1 00:00:02,234 --> 00:00:04,257 Hey. Uh, where'd you get these burritos? 2 00:00:04,312 --> 00:00:05,513 From the spot on the corner? 3 00:00:05,580 --> 00:00:06,804 - Mmm. - Yeah, the spot on the corner. 4 00:00:06,820 --> 00:00:08,421 You know I helped a lady give birth in the kitchen? 5 00:00:08,488 --> 00:00:09,889 Ugh. 6 00:00:09,957 --> 00:00:11,457 That's disgusting. 7 00:00:13,827 --> 00:00:16,562 A baby in the middle of the place. 8 00:00:16,630 --> 00:00:18,898 I knew that wasn't going to stop you. 9 00:00:18,966 --> 00:00:21,267 - Disgusting. - You didn't tell us you delivered a baby. 10 00:00:21,335 --> 00:00:23,002 Baby's perfectly fine. 11 00:00:23,070 --> 00:00:26,272 But let's just say I did not do a good job. 12 00:00:26,340 --> 00:00:28,603 Oh, Reagan. What's up? 13 00:00:28,628 --> 00:00:31,653 Hey. So, uh, I just jogged past a guy 14 00:00:31,678 --> 00:00:34,087 that's offering donkey rides for $50. 15 00:00:34,228 --> 00:00:35,815 Feel like that's too much for a donkey ride, right? 16 00:00:35,882 --> 00:00:37,817 It's a dog, not a donkey. 17 00:00:38,064 --> 00:00:40,533 I know that guy. His name is... 18 00:00:40,910 --> 00:00:42,411 His name is Stan. 19 00:00:42,436 --> 00:00:44,336 Stan. S-T-A-N. 20 00:00:44,564 --> 00:00:46,292 His dog's name's Cheerio. 21 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:47,293 Hold on. 22 00:00:53,243 --> 00:00:54,500 It's not a donkey. 23 00:00:54,568 --> 00:00:55,868 Um, it's a dog. 24 00:00:55,936 --> 00:00:56,869 Okay. 25 00:00:58,272 --> 00:00:59,739 That was painful, Nick. 26 00:00:59,806 --> 00:01:01,507 It's like watching Cece make a bed. 27 00:01:09,850 --> 00:01:11,350 Just give me the sheet! 28 00:01:11,418 --> 00:01:13,819 I can't be normal around Reagan. 29 00:01:13,887 --> 00:01:15,655 She's too hot and mysterious. 30 00:01:15,722 --> 00:01:17,490 I mean, I haven't peed in four days, 31 00:01:17,557 --> 00:01:20,993 which is alarming because I have been drinking constantly. 32 00:01:24,829 --> 00:01:25,767 Yep. Nothing. 33 00:01:25,792 --> 00:01:26,814 The fact of the matter is, 34 00:01:26,839 --> 00:01:28,807 is that she don't want to hang out with us. 35 00:01:28,832 --> 00:01:31,789 She's our roommate, but she being straight up discourteous. 36 00:01:31,814 --> 00:01:35,675 Reagan, why don't you join the fiesta, huh? 37 00:01:35,742 --> 00:01:37,076 I'll make up a pitcher of margaritas. 38 00:01:37,144 --> 00:01:38,411 That's tempting, but, uh, 39 00:01:38,478 --> 00:01:40,012 if I have one margarita, I'll have eight; 40 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:41,747 and if I have eight, end up riding that donkey 41 00:01:41,815 --> 00:01:43,549 all the way to Santa Monica, so... 42 00:01:43,617 --> 00:01:46,018 : It'd be great to watch you ride a donkey! 43 00:01:46,525 --> 00:01:48,187 - Thanks, but no, thanks. - There's extra toilet paper 44 00:01:48,255 --> 00:01:50,189 in the bathroom! It's... 45 00:01:50,257 --> 00:01:52,024 Are you hiding toilet paper again? 46 00:01:52,092 --> 00:01:54,093 - I can't do this. - Did she hit us with a "No, thanks"? 47 00:01:54,161 --> 00:01:57,029 How about this? No, thanks, to your "No, thanks." 48 00:01:57,097 --> 00:01:57,939 Here's what I'm gonna do... 49 00:01:57,964 --> 00:01:59,400 I'm gonna make her hang out with us 50 00:01:59,425 --> 00:02:01,915 whether she wants to or not. 51 00:02:01,968 --> 00:02:05,204 Oh, yeah, this woman just made my nonsexual to-do list. 52 00:02:05,272 --> 00:02:07,373 - You have a sexual to-do list? - Cece, don't ask. 53 00:02:07,441 --> 00:02:09,075 - Number one... - I regret it already. 54 00:02:09,532 --> 00:02:10,431 Joan Allen. 55 00:02:19,032 --> 00:02:20,421 Oh! Nick! 56 00:02:20,446 --> 00:02:22,212 She's back in the kitchen! She's back in the kitchen! 57 00:02:22,255 --> 00:02:25,024 - Nick, we're making sex. - It hasn't started yet. 58 00:02:25,092 --> 00:02:27,226 It's not sex until you put the straw in the coconut. 59 00:02:27,294 --> 00:02:28,894 It's called foreplay, you tween. 60 00:02:28,962 --> 00:02:30,603 You don't just buy a Porsche off the lot and 61 00:02:30,628 --> 00:02:32,932 immediately enter it in the Groser Preis von Deutschland. 62 00:02:32,999 --> 00:02:34,751 - What? - The Groser Preis von Deutschland. 63 00:02:34,776 --> 00:02:37,470 Just let me eat in here. I don't want to eat around Reagan. 64 00:02:37,537 --> 00:02:40,106 Why not? Oh, I forgot that you're 65 00:02:40,173 --> 00:02:42,376 - a bear in pants. - Will you please go eat in your room? 66 00:02:42,401 --> 00:02:44,462 She's right across the hall. She'll hear the crunching! 67 00:02:44,517 --> 00:02:46,218 We need you elsewhere, Nick. 68 00:02:46,285 --> 00:02:48,039 From my cold, dead hands! 69 00:02:48,064 --> 00:02:49,454 That doesn't even apply. 70 00:02:50,517 --> 00:02:52,063 Reagan! 71 00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:54,489 Ooh, what a coincidence. We're both running! 72 00:02:54,557 --> 00:02:58,293 And I've been chasing you for miles like a murderer! 73 00:02:58,361 --> 00:03:00,295 - I kind of prefer to run alone. - You see? 74 00:03:00,363 --> 00:03:02,264 That's your problem right there. 75 00:03:02,331 --> 00:03:04,599 We're roommates now, and in our loft, 76 00:03:04,667 --> 00:03:07,269 we do things together, like a family. 77 00:03:07,336 --> 00:03:09,604 Ooh, look. A bubbler. 78 00:03:09,672 --> 00:03:11,606 Oh. Oh. 79 00:03:13,782 --> 00:03:16,812 Oh, that's so good! Mmm. 80 00:03:16,879 --> 00:03:19,448 - There's a Band-Aid in there. - Reagan? 81 00:03:20,648 --> 00:03:23,183 Camilla. Oh, my God. Hi. 82 00:03:23,352 --> 00:03:25,353 Why did I think you were still in Atlanta? 83 00:03:25,421 --> 00:03:28,290 Oh, because last night you sent me a text 84 00:03:28,357 --> 00:03:29,791 saying, "Still in Atlanta." 85 00:03:29,859 --> 00:03:33,128 Well, hello. What have we here? 86 00:03:33,196 --> 00:03:34,963 - Back on the stick, I see. - No, no, no. 87 00:03:35,031 --> 00:03:37,876 No. No. I'm just staying with him and his roommates. 88 00:03:37,901 --> 00:03:38,867 Yeah, which is exactly why you got to start 89 00:03:38,892 --> 00:03:39,829 hanging out with us more. 90 00:03:39,854 --> 00:03:42,747 - You know, we only got you for a month. - I get you for a whole month? 91 00:03:42,772 --> 00:03:45,939 I'm about to start binge-watching Ken Burns's Jazz. 92 00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:51,413 Oh, Ken Burns's Jazz. 93 00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,014 - Call you later. I will. - Do that. 94 00:03:53,082 --> 00:03:54,716 - Call me, yes. Okay, great. - I'm going to. Okay. 95 00:03:54,784 --> 00:03:56,351 - Great. - Can't wait. 96 00:03:56,419 --> 00:03:59,187 What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you? 97 00:03:59,255 --> 00:04:01,523 I am hooking up with her. I'm dating her a little bit, 98 00:04:01,591 --> 00:04:03,625 but I'm over it, and I'm trying to avoid her. 99 00:04:03,693 --> 00:04:05,861 What are you telling people I'm here for a month for? 100 00:04:05,928 --> 00:04:07,362 Oh, you see what we're doing right now? 101 00:04:07,430 --> 00:04:09,242 We're vibing, we're talking about stuff! 102 00:04:09,267 --> 00:04:10,632 Okay, now it's my turn. Let me do you. 103 00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:12,775 Um... I think I swallowed a Band-Aid earlier. 104 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,400 Now I have to dump her, and I have never 105 00:04:14,425 --> 00:04:16,247 dumped anybody before. I don't know how. 106 00:04:16,272 --> 00:04:18,824 I travel so much that I usually just disappear. 107 00:04:18,849 --> 00:04:19,698 Wow. 108 00:04:19,742 --> 00:04:22,337 Okay. I will help you break up with her. 109 00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:24,230 Why? 'Cause you've been dumped, like, a million times? 110 00:04:24,255 --> 00:04:26,251 No. Because I'm your roommate, and we have each other's backs. 111 00:04:26,276 --> 00:04:28,726 Wait a minute. What makes you think 112 00:04:28,751 --> 00:04:30,252 - I've been dumped a lot? - Please. 113 00:04:30,319 --> 00:04:31,853 I read you guys the moment I got there. 114 00:04:31,921 --> 00:04:34,256 Nick's deal is, he honest-to-God might be 50. 115 00:04:34,323 --> 00:04:37,526 Schmidt's deal is he had to Shazam "Stairway to Heaven." 116 00:04:37,593 --> 00:04:39,394 And your deal is you've been dumped a lot. 117 00:04:39,462 --> 00:04:41,196 You're pretty good. You're pretty good. 118 00:04:41,264 --> 00:04:42,531 How did Nick go through 119 00:04:42,598 --> 00:04:44,699 so many napkins, yet get salsa everywhere? 120 00:04:44,767 --> 00:04:48,103 We've got no privacy, and it has been way, way, way too long 121 00:04:48,170 --> 00:04:50,071 since Mama got her biscuits. 122 00:04:50,139 --> 00:04:52,741 And the biscuits... are rising. 123 00:04:52,808 --> 00:04:54,910 I hope they stick to the pan and get a little brown 124 00:04:54,977 --> 00:04:57,245 - on the bottom. - I'm gonna be honest. 125 00:04:57,313 --> 00:04:59,247 That went right over my head. I just didn't get it. 126 00:04:59,315 --> 00:05:00,782 I don't know... I don't know where you're going with it. 127 00:05:00,850 --> 00:05:02,217 Plus, I can't concentrate. It's filthy in here. 128 00:05:02,285 --> 00:05:04,686 How do we keep Nick out of here?! He thinks that 129 00:05:04,754 --> 00:05:07,188 Reagan is some sort of superhuman goddess. 130 00:05:07,256 --> 00:05:09,190 Okay, well, the truth of the matter is, is I kind of get it. 131 00:05:09,258 --> 00:05:11,426 You know, when we first met, I had to pretend that all kinds 132 00:05:11,494 --> 00:05:13,528 of things were wrong with you just so I wouldn't freak out. 133 00:05:13,596 --> 00:05:16,199 You know, like, I gave you a glass eye for a while. 134 00:05:16,224 --> 00:05:18,325 You had a wooden foot for a short period of time. 135 00:05:18,350 --> 00:05:19,684 There was one week where I pretended 136 00:05:19,709 --> 00:05:20,902 that you were a Democrat. 137 00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:22,506 I am a Democrat. 138 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:25,516 - Ah, that's so funny. I love you. - Okay. 139 00:05:25,541 --> 00:05:28,310 - So we tell Nick she has a glass eye. - He'll spin out. 140 00:05:28,377 --> 00:05:30,912 He'll think the eye is a government-issued camera 141 00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:32,414 taking pictures for Langley. 142 00:05:32,473 --> 00:05:34,318 Nick's a conspiracy theorist. 143 00:05:34,351 --> 00:05:36,019 It's like an Irish carnival up there... 144 00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:38,579 just potato peels, broken rides, fiddle music, 145 00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:42,133 dreams left unfulfilled, bloodied soccer jerseys, 146 00:05:42,158 --> 00:05:44,295 bunch of women limping around named Moira. 147 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:47,872 Okay. So all we have to do is find a detail 148 00:05:47,897 --> 00:05:49,598 that won't make him spin out. Easy. 149 00:05:49,665 --> 00:05:51,061 It'll be the opposite of easy. 150 00:05:51,086 --> 00:05:53,187 - It will be difficult. - Oh. 151 00:05:53,212 --> 00:05:56,426 We need to come up with something so smart, so nuanced, 152 00:05:56,451 --> 00:05:59,826 so... unexpected, so surgical, 153 00:06:00,701 --> 00:06:04,312 that only a genius could think of it. 154 00:06:04,380 --> 00:06:05,914 Reagan wears a wig. 155 00:06:05,982 --> 00:06:08,348 - What? Get out of here. - No, it's true. 156 00:06:08,373 --> 00:06:09,250 She-she told me. 157 00:06:09,318 --> 00:06:10,452 - Oh, she told you? - Yeah. 158 00:06:10,519 --> 00:06:13,321 - When? - Before. 159 00:06:15,024 --> 00:06:17,158 Well, the timing definitely checks out. 160 00:06:17,424 --> 00:06:19,192 The only question is why. 161 00:06:19,217 --> 00:06:20,793 Personal, um, lady reasons. 162 00:06:20,830 --> 00:06:22,263 I don't want to touch that. 163 00:06:24,326 --> 00:06:25,967 "Reagan wears a wig." 164 00:06:26,498 --> 00:06:27,969 "Told you before." 165 00:06:28,037 --> 00:06:30,639 - Yep. - "Because of lady stuff." 166 00:06:33,376 --> 00:06:35,006 Wow. 167 00:06:35,733 --> 00:06:37,012 I don't buy it. 168 00:06:37,079 --> 00:06:38,428 Doesn't make sense. 169 00:06:39,514 --> 00:06:42,317 - We failed. - Patience. I know my boy. 170 00:06:42,385 --> 00:06:43,686 - But, Schmidt... - I know my boy! 171 00:06:43,711 --> 00:06:45,278 Hey, Nick. 172 00:06:45,303 --> 00:06:48,342 Got to get busy living or get busy dying. Heard. 173 00:07:03,706 --> 00:07:04,607 What are you doing? 174 00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:07,332 What are you doing is the question. What are you doing? 175 00:07:07,376 --> 00:07:09,795 - Were you just smelling my hair? - No. I'm just Nicky being Nicky. 176 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,178 Sometimes I feel like you're in one of those 177 00:07:11,203 --> 00:07:13,013 weird man-dog body-switch movies. 178 00:07:13,038 --> 00:07:15,545 You like those, too? Neither? 179 00:07:17,553 --> 00:07:19,554 It's a wig. 180 00:07:20,780 --> 00:07:22,834 : Doesn't make sense! 181 00:07:24,459 --> 00:07:25,614 What? 182 00:07:26,629 --> 00:07:27,896 Ding, ding. 183 00:07:27,963 --> 00:07:30,780 The biscuits are ready. 184 00:07:30,805 --> 00:07:32,473 Well, did you make enough for Cousin Andy? 185 00:07:34,748 --> 00:07:36,271 S... 186 00:07:36,787 --> 00:07:38,373 I'm-I'm gonna tell you the truth. 187 00:07:38,441 --> 00:07:40,041 I don't get that one, either. Who the hell is Cousin Andy? 188 00:07:40,109 --> 00:07:41,910 I just made it up. Mmm. 189 00:07:45,307 --> 00:07:47,064 Reagan, I've been broken up with 190 00:07:47,089 --> 00:07:49,190 so many times in so many different places. 191 00:07:49,258 --> 00:07:53,899 Um, multiple parks, coffee shops, uh, Santa's lap, 192 00:07:53,924 --> 00:07:56,243 Kitchen Stadium on Iron Chef, 193 00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:57,902 airplanes in economy, 194 00:07:57,970 --> 00:08:00,704 economy select, economy comfort, platinum economy, 195 00:08:00,729 --> 00:08:02,006 all covered in butterflies... 196 00:08:02,074 --> 00:08:03,641 I feel like we have established your credentials. 197 00:08:03,709 --> 00:08:07,415 Okay. So I'm Camilla. Break up with me. 198 00:08:10,096 --> 00:08:11,516 Camilla... 199 00:08:11,583 --> 00:08:12,783 Yes, baby. I love you so much. 200 00:08:14,057 --> 00:08:16,844 We have had a lot of really good times together, 201 00:08:16,869 --> 00:08:18,236 - and I just... - Oh, my God. 202 00:08:18,260 --> 00:08:20,257 Oh, my God, oh, my goodness, oh, my God! 203 00:08:20,258 --> 00:08:21,485 I knew this was comin'. 204 00:08:21,510 --> 00:08:23,494 - Oh, my God, oh, my goodness. - What-what are you doing? 205 00:08:23,495 --> 00:08:25,422 Oh, no. Are you breaking up with me? Why you hate me? 206 00:08:25,447 --> 00:08:26,515 Why you hate me so much? 207 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:27,902 I don't... I don't hate you. I don't hate you. 208 00:08:27,927 --> 00:08:28,390 Oh, my God, 209 00:08:28,433 --> 00:08:30,067 you don't? Oh, my goodness. So you're not breaking up with me. 210 00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:31,235 We're gonna have such a happy life together. 211 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:31,626 I-I... 212 00:08:31,670 --> 00:08:33,204 I am. I am breaking up with you. 213 00:08:33,229 --> 00:08:35,508 Oh, my God, you is breakin' up with me. 214 00:08:35,533 --> 00:08:37,074 Why you is breakin' up with me and stuff? 215 00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:39,391 Yo, this is mad crazy. I'm pregnant with your child. 216 00:08:39,416 --> 00:08:40,140 Okay. 217 00:08:40,165 --> 00:08:42,280 - That isn't possible. - Yeah, his name is D'Lante. 218 00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:43,814 We would never name our child that. 219 00:08:43,839 --> 00:08:45,783 Yeah. D-apostrophe-Lante. 220 00:08:45,851 --> 00:08:47,118 No, I can't... Look, I can't do this. 221 00:08:47,186 --> 00:08:48,452 Look, I want you to be happy. Here. 222 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:49,921 - Here's $80. - Wow. Really? 223 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,255 - You're just gonna bail? - Yeah. 224 00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:52,590 I suck at this, obviously. 225 00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:53,758 - I don't want to hurt her. - Honey, 226 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,092 sit down, sit down, sit down. 227 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,204 Here. 228 00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:00,273 Why don't you just be honest 229 00:09:00,298 --> 00:09:01,532 about why you're breaking up with her? 230 00:09:01,787 --> 00:09:03,775 I don't... know. 231 00:09:03,939 --> 00:09:06,508 - I just feel like it's over. - Let me tell you 232 00:09:06,533 --> 00:09:08,642 about some reasons why I've been broken up with. 233 00:09:08,667 --> 00:09:11,422 Um, "you're too nasty in bed, Winston." 234 00:09:11,447 --> 00:09:14,478 Or "you remind me of my brother, Winston." Or... 235 00:09:14,546 --> 00:09:17,281 or "Winston, you spend too much time in the butterfly house." 236 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:18,749 - I have an idea. - Okay. 237 00:09:18,817 --> 00:09:20,484 What if you break up with Camilla for me? 238 00:09:20,509 --> 00:09:21,351 I'm sorry, what? 239 00:09:21,376 --> 00:09:23,164 Because obviously you understand how it feels, 240 00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:25,156 and you'll be much more gentle and empathetic. 241 00:09:25,224 --> 00:09:26,924 What? No, that is the exact opposite 242 00:09:26,992 --> 00:09:29,101 of what we're trying to accomplish here. 243 00:09:29,126 --> 00:09:31,853 This is a very important moment in your life. 244 00:09:32,376 --> 00:09:36,000 You see, you have the ability to change, 245 00:09:36,068 --> 00:09:37,802 and that is what I find 246 00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:41,606 the most beautiful about human beings. 247 00:09:41,673 --> 00:09:43,507 If you do it, I will do a 20-minute roommate dinner. 248 00:09:43,575 --> 00:09:44,408 Okay, deal. 249 00:09:45,911 --> 00:09:47,812 - I been thinking... - Damn it, Miller! 250 00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:51,431 Maybe Winston was right. How well do we know this Reagan character? 251 00:09:51,509 --> 00:09:53,961 I mean, sure, she wears a wig. 252 00:09:53,986 --> 00:09:56,320 Not a big deal. Or, let me ask you, 253 00:09:56,388 --> 00:09:57,521 is it a big deal? 254 00:09:57,589 --> 00:09:58,856 Ask yourself, 255 00:09:59,228 --> 00:10:01,937 what type of person wears a wig? 256 00:10:01,962 --> 00:10:03,060 A bald person? 257 00:10:03,128 --> 00:10:04,775 Sure. I'll say so. 258 00:10:04,845 --> 00:10:07,625 They're bald. Somebody hiding something? 259 00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:08,617 - Definitely. - Okay, look. 260 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,501 Maybe she's not hiding anything, all right? 261 00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:12,867 Beyoncé, Beyoncé wears wigs, 262 00:10:12,892 --> 00:10:14,538 and you would trust Beyoncé with your life. 263 00:10:14,606 --> 00:10:16,173 Yeah, I'd trust Beyoncé with my life. 264 00:10:24,483 --> 00:10:26,204 We be all night. 265 00:10:28,009 --> 00:10:29,275 We be all night. 266 00:10:29,955 --> 00:10:31,889 Nick, is it possible that you are maybe 267 00:10:31,957 --> 00:10:33,924 overthinking this just a little bit, okay? 268 00:10:33,992 --> 00:10:36,476 'Cause, look, Reagan is a really good roommate. 269 00:10:36,501 --> 00:10:38,729 She's quiet, she pays, she takes care of her room. 270 00:10:38,797 --> 00:10:39,897 Her room. That's it. 271 00:10:39,965 --> 00:10:40,965 Great thinking. 272 00:10:41,033 --> 00:10:42,600 That's why I love you. 273 00:10:42,668 --> 00:10:44,235 That's why. 274 00:10:45,001 --> 00:10:46,367 Not physically. 275 00:10:46,392 --> 00:10:48,187 Uh, but as a person. 276 00:10:48,212 --> 00:10:50,308 Like, um, it's not sexual. I love you like a mother 277 00:10:50,375 --> 00:10:52,777 or a sister or a girlfriend. It's not sexual. 278 00:10:53,158 --> 00:10:54,278 Her room! 279 00:10:54,346 --> 00:10:57,448 Come on, come on, come on, come on. Oh! 280 00:10:57,516 --> 00:10:58,650 Jackpot. 281 00:10:59,251 --> 00:11:01,719 Ribbons! Oh, these are probably Jess's. 282 00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:03,554 Nick, stop. You should not be in here. 283 00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:06,724 I am learning so much about you, Reagan. 284 00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:09,578 An Ohio State T-shirt. 285 00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:13,383 Cash from Canada. It's Canadian cash. 286 00:11:13,408 --> 00:11:16,633 A picture of a little boy. 287 00:11:16,658 --> 00:11:19,136 This woman is like an orange. You peel a layer, there's another layer there. 288 00:11:19,204 --> 00:11:21,914 You're thinking of an onion. An orange only has one layer. 289 00:11:21,939 --> 00:11:23,116 - Oh, you poor thing. - Okay, 290 00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:24,322 someone has to put everything back 291 00:11:24,347 --> 00:11:26,486 - exactly like they found it. - Well, it clearly is 292 00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:29,013 gonna be me, 'cause I'm the only one who can fold. 293 00:11:29,337 --> 00:11:30,648 Nick, what are you doing? 294 00:11:30,716 --> 00:11:32,783 I'm making a mess, but I'm finding the truth. 295 00:11:32,851 --> 00:11:34,952 Okay, I'm gonna end this. Nick, Reagan doesn't wear a wig. 296 00:11:35,004 --> 00:11:36,197 We made the whole thing up. 297 00:11:36,222 --> 00:11:37,688 - But I smelled it and I saw it. - We couldn't get you 298 00:11:37,756 --> 00:11:39,857 - out of our room. - Why would you lie to me? 299 00:11:39,925 --> 00:11:41,423 Well, we wouldn't need to lie to you if you would just talk 300 00:11:41,448 --> 00:11:43,265 to Reagan instead of hiding out in my room 301 00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:44,962 with your cheap Southwestern food. 302 00:11:45,030 --> 00:11:46,664 - Talk to her? Like a normal human being? - Yes, 303 00:11:46,732 --> 00:11:47,998 - that's exactly what I want you to do. - Yes. Mm-hmm. 304 00:11:48,066 --> 00:11:50,000 I have nothing in common with that woman. 305 00:11:50,068 --> 00:11:53,000 She is a goddess who's descended from the heavens. 306 00:11:53,025 --> 00:11:55,639 And I'm just a mud man from the bowels of Chicago. 307 00:11:55,707 --> 00:11:57,742 Let's clean this place up, and let's get out of here. 308 00:11:57,809 --> 00:12:00,361 - She's gonna be home soon. - Wait. 309 00:12:04,423 --> 00:12:05,672 What are these? 310 00:12:05,697 --> 00:12:08,517 "Sarah Nevada"? "Suzi Shimizu"? 311 00:12:08,542 --> 00:12:09,508 That's Reagan's face. 312 00:12:09,533 --> 00:12:10,788 These are fake I.D.'s. 313 00:12:10,856 --> 00:12:12,244 Fake I.D.'s? 314 00:12:13,517 --> 00:12:14,525 Okay. 315 00:12:15,744 --> 00:12:17,086 It's f... it's fake identification. 316 00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,797 You're damn right it is, Jack. 317 00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:19,837 - Okay. - Okay. 318 00:12:19,862 --> 00:12:21,400 Look, this is a little bit weird, but I'm sure there's 319 00:12:21,425 --> 00:12:23,176 a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. 320 00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,369 Maybe Nick is onto something here, okay? 321 00:12:25,437 --> 00:12:28,273 Because how much do we actually really know about her? 322 00:12:28,298 --> 00:12:30,406 - Who has fake I.D.'s? - I'll tell you who. 323 00:12:30,431 --> 00:12:32,400 Con men. Grifters. 324 00:12:32,814 --> 00:12:33,878 It's all starting to make sense to me. 325 00:12:33,945 --> 00:12:36,247 Check this out. Let me break this down for you. 326 00:12:36,314 --> 00:12:39,517 Okay? She and her bastard son... 327 00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:40,751 - Or her nephew. - ...who she had 328 00:12:40,819 --> 00:12:43,254 with the Ohio State professor, 329 00:12:43,321 --> 00:12:46,119 go town to town, selling... 330 00:12:46,144 --> 00:12:47,812 let's say fake pills. 331 00:12:47,837 --> 00:12:50,861 Pills. Doctor. Pharmacy. Whatever she does. 332 00:12:50,929 --> 00:12:52,530 To a bunch of maple-sucking 333 00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:54,064 tree huggers. 334 00:12:54,132 --> 00:12:58,803 Aka those lovely stoners from the north, 335 00:12:59,054 --> 00:13:01,022 our Canadian brothers and sisters. 336 00:13:03,208 --> 00:13:06,375 Let's just clean this place up, and let's get out of here. 337 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:09,611 Guys! Winston made me bring home dinner. 338 00:13:09,636 --> 00:13:11,382 - It's Reagan. - Or is it Suzi? 339 00:13:11,450 --> 00:13:13,555 Oh, Jewish God, why do you hate me? Clean up the floor! 340 00:13:13,580 --> 00:13:14,547 - Okay, yeah. - She is the one 341 00:13:14,572 --> 00:13:15,886 who has to explain herself. 342 00:13:15,954 --> 00:13:18,189 - Let her come in here. - You have gone full Nick, Cece. 343 00:13:18,256 --> 00:13:19,857 - What does that mean? - She's bought into your nonsense! 344 00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:21,592 Enough. I'm very disappointed with you. 345 00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:23,594 - Put this down. I'll-I'll fold it. - I just picked it up! 346 00:13:23,662 --> 00:13:25,062 You don't know what you're doing. 347 00:13:25,130 --> 00:13:26,530 - Hey, Reagan, come in here! - No, no, Reagan! 348 00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,199 - Don't come in here! - There's a possum in here! 349 00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:29,892 Don't come in here, 'cause there's... 350 00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:38,461 What do you mean Reagan wants to break up with me? 351 00:13:39,125 --> 00:13:40,000 Who are you? 352 00:13:40,017 --> 00:13:41,317 - I'm her roommate. - Oh, so she sent 353 00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:43,753 her roommate to break up with me? 354 00:13:44,188 --> 00:13:45,922 Now I have no more questions. 355 00:13:45,990 --> 00:13:48,591 Great. Then I'm out. Blessings. 356 00:13:53,564 --> 00:13:55,498 Okay, look, um, 357 00:13:56,594 --> 00:13:58,101 I know this is not ideal. 358 00:13:58,168 --> 00:13:59,769 But if I'm being honest, she's got a lot 359 00:13:59,837 --> 00:14:01,471 - of work to do emotionally. - Are you really 360 00:14:01,538 --> 00:14:03,039 gonna let her get away with this? 361 00:14:03,107 --> 00:14:05,921 You must know how this makes me feel. 362 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,877 You've clearly been dumped many times. 363 00:14:07,945 --> 00:14:09,712 Why do people keep saying that? 364 00:14:09,780 --> 00:14:10,747 You ordered a Shirley Temple. 365 00:14:10,814 --> 00:14:12,081 It's a virgin Denzel. 366 00:14:12,149 --> 00:14:13,416 If she wants to dump me, 367 00:14:13,484 --> 00:14:15,585 she should man up and look me in the eye. 368 00:14:15,652 --> 00:14:17,754 You know what, she should have, and I told her that. 369 00:14:17,821 --> 00:14:19,088 It's the least she could have done. 370 00:14:19,156 --> 00:14:20,490 Hey, you're preaching to the choir. 371 00:14:20,557 --> 00:14:22,291 Ask me how many times I've been dumped. 372 00:14:22,359 --> 00:14:25,975 - I don't have the... - 47 times. And once on my birthday. 373 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,997 And out of that 47 times and once on my birthday, 374 00:14:28,065 --> 00:14:30,171 do you know what part hurts the most? 375 00:14:30,196 --> 00:14:32,101 - Getting bailed on. - Getting bailed on. 376 00:14:32,169 --> 00:14:34,604 Why do people think they can just disappear on you? 377 00:14:34,671 --> 00:14:37,194 They're not thinking at all. Except of themselves. 378 00:14:37,219 --> 00:14:38,174 Let's go find her. 379 00:14:38,242 --> 00:14:40,443 Hell yeah. Ooh, wait, wait, wait, I just thought about it, 380 00:14:40,511 --> 00:14:42,311 - and that's not a good idea. - Where is she? 381 00:14:42,379 --> 00:14:43,500 How you... how you know I know where she at? 382 00:14:43,525 --> 00:14:45,459 You said you're roommates. 383 00:14:45,993 --> 00:14:46,849 Damn. 384 00:14:47,141 --> 00:14:48,969 Bitten by my own snake. 385 00:14:48,994 --> 00:14:51,530 So you all went through my room and you each have things 386 00:14:51,555 --> 00:14:52,989 that you would like to discuss. Is that correct? 387 00:14:53,057 --> 00:14:54,991 - That's true. - Yes. - Chicago. 388 00:14:55,059 --> 00:14:57,266 So... the money, the fake I.D.'s. 389 00:14:57,291 --> 00:14:59,032 I have fake I.D.'s because hospitals hate 390 00:14:59,057 --> 00:15:01,206 pharmaceutical reps and it gets me through the door. 391 00:15:01,231 --> 00:15:03,897 I carry Canadian cash because I do a lot of business there 392 00:15:03,922 --> 00:15:05,101 and I don't trust banks. 393 00:15:05,169 --> 00:15:06,135 Who does? 394 00:15:06,203 --> 00:15:08,014 Okay. All right, fine. 395 00:15:08,039 --> 00:15:11,441 What about this, though... your son? 396 00:15:11,508 --> 00:15:13,309 He looks just like you. 397 00:15:13,377 --> 00:15:15,111 - That is me. - Wait. What? 398 00:15:15,179 --> 00:15:17,980 Oof. Rough haircut. Oh, and if you found something in my room 399 00:15:18,048 --> 00:15:20,554 that kind of looks like a hollowed-out hand, 400 00:15:20,579 --> 00:15:21,717 that's a glove. 401 00:15:21,785 --> 00:15:24,220 - So I went full Nick, huh? - Yes, you went full Nick. 402 00:15:24,288 --> 00:15:25,721 Right, yeah, I see that now. 403 00:15:25,789 --> 00:15:28,191 I'm full Nick every day. Imagine how that feels. 404 00:15:28,258 --> 00:15:32,395 We all owe you an apology for... pretty much everything. 405 00:15:32,993 --> 00:15:34,330 I'm sorry that we went through your room. 406 00:15:34,398 --> 00:15:35,998 Well, that's not what I'm upset about. I mean, 407 00:15:36,066 --> 00:15:37,667 I went through all of your rooms when I first moved in. 408 00:15:37,734 --> 00:15:39,202 - Excuse me? - Wait, you went through our rooms? 409 00:15:39,269 --> 00:15:39,761 Oh, no. 410 00:15:39,786 --> 00:15:41,261 How else am I supposed to get to know you? 411 00:15:41,305 --> 00:15:43,039 But the point is I didn't jump to conclusions. 412 00:15:43,107 --> 00:15:46,008 I mean, Nick has a two-by-four in his room with a nail in it. 413 00:15:46,076 --> 00:15:47,844 I didn't assume he was building a human cage. 414 00:15:47,911 --> 00:15:49,245 I'm building a tree house. 415 00:15:49,313 --> 00:15:50,880 You're doing wha... you're building a tree house? 416 00:15:50,948 --> 00:15:53,049 Well, why am I not involved? Why is Cece not involved? 417 00:15:53,117 --> 00:15:54,617 - We want to be involved. - Oh, I'm involved. 418 00:15:54,685 --> 00:15:56,219 - So's Winston. - What? 419 00:15:56,286 --> 00:15:58,407 Everyone's involved in the tree house but I? 420 00:15:58,432 --> 00:16:00,790 Forget about it. Reagan, how would you like 421 00:16:00,858 --> 00:16:02,204 - to build a tree house with me? - No. 422 00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:04,570 Reagan, we already got plans, we already got a two-by-four. 423 00:16:04,595 --> 00:16:06,496 No. I feel like we are really off-topic here. 424 00:16:06,563 --> 00:16:07,997 What I'm trying to say is: 425 00:16:08,065 --> 00:16:09,899 Why did you just assume that I'm a criminal? 426 00:16:09,967 --> 00:16:13,369 Well, because these two are paranoid maniacs. 427 00:16:13,985 --> 00:16:15,891 Who apparently are building a tree house together. 428 00:16:16,473 --> 00:16:18,155 - Not apparently. We are. - Mm-hmm. 429 00:16:18,180 --> 00:16:19,774 On the other hand, 430 00:16:20,110 --> 00:16:22,093 we hardly know anything about you. 431 00:16:22,118 --> 00:16:24,272 Oh, my God. Okay, that's what this is about? 432 00:16:24,297 --> 00:16:26,215 Look, I'm-I'm only gonna be here for a few weeks. 433 00:16:26,283 --> 00:16:28,117 There is no reason to get all emotionally involved. 434 00:16:28,185 --> 00:16:30,953 Let's just keep it clean, and that way nobody gets upset. 435 00:16:31,021 --> 00:16:33,389 I am so upset right now. 436 00:16:33,594 --> 00:16:35,671 Uh, let me get ahead of this, roomie. 437 00:16:35,696 --> 00:16:37,993 I did not help out today. 438 00:16:43,288 --> 00:16:44,233 Camilla. 439 00:16:44,258 --> 00:16:45,906 Hi, baby, hi. 440 00:16:45,992 --> 00:16:47,881 - What are you doing here? - Cut the crap. 441 00:16:47,906 --> 00:16:50,007 - Why? - You sent him to dump me? 442 00:16:50,546 --> 00:16:52,677 No. To dump you? 443 00:16:52,736 --> 00:16:54,687 No. Why would I do that... Why would you do that? 444 00:16:54,712 --> 00:16:56,328 - What the hell, man? - That is crazy. 445 00:16:56,367 --> 00:16:57,570 Why would anyone do that? 446 00:16:57,595 --> 00:16:58,663 What's wrong with you? 447 00:16:58,688 --> 00:17:00,319 : Tell the truth, you sneaky woman. 448 00:17:00,344 --> 00:17:02,085 Reagan, are you dumping me or not? 449 00:17:02,110 --> 00:17:03,007 No. 450 00:17:07,167 --> 00:17:08,155 Kind of. 451 00:17:09,156 --> 00:17:11,421 Look, Camilla, I, uh... 452 00:17:11,789 --> 00:17:13,756 I don't want to... I don't want to hurt you. 453 00:17:15,609 --> 00:17:16,960 Just say it. 454 00:17:19,003 --> 00:17:21,105 Okay. 455 00:17:21,130 --> 00:17:22,703 The truth is... 456 00:17:27,137 --> 00:17:28,638 ...that I'm a criminal. 457 00:17:28,706 --> 00:17:30,554 - What? - I'm a criminal. 458 00:17:30,579 --> 00:17:32,613 You shouldn't be with me. I'm disgusting. 459 00:17:33,051 --> 00:17:34,185 Things I've done. 460 00:17:34,210 --> 00:17:35,678 Things I'm capable of. 461 00:17:35,746 --> 00:17:37,347 Hard life, short life... I probably won't live that long. 462 00:17:37,414 --> 00:17:38,448 I can't believe this. 463 00:17:40,913 --> 00:17:41,818 She's a criminal. 464 00:17:41,885 --> 00:17:42,819 Filthy. 465 00:17:42,886 --> 00:17:44,836 Disgusting crimes. 466 00:17:44,860 --> 00:17:46,776 One of the worst human beings I've ever met in my life. 467 00:17:46,801 --> 00:17:47,495 And who are you? 468 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,109 I'm her, uh, co-criminal. 469 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,794 Co-gangster. We run the streets together. 470 00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,796 From Bangkok to Chicago to here. 471 00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,365 Just murdering people. 472 00:17:55,432 --> 00:17:57,634 My name is Nick. On the streets, they call me, uh... 473 00:17:57,701 --> 00:17:59,335 - Sharky. - Sharky, that's right. 474 00:17:59,403 --> 00:18:01,998 'Cause I attack from beneath up. 475 00:18:02,023 --> 00:18:03,473 It's all true, Camilla. 476 00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:06,009 And her name is not Reagan. 477 00:18:06,703 --> 00:18:08,335 It's Suzi Shimizu. 478 00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:11,981 - You're Japanese? - Very much so. 479 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,117 We happen... we happen to all be Japanese. 480 00:18:14,184 --> 00:18:17,954 The unlucky offspring of a couple very lucky American GIs. 481 00:18:18,022 --> 00:18:19,289 - Unnecessary backstory. - Yeah, they call me 482 00:18:19,356 --> 00:18:20,335 the Moyel on the streets, 483 00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,131 'cause I will, uh... 484 00:18:22,156 --> 00:18:23,826 ...cut your penis off. 485 00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:25,495 - Isn't that right, Sharky? - You're on your own, Moyel. 486 00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:27,330 And they call me Cece, 487 00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:31,200 but spelled S-I-S-I, 488 00:18:31,268 --> 00:18:34,304 with an accent over the last I. 489 00:18:34,371 --> 00:18:36,468 I am spinning out here, Moyel. You got to help me. 490 00:18:36,493 --> 00:18:38,851 Why don't you go spin all the way over to your tree house? 491 00:18:38,876 --> 00:18:41,210 - Schmidt knows about the tree house? - Okay, what the hell is going on? 492 00:18:41,235 --> 00:18:43,226 Winston, check for a wire... she could be a rat. 493 00:18:43,251 --> 00:18:45,460 Stop it. This isn't real. 494 00:18:45,485 --> 00:18:47,624 You're telling us we're not a Japanese crime family? 495 00:18:47,649 --> 00:18:49,343 Reagan, tell me the truth. 496 00:18:49,367 --> 00:18:51,154 Reagan, seriously, 497 00:18:51,155 --> 00:18:52,855 just stop bailing. 498 00:18:58,335 --> 00:19:00,196 I'll just go. 499 00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:04,133 Camilla, wait. 500 00:19:05,736 --> 00:19:06,796 Look... 501 00:19:11,671 --> 00:19:13,543 This isn't working out. 502 00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:16,304 But I think that it's my fault. 503 00:19:17,179 --> 00:19:19,015 Because I don't let people in. 504 00:19:21,117 --> 00:19:22,593 I'm sorry. 505 00:19:23,187 --> 00:19:25,617 I think that you deserve a lot better than that. 506 00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:29,538 Thank you. 507 00:19:30,094 --> 00:19:31,851 I know that wasn't easy for you. 508 00:19:38,769 --> 00:19:41,270 Okay, well, I'm gonna take off. 509 00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:46,409 - Do you, um, still have my blue sweater? - Yes. 510 00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:46,969 Oh, no, no, no... 511 00:19:46,994 --> 00:19:48,468 Uh, it's right in my room. Right here, in the first door. 512 00:19:48,512 --> 00:19:50,613 - Right there. - Okay, thanks. 513 00:19:50,681 --> 00:19:51,945 - Oh, no, no. - That's nice. 514 00:19:52,648 --> 00:19:54,250 Telling the truth works. 515 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:55,918 Yeah, it did. 516 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:57,286 - Good job. - Wait, wait, wait, wait for it. 517 00:19:57,354 --> 00:19:59,422 Freaking bitch! 518 00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,824 I hate you! I hate you so much! 519 00:20:01,892 --> 00:20:03,459 - Oh. - Yeah, it's the old 520 00:20:03,527 --> 00:20:05,628 "I left my sweater" trick. 521 00:20:05,696 --> 00:20:06,874 Let me tell you something, folks, 522 00:20:06,899 --> 00:20:08,664 I've played that song before. 523 00:20:08,732 --> 00:20:10,266 All right, well, this obviously turned out to be 524 00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:12,001 - a huge disaster. - I hate you so much! 525 00:20:12,069 --> 00:20:13,921 - But... thank you. - Try sleeping on an upside down bed! 526 00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:14,781 I'm proud of you. 527 00:20:14,806 --> 00:20:16,306 All of you... I mean, you guys 528 00:20:16,331 --> 00:20:18,990 could've bailed on me, but you didn't. 529 00:20:19,015 --> 00:20:20,309 You stuck around, and you helped me 530 00:20:20,377 --> 00:20:21,644 lie to a psychotic woman 531 00:20:21,712 --> 00:20:23,546 who is now destroying all of my stuff. 532 00:20:25,549 --> 00:20:26,849 - Anything to help. - It's kind of what we do. 533 00:20:26,917 --> 00:20:29,578 It's how we roll. 534 00:20:30,144 --> 00:20:32,445 - How do you think she's taking it? - What's with all these ribbons?! 535 00:20:32,470 --> 00:20:33,899 How long do you think she's gonna be in there? 536 00:20:33,924 --> 00:20:35,117 I like to do about 15. 537 00:20:35,142 --> 00:20:37,410 You are never gonna forget me! 538 00:20:37,435 --> 00:20:40,537 You are never gonna forget Camilla! 539 00:20:40,898 --> 00:20:42,749 So, what'd you bring us for dinner? 540 00:20:42,774 --> 00:20:43,859 How about this one? 541 00:20:43,884 --> 00:20:49,263 Are you ready to... soak Mama's beans? 542 00:20:49,288 --> 00:20:50,740 - It's working, right? - Okay, shh. I love you. 543 00:20:50,808 --> 00:20:52,909 - Yeah, I love you, too. I love you. - Let's not talk. 544 00:20:52,976 --> 00:20:53,910 Okay. 545 00:20:56,234 --> 00:20:56,913 Nick! 546 00:20:56,980 --> 00:20:58,648 - What? - You still can't eat 547 00:20:58,673 --> 00:21:00,102 - in front of Reagan? - This has nothing to do 548 00:21:00,127 --> 00:21:01,927 with Reagan. I... I've just gotten 549 00:21:01,952 --> 00:21:03,945 used to eating in here. It's cozy. 550 00:21:04,140 --> 00:21:05,367 Why, what are you guys up to? 551 00:21:05,804 --> 00:21:07,557 What? 552 00:21:08,109 --> 00:21:10,159 Can I come in? My room is trashed. 553 00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:11,494 This is where we eat, right? 554 00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:12,812 Yes, please, please, please. 555 00:21:12,837 --> 00:21:15,140 - Might as well. - I mean, sure, why not? 556 00:21:22,773 --> 00:21:23,940 What? 557 00:21:24,007 --> 00:21:25,541 I like the way you eat a burrito. 558 00:21:25,609 --> 00:21:26,542 Thanks. 559 00:21:26,610 --> 00:21:27,543 You're welcome. 560 00:21:27,611 --> 00:21:29,445 ¡Buenas noches! 561 00:21:31,114 --> 00:21:32,215 - Aah! - Oh! 562 00:21:32,282 --> 00:21:34,589 - Winston! - Oh... oh... 563 00:21:34,614 --> 00:21:35,919 All over the bed?! 564 00:21:35,944 --> 00:21:37,255 I didn't get my huevos on you, did I? 565 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:38,270 Close your robe! 566 00:21:38,294 --> 00:21:39,223 Okay!