1
00:00:00,682 --> 00:00:03,362
Babe, can you help me finish this
thank you card to Asha Auntie?
2
00:00:03,387 --> 00:00:06,120
She got us... that.
3
00:00:06,145 --> 00:00:07,891
- That porpoise porn?
- Yeah.
4
00:00:07,916 --> 00:00:10,329
"Best, comma, Cece and Schimdt."
5
00:00:10,362 --> 00:00:12,001
All we're gonna give
her is a "Best, comma"?
6
00:00:12,026 --> 00:00:13,126
Come on, she's my mom's sister.
7
00:00:13,151 --> 00:00:15,095
Well, she should have
stuck to the registry.
8
00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:17,243
You know who hasn't even
gotten us a present yet?
9
00:00:17,268 --> 00:00:18,565
- I have a year.
- He has a year.
10
00:00:18,590 --> 00:00:19,657
I have a year!
11
00:00:19,682 --> 00:00:20,690
All right, everyone.
12
00:00:20,715 --> 00:00:22,257
Report to the principal's office,
13
00:00:22,293 --> 00:00:25,113
where I will be sitting
behind the desk because...
14
00:00:25,462 --> 00:00:26,668
I might be principal!
15
00:00:26,676 --> 00:00:27,676
- Congrats!
- That's great!
16
00:00:27,701 --> 00:00:29,252
What do you mean, could be principal?
17
00:00:29,277 --> 00:00:32,358
Well, I just had a very interesting
talk with my boss, Genevieve.
18
00:00:32,383 --> 00:00:33,785
Jess,
19
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,365
- I am dying.
- What? Oh, my God!
20
00:00:36,390 --> 00:00:38,572
Dying to leave Banyon Canyon
21
00:00:38,597 --> 00:00:41,588
and launch my own
elementary school at sea.
22
00:00:41,613 --> 00:00:43,690
Oh. You scared the bejesus out of me.
23
00:00:43,715 --> 00:00:45,090
I've wanted this forever
24
00:00:45,115 --> 00:00:46,982
and I came so close at my last school.
25
00:00:47,007 --> 00:00:49,683
Like, champagne and Prosecco close.
26
00:00:49,708 --> 00:00:51,783
So, if you find marijuana
in a locker, it's yours now.
27
00:00:51,808 --> 00:00:53,815
Ours now. It could just
be part of the loft.
28
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:55,582
We could just put it in a...
29
00:00:55,607 --> 00:00:56,625
Congratulations.
30
00:00:56,660 --> 00:00:58,637
You just got yourself two
weeks detention, Mr. Miller.
31
00:00:58,662 --> 00:01:00,713
What? But I didn't do anything!
32
00:01:00,738 --> 00:01:02,986
I didn't do anything!
33
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,894
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com
34
00:01:08,059 --> 00:01:10,879
Principal, that's great.
I'm really proud of you.
35
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,879
And now you're almost gonna
make what normal people make.
36
00:01:12,904 --> 00:01:14,464
But I'm not even in it for the cabbage.
37
00:01:14,489 --> 00:01:15,908
I want to change lives.
38
00:01:15,933 --> 00:01:18,471
And finally, I can implement
some of my programs school-wide,
39
00:01:18,496 --> 00:01:20,800
like the math
decathlon... the demathlon.
40
00:01:20,825 --> 00:01:22,121
A-ha!
41
00:01:23,256 --> 00:01:26,559
You see this whole time, y'all thought
you were having breakfast with Winston,
42
00:01:26,584 --> 00:01:30,004
but it turns out y'all been
sitting with James Wonder.
43
00:01:30,788 --> 00:01:32,643
I'm talking about my alias.
44
00:01:32,668 --> 00:01:34,566
See, I'm thinking about
applying for undercover work.
45
00:01:34,591 --> 00:01:36,160
That sounds incredibly dangerous.
46
00:01:36,185 --> 00:01:39,150
Well, not if I go deep enough
into my undercover character.
47
00:01:39,175 --> 00:01:41,441
I've been practicing on
y'all unknowin' asses.
48
00:01:41,466 --> 00:01:44,174
I combined the names of
my favorite singers...
49
00:01:44,199 --> 00:01:45,912
Stevie Wonder
50
00:01:45,937 --> 00:01:48,184
and James Blunt.
51
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:50,533
And I put those together
to create a different name
52
00:01:50,558 --> 00:01:52,341
as my alias, James Wonder.
53
00:01:52,366 --> 00:01:54,980
I'm worried you're not
the undercover type of guy.
54
00:01:55,005 --> 00:01:56,817
I feel like if you had the ability
55
00:01:56,842 --> 00:01:58,374
to pretend to be someone else,
56
00:01:58,399 --> 00:02:00,650
you would have made that
decision a long time ago.
57
00:02:00,735 --> 00:02:02,144
I feel like that sounded harsh,
58
00:02:02,169 --> 00:02:04,380
but it's only 'cause I care about you.
59
00:02:05,369 --> 00:02:07,253
I love Parents' Day!
60
00:02:07,278 --> 00:02:09,659
Matching names to e-mail addresses,
61
00:02:09,711 --> 00:02:11,961
puttin' big people in little chairs.
62
00:02:11,996 --> 00:02:15,498
Admiring all that sweet daddy derriere.
63
00:02:15,550 --> 00:02:18,348
- Yeah, I'm not doing that.
- Good. More for me.
64
00:02:18,373 --> 00:02:20,503
Ooh. That is Ed Warner.
65
00:02:20,528 --> 00:02:21,731
President of the parent's council.
66
00:02:21,756 --> 00:02:23,316
You're gonna need his vote
67
00:02:23,341 --> 00:02:24,995
if you want to become principal, so...
68
00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:27,977
- Okay, did you talk me up?
- Absolutely not.
69
00:02:28,012 --> 00:02:31,013
School politics gets messy and
as my grandmother used to say,
70
00:02:31,065 --> 00:02:33,316
"You don't get dirty till after 6:30."
71
00:02:33,351 --> 00:02:34,847
Piece of cake. Parents love me.
72
00:02:34,872 --> 00:02:36,333
Ed!
73
00:02:36,738 --> 00:02:38,464
Oh, are-are you okay?
74
00:02:38,489 --> 00:02:40,656
Sorry, I was, uh,
75
00:02:40,692 --> 00:02:43,159
moved to tears by the...
second grader's self-portraits.
76
00:02:43,194 --> 00:02:46,184
I cannot believe you are
gonna abandon us next year.
77
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:47,947
- Oh...
- I'm like, "Ah, don't go!"
78
00:02:47,972 --> 00:02:49,225
I can keep the accent
79
00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:51,497
so you'll barely notice she's gone.
80
00:02:52,569 --> 00:02:55,050
Prince Henry, pet me corgi.
81
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:56,099
Wow.
82
00:02:56,124 --> 00:02:58,184
Um, Ed, have you met our vice principal?
83
00:02:58,209 --> 00:02:59,926
Jessica Day. I'm a big fan of your work
84
00:02:59,951 --> 00:03:02,511
and by your work, I mean
the child you created.
85
00:03:02,547 --> 00:03:05,131
Not to suggest that
it was work making her.
86
00:03:05,216 --> 00:03:06,432
I'm sure it was fun.
87
00:03:06,517 --> 00:03:08,134
I mean... I hope it was fun.
88
00:03:08,219 --> 00:03:10,456
Ed, if you're gonna ask me sex advice,
89
00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:12,308
please buy me a glass of wine first.
90
00:03:15,059 --> 00:03:16,286
Anyway, switching gears.
91
00:03:16,311 --> 00:03:19,111
I'd love to discuss the,
uh, principal vacancy.
92
00:03:19,197 --> 00:03:20,396
As would I.
93
00:03:20,421 --> 00:03:22,281
N-not now. Now's not a great time.
94
00:03:22,367 --> 00:03:24,020
I have, um,
95
00:03:24,211 --> 00:03:25,512
uh...
96
00:03:26,871 --> 00:03:28,419
Goodbye.
97
00:03:29,262 --> 00:03:31,114
You beefed it, love.
98
00:03:31,261 --> 00:03:32,567
You beefed it hard.
99
00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:39,749
Is that the Vitalstir
3,000 from my registry?
100
00:03:39,921 --> 00:03:41,120
Oh, no, I've had...
101
00:03:41,145 --> 00:03:42,695
- I've had this forever.
- It came out last year.
102
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:43,911
Did it?
103
00:03:44,033 --> 00:03:45,621
I've had it for a year.
104
00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:47,887
No, I'm just doing what I always do.
105
00:03:47,912 --> 00:03:49,456
Nicky Miller makin', uh,
106
00:03:49,481 --> 00:03:52,028
his famous guacamole.
107
00:03:53,005 --> 00:03:54,397
Like I always do.
108
00:03:54,432 --> 00:03:57,176
Nick Miller's famous guacamole.
109
00:04:02,106 --> 00:04:03,661
See ya later.
110
00:04:04,525 --> 00:04:06,903
I'll call you when it's done!
111
00:04:08,184 --> 00:04:09,630
Fine.
112
00:04:10,268 --> 00:04:11,636
It's from your registry.
113
00:04:11,661 --> 00:04:14,784
I bought it, I brought it home
but I can't give it to you.
114
00:04:14,836 --> 00:04:17,453
I am freaking out about what to get you.
115
00:04:17,478 --> 00:04:20,637
Well, Nick why don't you
just give us this blender
116
00:04:20,662 --> 00:04:22,630
that's on the list of stuff that I want?
117
00:04:22,655 --> 00:04:24,593
Because I feel trapped by this registry.
118
00:04:24,629 --> 00:04:26,045
It's a list made by robots.
119
00:04:26,070 --> 00:04:28,481
Nick, not everything is robots!
120
00:04:28,633 --> 00:04:31,958
Winston puts one
walkie-talkie into a mailbox...
121
00:04:32,059 --> 00:04:33,981
Thank you for your letter.
122
00:04:34,016 --> 00:04:35,599
Yum!
123
00:04:38,786 --> 00:04:40,443
I just... you guys are like my family.
124
00:04:40,478 --> 00:04:41,811
I want to get you something great.
125
00:04:41,863 --> 00:04:43,536
Something unique, personal.
126
00:04:43,561 --> 00:04:45,176
Oh, Nick.
127
00:04:45,867 --> 00:04:49,403
And while you clearly don't
understand what a registry is...
128
00:04:50,475 --> 00:04:52,145
I appreciate the sentiment.
129
00:04:52,623 --> 00:04:53,864
Nick...
130
00:04:55,466 --> 00:04:57,614
I don't say this lightly...
131
00:04:57,981 --> 00:05:00,161
- I release you from the registry.
- Great.
132
00:05:00,213 --> 00:05:01,690
Buy us a gift of your choosing.
133
00:05:01,715 --> 00:05:02,950
What-what I want to get you.
134
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,216
Whatever you want.
135
00:05:04,241 --> 00:05:05,301
The world is yours.
136
00:05:05,336 --> 00:05:07,356
Fly, my little hummingbird.
137
00:05:09,974 --> 00:05:12,278
'Cause I can get you anything.
138
00:05:13,094 --> 00:05:15,755
Oh... this was a double-edged coin.
139
00:05:19,348 --> 00:05:20,683
Excuse me?
140
00:05:20,768 --> 00:05:23,130
Can you tell me where I
can find my son's cubby?
141
00:05:23,168 --> 00:05:24,904
Winston! What are you doing here?
142
00:05:24,928 --> 00:05:27,156
And before you answer that
question, get out of here!
143
00:05:27,191 --> 00:05:29,168
Winston? Can't you read?
144
00:05:29,193 --> 00:05:31,527
You said I couldn't do it, but I did it.
145
00:05:31,579 --> 00:05:33,497
I am deep undercover right now.
146
00:05:33,522 --> 00:05:35,531
No one's gonna believe
you're a parent here.
147
00:05:35,583 --> 00:05:36,949
Jimmy-dubs!
148
00:05:36,974 --> 00:05:39,429
- Where'd you go?
- I needed a refill on the java, E-dawg.
149
00:05:39,461 --> 00:05:41,645
Oh, my goodness!
150
00:05:41,670 --> 00:05:43,205
I see you've already met
151
00:05:43,230 --> 00:05:45,925
and also, already have '90s
hip-hop nicknames for each other.
152
00:05:45,950 --> 00:05:47,886
Genevieve, this is James Wonder.
153
00:05:47,911 --> 00:05:49,520
- Hey.
- A potential new dad.
154
00:05:49,545 --> 00:05:51,023
He's a landscape architect.
155
00:05:51,048 --> 00:05:52,683
- Oh....
- And father of Asher.
156
00:05:52,708 --> 00:05:54,383
And husband of?
157
00:05:55,083 --> 00:05:57,261
I... I'm a widower.
158
00:05:57,286 --> 00:05:58,604
Oh, oh...
159
00:05:58,629 --> 00:05:59,745
Yeah. Yeah,
160
00:05:59,770 --> 00:06:01,247
she, um...
161
00:06:01,726 --> 00:06:03,225
she got squished.
162
00:06:03,311 --> 00:06:04,777
- Squished?
- Mm-hmm.
163
00:06:04,862 --> 00:06:06,692
Did she? Did she?
164
00:06:06,717 --> 00:06:09,198
Okay, James. Uh, let's leave now
165
00:06:09,223 --> 00:06:11,260
so I can show you the
school's landscaping.
166
00:06:11,285 --> 00:06:13,886
Wait, actually, I have
a stubborn back yard.
167
00:06:13,911 --> 00:06:15,503
Uh, I don't want to bring in frogs,
168
00:06:15,528 --> 00:06:17,926
but if I could attract frogs...
169
00:06:17,951 --> 00:06:20,784
Very common situation in our business.
170
00:06:20,809 --> 00:06:22,828
- You need a well.
- A well?
171
00:06:22,914 --> 00:06:24,942
Oh. Well,
172
00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:27,434
you need to let me buy
you a bottle of wine
173
00:06:27,459 --> 00:06:29,066
and pick your brain about all this.
174
00:06:29,091 --> 00:06:31,137
That sounds good, E-dawg. We should...
175
00:06:31,222 --> 00:06:33,722
But... but right now,
176
00:06:33,758 --> 00:06:35,391
- I should get going.
- Yeah.
177
00:06:35,426 --> 00:06:38,761
I got a butt load of koi fish in the
back of my truck that need bonding.
178
00:06:38,813 --> 00:06:41,223
Please, let me show you out.
179
00:06:41,551 --> 00:06:43,493
Take my hand. Oh, God. Did I say breast?
180
00:06:43,518 --> 00:06:45,192
I meant... I meant hand.
181
00:06:45,736 --> 00:06:47,058
Uh, hey. Hey, Ed.
182
00:06:47,083 --> 00:06:50,105
I'd love to circle back around
to that principal conversation.
183
00:06:50,191 --> 00:06:51,551
Let me just stop you there, Miss Day.
184
00:06:51,576 --> 00:06:53,492
Um, I appreciate your enthusiasm,
185
00:06:53,578 --> 00:06:58,164
but I think I speak for every
parent at Banyon Canyon when I say,
186
00:06:58,249 --> 00:06:59,839
you're just not a good fit.
187
00:06:59,864 --> 00:07:02,251
Wh-what? I am a perfect fit.
188
00:07:02,286 --> 00:07:04,198
I have my reasons.
189
00:07:04,223 --> 00:07:05,692
Excuse me, I have, uh...
190
00:07:06,749 --> 00:07:07,865
Goodbye.
191
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,732
I'm making this for Genevieve. I'm...
192
00:07:13,788 --> 00:07:16,239
I gotta convince her
to make my case to Ed.
193
00:07:16,264 --> 00:07:17,999
My man, Ed.
194
00:07:18,024 --> 00:07:19,138
Listen Jess,
195
00:07:19,163 --> 00:07:21,349
I could go ahead and give
him a call if you like.
196
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:22,572
All you have to do is say the word.
197
00:07:22,597 --> 00:07:25,911
No, no, no, no. This is no
country for James Wonder.
198
00:07:25,936 --> 00:07:27,740
I'm not having you go
undercover at school again.
199
00:07:27,765 --> 00:07:29,548
No offense, but you kind
of fell out of your dress
200
00:07:29,634 --> 00:07:31,017
when Genevieve came on to you.
201
00:07:31,052 --> 00:07:33,196
I did get rattled. I have a girlfriend,
202
00:07:33,221 --> 00:07:34,603
and I adore Ally.
203
00:07:34,628 --> 00:07:36,889
But everything else I'm
doing seems to be working
204
00:07:36,941 --> 00:07:39,499
because Ed loves me.
205
00:07:39,610 --> 00:07:41,904
You know, he wants James
to landscape his yard.
206
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:44,460
So I drew him four sketches.
207
00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:47,400
Wow. Winston, these are
actually really good.
208
00:07:47,485 --> 00:07:50,036
I don't remember drawing these.
209
00:07:50,071 --> 00:07:53,163
I woke up this morning, and
they were under my pillow.
210
00:07:56,087 --> 00:07:57,280
- Hey, Nick...
- Would you be interested
211
00:07:57,305 --> 00:07:59,211
in rubble from old Yankee Stadium?
212
00:07:59,247 --> 00:08:01,491
What, for my rubble collection?
213
00:08:01,516 --> 00:08:04,083
I'm having a really hard time
finding something for you.
214
00:08:04,168 --> 00:08:05,668
I thought I was just
gonna go on the Internet,
215
00:08:05,693 --> 00:08:07,583
but the Internet is so different now.
216
00:08:07,608 --> 00:08:09,536
Have you been on the Internet lately?
217
00:08:09,561 --> 00:08:10,614
- How drunk are you?
- I remember
218
00:08:10,639 --> 00:08:11,924
when the Internet used to just be
219
00:08:11,976 --> 00:08:13,764
a naked lady and a bunch
of dancing hamsters.
220
00:08:13,789 --> 00:08:14,804
How drunk are you, Nick?
221
00:08:14,829 --> 00:08:16,239
I literally haven't
had one thing to drink.
222
00:08:16,264 --> 00:08:17,530
- How many drinks have you had?
- Give me a breathalyzer.
223
00:08:17,555 --> 00:08:21,013
- It feels like you're drunk.
- Z-Y-X-N-L-P-A.
224
00:08:21,038 --> 00:08:22,288
- You're hammered.
- I'm drunk.
225
00:08:22,313 --> 00:08:24,103
Nick, whatever you get
us, we're going to love.
226
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:25,654
It... it doesn't matter.
227
00:08:25,740 --> 00:08:27,440
I don't know what to get you,
228
00:08:27,492 --> 00:08:28,858
- and it matters, it matters!
- It doesn't matter.
229
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,383
It doesn't matter!
230
00:08:30,495 --> 00:08:31,911
Just get us something!
231
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:33,554
There's a registry.
232
00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:36,949
You go on it, and you pick something!
233
00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:38,918
- Now you've got Schmidt all cranked up.
- You're cranked up?
234
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:41,087
Yeah, I got to go to the
arcade now and blow off steam!
235
00:08:41,122 --> 00:08:43,139
I didn't mean to crank you up.
236
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:45,934
- Hey, Cece.
- Hey, hey.
237
00:08:46,385 --> 00:08:48,435
I don't know what to do.
238
00:08:48,498 --> 00:08:50,690
I want to get you something great,
239
00:08:50,715 --> 00:08:52,264
but I can't find
anything on the Internet.
240
00:08:52,308 --> 00:08:53,976
Here's the truth. I'd give you my heart.
241
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,952
I'd rip it out of my chest but...
242
00:08:55,977 --> 00:08:58,304
but then I would literally die.
243
00:08:58,356 --> 00:09:00,606
But you know that, you're
studying to be a nurse.
244
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,452
- No, I'm not.
- You're already a nurse?
245
00:09:02,477 --> 00:09:04,276
- Not a nurse.
- But you went to college didn't you?
246
00:09:04,312 --> 00:09:05,968
Why didn't you just
give us the Vitalstir?
247
00:09:05,993 --> 00:09:08,827
Because then it would just
end up in a landfill in a year
248
00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:11,427
when they come out
with a Vitalstir 3001.
249
00:09:11,452 --> 00:09:13,788
Well, I imagine they'd go to 4000.
250
00:09:13,874 --> 00:09:15,548
Do you think that they have made
251
00:09:15,573 --> 00:09:17,366
3,000 different Vitalstir models?
252
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:21,994
Do you really think they've
perfected this blender in four tries?
253
00:09:22,030 --> 00:09:24,389
You're not a nurse.
254
00:09:24,952 --> 00:09:26,632
Look, I know what you're
struggling with right now, okay?
255
00:09:26,686 --> 00:09:29,546
You want to get us
something that's unique.
256
00:09:29,571 --> 00:09:31,804
It's got to be great. It's
got to be from me to you.
257
00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:33,839
Alright, here's a little
exercise... close your eyes.
258
00:09:33,891 --> 00:09:36,325
Now, first thing that
comes to your mind.
259
00:09:36,350 --> 00:09:40,319
Imagine something that
is unique, it's permanent.
260
00:09:40,344 --> 00:09:41,926
I got it!
261
00:09:43,585 --> 00:09:45,935
Okay, you got to open your
eyes before you go, you drunk.
262
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,327
Let me give you the, uh,
keys so you can close up.
263
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:52,775
Oh, no. I put two hands
in at the same time again.
264
00:09:55,302 --> 00:09:56,811
I did it again.
265
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,561
I can't find this James Wonder anywhere.
266
00:10:00,586 --> 00:10:02,668
I just wanted to say hi,
267
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:05,087
and I want to send him a
password-protected video
268
00:10:05,173 --> 00:10:06,622
I thought he might enjoy.
269
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:08,858
Well, I just brought you a little gift.
270
00:10:09,427 --> 00:10:11,694
I know what you're doing.
Jess, I have told you
271
00:10:11,719 --> 00:10:13,741
I can't afford to get
involved in school politics.
272
00:10:13,766 --> 00:10:15,525
Please, Genevieve. I'm begging you.
273
00:10:15,550 --> 00:10:18,717
There's no delicate way to
say this so I'm going to be...
274
00:10:18,769 --> 00:10:21,171
incredibly cruel.
275
00:10:21,556 --> 00:10:23,593
They don't like you.
276
00:10:23,975 --> 00:10:25,296
- At all.
- Ow.
277
00:10:25,321 --> 00:10:27,397
- They despise you.
- All right. I got it.
278
00:10:27,422 --> 00:10:29,405
- "Get rid of Jess."
- Yikes.
279
00:10:29,430 --> 00:10:31,146
These aren't my words, Jess.
280
00:10:31,232 --> 00:10:34,066
I'm just repeating what I'm hearing.
281
00:10:34,118 --> 00:10:35,864
"Jess is the worst."
282
00:10:35,889 --> 00:10:37,820
- Okay.
- "Can't stand the sight of her."
283
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:39,718
- Don't need all of it.
- Do you understand what I am saying?
284
00:10:39,743 --> 00:10:40,754
- Yeah.
- They've asked me
285
00:10:40,779 --> 00:10:42,725
to move on with my search.
286
00:10:43,578 --> 00:10:45,788
- Wait a minute.
- Huh?
287
00:10:46,091 --> 00:10:47,571
Would you talk me up to Ed
288
00:10:47,596 --> 00:10:50,416
if I could tell you where
he was having dinner?
289
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:52,710
With James Wonder?
290
00:10:57,404 --> 00:10:58,805
Winston.
291
00:10:59,210 --> 00:11:01,039
You need to say the words, Jess.
292
00:11:01,469 --> 00:11:02,877
I need your help.
293
00:11:02,902 --> 00:11:05,961
I need your help, who?
294
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,703
I need your help, James Wonder.
295
00:11:12,579 --> 00:11:14,977
Well, then, my help you shall have.
296
00:11:15,522 --> 00:11:18,141
What'd he say? Is he going to help?
297
00:11:20,678 --> 00:11:21,772
Here is your mission.
298
00:11:21,797 --> 00:11:23,552
You're going too down to Brickfield
299
00:11:23,577 --> 00:11:26,991
and you're going to facilitate
a conversation about me...
300
00:11:27,016 --> 00:11:28,496
- with Ed...
- My man.
301
00:11:28,532 --> 00:11:29,998
- ... and Genevieve.
- I'm out.
302
00:11:30,033 --> 00:11:31,835
Please, Winst...
303
00:11:32,827 --> 00:11:34,811
- James Wonder.
- She wants to have sex with me.
304
00:11:34,836 --> 00:11:39,234
I know you love Ally, but
James Wonder is still grieving.
305
00:11:39,259 --> 00:11:40,874
Lean into the character.
306
00:11:40,899 --> 00:11:44,553
This is your chance to prove
that you can do undercover work.
307
00:11:44,842 --> 00:11:46,405
Please?
308
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:50,210
All right, I'll do it.
Under one condition.
309
00:11:50,499 --> 00:11:51,991
That I...
310
00:11:52,016 --> 00:11:54,266
- No, I don't have any conditions.
- Okay.
311
00:11:54,983 --> 00:11:57,809
I design all the landscaping,
312
00:11:57,895 --> 00:12:00,264
and my crew... my crew,
they do all the dirty work.
313
00:12:00,289 --> 00:12:02,116
If you were my boss
314
00:12:02,141 --> 00:12:04,692
I would be employee of the month
315
00:12:04,717 --> 00:12:07,264
every single day.
316
00:12:07,289 --> 00:12:08,380
All right then.
317
00:12:08,405 --> 00:12:11,406
Oh, jeez, Genevieve,
stop flirting, get to me!
318
00:12:11,458 --> 00:12:13,241
Are you shouting at
a podcast again, Jess?
319
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,459
You know it can't hear you, right?
320
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,101
Shh!
321
00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:17,793
Speaking of bosses,
322
00:12:17,818 --> 00:12:20,142
Ms. Day has done some amazing work.
323
00:12:20,167 --> 00:12:22,694
- Strong disagree.
- Uh, what is your ish with her?
324
00:12:22,719 --> 00:12:24,920
She sets our kids up for failure.
325
00:12:24,972 --> 00:12:25,874
What?!
326
00:12:25,899 --> 00:12:27,532
This ridiculous...
327
00:12:27,557 --> 00:12:29,591
math decathlon... ugh!
328
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,903
It is competitive and demeaning.
329
00:12:31,928 --> 00:12:34,429
It is hard enough out
there for these kids.
330
00:12:34,481 --> 00:12:37,288
Affluent children in Los
Angeles do have it hard.
331
00:12:37,313 --> 00:12:38,400
Exactly.
332
00:12:38,435 --> 00:12:40,769
Samanthia bombed that dumb
thing, never got a medal,
333
00:12:40,821 --> 00:12:42,270
and now she's lost
her appetite for soosh!
334
00:12:42,322 --> 00:12:43,553
That's what he's mad at?
335
00:12:43,578 --> 00:12:46,274
My version of the demathlon
is way less rigorous
336
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,092
than the South Korean
teacher I copied it from.
337
00:12:48,117 --> 00:12:51,013
Either bring the phone over
here where we can hear it,
338
00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:52,414
or stop talking to it.
339
00:12:52,449 --> 00:12:55,116
He's saying that unless
I drop the demathlon,
340
00:12:55,202 --> 00:12:56,284
I'll never be principal.
341
00:12:56,336 --> 00:12:58,022
James.
342
00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:01,647
I am trouble after two glasses.
343
00:13:02,092 --> 00:13:03,546
So why don't you pour me a third?
344
00:13:06,863 --> 00:13:08,763
- Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.
- Okay. Mm-hmm. O-okay.
345
00:13:08,799 --> 00:13:10,333
- Do it. Do it!
- Okay. Okay.
346
00:13:12,636 --> 00:13:15,020
Stop it! Stop it!
347
00:13:15,105 --> 00:13:17,355
I'm going to get crazy.
348
00:13:17,441 --> 00:13:18,583
You're making me crazy.
349
00:13:18,608 --> 00:13:19,974
I did it.
350
00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:21,501
Best present ever.
351
00:13:21,528 --> 00:13:23,624
Please. I'm trying to eavesdrop
on Winston's alter ego.
352
00:13:23,649 --> 00:13:24,687
Oh...
353
00:13:24,712 --> 00:13:26,445
- James.
- Hmm?
354
00:13:26,470 --> 00:13:28,103
- You seem troubled.
- No, I don't.
355
00:13:28,128 --> 00:13:30,504
You must be holding a lot of sadness
356
00:13:30,529 --> 00:13:31,945
in your legs.
357
00:13:31,970 --> 00:13:34,641
I have hands like a bonobo... strong.
358
00:13:35,459 --> 00:13:37,158
Oh, wow.
359
00:13:37,244 --> 00:13:38,368
There we go.
360
00:13:38,393 --> 00:13:39,680
- Ooh. Very good.
- Aah!
361
00:13:39,705 --> 00:13:42,970
Ow! Now, no! I have a girlfriend.
362
00:13:42,995 --> 00:13:45,118
- Her name is Ally.
- No. No. No. No. No.
363
00:13:45,143 --> 00:13:47,719
Wasn't your wife recently squished?
364
00:13:47,804 --> 00:13:49,790
Yeah. That-that happened.
365
00:13:49,815 --> 00:13:51,589
She was indeed...
366
00:13:51,675 --> 00:13:54,175
But then, we cremated her.
367
00:13:54,227 --> 00:13:55,393
And we, we,
368
00:13:55,479 --> 00:13:57,579
we had to dry her out first.
369
00:13:57,604 --> 00:14:00,149
Ugh. He's scrambling like a damn egg!
370
00:14:00,243 --> 00:14:03,161
- I got to get in there.
- Wait, you got to see my gift!
371
00:14:03,186 --> 00:14:05,188
Who are you, James Wonder?
372
00:14:09,438 --> 00:14:13,962
I'm just a... a combination
of my two favorite singers.
373
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:16,204
I'm about to gift your brains to pieces.
374
00:14:16,229 --> 00:14:19,212
You got to real pull-the-rip-cord-while-
still-in-the-plane kind of vibe, Nick.
375
00:14:19,237 --> 00:14:23,437
It's a little something
from me... to you.
376
00:14:23,462 --> 00:14:26,712
- All right.
- Or, more accurately, on me.
377
00:14:26,737 --> 00:14:28,676
Check it out.
378
00:14:28,712 --> 00:14:30,657
I got the best gift.
379
00:14:32,837 --> 00:14:34,085
It is your faces,
380
00:14:34,110 --> 00:14:35,216
but it's not your bodies.
381
00:14:35,268 --> 00:14:37,538
- I didn't have a full body shot so...
- Wow!
382
00:14:37,563 --> 00:14:39,104
they picked the bodies.
383
00:14:39,189 --> 00:14:40,710
- Is that Pretty Woman?
- This is from the movie
384
00:14:40,735 --> 00:14:42,499
Pretty Woman and it's on me forever.
385
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:45,960
Say something.
386
00:14:47,564 --> 00:14:48,718
Say something.
387
00:14:48,743 --> 00:14:50,741
It-it's cute, it's really cute.
388
00:14:50,766 --> 00:14:52,067
I really did it.
389
00:14:52,119 --> 00:14:53,868
Talk to me about how happy you are.
390
00:14:53,904 --> 00:14:55,155
It's on me forever.
391
00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:56,571
I know we're on you forever and ever,
392
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,773
until you're buried in
a non-Jewish cemetery.
393
00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:01,484
And now we-we owe you
a... a thank you card.
394
00:15:01,518 --> 00:15:03,138
Just don't know where I'm
gonna find the words to express
395
00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:05,713
all of the emotions that
I'm feeling right now.
396
00:15:07,751 --> 00:15:11,680
I can't find anything
about you online, James.
397
00:15:11,915 --> 00:15:13,251
Not even the darknet.
398
00:15:13,276 --> 00:15:15,090
Oh, I was gonna say, you
checked the darknet, yeah?
399
00:15:15,142 --> 00:15:17,329
I'm usually on there, they
usually got some stuff about me.
400
00:15:17,354 --> 00:15:18,658
Hey!
401
00:15:18,683 --> 00:15:21,798
Oh, thank God. Jess... ica Day.
402
00:15:21,823 --> 00:15:24,415
I can't believe you guys are
all at my favorite restaurant.
403
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:26,484
Hey, does anyone have
a red landscaping truck?
404
00:15:26,570 --> 00:15:27,769
'Cause it's getting towed.
405
00:15:27,854 --> 00:15:29,854
Anyone? Red landscaping truck?
406
00:15:29,879 --> 00:15:31,244
No, mine's white.
407
00:15:31,277 --> 00:15:32,829
Well, it could be white.
408
00:15:33,693 --> 00:15:34,741
It's getting towed.
409
00:15:34,766 --> 00:15:37,328
I-I did take the red one today.
410
00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:38,580
Yeah, can't let that get towed.
411
00:15:38,615 --> 00:15:40,248
- My crew is napping in the back.
- Yup.
412
00:15:41,368 --> 00:15:42,368
Well...
413
00:15:42,393 --> 00:15:43,585
Hey.
414
00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:46,871
- This is an unexpected treat.
- Well, I'm happy to have ran into you
415
00:15:46,901 --> 00:15:48,993
because, um...
416
00:15:49,018 --> 00:15:51,805
I've been thinking, and...
417
00:15:52,329 --> 00:15:55,595
I'm canceling the demathlon.
418
00:15:56,850 --> 00:15:59,134
- Really?
- Yeah.
419
00:16:00,604 --> 00:16:03,605
But I thought you loved
the math decathlon?
420
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,234
It's a holdover from my
old public school days.
421
00:16:06,259 --> 00:16:08,501
It's unnecessarily competitive.
422
00:16:09,126 --> 00:16:11,093
Old habits die hard.
423
00:16:11,118 --> 00:16:12,126
That's true, you know,
424
00:16:12,151 --> 00:16:16,188
I still eat a ton of meat and
I've been vegetarian for years.
425
00:16:16,213 --> 00:16:17,713
Like, a ton.
426
00:16:18,038 --> 00:16:19,266
A ton of meat.
427
00:16:19,291 --> 00:16:21,374
I mean, I didn't realize
you were so amenable.
428
00:16:21,399 --> 00:16:22,930
Hey, actually,
429
00:16:23,076 --> 00:16:25,460
Samanthia loves puppets.
430
00:16:25,495 --> 00:16:26,972
What would you say if I asked you
431
00:16:26,997 --> 00:16:28,987
to introduce ventriloquism
into the curriculum?
432
00:16:29,012 --> 00:16:30,978
And do less math?
433
00:16:32,335 --> 00:16:34,157
I'd say...
434
00:16:36,313 --> 00:16:37,842
You got it!
435
00:16:38,975 --> 00:16:39,978
Great.
436
00:16:44,506 --> 00:16:46,314
"Sincerely"?
437
00:16:46,779 --> 00:16:48,653
"Sincerely"?
438
00:16:49,255 --> 00:16:51,388
"Dear Nick, thanks for the tattoo.
439
00:16:51,413 --> 00:16:53,209
"Sincerely, S and Cece."
440
00:16:53,234 --> 00:16:54,309
You guys hate my gift?
441
00:16:54,334 --> 00:16:56,442
No, we don't hate it, we love
it, I see it every time I blink.
442
00:16:56,494 --> 00:16:57,514
You guys want to see it?
443
00:16:57,539 --> 00:16:59,428
- It's okay.
- Ah, I'll show it anyhow.
444
00:17:00,197 --> 00:17:01,957
Check it out. There's an ingrown hair
445
00:17:01,982 --> 00:17:04,451
that gives Cece a bit of a Rudolph nose.
446
00:17:04,476 --> 00:17:07,035
And when I flex my feet it
makes you guys fatter. Look.
447
00:17:07,121 --> 00:17:09,254
Fat, look how fat your
face looks, Schmidt.
448
00:17:09,290 --> 00:17:11,123
You have the fattest face in the world.
449
00:17:11,148 --> 00:17:13,292
All right, stop it! Stop the horror!
450
00:17:13,317 --> 00:17:14,273
We hate the gift.
451
00:17:14,298 --> 00:17:15,677
- It's disgusting.
- It is disgusting.
452
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:16,772
You've ruined your leg.
453
00:17:16,797 --> 00:17:18,709
It is like you stole our souls.
454
00:17:18,734 --> 00:17:21,137
You depicted my wife as
a common street whore.
455
00:17:21,162 --> 00:17:22,412
Fine, you don't want it?
456
00:17:22,437 --> 00:17:24,312
You can't have it.
457
00:17:24,570 --> 00:17:27,195
I'll get it removed and we can go
about our lives again in a week.
458
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:28,974
You know it costs, like, two grand
459
00:17:29,026 --> 00:17:31,109
and takes a year or something, right?
460
00:17:31,413 --> 00:17:35,731
Well, I did not know that.
461
00:17:35,816 --> 00:17:36,982
Okay?
462
00:17:37,067 --> 00:17:38,901
I didn't know that.
463
00:17:38,986 --> 00:17:41,287
Well, that really sucks for me.
464
00:17:41,312 --> 00:17:43,148
But fine, then that's your present.
465
00:17:43,173 --> 00:17:44,767
That's not a present. Look Nick,
466
00:17:44,792 --> 00:17:47,053
I appreciate you trying to do
something meaningful for us,
467
00:17:47,078 --> 00:17:48,531
but just give us the blender you bought.
468
00:17:48,556 --> 00:17:50,404
Well, the jokes on you,
I burnt out the motor
469
00:17:50,429 --> 00:17:51,796
making a bubble gum smoothie.
470
00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:52,968
You're back on the registry then.
471
00:17:52,993 --> 00:17:54,999
I won't do it! It's
a list made by robots.
472
00:17:55,024 --> 00:17:56,999
Idiot! Trying to get
me something meaningful!
473
00:17:57,031 --> 00:17:59,581
The only thing meaningful
to me is the blender!
474
00:17:59,617 --> 00:18:02,203
Remember to bring your
pets to school next week
475
00:18:02,228 --> 00:18:04,240
for human zoo day.
476
00:18:04,265 --> 00:18:05,389
Yeah.
477
00:18:05,414 --> 00:18:07,109
Oh, and I'd also like
to let everyone know
478
00:18:07,134 --> 00:18:10,876
that we are switching back from
this soap to this soap, okay?
479
00:18:10,961 --> 00:18:12,044
So just be aware.
480
00:18:12,129 --> 00:18:13,164
Next,
481
00:18:13,189 --> 00:18:16,296
I would like to offer
my personal endorsement
482
00:18:16,321 --> 00:18:19,455
of Jessica Day as our next principal.
483
00:18:24,523 --> 00:18:27,526
All right, well, first, I'd love to
open up the floor to questions. Anybody?
484
00:18:27,551 --> 00:18:28,843
Oh, wow, okay.
485
00:18:28,868 --> 00:18:31,195
Can you get rid of the white
lines in the parking lot?
486
00:18:31,220 --> 00:18:33,094
- They're very restrictive.
- I think they're for...
487
00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:35,992
Shouldn't we designate the green
space for European-style football?
488
00:18:36,017 --> 00:18:37,343
And for Tofu Tuesday,
489
00:18:37,404 --> 00:18:39,453
can we get a more
balanced juice pairing?
490
00:18:39,478 --> 00:18:41,634
Didn't think I'd ever see you again.
491
00:18:41,659 --> 00:18:43,678
I came to say goodbye.
492
00:18:43,703 --> 00:18:46,171
Asher and I are moving to Colorado.
493
00:18:46,196 --> 00:18:48,257
- Is that where Ally lives?
- No.
494
00:18:48,282 --> 00:18:51,667
The city of Denver wants me to
landscape an entire mountain.
495
00:18:51,692 --> 00:18:53,632
- It's a whole thing.
- How about once a week
496
00:18:53,657 --> 00:18:55,990
in the dining hall we
serve sushi omakase?
497
00:18:56,022 --> 00:18:57,203
- Oh, oh, okay.
- Guys, uh,
498
00:18:57,258 --> 00:18:59,437
plenty of time to run
our suggestions by her.
499
00:18:59,462 --> 00:19:02,511
But I assure you she
will be very amenable.
500
00:19:02,563 --> 00:19:05,453
She is a principal for the parents.
501
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,977
Hmm?
502
00:19:10,104 --> 00:19:13,289
Uh, actually, um, no.
503
00:19:13,314 --> 00:19:15,351
I-I have to be honest here.
504
00:19:15,376 --> 00:19:16,890
I...
505
00:19:17,528 --> 00:19:18,968
That's not who I am.
506
00:19:18,993 --> 00:19:21,507
I'm not gonna be a
principal for the parents.
507
00:19:24,171 --> 00:19:26,562
I'm gonna be a principal for the kids.
508
00:19:26,587 --> 00:19:28,937
Look, you all love your kids
509
00:19:28,962 --> 00:19:31,398
and they're yours to raise,
510
00:19:31,562 --> 00:19:34,691
but I'm an educator and
I know how to educate.
511
00:19:34,716 --> 00:19:37,012
Colby, your son Vince
had the handwriting
512
00:19:37,047 --> 00:19:39,047
- of a Hungarian doctor.
- Mm-hmm.
513
00:19:39,072 --> 00:19:40,771
And that's why I encouraged him
514
00:19:40,796 --> 00:19:43,552
to sign up for calligraphy
comics after school.
515
00:19:43,604 --> 00:19:45,492
He didn't want to do
it, but look at him now.
516
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,843
I can finally read the captions
for his disturbing images.
517
00:19:47,891 --> 00:19:50,021
And Molly, do you remember how terrified
518
00:19:50,046 --> 00:19:52,585
Beatrice was of public
speaking in the second grade?
519
00:19:52,610 --> 00:19:54,765
That's why I bumped her up
to fourth grade debate team.
520
00:19:54,790 --> 00:19:57,085
Yeah, she made a toast
at my brother's wedding.
521
00:19:57,110 --> 00:20:00,132
I mean, besides one
racist joke, she killed.
522
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:02,654
Ed, when I met Samanthia,
523
00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:04,632
math was her least favorite subject.
524
00:20:04,657 --> 00:20:07,209
Now she's doing fractions and loving it.
525
00:20:07,234 --> 00:20:09,578
And yeah, she's didn't
win a demathlon medal
526
00:20:09,603 --> 00:20:11,085
and I know that stung,
527
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:13,031
but it made her want to get better.
528
00:20:13,056 --> 00:20:15,171
And isn't that what school is for?
529
00:20:15,196 --> 00:20:17,295
Look, I think challenging your children
530
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:19,398
prepares them for the real world.
531
00:20:19,423 --> 00:20:23,592
And if given the chance, I
think I can help your kids
532
00:20:23,644 --> 00:20:26,601
and this school reach
its full potential.
533
00:20:26,931 --> 00:20:30,367
And if that's not what you
want, and I'm not the right fit,
534
00:20:30,734 --> 00:20:32,921
then I can live with that.
535
00:20:49,622 --> 00:20:52,014
Genevieve, I got you something.
536
00:20:52,039 --> 00:20:54,308
Something to remember me by.
537
00:20:56,361 --> 00:20:58,194
Oh.
538
00:21:07,313 --> 00:21:09,012
Shouldn't this be in a pot?
539
00:21:09,037 --> 00:21:10,777
Oh, Genevieve.
540
00:21:10,813 --> 00:21:12,550
You don't know anything.
541
00:21:15,030 --> 00:21:17,364
I'm so glad I'm doing this.
542
00:21:17,389 --> 00:21:19,380
You know, it was weird this
morning in the shower...
543
00:21:19,405 --> 00:21:21,191
just me and tattoo you.
544
00:21:21,216 --> 00:21:23,318
I was the only one who was naked
545
00:21:23,537 --> 00:21:25,808
You know, we could loan
you the money to remove it.
546
00:21:25,871 --> 00:21:28,339
I don't like debts.
547
00:21:28,364 --> 00:21:29,631
All finished, guys.
548
00:21:29,707 --> 00:21:30,933
Glad we all talked ourselves
549
00:21:30,958 --> 00:21:32,246
into thinking that this somehow
550
00:21:32,262 --> 00:21:33,536
makes the nightmare better.
551
00:21:33,561 --> 00:21:34,614
Nick, I just want to say...
552
00:21:34,639 --> 00:21:37,106
- I really think...
- I'm not getting a damn cat on my leg.
553
00:21:37,138 --> 00:21:38,197
Drop it.
554
00:21:38,222 --> 00:21:41,916
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com