1 00:00:03,936 --> 00:00:06,171 Why are you putting spoons in the laundry hamper? 2 00:00:06,239 --> 00:00:07,672 I'm hiding our nice stuff. 3 00:00:07,740 --> 00:00:09,708 See, my cousin Bobby and Carol are coming in town, 4 00:00:09,776 --> 00:00:11,576 and they're gonna ask me for money, so I'm... 5 00:00:11,644 --> 00:00:13,211 I'm trying my hardest to look poor. 6 00:00:13,279 --> 00:00:13,943 You are poor. 7 00:00:13,983 --> 00:00:15,250 Technically, yes, but I'm also 8 00:00:15,302 --> 00:00:17,607 the richest Miller in the history of our family. 9 00:00:17,670 --> 00:00:20,138 I mean, I own part of a bar, I have a savings account. 10 00:00:20,206 --> 00:00:22,607 I don't fully understand how to use it, but I do have it. 11 00:00:22,675 --> 00:00:23,975 Nick, you're doing great; you really been 12 00:00:24,043 --> 00:00:25,599 stepping it up lately. Calm down. 13 00:00:25,700 --> 00:00:27,200 Thanks. The other day... 14 00:00:27,404 --> 00:00:28,914 The other day, I was at a restaurant, and they asked 15 00:00:28,981 --> 00:00:31,482 if I wanted avocado, and... and I said, "Yeah." 16 00:00:31,592 --> 00:00:33,271 And they said, "It's extra," and I go, "Shh. 17 00:00:33,451 --> 00:00:36,060 I know it's extra, but... but I want it." 18 00:00:36,389 --> 00:00:37,722 Uh, Winston, you ready to go? 19 00:00:37,790 --> 00:00:38,890 Born ready! 20 00:00:38,958 --> 00:00:40,992 You know, believe it or not, you guys, 21 00:00:41,060 --> 00:00:43,261 I have never been wedding dress shopping before, 22 00:00:43,329 --> 00:00:45,490 so I didn't really know what to pack. 23 00:00:45,576 --> 00:00:47,566 - Are those whistles? - Yeah. These are whistles. 24 00:00:48,029 --> 00:00:51,185 Oh, I even got a pocket fan so I can blow wind in your face, 25 00:00:51,279 --> 00:00:52,662 and your hair could be all like this. 26 00:00:52,763 --> 00:00:53,371 Pocket fan. 27 00:00:53,439 --> 00:00:55,140 Cece, I'm begging you, just cancel the appointment 28 00:00:55,207 --> 00:00:56,875 and reschedule it for when Jess comes back. 29 00:00:56,943 --> 00:00:59,498 There is a six-month waiting list. 30 00:00:59,623 --> 00:01:01,313 Do you not want us to get married in June? 31 00:01:01,380 --> 00:01:02,714 Oh, no, I want to get married in August, 32 00:01:02,782 --> 00:01:04,282 so I can walk down the aisle covered in flies. 33 00:01:04,350 --> 00:01:05,784 You're so concerned about these flies. 34 00:01:05,851 --> 00:01:07,953 - Please, go to the appointment. - Look, relax. 35 00:01:08,020 --> 00:01:09,621 All right? Nick is the best man, 36 00:01:09,689 --> 00:01:12,053 Jess is the maid of honor, and myself personally, 37 00:01:12,130 --> 00:01:13,597 this is where I cut loose. 38 00:01:13,678 --> 00:01:15,420 This is where you unleash the beast, all right? 39 00:01:15,482 --> 00:01:18,021 Speaking of which, uh, Cece, did you bring your strapless bra, 40 00:01:18,115 --> 00:01:20,165 or should I get the booby tape? Booby tape. 41 00:01:20,232 --> 00:01:21,912 Uh, no, Winston, this is just a ride. 42 00:01:22,013 --> 00:01:23,178 It is just a ride, okay? 43 00:01:23,256 --> 00:01:25,435 Hey, guys, C-Cece, my cousins are almost coming! 44 00:01:25,527 --> 00:01:27,328 Cece, hide your jewelry! Winston, hide your jewelry! 45 00:01:27,372 --> 00:01:28,539 All the jewelry! 46 00:01:28,592 --> 00:01:29,941 Nick, this is insane. 47 00:01:30,009 --> 00:01:31,810 Just tell your family that you can't give them any money. 48 00:01:31,877 --> 00:01:33,810 Set some boundaries. 49 00:01:34,185 --> 00:01:35,213 You're right. 50 00:01:35,748 --> 00:01:36,948 Time for me to put my foot down. 51 00:01:37,016 --> 00:01:38,615 - Put it down. - I'm gonna say no. 52 00:01:38,693 --> 00:01:39,974 - Yes. - I'm gonna set boundaries. 53 00:01:40,045 --> 00:01:41,186 No money for them. 54 00:01:43,222 --> 00:01:45,056 - Hey! - Hey! Hey! 55 00:01:45,124 --> 00:01:46,725 - Hey, how you doing? - I thought I smelled fish! 56 00:01:46,792 --> 00:01:48,393 - Oh, yeah, you smelled fish. - Look at you, huh? 57 00:01:48,461 --> 00:01:49,628 - Yeah. Yeah. - What, are you working out now, huh? 58 00:01:49,695 --> 00:01:51,630 - Yeah. - Tough guy. - Ow! 59 00:01:51,697 --> 00:01:53,832 You doing yoga? You doing yoga, huh? 60 00:01:53,899 --> 00:01:56,001 Yeah, I do... I've done, yeah. I don't do yoga. 61 00:01:56,068 --> 00:01:57,068 Oh! Look at this. 62 00:01:57,136 --> 00:01:58,870 Exposed brick, dude? Really? Oh, come on. 63 00:01:58,938 --> 00:02:00,338 Yeah. Yeah, I didn't build this. 64 00:02:00,406 --> 00:02:02,709 You don't want to throw some carpet down over the hardwood? 65 00:02:02,795 --> 00:02:03,541 Yeah, what's wrong with wallpaper? 66 00:02:03,609 --> 00:02:05,607 - I love wallpaper. I'd use... - Don't forget about 67 00:02:05,678 --> 00:02:06,679 who you are, man. Look, he's getting weird. 68 00:02:06,704 --> 00:02:07,036 Yeah. 69 00:02:07,079 --> 00:02:08,713 Welcome to Los Angeles. Maybe we take a... 70 00:02:08,781 --> 00:02:10,849 a-a-a, you know, a "cah" 71 00:02:10,916 --> 00:02:12,717 down to the "hahbah" and check out The "Mahtian" 72 00:02:12,785 --> 00:02:15,553 on the big... on the big screen with Matt Damon in "Mahs." 73 00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:19,410 Whose "cah" we taking? 74 00:02:19,435 --> 00:02:20,225 Stop, Schmidt. 75 00:02:24,779 --> 00:02:26,231 Hey, we got you a little gift, yeah? 76 00:02:26,298 --> 00:02:27,666 - You didn't have to do that. - Yeah. 77 00:02:27,733 --> 00:02:29,607 Oh, I left it outside in the hall. 78 00:02:29,701 --> 00:02:30,631 Well, go get it, you moron. 79 00:02:30,685 --> 00:02:32,006 You're a moron, you moron. 80 00:02:32,084 --> 00:02:33,238 I'm not the one who left it in the hallway. 81 00:02:33,305 --> 00:02:34,873 Why didn't you bring it in if you saw it? 82 00:02:34,940 --> 00:02:36,374 Because I didn't see it until now. 83 00:02:36,442 --> 00:02:37,776 Yeah, 'cause you're a maniac, and you're controlling me 84 00:02:37,843 --> 00:02:38,777 - all the time. - Oh, my God, 85 00:02:38,844 --> 00:02:39,778 I love you so much! 86 00:02:39,845 --> 00:02:41,012 I love you, too, Peaches. 87 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:42,280 You're the best! 88 00:02:42,348 --> 00:02:44,516 Regular Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, these two. 89 00:02:44,583 --> 00:02:46,284 This is how it starts. There's three stages 90 00:02:46,352 --> 00:02:48,787 to a Miller asking for money: okay, it's compliments, 91 00:02:48,857 --> 00:02:50,459 it's ply with food, and then it's go in for the kill. 92 00:02:50,529 --> 00:02:51,289 - Be strong. - I'm trying to be strong. 93 00:02:51,357 --> 00:02:52,390 Seems like there's 94 00:02:52,458 --> 00:02:54,920 a space theme. You guys like space? 95 00:02:54,998 --> 00:02:55,860 Outer space? Yes. 96 00:02:55,928 --> 00:02:58,521 - Yeah. - Ah, you didn't have to do this. 97 00:02:58,607 --> 00:02:59,787 - I got it at the airport. - Hey. 98 00:02:59,881 --> 00:03:00,771 - There it is. - It's popcorn. 99 00:03:00,842 --> 00:03:01,629 Oh! 100 00:03:01,654 --> 00:03:03,990 Yeah. Comes all fancy-like in its own trash can. 101 00:03:04,030 --> 00:03:05,693 That's too much. That's too nice. 102 00:03:05,748 --> 00:03:07,240 - No, come on. - I love this kind of popcorn. 103 00:03:07,311 --> 00:03:08,178 You're totally hooked up, brother. 104 00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:08,943 'Cause you can mix and match. 105 00:03:08,975 --> 00:03:10,242 - That's right. - Easy. Nick's not hungry. 106 00:03:10,309 --> 00:03:11,843 - Oh, that's right. - Is he your life coach? 107 00:03:11,910 --> 00:03:14,193 - Thank you for the offer, but... - Nick, eat the popcorn. 108 00:03:14,247 --> 00:03:16,015 - He just ate. - I just ate. - Just one piece. 109 00:03:16,053 --> 00:03:17,987 - Nick, it's popcorn. - Do it. Do it. - I don't want it. 110 00:03:18,055 --> 00:03:19,422 It's good for you. It's corn! 111 00:03:19,489 --> 00:03:21,424 You're trying to give me popcorn so that I give you money! 112 00:03:21,491 --> 00:03:23,192 It's not gonna happen! I'm not giving you money! 113 00:03:23,260 --> 00:03:24,709 I'm setting boundaries! 114 00:03:25,318 --> 00:03:27,663 Oh, Nicky, we don't want your money. 115 00:03:28,521 --> 00:03:29,932 - You don't? - No! 116 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,934 No, no. 117 00:03:34,721 --> 00:03:36,154 We want your sperm. 118 00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:37,707 What? 119 00:03:37,774 --> 00:03:39,075 Yeah, we're trying to start a family, 120 00:03:39,142 --> 00:03:40,242 and Bob's army's down. 121 00:03:40,310 --> 00:03:42,645 I need your troops to storm my beaches. 122 00:03:43,068 --> 00:03:45,081 S-So no money? 123 00:03:45,148 --> 00:03:46,849 - No. - Just sperm? 124 00:03:46,917 --> 00:03:48,718 - Yep. - Don't tell anybody, all right? 125 00:03:48,785 --> 00:03:51,803 Guys, this is excellent. I got a lot of that. 126 00:03:51,896 --> 00:03:53,170 If I had a dollar for every sperm, 127 00:03:53,256 --> 00:03:54,323 my room would be covered in dollar bills. 128 00:03:54,391 --> 00:03:55,858 - Nick, a word, please. A word. - Right? Right? 129 00:03:55,926 --> 00:03:56,892 - Yeah. Yeah. - A word. 130 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:58,162 Yeah. Thanks for the popcorn, too. 131 00:03:58,240 --> 00:03:59,173 One minute. 132 00:03:59,271 --> 00:04:00,997 What's that guy, like, his manager? 133 00:04:01,064 --> 00:04:03,332 Doesn't quite feel like the one, 134 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,001 and it doesn't really feel like it's me. 135 00:04:05,068 --> 00:04:06,769 Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it is you. 136 00:04:06,837 --> 00:04:08,671 It is beautiful. 137 00:04:08,739 --> 00:04:10,172 It has an attachment for a leash. 138 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:11,040 No judgments. 139 00:04:11,108 --> 00:04:13,224 Wink, wink, right? 140 00:04:13,326 --> 00:04:14,543 But it does. 141 00:04:14,611 --> 00:04:17,193 Do you mind if I just take one minute to think about it? 142 00:04:17,295 --> 00:04:18,881 Pass. 143 00:04:18,949 --> 00:04:22,513 Pass. Pass. Pass. 144 00:04:22,592 --> 00:04:23,419 Winston, I just 145 00:04:23,487 --> 00:04:25,187 asked you to drop me off. 146 00:04:25,255 --> 00:04:27,357 - Sir, what is your role here? - I am her friend. 147 00:04:27,443 --> 00:04:31,027 My job is to protect her, so, please, cut the caca, 148 00:04:31,094 --> 00:04:33,740 and bring us some dresses with an A-line cut. 149 00:04:33,834 --> 00:04:35,331 I may or may not have done an extensive amount 150 00:04:35,399 --> 00:04:37,333 of research on wedding dresses. 151 00:04:37,401 --> 00:04:39,201 I never thought that I would say this, 152 00:04:39,269 --> 00:04:41,170 but I am really glad that you're here. 153 00:04:41,238 --> 00:04:42,838 So you're gonna take his word over my word? 154 00:04:48,645 --> 00:04:50,046 Show me some clavicle! 155 00:04:55,152 --> 00:04:56,085 - I love it. - I hate it. 156 00:04:56,153 --> 00:04:57,053 I love it. 157 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,087 - I hate it. - It's perfect. 158 00:04:58,155 --> 00:04:59,255 It's imperfect. 159 00:05:05,295 --> 00:05:06,829 Am I crazy to want a hat? 160 00:05:09,533 --> 00:05:10,933 Forget the hat. Forget the hat. 161 00:05:13,236 --> 00:05:14,470 No! 162 00:05:28,334 --> 00:05:29,571 That's the one! 163 00:05:29,631 --> 00:05:30,653 That's the one! We got dibs! 164 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,055 Schmidt, this is great. They just want my sperm. 165 00:05:33,123 --> 00:05:34,557 What about setting boundaries? 166 00:05:34,624 --> 00:05:37,059 They're not just reaching into your wallet this time, Nick. 167 00:05:37,127 --> 00:05:38,994 They're reaching into your skin wallet. 168 00:05:40,230 --> 00:05:41,997 - That's your scrotum. - I got it. 169 00:05:42,065 --> 00:05:43,399 I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to veto this. 170 00:05:43,467 --> 00:05:46,006 Yeah, well, you have no standing to veto. 171 00:05:46,084 --> 00:05:46,756 It's my sperm. 172 00:05:46,834 --> 00:05:48,737 You're my best friend in the whole entire world. 173 00:05:48,805 --> 00:05:50,131 We've been through a lot together, 174 00:05:50,208 --> 00:05:53,303 so I just do feel like... 175 00:05:53,938 --> 00:05:57,040 your sperm are partly my sperm. 176 00:05:58,803 --> 00:05:59,949 Mi leche es su leche. 177 00:06:00,016 --> 00:06:01,450 No! No! 178 00:06:01,518 --> 00:06:03,285 Nick, you've been doing so well lately. 179 00:06:03,353 --> 00:06:04,987 - Thank you. - Right on track with the plan. 180 00:06:05,055 --> 00:06:07,537 My... What plan? What are you talking about? 181 00:06:09,693 --> 00:06:13,329 I-I may have your entire life planned out on my computer. 182 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:14,797 I made a spreadsheet and everything. 183 00:06:14,865 --> 00:06:16,031 I worked on it this morning. 184 00:06:16,099 --> 00:06:17,133 You-You've got to be kidding me. 185 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,060 I don't... It's not... 186 00:06:19,318 --> 00:06:20,703 "Nick's Life Plan"? 187 00:06:20,770 --> 00:06:22,071 What is that?! 188 00:06:22,139 --> 00:06:24,006 I'm just trying to keep you on track, Nick. 189 00:06:24,074 --> 00:06:25,928 Look, we've always done everything together, 190 00:06:25,990 --> 00:06:28,277 and I'm just worried that we're gonna drift apart. 191 00:06:28,345 --> 00:06:30,212 You know, I'm gonna get married and have kids, 192 00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,448 and you're gonna be wandering around the grocery store, 193 00:06:32,516 --> 00:06:34,783 holding a bottle of Scotch and an ear of corn. 194 00:06:34,851 --> 00:06:36,118 Okay, you know what? 195 00:06:36,186 --> 00:06:38,554 You know what I have to say to you, Schmidt? Boundaries. 196 00:06:39,028 --> 00:06:40,361 You know, you and me. 197 00:06:40,404 --> 00:06:41,678 Boundaries. 198 00:06:44,091 --> 00:06:46,325 All right, let's do this. 199 00:06:46,388 --> 00:06:47,897 - We're having a baby! - Yes. - Yeah. 200 00:06:47,964 --> 00:06:49,165 Oh, my God, my boobs are 201 00:06:49,232 --> 00:06:50,842 - gonna get huge! - Unbelievable! 202 00:06:50,904 --> 00:06:52,513 They're gonna be like, "Get out of my way. 203 00:06:52,599 --> 00:06:53,536 Here come my boobs." 204 00:06:53,603 --> 00:06:58,256 Yankees suck! Yankees suck! Yankees suck! 205 00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,034 This really means a lot to me, man. 206 00:07:02,114 --> 00:07:03,682 I'm sorry I couldn't do it myself. 207 00:07:03,792 --> 00:07:04,692 Yeah, you know what I think it was? 208 00:07:04,759 --> 00:07:06,093 One time, I got stung in the penis 209 00:07:06,161 --> 00:07:08,924 five different times by five different bees 210 00:07:09,018 --> 00:07:10,120 five days in a row. 211 00:07:10,205 --> 00:07:11,532 What were you doing 212 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:15,936 that your naked penis was exposed to bumblebees? 213 00:07:16,004 --> 00:07:16,916 Why is he here? 214 00:07:16,974 --> 00:07:18,474 You know, even though I don't approve of this, 215 00:07:18,534 --> 00:07:21,080 I would never, ever leave you in your time of need. 216 00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:22,109 Schmidt, I don't want you here. 217 00:07:22,177 --> 00:07:23,477 I told him I didn't want him here. 218 00:07:23,545 --> 00:07:24,945 I can't be any more clear on that. 219 00:07:27,104 --> 00:07:28,182 I botched it! 220 00:07:28,250 --> 00:07:30,573 Botched it good! Three strikes, and you're out! 221 00:07:30,705 --> 00:07:31,752 How do you botch it? 222 00:07:31,820 --> 00:07:32,987 You do not have my blessing. 223 00:07:33,054 --> 00:07:34,054 I don't need your blessing. 224 00:07:34,122 --> 00:07:35,760 I don't want it. I don't care. 225 00:07:35,870 --> 00:07:36,657 I don't even want you here. 226 00:07:36,725 --> 00:07:38,471 Mr. Miller, we're ready for you. 227 00:07:38,894 --> 00:07:40,518 Thank you so much. 228 00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:41,428 Here I go. 229 00:07:41,496 --> 00:07:42,663 - Nicky, give 'em hell, huh? - Yeah. 230 00:07:42,731 --> 00:07:44,031 - Get me a winner. - All right? You got it. 231 00:07:44,099 --> 00:07:45,733 - All right. - All right. - Go get 'em, Nicky. 232 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,002 We believe in you. Come on, make a smart one. 233 00:07:48,069 --> 00:07:50,004 - Here we go! - Yeah! 234 00:07:55,343 --> 00:07:57,659 - Hey, Schmidt, can I have a... - So you do need my blessing! 235 00:07:57,752 --> 00:07:59,213 I don't need you! Just please come back in here with me. 236 00:07:59,281 --> 00:08:00,447 Thank you. 237 00:08:00,515 --> 00:08:03,250 Never seen two guys so close like that, you know. 238 00:08:03,318 --> 00:08:04,785 My dad and his... 239 00:08:04,853 --> 00:08:07,321 and his friend Joe were close like that. 240 00:08:07,389 --> 00:08:08,889 - Oh, yeah? - Mm-hmm. 241 00:08:08,957 --> 00:08:10,224 Well, you got in my head. 242 00:08:10,292 --> 00:08:11,825 You got in my head. 243 00:08:11,893 --> 00:08:13,661 Why'd you have to tell me about the plan, Schmidt? 244 00:08:13,728 --> 00:08:15,329 Now I need to know what happens. 245 00:08:15,397 --> 00:08:17,898 Why am I not supposed to have a baby this way? 246 00:08:17,966 --> 00:08:21,235 As I saw it, your first child was to be born 247 00:08:21,303 --> 00:08:24,690 between you and a small Italian woman. 248 00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:26,073 Like a Maria? 249 00:08:26,141 --> 00:08:27,141 - Yes, like a Maria. - Okay. 250 00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:28,509 She makes meatballs and soup, 251 00:08:28,577 --> 00:08:29,743 and does laundry in a wooden bucket. 252 00:08:29,811 --> 00:08:31,845 - Yeah, she does. - You guys have a child. 253 00:08:31,913 --> 00:08:33,414 It's a boy. I'm incredibly involved. 254 00:08:33,481 --> 00:08:35,916 I give him the other half of a walkie-talkie just in case 255 00:08:35,984 --> 00:08:37,618 he ever has a question in the middle of the night. 256 00:08:37,686 --> 00:08:39,245 Yes, I'm here. 257 00:08:39,495 --> 00:08:41,237 He hides his broccoli in a planter during dinner. 258 00:08:41,338 --> 00:08:42,957 I wink. I look the other way. 259 00:08:43,024 --> 00:08:44,721 - You mean e-broccoli. - What? 260 00:08:44,799 --> 00:08:45,960 'Cause it's the future. 261 00:08:46,027 --> 00:08:47,940 How far in the future are you planning on having a child? 262 00:08:47,987 --> 00:08:49,463 Well, if we're talking about me meeting a woman, 263 00:08:49,531 --> 00:08:50,898 falling in love and having a kid? 264 00:08:50,966 --> 00:08:53,300 A very, very, very, very long time. 265 00:08:53,368 --> 00:08:54,166 So many "verys." 266 00:08:54,237 --> 00:08:55,588 And let's face the facts. 267 00:08:55,643 --> 00:08:58,151 My love life is a disaster. 268 00:08:58,237 --> 00:09:00,741 Schmidt, this might be my only chance of having a kid. 269 00:09:00,809 --> 00:09:02,510 - Don't say that. - I'm saying it. 270 00:09:02,601 --> 00:09:04,368 And if I can't have a kid with a woman, 271 00:09:04,421 --> 00:09:06,205 then maybe I'll have one with my cousin. 272 00:09:06,455 --> 00:09:08,482 Horrifying wording 273 00:09:08,550 --> 00:09:11,585 for what actually is, well, a beautiful sentiment. 274 00:09:11,653 --> 00:09:13,621 I-I want to do this. 275 00:09:13,688 --> 00:09:15,623 I want to experience this. 276 00:09:16,487 --> 00:09:17,758 You know, and I know I won't be able to raise him, 277 00:09:17,826 --> 00:09:21,095 and... and that's disappointing, but... 278 00:09:21,162 --> 00:09:23,797 I'll still see the little guy at parties and such. 279 00:09:23,865 --> 00:09:25,633 Say hi. He'll say hi. 280 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:28,135 Give him some fireworks to pop off, or... 281 00:09:28,203 --> 00:09:29,703 or e-fireworks. 282 00:09:29,771 --> 00:09:31,138 Man, I'm just... 283 00:09:31,206 --> 00:09:33,140 I'm getting excited just thinking about this. 284 00:09:33,208 --> 00:09:34,708 Look, it's not how I originally planned it, 285 00:09:34,776 --> 00:09:36,810 but it's still another Nick Miller in the world, 286 00:09:36,878 --> 00:09:39,380 and I'll take that any way I can get it. 287 00:09:39,447 --> 00:09:40,814 You have my blessing. 288 00:09:40,882 --> 00:09:42,082 Well, it's embarrassing to admit, but... 289 00:09:42,150 --> 00:09:43,584 thanks, man, I kind of needed it. 290 00:09:43,652 --> 00:09:45,185 Yeah, absolutely. 291 00:09:47,018 --> 00:09:49,056 You should get out of here, man. I'm gonna go masturbate. 292 00:09:49,124 --> 00:09:50,024 Okay. 293 00:09:50,091 --> 00:09:52,026 We... 294 00:09:52,093 --> 00:09:54,862 really got after it there. 295 00:09:54,929 --> 00:09:56,697 I am so happy I could help. 296 00:09:56,765 --> 00:09:58,299 Like, I don't want to be... 297 00:09:58,366 --> 00:10:00,467 greedy about it, 'cause I know I've already put on 298 00:10:00,535 --> 00:10:03,270 the most perfect dress once today, and I should wait... 299 00:10:03,338 --> 00:10:05,472 - You thinking what I'm thinking? - I really want to put it on again. 300 00:10:05,540 --> 00:10:06,874 - You should put it on again. - I know! 301 00:10:06,941 --> 00:10:08,108 Okay, I'm going to go try it on. 302 00:10:08,176 --> 00:10:09,143 - Okay, try it on again. - Okay. 303 00:10:09,210 --> 00:10:11,260 Oh, no! 304 00:10:11,338 --> 00:10:12,870 Oh, no. 305 00:10:13,776 --> 00:10:15,393 What did we do? 306 00:10:15,784 --> 00:10:16,917 What is this? 307 00:10:16,985 --> 00:10:18,185 Oh, my God! 308 00:10:18,253 --> 00:10:19,586 How drunk were we? 309 00:10:19,654 --> 00:10:20,754 - No. - No. Okay. 310 00:10:20,822 --> 00:10:22,122 You know what, no, no, no, no. 311 00:10:22,190 --> 00:10:24,458 This is, you know what, this is, this is good. 312 00:10:24,518 --> 00:10:25,737 Everything's all right. 313 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,201 I mean, look, you got mirrors. 314 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:28,760 You know, no one's ever done that before. 315 00:10:28,863 --> 00:10:30,364 I like it, you know. I like the... 316 00:10:30,432 --> 00:10:32,566 Again, I can't talk enough about the mirrors. 317 00:10:32,634 --> 00:10:34,735 Why is there a spot for batteries? 318 00:10:34,803 --> 00:10:36,804 So the glass can light up. 319 00:10:36,871 --> 00:10:38,539 We were really excited about that feature. 320 00:10:40,342 --> 00:10:42,710 Yeah. You look like a prostitute for wizards. 321 00:10:42,777 --> 00:10:44,778 I look like a bullfighter in space. 322 00:10:44,846 --> 00:10:46,947 I cannot get married in this dress. 323 00:10:47,015 --> 00:10:48,315 Okay, so what do you need me to do? 324 00:10:48,383 --> 00:10:50,851 Nothing. I don't need your help. 325 00:10:50,919 --> 00:10:52,519 Okay. 'Cause I'm just... 326 00:10:52,587 --> 00:10:54,421 I'm gonna do it by myself. 327 00:10:58,948 --> 00:10:59,927 Well... 328 00:10:59,994 --> 00:11:01,261 - Yeah, well, no, I... - You washed? 329 00:11:01,329 --> 00:11:02,529 Yeah, of course I washed. 330 00:11:02,597 --> 00:11:04,264 Hey, why the... 331 00:11:04,332 --> 00:11:05,699 why the long faces? 332 00:11:05,767 --> 00:11:07,334 Shouldn't we be celebrating here, guys? 333 00:11:07,402 --> 00:11:10,471 Listen, we, uh, we talked to the doctor and, uh, 334 00:11:10,538 --> 00:11:12,706 turns out we can't afford the procedure. 335 00:11:12,774 --> 00:11:14,775 Are you kidding me? 336 00:11:14,843 --> 00:11:17,010 So I just masturbated for nothing? 337 00:11:17,078 --> 00:11:17,978 You-you guys flew 338 00:11:18,046 --> 00:11:18,971 across the country. 339 00:11:19,073 --> 00:11:20,848 You didn't think about any of this beforehand? 340 00:11:20,915 --> 00:11:22,416 We did little to no research. 341 00:11:22,484 --> 00:11:23,584 But we still want to have 342 00:11:23,651 --> 00:11:25,452 - a family, you know. - Yeah. 343 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:27,988 We already fell in love with the little bastard. 344 00:11:28,056 --> 00:11:29,590 Anyway, there is one other option 345 00:11:29,657 --> 00:11:30,824 we could explore. 346 00:11:31,518 --> 00:11:32,893 What is it? Anything. 347 00:11:32,989 --> 00:11:34,323 Nick... 348 00:11:35,063 --> 00:11:36,948 I want you to have sex with my wife. 349 00:11:37,499 --> 00:11:39,366 - What? - Yeah, we don't just 350 00:11:39,434 --> 00:11:41,101 need your reindeer, we need Santa. 351 00:11:41,169 --> 00:11:43,103 - What? What? - Yeah, come down the chimney. 352 00:11:43,171 --> 00:11:44,505 - Feet first. - White Christmas. 353 00:11:44,572 --> 00:11:46,006 Bring a sackful of gifts. 354 00:11:50,937 --> 00:11:52,554 This is nuts. I can't do this. 355 00:11:52,578 --> 00:11:54,446 This might be your only chance to have a kid. 356 00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:55,890 Yeah, but then I have to have sex with my cousin. 357 00:11:55,937 --> 00:11:57,265 I don't want to have... I don't want to have sex with my cousin. 358 00:11:57,315 --> 00:11:59,140 It's not your cousin. It's your cousin's wife. 359 00:11:59,226 --> 00:12:01,453 That's like letting a dog drink water out of your mouth. 360 00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:03,288 You know, it's not great, but it's legal. 361 00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:04,956 The point I'm trying to make is, 362 00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:07,192 is I think I'd like another Nick Miller in the world. 363 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:08,960 - All right. - Can you imagine? 364 00:12:10,601 --> 00:12:12,697 Come on, man, what do you say? 365 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,234 I think the best thing 366 00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:17,803 to do here is to just look at this 367 00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:19,304 like a medical procedure. 368 00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,573 Why is this guy in this conversation here? 369 00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:23,308 Bobby, it's a losing battle. Just move past it. 370 00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:26,070 And, Carol, look, I don't want this to feel, 371 00:12:26,125 --> 00:12:27,326 I-I don't know, romantic. 372 00:12:27,351 --> 00:12:28,648 I don't want you getting confused. 373 00:12:28,687 --> 00:12:30,208 There's a zero percent chance of that happening. 374 00:12:30,233 --> 00:12:30,739 Yeah. 375 00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:32,117 If you're suggesting that I can't be romantic, 376 00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:33,618 then you're out of your mind. 377 00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:34,619 Yeah, excuse me, 378 00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:35,954 Nick is very romantic, okay? 379 00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:37,889 He does romantic things for me all the time. 380 00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:39,858 Schmidt, what are you talking about? 381 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,560 Just the other week, you were very romantic to me. 382 00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:44,129 When I fell down in the parking lot and you picked me up? 383 00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,667 Get up, dude! 384 00:12:48,734 --> 00:12:50,135 How was that romantic?! 385 00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,803 It was beautiful and it was kind. 386 00:12:51,871 --> 00:12:53,471 You know, romance doesn't always have to be sexual, 387 00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:55,473 - you idiot. - You're the idiot! 388 00:12:56,204 --> 00:12:57,404 Don't. Don't. 389 00:12:57,460 --> 00:12:59,296 Honestly, you want to do this right now? 390 00:12:59,492 --> 00:13:00,879 Give me one shot at that big head, 391 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,181 I'm gonna knock you out. 392 00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:05,417 - Dominated you physically. Admit it. - Yeah, defense. 393 00:13:06,249 --> 00:13:08,086 Can we put something over the windows? 394 00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:10,622 I want it to be pitch black in here, so I can't see... 395 00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,891 I don't like the way you look at my body when you say that, Carol. 396 00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,125 - Well... - Okay, we got to keep it positive. 397 00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:15,927 - I agree. - I think what Nick is trying to say 398 00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:17,963 - Uh-huh. - Is that he'd like to be completely naked. 399 00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:20,866 - Where are you getting this from?! - Objection, Your Honor! Strongly! 400 00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:22,567 'Cause I will be wearing clothes! 401 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,035 - Overruled. Yeah. - Overruled. 402 00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:25,507 - Yeah, stand down. - But I'll-I'll tell ya, 403 00:13:25,570 --> 00:13:28,640 I'm not wearing a condom! End of discussion. 404 00:13:30,718 --> 00:13:32,143 Guys... 405 00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:34,246 such a clearly great joke. 406 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:35,480 Because obviously I can't wear, 407 00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:37,046 - you know... - Oh. 408 00:13:37,109 --> 00:13:39,179 We got to loosen the vibe a little. 409 00:13:39,241 --> 00:13:41,328 - Can we do something about this smell? - Oh, yeah. 410 00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:42,454 It is a little rank, yeah. 411 00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:43,622 - There is an odor. - Yeah. 412 00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:44,789 Well, I lost a glass of milk. 413 00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:46,804 You lost a glass of milk? Was it full? 414 00:13:46,898 --> 00:13:47,906 Yeah, it was to the top. 415 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:48,693 I could barely carry it. 416 00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:49,961 Oh, that's outrageous! 417 00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:51,696 - Oh, God. - Now, if you don't mind, 418 00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:54,099 I'd just like to bring things down for a second here. 419 00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:56,906 Bob, Carol, um, I originally bought this for Nick, 420 00:13:56,992 --> 00:13:59,638 but since he may never have someone to give it to, 421 00:14:00,546 --> 00:14:02,040 I'd like for you guys to have it. 422 00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:03,308 - Mm-mm. - No, dude, no. 423 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,043 We're Pats fan. We hate the Bears. 424 00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:06,978 - You don't like the onesie? - Pats are number onesie. 425 00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:08,546 Where did we land on me being in the room? 426 00:14:08,614 --> 00:14:10,081 - Get out, Schmidt! - Get the hell out of here! 427 00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:12,250 Look, I-I know that you have a "no return" policy, 428 00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:14,085 but you have to take this dress back, okay? 429 00:14:14,153 --> 00:14:16,087 I look like a rich person in The Hunger Games. 430 00:14:16,155 --> 00:14:17,522 Yeah, I know. 431 00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,291 I was gonna stop you from buying it, 432 00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:21,496 but I didn't, so we're done here. 433 00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:23,832 Wrong! 434 00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,698 See, you may be done with her, but you're not 435 00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,533 done with the law. 436 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,702 Winston Bishop, LAPD. 437 00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,653 You're a cop? The guy who was spinning around 438 00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:34,372 singing Patti LaBelle songs yesterday? 439 00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:42,582 And you must be the one who was serving champagne 440 00:14:42,660 --> 00:14:44,115 without a liquor license. 441 00:14:44,464 --> 00:14:45,731 We don't charge for it. 442 00:14:45,806 --> 00:14:47,206 It's legal. 443 00:14:50,860 --> 00:14:53,738 Uh, not if it's being served to a-a minor. 444 00:14:53,848 --> 00:14:54,592 Oh. 445 00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,127 Yeah. Oh, that's right. 446 00:14:56,195 --> 00:14:59,130 I'm 17 years old. I'm a kid. 447 00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:00,932 You're a 17-year-old police officer? 448 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,100 I'm a cop prodigy. 449 00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:03,868 You see, my school is the streets. 450 00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:06,629 But my other school is school. 451 00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:08,039 'Cause-'cause I go to school. 452 00:15:08,107 --> 00:15:10,108 Like a school-school, for learning. 453 00:15:10,176 --> 00:15:11,192 You are so stupid. 454 00:15:11,251 --> 00:15:12,518 No return policy 455 00:15:12,574 --> 00:15:13,918 is more important than the love 456 00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:16,214 that brings us here today, so... 457 00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:19,384 This means a lot to her, so please help her out. 458 00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,785 Well, that didn't work. 459 00:15:24,863 --> 00:15:27,592 Look, Cece, I'm-I'm no good at this. 460 00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,594 I'm no help. I'm just gonna... 461 00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:31,596 I'm just gonna take a backseat to the wedding. 462 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:32,864 No. Look... 463 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,600 what you did in there made me realize how much 464 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:38,770 you... really care about me. 465 00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:45,377 I know that you're already one of Schmidt's groomsmen, 466 00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:49,981 um, but I was hoping you would maybe also consider 467 00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:52,550 being one of my bridesmaids. 468 00:15:53,449 --> 00:15:56,254 You want me to be a bridesmaid? 469 00:15:56,555 --> 00:15:57,989 If you don't want to, I... 470 00:15:58,057 --> 00:15:59,991 - Do you know who you're talking to? - Yes? 471 00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:01,659 - You're talking to Winnie the Bish! - Yeah. 472 00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:03,728 I would love to be your bridesmaid! 473 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:05,096 - Yes? - Yes! 474 00:16:05,164 --> 00:16:06,498 - Yes? - Yes! 475 00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:07,665 - Oh... - Girl, you are 476 00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:09,667 under arrest for taking my breath away! 477 00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,737 What's with this parachute top? 478 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,621 It's good for movement, hard to stain. 479 00:16:14,699 --> 00:16:15,840 I thought it was appropriate. 480 00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:17,776 Okay. I don't know what you think 481 00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:20,345 we're about to do, but I'm keeping this very simple. 482 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,747 - I want to keep it simple. - Uh-huh. Great. 483 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,849 Should we... should we just make love now, then? 484 00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:26,251 "Make love"? 485 00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,319 What, are we riding horses around on a beach topless? 486 00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:29,687 No, thank you. 487 00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:31,589 Just tip me over and pour me out! 488 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,825 Tip you over and pour you out? 489 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:36,761 Yeah. It's that children's rhyme that's also very sexual. 490 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,730 It is not sexual at all. 491 00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,331 It is in this case. 492 00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:41,666 Carol, I'm g... I'm gonna need you 493 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,234 to be a little bit nicer to me, please. 494 00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:45,003 - Oh, my God, are you serious? - I can't p... 495 00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:47,439 Listen, I can't perform sexually if I don't feel 496 00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,908 a-at least a little desired. 497 00:16:49,975 --> 00:16:50,459 Okay. 498 00:16:50,484 --> 00:16:51,934 Could you give me any sort of a compliment? Anything. 499 00:16:51,977 --> 00:16:54,112 We'll go and then we'll just... That will get me started. 500 00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,214 I'll say something nice about you then and we can get into it. 501 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,100 Just one compliment. 502 00:17:00,324 --> 00:17:02,410 Nothing on the front. Can you turn around? 503 00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:04,957 No. Keep turning. 504 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:05,901 No. 505 00:17:05,926 --> 00:17:07,125 Stop. Ah! 506 00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,082 - Okay, I won't... Okay. - Please. 507 00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:10,061 Um... 508 00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:11,729 First thing that pops in your head. 509 00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:16,401 Oh, Nicky, you're such a sexy boy. 510 00:17:17,736 --> 00:17:19,904 It felt crazy coming out of my mouth. Right? 511 00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:21,379 - Just some... just something simple. - Oh, my God. 512 00:17:21,442 --> 00:17:22,874 Just take your pants off and get in bed. 513 00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,042 Okay, yeah. All right! 514 00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:26,010 Okay? 515 00:17:28,137 --> 00:17:29,681 Come on! 516 00:17:36,199 --> 00:17:38,817 Any plans to go to the beach while you're in Los Angeles? 517 00:17:38,863 --> 00:17:40,258 Bob! He's freaking out! 518 00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:42,594 - Oh. - Nick? 519 00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:44,496 I'm not freaking out. I'm fine. Just my heart's beating really fast. 520 00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:46,164 - I feel a bit dizzy. - Are you freaking kidding me? 521 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:47,465 - Just need one sec. - This is ridiculous! 522 00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:49,000 All I did was take my shoes off. 523 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,235 - Stand up and deliver! - What happened? What happened? 524 00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:52,192 - Is it over? Did you like it? - No! Look at him. 525 00:17:52,246 --> 00:17:53,838 I just need one minute. I just need one minute. 526 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,907 Everything's cool! Deal's on. I just need one minute. 527 00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:58,285 - Get ahold of yourself, man! - Hey, I'm ovulating 528 00:17:58,371 --> 00:18:00,111 for two more hours. I need to get plowed! 529 00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:01,246 You're dressed like you're gonna run a marathon! 530 00:18:01,313 --> 00:18:02,447 Take off your windbreaker! 531 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:03,882 Schmidt, tell them to stop yelling at me! 532 00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:05,884 No! You compose yourself and you make a miracle, 533 00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:08,720 or I will squeeze one out of you like a bottle of mustard! 534 00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:10,288 - What?! - Take your pants off! 535 00:18:10,356 --> 00:18:11,848 There's not even a belt or a button! 536 00:18:11,934 --> 00:18:13,024 Just pull 'em down! 537 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,160 - Yeah, let's go with the miracle already! - Come on, man! 538 00:18:15,227 --> 00:18:17,328 No! Stop! Stop! 539 00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:18,796 - Just take your pants off! - Five minutes, and it's done. 540 00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:20,331 I don't like this! I don't like this! 541 00:18:20,399 --> 00:18:22,000 - Take your pants off! - Do it! Do it, Nick! 542 00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:22,967 Come on, man! Do it! 543 00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:24,469 Take it out and do it! 544 00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:26,037 Boundaries! I said I need boundaries! 545 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,305 Get out of my way! 546 00:18:27,373 --> 00:18:28,573 I need boundaries! 547 00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,408 Unbelievable. 548 00:18:30,476 --> 00:18:31,576 Wow. So typical. 549 00:18:34,527 --> 00:18:35,680 Oh, look at that. 550 00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,248 There's the glass of milk. 551 00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:39,582 Really is filled to the brim. It's like an infinity pool. 552 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:41,286 Wow, how the hell did he carry that thing? 553 00:18:44,732 --> 00:18:46,732 Bobby, I'm sorry. I feel terrible. 554 00:18:46,770 --> 00:18:48,337 No, no, no, no. It was a bad call. 555 00:18:48,405 --> 00:18:50,539 Yeah, I guess it's weird to have sex with your cousin's wife. 556 00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:53,246 No. I... 557 00:18:53,691 --> 00:18:54,895 I just can't stomach my kid 558 00:18:54,981 --> 00:18:56,028 coming from a Bears fan, that's all. 559 00:18:56,145 --> 00:18:57,346 There's nothing wrong with being a Bears fan. 560 00:18:57,414 --> 00:18:58,848 - That's all I'm gonna say to that. - There kind of is. 561 00:18:58,915 --> 00:19:00,783 No, it's weird to have sex with your cousin's wife. 562 00:19:00,851 --> 00:19:02,351 - That's what's weird. - We're gonna ask Cousin Terry. 563 00:19:02,419 --> 00:19:04,512 He's got no arm past his elbow, 564 00:19:04,582 --> 00:19:06,021 but it was an accident; it's not genetic. 565 00:19:06,089 --> 00:19:07,423 It's a good call. He's very good-looking. 566 00:19:07,491 --> 00:19:10,879 Uh, excuse me. So we're not having a baby? 567 00:19:11,114 --> 00:19:11,753 Well, this is... 568 00:19:11,778 --> 00:19:12,918 this is just great. 569 00:19:13,012 --> 00:19:14,276 If you can't tell, 570 00:19:14,364 --> 00:19:16,645 I am being sarcastic. 571 00:19:18,864 --> 00:19:19,834 What's with that guy? 572 00:19:19,887 --> 00:19:22,528 He was really fat as a kid. 573 00:19:22,621 --> 00:19:24,168 - Now I get it. - Ah, that makes sense. 574 00:19:24,258 --> 00:19:25,258 Yeah. 575 00:19:28,457 --> 00:19:30,412 We need to have a talk about today. 576 00:19:30,683 --> 00:19:33,043 - I know. Boundaries. - No. 577 00:19:33,137 --> 00:19:34,067 It's... 578 00:19:35,239 --> 00:19:36,519 I want you to have something. 579 00:19:46,887 --> 00:19:48,056 What's this for? 580 00:19:48,129 --> 00:19:49,832 I want you to save that and give it back to me 581 00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:51,300 when I have my own kid. 582 00:19:53,075 --> 00:19:54,303 What do you mean, you're gonna have your own kid? 583 00:19:54,371 --> 00:19:56,405 When I have my own kid. Don't make a big deal of it. 584 00:19:56,473 --> 00:19:59,246 I just... I don't... I don't hate your plan. 585 00:19:59,312 --> 00:20:00,446 I kind of like it. 586 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:01,911 Things have been going pretty good 587 00:20:01,986 --> 00:20:05,457 for me lately, and I-I would like to meet my own Maria. 588 00:20:05,536 --> 00:20:06,323 With-a the meatballs. 589 00:20:06,390 --> 00:20:07,590 With-a the red sauce. 590 00:20:07,658 --> 00:20:09,359 With-a the red sauce. 591 00:20:09,427 --> 00:20:11,161 I want to see that plan you got for me. 592 00:20:11,228 --> 00:20:12,020 Well, come on, man. 593 00:20:12,094 --> 00:20:13,661 It's a rough draft, but you should check it out. 594 00:20:13,925 --> 00:20:15,450 What do we got here, chief? 595 00:20:15,533 --> 00:20:18,051 "Nick has a boy. He calls him Gio." 596 00:20:18,692 --> 00:20:21,771 We die on the same day in 2098? 597 00:20:21,839 --> 00:20:23,540 You murder me and then kill yourself. 598 00:20:23,607 --> 00:20:25,909 There's not a chance I make it to 2098. 599 00:20:25,977 --> 00:20:27,143 Not a chance. 600 00:20:27,211 --> 00:20:29,846 I don't want to see the 2050s. 601 00:20:29,914 --> 00:20:31,982 Oddly enough, you won't. 602 00:20:32,049 --> 00:20:36,586 See? I freeze you from 2050 to 2064. 603 00:20:36,654 --> 00:20:38,989 That's why you're the genius. That's why you're the genius. 604 00:20:39,056 --> 00:20:39,990 Thank you. 605 00:20:40,057 --> 00:20:41,992 - Can you see her? - Jess? 606 00:20:42,059 --> 00:20:43,593 Hey. Hey, guys. I pulled some strings. 607 00:20:43,661 --> 00:20:45,161 I got her a note that says we're here. 608 00:20:45,229 --> 00:20:47,263 You are amazing. I don't know why every wedding 609 00:20:47,331 --> 00:20:48,698 doesn't have a bridesman. 610 00:20:48,766 --> 00:20:50,700 Ooh, I'm-a get so naked at that bachelorette party! 611 00:20:50,768 --> 00:20:52,135 That's one reason. 612 00:20:53,270 --> 00:20:54,871 Jess! 613 00:20:54,939 --> 00:20:56,740 Okay, Nick, the bag, the bag, the bag, the bag. Okay. Okay. 614 00:20:56,807 --> 00:20:58,208 I got it, I got it. I got the bag. What do you mean, the bag? 615 00:20:58,275 --> 00:20:59,809 - Oh, come on! Just one peek! - No! 616 00:20:59,877 --> 00:21:01,378 No, no, no, no, no, no. 617 00:21:01,445 --> 00:21:02,712 Okay. We good? 618 00:21:02,780 --> 00:21:04,214 - Yeah, we're good. - Okay. 619 00:21:06,217 --> 00:21:08,385 Hey. Hey, hey, guys. She's writing something. 620 00:21:08,452 --> 00:21:11,154 Wait for it. Oh... 621 00:21:11,222 --> 00:21:13,723 - What? What's happening? - Don't worry. Nothing. 622 00:21:13,791 --> 00:21:15,425 I think she's writing something else. 623 00:21:15,493 --> 00:21:17,560 Okay. All right. That's something. 624 00:21:17,628 --> 00:21:18,962 - What's going on?! - Nice. 625 00:21:19,030 --> 00:21:20,897 - We miss you, too! - Aw, we miss you, too! 626 00:21:20,965 --> 00:21:22,699 - All right, I can't take it anymore! - No! 627 00:21:22,767 --> 00:21:24,801 No, no, no. No, no, no. No, Jess can fix it. 628 00:21:24,879 --> 00:21:26,168 - Jess can fix it. - Schmidt? Schmidt? 629 00:21:26,223 --> 00:21:27,370 Just... No, no. 630 00:21:27,438 --> 00:21:29,239 Cover up. It's not gonna look like this. 631 00:21:29,306 --> 00:21:30,807 I got him. I got him. 632 00:21:30,875 --> 00:21:33,443 - You got him? Okay. - Winston, I got him. It's fine. 633 00:21:33,511 --> 00:21:35,979 - See? Everything's fine! - This isn't romantic? 634 00:21:36,047 --> 00:21:37,981 - Come back soon! - I love you!