1 00:00:00,415 --> 00:00:02,852 Who is ready to strip? 2 00:00:03,556 --> 00:00:06,623 You see you mean strip wallpaper at your new house, 3 00:00:06,659 --> 00:00:09,069 but me, myself, I always err on the side of sexy. 4 00:00:09,094 --> 00:00:11,028 Okay. 5 00:00:11,097 --> 00:00:12,392 You were up there a long time, man. 6 00:00:12,416 --> 00:00:14,399 Yeah, I was running out of imaginary dollar bills. 7 00:00:14,432 --> 00:00:17,042 Right, so we are off to buy drinking water. 8 00:00:17,069 --> 00:00:20,204 Yes, the water at Jaipur Aviv tastes like it's been fracked. 9 00:00:20,272 --> 00:00:22,557 - See you guys there. - Jaipur Aviv? 10 00:00:22,582 --> 00:00:24,700 Yeah, Schmidt named their house Jaipur Aviv 11 00:00:24,771 --> 00:00:27,937 to celebrate the union of India and Israel that their marriage represents. 12 00:00:28,007 --> 00:00:31,308 So this is the future, the three of us. 13 00:00:31,344 --> 00:00:32,611 - Do we need a name? - The winners. 14 00:00:32,635 --> 00:00:34,563 - Winston and the Cuties. - Eh, I don't think we need a name. 15 00:00:34,587 --> 00:00:36,633 But we do need a fourth roommate, because I think... 16 00:00:36,658 --> 00:00:40,135 Oh, my God! This loft is enormous. 17 00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:42,364 Thank you, Winston. I was going there, but it was gonna be a long walk. 18 00:00:42,388 --> 00:00:45,222 This place is way too big for three people. 19 00:00:45,291 --> 00:00:47,469 What about your dream of having an in-loft multipurpose room? 20 00:00:47,493 --> 00:00:49,296 Multipurpose rooms can't pay rent. 21 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:51,840 - That's the only purpose they don't serve. - So let's get a roommate. 22 00:00:51,864 --> 00:00:53,709 Well, Cece and Schmidt'll be here another six months, 23 00:00:53,733 --> 00:00:55,671 so we have time to find someone we like. 24 00:00:55,696 --> 00:00:57,735 Someone... who's a girl. 25 00:00:57,961 --> 00:01:00,383 - A girl, hmm. - Winston, thoughts? 26 00:01:00,446 --> 00:01:01,806 Hmm? I'm in. 27 00:01:01,874 --> 00:01:05,009 I'm sorry. I was just distracted by how big this loft is. 28 00:01:05,044 --> 00:01:07,844 - First time you ever thought about it? - I'm gonna go look for echoes. 29 00:01:09,583 --> 00:01:10,901 Hello. 30 00:01:10,926 --> 00:01:12,590 - Hello. - Oh, my God! 31 00:01:12,872 --> 00:01:15,044 - You guys hearing this? - You guys hearing this? 32 00:01:15,069 --> 00:01:17,088 - Ha! Oh, my God! - Stop. He'll go all day. 33 00:01:18,461 --> 00:01:20,812 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com 34 00:01:22,261 --> 00:01:23,727 Hello, wall. 35 00:01:23,796 --> 00:01:25,763 Prepare to be naked. 36 00:01:28,234 --> 00:01:30,701 - Hey. - Oh, hey. 37 00:01:30,770 --> 00:01:31,914 What do you think about Reagan? 38 00:01:31,938 --> 00:01:34,038 Well, she's great. A-plus posture. 39 00:01:34,106 --> 00:01:35,873 I mean she's moving to L.A. next month. 40 00:01:35,942 --> 00:01:38,223 What do you think about Reagan as our roommate? 41 00:01:38,856 --> 00:01:40,980 'Cause she would live in my room, but she'd still pay rent. 42 00:01:41,004 --> 00:01:42,584 And then you could have that multipurpose room 43 00:01:42,608 --> 00:01:44,319 where you could shower and cook. 44 00:01:44,458 --> 00:01:48,317 Well, I'd still use the bathroom and the kitchen for showering and cooking, 45 00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,819 but I would use the multipurpose room for everything else, 46 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,648 and I'd be living across the hall 47 00:01:52,672 --> 00:01:55,126 from my ex and his new girlfriend. 48 00:01:55,219 --> 00:01:57,789 Not sure why I said those two in the same tone. 49 00:01:57,829 --> 00:01:59,024 You know what, forget it actually. 50 00:01:59,048 --> 00:02:00,422 - I-I... That's on me. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 51 00:02:00,446 --> 00:02:01,791 I didn't think of the ex-girlfriend thing. 52 00:02:01,815 --> 00:02:03,915 - Forget it. - She's a girl who we like, 53 00:02:03,940 --> 00:02:05,521 - and she's lived there before. - I know. 54 00:02:05,545 --> 00:02:06,767 And then that gets us out of the whole 55 00:02:06,791 --> 00:02:08,455 "Here's what you need to know about Winston" conversation. 56 00:02:08,479 --> 00:02:10,315 - That's always a long weekend. - I know. 57 00:02:10,384 --> 00:02:12,784 She would overlap with Schmidt and Cece. 58 00:02:12,853 --> 00:02:15,520 And six people is a violation of the loft agreement. 59 00:02:15,589 --> 00:02:18,690 But loft agreements are reached to be amended. 60 00:02:18,759 --> 00:02:21,059 - So you're really okay with this? - Yes. 61 00:02:21,128 --> 00:02:23,482 I mean, that's how a normal person would say yes. 62 00:02:23,507 --> 00:02:25,730 I need the trademark Jessica Day yes. 63 00:02:25,766 --> 00:02:27,552 - Yes! - Okay, that's a little bit too much. 64 00:02:27,577 --> 00:02:29,022 I think it's got to be somewhere in the middle. 65 00:02:29,046 --> 00:02:30,053 Ye-yes. 66 00:02:30,078 --> 00:02:32,154 Great. 67 00:02:32,179 --> 00:02:33,748 Yeah. 68 00:02:34,608 --> 00:02:38,319 You know, there is something so familiar about this room. 69 00:02:38,344 --> 00:02:41,045 I don't know. It's like I've been here before. 70 00:02:43,884 --> 00:02:45,067 Wow... 71 00:02:45,177 --> 00:02:48,310 Babe, I know you were planning on doing all of the heavy lifting 72 00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,437 - when it comes to decorating... - Interior design. 73 00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,773 Cece, this is a home. It's not a Christmas cookie. 74 00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:53,984 So you've said. 75 00:02:54,009 --> 00:02:57,265 But this is our first joint venture, and I really want to help. 76 00:02:57,290 --> 00:03:00,265 The only thing better than realizing my interior design vision 77 00:03:00,290 --> 00:03:03,073 will be realizing our interior design vision. 78 00:03:03,098 --> 00:03:06,073 Great. Okay, so this is what I'm seeing... 79 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:10,155 A boar's head over the fireplace with a decorative pedestal backing. 80 00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:11,683 Or... 81 00:03:11,715 --> 00:03:15,393 - How did I know that? - this color for our bathroom. 82 00:03:15,957 --> 00:03:17,355 - What do you think? - I love it. 83 00:03:17,380 --> 00:03:20,665 You do? Because I know that our tastes haven't always jived. 84 00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:27,973 You think that we're greeting people in our home to "La Cucaracha"! 85 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:31,039 This is the paint swatch choice of a serious interior designer. 86 00:03:31,064 --> 00:03:33,235 You should save that for when we renew our vows. 87 00:03:33,585 --> 00:03:34,918 I love you. 88 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,216 Bathroom's going to look great. 89 00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:41,853 - Huh, that's a pretty color. - Ooh-ee, yes, it is. 90 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,889 For a third world doctor's office. 91 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,657 I love this. What is this, yellow? 92 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:49,194 Six words you never get to hear: Nick is calling a loft meeting. 93 00:03:49,219 --> 00:03:52,697 I call to order this off-site loft meeting. 94 00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,263 Nick, you have the floor. 95 00:03:54,380 --> 00:03:57,503 I propose Reagan move into the loft. 96 00:03:57,667 --> 00:04:00,805 She is a... likable girl who is not Coach. 97 00:04:02,917 --> 00:04:04,082 Thank you very much for your time. 98 00:04:04,106 --> 00:04:08,003 As cosponsor of this bill, it has my full and unconditional support. 99 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,982 Full and unconditional support. 100 00:04:11,433 --> 00:04:13,119 Today, we will vote to amend the... 101 00:04:13,144 --> 00:04:16,449 No More Than Five Damn People May Live in This Loft at Any One Time Act. 102 00:04:16,474 --> 00:04:17,487 Formerly the... 103 00:04:17,512 --> 00:04:20,859 No More Than Four Damn People May Live in This Loft at Any One Time Act. 104 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,385 We will be voting as is our custom by secret ballot. 105 00:04:23,410 --> 00:04:25,297 The vote must be unanimous. 106 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:28,300 - What'd you write? - Shh. 107 00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:32,162 Okay. 108 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:35,340 - Three yays, two nays? - What? 109 00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:36,508 What the hell?! 110 00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:38,210 Even after my speech? 111 00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:47,118 I really thought this was gonna cheer me up. 112 00:04:47,172 --> 00:04:48,297 Nick. 113 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,889 - I swear I voted yay. - I know. 114 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,925 And it means a lot to me, because I really want her to move in. 115 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,194 But I don't have the votes. What can you do? 116 00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:58,396 You're only short two votes. 117 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,278 - I can get you two votes. - You can do that? 118 00:05:00,303 --> 00:05:02,867 - Can a shark ruin a family vacation? - No. 119 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,636 I mean if it bites someone. 120 00:05:06,019 --> 00:05:07,410 - Maybe, then yeah. - Maybe? 121 00:05:07,435 --> 00:05:08,724 It depends on the vacation, but yeah. 122 00:05:08,748 --> 00:05:10,105 Can a puppy make a baby smile? 123 00:05:10,130 --> 00:05:11,588 I mean, there's a lot of factors. 124 00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:13,211 - Just... - Depends on... 125 00:05:13,662 --> 00:05:15,916 Thanks for helping is what I meant to say. 126 00:05:18,247 --> 00:05:21,349 So the two votes against Reagan moving in must be Schmidt and Winston. 127 00:05:21,962 --> 00:05:23,659 Thank God you had these magnets. 128 00:05:23,947 --> 00:05:26,269 Yeah, well they're a backup housewarming gift for Schmidt and Cece 129 00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:28,750 in case my quilt guy screws me again. 130 00:05:28,819 --> 00:05:31,720 Thank God you found this mysteriously sticky wall. 131 00:05:31,755 --> 00:05:33,955 Let's go get Schmidt and Winston and change their votes. 132 00:05:33,991 --> 00:05:35,960 - I can't believe those two. - You stay here and wait. 133 00:05:35,984 --> 00:05:38,003 I can't. I'm going too crazy. I'm coming with you. 134 00:05:38,028 --> 00:05:41,263 Nick, you're way too invested. Plus, it's tacky to whip your own votes. 135 00:05:41,298 --> 00:05:43,598 We both know that never works with these guys. 136 00:05:44,072 --> 00:05:46,968 Schmidt, Winston... prepare to be buttonholed. 137 00:05:47,037 --> 00:05:48,570 Did you just say "buttonholed"? 138 00:05:48,605 --> 00:05:51,640 I mean whatever you got to do, Jess, but gross. 139 00:05:51,708 --> 00:05:54,476 It's only one room, one flaw. 140 00:05:54,545 --> 00:05:58,346 Every beautiful thing has one flaw. Marilyn Monroe has her beauty mark. 141 00:05:58,789 --> 00:06:01,483 - "Thriller" has its Vincent Price poem. - Babe. 142 00:06:03,511 --> 00:06:05,266 Do you like this ceiling fan? 143 00:06:05,291 --> 00:06:06,783 Wicker... wicker blades! 144 00:06:06,808 --> 00:06:08,690 They are made from reclaimed hampers. 145 00:06:08,759 --> 00:06:10,706 It's like a dirty laundry propeller above our bed. 146 00:06:10,730 --> 00:06:12,338 - Yes. - Okay! 147 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:15,040 I love that we're on the same page. 148 00:06:15,065 --> 00:06:16,431 That's right. 149 00:06:17,501 --> 00:06:19,868 Two flaws. Okay. Two flaws. 150 00:06:19,937 --> 00:06:23,173 No beautiful thing has two flaws, only ugly things. It's spreading. 151 00:06:24,308 --> 00:06:26,150 Thank you, Winston. Now I feel validated. 152 00:06:26,175 --> 00:06:29,425 No, no, no, no. I just figured out why I know this house. 153 00:06:29,450 --> 00:06:31,372 You see, it's in my favorite... 154 00:06:34,513 --> 00:06:36,075 school district. 155 00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:37,841 - That's nice. - Yeah. 156 00:06:39,248 --> 00:06:40,655 Hey, Nick. 157 00:06:40,724 --> 00:06:42,669 - Sorry about the vote. - I don't want to talk about it. 158 00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:44,137 Cool. I need your help with a situation. 159 00:06:44,161 --> 00:06:47,644 There is no situation you could possibly describe compelling enough 160 00:06:47,714 --> 00:06:50,167 - to get me to want to help you. - Schmidt and Cece's house 161 00:06:50,192 --> 00:06:54,202 was the location for the 1971 pornographic film, Daddy's Longleg. 162 00:06:54,271 --> 00:06:57,397 Okay, maybe there's one situation. I'm 100% in. 163 00:06:58,208 --> 00:06:59,841 - That piece is exquisite. - Oh! 164 00:06:59,884 --> 00:07:02,083 May I see it from another angle? 165 00:07:02,108 --> 00:07:03,763 He was my best friend... 166 00:07:03,788 --> 00:07:05,662 - until he became my enemy. - The boar goes up, 167 00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:08,436 and the robe comes... down. That's porn. 168 00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:10,997 - You got this on a heavy rotation. - Super heavy rotation. 169 00:07:11,021 --> 00:07:13,015 Please don't dance while we're watching porn videos together. 170 00:07:13,039 --> 00:07:16,225 Oh, sorry about that. But I mean this is Schmidt and Cece's fireplace, right? 171 00:07:16,259 --> 00:07:17,759 It looks like it, doesn't it? 172 00:07:18,130 --> 00:07:19,535 But if it is... 173 00:07:19,566 --> 00:07:21,458 - he can never know. - Oh, come on... Nick. 174 00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,082 You know that. He can never know. 175 00:07:23,107 --> 00:07:25,232 Yes, but we're already keeping five secrets from him. 176 00:07:25,257 --> 00:07:27,436 - The secret vault is full. - That's not true. We only have four. 177 00:07:27,460 --> 00:07:29,140 - We have a slot open. - You always forget. 178 00:07:29,172 --> 00:07:31,441 - Lost umbrella. - I forgot about lost umbrella. 179 00:07:31,466 --> 00:07:33,575 - Mm. - I always forget about lost umbrella. 180 00:07:33,610 --> 00:07:34,754 That's why it was lost. 181 00:07:34,778 --> 00:07:37,045 So we're at maximum capacity. So what do we do? 182 00:07:37,075 --> 00:07:39,375 Okay, so pornographic house has to go into the vault. 183 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,850 - Agreed. - So what do we declassify? 184 00:07:41,918 --> 00:07:44,686 - Jalapeño 19? - Jalapeño 19? No way. 185 00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:46,631 Uh... Duck, Duck, Gavin? 186 00:07:46,656 --> 00:07:47,944 Oh, Duck, Duck, Gavin has to stay a secret. 187 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,736 I would love to keep Upper Deck Timeshare 188 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,993 between us and the guy we paid off. 189 00:07:52,062 --> 00:07:54,568 There are no good options. Are you sure this is the house? 190 00:07:54,593 --> 00:07:56,454 I think so, but maybe not. 191 00:07:56,479 --> 00:07:58,846 Okay, so here's what we're gonna do. I'm going to watch with fresh eyes 192 00:07:58,870 --> 00:08:00,507 and I'm gonna see what my gut tells me, 193 00:08:00,538 --> 00:08:01,574 - okay? - Yeah. 194 00:08:01,599 --> 00:08:03,294 You go around the house, you take photos... 195 00:08:03,319 --> 00:08:04,902 - for comparison. - Mm-hmm. Yes. 196 00:08:04,927 --> 00:08:06,810 We'll look at all the pics, we'll come back here later, 197 00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:08,755 - Mm-hmm. - We'll make a, you know, a final call. 198 00:08:08,802 --> 00:08:09,878 Boom. 199 00:08:09,913 --> 00:08:11,569 - I need the phone for pictures. - I need it to watch the porn. 200 00:08:11,593 --> 00:08:13,109 - Use your phone. - It already started buffering. 201 00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:14,412 - It's two minutes in. - It's buffering. 202 00:08:14,436 --> 00:08:16,263 Take mine... and take pictures with that. 203 00:08:16,294 --> 00:08:17,686 Makes sense. It's very smart, 204 00:08:17,711 --> 00:08:20,726 and that is why we are The Keepers of the Five Secrets. 205 00:08:20,795 --> 00:08:21,923 Keepers of the Five Secrets. 206 00:08:27,898 --> 00:08:29,731 - Shh. - Don't say a word. 207 00:08:34,048 --> 00:08:35,099 Gah! 208 00:08:35,124 --> 00:08:37,913 Secret ballots are never really secret. You know that, right? 209 00:08:37,938 --> 00:08:39,441 Okay fine. You got me. 210 00:08:39,569 --> 00:08:40,742 I voted nay. 211 00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:42,777 It would just be six people for too long. 212 00:08:42,846 --> 00:08:45,780 We would continue to be a married couple living with three roommates. 213 00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:50,880 You want to make it four, increasing our humiliation by 33%. 214 00:08:51,012 --> 00:08:54,268 Mr. Miller has no interest in seeing you humiliated. 215 00:08:54,293 --> 00:08:58,199 And as such, I've been empowered to offer you the following. 216 00:08:58,684 --> 00:08:59,761 I'm listening. 217 00:08:59,837 --> 00:09:01,453 As a symbolic gesture, 218 00:09:01,478 --> 00:09:05,092 Reagan cannot list the loft as her official residence. 219 00:09:05,117 --> 00:09:07,068 - Where will her mail go? - A P.O. Box. 220 00:09:07,137 --> 00:09:08,577 Oh, yeah. All right, keep going. 221 00:09:08,602 --> 00:09:11,673 When asked where you live, you and Reagan will say the following. 222 00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:14,881 "Geez, beats us. We're just dumb kids living paycheck to paycheck. 223 00:09:14,906 --> 00:09:18,079 "Thank gosh for our upwardly mobile friends Schmidt and Cece, 224 00:09:18,115 --> 00:09:19,993 "and the three guest rooms in their loft. 225 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:22,361 "We're crashing with them until we get our lives together 226 00:09:22,385 --> 00:09:24,243 "and we remain there at their pleasure." 227 00:09:24,268 --> 00:09:25,432 Do I have to memorize all that? 228 00:09:25,456 --> 00:09:27,355 No, you can just read it from the toilet paper. 229 00:09:27,390 --> 00:09:29,422 And finally... 230 00:09:31,490 --> 00:09:34,295 you will allow Schmidt to buy you one pair of jeans. 231 00:09:34,364 --> 00:09:35,797 Oh, he's serious. 232 00:09:42,105 --> 00:09:43,638 Hey, Jess. 233 00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:46,073 Did Schmidt tell you I was gonna be in here? 234 00:09:46,098 --> 00:09:48,497 - No. - Then how come you didn't get scared? 235 00:09:48,522 --> 00:09:50,706 Before I enter any bathroom, 236 00:09:50,731 --> 00:09:54,949 I take a moment to myself and say, "No matter what happens in there, 237 00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:57,546 "don't get scared." 238 00:09:57,929 --> 00:10:01,186 And it works, you know, except for that one time when I was at the Cubs... 239 00:10:02,889 --> 00:10:05,226 Okay Jess, don't move. 240 00:10:05,295 --> 00:10:06,489 - What's happening? - Don't worry about it. 241 00:10:06,513 --> 00:10:07,644 Hey, do me a favor. 242 00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:09,631 Put an arch in your back, just... 243 00:10:10,417 --> 00:10:11,447 Got it. Okay. 244 00:10:11,472 --> 00:10:12,834 Let's take one together. 245 00:10:12,859 --> 00:10:14,521 - Oh, like a prom picture. - Yeah, kind of. 246 00:10:14,545 --> 00:10:16,211 Here we... 247 00:10:16,239 --> 00:10:18,039 Got it. 248 00:10:18,425 --> 00:10:21,167 I actually might need to retake that. I think my eyes were closed. 249 00:10:21,192 --> 00:10:25,183 But first, let me see if any of this pork makes your tummy rumble. 250 00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:26,839 Winston would like you and Reagan 251 00:10:26,864 --> 00:10:30,258 to spend a mutually agreed upon amount of time as a couple with Ferguson. 252 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:31,586 We're talking about the cat? 253 00:10:31,621 --> 00:10:34,580 The only couples that Ferguson knows are interracial. 254 00:10:34,605 --> 00:10:36,573 And while Winston views this as progress, 255 00:10:36,598 --> 00:10:39,816 he knows that it's not an accurate portrayal of... the world. 256 00:10:39,841 --> 00:10:41,567 You even think that cat knows Winston exists? 257 00:10:41,591 --> 00:10:43,765 Definitely not. Next, Winston would like to be 258 00:10:43,834 --> 00:10:46,650 the first person to see you in your new jeans. 259 00:10:46,683 --> 00:10:48,221 And he will see you under these circumstances, 260 00:10:48,245 --> 00:10:49,871 and these circumstances only: 261 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,507 descending a grand spiral staircase, 262 00:10:52,576 --> 00:10:54,576 as Winston waits at the bottom, 263 00:10:54,644 --> 00:10:57,045 weeping with pride, holding your new belt. 264 00:10:57,113 --> 00:10:59,347 He wants me to go upstairs without a belt. 265 00:10:59,416 --> 00:11:01,343 Some... We rent a really nice mansion. 266 00:11:01,368 --> 00:11:03,015 Hey, you could do it, like, a museum... 267 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,721 I'm not going to a public place and doing this with him. 268 00:11:05,755 --> 00:11:07,288 Do you want the yays or not? 269 00:11:07,849 --> 00:11:09,415 I need the yays. 270 00:11:10,093 --> 00:11:12,126 The motion on the floor is the same, 271 00:11:12,195 --> 00:11:14,596 with some riders, most notably... 272 00:11:14,797 --> 00:11:17,031 the Furguson Bishop, White Immersion Program. 273 00:11:20,863 --> 00:11:24,138 Um, four yays, one nay? 274 00:11:24,207 --> 00:11:26,128 - Who's this nay? - I asked you what you wanted. 275 00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:27,942 And I voted yay. 276 00:11:28,083 --> 00:11:29,177 That was about the vote? 277 00:11:29,219 --> 00:11:31,419 I thought y'all just wanted to get to know me better. 278 00:11:31,481 --> 00:11:32,686 I was already a yay. 279 00:11:32,711 --> 00:11:35,083 Well, that's everybody. Who's left? 280 00:11:36,647 --> 00:11:39,607 Parikh, prepare to be buttonholed. 281 00:11:42,423 --> 00:11:44,156 I'm sorry I took your yay for granted. 282 00:11:44,181 --> 00:11:45,669 Let me wet your beak a little bit... 283 00:11:45,701 --> 00:11:47,610 you want sink time, you want fridge space, 284 00:11:47,635 --> 00:11:50,751 you want Schmidt and Winston to let you in on this whole jeans thing? 285 00:11:50,994 --> 00:11:52,773 No, I don't want anything, okay. 286 00:11:52,798 --> 00:11:55,155 I voted nay because I'm trying to protect you. 287 00:11:55,224 --> 00:11:57,998 - From who? - From you, you lunatic. 288 00:11:58,023 --> 00:12:00,505 You were being a good friend to Nick by letting Reagan move in, 289 00:12:00,530 --> 00:12:03,396 but I wouldn't be a good friend to you if I just let that happen. 290 00:12:03,465 --> 00:12:06,846 If Nick wants Reagan to move in, then I want Reagan to move in. 291 00:12:06,871 --> 00:12:09,513 I mean, I don't want her to move in, but I... I support it. 292 00:12:09,538 --> 00:12:12,284 You can support something without being the poster child for it, okay, 293 00:12:12,308 --> 00:12:14,581 so just maybe take a step back. 294 00:12:14,606 --> 00:12:17,918 I can't do that because my love for Nick exists, so it has to come out somewhere. 295 00:12:17,942 --> 00:12:19,742 If you put water in Bugs Bunny's hole, 296 00:12:19,811 --> 00:12:22,278 it's gonna shoot out some other hole 297 00:12:22,313 --> 00:12:24,380 where Elmer Fudd least expects it. 298 00:12:24,449 --> 00:12:26,682 Is this other hole friendship? 299 00:12:26,751 --> 00:12:31,054 Exactly. So I can't express my feelings for Nick through my romance hole, 300 00:12:31,089 --> 00:12:34,457 so I need to express them through my friendship hole. 301 00:12:34,526 --> 00:12:37,560 And I really regret hitching my wagon to "hole." 302 00:12:37,595 --> 00:12:40,019 But you... you get it, okay? 303 00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:43,243 I want you to know I'm gonna be fine, okay? 304 00:12:43,268 --> 00:12:46,202 - You promise? - I promise. 305 00:12:46,271 --> 00:12:49,172 Okay, all right, I'll vote yay. 306 00:12:49,403 --> 00:12:54,077 If Nick and Reagan aren't physical outside of their room. 307 00:12:54,379 --> 00:12:56,991 I'm sorry, but I have to protect you a little, okay, so just deal with it. 308 00:12:57,015 --> 00:12:59,949 That's a really great rider, Cece. 309 00:13:00,018 --> 00:13:04,125 You see, I think this is the tub where Daddy bathes the Soviet dissident. 310 00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:08,057 And this has to be the window seat where he spanks the Aztec twins. 311 00:13:08,473 --> 00:13:12,328 Hey, side note, thank you for voting yay on the Reagan vote. 312 00:13:12,397 --> 00:13:14,608 I really want her to move in. I think I'm ready for this. 313 00:13:14,632 --> 00:13:17,400 She will, and you are very much so ready. 314 00:13:18,703 --> 00:13:20,403 Yeah. Yeah. 315 00:13:20,972 --> 00:13:24,774 So many close-ups. It's so frustrating. I mean, for our purposes of today. 316 00:13:24,843 --> 00:13:26,720 You know, mostly when they cut to wide I'm thinking 317 00:13:26,744 --> 00:13:28,022 why the hell are you showing me the room? 318 00:13:28,046 --> 00:13:30,558 But now I want to see the room. I don't want to see the close-ups. 319 00:13:30,582 --> 00:13:32,281 Well, there's only one thing left. 320 00:13:33,351 --> 00:13:35,518 Search the locations manager 321 00:13:35,587 --> 00:13:39,255 for the 1971 adult film Daddy's Longleg. 322 00:13:39,425 --> 00:13:40,425 Very smart. 323 00:13:40,562 --> 00:13:42,042 Searching now. 324 00:13:45,401 --> 00:13:46,899 - Secrets. - Secrets. 325 00:13:46,924 --> 00:13:49,971 Cece, this is the hardest thing that I've ever had to say to you. 326 00:13:50,260 --> 00:13:54,979 I had always assumed that when you got serious about interior design, 327 00:13:55,111 --> 00:13:57,173 I was going to love your ideas. 328 00:13:57,242 --> 00:13:59,299 Because I love you. 329 00:13:59,557 --> 00:14:03,438 I hate your ideas. I hate them almost as much as I love you, which is so much. 330 00:14:03,463 --> 00:14:04,636 I have to stop you right there. 331 00:14:04,660 --> 00:14:07,216 I appreciate the fact that you are a very dramatic man, 332 00:14:07,285 --> 00:14:10,127 but the next time you start a conversation with, 333 00:14:10,393 --> 00:14:13,961 "This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to say to you," 334 00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:18,242 it better end with, "I'm gay now," "I found a lump in my nut," 335 00:14:18,267 --> 00:14:21,364 or, "He came out of nowhere, help me get the blood off of my car." 336 00:14:21,389 --> 00:14:23,633 I can't live in a house that you don't love. 337 00:14:23,701 --> 00:14:26,445 And I also can't live in a house of horrors! 338 00:14:26,470 --> 00:14:29,338 Thank you for taking my note about being dramatic. 339 00:14:29,407 --> 00:14:32,679 Next time you don't like one of my suggestions, 340 00:14:32,704 --> 00:14:34,522 - just tell me. - I don't like your suggestions. 341 00:14:34,546 --> 00:14:37,680 Okay, well, then you suggest something, and then I suggest something, 342 00:14:37,749 --> 00:14:40,335 and eventually we reach a compromise. 343 00:14:40,468 --> 00:14:43,518 So let's try it. Let's try it with the cabinets. 344 00:14:43,846 --> 00:14:46,956 I suggest a lighter wood, like birch. 345 00:14:47,025 --> 00:14:48,331 Absolutely not. 346 00:14:50,395 --> 00:14:52,061 - I mean... - Mm-hmm. 347 00:14:52,217 --> 00:14:55,198 I suggest a darker wood, like walnut. 348 00:14:55,266 --> 00:14:59,921 So now we try to find something in the middle, like, how about oak? 349 00:14:59,964 --> 00:15:02,585 That's fine, that's fine, I'm willing to go darker. 350 00:15:02,648 --> 00:15:04,450 Cherry? Mahogany? 351 00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:06,521 - Walnut? - I love that suggestion! 352 00:15:06,546 --> 00:15:08,511 It was your suggestion. It's not a compromise. 353 00:15:08,580 --> 00:15:09,979 - Okay, fine, birch. - No! 354 00:15:10,048 --> 00:15:12,181 That was my suggestion. That's still not a compromise. 355 00:15:12,233 --> 00:15:13,499 Now you're confusing me! 356 00:15:13,585 --> 00:15:15,946 Emergency off-site loft meeting! 357 00:15:16,602 --> 00:15:20,356 Nick. Nick, it's time for the final vote. Where are you? 358 00:15:21,859 --> 00:15:25,061 The motion now includes the Cece Parikh Hallway Decency Act. 359 00:15:28,687 --> 00:15:31,338 Ugh! There's still one nay in here! 360 00:15:31,363 --> 00:15:33,247 - Okay, I voted yay, I swear. - Then who was it? 361 00:15:33,271 --> 00:15:34,748 Roughstuff Productions. 362 00:15:34,772 --> 00:15:37,095 You have a real guilty look on your face... a real nay face. 363 00:15:37,119 --> 00:15:38,686 This is not my nay face. This is... 364 00:15:38,710 --> 00:15:40,910 this is how does a man compromise his vision face. 365 00:15:40,979 --> 00:15:42,719 Roughstuff Productions, this is Clem. 366 00:15:42,743 --> 00:15:45,715 Uh, yeah, Clem, um. I'm calling about the whereabou... 367 00:15:45,790 --> 00:15:47,090 Winston! 368 00:15:47,150 --> 00:15:49,303 - Sir, are you auditioning? - Admit it! 369 00:15:49,336 --> 00:15:51,985 - Why? - Oh... Aah... 370 00:15:52,010 --> 00:15:54,305 - Why? - It doesn't matter who voted nay. 371 00:15:54,352 --> 00:15:56,641 The message is clear, somebody doesn't want Reagan in the loft. 372 00:15:56,665 --> 00:15:58,205 So who cares who did it? Let's move on. 373 00:15:58,229 --> 00:16:00,296 Who is that person? I hate that person. 374 00:16:00,365 --> 00:16:03,374 Also, maybe somebody realized moments before the vote that, 375 00:16:03,399 --> 00:16:06,441 if you think about it, my bed... it-it tilts west. 376 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:09,612 And so she could roll off the bed in the middle of the night, and on the floor, 377 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,799 - and my floor tilts east... - Nick. 378 00:16:11,824 --> 00:16:15,324 Which means she could roll under my bed and be lost forever. 379 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:18,152 - Did you vote nay? - Yeah, of course I did. 380 00:16:18,683 --> 00:16:20,883 I don't know what I want. I'm confused. 381 00:16:21,116 --> 00:16:24,350 Ooh-whee! Politics! 382 00:16:28,486 --> 00:16:32,535 Schmidt, you need to take these design blinders off and look around. 383 00:16:32,793 --> 00:16:35,494 We compromise all the time. 384 00:16:35,563 --> 00:16:37,896 We named our house Jaipur Aviv. 385 00:16:37,965 --> 00:16:39,636 That's right. 386 00:16:39,661 --> 00:16:43,019 I wanted to call it Ghatak/Mossad HQ, and you wanted to call it... 387 00:16:43,183 --> 00:16:44,824 - Our House. - Our House, yes. 388 00:16:44,849 --> 00:16:46,723 We met in the middle and we called it Jaipur Aviv. 389 00:16:46,747 --> 00:16:50,101 You know what, every compromise doesn't have to be 50-50. 390 00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:52,211 I've been looking at cabinets online. 391 00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:55,013 They all look exactly the same to me. 392 00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:56,344 - No, they don't. - They really do. 393 00:16:56,368 --> 00:17:00,336 Birch, walnut, mahogany, fiberglass, stainless steel. 394 00:17:00,361 --> 00:17:02,365 You can't tell the difference between metal and wood? 395 00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:03,755 Not when it comes to a cabinet. 396 00:17:03,824 --> 00:17:06,157 I just see cabinet, and then I go, like, "Oh, my plate's in there." 397 00:17:06,181 --> 00:17:08,672 I think this is a bigger issue than interior design. 398 00:17:08,696 --> 00:17:10,073 I think it just applies to cabinets. 399 00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:14,433 And I accept the fact that I am not good at interior design, 400 00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,268 and you're brilliant at it. 401 00:17:16,337 --> 00:17:18,649 So you should take the lead on that. 402 00:17:18,674 --> 00:17:20,607 Just like I'm no good at cooking Indian food. 403 00:17:20,632 --> 00:17:22,741 - Mm. - You take the lead on that. 404 00:17:22,766 --> 00:17:24,409 You always let me make dessert. 405 00:17:24,725 --> 00:17:27,713 - I always burn it. - I just want you to feel included. 406 00:17:27,781 --> 00:17:30,282 Even if it's in just some small, symbolic way. 407 00:17:44,865 --> 00:17:46,098 Okay. 408 00:17:47,201 --> 00:17:49,987 - Hey. - Do you know how anything works? 409 00:17:50,012 --> 00:17:52,371 I know you whipped and you buttonholed 410 00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:54,873 and you swing-setted your tail off to get all these votes. 411 00:17:54,898 --> 00:17:57,843 - Who did I swing-set? - Once I got the votes, I panicked. 412 00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:01,170 Because I realized that now I have to ask her, and what if she says no? 413 00:18:01,195 --> 00:18:05,014 Or worse, what if she says yes, moves in with me, and then regrets it? 414 00:18:05,039 --> 00:18:07,512 I wish we'd had this conversation at the beginning of the day, 415 00:18:07,537 --> 00:18:09,644 but yeah, I mean, I get it, it's scary. 416 00:18:09,669 --> 00:18:11,668 Well, tell me I'm wrong to be scared. 417 00:18:11,941 --> 00:18:15,594 - You know, tell me I should vote yay. - Nick, I whipped everyone's votes. 418 00:18:15,663 --> 00:18:17,554 I'm not gonna whip yours. 419 00:18:17,579 --> 00:18:20,032 But whatever you decide, I support you. 420 00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:23,765 We all do. 421 00:18:30,121 --> 00:18:34,713 If I vote yay, all that means is is that I can ask her. 422 00:18:34,789 --> 00:18:36,355 Emphasis on "can." 423 00:18:36,417 --> 00:18:38,645 And that I don't have to. Emphasis on "have." 424 00:18:38,703 --> 00:18:41,320 Wow. Well, no one loves parsing more than I do, 425 00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:44,856 and even I find this tedious, but... yes. 426 00:18:46,606 --> 00:18:47,727 All right, slide me over. 427 00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:50,119 - Okay. - Okay. 428 00:18:51,765 --> 00:18:55,435 Whoa, is this wall just sticky, or is it... 429 00:18:56,422 --> 00:18:57,880 magnetic? 430 00:18:59,677 --> 00:19:02,181 We have got to get a magnetic wall. 431 00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,375 We will never buy another coil of wires 432 00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:05,977 connected to a battery again in our lives. 433 00:19:06,001 --> 00:19:08,714 It'll pay for itself in a week. 434 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:33,638 Okay, Roughstuff Productions referred me 435 00:19:33,674 --> 00:19:37,042 to their former subsidiary Tick Tock Erotica, LLC, 436 00:19:37,111 --> 00:19:39,444 which split from Roughstuff back in '09. 437 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:43,448 But here's the thing. Tick Tock is in the app space now, 438 00:19:43,517 --> 00:19:47,018 but they still use the same headhunter. 439 00:19:47,087 --> 00:19:49,988 And they still had the number 440 00:19:50,057 --> 00:19:53,925 for a Mr. Mort Capaco, locations manager, 441 00:19:53,994 --> 00:19:55,241 Daddy's Longleg. 442 00:19:55,266 --> 00:19:57,858 - Did he know where they shot it? - He did not. 443 00:19:57,883 --> 00:19:59,391 All right, we've got to give up a secret. 444 00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:00,719 The only question is who breaks the news. 445 00:20:00,743 --> 00:20:03,135 I'll break the news if I get to pick the secret. 446 00:20:03,701 --> 00:20:06,763 Deal. But I really recommend that you tell him about 447 00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:08,206 - Halloween 2004. - Halloween 2004. 448 00:20:08,231 --> 00:20:09,741 That's what I was gonna say. 449 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:16,518 - Secrets exchanged. - Secrets exchanged. 450 00:20:16,543 --> 00:20:18,476 Shh. 451 00:20:18,674 --> 00:20:21,753 I could never say no to the man that saved my sled dogs. 452 00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,464 Schmidt, I need to tell you something 453 00:20:32,499 --> 00:20:35,133 unpleasant about some candy you ate. 454 00:20:35,169 --> 00:20:36,169 - What? - Many years... 455 00:20:36,203 --> 00:20:37,423 It was shot in Seattle. 456 00:20:37,448 --> 00:20:39,728 Daddy's Longleg was shot in Seattle. 457 00:20:39,753 --> 00:20:40,861 What's Daddy's Longleg? 458 00:20:40,886 --> 00:20:42,379 A pornographic movie Winston and I really like. 459 00:20:42,403 --> 00:20:44,246 - You don't have to worry about it. - Because... 460 00:20:44,270 --> 00:20:47,237 it was... not filmed in your home. 461 00:20:47,262 --> 00:20:48,947 So congratulations! 462 00:20:49,016 --> 00:20:50,591 - Wow, we did it, honey. - Was that in question? 463 00:20:50,615 --> 00:20:51,851 Hey, did you ask Reagan? 464 00:20:51,919 --> 00:20:54,853 I've decided to ask her, but I haven't asked her yet. 465 00:20:54,922 --> 00:20:56,315 I don't know how to. 466 00:20:56,340 --> 00:20:59,115 All I've got right now is, "Hey, Nickname"... 467 00:20:59,140 --> 00:21:01,875 that's what we're calling each other until we can think of something better. 468 00:21:01,899 --> 00:21:03,695 Uh... and after that, I'm a little stumped. 469 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,931 Well, why do you want Reagan to move in? 470 00:21:05,966 --> 00:21:07,644 Because I want to spend a lot of time with her, 471 00:21:07,668 --> 00:21:09,848 and if she moves in, I'll be able to spend more time with her. 472 00:21:09,872 --> 00:21:12,730 Well, if she moved in, how would that make you feel, Nick? 473 00:21:12,755 --> 00:21:14,683 - I'd feel honored. - Honored or happy? 474 00:21:14,708 --> 00:21:16,274 Both. 475 00:21:16,310 --> 00:21:17,846 - And what's your name? - My name is Nick. 476 00:21:17,870 --> 00:21:20,072 - Probably could've got that on my own. - Noted. 477 00:21:22,056 --> 00:21:23,348 Wow. 478 00:21:23,417 --> 00:21:25,752 I mean, that's perfect. And it's already on my phone. 479 00:21:26,533 --> 00:21:29,617 But there's just some things I want to agonize over out loud with you guys. 480 00:21:29,642 --> 00:21:31,517 - And send. - I wanted to agonize, 481 00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:33,976 - I said I needed to agonize. - I've to tell you. That was great. 482 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,650 - God bless you. - You're welcome everyone. 483 00:21:35,674 --> 00:21:37,877 About this porn you watched together... 484 00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:41,111 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com