1 00:00:01,389 --> 00:00:03,056 Schmidt? Schmidt. 2 00:00:05,129 --> 00:00:06,249 Nah, it's me. 3 00:00:06,250 --> 00:00:08,333 Easier to clean myself off this way. 4 00:00:08,334 --> 00:00:10,034 Aly told me she loved me last night. 5 00:00:10,102 --> 00:00:11,602 Then she yakked on my pants, 6 00:00:11,670 --> 00:00:13,404 and then I yakked on my pants. 7 00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:14,472 I picked the wrong day 8 00:00:14,540 --> 00:00:16,074 to start cuffing my pants. 9 00:00:18,197 --> 00:00:19,529 Yeah, she ain't going to make it to the wedding. 10 00:00:19,530 --> 00:00:21,431 Have you seen Schmidt? This is very important. 11 00:00:21,457 --> 00:00:22,090 What? 12 00:00:22,133 --> 00:00:24,601 The best man has lost the groom, or something? 13 00:00:24,669 --> 00:00:26,904 In what world would that happen in? 14 00:00:26,971 --> 00:00:28,405 In what world? 15 00:00:28,473 --> 00:00:30,941 In what world would that happen in? 16 00:00:31,009 --> 00:00:33,686 It's one thing for Sam to dump me on your wedding day, 17 00:00:33,712 --> 00:00:34,610 but then to be like, 18 00:00:34,611 --> 00:00:36,411 "You have feelings for Nick." 19 00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:39,336 Yeah, nice diagnosis, Dr. Dick. 20 00:00:40,087 --> 00:00:41,349 - Is he that off-base? - Yes. 21 00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:42,651 Now, we're not devoting any more 22 00:00:42,718 --> 00:00:44,740 of your wedding day to this subject. 23 00:00:44,766 --> 00:00:46,682 Nick for Jess. Incoming knocking. 24 00:00:46,708 --> 00:00:47,841 Jess, have you seen... 25 00:00:48,904 --> 00:00:51,205 uh, uh, cherries? 26 00:00:51,273 --> 00:00:53,808 I'm so confused by your question, 27 00:00:53,875 --> 00:00:55,876 that I'm just going to answer it, uh, directly. 28 00:00:55,944 --> 00:00:57,378 Yes, I've seen them. 29 00:00:57,446 --> 00:00:59,146 Hmm... 30 00:00:59,214 --> 00:01:01,916 but have you seen the cherry that I'm talking about? 31 00:01:01,984 --> 00:01:02,780 What do you mean? 32 00:01:02,781 --> 00:01:04,981 I... the... I was with it, 33 00:01:05,007 --> 00:01:07,008 and then the cherry's gone. 34 00:01:09,909 --> 00:01:12,011 This is cherries. This is cherries. 35 00:01:12,078 --> 00:01:13,078 Yes! 36 00:01:13,146 --> 00:01:15,014 Yeah, I'm counting down the minutes 37 00:01:15,081 --> 00:01:16,682 till I can get in that guy's pants. 38 00:01:18,084 --> 00:01:21,253 Ah. Thank God, Schmidt. Where are you? 39 00:01:21,321 --> 00:01:23,455 I'm flying to Portland to try to get Cece's mom 40 00:01:23,523 --> 00:01:24,651 to come to the wedding. 41 00:01:24,652 --> 00:01:25,885 Hold on, one second, okay? 42 00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:27,153 No! 43 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:28,688 It was my job. 44 00:01:29,829 --> 00:01:30,506 You still there? 45 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:35,790 I-I don't know if you remember this, 46 00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,120 but w-we have plans today. 47 00:01:37,121 --> 00:01:37,998 It'll be fine, okay? 48 00:01:38,024 --> 00:01:40,348 I have return tickets for 1:00, 2:00 and 3:00 p.m. 49 00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:44,060 on this ultra low cost, no-frills, disgusting airline. 50 00:01:44,128 --> 00:01:45,749 Tray tables, $12. 51 00:01:45,775 --> 00:01:48,407 Cece is crushed that her mom is not coming, 52 00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:50,661 and I can't take a vow that all I care about is her happiness 53 00:01:50,662 --> 00:01:52,063 and not try to do something about it. 54 00:01:52,131 --> 00:01:54,966 I know you're a terrible liar, but I need you to lie to Cece. 55 00:01:55,034 --> 00:01:56,935 You can handle this, Nick. 56 00:01:57,002 --> 00:01:59,103 - Schmidt's on a plane?! - You said you weren't going to yell. 57 00:01:59,171 --> 00:02:02,073 You said, and I quote, "It's no biggie." 58 00:02:02,141 --> 00:02:03,441 Hey, um, I think 59 00:02:03,509 --> 00:02:04,943 I did something wrong with my bangs. 60 00:02:05,010 --> 00:02:06,077 I'll be right there. 61 00:02:06,145 --> 00:02:07,378 - So will Schmidt. - Oh, my God. 62 00:02:07,446 --> 00:02:08,913 - What? - Uh, no, he won't. 63 00:02:08,981 --> 00:02:11,768 It's bad luck for the bride to see the groom on the wedding day, Nick. 64 00:02:11,769 --> 00:02:12,776 Uh, that's just dumb superstition. 65 00:02:12,777 --> 00:02:13,826 He'll be right in. 66 00:02:13,827 --> 00:02:15,058 Cece. Two minutes. 67 00:02:15,059 --> 00:02:16,760 Okay, I'm timing you. 68 00:02:16,828 --> 00:02:19,787 I need you to pull it together, and just say something simple. 69 00:02:19,850 --> 00:02:20,631 Schmidt's asleep. 70 00:02:20,698 --> 00:02:22,499 - Schmidt is asleep. - That's... 71 00:02:22,567 --> 00:02:24,171 Schmidt's asl... What-what rhythm are we doing? 72 00:02:24,172 --> 00:02:25,638 The normal human rhythm. 73 00:02:25,706 --> 00:02:27,240 Okay. Schmidt is asleep. 74 00:02:27,241 --> 00:02:28,507 Schmidt is asleep. 75 00:02:28,575 --> 00:02:30,576 - Nick. - Did I say it, or no? 76 00:02:30,644 --> 00:02:31,337 - You said it, - But it wasn't right. 77 00:02:31,338 --> 00:02:33,084 But it sounded very weird. 78 00:02:33,085 --> 00:02:34,352 - But it wasn't right. - Just say it like 79 00:02:34,378 --> 00:02:35,247 all one. In all one. 80 00:02:35,273 --> 00:02:37,140 Yeah, Schmidt is asleep. 81 00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:38,557 - You could just say, Schmidt's asleep. - Got it. 82 00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:39,992 Schmidt's asleep. Got it. 83 00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:41,393 No, you're putting weird emphasis 84 00:02:41,461 --> 00:02:42,828 on weird syllables. 85 00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:44,230 - You do it. - Schmidt's asleep. 86 00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:45,664 Hey, Cece, Schmidt's sleeping, slip. 87 00:02:46,737 --> 00:02:48,759 I'm so nervous, I'm going to screw this up. 88 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,779 You're always so ready to believe the worst in yourself, 89 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,913 and right now, I need you to believe the best, okay? 90 00:02:54,479 --> 00:02:56,315 I just need you to tell one lie. 91 00:02:56,383 --> 00:02:58,518 - Okay. - I believe in you. 92 00:02:58,585 --> 00:03:01,454 - Here comes Schmidt! - What? 93 00:03:06,293 --> 00:03:07,860 Yo, Winnie. 94 00:03:07,928 --> 00:03:09,061 Hey. 95 00:03:09,129 --> 00:03:10,830 How you going to prank the wedding, bro? 96 00:03:10,898 --> 00:03:13,399 You always prank weddings, that's what you do. 97 00:03:13,467 --> 00:03:15,334 You've never gone along with one of my pranks before. 98 00:03:15,402 --> 00:03:17,003 This is exciting. 99 00:03:23,777 --> 00:03:26,913 Coach, I've lived many lives. 100 00:03:26,980 --> 00:03:28,347 The Winston that you used to know 101 00:03:28,415 --> 00:03:29,849 is gone. 102 00:03:29,917 --> 00:03:31,918 A few hours ago, Aly told me she loves me, 103 00:03:31,985 --> 00:03:34,065 and that made me a serious man, 104 00:03:34,112 --> 00:03:35,779 in a serious relationship. 105 00:03:35,847 --> 00:03:37,147 The Winston Bishop 106 00:03:37,215 --> 00:03:38,582 that you see here today 107 00:03:38,649 --> 00:03:41,251 is about one thing and one thing only: 108 00:03:41,319 --> 00:03:43,300 and that is organizational excellence. 109 00:03:43,301 --> 00:03:45,028 You forgot to make an aisle. 110 00:03:45,769 --> 00:03:48,438 Aw, shoot. This is a full redo. 111 00:03:49,573 --> 00:03:51,340 Incoming knocking. Incoming kn... 112 00:03:52,509 --> 00:03:54,844 Oh, hello, Cece. 113 00:03:54,912 --> 00:03:57,213 Schmidt is asleep. 114 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,540 Oh, my God. I'm so proud of you. 115 00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:01,975 I know, I'm an incredible liar. 116 00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:03,656 Yeah, pace yourself, 'cause that was one lie. 117 00:04:03,657 --> 00:04:05,246 We're going to need about 40 more. 118 00:04:05,247 --> 00:04:06,850 Or one big one. 119 00:04:07,202 --> 00:04:10,552 Okay, we tell Cece we're giving her a bridal vitamin, 120 00:04:10,553 --> 00:04:14,790 but secretly we give her a sleeping pill that we take from Dr. Sam. 121 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,962 Dr. Sam dumped me. Last night. 122 00:04:20,954 --> 00:04:23,175 He was in love with his best friend, so. 123 00:04:23,176 --> 00:04:24,742 Predictable. 124 00:04:24,743 --> 00:04:26,010 He's out of his mind. 125 00:04:26,078 --> 00:04:27,278 Thanks. 126 00:04:27,346 --> 00:04:28,479 You okay? 127 00:04:28,547 --> 00:04:30,848 - Yeah. - Yeah. 128 00:04:31,574 --> 00:04:33,642 Ah, so we're both going solo to the wedding. 129 00:04:33,709 --> 00:04:36,311 - Yeah. - We're both going drag. 130 00:04:36,379 --> 00:04:38,280 I think it's stag. 131 00:04:38,347 --> 00:04:40,219 - Hmm? - Never mind. 132 00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:42,354 Let's go together. For old times' sake. 133 00:04:42,422 --> 00:04:43,450 Let's go together. Have some fun. 134 00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:44,451 You're going to need someone to dance with. 135 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:45,552 You know I'm a good dancer. 136 00:04:45,620 --> 00:04:46,720 Okay, but I'm not dancing 137 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:47,887 - to "Single Ladies." - All right. 138 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,155 We won't dance to "Single Ladies." 139 00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:52,058 - Okay. - I might dance to "Single Ladies." 140 00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:54,781 Hey, guys. 141 00:04:54,782 --> 00:04:56,015 Ferguson is on the elevator. 142 00:04:56,083 --> 00:04:57,884 Is that okay? 143 00:04:57,951 --> 00:04:58,885 Reagan's here. 144 00:04:58,952 --> 00:04:59,986 - Hi. - Hi. 145 00:05:00,053 --> 00:05:01,854 Jess, Reagan's here. 146 00:05:01,922 --> 00:05:04,843 My Reagan's here. Our Reagan's here. 147 00:05:04,844 --> 00:05:05,895 Your Reagan. 148 00:05:05,896 --> 00:05:07,219 - Our Reagan. - Your Reagan. 149 00:05:07,220 --> 00:05:08,353 - The Reagan. - Jess. 150 00:05:08,421 --> 00:05:10,021 - Reagan's here. - Hi. 151 00:05:10,089 --> 00:05:11,762 You asked me to be your date to the wedding, 152 00:05:11,787 --> 00:05:13,787 and I had to be in town anyway, so 153 00:05:13,812 --> 00:05:14,493 here I am. 154 00:05:14,494 --> 00:05:15,660 Excuse me one second, Reagan. 155 00:05:15,728 --> 00:05:17,254 It's cherries on the phone. 156 00:05:17,294 --> 00:05:18,428 Wedding stuff. Kitchen's still the kitchen, 157 00:05:18,495 --> 00:05:20,404 bathroom's still the bathroom, and Winston's married. 158 00:05:20,405 --> 00:05:22,038 Oh, I know. He texts me every day. 159 00:05:22,106 --> 00:05:24,273 Schmidt, are you calling me from the sky? 160 00:05:24,341 --> 00:05:26,665 This Chinatown bus doesn't have a sky-phone, 161 00:05:26,666 --> 00:05:28,999 or working landing gear, apparently. 162 00:05:29,156 --> 00:05:31,257 They said we're going to be stuck on the tarmac for hours. 163 00:05:31,258 --> 00:05:32,659 You're screaming in my ear. That's motherhood, lady. 164 00:05:32,728 --> 00:05:33,795 Get used to it. 165 00:05:33,862 --> 00:05:36,197 Schmidt, you are getting off that plane 166 00:05:36,265 --> 00:05:37,498 in time for your wedding. 167 00:05:37,566 --> 00:05:38,833 Schmidt's on an airplane? 168 00:05:39,032 --> 00:05:39,678 Cece? 169 00:05:39,803 --> 00:05:41,800 Oh, my God. Are you sitting on your walkie? 170 00:05:41,868 --> 00:05:43,035 Oh, no. 171 00:05:44,537 --> 00:05:46,839 Cece. 172 00:05:46,906 --> 00:05:48,173 Schmidt's asleep? 173 00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:54,196 This is by far the most romantic thing 174 00:05:54,197 --> 00:05:55,956 that anyone has ever done for me. 175 00:05:55,982 --> 00:05:56,742 I love you so much. 176 00:05:56,768 --> 00:05:58,912 This is why I'm marrying you, because you do stuff like this. 177 00:05:58,913 --> 00:06:00,016 This is the happiest day of my life. 178 00:06:00,017 --> 00:06:01,883 It's also so dumb. So dumb. Like, so dumb. 179 00:06:01,909 --> 00:06:02,976 Just the dumbest. 180 00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:06,177 I want to take all your clothes off and kiss every single part of your body. 181 00:06:06,178 --> 00:06:08,800 I want to do stuff that makes us feel ashamed about what we've done, 182 00:06:08,801 --> 00:06:11,043 - but we won't have to... - Babe. Hey, babe. Babe. 183 00:06:11,044 --> 00:06:11,696 I want to make love, 184 00:06:11,721 --> 00:06:13,337 - fall asleep while we're making love, - Okay, you're on speaker. 185 00:06:13,338 --> 00:06:14,268 You're on speaker, so... 186 00:06:14,294 --> 00:06:14,830 Dream of making love and wake up still making love. 187 00:06:14,872 --> 00:06:16,002 - Hey. - Hey, Schmidt. 188 00:06:16,027 --> 00:06:16,819 I'm also here. 189 00:06:16,820 --> 00:06:17,347 Cece. 190 00:06:17,348 --> 00:06:18,320 Listen to me. 191 00:06:18,321 --> 00:06:19,971 I'm not going to miss this wedding. 192 00:06:19,972 --> 00:06:21,798 I'm going to get off this plane no matter what. 193 00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:23,099 You just need to buy me an hour. 194 00:06:23,629 --> 00:06:24,459 We got this. 195 00:06:24,460 --> 00:06:26,761 There's been a minor delay. 196 00:06:26,829 --> 00:06:29,831 The vineyard dog is giving birth. 197 00:06:29,899 --> 00:06:31,933 Get them drinky so they don't get thinky, over. 198 00:06:35,871 --> 00:06:37,672 So do you know the bride or the groom? 199 00:06:37,740 --> 00:06:38,840 The bride destroyed my heart. 200 00:06:40,309 --> 00:06:43,144 I destroyed the groom's Jew penis. 201 00:06:43,212 --> 00:06:45,446 Mm. I hope you guys are giving a toast. 202 00:06:45,734 --> 00:06:47,271 Ladies and gentleman, 203 00:06:47,297 --> 00:06:48,464 I'm afraid it's going to be another hour, 204 00:06:48,531 --> 00:06:50,733 and we are out of snacks. 205 00:06:50,799 --> 00:06:52,100 Damn it! 206 00:06:52,167 --> 00:06:53,434 I'm getting married today! 207 00:06:53,502 --> 00:06:54,612 Somebody get me off of this plane! 208 00:06:54,613 --> 00:06:56,580 People are getting hammered, over. 209 00:06:58,751 --> 00:06:59,884 Look at this goddess. 210 00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:00,985 Don't do this to her. 211 00:07:01,053 --> 00:07:02,987 I swear to God, I will scream sing 212 00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:04,756 every last word to Les Mis. 213 00:07:04,823 --> 00:07:06,991 Sir, if you don't sit down, I'll have you removed. 214 00:07:07,059 --> 00:07:09,193 - Perfect! - And placed in FBI custody. 215 00:07:15,934 --> 00:07:18,703 I suppose I'll just have a tomato juice. 216 00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:19,937 Hi. 217 00:07:20,005 --> 00:07:21,372 - Hi. - How are you? 218 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,374 - I'm good. How are you? - Good, yeah. 219 00:07:23,442 --> 00:07:24,842 Great, look at this. 220 00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:26,844 What is that, a towel? 221 00:07:26,912 --> 00:07:28,479 - I think it's a pashmina. - "Pashomina"? 222 00:07:28,547 --> 00:07:29,647 Pashmina. 223 00:07:29,715 --> 00:07:31,315 I'm sorry, I just can't believe you came. 224 00:07:31,383 --> 00:07:32,095 I did. 225 00:07:32,096 --> 00:07:33,497 Things I'm feeling: 226 00:07:34,025 --> 00:07:34,959 excited. 227 00:07:35,442 --> 00:07:36,933 Number two: scared. 228 00:07:37,001 --> 00:07:39,221 I mean, are we gonna do this? You and me? 229 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,036 Take it home. 230 00:07:40,037 --> 00:07:41,004 Take it to the mat. 231 00:07:41,072 --> 00:07:41,938 I don't know what that means. 232 00:07:42,006 --> 00:07:44,341 You know, like, the big "R." 233 00:07:46,077 --> 00:07:48,111 Oh, a relationship? 234 00:07:51,415 --> 00:07:52,749 No. 235 00:07:52,817 --> 00:07:54,616 No, no. 236 00:07:54,718 --> 00:07:56,442 See when I say, The big "R," 237 00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:58,444 I'm, of course, talking about, uh, 238 00:07:58,510 --> 00:08:00,845 rasslin'. 239 00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:02,780 Yeah, I think that's a "W," "W-R." 240 00:08:02,848 --> 00:08:06,384 Do you ever feel, deep down, that you know at some point 241 00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:08,920 you're gonna have a stroke and it's gonna be really bad? 242 00:08:08,987 --> 00:08:10,406 Jess... 243 00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,542 I have some Honduran matrimony beads for my son. 244 00:08:12,611 --> 00:08:14,178 Where's Schmidt? 245 00:08:14,246 --> 00:08:15,479 Winston. 246 00:08:15,991 --> 00:08:17,324 Winston. 247 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,183 I cannot believe I'm asking this... 248 00:08:19,251 --> 00:08:22,705 but I need you to prank this wedding. 249 00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:23,554 Please. 250 00:08:23,622 --> 00:08:25,789 Please, we need to distract people. 251 00:08:25,857 --> 00:08:26,890 He's a serious man now. 252 00:08:26,958 --> 00:08:27,891 He doesn't prank anymore. 253 00:08:27,959 --> 00:08:29,560 Just look at his eyes. 254 00:08:29,628 --> 00:08:30,794 All the mischief's gone. 255 00:08:30,862 --> 00:08:33,280 If this were another time, another day, 256 00:08:33,281 --> 00:08:35,170 hell, even six hours ago... 257 00:08:35,196 --> 00:08:38,085 Listen to me, you bird-shirted, puzzle baby. 258 00:08:38,086 --> 00:08:39,210 You get out there 259 00:08:39,211 --> 00:08:42,079 and you do something totally idiotic right now! 260 00:08:44,576 --> 00:08:46,433 Funston, we have a pranklem. 261 00:08:47,502 --> 00:08:48,435 I'm not good at these. 262 00:08:48,503 --> 00:08:49,436 It's a weird one. 263 00:08:49,527 --> 00:08:51,274 Okay... update. 264 00:08:51,275 --> 00:08:53,017 The vibe's getting ugly. 265 00:08:53,018 --> 00:08:54,473 People are getting dangerously drunk. 266 00:08:54,474 --> 00:08:57,428 I found a loose EpiPen on the floor, which can't be good. 267 00:08:57,429 --> 00:08:59,532 I think we're gonna have to start telling people that Schmidt's... 268 00:08:59,557 --> 00:09:00,790 on a plane. 269 00:09:00,792 --> 00:09:02,783 Or not. Don't freak out. 270 00:09:02,784 --> 00:09:04,451 Mom? 271 00:09:04,519 --> 00:09:06,286 Schmidt's on a plane? 272 00:09:10,191 --> 00:09:12,191 Mom, what are you doing here? 273 00:09:12,217 --> 00:09:14,336 If you've come to object to this wedding, 274 00:09:14,337 --> 00:09:15,370 you are too late, 275 00:09:15,438 --> 00:09:16,805 and in another sense, 276 00:09:16,873 --> 00:09:18,240 because it's delayed, 277 00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:20,382 you're... too early. 278 00:09:20,383 --> 00:09:22,164 That's not at all why I'm here. 279 00:09:23,366 --> 00:09:24,933 Mama P. Schmidt with the latest, 280 00:09:25,001 --> 00:09:26,769 "Why I Love Cece." Today's episode: 281 00:09:26,836 --> 00:09:28,137 Honesty with a Capital 282 00:09:28,204 --> 00:09:30,048 Ouch. He called you? 283 00:09:30,049 --> 00:09:32,117 Every Monday for the past year. 284 00:09:35,054 --> 00:09:37,380 Your daughter is the best thing... 285 00:09:37,427 --> 00:09:39,124 I just lost a fight in the desert, but... 286 00:09:39,192 --> 00:09:40,926 And I want her to be the last thing I see 287 00:09:40,994 --> 00:09:41,960 when she pulls the plug. 288 00:09:42,028 --> 00:09:44,863 But it's not an A-plus unless we both finish. 289 00:09:44,864 --> 00:09:46,164 She's so beautiful. 290 00:09:46,232 --> 00:09:47,699 The odds are really stacked against our children. 291 00:09:47,767 --> 00:09:49,234 They're not all winners. 292 00:09:49,302 --> 00:09:50,802 I just know that if you miss your daughter's wedding, 293 00:09:50,870 --> 00:09:53,538 you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. 294 00:09:53,606 --> 00:09:55,107 I am delighted 295 00:09:55,174 --> 00:09:56,808 for you to marry this man. 296 00:09:59,279 --> 00:10:01,389 For those keeping score with row five, 297 00:10:01,415 --> 00:10:03,215 Cece's mom is at the wedding! 298 00:10:10,189 --> 00:10:11,823 Just get here when you can, okay? 299 00:10:12,210 --> 00:10:13,944 We'll wait until you do. 300 00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:18,151 You know what? Have the party without me. 301 00:10:18,310 --> 00:10:18,959 Babe. 302 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:20,393 No. Okay, no. 303 00:10:20,461 --> 00:10:22,028 Have the party. We'll... 304 00:10:22,096 --> 00:10:24,631 We'll get married at City Hall with all the immigrants 305 00:10:24,699 --> 00:10:26,700 and liberals and first cousins. 306 00:10:26,767 --> 00:10:29,002 Your whole life has been about this party. 307 00:10:29,070 --> 00:10:31,037 My whole life is you. 308 00:10:31,105 --> 00:10:33,640 Plus, my cousin Nathan is just dying for something to go wrong. 309 00:10:33,708 --> 00:10:35,575 I'm so happy. 310 00:10:35,643 --> 00:10:37,877 I have an idea. 311 00:10:37,945 --> 00:10:39,245 Conga! 312 00:10:48,122 --> 00:10:50,090 Whoa, whoa, running out of room here. 313 00:10:50,157 --> 00:10:52,859 Let's back it up. 314 00:11:00,968 --> 00:11:02,635 Shut up. 315 00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:03,970 Winston, you don't have 316 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,038 to prank the wedding anymore. 317 00:11:05,106 --> 00:11:06,840 Okay, cool, cool, cool. 318 00:11:06,907 --> 00:11:10,210 You know, FYI, I was gonna go with a simple, classic streak. 319 00:11:10,277 --> 00:11:11,878 Cece's mom showed up. Come out to the party. 320 00:11:11,946 --> 00:11:14,514 Oh! No! Oh! Oh! 321 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,921 Oh! Oh, no! 322 00:11:21,989 --> 00:11:23,456 No! No! 323 00:11:23,524 --> 00:11:25,024 Sounds like you're under water. 324 00:11:26,861 --> 00:11:29,295 Oh. 325 00:11:41,509 --> 00:11:43,943 As we all know, marriage is about 326 00:11:44,011 --> 00:11:45,945 sex and property. 327 00:11:46,013 --> 00:11:47,914 Everybody say that with me once. 328 00:11:47,982 --> 00:11:50,450 Marriage is about s... 329 00:11:52,186 --> 00:11:55,488 I imagined that differently. 330 00:11:55,556 --> 00:11:57,123 You're okay. You're okay. Pull it together. 331 00:11:57,191 --> 00:11:58,925 Just let the index cards go. 332 00:11:58,993 --> 00:12:00,093 Speak from the heart. 333 00:12:00,161 --> 00:12:01,728 You know who I'm talking to when I say 334 00:12:01,796 --> 00:12:03,296 you were rude to me earlier at the bar. 335 00:12:03,364 --> 00:12:05,632 And now who's in control? I could point to you 336 00:12:05,699 --> 00:12:07,133 and call you out, but I won't. 337 00:12:08,035 --> 00:12:10,203 When I first met this guy, 338 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:15,542 Schmidt, I thought, "I'm not gonna be friends with him." 339 00:12:15,968 --> 00:12:18,336 I don't like his personality." 340 00:12:19,814 --> 00:12:21,080 Magic's fake. 341 00:12:23,945 --> 00:12:24,918 Believe what you want, 342 00:12:24,985 --> 00:12:26,920 but I want you guys to think about something, 343 00:12:26,987 --> 00:12:28,755 and now this is off the jack. 344 00:12:28,823 --> 00:12:30,323 In a couple generations, 345 00:12:30,391 --> 00:12:31,526 we're all gonna be dead, 346 00:12:31,527 --> 00:12:33,526 and no one's gonna remember any of us. 347 00:12:33,527 --> 00:12:34,628 I mean, think about it. Do you remember 348 00:12:34,703 --> 00:12:36,750 your great-great grandparents or... 349 00:12:36,751 --> 00:12:39,012 or their parents, or what they did day to day? 350 00:12:39,013 --> 00:12:40,446 The point is, it doesn't matter. 351 00:12:40,514 --> 00:12:44,543 Everyone you know will be dead. 352 00:12:44,569 --> 00:12:45,603 That's right. 353 00:12:45,629 --> 00:12:47,261 Congratulations, man. I love you. 354 00:12:47,688 --> 00:12:48,701 Best friends. 355 00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:50,302 That's my time, everybody. Thank you. 356 00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,670 Look, if it made sense, it wouldn't be my wedding. 357 00:12:52,738 --> 00:12:55,873 Your speech wasn't that bad. 358 00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:57,175 My speech was fantastic. 359 00:12:57,242 --> 00:12:58,843 It's the best 17 minutes of my life. 360 00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:01,479 - I really opened up my heart. - I was gonna say. 361 00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:03,648 Nah, I'm just feeling bad about Reagan. 362 00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:06,296 I think I came on too strong, or-or... 363 00:13:06,406 --> 00:13:08,654 I don't know. She told me she's leaving tonight on a train. 364 00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:10,788 On a train? Where's she going, Hogwarts? 365 00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:12,090 No, San Diego. 366 00:13:12,617 --> 00:13:14,934 I don't know if "Hog-warts" is near San Diego. 367 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,460 - I've never heard of it. - Never mind. 368 00:13:16,461 --> 00:13:18,779 But, I mean, it's okay. I just, I feel like I, you know... 369 00:13:18,780 --> 00:13:20,177 I just got excited for a second. 370 00:13:20,203 --> 00:13:23,716 Nick, she came here to see you. 371 00:13:23,784 --> 00:13:25,918 I bet you're reading into it. What if I go talk to her? 372 00:13:25,986 --> 00:13:27,753 Talk me up a little bit? 373 00:13:27,821 --> 00:13:30,423 - Woman to woman? - That's implied. 374 00:13:30,490 --> 00:13:31,757 Winston. 375 00:13:31,825 --> 00:13:34,982 No hay Weenstons. It's ocupados. 376 00:13:35,045 --> 00:13:36,595 Winston, I know you're in there 377 00:13:36,663 --> 00:13:38,964 'cause I'm looking at a picture of your butt cheeks right now. 378 00:13:39,032 --> 00:13:41,655 Oh, that's a working class butt. 379 00:13:41,681 --> 00:13:43,433 - Nothing wrong with that! - Mm. 380 00:13:43,434 --> 00:13:44,329 Give me... 381 00:13:44,330 --> 00:13:45,998 - Give me those. - That's a fatty. You got a fatty. 382 00:13:46,065 --> 00:13:47,499 This is not Winnie's day. 383 00:13:47,567 --> 00:13:48,967 Ernie, give him your jacket. 384 00:13:49,035 --> 00:13:50,202 - What? - Give me the damn jacket. 385 00:13:50,269 --> 00:13:53,772 All right, here, dude. 386 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,975 I jabbed my giblets in the breast pocket. Tie it around your waist. 387 00:13:57,043 --> 00:13:59,111 Then that leaves the front porch open or the back. 388 00:13:59,178 --> 00:14:00,379 I don't think this is gonna work. 389 00:14:00,446 --> 00:14:03,081 I'll just sit here cold and naked 390 00:14:03,149 --> 00:14:04,783 while my best friend gets married. 391 00:14:04,851 --> 00:14:05,984 Look, you were right, Coach. 392 00:14:06,052 --> 00:14:08,420 I'm not a serious man. I'm a nude, 393 00:14:08,488 --> 00:14:11,790 apple bottom, long-fronted dumb-ass. 394 00:14:11,858 --> 00:14:14,593 Ooh, look. At least you can change the background. Look. 395 00:14:14,661 --> 00:14:15,994 Now I'm in the Oval Office. That's crazy. 396 00:14:16,062 --> 00:14:18,964 Winston, you're a groomsman and a bridesman. 397 00:14:19,032 --> 00:14:20,632 It doesn't get more serious than that. 398 00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:22,801 You can't miss this wedding. 399 00:14:22,869 --> 00:14:24,136 But what am I supposed to wear? 400 00:14:24,203 --> 00:14:25,671 I am looking 401 00:14:25,738 --> 00:14:27,973 for the groom. 402 00:14:31,244 --> 00:14:32,978 Schmidt. What's up, man? 403 00:14:33,046 --> 00:14:35,447 I know I'm wearing a photo booth curtain right now. 404 00:14:35,515 --> 00:14:37,983 That does not take away from how incredibly happy I am 405 00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:39,451 for the both of you. 406 00:14:39,519 --> 00:14:40,285 Thank you. 407 00:14:40,353 --> 00:14:41,353 Winston, I'm going 408 00:14:41,421 --> 00:14:43,221 to get off this plane soon. 409 00:14:43,289 --> 00:14:45,090 Oh, dear Lord! Winston! 410 00:14:45,158 --> 00:14:46,391 Pick it up! 411 00:14:46,459 --> 00:14:48,427 Don't squat! 412 00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:53,598 So, I mean, I feel like I really put myself out there, right? 413 00:14:53,666 --> 00:14:55,067 I got on a plane, and I flew across 414 00:14:55,134 --> 00:14:57,769 the country to see him. 415 00:14:57,837 --> 00:15:00,806 I couldn't get him out of my head, you know? 416 00:15:00,873 --> 00:15:02,941 Yeah. Yeah. 417 00:15:03,009 --> 00:15:05,610 And then he says the word "relationship," 418 00:15:05,678 --> 00:15:08,380 and I freaked out, because... 419 00:15:08,448 --> 00:15:11,883 You know what, I don't know. Am I crazy to want a relationship with Nick? 420 00:15:11,951 --> 00:15:14,052 I mean, you guys were together. What happened? 421 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,921 We were kind of a mess. 422 00:15:15,988 --> 00:15:18,223 I wanted him to have a plan for his life 423 00:15:18,291 --> 00:15:21,093 and not keep his money in a box in his closet. 424 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:25,997 And... he wanted me to not care about those things. 425 00:15:26,065 --> 00:15:27,999 That's not so bad. I mean, 426 00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:29,761 who really has a plan for their life? 427 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,009 Who does that? 428 00:15:32,088 --> 00:15:33,365 Me. 429 00:15:34,128 --> 00:15:36,029 Me. I d... I did it. 430 00:15:36,096 --> 00:15:38,297 I do it. I'm sure there are plenty of guys 431 00:15:38,365 --> 00:15:41,634 out there who keep a very traditional banking account. Yeah. 432 00:15:41,702 --> 00:15:43,803 There are. And I just dated one of 'em. 433 00:15:45,019 --> 00:15:47,120 And I... 434 00:15:47,408 --> 00:15:50,576 I don't think any of that stuff matters. 435 00:15:50,644 --> 00:15:52,578 Thank you. 436 00:15:52,646 --> 00:15:54,447 You are awesome. 437 00:15:54,515 --> 00:15:56,549 Thanks. 438 00:15:57,618 --> 00:16:00,017 I'm gonna go do this. 439 00:16:23,031 --> 00:16:24,431 - Hey. - Hey. 440 00:16:25,533 --> 00:16:27,175 I... 441 00:16:27,176 --> 00:16:29,111 Yeah, I know. 442 00:16:29,185 --> 00:16:31,480 You don't have to say it. 443 00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,303 Cece, Schmidt wants to talk to you. 444 00:16:40,329 --> 00:16:41,905 - Thank you. - Babe, the plane's moving. Oh, okay. 445 00:16:41,906 --> 00:16:43,614 Maybe they're going back to the gate. Maybe I can get there 446 00:16:43,615 --> 00:16:45,050 before they release the monarch butterflies. 447 00:16:45,117 --> 00:16:47,067 Oh, my God, that is so great, babe! 448 00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:50,846 Ladies and gentlemen, we are finally bound for Portland. 449 00:16:50,847 --> 00:16:54,283 Aah! No! 450 00:17:05,028 --> 00:17:06,288 What are you guys doing here? 451 00:17:06,289 --> 00:17:07,836 It's the middle of the night. 452 00:17:08,941 --> 00:17:10,261 Ow! Winston! 453 00:17:10,348 --> 00:17:11,804 The hell is wrong with you? 454 00:17:11,805 --> 00:17:13,838 We use that stuff to revive passed-out derelicts. 455 00:17:13,906 --> 00:17:15,373 Come on, buddy. We got to get you ready. 456 00:17:15,761 --> 00:17:16,894 What? 457 00:17:27,022 --> 00:17:28,553 You already sprayed that. 458 00:17:28,554 --> 00:17:32,222 - Yes... - You don't have to spray it again. 459 00:17:32,290 --> 00:17:35,459 - Honestly, dude, you're ruining it. - Relax. 460 00:17:47,405 --> 00:17:49,239 You want to get married? 461 00:17:49,307 --> 00:17:52,342 I don't think that I can wait another second. 462 00:18:23,241 --> 00:18:25,008 May this couple be blessed 463 00:18:25,076 --> 00:18:27,678 and be helpful to one another in all ways. 464 00:18:27,745 --> 00:18:31,582 Just when I thought you couldn't make me any happier, 465 00:18:31,649 --> 00:18:34,184 look what you did today. 466 00:18:34,252 --> 00:18:36,353 You're amazing. 467 00:18:36,405 --> 00:18:39,043 I hope for as long as we stay together, 468 00:18:39,069 --> 00:18:42,025 that I always remain someone that 469 00:18:42,093 --> 00:18:44,661 you want to hollah at. 470 00:18:44,729 --> 00:18:48,165 I look forward to a lifetime of joy, growth 471 00:18:48,233 --> 00:18:50,334 and constant mispronunciation 472 00:18:50,401 --> 00:18:52,035 of common words. 473 00:18:54,539 --> 00:18:56,473 For the first time, 474 00:18:56,541 --> 00:18:59,543 I see what the rest of my life looks like. 475 00:19:01,713 --> 00:19:03,313 I now pronounce you 476 00:19:03,381 --> 00:19:06,416 husband and... 477 00:19:06,484 --> 00:19:08,819 Oh, wait, uh, we need the glass. 478 00:19:08,887 --> 00:19:10,153 What...? 479 00:19:48,178 --> 00:19:50,012 Hey. 480 00:19:50,862 --> 00:19:53,897 I'm just getting Cece some leggings for the hora. 481 00:19:53,965 --> 00:19:56,033 Can't have everybody seeing the bridal bouquet. 482 00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:57,200 I don't know what you said 483 00:19:57,268 --> 00:19:59,236 to Reagan, but I want to say thank you, 484 00:19:59,304 --> 00:20:00,871 because she wants 485 00:20:00,939 --> 00:20:02,205 to go for it with me. 486 00:20:02,273 --> 00:20:03,540 She wants to do this. 487 00:20:03,608 --> 00:20:05,409 Well, that's awesome. Congratulations. 488 00:20:05,476 --> 00:20:07,411 Yeah, I'm freaking out. I can't believe it. 489 00:20:07,478 --> 00:20:09,413 I mean, why does she want to be with me? 490 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:10,747 It doesn't make any sense. 491 00:20:10,815 --> 00:20:12,549 You of all people 492 00:20:12,617 --> 00:20:15,116 know that I'm just the weird detour you take 493 00:20:15,398 --> 00:20:17,788 before you find the guy you want to be with. 494 00:20:17,855 --> 00:20:20,157 I basically just help women realize 495 00:20:20,224 --> 00:20:21,925 that they could do a lot better... 496 00:20:21,993 --> 00:20:23,460 Stop it, Nick! 497 00:20:24,996 --> 00:20:25,929 I'm tired of you 498 00:20:25,997 --> 00:20:27,331 being the only person 499 00:20:27,398 --> 00:20:30,133 who doesn't see how incredible you are. 500 00:20:37,416 --> 00:20:39,351 Okay. 501 00:20:39,543 --> 00:20:41,478 I'm, uh, I'm incredible. 502 00:20:41,504 --> 00:20:43,053 Yes, you're incredible. 503 00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:45,283 All right, thanks. 504 00:20:46,483 --> 00:20:49,185 All right, I'm booking a ticket. 505 00:20:49,253 --> 00:20:50,105 A ticket...? 506 00:20:50,106 --> 00:20:52,297 Yeah, Reagan is going to New Orleans 507 00:20:52,323 --> 00:20:53,929 for work for three months 508 00:20:53,955 --> 00:20:55,277 and she asked me to go with her, 509 00:20:55,278 --> 00:20:58,180 and... I'm gonna do it. 510 00:21:02,586 --> 00:21:03,720 Don't make this about you! 511 00:21:03,788 --> 00:21:04,954 Get in line and hora! 512 00:21:05,022 --> 00:21:06,856 All right, let's do it. 513 00:21:42,126 --> 00:21:44,427 So nice of your mom to get us this trip. 514 00:21:44,495 --> 00:21:47,230 Much better than my dad's gift of weed gummy bears. 515 00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:53,903 Aah! What the hell is happening?! 516 00:21:53,971 --> 00:21:55,972 - What?! What is happening?! - No! No! 517 00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,675 Ha-ha! Happy honeymoon! 518 00:21:58,743 --> 00:21:59,642 Winston! 519 00:22:02,847 --> 00:22:04,514 How long has he been in there? 520 00:22:04,582 --> 00:22:05,882 It's gonna ruin the whole freaking vacation! 521 00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:06,950 Honeymoon prank! 522 00:22:07,017 --> 00:22:08,952 What are you all drinking?