1
00:00:01,322 --> 00:00:02,884
The dream is dead.
2
00:00:02,909 --> 00:00:04,774
Say good-bye to the
Schmidt Charitable Trust.
3
00:00:04,799 --> 00:00:05,900
I don't know what that is.
4
00:00:05,925 --> 00:00:08,210
But is that why you were throwing
light bulbs against our garage?
5
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- That was unrelated.
- Oh.
6
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It's the foundation that
I was going to establish
7
00:00:11,936 --> 00:00:14,223
to take the Schmidt brand to
the next level, but now I can't.
8
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- The name is taken.
- What?
9
00:00:15,877 --> 00:00:16,923
Get a load of that.
10
00:00:16,948 --> 00:00:20,437
The Schmidt Charitable
Trust was established in 1948
11
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by Cranston Schmidt,
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to promote nudity in restaurants.
13
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Cranston Schmidt and
his naked waitresses.
14
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What am I supposed to do now?
15
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How can I show my peers
that I make so much money
16
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that I could just throw
it away on strangers?
17
00:00:31,567 --> 00:00:34,234
There is one way that you
could maybe solve your problem.
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- What?
- You could use your first name.
19
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What did you say?
20
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You are not a frat boy
drinking at a keg anymore, okay?
21
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You are an executive now.
22
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- You're a baller.
- I am a baller.
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Also, I was never allowed in frats.
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Too much hazing that
required a visible penis.
25
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- Oh, baby.
- Just do it.
26
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Like, who cares?
27
00:00:55,768 --> 00:00:57,969
- How long have you been here?
- Long enough, Schmidt.
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Yeah, we keep the
camera running all day.
29
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I'm trying to keep Jess
company while she's in Portland.
30
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Yeah, yesterday I watched
Cece read for a while.
31
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Oh, wow, that sounds like
fun, Jess, good for you.
32
00:01:06,868 --> 00:01:08,712
- Cece...
- Jess needs us right now.
33
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She's still mopey over Nick.
34
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I'm not mopey. I'm rad.
35
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I'm gleaming the cube.
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She's lying. She's a wreck.
37
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Ugh, Dad!
38
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Ugh, I'm on the phone!
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You're so embarrassing.
40
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All he does is just
recycle cans all day.
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I wish his child bride
42
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would come back from Denver
43
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so he'd have someone else to bother.
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Let's just get you out of this house.
45
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- Yeah, right.
- Well, what are you going to do?
46
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You're gonna sit on
this couch all day long?
47
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You'll get sofa butt.
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Come on, let's go get some ice cream.
49
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Ugh, I hate ice cream. Dad!
50
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- Nobody hates ice cream.
- It's stupid.
51
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- I-I feel uncomfortable watching this.
- Yeah, it's stupid, Dad.
52
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It's so stupid.
53
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- Hey, Cece.
- Dad.
54
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Hi, Schmidt. How are you?
55
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Dad! Don't talk to my friends!
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Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com
57
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Achoo!
58
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- Oh, you're up.
- You woke me up.
59
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Hey, do you mind if
I run something by you
60
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that's very personal, very hot button?
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I do... I need to rest.
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- I'm working nights this week.
- Oh, as a police officer?
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No, Nick, as a prostitute.
Yes, as a cop.
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Now will you please leave my room?
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I'm very tired and I
need to get some rest.
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I understand, but here it
comes, I have to tell you.
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- I don't want to hear it.
- Aly, I'm gonna tell you.
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- I swear to God.
- I need to break up with Reagan
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- but I don't know how to.
- Damn it, Nick.
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Oh, now you're involved.
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00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,669
So now that you're involved,
we need to talk it out
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'cause we're basically partners in this.
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- We're not partners.
- Things with Reagan and I...
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haven't been working out, and last
night it really came to a head.
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It's just crazy. You know,
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- I was just driving down the...
- Mm-hmm. Sounds crazy.
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- Reagan.
- Yes?
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I worked all day. We
haven't seen each other.
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Don't you want to catch up?
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Yes. Fine, what?
81
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What happened to you today?
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00:02:43,921 --> 00:02:46,850
I saw a seagull in the
backseat of a moving car.
83
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Can we have sex now?
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Ugh, you don't get it.
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Let's get it over with.
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What does this have to do with me?
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I was hoping you'd tell me
how to break up with her.
88
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Just pretend you're an adult...
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00:03:00,087 --> 00:03:01,647
- and get it over with.
- Yeah.
90
00:03:01,672 --> 00:03:02,966
Train's already left the station, Nick.
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00:03:02,998 --> 00:03:04,664
The longer you wait,
the worse it's gonna get.
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The train already left the station, huh?
93
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- Yep.
- Thank you.
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00:03:07,545 --> 00:03:08,977
You're welcome.
95
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Hey, say, wake up.
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Question. Excuse me.
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Yes, Nick?
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Do you think that looks
like a monster's butthole?
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I kind of do, yeah.
100
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Yeah, me, too. It's really gross.
101
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What's going on, Schmidt?
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Man, are you having trouble ordering
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00:03:28,766 --> 00:03:30,199
from that Jamaican restaurant again?
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I don't know how many
times I got to tell you.
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00:03:31,953 --> 00:03:33,746
Don't walk in there using their accent
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'cause it's kind of racist.
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The time has finally come
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for me to launch my own brand.
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- Are you really not gonna turn around?
- Not yet.
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This brand will be my legacy.
111
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And this is where you come in.
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Ooh! You had that timed right!
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I'm going to start using
my first name again.
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Schmidt, I think that
is a very bad idea.
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I have no choice!
116
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When I was born, my
parents gave me a name.
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Don't do this, Schmidt.
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Ain't nothing but pain down that road.
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It is the name that I was called
for most of my life, and...
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I want my name back.
121
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Isn't this fun?
122
00:04:13,244 --> 00:04:15,332
Remember, we used to
come here all the time,
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every time you won a tennis match.
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- That was your other daughter.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
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You-You were always in
a production of Annie,
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but never Annie, though.
127
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Priscilla, come here, come here.
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I want you to meet my daughter, Jessica.
129
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,005
Remember? I told you about her.
130
00:04:29,045 --> 00:04:30,443
She's the one that doesn't play tennis.
131
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Oh, the teacher from Hollywood.
132
00:04:34,984 --> 00:04:37,748
Well, two rum raisin sundaes
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and whatever my daughter wants.
134
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You.
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Her husband fell down
a spiral staircase.
136
00:04:48,211 --> 00:04:49,608
- What?
- He kept falling,
137
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falling, continually falling.
138
00:04:51,962 --> 00:04:53,929
It was awful. He didn't die.
139
00:04:53,954 --> 00:04:55,380
But when he found out
140
00:04:55,405 --> 00:04:58,185
that he had become a viral sensation...
141
00:04:58,642 --> 00:05:00,615
- he killed himself.
- Ugh.
142
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:02,010
I know how he feels.
143
00:05:02,045 --> 00:05:04,295
Jess, are you still upset about Nick?
144
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:05,959
You got to, you got to move past that.
145
00:05:05,983 --> 00:05:08,417
It's hard. You don't know
what it's like to be alone.
146
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,075
I do know what it's like.
147
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,888
- Ashley and I broke up.
- What?!
148
00:05:11,913 --> 00:05:12,954
- Yeah.
- When?
149
00:05:12,990 --> 00:05:14,389
Yeah, about six months ago.
150
00:05:14,425 --> 00:05:16,570
Uh, but I-I didn't want to worry you.
151
00:05:16,595 --> 00:05:19,701
Dad. It's my job to worry.
152
00:05:20,497 --> 00:05:22,764
Was it the 40-year age difference?
153
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,567
Were you tired of waiters
just asking again and again
154
00:05:25,602 --> 00:05:27,502
if it was a daddy-daughter dinner?
155
00:05:27,538 --> 00:05:29,471
Sorry, no, that's not...
156
00:05:30,146 --> 00:05:32,061
You said that the pill sold itself,
157
00:05:32,086 --> 00:05:34,076
so let me ask you, is the pill a cure
158
00:05:34,111 --> 00:05:35,377
for a kick in the balls?
159
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:36,709
Because you're gonna need it.
160
00:05:36,734 --> 00:05:38,826
- Oh, no.
- Hey, Nicky, what's up?
161
00:05:40,476 --> 00:05:41,714
Uh, I can wait.
162
00:05:41,739 --> 00:05:44,074
No, it's okay, go ahead, I'm sorry.
163
00:05:47,870 --> 00:05:50,085
I want to tell you...
164
00:05:54,085 --> 00:05:55,831
- What?
- I said what I needed to say.
165
00:05:55,866 --> 00:05:57,372
Nothing came out of your mouth.
166
00:05:57,397 --> 00:05:59,257
I feel like we're on a train.
167
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:01,655
Where are we going?
168
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:03,138
We're going to San Diego.
169
00:06:03,173 --> 00:06:04,921
- What?
- I panicked and it just came out.
170
00:06:04,946 --> 00:06:07,046
Let me tell you something,
sister, your plan didn't work.
171
00:06:07,071 --> 00:06:08,320
This wasn't my plan.
172
00:06:08,345 --> 00:06:09,811
Well, you brought up trains, didn't you?
173
00:06:09,847 --> 00:06:10,879
And you got in my head.
174
00:06:10,914 --> 00:06:12,814
San Diego part? Well, that's on me.
175
00:06:12,850 --> 00:06:14,288
I'm not engaging with you over this.
176
00:06:14,313 --> 00:06:15,936
- So, what do we do now?
- I don't know, Nick.
177
00:06:15,961 --> 00:06:18,530
I've never experienced a person
trying to break up with someone,
178
00:06:18,555 --> 00:06:21,022
and instead inviting
them on a beach vacation.
179
00:06:21,058 --> 00:06:23,291
I didn't do this on purpose.
I feel like you led me here.
180
00:06:23,327 --> 00:06:24,702
- This is not on me.
- So what do you want me to do?
181
00:06:24,727 --> 00:06:27,583
You want me to go break up
with her down in San Diego?
182
00:06:27,608 --> 00:06:28,741
I don't, I don't care at this point.
183
00:06:28,766 --> 00:06:30,483
- Why? Because it's private?
- Live your life, man.
184
00:06:30,508 --> 00:06:32,200
Because the weather is really nice?
185
00:06:32,236 --> 00:06:33,616
And what happens if it doesn't work out?
186
00:06:33,641 --> 00:06:35,871
I'm just gonna go move down
to Mexico and start a new life?
187
00:06:35,906 --> 00:06:37,239
No one's suggesting any of this.
188
00:06:37,274 --> 00:06:38,585
You're a genius.
189
00:06:39,696 --> 00:06:40,742
Thank you, Aly.
190
00:06:40,778 --> 00:06:43,046
I knew I came to the
right person. I'll do it.
191
00:06:43,071 --> 00:06:45,102
That's the stupidest
thing I've ever heard,
192
00:06:45,127 --> 00:06:46,760
and I feel like I should call San Diego
193
00:06:46,796 --> 00:06:48,193
to warn them about you.
194
00:06:48,218 --> 00:06:49,499
But you seem convinced,
195
00:06:49,524 --> 00:06:52,210
so if it gets you out of
here faster, God bless.
196
00:06:52,268 --> 00:06:54,735
- Do you believe in God, Aly?
- I believe in hell and I'm in it.
197
00:06:54,770 --> 00:06:56,170
- Oh, this is hell?
- Yes!
198
00:06:56,205 --> 00:06:57,805
Then why don't you stay
out of my business?!
199
00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:58,855
That's all I'm trying to do,
200
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,407
but you keep bringing me your business!
201
00:07:00,443 --> 00:07:02,434
Ah, to hell with you!
We're going to San Diego!
202
00:07:02,459 --> 00:07:04,121
- Fine!
- Fine!
203
00:07:04,146 --> 00:07:05,848
- Go!
- I'm going!
204
00:07:05,873 --> 00:07:07,255
Don't say anything.
205
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:14,045
I should have known
right from the start.
206
00:07:14,070 --> 00:07:16,141
On our honeymoon, we're in the ocean,
207
00:07:16,166 --> 00:07:19,087
a-a-and Ashley sees a
shark coming towards us.
208
00:07:19,112 --> 00:07:20,383
You know what she does?
209
00:07:20,408 --> 00:07:21,874
She pushes me in front of it and says,
210
00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:23,454
"Eat him! Eat him!"
211
00:07:23,479 --> 00:07:24,750
- What?
- That-that was a clue.
212
00:07:24,785 --> 00:07:26,519
- That was a clue.
- I just hate thinking of you
213
00:07:26,554 --> 00:07:27,720
all alone in that house.
214
00:07:27,755 --> 00:07:29,781
I'm fine. I got my cans.
215
00:07:29,841 --> 00:07:31,257
Gets me out of bed in the morning.
216
00:07:31,292 --> 00:07:33,159
- What if you met someone new?
- Oh, no.
217
00:07:33,194 --> 00:07:34,365
- Really.
- Aw, no.
218
00:07:34,390 --> 00:07:35,899
Dad, what about...
219
00:07:36,063 --> 00:07:37,696
- what about Priscilla?
- What?
220
00:07:37,732 --> 00:07:39,665
- What? Come on.
- No. No.
221
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:41,267
I'm an old man. She
doesn't want an old man.
222
00:07:41,302 --> 00:07:43,836
Look. I've got a Band-Aid on my hand.
223
00:07:43,871 --> 00:07:45,704
Not on the finger, the hand.
224
00:07:45,740 --> 00:07:47,439
That is an old-man thing.
225
00:07:47,475 --> 00:07:49,275
Okay. Hey, Priscilla.
226
00:07:49,310 --> 00:07:51,100
Oh, no, no, no, no.
227
00:07:51,125 --> 00:07:53,959
Hi. I was wondering if you would like
228
00:07:53,984 --> 00:07:57,193
to get a decaf coffee and talk
about local news with my dad.
229
00:07:57,218 --> 00:07:58,751
Really, Bob? You want to take me out?
230
00:07:58,786 --> 00:08:01,500
Ha, ha, ha, you...
231
00:08:01,525 --> 00:08:02,715
Let's do it. Let's do it.
232
00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:05,858
Yeah, I have a new jean jacket
I've been wanting to break out.
233
00:08:06,214 --> 00:08:07,877
It's stone-washed.
234
00:08:07,902 --> 00:08:09,295
Okay.
235
00:08:09,330 --> 00:08:11,197
Okay.
236
00:08:11,232 --> 00:08:13,314
Well, that was just about
237
00:08:13,339 --> 00:08:15,100
the cutest thing I've ever seen.
238
00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:16,983
Even though this morning
I thought you were married.
239
00:08:17,008 --> 00:08:18,148
What about you?
240
00:08:18,173 --> 00:08:19,772
I'm supposed to be cheering you up.
241
00:08:19,807 --> 00:08:20,875
You did cheer me up.
242
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,439
You got me off of the couch.
243
00:08:22,906 --> 00:08:24,310
It's good to be out of the house.
244
00:08:24,345 --> 00:08:25,411
You kids have fun.
245
00:08:25,446 --> 00:08:27,008
Okay, thanks.
246
00:08:27,915 --> 00:08:29,774
So this is a surprise.
247
00:08:29,799 --> 00:08:30,914
Where do you think we should go?
248
00:08:30,939 --> 00:08:32,284
Where do you think we should go?
249
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,887
Look, Schmidt, we both know
there's only room for one Winston.
250
00:08:34,922 --> 00:08:36,789
And we found that out
the hard way, didn't we?
251
00:08:36,824 --> 00:08:38,991
Homecoming weekend, 2002.
252
00:08:39,026 --> 00:08:40,826
- I'm Winston! I'm Winston!
- I'm Winston! I'm Winston!
253
00:08:40,861 --> 00:08:42,417
We can't live like this!
254
00:08:42,442 --> 00:08:44,263
- Only one Winston.
- Body slam!
255
00:08:44,854 --> 00:08:46,465
Get off! Get off!
256
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:47,666
You'll kill him!
257
00:08:47,702 --> 00:08:50,569
We have tried every single variation.
258
00:08:50,605 --> 00:08:51,776
Fat Winston, Thin Winston.
259
00:08:51,801 --> 00:08:52,918
Too derogatory.
260
00:08:52,943 --> 00:08:54,493
Black Winston, Jew Winston.
261
00:08:54,518 --> 00:08:56,009
Obviously problematic.
262
00:08:56,034 --> 00:08:57,852
Hot Winston, Ugly Winston.
263
00:08:57,877 --> 00:08:59,945
Now... that nearly tore us apart.
264
00:08:59,992 --> 00:09:03,072
Which is why we came up
with the one-Winston rule.
265
00:09:03,097 --> 00:09:05,548
Yeah, but those were angry times.
266
00:09:05,573 --> 00:09:08,140
Let's make it double W's.
267
00:09:17,342 --> 00:09:19,842
Welcome back, Winston.
268
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,819
It's good to be back, Winston.
269
00:09:24,491 --> 00:09:26,939
- San Diego.
- The wonderful San Diego.
270
00:09:26,974 --> 00:09:28,807
- Where are we staying?
- Not sure.
271
00:09:28,843 --> 00:09:31,911
Maybe we're gonna get the
nicest hotel in the city, huh?
272
00:09:32,186 --> 00:09:33,816
Maybe you're gonna stay there,
273
00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:36,099
and maybe I'm gonna head
back to Los Angeles today.
274
00:09:36,124 --> 00:09:38,286
I'm gonna stay in San Diego,
and you're gonna go back?
275
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,386
Who knows what's gonna
happen down there?
276
00:09:40,421 --> 00:09:42,560
That's the fun of a trip like this.
277
00:09:42,585 --> 00:09:44,290
Nick, you would tell me
278
00:09:44,325 --> 00:09:45,491
if you were gonna murder me, right?
279
00:09:45,526 --> 00:09:48,296
No, 'cause then you
could prepare for it,
280
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:49,460
you silly.
281
00:09:49,485 --> 00:09:50,863
What is wrong with you?
282
00:09:50,898 --> 00:09:52,155
- What is wrong with me?
- Yeah.
283
00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:53,699
The guy taking you to San Diego...
284
00:09:53,734 --> 00:09:55,801
the Paris of Southern California?
285
00:09:55,836 --> 00:09:56,902
- Okay.
- You're losing it.
286
00:09:56,937 --> 00:09:58,537
I'm acting totally normal.
287
00:09:58,572 --> 00:10:00,205
You need a drink just to chill out.
288
00:10:00,241 --> 00:10:02,151
- What is wrong with you?
- Getting those drinks.
289
00:10:02,176 --> 00:10:03,909
This stop, Anaheim.
290
00:10:14,388 --> 00:10:15,457
You should have seen him.
291
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:17,176
The only time my dad gets that nervous
292
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:19,525
is when he doesn't know where
to print out his boarding pass.
293
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,393
It's so weird to think
of him dating again.
294
00:10:21,429 --> 00:10:23,429
- Oh! Oh...
- Wait.
295
00:10:23,464 --> 00:10:26,532
What is that? It sounds like
someone's moving a washing machine.
296
00:10:26,785 --> 00:10:28,767
Oh, my God, my dad's boning!
297
00:10:28,803 --> 00:10:30,602
- My dad's boning! My dad's boning!
- Oh, my God, listen to me.
298
00:10:30,638 --> 00:10:32,938
Get out of the house.
Get out of the house!
299
00:10:34,243 --> 00:10:36,506
- Jess? Is that you?
- No. Yes.
300
00:10:36,531 --> 00:10:39,111
I mean, no, it's the cans. I just, um...
301
00:10:39,146 --> 00:10:41,356
Finish what you're
doing. No, don't finish.
302
00:10:41,381 --> 00:10:43,782
I mean, everyone deserves
to finish... oh, God!
303
00:10:43,818 --> 00:10:45,751
Oh, cans!
304
00:10:49,006 --> 00:10:50,779
- Can we talk about this?
- Yeah, just one sec.
305
00:10:50,803 --> 00:10:53,030
I'm just replacing
the sound of your skin
306
00:10:53,055 --> 00:10:54,771
slapping against someone else's
307
00:10:54,796 --> 00:10:56,326
with the sound of crushing metal.
308
00:10:56,351 --> 00:10:57,774
I didn't know you were gonna be home.
309
00:10:57,799 --> 00:10:59,787
I thought you were gonna
be out having a day.
310
00:10:59,812 --> 00:11:02,135
And you were supposed
to be having coffee.
311
00:11:02,170 --> 00:11:03,853
You just put out on the first date?
312
00:11:03,878 --> 00:11:05,650
We had a connection.
313
00:11:05,675 --> 00:11:07,040
I-I think I'm in love with her.
314
00:11:07,075 --> 00:11:08,841
Oh, my God, I need more cans.
315
00:11:08,866 --> 00:11:09,986
I got to have more cans.
316
00:11:10,019 --> 00:11:12,283
Hey, you know, I'm a passionate guy.
317
00:11:12,642 --> 00:11:14,306
- All right.
- What are you doing, Dad?
318
00:11:14,331 --> 00:11:17,066
Well, I mean, you were nice
enough to help me to move on.
319
00:11:17,091 --> 00:11:20,188
Now I'm gonna see if I
can find somebody for you.
320
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:22,541
Got it. My best friend Ray.
321
00:11:22,566 --> 00:11:24,666
His son John. Well,
he's a little heavyset,
322
00:11:24,691 --> 00:11:25,908
but, you know, he makes a good living.
323
00:11:25,933 --> 00:11:27,496
Dad, put the Rolodex down.
324
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:30,663
Look, we're not in the same boat, okay?
325
00:11:31,348 --> 00:11:33,840
I can't move on. I love him.
326
00:11:34,035 --> 00:11:37,098
Nick? What do you see in him?
327
00:11:37,123 --> 00:11:39,157
I mean, he looks like
the only white waiter
328
00:11:39,182 --> 00:11:41,020
at a Chinese restaurant.
329
00:11:43,445 --> 00:11:46,600
There isn't a logical explanation,
330
00:11:47,514 --> 00:11:49,928
but it is what it is.
331
00:11:49,953 --> 00:11:53,037
I love him. I wish I didn't, but I do.
332
00:11:54,092 --> 00:11:56,462
- Come here.
- Dad, if you'll excuse me,
333
00:11:56,487 --> 00:11:58,380
I have to go to the recycling plant.
334
00:11:58,405 --> 00:12:00,477
It closes in an hour.
335
00:12:01,135 --> 00:12:04,170
From now on, I will be Winston Schmidt,
336
00:12:04,195 --> 00:12:06,128
and he will be Winston Bishop.
337
00:12:06,153 --> 00:12:07,546
We are both Winstons.
338
00:12:07,571 --> 00:12:10,113
Wait, your first name is Winston?
339
00:12:10,138 --> 00:12:11,737
- Did I know that?
- No.
340
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:13,491
I have not slept in 36 hours.
341
00:12:13,516 --> 00:12:15,585
Well, you should get some sleep.
342
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:17,547
- Isn't that right, Winston?
- Oh, absolutely, Winston.
343
00:12:17,572 --> 00:12:18,838
Sleep is very important.
344
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,719
It is the most important, Winston.
345
00:12:20,744 --> 00:12:22,211
Okay, this is already too much.
346
00:12:22,236 --> 00:12:24,055
In my head it wasn't this annoying.
347
00:12:24,094 --> 00:12:26,328
Winston, why don't you
just go by "The Bish"?
348
00:12:26,364 --> 00:12:28,226
- I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
- You know I'm talking to you.
349
00:12:28,251 --> 00:12:29,350
I knew she was talking to you.
350
00:12:29,375 --> 00:12:30,469
- You knew the whole time?
- Yeah.
351
00:12:30,494 --> 00:12:31,911
Ooh, I couldn't tell.
352
00:12:31,936 --> 00:12:33,101
Wait a minute, why does Winston...
353
00:12:33,137 --> 00:12:35,053
- Yes?
- Oh, my God.
354
00:12:35,078 --> 00:12:37,439
Why does my Winston
have to change his name?
355
00:12:37,474 --> 00:12:39,708
- Schmidt, don't you have a middle name?
- I do have a middle name.
356
00:12:39,743 --> 00:12:41,543
- It's Saint-Marie.
- Hmm.
357
00:12:41,578 --> 00:12:43,977
- And obviously I can't go by that.
- That's hilarious.
358
00:12:44,002 --> 00:12:45,681
Oh, hello, hello!
359
00:12:45,716 --> 00:12:47,391
Wait, what are you doing here?
360
00:12:47,416 --> 00:12:49,551
Oh, well, I couldn't
break up with Reagan,
361
00:12:49,586 --> 00:12:52,254
- so I jumped off the train.
- Hmm?
362
00:12:52,289 --> 00:12:54,022
- Problem, problem solved.
- What's up with you guys?
363
00:12:54,058 --> 00:12:55,845
- Why didn't I know about this?
- I don't know, Schmidt,
364
00:12:55,870 --> 00:12:57,111
'cause you weren't around, I guess.
365
00:12:57,136 --> 00:12:59,017
Well, actually, I'm Winston now.
366
00:12:59,042 --> 00:13:00,174
I'm using my first name again.
367
00:13:00,199 --> 00:13:02,750
Uh... actually there
can't be two Winstons.
368
00:13:02,775 --> 00:13:03,943
It nearly destroyed us.
369
00:13:03,968 --> 00:13:05,556
Nick, hold up, can we
go back to that moment
370
00:13:05,581 --> 00:13:06,728
where you jumped off a train?
371
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:08,303
Sure. You find that part interesting?
372
00:13:08,339 --> 00:13:10,674
Okay, I don't care about the
answer, but I feel like I got to ask,
373
00:13:10,699 --> 00:13:12,900
as someone who works
in law enforcement...
374
00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:14,878
where is Reagan?
375
00:13:14,918 --> 00:13:16,718
Well, she's probably
getting off at the next stop,
376
00:13:16,743 --> 00:13:17,990
and then she'll be on her way here
377
00:13:18,015 --> 00:13:19,704
for some sort of a reckoning,
378
00:13:19,729 --> 00:13:20,983
I would imagine.
379
00:13:21,018 --> 00:13:23,118
"Problem solved" was probably
380
00:13:23,153 --> 00:13:24,886
a bit of a, an overstatement.
381
00:13:24,922 --> 00:13:26,421
The good news is that I don't
have to break up with her
382
00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:28,056
'cause now she's gonna break up with me.
383
00:13:28,092 --> 00:13:29,456
- Oh, Nick.
- What is wrong with you?
384
00:13:29,481 --> 00:13:31,534
It's gonna be okay, Nick.
Give Winston a hug.
385
00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:32,561
- Come on. Here we go.
- Here you go, Winston.
386
00:13:32,596 --> 00:13:33,637
I meant "me Winston."
387
00:13:33,662 --> 00:13:35,442
- I'm "me Winston," too!
- Hey, guys!
388
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:36,465
Reagan's on her way.
389
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:37,666
I've got too much to deal with
390
00:13:37,701 --> 00:13:38,832
to deal with this two Winstons thing.
391
00:13:38,857 --> 00:13:40,067
What, I can't have a first name
392
00:13:40,092 --> 00:13:41,893
because you left some woman on a train?
393
00:13:41,918 --> 00:13:43,129
Don't put that on me, man!
394
00:13:43,154 --> 00:13:45,417
I'm not calling you Winston, Schmidt.
395
00:13:45,442 --> 00:13:47,926
'Cause if I do, then what am
I gonna call the real Winston?
396
00:13:47,951 --> 00:13:48,973
Call him I don't care! I don't care!
397
00:13:48,998 --> 00:13:50,409
- Hey, Winston, you want to get a drink?
- Sure.
398
00:13:50,434 --> 00:13:51,628
- I'm down.
- I was talking to that Winston.
399
00:13:51,653 --> 00:13:52,653
- Oh.
- After the drink,
400
00:13:52,678 --> 00:13:53,625
you want to get some dinner, Winston?
401
00:13:53,650 --> 00:13:54,549
- Ooh, you know your boy hungry.
- Yes.
402
00:13:54,585 --> 00:13:55,650
That time I was talking to this Winston.
403
00:13:55,686 --> 00:13:57,153
- So, I can come if you want.
- I'm down to go.
404
00:13:57,178 --> 00:13:58,731
No, I'm trying to figure it out, okay?
405
00:13:58,756 --> 00:14:00,661
Wait, time out. Are we
eating, or are we not eating?
406
00:14:00,686 --> 00:14:02,591
They're both real Winstons,
407
00:14:02,626 --> 00:14:05,093
but the old Winston is now The Bish.
408
00:14:05,129 --> 00:14:07,162
I'm not calling my
fiancé "The" anything.
409
00:14:07,197 --> 00:14:08,797
Nah, man, this is
taking me to a bad place.
410
00:14:08,832 --> 00:14:10,866
- I'm having... I'm having cold feet.
- What?
411
00:14:10,901 --> 00:14:13,769
Yeah, the two Winstons thing is
not gonna work... Nick is right.
412
00:14:13,804 --> 00:14:15,537
You've had Winston for 15 years.
413
00:14:15,572 --> 00:14:17,950
It's my turn. I'm Winston.
414
00:14:18,489 --> 00:14:20,108
You will never be Winston.
415
00:14:20,958 --> 00:14:22,778
- Oh, you want to dance? Yeah.
- Oh, yeah?
416
00:14:22,813 --> 00:14:23,911
Okay.
417
00:14:24,548 --> 00:14:25,860
- Come on.
- Come on.
418
00:14:25,885 --> 00:14:26,951
Come on.
419
00:14:26,976 --> 00:14:28,175
- Okay, what is happening?
- Come on.
420
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,684
- Come on.
- I used to live by myself.
421
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:30,724
- Come on.
- Come on.
422
00:14:30,749 --> 00:14:31,935
I had covered parking, I was happy.
423
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,221
- I'm Winston.
- Guys, no.
424
00:14:33,257 --> 00:14:34,656
It's not about you, man. I am Winston.
425
00:14:34,691 --> 00:14:35,744
Shut up!
426
00:14:35,769 --> 00:14:37,836
I'll kill you! I'll murder you!
427
00:14:37,861 --> 00:14:39,002
I can't do this right now.
428
00:14:39,027 --> 00:14:40,162
I got too much on my plate.
429
00:14:40,197 --> 00:14:41,367
- I'm Winston.
- I'm Winston.
430
00:14:41,392 --> 00:14:42,964
- Nah, I'm Winston.
- Ah, I'm Winston.
431
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,800
Yet, somehow, all the
Michaels in the world
432
00:14:44,835 --> 00:14:46,228
manage to deal with this every day.
433
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:47,335
Mm-hmm.
434
00:14:47,371 --> 00:14:49,404
Go to sleep, go to sleep.
435
00:14:51,525 --> 00:14:53,416
- Hello?
- Mr. Day. It's Nick Miller.
436
00:14:53,441 --> 00:14:54,729
- Is Jess there?
- She's out.
437
00:14:54,754 --> 00:14:57,345
Can I take what I assume
will be an idiotic message?
438
00:14:57,381 --> 00:14:59,014
Ah, it's actually, it's kind of private.
439
00:14:59,049 --> 00:15:01,149
Okay, fine. Talk to you later.
440
00:15:01,177 --> 00:15:03,422
Fine, I'll tell you, I'll tell you.
I'm breaking up with Reagan
441
00:15:03,455 --> 00:15:05,461
and it didn't quite go as planned.
442
00:15:05,486 --> 00:15:07,302
I'm, I'm in a really bad situation
443
00:15:07,327 --> 00:15:09,727
and Jess always says the right thing
444
00:15:09,752 --> 00:15:11,885
and I, I really need her.
445
00:15:13,467 --> 00:15:15,392
Let me, let me ask you a question.
446
00:15:15,494 --> 00:15:17,702
You're in the ocean with Jess,
447
00:15:17,737 --> 00:15:20,055
and a shark starts coming towards you.
448
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,432
- What do you do?
- Which ocean?
449
00:15:21,457 --> 00:15:22,736
I-I don't know, Pacific.
450
00:15:22,761 --> 00:15:24,627
- What type of shark?
- What the hell difference does it make?
451
00:15:24,652 --> 00:15:25,736
Well if it's a hammerhead,
452
00:15:25,761 --> 00:15:27,455
you just tickle it
between the sideways eyes
453
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:28,775
and you have a companion for life.
454
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,959
Then you got tiger sharks,
you got whale sharks,
455
00:15:30,995 --> 00:15:32,817
you got trumpet sharks,
which I believe are a thing...
456
00:15:32,842 --> 00:15:33,907
if not, it definitely should be.
457
00:15:33,932 --> 00:15:35,964
It's just a regular shark.
458
00:15:35,989 --> 00:15:37,255
You know what? Good-bye.
459
00:15:37,290 --> 00:15:38,934
Okay, vague premise aside,
460
00:15:38,959 --> 00:15:41,225
I don't know what I would do,
but if Jess was with me,
461
00:15:41,250 --> 00:15:44,442
I'm sure... I'm sure we'd be okay.
462
00:15:44,981 --> 00:15:47,276
She's got that giant heart that's,
463
00:15:47,301 --> 00:15:49,767
that's part compass
and, and part flashlight
464
00:15:49,803 --> 00:15:54,172
and... she's just the greatest
person I have ever met.
465
00:15:54,879 --> 00:15:57,036
Bob? Does that answer
your question or what?
466
00:15:57,061 --> 00:15:58,395
It does.
467
00:15:59,613 --> 00:16:01,348
Weirdly enough, it does.
468
00:16:01,373 --> 00:16:03,458
But I also don't accept
your weird-ass premise, man,
469
00:16:03,483 --> 00:16:05,016
'cause it's absolutely preposterous...
470
00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:07,059
- Nick.
- Oh, my God. She's here.
471
00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:10,655
Nick.
472
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:13,910
Nicholas, I can see you.
473
00:16:13,935 --> 00:16:16,129
Hey. How was San Diego?
474
00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:20,592
Hey,
475
00:16:20,618 --> 00:16:24,327
so... Reagan's in your
room, packing up her stuff.
476
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:26,163
What'd you say to her?
477
00:16:26,188 --> 00:16:28,147
Nothing. I-I didn't say anything.
478
00:16:28,795 --> 00:16:30,907
I just, uh, crawled
out from under the bed
479
00:16:30,932 --> 00:16:32,098
where I was hiding.
480
00:16:32,123 --> 00:16:34,631
She said, "It's over,"
which makes sense,
481
00:16:34,656 --> 00:16:38,020
and then I came in here,
and this is now my fifth beer
482
00:16:38,045 --> 00:16:39,265
in as many minutes.
483
00:16:39,301 --> 00:16:41,167
- I'm impressed.
- No, you shouldn't be.
484
00:16:41,203 --> 00:16:43,411
I once drank nine beers in five minutes.
485
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:46,030
I hear that cry for help,
but I meant the breakup.
486
00:16:46,055 --> 00:16:49,123
You ended a relationship
without any confrontation.
487
00:16:49,148 --> 00:16:50,343
You got what you wanted.
488
00:16:50,378 --> 00:16:52,023
Then why do I feel so terrible?
489
00:16:52,048 --> 00:16:55,171
Maybe you feel bad because
your relationship with Reagan
490
00:16:55,196 --> 00:16:57,360
actually meant something to you,
491
00:16:57,385 --> 00:16:59,577
and you ended it like it didn't.
492
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,359
Right.
493
00:17:01,384 --> 00:17:03,551
I'm sorry I put you in
the middle of this, Aly.
494
00:17:03,576 --> 00:17:05,742
But I'm also glad you were here
'cause I feel like we bonded.
495
00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:08,210
It was one of the most
frustrating days of my entire life.
496
00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:09,312
I'm exhausted.
497
00:17:09,337 --> 00:17:12,007
I feel like a single
mom in a mop commercial.
498
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:13,598
Welcome to the loft.
499
00:17:18,081 --> 00:17:19,585
Hey.
500
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,526
Taking a little trip?
501
00:17:22,193 --> 00:17:24,360
I hear San Diego's lovely.
502
00:17:25,222 --> 00:17:26,870
I regret that.
503
00:17:28,003 --> 00:17:30,769
I'm sorry I left you
on the train, Reagan.
504
00:17:31,664 --> 00:17:33,564
You deserve better than that.
505
00:17:34,409 --> 00:17:36,556
The truth is, is I wanted
to break up with you,
506
00:17:36,591 --> 00:17:38,206
and I didn't know how to.
507
00:17:40,175 --> 00:17:41,227
Okay.
508
00:17:41,263 --> 00:17:43,296
I mean, I'm not mad anymore,
509
00:17:43,331 --> 00:17:46,132
more just... scared
of what it must be like
510
00:17:46,167 --> 00:17:48,181
to have to live inside of your head.
511
00:17:48,206 --> 00:17:50,001
Look, I'm sorry.
512
00:17:50,423 --> 00:17:51,634
It's okay.
513
00:17:51,659 --> 00:17:54,073
I've been thinking about
breaking up with you for a while.
514
00:17:54,109 --> 00:17:57,097
So, we just wanted
really different things.
515
00:17:58,885 --> 00:18:00,948
I'm not good at good-byes, Nick.
516
00:18:00,986 --> 00:18:03,319
I'm not good at good-byes either.
517
00:18:08,534 --> 00:18:11,751
I think I'm gonna go stand in
the closet for a little bit.
518
00:18:12,798 --> 00:18:13,993
Okay.
519
00:18:14,029 --> 00:18:15,814
- Okay.
- Okay.
520
00:18:25,173 --> 00:18:26,649
Bye, Nick.
521
00:18:27,781 --> 00:18:29,450
Yeah, bye, Reagan.
522
00:18:39,435 --> 00:18:40,734
What do you want?
523
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:42,915
To be your friend.
524
00:18:43,835 --> 00:18:46,023
If you need the name Winston...
525
00:18:46,227 --> 00:18:48,594
to get you to where
you're going, then...
526
00:18:49,179 --> 00:18:50,882
I'm not gonna stand in your way.
527
00:18:52,117 --> 00:18:53,563
You're a good friend.
528
00:18:55,236 --> 00:18:58,605
Uh, uh, what will I call you?
529
00:18:58,630 --> 00:19:00,838
Well, I was gonna give
Saint-Marie a whirl,
530
00:19:00,863 --> 00:19:02,442
but then I was like, nah,
531
00:19:02,477 --> 00:19:03,977
that's a girl's name.
532
00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:05,778
And I thought about Two-Shoes.
533
00:19:05,814 --> 00:19:07,380
- Two-Shoes.
- Two-Shoes, yeah.
534
00:19:07,415 --> 00:19:09,573
But then, in certain shoes that I have,
535
00:19:09,598 --> 00:19:11,823
I have three of them, so...
536
00:19:11,848 --> 00:19:13,897
so I'm just gonna stick with The Bish.
537
00:19:13,922 --> 00:19:15,066
Come here.
538
00:19:16,183 --> 00:19:17,624
Thank you, The Bish.
539
00:19:18,307 --> 00:19:19,598
Thanks, Winston.
540
00:19:22,721 --> 00:19:25,350
Hey, you know what? Why
don't you come on inside...
541
00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:29,502
Very weird.
542
00:19:29,537 --> 00:19:31,030
Strange man.
543
00:19:31,209 --> 00:19:32,876
I love Wednesday nights.
544
00:19:32,901 --> 00:19:35,263
And this one's even more special,
545
00:19:35,288 --> 00:19:37,038
'cause I got my name back.
546
00:19:37,983 --> 00:19:39,145
I love you, Cece.
547
00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:41,468
I love you so much, Winston.
548
00:19:42,772 --> 00:19:44,185
Oh, God.
549
00:19:44,811 --> 00:19:47,020
I don't like it! I don't
like it! I don't like it!
550
00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:48,897
- Damn it!
- Ugh...
551
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:50,669
Take your name back.
552
00:19:50,694 --> 00:19:51,858
I don't want it.
553
00:19:51,893 --> 00:19:54,489
- What's wrong with the name Winston?
- It's horrible, just take it back.
554
00:19:54,514 --> 00:19:56,429
Worst name in the
entire history of names.
555
00:19:56,454 --> 00:19:58,099
What'd you say about my name?
556
00:19:58,124 --> 00:20:00,477
Stop. N... You know what, I don't care.
557
00:20:00,502 --> 00:20:01,656
Come on.
558
00:20:05,410 --> 00:20:06,707
Cha-ching.
559
00:20:06,732 --> 00:20:08,207
Hey, hey, Jess!
560
00:20:08,235 --> 00:20:10,315
Jess! I've been trying to call you.
561
00:20:10,340 --> 00:20:12,211
I-I talked to Nick.
562
00:20:12,247 --> 00:20:15,012
- What?
- He called looking for you, and...
563
00:20:15,037 --> 00:20:18,496
you know, oddly, I-I
see what you see in him.
564
00:20:19,043 --> 00:20:21,521
It doesn't matter. He has a girlfriend.
565
00:20:21,957 --> 00:20:24,215
He and Reagan broke up.
566
00:20:25,535 --> 00:20:27,160
And you know something?
567
00:20:27,195 --> 00:20:29,644
I don't even think he realizes it,
568
00:20:29,669 --> 00:20:32,902
but he's still in love with you.
569
00:20:39,984 --> 00:20:41,465
I got you, I got you!
570
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:43,342
I got you! Got your arm!
571
00:20:43,378 --> 00:20:44,644
I'm gonna break it.
572
00:20:44,679 --> 00:20:46,605
Aah, that's my arm!
573
00:20:46,630 --> 00:20:49,082
I need it, I need it!
574
00:21:02,411 --> 00:21:03,692
There she goes.
575
00:21:03,717 --> 00:21:05,193
Off to college.
576
00:21:06,005 --> 00:21:07,591
Circle of life.
577
00:21:08,201 --> 00:21:09,481
Okay.
578
00:21:17,224 --> 00:21:18,942
This is right.
579
00:21:19,451 --> 00:21:22,247
I'm gonna go home and I'm
gonna profess my love to Nick.
580
00:21:22,630 --> 00:21:25,349
- I'm very proud of you, sweetie.
- Thanks, Dad.
581
00:21:26,177 --> 00:21:27,701
I'm proud of you, too.
582
00:21:29,669 --> 00:21:31,016
You really just...
583
00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:33,801
humped your way right into
things, didn't you, Priscilla?
584
00:21:36,475 --> 00:21:38,790
- I kinda wanted the front seat.
- I called it.
585
00:21:38,892 --> 00:21:42,908
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com