1 00:00:01,794 --> 00:00:03,785 Well, that one diner has the best bacon. 2 00:00:03,810 --> 00:00:05,144 - Great bacon. - So I don't know. 3 00:00:05,169 --> 00:00:06,822 Ugh, come on, guys. Please, God, we're entering minute 20 4 00:00:06,847 --> 00:00:07,904 of the great brunch debate. 5 00:00:07,939 --> 00:00:10,441 The other diner does have that special fruit cup. 6 00:00:10,466 --> 00:00:12,375 - Other diner. Fruit cup. Let's go. - However, 7 00:00:12,410 --> 00:00:14,210 when I think about it, huge crowd 8 00:00:14,245 --> 00:00:15,912 - looking for that special fruit cup. - Smart. 9 00:00:15,938 --> 00:00:17,494 So now we got to think line versus bacon. 10 00:00:17,527 --> 00:00:18,470 Please, I am starving. 11 00:00:18,495 --> 00:00:20,516 Make a decision. Oh, hi. 12 00:00:20,552 --> 00:00:21,784 Do you guys want to join us? We are going 13 00:00:21,820 --> 00:00:23,042 for brunch in seven days. 14 00:00:23,067 --> 00:00:24,480 Hybrid meals are for people who are too lazy 15 00:00:24,505 --> 00:00:25,971 to wake up for a proper breakfast. 16 00:00:26,066 --> 00:00:29,334 Besides, we're looking for a wedding venue today. 17 00:00:29,370 --> 00:00:31,203 Good luck with these two, because if they get 18 00:00:31,238 --> 00:00:34,449 - really hungry, then all bets are off. - Curveball... 19 00:00:34,605 --> 00:00:37,209 - maybe we roast a turkey. - Have either of you ever made 20 00:00:37,244 --> 00:00:38,577 a decision in your lives? 21 00:00:38,612 --> 00:00:40,212 - I make decisions all the time. - Disrespectful. 22 00:00:40,247 --> 00:00:41,947 - What's the last decision that you made? - First of all, 23 00:00:41,982 --> 00:00:43,549 you got to make a decision if you gonna make a decision. 24 00:00:43,584 --> 00:00:46,018 You know what I mean? 25 00:00:46,053 --> 00:00:47,453 Of course we make decisions. How do you think 26 00:00:47,488 --> 00:00:48,921 I'm wearing clothes right now? 27 00:00:48,956 --> 00:00:50,055 I laid those out for you, Nick. 28 00:00:50,090 --> 00:00:51,557 - But I decided to let you. - This is 29 00:00:51,592 --> 00:00:54,611 your whole problem. Imagine how much better your life would be 30 00:00:54,636 --> 00:00:56,228 - if you could just make a decision. - She's just mad 31 00:00:56,263 --> 00:00:58,597 because she had a bunch of dumb brunch ideas, 32 00:00:58,632 --> 00:01:01,433 you damn fool. 33 00:01:01,469 --> 00:01:03,869 Okay. Uh, well, what about this? I will sleep 34 00:01:03,904 --> 00:01:06,505 with one of you tonight if you can just decide who. 35 00:01:17,456 --> 00:01:18,984 - Are you... are you serious? - I mean, 36 00:01:19,019 --> 00:01:20,619 we're talking about a one-time thing and you can't 37 00:01:20,654 --> 00:01:22,705 get weird afterwards, but, yeah, I'm... 38 00:01:22,730 --> 00:01:24,590 down for, like, a fun half hour. 39 00:01:24,625 --> 00:01:26,492 - And you would be there? - Yes. 40 00:01:27,050 --> 00:01:28,427 You would physically be there? 41 00:01:28,462 --> 00:01:29,294 Yes. 42 00:01:33,410 --> 00:01:35,934 Can it... be nice? 43 00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:38,170 Well, that's on you. Let me know by 9:00. 44 00:01:38,205 --> 00:01:40,136 - What if we die before then? - There's not much I can do about that. 45 00:01:40,161 --> 00:01:42,140 Okay, you know what, you know what, we'll discuss this 46 00:01:42,176 --> 00:01:44,470 amongst ourselves. I mean, uh, 47 00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:46,144 nobody wants to see how the sausage is made, 48 00:01:46,180 --> 00:01:49,119 - am I right? - No, they don't. To the sausage factory. 49 00:01:49,144 --> 00:01:50,282 - What? - That's not what I meant. 50 00:01:50,317 --> 00:01:52,351 - Yeah. Let's go. - All right. 51 00:01:52,386 --> 00:01:53,752 - Thank you for the opportunity. - Good luck 52 00:01:53,787 --> 00:01:56,188 with your decision. 53 00:01:56,223 --> 00:01:58,257 At what cost? 54 00:01:58,675 --> 00:02:00,954 One sexual barracuda to another, 55 00:02:00,979 --> 00:02:02,060 I see what you're doing. 56 00:02:02,096 --> 00:02:03,428 You're doing it for the story. 57 00:02:03,464 --> 00:02:05,479 You want to see how deep the abyss goes. 58 00:02:05,504 --> 00:02:07,599 You want to look that monster straight into the eye. 59 00:02:07,635 --> 00:02:09,737 Maybe it's so bad that it's good. 60 00:02:11,198 --> 00:02:12,838 But it's not good. It's b... it's bad. 61 00:02:12,873 --> 00:02:14,106 Okay, honey, calm down. 62 00:02:14,141 --> 00:02:16,842 - She's not actually gonna do it. - No, 63 00:02:16,877 --> 00:02:18,175 I'm trying to teach them a lesson. 64 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,978 This isn't an '80s summer camp movie. 65 00:02:20,014 --> 00:02:22,440 I'm not gonna sleep with somebody based on a bet. 66 00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:24,016 I'm just... I was just kind of playing along 67 00:02:24,051 --> 00:02:26,652 with the whole thing just in case they were listening at the door. 68 00:02:26,687 --> 00:02:28,620 Something about "summer camp moogie." 69 00:02:28,656 --> 00:02:29,555 "Summer camp moogie." 70 00:02:29,590 --> 00:02:31,023 No, no, no. I got nothing. 71 00:02:31,058 --> 00:02:32,124 This isn't real, right? 72 00:02:32,159 --> 00:02:33,358 It can't be. 73 00:02:33,394 --> 00:02:35,227 - I mean... - I mean, it can't be. 74 00:02:35,262 --> 00:02:37,229 - Why would it be? - But on the off chance that it is, 75 00:02:37,264 --> 00:02:40,065 we need to take this extremely seriously. 76 00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:42,467 You're absolutely right. Okay, okay. Well, what do you suggest? 77 00:02:42,503 --> 00:02:44,369 We do a gentlemen's debate. 78 00:02:44,405 --> 00:02:45,487 A gentlemen's debate. 79 00:02:45,511 --> 00:02:47,407 We calmly discuss who merits this opportunity 80 00:02:47,408 --> 00:02:49,908 and we come to a decision based off respect and politeness. 81 00:02:49,944 --> 00:02:51,978 I agree. So... 82 00:02:52,003 --> 00:02:53,378 please proceed, sir. 83 00:02:53,414 --> 00:02:54,313 Thank you, sir. 84 00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:55,814 You're welcome, sir. 85 00:02:57,751 --> 00:02:59,251 Okay. 86 00:02:59,286 --> 00:03:02,254 The gentleman knows that I have a monster crush on Reagan. 87 00:03:02,289 --> 00:03:04,556 But because this is such a powerful argument 88 00:03:04,592 --> 00:03:07,326 in my favor, I politely take it off the table. 89 00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:10,162 In that case, the gentleman politely... 90 00:03:11,041 --> 00:03:12,184 thanks you. 91 00:03:14,775 --> 00:03:18,537 Hmm. The gentleman was sure that the other gentleman 92 00:03:18,572 --> 00:03:20,469 would not be such a jerk 93 00:03:20,494 --> 00:03:23,041 and let his friend's dreams come true. 94 00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:26,010 Perhaps I'm not dealing with a gentleman at all. 95 00:03:26,291 --> 00:03:27,879 Perhaps I'm dealing with a dingus. 96 00:03:27,915 --> 00:03:29,729 - Did you call me a dingus? - You're acting like a dingus. 97 00:03:29,754 --> 00:03:31,097 How can I be a dingus when you're the damn dingus? 98 00:03:31,122 --> 00:03:32,922 - You're the dingus. You're the d... - You're-you're... you are... 99 00:03:33,153 --> 00:03:35,220 - Oh. Hey. - Hey. - Looking forward 100 00:03:35,255 --> 00:03:36,969 - to sex later. - Well, that makes three of... 101 00:03:36,994 --> 00:03:39,191 - That makes two of us. - Well, get ready 102 00:03:39,226 --> 00:03:42,391 for the skin circus, you little peanut. 103 00:03:42,946 --> 00:03:44,696 Okay. 104 00:03:44,732 --> 00:03:45,731 Whoa. 105 00:03:45,766 --> 00:03:47,132 I was put in an awkward situation, 106 00:03:47,167 --> 00:03:48,600 - and I reacted poorly. - Oh, whoa. 107 00:03:48,636 --> 00:03:50,202 Everything rides on this decision. 108 00:03:50,237 --> 00:03:53,071 You know, the venue is the axle of the wedding chariot. 109 00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:54,516 I know that you have dreamed about this day 110 00:03:54,541 --> 00:03:56,642 since you were a little boy, but we are paying for this out 111 00:03:56,677 --> 00:04:00,000 of our own pocket, okay? So we cannot get carried away. 112 00:04:00,204 --> 00:04:01,046 Okay. 113 00:04:01,081 --> 00:04:02,748 Yeah. 114 00:04:02,783 --> 00:04:04,549 - Oh, I see... - Okay, this could work. 115 00:04:06,553 --> 00:04:08,053 Yeah... Huh? 116 00:04:09,590 --> 00:04:11,089 - Oh, my God. No. - Oh! 117 00:04:12,243 --> 00:04:13,186 Some tea lights 118 00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:14,926 and flowers and this place could be nice. 119 00:04:14,962 --> 00:04:16,928 It's like a Mumford & Sons music video, yeah? 120 00:04:17,329 --> 00:04:18,764 Is there hay in here? 121 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:20,966 We're looking for 122 00:04:21,001 --> 00:04:23,435 the vacant warehouse for the wedding venue? 123 00:04:23,470 --> 00:04:25,171 - Vacant warehouse? - They're closing us down. 124 00:04:25,196 --> 00:04:26,605 We're all getting fired. 125 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:28,507 - Grab what you can! - Hey, you guys, kind of not cool. 126 00:04:28,542 --> 00:04:30,242 You were supposed to text me before you got here. Okay. 127 00:04:30,277 --> 00:04:32,593 Can everyone just take a seat, please? 128 00:04:32,618 --> 00:04:34,479 Can you just stop t... 129 00:04:34,515 --> 00:04:36,081 Hey, you... 130 00:04:36,116 --> 00:04:37,983 Me owe you? You ditched me 131 00:04:38,018 --> 00:04:40,028 when we were supposed to run away from home together. 132 00:04:40,053 --> 00:04:41,787 I built that raft for nothing! 133 00:04:41,822 --> 00:04:44,756 We could do this all day, but I have actual feelings for her. 134 00:04:44,792 --> 00:04:46,225 I thought you said feelings were off the table. 135 00:04:46,249 --> 00:04:47,450 Well, I'm putting 'em back on the table. 136 00:04:47,475 --> 00:04:49,294 I'm gonna settle this right here, right now. 137 00:04:49,329 --> 00:04:50,495 - Do it. - Cindy... 138 00:04:52,123 --> 00:04:52,698 No. 139 00:04:52,733 --> 00:04:53,532 ...De La Garza. 140 00:04:53,567 --> 00:04:55,634 - Oh. - Huh, so look at me. 141 00:04:56,123 --> 00:04:57,873 Look at me. Let it affect you. 142 00:04:58,998 --> 00:05:01,807 You knew I had a crush on Cindy De La Garza, 143 00:05:01,842 --> 00:05:04,176 and you Frenched her anyway. 144 00:05:04,211 --> 00:05:06,178 Frenching! They're Frenching! They're Fren... 145 00:05:06,213 --> 00:05:08,380 Chaperone! 146 00:05:08,415 --> 00:05:10,615 They're Frenching! 147 00:05:10,651 --> 00:05:12,784 I had dibs on her since the fifth grade, dude! 148 00:05:12,820 --> 00:05:15,020 - If I could un-French her, I would. - You owe me this. 149 00:05:15,912 --> 00:05:17,489 I knew that French was gonna haunt me. 150 00:05:17,524 --> 00:05:20,225 You called dibs... and I screwed up. 151 00:05:20,260 --> 00:05:21,893 - What you gonna say? What you gonna say? - It's you. 152 00:05:21,929 --> 00:05:24,247 Oh, yes. Man, that girl better get ready 153 00:05:24,272 --> 00:05:27,999 for some kind, attentive lovemaking. Oh. 154 00:05:28,035 --> 00:05:30,368 Hey, uh, have you guys seen my purple sweater? 155 00:05:30,404 --> 00:05:33,972 Uh, no. And, by the way, we've made our decision. 156 00:05:34,007 --> 00:05:35,874 Wow. That was fast. You have until 9:00. 157 00:05:35,909 --> 00:05:36,942 We don't need it. 158 00:05:37,248 --> 00:05:38,210 You'll be having Winston. 159 00:05:38,245 --> 00:05:40,479 - That's me. I'm Winston. - Great. Don't eat 160 00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:41,847 for two hours before. I'm really looking forward to it. 161 00:05:41,882 --> 00:05:45,059 Bring your A-game, okay? Any previous injuries 162 00:05:45,084 --> 00:05:46,818 that I need to know about? Bring something 163 00:05:46,854 --> 00:05:47,853 to numb your mouth. 164 00:05:50,061 --> 00:05:51,890 Oh. Look. 165 00:05:51,925 --> 00:05:54,426 The sweater was in my hand the whole time. 166 00:05:59,656 --> 00:06:01,187 You know, this woman requested my A-game. 167 00:06:01,211 --> 00:06:02,890 My A-game. Maybe it's hopeless that I could even 168 00:06:02,906 --> 00:06:05,179 please this woman sexually. What am I thinking, Winston? 169 00:06:05,195 --> 00:06:07,996 Just focus on yourself. Concentrate on yourself sexually, Winston. 170 00:06:08,031 --> 00:06:10,798 No, Winston, that is not your way. 171 00:06:10,834 --> 00:06:13,968 I just want to head off any discussion of what your way is. 172 00:06:14,004 --> 00:06:17,615 I'm so sorry. I'm just feeling a little insecure about my body 173 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:20,974 and the way it is connected to my face. 174 00:06:20,999 --> 00:06:23,177 Bishop... 175 00:06:24,632 --> 00:06:26,247 you have nothing to worry about. 176 00:06:27,749 --> 00:06:28,680 Really? 177 00:06:29,242 --> 00:06:30,084 Yeah. 178 00:06:31,562 --> 00:06:32,967 Okay. What's my best feature? 179 00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:34,982 Instant regret. Instant. 180 00:06:35,007 --> 00:06:37,023 The second I said it, I was like... 181 00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:38,579 - If you had to pick. - Fine. 182 00:06:38,937 --> 00:06:40,632 You have very nice... 183 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:42,580 - That's our suspect. He's taking off! - What? 184 00:06:42,616 --> 00:06:44,451 Okay. 185 00:06:44,476 --> 00:06:45,750 Okay, I'll let you take point on this one, 186 00:06:45,785 --> 00:06:47,585 because I got to protect my duke for later. 187 00:06:47,621 --> 00:06:49,187 Oh, you suck so much. 188 00:06:49,222 --> 00:06:51,089 Has that park always been a pet cemetery 189 00:06:51,124 --> 00:06:53,424 or were just crazy people burying a dog there? 190 00:06:53,460 --> 00:06:55,260 Well, I'm not even close to giving up. 191 00:06:55,718 --> 00:06:57,529 Why don't we just pop in here? 192 00:06:57,564 --> 00:07:01,900 Oh, really? We just "happened" upon The Lisbon, Schmidt? 193 00:07:01,935 --> 00:07:05,236 Purely a coincidence that we... made it just on time 194 00:07:05,272 --> 00:07:06,718 for the appointment that I made a month ago. 195 00:07:06,743 --> 00:07:08,506 Why are you doing this to yourself? 196 00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:12,779 Ah. Mr. Schmidt. 197 00:07:12,804 --> 00:07:14,078 May I offer you a beverage? 198 00:07:14,114 --> 00:07:16,360 Perhaps an organic cucumber vodka spritzer? 199 00:07:16,383 --> 00:07:17,052 Yes. 200 00:07:17,077 --> 00:07:20,452 It is so beautiful. I feel like I'm inside Cate Blanchett. 201 00:07:20,477 --> 00:07:21,843 We get that a lot. 202 00:07:22,671 --> 00:07:24,412 I've got to say, I'm pretty impressed 203 00:07:24,437 --> 00:07:26,093 with how quickly you guys came to that decision. 204 00:07:26,118 --> 00:07:28,459 Well, that's 'cause you don't know how mature we are. 205 00:07:28,495 --> 00:07:31,729 You see, Winston had dibs on Cindy De La Garza since the fifth grade, 206 00:07:31,765 --> 00:07:33,698 I Frenched her in the eighth grade, so... 207 00:07:34,734 --> 00:07:38,170 So about 20 years ago Winston had a three-year-old dib, 208 00:07:38,195 --> 00:07:40,371 he never acted on it, and now you're the bad guy? 209 00:07:40,757 --> 00:07:42,874 Oh, Reagan. 210 00:07:43,452 --> 00:07:45,249 First of all, dibs can't be singular... 211 00:07:45,274 --> 00:07:46,804 I mean, if anything, it's kind of a story 212 00:07:46,829 --> 00:07:48,562 about how indecisive Winston can be. 213 00:07:48,587 --> 00:07:50,692 - Well, no, it's a story about... - But you guys 214 00:07:50,717 --> 00:07:52,216 came to a decision... I'm proud of you. 215 00:07:52,252 --> 00:07:56,120 Uh, can I... can I practice my presentation on you? 216 00:07:56,156 --> 00:07:58,156 - Sure. But I'm bored already. - Okay. 217 00:07:58,492 --> 00:08:00,158 This stuff's really boring for me. 218 00:08:00,992 --> 00:08:02,718 - For everybody, I guess. - Hmm. 219 00:08:03,163 --> 00:08:05,763 Hepatitis C can be a long... 220 00:08:05,799 --> 00:08:07,498 arduous experience. 221 00:08:07,534 --> 00:08:08,742 But now 222 00:08:08,767 --> 00:08:11,959 discover Zilpoza from Wudai Pharmaceuticals. 223 00:08:11,984 --> 00:08:13,599 FDA approval... 224 00:08:13,624 --> 00:08:15,740 pending double-blind study. 225 00:08:15,775 --> 00:08:17,575 If you've had cirrhosis 226 00:08:17,611 --> 00:08:19,477 or kidney disease, 227 00:08:19,512 --> 00:08:21,012 Zilpoza... 228 00:08:21,374 --> 00:08:22,847 may not... 229 00:08:23,171 --> 00:08:24,616 be right... 230 00:08:24,651 --> 00:08:26,818 for... you. 231 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:33,060 You think I'm a 13-year-old boy? 232 00:08:33,085 --> 00:08:34,525 I know what you're doing. 233 00:08:34,561 --> 00:08:35,860 - What am... what am I doing? - You're trying 234 00:08:35,895 --> 00:08:37,398 to lead me on, and I won't have it. 235 00:08:37,423 --> 00:08:39,163 Case closed! You're having Winston! 236 00:08:39,199 --> 00:08:40,365 Great, I'm having Winston. 237 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,400 Uh... 238 00:08:45,202 --> 00:08:46,804 Mm. 239 00:08:52,846 --> 00:08:54,545 It's so juvenile, what you're doing. 240 00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:56,992 A dib is a dib. 241 00:08:59,686 --> 00:09:01,986 Oh, God, if I keep looking at the ceiling, I'm gonna cry. 242 00:09:02,022 --> 00:09:04,122 Damn it, we are getting sucked in... we have to leave immediately. 243 00:09:04,157 --> 00:09:05,890 It's probably not even available. 244 00:09:05,925 --> 00:09:07,692 - There's no way, right? I mean... - You're right. 245 00:09:07,727 --> 00:09:08,893 Philip. 246 00:09:08,928 --> 00:09:10,234 Hmm? Quick question. 247 00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:12,179 Look, we realize that you guys book up 248 00:09:12,204 --> 00:09:14,365 decades in advance, so please just let us know 249 00:09:14,401 --> 00:09:16,513 - that you don't have any slots available. - Actually, 250 00:09:16,538 --> 00:09:18,236 you're in luck... Shia LaBeouf had to cancel 251 00:09:18,271 --> 00:09:19,804 his solitaire tournament, 252 00:09:19,839 --> 00:09:22,407 and we have one open slot, in April. 253 00:09:22,442 --> 00:09:24,208 In April? 254 00:09:24,244 --> 00:09:26,007 - Mm-hmm. - All right, babe, no. No, no, no, 255 00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:27,195 no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 256 00:09:27,220 --> 00:09:28,990 You need to breathe. We're just gonna enact 257 00:09:29,015 --> 00:09:31,149 the plan that we set up for when you see an ankle boot 258 00:09:31,184 --> 00:09:32,740 you really, really, really like, right? 259 00:09:32,765 --> 00:09:33,967 What do we do? We walk away... 260 00:09:33,992 --> 00:09:34,819 And if I dream about it in the middle 261 00:09:34,854 --> 00:09:35,887 of the night, then it's meant to be. 262 00:09:35,922 --> 00:09:36,888 We're gonna walk away, Philip. 263 00:09:36,923 --> 00:09:38,156 Thank you so much for all your help. 264 00:09:38,191 --> 00:09:39,756 I should let you know, however, 265 00:09:39,781 --> 00:09:41,702 there is another interested party. 266 00:09:41,727 --> 00:09:45,765 What? Schmittyballs? 267 00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:48,927 B... B-Benjamin. 268 00:09:48,952 --> 00:09:49,767 Okay. 269 00:09:49,803 --> 00:09:51,069 - You're engaged? - Hmm. 270 00:09:51,104 --> 00:09:52,770 - Mazel to you, sir. - Hey, Meems, 271 00:09:52,806 --> 00:09:54,405 this is the, uh, fat guy from school 272 00:09:54,441 --> 00:09:55,873 we used to make dance for chocolate. 273 00:09:55,909 --> 00:09:56,941 - Oh. - In all fairness, 274 00:09:56,976 --> 00:09:58,242 uh, Benjamin would 275 00:09:58,278 --> 00:09:59,844 peg chocolate at my head 276 00:09:59,879 --> 00:10:01,412 while I was already dancing. 277 00:10:01,448 --> 00:10:02,513 - He what? - Benny-boo, 278 00:10:02,549 --> 00:10:04,793 I don't want to lose The Lisbon to these fat people. 279 00:10:04,818 --> 00:10:05,939 - The hell? - Don't worry, 280 00:10:05,964 --> 00:10:07,896 Schmidtstain can't afford The Lisbon. 281 00:10:07,921 --> 00:10:09,287 - Oh. - Unless, of course, they accept 282 00:10:09,322 --> 00:10:10,722 gift certificates from fat camp. 283 00:10:10,757 --> 00:10:12,643 Benjamin, I still... I mean... I can... 284 00:10:12,668 --> 00:10:14,354 Do they do that? I'm a different... 285 00:10:14,689 --> 00:10:15,846 We'll have to ask somebody about that. 286 00:10:15,871 --> 00:10:16,939 Okay, that is it! 287 00:10:17,664 --> 00:10:20,565 - We... are booking The Lisbon. - We are? 288 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:21,632 - Go! - No. 289 00:10:21,668 --> 00:10:23,067 I've never loved you more, Cece! 290 00:10:28,807 --> 00:10:29,774 What were you gonna say? 291 00:10:29,809 --> 00:10:32,076 What is that in reference to? 292 00:10:32,112 --> 00:10:34,049 It's been silent for 30 minutes. 293 00:10:34,074 --> 00:10:36,380 Earlier, you were gonna tell me what my best feature was, 294 00:10:36,416 --> 00:10:37,338 and then we got distracted. 295 00:10:37,363 --> 00:10:39,417 - Right. By crime. - I could tell you 296 00:10:39,452 --> 00:10:40,985 - what yours is. - Oh, my God, please don't. 297 00:10:41,020 --> 00:10:43,054 - You have a lovely neck. - Really? 298 00:10:43,089 --> 00:10:46,275 Not my knuckles or, like, the skin behind my ears? 299 00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:48,059 Okay, do me. It's my turn. 300 00:10:48,094 --> 00:10:49,244 Come on, come on, come on, come on, I need this. 301 00:10:49,268 --> 00:10:49,963 Fine. 302 00:10:50,229 --> 00:10:51,129 I will tell you, 303 00:10:51,164 --> 00:10:53,598 but then we drop it immediately and forever. 304 00:10:53,633 --> 00:10:54,832 Drop. 305 00:10:54,868 --> 00:10:56,567 You have kind eyes. 306 00:10:56,603 --> 00:10:57,769 Really? 307 00:10:58,069 --> 00:10:59,268 Mm-hmm. 308 00:11:00,273 --> 00:11:01,917 I have kind eyes. 309 00:11:04,025 --> 00:11:05,643 I'll take that. 310 00:11:06,322 --> 00:11:08,635 You know, I always thought I had snail eyes. 311 00:11:08,660 --> 00:11:10,615 "Immediately and forever," remember? 312 00:11:10,650 --> 00:11:11,983 I'll turn around. 313 00:11:12,018 --> 00:11:13,351 Turn around. 314 00:11:13,386 --> 00:11:14,986 I-I'll save my kind eyes for last. 315 00:11:15,021 --> 00:11:16,387 Okay. 316 00:11:21,057 --> 00:11:21,611 Hello? 317 00:11:21,636 --> 00:11:23,414 I'm reopening the Reagan decision. 318 00:11:23,439 --> 00:11:24,162 Wait, what? 319 00:11:24,197 --> 00:11:25,439 I already took my supplements. 320 00:11:25,464 --> 00:11:26,964 I know. I'm sorry. I'm telling her 321 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,299 we've decided, and it was me. 322 00:11:28,334 --> 00:11:30,334 Oh, no, you are not! I hear shaving. 323 00:11:30,370 --> 00:11:31,402 - Are you shaving? - No! 324 00:11:31,437 --> 00:11:32,916 I know what that means. 325 00:11:32,941 --> 00:11:35,006 Hello? Hello, Nick? 326 00:11:35,899 --> 00:11:37,142 Damn. 327 00:11:38,011 --> 00:11:39,338 Just go. 328 00:11:39,986 --> 00:11:41,493 You mean it? 329 00:11:43,329 --> 00:11:45,016 Thank you very much, Aly. 330 00:11:45,051 --> 00:11:48,719 I am going to win this sex bet! 331 00:11:59,790 --> 00:12:00,789 We want to get married at The Lisbon. 332 00:12:00,823 --> 00:12:02,823 We want to book The Lisbon right now! 333 00:12:02,858 --> 00:12:04,825 Uh, start by filling these forms out. 334 00:12:04,860 --> 00:12:05,959 - It'll be pleasure. - Yeah, no problem. 335 00:12:05,995 --> 00:12:07,227 What's our routing number? 336 00:12:07,263 --> 00:12:09,062 - 69364278. - Just gonna give Benjamin 337 00:12:09,098 --> 00:12:11,565 - a little coffee... oh, I'm so sorry. - Hey, come on, 338 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,667 - she can't do that. - No, no, she did that. I'm so sorry. 339 00:12:13,702 --> 00:12:15,102 - Yeah. - Oh, wow. 340 00:12:15,137 --> 00:12:16,133 The service is so gorgeous. 341 00:12:16,158 --> 00:12:17,743 - Really great. - You do realize 342 00:12:17,768 --> 00:12:20,585 we're not gonna decide this on who writes the fastest. 343 00:12:20,610 --> 00:12:22,186 You know, here at The Lisbon, 344 00:12:22,211 --> 00:12:24,611 - we celebrate grandeur, romance. - Oh, you are 345 00:12:24,647 --> 00:12:26,032 Schmidt out of luck, Schmidt. 346 00:12:26,057 --> 00:12:27,563 Our wedding's gonna be sick romantic. 347 00:12:27,588 --> 00:12:29,927 Our wedding's gonna be way romantic, bro. 348 00:12:29,952 --> 00:12:31,610 Quiches so small you got to wear glasses. 349 00:12:31,635 --> 00:12:32,953 Bitch, we're gonna have more white linen 350 00:12:32,978 --> 00:12:34,521 than a hospital in the Great War. 351 00:12:34,557 --> 00:12:35,456 Yeah, we're gonna have so many 352 00:12:35,491 --> 00:12:36,868 fresh cut flowers 353 00:12:36,893 --> 00:12:39,194 that you're gonna have a real bee problem 354 00:12:39,219 --> 00:12:40,761 - up in this bitch. - We're gonna have 355 00:12:40,796 --> 00:12:42,629 spanakopita so flaky, you're gonna get crumbs 356 00:12:42,665 --> 00:12:44,765 - all over your mouth, like, what? - Our tables 357 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,201 are gonna be names of cities that we've been to, like, what? 358 00:12:47,236 --> 00:12:50,637 Our wedding is gonna be so... big... 359 00:12:50,673 --> 00:12:52,993 that the Giants will come to town 360 00:12:53,018 --> 00:12:55,922 and everyone gets a big spoon. 361 00:12:58,063 --> 00:12:59,446 Philip, you-you want romance? 362 00:12:59,471 --> 00:13:00,604 Let me tell you the story about 363 00:13:00,629 --> 00:13:02,762 how I knew that Mimi was the one for me. 364 00:13:02,798 --> 00:13:05,332 - The story is called "Lovestruck." - There's a title? 365 00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:07,934 It was our fourth date, and we had just seen Toy Story 3 366 00:13:07,970 --> 00:13:11,605 - for the second time. - Maybe it's just us, but we love Pixar. 367 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:12,873 We're nerds. 368 00:13:12,898 --> 00:13:15,008 I reach for Mimi's hand, 369 00:13:15,043 --> 00:13:17,491 and I was struck by lightning. 370 00:13:17,516 --> 00:13:18,882 I mean, literally, I was struck... 371 00:13:18,907 --> 00:13:20,946 - Yeah. Zap. - ...by a bolt of lightning, Philip, 372 00:13:20,971 --> 00:13:23,202 and I... I would've been killed 373 00:13:23,227 --> 00:13:24,451 if Mimi hadn't grounded me. 374 00:13:24,486 --> 00:13:26,353 We met... crying 375 00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:27,487 over the same name 376 00:13:27,523 --> 00:13:29,289 at the Vietnam Memorial. 377 00:13:29,695 --> 00:13:30,928 George... 378 00:13:30,953 --> 00:13:32,459 Harrison... 379 00:13:33,219 --> 00:13:33,936 Ford. 380 00:13:33,961 --> 00:13:35,195 Wha...? 381 00:13:35,985 --> 00:13:37,531 Who was our grandfather. 382 00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:38,798 What? Making us cousins? 383 00:13:38,834 --> 00:13:41,664 Making us cousins, because there is 384 00:13:41,689 --> 00:13:43,733 nothing more romantic 385 00:13:43,758 --> 00:13:45,238 than forbidden love. 386 00:13:45,743 --> 00:13:47,678 Between family members? I mean, that's... 387 00:13:47,703 --> 00:13:48,999 You're gonna double down with that? 388 00:13:49,024 --> 00:13:51,257 - Yes, I am. - He's writing "cousins" down. 389 00:13:51,282 --> 00:13:52,579 That's a positive thing. 390 00:13:52,614 --> 00:13:53,813 No, it's not. 391 00:13:53,849 --> 00:13:55,421 Hey. What are you doing, man? 392 00:13:55,446 --> 00:13:56,650 - We had a decision. - The decision 393 00:13:56,685 --> 00:13:59,085 wasn't valid... your dib on Cindy 394 00:13:59,110 --> 00:14:00,320 - was expired. - Okay, first of all 395 00:14:00,355 --> 00:14:01,655 dibs don't expire. 396 00:14:01,690 --> 00:14:04,030 Also, dibs... not singular. 397 00:14:04,055 --> 00:14:05,525 And how are you still shaving? 398 00:14:05,561 --> 00:14:06,860 I'm doing full body, Winston. 399 00:14:07,203 --> 00:14:08,836 I started from the bottom, now I'm here. 400 00:14:08,861 --> 00:14:10,764 - That's gross. - I've been doing sex prep all day. 401 00:14:10,799 --> 00:14:12,666 I did a hundred girl push-ups. 402 00:14:12,701 --> 00:14:15,235 I washed my feet until the water ran clear. 403 00:14:15,270 --> 00:14:17,771 You can clean your feet all damn day... it don't matter, 404 00:14:17,806 --> 00:14:20,139 because I'm having sex with Reagan tonight. 405 00:14:20,164 --> 00:14:21,341 - The decision's been made. - Well, the decision's 406 00:14:21,376 --> 00:14:22,909 been changed... I'm having sex with Reagan. 407 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,077 - That's not gonna happen. - It is gonna happen. 408 00:14:24,112 --> 00:14:24,878 Now, if you'll excuse me... 409 00:14:24,913 --> 00:14:26,213 - No, don't... - Got it! 410 00:14:26,248 --> 00:14:27,847 - What were you going for? - The cologne. 411 00:14:27,883 --> 00:14:30,186 - I smell so pretty! - Give me... give me my col... 412 00:14:30,211 --> 00:14:31,952 No. No, no, no. No. 413 00:14:33,088 --> 00:14:35,188 Oh, God! Aah! 414 00:14:35,224 --> 00:14:38,225 - What are you doing! - I don't know, man! 415 00:14:38,260 --> 00:14:39,793 You got frickin' cologne all over me. 416 00:14:39,828 --> 00:14:41,194 I smell fantastic! 417 00:14:41,230 --> 00:14:43,772 - Oh, my God. - We got to turn the tables on Reagan, 418 00:14:43,797 --> 00:14:45,296 - make her decide. - I don't see her 419 00:14:45,321 --> 00:14:47,272 going for it, man... the entire point 420 00:14:47,297 --> 00:14:48,735 was that we had to make a decision. 421 00:14:48,770 --> 00:14:50,103 Well, then I guess we're gonna have 422 00:14:50,138 --> 00:14:52,539 to trick her, and I know how. 423 00:14:52,574 --> 00:14:53,773 We'll up your fee by $10,000. 424 00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:55,475 Ten thousand and one dollar! 425 00:14:55,510 --> 00:14:57,978 Uh, Cece, we don't have $10,000. We barely have the one. 426 00:14:58,013 --> 00:15:00,936 - Ten thousand and two dollars! - It's not your turn to bid. 427 00:15:00,961 --> 00:15:02,115 $15,000! 428 00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:04,084 - $15,000... - It's not... it's not... it's not worth it. 429 00:15:04,119 --> 00:15:05,913 It's not worth it. Yeah, but it's your dream. 430 00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:07,758 I... I know. 431 00:15:09,446 --> 00:15:10,924 But I already have my dream. 432 00:15:11,524 --> 00:15:13,093 It's marrying you. 433 00:15:17,805 --> 00:15:18,732 It's all yours, Benjamin. 434 00:15:18,767 --> 00:15:20,634 Yes! 435 00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:22,135 "I have my dream." 436 00:15:22,170 --> 00:15:23,136 Dumb! 437 00:15:23,171 --> 00:15:24,477 They remind me of my 438 00:15:24,502 --> 00:15:27,107 stupid grandparents on their 60th anniversary. 439 00:15:27,142 --> 00:15:28,908 Old. 440 00:15:30,666 --> 00:15:31,422 Reagan. 441 00:15:31,446 --> 00:15:33,114 Let me guess. You guys made a final decision? 442 00:15:33,115 --> 00:15:35,289 Please. Sit. 443 00:15:35,651 --> 00:15:37,350 That's probably the first time you've been right all day, 444 00:15:37,386 --> 00:15:39,352 but yes, we have made a decision. 445 00:15:39,388 --> 00:15:40,836 - Great. - Here's the deal, Reagan. 446 00:15:40,861 --> 00:15:42,866 It's 2016, you're a lady. 447 00:15:42,891 --> 00:15:44,691 Your decision is important to us. 448 00:15:44,726 --> 00:15:46,359 Yes, we want you to decide 449 00:15:46,395 --> 00:15:48,962 which one of us is most attractive to you, 450 00:15:48,997 --> 00:15:51,197 and if that person is the same name 451 00:15:51,233 --> 00:15:53,833 that's on the piece of paper in this envelope, 452 00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:56,102 then sexual relations can commence. 453 00:15:56,138 --> 00:15:57,866 Okay, well, the logic is bulletproof. 454 00:15:57,891 --> 00:15:59,606 I just feel like if I'm gonna be making this decision, 455 00:15:59,641 --> 00:16:01,441 I need you guys to pitch yourselves. 456 00:16:01,476 --> 00:16:03,476 For starters, I'm completely hairless... 457 00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:03,976 Okay. 458 00:16:03,977 --> 00:16:05,883 ...except for a straggler near one of my nipples, 459 00:16:05,908 --> 00:16:07,514 because I got scared while shaving. 460 00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:09,772 In my fantasies, I'm a wild lover. 461 00:16:09,797 --> 00:16:12,118 In real life, my sexual prowess has been described 462 00:16:12,154 --> 00:16:14,538 as "fine," "adequate." 463 00:16:14,563 --> 00:16:15,602 "It'll get the job done." 464 00:16:15,627 --> 00:16:17,490 That is both a lot and a little, 465 00:16:17,526 --> 00:16:19,159 but either way, a tough act to follow. 466 00:16:19,194 --> 00:16:21,227 - Winston, you're up. - Well, that's easy. 467 00:16:21,649 --> 00:16:22,868 I've got kind eyes. 468 00:16:23,664 --> 00:16:24,484 You don't have kind eyes. 469 00:16:24,485 --> 00:16:25,899 You have snail eyes. Everybody knows that. 470 00:16:25,934 --> 00:16:27,907 I've got kind eyes. Aly told me so. 471 00:16:27,931 --> 00:16:28,687 Who's Aly? 472 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,975 Yeah, she's my partner at work. I complimented her first, 473 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,155 told her she had a very nice neck, which she does. 474 00:16:33,180 --> 00:16:34,708 But what I should have said was, 475 00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:37,946 "You got a really cool chin," or "You got some dope earlobes." 476 00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:40,085 Honestly, everything about her is great. 477 00:16:40,110 --> 00:16:43,817 And when I'm with her, I never really notice time. 478 00:16:43,852 --> 00:16:46,882 It's probably because she is the best part of my day. 479 00:16:46,907 --> 00:16:48,755 I should... I should have told her one of those things, 480 00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:50,657 as opposed to the neck thing, you know. 481 00:16:50,692 --> 00:16:52,058 Then she told me I had kind eyes. 482 00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,194 - You like Aly. - Yes. 483 00:16:54,594 --> 00:16:56,340 - She's my partner. - Winston! 484 00:16:56,365 --> 00:16:58,453 Come on, it's obvious. You like Aly. 485 00:17:01,274 --> 00:17:03,758 I-I like her. I-I like Aly. 486 00:17:04,373 --> 00:17:06,406 Oh, my goodness! 487 00:17:06,844 --> 00:17:08,475 Why did I never think of that before? 488 00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:09,936 Wow, my mouth is dry. 489 00:17:09,961 --> 00:17:11,327 Anybody else's mouth dry? 490 00:17:11,352 --> 00:17:13,179 What should I do? I don't know what to do. 491 00:17:13,215 --> 00:17:14,274 I don't know what to do. What should I do? 492 00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:16,835 Winston, this is Cindy De La Garza all over again. 493 00:17:16,860 --> 00:17:18,688 You need to make a decision. 494 00:17:19,633 --> 00:17:20,754 I got to ask her out. 495 00:17:20,779 --> 00:17:22,891 - Good! Go! - Go ahead! Go! Good luck! 496 00:17:26,539 --> 00:17:28,862 Listen, Reagan, I am so sorry, 497 00:17:28,897 --> 00:17:32,399 but obviously, we will not be making love tonight. 498 00:17:32,434 --> 00:17:34,901 - No. It's not fair. - I'm sorry. 499 00:17:34,936 --> 00:17:36,032 I got to go. 500 00:17:36,057 --> 00:17:38,280 Well, I guess that leaves 501 00:17:38,305 --> 00:17:39,906 just old Nick Miller. 502 00:17:39,941 --> 00:17:43,399 Mm. Your room or my room? 503 00:17:43,743 --> 00:17:44,805 Hmm? 504 00:17:48,813 --> 00:17:51,384 Well, both rooms have a lot of interesting possibilities. 505 00:17:51,420 --> 00:17:52,563 Mm-hmm. 506 00:17:53,938 --> 00:17:55,789 That's a heck of a question. 507 00:17:56,321 --> 00:17:57,724 Your, um... 508 00:17:58,985 --> 00:18:01,389 Give me 15 minutes, and I'm gonna come back 509 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,413 and tell you which room and why from my opinion, 510 00:18:03,438 --> 00:18:04,764 and then, you can give me yours, and we can discuss. 511 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,066 Just give me one second, and, uh, I'll be good to go. 512 00:18:07,102 --> 00:18:09,903 I just need... two minutes tops. 513 00:18:11,375 --> 00:18:13,023 Stay there. 514 00:18:23,309 --> 00:18:26,301 - Oh. - Oh! Aw, no! 515 00:18:26,326 --> 00:18:27,980 Oh, that's a lot of blood. 516 00:18:28,871 --> 00:18:30,144 Oh. 517 00:18:31,574 --> 00:18:32,572 Damn. 518 00:18:35,403 --> 00:18:38,871 Well, you're back, and you have an insane look in your eyes, 519 00:18:38,906 --> 00:18:41,006 - so... congratulations? - No, I didn't do it. 520 00:18:41,042 --> 00:18:43,509 I was, uh... You know, I thought about it. 521 00:18:43,544 --> 00:18:45,444 Oh, I don't need to know. 522 00:18:45,479 --> 00:18:47,212 Uh, yeah. 523 00:18:47,248 --> 00:18:49,248 Yeah... 524 00:18:57,433 --> 00:19:00,225 Would you like to go out after work, grab a drink with me? 525 00:19:00,519 --> 00:19:01,629 Sure. 526 00:19:03,801 --> 00:19:05,455 Sure. 527 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,299 All right then. 528 00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:13,134 Oh. Uh, can my boyfriend come? 529 00:19:15,652 --> 00:19:17,058 Your boyfriend? Yeah. 530 00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:18,792 Yeah, sure! 531 00:19:18,817 --> 00:19:20,350 - How long have you guys been...? - Yeah, it's new. 532 00:19:20,385 --> 00:19:21,851 It's new. It's new. It's... 533 00:19:21,887 --> 00:19:26,623 He's an agent, actually, for... animal actors? 534 00:19:26,658 --> 00:19:28,358 What am I gonna say? No. 535 00:19:28,393 --> 00:19:32,371 He should stay at home and not exist, please. 536 00:19:32,396 --> 00:19:34,455 No, I won't say that. 537 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,300 Officer down... to meet your boyfriend. 538 00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:39,202 I realize those were 539 00:19:39,237 --> 00:19:41,271 a poor choice of words for a station. 540 00:19:42,512 --> 00:19:43,369 Nick! 541 00:19:43,394 --> 00:19:45,608 It's almost 9:00. Are we doing this or what? 542 00:19:48,426 --> 00:19:49,791 What is that? 543 00:19:49,816 --> 00:19:52,215 You look like you're in a Boca Raton street gang. 544 00:19:52,250 --> 00:19:54,617 I didn't think you were actually gonna go through with it, 545 00:19:54,653 --> 00:19:56,465 and even if you were... 546 00:19:57,152 --> 00:19:58,629 I made a decision. 547 00:19:59,777 --> 00:20:01,597 I wouldn't want it like this. 548 00:20:02,551 --> 00:20:03,760 So I decided 549 00:20:03,795 --> 00:20:06,896 to put on my I'm-not-having-sex tonight outfit, 550 00:20:07,918 --> 00:20:10,266 'cause no one's gonna have sex with me in this outfit. 551 00:20:10,652 --> 00:20:13,113 And now I'm gonna go out and have a drink. 552 00:20:13,138 --> 00:20:14,738 Would you like to come? 553 00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:18,066 Wow. Deciding Nick. 554 00:20:19,959 --> 00:20:21,566 Let me change. 555 00:20:24,793 --> 00:20:28,276 FYI... your I'm-not-having-sex-tonight outfit 556 00:20:28,301 --> 00:20:30,186 is leopard print and tight. 557 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,135 - I don't know if you know that. - It's animal print, but it's not tight. 558 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,859 These are baggy, fuzzy PJs with a flap on the butt. 559 00:20:35,894 --> 00:20:38,862 Exactly my point. You want to see what's in the envelope? 560 00:20:38,897 --> 00:20:41,631 - It's a blank sheet of paper. - You're so wrong. 561 00:20:42,566 --> 00:20:45,168 Does that look like a blank sheet of paper? 562 00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:47,105 - Very clever. - Thanks, yeah. I thought of it 563 00:20:47,130 --> 00:20:48,972 when I was getting tickets to the World Series of Chili 564 00:20:49,007 --> 00:20:50,373 and had to prove that I was human. 565 00:20:50,409 --> 00:20:52,308 Ooh, ooh. 566 00:20:52,344 --> 00:20:53,676 We've got big news, you guys. 567 00:20:53,712 --> 00:20:55,111 Champagne all around. 568 00:20:55,147 --> 00:20:56,946 We're getting married in a... 569 00:20:56,982 --> 00:20:58,681 soon-to-be-abandoned warehouse! 570 00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:00,884 Yeah. Champagne. 571 00:21:00,919 --> 00:21:03,705 - Oh, thank you. - And I'll even give you one. 572 00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:06,222 Hey, guys, Aly is on her way to the bar. 573 00:21:06,258 --> 00:21:08,057 With her boyfriend. 574 00:21:08,093 --> 00:21:09,160 - Oh, that's the worst. - Well, you know, 575 00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:10,361 everyone dies. Maybe he'll die. 576 00:21:10,362 --> 00:21:11,494 I'm sorry, Winston. 577 00:21:11,530 --> 00:21:12,715 Is there anything we can do to cheer you up? 578 00:21:12,740 --> 00:21:13,535 Uh, no. 579 00:21:13,559 --> 00:21:14,865 Anything that would make you feel better? 580 00:21:14,866 --> 00:21:16,032 - Anything? - Anything? 581 00:21:16,707 --> 00:21:18,369 Well, if you insist, then. 582 00:21:18,394 --> 00:21:20,670 You asked me what I wanted. This is all want. 583 00:21:20,705 --> 00:21:22,405 All right, let's do it, let's do it. Let's just do it. Let's do it. 584 00:21:22,441 --> 00:21:24,340 ♪ Motown ♪ 585 00:21:24,376 --> 00:21:28,178 ♪ Philly's back again ♪ 586 00:21:28,213 --> 00:21:29,245 Now slower. 587 00:21:29,281 --> 00:21:32,448 ♪ With a little ♪ 588 00:21:32,472 --> 00:21:39,242 - ♪ East Coast Swing ♪ - Slower...