1
00:00:01,361 --> 00:00:03,210
How's the planning of
the bachelor party coming?

2
00:00:03,236 --> 00:00:05,840
Well, Tokyo is not happening.
Turns out Nick booked the trip

3
00:00:05,866 --> 00:00:09,034
on a Web site called Pricelive.cob.

4
00:00:10,105 --> 00:00:11,270
- Right.
- That's a scam.

5
00:00:11,306 --> 00:00:13,073
- Yeah.
- I'm sure. I'm sure of it.

6
00:00:13,099 --> 00:00:15,266
I-I'm still pulling for a Tokyo theme.

7
00:00:15,301 --> 00:00:17,234
You know, we could do a spa day.

8
00:00:17,270 --> 00:00:19,003
There could be hot springs,

9
00:00:19,038 --> 00:00:20,638
cherry blossoms.

10
00:00:23,443 --> 00:00:24,608
Oh!

11
00:00:25,778 --> 00:00:27,178
Imbecile!

12
00:00:30,750 --> 00:00:32,783
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.

13
00:00:32,819 --> 00:00:34,297
Oh, oh, oh. He's-he's
getting out of the car.

14
00:00:34,323 --> 00:00:35,366
Why is he getting out of the car?

15
00:00:35,367 --> 00:00:36,832
I don't know, babe, I don't know.

16
00:00:36,867 --> 00:00:38,221
Toby!

17
00:00:39,282 --> 00:00:40,648
I'm Toby!

18
00:00:40,683 --> 00:00:42,373
What you gonna say now?

19
00:00:42,374 --> 00:00:43,440
I'm-I'm sorry?

20
00:00:43,485 --> 00:00:45,251
Toby! Toby!

21
00:00:45,276 --> 00:00:46,373
- Okay.
- Toby.

22
00:00:46,398 --> 00:00:47,245
- Okay.
- Toby.

23
00:00:47,246 --> 00:00:48,612
- Okay!
- Toby!

24
00:00:48,647 --> 00:00:50,013
"Okay" is not working.

25
00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:51,782
I don't understand. Is Toby your name?

26
00:00:51,817 --> 00:00:53,617
That's right. Toby, bitch.

27
00:00:53,652 --> 00:00:55,452
- Got it.
- Bitch.

28
00:00:59,425 --> 00:01:01,825
That was Toby.

29
00:01:04,051 --> 00:01:06,151
The froofy Japan bachelor party is off.

30
00:01:06,668 --> 00:01:08,802
W-We're going to Vegas on a road trip.

31
00:01:09,631 --> 00:01:10,418
Like men.

32
00:01:10,444 --> 00:01:11,710
Vegas, yeah!

33
00:01:11,745 --> 00:01:13,245
- Like men.
- Like men.

34
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:14,646
- Like men!
- Vegas!!

35
00:01:15,749 --> 00:01:16,815
Is this change of plans

36
00:01:16,850 --> 00:01:18,049
an overreaction to something?

37
00:01:18,085 --> 00:01:19,918
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.

38
00:01:23,924 --> 00:01:24,924
Road trip.

39
00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:26,526
Oh, I called the car rental place,

40
00:01:26,552 --> 00:01:28,218
reservation's all good.

41
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:29,620
Did you get us the toughest convertible?

42
00:01:29,654 --> 00:01:30,687
I did.

43
00:01:30,722 --> 00:01:32,288
Anything you want, you get.
I'm your best man.

44
00:01:32,324 --> 00:01:35,091
- Well, what if I want a hug?
- Peel it open.

45
00:01:35,126 --> 00:01:37,560
All right. You failed the test.
Hugs are not tough.

46
00:01:37,595 --> 00:01:39,562
Bro fail. Big-time bro fail, Nick.

47
00:01:39,597 --> 00:01:40,414
What is going on with you?

48
00:01:40,415 --> 00:01:41,855
Yeah, babe. Just because a scary man

49
00:01:41,882 --> 00:01:43,148
yelled his name in your face

50
00:01:43,183 --> 00:01:44,795
doesn't mean you can't like sake baths.

51
00:01:44,821 --> 00:01:46,988
This has nothing to do
with me being yelled at.

52
00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:48,356
- Yeah, okay.
- This has everything to do

53
00:01:48,392 --> 00:01:49,958
with a road trip.

54
00:01:49,993 --> 00:01:51,326
Road tri...

55
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:52,694
Are we...

56
00:01:52,729 --> 00:01:54,229
Are we not cheering on that one?

57
00:01:54,264 --> 00:01:56,231
Cece, as your bridesman I am so sorry

58
00:01:56,266 --> 00:01:57,699
I have to miss your bachelorette party.

59
00:01:57,734 --> 00:02:00,668
I know you girls are just
having a ladies' day in,

60
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:02,537
but please keep Winnie up to date

61
00:02:02,572 --> 00:02:03,872
with anything that's noteworthy.

62
00:02:03,907 --> 00:02:05,507
Noteworthy!

63
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:06,708
"Noteworthy" gets one?

64
00:02:07,864 --> 00:02:10,398
Well, we have one convertible left.

65
00:02:11,546 --> 00:02:12,102
No.

66
00:02:12,103 --> 00:02:13,377
That's not tough.

67
00:02:13,378 --> 00:02:15,244
Yellow convertibles are
for horny beach trash.

68
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:16,379
I drive a yellow convertible.

69
00:02:16,414 --> 00:02:17,713
It's my boy's bachelor party.

70
00:02:17,749 --> 00:02:19,082
If he says you're horny beach trash,

71
00:02:19,117 --> 00:02:20,550
then you're horny beach trash.

72
00:02:20,585 --> 00:02:21,918
I'm a good person.

73
00:02:24,022 --> 00:02:25,888
Hey, hey, hey, huh?

74
00:02:25,924 --> 00:02:28,024
Welcome fellow groomsmen.

75
00:02:28,059 --> 00:02:30,326
Big Schmidt, your minivan
is sweet as hell, dude.

76
00:02:30,361 --> 00:02:32,528
Yeah. Well, you know,
I got it for the kids,

77
00:02:32,564 --> 00:02:34,497
but, uh, it's not quite the chick magnet

78
00:02:34,532 --> 00:02:36,099
- I was hoping for.
- Yeah, of course not.

79
00:02:36,134 --> 00:02:37,600
I mean, I-I am straight hounding

80
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:39,168
for some Sin City strange, you know.

81
00:02:39,204 --> 00:02:40,736
I don't care if it's a man,
woman, or child.

82
00:02:40,772 --> 00:02:42,605
You really should care if it's a child.

83
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,173
- Yeah, them kids, man.
- Yeah, no children.

84
00:02:44,209 --> 00:02:46,008
No. God, God, of course not.

85
00:02:46,034 --> 00:02:47,133
You know, that's not what I'm saying.

86
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,200
I was just listing...

87
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,349
Ah, Vegas.

88
00:02:49,350 --> 00:02:51,851
Truly a town in which
to devour and be devoured.

89
00:02:51,894 --> 00:02:53,594
Whoo-whoo. Whoo, whoo, Vegas.

90
00:02:53,622 --> 00:02:55,222
I'm gonna click in, eventually.

91
00:02:55,555 --> 00:02:57,722
I just... this morning
I realized I still have some

92
00:02:57,758 --> 00:02:59,324
unresolved feelings towards Cece,

93
00:02:59,359 --> 00:03:01,459
and now I'm out here
celebrating with her fiancé.

94
00:03:01,495 --> 00:03:03,895
So, you know...
if I didn't wake up tomorrow,

95
00:03:03,930 --> 00:03:06,164
you know, that would be fine with me.

96
00:03:06,199 --> 00:03:08,666
But we're gonna have
a good time in Las Vegas. Whoo.

97
00:03:08,702 --> 00:03:09,734
Yeah, that's dark, man.

98
00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:11,369
That's dark, bro.

99
00:03:12,220 --> 00:03:14,441
Ooh, I got a text from Jess.

100
00:03:14,442 --> 00:03:16,542
Hot bachelorette party goss.

101
00:03:16,584 --> 00:03:19,452
"With Aly, Tripp. On the squirts!"

102
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:20,155
That's weird.

103
00:03:20,156 --> 00:03:23,475
Uh, why would she be
with Aly and her boyfriend?

104
00:03:23,905 --> 00:03:25,605
Why does she need to tell me?

105
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,169
Maybe they're having problems.

106
00:03:27,170 --> 00:03:30,719
She's, uh, with my partner,
Aly, who, I'm in love with,

107
00:03:30,745 --> 00:03:32,545
but she has a boyfriend, you know.

108
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,013
And I'm married to Rhonda,

109
00:03:34,049 --> 00:03:35,448
but it's a prank.
It's a whole story, I'm prank...

110
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:36,682
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

111
00:03:36,718 --> 00:03:38,317
Too many lady problems, all right?

112
00:03:38,353 --> 00:03:40,353
- This is a bachelor party.
- You know what? You're right.

113
00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:42,155
You're right.
I'm gonna put the phone away.

114
00:03:42,190 --> 00:03:43,045
My focus is here with you guys.

115
00:03:43,046 --> 00:03:44,908
Fabulous. Anybody want to split a pill?

116
00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:45,899
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.

117
00:03:45,935 --> 00:03:46,975
Change of plans, you guys.

118
00:03:47,003 --> 00:03:48,355
- Boys.
- Hey.

119
00:03:48,356 --> 00:03:49,756
We're doing motorcycles.

120
00:03:49,791 --> 00:03:51,758
Yeah! Let's do this.

121
00:04:01,002 --> 00:04:02,535
You look cool, man. You look cool.

122
00:04:02,571 --> 00:04:05,834
Hey, why don't you check
your right pocket, buddy?

123
00:04:05,860 --> 00:04:07,726
- What?
- What?

124
00:04:07,762 --> 00:04:09,595
I said "What?"

125
00:04:09,630 --> 00:04:11,245
I thought you said something different.

126
00:04:11,271 --> 00:04:12,138
Different from what?

127
00:04:12,139 --> 00:04:13,372
I thought you said something different.

128
00:04:13,407 --> 00:04:14,773
I can't hear you. What?

129
00:04:14,808 --> 00:04:16,775
Check your pocket on
the right side, buddy.

130
00:04:16,810 --> 00:04:19,144
My pock... yeah!

131
00:04:19,179 --> 00:04:21,980
This is exactly what
I was talking about.

132
00:04:22,016 --> 00:04:23,181
What?

133
00:04:28,521 --> 00:04:30,021
All right.

134
00:04:31,236 --> 00:04:32,569
We are going to party so hard.

135
00:04:32,595 --> 00:04:34,195
We're gonna go buck wild.

136
00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:36,130
- Buck wild.
- On fleek.

137
00:04:36,166 --> 00:04:37,165
Yeah, that's right, that's right,

138
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:38,166
that's right, that's right.

139
00:04:38,201 --> 00:04:38,605
I'm telling you guys,

140
00:04:38,606 --> 00:04:40,155
this couldn't come at a better time.

141
00:04:40,181 --> 00:04:41,814
I really need this.

142
00:04:42,294 --> 00:04:43,770
I mean, between my divorce

143
00:04:43,796 --> 00:04:45,577
and my mom getting put in
hospice care, you know?

144
00:04:45,578 --> 00:04:47,811
Yeah, we gonna tap that ass!

145
00:04:47,846 --> 00:04:50,113
♪ Bend it over and do it again. ♪

146
00:04:50,149 --> 00:04:51,348
Are you on your phone, man?

147
00:04:51,383 --> 00:04:52,883
Huh? What are you...?

148
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,818
Huh? No, no, I am... nah.
Enough with the phone.

149
00:04:54,853 --> 00:04:56,053
- I was, uh...
- What are you doing?

150
00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:57,654
I was looking at
this-this children's book.

151
00:04:57,690 --> 00:04:59,130
Yeah, this ugly duckling about to be

152
00:04:59,158 --> 00:05:00,324
fine as hell at the end.

153
00:05:00,359 --> 00:05:01,858
Sexy ass swan.

154
00:05:01,894 --> 00:05:04,194
Got me picking feathers
out of my teeth for days.

155
00:05:04,229 --> 00:05:05,822
It's not the feathers
you have to worry about.

156
00:05:05,823 --> 00:05:07,254
It's the eggshells.

157
00:05:13,596 --> 00:05:14,562
Ow!

158
00:05:14,597 --> 00:05:15,363
Damn it.

159
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:17,031
Oh, shoot.

160
00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:19,066
Hey, hey!

161
00:05:19,102 --> 00:05:19,934
No, no...

162
00:05:19,969 --> 00:05:22,403
No.

163
00:05:22,438 --> 00:05:23,845
Aah! Aah!

164
00:05:23,871 --> 00:05:26,124
Oh!

165
00:05:30,193 --> 00:05:30,760
Whoa.

166
00:05:30,786 --> 00:05:32,658
I didn't know you could
fall off those things.

167
00:05:32,684 --> 00:05:34,817
Well, you can't, but I did it anyway.

168
00:05:35,326 --> 00:05:36,708
'Cause I'm not friggin' tough enough

169
00:05:36,709 --> 00:05:39,274
to ride a mechanical tricycle.

170
00:05:39,310 --> 00:05:40,513
Hey, it could have happened
to anybody, Schmidt.

171
00:05:40,539 --> 00:05:41,176
No, it couldn't have.

172
00:05:41,212 --> 00:05:42,878
- It could only happen to me.
- You crashed.

173
00:05:42,913 --> 00:05:44,610
You chunked. You beefed.

174
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:46,044
You came off your bike.

175
00:05:46,078 --> 00:05:48,245
That's cool as hell. You got injured.

176
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:49,413
Yeah, you know,
my neck does feel a little...

177
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:50,848
I don't know... off.

178
00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:52,049
Well, yeah, your neck's off.

179
00:05:52,084 --> 00:05:53,317
It's-it's hurt.

180
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:55,653
You got hurt on a hog, man.

181
00:05:56,678 --> 00:05:57,545
And what are you gonna
do with that pain?

182
00:05:57,546 --> 00:05:59,412
What does a man do about that pain?

183
00:05:59,438 --> 00:06:01,205
- He takes a bubble bath.
- No.

184
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:02,873
He drinks the pain away.

185
00:06:02,908 --> 00:06:04,174
Here's what we're gonna do.

186
00:06:04,210 --> 00:06:05,442
You see that biker bar?

187
00:06:05,478 --> 00:06:06,910
We're gonna walk inside.

188
00:06:06,946 --> 00:06:08,112
You're gonna take your helmet off.

189
00:06:08,147 --> 00:06:09,378
You're gonna slam it down.

190
00:06:09,379 --> 00:06:10,712
You're gonna tell somebody to watch it.

191
00:06:10,747 --> 00:06:12,280
You're gonna put Seeger on the jukebox.

192
00:06:12,315 --> 00:06:13,515
And you're gonna drink some whiskey.

193
00:06:13,550 --> 00:06:15,550
Some clear-cut accomplishables.

194
00:06:15,585 --> 00:06:16,985
That sounds pretty manly.

195
00:06:17,020 --> 00:06:18,453
All right, my man. Give me some skin.

196
00:06:18,488 --> 00:06:20,845
Ah, Schmidt.

197
00:06:20,877 --> 00:06:21,976
Come on, that didn't hurt.

198
00:06:22,011 --> 00:06:23,244
It's too hard. It hurt.

199
00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:24,412
It honestly hurt. You're strong.

200
00:06:24,447 --> 00:06:25,579
Look, man, I do... you know.

201
00:06:25,615 --> 00:06:26,440
Feel good?

202
00:06:26,441 --> 00:06:28,474
- I am, I'm feeling better.
- You back?

203
00:06:28,509 --> 00:06:31,143
Who's the butchest guy on this roadside?

204
00:06:31,178 --> 00:06:32,945
Me.

205
00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:34,480
What are we doing? Stopping for coffee?

206
00:06:34,515 --> 00:06:35,681
Let me get a scone.

207
00:06:35,716 --> 00:06:37,182
Unless it's raspberry, in which case

208
00:06:37,218 --> 00:06:38,817
I'll take a chocolate chip cookie.

209
00:06:38,853 --> 00:06:40,486
- That's it. Give me the phone.
- Whoa, no, no, no, no.

210
00:06:40,521 --> 00:06:41,921
Look, I just texted Jess

211
00:06:41,956 --> 00:06:43,656
to see if Aly and Tripp broke up, okay?

212
00:06:43,691 --> 00:06:45,824
And she's replying, man,
the dots are up.

213
00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:47,760
All right? Look, I need
to know if Aly is single.

214
00:06:47,795 --> 00:06:49,628
Oh, all right, well, let
me see real quick. Yeah.

215
00:06:49,664 --> 00:06:51,130
Give me that thing. Hey, hey, hey. Oh!

216
00:06:51,165 --> 00:06:52,765
Oh! That ding. That ding.

217
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,934
That's for me. That's for me.
You got to let me check.

218
00:06:54,969 --> 00:06:56,502
Hell no. Uh-uh.

219
00:06:56,537 --> 00:06:59,138
This phone is on lockdown
in pocket town.

220
00:07:00,708 --> 00:07:01,941
Did you hear what I just said?

221
00:07:01,976 --> 00:07:03,475
- It's good.
- Hey, guys!

222
00:07:03,511 --> 00:07:06,211
Eagle eyes has found the road house.

223
00:07:06,247 --> 00:07:08,280
So let's...!

224
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,550
I don't why I led out
with "let's" like that.

225
00:07:11,586 --> 00:07:12,985
I feel like I have nowhere to...

226
00:07:13,020 --> 00:07:15,187
Let's rodeo.

227
00:07:24,165 --> 00:07:26,595
- Oh, these people are real desert-y.
- I don't think

228
00:07:26,596 --> 00:07:28,836
this is the kind of place
where you're gonna want to s...

229
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,368
Somebody watch that.

230
00:07:35,194 --> 00:07:37,074
I must say, this is not my favorite

231
00:07:37,075 --> 00:07:38,441
sort of white people in here.

232
00:07:38,442 --> 00:07:39,775
Me neither. My favorite kind

233
00:07:39,810 --> 00:07:41,677
of white people are
redheads with high socks.

234
00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:43,245
Male or female.

235
00:07:43,281 --> 00:07:45,114
Hey, hey.

236
00:07:45,149 --> 00:07:48,139
Um, remember earlier,
when you took my phone

237
00:07:48,140 --> 00:07:49,506
and it went "ding"?

238
00:07:49,541 --> 00:07:50,620
Wait a minute.

239
00:07:50,621 --> 00:07:52,131
There's a desert flower over there

240
00:07:52,132 --> 00:07:53,597
who needs a little watering.

241
00:07:56,302 --> 00:07:57,635
What's Schmidt doing?

242
00:08:00,239 --> 00:08:01,940
Oh, he's not even
looking at the buttons.

243
00:08:04,543 --> 00:08:06,210
Hey, what's going on? Come here.

244
00:08:06,245 --> 00:08:07,605
Unplug it. Unplug the whole thing.

245
00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:10,514
Whoa.

246
00:08:10,549 --> 00:08:13,515
Good thing that's over.

247
00:08:13,516 --> 00:08:15,383
We can come back from this.
Buy everybody in here a drink.

248
00:08:15,417 --> 00:08:18,719
That's a cool move.
That's a Rat Pack move.

249
00:08:18,754 --> 00:08:20,233
Can I buy you a drink?

250
00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:22,167
Um, uh, a beer? A bock, maybe?

251
00:08:22,324 --> 00:08:24,524
You've got some amber
in-in your necklace.

252
00:08:24,559 --> 00:08:26,059
Uh, maybe an amber bock.

253
00:08:28,263 --> 00:08:29,462
Nick?

254
00:08:32,668 --> 00:08:33,668
Nick?

255
00:08:35,604 --> 00:08:38,938
I got to tell you, I love that vest.

256
00:08:38,974 --> 00:08:41,241
Desert fashion has a certain

257
00:08:41,276 --> 00:08:43,643
functional sensuality
that I really respond to.

258
00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:45,745
I made it out of my dead Rottweiler.

259
00:08:45,781 --> 00:08:47,380
You dirty little rattlesnake.

260
00:08:47,416 --> 00:08:48,748
You know, I've got a picnic blanket

261
00:08:48,783 --> 00:08:50,482
in my minivan, we could go...

262
00:08:50,518 --> 00:08:52,451
You know what? If you're gonna
be traveling in my minivan,

263
00:08:52,486 --> 00:08:53,485
you're gonna live by my rules.

264
00:08:53,521 --> 00:08:55,454
Now go over there and sit down.

265
00:08:55,489 --> 00:08:57,056
You know, I'm willing to bet, you got

266
00:08:57,091 --> 00:08:58,791
a big spider in your hair.

267
00:08:58,826 --> 00:09:00,092
When I come back,

268
00:09:00,127 --> 00:09:02,561
I intend to find it.

269
00:09:03,830 --> 00:09:04,563
I'm not mad.

270
00:09:04,598 --> 00:09:06,632
I'm just incredibly disappointed in you.

271
00:09:06,667 --> 00:09:08,767
- Five whiskeys, please.
- Coming up.

272
00:09:08,803 --> 00:09:11,403
You're doing them all. That's
too much whiskey for my frame.

273
00:09:11,439 --> 00:09:13,272
No, no, I know it seems like a lot,

274
00:09:13,307 --> 00:09:15,174
but binge drinking can be a fun

275
00:09:15,209 --> 00:09:17,676
and safe way to engage with life.

276
00:09:17,712 --> 00:09:19,511
This is one of your dear friend's

277
00:09:19,547 --> 00:09:20,746
bachelor parties, you know?

278
00:09:20,781 --> 00:09:22,414
If you miss out on it now,

279
00:09:22,450 --> 00:09:24,583
you miss out
on the memories forever, Wally.

280
00:09:24,618 --> 00:09:28,420
My name's Winston, but
you're absolutely correct, man.

281
00:09:28,456 --> 00:09:30,089
I should not be sitting here,
thinking about Aly.

282
00:09:30,124 --> 00:09:31,924
She's never going to
go for a guy like me.

283
00:09:31,959 --> 00:09:34,593
Clearly living in a fantasy world.

284
00:09:34,628 --> 00:09:37,162
I should be getting drunk with you guys

285
00:09:37,198 --> 00:09:39,031
in this disgusting bar.

286
00:09:40,134 --> 00:09:41,500
Hear, hear. Cheers to that.

287
00:09:41,535 --> 00:09:44,937
- Oh, that is low quality whiskey.
- Yeah.

288
00:09:44,972 --> 00:09:45,972
Hey, barkeep.

289
00:09:46,006 --> 00:09:47,973
Let me get a whiskey on ice.

290
00:09:51,879 --> 00:09:52,978
What? What'd I say?

291
00:09:53,013 --> 00:09:54,680
Did he say something about ice?

292
00:09:55,472 --> 00:09:56,980
Where are you boys from?

293
00:09:57,730 --> 00:09:58,865
I'm from Los Angeles.

294
00:09:58,915 --> 00:09:59,833
East side.

295
00:09:59,915 --> 00:10:01,748
The... more... uh...
east... east downtown.

296
00:10:01,776 --> 00:10:03,876
Big city boys trying
to come to our desert

297
00:10:03,912 --> 00:10:06,011
and freeze the little water we got left.

298
00:10:06,278 --> 00:10:08,478
'Cause you're too soft
for a hot whiskey.

299
00:10:08,513 --> 00:10:10,680
No-no one's bad mouthing hot whiskey.

300
00:10:10,716 --> 00:10:12,616
Hot Whiskey was my first chat room name.

301
00:10:12,651 --> 00:10:14,284
Who wants a drink?

302
00:10:14,319 --> 00:10:15,633
I'll take a nice warm glass

303
00:10:15,634 --> 00:10:18,662
of how about you stop coming
over here and using our water

304
00:10:18,663 --> 00:10:20,595
to hydrate your daisies over in L.A.?!

305
00:10:20,631 --> 00:10:22,030
Okay, first of all, let me just say,

306
00:10:22,065 --> 00:10:24,499
I think we're all concerned

307
00:10:24,534 --> 00:10:26,434
about the drought in California.

308
00:10:26,470 --> 00:10:27,469
I haven't showered in six days.

309
00:10:27,504 --> 00:10:29,204
Oh, so you're saying you want to fight.

310
00:10:29,239 --> 00:10:31,640
That's a huge leap in logic.

311
00:10:31,675 --> 00:10:32,951
- You want to fight?
- Yeah.

312
00:10:32,952 --> 00:10:35,087
I'll fight you and then
I'll take a hot shower,

313
00:10:35,088 --> 00:10:36,445
you s-sandy lizard man.

314
00:10:36,446 --> 00:10:36,929
Let's do this.

315
00:10:36,955 --> 00:10:38,000
Totally, totally,
totally, totally, totally.

316
00:10:38,001 --> 00:10:39,680
- Yeah, let's fight these guys, Nick.
- Yeah, totally.

317
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:40,983
We're gonna fight these guys.

318
00:10:40,984 --> 00:10:43,685
Uh, but not indoors.

319
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,751
Because real men fight outside.

320
00:10:45,752 --> 00:10:47,953
Yeah, just like real
chili doesn't have beans.

321
00:10:47,954 --> 00:10:49,554
What the hell you just say about beans?

322
00:10:49,589 --> 00:10:52,196
Beans are nothing but soggy nuts.

323
00:10:52,197 --> 00:10:53,697
What the hell
are you saying about nuts?!

324
00:10:53,732 --> 00:10:54,940
Nothing, it's a totally
weird digression.

325
00:10:54,966 --> 00:10:56,006
It's not what we're about.

326
00:10:56,034 --> 00:10:57,600
We'll see you outside.

327
00:10:57,635 --> 00:11:00,775
But first we got to go to
the little boys' room together.

328
00:11:00,801 --> 00:11:03,034
Yeah, we're gonna urinate
and then we're gonna do this.

329
00:11:03,070 --> 00:11:04,251
Yeah.

330
00:11:04,252 --> 00:11:06,292
Uh, is there a key?
Do I need a key to the restroom?

331
00:11:11,753 --> 00:11:14,651
Ooh, God, I hope I get to
kick somebody in the head.

332
00:11:14,995 --> 00:11:16,227
What are you doing with that window?

333
00:11:16,262 --> 00:11:17,930
You letting a bee out? That's dope, man.

334
00:11:17,931 --> 00:11:19,781
N-N-N-N-N-No. We're escaping.
We're not fighting those guys.

335
00:11:19,807 --> 00:11:20,398
What?

336
00:11:20,433 --> 00:11:21,983
I thought you s-said that we're
going to meet them outside?

337
00:11:22,009 --> 00:11:22,397
Uh, yeah.

338
00:11:22,423 --> 00:11:23,923
And they believed it.
It's a great trick.

339
00:11:23,958 --> 00:11:25,758
It's how the Millers have
never had to pay for a ham.

340
00:11:25,793 --> 00:11:27,626
We're escaping?
How-how is that butch, Nick?

341
00:11:27,662 --> 00:11:29,061
Enough with the butch stuff, Schmidt.

342
00:11:29,096 --> 00:11:31,287
You got to let this Toby thing go.

343
00:11:31,313 --> 00:11:33,847
If I freaked out every time
somebody yelled at me, I...

344
00:11:33,882 --> 00:11:35,415
It's not because I got yelled at.

345
00:11:35,451 --> 00:11:37,584
It's because I got yelled at
in front of Cece.

346
00:11:38,801 --> 00:11:40,443
You know, I know she can handle herself,

347
00:11:40,444 --> 00:11:43,238
but I need to prove to myself
that I can defend her

348
00:11:43,239 --> 00:11:45,672
from the lunatic pagans of the world.

349
00:11:45,716 --> 00:11:46,551
Because if I can't,

350
00:11:46,552 --> 00:11:48,518
what kind of husband am I going to be?

351
00:11:50,068 --> 00:11:52,640
I understand if you don't want
any part of this,

352
00:11:52,641 --> 00:11:54,441
but this is something I have to do.

353
00:11:55,337 --> 00:11:56,337
For me.

354
00:12:02,318 --> 00:12:04,384
Okay. I'm in.

355
00:12:04,420 --> 00:12:06,520
If you got to do it,
then I got your back.

356
00:12:06,555 --> 00:12:07,788
There's two of them, there's two of us.

357
00:12:07,823 --> 00:12:09,089
We can do this.

358
00:12:11,260 --> 00:12:13,160
They got a lot of rings, Schmidty.

359
00:12:26,108 --> 00:12:27,374
- We are so outnumbered.
- So outnumbered.

360
00:12:27,409 --> 00:12:28,769
We're not going to win this fight.

361
00:12:30,794 --> 00:12:31,910
That's a little boy over there.

362
00:12:31,911 --> 00:12:33,177
Where'd that little boy come from?

363
00:12:33,212 --> 00:12:34,978
He just does that sometimes.

364
00:12:36,148 --> 00:12:37,683
All right, I'll take the little boy.

365
00:12:37,709 --> 00:12:39,008
- I'm gonna take the little boy.
- I got the little boy.

366
00:12:39,044 --> 00:12:40,209
You take everybody else. I got the boy.

367
00:12:40,245 --> 00:12:41,444
I'm gonna go for the little boy.

368
00:12:41,479 --> 00:12:42,645
You're not touching Dirt Boy.

369
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:43,720
Don't touch Dirt Boy.

370
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:45,019
Dirt Boy touches you.

371
00:12:46,823 --> 00:12:48,890
Why did you not more
forcefully talk me out of this?

372
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,091
Why is that little boy
not in a day care?

373
00:12:51,127 --> 00:12:52,127
Are we fighting or not?

374
00:12:55,966 --> 00:12:57,360
What are we gonna do?

375
00:13:02,272 --> 00:13:04,079
We gotta do something, Schmidt.

376
00:13:05,342 --> 00:13:07,742
Schmidt! Schmidt! Schmidt!

377
00:13:08,678 --> 00:13:09,944
What are you doing?

378
00:13:09,980 --> 00:13:11,112
I'm being a man.

379
00:13:11,147 --> 00:13:12,113
I'm Schmidt!

380
00:13:12,148 --> 00:13:13,214
Schmidt!

381
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:16,584
Yeah, I'm Schmidt! Schmidt!

382
00:13:16,620 --> 00:13:18,253
- Why does he keep saying his name?
- I'm Schmidt.

383
00:13:18,288 --> 00:13:19,554
In case you're wondering what my n...

384
00:13:19,589 --> 00:13:20,655
what my name is, it's Schmidt.

385
00:13:20,690 --> 00:13:21,723
Schmidt!

386
00:13:21,758 --> 00:13:23,524
This is Nick! Nick! Schmidt!

387
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,794
You know what would be a good plan?

388
00:13:26,830 --> 00:13:29,597
You get a job at
a Raisin Bran factory, right?

389
00:13:29,633 --> 00:13:30,865
You start stealing

390
00:13:30,901 --> 00:13:33,148
all of the raisins, okay? You follow?

391
00:13:33,218 --> 00:13:34,618
Then you hydrate those raisins

392
00:13:34,653 --> 00:13:36,386
to make them turn back into grapes,

393
00:13:36,421 --> 00:13:38,121
and you sell the grapes.

394
00:13:38,157 --> 00:13:41,057
There's no overhead, and you
make you a very rich man.

395
00:13:41,093 --> 00:13:42,517
That's right, Wilson.

396
00:13:42,518 --> 00:13:44,184
You have surrendered to the night.

397
00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:45,819
I'm Wilson.

398
00:13:45,855 --> 00:13:47,904
Schmidt! Yeah, I'm Schmidt!

399
00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:50,040
My babies.

400
00:13:50,066 --> 00:13:51,740
Ain't nobody gonna touch my babies.

401
00:13:53,344 --> 00:13:54,643
Knuckle up!

402
00:13:54,678 --> 00:13:56,907
- Yeah, I'm feeling dangerous!
- No, no, no.

403
00:13:56,908 --> 00:13:57,886
- Winston. Winston.
- No. Uh-huh!

404
00:13:57,887 --> 00:13:59,352
I ain't got no phone.
I ain't got no Aly.

405
00:13:59,388 --> 00:14:00,453
No, no, no, no, no, no
no, no, no, no, no.

406
00:14:00,489 --> 00:14:03,023
Dirt bike push.

407
00:14:03,058 --> 00:14:04,424
Winston.

408
00:14:04,459 --> 00:14:06,593
Mirror kick.

409
00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:08,947
Hey, hey, that's my car! Okay, get him!

410
00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:10,339
- That's his car?
- You didn't say that was his car.

411
00:14:10,374 --> 00:14:12,274
- We got this. We got this.
- We got this. We got this.

412
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,709
Come on!

413
00:14:50,414 --> 00:14:53,983
Oh, no, it's the little boy!

414
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:56,485
Little boy, go away!

415
00:15:36,594 --> 00:15:38,561
Hey, where the hell is Big Schmidt?

416
00:15:40,798 --> 00:15:42,798
Keep the vest on.

417
00:15:48,421 --> 00:15:51,389
Here. For your cheek.

418
00:15:55,093 --> 00:15:57,193
I think some turquoise
got stuck in there.

419
00:15:57,229 --> 00:15:59,372
- Here. That hurt?
- Ow.

420
00:15:59,373 --> 00:16:00,606
Yes, a little.

421
00:16:00,642 --> 00:16:01,808
All right. Let's do this.

422
00:16:01,843 --> 00:16:03,176
Doggies or trucks?

423
00:16:03,211 --> 00:16:05,411
I don't deserve trucks.

424
00:16:05,447 --> 00:16:08,181
I'll be the judge of that.

425
00:16:08,216 --> 00:16:10,016
You deserve trucks.

426
00:16:12,474 --> 00:16:14,775
Damn. Anybody else get hit with a geode?

427
00:16:14,776 --> 00:16:15,830
I got hit with a geode.

428
00:16:15,831 --> 00:16:17,730
Some dude stuck his fingers in my mouth.

429
00:16:17,765 --> 00:16:20,266
What is that? Is that
like a desert power thing?

430
00:16:20,301 --> 00:16:22,083
When things started
escalating, I just rolled up

431
00:16:22,109 --> 00:16:23,736
into a little ball like an armadillo.

432
00:16:23,771 --> 00:16:26,372
Fellas, can I get real for a second?

433
00:16:27,642 --> 00:16:30,543
I was thinking
about Aly the entire time.

434
00:16:32,731 --> 00:16:34,815
This is one of her barrettes.

435
00:16:36,862 --> 00:16:38,462
You know, women use barrettes

436
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:40,643
to keep their hairs in
different styles. Yeah.

437
00:16:40,644 --> 00:16:43,244
But Aly uses this to pin her
hair up when she's on duty.

438
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:44,846
And I kept it.

439
00:16:44,881 --> 00:16:47,115
That's how pathetic I am.

440
00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:48,216
That's not pathetic.

441
00:16:49,152 --> 00:16:50,185
It's lovely.

442
00:16:50,220 --> 00:16:53,922
It reminds me of all my old lost loves.

443
00:16:53,957 --> 00:16:57,826
Yeah. Cece.

444
00:16:57,861 --> 00:16:59,794
Or my ex.

445
00:16:59,830 --> 00:17:01,296
She was a pill,

446
00:17:01,331 --> 00:17:03,665
but when she used to go
to second base on me,

447
00:17:03,700 --> 00:17:06,334
she was like Joe Morgan.

448
00:17:09,691 --> 00:17:11,179
You know, a lot of people
don't know this,

449
00:17:11,180 --> 00:17:15,515
but, uh, Aly's full name is Alison.

450
00:17:16,529 --> 00:17:19,050
I like to imagine that she
was named after the song.

451
00:17:19,051 --> 00:17:20,951
♪ Alison ♪

452
00:17:22,390 --> 00:17:25,057
♪ I know this world ♪

453
00:17:25,093 --> 00:17:27,693
♪ Is killing you ♪

454
00:17:27,729 --> 00:17:31,030
♪ Alison ♪

455
00:17:31,065 --> 00:17:32,565
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪

456
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:36,469
♪ My aim is true. ♪

457
00:17:36,504 --> 00:17:38,371
Sorry I got us into this, Nick.

458
00:17:38,406 --> 00:17:39,839
I was useless out there.

459
00:17:39,874 --> 00:17:41,207
I didn't even get one punch in.

460
00:17:41,242 --> 00:17:42,875
That's not true.
You hit me a little bit.

461
00:17:42,910 --> 00:17:44,543
I got my ass whomped out there.

462
00:17:44,579 --> 00:17:47,012
Got whomped up and down the road.

463
00:17:47,048 --> 00:17:49,014
- What's whomp?
- Like a whomp-down.

464
00:17:49,050 --> 00:17:50,750
- Oh, whooped?
- Whomped.

465
00:17:50,785 --> 00:17:51,917
Are you talking about getting beat up?

466
00:17:51,953 --> 00:17:53,519
- Yes.
- Whooped.

467
00:17:53,554 --> 00:17:54,754
I got this calendar bod,

468
00:17:54,789 --> 00:17:56,389
but it doesn't hold up in battle.

469
00:17:56,424 --> 00:17:58,023
Look, it's 2016.

470
00:17:58,059 --> 00:18:00,025
She's not looking for a strong husband.

471
00:18:00,061 --> 00:18:02,161
That... no, tha-that's
not what I was gonna...

472
00:18:02,196 --> 00:18:03,562
That's not where I was going with this.

473
00:18:03,598 --> 00:18:06,499
I'm getting married, Nick.

474
00:18:06,534 --> 00:18:08,135
How am I going to defend Cece?

475
00:18:08,136 --> 00:18:10,336
She deserves the best
husband in the world,

476
00:18:10,372 --> 00:18:12,839
and what if I don't have what it takes?

477
00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:17,043
Of course you have what it
takes to be a modern husband.

478
00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:19,879
Do you have what it takes to be
a husband of the old world?

479
00:18:19,915 --> 00:18:21,214
God, no.

480
00:18:21,249 --> 00:18:23,716
They would use you as a pelt.

481
00:18:24,149 --> 00:18:26,983
Today, you fought, kinda.

482
00:18:27,831 --> 00:18:29,263
You're gonna make
a great husband to Cece.

483
00:18:29,299 --> 00:18:30,932
- How do you know?
- Because I know.

484
00:18:30,967 --> 00:18:32,541
- Because why?
- Because.

485
00:18:32,542 --> 00:18:34,341
Look what happened here today.
Because why?

486
00:18:34,376 --> 00:18:36,610
Beca... ever since I've
known you, you've been there.

487
00:18:36,645 --> 00:18:38,145
Okay, you're always there.

488
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:40,514
Even when I don't want
you there, you're there.

489
00:18:40,549 --> 00:18:43,083
That's what a husband does.

490
00:18:43,118 --> 00:18:45,652
You fight for me.
That's what a husband does.

491
00:18:45,687 --> 00:18:46,820
You care about what I eat.

492
00:18:46,855 --> 00:18:48,488
That's what a husband does.

493
00:18:48,524 --> 00:18:49,956
You've cooked for me,
even when I don't ask.

494
00:18:49,992 --> 00:18:51,691
That's what a husband does.

495
00:18:51,727 --> 00:18:54,194
When I pass out, you comb my
hair so there's no knots in it.

496
00:18:54,229 --> 00:18:55,529
That's what a husband does.

497
00:18:55,564 --> 00:18:56,963
So, guess what.

498
00:18:56,999 --> 00:18:58,131
You're gonna be a great
husband to Cece because

499
00:18:58,167 --> 00:19:01,168
you're a great husband to me.

500
00:19:01,203 --> 00:19:02,836
So that's how I know.

501
00:19:02,871 --> 00:19:04,037
You're, you're like my husband.

502
00:19:04,072 --> 00:19:05,705
You're like my wife, but...

503
00:19:05,741 --> 00:19:07,641
Yeah, so that's how I know.

504
00:19:10,479 --> 00:19:11,845
Thanks for saying that, man.

505
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:13,413
Yeah, man.

506
00:19:33,685 --> 00:19:35,503
I need this to be done, okay?

507
00:19:35,504 --> 00:19:38,572
Well, you can't take it back.
I heard you say it, Nick.

508
00:19:38,607 --> 00:19:40,774
Hey, hey, hey. What you guys up to?

509
00:19:40,809 --> 00:19:42,742
We're pouring out one
for our lost loves.

510
00:19:42,778 --> 00:19:45,278
Good-bye, unrequited love for Aly.

511
00:19:45,766 --> 00:19:48,600
May I now heal and, and move forward.

512
00:19:48,649 --> 00:19:50,198
I'm proud of you, man.

513
00:19:50,199 --> 00:19:52,933
And as a gift, I'm gonna give
you your own property back.

514
00:19:52,969 --> 00:19:55,303
You don't have to do that.
I mean, it's not...

515
00:19:55,338 --> 00:19:56,904
I don't really need it, but...

516
00:19:56,939 --> 00:19:58,506
Whoa.

517
00:20:00,917 --> 00:20:02,109
Aly is single.

518
00:20:03,546 --> 00:20:05,079
- Aly is single!
- Nice! Oh, great.

519
00:20:05,114 --> 00:20:06,514
Hey. Hey.

520
00:20:06,549 --> 00:20:08,015
Okay, so are you gonna
tell her how you feel?

521
00:20:08,051 --> 00:20:09,150
I don't know. I don't know, uh,

522
00:20:09,185 --> 00:20:10,185
I don't know, I mean,

523
00:20:10,219 --> 00:20:11,319
what if she doesn't like me back?

524
00:20:11,354 --> 00:20:12,453
What if I'm not good enough for her?

525
00:20:12,488 --> 00:20:13,654
What if I can't bear her sons?

526
00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:14,922
You have to try. Look, I didn't think

527
00:20:14,957 --> 00:20:16,857
- I was good enough for Cece.
- You aren't.

528
00:20:16,893 --> 00:20:18,292
Winston, I don't know how
this is going to work out,

529
00:20:18,328 --> 00:20:20,328
but you need to know
that you're good enough.

530
00:20:20,363 --> 00:20:22,296
You got a heart of gold.

531
00:20:22,332 --> 00:20:26,100
You got a smile that...

532
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,868
He's been having some
really nice moments today

533
00:20:27,869 --> 00:20:29,100
and then kind of freaking out.

534
00:20:29,136 --> 00:20:29,857
You son of a bitch!

535
00:20:29,858 --> 00:20:31,589
So, what, you guys think
I should tell her how I feel?

536
00:20:31,590 --> 00:20:33,517
Yes. You absolutely should.

537
00:20:33,518 --> 00:20:34,287
Let's go now.

538
00:20:34,288 --> 00:20:35,261
What about your bachelor party?

539
00:20:35,262 --> 00:20:36,560
Who could want anything more

540
00:20:36,596 --> 00:20:38,262
from a bachelor party
than their best friend

541
00:20:38,297 --> 00:20:40,847
- telling him that they love him.
- No. For real? You said that?

542
00:20:40,848 --> 00:20:42,482
I didn't tell him that I love
him. Let's be clear about that.

543
00:20:42,517 --> 00:20:43,820
- I missed that?
- You know what?

544
00:20:43,821 --> 00:20:45,869
I'm gonna tell Cece
how I feel about her.

545
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:46,569
I'm gonna get her back.

546
00:20:46,570 --> 00:20:47,790
You do that, bud... wait, wait.

547
00:20:47,816 --> 00:20:48,418
What?

548
00:20:48,419 --> 00:20:49,917
You guys go on ahead without me.

549
00:20:49,943 --> 00:20:50,985
I'm gonna hang back here

550
00:20:50,986 --> 00:20:52,985
for another round with my desert queen.

551
00:20:53,020 --> 00:20:56,655
Besides, there's nothing
for me in the city.

552
00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,337
Wait a second. Don't you have two kids?

553
00:20:58,338 --> 00:20:58,937
Yeah.

554
00:20:58,972 --> 00:21:00,405
I'll be back Sunday.

555
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:01,573
I got to pick them up from swim camp.

556
00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:03,074
Good luck, fellas.

557
00:21:14,089 --> 00:21:16,223
We should go now. Let's do it.

558
00:21:16,258 --> 00:21:17,953
- We're men.
- Men!

559
00:21:17,978 --> 00:21:19,180
- Let's ride.
- Let's ride.

560
00:21:19,205 --> 00:21:20,671
- Let's ride.
- Let's ride.

561
00:21:22,507 --> 00:21:23,867
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- No, no, no, no. I'm good.

562
00:21:23,892 --> 00:21:25,932
- Men. We're men.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sit. Sit. Sit.

563
00:21:29,302 --> 00:21:31,294
Best bachelor party ever, Nick!

564
00:21:31,319 --> 00:21:32,133
What's that, man?!

565
00:21:32,158 --> 00:21:33,375
- What?!
- What?!

566
00:21:33,570 --> 00:21:34,734
- What?!
- I didn't hear you.

567
00:21:34,759 --> 00:21:36,094
- All right.
- I didn't hear you.

568
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:37,799
<i>- Yeah.
- Yeah, man.</i>

569
00:21:37,813 --> 00:21:39,407
<i>- Yeah, man.
- Yeah, man.</i>