1 00:00:00,716 --> 00:00:01,935 To Cece, 2 00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:04,950 for booking her first client's first modeling gig. 3 00:00:04,975 --> 00:00:05,981 Hey! 4 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,302 - Cheers. - And to Winston 5 00:00:07,327 --> 00:00:10,660 for making Donovan the face of LAPD's recruitment campaign. 6 00:00:10,696 --> 00:00:12,933 I just hope he doesn't look better in blue than I do. 7 00:00:12,958 --> 00:00:14,798 - Wink. - Oh, he definitely will. He's a model. 8 00:00:14,833 --> 00:00:16,372 So in honor of this occasion, 9 00:00:16,397 --> 00:00:18,178 we all got you gifts for your home office. 10 00:00:18,203 --> 00:00:20,337 You may know it by its former name, 11 00:00:20,372 --> 00:00:21,802 the dining room table. 12 00:00:21,827 --> 00:00:23,817 Me first. A cubicle, 13 00:00:24,927 --> 00:00:26,583 - swinging balls, - Mm. 14 00:00:26,612 --> 00:00:28,325 an outgoing mailbox, 15 00:00:28,350 --> 00:00:31,152 a cartoon that is very derogatory towards Mondays. 16 00:00:31,177 --> 00:00:33,683 - So thoughtful, babe. - Will that mailbox be functional? 17 00:00:33,719 --> 00:00:35,652 If it wasn't, it would just be a box, wouldn't it? 18 00:00:35,687 --> 00:00:37,128 So can I buy a stamp for this letter? 19 00:00:37,153 --> 00:00:38,188 It's not a post office, man. 20 00:00:38,223 --> 00:00:40,745 - Who else has a gift? - Whoo! Bull button. 21 00:00:40,770 --> 00:00:43,692 You press that, guaranteed crowd pleaser. 22 00:00:43,717 --> 00:00:45,271 - Bull! - Ooh! 23 00:00:47,786 --> 00:00:48,999 I got something better. 24 00:00:49,122 --> 00:00:51,036 Noise-canceling headphones. 25 00:00:51,061 --> 00:00:52,836 Thank you. Wow. 26 00:00:52,871 --> 00:00:54,337 - Yeah, are those mine? - Yes. 27 00:00:54,373 --> 00:00:56,693 - They're broken. - Oh, nothing is ever truly broken. 28 00:00:56,717 --> 00:00:59,097 All right, well, I got you a filing cabinet 29 00:00:59,122 --> 00:01:01,111 to file all the headshots of your clients. 30 00:01:01,146 --> 00:01:04,467 FYI, Ferguson's in one of those drawers making fluffies. 31 00:01:06,394 --> 00:01:08,872 "Fluffies" is cat farts. 32 00:01:12,169 --> 00:01:14,391 Bull! 33 00:01:16,116 --> 00:01:18,099 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com 34 00:01:18,931 --> 00:01:20,112 Do you have a stamp for this letter? 35 00:01:20,137 --> 00:01:22,098 Is that a bill from when you were in the hospital? 36 00:01:22,134 --> 00:01:23,366 Oh, this? Yeah, it is. 37 00:01:23,402 --> 00:01:25,691 Turns out they, uh, they charge for new knees. 38 00:01:25,716 --> 00:01:27,537 I feel so bad. 39 00:01:27,573 --> 00:01:28,767 I should pay that. 40 00:01:28,792 --> 00:01:30,491 - What? Why? - Seriously? 41 00:01:37,649 --> 00:01:39,622 Oh my God, your bad knee! Oh, my God! 42 00:01:39,647 --> 00:01:41,347 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 43 00:01:41,372 --> 00:01:42,452 But wait a second, why do you want to pay? 44 00:01:42,488 --> 00:01:44,441 I turned your knee into a bag of marbles. 45 00:01:44,466 --> 00:01:45,622 I should pay your medical bill. 46 00:01:45,649 --> 00:01:47,761 This is my only bill, and it's just a baby bill. 47 00:01:47,794 --> 00:01:50,260 You know, it's so small and cute, like my nephew Baby Bill. 48 00:01:50,295 --> 00:01:53,286 - Give me that baby. - I feel bad, but okay. 49 00:01:53,645 --> 00:01:55,419 Wait, how did you... 50 00:01:55,645 --> 00:01:57,115 I studied pickpocketing 51 00:01:57,140 --> 00:01:58,472 when I played the Artful Dodger 52 00:01:58,497 --> 00:01:59,903 in my college production of Oliver! 53 00:01:59,938 --> 00:02:01,831 Oh, wow, that's so cool. 54 00:02:01,856 --> 00:02:04,274 - Oh, wait, so did I. - What... 55 00:02:04,309 --> 00:02:05,472 Ow, Winston, 56 00:02:05,497 --> 00:02:06,977 straighten your arms when you eat. 57 00:02:07,012 --> 00:02:08,311 You don't think I want to? 58 00:02:08,347 --> 00:02:11,097 - Ain't no room, fam. - Straighten your arms, fam. 59 00:02:11,122 --> 00:02:12,895 - Then how am I gonna reach my food? - Oh. 60 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,818 Okay, I'm sorry, the cubicle will be gone soon, 61 00:02:14,853 --> 00:02:16,753 but this is a real make-or-break moment for me. 62 00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:18,233 Either I'll look back at this as my 63 00:02:18,258 --> 00:02:20,257 "Steve Jobs in the garage" phase, 64 00:02:20,292 --> 00:02:22,433 or that misguided month where I tried to be a manager 65 00:02:22,458 --> 00:02:23,660 at the dining room table. 66 00:02:23,695 --> 00:02:25,395 You are absolutely Jobs. 67 00:02:25,430 --> 00:02:28,161 And I'm Woz sitting next to you the whole time in a... 68 00:02:28,559 --> 00:02:30,133 slightly lower chair. 69 00:02:30,168 --> 00:02:32,068 And speaking of jobs, by the way, 70 00:02:32,104 --> 00:02:33,972 you guys need to be like Winston 71 00:02:33,997 --> 00:02:35,872 and start getting jobs for Donovan. 72 00:02:35,908 --> 00:02:38,605 Don't you basically work on ads for a living, Schmidt? 73 00:02:38,630 --> 00:02:41,261 Yeah, well, my current account is for a menopause pill 74 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,534 that eliminates night sweats. 75 00:02:42,559 --> 00:02:43,862 Oh, you're repping EstroFuel? 76 00:02:43,887 --> 00:02:45,482 Yes. Chest bump. 77 00:02:45,517 --> 00:02:47,349 You know, maybe I could use Donovan 78 00:02:47,374 --> 00:02:49,386 for the cover of The Pepperwood Chronicles. 79 00:02:49,427 --> 00:02:51,187 I mean, he wouldn't be Pepperwood but... 80 00:02:51,215 --> 00:02:52,214 - Gator! - Oh, Gator! 81 00:02:52,257 --> 00:02:53,995 It's perfect. 82 00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:56,459 - He could be a great Gator. - Why don't you just use a real gator? 83 00:02:56,495 --> 00:02:57,528 What? 84 00:02:57,553 --> 00:03:00,152 Gator is Pepperwood's best friend... 85 00:03:00,177 --> 00:03:01,531 - and clairvoyant brother. - Mm. 86 00:03:01,559 --> 00:03:03,325 Oh, my bad. Sorry, I haven't read it yet. 87 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,378 - What? - What? 88 00:03:04,403 --> 00:03:06,177 - Doesn't matter. - Clear the next 24 hours. 89 00:03:06,202 --> 00:03:08,505 - You haven't read it? - It's really not that big of a deal. 90 00:03:08,531 --> 00:03:10,684 I also don't have an extra hard copy so let's just talk about something else. 91 00:03:10,709 --> 00:03:12,317 Ooh, you can take mine. 92 00:03:12,342 --> 00:03:14,198 I've highlighted the more sexual parts. 93 00:03:14,223 --> 00:03:15,230 I'm not ashamed. 94 00:03:15,255 --> 00:03:16,933 - Great. - Great. 95 00:03:16,958 --> 00:03:18,114 Now you get to read it. 96 00:03:18,150 --> 00:03:20,098 Now I get to read it. 97 00:03:20,426 --> 00:03:23,495 Robby's hospital bill is only $400. 98 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,747 - That seem low to you? - Did he have a minor procedure? 99 00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:28,308 No, he had what the doctors call "a full Frankenstein." 100 00:03:28,332 --> 00:03:30,371 - They put dog bones in his knee. - Then that's way off. 101 00:03:30,405 --> 00:03:31,480 It's got to be much higher. 102 00:03:31,505 --> 00:03:33,597 Do you think he thinks I can't afford the full amount? 103 00:03:35,155 --> 00:03:37,112 What? Teachers have money. 104 00:03:37,137 --> 00:03:39,934 You guys know how large I live. I'm flush with cash. 105 00:03:39,965 --> 00:03:41,064 I'm paying that bill. 106 00:03:41,089 --> 00:03:42,121 I'm going to the bank right now. 107 00:03:42,146 --> 00:03:43,825 I'm probably gonna take a limousine. 108 00:03:43,889 --> 00:03:46,653 Taking a limo to the bank. What is she, a cartoon cat? 109 00:03:48,630 --> 00:03:51,073 - He kills it every time. - Every time, man. 110 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,219 I'm sorry we got in a fight. 111 00:03:52,255 --> 00:03:54,325 - I feel close again. - I'm not. 112 00:03:54,350 --> 00:03:56,348 Okay, Donovan, you just caught a shoplifter 113 00:03:56,373 --> 00:03:58,239 and now you're celebrating with a street taco. 114 00:03:58,434 --> 00:03:59,942 That's exactly it! 115 00:03:59,967 --> 00:04:02,101 - Get him, Donovan. - I love this. 116 00:04:02,528 --> 00:04:04,249 - Get him, Cece. - Yeah, okay. 117 00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:06,500 Donovan, you're a natural cop. 118 00:04:06,536 --> 00:04:08,569 Hey, what agency are you from? 2L? 119 00:04:08,604 --> 00:04:09,770 Oh, um, hmm, 120 00:04:09,806 --> 00:04:12,606 I'm... from an agency that is 121 00:04:12,642 --> 00:04:15,028 - uh, quite, um... but... - Cece's Boys. 122 00:04:15,053 --> 00:04:17,522 Cece's Boys, where the men are boys, 123 00:04:17,547 --> 00:04:19,413 and the-and the boys are Cece's. 124 00:04:19,448 --> 00:04:21,223 - All right. - You like it? 125 00:04:21,248 --> 00:04:22,447 I love it. 126 00:04:22,472 --> 00:04:23,684 You're going downtown! 127 00:04:23,709 --> 00:04:25,872 Anything you say, Officer. 128 00:04:31,460 --> 00:04:32,833 Oh, hi, Jess. 129 00:04:32,858 --> 00:04:35,659 - That was really good. - Just laying down a stanky B line. 130 00:04:35,684 --> 00:04:38,251 Cool, cool. Hey, um, 131 00:04:38,276 --> 00:04:40,044 I feel like Baby Bill here 132 00:04:40,069 --> 00:04:42,927 has a lot of brothers and sisters. 133 00:04:42,958 --> 00:04:44,438 So what's the real total? 134 00:04:44,473 --> 00:04:46,028 No, Jess, that's it, I swear. 135 00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:47,786 Come on, Robby, $400? 136 00:04:47,811 --> 00:04:48,976 I know what's going on here. 137 00:04:49,011 --> 00:04:50,244 You think I'm too poor to pay. 138 00:04:50,269 --> 00:04:51,284 - I... - But you know what? 139 00:04:51,311 --> 00:04:53,169 Would a poor person... 140 00:04:53,916 --> 00:04:55,149 do this? 141 00:04:55,184 --> 00:04:56,708 How much is it? How much? 142 00:04:56,733 --> 00:04:58,185 Jess, I'm not gonna tell you, okay? 143 00:04:58,221 --> 00:04:59,653 Unless you ask me repeatedly, 144 00:04:59,689 --> 00:05:01,270 in which case I'll eventually crack. Damn it. 145 00:05:01,295 --> 00:05:02,795 - What's the total? - Uh.. no. 146 00:05:02,820 --> 00:05:04,028 - What's the total? - No. 147 00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:05,278 - What's the total? - Not gonna tell you. 148 00:05:05,303 --> 00:05:07,161 What's the total? 149 00:05:07,196 --> 00:05:08,596 $200,000. 150 00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:18,238 Seinfeld. 151 00:05:22,452 --> 00:05:24,619 Moment of truth. 152 00:05:25,262 --> 00:05:27,583 Yep, here it is. 153 00:05:27,826 --> 00:05:29,435 So please don't feel any pressure to like it, 154 00:05:29,460 --> 00:05:33,062 even though I spent 7,000 hours writing it. 155 00:05:33,338 --> 00:05:35,972 So without further ado, or as Pepperwood would say, 156 00:05:35,997 --> 00:05:38,075 "Ah-don't." 157 00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:40,060 You'll get that when you read it. 158 00:05:40,172 --> 00:05:42,489 Here it is. 159 00:05:42,849 --> 00:05:44,007 Here it is. 160 00:05:44,042 --> 00:05:46,208 I cannot wait to read this. 161 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:49,755 I cannot wait to R-E-A... 162 00:05:49,780 --> 00:05:50,888 - Jess! - Jess! 163 00:05:50,913 --> 00:05:52,302 Hey, there she is. 164 00:05:52,327 --> 00:05:53,770 Oh, me, hey. 165 00:05:54,819 --> 00:05:57,380 Sorry to interrupt. Are you re-reading The Pepperwood Chronicles? 166 00:05:57,405 --> 00:05:59,863 It is actually my very first time. 167 00:05:59,888 --> 00:06:01,927 - A TPC virgin. - Yeah. 168 00:06:01,952 --> 00:06:04,194 "Ah-don't..." believe it. 169 00:06:04,229 --> 00:06:05,802 - I'll get out of your hair. - No, no, no, stay. 170 00:06:05,827 --> 00:06:07,435 No, what is all that stuff in your hands? 171 00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:08,722 I'm totaling my assets. 172 00:06:08,747 --> 00:06:10,099 It's really bleak. 173 00:06:10,124 --> 00:06:12,135 You can't say that and then not elaborate, right? 174 00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:13,974 No, I feel like we should really unpack this. 175 00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,305 - Really? - Definitely. 176 00:06:15,340 --> 00:06:16,640 Thanks, guys. 177 00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:21,033 Well, Robby's medical bills are a fifth of a million dollars 178 00:06:21,075 --> 00:06:22,263 and I'm freaking out. 179 00:06:22,288 --> 00:06:24,381 I almost rounded up all my ballet flats 180 00:06:24,416 --> 00:06:26,942 and sold them on flattyflattyboomboom.com, 181 00:06:26,967 --> 00:06:28,997 the premier website for used flats. 182 00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:30,821 Well, there are other options. There are other options. 183 00:06:30,856 --> 00:06:33,356 Um, as somebody who passed the bar exam eight years ago, 184 00:06:33,392 --> 00:06:35,492 I could offer you legal expertise. 185 00:06:35,527 --> 00:06:36,974 I could read the medical paperwork. 186 00:06:36,999 --> 00:06:41,028 Oh! An almost lawyer and a sort of doctor. 187 00:06:41,053 --> 00:06:42,920 Lucky me. Okay. 188 00:06:42,945 --> 00:06:44,778 Strategy sesh in the cubicle. 189 00:06:44,803 --> 00:06:47,005 I'll meet you guys there. 190 00:06:47,906 --> 00:06:49,773 Or we can go... all go together if you want. 191 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:50,833 - Together. - Yeah. 192 00:06:50,866 --> 00:06:52,866 - Yeah, let's go together. - Great. 193 00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:56,322 I rewrote the EstroFuel ad to star a hunk, 194 00:06:56,347 --> 00:06:58,480 and I got Donovan the gig. 195 00:06:58,505 --> 00:06:59,713 Whoo! 196 00:06:59,746 --> 00:07:00,768 - Hey, everybody, - Yes! 197 00:07:00,793 --> 00:07:02,338 I just want to let you know, I've thought about it, 198 00:07:02,363 --> 00:07:03,764 and I'm quitting modeling 199 00:07:03,789 --> 00:07:05,971 to focus on applying to police school. 200 00:07:10,696 --> 00:07:13,674 Honey, that is a very radical career change, okay? 201 00:07:13,729 --> 00:07:16,323 That's why I like it. I can't be tied down. 202 00:07:16,778 --> 00:07:18,362 Picture this: 203 00:07:19,104 --> 00:07:20,971 your mom has night sweats. 204 00:07:21,216 --> 00:07:22,549 She needs relief. 205 00:07:22,574 --> 00:07:24,495 Luckily, she has a handsome son 206 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,120 to go pick up her supplements, 207 00:07:26,145 --> 00:07:29,737 because menopause isn't just about women anymore. 208 00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:31,650 EstroFuel: 209 00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:34,237 putting the men back in menopause. 210 00:07:34,736 --> 00:07:35,702 Starring Donovan. 211 00:07:35,727 --> 00:07:36,820 Wow. 212 00:07:36,847 --> 00:07:38,784 That's... wow, what an opportunity. 213 00:07:38,809 --> 00:07:40,096 But I'm becoming a cop. 214 00:07:40,121 --> 00:07:41,731 No. No! 215 00:07:41,756 --> 00:07:44,540 You are the face of EstroFuel. 216 00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,791 - The shoot is tonight. - Oh, my God, it's tonight? 217 00:07:46,816 --> 00:07:49,002 And I told my boss that Cece's Boys would be there. 218 00:07:49,027 --> 00:07:51,311 - You told your boss... - Thank you, I'll see you there. 219 00:07:51,336 --> 00:07:52,846 Winston, you ready for the tour? 220 00:07:52,871 --> 00:07:53,877 - Hmm? - The what? 221 00:07:53,902 --> 00:07:55,601 Huh? Yea... 222 00:07:55,741 --> 00:07:57,877 Here's what happened, let me explain this. 223 00:07:57,902 --> 00:08:00,744 Um, I offered Don a tour of the precinct, 224 00:08:00,779 --> 00:08:02,924 he accepted, and now it's happening. 225 00:08:03,979 --> 00:08:06,102 - Okay, Winston? Winston! - Yeah? 226 00:08:06,127 --> 00:08:07,584 You better make sure that this is the worst tour 227 00:08:07,619 --> 00:08:09,104 that you've ever given anyone in your life. 228 00:08:09,129 --> 00:08:10,307 And that's gonna be tough. 229 00:08:10,363 --> 00:08:13,495 I've given some really bad tours. 230 00:08:15,590 --> 00:08:18,370 Okay, does this rendering represent 231 00:08:18,409 --> 00:08:19,901 the incident in question? 232 00:08:19,926 --> 00:08:21,385 There was way more blood. 233 00:08:21,410 --> 00:08:23,104 Wait, come on, it was not this violent. 234 00:08:23,129 --> 00:08:25,120 It was way worse. Grown men fainted. 235 00:08:25,145 --> 00:08:26,237 Jess, I found something. 236 00:08:26,262 --> 00:08:27,674 The hospital billed Robby for 237 00:08:27,699 --> 00:08:30,987 the Larry King Preemptive Memorial Post-Op Recovery Suite. 238 00:08:31,042 --> 00:08:32,375 That's obviously a mistake. 239 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:33,666 Uh, that's not a mistake, actually. 240 00:08:33,691 --> 00:08:34,745 I needed a private room 241 00:08:34,770 --> 00:08:36,252 because a lot of times in my dreams, 242 00:08:36,277 --> 00:08:38,588 I'm thinking about concerts that I really enjoy going to, 243 00:08:38,613 --> 00:08:41,245 so it's just a lot of me clapping and singing along. 244 00:08:42,403 --> 00:08:43,612 I can't afford this. 245 00:08:43,637 --> 00:08:45,303 Well, you don't have to, just let me pay. 246 00:08:45,328 --> 00:08:46,901 No, you don't pay. I pay! 247 00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:48,368 What if no one pays? 248 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,460 From my drawing, I don't see any signage. 249 00:08:50,495 --> 00:08:52,649 Do you see any signage? So here's my question. 250 00:08:52,674 --> 00:08:53,907 Do you remember seeing 251 00:08:53,932 --> 00:08:56,132 any safety signs near the machine? 252 00:08:56,168 --> 00:08:58,370 - This is important. - There was just a poster saying that 253 00:08:58,395 --> 00:08:59,830 they were closed on Veteran's Day. 254 00:08:59,855 --> 00:09:00,988 That's what I wanted to hear. 255 00:09:01,013 --> 00:09:02,854 Folks, we got a lawsuit. 256 00:09:02,879 --> 00:09:03,845 - Good job. - Great. 257 00:09:03,870 --> 00:09:05,088 Seriously, guys, just let me pay this. 258 00:09:05,113 --> 00:09:06,190 Say that one more time. 259 00:09:06,215 --> 00:09:08,120 Say that you're gonna pay one more time and see what happens. 260 00:09:08,145 --> 00:09:09,612 Wow, okay. 261 00:09:09,648 --> 00:09:11,648 You know what usually calms me down? 262 00:09:11,683 --> 00:09:14,276 - A good mall walk. - No, we're suing the gym. 263 00:09:14,301 --> 00:09:15,565 Nick, take it away. 264 00:09:15,590 --> 00:09:17,877 Well, I would love to, but legally, 265 00:09:17,902 --> 00:09:18,940 I can't practice law. 266 00:09:18,965 --> 00:09:20,857 Yeah, I have a really good lawyer, she's an animal. 267 00:09:20,892 --> 00:09:21,925 So you're on board now? 268 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,994 Yeah, I just go with the flow. 269 00:09:24,029 --> 00:09:25,409 I'm gonna call my gal. 270 00:09:26,698 --> 00:09:28,174 - We need the office. - What's wrong? 271 00:09:28,199 --> 00:09:31,268 Yeah, so, Schmidt booked Donovan a photo shoot at Ass Strat, 272 00:09:31,293 --> 00:09:32,901 but Donovan just quit modeling 273 00:09:32,926 --> 00:09:34,359 so that he could become a cop. 274 00:09:34,384 --> 00:09:35,405 A cop? 275 00:09:35,430 --> 00:09:36,973 It's my boss, Kim. 276 00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:38,058 God, I hate her. 277 00:09:38,083 --> 00:09:41,080 Hello, Kimberly. You sound like your skin looks amazing. 278 00:09:41,105 --> 00:09:43,391 All right, Reagan, you can get to reading. 279 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,515 We can stick around if you want us to. 280 00:09:45,557 --> 00:09:46,838 - I don't think it's necessary. - You need us? 281 00:09:46,863 --> 00:09:48,018 - We'll stick around for you. - I don't think so. 282 00:09:48,043 --> 00:09:48,982 Yeah, we'll stick around. 283 00:09:49,007 --> 00:09:50,010 - Winston! - Winston! 284 00:09:50,035 --> 00:09:51,043 Me! 285 00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:52,924 Did you make police work look as boring as possible? 286 00:09:52,956 --> 00:09:54,556 I want so badly to tell you yes, 287 00:09:54,591 --> 00:09:56,291 but there was a situation. 288 00:09:56,901 --> 00:09:59,294 Protect and serve, more like protect and snooze. 289 00:09:59,329 --> 00:10:01,965 Yeah, this is boring. 290 00:10:01,990 --> 00:10:03,416 Bishop, 291 00:10:03,441 --> 00:10:04,995 a word. 292 00:10:06,463 --> 00:10:08,436 And the word is... 293 00:10:08,971 --> 00:10:11,370 "moo." 294 00:10:11,830 --> 00:10:13,807 Moo! 295 00:10:14,011 --> 00:10:16,159 Shut up! I-I'm the C.O.W.? 296 00:10:16,184 --> 00:10:17,891 I'm the... I'm the cop of the week? 297 00:10:17,916 --> 00:10:20,634 ♪ Celebrate good times ♪ 298 00:10:20,659 --> 00:10:21,665 ♪ Moo moo ♪ 299 00:10:21,690 --> 00:10:24,319 ♪ Celebrate good times ♪ 300 00:10:24,365 --> 00:10:25,494 ♪ Moo moo ♪ 301 00:10:25,519 --> 00:10:26,659 I'm home! 302 00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:28,190 Well, congratulations, Winston, 303 00:10:28,225 --> 00:10:30,135 on finally making C.O.W. 304 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:31,393 And damn you! 305 00:10:31,428 --> 00:10:33,596 Cece, we're gonna have go put out a menopause fire. 306 00:10:33,621 --> 00:10:34,877 - Let's go! - I made C.O.W., though. 307 00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:36,542 I made C.O.W., we ain't forgetting about all that. 308 00:10:36,567 --> 00:10:38,455 Okay, so, my lawyer says I don't have a case 309 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,345 against the gym because I signed a waiver. 310 00:10:40,370 --> 00:10:42,871 A waiver? Jess, you did not say anything about a waiver. 311 00:10:42,906 --> 00:10:44,268 Was that it? 312 00:10:44,293 --> 00:10:45,907 She didn't advise me on anything else. 313 00:10:45,943 --> 00:10:47,075 Okay. 314 00:10:47,110 --> 00:10:48,543 No one says the word "advise" 315 00:10:48,579 --> 00:10:50,545 unless they got advice, so what did she advise? 316 00:10:50,581 --> 00:10:52,881 Uh... oh, no. 317 00:10:52,908 --> 00:10:54,385 - What did she advise? - She didn't... it just wasn't... 318 00:10:54,418 --> 00:10:55,851 - What did she advise? - It didn't... 319 00:10:55,876 --> 00:10:57,362 Come on, what did she advise? 320 00:10:57,387 --> 00:10:59,526 - She advised that I sue! - I knew it! Who? 321 00:10:59,551 --> 00:11:00,674 You. 322 00:11:01,333 --> 00:11:02,865 Me? 323 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,683 - Nick, can I read your book? - I was just about to suggest it. 324 00:11:05,708 --> 00:11:07,699 - Let's get out of here. - Schmidt and Cece need me. 325 00:11:11,401 --> 00:11:14,047 Whoa! God, what's that smell? 326 00:11:16,112 --> 00:11:18,298 I'm not gonna sue you, Jess. Was that not clear? 327 00:11:18,324 --> 00:11:20,338 I told my lawyer that you're just an innocent bystander. 328 00:11:20,363 --> 00:11:22,908 Okay? So, if we can, uh, hit the mall? 329 00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:26,658 I mean, there is a big sale at this Japanese cereal store. 330 00:11:26,683 --> 00:11:28,074 It sounds amazing. 331 00:11:28,099 --> 00:11:30,909 You really think I was an innocent bystander, do you? 332 00:11:30,934 --> 00:11:32,402 - Is that bad? - Yeah. 333 00:11:32,410 --> 00:11:34,642 I'm just saying that I don't really think 334 00:11:34,667 --> 00:11:37,174 that you, uh, ever do anything wrong. 335 00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:39,878 - Anything? Ever? - Oh, we're starting to get into this. 336 00:11:39,903 --> 00:11:42,994 Look... I know a great place where we can hash this over. 337 00:11:43,019 --> 00:11:44,350 It's a place called Hash It Over. 338 00:11:44,375 --> 00:11:45,769 It's in the food court at the mall, it's a hash brown... 339 00:11:45,794 --> 00:11:47,824 We're not going to the mall. 340 00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:57,684 - Why are you watching... - Why am I watching you? 341 00:11:57,709 --> 00:11:58,723 Why are you? 342 00:11:58,748 --> 00:12:00,121 - I'm not anymore. - Okay. 343 00:12:00,146 --> 00:12:01,684 Weird to watch. 344 00:12:01,709 --> 00:12:02,801 That's why I'm not gonna do it. 345 00:12:02,826 --> 00:12:04,027 - Great. - Bye. 346 00:12:04,052 --> 00:12:05,965 I thought this was about a bill, but apparently, 347 00:12:05,990 --> 00:12:07,423 it's about our whole relationship. 348 00:12:07,448 --> 00:12:10,494 How could I date someone who doesn't see me realistically? 349 00:12:10,519 --> 00:12:12,949 - No, but, Jess... - I mess stuff up all the time. 350 00:12:12,974 --> 00:12:14,332 Ask Nick. He knows. 351 00:12:14,357 --> 00:12:15,815 Nick, do I mess things up? 352 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:17,605 You know it, baby. Bye! 353 00:12:17,630 --> 00:12:19,775 I promised I wouldn't come back, 354 00:12:19,808 --> 00:12:22,581 but it is a little uncomfortable out there. 355 00:12:25,294 --> 00:12:26,762 Jess, I know that you have flaws. 356 00:12:26,787 --> 00:12:28,379 Okay, name one. 357 00:12:28,613 --> 00:12:30,559 Uh... Easy. 358 00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:32,613 You walk too fast through a museum. 359 00:12:32,638 --> 00:12:35,215 Although, it is pretty good, because we get to see everything 360 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:37,027 and then we have time for the cafe afterwards. 361 00:12:37,052 --> 00:12:39,199 I'm gonna say that overall it enriches the experience. 362 00:12:39,224 --> 00:12:40,643 That is just a compliment! 363 00:12:40,668 --> 00:12:43,754 I will be in the cubicle drinking myself numb. 364 00:12:43,901 --> 00:12:46,134 - Please, keep fighting. - Appreciate it. 365 00:12:46,170 --> 00:12:47,957 I am paying a top-notch photographer 366 00:12:47,982 --> 00:12:49,918 to sit around and bitch about how hard it is 367 00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:51,825 to find French cigarettes in Los Angeles. 368 00:12:51,850 --> 00:12:54,074 - Where's the model? - Changing. 369 00:12:54,099 --> 00:12:57,246 Yeah, um, uh, Donovan, are you almost ready? 370 00:12:57,271 --> 00:12:59,129 I am changing. 371 00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:00,849 I am Donovan. 372 00:13:00,884 --> 00:13:02,113 What agency did you use again? 373 00:13:02,138 --> 00:13:03,707 Cece's Boys. 374 00:13:03,732 --> 00:13:06,262 Look... Cece herself showed up. She's very hands-on. 375 00:13:06,287 --> 00:13:07,863 That's your wife. I've met her many times. 376 00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:09,113 Schmidt, if this falls through... 377 00:13:09,138 --> 00:13:10,605 Look, my client will be here, 378 00:13:10,630 --> 00:13:14,223 and if for some reason he's not, that is on me and only me. 379 00:13:14,248 --> 00:13:16,316 I'm gonna go shout into a toilet. 380 00:13:17,707 --> 00:13:19,176 Okay, well, what are we gonna do now? 381 00:13:19,201 --> 00:13:20,867 Babe, we are not gonna do anything, okay? 382 00:13:20,892 --> 00:13:22,425 You have done so much for me, 383 00:13:22,450 --> 00:13:25,386 more than any normal person, and I love you. 384 00:13:25,621 --> 00:13:28,443 But if I am gonna graduate from the dining room table, 385 00:13:28,468 --> 00:13:32,270 I need to learn how to manage my clients on my own. 386 00:13:32,316 --> 00:13:33,782 Okay. 387 00:13:35,394 --> 00:13:37,352 Oh, man, that was intense. 388 00:13:37,380 --> 00:13:40,103 Uh, also, Schmidt, I printed something... do you know where it went? 389 00:13:40,128 --> 00:13:41,245 - Not now. - Okay. 390 00:13:41,270 --> 00:13:42,894 Okay, it's voice mail. 391 00:13:43,827 --> 00:13:45,193 Donovan... 392 00:13:45,262 --> 00:13:47,878 I know that you don't want to be tied down, okay? 393 00:13:47,903 --> 00:13:50,532 But that's why being a model is... 394 00:13:50,567 --> 00:13:51,847 perfect for you. 395 00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:53,603 Because if you're a cop, 396 00:13:53,628 --> 00:13:56,081 then you're just gonna be a cop. 397 00:13:56,106 --> 00:14:00,475 But if you're a model, then you can be everyone. 398 00:14:00,894 --> 00:14:04,746 You can be an ice cream man, a rocketeer, a jewel thief, 399 00:14:04,782 --> 00:14:07,207 or an underwear guy in a 10 million dollar loft 400 00:14:07,232 --> 00:14:09,151 whose only furniture is a telescope. 401 00:14:09,186 --> 00:14:11,041 So, help me... 402 00:14:11,066 --> 00:14:12,917 help you... 403 00:14:12,942 --> 00:14:15,991 become the everyone that you can be! 404 00:14:16,058 --> 00:14:17,776 - That's how you do it! - That was awesome! 405 00:14:17,801 --> 00:14:18,855 - Yes! - Right? 406 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:20,261 That was amazing. 407 00:14:20,534 --> 00:14:22,042 It felt good. 408 00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:23,800 - You think it worked? - Couldn't tell you. 409 00:14:23,825 --> 00:14:25,230 I know you're capable of messing up. 410 00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:26,847 Really? Because you won't even admit 411 00:14:26,872 --> 00:14:28,331 that the gym thing is my fault. 412 00:14:28,356 --> 00:14:31,019 Your lawyer wants you to sue me, 413 00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:32,511 and frankly, I agree with her. 414 00:14:32,536 --> 00:14:34,198 - So sue me. - I am not gonna sue you. 415 00:14:34,223 --> 00:14:36,161 Then how can I ever trust you? 416 00:14:36,193 --> 00:14:37,206 That doesn't make any sense. 417 00:14:37,231 --> 00:14:38,667 You know what? If you're not gonna sue me, 418 00:14:38,692 --> 00:14:39,815 - then get out of here. - Fine. 419 00:14:39,870 --> 00:14:41,097 But I will tell you this: 420 00:14:41,122 --> 00:14:44,659 you will not be hearing from my lawyer. 421 00:14:45,136 --> 00:14:46,573 - Bye, Nick. - See you, Robby. 422 00:14:46,598 --> 00:14:47,924 I forgot you were there. 423 00:14:47,949 --> 00:14:49,096 Reagan was right. 424 00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:51,960 These noise-canceling headphones are really broken. 425 00:14:51,995 --> 00:14:53,596 I could hear everything. 426 00:15:00,112 --> 00:15:02,579 God, why are tiny rakes so soothing? 427 00:15:02,614 --> 00:15:06,049 You know, I think I'm finally starting to understand momentum. 428 00:15:06,085 --> 00:15:09,190 Which, apparently, my book does not have. 429 00:15:09,245 --> 00:15:11,354 Nick, everyone loves it. 430 00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:13,571 Robby wrote fan fiction for it. 431 00:15:13,596 --> 00:15:15,159 - He wrote fan fiction? - Yeah. 432 00:15:15,195 --> 00:15:17,328 - That means the world to me. - He loves it so much. 433 00:15:17,363 --> 00:15:19,955 Don't take this the wrong way about Robby, but... 434 00:15:20,182 --> 00:15:22,438 he is way too good for you. 435 00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:23,968 He's way too good for everybody. 436 00:15:24,037 --> 00:15:25,376 I know. 437 00:15:25,401 --> 00:15:26,977 What is wrong with me? 438 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:29,243 Oh... 439 00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:30,928 Any insight, ex to ex? 440 00:15:30,953 --> 00:15:32,720 Of what's wrong with you? 441 00:15:33,885 --> 00:15:36,299 Oh, this feels like a trap. 442 00:15:36,354 --> 00:15:39,352 Well, you know, maybe when things are going good, 443 00:15:39,377 --> 00:15:42,313 you get scared and you look for reasons to doubt it. 444 00:15:42,338 --> 00:15:43,565 Yeah. 445 00:15:44,260 --> 00:15:45,634 Is that what happened with us? 446 00:15:45,659 --> 00:15:48,362 I mean, I can't begin to understand what happened with us, 447 00:15:48,387 --> 00:15:49,487 but maybe. 448 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,376 So, what are you gonna do about Reagan? 449 00:15:51,401 --> 00:15:54,332 I don't know. Her opinion means a lot to me, so... 450 00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:56,667 Well, I think that's good you're letting yourself be vulnerable. 451 00:15:56,695 --> 00:15:58,040 Was I not that with you? 452 00:15:58,065 --> 00:15:59,540 Who knows what happened with us? 453 00:15:59,565 --> 00:16:01,940 We were just kids. Like... 454 00:16:02,006 --> 00:16:04,686 you had a box, and I wanted you to get a bank account. 455 00:16:04,711 --> 00:16:06,720 - Well, they're kind of the same thing. - Well... 456 00:16:06,745 --> 00:16:09,313 You wanted to live on a lake; I wanted to live on Mars. 457 00:16:09,349 --> 00:16:11,329 You wanted to be a truck driver on Mars, 458 00:16:11,354 --> 00:16:13,251 - which is impractical. - Well, I need to work. I need to work. 459 00:16:13,293 --> 00:16:14,859 - I don't want to fight with you. - Let's not fight. 460 00:16:14,888 --> 00:16:17,989 Let's not get into the details again. 461 00:16:18,024 --> 00:16:19,724 Look, to getting older and wiser. 462 00:16:19,759 --> 00:16:22,119 And hopefully, a little bit better. 463 00:16:22,144 --> 00:16:24,144 - Cheers. - Cheers. 464 00:16:27,564 --> 00:16:29,852 All right, time to face the music. 465 00:16:31,103 --> 00:16:32,369 Yeah. 466 00:16:32,405 --> 00:16:34,884 Relationships are so hard. 467 00:16:35,274 --> 00:16:36,674 I know. 468 00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:40,509 But we can't stay in here forever, can we? 469 00:16:50,756 --> 00:16:52,389 No, we can't. 470 00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:54,429 No, we can't. 471 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,320 Okay. 472 00:17:01,181 --> 00:17:03,170 I'm taking the gin with me, though. 473 00:17:03,195 --> 00:17:06,084 Alcohol is kind of a cubicle for the insides. 474 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,069 Nick, you're like a... 475 00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:09,763 drunk Maya Angelou. 476 00:17:10,045 --> 00:17:12,037 Not the first time I heard that. 477 00:17:12,062 --> 00:17:14,240 No, I don't want to buy your weed. 478 00:17:14,265 --> 00:17:17,513 Yes, I understand how primo it is. 479 00:17:19,319 --> 00:17:21,519 Well, Donovan's mom is a dead end. 480 00:17:21,821 --> 00:17:23,654 Ooh, hey, Kim. Look, it's Donovan. 481 00:17:23,689 --> 00:17:24,763 Hey. 482 00:17:24,788 --> 00:17:27,263 That's Winston. I know these people, Schmidt. 483 00:17:27,288 --> 00:17:30,341 I've met them, and their pictures are everywhere. 484 00:17:30,373 --> 00:17:31,888 Why is everyone standing around? 485 00:17:31,913 --> 00:17:33,490 - Yes! - Donovan! 486 00:17:33,633 --> 00:17:35,607 Sorry, Winston, I can't be a cop. 487 00:17:35,632 --> 00:17:37,591 My manager convinced me to be a model. 488 00:17:37,616 --> 00:17:40,302 Welcome to Cece's Boys, Donovan. 489 00:17:40,591 --> 00:17:42,168 Oh, yes. 490 00:17:43,050 --> 00:17:44,637 Kim is happy. 491 00:17:57,752 --> 00:17:59,266 - Hey. - Hi. 492 00:18:01,334 --> 00:18:02,700 Cool windbreaker. 493 00:18:02,725 --> 00:18:04,158 - Is that new? - Yeah. 494 00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:06,464 I just went to the mall; I did a little retail therapy. 495 00:18:06,489 --> 00:18:07,433 Yeah. 496 00:18:07,458 --> 00:18:09,417 Look, I'm really sorry about today. 497 00:18:09,442 --> 00:18:12,109 I shouldn't be looking for things to go wrong. 498 00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:14,706 It's just... a thing that I do. 499 00:18:14,731 --> 00:18:16,151 I'm sorry, too. 500 00:18:16,176 --> 00:18:17,909 I mean, sometimes I act more like a... 501 00:18:17,934 --> 00:18:19,620 superfan than a boyfriend. 502 00:18:19,645 --> 00:18:21,018 And I don't want to do that with you. 503 00:18:21,043 --> 00:18:22,956 I don't want to do my thing, either. 504 00:18:22,981 --> 00:18:24,214 It's going really well. 505 00:18:24,239 --> 00:18:25,539 Especially considering it started 506 00:18:25,564 --> 00:18:27,964 with you dropping 175 pounds of iron on my face. 507 00:18:27,989 --> 00:18:29,622 So you admit it's my fault! 508 00:18:29,647 --> 00:18:32,915 Okay, I'll admit that... it's half your fault. 509 00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:36,753 I mean, look, I could have yelled out and said "stop" or something, but... 510 00:18:37,229 --> 00:18:38,996 I wanted you to kiss me. 511 00:18:39,031 --> 00:18:40,230 And hey, 512 00:18:40,266 --> 00:18:41,933 I'm paying that medical bill, okay? 513 00:18:41,958 --> 00:18:43,511 Because... I'm rich. 514 00:18:43,536 --> 00:18:46,151 Okay, fine. But I am knitting you 515 00:18:46,176 --> 00:18:48,464 $200,000 worth of scarves. 516 00:18:48,489 --> 00:18:49,784 Final offer. 517 00:18:50,479 --> 00:18:51,589 Deal. 518 00:18:52,714 --> 00:18:54,854 Now stand still... I'm coming in for the romantic gesture. 519 00:18:54,879 --> 00:18:56,113 Oh! 520 00:18:56,952 --> 00:18:58,285 Are you wearing perfume? 521 00:18:58,318 --> 00:19:00,706 I hugged a limo driver. 522 00:19:02,151 --> 00:19:04,488 - Oh, my God! Nick! - Geez. 523 00:19:04,523 --> 00:19:06,573 Oh, my God. 524 00:19:06,598 --> 00:19:09,097 Oh... uh... 525 00:19:09,122 --> 00:19:10,370 I, uh... 526 00:19:10,395 --> 00:19:11,928 Fell asleep on my book. 527 00:19:12,302 --> 00:19:13,468 It's okay. 528 00:19:13,493 --> 00:19:16,284 Agatha Christie's husband, David... 529 00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:18,991 notoriously hated her writing. 530 00:19:19,016 --> 00:19:20,449 Hated it. 531 00:19:20,474 --> 00:19:22,007 But they had other things, you know? 532 00:19:22,032 --> 00:19:23,542 They had surfing, dogs... 533 00:19:23,567 --> 00:19:26,186 they... they rescued a lot of dogs... 534 00:19:26,212 --> 00:19:27,378 had electric sex... 535 00:19:27,403 --> 00:19:28,581 I'm afraid I'm not gonna like your book. 536 00:19:28,606 --> 00:19:29,691 Thank you for stopping me... 537 00:19:29,716 --> 00:19:30,706 I don't even know what I was talking about. 538 00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:32,658 I don't know anything about Agatha Christie. 539 00:19:32,683 --> 00:19:35,883 Honestly, I've never really liked fiction. 540 00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:37,222 It puts me to sleep. 541 00:19:37,247 --> 00:19:38,846 Okay. 542 00:19:38,871 --> 00:19:40,837 That helps, to know that. 543 00:19:41,089 --> 00:19:43,389 Why didn't you just say that before? 544 00:19:44,439 --> 00:19:45,738 I was embarrassed, 545 00:19:45,763 --> 00:19:47,096 and I didn't want you to think 546 00:19:47,121 --> 00:19:49,921 that I'm not excited to read your book, because I am. 547 00:19:49,946 --> 00:19:51,229 I am excited. 548 00:19:51,254 --> 00:19:53,453 So... you're excited to read my book, 549 00:19:53,478 --> 00:19:55,484 you just might fall asleep when you read it, 550 00:19:55,509 --> 00:19:56,640 but it's not personal. 551 00:19:56,665 --> 00:19:57,718 Yes. 552 00:19:57,743 --> 00:19:58,875 Okay. 553 00:20:01,803 --> 00:20:03,936 - It's a lot of pages. - It is, yeah. 554 00:20:03,961 --> 00:20:06,461 Would it help if I read some of it out loud? 555 00:20:06,486 --> 00:20:08,405 Just so you get the New Orleans flavor? 556 00:20:08,430 --> 00:20:09,835 I think it will. 557 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:18,524 "Julius Pepperwood loved three things in his life... 558 00:20:18,559 --> 00:20:20,526 "his gumbo... 559 00:20:20,561 --> 00:20:22,328 "his sex... 560 00:20:22,363 --> 00:20:24,059 "and more of that sweet gumbo. 561 00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:28,934 "Her legs were as long as the deep..." 562 00:20:28,970 --> 00:20:31,270 You have got to be kidding me! 563 00:20:31,295 --> 00:20:32,677 Just kidding. 564 00:20:35,223 --> 00:20:36,528 What's wrong with the house again? 565 00:20:36,553 --> 00:20:38,536 Well, I'm just worried about this one room. 566 00:20:38,561 --> 00:20:41,208 - Mm-hmm. - It feels like it's becoming... 567 00:20:41,233 --> 00:20:42,606 your home office. 568 00:20:45,231 --> 00:20:46,591 Oh, my God. 569 00:20:46,616 --> 00:20:48,466 I can't believe that you did this! 570 00:20:48,491 --> 00:20:49,790 It's... 571 00:20:51,976 --> 00:20:53,223 It's so amazing. 572 00:20:53,248 --> 00:20:55,761 - Look at that. EstroFuel. - And a... 573 00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:58,380 framed, shirtless picture of you. 574 00:20:58,405 --> 00:21:00,575 Well... I'm the original Cece's boy. 575 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,161 OGCB fo' life. 576 00:21:02,186 --> 00:21:04,809 I love it so much, babe. I love it so much, 577 00:21:04,834 --> 00:21:06,356 I can't wait to start working here. 578 00:21:06,381 --> 00:21:08,489 And I'm gonna start working here right now. 579 00:21:08,514 --> 00:21:11,477 This very second while there are no distractions. 580 00:21:11,502 --> 00:21:13,270 N-no d... no distractions. 581 00:21:13,295 --> 00:21:15,391 It's perfect. Thank you. Total silence. 582 00:21:15,416 --> 00:21:16,950 It's incredible. What a sanctuary. 583 00:21:16,975 --> 00:21:18,486 Complete silence. You got it. 584 00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:20,425 I love you. Have fun. 585 00:21:20,450 --> 00:21:21,983 You... No distractions. 586 00:21:24,108 --> 00:21:26,013 Abort. Abort. Abort. 587 00:21:26,038 --> 00:21:28,839 But Robby wrote a Cece's Boys theme song for the band. 588 00:21:28,864 --> 00:21:31,434 - Schmidt? - Scatter! Scatter! Go, go! 589 00:21:36,609 --> 00:21:38,614 ♪ Los Cece's Boys. ♪ 590 00:21:38,662 --> 00:21:42,520 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com