow! 524 00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:50,480 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! 525 00:18:50,510 --> 00:18:52,420 Fawn, Fawn, Fawn, Fawn, Fawn, Fawn, Fawn. 526 00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:54,920 - What? What's going on? - You're not wearing any, uh... 527 00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:56,750 Each one's like a snowflake. 528 00:19:02,190 --> 00:19:05,000 What do you mean there's a meme? 529 00:19:05,030 --> 00:19:06,560 It speaks? 530 00:19:06,590 --> 00:19:08,900 Well, what does it say? 531 00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:11,840 Oh, well, that is just crass. 532 00:19:11,870 --> 00:19:14,840 Yes, I know I wanted a more accessible Web pr... 533 00:19:14,870 --> 00:19:16,740 Will you stop laughing, Lou? 534 00:19:16,770 --> 00:19:18,110 You're a father! 535 00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:20,140 You're my father! 536 00:19:21,140 --> 00:19:22,110 (gasps) 537 00:19:22,140 --> 00:19:23,280 Oh, no, no, it's... 538 00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:24,750 it's carpet cleaner. 539 00:19:24,780 --> 00:19:26,680 You know, I thought I'd take it right down to the base. 540 00:19:26,710 --> 00:19:28,750 I'll probably have to regrow some skin, but it's all right. 541 00:19:28,780 --> 00:19:30,590 It's okay, Schmidt. 542 00:19:30,620 --> 00:19:33,120 Look, I understand if you want to break up with me. 543 00:19:33,150 --> 00:19:34,690 I'm a laughingstock, 544 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:37,360 and you shouldn't be associated with my brand. 545 00:19:37,390 --> 00:19:39,700 Which is tainted. 546 00:19:39,730 --> 00:19:41,270 An unfortunate choice of words. 547 00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:45,000 So, what was it you wanted to say to me? 548 00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:49,140 Fawn, I don't want to break up with you. 549 00:19:49,170 --> 00:19:51,840 I like you just the way that you are. 550 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:58,250 No offense, but you're terrifying to look at, 551 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,450 and you smell like a chemical fire. 552 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,620 Taint that the truth? 553 00:20:02,650 --> 00:20:04,790 - Yeah. - Did you see what I did there? 554 00:20:04,820 --> 00:20:07,260 - I just...'Cause you did it, then I... - It was too... too soon. It's too soon. 555 00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,290 - I wanted you to feel good about when you said it though. - Okay. 556 00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:15,900 KC? 557 00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:20,440 So... 558 00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:24,170 um... this is the real me. 559 00:20:26,270 --> 00:20:28,350 I'm proud of what I do, I really am. 560 00:20:28,380 --> 00:20:30,180 I work with a lot of great people, 561 00:20:30,210 --> 00:20:32,320 and I want to be one of them. 562 00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:34,080 Plus, if there are ever Ghostbusters, 563 00:20:34,110 --> 00:20:36,350 I know they're gonna recruit from law enforcement first. 564 00:20:37,650 --> 00:20:39,260 I know you're mad at me. 565 00:20:39,290 --> 00:20:42,690 I just came to say that. 566 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,160 I'm not mad that you're a cop. 567 00:20:45,190 --> 00:20:46,530 I'm mad that you lied. 568 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:48,470 Well, tell you what, 569 00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:52,000 uh, is there any way I could take you out again 570 00:20:52,030 --> 00:20:54,370 and, you know, uh, be so honest with you 571 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,440 that it scares the hell out of you? 572 00:20:56,470 --> 00:20:59,070 I don't know. 573 00:21:00,670 --> 00:21:03,080 That uniform is kind of distracting, isn't it? 574 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:06,910 Maybe you should... take it off. 575 00:21:09,850 --> 00:21:12,820 (laughs) 576 00:21:12,850 --> 00:21:14,530 You lied and said you were a stripper; 577 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,290 it seems like the fair thing to do. 578 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:17,630 (dance music playing) 579 00:21:17,660 --> 00:21:19,030 Just in front of all these people? 580 00:21:19,060 --> 00:21:20,700 In front of your colleagues? (man whoops) 581 00:21:20,730 --> 00:21:22,330 Oh, okay. I hear some "whoos!" 582 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,700 (whoops) 583 00:21:23,730 --> 00:21:25,490 You ain't got no Ginuwine or nothing? 584 00:21:25,490 --> 00:21:27,220 Seriously though, I'm... 585 00:21:27,230 --> 00:21:29,740 I'm... I really am a police officer. 586 00:21:29,750 --> 00:21:33,830 I can't really be here stripping for you... 587 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,820 It's a clip-on, ladies. 588 00:21:35,830 --> 00:21:36,950 And it's on the ground. 589 00:21:36,950 --> 00:21:40,140 Here we go. Uh-huh, I want y'all to get y'all ones ready. 590 00:21:40,770 --> 00:21:43,230 I wear my underwear two sizes too big. 591 00:21:46,590 --> 00:21:49,170 This is a... This is a thing. This is a thing I gotta do 592 00:21:49,170 --> 00:21:51,050 in order to get my belt off.