1 00:00:01,322 --> 00:00:02,884 The dream is dead. 2 00:00:02,909 --> 00:00:04,774 Say good-bye to the Schmidt Charitable Trust. 3 00:00:04,799 --> 00:00:05,900 I don't know what that is. 4 00:00:05,925 --> 00:00:08,210 But is that why you were throwing light bulbs against our garage? 5 00:00:08,235 --> 00:00:09,585 - That was unrelated. - Oh. 6 00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:11,911 It's the foundation that I was going to establish 7 00:00:11,936 --> 00:00:14,223 to take the Schmidt brand to the next level, but now I can't. 8 00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:15,852 - The name is taken. - What? 9 00:00:15,877 --> 00:00:16,923 Get a load of that. 10 00:00:16,948 --> 00:00:20,437 The Schmidt Charitable Trust was established in 1948 11 00:00:20,462 --> 00:00:21,999 by Cranston Schmidt, 12 00:00:22,024 --> 00:00:23,837 to promote nudity in restaurants. 13 00:00:23,862 --> 00:00:26,501 Cranston Schmidt and his naked waitresses. 14 00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:27,659 What am I supposed to do now? 15 00:00:27,684 --> 00:00:29,684 How can I show my peers that I make so much money 16 00:00:29,709 --> 00:00:31,542 that I could just throw it away on strangers? 17 00:00:31,567 --> 00:00:34,234 There is one way that you could maybe solve your problem. 18 00:00:34,259 --> 00:00:36,985 - What? - You could use your first name. 19 00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,012 What did you say? 20 00:00:42,036 --> 00:00:44,722 You are not a frat boy drinking at a keg anymore, okay? 21 00:00:44,757 --> 00:00:46,876 You are an executive now. 22 00:00:46,901 --> 00:00:49,321 - You're a baller. - I am a baller. 23 00:00:49,346 --> 00:00:50,778 Also, I was never allowed in frats. 24 00:00:50,803 --> 00:00:52,636 Too much hazing that required a visible penis. 25 00:00:52,661 --> 00:00:54,251 - Oh, baby. - Just do it. 26 00:00:54,276 --> 00:00:55,733 Like, who cares? 27 00:00:55,768 --> 00:00:57,969 - How long have you been here? - Long enough, Schmidt. 28 00:00:57,994 --> 00:00:59,423 Yeah, we keep the camera running all day. 29 00:00:59,448 --> 00:01:01,548 I'm trying to keep Jess company while she's in Portland. 30 00:01:01,573 --> 00:01:04,010 Yeah, yesterday I watched Cece read for a while. 31 00:01:04,035 --> 00:01:06,843 Oh, wow, that sounds like fun, Jess, good for you. 32 00:01:06,868 --> 00:01:08,712 - Cece... - Jess needs us right now. 33 00:01:08,737 --> 00:01:10,303 She's still mopey over Nick. 34 00:01:10,353 --> 00:01:12,220 I'm not mopey. I'm rad. 35 00:01:12,254 --> 00:01:13,506 I'm gleaming the cube. 36 00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:15,900 She's lying. She's a wreck. 37 00:01:15,925 --> 00:01:17,505 Ugh, Dad! 38 00:01:17,530 --> 00:01:19,372 Ugh, I'm on the phone! 39 00:01:19,397 --> 00:01:21,395 You're so embarrassing. 40 00:01:21,430 --> 00:01:24,097 All he does is just recycle cans all day. 41 00:01:24,133 --> 00:01:26,179 I wish his child bride 42 00:01:26,204 --> 00:01:27,639 would come back from Denver 43 00:01:27,664 --> 00:01:30,069 so he'd have someone else to bother. 44 00:01:30,094 --> 00:01:31,672 Let's just get you out of this house. 45 00:01:31,707 --> 00:01:33,209 - Yeah, right. - Well, what are you going to do? 46 00:01:33,234 --> 00:01:34,958 You're gonna sit on this couch all day long? 47 00:01:34,983 --> 00:01:36,052 You'll get sofa butt. 48 00:01:36,077 --> 00:01:37,277 Come on, let's go get some ice cream. 49 00:01:37,313 --> 00:01:39,123 Ugh, I hate ice cream. Dad! 50 00:01:39,148 --> 00:01:41,309 - Nobody hates ice cream. - It's stupid. 51 00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:43,216 - I-I feel uncomfortable watching this. - Yeah, it's stupid, Dad. 52 00:01:43,252 --> 00:01:44,251 It's so stupid. 53 00:01:44,286 --> 00:01:45,944 - Hey, Cece. - Dad. 54 00:01:45,969 --> 00:01:47,592 Hi, Schmidt. How are you? 55 00:01:47,617 --> 00:01:49,284 Dad! Don't talk to my friends! 56 00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:52,887 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com 57 00:01:55,136 --> 00:01:56,158 Achoo! 58 00:01:59,264 --> 00:02:00,834 - Oh, you're up. - You woke me up. 59 00:02:00,882 --> 00:02:02,148 Hey, do you mind if I run something by you 60 00:02:02,183 --> 00:02:03,990 that's very personal, very hot button? 61 00:02:04,015 --> 00:02:05,581 I do... I need to rest. 62 00:02:05,616 --> 00:02:07,575 - I'm working nights this week. - Oh, as a police officer? 63 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,030 No, Nick, as a prostitute. Yes, as a cop. 64 00:02:10,055 --> 00:02:11,515 Now will you please leave my room? 65 00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:13,241 I'm very tired and I need to get some rest. 66 00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:14,523 I understand, but here it comes, I have to tell you. 67 00:02:14,558 --> 00:02:16,025 - I don't want to hear it. - Aly, I'm gonna tell you. 68 00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:17,179 - I swear to God. - I need to break up with Reagan 69 00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:18,608 - but I don't know how to. - Damn it, Nick. 70 00:02:18,633 --> 00:02:19,695 Oh, now you're involved. 71 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,669 So now that you're involved, we need to talk it out 72 00:02:21,694 --> 00:02:23,465 'cause we're basically partners in this. 73 00:02:23,501 --> 00:02:25,349 - We're not partners. - Things with Reagan and I... 74 00:02:25,374 --> 00:02:28,522 haven't been working out, and last night it really came to a head. 75 00:02:28,547 --> 00:02:30,067 It's just crazy. You know, 76 00:02:30,092 --> 00:02:31,843 - I was just driving down the... - Mm-hmm. Sounds crazy. 77 00:02:31,868 --> 00:02:33,686 - Reagan. - Yes? 78 00:02:34,425 --> 00:02:36,747 I worked all day. We haven't seen each other. 79 00:02:36,772 --> 00:02:38,067 Don't you want to catch up? 80 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:42,395 Yes. Fine, what? 81 00:02:42,420 --> 00:02:43,886 What happened to you today? 82 00:02:43,921 --> 00:02:46,850 I saw a seagull in the backseat of a moving car. 83 00:02:50,395 --> 00:02:51,866 Can we have sex now? 84 00:02:51,991 --> 00:02:53,702 Ugh, you don't get it. 85 00:02:54,092 --> 00:02:55,374 Let's get it over with. 86 00:02:55,399 --> 00:02:56,665 What does this have to do with me? 87 00:02:56,700 --> 00:02:58,167 I was hoping you'd tell me how to break up with her. 88 00:02:58,202 --> 00:03:00,062 Just pretend you're an adult... 89 00:03:00,087 --> 00:03:01,647 - and get it over with. - Yeah. 90 00:03:01,672 --> 00:03:02,966 Train's already left the station, Nick. 91 00:03:02,998 --> 00:03:04,664 The longer you wait, the worse it's gonna get. 92 00:03:04,689 --> 00:03:06,366 The train already left the station, huh? 93 00:03:06,391 --> 00:03:07,520 - Yep. - Thank you. 94 00:03:07,545 --> 00:03:08,977 You're welcome. 95 00:03:09,013 --> 00:03:10,559 Hey, say, wake up. 96 00:03:10,584 --> 00:03:12,934 Question. Excuse me. 97 00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:14,049 Yes, Nick? 98 00:03:14,085 --> 00:03:16,686 Do you think that looks like a monster's butthole? 99 00:03:17,866 --> 00:03:19,198 I kind of do, yeah. 100 00:03:19,223 --> 00:03:21,428 Yeah, me, too. It's really gross. 101 00:03:25,429 --> 00:03:27,396 What's going on, Schmidt? 102 00:03:27,431 --> 00:03:28,730 Man, are you having trouble ordering 103 00:03:28,766 --> 00:03:30,199 from that Jamaican restaurant again? 104 00:03:30,234 --> 00:03:31,928 I don't know how many times I got to tell you. 105 00:03:31,953 --> 00:03:33,746 Don't walk in there using their accent 106 00:03:33,771 --> 00:03:35,504 'cause it's kind of racist. 107 00:03:36,319 --> 00:03:37,739 The time has finally come 108 00:03:37,775 --> 00:03:39,608 for me to launch my own brand. 109 00:03:39,643 --> 00:03:41,802 - Are you really not gonna turn around? - Not yet. 110 00:03:41,827 --> 00:03:44,475 This brand will be my legacy. 111 00:03:45,209 --> 00:03:46,548 And this is where you come in. 112 00:03:46,584 --> 00:03:48,905 Ooh! You had that timed right! 113 00:03:48,930 --> 00:03:51,616 I'm going to start using my first name again. 114 00:03:52,647 --> 00:03:55,424 Schmidt, I think that is a very bad idea. 115 00:03:55,449 --> 00:03:56,506 I have no choice! 116 00:03:56,531 --> 00:03:58,778 When I was born, my parents gave me a name. 117 00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:00,362 Don't do this, Schmidt. 118 00:04:00,397 --> 00:04:02,431 Ain't nothing but pain down that road. 119 00:04:02,466 --> 00:04:06,535 It is the name that I was called for most of my life, and... 120 00:04:06,570 --> 00:04:08,295 I want my name back. 121 00:04:11,999 --> 00:04:13,208 Isn't this fun? 122 00:04:13,244 --> 00:04:15,332 Remember, we used to come here all the time, 123 00:04:15,357 --> 00:04:17,045 every time you won a tennis match. 124 00:04:17,081 --> 00:04:19,162 - That was your other daughter. - Oh, yeah, yeah. 125 00:04:19,187 --> 00:04:22,184 You-You were always in a production of Annie, 126 00:04:22,209 --> 00:04:24,326 but never Annie, though. 127 00:04:24,670 --> 00:04:25,881 Priscilla, come here, come here. 128 00:04:25,906 --> 00:04:27,910 I want you to meet my daughter, Jessica. 129 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,005 Remember? I told you about her. 130 00:04:29,045 --> 00:04:30,443 She's the one that doesn't play tennis. 131 00:04:30,468 --> 00:04:33,841 Oh, the teacher from Hollywood. 132 00:04:34,984 --> 00:04:37,748 Well, two rum raisin sundaes 133 00:04:37,773 --> 00:04:39,473 and whatever my daughter wants. 134 00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:41,810 You. 135 00:04:44,984 --> 00:04:48,186 Her husband fell down a spiral staircase. 136 00:04:48,211 --> 00:04:49,608 - What? - He kept falling, 137 00:04:49,633 --> 00:04:51,937 falling, continually falling. 138 00:04:51,962 --> 00:04:53,929 It was awful. He didn't die. 139 00:04:53,954 --> 00:04:55,380 But when he found out 140 00:04:55,405 --> 00:04:58,185 that he had become a viral sensation... 141 00:04:58,642 --> 00:05:00,615 - he killed himself. - Ugh. 142 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:02,010 I know how he feels. 143 00:05:02,045 --> 00:05:04,295 Jess, are you still upset about Nick? 144 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:05,959 You got to, you got to move past that. 145 00:05:05,983 --> 00:05:08,417 It's hard. You don't know what it's like to be alone. 146 00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,075 I do know what it's like. 147 00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,888 - Ashley and I broke up. - What?! 148 00:05:11,913 --> 00:05:12,954 - Yeah. - When? 149 00:05:12,990 --> 00:05:14,389 Yeah, about six months ago. 150 00:05:14,425 --> 00:05:16,570 Uh, but I-I didn't want to worry you. 151 00:05:16,595 --> 00:05:19,701 Dad. It's my job to worry. 152 00:05:20,497 --> 00:05:22,764 Was it the 40-year age difference? 153 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,567 Were you tired of waiters just asking again and again 154 00:05:25,602 --> 00:05:27,502 if it was a daddy-daughter dinner? 155 00:05:27,538 --> 00:05:29,471 Sorry, no, that's not... 156 00:05:30,146 --> 00:05:32,061 You said that the pill sold itself, 157 00:05:32,086 --> 00:05:34,076 so let me ask you, is the pill a cure 158 00:05:34,111 --> 00:05:35,377 for a kick in the balls? 159 00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:36,709 Because you're gonna need it. 160 00:05:36,734 --> 00:05:38,826 - Oh, no. - Hey, Nicky, what's up? 161 00:05:40,476 --> 00:05:41,714 Uh, I can wait. 162 00:05:41,739 --> 00:05:44,074 No, it's okay, go ahead, I'm sorry. 163 00:05:47,870 --> 00:05:50,085 I want to tell you... 164 00:05:54,085 --> 00:05:55,831 - What? - I said what I needed to say. 165 00:05:55,866 --> 00:05:57,372 Nothing came out of your mouth. 166 00:05:57,397 --> 00:05:59,257 I feel like we're on a train. 167 00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:01,655 Where are we going? 168 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:03,138 We're going to San Diego. 169 00:06:03,173 --> 00:06:04,921 - What? - I panicked and it just came out. 170 00:06:04,946 --> 00:06:07,046 Let me tell you something, sister, your plan didn't work. 171 00:06:07,071 --> 00:06:08,320 This wasn't my plan. 172 00:06:08,345 --> 00:06:09,811 Well, you brought up trains, didn't you? 173 00:06:09,847 --> 00:06:10,879 And you got in my head. 174 00:06:10,914 --> 00:06:12,814 San Diego part? Well, that's on me. 175 00:06:12,850 --> 00:06:14,288 I'm not engaging with you over this. 176 00:06:14,313 --> 00:06:15,936 - So, what do we do now? - I don't know, Nick. 177 00:06:15,961 --> 00:06:18,530 I've never experienced a person trying to break up with someone, 178 00:06:18,555 --> 00:06:21,022 and instead inviting them on a beach vacation. 179 00:06:21,058 --> 00:06:23,291 I didn't do this on purpose. I feel like you led me here. 180 00:06:23,327 --> 00:06:24,702 - This is not on me. - So what do you want me to do? 181 00:06:24,727 --> 00:06:27,583 You want me to go break up with her down in San Diego? 182 00:06:27,608 --> 00:06:28,741 I don't, I don't care at this point. 183 00:06:28,766 --> 00:06:30,483 - Why? Because it's private? - Live your life, man. 184 00:06:30,508 --> 00:06:32,200 Because the weather is really nice? 185 00:06:32,236 --> 00:06:33,616 And what happens if it doesn't work out? 186 00:06:33,641 --> 00:06:35,871 I'm just gonna go move down to Mexico and start a new life? 187 00:06:35,906 --> 00:06:37,239 No one's suggesting any of this. 188 00:06:37,274 --> 00:06:38,585 You're a genius. 189 00:06:39,696 --> 00:06:40,742 Thank you, Aly. 190 00:06:40,778 --> 00:06:43,046 I knew I came to the right person. I'll do it. 191 00:06:43,071 --> 00:06:45,102 That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, 192 00:06:45,127 --> 00:06:46,760 and I feel like I should call San Diego 193 00:06:46,796 --> 00:06:48,193 to warn them about you. 194 00:06:48,218 --> 00:06:49,499 But you seem convinced, 195 00:06:49,524 --> 00:06:52,210 so if it gets you out of here faster, God bless. 196 00:06:52,268 --> 00:06:54,735 - Do you believe in God, Aly? - I believe in hell and I'm in it. 197 00:06:54,770 --> 00:06:56,170 - Oh, this is hell? - Yes! 198 00:06:56,205 --> 00:06:57,805 Then why don't you stay out of my business?! 199 00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:58,855 That's all I'm trying to do, 200 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,407 but you keep bringing me your business! 201 00:07:00,443 --> 00:07:02,434 Ah, to hell with you! We're going to San Diego! 202 00:07:02,459 --> 00:07:04,121 - Fine! - Fine! 203 00:07:04,146 --> 00:07:05,848 - Go! - I'm going! 204 00:07:05,873 --> 00:07:07,255 Don't say anything. 205 00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:14,045 I should have known right from the start. 206 00:07:14,070 --> 00:07:16,141 On our honeymoon, we're in the ocean, 207 00:07:16,166 --> 00:07:19,087 a-a-and Ashley sees a shark coming towards us. 208 00:07:19,112 --> 00:07:20,383 You know what she does? 209 00:07:20,408 --> 00:07:21,874 She pushes me in front of it and says, 210 00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:23,454 "Eat him! Eat him!" 211 00:07:23,479 --> 00:07:24,750 - What? - That-that was a clue. 212 00:07:24,785 --> 00:07:26,519 - That was a clue. - I just hate thinking of you 213 00:07:26,554 --> 00:07:27,720 all alone in that house. 214 00:07:27,755 --> 00:07:29,781 I'm fine. I got my cans. 215 00:07:29,841 --> 00:07:31,257 Gets me out of bed in the morning. 216 00:07:31,292 --> 00:07:33,159 - What if you met someone new? - Oh, no. 217 00:07:33,194 --> 00:07:34,365 - Really. - Aw, no. 218 00:07:34,390 --> 00:07:35,899 Dad, what about... 219 00:07:36,063 --> 00:07:37,696 - what about Priscilla? - What? 220 00:07:37,732 --> 00:07:39,665 - What? Come on. - No. No. 221 00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:41,267 I'm an old man. She doesn't want an old man. 222 00:07:41,302 --> 00:07:43,836 Look. I've got a Band-Aid on my hand. 223 00:07:43,871 --> 00:07:45,704 Not on the finger, the hand. 224 00:07:45,740 --> 00:07:47,439 That is an old-man thing. 225 00:07:47,475 --> 00:07:49,275 Okay. Hey, Priscilla. 226 00:07:49,310 --> 00:07:51,100 Oh, no, no, no, no. 227 00:07:51,125 --> 00:07:53,959 Hi. I was wondering if you would like 228 00:07:53,984 --> 00:07:57,193 to get a decaf coffee and talk about local news with my dad. 229 00:07:57,218 --> 00:07:58,751 Really, Bob? You want to take me out? 230 00:07:58,786 --> 00:08:01,500 Ha, ha, ha, you... 231 00:08:01,525 --> 00:08:02,715 Let's do it. Let's do it. 232 00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:05,858 Yeah, I have a new jean jacket I've been wanting to break out. 233 00:08:06,214 --> 00:08:07,877 It's stone-washed. 234 00:08:07,902 --> 00:08:09,295 Okay. 235 00:08:09,330 --> 00:08:11,197 Okay. 236 00:08:11,232 --> 00:08:13,314 Well, that was just about 237 00:08:13,339 --> 00:08:15,100 the cutest thing I've ever seen. 238 00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:16,983 Even though this morning I thought you were married. 239 00:08:17,008 --> 00:08:18,148 What about you? 240 00:08:18,173 --> 00:08:19,772 I'm supposed to be cheering you up. 241 00:08:19,807 --> 00:08:20,875 You did cheer me up. 242 00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,439 You got me off of the couch. 243 00:08:22,906 --> 00:08:24,310 It's good to be out of the house. 244 00:08:24,345 --> 00:08:25,411 You kids have fun. 245 00:08:25,446 --> 00:08:27,008 Okay, thanks. 246 00:08:27,915 --> 00:08:29,774 So this is a surprise. 247 00:08:29,799 --> 00:08:30,914 Where do you think we should go? 248 00:08:30,939 --> 00:08:32,284 Where do you think we should go? 249 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,887 Look, Schmidt, we both know there's only room for one Winston. 250 00:08:34,922 --> 00:08:36,789 And we found that out the hard way, didn't we? 251 00:08:36,824 --> 00:08:38,991 Homecoming weekend, 2002. 252 00:08:39,026 --> 00:08:40,826 - I'm Winston! I'm Winston! - I'm Winston! I'm Winston! 253 00:08:40,861 --> 00:08:42,417 We can't live like this! 254 00:08:42,442 --> 00:08:44,263 - Only one Winston. - Body slam! 255 00:08:44,854 --> 00:08:46,465 Get off! Get off! 256 00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:47,666 You'll kill him! 257 00:08:47,702 --> 00:08:50,569 We have tried every single variation. 258 00:08:50,605 --> 00:08:51,776 Fat Winston, Thin Winston. 259 00:08:51,801 --> 00:08:52,918 Too derogatory. 260 00:08:52,943 --> 00:08:54,493 Black Winston, Jew Winston. 261 00:08:54,518 --> 00:08:56,009 Obviously problematic. 262 00:08:56,034 --> 00:08:57,852 Hot Winston, Ugly Winston. 263 00:08:57,877 --> 00:08:59,945 Now... that nearly tore us apart. 264 00:08:59,992 --> 00:09:03,072 Which is why we came up with the one-Winston rule. 265 00:09:03,097 --> 00:09:05,548 Yeah, but those were angry times. 266 00:09:05,573 --> 00:09:08,140 Let's make it double W's. 267 00:09:17,342 --> 00:09:19,842 Welcome back, Winston. 268 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,819 It's good to be back, Winston. 269 00:09:24,491 --> 00:09:26,939 - San Diego. - The wonderful San Diego. 270 00:09:26,974 --> 00:09:28,807 - Where are we staying? - Not sure. 271 00:09:28,843 --> 00:09:31,911 Maybe we're gonna get the nicest hotel in the city, huh? 272 00:09:32,186 --> 00:09:33,816 Maybe you're gonna stay there, 273 00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:36,099 and maybe I'm gonna head back to Los Angeles today. 274 00:09:36,124 --> 00:09:38,286 I'm gonna stay in San Diego, and you're gonna go back? 275 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,386 Who knows what's gonna happen down there? 276 00:09:40,421 --> 00:09:42,560 That's the fun of a trip like this. 277 00:09:42,585 --> 00:09:44,290 Nick, you would tell me 278 00:09:44,325 --> 00:09:45,491 if you were gonna murder me, right? 279 00:09:45,526 --> 00:09:48,296 No, 'cause then you could prepare for it, 280 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:49,460 you silly. 281 00:09:49,485 --> 00:09:50,863 What is wrong with you? 282 00:09:50,898 --> 00:09:52,155 - What is wrong with me? - Yeah. 283 00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:53,699 The guy taking you to San Diego... 284 00:09:53,734 --> 00:09:55,801 the Paris of Southern California? 285 00:09:55,836 --> 00:09:56,902 - Okay. - You're losing it. 286 00:09:56,937 --> 00:09:58,537 I'm acting totally normal. 287 00:09:58,572 --> 00:10:00,205 You need a drink just to chill out. 288 00:10:00,241 --> 00:10:02,151 - What is wrong with you? - Getting those drinks. 289 00:10:02,176 --> 00:10:03,909 This stop, Anaheim. 290 00:10:14,388 --> 00:10:15,457 You should have seen him. 291 00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:17,176 The only time my dad gets that nervous 292 00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:19,525 is when he doesn't know where to print out his boarding pass. 293 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,393 It's so weird to think of him dating again. 294 00:10:21,429 --> 00:10:23,429 - Oh! Oh... - Wait. 295 00:10:23,464 --> 00:10:26,532 What is that? It sounds like someone's moving a washing machine. 296 00:10:26,785 --> 00:10:28,767 Oh, my God, my dad's boning! 297 00:10:28,803 --> 00:10:30,602 - My dad's boning! My dad's boning! - Oh, my God, listen to me. 298 00:10:30,638 --> 00:10:32,938 Get out of the house. Get out of the house! 299 00:10:34,243 --> 00:10:36,506 - Jess? Is that you? - No. Yes. 300 00:10:36,531 --> 00:10:39,111 I mean, no, it's the cans. I just, um... 301 00:10:39,146 --> 00:10:41,356 Finish what you're doing. No, don't finish. 302 00:10:41,381 --> 00:10:43,782 I mean, everyone deserves to finish... oh, God! 303 00:10:43,818 --> 00:10:45,751 Oh, cans! 304 00:10:49,006 --> 00:10:50,779 - Can we talk about this? - Yeah, just one sec. 305 00:10:50,803 --> 00:10:53,030 I'm just replacing the sound of your skin 306 00:10:53,055 --> 00:10:54,771 slapping against someone else's 307 00:10:54,796 --> 00:10:56,326 with the sound of crushing metal. 308 00:10:56,351 --> 00:10:57,774 I didn't know you were gonna be home. 309 00:10:57,799 --> 00:10:59,787 I thought you were gonna be out having a day. 310 00:10:59,812 --> 00:11:02,135 And you were supposed to be having coffee. 311 00:11:02,170 --> 00:11:03,853 You just put out on the first date? 312 00:11:03,878 --> 00:11:05,650 We had a connection. 313 00:11:05,675 --> 00:11:07,040 I-I think I'm in love with her. 314 00:11:07,075 --> 00:11:08,841 Oh, my God, I need more cans. 315 00:11:08,866 --> 00:11:09,986 I got to have more cans. 316 00:11:10,019 --> 00:11:12,283 Hey, you know, I'm a passionate guy. 317 00:11:12,642 --> 00:11:14,306 - All right. - What are you doing, Dad? 318 00:11:14,331 --> 00:11:17,066 Well, I mean, you were nice enough to help me to move on. 319 00:11:17,091 --> 00:11:20,188 Now I'm gonna see if I can find somebody for you. 320 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:22,541 Got it. My best friend Ray. 321 00:11:22,566 --> 00:11:24,666 His son John. Well, he's a little heavyset, 322 00:11:24,691 --> 00:11:25,908 but, you know, he makes a good living. 323 00:11:25,933 --> 00:11:27,496 Dad, put the Rolodex down. 324 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:30,663 Look, we're not in the same boat, okay? 325 00:11:31,348 --> 00:11:33,840 I can't move on. I love him. 326 00:11:34,035 --> 00:11:37,098 Nick? What do you see in him? 327 00:11:37,123 --> 00:11:39,157 I mean, he looks like the only white waiter 328 00:11:39,182 --> 00:11:41,020 at a Chinese restaurant. 329 00:11:43,445 --> 00:11:46,600 There isn't a logical explanation, 330 00:11:47,514 --> 00:11:49,928 but it is what it is. 331 00:11:49,953 --> 00:11:53,037 I love him. I wish I didn't, but I do. 332 00:11:54,092 --> 00:11:56,462 - Come here. - Dad, if you'll excuse me, 333 00:11:56,487 --> 00:11:58,380 I have to go to the recycling plant. 334 00:11:58,405 --> 00:12:00,477 It closes in an hour. 335 00:12:01,135 --> 00:12:04,170 From now on, I will be Winston Schmidt, 336 00:12:04,195 --> 00:12:06,128 and he will be Winston Bishop. 337 00:12:06,153 --> 00:12:07,546 We are both Winstons. 338 00:12:07,571 --> 00:12:10,113 Wait, your first name is Winston? 339 00:12:10,138 --> 00:12:11,737 - Did I know that? - No. 340 00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:13,491 I have not slept in 36 hours. 341 00:12:13,516 --> 00:12:15,585 Well, you should get some sleep. 342 00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:17,547 - Isn't that right, Winston? - Oh, absolutely, Winston. 343 00:12:17,572 --> 00:12:18,838 Sleep is very important. 344 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,719 It is the most important, Winston. 345 00:12:20,744 --> 00:12:22,211 Okay, this is already too much. 346 00:12:22,236 --> 00:12:24,055 In my head it wasn't this annoying. 347 00:12:24,094 --> 00:12:26,328 Winston, why don't you just go by "The Bish"? 348 00:12:26,364 --> 00:12:28,226 - I'm sorry, are you talking to me? - You know I'm talking to you. 349 00:12:28,251 --> 00:12:29,350 I knew she was talking to you. 350 00:12:29,375 --> 00:12:30,469 - You knew the whole time? - Yeah. 351 00:12:30,494 --> 00:12:31,911 Ooh, I couldn't tell. 352 00:12:31,936 --> 00:12:33,101 Wait a minute, why does Winston... 353 00:12:33,137 --> 00:12:35,053 - Yes? - Oh, my God. 354 00:12:35,078 --> 00:12:37,439 Why does my Winston have to change his name? 355 00:12:37,474 --> 00:12:39,708 - Schmidt, don't you have a middle name? - I do have a middle name. 356 00:12:39,743 --> 00:12:41,543 - It's Saint-Marie. - Hmm. 357 00:12:41,578 --> 00:12:43,977 - And obviously I can't go by that. - That's hilarious. 358 00:12:44,002 --> 00:12:45,681 Oh, hello, hello! 359 00:12:45,716 --> 00:12:47,391 Wait, what are you doing here? 360 00:12:47,416 --> 00:12:49,551 Oh, well, I couldn't break up with Reagan, 361 00:12:49,586 --> 00:12:52,254 - so I jumped off the train. - Hmm? 362 00:12:52,289 --> 00:12:54,022 - Problem, problem solved. - What's up with you guys? 363 00:12:54,058 --> 00:12:55,845 - Why didn't I know about this? - I don't know, Schmidt, 364 00:12:55,870 --> 00:12:57,111 'cause you weren't around, I guess. 365 00:12:57,136 --> 00:12:59,017 Well, actually, I'm Winston now. 366 00:12:59,042 --> 00:13:00,174 I'm using my first name again. 367 00:13:00,199 --> 00:13:02,750 Uh... actually there can't be two Winstons. 368 00:13:02,775 --> 00:13:03,943 It nearly destroyed us. 369 00:13:03,968 --> 00:13:05,556 Nick, hold up, can we go back to that moment 370 00:13:05,581 --> 00:13:06,728 where you jumped off a train? 371 00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:08,303 Sure. You find that part interesting? 372 00:13:08,339 --> 00:13:10,674 Okay, I don't care about the answer, but I feel like I got to ask, 373 00:13:10,699 --> 00:13:12,900 as someone who works in law enforcement... 374 00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:14,878 where is Reagan? 375 00:13:14,918 --> 00:13:16,718 Well, she's probably getting off at the next stop, 376 00:13:16,743 --> 00:13:17,990 and then she'll be on her way here 377 00:13:18,015 --> 00:13:19,704 for some sort of a reckoning, 378 00:13:19,729 --> 00:13:20,983 I would imagine. 379 00:13:21,018 --> 00:13:23,118 "Problem solved" was probably 380 00:13:23,153 --> 00:13:24,886 a bit of a, an overstatement. 381 00:13:24,922 --> 00:13:26,421 The good news is that I don't have to break up with her 382 00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:28,056 'cause now she's gonna break up with me. 383 00:13:28,092 --> 00:13:29,456 - Oh, Nick. - What is wrong with you? 384 00:13:29,481 --> 00:13:31,534 It's gonna be okay, Nick. Give Winston a hug. 385 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:32,561 - Come on. Here we go. - Here you go, Winston. 386 00:13:32,596 --> 00:13:33,637 I meant "me Winston." 387 00:13:33,662 --> 00:13:35,442 - I'm "me Winston," too! - Hey, guys! 388 00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:36,465 Reagan's on her way. 389 00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:37,666 I've got too much to deal with 390 00:13:37,701 --> 00:13:38,832 to deal with this two Winstons thing. 391 00:13:38,857 --> 00:13:40,067 What, I can't have a first name 392 00:13:40,092 --> 00:13:41,893 because you left some woman on a train? 393 00:13:41,918 --> 00:13:43,129 Don't put that on me, man! 394 00:13:43,154 --> 00:13:45,417 I'm not calling you Winston, Schmidt. 395 00:13:45,442 --> 00:13:47,926 'Cause if I do, then what am I gonna call the real Winston? 396 00:13:47,951 --> 00:13:48,973 Call him I don't care! I don't care! 397 00:13:48,998 --> 00:13:50,409 - Hey, Winston, you want to get a drink? - Sure. 398 00:13:50,434 --> 00:13:51,628 - I'm down. - I was talking to that Winston. 399 00:13:51,653 --> 00:13:52,653 - Oh. - After the drink, 400 00:13:52,678 --> 00:13:53,625 you want to get some dinner, Winston? 401 00:13:53,650 --> 00:13:54,549 - Ooh, you know your boy hungry. - Yes. 402 00:13:54,585 --> 00:13:55,650 That time I was talking to this Winston. 403 00:13:55,686 --> 00:13:57,153 - So, I can come if you want. - I'm down to go. 404 00:13:57,178 --> 00:13:58,731 No, I'm trying to figure it out, okay? 405 00:13:58,756 --> 00:14:00,661 Wait, time out. Are we eating, or are we not eating? 406 00:14:00,686 --> 00:14:02,591 They're both real Winstons, 407 00:14:02,626 --> 00:14:05,093 but the old Winston is now The Bish. 408 00:14:05,129 --> 00:14:07,162 I'm not calling my fiancé "The" anything. 409 00:14:07,197 --> 00:14:08,797 Nah, man, this is taking me to a bad place. 410 00:14:08,832 --> 00:14:10,866 - I'm having... I'm having cold feet. - What? 411 00:14:10,901 --> 00:14:13,769 Yeah, the two Winstons thing is not gonna work... Nick is right. 412 00:14:13,804 --> 00:14:15,537 You've had Winston for 15 years. 413 00:14:15,572 --> 00:14:17,950 It's my turn. I'm Winston. 414 00:14:18,489 --> 00:14:20,108 You will never be Winston. 415 00:14:20,958 --> 00:14:22,778 - Oh, you want to dance? Yeah. - Oh, yeah? 416 00:14:22,813 --> 00:14:23,911 Okay. 417 00:14:24,548 --> 00:14:25,860 - Come on. - Come on. 418 00:14:25,885 --> 00:14:26,951 Come on. 419 00:14:26,976 --> 00:14:28,175 - Okay, what is happening? - Come on. 420 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,684 - Come on. - I used to live by myself. 421 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:30,724 - Come on. - Come on. 422 00:14:30,749 --> 00:14:31,935 I had covered parking, I was happy. 423 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,221 - I'm Winston. - Guys, no. 424 00:14:33,257 --> 00:14:34,656 It's not about you, man. I am Winston. 425 00:14:34,691 --> 00:14:35,744 Shut up! 426 00:14:35,769 --> 00:14:37,836 I'll kill you! I'll murder you! 427 00:14:37,861 --> 00:14:39,002 I can't do this right now. 428 00:14:39,027 --> 00:14:40,162 I got too much on my plate. 429 00:14:40,197 --> 00:14:41,367 - I'm Winston. - I'm Winston. 430 00:14:41,392 --> 00:14:42,964 - Nah, I'm Winston. - Ah, I'm Winston. 431 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,800 Yet, somehow, all the Michaels in the world 432 00:14:44,835 --> 00:14:46,228 manage to deal with this every day. 433 00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:47,335 Mm-hmm. 434 00:14:47,371 --> 00:14:49,404 Go to sleep, go to sleep. 435 00:14:51,525 --> 00:14:53,416 - Hello? - Mr. Day. It's Nick Miller. 436 00:14:53,441 --> 00:14:54,729 - Is Jess there? - She's out. 437 00:14:54,754 --> 00:14:57,345 Can I take what I assume will be an idiotic message? 438 00:14:57,381 --> 00:14:59,014 Ah, it's actually, it's kind of private. 439 00:14:59,049 --> 00:15:01,149 Okay, fine. Talk to you later. 440 00:15:01,177 --> 00:15:03,422 Fine, I'll tell you, I'll tell you. I'm breaking up with Reagan 441 00:15:03,455 --> 00:15:05,461 and it didn't quite go as planned. 442 00:15:05,486 --> 00:15:07,302 I'm, I'm in a really bad situation 443 00:15:07,327 --> 00:15:09,727 and Jess always says the right thing 444 00:15:09,752 --> 00:15:11,885 and I, I really need her. 445 00:15:13,467 --> 00:15:15,392 Let me, let me ask you a question. 446 00:15:15,494 --> 00:15:17,702 You're in the ocean with Jess, 447 00:15:17,737 --> 00:15:20,055 and a shark starts coming towards you. 448 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,432 - What do you do? - Which ocean? 449 00:15:21,457 --> 00:15:22,736 I-I don't know, Pacific. 450 00:15:22,761 --> 00:15:24,627 - What type of shark? - What the hell difference does it make? 451 00:15:24,652 --> 00:15:25,736 Well if it's a hammerhead, 452 00:15:25,761 --> 00:15:27,455 you just tickle it between the sideways eyes 453 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:28,775 and you have a companion for life. 454 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,959 Then you got tiger sharks, you got whale sharks, 455 00:15:30,995 --> 00:15:32,817 you got trumpet sharks, which I believe are a thing... 456 00:15:32,842 --> 00:15:33,907 if not, it definitely should be. 457 00:15:33,932 --> 00:15:35,964 It's just a regular shark. 458 00:15:35,989 --> 00:15:37,255 You know what? Good-bye. 459 00:15:37,290 --> 00:15:38,934 Okay, vague premise aside, 460 00:15:38,959 --> 00:15:41,225 I don't know what I would do, but if Jess was with me, 461 00:15:41,250 --> 00:15:44,442 I'm sure... I'm sure we'd be okay. 462 00:15:44,981 --> 00:15:47,276 She's got that giant heart that's, 463 00:15:47,301 --> 00:15:49,767 that's part compass and, and part flashlight 464 00:15:49,803 --> 00:15:54,172 and... she's just the greatest person I have ever met. 465 00:15:54,879 --> 00:15:57,036 Bob? Does that answer your question or what? 466 00:15:57,061 --> 00:15:58,395 It does. 467 00:15:59,613 --> 00:16:01,348 Weirdly enough, it does. 468 00:16:01,373 --> 00:16:03,458 But I also don't accept your weird-ass premise, man, 469 00:16:03,483 --> 00:16:05,016 'cause it's absolutely preposterous... 470 00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:07,059 - Nick. - Oh, my God. She's here. 471 00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:10,655 Nick. 472 00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:13,910 Nicholas, I can see you. 473 00:16:13,935 --> 00:16:16,129 Hey. How was San Diego? 474 00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:20,592 Hey, 475 00:16:20,618 --> 00:16:24,327 so... Reagan's in your room, packing up her stuff. 476 00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:26,163 What'd you say to her? 477 00:16:26,188 --> 00:16:28,147 Nothing. I-I didn't say anything. 478 00:16:28,795 --> 00:16:30,907 I just, uh, crawled out from under the bed 479 00:16:30,932 --> 00:16:32,098 where I was hiding. 480 00:16:32,123 --> 00:16:34,631 She said, "It's over," which makes sense, 481 00:16:34,656 --> 00:16:38,020 and then I came in here, and this is now my fifth beer 482 00:16:38,045 --> 00:16:39,265 in as many minutes. 483 00:16:39,301 --> 00:16:41,167 - I'm impressed. - No, you shouldn't be. 484 00:16:41,203 --> 00:16:43,411 I once drank nine beers in five minutes. 485 00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:46,030 I hear that cry for help, but I meant the breakup. 486 00:16:46,055 --> 00:16:49,123 You ended a relationship without any confrontation. 487 00:16:49,148 --> 00:16:50,343 You got what you wanted. 488 00:16:50,378 --> 00:16:52,023 Then why do I feel so terrible? 489 00:16:52,048 --> 00:16:55,171 Maybe you feel bad because your relationship with Reagan 490 00:16:55,196 --> 00:16:57,360 actually meant something to you, 491 00:16:57,385 --> 00:16:59,577 and you ended it like it didn't. 492 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,359 Right. 493 00:17:01,384 --> 00:17:03,551 I'm sorry I put you in the middle of this, Aly. 494 00:17:03,576 --> 00:17:05,742 But I'm also glad you were here 'cause I feel like we bonded. 495 00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:08,210 It was one of the most frustrating days of my entire life. 496 00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:09,312 I'm exhausted. 497 00:17:09,337 --> 00:17:12,007 I feel like a single mom in a mop commercial. 498 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:13,598 Welcome to the loft. 499 00:17:18,081 --> 00:17:19,585 Hey. 500 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,526 Taking a little trip? 501 00:17:22,193 --> 00:17:24,360 I hear San Diego's lovely. 502 00:17:25,222 --> 00:17:26,870 I regret that. 503 00:17:28,003 --> 00:17:30,769 I'm sorry I left you on the train, Reagan. 504 00:17:31,664 --> 00:17:33,564 You deserve better than that. 505 00:17:34,409 --> 00:17:36,556 The truth is, is I wanted to break up with you, 506 00:17:36,591 --> 00:17:38,206 and I didn't know how to. 507 00:17:40,175 --> 00:17:41,227 Okay. 508 00:17:41,263 --> 00:17:43,296 I mean, I'm not mad anymore, 509 00:17:43,331 --> 00:17:46,132 more just... scared of what it must be like 510 00:17:46,167 --> 00:17:48,181 to have to live inside of your head. 511 00:17:48,206 --> 00:17:50,001 Look, I'm sorry. 512 00:17:50,423 --> 00:17:51,634 It's okay. 513 00:17:51,659 --> 00:17:54,073 I've been thinking about breaking up with you for a while. 514 00:17:54,109 --> 00:17:57,097 So, we just wanted really different things. 515 00:17:58,885 --> 00:18:00,948 I'm not good at good-byes, Nick. 516 00:18:00,986 --> 00:18:03,319 I'm not good at good-byes either. 517 00:18:08,534 --> 00:18:11,751 I think I'm gonna go stand in the closet for a little bit. 518 00:18:12,798 --> 00:18:13,993 Okay. 519 00:18:14,029 --> 00:18:15,814 - Okay. - Okay. 520 00:18:25,173 --> 00:18:26,649 Bye, Nick. 521 00:18:27,781 --> 00:18:29,450 Yeah, bye, Reagan. 522 00:18:39,435 --> 00:18:40,734 What do you want? 523 00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:42,915 To be your friend. 524 00:18:43,835 --> 00:18:46,023 If you need the name Winston... 525 00:18:46,227 --> 00:18:48,594 to get you to where you're going, then... 526 00:18:49,179 --> 00:18:50,882 I'm not gonna stand in your way. 527 00:18:52,117 --> 00:18:53,563 You're a good friend. 528 00:18:55,236 --> 00:18:58,605 Uh, uh, what will I call you? 529 00:18:58,630 --> 00:19:00,838 Well, I was gonna give Saint-Marie a whirl, 530 00:19:00,863 --> 00:19:02,442 but then I was like, nah, 531 00:19:02,477 --> 00:19:03,977 that's a girl's name. 532 00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:05,778 And I thought about Two-Shoes. 533 00:19:05,814 --> 00:19:07,380 - Two-Shoes. - Two-Shoes, yeah. 534 00:19:07,415 --> 00:19:09,573 But then, in certain shoes that I have, 535 00:19:09,598 --> 00:19:11,823 I have three of them, so... 536 00:19:11,848 --> 00:19:13,897 so I'm just gonna stick with The Bish. 537 00:19:13,922 --> 00:19:15,066 Come here. 538 00:19:16,183 --> 00:19:17,624 Thank you, The Bish. 539 00:19:18,307 --> 00:19:19,598 Thanks, Winston. 540 00:19:22,721 --> 00:19:25,350 Hey, you know what? Why don't you come on inside... 541 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:29,502 Very weird. 542 00:19:29,537 --> 00:19:31,030 Strange man. 543 00:19:31,209 --> 00:19:32,876 I love Wednesday nights. 544 00:19:32,901 --> 00:19:35,263 And this one's even more special, 545 00:19:35,288 --> 00:19:37,038 'cause I got my name back. 546 00:19:37,983 --> 00:19:39,145 I love you, Cece. 547 00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:41,468 I love you so much, Winston. 548 00:19:42,772 --> 00:19:44,185 Oh, God. 549 00:19:44,811 --> 00:19:47,020 I don't like it! I don't like it! I don't like it! 550 00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:48,897 - Damn it! - Ugh... 551 00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:50,669 Take your name back. 552 00:19:50,694 --> 00:19:51,858 I don't want it. 553 00:19:51,893 --> 00:19:54,489 - What's wrong with the name Winston? - It's horrible, just take it back. 554 00:19:54,514 --> 00:19:56,429 Worst name in the entire history of names. 555 00:19:56,454 --> 00:19:58,099 What'd you say about my name? 556 00:19:58,124 --> 00:20:00,477 Stop. N... You know what, I don't care. 557 00:20:00,502 --> 00:20:01,656 Come on. 558 00:20:05,410 --> 00:20:06,707 Cha-ching. 559 00:20:06,732 --> 00:20:08,207 Hey, hey, Jess! 560 00:20:08,235 --> 00:20:10,315 Jess! I've been trying to call you. 561 00:20:10,340 --> 00:20:12,211 I-I talked to Nick. 562 00:20:12,247 --> 00:20:15,012 - What? - He called looking for you, and... 563 00:20:15,037 --> 00:20:18,496 you know, oddly, I-I see what you see in him. 564 00:20:19,043 --> 00:20:21,521 It doesn't matter. He has a girlfriend. 565 00:20:21,957 --> 00:20:24,215 He and Reagan broke up. 566 00:20:25,535 --> 00:20:27,160 And you know something? 567 00:20:27,195 --> 00:20:29,644 I don't even think he realizes it, 568 00:20:29,669 --> 00:20:32,902 but he's still in love with you. 569 00:20:39,984 --> 00:20:41,465 I got you, I got you! 570 00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:43,342 I got you! Got your arm! 571 00:20:43,378 --> 00:20:44,644 I'm gonna break it. 572 00:20:44,679 --> 00:20:46,605 Aah, that's my arm! 573 00:20:46,630 --> 00:20:49,082 I need it, I need it! 574 00:21:02,411 --> 00:21:03,692 There she goes. 575 00:21:03,717 --> 00:21:05,193 Off to college. 576 00:21:06,005 --> 00:21:07,591 Circle of life. 577 00:21:08,201 --> 00:21:09,481 Okay. 578 00:21:17,224 --> 00:21:18,942 This is right. 579 00:21:19,451 --> 00:21:22,247 I'm gonna go home and I'm gonna profess my love to Nick. 580 00:21:22,630 --> 00:21:25,349 - I'm very proud of you, sweetie. - Thanks, Dad. 581 00:21:26,177 --> 00:21:27,701 I'm proud of you, too. 582 00:21:29,669 --> 00:21:31,016 You really just... 583 00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:33,801 humped your way right into things, didn't you, Priscilla? 584 00:21:36,475 --> 00:21:38,790 - I kinda wanted the front seat. - I called it. 585 00:21:38,892 --> 00:21:42,908 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com