1 00:00:02,722 --> 00:00:04,390 - Here we go. - Peter. 2 00:00:04,457 --> 00:00:05,791 That's Sam's favorite male nurse. 3 00:00:05,859 --> 00:00:07,259 He's gotten him two years in a row 4 00:00:07,327 --> 00:00:10,396 for secret Santa, and last year, he got him $500, 5 00:00:10,463 --> 00:00:11,930 and this year, he got him crayons. 6 00:00:11,998 --> 00:00:13,732 All over the map, that Peter. 7 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,235 So, when you get to Sam's birthday party, is the goal 8 00:00:16,302 --> 00:00:19,238 to impress his friends with how much you know about them 9 00:00:19,305 --> 00:00:20,305 or to terrify them? 10 00:00:20,340 --> 00:00:21,740 I just want them to like me. 11 00:00:21,808 --> 00:00:22,608 Finally, 12 00:00:22,675 --> 00:00:23,976 I feel like I'm in 13 00:00:24,043 --> 00:00:25,878 an adult relationship. He's a grown-up. 14 00:00:25,945 --> 00:00:27,546 Hey, Jess, heads up, I borrowed your towel. 15 00:00:27,614 --> 00:00:28,881 Use your own towel if you're gonna shower. 16 00:00:28,948 --> 00:00:30,783 No, I didn't shower, I just sponged off. 17 00:00:30,850 --> 00:00:32,985 Ew. Ugh! That's even worse. 18 00:00:33,052 --> 00:00:35,754 You didn't even get clean before you used the towel. 19 00:00:35,822 --> 00:00:37,389 It's called a French whore's bath. 20 00:00:37,457 --> 00:00:39,091 You wouldn't make a dime as a French whore. 21 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:40,225 You would make zero dollars. 22 00:00:40,293 --> 00:00:42,394 I'd make millions, millions. 23 00:00:42,462 --> 00:00:44,830 Bonjour. Croissant. Millions. 24 00:00:44,898 --> 00:00:46,498 - Definitely not. - No. 25 00:00:46,566 --> 00:00:47,646 That's disrespectful. Here. 26 00:00:48,835 --> 00:00:51,236 Happy Bird Day, Dr. Sam. 27 00:00:51,304 --> 00:00:53,672 Wow, you didn't have to do that. 28 00:00:53,740 --> 00:00:55,107 Did you say, "Bird Day"? 29 00:00:55,175 --> 00:00:56,775 You heard me. Well, you know, I figured 30 00:00:56,843 --> 00:00:58,777 Jess likes you, so I like you, too, man. 31 00:00:58,845 --> 00:01:00,012 Welcome to the family. 32 00:01:00,079 --> 00:01:01,713 H-Hey, look at that. 33 00:01:01,781 --> 00:01:04,183 It's a shirt with a whole lot of birds on it. 34 00:01:04,250 --> 00:01:05,918 That's a bird shirt. Bird shirt. 35 00:01:05,985 --> 00:01:07,619 What? Why? What-what's the...? 36 00:01:07,687 --> 00:01:09,221 Ah, you know why. 37 00:01:09,289 --> 00:01:10,956 Cool shirt, dude. 38 00:01:15,628 --> 00:01:17,262 We're bird bros now. 39 00:01:17,330 --> 00:01:19,264 And check it out, you can wear it to the party. 40 00:01:19,332 --> 00:01:21,733 You know, nothing says, "This dude is dope," 41 00:01:21,801 --> 00:01:24,036 like a motherflippin' finch, am I right? 42 00:01:25,171 --> 00:01:26,205 Sam, I'm so sorry 43 00:01:26,272 --> 00:01:28,207 I won't be able to attend your party. 44 00:01:28,274 --> 00:01:29,274 I have wedding stuff. 45 00:01:29,342 --> 00:01:30,275 "Stuff"? 46 00:01:30,343 --> 00:01:31,610 Define "stuff." 47 00:01:31,678 --> 00:01:32,611 Things. 48 00:01:32,679 --> 00:01:34,213 Thank you. 49 00:01:35,381 --> 00:01:37,149 I'm so excited to meet your friends, 50 00:01:37,217 --> 00:01:39,551 including Dr. Garfinkel... 51 00:01:40,854 --> 00:01:42,488 Sam, I love the way you laugh. 52 00:01:42,555 --> 00:01:43,922 You never open your mouth. 53 00:01:43,990 --> 00:01:44,990 You're always like... 54 00:01:46,626 --> 00:01:47,993 I don't sound like that. 55 00:01:48,061 --> 00:01:49,428 No, you do. You just did it. 56 00:01:50,730 --> 00:01:53,065 Hey, you got to add a flash card. 57 00:01:53,132 --> 00:01:54,600 My friend Diane's coming. 58 00:01:54,667 --> 00:01:56,502 She's in town for a podiatry conference. 59 00:01:56,569 --> 00:01:58,103 She's a friend from med school. 60 00:01:58,171 --> 00:01:59,605 Oh, I've never heard you mention her. 61 00:01:59,672 --> 00:02:00,939 You guys close? 62 00:02:01,007 --> 00:02:02,541 - Diane! - Hi. 63 00:02:04,177 --> 00:02:05,944 They look... close. 64 00:02:06,012 --> 00:02:08,113 - Hi! - It's so good to see you. 65 00:02:08,181 --> 00:02:09,915 So good to see you. 66 00:02:09,983 --> 00:02:11,950 Way too close. 67 00:02:20,193 --> 00:02:22,761 Hey, Schmidt, how many robots are too many robots? 68 00:02:22,829 --> 00:02:23,729 Hi, Nick. 69 00:02:23,796 --> 00:02:25,430 Gavin. 70 00:02:25,498 --> 00:02:27,533 What are you doing here? 71 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:29,034 I thought you'd be at Sam's party. 72 00:02:29,102 --> 00:02:30,035 What's he doing here? 73 00:02:30,103 --> 00:02:31,270 Well, after the incident 74 00:02:31,337 --> 00:02:33,105 where my dad kissed... 75 00:02:33,172 --> 00:02:35,040 If you're gonna barf, just barf. It's not healthy to hold it in. 76 00:02:35,108 --> 00:02:38,043 Where my dad kissed Jess, 77 00:02:38,111 --> 00:02:39,878 there was an accidental pocket dial 78 00:02:39,946 --> 00:02:41,480 that actually went pretty well. 79 00:02:41,548 --> 00:02:42,548 He suggested 80 00:02:42,582 --> 00:02:44,082 some wine tasting for the wedding, 81 00:02:44,150 --> 00:02:45,784 and I said, "Why not?" 82 00:02:45,852 --> 00:02:47,886 You're just gonna drink alone with your dad? 83 00:02:47,954 --> 00:02:49,988 Join us, Nick, the Pinot from my vineyard 84 00:02:50,056 --> 00:02:51,223 is dynamite this year. 85 00:02:51,291 --> 00:02:52,558 It's gonna taste fantastic 86 00:02:52,625 --> 00:02:54,293 at my son's wedding in a factory. 87 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:56,628 Gavin, it's actually a slaughterhouse, 88 00:02:56,696 --> 00:02:59,164 and you would know that if you were around more. 89 00:02:59,232 --> 00:03:00,566 Can I see you in my room 90 00:03:00,633 --> 00:03:01,633 for a second, please? 91 00:03:03,269 --> 00:03:04,369 Look, I know you don't trust my dad, 92 00:03:04,437 --> 00:03:05,504 but I'm happy that he's here. 93 00:03:05,572 --> 00:03:06,705 We're working through stuff. 94 00:03:06,773 --> 00:03:08,093 Wait, Schmidt, I want you to have 95 00:03:08,141 --> 00:03:09,241 a relationship with your father. 96 00:03:09,309 --> 00:03:10,542 I really do, but I've been 97 00:03:10,610 --> 00:03:14,046 down this road so many times. 98 00:03:14,113 --> 00:03:16,415 He just shows up out of the boo, 99 00:03:16,482 --> 00:03:17,583 and then all of a sudden expects... 100 00:03:17,650 --> 00:03:18,684 It's "blue," it's "blue." 101 00:03:18,751 --> 00:03:20,385 Well, thanks, Eye-stein. 102 00:03:20,453 --> 00:03:24,590 He shows you a great time, you get sucked in, 103 00:03:24,657 --> 00:03:26,892 then he disappears and breaks your heart, 104 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,127 and I'm left to pick up the pieces. 105 00:03:29,195 --> 00:03:31,530 My dad's taking me to... 106 00:03:31,598 --> 00:03:33,465 Miss Saigon tonight! 107 00:03:34,467 --> 00:03:35,601 And I'm not gonna get hurt. 108 00:03:35,668 --> 00:03:37,302 My dad never showed up. 109 00:03:37,370 --> 00:03:38,236 He didn't? 110 00:03:38,304 --> 00:03:39,938 It hurts so bad! 111 00:03:40,006 --> 00:03:41,306 You want a milkshake, cowboy? 112 00:03:43,042 --> 00:03:44,276 It's different now. 113 00:03:44,344 --> 00:03:45,544 I've heard that before. 114 00:03:45,612 --> 00:03:47,079 We're seeing Jersey Boys! 115 00:03:47,146 --> 00:03:48,826 Wait, this is your dad we're talking about! 116 00:03:48,881 --> 00:03:50,282 And he's different now, Nick. 117 00:03:50,350 --> 00:03:52,951 He's the same! 118 00:03:53,019 --> 00:03:54,086 I didn't have ice cream, 119 00:03:54,153 --> 00:03:55,621 so I just really shook up some milk. 120 00:03:55,688 --> 00:03:59,224 I'm older and I'm wiser, and I'm not gonna get sucked in. 121 00:03:59,292 --> 00:04:00,412 We're gonna taste some wine, 122 00:04:00,460 --> 00:04:01,727 and then I'm gonna send him on his way. 123 00:04:01,794 --> 00:04:04,763 But, Nick, I'm plead... I'm asking you... 124 00:04:04,831 --> 00:04:07,566 just be nice to him. 125 00:04:07,634 --> 00:04:10,268 All right, man. I will. 126 00:04:10,336 --> 00:04:13,005 If it means that much to you, of course, I'll do it. 127 00:04:13,072 --> 00:04:13,905 Thank you. 128 00:04:13,973 --> 00:04:15,507 But if it goes poorly, 129 00:04:15,575 --> 00:04:17,175 I'm not putting Humpty Dumpty back together again. 130 00:04:17,243 --> 00:04:18,243 Am I Humpty Dumpty? 131 00:04:18,277 --> 00:04:19,745 Yeah. I'm just not 132 00:04:19,812 --> 00:04:21,446 - doing it again. - You won't have to. 133 00:04:21,514 --> 00:04:24,182 Also, nowhere in that rhyme does it say he's an egg. 134 00:04:24,250 --> 00:04:26,051 He's most definitely an egg, Nick. 135 00:04:26,119 --> 00:04:29,755 So, what kind of king uses all those resources 136 00:04:29,822 --> 00:04:32,424 to put together one egg? 137 00:04:32,492 --> 00:04:33,425 It's a parable. 138 00:04:33,493 --> 00:04:34,760 Humpty Dumpty is the king. 139 00:04:38,965 --> 00:04:41,466 Who told you that? 140 00:04:43,836 --> 00:04:45,303 I've never seen him laugh like that. 141 00:04:45,371 --> 00:04:46,571 What do I do? 142 00:04:46,639 --> 00:04:48,306 You're a dog, 143 00:04:48,374 --> 00:04:50,942 he's a fire hydrant, you pee on him, girl. 144 00:04:51,010 --> 00:04:52,310 - Yeah. - There you go. 145 00:04:52,378 --> 00:04:53,812 I'm gonna go lift a leg on him. 146 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,113 There you go! 147 00:04:55,181 --> 00:04:57,149 - Hey. - Oh, hey. 148 00:04:57,216 --> 00:04:59,117 So, Sam said he spilled on the bird shirt 149 00:04:59,185 --> 00:05:00,585 and he had to take it off. 150 00:05:00,653 --> 00:05:02,220 He's putting on a brave face, 151 00:05:02,288 --> 00:05:05,390 but, poor thing, I know he is just crushed. 152 00:05:05,458 --> 00:05:06,324 - Babe. - What, babe? 153 00:05:06,392 --> 00:05:07,592 He doesn't like the shirt. 154 00:05:07,660 --> 00:05:08,760 - No, babe. - Yeah, babe. 155 00:05:08,828 --> 00:05:09,928 - No, babe. - Yeah, babe. 156 00:05:09,996 --> 00:05:11,930 No... babe. 157 00:05:11,998 --> 00:05:12,931 Yeah... babe. 158 00:05:12,999 --> 00:05:14,066 - No, babe. - Yeah, babe. 159 00:05:14,133 --> 00:05:15,534 No... babe. 160 00:05:15,601 --> 00:05:17,102 Yeah... babe. 161 00:05:17,170 --> 00:05:18,437 No. 162 00:05:18,504 --> 00:05:19,604 Yeah. 163 00:05:19,672 --> 00:05:21,173 Babe. 164 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,541 Sam, do you remember in med school 165 00:05:22,608 --> 00:05:24,568 when we got drunk and sewed fins on that dead guy? 166 00:05:25,745 --> 00:05:26,745 We made a merman! 167 00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:29,448 Hey, Sam, remember the other night 168 00:05:29,515 --> 00:05:32,751 when you ate all that bad crab and, uh, you said, 169 00:05:32,819 --> 00:05:35,520 "Not tonight," and I said, "Yeah, tonight," 170 00:05:35,588 --> 00:05:37,622 and then you said, "No, not tonight," 171 00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:40,392 and then the next night, when you were feeling better, 172 00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:42,194 remember what we did? 173 00:05:42,261 --> 00:05:44,629 We... we had sex? 174 00:05:44,697 --> 00:05:45,731 Had sex! 175 00:05:46,999 --> 00:05:48,600 The kind where you need a snack after. 176 00:05:48,668 --> 00:05:49,668 Hey-o! 177 00:05:56,943 --> 00:05:58,477 Whoa. 178 00:06:01,047 --> 00:06:02,748 So, Jess, 179 00:06:02,815 --> 00:06:04,349 you're from Portland. Do you, do you miss it? 180 00:06:04,417 --> 00:06:05,650 Do you miss Portland? 181 00:06:05,718 --> 00:06:07,278 I mean, I feel like you never really... 182 00:06:08,488 --> 00:06:09,888 - You... are you okay? - Oh, my God, are you choking? 183 00:06:09,956 --> 00:06:11,256 Is that what this is? Oh, my God, stand up! 184 00:06:11,324 --> 00:06:12,257 Stand up, stand up! 185 00:06:12,325 --> 00:06:13,725 Get up, come here. 186 00:06:13,793 --> 00:06:14,993 Oh! 187 00:06:16,095 --> 00:06:17,362 Here, sit down. 188 00:06:20,099 --> 00:06:21,500 Thank you, Diane. 189 00:06:21,567 --> 00:06:22,934 You saved me. 190 00:06:23,002 --> 00:06:24,269 Any time. 191 00:06:26,639 --> 00:06:28,840 Um, hey, Diane, um, 192 00:06:28,908 --> 00:06:33,178 would you like to go to the ladies' room and freshen up? 193 00:06:33,246 --> 00:06:36,715 Yes, Jess, I would love to. 194 00:06:39,452 --> 00:06:40,752 I am so sorry. 195 00:06:40,820 --> 00:06:43,088 I'm really... I'm-I'm embarrassed. 196 00:06:43,156 --> 00:06:44,589 - Please, for what? - No, I am. 197 00:06:44,657 --> 00:06:45,924 For marking your territory? Look, I get it. 198 00:06:45,992 --> 00:06:48,593 But I was acting childish and dumb and jealous, 199 00:06:48,661 --> 00:06:49,728 and-and I... 200 00:06:49,796 --> 00:06:51,563 I see why Sam likes you. 201 00:06:51,631 --> 00:06:53,431 Well, I see why he likes you, too. 202 00:06:53,499 --> 00:06:54,866 Will you forgive me? 203 00:06:54,934 --> 00:06:56,968 I have guy friends, and I don't know why 204 00:06:57,036 --> 00:07:00,438 I would just assume that you're wildly in love with him. 205 00:07:00,506 --> 00:07:01,706 Oh, no, I am. 206 00:07:03,876 --> 00:07:05,010 No, really, I am. 207 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:08,280 Seriously, I am. 208 00:07:10,316 --> 00:07:12,384 Jess, I'm-I'm in love with Sam. 209 00:07:13,586 --> 00:07:15,020 Oh, balls. 210 00:07:18,045 --> 00:07:20,045 Now this varietal gained prominence 211 00:07:20,071 --> 00:07:22,986 in the '30s as an Italian driving wine. 212 00:07:23,064 --> 00:07:25,098 Now they call it a picnic wine, 213 00:07:25,167 --> 00:07:27,001 but we know what they're up to. 214 00:07:27,069 --> 00:07:28,136 But as they say, 215 00:07:28,203 --> 00:07:29,771 "Wine is fine, 216 00:07:29,838 --> 00:07:31,506 but bourbon is schwervin'." 217 00:07:33,909 --> 00:07:35,309 I think I got a buzz. 218 00:07:35,377 --> 00:07:36,377 Yeah, me too. 219 00:07:36,912 --> 00:07:37,945 Hang on. 220 00:07:38,013 --> 00:07:39,947 Uh, you're gonna like this. 221 00:07:44,319 --> 00:07:47,121 How much hooch do you have stored in this place, 222 00:07:47,189 --> 00:07:48,589 you mountain person? 223 00:07:48,657 --> 00:07:49,857 Prohibition happened once. 224 00:07:49,925 --> 00:07:50,992 It can happen again. 225 00:07:51,060 --> 00:07:52,060 Yeah. 226 00:07:53,495 --> 00:07:55,196 It was pretty easy to see where you were going with that. 227 00:07:55,264 --> 00:07:56,698 Look at the two of you. 228 00:07:56,765 --> 00:07:59,534 Bonding over the thing that numbs you. 229 00:08:01,370 --> 00:08:03,604 Smell this. Smell this. 230 00:08:03,672 --> 00:08:04,164 Oh! 231 00:08:04,190 --> 00:08:05,665 Let me get a whiff. Let me get a whiff. 232 00:08:05,708 --> 00:08:06,708 Oh! 233 00:08:06,775 --> 00:08:07,775 Hurts so good. 234 00:08:10,446 --> 00:08:11,579 Sam. 235 00:08:11,647 --> 00:08:12,714 Guess who 236 00:08:12,781 --> 00:08:14,101 the luckiest boy in the world is? 237 00:08:14,149 --> 00:08:15,149 It's you. 238 00:08:16,185 --> 00:08:18,386 It's an extra bird shirt, huh? 239 00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:19,987 I keep an extra one in my car, 240 00:08:20,055 --> 00:08:22,090 just in case I get interviewed on television. 241 00:08:22,157 --> 00:08:23,791 Oh. Thank you. 242 00:08:30,165 --> 00:08:31,933 Put on the bird shirt, Sam. 243 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,234 I will. 244 00:08:33,302 --> 00:08:34,402 When? 245 00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:36,337 When I don't have to 246 00:08:36,405 --> 00:08:40,141 take my other shirt off in a bar full of people. 247 00:09:03,198 --> 00:09:04,732 - Ten years?! - Yeah. 248 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,033 You didn't tell him for ten years? 249 00:09:06,101 --> 00:09:07,034 I did. 250 00:09:07,102 --> 00:09:08,236 Well, I tried to. 251 00:09:08,303 --> 00:09:10,238 Um, our second year of med school, 252 00:09:10,305 --> 00:09:12,106 he went to work with Doctors Without Borders. 253 00:09:12,174 --> 00:09:14,094 Well, so I didn't, I didn't know when I was gonna 254 00:09:14,143 --> 00:09:15,743 see him again, and, um, 255 00:09:15,811 --> 00:09:17,851 one night, I-I just sat down and wrote him a letter. 256 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:19,247 And everything came out, you know, 257 00:09:19,314 --> 00:09:20,982 everything that I was feeling, everything that 258 00:09:21,049 --> 00:09:22,216 I had been holding back. 259 00:09:22,284 --> 00:09:24,085 Yeah. I love letters. 260 00:09:24,153 --> 00:09:24,919 I know, me too. 261 00:09:24,987 --> 00:09:26,320 We have so much in common. 262 00:09:26,388 --> 00:09:28,122 Arguably too much. 263 00:09:28,190 --> 00:09:29,490 - Mm. - But keep going. 264 00:09:29,558 --> 00:09:32,794 Well... Sam never responded. 265 00:09:34,963 --> 00:09:37,165 I just figured he didn't want to embarrass me, you know? 266 00:09:37,232 --> 00:09:39,834 I mean, I-it's hard when you're friends with a guy first. 267 00:09:39,902 --> 00:09:40,968 So... 268 00:09:41,036 --> 00:09:42,503 he came home, and we just 269 00:09:42,571 --> 00:09:45,072 kept on like normal, and it was really painful, 270 00:09:45,140 --> 00:09:47,275 but I-I couldn't lose him as a friend. 271 00:09:47,342 --> 00:09:49,677 Of course you couldn't. 272 00:09:49,745 --> 00:09:53,981 Then... last week, this came in the mail. 273 00:09:54,917 --> 00:09:57,685 "Return to sender." 274 00:09:58,987 --> 00:10:00,855 He never got it. 275 00:10:00,923 --> 00:10:02,990 - Oh, my God. - Yeah. 276 00:10:03,058 --> 00:10:04,859 He never knew how you felt. 277 00:10:04,927 --> 00:10:09,330 No, and I-I came here tonight to give him this letter and then... 278 00:10:09,398 --> 00:10:11,165 What happened? 279 00:10:11,233 --> 00:10:12,700 I met you. 280 00:10:12,768 --> 00:10:13,868 Oh, right. 281 00:10:13,936 --> 00:10:15,036 - Me. - Mm. 282 00:10:15,103 --> 00:10:16,838 Here. 283 00:10:16,905 --> 00:10:19,607 I can't throw it away, but I can't give it to him. 284 00:10:19,675 --> 00:10:23,377 Don't worry, Jess, you... you didn't do anything wrong. 285 00:10:23,445 --> 00:10:25,880 I'm not the one for Sam. 286 00:10:25,948 --> 00:10:27,215 You are. 287 00:10:27,282 --> 00:10:29,784 I'm gonna be really honest. 288 00:10:29,852 --> 00:10:33,988 Um, I'm having a-a very hard time 289 00:10:34,056 --> 00:10:36,324 rooting for myself right now. 290 00:10:43,449 --> 00:10:47,118 That was the most romantic story I've ever heard. 291 00:10:47,186 --> 00:10:48,620 And I don't want to get between them. 292 00:10:48,688 --> 00:10:49,821 Or do I? 293 00:10:49,889 --> 00:10:51,089 I love Sam, 294 00:10:51,157 --> 00:10:52,151 and I don't want to throw it all away 295 00:10:52,177 --> 00:10:56,414 because she couldn't figure out how to buy a Forever stamp. 296 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,642 Just because you give Sam this letter, it does not mean 297 00:10:58,643 --> 00:11:00,674 that he's automatically gonna choose Diane. 298 00:11:00,741 --> 00:11:02,342 - Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. 299 00:11:02,410 --> 00:11:05,912 Damn it. 300 00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:07,080 Look at them. 301 00:11:17,525 --> 00:11:19,860 This song isn't even on our jukebox. 302 00:11:19,927 --> 00:11:21,361 You know what, that's it. 303 00:11:21,429 --> 00:11:25,031 I'm-I'm not losing Sam because I'm some dumb romantic. 304 00:11:25,099 --> 00:11:27,634 Cece, get rid of this letter. 305 00:11:27,702 --> 00:11:28,702 Lett'r done. 306 00:11:28,769 --> 00:11:30,103 Good-bye, Diane. 307 00:11:30,171 --> 00:11:33,740 Go back to fixing feet, you sweet saint of a woman. 308 00:11:33,808 --> 00:11:34,975 You must be so proud of me. 309 00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:38,044 I'm finally being practical and realistic, 310 00:11:38,112 --> 00:11:40,447 and not some moony-eyed freak 311 00:11:40,514 --> 00:11:42,215 who's seen too many romantic comedies. 312 00:11:42,283 --> 00:11:43,483 I'm basically being you. 313 00:11:43,551 --> 00:11:45,418 Not anymore, pal. 314 00:11:45,486 --> 00:11:48,255 Schmidt's made me weak in my stupid knees. 315 00:11:48,322 --> 00:11:49,723 I don't know. 316 00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:52,259 This past year with Schmidt's changed me. 317 00:11:52,326 --> 00:11:54,928 It's made me believe in love stories. 318 00:11:54,996 --> 00:11:57,163 Is that why you were crying during the bank commercial 319 00:11:57,231 --> 00:11:58,932 where the two old people were texting each other? 320 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,433 - Jessica... - I know. 321 00:12:00,501 --> 00:12:02,602 They now have the money that they need... 322 00:12:02,670 --> 00:12:05,623 No, I know... to be buried together. 323 00:12:06,908 --> 00:12:09,009 We both know that you're not gonna be able 324 00:12:09,076 --> 00:12:11,711 to live with yourself if you don't give this letter to Sam. 325 00:12:11,779 --> 00:12:13,546 Yeah. 326 00:12:15,483 --> 00:12:16,950 What if I lose him? 327 00:12:17,018 --> 00:12:19,085 Well, then you'll at least know, babe. 328 00:12:19,153 --> 00:12:20,620 It's not your love story. 329 00:12:22,290 --> 00:12:23,857 Oh. 330 00:12:23,925 --> 00:12:25,926 I have something to tell you. 331 00:12:25,993 --> 00:12:28,028 The old man in the bank commercial, 332 00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:31,531 um, played a Nazi in Schindler's List. 333 00:12:31,599 --> 00:12:33,300 Does that change anything? 334 00:12:36,337 --> 00:12:37,904 I made a model of our wedding venue. 335 00:12:37,972 --> 00:12:39,139 Wow. 336 00:12:39,206 --> 00:12:41,908 Your wine is so good, I really want to showcase it 337 00:12:41,976 --> 00:12:43,610 and-and put the bar here. 338 00:12:43,678 --> 00:12:46,413 It's where they store the drums of wild chemicals, 339 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,281 but I'm pretty sure they're empty now. 340 00:12:48,349 --> 00:12:50,450 Yeah, it's empty except for the big puddle that never dries. 341 00:12:50,518 --> 00:12:51,451 Oh, it'll be fine. 342 00:12:51,519 --> 00:12:52,619 With your mother there, 343 00:12:52,687 --> 00:12:54,454 that puddle will get drunk. 344 00:12:54,522 --> 00:12:56,156 How about we grab some dinner? 345 00:12:56,223 --> 00:12:58,491 Together? 346 00:12:58,559 --> 00:13:00,393 You... 347 00:13:00,461 --> 00:13:01,995 Yeah, no, I'd like that very much. 348 00:13:02,063 --> 00:13:03,263 I'm gonna run home. 349 00:13:03,331 --> 00:13:05,165 Obviously, I can't wear these shoes to dinner. 350 00:13:05,232 --> 00:13:06,433 Ha, can you imagine? 351 00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:09,102 I'll see you. 352 00:13:11,339 --> 00:13:13,606 I'm going to dinner with my dad. 353 00:13:14,575 --> 00:13:15,575 This is so great, man. 354 00:13:15,643 --> 00:13:16,676 Yeah, it's great. 355 00:13:16,744 --> 00:13:18,144 You guys are finally getting along. 356 00:13:18,179 --> 00:13:19,512 You were like, "We've been down this road." 357 00:13:19,580 --> 00:13:21,514 It's great. I just want to check in. 358 00:13:21,582 --> 00:13:22,916 Y-You said you weren't gonna get sucked in, 359 00:13:22,984 --> 00:13:24,617 and it seems like you're getting sucked in. 360 00:13:24,685 --> 00:13:25,719 Sucked in? I'm not getting sucked in. 361 00:13:25,786 --> 00:13:26,786 If anybody's getting sucked, 362 00:13:26,854 --> 00:13:28,355 it's just me sucking myself in. 363 00:13:29,757 --> 00:13:31,057 - No, I know how that sounded. - Yeah. 364 00:13:31,125 --> 00:13:32,258 - But you, I mean you... - You good? 365 00:13:32,326 --> 00:13:33,560 - Yeah. - Yeah. 366 00:13:37,131 --> 00:13:38,932 Hey, uh, Gavin, hold up. 367 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:43,036 Um... I feel like I can say this to you because, well, 368 00:13:43,104 --> 00:13:44,971 you know, we shared a cup. 369 00:13:46,213 --> 00:13:48,381 You really live by a specific code. 370 00:13:48,407 --> 00:13:49,674 Look, we both know 371 00:13:49,742 --> 00:13:50,690 how this is gonna go down, Gavin. 372 00:13:50,691 --> 00:13:52,524 You're gonna get Schmidt's expectations up, 373 00:13:52,592 --> 00:13:54,193 and then you're gonna bail. 374 00:13:57,030 --> 00:13:58,297 I know. 375 00:13:58,365 --> 00:13:59,965 Just be better. 376 00:14:00,481 --> 00:14:02,148 Be his dad. 377 00:14:02,936 --> 00:14:05,671 Just be there for him, even when it's not fun, 378 00:14:05,739 --> 00:14:07,973 and sometimes it's really not fun. 379 00:14:08,041 --> 00:14:09,575 I know. 380 00:14:09,643 --> 00:14:12,912 I've been doing it for 15 years. 381 00:14:12,979 --> 00:14:14,880 - Thank you. - Don't thank me. 382 00:14:14,948 --> 00:14:17,183 Just promise me if you show up for dinner tonight, 383 00:14:17,250 --> 00:14:20,519 you'll show up tomorrow and the day after and the week after, 384 00:14:20,587 --> 00:14:22,588 and basically forever. 385 00:14:23,657 --> 00:14:25,424 I will be there. 386 00:14:25,492 --> 00:14:26,892 Will you, Gavin? 387 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,928 Will you? 388 00:14:28,995 --> 00:14:30,162 Will you, Gavin? 389 00:14:30,230 --> 00:14:32,231 I will. 390 00:14:32,299 --> 00:14:33,599 Will you? 391 00:14:35,669 --> 00:14:37,103 Will you, Gavin? 392 00:14:37,170 --> 00:14:38,838 You're really dragging this out. 393 00:14:38,905 --> 00:14:40,706 No, I've already gone through everything I had rehearsed. 394 00:14:40,774 --> 00:14:42,774 I really thought the elevator would be here by now. 395 00:14:42,809 --> 00:14:44,443 We could talk about other stuff. 396 00:14:45,737 --> 00:14:47,037 Can we, Gavin? 397 00:14:47,481 --> 00:14:48,481 Can we? 398 00:14:48,515 --> 00:14:50,082 Yeah. 399 00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:51,751 Can we, Gavin? Oh, thank God. 400 00:14:55,668 --> 00:14:58,652 I'm getting my birthday present at an airport hotel? 401 00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:03,162 Oh, my God, are you taking me on a trip to meet my birth mother? 402 00:15:03,311 --> 00:15:03,580 Oh. 403 00:15:03,607 --> 00:15:05,036 No, wait. 404 00:15:05,099 --> 00:15:06,533 Um, no. 405 00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:09,336 Uh, it's, uh... I have a surprise for you, 406 00:15:09,403 --> 00:15:11,471 but it's not exactly a present. 407 00:15:11,539 --> 00:15:13,173 Um, just wait here. 408 00:15:13,241 --> 00:15:14,507 Okay. 409 00:15:14,575 --> 00:15:17,310 Look, I want you to know that no matter what happens, 410 00:15:17,378 --> 00:15:19,479 no-no matter how this turns out... 411 00:15:19,547 --> 00:15:23,016 and by "this," you'll-you'll see what I'm talking about... 412 00:15:23,084 --> 00:15:26,353 I want you to be happy. 413 00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:29,789 And I want you to be happy. 414 00:15:29,857 --> 00:15:32,959 But what did you want me to be before this moment? 415 00:15:33,027 --> 00:15:34,995 Don't let me get a ticket, okay? 416 00:15:40,735 --> 00:15:41,901 Jess? 417 00:15:42,937 --> 00:15:44,037 Tell Sam. 418 00:15:45,906 --> 00:15:48,842 He-he deserves to know how you feel. 419 00:15:51,045 --> 00:15:55,348 Wow, you are either really cool or really cocky. 420 00:15:55,416 --> 00:15:58,585 You are either really cool or really cocky. 421 00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:00,020 Thank you. 422 00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:15,769 I should've been more clear. He's downstairs. 423 00:16:19,507 --> 00:16:22,375 I just want to let you know, my shift is up, so Jason will 424 00:16:22,443 --> 00:16:24,644 be getting bummed out by you for the rest of the night. 425 00:16:29,116 --> 00:16:30,984 Somebody order a milkshake, cowboy? 426 00:16:33,054 --> 00:16:34,621 Well, Nick, you were right. 427 00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:36,523 I got sucked in. 428 00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:38,291 He was a car wash vacuum, 429 00:16:38,359 --> 00:16:40,627 and I was just a stray pistachio. 430 00:16:40,695 --> 00:16:42,896 Listen, Schmidt, it's my fault. 431 00:16:43,931 --> 00:16:46,199 I got real with him and he split. 432 00:16:46,267 --> 00:16:48,702 It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. 433 00:16:48,769 --> 00:16:49,903 And, Nick? 434 00:16:49,970 --> 00:16:50,970 Yeah? 435 00:16:52,773 --> 00:16:54,674 Thank you. 436 00:16:54,742 --> 00:16:55,909 Thanks for what? 437 00:16:55,976 --> 00:16:57,644 For being there. 438 00:17:00,147 --> 00:17:02,315 What are you doing right now? 439 00:17:06,053 --> 00:17:07,420 - Yeah, man. - I like red meat. 440 00:17:07,488 --> 00:17:08,755 Yeah, yeah, no, beef. 441 00:17:08,823 --> 00:17:10,156 - Sexy ladies. - Boobs. 442 00:17:10,224 --> 00:17:11,458 - Moobs. - B-Boobs. 443 00:17:11,525 --> 00:17:13,026 - Big boobs. - Yeah. 444 00:17:13,094 --> 00:17:14,461 Let's get out of here. Let's get out of here. 445 00:17:14,528 --> 00:17:15,995 Oh, don't, don't, don't! 446 00:17:16,063 --> 00:17:18,465 Wait! Wait, guys, wait. 447 00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:20,940 I know I should have been here an hour ago, 448 00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:22,207 but I was at the warehouse 449 00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:23,586 getting your security deposit back. 450 00:17:23,587 --> 00:17:24,488 Why would you... 451 00:17:24,555 --> 00:17:25,722 Let me finish, trust me. 452 00:17:25,790 --> 00:17:27,691 That slumlord wouldn't give it to me 453 00:17:27,759 --> 00:17:31,328 unless I cleaned the place, and once I started... 454 00:17:31,396 --> 00:17:33,397 I don't know if you know, but I'm a little OCD. 455 00:17:33,464 --> 00:17:35,132 - Me, too. - Yeah, it runs in the family. 456 00:17:35,199 --> 00:17:37,534 Your grandfather had to touch every lamppost he passed. 457 00:17:37,602 --> 00:17:38,502 He couldn't hold a job. 458 00:17:38,569 --> 00:17:39,669 Until he got a job 459 00:17:39,737 --> 00:17:40,871 as a lamppost repair man. 460 00:17:40,938 --> 00:17:42,072 Why wouldn't you just call? 461 00:17:42,140 --> 00:17:43,740 Oh, I got kicked in the back of the head 462 00:17:43,775 --> 00:17:45,675 by some kids who were using that dump as a place 463 00:17:45,743 --> 00:17:47,043 to practice their urban dancing. 464 00:17:47,111 --> 00:17:48,912 They-they were honestly pretty good, 465 00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:51,815 until they beat me and took my phone. 466 00:17:51,883 --> 00:17:54,217 And my wallet and my watch. 467 00:17:54,285 --> 00:17:56,553 I had to run over here... well, actually 468 00:17:56,621 --> 00:17:59,689 it was... it was more of a... a walk-jog. 469 00:17:59,757 --> 00:18:00,757 I threw up once. 470 00:18:04,061 --> 00:18:06,630 I'm not very good at doing the right thing 471 00:18:06,697 --> 00:18:08,465 when it comes to you. 472 00:18:10,067 --> 00:18:13,170 But I wanted to start tonight. 473 00:18:14,238 --> 00:18:16,473 You are not getting married 474 00:18:16,541 --> 00:18:18,041 at that slaughterhouse. 475 00:18:18,109 --> 00:18:20,844 Okay, well, then where am I getting married? 476 00:18:20,912 --> 00:18:21,912 At my vineyard. 477 00:18:23,915 --> 00:18:26,049 If you want. 478 00:18:26,117 --> 00:18:28,518 It'll be beautiful. 479 00:18:28,586 --> 00:18:29,853 I talked to Cece. 480 00:18:29,921 --> 00:18:31,288 She said it's up to you. 481 00:18:31,355 --> 00:18:33,623 I just want you to know, either way, 482 00:18:33,691 --> 00:18:36,726 I'm all in from here on out. 483 00:18:43,768 --> 00:18:46,636 We're getting married at a vineyard. 484 00:18:46,704 --> 00:18:49,573 Yes! Yes. 485 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:50,507 Getting married at a vineyard. 486 00:18:50,575 --> 00:18:51,408 Yes. 487 00:18:51,476 --> 00:18:53,477 Yes, yes. 488 00:18:55,379 --> 00:18:56,980 So, you just left him there to talk? 489 00:18:57,048 --> 00:19:00,317 Yep, I abandoned my own car, 490 00:19:00,384 --> 00:19:04,087 and now, for all I know, Sam and Diane are tearing apart 491 00:19:04,155 --> 00:19:06,256 a business-friendly hotel room together. 492 00:19:06,324 --> 00:19:07,657 Well, I'm really proud of you. 493 00:19:07,725 --> 00:19:09,626 I know that it was hard, but it's the only way 494 00:19:09,694 --> 00:19:11,414 you're gonna find out what you need to know. 495 00:19:12,363 --> 00:19:14,164 Thanks. 496 00:19:14,232 --> 00:19:15,832 This might sound like a cry for help, 497 00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:17,601 but I promise you it's not. 498 00:19:17,668 --> 00:19:19,870 Um, I'm gonna go to my room and I'm gonna watch videos 499 00:19:19,937 --> 00:19:22,372 of dogs waiting for their dead owners to come back. 500 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:23,707 Mm-hmm. 501 00:19:25,376 --> 00:19:27,143 Cece, you want to know what I think? 502 00:19:27,211 --> 00:19:28,612 Mm, not really. 503 00:19:28,679 --> 00:19:30,447 I think there are people who get bird shirts, 504 00:19:30,515 --> 00:19:32,782 and there are people who don't. 505 00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:36,353 Jessica Day needs to be with a bird shirt person. 506 00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:39,155 Am I a bird shirt person? 507 00:19:39,223 --> 00:19:42,659 Oh, Cece, why do you always have to make things about you? 508 00:19:48,065 --> 00:19:50,534 Sam, hello. 509 00:19:54,705 --> 00:19:56,640 I forgive you. 510 00:19:56,707 --> 00:19:58,975 Okay. Okay. 511 00:19:59,043 --> 00:20:00,143 Is Jess here? 512 00:20:01,212 --> 00:20:02,679 She is. 513 00:20:14,058 --> 00:20:14,824 Hey. 514 00:20:14,892 --> 00:20:16,359 - Hey. - Hey. 515 00:20:17,261 --> 00:20:19,829 I'm just, uh... 516 00:20:19,897 --> 00:20:21,498 Yeah, I'm really nervous, 517 00:20:21,566 --> 00:20:23,733 so I'm just gonna ask you an innocuous question. 518 00:20:23,801 --> 00:20:26,503 Um... did you bring my car back? 519 00:20:26,571 --> 00:20:29,372 Yes, I have got your keys right here. 520 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:30,740 Thanks. 521 00:20:32,476 --> 00:20:36,379 Look, what you did for me today was... 522 00:20:36,447 --> 00:20:40,350 the most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me. 523 00:20:43,321 --> 00:20:45,555 Whatever... 524 00:20:45,623 --> 00:20:50,026 if there was ever a time for me and Diane, it's passed. 525 00:20:50,094 --> 00:20:52,629 And when I read the letter, it just reminded me 526 00:20:52,697 --> 00:20:55,532 how much that's true. 527 00:21:03,741 --> 00:21:06,242 Now that I know you like letters, watch out. 528 00:21:06,310 --> 00:21:09,145 I have to say, that was the strangest birthday surprise 529 00:21:09,213 --> 00:21:10,714 I have ever been given. 530 00:21:10,781 --> 00:21:12,882 Well, Winston took my bird shirt idea, so... 531 00:21:14,385 --> 00:21:15,752 You know what, one of these days, 532 00:21:15,820 --> 00:21:17,220 I'm gonna get you to laugh with your mouth open. 533 00:21:17,288 --> 00:21:18,855 I know you will. That's what she said. 534 00:21:18,923 --> 00:21:20,256 No, that's not gonna do it. 535 00:21:20,324 --> 00:21:21,224 That's what she said. 536 00:21:21,292 --> 00:21:22,492 You just said the same thing. 537 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,160 Now that's what she said. 538 00:21:24,228 --> 00:21:25,195 That's... What accent is that? 539 00:21:25,262 --> 00:21:26,529 - It's Italian. - Oh, really? 540 00:21:26,597 --> 00:21:28,765 - That's what she said! - Nope, that didn't 541 00:21:28,833 --> 00:21:29,833 - do it, either. - That's what she said. 542 00:21:29,900 --> 00:21:31,267 Now you're just changing the stress. 543 00:21:31,335 --> 00:21:32,702 That's what she said? 544 00:21:32,777 --> 00:21:34,778 Maybe you should stop. 545 00:21:35,931 --> 00:21:38,411 - That's what she said. Ooh. - Ooh. That was closer.