1 00:00:03,411 --> 00:00:04,077 Road trip! 2 00:00:04,145 --> 00:00:05,011 See you guys. 3 00:00:05,079 --> 00:00:05,879 Have a good time. 4 00:00:05,946 --> 00:00:07,047 Let's go. 5 00:00:07,114 --> 00:00:08,448 We're just gonna have a chill day in. 6 00:00:08,516 --> 00:00:10,016 - Road trip! - Yeah! 7 00:00:10,084 --> 00:00:11,651 I said, "Chill day in..." 8 00:00:12,753 --> 00:00:14,054 but did I mean it? 9 00:00:15,589 --> 00:00:17,190 Wait, I thought we were having a chill day. 10 00:00:17,258 --> 00:00:18,858 Oh... we are... 11 00:00:18,926 --> 00:00:20,660 Oh, good... not. 12 00:00:20,728 --> 00:00:21,728 Welcome to 13 00:00:21,796 --> 00:00:23,730 your bachelorette party 2.0. 14 00:00:23,798 --> 00:00:25,065 I got... 15 00:00:25,132 --> 00:00:26,366 - the nail polish. - Mm. 16 00:00:26,434 --> 00:00:28,401 - I got comfy socks. - Okay. 17 00:00:28,469 --> 00:00:31,171 I have Canadian Broadcast Television's 18 00:00:31,238 --> 00:00:32,338 1985 masterpiece, 19 00:00:32,406 --> 00:00:34,340 Anne of Green Gables. 20 00:00:34,408 --> 00:00:35,341 Good ol' A.G.G. 21 00:00:35,409 --> 00:00:36,342 But, oh, wait... 22 00:00:36,410 --> 00:00:38,078 who invited this 23 00:00:38,145 --> 00:00:40,180 little green chimney? 24 00:00:41,182 --> 00:00:42,115 I-It's a bong. 25 00:00:42,183 --> 00:00:43,016 Yeah. 26 00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:45,369 Oh, scoot, once every ten years, 27 00:00:45,370 --> 00:00:46,845 Jessica Day likes to partake 28 00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:50,182 in what the Native Americans call cannabis. 29 00:00:50,249 --> 00:00:51,216 - That's Latin. - I like to call it 30 00:00:51,284 --> 00:00:52,284 Giggle Dirt. 31 00:00:52,351 --> 00:00:53,652 You know, we really don't 32 00:00:53,719 --> 00:00:54,986 have to do this, because every time 33 00:00:55,054 --> 00:00:56,655 you smoke weed you almost die. 34 00:00:56,722 --> 00:00:59,157 I'm gonna Jackass into these melons! 35 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:00,258 Ah... 36 00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:01,760 Ah... 37 00:01:03,829 --> 00:01:04,763 ♪ Oh, my God ♪ 38 00:01:04,830 --> 00:01:06,331 ♪ Return of high Jess ♪ 39 00:01:07,333 --> 00:01:08,433 ♪ Return of high Jess ♪ 40 00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:15,941 Anne Shirley... 41 00:01:17,843 --> 00:01:19,277 what in heck are you doing? 42 00:01:20,846 --> 00:01:22,447 Fishing for lake trout. 43 00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:23,782 - Hey. - Hmm? 44 00:01:23,849 --> 00:01:25,684 - For lake trout? - Remember Coach? 45 00:01:27,386 --> 00:01:28,920 Oh, yeah. 46 00:01:28,988 --> 00:01:30,589 Where is he? 47 00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:37,062 Anne, wait, wait a minute. 48 00:01:37,129 --> 00:01:38,396 I was just down at the post office 49 00:01:38,464 --> 00:01:39,598 - to see if the Queens results... - Like, why... 50 00:01:39,665 --> 00:01:40,899 like, why... 51 00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:43,001 like why are Gilbert's lips so sexual? 52 00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:46,605 Wait a minute, you ninny, we tied for first place, 53 00:01:46,672 --> 00:01:48,073 - you and I. - Man, I... 54 00:01:48,140 --> 00:01:50,342 I-I love Schmidt, you know I love Schmidt, 55 00:01:50,409 --> 00:01:52,677 but I would throw it all away for Gilbert. 56 00:01:52,745 --> 00:01:55,013 I would just ruin my life to that boy. 57 00:01:55,081 --> 00:01:56,848 I'm just sorry you had to share it with me. 58 00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:58,850 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 59 00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:00,085 Wait a minute. 60 00:02:00,152 --> 00:02:01,753 The very fact that socks exist 61 00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:04,222 is proof that shoes don't work. 62 00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:05,657 Oh, my God, I... my hearing is, 63 00:02:05,725 --> 00:02:07,726 like, so good without my glasses on. 64 00:02:07,793 --> 00:02:08,994 I'm, like... 65 00:02:09,061 --> 00:02:11,663 a super hear-o. 66 00:02:11,731 --> 00:02:12,597 Just... 67 00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:13,598 eating up sounds 68 00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:14,833 with my ear mouths. 69 00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:16,501 Oh, my God, oh, my God, 70 00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:18,169 oh, my God, oh, my God. 71 00:02:18,237 --> 00:02:21,439 Oh, my God, wait till you try that. 72 00:02:21,507 --> 00:02:23,408 - Okay. - Put them on. 73 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:26,511 It's like my hearing is, like, what a dog hears. 74 00:02:26,579 --> 00:02:28,280 And I was calmly waiting for it. 75 00:02:28,347 --> 00:02:30,515 I can hear the TV. 76 00:02:30,583 --> 00:02:32,284 I can hear the TV. 77 00:02:32,351 --> 00:02:33,385 I can hear the TV. 78 00:02:33,452 --> 00:02:34,886 Man. 79 00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:36,054 Oh, my God. 80 00:02:36,122 --> 00:02:37,455 Okay, this stuff is really strong. 81 00:02:37,523 --> 00:02:39,457 Where did you get it? 82 00:02:39,525 --> 00:02:41,326 I know people... 83 00:02:41,394 --> 00:02:43,161 through you. 84 00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:46,665 So, it's just gonna be me and Cece, uh, but I want to, 85 00:02:46,732 --> 00:02:48,566 you know, throw a little... 86 00:02:48,634 --> 00:02:50,468 gasoline on the fire, if you know what I mean. 87 00:02:50,536 --> 00:02:53,738 I have Russian nesting doll. 88 00:02:53,806 --> 00:02:54,906 Uh-oh. 89 00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:56,908 It's grenade. 90 00:02:56,976 --> 00:02:58,009 Just looking for 91 00:02:58,077 --> 00:02:59,844 a little weed, Nadia. 92 00:02:59,912 --> 00:03:01,780 And what the heck, throw in that bag of kettle corn, too. 93 00:03:10,389 --> 00:03:11,323 Oh, scoot! 94 00:03:11,390 --> 00:03:12,891 You got me a stripper?! 95 00:03:12,958 --> 00:03:14,900 So, uh, you want me to sign my package, or... 96 00:03:14,901 --> 00:03:15,835 Wait, I think 97 00:03:15,902 --> 00:03:17,128 - he's just a... - A man... 98 00:03:17,129 --> 00:03:19,129 trying to do my job for the U.S. Postal Service, 99 00:03:19,196 --> 00:03:20,230 not a stripper. 100 00:03:20,297 --> 00:03:21,398 Yes, I dance. 101 00:03:21,465 --> 00:03:23,133 Yes, I'm sexy... 102 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:24,401 but I don't do it professionally. 103 00:03:24,468 --> 00:03:25,802 Now, could you please just sign here? 104 00:03:25,870 --> 00:03:27,404 Your calves look like a snake 105 00:03:27,471 --> 00:03:28,872 swallowed a bag of ropes. You know that, right? 106 00:03:28,939 --> 00:03:30,140 I'm sorry for my friend 107 00:03:30,207 --> 00:03:31,474 objectifying you, 108 00:03:31,542 --> 00:03:34,811 but in her defense, you are fine as hell. 109 00:03:34,879 --> 00:03:36,146 Fine as hell! 110 00:03:36,213 --> 00:03:37,313 I know you're not a stripper, 111 00:03:37,381 --> 00:03:38,381 but is there any way you could 112 00:03:38,449 --> 00:03:39,416 just take your short pants off? 113 00:03:39,483 --> 00:03:40,450 Mm-hmm. 114 00:03:40,518 --> 00:03:41,518 Have a nice day. 115 00:03:41,585 --> 00:03:42,519 Om, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, 116 00:03:42,586 --> 00:03:43,753 - nom, nom, nom. - Nom, nom, nom. 117 00:03:43,821 --> 00:03:45,355 - Sorry. - Very sorry. 118 00:03:45,423 --> 00:03:46,790 - Sorry, sorry. - But we are not sorry about that. 119 00:03:46,857 --> 00:03:48,691 - Keep walking away there! - Oh, keep... slow... 120 00:03:48,759 --> 00:03:50,427 it down there for a second. 121 00:03:50,494 --> 00:03:51,428 - Ay-ay-ay. - Ooh... 122 00:03:53,831 --> 00:03:55,632 - Smack that! Sorry. - Ooh. 123 00:03:57,935 --> 00:03:59,035 I think this is 124 00:03:59,103 --> 00:04:00,737 a gift from our registry. 125 00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:02,138 Wait, don't open it! 126 00:04:02,206 --> 00:04:03,473 What if it-inside of it 127 00:04:03,541 --> 00:04:06,042 is us, but we're older? 128 00:04:06,110 --> 00:04:07,811 I've no clue what this is. 129 00:04:07,878 --> 00:04:10,180 You know, Schmidt handled everything from the registry. 130 00:04:11,282 --> 00:04:12,582 Crockpot! 131 00:04:12,650 --> 00:04:13,783 Kettle, kettle! 132 00:04:13,851 --> 00:04:14,784 Espresso maker! 133 00:04:14,852 --> 00:04:15,752 Trivet! 134 00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:17,353 Melon baller! 135 00:04:18,489 --> 00:04:21,024 It's a bread maker? 136 00:04:21,091 --> 00:04:22,125 From... 137 00:04:22,193 --> 00:04:23,693 oh, from Schmidt's mom. 138 00:04:23,761 --> 00:04:27,530 "Cece, this bread maker couldn't be easier to use." 139 00:04:27,598 --> 00:04:29,032 "It has one button." 140 00:04:29,099 --> 00:04:31,434 "Even you can do it with a few tries." 141 00:04:31,502 --> 00:04:34,204 "Ha, ha, Louise." 142 00:04:34,271 --> 00:04:36,539 What does that mean?! 143 00:04:37,201 --> 00:04:38,968 Oh, no. 144 00:04:39,036 --> 00:04:39,969 She... 145 00:04:40,037 --> 00:04:41,638 Oh, no! 146 00:04:41,705 --> 00:04:42,906 I mean, is she trying to say 147 00:04:42,973 --> 00:04:45,089 that I can't even push one button? 148 00:04:45,090 --> 00:04:47,023 She doesn't think that I can take care 149 00:04:47,091 --> 00:04:48,858 of her precious, little boy. 150 00:04:48,926 --> 00:04:50,193 She doesn't like that Schmidt does 151 00:04:50,260 --> 00:04:51,327 - all the cooking... - Hold up, 152 00:04:51,395 --> 00:04:53,796 hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. 153 00:04:53,864 --> 00:04:55,798 This simple bitch 154 00:04:55,866 --> 00:04:57,166 wants you to be some kind of 155 00:04:57,234 --> 00:04:58,301 June Cleaver, Betty Draper, 156 00:04:58,369 --> 00:05:00,236 Carol Brady wifey?! 157 00:05:00,304 --> 00:05:01,070 - Mm-mm. - It is the 158 00:05:01,138 --> 00:05:02,338 - 21st century! - Uh-huh. 159 00:05:02,406 --> 00:05:03,673 Fifth generation feminism! 160 00:05:03,741 --> 00:05:05,341 - Keep going. - Work-life balance! 161 00:05:05,409 --> 00:05:06,309 - We need to rise up. - Yeah! 162 00:05:06,377 --> 00:05:09,412 22% less pay for the same job?! 163 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:10,580 Don't tell me what to wax! 164 00:05:10,647 --> 00:05:12,248 Sideburn where my thigh turn. 165 00:05:12,316 --> 00:05:13,683 You know what we need to do to this thing?! 166 00:05:13,751 --> 00:05:14,650 Bake bread in it! 167 00:05:14,718 --> 00:05:16,586 Wait, wait, wait! 168 00:05:16,653 --> 00:05:17,620 What, what?! 169 00:05:20,023 --> 00:05:22,125 You'll do a lot more damage with this. 170 00:05:22,192 --> 00:05:23,192 This is why I love you. 171 00:05:25,095 --> 00:05:27,130 Homemade bread's for Europeans! 172 00:05:27,197 --> 00:05:28,197 - That's right! - Yeah! 173 00:05:28,265 --> 00:05:29,198 U.S.A.! 174 00:05:29,266 --> 00:05:31,901 U.S.A.! U.S.A.! 175 00:05:31,969 --> 00:05:35,238 Oh, my God, I just realized some day I'm gonna have 176 00:05:35,305 --> 00:05:37,874 to speak at my mother's funeral. 177 00:05:37,941 --> 00:05:39,375 Wow. 178 00:05:40,588 --> 00:05:42,889 - U.S.A.! - U.S.A.! 179 00:05:42,957 --> 00:05:43,649 - U.S.A.! - U.S.A.! 180 00:05:43,650 --> 00:05:44,264 Oh, wait... hey! 181 00:05:44,265 --> 00:05:46,034 We're coming up on the rental place right now. 182 00:05:46,101 --> 00:05:47,435 I just got an e-mail notification 183 00:05:47,503 --> 00:05:49,604 that our first wedding gift has arrived. 184 00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:51,694 Oh, y-you did? 185 00:05:51,695 --> 00:05:52,699 Spoiler alert, 186 00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:55,034 - it's a bread maker. - Bread maker. 187 00:05:55,102 --> 00:05:56,302 Cece, do me a favor and bring it inside. 188 00:05:56,370 --> 00:05:57,203 It's in the hallway right now. 189 00:05:57,204 --> 00:05:58,337 Yeah, I'll-I'll go... 190 00:05:58,405 --> 00:05:59,638 I'll go get the... the bread maker 191 00:05:59,706 --> 00:06:01,507 and bring it inside, in one piece, 192 00:06:01,575 --> 00:06:02,575 safe and sound. 193 00:06:02,642 --> 00:06:03,676 I love you so much, I got to go. 194 00:06:03,743 --> 00:06:05,177 Bread maker! 195 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:08,848 This was shipped like this 196 00:06:08,915 --> 00:06:11,016 so we are gonna need a new one. 197 00:06:11,084 --> 00:06:12,870 You obviously broke this yourself. 198 00:06:12,903 --> 00:06:13,836 Uh... 199 00:06:14,277 --> 00:06:16,315 You obviously broke it yourself. 200 00:06:16,341 --> 00:06:17,275 Yup. 201 00:06:17,342 --> 00:06:18,442 No. 202 00:06:18,510 --> 00:06:19,278 You crushed it with your mind. 203 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,177 - Okay, you're calling me a witch? - No, no, no, 204 00:06:21,203 --> 00:06:23,537 - A sorceress, - A sorceress. 205 00:06:23,605 --> 00:06:24,672 You just have magical powers, 206 00:06:24,740 --> 00:06:25,750 you don't like... 207 00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:27,243 I don't know how I can help you today. 208 00:06:27,285 --> 00:06:28,218 It's like that episode of... 209 00:06:28,286 --> 00:06:29,219 remember that episode? 210 00:06:29,287 --> 00:06:30,254 Yeah. 211 00:06:30,322 --> 00:06:31,555 Of that... yeah. 212 00:06:38,330 --> 00:06:39,430 So... 213 00:06:39,497 --> 00:06:41,231 Okay, so, like, um... 214 00:06:41,299 --> 00:06:43,567 how-how much would it... would it be to replace it? 215 00:06:44,669 --> 00:06:46,537 It's $1,200. 216 00:06:49,307 --> 00:06:51,875 Is there a store in the mall 217 00:06:51,943 --> 00:06:56,513 that sells $1,200 for, like, $50? 218 00:07:00,063 --> 00:07:02,512 How is this thing so expensive? 219 00:07:03,053 --> 00:07:05,254 Aly! 220 00:07:05,322 --> 00:07:06,864 What are you doing here? 221 00:07:06,865 --> 00:07:07,713 Seriously? 222 00:07:07,714 --> 00:07:10,212 We just had this conversation outside the mall. 223 00:07:10,213 --> 00:07:11,280 - Hey. - Aly! 224 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,164 What are you doing here? 225 00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,633 You don't... remember that? 226 00:07:13,722 --> 00:07:15,787 No, no, I do, I do. 227 00:07:15,905 --> 00:07:17,673 - You don't, do you? - I don't. 228 00:07:18,842 --> 00:07:20,342 - I don't. - I do. 229 00:07:20,410 --> 00:07:21,604 - Really? - No. 230 00:07:21,605 --> 00:07:21,846 Okay. 231 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,459 It's Cece's bachelorette party. 232 00:07:23,502 --> 00:07:25,403 Yeah... 233 00:07:25,470 --> 00:07:27,338 It's Cece's bachelorette party. 234 00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:28,506 Oh, yeah. 235 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:29,774 - You do remember it? - No. 236 00:07:29,841 --> 00:07:30,608 Don't remember it? 237 00:07:30,675 --> 00:07:31,742 - Mm-mm. - Anyway... 238 00:07:31,810 --> 00:07:33,310 this is my super 239 00:07:33,378 --> 00:07:34,979 present boyfriend, Tripp. 240 00:07:35,046 --> 00:07:35,946 I'm sorry, 241 00:07:36,014 --> 00:07:36,914 he's dealing with a very 242 00:07:36,982 --> 00:07:38,115 important work crisis 243 00:07:38,183 --> 00:07:40,251 right now, since he's an agent 244 00:07:40,318 --> 00:07:41,819 for animal actors. 245 00:07:41,887 --> 00:07:43,320 Fine, fine! 246 00:07:43,388 --> 00:07:44,822 Hire Colonel Fantastic instead of Maurice. 247 00:07:44,890 --> 00:07:46,424 You want to walk onto Alfonso Cuarón's set 248 00:07:46,780 --> 00:07:48,548 and tell him that he lost his lead otter, 249 00:07:48,615 --> 00:07:50,083 be my-be my guest, okay. 250 00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:51,617 Who's gonna get her in the water with Naomi Watts? 251 00:07:51,685 --> 00:07:53,119 Colonel Fantastic? 252 00:07:53,187 --> 00:07:54,504 Yeah, right. 253 00:07:54,505 --> 00:07:56,576 It's my fifth year anniversary of being a cop 254 00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:58,503 and he's supposed to make me dinner... 255 00:07:58,570 --> 00:08:00,404 if he ever gets off the phone. 256 00:08:00,472 --> 00:08:01,672 Hey, babe, 257 00:08:01,740 --> 00:08:03,174 I need a left-handed spatula, okay? 258 00:08:03,242 --> 00:08:04,842 Don't tell me it's not a thing; it's a thing. 259 00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:07,879 Soul mates do exist. 260 00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:09,881 What a wang. 261 00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:12,049 - You know what? - Hmm? 262 00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:14,652 I'm gonna tell Aly that 263 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,320 Winston's in love with her! 264 00:08:16,388 --> 00:08:17,722 No, Winston would kill you. 265 00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,190 Okay, I'll just text Winston 266 00:08:19,258 --> 00:08:20,892 and I'll get him up to speed 267 00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:21,993 on Aly and Tripp. 268 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:27,198 Nailed it. 269 00:08:27,266 --> 00:08:28,533 Excuse me, are you actually 270 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:29,534 gonna buy something? 271 00:08:29,601 --> 00:08:30,735 Yeah, we need to buy another 272 00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:32,069 bread maker, 'cause you claim 273 00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:34,372 we "destroyed" this one "with a stick." 274 00:08:34,439 --> 00:08:36,173 I never said stick and we're out of stock. 275 00:08:36,241 --> 00:08:37,909 Well, maybe that's what you said. 276 00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:39,777 You destroyed this thing with the stock. 277 00:08:39,845 --> 00:08:40,778 Is that what you did? 278 00:08:40,846 --> 00:08:41,779 You beat this with a stick? 279 00:08:41,847 --> 00:08:43,948 No, I didn't, I said you said... 280 00:08:44,016 --> 00:08:45,783 - you said stick. - But I didn't say stick. 281 00:08:45,851 --> 00:08:46,717 I never said stick. 282 00:08:46,785 --> 00:08:47,618 I don't even have a stick. 283 00:08:47,686 --> 00:08:49,020 I live downtown. 284 00:08:49,087 --> 00:08:50,888 Well, we're-we're out of stock, so... 285 00:08:50,956 --> 00:08:51,956 But you-you have one right there. 286 00:08:52,024 --> 00:08:52,890 Oh... 287 00:08:52,958 --> 00:08:54,292 that's the floor model. 288 00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:55,626 - Can't sell the floor model. - Yes, you... 289 00:08:55,694 --> 00:08:56,925 - it's right there. - It's right there. 290 00:08:56,951 --> 00:08:59,191 We need it to sell other bread makers. 291 00:08:59,192 --> 00:08:59,793 You just said 292 00:08:59,794 --> 00:09:01,428 you don't have other bread makers. 293 00:09:01,496 --> 00:09:02,329 I don't make the rules. 294 00:09:02,397 --> 00:09:03,630 Who makes the rules? 295 00:09:03,698 --> 00:09:05,298 Derek. 296 00:09:06,668 --> 00:09:08,001 - Definitely too high - No, I cannot deal... 297 00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:10,470 - to talk to Derek. - ...with Derek right now. 298 00:09:12,073 --> 00:09:14,041 Okay, I have a really good plan, all right? 299 00:09:14,108 --> 00:09:16,309 We just leave this here 300 00:09:16,377 --> 00:09:18,045 and then we go do something different. 301 00:09:18,112 --> 00:09:20,047 Jessica, that is the first thing 302 00:09:20,114 --> 00:09:22,150 that Schmidt and I own together and I ruined it. 303 00:09:22,151 --> 00:09:23,551 I have to do something. 304 00:09:23,619 --> 00:09:25,320 I have to replace it. 305 00:09:26,722 --> 00:09:28,490 Okay. 306 00:09:36,999 --> 00:09:38,934 ♪ Feel like baking love ♪ 307 00:09:40,069 --> 00:09:42,671 ♪ Feel like baking love ♪ 308 00:09:45,942 --> 00:09:46,875 What? 309 00:09:46,943 --> 00:09:49,978 How does it know we're here? 310 00:09:50,046 --> 00:09:52,614 ♪ Feel like baking love... ♪ 311 00:09:52,682 --> 00:09:53,882 - What's happening? - ♪ Feel like ♪ 312 00:09:53,950 --> 00:09:55,550 ♪ F-feel like baking ♪ 313 00:09:55,618 --> 00:09:58,053 ♪ Feel like baking love ♪ 314 00:09:58,120 --> 00:09:59,521 Psst! Hey... 315 00:09:59,589 --> 00:10:01,022 ♪ Feel like baking love ♪ 316 00:10:01,090 --> 00:10:02,057 ♪ Feel like-feel like ♪ 317 00:10:02,124 --> 00:10:03,959 Snap out of it, snap out of it. 318 00:10:04,026 --> 00:10:05,794 ♪ Feel like baking love, feel like ♪ 319 00:10:05,862 --> 00:10:08,330 - Get down. Snap out of it. - ♪ Feel like... feel like baking love ♪ 320 00:10:12,802 --> 00:10:15,070 Get this puppy... 321 00:10:27,850 --> 00:10:29,117 ♪ Feel like baking love ♪ 322 00:10:31,287 --> 00:10:33,054 Should we get snacks? 323 00:10:34,957 --> 00:10:37,459 ♪ Feel like baking love ♪ 324 00:10:39,161 --> 00:10:41,396 ♪ Feel like baking love ♪ 325 00:10:41,464 --> 00:10:42,797 ♪ Feel like baking love ♪ 326 00:10:42,865 --> 00:10:44,266 Go, go! 327 00:10:45,701 --> 00:10:47,903 No, he won't wear glasses. 328 00:10:47,970 --> 00:10:49,304 Uh, because he's not 329 00:10:49,372 --> 00:10:51,106 a library owl, he's a horror movie owl. 330 00:10:51,173 --> 00:10:52,507 Look, 331 00:10:52,575 --> 00:10:54,476 we're gonna do your cop dinner thing tomorrow. 332 00:10:55,505 --> 00:10:58,469 Yeah, this is just how I wanted to celebrate a major milestone. 333 00:10:58,470 --> 00:11:00,336 What's happening there? 334 00:11:00,404 --> 00:11:00,989 Forget it, okay? Just go. 335 00:11:00,990 --> 00:11:02,024 And I hope your owl 336 00:11:02,091 --> 00:11:03,559 chokes on a mouse. 337 00:11:03,626 --> 00:11:06,128 That is so mean. 338 00:11:06,195 --> 00:11:07,195 I've seen that happen. 339 00:11:08,531 --> 00:11:10,132 Did they just break up? 340 00:11:10,199 --> 00:11:11,600 This is huge for Winston. 341 00:11:11,668 --> 00:11:13,936 What are you... what... Hey, Jess, move. 342 00:11:14,003 --> 00:11:15,270 Jess, move, come on. Keep moving. 343 00:11:15,338 --> 00:11:17,272 Keep moving, keep moving, keep moving. 344 00:11:17,340 --> 00:11:19,608 Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. 345 00:11:19,676 --> 00:11:20,609 Almost there, almost there. 346 00:11:20,677 --> 00:11:21,610 - Ugh. - Oh! 347 00:11:21,678 --> 00:11:22,811 Tripp just took off. 348 00:11:22,879 --> 00:11:23,979 What, uh... 349 00:11:24,047 --> 00:11:25,847 are... what are you guys doing? 350 00:11:25,915 --> 00:11:27,516 - Nothing. - Do you need help with that box? 351 00:11:27,584 --> 00:11:28,450 - Nope. - No, we're good. 352 00:11:28,518 --> 00:11:29,484 It looks heavy, I can help you. 353 00:11:29,552 --> 00:11:30,852 No, you don't want to get involved, 354 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:31,954 - trust me. - Please, don't make me say it. 355 00:11:32,021 --> 00:11:33,822 Fine, I'll say it. 356 00:11:33,890 --> 00:11:36,525 I don't really want to be alone right now, and so... 357 00:11:36,593 --> 00:11:39,194 can I please just... like, come help you guys 358 00:11:39,262 --> 00:11:40,329 make bread or whatever? 359 00:11:40,396 --> 00:11:41,863 Aw, of course, yeah. Let's go. 360 00:11:41,931 --> 00:11:42,998 Got to go quickly, got to go quickly. 361 00:11:43,066 --> 00:11:43,999 Yeah, yeah, let's go, let's go. 362 00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:45,634 Did you trash the display? 363 00:11:46,438 --> 00:11:48,439 Is that a stolen floor model? 364 00:11:48,506 --> 00:11:49,457 Back off! 365 00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,558 Do these ladies look like shoplifters to you? 366 00:11:53,294 --> 00:11:55,895 Oh, no. 367 00:11:55,963 --> 00:11:57,163 What are you doing? 368 00:11:57,231 --> 00:11:58,531 This isn't how you handcuff people. 369 00:11:58,599 --> 00:11:59,532 It's mall jail. 370 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:00,600 I only have two handcuffs. 371 00:12:00,668 --> 00:12:01,701 I'm an actual cop. 372 00:12:01,769 --> 00:12:02,702 Yeah, right. 373 00:12:02,770 --> 00:12:03,870 I'm a cop! 374 00:12:03,938 --> 00:12:05,305 For the love of mack daddy, 375 00:12:05,373 --> 00:12:07,040 - why can't you be cool? - Shut it! 376 00:12:07,108 --> 00:12:08,074 You're in my house now. 377 00:12:08,142 --> 00:12:09,809 Calm down, sir, your house is clearly 378 00:12:09,877 --> 00:12:11,044 a lost and found. 379 00:12:11,112 --> 00:12:13,046 And it's all just baby shoes... 380 00:12:13,114 --> 00:12:14,547 and babies don't even need shoes. 381 00:12:14,615 --> 00:12:16,650 Why not put that money towards something worthwhile 382 00:12:16,717 --> 00:12:18,652 like a cute hat or a raincoat? 383 00:12:18,719 --> 00:12:20,553 A baby in a raincoat. 384 00:12:20,621 --> 00:12:22,889 It's like... just like a... 385 00:12:22,957 --> 00:12:24,824 a little baby meteorologist. 386 00:12:26,093 --> 00:12:27,527 Hey, so, it's this simple, okay. 387 00:12:27,595 --> 00:12:28,862 We wanted to pay for the bread maker, 388 00:12:28,929 --> 00:12:30,230 but they wouldn't let us pay for it 389 00:12:30,297 --> 00:12:31,564 because it was a floor model, 390 00:12:31,632 --> 00:12:33,266 so we had a plan... I don't care. 391 00:12:38,839 --> 00:12:40,440 Baby in a raincoat. 392 00:12:45,072 --> 00:12:47,059 This is bad, you guys. This is really bad! 393 00:12:47,060 --> 00:12:48,060 He's gonna call the real cops 394 00:12:48,129 --> 00:12:49,496 and I'm gonna be in so much trouble. 395 00:12:49,564 --> 00:12:51,164 I could lose my job... 396 00:12:51,232 --> 00:12:52,632 or worse... 397 00:12:53,734 --> 00:12:55,135 They put me on train duty. 398 00:12:55,203 --> 00:12:57,170 I'm so sorry we got you in this situation, okay. 399 00:12:57,238 --> 00:12:58,939 I am so sorry, too. 400 00:12:59,006 --> 00:13:00,340 Okay, how do we get out of here? 401 00:13:00,408 --> 00:13:02,042 How, how? Before the cops come. 402 00:13:02,109 --> 00:13:03,076 Oh! 403 00:13:03,144 --> 00:13:04,811 Yes, okay, guys, 404 00:13:04,879 --> 00:13:06,613 here's how we get out of here. 405 00:13:06,681 --> 00:13:08,782 We dress up in the clothes from the lost and found, 406 00:13:08,850 --> 00:13:10,584 and we start crying, 407 00:13:10,651 --> 00:13:13,453 and then he comes back in and he's like, "Where are the girls?" 408 00:13:13,521 --> 00:13:16,156 This is just babies in here." 409 00:13:16,224 --> 00:13:17,557 You're incredibly high. 410 00:13:17,625 --> 00:13:19,493 No. 411 00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:21,127 - Yeah. - No. 412 00:13:21,195 --> 00:13:22,829 - Mm-hmm. - No. No. 413 00:13:22,897 --> 00:13:24,464 - Yeah. - Who? 414 00:13:24,532 --> 00:13:26,500 - You. You, babe. - How did you know? 415 00:13:26,567 --> 00:13:28,268 Oh, I knew from the first second I saw you. 416 00:13:28,336 --> 00:13:29,803 Like, literally the first second. 417 00:13:29,871 --> 00:13:31,471 Okay, ideas, you, go. 418 00:13:31,539 --> 00:13:34,278 Oh, no, no, no, I am not giving you any ideas 419 00:13:34,304 --> 00:13:37,073 because it was my idea that got us into this mess 420 00:13:37,141 --> 00:13:38,307 in the first place. 421 00:13:38,375 --> 00:13:39,976 First... 422 00:13:40,043 --> 00:13:43,112 I bashed Schmidt's $1,200 bread maker. 423 00:13:43,180 --> 00:13:44,413 - $1,200? - Yeah. 424 00:13:44,481 --> 00:13:46,082 - For a bread maker? - I know. 425 00:13:46,150 --> 00:13:48,317 That's a lot of dough. 426 00:13:50,554 --> 00:13:51,821 I'm trying to wink. 427 00:13:51,889 --> 00:13:52,989 Am I winking? 428 00:13:53,056 --> 00:13:55,424 Then I got my best friend here 429 00:13:55,492 --> 00:13:56,826 to commit a crime, 430 00:13:56,894 --> 00:13:59,962 and now you might have... train duty? 431 00:14:00,030 --> 00:14:02,365 It's like marathon duty but without the hot guys 432 00:14:02,432 --> 00:14:03,599 pooping their pants. 433 00:14:03,667 --> 00:14:05,101 What does that say about me 434 00:14:05,169 --> 00:14:08,571 if I can't even take care of a bread maker? 435 00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:10,072 What if Louise was right? 436 00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,241 What if I can't take care of Schmidt? 437 00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:15,144 How can you say you don't take care of people? 438 00:14:15,212 --> 00:14:17,980 You've been taking care of me my entire life. 439 00:14:18,048 --> 00:14:19,649 You're fierce and you are strong, 440 00:14:19,716 --> 00:14:23,452 and you would stand up for anyone that you love. 441 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,822 You're like a big, scary mama bear. 442 00:14:25,889 --> 00:14:28,324 I'm gonna Jackass into these melons! 443 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:30,793 Ah... 444 00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:38,167 I'm okay. 445 00:14:40,070 --> 00:14:42,338 You're my mama bear, girl. 446 00:14:42,406 --> 00:14:44,040 Oh... 447 00:14:45,046 --> 00:14:46,142 I wish I had someone 448 00:14:46,210 --> 00:14:47,710 in my life who cared about me the way 449 00:14:47,778 --> 00:14:48,878 you guys care about each other. 450 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,781 Oh, don't. 451 00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,549 - You do. - I just... I've been a cop 452 00:14:53,617 --> 00:14:55,518 - for five years and... - You do. 453 00:14:55,586 --> 00:14:56,619 Jessica! 454 00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:57,753 I just wanted to celebrate it, 455 00:14:57,821 --> 00:15:00,033 but then Tripp had to leave 456 00:15:00,059 --> 00:15:01,593 to meet an owl for sushi. 457 00:15:02,171 --> 00:15:05,559 An owl he sent a basket of mice to at Christmas, who 458 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,493 I'm pretty sure has a nicer house than me. 459 00:15:07,561 --> 00:15:09,773 Let me tell her... please! 460 00:15:09,799 --> 00:15:11,133 I'll blame it on being stoned. 461 00:15:11,201 --> 00:15:12,134 Stoned? 462 00:15:12,202 --> 00:15:13,802 You're stoned? 463 00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:15,270 That makes this a drug case. 464 00:15:15,338 --> 00:15:16,238 Okay, yeah, you have no idea 465 00:15:16,306 --> 00:15:17,343 what you're talking about. 466 00:15:17,344 --> 00:15:19,032 - Wait, no, I made a mistake. - You better get 467 00:15:19,058 --> 00:15:20,625 comfortable, you're gonna be here 468 00:15:20,693 --> 00:15:21,901 for a long time, lady! 469 00:15:21,902 --> 00:15:22,669 A long time! 470 00:15:22,736 --> 00:15:25,371 Oh, you little... 471 00:15:25,439 --> 00:15:26,873 power trip... 472 00:15:26,941 --> 00:15:28,174 trash guard! 473 00:15:28,242 --> 00:15:29,242 You know what? 474 00:15:29,310 --> 00:15:31,349 This is over! 475 00:15:31,427 --> 00:15:32,694 The only way you 476 00:15:32,761 --> 00:15:34,162 are gonna get to her 477 00:15:34,230 --> 00:15:35,864 is if you go through me, 478 00:15:35,931 --> 00:15:40,368 and you are not getting through me. 479 00:15:42,204 --> 00:15:45,707 Mama bear. 480 00:15:45,774 --> 00:15:47,876 Oh... 481 00:15:51,423 --> 00:15:53,591 Oh, don't do that. No... 482 00:15:53,659 --> 00:15:55,860 ♪ Oh ♪ 483 00:15:55,929 --> 00:15:57,096 Hey, no! 484 00:15:57,163 --> 00:15:58,097 No, no, no! 485 00:15:59,165 --> 00:16:00,346 I have a system. 486 00:16:04,217 --> 00:16:06,018 No, please. 487 00:16:06,086 --> 00:16:07,887 The shoes. 488 00:16:07,955 --> 00:16:09,055 I had those all paired off. 489 00:16:11,158 --> 00:16:12,525 Run! 490 00:16:14,227 --> 00:16:15,494 No! 491 00:16:15,562 --> 00:16:16,963 What? 492 00:16:17,030 --> 00:16:19,498 Hey, no, wait! No! 493 00:16:25,138 --> 00:16:26,439 Mama bear! 494 00:16:26,506 --> 00:16:28,441 That was freaking awesome! 495 00:16:28,508 --> 00:16:30,109 Aly, Winston has a crush on you! 496 00:16:30,177 --> 00:16:32,044 What? 497 00:16:32,112 --> 00:16:33,546 Bishop has a crush on me?! 498 00:16:33,614 --> 00:16:34,580 Run! 499 00:16:39,533 --> 00:16:41,243 Bishop has a crush on me? 500 00:16:42,347 --> 00:16:43,280 Bishop? 501 00:16:43,348 --> 00:16:43,894 Mm-hmm. 502 00:16:43,895 --> 00:16:45,395 No, I can't date my partner. 503 00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,064 Why not? He's the best guy! 504 00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:48,732 And you broke up with what's-his-name. 505 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:49,733 What? No, I didn't. 506 00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:51,568 - Hmm? - No, Tripp and I are 507 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,236 just... we're in a fight. 508 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:56,907 Ah. 509 00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:58,241 Interesting 510 00:16:58,309 --> 00:16:59,443 information. 511 00:16:59,510 --> 00:17:01,511 I... 512 00:17:01,757 --> 00:17:04,058 texted Winston and told him you were single. 513 00:17:04,084 --> 00:17:04,951 - What? - Oh... 514 00:17:05,018 --> 00:17:06,185 it's fine. 515 00:17:06,253 --> 00:17:07,520 They're in Las Vegas. 516 00:17:07,588 --> 00:17:08,843 They're... 517 00:17:08,844 --> 00:17:12,513 stuffing coins into the underpanties of women. 518 00:17:16,218 --> 00:17:17,018 Oh, my God! 519 00:17:17,086 --> 00:17:18,019 What happened to you? 520 00:17:18,087 --> 00:17:19,654 We can't talk 521 00:17:19,722 --> 00:17:21,256 about it right now. We're here to help Winston with... 522 00:17:21,323 --> 00:17:22,690 Who did that to you? Where are they? I will kill them. 523 00:17:22,758 --> 00:17:24,125 Oh, uh... 524 00:17:24,193 --> 00:17:26,194 truth be told, it was a child. 525 00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:27,362 - Uh, Aly. - Child? 526 00:17:27,429 --> 00:17:28,696 You're... you're here. 527 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,567 Uh, guys, you... 528 00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:34,168 - you ready? - Winston. 529 00:17:34,236 --> 00:17:35,904 - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait. - No... no. 530 00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:37,038 - Mm-mm, no. - Trust me. 531 00:17:37,106 --> 00:17:38,006 - Mm-mm, mm-mm. - Don't. Mm-mm. 532 00:17:38,073 --> 00:17:42,076 ♪ Alison ♪ 533 00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:44,712 - ♪ I know this world ♪ - Aly, um, look, I really like you, 534 00:17:44,780 --> 00:17:46,915 - ♪ Is killing ♪ - and, um... 535 00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:48,750 You, oh look, I know you just broke up with your boyfriend, 536 00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:50,813 - ♪ Alison ♪ - but... whenever you're ready, 537 00:17:50,839 --> 00:17:52,906 I'd like to take you on a date. 538 00:17:52,975 --> 00:17:55,110 A real date, you know, with food, and music... 539 00:17:55,177 --> 00:17:56,611 Bishop, I didn't... 540 00:17:56,679 --> 00:17:59,114 - ♪ My aim ♪ - I didn't break up with him. 541 00:17:59,181 --> 00:18:01,116 ♪ Oh, you've got a husband now. ♪ 542 00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:03,852 We didn't break up. 543 00:18:04,442 --> 00:18:06,277 I'm sorry, uh... 544 00:18:06,656 --> 00:18:07,623 Jess said... 545 00:18:07,957 --> 00:18:09,691 There was a miscommunication. 546 00:18:10,793 --> 00:18:12,694 It wasn't really me. 547 00:18:12,762 --> 00:18:14,362 It was high Jess. 548 00:18:14,430 --> 00:18:15,730 I missed high Jess?! 549 00:18:15,798 --> 00:18:17,365 Now I have to wait another ten years? 550 00:18:17,433 --> 00:18:18,867 I can't take it anymore. I just have to say something. 551 00:18:18,934 --> 00:18:20,602 Cece, I'm still in love with you, all right? 552 00:18:20,670 --> 00:18:22,237 Don't marry Schmidt. 553 00:18:22,305 --> 00:18:23,905 That's a big mistake, all right? You run away with me... 554 00:18:23,973 --> 00:18:25,240 - Not now, Robby. - Honestly, stop. 555 00:18:25,308 --> 00:18:27,275 Now's not the time, Robby. Okay, it makes sense, I... 556 00:18:27,343 --> 00:18:28,943 I've been in this apartment before, I'm certain of it. 557 00:18:29,011 --> 00:18:30,412 It was 1972. 558 00:18:30,479 --> 00:18:33,381 Gore Vidal, Linda Lavin, and I were all drunk 559 00:18:33,449 --> 00:18:34,783 on white port and cough syrup... 560 00:18:34,784 --> 00:18:36,117 Guys, quiet, please, 561 00:18:36,184 --> 00:18:37,117 I just... 562 00:18:37,185 --> 00:18:38,118 I need to talk to Bishop 563 00:18:38,186 --> 00:18:39,119 for a second. 564 00:18:39,929 --> 00:18:42,197 I'm so sorry about this. 565 00:18:42,857 --> 00:18:45,592 That song was nice. 566 00:18:45,660 --> 00:18:49,263 Um... Aly is actually not short for Alison 567 00:18:49,331 --> 00:18:50,464 but... 568 00:18:50,532 --> 00:18:51,899 it was really good effort. Okay, cool, 569 00:18:51,967 --> 00:18:53,600 yeah, that's... 570 00:18:53,668 --> 00:18:55,602 I'm-I'm good. I'm good, um... 571 00:18:55,670 --> 00:18:57,972 Tripp, you know, he's a very lucky guy, 572 00:18:58,039 --> 00:18:59,807 very lucky guy, but I'm fine. Don't worry about me. 573 00:18:59,874 --> 00:19:01,175 I'm just gonna go to my room 574 00:19:01,242 --> 00:19:03,243 and try to shove my face through a heating grate. 575 00:19:04,579 --> 00:19:06,847 Yeah, Jess, I will deal with you in the morning. 576 00:19:06,915 --> 00:19:09,249 You know what my Grammy always said, 577 00:19:09,317 --> 00:19:11,285 "Why put off for tomorrow-day, 578 00:19:11,353 --> 00:19:15,089 what you could say, nnn... today-day?" 579 00:19:16,958 --> 00:19:18,258 Yeah. 580 00:19:18,326 --> 00:19:19,927 Oh, Aly, um... 581 00:19:19,995 --> 00:19:21,562 Happy Copiversary. 582 00:19:22,596 --> 00:19:24,484 You've been a cop five years today, 583 00:19:24,510 --> 00:19:26,544 and I know how much that means to you, 584 00:19:26,612 --> 00:19:27,859 so... 585 00:19:27,860 --> 00:19:31,296 congratulations, I am very proud of you. 586 00:19:31,364 --> 00:19:32,297 Oh, my... 587 00:19:32,776 --> 00:19:34,109 Wait, Winston. 588 00:19:34,135 --> 00:19:37,074 Uh, something told me not to go with copiversary. 589 00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:40,121 My first choice, though, was Police Navidad. 590 00:19:40,209 --> 00:19:41,943 No, I just... 591 00:19:43,139 --> 00:19:44,406 You remembered. 592 00:19:45,742 --> 00:19:47,409 Well, of course, I remembered. 593 00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:49,211 I mean, I'm your partner, 594 00:19:49,279 --> 00:19:50,212 why wouldn't I re... I mean, I... 595 00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:05,194 Thank you. 596 00:20:09,165 --> 00:20:10,065 You! 597 00:20:22,779 --> 00:20:25,281 Welcome to Russian bachelorette party! 598 00:20:25,348 --> 00:20:26,749 Oh, Nadia! Nadia, you look stunning! 599 00:20:26,816 --> 00:20:27,950 Praise Jesus! 600 00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:28,984 Now, dance, now! 601 00:20:32,322 --> 00:20:34,156 Whoa. 602 00:20:39,663 --> 00:20:41,797 Dance! You dance now! 603 00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:45,467 All of you, you dance! 604 00:20:48,505 --> 00:20:49,872 I think I'm over Cece. 605 00:20:49,939 --> 00:20:51,040 Who is that? 606 00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:58,981 I spank you, dirty Nick bastard! 607 00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:01,216 Shut up, monster! 608 00:21:01,284 --> 00:21:02,818 You hear me?! 609 00:21:06,389 --> 00:21:07,589 Yeah! 610 00:21:10,193 --> 00:21:11,493 Yeah! 611 00:21:14,230 --> 00:21:16,465 This is the happiest I've been in my entire life. 612 00:21:16,533 --> 00:21:18,500 I mean, look at my feet. Can't you see how happy I am? 613 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:19,668 Okay, you know I still technically 614 00:21:19,736 --> 00:21:21,003 have a boyfriend, right? 615 00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:22,137 Oh, it's cool, I'm married. 616 00:21:22,205 --> 00:21:23,272 What? 617 00:21:23,340 --> 00:21:24,807 Oh, don't worry, it was a prank. 618 00:21:24,874 --> 00:21:26,175 What?! 619 00:21:26,943 --> 00:21:27,876 Best man. 620 00:21:27,944 --> 00:21:29,178 Maid of honor. 621 00:21:31,448 --> 00:21:33,015 Who gets first tattoo? 622 00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:34,183 No, thank you. 623 00:21:34,250 --> 00:21:36,018 I'll take a shamrock on my knuckle.