1 00:00:02,483 --> 00:00:03,734 I need it. I have a big day at work today. 2 00:00:03,759 --> 00:00:06,273 I need it more. I have to bake muffins before work. 3 00:00:06,298 --> 00:00:08,195 - What? Why? - 'Cause it's for my... 4 00:00:08,220 --> 00:00:10,803 "Lunch With Your Princi-Pal" campaign. 5 00:00:10,828 --> 00:00:12,402 See, being principal's great, 6 00:00:12,427 --> 00:00:13,901 but unlike being vice principal, 7 00:00:13,926 --> 00:00:15,359 now the buck stops with me. 8 00:00:15,402 --> 00:00:17,869 I'm "the Man" now, and all the kids 9 00:00:17,904 --> 00:00:20,440 can just smell "the Man" all over me. 10 00:00:20,465 --> 00:00:22,323 That sounded really weird. 11 00:00:22,348 --> 00:00:23,614 All I'm saying is, 12 00:00:23,639 --> 00:00:26,154 suddenly I have no relationship with the kids. 13 00:00:26,179 --> 00:00:28,659 I'm really counting on these muffins to humanize me. 14 00:00:28,684 --> 00:00:30,034 I deserve that coffee. 15 00:00:30,059 --> 00:00:33,069 I'm finally director of marketing at Ass Strat. 16 00:00:33,148 --> 00:00:35,803 Today I get to hire an assistant. 17 00:00:35,828 --> 00:00:37,335 I'm gonna be tough, 18 00:00:37,368 --> 00:00:38,903 but I won't be a screamer. 19 00:00:38,928 --> 00:00:40,733 It's not constructive, it's rude. 20 00:00:40,764 --> 00:00:42,350 - Ooh, coffee. - Your pour that coffee down, 21 00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:43,991 you throw it or I'll pour your blood on the ground! 22 00:00:44,016 --> 00:00:46,579 - You'll pour my blood on the ground? - I'll knife you! 23 00:00:46,604 --> 00:00:48,977 Look, I got a full day of writing ahead of me, 24 00:00:49,002 --> 00:00:51,168 and that requires a fourth cup of joe. 25 00:00:51,204 --> 00:00:52,805 What else is my whiskey gonna swim in? 26 00:00:52,830 --> 00:00:54,498 You're taking this too far. You treat that heart of yours 27 00:00:54,523 --> 00:00:55,734 like a baseball-man's mitt. 28 00:00:55,759 --> 00:00:58,386 Uh, hello, I am the one packing for our move today, 29 00:00:58,411 --> 00:01:00,601 so I will be having, uh, the coffee. 30 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:03,891 - I get the coffee! - Enough is enough with this! 31 00:01:03,916 --> 00:01:05,409 - What are you doing here, Winston?! - I get the coffee! 32 00:01:05,434 --> 00:01:07,261 Enough! 33 00:01:07,721 --> 00:01:09,463 You guys are tearing each other apart. 34 00:01:09,488 --> 00:01:12,156 For what? Coffee? 35 00:01:12,358 --> 00:01:15,934 Come on, man, you already got that energy inside of you. 36 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:18,693 And that is the light of the Lord. 37 00:01:18,718 --> 00:01:20,551 Man, this? 38 00:01:20,666 --> 00:01:22,800 This ain't nothing but the devil's water. 39 00:01:24,211 --> 00:01:26,280 - Nah, I'm just playing. - Hey, Winston! 40 00:01:26,305 --> 00:01:28,272 Winston, that wasn't fair! 41 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,685 I'll knife you by the urinal, Winston! 42 00:01:29,710 --> 00:01:31,201 Enough with the knifing. 43 00:01:31,226 --> 00:01:35,142 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com 44 00:01:35,274 --> 00:01:37,982 Today's the day it all turns around. 45 00:01:38,211 --> 00:01:40,352 - Hey. - Sorr... I'm sorry I hit you, Jess. 46 00:01:40,377 --> 00:01:42,343 I didn't mean to. I'm using magnetic words 47 00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:44,758 to break through my writer's block, and it's not working. 48 00:01:44,783 --> 00:01:47,564 I've already folded all my shirts and masturbated six times, 49 00:01:47,589 --> 00:01:49,150 and I'm running out of things to do. 50 00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:52,150 I'm just in a real bind. You see, The Pepperwood Chronicles... 51 00:01:52,175 --> 00:01:53,861 sold over 30 copies, Jess. 52 00:01:53,886 --> 00:01:55,658 So, what, we're complaining about good things now? 53 00:01:55,706 --> 00:01:57,783 It's just, my audience is gonna be clamoring for a sequel, 54 00:01:57,808 --> 00:02:00,081 and I can't leave those stevedores, 55 00:02:00,106 --> 00:02:01,900 those-those tugboat workers, 56 00:02:01,925 --> 00:02:03,665 those lighthouse keepers empty-handed. 57 00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:06,142 You think that your audience is entirely made of, like... 58 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:08,990 Blue-collar nautical workers on the coastline of Maine. 59 00:02:09,015 --> 00:02:11,257 I don't think that, Jess, I know that. 60 00:02:11,282 --> 00:02:13,218 Okay, Nick, you're incredibly talented. 61 00:02:13,243 --> 00:02:15,363 You can do this. And you have the key, 62 00:02:15,388 --> 00:02:17,579 and the key is simply... 63 00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:19,937 Oh. I have to go. 64 00:02:19,962 --> 00:02:21,070 Simply what? 65 00:02:21,095 --> 00:02:22,728 Jess, simply what?! 66 00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,970 All right. 67 00:02:27,402 --> 00:02:30,736 What do we have here? "Sentient feces." 68 00:02:31,083 --> 00:02:33,804 Why is there a magnet that says "feces"? 69 00:02:33,839 --> 00:02:35,973 All right. Trust the process. 70 00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:38,301 Ugh. Thanks for helping me pack. 71 00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:39,506 No problem. 72 00:02:39,531 --> 00:02:41,556 This might be our last chance for a mess-around. 73 00:02:41,581 --> 00:02:43,053 Don't you start with that last mess-around stuff. 74 00:02:43,078 --> 00:02:44,800 - Don't you start. - Don't start, 'cause then I'll start. 75 00:02:44,825 --> 00:02:45,834 Look, I'm already starting. Don't start. 76 00:02:45,859 --> 00:02:48,099 - I didn't start this whole thing. - I can't do it, okay? 77 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:49,777 Okay. 78 00:02:49,802 --> 00:02:51,099 Okay, we agreed, 79 00:02:51,124 --> 00:02:53,076 let's just pack, okay? 80 00:02:53,101 --> 00:02:54,133 Great. 81 00:02:54,158 --> 00:02:56,709 - Furguson? Where have you been? - What? Hi! 82 00:02:56,734 --> 00:02:57,959 Huh? When you leave the house, 83 00:02:57,984 --> 00:02:59,591 you take your cell phone with you. 84 00:02:59,616 --> 00:03:03,678 Oh! Oh, thank you so much for grabbing my cat. 85 00:03:03,703 --> 00:03:06,377 Come on, Sweatshirt, there's still some sashimi left between my toes. 86 00:03:06,402 --> 00:03:10,073 Uh, this here is, uh, Winston's cat, Furguson. 87 00:03:10,098 --> 00:03:12,704 Sweatshirt walked through my door a year ago, 88 00:03:12,729 --> 00:03:14,745 and while he may come and go as he pleases, 89 00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:18,148 he loves Mommy and her little milkies. 90 00:03:18,184 --> 00:03:19,830 Yes, he does. 91 00:03:19,855 --> 00:03:21,585 - I'm his home. - Oh, really? 92 00:03:21,610 --> 00:03:23,562 So why do I have a photo of Furguson... 93 00:03:23,598 --> 00:03:25,022 on my phone? 94 00:03:25,057 --> 00:03:26,257 Oh, yeah? 95 00:03:26,292 --> 00:03:28,359 Then why do I have a picture of Sweatshirt... 96 00:03:28,394 --> 00:03:30,361 - on my sweatshirt? - Oh, damn. 97 00:03:33,041 --> 00:03:34,728 Furguson, you got... 98 00:03:34,753 --> 00:03:37,020 you got two families, you dirty dog. 99 00:03:37,045 --> 00:03:38,651 Look, I'm sorry about that. 100 00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:40,270 I'm Winston. This is Cece. 101 00:03:40,295 --> 00:03:43,689 Name's Gil... like the man's name, but for me. 102 00:03:46,228 --> 00:03:47,378 Cornell. 103 00:03:47,413 --> 00:03:48,791 Magna cum laude. 104 00:03:48,816 --> 00:03:51,474 Two years of executive assistant experience. 105 00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:54,951 Very nice. Is this 24-pound linen stock? 106 00:03:54,976 --> 00:03:56,834 - Uh, yeah, it is. - Impressive. 107 00:03:56,859 --> 00:03:59,498 Ken, do me a favor. Will you, uh, untie your tie? 108 00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:03,002 Uh, I can't, actually. It's, um... it's a clip-on. 109 00:04:03,027 --> 00:04:04,088 I know. 110 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,252 Thanks so much, son. See yourself out. 111 00:04:06,277 --> 00:04:07,642 Next. 112 00:04:09,189 --> 00:04:10,448 Hello, sir. 113 00:04:10,473 --> 00:04:12,460 - Hello. - My name is Jeremy. 114 00:04:12,485 --> 00:04:13,750 Thank you. 115 00:04:13,775 --> 00:04:15,372 Let me give you a scenario. 116 00:04:15,408 --> 00:04:17,241 We land the Bronco Blue Jeans account 117 00:04:17,276 --> 00:04:20,144 and install Brett Favre as its face. 118 00:04:20,179 --> 00:04:22,446 You receive a call from a nosy maître d'. 119 00:04:22,481 --> 00:04:24,714 It appears that Brett has been spotted 120 00:04:24,739 --> 00:04:26,558 at the Ritz-Carlton eating a salad, 121 00:04:26,583 --> 00:04:28,296 dressed in a tuxedo. 122 00:04:28,321 --> 00:04:29,777 The paparazzi are on their way. 123 00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:31,893 You rush in to alert me. You find me dead. 124 00:04:31,918 --> 00:04:32,923 What do you do? 125 00:04:32,958 --> 00:04:34,925 I find a honky-tonk bar near the Ritz Carlton. 126 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,847 I leave a pair of perfectly broken-in Bronco Blue Jeans 127 00:04:36,872 --> 00:04:37,981 in Mr. Favre's size, 128 00:04:38,006 --> 00:04:40,207 as well as a grass-stained T-shirt on the floor of the bathroom. 129 00:04:40,232 --> 00:04:41,566 I get on the phone, rent a tractor, 130 00:04:41,591 --> 00:04:43,722 drive it directly into the swimming pool of the Ritz-Carlton. 131 00:04:43,747 --> 00:04:45,436 When the staff is distracted, I physically subdue 132 00:04:45,471 --> 00:04:47,650 Mr. Favre under the weight of my full body, 133 00:04:47,675 --> 00:04:50,035 look him in the eyes and tell him to repeat after me: 134 00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:53,228 "I got drunk playing football and remember nothing since. 135 00:04:53,253 --> 00:04:54,886 "I would never knowingly wear a tuxedo, 136 00:04:54,911 --> 00:04:57,158 "drive a tractor into a swimming pool or eat a salad. 137 00:04:57,183 --> 00:04:58,482 "And I would never knowingly... 138 00:04:58,517 --> 00:04:59,793 "leave my Bronco Blue Jeans behind." 139 00:04:59,818 --> 00:05:02,886 - And the maître d'? - I rented the tractor in his name. 140 00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:05,912 The next call he'll be making will be from the police station. 141 00:05:08,644 --> 00:05:10,582 Welcome to Ass Strat. 142 00:05:10,607 --> 00:05:11,668 Muffin? 143 00:05:11,693 --> 00:05:13,241 Muffin. They're homemade. 144 00:05:13,266 --> 00:05:14,270 - Blueberry. - You're so funny! 145 00:05:14,295 --> 00:05:16,074 Look out, principal's coming! 146 00:05:16,099 --> 00:05:17,665 Bah. Just kidding. Muffin? 147 00:05:17,690 --> 00:05:19,790 Are you calling me Muffin or offering me one? 148 00:05:19,815 --> 00:05:21,315 Either way, no. 149 00:05:21,340 --> 00:05:24,118 Okay. Well, cool, cool, cool, cool. 150 00:05:24,143 --> 00:05:26,615 I think Bayou Sue sent the letter... 151 00:05:27,256 --> 00:05:28,577 Sorry, what did you say? 152 00:05:28,602 --> 00:05:30,141 Sorry. Are we in trouble? 153 00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:32,594 No, I just... Did you say Bayou Sue? 154 00:05:32,619 --> 00:05:34,837 She's just a character in this book that we're obsessed with. 155 00:05:34,862 --> 00:05:35,915 Yeah, Pepperwood Chronicles. 156 00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:38,555 Anyway, you probably wouldn't know anything about it. 157 00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,306 I put a couple copies in the library, 158 00:05:42,331 --> 00:05:44,329 and the librarian didn't think it'd go anywhere. 159 00:05:44,354 --> 00:05:46,829 I can't wait to rub it in Esther's smug face. 160 00:05:46,854 --> 00:05:49,021 - That's very flattering. - Please come and talk to these girls. 161 00:05:49,046 --> 00:05:50,672 They're obsessed with Pepperwood. 162 00:05:50,697 --> 00:05:53,414 I don't have time for this. I'm only on page two. 163 00:05:53,439 --> 00:05:55,539 And page one is just a dedication to Winston. 164 00:05:55,574 --> 00:05:57,125 Ugh. Come on. 165 00:05:57,150 --> 00:05:59,186 The kids used to love Vice Principal Jess, 166 00:05:59,211 --> 00:06:01,545 and now they won't have anything to do with Principal Jess. 167 00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:04,314 It's like I'm living in my own damn adorable shadow. 168 00:06:04,350 --> 00:06:06,797 Please? You-you might get some ideas from your audience. 169 00:06:06,822 --> 00:06:09,159 My audience is the men who built this great country. 170 00:06:09,184 --> 00:06:10,684 Your students would never understand 171 00:06:10,709 --> 00:06:13,601 that Pepperwood's just a New Orleans story 172 00:06:13,626 --> 00:06:16,881 about a guy fighting with the alligator within. 173 00:06:16,906 --> 00:06:18,516 Well, could you just do it for me? 174 00:06:18,541 --> 00:06:20,116 Yeah, I'll.. I mean, I'll do it for you, Jess, sure. 175 00:06:20,141 --> 00:06:21,298 Well, then why didn't you... 176 00:06:21,333 --> 00:06:23,639 You know what, I'm happy with where we ended up, 177 00:06:23,664 --> 00:06:25,938 but you took me on a real spin around the block there. 178 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:29,695 So, as you can see here, 179 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:30,890 I treat Furguson right. 180 00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:31,937 - Mm-hmm. - Okay? 181 00:06:31,962 --> 00:06:33,412 - Organic kitty litter. - Mm-hmm. 182 00:06:33,437 --> 00:06:35,232 I got the miniature piano, 183 00:06:35,257 --> 00:06:36,890 the tiny, tiny treadmill, 184 00:06:36,925 --> 00:06:39,459 and right over here is where we do couples yoga. 185 00:06:40,854 --> 00:06:42,303 Fish nuggets? 186 00:06:42,337 --> 00:06:45,312 Oh, well, that would explain his recent oily eliminations, 187 00:06:45,337 --> 00:06:47,014 which I document on the cloud. 188 00:06:47,039 --> 00:06:48,435 You track his poop? 189 00:06:48,470 --> 00:06:51,162 What, you just weigh his hairballs and clock out? 190 00:06:51,187 --> 00:06:53,245 - I mean, I... - Furguson is happy here, okay? 191 00:06:53,270 --> 00:06:55,137 Around people that actually cherish him. 192 00:06:55,162 --> 00:06:57,067 - Don't you start, Cece. - And who helped him become... 193 00:06:57,092 --> 00:06:58,303 the cat that he is. 194 00:06:58,328 --> 00:06:59,926 - Now ain't the time. - I'm sorry, but it's true. 195 00:06:59,951 --> 00:07:01,042 Now ain't the time. 196 00:07:01,067 --> 00:07:02,418 - What's happening? - I'm trying, okay? 197 00:07:02,443 --> 00:07:04,710 I've just got to breathe for a second. 198 00:07:05,942 --> 00:07:07,589 Let me explain something to you, okay? 199 00:07:07,614 --> 00:07:08,780 Furguson is my cat. 200 00:07:08,816 --> 00:07:09,961 I found him first. 201 00:07:09,986 --> 00:07:11,828 Well, you may have found Furguson, 202 00:07:11,853 --> 00:07:13,532 but Sweatshirt found me. 203 00:07:13,557 --> 00:07:14,720 I see you want to play hardball here. 204 00:07:14,745 --> 00:07:15,865 - How about this? - Mm-hmm. 205 00:07:15,890 --> 00:07:17,760 We settle things the way we do on the street. 206 00:07:17,785 --> 00:07:19,518 - Mm-hmm. - Catcall. 207 00:07:19,543 --> 00:07:21,362 - What? - We let Furguson decide. 208 00:07:21,387 --> 00:07:22,533 - Oh, yeah. - Fine. 209 00:07:22,558 --> 00:07:24,074 We'll leave the decision in his paws. 210 00:07:24,099 --> 00:07:25,465 Which are now incredibly strong, 211 00:07:25,490 --> 00:07:28,441 thanks to his new set of, uh, mini-dumbbells. 212 00:07:28,466 --> 00:07:29,722 You're welcome. 213 00:07:29,747 --> 00:07:30,902 Ooh, ooh! 214 00:07:30,927 --> 00:07:32,566 Okay, Pepper-heads! 215 00:07:32,591 --> 00:07:34,316 Get ready for a memorable experience, 216 00:07:34,341 --> 00:07:36,230 which I hope you will recount at your weddings, 217 00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:37,455 which I will also be at, 218 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:38,644 brought to you by your favorite 219 00:07:38,669 --> 00:07:40,808 principal-slash-friend, Jessica Day. 220 00:07:40,833 --> 00:07:42,825 Please welcome your favorite author, 221 00:07:42,864 --> 00:07:43,980 Nick Miller! 222 00:07:44,032 --> 00:07:45,485 Yay! 223 00:07:46,496 --> 00:07:48,035 No, no, no. Stop it, stop it. 224 00:07:48,060 --> 00:07:49,459 All right, let's get this over with. 225 00:07:49,484 --> 00:07:50,855 Uh, let's talk about the book 226 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,254 you guys most certainly don't understand 227 00:07:52,279 --> 00:07:53,612 because it wasn't written for you 228 00:07:53,637 --> 00:07:55,191 or people your age. Go ahead. 229 00:07:55,216 --> 00:07:56,496 - The kissing. - OMG, the romance. 230 00:07:56,521 --> 00:07:58,019 - The make out scene at the levee. - Oh, the romance. 231 00:07:58,044 --> 00:08:01,793 Guys! Pepperwood's about way more than just a romance. 232 00:08:01,818 --> 00:08:04,988 It's... it's, uh, it's about life, you know? 233 00:08:05,039 --> 00:08:06,105 Race. 234 00:08:06,140 --> 00:08:09,208 The sexualization of the American handgun. 235 00:08:09,243 --> 00:08:10,504 - Keep it clean. - Okay. 236 00:08:10,529 --> 00:08:13,130 It's a story about his ambiguous relationship 237 00:08:13,155 --> 00:08:14,555 with... with justice. 238 00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:16,626 But the romance is amazing. 239 00:08:16,651 --> 00:08:19,324 It made me realize it doesn't matter if I'm straight or gay; 240 00:08:19,349 --> 00:08:20,965 I'm just me. 241 00:08:21,238 --> 00:08:23,207 You got that from my book? 242 00:08:23,232 --> 00:08:25,121 That's... yeah. That was positive. 243 00:08:25,146 --> 00:08:27,910 Do you think that's because of the gay dog character? 244 00:08:27,935 --> 00:08:30,455 - Yeah. - What I really respect about that is... 245 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,988 it's never mentioned that he's a gay dog. 246 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,285 But you got that from the writing. 247 00:08:35,605 --> 00:08:36,754 And that's pretty dope. 248 00:08:36,779 --> 00:08:39,040 You write female desire so well. 249 00:08:39,065 --> 00:08:40,910 - Thank you. - That's okay to say, right? 250 00:08:40,935 --> 00:08:42,730 Yah, Ramona. 251 00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:44,090 I'm-I'm just like you. 252 00:08:44,115 --> 00:08:46,222 I'm your princi-pal. I'm your friend. 253 00:08:46,247 --> 00:08:48,011 I like to just throw on my rollerblades, 254 00:08:48,036 --> 00:08:49,748 and just go out there and think. 255 00:08:49,801 --> 00:08:51,692 Can I ask you guys about the scene 256 00:08:51,717 --> 00:08:53,105 - in the fish morgue? - Oh, my God, 257 00:08:53,130 --> 00:08:54,730 - that was my favorite chapter. - Mine, too. 258 00:08:54,755 --> 00:08:56,715 - I read it, like, five times. - Yeah, same! 259 00:08:57,943 --> 00:08:59,074 - What? - I stayed up all night. 260 00:08:59,099 --> 00:09:00,470 It was such a good chapter. 261 00:09:00,495 --> 00:09:02,762 - Thank you. - Oh, yeah. You're welcome. 262 00:09:02,787 --> 00:09:04,363 Why'd you whisper it? 263 00:09:04,388 --> 00:09:05,715 Jeremy, I'm just gonna go grab a coffee, 264 00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:08,467 - and then I will... - Dark roast, soy creamer, 160 degrees. 265 00:09:08,503 --> 00:09:10,238 - How was your lunch, sir? - Disappointing. 266 00:09:10,263 --> 00:09:12,777 Why don't you eat the homemade bucatini I brought for myself? 267 00:09:13,656 --> 00:09:16,724 Well, thank you, Jeremy. 268 00:09:16,749 --> 00:09:18,860 Um, you know, 269 00:09:18,885 --> 00:09:21,204 I'm not getting e-mails on my... 270 00:09:22,788 --> 00:09:24,743 I just got an e-mail on my phone. 271 00:09:24,768 --> 00:09:25,844 It's from you. 272 00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:28,196 "Subject: Your e-mail is now working." 273 00:09:28,221 --> 00:09:29,303 All right. 274 00:09:29,328 --> 00:09:31,561 Well, Jeremy, I'm just gonna go enjoy this bucatini 275 00:09:31,586 --> 00:09:34,086 and, uh, organize the Peterson account. 276 00:09:34,111 --> 00:09:36,243 - I did it already. - You did? 277 00:09:38,321 --> 00:09:41,118 - Okay. I guess I'll just... - Enjoy your lunch. 278 00:09:43,841 --> 00:09:45,173 Yeah. 279 00:09:54,722 --> 00:09:57,623 So you're saying that Lady Diamante doesn't realize 280 00:09:57,648 --> 00:10:00,048 that it's Pepperwood's underwear for years later, 281 00:10:00,073 --> 00:10:01,325 like, 20 years later? 282 00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:04,051 Maybe she never realizes. 283 00:10:04,076 --> 00:10:05,692 Yes. That's what I was gonna say, too. 284 00:10:05,717 --> 00:10:06,974 We... you and me, we're right here. 285 00:10:06,999 --> 00:10:08,317 All right. 286 00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:10,513 Wow. This is incredible. 287 00:10:10,538 --> 00:10:13,122 I mean, so many great ideas here. 288 00:10:13,147 --> 00:10:14,966 It feels like maybe The Pepperwood Chronicles 289 00:10:14,991 --> 00:10:16,349 could be, like, a whole series. 290 00:10:16,374 --> 00:10:18,942 Well, I mean, it's called The Pepperwood Chronicles, 291 00:10:18,967 --> 00:10:21,153 so I assumed there'd be more than one. 292 00:10:21,178 --> 00:10:23,146 Yeah, well, I can't thank you guys enough. 293 00:10:23,171 --> 00:10:25,216 - All right, I'll see you at home. - Home? 294 00:10:25,278 --> 00:10:27,888 - You guys live together? - Yeah, we're roommates. 295 00:10:28,856 --> 00:10:30,617 Yeah. This job doesn't pay very much, 296 00:10:30,642 --> 00:10:32,309 but it's very rewarding to hang out 297 00:10:32,334 --> 00:10:33,708 with cool people like you guys. 298 00:10:33,733 --> 00:10:35,166 You guys are actually, like, friends? 299 00:10:35,191 --> 00:10:36,700 You ready to get your mind really blown off? 300 00:10:36,725 --> 00:10:37,760 We used to date. 301 00:10:37,785 --> 00:10:39,224 Oh, yeah. 302 00:10:39,249 --> 00:10:40,451 - Like, a whole thing. - Oh, my God. 303 00:10:40,476 --> 00:10:41,880 Oh, yeah, we were in love. Everything, yeah. 304 00:10:41,905 --> 00:10:43,300 For a while. 305 00:10:43,325 --> 00:10:44,865 All right, I'll see you at home. Yeah, it was crazy. 306 00:10:44,890 --> 00:10:46,265 - See you, guys. - Wow. 307 00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:48,716 You went from kind of "meh" to sort of cool 308 00:10:48,741 --> 00:10:51,089 to totally the coolest ever. 309 00:10:51,114 --> 00:10:52,605 I don't want to freak you out, but... 310 00:10:52,630 --> 00:10:54,466 that really means a lot to me. 311 00:10:54,491 --> 00:10:57,443 - All right, let's get to class. - Let's get a picture with PJ. 312 00:10:57,478 --> 00:10:59,583 Uh, what? PJ? 313 00:10:59,608 --> 00:11:01,271 Yeah, Principal Jess. 314 00:11:03,005 --> 00:11:05,661 Much as I'd love to foster your creativity, 315 00:11:05,686 --> 00:11:07,941 I think maybe Principal Jess or Principal Day... 316 00:11:07,966 --> 00:11:09,145 Let's not even go to class. 317 00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:13,638 Let's go to the drama room and dress up like old men. 318 00:11:13,663 --> 00:11:16,123 - PJ don't care. - Oh, PJ do care. 319 00:11:16,148 --> 00:11:18,931 PJ do care. I mean, your principal does care. 320 00:11:18,966 --> 00:11:20,513 How about we write a report on Pepperwood? 321 00:11:20,538 --> 00:11:21,972 You're hilarious. 322 00:11:21,997 --> 00:11:23,914 Yeah. You know I'm serious about the report. 323 00:11:23,939 --> 00:11:25,138 Don't walk away from me. 324 00:11:25,163 --> 00:11:27,271 Okay. Well, walk away. Just turn to the left. 325 00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:29,747 Point me out to your friends. Laugh a, laugh a little bit. 326 00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,486 Okay. Yeah. Keep going. 327 00:11:31,511 --> 00:11:33,302 All right, I've totally lost control. 328 00:11:36,378 --> 00:11:37,878 Ugh! Damn it! 329 00:11:38,487 --> 00:11:41,424 - Nick, I have to get to school! - I know. So do I. 330 00:11:41,449 --> 00:11:44,206 I can't wait to pitch those girls my Pepperwood prequel. 331 00:11:44,231 --> 00:11:47,274 It opens with a very graphic description of his birth. 332 00:11:47,299 --> 00:11:49,360 - It's like a dark Look Who's Talking. - No, no, no, no, Nick. 333 00:11:49,385 --> 00:11:50,604 You're not coming back to school with me. 334 00:11:50,629 --> 00:11:52,549 You made me look way too cool. 335 00:11:52,574 --> 00:11:54,173 The girls told the whole school. 336 00:11:54,198 --> 00:11:55,362 I've lost all my authority. 337 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:00,766 This is my office. 338 00:12:00,791 --> 00:12:02,081 I got invited to that, too. 339 00:12:02,106 --> 00:12:04,907 The girls asked me to deejay at their dance party. 340 00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:06,365 They call me DJ PJ. 341 00:12:06,390 --> 00:12:08,135 They love you. Isn't that what you wanted? 342 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,440 Ah, it's a tricky balance. 343 00:12:09,465 --> 00:12:11,465 I don't want to be the heavy, but I need them to listen. 344 00:12:11,490 --> 00:12:12,768 Those girls have such good ideas. 345 00:12:12,793 --> 00:12:14,862 I've got to put the genie back in the bottle. 346 00:12:14,918 --> 00:12:17,159 Ugh! See, this is what I mean. 347 00:12:17,184 --> 00:12:18,432 They added me to a text chain 348 00:12:18,457 --> 00:12:19,870 about who has the cutest butt in school. 349 00:12:19,895 --> 00:12:21,464 - And? - It's Nurse Mike. 350 00:12:21,489 --> 00:12:22,891 Interesting. 351 00:12:23,252 --> 00:12:25,048 Oh, you know what? If it's always gonna be empty, 352 00:12:25,073 --> 00:12:26,463 let's just fill it with goldfish. 353 00:12:26,488 --> 00:12:28,143 So dramatic. 354 00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:37,396 Jeremy texted me and he left an ice coffee in the fridge. 355 00:12:38,301 --> 00:12:39,584 It's like this guy's in my mind. 356 00:12:39,609 --> 00:12:41,014 It's also like... 357 00:12:41,039 --> 00:12:43,920 he's in our kitchen when we're sleeping. 358 00:12:52,243 --> 00:12:53,627 Can I come help you pack? 359 00:12:53,662 --> 00:12:55,047 Jeremy's done everything around here. 360 00:12:55,072 --> 00:12:58,093 Actually, I'm not packing, I'm just, uh, 361 00:12:58,118 --> 00:13:00,579 - hanging out with Winston. - I'm so bored, Cece. 362 00:13:00,604 --> 00:13:01,666 Please. I'm desperate. 363 00:13:01,691 --> 00:13:03,010 Are you guys having one of those mess-downs? 364 00:13:03,035 --> 00:13:04,334 I could come be part of that. 365 00:13:04,359 --> 00:13:06,330 Sir, I believe the correct term is "mess-around." 366 00:13:06,355 --> 00:13:07,694 Okay. Jeremy, enough. 367 00:13:07,719 --> 00:13:09,265 Thank you very much. I appreciate it. 368 00:13:09,290 --> 00:13:10,955 That'll be all. Thank you. 369 00:13:10,980 --> 00:13:12,624 Thank you, thank you. 370 00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:17,062 - Did you say something? - Jer-Jeremy! 371 00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:18,329 Enough! 372 00:13:18,354 --> 00:13:19,388 Dear Lord. 373 00:13:19,413 --> 00:13:22,242 You know, I wanted an assistant that was gonna anticipate my every need 374 00:13:22,267 --> 00:13:23,845 so I wouldn't have to yell, but now I'm yelling, 375 00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:26,212 because I have an assistant that's anticipating my every need, 376 00:13:26,245 --> 00:13:27,712 and I can't breathe! 377 00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:30,066 Work isn't everything, man. 378 00:13:30,091 --> 00:13:33,477 Just... go meet yourself a girl. 379 00:13:33,502 --> 00:13:35,837 Or a, or a man. I don't know what you're into. 380 00:13:35,862 --> 00:13:37,294 You're very hard to read sexually. 381 00:13:37,319 --> 00:13:38,785 But please, Jeremy. That'll be all. 382 00:13:38,810 --> 00:13:40,672 - Thank you. - Sorry, sir. 383 00:13:41,844 --> 00:13:43,443 Furguson. 384 00:13:43,479 --> 00:13:44,611 Hey, boy. 385 00:13:44,646 --> 00:13:46,196 - Sweatshirt. Sweatshirt. - Furgie. 386 00:13:46,221 --> 00:13:48,173 - Whee! - Ah, there we go. 387 00:13:48,198 --> 00:13:50,972 Hey, remember all of the good times we had? 388 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,510 - So may good times. - Huh? 389 00:13:52,535 --> 00:13:54,665 What about one of those times we wore the same shirt? 390 00:13:54,690 --> 00:13:56,815 Custom shirts. 391 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:57,965 Dad of the year. 392 00:13:58,029 --> 00:13:59,348 - Dad of the year. - Come on, Sweatshirt. 393 00:13:59,373 --> 00:14:02,072 Hey, what about the time that we geeked out on mayonnaise? 394 00:14:02,097 --> 00:14:04,723 Or how 'bout when we drove to the airport and kissed, 395 00:14:04,748 --> 00:14:05,993 watching the planes take off. 396 00:14:06,018 --> 00:14:07,426 - You did what? - Remember that? 397 00:14:07,451 --> 00:14:09,248 - She's moving. She's moving closer. - No, no, no. If you're moving... 398 00:14:09,273 --> 00:14:10,781 - ... then we get to come closer, too. - Yeah. We're coming closer, too. 399 00:14:10,806 --> 00:14:11,872 Sweatshirt... 400 00:14:11,897 --> 00:14:13,052 Hey, boy. 401 00:14:13,077 --> 00:14:14,544 Furguson. 402 00:14:14,790 --> 00:14:15,992 - What? - I don't know. 403 00:14:16,037 --> 00:14:17,804 Someone has crab in their pocket. 404 00:14:17,884 --> 00:14:19,617 - Oh, my God, that's insane. - Yeah, time-out. 405 00:14:19,642 --> 00:14:20,804 That's totally crazy. 406 00:14:20,843 --> 00:14:22,705 Excuse... Okay how does... 407 00:14:22,730 --> 00:14:23,780 Okay, just... 408 00:14:25,381 --> 00:14:26,696 - Cheater! - Oh. 409 00:14:27,122 --> 00:14:29,567 Okay, well, that is from a salad 410 00:14:29,592 --> 00:14:31,781 I had earlier, 411 00:14:31,806 --> 00:14:34,215 and it must've just fallen into my pocket. 412 00:14:34,848 --> 00:14:36,299 Cece. 413 00:14:36,884 --> 00:14:39,293 I can't believe you did this. 414 00:14:39,619 --> 00:14:41,038 It's just... 415 00:14:43,238 --> 00:14:44,237 Okay. 416 00:14:44,273 --> 00:14:46,618 This is gonna be our last mess-around... 417 00:14:46,825 --> 00:14:50,110 before I leave, and I just don't want Furguson to leave you, too. 418 00:14:50,145 --> 00:14:52,712 Just because you stop living together... 419 00:14:52,748 --> 00:14:54,424 doesn't mean... 420 00:14:54,449 --> 00:14:56,573 you stop caring about somebody. 421 00:14:56,598 --> 00:14:58,451 Because caring... 422 00:14:58,487 --> 00:15:00,694 that is the real mess-around. 423 00:15:00,719 --> 00:15:01,838 Come on. 424 00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:06,873 Winnie. Winnie, Winnie, Winnie, Winnie, Winnie, Winnie! 425 00:15:07,958 --> 00:15:09,215 Oh, my God. 426 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:10,308 He chose. 427 00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:11,832 - Ha! - Yeah. 428 00:15:11,857 --> 00:15:13,690 - Ha-ha-ha, you see? - Ha-oh! 429 00:15:13,715 --> 00:15:15,849 - The crab claw didn't matter. - Mm-mm. 430 00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:17,007 Furgie chose. 431 00:15:17,032 --> 00:15:18,142 Outta sight! 432 00:15:19,214 --> 00:15:21,051 Come here, my man. Ah! 433 00:15:22,385 --> 00:15:23,677 Aw. 434 00:15:24,501 --> 00:15:26,766 Well, I suppose what's done is done. 435 00:15:26,791 --> 00:15:28,014 He's all yours. 436 00:15:28,050 --> 00:15:29,533 Good-bye, Sweat... 437 00:15:30,881 --> 00:15:32,587 Good-bye, Furguson. 438 00:15:32,921 --> 00:15:33,963 Yeah. 439 00:15:43,128 --> 00:15:45,173 Do you guys think it's cool or weird if, uh, 440 00:15:45,198 --> 00:15:46,953 Pepperwood has a peg leg? Where we at on that? 441 00:15:46,978 --> 00:15:48,610 I'm afraid it might make him too vulnerable. 442 00:15:48,635 --> 00:15:50,668 I just don't see it that way. I think it makes... 443 00:15:50,693 --> 00:15:52,913 All right. No peg leg, I guess. 444 00:15:52,938 --> 00:15:54,957 Excuse me! There's an assembl... 445 00:15:55,334 --> 00:15:56,552 Nick! 446 00:15:56,741 --> 00:15:58,043 What the hell is going on here? 447 00:15:58,068 --> 00:16:00,107 Oh, PJ in the house! 448 00:16:00,132 --> 00:16:01,260 My office. Now. 449 00:16:01,285 --> 00:16:03,590 Oh, PJ's gonna bust somebody. 450 00:16:03,615 --> 00:16:05,081 You're the most in trouble. 451 00:16:05,106 --> 00:16:06,709 But they started it! 452 00:16:06,963 --> 00:16:08,545 I didn't even do any... 453 00:16:08,928 --> 00:16:10,118 Gah! 454 00:16:11,957 --> 00:16:13,943 You had an unsupervised meeting with the students. 455 00:16:13,968 --> 00:16:15,205 You're wearing home slippers... 456 00:16:15,230 --> 00:16:16,775 - ... on school grounds. - Home slippers. 457 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:20,531 You parked in Janitor Margie's parking spot. 458 00:16:20,556 --> 00:16:22,521 And, by the way, she pissed. 459 00:16:22,576 --> 00:16:24,489 - And she ain't small. - It's a dirt patch. 460 00:16:24,502 --> 00:16:27,501 And you ladies, you skipped an assembly for Pepperwood! 461 00:16:27,526 --> 00:16:29,026 What's the big deal, PJ? 462 00:16:29,061 --> 00:16:31,253 Yeah, you're kind of being a bitch. 463 00:16:35,934 --> 00:16:38,195 This is unacceptable. 464 00:16:38,220 --> 00:16:39,541 I don't want to be your enemy, 465 00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:41,600 but I also don't need to be your friend. 466 00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:42,854 So you guys don't get to write 467 00:16:42,879 --> 00:16:44,845 to your international pen pals for a month. 468 00:16:45,061 --> 00:16:47,633 You've all lost your community garden privileges. 469 00:16:47,664 --> 00:16:50,888 Two weeks' suspension from the freestyle poetry slam. 470 00:16:50,913 --> 00:16:53,108 And I'm calling all of your parents. 471 00:16:53,133 --> 00:16:54,346 Spread the word! 472 00:16:54,371 --> 00:16:56,246 Principal Day is done messing around. 473 00:16:56,271 --> 00:16:57,537 Now get out. 474 00:17:03,378 --> 00:17:05,650 Oh, my God, they work fast. 475 00:17:05,675 --> 00:17:07,141 When did they even take this picture? 476 00:17:07,166 --> 00:17:08,599 Well, apart from the devil horns, 477 00:17:08,624 --> 00:17:10,526 it's a pretty good picture of you, Jess. 478 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:13,339 That's true. 479 00:17:14,471 --> 00:17:15,774 I'm sorry that I yelled at you. 480 00:17:15,799 --> 00:17:16,998 The truth is-is... 481 00:17:17,023 --> 00:17:20,363 you are exactly who I was when I was your age. 482 00:17:21,227 --> 00:17:23,840 I was hungry. I was putting in 22 hours a day. 483 00:17:23,865 --> 00:17:26,451 Once worked four days straight without water. 484 00:17:26,476 --> 00:17:27,544 Wow. 485 00:17:27,569 --> 00:17:30,003 And I just wish that somebody had taken me aside 486 00:17:30,028 --> 00:17:33,062 and told me that there was another way. 487 00:17:34,713 --> 00:17:36,016 Would you have listened? 488 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,126 - Probably not. - Then I won't either. 489 00:17:39,151 --> 00:17:41,328 In fact, you're not even talking to Jeremy right now. 490 00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:44,011 - Okay, well, then who am I talking to? - The younger you... 491 00:17:44,036 --> 00:17:46,731 telling you to take advantage of your new super cool assistant 492 00:17:46,756 --> 00:17:48,411 so you can get to the next floor 493 00:17:48,436 --> 00:17:50,365 and the next floor and the next floor, 494 00:17:50,410 --> 00:17:52,070 and the next floor and the next floor, 495 00:17:52,095 --> 00:17:53,853 - and now we're on top! - And now we're on top! 496 00:17:53,878 --> 00:17:55,577 I'm liking this side of you, Jeremy. 497 00:17:55,602 --> 00:17:57,390 Yeah, let's stay hungry. I'm gonna go in there, 498 00:17:57,415 --> 00:17:59,262 I'm gonna work on the McCormick presentation. 499 00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:01,620 Now I actually am hungry. Let's order some food. 500 00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,203 Already done, sir. 501 00:18:03,956 --> 00:18:04,955 Arigato. 502 00:18:06,536 --> 00:18:07,976 All right, now. Take it down a notch. 503 00:18:08,001 --> 00:18:09,022 Yeah. 504 00:18:12,442 --> 00:18:14,293 If you're here to complain about your punishment, 505 00:18:14,318 --> 00:18:15,439 save your breath. 506 00:18:15,464 --> 00:18:16,513 My decision's final. 507 00:18:16,538 --> 00:18:17,913 Actually, we were just wondering 508 00:18:17,938 --> 00:18:19,801 if we could sit down with you for a second. 509 00:18:20,322 --> 00:18:21,963 - Sure. - We're sorry... 510 00:18:21,988 --> 00:18:24,229 about being so disrespectful, Principal Day. 511 00:18:24,254 --> 00:18:26,690 Well, I appreciate that. 512 00:18:28,154 --> 00:18:29,990 If anyone wants a muffin, I... 513 00:18:30,035 --> 00:18:31,566 I have an extra one. 514 00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:34,087 Here. 515 00:18:34,112 --> 00:18:36,058 We got you a gift card to a coffee shop. 516 00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:38,116 It's really close to your route to school. 517 00:18:38,261 --> 00:18:40,713 Well, that's not necessary. Th-Thank you. That's... 518 00:18:40,738 --> 00:18:42,601 We know you have a lot of roommates, 519 00:18:42,626 --> 00:18:45,811 and some of them are brilliant authors working from home, 520 00:18:45,836 --> 00:18:48,002 creating great chronicles. 521 00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:50,017 But they can make their own coffee. 522 00:18:50,042 --> 00:18:52,302 Well, that feels... oddly on the nose. 523 00:18:52,327 --> 00:18:54,619 We have the upmost respect for you. 524 00:18:54,644 --> 00:18:57,191 Sorry, did you just say... 525 00:18:58,193 --> 00:19:00,062 "upmost"? 526 00:19:00,659 --> 00:19:02,647 - Oh, that is good. - Nick! 527 00:19:03,253 --> 00:19:05,115 I can't condone you... 528 00:19:05,140 --> 00:19:06,859 making contact with my students. 529 00:19:06,884 --> 00:19:08,623 - What? - That said... 530 00:19:09,604 --> 00:19:10,928 thanks for putting them up to it. 531 00:19:10,953 --> 00:19:12,653 Jess, I don't know what you're talking about. 532 00:19:12,678 --> 00:19:13,721 "Upmost"? 533 00:19:13,746 --> 00:19:16,332 There's only one person I know that says "upmost." 534 00:19:16,357 --> 00:19:17,900 - It's "utmost." - "Utmost"? 535 00:19:17,984 --> 00:19:19,392 "Utmost." 536 00:19:19,431 --> 00:19:20,798 Agree to disagree. 537 00:19:20,836 --> 00:19:23,240 But the good news is my writer's block is gone, 538 00:19:23,265 --> 00:19:25,153 and that is thanks to you. 539 00:19:25,223 --> 00:19:27,732 You always come through for me, Jess, to the upmost. 540 00:19:27,757 --> 00:19:29,711 I assure you, it's "utmost." 541 00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:31,603 - What's an "ut"? - Come on, you're a writer. 542 00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,829 It's "up." Up to the most. 543 00:19:33,854 --> 00:19:36,019 Not ut to the most. 544 00:19:36,044 --> 00:19:37,543 I assure you. 545 00:19:37,568 --> 00:19:39,379 - Okay, sweetie. - You didn't come in here and say, 546 00:19:39,404 --> 00:19:41,807 "Thanks for putting them ut to it." 547 00:19:42,093 --> 00:19:43,960 I would've laughed you out of here. 548 00:19:44,339 --> 00:19:45,805 What is an "ut"?! 549 00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:47,289 Furguson is miserable. 550 00:19:47,771 --> 00:19:50,427 So you're saying that this is a different emotion 551 00:19:50,452 --> 00:19:52,276 than we've seen for the past three years? 552 00:19:52,301 --> 00:19:53,976 A father knows. 553 00:19:54,001 --> 00:19:55,265 He misses Gil. 554 00:19:55,290 --> 00:19:57,152 It'd be wrong for me to take away a piece of his heart. 555 00:19:57,177 --> 00:19:59,854 I mean, I already took away his testicles. 556 00:20:00,055 --> 00:20:01,187 Anyway, 557 00:20:01,223 --> 00:20:02,722 let me just... 558 00:20:02,747 --> 00:20:04,353 _ 559 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:06,859 Proud of you. 560 00:20:10,821 --> 00:20:13,094 You won't need the key I gave you. 561 00:20:13,243 --> 00:20:15,288 And the door always gonna be open. 562 00:20:30,298 --> 00:20:33,282 You're not gonna, like, leave the door open always, right? 563 00:20:34,285 --> 00:20:35,782 He'll be back. 564 00:20:37,893 --> 00:20:39,144 What the hell? 565 00:20:39,169 --> 00:20:40,609 - Jeremy. - Oh, my God. 566 00:20:40,634 --> 00:20:41,878 He came back. Come on. 567 00:20:41,905 --> 00:20:43,233 What the hell is this man doing in our house? 568 00:20:43,258 --> 00:20:44,952 Let me introduce myself. My name is Jeremy. 569 00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:45,993 I'm the executive assistant 570 00:20:46,018 --> 00:20:48,161 to your husband and my boss, Mr. Schmidt. 571 00:20:48,186 --> 00:20:49,294 Oh, are you the one who called 572 00:20:49,319 --> 00:20:50,753 and asked me about my blood type? 573 00:20:50,778 --> 00:20:51,807 He's very thorough. 574 00:20:51,832 --> 00:20:53,285 Actually, he's going to need everyone's blood type. 575 00:20:53,310 --> 00:20:54,724 - You're not getting my blood. - That's super weird. 576 00:20:54,749 --> 00:20:56,202 - Yeah. - Oh, hell no. 577 00:20:56,227 --> 00:20:58,064 I do have individual coffee orders. 578 00:20:58,089 --> 00:21:00,505 You can tell which one's which based off the caricatures 579 00:21:00,530 --> 00:21:01,547 I drew on the cups. 580 00:21:01,572 --> 00:21:02,708 That's you. 581 00:21:02,733 --> 00:21:04,574 This is shockingly accurate. 582 00:21:04,599 --> 00:21:05,700 And you've never met us. 583 00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:07,451 - I mean, how did you do that? - Nailed it. 584 00:21:07,476 --> 00:21:09,047 - Very creepy. - That's pretty good. 585 00:21:10,972 --> 00:21:12,456 Is he ever gonna leave? 586 00:21:12,481 --> 00:21:13,509 I don't think so. 587 00:21:13,534 --> 00:21:16,772 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com