1
00:00:06,744 --> 00:00:09,415
I am so excited about
this glamping trip.

2
00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:12,124
Sleeping bags are for
hobos and children.

3
00:00:12,159 --> 00:00:13,692
I am so pumped for this trip.

4
00:00:13,744 --> 00:00:16,828
Aly and I figured out how many
times we would have had sex

5
00:00:16,864 --> 00:00:19,448
since we've been apart,
and it's a whole bunch.

6
00:00:19,483 --> 00:00:21,917
And we're gonna play
catch-up on all of it.

7
00:00:21,952 --> 00:00:23,452
All 52 times.

8
00:00:23,454 --> 00:00:27,376
I am about to take
Aly to Mount Smushmore.

9
00:00:27,973 --> 00:00:29,639
Know what I'm saying?

10
00:00:29,641 --> 00:00:33,026
Aw. That's lovely.

11
00:00:33,061 --> 00:00:34,894
We need to invite other people.

12
00:00:34,946 --> 00:00:36,312
- What about Nick?
- No, he can't.

13
00:00:36,314 --> 00:00:37,981
He has some big writing weekend.

14
00:00:37,983 --> 00:00:39,544
Wants me to give him notes on his novel.

15
00:00:39,568 --> 00:00:42,435
He has all the pages in
some large freezer bag.

16
00:00:42,470 --> 00:00:44,737
It's a hard presentation
to get excited about.

17
00:00:44,789 --> 00:00:46,372
You know who would really want to come?

18
00:00:47,542 --> 00:00:49,492
I am in!

19
00:00:49,494 --> 00:00:51,661
Do you want me to bring my
retractable s'mores pole?

20
00:00:52,316 --> 00:00:55,167
Is that the car antenna that you've
been putting in the dishwasher?

21
00:00:55,236 --> 00:00:57,679
That is a low-level mystery
that is driving me insane.

22
00:00:57,709 --> 00:00:59,903
- Making him crazy.
- It's really handy.

23
00:00:59,933 --> 00:01:01,934
All right, Jess. So just
a quick warning, okay?

24
00:01:01,994 --> 00:01:04,395
This is a pretty couple-y's trip, and...

25
00:01:04,430 --> 00:01:06,904
you know, we just don't want
you to feel like a third wheel.

26
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:08,377
- Yeah.
- Oh. I have people I can bring.

27
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:09,366
You...

28
00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:10,534
I joined a singles group.

29
00:01:10,569 --> 00:01:11,609
You're meeting new people.

30
00:01:11,637 --> 00:01:12,848
- I think that's great.
- Oh, my.

31
00:01:12,872 --> 00:01:14,038
It's actually...

32
00:01:14,073 --> 00:01:16,573
a group of all singles dedicated

33
00:01:16,609 --> 00:01:19,231
- to keeping each other single.
- Wow.

34
00:01:19,261 --> 00:01:20,856
I think they could
probably come on the trip.

35
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,846
Emotionally, they may not be available,

36
00:01:22,882 --> 00:01:25,449
but socially, they're available as hell.

37
00:01:25,484 --> 00:01:26,962
Just talk to her really quickly.

38
00:01:26,986 --> 00:01:28,230
- You know what?
- Oh, you're already texting people.

39
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:29,386
They're probably not...

40
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:30,521
- They're in!
- Oh!

41
00:01:30,556 --> 00:01:32,489
All of them!

42
00:01:32,525 --> 00:01:34,830
Honestly, they would have
gone to the DMV with you,

43
00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:36,186
if you had asked.

44
00:01:39,006 --> 00:01:43,038
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com

45
00:01:48,012 --> 00:01:50,079
How long have you been standing there?

46
00:01:51,482 --> 00:01:53,249
What happened to you?

47
00:01:53,284 --> 00:01:55,952
The Pepperwood Chronicles,
that's what happened to me.

48
00:01:55,987 --> 00:01:57,876
- So it's really that bad.
- Nick.

49
00:01:57,883 --> 00:02:00,458
This book...

50
00:02:00,493 --> 00:02:02,326
is magnificent.

51
00:02:02,361 --> 00:02:04,128
What?

52
00:02:04,163 --> 00:02:06,197
Julius Pepperwood?

53
00:02:06,232 --> 00:02:10,000
A hard-boiled Chicago cop
turned New Orleans detective,

54
00:02:10,036 --> 00:02:11,602
racing around on fan-boats,

55
00:02:11,637 --> 00:02:15,439
drowning that two-faced DA
in a bucket of jambalaya.

56
00:02:15,475 --> 00:02:16,307
Yeah. Right in the jambalaya.

57
00:02:16,342 --> 00:02:19,577
Finding John F. Kennedy...

58
00:02:19,612 --> 00:02:20,845
alive?

59
00:02:20,913 --> 00:02:22,012
That wasn't too far?

60
00:02:22,048 --> 00:02:23,881
It's a masterpiece, Nick.

61
00:02:23,916 --> 00:02:26,050
Is that my whiteboard?

62
00:02:26,085 --> 00:02:27,963
- You said I could have it.
- Well, we both know that's not true,

63
00:02:27,987 --> 00:02:29,665
but if it helps you get
more of this story out,

64
00:02:29,689 --> 00:02:31,455
then, yes, you are welcome to it.

65
00:02:31,491 --> 00:02:34,425
Well, all right, Schmidt,
hit me; I want your notes.

66
00:02:36,129 --> 00:02:37,561
No notes!

67
00:02:37,597 --> 00:02:39,530
- No notes?
- No notes.

68
00:02:39,565 --> 00:02:41,298
- No notes?!
- No notes.

69
00:02:41,334 --> 00:02:42,600
- No notes!
- No notes.

70
00:02:42,635 --> 00:02:43,667
No notes!

71
00:02:43,703 --> 00:02:45,136
No notes. It's perfect, Nick.

72
00:02:45,171 --> 00:02:47,349
I want another chapter by
the time I get back on Sunday.

73
00:02:47,373 --> 00:02:49,540
Then I guess it's time
for me to get to work.

74
00:02:49,575 --> 00:02:51,642
My little wobbly-nosed Michael Chabon.

75
00:02:52,879 --> 00:02:54,512
- Hey, congratulations.
- Thank you, man.

76
00:02:54,547 --> 00:02:56,213
I, uh... Thank you. I needed it.

77
00:02:59,752 --> 00:03:01,652
I'm a writer.

78
00:03:01,687 --> 00:03:03,354
'Sup?

79
00:03:04,991 --> 00:03:07,035
I love you. I miss you.
I love you. I miss you.

80
00:03:07,059 --> 00:03:08,359
You clearly didn't get my text,

81
00:03:08,394 --> 00:03:10,261
because your pants are still on.

82
00:03:11,330 --> 00:03:12,541
So excited about this.

83
00:03:12,565 --> 00:03:14,165
Hey, Aly! Oh!

84
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,200
Your bra's already off. Okay.

85
00:03:16,235 --> 00:03:17,368
We're out the door.

86
00:03:17,403 --> 00:03:18,803
None of this in my car, please.

87
00:03:18,838 --> 00:03:20,070
I just had it shampooed.

88
00:03:20,106 --> 00:03:21,238
Jess.

89
00:03:21,266 --> 00:03:23,366
I called ahead and got
us an early yurt check-in.

90
00:03:23,409 --> 00:03:24,775
- Oh. -
Beep-beep.

91
00:03:24,811 --> 00:03:26,288
People about to have sex coming through.

92
00:03:26,312 --> 00:03:27,656
Look out. Aren't you coming?

93
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,514
Actually, I'm gonna go with my group.

94
00:03:30,550 --> 00:03:32,850
We rented a van. It has
a built-in microwave.

95
00:03:32,885 --> 00:03:34,552
We're all really stoked about it.

96
00:03:34,587 --> 00:03:35,764
You're not making me feel any better

97
00:03:35,788 --> 00:03:37,288
about this group of strangers.

98
00:03:37,323 --> 00:03:38,923
Well, it's not all strangers.

99
00:03:38,958 --> 00:03:40,457
Some of them are friends!

100
00:03:40,501 --> 00:03:42,004
- Robby?
- My Robby?

101
00:03:42,029 --> 00:03:45,462
Yeah. I got here way too early,
so I've just been standing outside,

102
00:03:45,498 --> 00:03:47,364
kind of waiting for my
opportunity to enter.

103
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:48,432
How'd I do?

104
00:03:48,467 --> 00:03:49,633
Robby, are you in this group?

105
00:03:49,669 --> 00:03:51,402
Is he in the group?

106
00:03:51,437 --> 00:03:53,370
Robby is the founder, president,

107
00:03:53,406 --> 00:03:54,605
and secretary of the group.

108
00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:56,307
I formed the group
after Nadia dumped me.

109
00:03:56,342 --> 00:03:57,575
I always use two sugars.

110
00:03:57,610 --> 00:04:00,911
My mom says 'cause
I'm so sweet, you know.

111
00:04:00,947 --> 00:04:02,112
Oh, whoa!

112
00:04:02,148 --> 00:04:03,314
I didn't want to be alone,

113
00:04:03,349 --> 00:04:04,960
but I also didn't want
to be in a relationship.

114
00:04:04,984 --> 00:04:07,284
And that's when he got the
idea to bring people together

115
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:08,819
to help each other stay single.

116
00:04:08,855 --> 00:04:09,987
Yeah, we meet weekly

117
00:04:10,022 --> 00:04:11,822
for non-romantic companionship.

118
00:04:11,858 --> 00:04:13,435
- But most of all, we just have fun.
- Yeah.

119
00:04:13,459 --> 00:04:15,793
Like last week, we shut
down this Korean barbecue.

120
00:04:15,828 --> 00:04:17,394
We paid with 13 different credit cards,

121
00:04:17,430 --> 00:04:19,430
and we were asked to
never come back again.

122
00:04:19,465 --> 00:04:20,998
It was epic!

123
00:04:21,033 --> 00:04:22,311
- That sounds awesome.
- Oh, man.

124
00:04:22,335 --> 00:04:24,535
It's a really cool group,
and we have our own motto.

125
00:04:24,570 --> 00:04:27,271
"I'm single and I'm sufficient."

126
00:04:30,610 --> 00:04:33,410
- That's I-S-I-S. That's ISIS.
- Th-that's ISIS.

127
00:04:33,446 --> 00:04:35,372
- Oh, my God.
- You're asking people to join ISIS.

128
00:04:35,396 --> 00:04:36,934
- No, n-n-n-n-n-n-no.
- As communication czar

129
00:04:36,958 --> 00:04:38,549
- I should have caught that.
- Yeah.

130
00:04:38,618 --> 00:04:39,950
Isn't this group

131
00:04:39,986 --> 00:04:43,187
just a painfully transparent
stall until you meet someone?

132
00:04:43,222 --> 00:04:44,433
- Being single is a choice.
- Yeah.

133
00:04:44,457 --> 00:04:45,801
- Don't single-shame.
- What is single-shame?

134
00:04:45,825 --> 00:04:47,369
- No, honey. He was not single-shaming you.
- I-I wasn't...

135
00:04:47,393 --> 00:04:48,937
- That was not his intention at all.
- I don't even know what that is.

136
00:04:48,961 --> 00:04:51,395
Couples always try to
talk down to singles.

137
00:04:51,430 --> 00:04:53,898
We can do everything
that you guys can do.

138
00:04:53,933 --> 00:04:55,966
I take myself out for a
dessert date every Sunday.

139
00:04:56,002 --> 00:04:57,379
Yeah, and yesterday, I had a backache,

140
00:04:57,403 --> 00:04:59,270
and I rubbed it myself, in a doorjamb.

141
00:04:59,305 --> 00:05:00,704
This is bummin' me out.

142
00:05:00,740 --> 00:05:03,140
Is this group gonna
be a bummer? Be honest.

143
00:05:03,175 --> 00:05:04,541
Absolutely not.

144
00:05:04,577 --> 00:05:05,409
There's Brenda.

145
00:05:05,444 --> 00:05:07,611
She's a circuit court judge

146
00:05:07,647 --> 00:05:10,447
who also teaches
taxidermy class for kids.

147
00:05:10,483 --> 00:05:13,484
And Hugh. He grows his own onions.

148
00:05:13,519 --> 00:05:15,052
My former boss and current friend,

149
00:05:15,087 --> 00:05:16,387
Principal Foster.

150
00:05:16,422 --> 00:05:19,056
His hip surgeon has okayed him for sex,

151
00:05:19,091 --> 00:05:20,491
but he hasn't okayed himself.

152
00:05:20,526 --> 00:05:23,294
And of course, Robby, our leader.

153
00:05:23,329 --> 00:05:25,162
Have you ever seen a group more ready

154
00:05:25,197 --> 00:05:27,197
to have fun with themselves?

155
00:05:36,865 --> 00:05:39,103
Just look at this view;
we needed this so badly.

156
00:05:39,134 --> 00:05:40,927
It's-it's perfect.

157
00:05:43,199 --> 00:05:44,199
Is it, though?

158
00:05:46,369 --> 00:05:47,835
Can you stop hogging the vista?

159
00:05:47,871 --> 00:05:49,749
There are other people who
would like to take a photo.

160
00:05:49,773 --> 00:05:50,816
I don't want to lose this light.

161
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:52,206
It's a traditional high-noon.

162
00:05:52,242 --> 00:05:54,180
Don't couple-splain light to us.

163
00:05:54,210 --> 00:05:55,877
It just seems like it would be easier

164
00:05:55,912 --> 00:05:57,945
- if you guys took a group photo.
- We actually need

165
00:05:57,969 --> 00:05:59,628
- a picture for our web site,
- Oh, yeah.

166
00:05:59,658 --> 00:06:01,260
So, all right, you
can take a group photo.

167
00:06:01,284 --> 00:06:02,583
All right, let's do this.

168
00:06:02,619 --> 00:06:04,319
Now, I'm only taking one shot,

169
00:06:04,354 --> 00:06:05,186
so if the first one's

170
00:06:05,221 --> 00:06:06,187
a silly one, you're gonna have

171
00:06:06,222 --> 00:06:07,588
to live with a silly one.

172
00:06:07,624 --> 00:06:09,324
Okay. One,

173
00:06:09,392 --> 00:06:11,192
two, three. There we go. Great photo.

174
00:06:11,227 --> 00:06:12,193
I'm gonna need one, too.

175
00:06:12,228 --> 00:06:13,194
Actually, we're all gonna need one.

176
00:06:13,229 --> 00:06:14,095
- What?
- Yeah, we don't share phones

177
00:06:14,130 --> 00:06:15,563
like you people.

178
00:06:15,598 --> 00:06:16,998
Who shares phones?

179
00:06:17,462 --> 00:06:19,496
- How would we call each other?
- I don't know.

180
00:06:20,203 --> 00:06:22,904
I can't do this. This
is... Take these back.

181
00:06:22,939 --> 00:06:24,672
You guys are ruining

182
00:06:24,708 --> 00:06:26,207
a perfectly good vista moment.

183
00:06:26,242 --> 00:06:29,744
Can't you go someplace else
and "enjoy being single"?

184
00:06:29,779 --> 00:06:35,049
Did you just quote-hands
"enjoy being single" to us?

185
00:06:35,085 --> 00:06:38,853
You guys are telling each other
that you're happy being this,

186
00:06:38,888 --> 00:06:42,423
when we all know that
you would rather be this.

187
00:06:42,459 --> 00:06:44,792
No. This is jazz hands,

188
00:06:44,828 --> 00:06:47,362
the end of an explosive musical number.

189
00:06:47,397 --> 00:06:51,132
This is O.J. trying to
put on the bloody glove.

190
00:06:51,167 --> 00:06:52,300
This is freedom!

191
00:06:52,335 --> 00:06:53,835
This is flying!

192
00:06:53,903 --> 00:06:55,970
This is praying that
you can go back to this!

193
00:06:56,005 --> 00:06:58,139
This is high fives for everybody!

194
00:06:58,174 --> 00:07:00,575
All around! Yes!

195
00:07:00,610 --> 00:07:03,945
Let's go to the lake, guys. Bye.

196
00:07:03,980 --> 00:07:05,113
I call dibs

197
00:07:05,148 --> 00:07:07,982
- on the slime-free part.
- Okay.

198
00:07:08,017 --> 00:07:09,517
Just enjoy the view. I mean...

199
00:07:09,552 --> 00:07:12,387
This is O.J. putting back on the glove.

200
00:07:14,858 --> 00:07:16,824
No notes.

201
00:07:21,131 --> 00:07:22,964
Okay, just...

202
00:07:22,999 --> 00:07:26,033
just start and see what...
Just start. No notes.

203
00:07:26,069 --> 00:07:28,603
All me.

204
00:07:30,507 --> 00:07:33,040
No notes. What does
"no notes" even mean?!

205
00:07:33,076 --> 00:07:34,308
No notes.

206
00:07:34,344 --> 00:07:35,676
No notes?

207
00:07:35,712 --> 00:07:38,212
Come on.

208
00:07:41,885 --> 00:07:44,685
Nick, I'm communing with
nature, and I'm almost at peace.

209
00:07:44,721 --> 00:07:45,653
What do you want?

210
00:07:45,688 --> 00:07:46,587
No notes?

211
00:07:46,623 --> 00:07:48,589
- Seriously?
- It is just so nice

212
00:07:48,625 --> 00:07:51,459
to get out of the city and watch TV.

213
00:07:51,494 --> 00:07:53,795
What about this dumb thing?
When Pepperwood just watches

214
00:07:53,830 --> 00:07:55,930
- a block of local news.
- Oh, I found that part

215
00:07:55,965 --> 00:07:58,466
to be gutting, Nick. I mean, the irony

216
00:07:58,501 --> 00:08:00,935
that Pepperwood's violent
world is being translated

217
00:08:00,970 --> 00:08:03,471
into sound bites for mass consumption...

218
00:08:03,506 --> 00:08:05,640
That's just me
transcribing Channel 3 News!

219
00:08:05,675 --> 00:08:07,508
I didn't even change the anchors' names!

220
00:08:07,544 --> 00:08:09,210
- It's called realism, Nick.
- No.

221
00:08:09,245 --> 00:08:10,445
- Good-bye, genius.
- No!

222
00:08:11,815 --> 00:08:14,515
Ooh, that was... Ooh.

223
00:08:14,551 --> 00:08:16,117
Oh, my gosh.

224
00:08:16,152 --> 00:08:17,452
13 times.

225
00:08:17,487 --> 00:08:19,787
Yeah. It's a lot of times.

226
00:08:19,823 --> 00:08:21,889
- A lot of times.
- I had a good time.

227
00:08:21,925 --> 00:08:23,369
- I had a great time.
- I could've gone

228
00:08:23,393 --> 00:08:25,092
so many more times than that.

229
00:08:25,128 --> 00:08:26,328
Yeah, that's actually nothing.

230
00:08:27,397 --> 00:08:29,163
- I could go all night, girl.
- I could go

231
00:08:29,199 --> 00:08:32,166
- tens of... so many more times.
- Tens of... Ten... Yeah.

232
00:08:32,202 --> 00:08:35,136
- Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
- Cool, cool, cool, cool.

233
00:08:35,171 --> 00:08:36,715
That's what's up. That's what's up.

234
00:08:36,739 --> 00:08:39,240
- That's what's up.
- Oh, it's the phone.

235
00:08:41,744 --> 00:08:44,178
- Hella?
- Winston, are you...

236
00:08:44,214 --> 00:08:45,513
Hey, Winnie, are you okay?

237
00:08:45,548 --> 00:08:46,859
You sound like you're
being chased up a hill.

238
00:08:46,883 --> 00:08:49,317
Oh, no. Aly and I are just
breaking each other off

239
00:08:49,352 --> 00:08:51,552
basically nonstop. It's Nick.

240
00:08:51,588 --> 00:08:53,478
I told him we were
breaking each other off

241
00:08:53,508 --> 00:08:54,824
- basically nonstop.
- I know. I can hear you, honey.

242
00:08:54,848 --> 00:08:56,902
- Oh, you heard everything? Okay.
- What does he want?

243
00:08:56,926 --> 00:08:58,170
I'm in crisis right now.
Could you read my book

244
00:08:58,194 --> 00:08:59,205
and give me notes, please?

245
00:08:59,229 --> 00:09:01,696
Oh, man. I don't want to take a break.

246
00:09:01,731 --> 00:09:03,030
Mmm. Mm-mm.

247
00:09:03,066 --> 00:09:04,665
I'm like a freight train right now.

248
00:09:04,701 --> 00:09:06,067
I can't slow down.

249
00:09:06,102 --> 00:09:06,868
Me either.

250
00:09:06,903 --> 00:09:07,768
This is crisis!

251
00:09:07,804 --> 00:09:09,437
- But...
- Guys,

252
00:09:09,472 --> 00:09:11,439
supporting our friend's
artistic endeavors

253
00:09:11,474 --> 00:09:13,641
- is also insanely...
- Hey, guys. Guys, pay attention.

254
00:09:13,676 --> 00:09:15,243
- It's sexy.
- This is crisis.

255
00:09:15,278 --> 00:09:17,256
- But I was thinking the same thing.
- Oh, thank God.

256
00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,981
- Hello? Winston! Winston,
- We could easily just both read the book

257
00:09:20,016 --> 00:09:21,963
- you're supposed to be my friend.
- At the same time,

258
00:09:21,987 --> 00:09:24,585
and then when we're done,
just get right back at it.

259
00:09:24,621 --> 00:09:25,798
- Right?
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.

260
00:09:25,822 --> 00:09:27,333
Great. Now, do y...
do you guys want a PDF

261
00:09:27,357 --> 00:09:29,390
or do you want 100 individual JPEGs?

262
00:09:29,425 --> 00:09:33,060
- JPEGs, JPEGs, J... JPEGs.
- Uh, 100 individual JPEGs, please.

263
00:09:33,096 --> 00:09:36,297
Yeah! This is gonna take forever.

264
00:09:41,137 --> 00:09:42,770
Five-three.

265
00:09:43,806 --> 00:09:45,940
Hey. Oh, I was just...

266
00:09:45,975 --> 00:09:48,943
just playing a little single
and sufficient badminton.

267
00:09:48,978 --> 00:09:50,189
Well, I hope you worked up an appetite,

268
00:09:50,213 --> 00:09:52,313
because I'm gonna make
my Singles Sliders.

269
00:09:52,348 --> 00:09:54,126
- Oh, yeah?
- Okay, so what I do is I take the meat

270
00:09:54,150 --> 00:09:56,228
from three different sliders,
and then I just sort of mash 'em

271
00:09:56,252 --> 00:09:57,952
into one big boy that stands on his own.

272
00:09:57,987 --> 00:10:00,154
Oh. So, like a burger.

273
00:10:00,189 --> 00:10:01,233
Yeah, it's like a burger
except it's bigger.

274
00:10:01,257 --> 00:10:04,158
Oh. Well, if it isn't Schmidt.

275
00:10:04,193 --> 00:10:05,726
Or should I call you Schmidt-tata

276
00:10:05,762 --> 00:10:07,495
'cause you have so
much egg on your face?

277
00:10:07,530 --> 00:10:10,498
- You little Italian egg omelet.
- Nice.

278
00:10:10,533 --> 00:10:12,667
Jess, what's happening
in the lake over there?

279
00:10:12,702 --> 00:10:14,280
- Wait, is that a jellyfish?
- Come over here.

280
00:10:14,304 --> 00:10:16,270
Oh, please, that's so much less sexual

281
00:10:16,306 --> 00:10:19,140
than the stuff that you and
Nick do on a regular basis.

282
00:10:19,175 --> 00:10:20,675
Ow.

283
00:10:20,710 --> 00:10:22,610
It's happening.

284
00:10:22,645 --> 00:10:23,744
Okay, Robby...

285
00:10:23,780 --> 00:10:25,012
I'm on it.

286
00:10:26,649 --> 00:10:28,749
Guys, guys.

287
00:10:28,785 --> 00:10:30,195
No, no, no, no, no. What are you doing?

288
00:10:30,219 --> 00:10:31,630
You guys know that you
can only be in this group

289
00:10:31,654 --> 00:10:32,920
if you're single, right?

290
00:10:32,989 --> 00:10:34,255
It's tough.

291
00:10:34,290 --> 00:10:35,590
I'm very horny.

292
00:10:35,625 --> 00:10:37,358
I want you guys to be strong.

293
00:10:37,393 --> 00:10:39,293
Let's do the motto.

294
00:10:39,329 --> 00:10:41,495
- "I'm single
- "I'm single

295
00:10:41,531 --> 00:10:43,342
- "and I'm sufficient."
- "and I'm sufficient".

296
00:10:43,366 --> 00:10:44,677
Didn't sound like you
meant it. One more.

297
00:10:44,701 --> 00:10:46,867
- "I'm single and I'm sufficient."
- Yes.

298
00:10:46,903 --> 00:10:49,437
- One last time.
- "I'm single and I'm sufficient!"

299
00:10:49,472 --> 00:10:51,439
- Yes!
- Well, I just hope

300
00:10:51,474 --> 00:10:53,441
we don't see a repeat
of that kind of behavior

301
00:10:53,476 --> 00:10:54,976
with me later on.

302
00:10:55,011 --> 00:10:57,044
You were amazing out there. Your ability

303
00:10:57,080 --> 00:11:00,413
to dampen sexual
chemistry is astounding.

304
00:11:09,372 --> 00:11:11,205
Uh... Thanks.

305
00:11:17,626 --> 00:11:19,560
Hey, guys!

306
00:11:19,585 --> 00:11:22,314
I just caught a fish with my hand!

307
00:11:25,470 --> 00:11:28,392
Wow. Nick's book is astonishing.

308
00:11:28,417 --> 00:11:31,985
I thought it was gonna take
forever, but... it was perfect.

309
00:11:32,021 --> 00:11:33,597
He really brings you into the world.

310
00:11:33,622 --> 00:11:36,390
Every minor character
is so well thought out.

311
00:11:36,425 --> 00:11:38,625
The newsboy? You could
see his whole life.

312
00:11:38,659 --> 00:11:40,571
And am I the only one who
thought that the murderer's name

313
00:11:40,595 --> 00:11:42,606
- was in the song?
- The murderer's song was in the song!

314
00:11:42,630 --> 00:11:43,763
Ah. So good.

315
00:11:43,798 --> 00:11:44,730
No notes.

316
00:11:44,766 --> 00:11:45,965
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

317
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,968
Well...

318
00:11:49,003 --> 00:11:50,936
sex?

319
00:11:50,972 --> 00:11:52,271
- Yes!
- Yeah?

320
00:11:52,306 --> 00:11:53,678
- Sex.
- I'm ready if you're ready.

321
00:11:53,708 --> 00:11:55,875
- Yeah. Yeah.
- All right.

322
00:11:55,910 --> 00:11:57,977
Just a short walk to our yurt.

323
00:11:58,012 --> 00:12:00,179
Unless we take the scenic route.

324
00:12:00,214 --> 00:12:03,516
Oh. Nothing gets me in
the mood like scenery.

325
00:12:03,551 --> 00:12:04,450
- Mmm?
- Let's do that.

326
00:12:04,485 --> 00:12:05,718
Yeah, let's go that way.

327
00:12:05,753 --> 00:12:07,193
Yeah, let's do that. The scenic way.

328
00:12:10,124 --> 00:12:12,958
Perhaps you could find the perfect bun

329
00:12:12,994 --> 00:12:14,571
if... I don't know...
You had your glasses.

330
00:12:14,595 --> 00:12:17,229
Oh. Oh, you know... you
know who else has glasses?

331
00:12:17,265 --> 00:12:19,398
Six out of ten people
in the developed world,

332
00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:21,267
including Robby and I?

333
00:12:21,302 --> 00:12:24,370
Jess, just give over to
it. We're happy for you.

334
00:12:24,405 --> 00:12:26,906
Use your yurt. You
have a world-class yurt.

335
00:12:26,941 --> 00:12:28,541
Yeah, and if this is about me and Robby

336
00:12:28,576 --> 00:12:30,543
dating years ago, trust me,

337
00:12:30,578 --> 00:12:32,211
- it doesn't matter.
- Mm-mm.

338
00:12:32,241 --> 00:12:33,706
We only did hand
stuff, per his neurosis,

339
00:12:33,730 --> 00:12:35,459
so you totally have my blessing.

340
00:12:35,483 --> 00:12:36,382
Blessing for what?

341
00:12:36,417 --> 00:12:37,650
- This.
- That.

342
00:12:37,685 --> 00:12:39,819
Guys, I am not into Robby.

343
00:12:39,854 --> 00:12:41,821
And I could never date
a guy who wears glasses

344
00:12:41,856 --> 00:12:44,323
because of the clown from my dreams.

345
00:12:44,358 --> 00:12:46,258
The clown who wears glasses.

346
00:12:47,395 --> 00:12:50,296
Oh, my God, that clown is me.

347
00:12:50,331 --> 00:12:52,298
I'm not dating Robby, okay?

348
00:12:52,333 --> 00:12:53,299
Hey.

349
00:12:53,334 --> 00:12:54,567
- Oh, Robby.
- Oh, hey, Robby.

350
00:12:54,602 --> 00:12:55,913
I heard my name a bunch of
times. I mean, I could tell

351
00:12:55,937 --> 00:12:57,781
that you weren't trying to
call me in here, but, uh,

352
00:12:57,805 --> 00:12:59,638
my curiosity kicked
in, so... A couple of us

353
00:12:59,674 --> 00:13:01,919
are gonna wander down and,
uh, you know, tell some stories

354
00:13:01,943 --> 00:13:05,044
and, uh...

355
00:13:05,079 --> 00:13:06,579
sing a few songs.

356
00:13:06,614 --> 00:13:09,381
That sounds great. Actually,
you know who loves to sing?

357
00:13:09,417 --> 00:13:11,874
Actually, I've really
been hating music lately.

358
00:13:11,904 --> 00:13:14,720
Come on, Jess, you're a
whore for singin'. Please.

359
00:13:20,607 --> 00:13:24,309
♪ I hear the drums echoing tonight ♪

360
00:13:24,344 --> 00:13:26,211
♪ but she hears only ♪

361
00:13:26,246 --> 00:13:30,548
♪ whispers of some quiet conversation ♪

362
00:13:32,789 --> 00:13:35,890
♪ She's coming in, 12:30 flight ♪

363
00:13:35,926 --> 00:13:38,593
♪ The moonlit wings reflect the stars ♪

364
00:13:38,628 --> 00:13:41,996
♪ that guide me towards salvation... ♪

365
00:13:42,032 --> 00:13:44,399
Damn it!

366
00:13:44,434 --> 00:13:46,855
Nick, if this is about
notes, so help me God.

367
00:13:46,915 --> 00:13:48,915
I'm sorry, but I'm not
gonna stop bugging you

368
00:13:48,951 --> 00:13:50,050
until you note me, Schmidt.

369
00:13:50,085 --> 00:13:51,485
All right, Nick. Here's a note.

370
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:54,154
Stop cutting yourself off at
the knees like a selfish coward.

371
00:13:54,189 --> 00:13:56,890
Okay, great, great. I love
the direction we're going.

372
00:13:56,925 --> 00:13:58,837
We're getting more critical, but
can you refocus to the writing?

373
00:13:58,861 --> 00:14:01,194
No, Nick, I cannot, and
you want to know why?

374
00:14:01,230 --> 00:14:02,529
Because you are a writer.

375
00:14:02,598 --> 00:14:04,097
And a damn good one at that.

376
00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:06,733
But you're just too scared
to admit it to yourself.

377
00:14:06,768 --> 00:14:08,368
Goodbye, sir.

378
00:14:08,403 --> 00:14:11,571
No! Damn, you raven-haired dandy boy.

379
00:14:11,607 --> 00:14:13,607
Yeah, thought carving our names

380
00:14:13,642 --> 00:14:16,009
- in the trees would have taken longer.
- Yeah.

381
00:14:17,412 --> 00:14:20,547
So... do you want... want to have sex?

382
00:14:20,582 --> 00:14:22,749
Yeah. I think that's... Yeah, let's...

383
00:14:22,784 --> 00:14:27,254
Listen, Aly, I got to
admit, I'm pretty tapped out.

384
00:14:27,289 --> 00:14:28,899
I-I'm sorry to say it like
that, but, you know, I'm...

385
00:14:28,923 --> 00:14:32,292
- No. Me, too! I know!
- We've had too much sex too fast!

386
00:14:32,327 --> 00:14:33,994
Why didn't we pace ourselves?

387
00:14:34,029 --> 00:14:35,395
I'm so exhausted.

388
00:14:35,430 --> 00:14:37,764
Oh, my gosh, I think this
whole ordeal just illustrates

389
00:14:37,799 --> 00:14:39,966
why three months isn't three days.

390
00:14:40,002 --> 00:14:42,402
So happy you said that.

391
00:14:42,437 --> 00:14:44,557
I'm just happy to be in
the same place as you.

392
00:14:44,587 --> 00:14:46,038
Me, too.

393
00:14:52,781 --> 00:14:58,185
And, you know, we did do it 13 times.

394
00:14:58,220 --> 00:15:01,087
- That's a lot.
- That's a lot of times.

395
00:15:01,123 --> 00:15:02,366
But you know what my favorite time was?

396
00:15:02,390 --> 00:15:05,225
- 11?
- 11. You knew.

397
00:15:05,260 --> 00:15:06,726
Oh, I knew. 11 was great.

398
00:15:06,762 --> 00:15:08,495
Mm. Maybe we should do 11 again.

399
00:15:08,530 --> 00:15:11,765
But this time... I'm the mermaid.

400
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:14,334
Okay. I'm the mermaid.

401
00:15:14,369 --> 00:15:16,002
No, I'm the mermaid.

402
00:15:16,038 --> 00:15:18,872
- Kind of, uh... Yeah, right there.
- Perfect.

403
00:15:18,907 --> 00:15:20,118
Get your butt down there.

404
00:15:20,142 --> 00:15:21,741
Come here!

405
00:15:21,771 --> 00:15:23,076
Ooh!

406
00:15:23,111 --> 00:15:28,748
♪ It's gonna take a lot
to drag me away from you ♪

407
00:15:28,784 --> 00:15:34,321
♪ There's nothing that a hundred
men or more could ever do ♪

408
00:15:34,356 --> 00:15:38,024
♪ I bless the rains down in Africa... ♪

409
00:15:38,060 --> 00:15:39,092
This is electric.

410
00:15:39,127 --> 00:15:41,061
♪ I bless the rains ♪

411
00:15:41,096 --> 00:15:43,363
♪ down in Africa ♪

412
00:15:43,398 --> 00:15:44,598
♪ I bless the rain ♪

413
00:15:44,633 --> 00:15:46,466
♪ I bless the rains ♪

414
00:15:46,501 --> 00:15:49,502
♪ down in Africa ♪

415
00:15:49,538 --> 00:15:51,638
♪ Gonna take some time ♪

416
00:15:51,673 --> 00:15:55,809
♪ to do the things we never had ♪

417
00:15:55,844 --> 00:15:59,045
- ♪ Had. ♪
- Wait! Stop!

418
00:15:59,081 --> 00:16:00,280
I can't!

419
00:16:01,850 --> 00:16:04,017
You can't what?

420
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:08,888
I can't ignore what's going
on with Brenda and Hugh!

421
00:16:08,924 --> 00:16:10,857
We weren't doing anything!

422
00:16:10,892 --> 00:16:12,270
I hope you guys were
behaving, all right?

423
00:16:12,294 --> 00:16:13,705
Because you know what
happens on strike two.

424
00:16:13,729 --> 00:16:15,262
Strike two and...

425
00:16:15,297 --> 00:16:16,963
Strike... You're not out on strike two,

426
00:16:17,032 --> 00:16:18,810
but, you know, strike
two, you're on thin ice.

427
00:16:18,834 --> 00:16:20,667
- Jess should be on thin ice.
- Ugh!

428
00:16:20,702 --> 00:16:21,902
She took us on a couples trip!

429
00:16:21,937 --> 00:16:25,238
Yeah, that's like taking
alcoholics to a brewery!

430
00:16:25,274 --> 00:16:27,540
Nobody here wants to
hear from you, Hugh.

431
00:16:27,576 --> 00:16:29,743
You Hugh.

432
00:16:29,778 --> 00:16:31,678
You... Hugh.

433
00:16:31,713 --> 00:16:34,514
You made us hang out with
your lame couples friends!

434
00:16:34,549 --> 00:16:36,527
- How are we lame?
- There is no reason to attack us.

435
00:16:36,551 --> 00:16:39,519
And when singing Toto,
why is it always "Africa"?

436
00:16:39,554 --> 00:16:41,421
- They've got a deep catalog!
- Okay.

437
00:16:41,456 --> 00:16:43,056
Look, I think we can all agree

438
00:16:43,091 --> 00:16:44,869
that Jess is a very important
member of this group.

439
00:16:44,893 --> 00:16:46,226
You hypocrite.

440
00:16:46,261 --> 00:16:48,828
Before you cast
aspersions on anyone else,

441
00:16:48,864 --> 00:16:51,231
you need to take a good
long look at yourself, Robby!

442
00:16:51,266 --> 00:16:53,199
- The emperor
- I don't even know

443
00:16:53,235 --> 00:16:55,115
- has no clothes!
- why we bothered coming here!

444
00:16:56,371 --> 00:16:58,071
And you sexualized Toto.

445
00:16:58,106 --> 00:16:59,205
No, you make a good...

446
00:16:59,241 --> 00:17:01,274
I know those guys. They're good guys!

447
00:17:01,310 --> 00:17:02,742
Know what? Enough!

448
00:17:03,879 --> 00:17:06,479
Okay, I'm not, uh...

449
00:17:06,515 --> 00:17:08,548
Guys, I'm not actually
gonna smash my guitar

450
00:17:08,583 --> 00:17:09,983
to get your attention.

451
00:17:10,018 --> 00:17:12,096
But listen, I don't want you
to lose faith in this group.

452
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:13,887
Okay? Just...

453
00:17:13,922 --> 00:17:15,789
lose faith in me.

454
00:17:15,824 --> 00:17:19,492
Because you're right. I
have been a hypocrite. Uh...

455
00:17:20,462 --> 00:17:23,196
I do have feelings for Jess.

456
00:17:24,232 --> 00:17:25,265
Ooh.

457
00:17:26,735 --> 00:17:29,302
Just... he didn't say
what kind of feelings.

458
00:17:29,338 --> 00:17:31,517
They're sexual and romantic feelings.

459
00:17:31,973 --> 00:17:33,073
- Oh, wow.
- Oh, boy.

460
00:17:33,108 --> 00:17:34,892
Well, what do you know?

461
00:17:38,518 --> 00:17:41,560
I'm really sorry about last
night. Where's the group?

462
00:17:41,590 --> 00:17:44,791
The group is kind of permanently done.

463
00:17:44,826 --> 00:17:46,560
Robby sent out a final e-mail.

464
00:17:46,595 --> 00:17:48,395
It was in Latin, uh,

465
00:17:48,430 --> 00:17:50,063
and it was in this gothic font.

466
00:17:50,098 --> 00:17:51,464
I'm kind of worried about him.

467
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:53,400
Why don't you give
the guy a chance, Jess?

468
00:17:53,435 --> 00:17:55,735
I'm not interested right now.

469
00:17:55,771 --> 00:17:58,171
So, what, are you just
gonna give up on love,

470
00:17:58,207 --> 00:17:59,884
- be alone forever? Like...
- No, you know me.

471
00:17:59,908 --> 00:18:01,474
I love love!

472
00:18:01,510 --> 00:18:04,411
Anything in pairs makes me choked up.

473
00:18:04,446 --> 00:18:08,682
Shoes, socks, chopsticks.

474
00:18:08,717 --> 00:18:11,718
I'm just in kind of a
confusing place right now,

475
00:18:11,753 --> 00:18:14,654
and I think you guys know why.

476
00:18:14,690 --> 00:18:16,590
It's about Nick, right?

477
00:18:16,625 --> 00:18:18,597
Yes, of course we are
talking about Nick.

478
00:18:18,627 --> 00:18:20,205
- I knew it.
- Yes, I'm talking about Nick.

479
00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:22,095
- I knew it.
- I knew it.

480
00:18:22,130 --> 00:18:23,474
But, look, I want you to know something.

481
00:18:23,498 --> 00:18:26,066
I'm really, really happy
being single right now.

482
00:18:26,101 --> 00:18:29,002
I'm sorry if my group
ruined your weekend.

483
00:18:29,037 --> 00:18:31,037
They're really cool people
if you get to know them.

484
00:18:31,073 --> 00:18:32,205
I'm sure.

485
00:18:32,241 --> 00:18:33,873
Yeah. Oh, my God, I have to go.

486
00:18:33,909 --> 00:18:35,342
Foster got a corn chip in his eye.

487
00:18:35,377 --> 00:18:36,743
Okay, you know what?

488
00:18:36,778 --> 00:18:38,078
We need to make a pact

489
00:18:38,113 --> 00:18:40,780
to befriend at least
one other married couple.

490
00:18:40,816 --> 00:18:42,349
Yeah, but how are we gonna do that?

491
00:18:42,384 --> 00:18:44,662
We don't have a kid, and I
refuse to take cooking classes.

492
00:18:44,686 --> 00:18:47,053
I don't know. Maybe we just
go to a Norah Jones concert,

493
00:18:47,089 --> 00:18:49,522
stand outside and look lost.

494
00:18:50,959 --> 00:18:52,726
Well, Schmidty, you pulled a real

495
00:18:52,761 --> 00:18:56,463
Mr. Miyagi on the whole "no
notes, tough love" routine.

496
00:18:56,498 --> 00:18:58,064
Let me see it.

497
00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:01,368
Ooh! Nick, there's a
whole nother chapter here!

498
00:19:01,403 --> 00:19:02,569
How did you make this happen?

499
00:19:02,604 --> 00:19:04,804
I worked... because of you. And...

500
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:08,308
who is this wise,

501
00:19:08,343 --> 00:19:10,443
denim-clad Jewish chaplain?

502
00:19:10,479 --> 00:19:12,245
Sch-Schmith?

503
00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:14,147
That was the big thing.

504
00:19:14,182 --> 00:19:17,651
You helped me realize that
Pepperwood needed a Schmith.

505
00:19:17,719 --> 00:19:20,020
Okay. While it's an honor

506
00:19:20,055 --> 00:19:22,989
to be included in the world
that you've created here,

507
00:19:23,025 --> 00:19:25,458
um...

508
00:19:25,494 --> 00:19:28,928
the Schmith character
seems, uh, grotesque.

509
00:19:28,964 --> 00:19:30,241
- Yeah, he's unlikeable.
- I don't understand why,

510
00:19:30,265 --> 00:19:33,633
when we meet this character,
he-he's kicking a puppy.

511
00:19:33,669 --> 00:19:36,069
He's the bad guy...
in Pepperwood's life.

512
00:19:36,104 --> 00:19:37,337
He's mean, he's...

513
00:19:37,372 --> 00:19:40,106
He's not somebody you want
to introduce to Mom and Dad.

514
00:19:40,142 --> 00:19:42,081
- The cha... the character.
- Schmith is a dirt bag.

515
00:19:42,105 --> 00:19:44,177
I have no respect for Schmith,

516
00:19:44,212 --> 00:19:45,456
- and neither should anybody else.
- I think that's

517
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,747
a mistake to say those
things about the character.

518
00:19:47,783 --> 00:19:50,317
I appreciate what you're saying,
but I'm happy with what I have.

519
00:19:50,385 --> 00:19:52,419
- I don't need any notes.
- Oh, now it's no notes?!

520
00:19:52,454 --> 00:19:54,854
Nick? Nick?!

521
00:19:54,890 --> 00:19:57,490
Sit anywhere?

522
00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:09,135
What's up, Robby?

523
00:20:09,171 --> 00:20:10,715
Hey, sorry. I'll leave.
I was almost done..

524
00:20:10,739 --> 00:20:12,339
No! You'll ruin your food!

525
00:20:12,374 --> 00:20:13,840
Yeah, just like I ruined the group.

526
00:20:13,875 --> 00:20:15,975
You didn't ruin anything. We're...

527
00:20:16,011 --> 00:20:18,311
- We're still hanging out.
- Really?

528
00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:20,880
Okay, so could you guys
vote me back in maybe?

529
00:20:20,916 --> 00:20:22,816
We voted to get rid of voting.

530
00:20:22,851 --> 00:20:24,984
It's the same, just,
uh, without the rules.

531
00:20:28,582 --> 00:20:30,523
Jess, I don't really know what to say.

532
00:20:30,559 --> 00:20:31,791
Don't say anything.

533
00:20:31,827 --> 00:20:33,793
It's fine. I'm just gonna read.

534
00:20:33,829 --> 00:20:37,163
Um, Winston gave me
a copy of Nick's book.

535
00:20:37,199 --> 00:20:39,165
It's actually pretty good.

536
00:20:39,201 --> 00:20:40,800
Um...

537
00:20:40,836 --> 00:20:42,402
Except the foreword says,

538
00:20:42,437 --> 00:20:45,004
"Best enjoyed with shrimp cocktail."

539
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,307
You can go back to
your crossword puzzle.

540
00:20:47,342 --> 00:20:49,809
- It's a word search.
- Oh.

541
00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,517
Hey, Robby?

542
00:20:57,552 --> 00:20:59,486
Hmm?

543
00:20:59,521 --> 00:21:01,221
Should... should we just share a table?

544
00:21:01,256 --> 00:21:02,655
Is that crazy?

545
00:21:02,691 --> 00:21:04,657
I don't think it's crazy at all. Do you?

546
00:21:04,693 --> 00:21:07,627
- No. I mean, I suggested it, so, no.
- Yeah.

547
00:21:07,696 --> 00:21:09,829
- Okay.
- Oh, thanks.

548
00:21:22,577 --> 00:21:24,878
Hey, Jess?

549
00:21:25,881 --> 00:21:28,148
Um...

550
00:21:28,183 --> 00:21:30,984
I just found the word "locomotive,"

551
00:21:31,019 --> 00:21:32,886
backwards and diagonal.

552
00:21:40,942 --> 00:21:44,426
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com