1 00:00:02,551 --> 00:00:03,517 - Great rehearsal dinner. - Bye! 2 00:00:04,530 --> 00:00:05,219 Tran. 3 00:00:05,220 --> 00:00:08,419 Great lasagna, it was fantastic. 4 00:00:08,454 --> 00:00:09,453 Now you're fishing. 5 00:00:09,488 --> 00:00:11,522 It was just good, and you know it. 6 00:00:11,557 --> 00:00:14,325 You used the cheap cheese, and that was your mistake. 7 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:15,492 Great noodles, though. 8 00:00:15,528 --> 00:00:17,228 Thank you. Bye. 9 00:00:17,263 --> 00:00:18,229 We care about you. 10 00:00:18,264 --> 00:00:19,630 - Mm-hmm. - We did it! 11 00:00:19,665 --> 00:00:20,931 - Yes, we did it! - We did it. 12 00:00:20,967 --> 00:00:21,999 Best rehearsal dinner ever. 13 00:00:22,034 --> 00:00:23,234 You guys are a good team. 14 00:00:23,269 --> 00:00:24,668 We haven't slept all week, but thanks. 15 00:00:24,704 --> 00:00:26,303 I work in hospitality, it's what I do. 16 00:00:26,339 --> 00:00:27,338 I've got some cools things 17 00:00:27,373 --> 00:00:29,073 - for tomorrow I want to show you. - Right on. 18 00:00:29,108 --> 00:00:30,941 Maid of honor. 19 00:00:30,977 --> 00:00:32,142 Best Man. 20 00:00:32,178 --> 00:00:33,711 Mayday J-Day. 21 00:00:33,746 --> 00:00:34,979 What's up, Nick-knack. 22 00:00:35,014 --> 00:00:36,814 We're gonna need some more hotties on the dance floor. 23 00:00:36,849 --> 00:00:37,619 Copy that. 24 00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,890 I'll get those hotties right over to you. 25 00:00:41,724 --> 00:00:42,131 Awesome. 26 00:00:42,132 --> 00:00:43,664 Thank you for letting us stay in your room. 27 00:00:43,698 --> 00:00:44,630 Of course. 28 00:00:44,666 --> 00:00:46,265 I'm sorry your mother's not coming, Cece. 29 00:00:46,301 --> 00:00:49,569 Her disapproval of my son fills me with a hot rage. 30 00:00:49,604 --> 00:00:51,470 I've repressed into a cyst on my back. 31 00:00:51,506 --> 00:00:53,372 - It's grotesque. - Sweet dreams, kid. 32 00:00:53,408 --> 00:00:54,407 Night, Mom. 33 00:00:54,442 --> 00:00:55,575 Good night, my mom's friend Susan. 34 00:00:57,412 --> 00:00:59,245 Are you guys sure that you don't want to use the air mattress? 35 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:00,246 We sleep together. 36 00:01:00,281 --> 00:01:01,814 We've been lovers since 1998. 37 00:01:04,583 --> 00:01:05,894 I want to thank everyone 38 00:01:05,895 --> 00:01:08,017 for an amazing rehearsal dinner. 39 00:01:08,018 --> 00:01:09,549 Special shout out to Winston 40 00:01:09,585 --> 00:01:11,218 For a shockingly good toast. 41 00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:12,284 Winston! 42 00:01:12,285 --> 00:01:14,848 - Insanely good. - Dipping in and out of French. 43 00:01:14,849 --> 00:01:15,715 Powerful stuff, man. 44 00:01:15,750 --> 00:01:16,983 - Yay! - No. 45 00:01:17,018 --> 00:01:18,718 Blessings, blessings on all your households. 46 00:01:18,753 --> 00:01:20,627 All right, I think it's time to get the bride and the groom 47 00:01:20,628 --> 00:01:22,506 to sleep in separate beds like boy cousins. 48 00:01:22,532 --> 00:01:25,019 Wait, wait, can we just say good night first? 49 00:01:25,050 --> 00:01:26,238 We'll allow it. 50 00:01:26,264 --> 00:01:27,946 We'll allow it. 51 00:01:31,705 --> 00:01:32,429 I'm gonna go to the bathroom. 52 00:01:32,430 --> 00:01:34,095 I'm gonna do the dishes. Dishes. 53 00:01:35,732 --> 00:01:37,198 - Break it up! - What is this? 54 00:01:37,234 --> 00:01:38,707 The last night of drama camp? 55 00:01:38,733 --> 00:01:40,633 Enjoy it while you can because it gets boring. 56 00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:44,311 Same old lips year after year 57 00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:45,800 with no spark, 58 00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:48,102 just dead tongues touching, 59 00:01:48,137 --> 00:01:49,937 like decayed salmon. 60 00:01:49,972 --> 00:01:51,405 Oh, my god, Winston! 61 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:52,806 I did it! 62 00:01:56,712 --> 00:01:58,228 The night before the wedding, 63 00:01:58,229 --> 00:02:01,695 A bride is bound to feel a little bit emotional, 64 00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:03,658 so nervous? I got Xanax. 65 00:02:03,659 --> 00:02:04,679 - Delicious. - Mm-hmm. 66 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,999 Sad, I have a picture of a cat riding a dog like a horse. 67 00:02:09,781 --> 00:02:10,781 Is that for me or for you? 68 00:02:10,816 --> 00:02:12,683 - What? - Hmm. 69 00:02:12,718 --> 00:02:14,651 You freak out, you want to escape to Canada? 70 00:02:14,697 --> 00:02:17,497 I've got our passports and... 71 00:02:17,523 --> 00:02:19,458 Trudeau pics. 72 00:02:19,858 --> 00:02:21,658 I'm good, you know? I don't need anything. 73 00:02:21,694 --> 00:02:23,694 Really? 'Cause you can ask for anything. 74 00:02:23,729 --> 00:02:25,629 After tomorrow, you're not gonna be able 75 00:02:25,664 --> 00:02:27,464 to use the bride card anymore. 76 00:02:27,499 --> 00:02:28,665 You've got power. 77 00:02:28,701 --> 00:02:29,967 Wield it. 78 00:02:31,070 --> 00:02:32,836 I'm gonna go crazy doing this 79 00:02:32,871 --> 00:02:33,737 For you one day. 80 00:02:33,772 --> 00:02:35,339 Well, Sam is the most 81 00:02:35,374 --> 00:02:38,309 objectively marry-able guy I've ever dated. 82 00:02:38,335 --> 00:02:40,337 He's out there washing dishes right now. 83 00:02:40,338 --> 00:02:41,099 Mm. 84 00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:42,431 - And he's so tall. - So tall. 85 00:02:42,467 --> 00:02:44,703 His jacket on me looks like a garbage bag. 86 00:02:44,704 --> 00:02:45,735 Check it out. 87 00:02:48,573 --> 00:02:49,906 Oh. 88 00:02:49,941 --> 00:02:51,508 Uh... 89 00:02:51,543 --> 00:02:53,276 What is this? 90 00:02:57,014 --> 00:02:58,313 What? What? What? 91 00:03:01,797 --> 00:03:03,365 - Oh, my god. - Oh, my god. 92 00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:04,794 Is Sam gonna propose? 93 00:03:06,068 --> 00:03:08,135 Oh, my god. 94 00:03:09,238 --> 00:03:11,271 Oh, my god! 95 00:03:11,307 --> 00:03:13,473 Nick, let me tell you something. It has been a pleasure 96 00:03:13,509 --> 00:03:16,276 watching you blossom into the best man. 97 00:03:16,312 --> 00:03:17,910 Well, thank you for giving me the soil to grow. 98 00:03:17,911 --> 00:03:19,143 Good night. 99 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,073 My flash drive is gone! 100 00:03:24,074 --> 00:03:25,609 The flash drive your vows are on?! 101 00:03:25,610 --> 00:03:27,677 No, a different flash drive! 102 00:03:27,678 --> 00:03:28,487 Then what's the problem? 103 00:03:28,488 --> 00:03:29,446 I was being sarcastic! 104 00:03:29,447 --> 00:03:31,521 Of course the flash drive that my vows are on! 105 00:03:31,522 --> 00:03:33,522 Ah... 106 00:03:33,557 --> 00:03:35,391 There's my poet's fuel. 107 00:03:35,426 --> 00:03:37,393 Mm, I might still be drunk 108 00:03:37,428 --> 00:03:40,564 from my own toast, but my god, 109 00:03:40,565 --> 00:03:43,233 you are gonna make a beautiful bride someday. 110 00:03:44,983 --> 00:03:46,583 Bye. 111 00:03:48,608 --> 00:03:50,089 Uh... 112 00:03:50,090 --> 00:03:52,168 I'm here. I heard it. 113 00:03:52,169 --> 00:03:54,870 Let's acknowledge that and, uh, 114 00:03:54,905 --> 00:03:57,239 you know where to find me. 115 00:03:58,811 --> 00:04:00,243 It's not here. I can't find it. 116 00:04:00,279 --> 00:04:01,378 I told Aly she'd make 117 00:04:01,413 --> 00:04:02,646 a beautiful bride someday, 118 00:04:02,681 --> 00:04:04,247 and then she just bounced. 119 00:04:04,283 --> 00:04:05,649 I mean, why'd I say that? 120 00:04:05,684 --> 00:04:06,717 We've been dating a month. 121 00:04:06,752 --> 00:04:09,419 Dude, Schmidt lost his vows! 122 00:04:09,455 --> 00:04:10,587 For the wedding?! 123 00:04:10,622 --> 00:04:12,856 No, different vows. 124 00:04:12,891 --> 00:04:14,124 Oh, so then what's the big deal? 125 00:04:14,159 --> 00:04:15,359 What is wrong with you people?! 126 00:04:15,394 --> 00:04:16,727 How'd I lose it? 127 00:04:16,762 --> 00:04:18,161 I wear it around my neck. I even we... 128 00:04:18,197 --> 00:04:19,296 I even wear it when I got a spray tan. 129 00:04:19,331 --> 00:04:20,297 Ooh. 130 00:04:20,332 --> 00:04:21,398 I think I know what happened. 131 00:04:21,433 --> 00:04:22,699 What? 132 00:04:25,059 --> 00:04:26,837 - Is that a piece of my flash drive? - Yes, it is. 133 00:04:26,872 --> 00:04:28,972 You see, earlier tonight, when we were practicing the hora... 134 00:04:29,007 --> 00:04:31,274 Winston, stop trying to throw me off the chair! 135 00:04:31,310 --> 00:04:32,943 That's not the game! 136 00:04:34,546 --> 00:04:37,347 I don't mean this anti-jewish at all, 137 00:04:37,383 --> 00:04:39,883 But that insane Jew dance has ruined our lives. 138 00:04:39,918 --> 00:04:40,950 I'm freaking out. 139 00:04:40,951 --> 00:04:42,750 It took me nine months to write those vows. 140 00:04:42,786 --> 00:04:43,785 What do you remember? 141 00:04:43,820 --> 00:04:45,486 Cece... 142 00:04:45,905 --> 00:04:47,404 I can't believe this day is finally here. 143 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:48,672 And then... 144 00:04:48,708 --> 00:04:51,408 Rick Santorum said it best when... 145 00:04:51,818 --> 00:04:53,700 I don't... that's all I got. That's all I remember. 146 00:04:53,701 --> 00:04:54,834 That's all you remember?! 147 00:04:54,869 --> 00:04:56,368 My vows were like a novel. 148 00:04:56,404 --> 00:04:58,072 How much of your zombie novel do you remember? 149 00:04:58,073 --> 00:04:59,039 Chapter one... 150 00:04:59,075 --> 00:05:00,416 "on Jack Granger's 151 00:05:00,417 --> 00:05:02,984 41st birthday, he was shot in the face by his dog Ed." 152 00:05:03,021 --> 00:05:04,554 Understand the situation that I'm in. 153 00:05:04,589 --> 00:05:07,190 You are so lucky. 154 00:05:07,452 --> 00:05:08,751 How-how am I lucky, Nick? 155 00:05:08,787 --> 00:05:10,486 'Cause one of the greatest writers 156 00:05:10,514 --> 00:05:13,270 of our time is about to enter this room. 157 00:05:13,349 --> 00:05:14,132 Would you like to meet him? 158 00:05:14,133 --> 00:05:15,398 All right. 159 00:05:15,433 --> 00:05:17,767 I'll go get him. 160 00:05:20,739 --> 00:05:22,472 There's no way it's not him, right? 161 00:05:22,507 --> 00:05:24,240 You think it's him? 162 00:05:24,275 --> 00:05:26,609 It's me. 163 00:05:29,214 --> 00:05:31,025 You know what, just 'cause he has a ring 164 00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:33,920 doesn't mean he's gonna propose to me tonight or right now. 165 00:05:34,228 --> 00:05:35,961 Hey, guys. I'm so sorry to interrupt. 166 00:05:35,996 --> 00:05:38,226 Uh, Jess, I have something important 167 00:05:38,227 --> 00:05:41,694 I want to talk to you about when you get a chance. 168 00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:46,594 Okay, yeah. 169 00:05:46,595 --> 00:05:48,428 I'll be right there. 170 00:05:48,465 --> 00:05:50,465 Cool PJ's. 171 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,090 I look like the sky. 172 00:05:55,341 --> 00:05:56,766 Okay. 173 00:06:04,866 --> 00:06:07,834 This is happening now. He is going to propose. 174 00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:10,270 I totally didn't see this coming. 175 00:06:10,271 --> 00:06:11,970 - This is great, right? - Yeah. 176 00:06:14,275 --> 00:06:15,607 What was that? 177 00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:17,009 What was what? 178 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,644 You paused. 179 00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:20,212 I didn't pause. 180 00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:22,147 You took like a huge pause. 181 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,749 You were like... 182 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,256 - Longer than that! - Jess... 183 00:06:32,257 --> 00:06:34,422 What aren't you saying? That's what I'm asking. 184 00:06:34,458 --> 00:06:36,324 Nothing... if you want to marry Sam, I want you to! 185 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,259 You think this is a horrible idea! 186 00:06:38,295 --> 00:06:39,103 You know what the truth is? 187 00:06:39,104 --> 00:06:42,803 I think that you paused on the inside. 188 00:06:44,123 --> 00:06:45,923 - Boom. - Don't you boom me. 189 00:06:46,348 --> 00:06:47,032 I boom. 190 00:06:47,327 --> 00:06:48,984 First of all, neither of us should want to say boom. 191 00:06:48,985 --> 00:06:50,015 That's not ever a cool thing to say. 192 00:06:50,016 --> 00:06:51,581 I'll decide who says boom! 193 00:06:51,618 --> 00:06:53,417 To write anything, you need to start 194 00:06:53,453 --> 00:06:54,919 with a big idea. 195 00:06:54,954 --> 00:06:55,886 In my last 196 00:06:55,922 --> 00:06:57,688 Zombie novel, Uh-oh Guts, 197 00:06:57,724 --> 00:07:00,057 the big idea was that there were too many guts. 198 00:07:00,093 --> 00:07:01,826 Schmidt, you're gonna say 199 00:07:01,861 --> 00:07:03,772 the first thing that comes to mind 200 00:07:03,804 --> 00:07:06,105 - when you think of Cece. - Okay. 201 00:07:08,134 --> 00:07:10,201 Cece... 202 00:07:10,236 --> 00:07:12,281 Uh, what a... 203 00:07:12,282 --> 00:07:14,313 You're too inside the thing. I-it's not that hard. 204 00:07:14,339 --> 00:07:14,766 Watch me do it. 205 00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,166 Ooh, now we getting somewhere. 206 00:07:16,201 --> 00:07:16,624 Here we go. Winnie the Bish, 207 00:07:16,625 --> 00:07:18,550 when you feel ready just say her name. 208 00:07:18,576 --> 00:07:19,254 Her name. 209 00:07:19,255 --> 00:07:20,453 I'm gonna need you to say, "Cece." 210 00:07:20,488 --> 00:07:22,054 - Okay, this is not working. - Cece. 211 00:07:22,090 --> 00:07:23,856 Cece... Average worker. 212 00:07:23,892 --> 00:07:25,525 Uneducated, but kind. 213 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,326 Wears shoes, boyish... 214 00:07:27,362 --> 00:07:28,594 Never really talked to her. 215 00:07:28,630 --> 00:07:30,963 I don't know why I'm listening to you In the first place. 216 00:07:30,999 --> 00:07:33,566 You're terrible at talking to women. 217 00:07:33,601 --> 00:07:35,501 Case in point: You and Reagan. 218 00:07:37,138 --> 00:07:39,138 Hey, did you clean everywhere? 219 00:07:40,006 --> 00:07:41,332 Are you happy? 220 00:07:41,333 --> 00:07:42,966 Are you happy that you said that? 221 00:07:43,001 --> 00:07:45,635 I'd like to smell your towel. 222 00:07:45,670 --> 00:07:46,492 Back to the basics, Schmidt. 223 00:07:46,493 --> 00:07:48,726 Okay, there's only seven types of stories. 224 00:07:48,761 --> 00:07:50,561 - Please, don't list them. - I'm gonna list them. 225 00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:52,796 Man vs. Man, Man vs. Dog, 226 00:07:52,832 --> 00:07:55,366 Dog vs. Zombie, James bond, 227 00:07:55,401 --> 00:07:58,414 stories of kings and lords, women over 50 228 00:07:58,415 --> 00:08:01,659 finding themselves after divorce, and car commercial. 229 00:08:01,660 --> 00:08:03,992 My favorite is, uh, that Toyota, 230 00:08:04,028 --> 00:08:07,296 Uh... Ev-every... the family's in the car... 231 00:08:07,331 --> 00:08:08,630 You're thinking of the food commercial. 232 00:08:08,666 --> 00:08:09,898 Really? Fat boy talks to idiot. 233 00:08:09,934 --> 00:08:11,833 Okay, eight, fat boy talks to idiot. 234 00:08:11,869 --> 00:08:13,635 We're getting nowhere. Winston, 235 00:08:13,671 --> 00:08:15,304 I need some of that toast magic. 236 00:08:15,339 --> 00:08:16,305 What do you got? 237 00:08:16,340 --> 00:08:17,394 I'm sorry, but I'm done 238 00:08:17,395 --> 00:08:18,628 speaking from the heart. I... 239 00:08:18,663 --> 00:08:21,214 Basically ruined my love life today. 240 00:08:21,215 --> 00:08:22,614 - Here's my advice to you. - Okay. 241 00:08:22,650 --> 00:08:23,782 Keep your guard up. 242 00:08:23,818 --> 00:08:25,717 - Don't be too vulnerable around her. - What? 243 00:08:25,753 --> 00:08:27,786 Be standoff-ish, close yourself. 244 00:08:27,822 --> 00:08:29,321 When she looks at you, cross your arms. 245 00:08:29,356 --> 00:08:30,823 - Turn your back on her. - Whoa, whoa. 246 00:08:30,858 --> 00:08:32,624 For wedding vows, that's terrible advice. 247 00:08:32,660 --> 00:08:34,827 Yeah... I get it, 248 00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:36,695 But you don't really, like, know how she feels. 249 00:08:38,224 --> 00:08:40,425 Did I do it? 250 00:08:43,070 --> 00:08:45,103 Did he do it? 251 00:08:47,174 --> 00:08:48,173 Okay... 252 00:08:48,209 --> 00:08:50,075 - All right. - You're welcome. 253 00:08:56,851 --> 00:09:00,018 That was terrible, Winston! 254 00:09:00,054 --> 00:09:02,221 Slow down, take a breath, 255 00:09:02,256 --> 00:09:05,357 Why don't we just talk about it and figure out what you want? 256 00:09:05,392 --> 00:09:06,859 No, that's what I always do. 257 00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:08,694 I talk and I talk. 258 00:09:08,729 --> 00:09:09,895 Not this time. 259 00:09:09,930 --> 00:09:10,929 I'm gonna, I'm gonna... 260 00:09:10,965 --> 00:09:12,798 Push through the panic 261 00:09:12,833 --> 00:09:14,199 And I'm gonna... 262 00:09:15,336 --> 00:09:17,269 Say yes. 263 00:09:17,304 --> 00:09:18,871 Really? 264 00:09:18,906 --> 00:09:19,972 I'm gonna go get proposed to. 265 00:09:20,007 --> 00:09:21,673 Okay, look, well, if you start freaking out 266 00:09:21,709 --> 00:09:23,175 and you need anything, just holler, okay? 267 00:09:23,210 --> 00:09:25,544 I will not need anything from you! 268 00:09:25,579 --> 00:09:28,714 If you get chilly, here's a blanket that I knitted you. 269 00:09:28,749 --> 00:09:30,082 It took me all year. 270 00:09:36,023 --> 00:09:37,155 Sam? 271 00:09:38,259 --> 00:09:40,094 You left your jacket in my room. 272 00:09:40,194 --> 00:09:41,193 Oh, thanks. 273 00:09:42,062 --> 00:09:43,662 So, uh, we finally, get a... 274 00:09:43,697 --> 00:09:45,631 Moment alone here. 275 00:09:45,666 --> 00:09:47,065 Yes. One moment. 276 00:09:47,101 --> 00:09:48,746 One momentous moment. 277 00:09:48,747 --> 00:09:49,746 I, uh... 278 00:09:49,781 --> 00:09:51,714 Know the timing of this is... 279 00:09:51,749 --> 00:09:54,316 Really crazy... 280 00:09:55,356 --> 00:09:56,322 and, uh... 281 00:09:56,787 --> 00:09:58,253 Jess... 282 00:09:58,288 --> 00:10:00,322 God, I'm so nervous. 283 00:10:00,357 --> 00:10:01,390 Um. 284 00:10:03,908 --> 00:10:05,036 Jess, would you... 285 00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:06,876 - True American! - What? 286 00:10:06,877 --> 00:10:08,210 Um, hey, guys, everybody out here! 287 00:10:08,246 --> 00:10:10,012 We're playing true American! 288 00:10:10,048 --> 00:10:12,148 Cece, I'm hollering! I'm hollering! 289 00:10:12,183 --> 00:10:13,649 - We can't play true American. - It's so late already. 290 00:10:13,685 --> 00:10:14,951 No, we can't play... There's no time. 291 00:10:14,986 --> 00:10:15,985 Help me. 292 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,231 We're gonna play true American 293 00:10:20,232 --> 00:10:21,564 because I want to. 294 00:10:21,599 --> 00:10:24,567 I'm using my bride card! 295 00:10:25,770 --> 00:10:27,276 The bride has spoken. 296 00:10:29,968 --> 00:10:31,663 Tonight we celebrate the brides! 297 00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:33,632 It's True America First ladies edition! 298 00:10:33,658 --> 00:10:35,008 We can't play true American. 299 00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:36,675 - We have to, it's for Cece. - Fine. 300 00:10:36,710 --> 00:10:39,110 We play fast, sober, then back to work. 301 00:10:39,146 --> 00:10:40,610 - Who the hell have I become?! - Let's do it. 302 00:10:40,611 --> 00:10:41,543 Okay! 303 00:10:41,578 --> 00:10:43,442 The kitchen is Michelle's garden, 304 00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:45,788 the bathroom is Mary Todd Lincoln's sanitarium, 305 00:10:45,789 --> 00:10:46,767 and as always... 306 00:10:46,768 --> 00:10:48,767 The floor is lava! Let's go! One, two, three, four! 307 00:10:48,803 --> 00:10:50,569 - Jackie O! - Eleanor! 308 00:10:53,477 --> 00:10:55,344 John cheated, so I'm redecorating the white house! 309 00:10:55,575 --> 00:10:56,763 Everybody drink! 310 00:10:56,764 --> 00:10:58,597 - Even John John? - Yes! 311 00:10:58,641 --> 00:11:00,399 - Lava! - All right, all right. 312 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,399 I thought this was Nancy Reagan's gun closet. 313 00:11:02,433 --> 00:11:03,299 Lava! 314 00:11:03,334 --> 00:11:04,734 Just someone explain to me the rules. 315 00:11:04,769 --> 00:11:06,002 Camelot, Bay of Pigs. 316 00:11:06,037 --> 00:11:07,470 You got to redecorate! Redecorate! 317 00:11:07,505 --> 00:11:09,205 Redecorate! No, redecorate! 318 00:11:09,401 --> 00:11:11,702 Hey, Jess, can I just talk to you real quick? 319 00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:15,106 - Lesbian road trip. Bye, FDR! - FDR! 320 00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:16,741 Drink, drink, drink, drink! 321 00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:17,775 Drink, drink! 322 00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:18,776 Rushmore! 323 00:11:21,405 --> 00:11:23,205 Hillary headband hot potato! 324 00:11:23,231 --> 00:11:25,416 Congress has her healthcare bill! 325 00:11:25,473 --> 00:11:27,140 Nice and easy. 326 00:11:27,206 --> 00:11:28,705 - Oh! Oh! - Terrible toss! 327 00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:30,179 Drink, drink! Drink, drink! 328 00:11:30,180 --> 00:11:32,112 I know we're guests In this house, 329 00:11:32,147 --> 00:11:33,280 but it's awfully loud. 330 00:11:33,315 --> 00:11:34,648 Mom! 331 00:11:34,683 --> 00:11:36,917 We're trying to play a game, god! 332 00:11:36,952 --> 00:11:38,518 Jenna goes to a Yale party! 333 00:11:38,554 --> 00:11:39,886 - No, no... - Skull and Bones! 334 00:11:39,922 --> 00:11:41,188 - He's had enough, no more. - Skull and Bones! 335 00:11:41,223 --> 00:11:42,522 - No more, no more. - Skull and Bones! 336 00:11:42,558 --> 00:11:43,890 - Drink, drink! - Hey... Oh. 337 00:11:43,926 --> 00:11:45,225 Seneca Falls Convention! 338 00:11:45,260 --> 00:11:46,293 Women only! 339 00:11:46,328 --> 00:11:47,527 That means you, Cece. 340 00:11:47,563 --> 00:11:48,228 Sorry. 341 00:11:48,263 --> 00:11:49,229 Sam was reaching 342 00:11:49,264 --> 00:11:50,697 for the ring and I freaked out. 343 00:11:50,732 --> 00:11:51,598 How do you know if you want to spend 344 00:11:51,633 --> 00:11:53,033 the rest of your life with someone? 345 00:11:53,068 --> 00:11:54,868 You just know. 346 00:11:54,903 --> 00:11:56,570 I don't know. I can't put it into words. 347 00:11:56,605 --> 00:11:58,538 Try! There are a lot of words out there, 348 00:11:58,574 --> 00:12:00,740 just pick some of them. 349 00:12:00,776 --> 00:12:04,644 Everything inside of me just said, "yes." 350 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,813 I just looked at him. 351 00:12:06,848 --> 00:12:08,982 You know, I just had this feeling that I was home. 352 00:12:09,017 --> 00:12:11,051 That is very beautiful... 353 00:12:11,086 --> 00:12:14,020 And very, very vague and not helpful at all. 354 00:12:14,056 --> 00:12:16,256 I do know you can't avoid Sam all night. 355 00:12:16,291 --> 00:12:18,692 - Guess who's back? - Coach! 356 00:12:18,727 --> 00:12:20,126 It's me. 357 00:12:20,162 --> 00:12:21,494 - Coach! - Yeah. 358 00:12:21,530 --> 00:12:22,929 I thought you got in tomorrow. 359 00:12:22,965 --> 00:12:24,064 I got on a plane, 360 00:12:24,099 --> 00:12:25,098 Dropped May off at the hotel 361 00:12:25,133 --> 00:12:27,133 And now I'm ready to party! 362 00:12:27,169 --> 00:12:28,902 I had six wines on the plane! 363 00:12:28,937 --> 00:12:30,570 - I call Coach on my team! - Coach on our team! 364 00:12:30,606 --> 00:12:32,038 There's only one way to solve this. 365 00:12:32,074 --> 00:12:34,207 Go behind the iron curtain. 366 00:12:34,243 --> 00:12:36,610 You guys ready? One, two, three. 367 00:12:37,179 --> 00:12:38,311 We got the same number! 368 00:12:38,347 --> 00:12:39,613 That probably means something, right? 369 00:12:40,782 --> 00:12:42,449 No, no, no, no, no. 370 00:12:42,484 --> 00:12:44,084 Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! 371 00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:49,501 I feel like... 372 00:12:49,527 --> 00:12:52,137 Like you've been avoiding me. 373 00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:55,173 Good to have you back, Coach! 374 00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:56,741 What are you doing? 375 00:12:56,767 --> 00:12:57,355 Here I am. 376 00:12:57,356 --> 00:12:59,321 - Oh, I'm gonna throw up! - Where y'all going? 377 00:12:59,357 --> 00:13:01,056 I'm gonna throw up! 378 00:13:01,850 --> 00:13:02,682 Hi. 379 00:13:03,594 --> 00:13:05,327 You gonna barf? 380 00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:06,841 I muffed us! 381 00:13:07,799 --> 00:13:09,947 I muffed us straight to the moon! 382 00:13:10,408 --> 00:13:11,841 I can never write my vows right now, 383 00:13:11,876 --> 00:13:14,010 I can barely even spell my own name. 384 00:13:14,045 --> 00:13:17,413 "S", jeans... 385 00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:18,814 Is that right? 386 00:13:18,850 --> 00:13:20,082 Is "jeans" not a letter? 387 00:13:20,118 --> 00:13:21,083 It feels like a letter to me. 388 00:13:21,119 --> 00:13:21,794 Schmidt, this is... 389 00:13:21,795 --> 00:13:23,616 I-I know it's something, is it not a letter? 390 00:13:23,671 --> 00:13:25,537 This is all my fault. 391 00:13:25,573 --> 00:13:27,472 I'm supposed to be your best man. 392 00:13:27,508 --> 00:13:29,141 I screwed you, Schmidt. 393 00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:31,610 I screwed you! 394 00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,645 I was just trying to make Cece happy. 395 00:13:33,681 --> 00:13:35,113 It's all I want. 396 00:13:35,947 --> 00:13:37,380 It's all I ever want to do 397 00:13:37,415 --> 00:13:38,848 is just to make her happy. 398 00:13:38,884 --> 00:13:40,817 Wait a second, say that again. 399 00:13:40,852 --> 00:13:41,985 I screwed you. 400 00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:43,019 Why would you go to that? 401 00:13:43,054 --> 00:13:44,320 No, about making her happy. 402 00:13:44,356 --> 00:13:46,089 All I want to do is make Cece happy? 403 00:13:46,124 --> 00:13:47,490 There it is. 404 00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:49,859 There's your big idea. 405 00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:51,194 There's my big idea. 406 00:13:51,229 --> 00:13:52,862 Yeah. To make her happy. 407 00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:53,863 That's it, that's it. 408 00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:55,732 There's my big idea! 409 00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:57,200 All I want to do is make Cece happy! 410 00:13:57,235 --> 00:13:58,268 There it is! 411 00:13:58,303 --> 00:13:59,769 "Jeans" isn't a letter! 412 00:13:59,804 --> 00:14:00,904 Jeans is pants! 413 00:14:00,939 --> 00:14:02,238 Yeah. 414 00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:04,474 Okay, Winnie, you said, "bride," to a girl 415 00:14:04,509 --> 00:14:05,909 you've been dating for a month? 416 00:14:05,944 --> 00:14:07,844 I think it's sweet, shut up, Cece. 417 00:14:07,879 --> 00:14:08,912 - Shut up! - You shut up! 418 00:14:08,947 --> 00:14:09,946 I miss you so much. 419 00:14:09,981 --> 00:14:11,014 Oh, my god, I missed you. 420 00:14:11,049 --> 00:14:11,981 Like, for real, missed you. 421 00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:13,316 It's crazy being in New York 422 00:14:13,351 --> 00:14:14,484 'cause I'm like, "Where's Cece?" 423 00:14:14,519 --> 00:14:15,885 - Right?! - Like I was saying, 424 00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:17,520 I don't know why I said it, it just came out, 425 00:14:17,556 --> 00:14:19,923 And I went from the happiest to the saddest person 426 00:14:19,958 --> 00:14:21,858 I've ever been in 15 seconds. 427 00:14:21,893 --> 00:14:23,860 I just need to be cooler around her. 428 00:14:23,895 --> 00:14:25,728 Coach, this is where you come into play. 429 00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:27,063 I need your help, man. 430 00:14:27,098 --> 00:14:28,531 I'm tired of being a sweetie pie. 431 00:14:30,201 --> 00:14:31,701 No more talking. 432 00:14:31,736 --> 00:14:33,703 - This part of the game, Coach? - Heavy. 433 00:14:33,738 --> 00:14:35,939 - Why are we out here? - This is nice. 434 00:14:35,974 --> 00:14:36,940 Oh! 435 00:14:36,975 --> 00:14:39,142 - Dude. - Hey, man. 436 00:14:39,177 --> 00:14:41,010 How are you gonna ask me to help you play games with Aly, man? 437 00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:43,046 You don't want that. 438 00:14:43,081 --> 00:14:44,480 Be who you are. 439 00:14:45,436 --> 00:14:47,536 Now, the only way to find out why she left, 440 00:14:47,571 --> 00:14:49,593 Is to go over there and ask her. 441 00:14:49,594 --> 00:14:50,892 Now. 442 00:14:51,707 --> 00:14:53,044 - Yeah, but... - Just do it! 443 00:14:53,045 --> 00:14:55,012 I don't yell in New York because everyone yells there 444 00:14:55,048 --> 00:14:57,015 And it's less meaningful, but I will yell here. 445 00:14:57,050 --> 00:14:58,183 Now push the button. 446 00:14:59,086 --> 00:15:00,085 God. 447 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,320 You really don't yell in New York? 448 00:15:02,356 --> 00:15:03,822 Dude, I'm always in a museum. 449 00:15:03,857 --> 00:15:05,990 - Oh, my goodness. - I'm always in a museum. 450 00:15:06,026 --> 00:15:08,226 So that's basically how you play true American. 451 00:15:08,261 --> 00:15:10,499 - Yeah, it makes no sense whatsoever. - Oh. 452 00:15:10,530 --> 00:15:12,364 Look, I'm just gonna get this over with. 453 00:15:12,399 --> 00:15:13,965 Um... 454 00:15:14,001 --> 00:15:15,967 - Jess, I want to break up... - I can't marry you. 455 00:15:16,003 --> 00:15:17,068 With you. 456 00:15:17,104 --> 00:15:19,337 Oh. 457 00:15:19,373 --> 00:15:21,106 What? 458 00:15:21,141 --> 00:15:24,909 So... 459 00:15:24,945 --> 00:15:26,945 I really can't marry you. 460 00:15:30,536 --> 00:15:33,319 No, I get it. You're in love with Diane. 461 00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:36,974 She's beautiful, she's your best friend, you're both doctors. 462 00:15:36,975 --> 00:15:39,943 This morning, I... I went to drop her off at the airport, 463 00:15:39,978 --> 00:15:42,278 and I just... I just couldn't let her go, 464 00:15:42,314 --> 00:15:45,281 and it made me realize that I... 465 00:15:45,317 --> 00:15:47,684 I just... I want to spend the rest of my life with her, 466 00:15:47,719 --> 00:15:52,021 and, you know, uh, it's hard to express the feelings in words. 467 00:15:52,057 --> 00:15:53,356 Really?! Really? 468 00:15:53,391 --> 00:15:55,558 Why can no one put this into words? 469 00:15:55,594 --> 00:15:57,560 I'm-i'm so sorry about the timing. 470 00:15:57,596 --> 00:15:59,562 I just... I didn't want you to have to cut my photo 471 00:15:59,598 --> 00:16:02,565 out of all the, you know, wedding pictures. 472 00:16:02,601 --> 00:16:04,267 And then with Winston's toast, 473 00:16:04,302 --> 00:16:07,270 with the... All the talk about honor and integrity 474 00:16:07,305 --> 00:16:09,506 and the gig economy, I just... 475 00:16:09,541 --> 00:16:12,509 Can we just wait to tell people? 476 00:16:12,544 --> 00:16:15,545 I... I don't want to make it about me before the wedding. 477 00:16:15,580 --> 00:16:17,247 Of course. 478 00:16:17,282 --> 00:16:18,481 Thanks. 479 00:16:18,517 --> 00:16:21,017 Hey, I hope... 480 00:16:21,052 --> 00:16:23,520 I hope Diane really likes the ring. 481 00:16:23,555 --> 00:16:25,789 What ring? 482 00:16:25,824 --> 00:16:27,857 The ring in your jacket pocket. 483 00:16:27,893 --> 00:16:31,394 I don't have a ring in my jacket pocket. 484 00:16:31,429 --> 00:16:33,263 I have a ring in my jacket pocket. 485 00:16:33,298 --> 00:16:35,165 - Yeah. - This isn't mine. 486 00:16:37,302 --> 00:16:38,933 "To Susan. Love Louise." 487 00:16:38,934 --> 00:16:41,568 Oh, my god, it's engraved? 488 00:16:41,603 --> 00:16:44,437 How did I miss this? 489 00:16:44,473 --> 00:16:46,840 And the font is huge. 490 00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:49,358 So Schmidt's mom and her girlfriend are getting married. 491 00:16:51,013 --> 00:16:52,846 They're what? 492 00:16:52,881 --> 00:16:53,980 Ma? 493 00:16:54,016 --> 00:16:55,315 Ma?! 494 00:16:55,350 --> 00:16:58,051 Are you proposing to your friend Susan? 495 00:16:58,086 --> 00:16:59,219 Ma?! 496 00:17:02,691 --> 00:17:05,892 Oh, Winston, now's really not a good time. 497 00:17:05,928 --> 00:17:08,929 I know saying the word "bride" to you was a little crazy, 498 00:17:08,964 --> 00:17:10,597 But let me just explain myself, okay? 499 00:17:10,632 --> 00:17:12,666 What I meant to say is that you're beautiful. 500 00:17:12,701 --> 00:17:15,201 Every day with you is so much better. 501 00:17:15,237 --> 00:17:16,703 Your brain is banging. 502 00:17:16,738 --> 00:17:18,505 The skin-bag it comes in ain't too bad either. 503 00:17:18,540 --> 00:17:20,507 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 504 00:17:20,542 --> 00:17:23,143 You know what, except that I'm not sorry, okay? 505 00:17:23,178 --> 00:17:24,477 Because this is who I am. 506 00:17:24,513 --> 00:17:27,380 No, Winston, I have food poisoning. 507 00:17:28,517 --> 00:17:29,749 Yeah, I don't know who let 508 00:17:29,784 --> 00:17:32,318 Nick's mute park friend cook dinner for 20, 509 00:17:32,354 --> 00:17:36,189 but I want to find and throw up on them. 510 00:17:36,605 --> 00:17:38,439 That's why you left. 511 00:17:38,465 --> 00:17:39,864 Why didn't you just tell me? 512 00:17:39,900 --> 00:17:43,802 Because I don't like being vulnerable. 513 00:17:43,837 --> 00:17:45,837 It was stupid of me. I'm sorry. 514 00:17:45,872 --> 00:17:47,572 I... 515 00:17:50,677 --> 00:17:52,644 I... 516 00:17:52,679 --> 00:17:56,014 I love you, you maniac. 517 00:17:57,818 --> 00:18:01,486 You love... You love me? 518 00:18:01,521 --> 00:18:02,520 I love you. 519 00:18:02,556 --> 00:18:04,489 I love you, too. 520 00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:08,626 Wow, that feels so good to say. 521 00:18:08,662 --> 00:18:10,261 - I love you. - I love you. 522 00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:12,263 - I love you. - I love you. 523 00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:13,498 I... Love... You. 524 00:18:13,533 --> 00:18:15,834 How is there anything left? 525 00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:21,429 You okay? 526 00:18:21,479 --> 00:18:23,335 So sorry for ruining your engagement. 527 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,570 I'm sure you didn't plan a joint celebration with a man wearing 528 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:26,604 a beer can crown 529 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,107 and pillows on his shoes. 530 00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:30,642 Jealous 'cause I'm the true American. 531 00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:32,377 We're sorry we left the ring in your room. 532 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:34,412 That's what we get for fooling around in your bed. 533 00:18:34,915 --> 00:18:36,708 Something about those high ceilings. 534 00:18:36,734 --> 00:18:39,401 We just like tossing each other around. 535 00:18:39,437 --> 00:18:40,614 - Hello! Hey, quick show of hands, - god. 536 00:18:40,615 --> 00:18:42,469 Who's had sex in Jess's room? 537 00:18:43,242 --> 00:18:45,175 - Well, I've had sex in your room. - I know. 538 00:18:46,768 --> 00:18:47,467 What?! 539 00:18:48,859 --> 00:18:50,692 Everyone's had sex in my room? 540 00:18:50,728 --> 00:18:52,160 I got weird in there. 541 00:18:52,196 --> 00:18:53,428 I've gotten weirder in there than you have. 542 00:18:53,464 --> 00:18:54,229 Really? 543 00:18:54,265 --> 00:18:55,597 Those pillows. 544 00:18:56,376 --> 00:18:58,678 There's just, Like, extra, like... 545 00:19:00,397 --> 00:19:01,639 Pressure. 546 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,999 If you don't mind, I'd like to say A few words 547 00:19:04,025 --> 00:19:05,371 about my mom and my mom's... 548 00:19:05,372 --> 00:19:06,805 - My mom's friend Susan. - My mom's friend Susan. 549 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,407 God, you guys, let me talk. 550 00:19:09,969 --> 00:19:11,944 Look, Susan, I know I never fully accepted you. 551 00:19:11,979 --> 00:19:14,313 I just... I didn't know how long you were gonna be around. 552 00:19:14,348 --> 00:19:16,754 And, also, you used to call my mom 553 00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:18,722 the Big Ragoo and me the Little Ragoo, 554 00:19:18,757 --> 00:19:20,857 and I couldn't make any sense of it. 555 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:23,794 But... You're a part of our family now. 556 00:19:25,491 --> 00:19:28,459 To my mom... And my mom. 557 00:19:28,494 --> 00:19:29,493 - Yeah! - Cheers! Cheers. 558 00:19:29,529 --> 00:19:31,595 - Cheers. Yeah, cheers. - Cheers. 559 00:19:31,631 --> 00:19:33,130 - Opa. - Yeah! 560 00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:35,166 - Aw. - Mwah. 561 00:19:38,237 --> 00:19:40,638 Mmm. 562 00:19:42,257 --> 00:19:43,436 Cece? 563 00:19:46,746 --> 00:19:49,180 Babe, what's wrong? 564 00:19:49,215 --> 00:19:52,183 It's just that you're gonna have two moms at the wedding, 565 00:19:52,218 --> 00:19:54,218 and I'm not even gonna have one. 566 00:19:54,253 --> 00:19:57,721 I really thought that... I really thought that 567 00:19:57,757 --> 00:19:59,256 She would just show up last-minute 568 00:19:59,292 --> 00:20:02,193 'cause she would know how happy it would make me. 569 00:20:03,715 --> 00:20:05,668 I don't know why I'm crying in here. 570 00:20:05,669 --> 00:20:08,335 Jess' room is meant for sex. 571 00:20:08,370 --> 00:20:10,871 I know. Come here. 572 00:20:18,314 --> 00:20:20,514 So, 573 00:20:20,549 --> 00:20:23,917 Just-just hit lobby and let technology do its thing. 574 00:20:23,953 --> 00:20:27,721 Yeah, cool. When-when I get in there, I'll just hit lobby. 575 00:20:27,756 --> 00:20:29,756 Cool. 576 00:20:33,095 --> 00:20:35,246 Just out of curiosity, Jess, 577 00:20:35,247 --> 00:20:37,881 why couldn't you marry me? 578 00:20:37,916 --> 00:20:40,150 Oh, I don't know. 579 00:20:43,555 --> 00:20:45,522 Come on, Jess. You know. 580 00:20:45,557 --> 00:20:46,547 No, I don't. 581 00:20:46,548 --> 00:20:48,348 Yes, you do. I mean, I know. 582 00:20:48,383 --> 00:20:50,517 You do? Then what is it? 583 00:20:50,552 --> 00:20:51,918 You know. 584 00:20:51,954 --> 00:20:53,386 No, I-I don't know. 585 00:20:53,422 --> 00:20:55,021 What-what is it? 586 00:20:55,057 --> 00:20:58,058 It's Nick.