1 00:00:01,583 --> 00:00:02,543 Good night, Sam. 2 00:00:02,568 --> 00:00:04,468 Uh, you got any place I can put this change? 3 00:00:04,493 --> 00:00:05,992 Fahboh heh-mah. 4 00:00:06,028 --> 00:00:08,428 All right, sorry. 5 00:00:08,554 --> 00:00:10,087 I thought we had, uh, wrapped up 6 00:00:10,123 --> 00:00:11,355 the talking portion of the evening. 7 00:00:11,390 --> 00:00:12,532 Uh, football helmet. 8 00:00:12,533 --> 00:00:13,765 You're a Bears fan? 9 00:00:13,801 --> 00:00:16,068 Oh, you know, sometimes in life 10 00:00:16,104 --> 00:00:17,736 we collect things. Trinkets. 11 00:00:17,772 --> 00:00:20,406 Some sentimental, some not. 12 00:00:20,441 --> 00:00:22,474 Nick gave it to me. Is that, is that weird? 13 00:00:22,475 --> 00:00:24,341 N-n-no, that's fine. I, uh, 14 00:00:24,377 --> 00:00:26,644 can't really believe I'm saying this, 'cause 15 00:00:26,679 --> 00:00:29,375 Nick being in your life has definitely been hard for me, 16 00:00:29,376 --> 00:00:31,041 but I'm getting used to it. 17 00:00:31,077 --> 00:00:32,576 That makes me so happy. 18 00:00:32,612 --> 00:00:36,040 Hey, this is gonna sound crazy, 19 00:00:36,041 --> 00:00:39,352 but my parents are in town tomorrow, 20 00:00:39,362 --> 00:00:41,436 and I thought maybe you could come meet them. 21 00:00:41,437 --> 00:00:43,524 Yes, I'd love that. 22 00:00:43,525 --> 00:00:45,725 Good. You know, family's real important to me, 23 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:47,393 and before I introduce you, 24 00:00:47,429 --> 00:00:49,707 I just wanted to make sure that we were solid. 25 00:00:49,732 --> 00:00:51,699 We are so solid. 26 00:01:00,443 --> 00:01:02,109 Cece. 27 00:01:03,746 --> 00:01:05,579 - I had a sex dream. - So? 28 00:01:06,615 --> 00:01:08,415 It was about Nick. 29 00:01:09,385 --> 00:01:10,591 No! 30 00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:11,604 I know! 31 00:01:16,998 --> 00:01:18,182 Where are my leftovers? 32 00:01:18,183 --> 00:01:19,422 What? Who cares? 33 00:01:19,423 --> 00:01:20,856 I care. I brought it up. 34 00:01:20,892 --> 00:01:22,758 I left perfectly nice leftovers in the fridge, 35 00:01:22,794 --> 00:01:24,257 and I expect them to be there. 36 00:01:24,282 --> 00:01:25,281 Well, now they're not. 37 00:01:25,317 --> 00:01:26,416 - End of discussion. - No. 38 00:01:27,452 --> 00:01:28,952 Middle of discussion. 39 00:01:30,255 --> 00:01:32,129 You're not even gonna look at me? 40 00:01:32,391 --> 00:01:33,840 When you throw away my stuff, 41 00:01:33,865 --> 00:01:35,280 - you're throwing me away. - Mm-hmm. 42 00:01:35,305 --> 00:01:36,370 I wanted to have 43 00:01:36,406 --> 00:01:37,972 cold scallop pizza for breakfast 44 00:01:38,007 --> 00:01:39,473 and you took that from me. 45 00:01:39,509 --> 00:01:40,708 You took that from me. 46 00:01:40,743 --> 00:01:41,909 I hope you can live with yourself. 47 00:01:41,945 --> 00:01:43,007 You're disgusting. 48 00:01:43,008 --> 00:01:44,707 I'm actually really happy that you're eating breakfast, Nick. 49 00:01:44,743 --> 00:01:46,669 It's nice to know that you're taking care of yourself. 50 00:01:46,694 --> 00:01:47,305 Thank you. 51 00:01:47,306 --> 00:01:49,846 Well, I'm on my way to meet Aly 52 00:01:49,878 --> 00:01:51,398 and her boyfriend for brunch. 53 00:01:51,399 --> 00:01:54,273 And I am super excited to meet him. 54 00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:55,790 Yeah, that was sarcasm. 55 00:01:55,791 --> 00:01:57,323 And this is shark-casm: 56 00:01:57,358 --> 00:01:59,925 I just hate eating people. 57 00:01:59,961 --> 00:02:02,410 Dear Lord, do you mean to tell me that you're going to brunch 58 00:02:02,435 --> 00:02:04,402 with the woman that you love and her boyfriend? 59 00:02:04,437 --> 00:02:05,848 That's the worst thing I've ever heard. 60 00:02:05,849 --> 00:02:08,354 No, it's not that bad. I mean, I'm in a prank marriage, anyway. 61 00:02:08,379 --> 00:02:09,467 And I'm over Aly, so... 62 00:02:09,468 --> 00:02:11,074 - Don't you lie to me, Winston. - I'm not lying. 63 00:02:11,099 --> 00:02:12,458 You and both know that you are not 64 00:02:12,459 --> 00:02:14,591 even a little bit over Aly. 65 00:02:15,987 --> 00:02:16,815 I'm coming with you. 66 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:17,972 All right, fine, Schmidt, you can come. 67 00:02:18,008 --> 00:02:19,640 But please, do me a favor? 68 00:02:19,665 --> 00:02:21,631 Don't be weird and start smelling people's bread. 69 00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:24,475 Either you eat bread, or you don't eat bread. 70 00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:25,998 There's nothing in between, man. 71 00:02:25,999 --> 00:02:27,843 So in the dream, what was Nick... 72 00:02:27,868 --> 00:02:29,214 He was wearing this. 73 00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:31,020 He was wearing a frickin' football helmet. 74 00:02:31,044 --> 00:02:31,950 Ah, damn. 75 00:02:31,975 --> 00:02:33,341 What happened next was primal. 76 00:02:33,376 --> 00:02:34,642 Man versus woman. 77 00:02:34,678 --> 00:02:36,511 The ancient battle of the flesh. 78 00:02:36,546 --> 00:02:38,246 Calm down. It's probably just happening 79 00:02:38,281 --> 00:02:40,054 because you're getting more serious with Sam. 80 00:02:40,055 --> 00:02:40,985 Yes. 81 00:02:40,986 --> 00:02:43,136 And Sam is finally, just a little bit, 82 00:02:43,161 --> 00:02:45,386 sort of, starting to trust me. 83 00:02:45,714 --> 00:02:47,380 And he wants me to meet his parents. 84 00:02:47,416 --> 00:02:48,891 You can't meet a man's parents if your ex 85 00:02:48,892 --> 00:02:50,879 is making love to you in your head. 86 00:02:51,176 --> 00:02:52,042 I need my mind 87 00:02:52,043 --> 00:02:53,942 Nick-free by tonight. 88 00:02:54,724 --> 00:02:57,202 On this bed is everything Nick gave me 89 00:02:57,203 --> 00:02:58,337 while we were together. 90 00:02:58,338 --> 00:03:00,671 I'm going to get rid of it to clear my subconscious. 91 00:03:00,706 --> 00:03:01,939 All right. 92 00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:03,385 Good-bye, sex helmet. 93 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:04,646 Good-bye, uh, 94 00:03:04,647 --> 00:03:06,410 lacquered bagel with my name on it. 95 00:03:06,411 --> 00:03:08,410 Good-bye, world's tiniest hedgehog. 96 00:03:08,445 --> 00:03:09,329 That was a gift? 97 00:03:09,330 --> 00:03:11,030 Good-bye almost done Rubik's Cube. 98 00:03:11,065 --> 00:03:14,959 Literally, it was one turn from the end 99 00:03:14,984 --> 00:03:17,558 - and he would not finish it. - That makes sense with Nick. 100 00:03:17,559 --> 00:03:20,401 People try to pretend like the brain is so complicated, 101 00:03:20,425 --> 00:03:21,576 but I feel better already. 102 00:03:22,667 --> 00:03:24,801 Well, the two most important men 103 00:03:24,836 --> 00:03:26,514 in my life are finally meeting. 104 00:03:27,513 --> 00:03:29,730 And for some reason this other guy's here. 105 00:03:29,755 --> 00:03:30,047 Yo. 106 00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:31,723 Hey, brunch is on me today, guys, okay? 107 00:03:31,748 --> 00:03:33,547 So, feel free to add blue cheese to anything. 108 00:03:34,276 --> 00:03:36,109 I'm an agent for animal actors. 109 00:03:36,144 --> 00:03:37,624 He's doing pretty good. 110 00:03:37,625 --> 00:03:39,734 He recently signed the crow from Game of Thrones. 111 00:03:39,759 --> 00:03:41,517 - Darnell. You know his name. - Darnell. That's right. 112 00:03:41,518 --> 00:03:43,617 I didn't realize an animal agent was a real job. 113 00:03:43,652 --> 00:03:46,019 Let me put it to you this way, so the next Avatar movie 114 00:03:46,055 --> 00:03:47,955 takes place on a cat planet, 115 00:03:47,990 --> 00:03:49,765 and, uh, I was the first one they called. 116 00:03:49,790 --> 00:03:50,723 - Shut up. - I know. 117 00:03:50,748 --> 00:03:51,862 - I knew you were gonna like that. - A cat planet? 118 00:03:51,863 --> 00:03:53,336 I know. He swore me to secrecy. 119 00:03:53,361 --> 00:03:54,250 I was gonna tell you. 120 00:03:54,251 --> 00:03:56,051 My good... you know, I always thought 121 00:03:56,086 --> 00:03:57,352 Furguson should be in the movies. 122 00:03:57,387 --> 00:03:59,354 Would you interested in, uh, I don't know, 123 00:03:59,389 --> 00:04:00,789 taking a meeting with him? 124 00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:02,223 He's got no representation, so he's... 125 00:04:02,259 --> 00:04:04,225 Let me guess. Wait. He has an adorable yawn? 126 00:04:04,696 --> 00:04:05,935 - Yeah. - Of course he does. 127 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,368 He's a cat. 128 00:04:07,369 --> 00:04:09,597 But can he show up every day to work? 129 00:04:09,598 --> 00:04:11,565 I run a business. Pass. 130 00:04:12,165 --> 00:04:13,386 Yeah, never mind. Dumb idea. 131 00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,820 Tripp, you have got to sit down with Furguson. 132 00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:17,483 He's literally one of the most beautiful creatures 133 00:04:17,484 --> 00:04:18,414 I've ever laid eyes on. 134 00:04:18,415 --> 00:04:20,128 Really? I thought you hated him. 135 00:04:20,153 --> 00:04:22,053 I thought you hated cats in general, actually. 136 00:04:22,088 --> 00:04:24,288 I love Furguson, are you kidding me? It's Furguson. 137 00:04:24,324 --> 00:04:27,692 He's got that, uh... he's got the little, uh, his, uh... 138 00:04:27,727 --> 00:04:28,893 You know, his front? 139 00:04:28,928 --> 00:04:30,470 Does he have a headshot? 140 00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:33,938 No, but W-Winston, actually does have a lot 141 00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:36,074 of 8x10 photos of the cat's face. 142 00:04:36,490 --> 00:04:38,389 All right, fine. Bring him by my office. 143 00:04:38,390 --> 00:04:40,724 Can't miss it. It's the tallest building in Beverly Hills. 144 00:04:42,859 --> 00:04:44,696 Hey, hey, hey. Where'd you get that? 145 00:04:44,697 --> 00:04:46,096 I got this from the shoulder-less 146 00:04:46,132 --> 00:04:47,898 Dutch boy you live with. 147 00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:50,650 - Jess? - Possibly. 148 00:04:50,651 --> 00:04:52,785 That's mine. Why are they throwing away my stuff? 149 00:04:52,821 --> 00:04:55,155 They're throwing away me. Give it back. 150 00:04:55,190 --> 00:04:57,345 All right, but my babies come with it. 151 00:04:57,346 --> 00:04:58,879 I don't want your rock babies. 152 00:04:58,914 --> 00:05:01,848 - Well, I'll just keep 'em. - Okay. 153 00:05:03,316 --> 00:05:05,549 Sorry, Leviticus. 154 00:05:05,583 --> 00:05:06,983 He's tough. 155 00:05:10,689 --> 00:05:14,064 Why is everyone throwing away my stuff? 156 00:05:14,065 --> 00:05:15,775 First of all, that is not your helmet. 157 00:05:15,776 --> 00:05:16,682 You gave that to me. 158 00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:18,550 And second of all, I need a clean house. 159 00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,638 I need a clean room. A clean mind. 160 00:05:20,639 --> 00:05:22,135 Yeah, dirty room, dirty dreams. 161 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,462 No dirty dreams. No one had dirty dreams. 162 00:05:24,487 --> 00:05:26,796 What are you talking about? No dirty dreams. 163 00:05:26,821 --> 00:05:29,288 So there has been dirty dreams? 164 00:05:29,323 --> 00:05:32,291 - No. - What'd you have a dream about? 165 00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:34,607 It's interesting, Jessica. What was it about? 166 00:05:34,642 --> 00:05:36,081 There was no dream, dude. 167 00:05:36,082 --> 00:05:37,033 Well, which one of you is gonna crack 168 00:05:37,034 --> 00:05:39,556 and tell me what the dream was about? Jess? 169 00:05:39,803 --> 00:05:41,303 Or Cece? 170 00:05:55,193 --> 00:05:55,939 You looked at the helmet. 171 00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:57,422 - Cece! - I did not. I did not. 172 00:05:57,447 --> 00:05:59,146 You had a sex dream about a Bear's helmet? 173 00:05:59,182 --> 00:06:00,481 Who was wearing it? Ditka? 174 00:06:00,516 --> 00:06:02,049 Vic Fangio? John Fox? 175 00:06:02,523 --> 00:06:04,256 Our GM, Ryan Pace? 176 00:06:04,291 --> 00:06:06,723 He's cute, but come on. 177 00:06:06,724 --> 00:06:08,223 She doesn't know any of those people, Nick. 178 00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:09,492 Cece! So... 179 00:06:09,528 --> 00:06:10,927 She doesn't know those people. 180 00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:12,224 So it was somebody you know. 181 00:06:12,225 --> 00:06:15,028 There wasn't... No. Absolutely not. No. 182 00:06:15,053 --> 00:06:17,586 Oh, my God. 183 00:06:17,622 --> 00:06:22,506 You had a sex dream about me. 184 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:23,129 No. 185 00:06:23,130 --> 00:06:24,789 It was... no... there was no... 186 00:06:24,790 --> 00:06:27,490 Well, well, well, well, well. 187 00:06:27,491 --> 00:06:29,543 - Thanks a lot, Cece. - That was my bad. I'm sorry. 188 00:06:29,568 --> 00:06:32,636 Pancakes and syrup, girls. 189 00:06:32,672 --> 00:06:34,772 Let's eat. 190 00:06:37,537 --> 00:06:39,362 Nick, I have to meet Sam's parents tonight. 191 00:06:39,629 --> 00:06:40,999 I don't have time for this. 192 00:06:41,024 --> 00:06:41,972 What will it take for you 193 00:06:41,973 --> 00:06:44,041 to just forget about this and get rid of the helmet? 194 00:06:44,042 --> 00:06:45,907 Oh, just every single detail 195 00:06:45,943 --> 00:06:47,654 - about the dream. - Damn. 196 00:06:47,655 --> 00:06:49,421 Now, and this one is a biggie, 197 00:06:49,458 --> 00:06:51,275 - was I 100% percent human? - What? 198 00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:52,236 Obviously. 199 00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:53,330 Okay, I'm just trying to figure out 200 00:06:53,355 --> 00:06:54,603 the reality of the dream. 201 00:06:54,628 --> 00:06:56,193 Well, we were having sex, 202 00:06:56,443 --> 00:06:57,937 so in that sense, 203 00:06:57,938 --> 00:06:59,404 it was not reality-based at all, 204 00:06:59,441 --> 00:07:01,174 because that's never gonna happen again. 205 00:07:01,216 --> 00:07:02,309 Oh! 206 00:07:02,310 --> 00:07:03,943 You sound like the beginning of a Salt-N-Pepa song, 207 00:07:03,978 --> 00:07:05,744 and I just wish we could just, like, act like adults. 208 00:07:05,780 --> 00:07:07,813 Definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely. 209 00:07:07,849 --> 00:07:10,478 Were you just recreating our best encounter? 210 00:07:10,666 --> 00:07:11,712 Was it Glove City again? 211 00:07:11,713 --> 00:07:14,479 - Our best was not Glove City. - Oh, it wasn't? 212 00:07:14,515 --> 00:07:16,530 It was for you, but not for me. 213 00:07:16,531 --> 00:07:18,036 So what was our best, in your opinion? 214 00:07:18,061 --> 00:07:19,963 Ooh, you just walked right into that one. 215 00:07:19,964 --> 00:07:22,798 Okay, it wasn't something that actually happened. 216 00:07:22,833 --> 00:07:25,173 It was historical. 217 00:07:25,267 --> 00:07:28,368 Oh, historical, so was there a dragon? 218 00:07:28,404 --> 00:07:30,538 No, it was historical. 219 00:07:31,541 --> 00:07:32,953 You think dragons are real? 220 00:07:32,978 --> 00:07:34,177 I think there's a lot of debate about it. 221 00:07:34,202 --> 00:07:35,361 And there's a lot of blogs about it. 222 00:07:35,362 --> 00:07:36,944 And I know that as a fact, 'cause I've written one. 223 00:07:36,945 --> 00:07:38,444 Do you think dinosaurs are dragons? 224 00:07:38,479 --> 00:07:39,745 There's debate about dragons, Jess, 225 00:07:39,780 --> 00:07:40,813 and we're not doing this right now. 226 00:07:40,848 --> 00:07:43,348 Wow, this office is nice. 227 00:07:45,586 --> 00:07:47,386 M... look, this is so nice of you, man. 228 00:07:47,421 --> 00:07:48,620 You didn't really have to come. 229 00:07:48,656 --> 00:07:50,055 Of course, I came. 230 00:07:50,090 --> 00:07:51,790 I believe in yo... I believe in Furguson. 231 00:07:52,660 --> 00:07:55,461 Is that offer a joke? Huh? 232 00:07:55,496 --> 00:07:59,398 Because I will feed you to my eagle. 233 00:07:59,433 --> 00:08:00,966 'Sup. Let's talk puss. 234 00:08:01,001 --> 00:08:02,167 Ready to show me your hairy little guy? 235 00:08:02,203 --> 00:08:03,469 - What? - Ugh. 236 00:08:03,504 --> 00:08:05,389 Oh. Yes, uh... 237 00:08:06,006 --> 00:08:07,338 Introducing... 238 00:08:07,401 --> 00:08:10,964 The mouse murderin', the heart burglarin', 239 00:08:11,144 --> 00:08:12,734 the king of the kennel, 240 00:08:12,735 --> 00:08:16,771 Furguson Michael Jordan Bishop. 241 00:08:21,236 --> 00:08:22,368 He's lickin' his no-no. 242 00:08:22,404 --> 00:08:23,489 America's sweetheart. 243 00:08:23,490 --> 00:08:26,257 All right. This is catnip oil. 244 00:08:26,292 --> 00:08:28,659 The professional cats don't need it to come out of the box. 245 00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:35,563 Who's a good cat? 246 00:08:35,564 --> 00:08:37,515 Who's a good cat? 247 00:08:37,516 --> 00:08:39,782 Who's a good cat? 248 00:08:40,064 --> 00:08:41,244 Not you. This cat doesn't have it. 249 00:08:41,245 --> 00:08:42,411 - What? - Let me show you something. 250 00:08:42,447 --> 00:08:44,280 This is a star. 251 00:08:46,033 --> 00:08:47,230 This is Patches. 252 00:08:49,127 --> 00:08:51,061 If you find yourself at the intersection 253 00:08:51,096 --> 00:08:53,295 of Grace and Courage, look up. 254 00:08:53,296 --> 00:08:55,330 The street sign says, "Patches." 255 00:08:56,177 --> 00:08:59,333 She is "bang, marry, kill" in one furry little package. 256 00:08:59,755 --> 00:09:01,288 You want to own her. 257 00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:03,290 Run to her. Run from her. 258 00:09:05,515 --> 00:09:07,348 - Wow. - Most of all, 259 00:09:07,373 --> 00:09:08,408 you want to watch her. 260 00:09:08,409 --> 00:09:09,984 Patches is a trash cat. 261 00:09:10,009 --> 00:09:12,977 This is who you take to the Avatar audition. 262 00:09:13,282 --> 00:09:14,782 This is sexy. 263 00:09:15,085 --> 00:09:16,823 And this? This is normal. 264 00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:18,784 And normal doesn't pay for the cruise 265 00:09:18,785 --> 00:09:20,218 in the Arctic that I'm taking Aly on. 266 00:09:21,621 --> 00:09:22,987 Unless I sign a baby walrus 267 00:09:23,023 --> 00:09:24,355 and then the whole thing's a write-off. 268 00:09:24,391 --> 00:09:25,724 That was humiliating. 269 00:09:25,759 --> 00:09:28,059 Yeah, for Tripp. 270 00:09:28,095 --> 00:09:30,495 Because Furguson is gonna book Avatar. 271 00:09:30,530 --> 00:09:32,497 I stole the script off of his desk. 272 00:09:32,532 --> 00:09:35,100 We're going to crash that audition today. 273 00:09:35,135 --> 00:09:36,568 Oh. 274 00:09:37,804 --> 00:09:38,991 - Hi. - Hey. 275 00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:41,779 - Oh, uh, two, please. - You got it. 276 00:09:47,388 --> 00:09:48,794 What's his name? 277 00:09:48,795 --> 00:09:50,028 Josh. 278 00:09:50,062 --> 00:09:52,162 So your football helmet was caked in soot. 279 00:09:52,198 --> 00:09:53,363 Why was I a chimney sweep? 280 00:09:53,364 --> 00:09:55,231 Well, a chimney is hollow and you're just like jamming 281 00:09:55,266 --> 00:09:57,105 - something into it. - What does that have to do with sex? 282 00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,251 - Get a hold of yourself. - Sorry. 283 00:09:58,252 --> 00:10:00,158 So you took me to a dark, Victorian alley. 284 00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,983 It was filthy. I was on top. 285 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:02,984 Okay, I'm okay with that. 286 00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,014 Our passion drowns out 287 00:10:04,015 --> 00:10:05,915 the coughs from the orphans inside. 288 00:10:06,297 --> 00:10:08,072 And then Winston brings us scones. 289 00:10:08,073 --> 00:10:08,529 And that's it. 290 00:10:08,530 --> 00:10:09,662 Really sweet of him. 291 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,576 I'm starving after sex, 292 00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:12,876 especially when I have to lay on my back. 293 00:10:12,901 --> 00:10:13,760 You're starving all the time. 294 00:10:13,761 --> 00:10:15,423 - Who invited you in this room? - All right? 295 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,173 Are we good? Can we get rid of the helmet? 296 00:10:17,174 --> 00:10:18,573 I'm concerned, as a friend, 297 00:10:18,608 --> 00:10:22,518 that Sam isn't satisfying you sexually. 298 00:10:22,543 --> 00:10:24,576 I can confidently say 299 00:10:24,598 --> 00:10:25,862 that's not what this is about. 300 00:10:25,887 --> 00:10:28,154 Maybe he's just not rotating your tires enough, Jess. 301 00:10:28,334 --> 00:10:28,788 What? 302 00:10:28,789 --> 00:10:30,174 You know you need that at least once a month. 303 00:10:30,175 --> 00:10:30,526 Nick. 304 00:10:30,561 --> 00:10:32,494 For sex, that's not enough. 305 00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:36,165 And for literal tire rotation, that's way too frequent. 306 00:10:36,201 --> 00:10:37,700 Not when you drive like I do. 307 00:10:38,248 --> 00:10:39,063 Not... 308 00:10:39,064 --> 00:10:40,705 when you drive like I do. 309 00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:42,654 I have to get ready to meet Sam's parents. 310 00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:44,088 Will you please get out of here? 311 00:10:44,089 --> 00:10:45,282 Yes. I'm leaving, 312 00:10:45,283 --> 00:10:47,083 but I will not throw away this helmet. 313 00:10:47,118 --> 00:10:49,985 Why? You didn't care about that helmet when you gave it to me? 314 00:10:50,020 --> 00:10:51,361 Yes, I did. It was a Christmas gift. 315 00:10:51,362 --> 00:10:53,127 I gave you a Christmas present, 316 00:10:53,162 --> 00:10:56,879 and you said, Christmas? What? Hold up. 317 00:10:56,911 --> 00:10:58,352 And then you went and got that helmet. 318 00:10:58,377 --> 00:10:59,401 Unwrapped. 319 00:10:59,402 --> 00:11:00,601 What was I supposed to do with it? 320 00:11:00,941 --> 00:11:01,874 - Wear it? - I wouldn't do... 321 00:11:01,875 --> 00:11:05,189 Oh, the perfect ensemble for a night at the theater. 322 00:11:05,190 --> 00:11:07,087 Throw whatever you want at me, Blue Men. 323 00:11:07,088 --> 00:11:08,353 I'm ready. 324 00:11:08,557 --> 00:11:11,291 Oh, crap. That's Sam. Ugh. 325 00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:14,341 Okay, why won't this come off? 326 00:11:14,342 --> 00:11:16,352 Probably because it's a child-size medium. 327 00:11:16,377 --> 00:11:17,254 What?! 328 00:11:17,255 --> 00:11:19,247 Why would you give me a child's helmet? 329 00:11:19,272 --> 00:11:20,305 I didn't think you were gonna put it on. 330 00:11:20,340 --> 00:11:21,679 Cece, help me, help me. 331 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,973 - Yeah, I got it. - I can't meet Sam's parents like this. 332 00:11:23,998 --> 00:11:25,831 Okay, ready? 333 00:11:26,237 --> 00:11:27,065 It's not going to help. 334 00:11:27,090 --> 00:11:28,556 Okay, no, it's-it's really stuck, babe. 335 00:11:28,749 --> 00:11:29,782 Suck your head in. 336 00:11:29,817 --> 00:11:31,450 I can't suck my head in. 337 00:11:31,485 --> 00:11:32,985 Then throw a jersey on and pants, 338 00:11:33,020 --> 00:11:34,619 and just pretend you're a little football player. 339 00:11:34,620 --> 00:11:35,895 I can't go out with a helmet. 340 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,095 You look ridiculous. 341 00:11:38,593 --> 00:11:39,985 I'm aware. 342 00:11:43,763 --> 00:11:45,641 Cece, can you go out there and stall Sam? 343 00:11:45,642 --> 00:11:46,941 He knows that Nick gave me this helmet 344 00:11:46,977 --> 00:11:48,510 and he can't see me in it. 345 00:11:48,545 --> 00:11:49,978 Okay, what's my lie? Chlamydia? 346 00:11:50,013 --> 00:11:52,914 No! No! Anything else. Literally, anything else. 347 00:11:52,949 --> 00:11:54,740 Okay, anything else, okay. 348 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,486 Hey, hey, Legs. 349 00:11:59,513 --> 00:12:00,262 What's up? 350 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,627 You and I have never really clicked, huh? 351 00:12:06,730 --> 00:12:08,730 Oh, boy. 352 00:12:10,801 --> 00:12:11,733 Wow. 353 00:12:13,236 --> 00:12:14,402 Oh, my God. 354 00:12:14,438 --> 00:12:16,371 Patches is walking like a person. 355 00:12:18,208 --> 00:12:20,375 This was a enormous mistake. 356 00:12:28,251 --> 00:12:30,771 Is it, um, hard being a doctor? 357 00:12:30,772 --> 00:12:32,572 - Yeah. - Oh. 358 00:12:32,608 --> 00:12:34,241 What's taking Jess so long? 359 00:12:34,276 --> 00:12:36,143 Get! Off! 360 00:12:36,178 --> 00:12:37,578 - Stop, you're gonna break it. - My! Head! 361 00:12:37,613 --> 00:12:40,071 Whatever. I'll buy you a new one. 362 00:12:42,615 --> 00:12:43,095 You can't. 363 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,329 My dad gave it to me. 364 00:12:49,017 --> 00:12:51,518 You gave me something that your dad gave you? 365 00:12:54,006 --> 00:12:58,175 Well... I just used it to put dirty change in. 366 00:12:58,210 --> 00:12:59,676 Why didn't you tell me? 367 00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:01,445 I don't like talking about emotional stuff, 368 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,146 especially about my dead father. 369 00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:06,783 No, I... yeah. 370 00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:10,087 I get it. I get... I get it as much as someone 371 00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:13,657 who has two, living, healthy parents can. 372 00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:14,455 Easy. 373 00:13:14,456 --> 00:13:15,965 Oh, God, I'm sorry. 374 00:13:15,990 --> 00:13:17,759 That was... was that too harsh? 375 00:13:17,784 --> 00:13:20,652 I just... I'm messing everything up. 376 00:13:21,275 --> 00:13:22,376 You know what? I'm just gonna 377 00:13:22,377 --> 00:13:25,114 tell Sam everything, and I'll see what happens. 378 00:13:25,115 --> 00:13:26,347 No. 379 00:13:27,095 --> 00:13:28,766 I think I know how to get it off. 380 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:30,353 Okay, run backwards. 381 00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:33,653 - Yeah, it's not working. - It's not working. 382 00:13:34,121 --> 00:13:35,954 You run backwards. 383 00:13:41,745 --> 00:13:44,112 - It's moving. Rock with me. - Okay. 384 00:13:44,147 --> 00:13:46,414 All right. Well, don't stop. 385 00:13:46,432 --> 00:13:48,332 You got to keep going. Do it harder. 386 00:13:48,357 --> 00:13:50,049 If it slips out, tell me. I don't want to 387 00:13:50,088 --> 00:13:51,229 accidentally put it back in. 388 00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:52,621 Don't stop, Whatever you do, don't stop. 389 00:13:52,646 --> 00:13:53,164 Just relax. 390 00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:54,832 Don't stop. 391 00:13:56,202 --> 00:13:58,369 - Jess? - Oh. 392 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:01,971 Oh. No, no. There was a scallop pizza... 393 00:14:02,003 --> 00:14:03,432 No, I was mad at Nick, 394 00:14:03,433 --> 00:14:04,585 - ...and it was in the fridge. - so I put the helmet on. 395 00:14:04,586 --> 00:14:05,357 Schmidt threw it away. 396 00:14:05,358 --> 00:14:06,423 What is going on here? 397 00:14:06,459 --> 00:14:08,158 Okay, um... 398 00:14:10,508 --> 00:14:12,091 I had a sex dream about Nick. 399 00:14:12,910 --> 00:14:13,687 Let me back up. 400 00:14:13,688 --> 00:14:15,966 Last night, you asked me about this helmet. 401 00:14:16,013 --> 00:14:17,879 Sorry. Let me fast forward. 402 00:14:17,915 --> 00:14:19,815 The helmet's stuck on my head. 403 00:14:21,158 --> 00:14:22,476 Look, I know this is a lot to ask, 404 00:14:22,477 --> 00:14:26,029 but is there any way, you could just trust me 405 00:14:26,054 --> 00:14:30,256 when I tell you that it was just a stupid sex dream. 406 00:14:31,292 --> 00:14:34,560 Okay, yes. Yeah, no. I trust you. 407 00:14:34,596 --> 00:14:36,729 Thank you. 408 00:14:37,899 --> 00:14:39,599 But right now, my parents are expecting us. 409 00:14:39,634 --> 00:14:40,700 So, you know, a lot of kids 410 00:14:40,735 --> 00:14:41,601 come into the hospital 411 00:14:41,602 --> 00:14:42,709 with stuff stuck on their head. 412 00:14:42,710 --> 00:14:45,240 Do you guys have a screwdriver or a hammer? 413 00:14:47,819 --> 00:14:51,788 Oh, uh, we can't break it 'cause... 414 00:14:52,387 --> 00:14:54,016 Nick's dad gave it to him. 415 00:14:58,166 --> 00:15:00,396 Right. Uh, well... 416 00:15:01,466 --> 00:15:02,450 I have to go meet my parents, 417 00:15:02,451 --> 00:15:04,097 so I'll call you tomorrow. 418 00:15:09,463 --> 00:15:12,220 Hey. What are you doing out here, man? 419 00:15:14,212 --> 00:15:16,059 I'm sorry I got us into this, Winston. 420 00:15:16,388 --> 00:15:18,353 That frickin' cat's a genius. Yeah. 421 00:15:18,354 --> 00:15:19,620 I don't want to humiliate your cat. 422 00:15:19,655 --> 00:15:21,488 I care about Furguson. I don't want... 423 00:15:21,523 --> 00:15:22,990 I don't want that poor thing to be humiliated. 424 00:15:23,033 --> 00:15:24,178 Hey, hey, hey. 425 00:15:24,179 --> 00:15:26,139 I can't imagine his self-esteem level already. 426 00:15:26,174 --> 00:15:27,138 It's got to be very low. 427 00:15:27,139 --> 00:15:29,406 Through the frickin' roof, the self-esteem. 428 00:15:29,442 --> 00:15:31,408 Don't worry about Furguson, okay? 429 00:15:31,444 --> 00:15:33,001 Okay, I can't do this anymore. 430 00:15:33,002 --> 00:15:35,302 Are we talking about Furguson, or are we talking about you? 431 00:15:35,337 --> 00:15:37,037 - We're talking about me, okay? - I knew it. 432 00:15:37,072 --> 00:15:38,839 Furguson is me. Patches is Tripp, all right? 433 00:15:38,874 --> 00:15:40,581 I knew... we've been dancing around that all day. 434 00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:41,451 Can we please go? 435 00:15:41,452 --> 00:15:42,753 I haven't eaten anything in six hours. 436 00:15:42,788 --> 00:15:43,920 You know what? No. 437 00:15:43,956 --> 00:15:45,389 Patches may know a lot of tricks, 438 00:15:45,424 --> 00:15:47,290 but you know how Furguson's gonna get Aly? 439 00:15:47,326 --> 00:15:49,645 I think you're getting lost, Winston, but keep going. 440 00:15:49,670 --> 00:15:51,669 He's gonna keep trying, okay? 441 00:15:51,670 --> 00:15:53,303 He's never gonna give up. 442 00:15:53,338 --> 00:15:54,704 That's his trick. 443 00:15:55,158 --> 00:15:56,992 Now come on, man. Let's get back in there. 444 00:15:57,028 --> 00:15:59,228 Come on. 445 00:15:59,263 --> 00:16:00,710 - Come on. - All right. 446 00:16:00,711 --> 00:16:02,045 - Let's go. - Yeah, no. Let's do this. 447 00:16:02,070 --> 00:16:02,916 Let's go. 448 00:16:11,992 --> 00:16:13,058 What are you guys doing here? 449 00:16:13,093 --> 00:16:14,426 Wait a second. 450 00:16:14,461 --> 00:16:16,084 You're not auditioning that housecat, are you? 451 00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:18,710 Oh, that is exactly what I'm doing. 452 00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,845 Tripp, can I borrow that catnip oil just for a sec? 453 00:16:20,881 --> 00:16:23,437 Sure, but I think you know very well 454 00:16:23,469 --> 00:16:24,986 it's not going to help you in there. 455 00:16:24,987 --> 00:16:26,886 We'll see about that. 456 00:16:28,090 --> 00:16:28,679 Oh, my God. 457 00:16:28,704 --> 00:16:31,171 That stuff is so concentrated. What are you doing? 458 00:16:31,196 --> 00:16:32,866 Aha! 459 00:16:33,718 --> 00:16:35,778 It looks like Patches is gonna have a little trouble 460 00:16:35,779 --> 00:16:37,312 concentrating on her audition. 461 00:16:42,052 --> 00:16:43,452 God save me. 462 00:16:44,721 --> 00:16:46,688 Furguson, avenge me! 463 00:16:46,723 --> 00:16:47,923 Avenge me! 464 00:16:56,585 --> 00:16:57,818 I need a straw. 465 00:16:57,991 --> 00:16:59,796 Ugh, I should be charming the pants off 466 00:16:59,821 --> 00:17:01,512 Sam's parents right now. 467 00:17:01,919 --> 00:17:02,918 Jess. 468 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,521 We're gonna break it. 469 00:17:04,522 --> 00:17:05,729 But what about your dad? 470 00:17:05,730 --> 00:17:07,050 Look, it sucks to admit, 471 00:17:07,051 --> 00:17:11,073 but Sam's a really good guy with above average handsomeness. 472 00:17:11,620 --> 00:17:14,955 And he's above six feet tall, which I know means a lot to you. 473 00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:17,157 And he makes you happy, and so... 474 00:17:18,085 --> 00:17:19,585 I think it's time for me to 475 00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:21,658 stop coming in between you guys. 476 00:17:25,259 --> 00:17:27,879 Let's do this. Let's have a little bit of fun, huh? 477 00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:33,650 I will be going on the count of three. 478 00:17:33,871 --> 00:17:37,597 One, zero, two, three, four... 479 00:17:37,622 --> 00:17:38,687 What are you doing? 480 00:17:38,722 --> 00:17:39,612 You never go on three. 481 00:17:39,637 --> 00:17:41,871 You want to catch the patient off guard. 482 00:17:41,902 --> 00:17:42,951 It's less scary that way. 483 00:17:42,952 --> 00:17:45,578 Everybody knows it. It's just a doctor trick. 484 00:17:45,579 --> 00:17:47,946 Nick. So this time I am going on three. 485 00:17:48,976 --> 00:17:52,048 - One, two, three, four... - Do it! 486 00:17:56,160 --> 00:18:00,024 So this is the famous Patches. 487 00:18:00,049 --> 00:18:02,244 No. I am... 488 00:18:02,307 --> 00:18:05,341 Winston L'andre Bishop 489 00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:06,962 and this is: 490 00:18:06,963 --> 00:18:08,930 the king of cats. 491 00:18:08,964 --> 00:18:10,230 Lover of mats. 492 00:18:10,266 --> 00:18:12,176 No friend of rats. 493 00:18:12,177 --> 00:18:15,545 The kitty from Angel City, 494 00:18:15,581 --> 00:18:19,304 Furguson Michael Jordan... 495 00:18:19,328 --> 00:18:20,213 Bishop. 496 00:18:30,397 --> 00:18:31,596 He just, poof... 497 00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:33,398 - I'm gonna try to settle him down. - ...and disappeared. 498 00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:39,426 ♪ What would you do if your son was at home ♪ 499 00:18:39,427 --> 00:18:40,837 ♪ Crying all alone ♪ 500 00:18:40,862 --> 00:18:42,928 - ♪ On the bedroom floor ♪ - Oh, my God, 501 00:18:42,965 --> 00:18:44,622 he's singing to the cat. 502 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,763 - Come on. - He's singing to the cat. 503 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:47,915 Let's get out of here. 504 00:18:47,916 --> 00:18:49,338 It's okay. We're here. We're here. 505 00:18:49,363 --> 00:18:50,663 Okay, Patches is here. 506 00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:55,961 I was four steps away from freedom 507 00:18:55,962 --> 00:18:57,628 and I fell. 508 00:18:58,140 --> 00:19:00,159 Oh, they were on me, and they traversed me. 509 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,326 It was like I was their city 510 00:19:01,361 --> 00:19:02,727 and they were all rushing to work. 511 00:19:02,763 --> 00:19:04,596 May I just please take a moment with Patches? 512 00:19:04,631 --> 00:19:05,964 She needs a, a moment to center herself. 513 00:19:05,999 --> 00:19:07,450 She almost OD'd on catnip. 514 00:19:07,451 --> 00:19:08,816 Forget about Patches. 515 00:19:08,851 --> 00:19:10,850 You should represent more cats like Furguson. 516 00:19:10,885 --> 00:19:12,511 - What? - What? You were laughing at him. 517 00:19:12,512 --> 00:19:13,654 He's an original. 518 00:19:13,655 --> 00:19:15,677 Makes Patches look like a Culkin brother. 519 00:19:15,702 --> 00:19:16,701 What?! 520 00:19:18,472 --> 00:19:19,838 It's hard to celebrate this moment 521 00:19:19,873 --> 00:19:23,175 with so much cat hair in my mouth. 522 00:19:23,218 --> 00:19:24,274 You did it, buddy. 523 00:19:24,275 --> 00:19:26,246 Really? Really? Now you're gloating? 524 00:19:26,271 --> 00:19:27,519 - Huh? Winston? - Ah. 525 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:28,519 Do you have to be such a dick? 526 00:19:30,315 --> 00:19:31,902 I mean, you're already so intimidating. 527 00:19:31,903 --> 00:19:34,203 Do you have to go out of your way to actually get at me? 528 00:19:34,248 --> 00:19:35,182 Intimidating? 529 00:19:35,183 --> 00:19:37,286 Aly talks about you all the time, obviously. 530 00:19:37,311 --> 00:19:39,244 You're a cop. You're a hero. 531 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:42,080 Last weekend, I went to a turtle's birthday party. 532 00:19:42,116 --> 00:19:43,315 This is oddly emotional. 533 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:45,751 - You're intimidated by me? - Yes. 534 00:19:45,786 --> 00:19:47,452 It's funny how life works, man. It's ironic. 535 00:19:47,488 --> 00:19:49,288 This is amazing. 536 00:19:49,323 --> 00:19:50,889 You know what, Tripp? 537 00:19:51,317 --> 00:19:52,092 You don't have to worry about 538 00:19:52,093 --> 00:19:53,925 Furguson competing with Patches. 539 00:19:53,961 --> 00:19:55,260 Yeah. 540 00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,062 I'm taking him out of the game. 541 00:19:57,097 --> 00:19:58,497 I don't like this life for him. 542 00:19:59,434 --> 00:20:00,441 Oh, yeah! 543 00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:03,095 You blew it, son. 544 00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:04,842 Oh, God, am I unhappy. 545 00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:09,722 I'm casting cats. 546 00:20:10,020 --> 00:20:12,454 Hi. So sorry I'm late. 547 00:20:12,489 --> 00:20:14,489 It's a long story. 548 00:20:14,534 --> 00:20:17,035 - I'm really glad you made it. - Me, too. 549 00:20:17,604 --> 00:20:20,867 - Uh, Dad, Dad, this is Jess. - Hi. 550 00:20:20,868 --> 00:20:22,034 - So nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 551 00:20:23,674 --> 00:20:25,011 Oh. Huh. A little piece of helmet. 552 00:20:28,349 --> 00:20:30,149 What did you think of Tripp? 553 00:20:30,184 --> 00:20:31,617 I know he's a little intense. 554 00:20:31,652 --> 00:20:34,598 Well, look, I mean, if he makes you happy, 555 00:20:34,623 --> 00:20:38,426 then, uh... and I like him, so... 556 00:20:38,427 --> 00:20:39,699 Thanks. 557 00:20:39,746 --> 00:20:42,512 You know, for a guy who eats his raisins hot, 558 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:44,740 your opinion means a lot to me. 559 00:20:44,775 --> 00:20:46,308 Thank you. 560 00:20:47,345 --> 00:20:48,853 What's up with Schmidt? 561 00:20:50,828 --> 00:20:51,827 Oh, he's haunted. 562 00:20:52,014 --> 00:20:53,313 - Hey. - Hey. 563 00:20:53,338 --> 00:20:54,304 Did you have a dream last night? 564 00:20:54,339 --> 00:20:55,906 Yeah, just the usual. 565 00:20:55,941 --> 00:20:58,455 You know, the one where I'm in a muffin test kitchen 566 00:20:58,456 --> 00:21:01,257 and Hillary Clinton tells me my muffins suck. 567 00:21:01,291 --> 00:21:02,624 So that's the regular one. 568 00:21:02,659 --> 00:21:04,459 Got you a present. 569 00:21:04,495 --> 00:21:06,328 - Can I open it right now? - Yes. 570 00:21:07,531 --> 00:21:09,631 Oh. 571 00:21:11,558 --> 00:21:14,192 I thought you could hang it on the wall here. 572 00:21:15,031 --> 00:21:15,670 I love that. 573 00:21:15,695 --> 00:21:17,571 It's like your dad's looking over the bar. 574 00:21:17,572 --> 00:21:18,972 Aw, thank you, Jess. 575 00:21:19,451 --> 00:21:20,684 It's really nice. 576 00:21:22,917 --> 00:21:24,089 All right. 577 00:21:24,316 --> 00:21:26,550 Now to be fair, I've had some sex dreams about you, too. 578 00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:28,936 First, there was the one where I was a spider 579 00:21:28,937 --> 00:21:30,420 and instead of legs it was penises. 580 00:21:30,452 --> 00:21:31,918 - No, I'm out. - It was eight penises... 581 00:21:31,943 --> 00:21:33,075 - Yeah, I know. - Oh. 582 00:21:33,208 --> 00:21:34,775 You were there, too. 583 00:21:34,810 --> 00:21:36,109 I'm out. 584 00:21:36,145 --> 00:21:37,844 - Was I there? - And I'm out. 585 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,880 Oh, that would've been so cool.