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♪ Who can say where the road goes ♪
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♪ Where the day flows ♪
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♪ Only time ♪
4
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♪ And who can say ♪
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♪ If your love grows ♪
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♪ As your heart chose... ♪
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Coach said he should make it
in time for the service.
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So at least it'll be nice to see him.
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Mm-hmm.
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- You okay?
- Yeah.
11
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This is gonna be hard.
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I don't know what I would do
if I lost you.
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♪ Who can say why your heart sighs ♪
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♪ As your love flies ♪
15
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♪ Only time ♪
16
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♪ And who can say ♪
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♪ Why your heart cries ♪
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♪ When your love lies? ♪
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♪ Only time ♪
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Truly insane, this whole thing.
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Sorry for the holdup.
22
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Ever since I hit my third trimester,
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I've been having the most
intense gas cramps.
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Thank you for coming.
25
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Thank you for coming.
Thank you for coming.
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It's hard to believe
it's been a whole year
27
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since Furguson's departure.
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As you all know from my many
e-mails and a sponsored tweet,
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I looked at Furguson as Jewish.
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So, in the Jewish tradition,
we unveil his gravestone
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on the first anniversary of his passing.
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Furgie accomplished a lot
in his time on Earth...
33
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eating, sleeping, walking around,
34
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doing that thing with his paw.
35
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You know, where he
licked it a whole bunch?
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Yeah, he lived a full life.
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Schmidt, will you begin the service?
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Yit'gadal v'yit'kadash sh'mei raba.
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- Amen.
- Amen.
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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
41
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Thank you, Hannah. Good to see you.
42
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Just want to say
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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I made a casserole.
44
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Can I have it?
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Y-Yeah, that's why I brought it. Here.
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- Mmm.
- You like my shirt?
47
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- It's got cats on it.
- Oh, yeah.
48
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- A lot of cats on there.
- You know how you like
49
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bird shirts, this one has...
this one has cats.
50
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Oh, I actually wear fish shirts now.
51
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I'm trying so hard, man.
52
00:03:03,776 --> 00:03:05,543
You know, I can't believe
it's been a year.
53
00:03:05,611 --> 00:03:08,146
I mean, Winston's handled this
really well.
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Too well. He hasn't cried once.
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He hasn't had the cry yet?
56
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If he doesn't have
the cry today, I'm worried
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he's gonna have a full mental breakdown.
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- Gooby! Gooby! Gooby!
- Hey, Coach.
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00:03:17,115 --> 00:03:18,928
- So good to see you.
- Good to see you.
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I'm gonna need you to change,
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'cause I was really specific
about the dress code
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in the invitation.
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Could I say hi to everybody first?
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- I don't love it, but I'll allow it.
- Hey, guys!
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- Player. Playette!
- Hey.
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- Player.
- Hey, Coach.
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- Gooby.
- Coach, good to see you, man.
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What kind of adult man wouldn't be here
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to support another adult man
a year after his cat died?
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Yeah, I thought it was important
to have a memorial.
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But you can thank Jess for everything
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looking so amazing.
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It was my vision, but she ran with it.
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Well, he was a good cat, he
would have done the same for me.
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Maybe after you're finished
with all this,
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we can go get you a replacement cat
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to replace, um...
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What's, uh, what's his name? Um...
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Cat's name is Furguson,
you friggin' jackass.
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Hey, that was so not under your breath.
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- Oh, sorry, I didn't mean for him to hear.
- Anyway,
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00:03:58,964 --> 00:04:00,798
you know, Furguson was
the only cat for me.
83
00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:03,134
I'd adopt one of those
Peruvian kids for 70 cents a day
84
00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:05,103
before I adopt another cat.
85
00:04:05,170 --> 00:04:07,171
I think there's a world
in which you can do both.
86
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Those-those kids need food.
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00:04:08,907 --> 00:04:11,276
And why rule out another cat?
Furguson's not always
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gonna seem irreplaceable.
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I mean, it's already been a year.
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Uh, a year?
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00:04:15,281 --> 00:04:17,005
Is a year a long time to you?
92
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How long would you wait before
you replaced me if I died?
93
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Okay, this seems like a
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"on the ride home" kind of conversation.
95
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I am not gonna get into this.
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'Scuse me, I'm gonna get into this.
97
00:04:27,259 --> 00:04:29,193
Um, Winston, Aly,
do you want to help me,
98
00:04:29,261 --> 00:04:31,763
um, hand out schedules
for the Furguson tributes?
99
00:04:31,830 --> 00:04:33,097
Um, I kind of just want to sit.
100
00:04:33,165 --> 00:04:34,265
Great, let's go.
101
00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:36,834
Uh, this says 3:20 to 3:40.
102
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I got 20 minutes to talk about a cat?
103
00:04:38,637 --> 00:04:39,871
Yeah, didn't you read the e-mail?
104
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We all have 20 minutes to talk cat.
105
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What a bad friend you are, man.
106
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- What a bad friend.
- You know what?
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Keep it up, ham-calves.
108
00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:46,645
You called me "ham-calves"?
109
00:04:46,670 --> 00:04:50,815
- What is going on with you two?!
- Nothing.
110
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What did I state clearly
in the program? No beefs.
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- Thanks.
- Let me ask you a question.
112
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Uh-huh.
113
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We're at my funeral.
114
00:05:01,327 --> 00:05:02,894
"Ka-thunk" goes my coffin.
115
00:05:02,961 --> 00:05:04,395
Shovel dirt, shovel dirt, shovel dirt.
116
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You wipe the schmutz off
your pretty black dress,
117
00:05:06,999 --> 00:05:09,133
and stopwatch is ticking.
118
00:05:09,201 --> 00:05:10,401
How long do you wait to remarry?
119
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I don't know, three years.
120
00:05:11,837 --> 00:05:13,538
Three years? Three year...
121
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Not even a full presidential?
122
00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:17,775
Your new husband would still
be finding my bobby pins
123
00:05:17,843 --> 00:05:19,477
in couch cushions.
124
00:05:19,545 --> 00:05:21,879
Uh, h-hello? Uh, h-hello, everyone.
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I am Dunston, Winston's coworker,
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and I have been asked
to officiate this memorial.
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Oops. Yeah, sorry, sorry about that.
128
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Uh, my hands lose
all strength sometimes.
129
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I take medication for it,
but it makes my mouth dry,
130
00:05:34,827 --> 00:05:36,627
and I wanted to be able to speak
at today's event.
131
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That's why I didn't take it
for the past week.
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Also, I ran out.
133
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So I-I guess I'll, uh...
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kick things off.
135
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,236
Uh, "Pick up hand strength
medication..."
136
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,538
Oh, that's the wrong piece of paper.
137
00:05:47,606 --> 00:05:48,606
- Uh...
- Talk about the cat, man.
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The cat, the cat, that's right.
139
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Would you look at this?
140
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"Furgusson" with two Ss.
141
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:55,079
The sca-bozos at the bake shop
gunked it up again.
142
00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:56,848
I don't know what's with everyone today.
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Schmidt won't stop asking me
what I'm gonna do when he dies,
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Dr. Sam's wearing a ridiculous shirt,
145
00:06:02,521 --> 00:06:03,988
and Outside Dave is inside.
146
00:06:04,056 --> 00:06:08,006
The sky is so close,
and it's made of wood.
147
00:06:08,046 --> 00:06:10,061
- You know what the real problem is?
- Hmm?
148
00:06:10,129 --> 00:06:11,262
Nick and Coach. They're at each other
149
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about some stupid thing.
150
00:06:13,031 --> 00:06:15,767
I mean, Coach probably said
something pejorative about
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00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:17,802
Chicago football's the Bears.
152
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- I don't know.
- Oh, yeah? In your face.
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Are you joking?!
154
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- That's it!
- Really?
155
00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:23,374
- You want to do this?
- Hey!
156
00:06:23,442 --> 00:06:24,942
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
157
00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,644
Jess, Jess. Jess, it's actually hurting.
158
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Seriously, ow.
159
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- Ow! Watch it.
- I didn't even do anything.
160
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- My arm's swolt.
- That just means big.
161
00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:33,317
No, I use it to mean sore.
162
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'Cause "swolt" sounds like
it should be about pain.
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- It's onomatopoeia.
- "It's onomatopoeia."
164
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,322
- That's not how I said it.
- Shut up.
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00:06:38,390 --> 00:06:40,525
You shut up. You looked better
a little chunky.
166
00:06:40,592 --> 00:06:42,527
Guys, whatever it is
going on between you two
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needs to end now,
168
00:06:44,129 --> 00:06:45,596
so we can go back in there
169
00:06:45,664 --> 00:06:46,964
and celebrate the life of a cat,
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who, by the way,
loved you both like sons.
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00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:50,975
Now, what is it?
172
00:06:51,053 --> 00:06:52,503
Nick, are you mad
'cause Coach said something
173
00:06:52,571 --> 00:06:53,938
bad about wolves?
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00:06:54,006 --> 00:06:55,506
Coach, are you mad
'cause he still thinks
175
00:06:55,574 --> 00:06:58,376
that the movie should be called
Paul Blop: Mall Cop?
176
00:06:58,444 --> 00:07:00,629
It should be. It's so close
to rhyming perfectly.
177
00:07:00,691 --> 00:07:01,813
They gave up.
178
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,781
Blart is an actual last name.
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00:07:03,849 --> 00:07:05,850
"Blop" is a sound effect.
180
00:07:05,918 --> 00:07:07,151
I need to get out of this situation
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00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:08,186
before I get very angry.
182
00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:09,387
What is it?
183
00:07:11,089 --> 00:07:12,690
I owe him a little money.
184
00:07:12,758 --> 00:07:15,026
Oh, God, I knew it was
something stupid like that.
185
00:07:15,093 --> 00:07:17,829
Coach, pay Nick back.
Nick, forgive Coach.
186
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,297
Or you know what?
187
00:07:19,364 --> 00:07:20,998
I can pay you back. How much is it?
188
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,067
$71,000.
189
00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:26,204
Huh?
190
00:07:28,135 --> 00:07:31,190
And even though Ferguson
walked on short legs,
191
00:07:31,268 --> 00:07:33,503
he stood taller
192
00:07:33,571 --> 00:07:36,072
than any man I have ever known.
193
00:07:40,945 --> 00:07:42,078
Thank you.
194
00:07:42,146 --> 00:07:43,880
The hands.
195
00:07:43,948 --> 00:07:45,148
Sorry about that.
196
00:07:45,216 --> 00:07:46,349
Uh, please welcome to the stage
197
00:07:46,417 --> 00:07:47,751
our precinct's acappella group,
198
00:07:47,818 --> 00:07:50,720
LAPD So La Ti Do.
199
00:07:50,788 --> 00:07:53,754
♪ All around me ♪
200
00:07:53,801 --> 00:07:56,059
♪ Are feline cat faces ♪
201
00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:58,461
♪ Warm cat places ♪
202
00:07:58,529 --> 00:08:00,897
♪ Whiskered faces... ♪
203
00:08:00,965 --> 00:08:02,966
Nothing? No?
204
00:08:03,034 --> 00:08:05,402
- Hmm?
- Do you remember these?
205
00:08:05,469 --> 00:08:07,370
♪ Growing more hair ♪
206
00:08:07,438 --> 00:08:09,239
♪ Growing more hair ♪
207
00:08:09,306 --> 00:08:13,585
♪ With ears up top,
they can't wear glasses... ♪
208
00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:16,679
Furguson's baby teeth.
209
00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:19,349
You know, I remember when he
lost these all in the same day.
210
00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:21,584
Yeah, got into my taffy stash,
he sure did.
211
00:08:21,652 --> 00:08:24,187
Oh, dip, white chocolate raisins!
212
00:08:24,255 --> 00:08:26,923
- Oh...
- ♪ No spray bottle... ♪
213
00:08:28,426 --> 00:08:30,260
- Those are cat teeth.
- Cat teeth.
214
00:08:30,327 --> 00:08:32,562
Cat teeth.
215
00:08:32,630 --> 00:08:34,864
- You can tell cat teeth by taste?
- Yup!
216
00:08:34,932 --> 00:08:38,368
- ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
- ♪ Cat world... ♪
217
00:08:38,436 --> 00:08:39,903
$71,000?
218
00:08:39,970 --> 00:08:42,906
It happened when I got
my first huge Pepperwood check.
219
00:08:42,973 --> 00:08:45,575
Coach wanted to open up a gym
and-and I wanted to help.
220
00:08:45,643 --> 00:08:46,810
All right, that checks out...
221
00:08:46,877 --> 00:08:49,479
Only it wasn't a gym,
it was a restaurant,
222
00:08:49,547 --> 00:08:53,049
"Coach's Jim." J-I-M.
223
00:08:53,117 --> 00:08:55,251
It was a Ruth's Chris situation.
224
00:08:55,319 --> 00:08:56,886
They went bankrupt
before they even opened.
225
00:08:56,954 --> 00:08:58,188
- My money was gone.
- What?
226
00:08:58,255 --> 00:08:59,622
Coach's Jim?
227
00:08:59,690 --> 00:09:01,391
What kind of cuisine did they serve?
228
00:09:01,459 --> 00:09:04,060
And who's Jim?
And why did Coach own him?
229
00:09:04,128 --> 00:09:05,929
Anyway, I don't need to know all of it.
230
00:09:05,996 --> 00:09:08,587
Let's just, let's just
get back to Furguson, okay?
231
00:09:08,650 --> 00:09:11,101
I can't because this feels so
good getting that off my chest.
232
00:09:11,168 --> 00:09:12,936
I need to tell you everything.
233
00:09:13,003 --> 00:09:13,970
No, I don't need to know everything.
234
00:09:14,038 --> 00:09:15,705
I know, but I want to.
235
00:09:15,730 --> 00:09:16,708
Here's the thing...
236
00:09:16,763 --> 00:09:20,376
this is one that's been bogging
me down for a very long time.
237
00:09:20,444 --> 00:09:22,612
Sometimes I wear my boxers
backwards on purpose
238
00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:24,481
because I really like
the snugness in the front,
239
00:09:24,548 --> 00:09:26,516
but I also really like
the ventilation in the back.
240
00:09:26,584 --> 00:09:28,885
That's right, I'm smushed
like a fat kid's nose
241
00:09:28,953 --> 00:09:30,753
up against the glass
of a candy store window.
242
00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:33,100
That felt really good
to get off my chest.
243
00:09:33,154 --> 00:09:34,724
What else? What else? What else?
What else? What else?
244
00:09:34,792 --> 00:09:37,160
What about this scenario?
245
00:09:37,228 --> 00:09:39,195
What if I died jumping
in front of a bullet
246
00:09:39,263 --> 00:09:40,330
with Ruth's name on it?
247
00:09:40,397 --> 00:09:43,099
I know, unthinkable scenario.
248
00:09:43,167 --> 00:09:45,835
But what if? And what if
she's president at the time,
249
00:09:45,903 --> 00:09:49,139
then I've saved the president
and our daughter. Double hero.
250
00:09:49,206 --> 00:09:51,007
You know what? Just pick a
number you're comfortable with.
251
00:09:51,075 --> 00:09:54,310
Okay? A hundred years?
I'd wait a hundred years, okay?
252
00:09:54,378 --> 00:09:56,946
- Not okay. Not long enough.
- Are you kidding me?
253
00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:58,982
We'd both be dead of natural causes.
254
00:09:59,049 --> 00:10:03,353
Perhaps the correct answer
would be for eternity, forever.
255
00:10:03,420 --> 00:10:04,721
I don't need to know all of this.
256
00:10:04,788 --> 00:10:06,856
Let's just get back to Furguson,
back to the memorial.
257
00:10:06,924 --> 00:10:08,525
No, Jess, because you
don't keep any secrets,
258
00:10:08,592 --> 00:10:09,726
so I don't want to keep any.
259
00:10:09,793 --> 00:10:12,729
- Well...
- Jess, you are always 100% honest.
260
00:10:12,796 --> 00:10:14,230
So it's important that I am, too.
261
00:10:14,298 --> 00:10:15,899
- I mean...
- No, I want to tell you everything.
262
00:10:15,966 --> 00:10:18,168
I don't want any skeletons
on our shoulders.
263
00:10:18,235 --> 00:10:21,271
There's one skeleton for me.
264
00:10:21,338 --> 00:10:23,006
- You have a secret?
- Yeah.
265
00:10:23,073 --> 00:10:25,808
- Jessica Day has a secret.
- Don't make fun.
266
00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:27,510
What, did you eat corn on the
cob without the little holders?
267
00:10:27,578 --> 00:10:29,012
It's actually very emotional for me.
268
00:10:29,079 --> 00:10:30,880
Oh, it is? What was
your big lie? Let's hear it.
269
00:10:30,948 --> 00:10:32,348
I killed Furguson.
270
00:10:32,416 --> 00:10:35,618
That's why I've spent
so much time on this memorial.
271
00:10:35,686 --> 00:10:39,355
One year ago, I killed Winston's cat.
272
00:10:41,258 --> 00:10:44,694
Uh, next up, we have
Nicholas Miller and Jessica Day
273
00:10:44,762 --> 00:10:47,230
coming up to read
a special Furguson poem.
274
00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:53,798
Nick and I will be performing
275
00:10:53,837 --> 00:10:56,539
a series of rhyming couplets
about our friend Furguson.
276
00:10:56,607 --> 00:11:00,076
All right!
277
00:11:01,857 --> 00:11:04,545
Furguson was a good cat, yes, indeed.
278
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:11,588
Many cat lessons from his life
you should heed.
279
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:20,296
With his proud lion mane
and his big fluffy tail...
280
00:11:20,364 --> 00:11:22,298
I mean, you think you know somebody.
281
00:11:22,366 --> 00:11:25,351
He ate all his food,
even if it was stale.
282
00:11:25,414 --> 00:11:28,916
Struttin' around with
his smushed little snout.
283
00:11:28,984 --> 00:11:32,953
He loved playing games
and he loved hiding out.
284
00:11:33,021 --> 00:11:34,599
I think I still got teeth in my teeth.
285
00:11:34,677 --> 00:11:38,266
Like the time that he hid in
the bag we brought burgers in.
286
00:11:38,327 --> 00:11:40,561
I just can't believe
my girlfriend killed Furguson.
287
00:11:43,165 --> 00:11:44,707
Nick.
288
00:11:44,732 --> 00:11:46,090
What? Did I say it?
Did I say the bad thing?
289
00:11:46,137 --> 00:11:47,735
I'm sorry, it just kind of came out.
290
00:11:49,404 --> 00:11:50,938
What the man says is true.
291
00:11:51,006 --> 00:11:52,406
A year ago,
292
00:11:52,474 --> 00:11:55,176
I killed a complicated and
beautiful cat named Furguson.
293
00:11:56,745 --> 00:11:59,055
I'm so sorry, Winston.
I didn't know how to tell you.
294
00:11:59,117 --> 00:12:01,982
She's not a bad person.
She just did a bad thing.
295
00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:03,517
Don't try to save me, Nick.
296
00:12:03,585 --> 00:12:06,554
I was catsitting at the loft
297
00:12:06,621 --> 00:12:09,023
and I was doing crafts
that involved glitter.
298
00:12:09,091 --> 00:12:11,525
There was a glitter sale at Kraftwerk...
299
00:12:11,593 --> 00:12:14,829
the store, not the German band
from the '80s.
300
00:12:14,896 --> 00:12:19,633
And I spilled a bowl of purple,
and Furguson took a bite.
301
00:12:19,701 --> 00:12:22,269
And an hour later,
Winston came to pick him up.
302
00:12:22,337 --> 00:12:23,437
And the next day,
303
00:12:23,505 --> 00:12:25,306
he died.
304
00:12:25,374 --> 00:12:26,974
None of this rhymes.
305
00:12:27,042 --> 00:12:29,977
I did a cat murder! I'm so sorry.
306
00:12:30,045 --> 00:12:31,345
Aw, Jess, come on.
307
00:12:33,949 --> 00:12:35,449
Let's, uh, keep this thing moving.
308
00:12:35,517 --> 00:12:38,352
Next up, we have, uh... uh, Robby.
309
00:12:41,957 --> 00:12:43,557
Uh...
310
00:12:43,625 --> 00:12:45,526
Well, I was gonna do
an interpretive dance
311
00:12:45,594 --> 00:12:48,896
as the red laser dot
that Furguson loved so much,
312
00:12:48,964 --> 00:12:50,898
but it feels a little inappropriate
313
00:12:50,966 --> 00:12:53,134
in the current climate. Um...
314
00:12:53,201 --> 00:12:56,237
- I'm so sorry, Winston.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jess, calm down.
315
00:12:56,304 --> 00:12:59,340
I talked to a cat psychic,
she said he's in a good place.
316
00:12:59,408 --> 00:13:01,342
But then she also said he's with the cat
317
00:13:01,410 --> 00:13:04,345
from Sabrina the Teenage Witch,
and I know that cat's a puppet.
318
00:13:04,413 --> 00:13:06,447
So I don't know how reliable she is.
319
00:13:06,515 --> 00:13:10,163
I'm just so sorry,
and can you ever forgive me?
320
00:13:10,241 --> 00:13:12,394
Jess, Furguson died of a heart attack.
321
00:13:12,454 --> 00:13:13,821
- What?
- Yes.
322
00:13:13,889 --> 00:13:15,623
The coroner said nothing about glitter.
323
00:13:15,690 --> 00:13:16,824
Did you say "coroner"?
324
00:13:16,892 --> 00:13:18,492
Yeah, I had a coroner check him out.
325
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:20,094
It was quite possibly the most bizarre
326
00:13:20,162 --> 00:13:21,829
of my small-time abuses of police power.
327
00:13:21,897 --> 00:13:23,330
Oh, please let that be true.
328
00:13:23,398 --> 00:13:25,833
My stomach has been
a brick for a year now.
329
00:13:25,901 --> 00:13:28,769
- I had to go on probiotics.
- Jess, it's true.
330
00:13:28,837 --> 00:13:30,905
I was with Furguson when he passed.
331
00:13:30,972 --> 00:13:32,339
We were in the kitchen.
332
00:13:32,407 --> 00:13:35,409
Go on. Tell us. Let it out.
333
00:13:35,477 --> 00:13:39,547
So there I was,
in the kitchen toasting a bagel.
334
00:13:39,614 --> 00:13:42,383
Furguson was on the counter,
just watching.
335
00:13:42,451 --> 00:13:44,552
You can imagine what
a human toasting a bagel
336
00:13:44,619 --> 00:13:46,821
must look like to a cat: pretty crazy.
337
00:13:46,888 --> 00:13:48,088
- Really crazy.
- Yeah.
338
00:13:48,156 --> 00:13:50,791
So there he was,
just watching me, you know.
339
00:13:50,859 --> 00:13:53,194
And, um...
340
00:13:53,261 --> 00:13:55,896
And then he got this look on his face.
341
00:13:55,964 --> 00:13:58,365
And then he stepped back a little.
342
00:13:58,433 --> 00:14:03,304
And it was in that moment
that I knew something was wrong.
343
00:14:04,706 --> 00:14:08,142
And then he looked away, and, uh...
344
00:14:08,210 --> 00:14:10,311
And that was it.
345
00:14:10,378 --> 00:14:12,546
He was gone.
346
00:14:13,782 --> 00:14:15,950
I feel like I'm living this moment.
347
00:14:16,017 --> 00:14:17,952
Oh, and then the bagel was burning,
348
00:14:18,019 --> 00:14:20,488
so I had to throw that in the trash.
349
00:14:20,555 --> 00:14:21,655
That didn't get him?
350
00:14:21,723 --> 00:14:22,857
What?
351
00:14:22,924 --> 00:14:24,725
Shh.
352
00:14:24,793 --> 00:14:25,993
You hear that?
353
00:14:26,061 --> 00:14:26,994
Hear what?
354
00:14:28,029 --> 00:14:29,597
I hear a meow.
355
00:14:29,664 --> 00:14:31,665
- You hear a meow?
- Shh!
356
00:14:31,733 --> 00:14:33,634
Oh, God, he's not gonna cry,
he's gonna go insane.
357
00:14:33,702 --> 00:14:35,436
Wait, wait, wait. I-I'm sorry...
358
00:14:35,504 --> 00:14:36,804
I'm hearing something. I hear a cat,
359
00:14:36,872 --> 00:14:38,439
and it is in distress.
360
00:14:38,507 --> 00:14:42,387
There is a cat in the building,
and it needs me! Meow!
361
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,808
Thank you. Please don't look over there.
362
00:14:45,872 --> 00:14:47,282
No reason to watch a grown man
363
00:14:47,307 --> 00:14:48,229
lose his mind.
364
00:14:48,258 --> 00:14:49,659
- Thank you.
- Thanks for having me.
365
00:14:49,704 --> 00:14:52,006
You have a really beautiful home.
366
00:14:52,073 --> 00:14:53,574
Meow!
367
00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:56,272
Meow, meow, meow!
368
00:14:56,311 --> 00:14:57,866
Here, kitty cat.
369
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,313
You're a baby covered in hair...
370
00:14:59,381 --> 00:15:01,749
This is the voice I used to use
to make Furguson come to me.
371
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,484
Honey, are you sure
you're hearing a cat?
372
00:15:03,552 --> 00:15:05,052
'Cause, you know,
maybe it's just a little...
373
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:06,320
- voice in...
- Baby, it's a cat.
374
00:15:06,388 --> 00:15:07,555
Okay? I know a meow when I hear one.
375
00:15:07,622 --> 00:15:09,090
Guys, can you help us
376
00:15:09,157 --> 00:15:11,692
"look for the cat,"
so I can talk to Winston?
377
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:13,761
Good call. Jess and I will
check the back office.
378
00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:16,263
Kitty, Kitty, where are you?
379
00:15:16,331 --> 00:15:18,065
Oh, look! Cat poop.
380
00:15:18,133 --> 00:15:19,867
Uh, it's still warm.
381
00:15:20,831 --> 00:15:21,936
Do you want to take a break from looking
382
00:15:22,003 --> 00:15:23,721
- for a fake cat?
- Yes.
383
00:15:23,772 --> 00:15:25,439
I hid something in here
when I used to own the place.
384
00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:27,274
Check this. Aw, it's still here.
385
00:15:27,342 --> 00:15:29,743
- Ah-ha-ha!
- Ah-ha-ha.
386
00:15:29,811 --> 00:15:32,179
Hey, I'm so sorry I lied about Furguson.
387
00:15:32,247 --> 00:15:35,308
I just... I didn't want you
to look at me differently.
388
00:15:35,364 --> 00:15:36,348
Can I be honest?
389
00:15:36,418 --> 00:15:38,185
I think it's kind of hot
that you kept that as a secret.
390
00:15:38,253 --> 00:15:39,186
- Really?
- Yeah.
391
00:15:39,254 --> 00:15:41,188
Jessica Day, a murderer?
392
00:15:41,256 --> 00:15:43,724
Keeping murder a secret?
393
00:15:43,792 --> 00:15:45,259
Am I attracted to murderers?
394
00:15:45,327 --> 00:15:47,328
Well, it turns out
I didn't kill him, so...
395
00:15:47,395 --> 00:15:49,597
But if you did,
I want you to know that I'd...
396
00:15:49,664 --> 00:15:50,898
I'd help you bury the body.
397
00:15:50,966 --> 00:15:52,133
You know that, right?
398
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,909
Weirdly, yes, I do. I do know that.
399
00:15:54,956 --> 00:15:56,303
'Cause it could wake up, and if it did,
400
00:15:56,371 --> 00:15:58,639
I would just hit it
over the head with a shovel
401
00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:01,475
and then just keep burying it
in the hot desert sand.
402
00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:03,377
Wait, why are we going
all the way out to the desert?
403
00:16:03,445 --> 00:16:04,945
What's wrong with the woods?
404
00:16:05,013 --> 00:16:07,414
Well, only psychos
bury stuff in the woods, Jess.
405
00:16:07,482 --> 00:16:10,251
But listen, the reason I didn't
tell you I lent Coach money was,
406
00:16:10,318 --> 00:16:13,087
I was afraid that one of the
reasons we broke up in the past
407
00:16:13,155 --> 00:16:14,555
was 'cause I was bad at money,
408
00:16:14,623 --> 00:16:16,390
- and I didn't want to scare you off.
- Nick.
409
00:16:16,458 --> 00:16:19,193
Nothing you could do would scare me off.
410
00:16:19,261 --> 00:16:20,494
We're in this together.
411
00:16:21,496 --> 00:16:22,930
Cat murder and all.
412
00:16:22,998 --> 00:16:24,431
Well, there's nothing that you could do
413
00:16:24,499 --> 00:16:26,834
that would make me love you any less.
414
00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:29,403
You know...
415
00:16:29,471 --> 00:16:31,672
you need to fix things with Coach.
416
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,340
Yeah.
417
00:16:33,408 --> 00:16:35,809
Cat! Where you at?
418
00:16:35,877 --> 00:16:37,726
Okay, you know what?
Here's my new scenario.
419
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,247
- I'm in the Merchant Marines...
- Stop it.
420
00:16:40,315 --> 00:16:42,883
I only blurted out "three years"
because I don't even want
421
00:16:42,951 --> 00:16:44,418
to think about you being gone.
422
00:16:44,486 --> 00:16:46,420
I don't know
what I would do without you.
423
00:16:46,488 --> 00:16:49,190
I would end up dragging
a lawn chair out to your grave
424
00:16:49,257 --> 00:16:51,025
on the Fourth of July
and lighting a sparkler,
425
00:16:51,092 --> 00:16:52,760
and Ruth wouldn't want to come with me
426
00:16:52,827 --> 00:16:55,462
because she would say
"Mommy, Kevin's having a party,
427
00:16:55,530 --> 00:16:57,731
and I don't want to go
to the grave again."
428
00:16:57,799 --> 00:17:02,169
Okay? So I'm just alone,
on a chair, and I miss you.
429
00:17:02,237 --> 00:17:06,106
I don't want you alone at my grave.
430
00:17:06,174 --> 00:17:08,976
That sounds terrible.
431
00:17:09,044 --> 00:17:12,713
I want you to be with
your new husband at my grave.
432
00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:16,116
I want you to find someone
who's gonna take care of you,
433
00:17:16,184 --> 00:17:18,152
who's gonna love you as much as I do.
434
00:17:18,220 --> 00:17:20,554
I just want you.
435
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:22,723
Well, it's too late for that.
I-I'm dead.
436
00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:24,158
- No.
- It's a waste of time. I might as well be
437
00:17:24,226 --> 00:17:25,826
- at the bottom of the ocean.
- Stop.
438
00:17:25,894 --> 00:17:28,229
You have to move on. Uh, hey, Dunston.
439
00:17:28,296 --> 00:17:29,897
- Uh... Hey.
- Hey, can you come here for a sec?
440
00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:31,966
- You were great tonight, by the way.
- Oh, thank you.
441
00:17:32,033 --> 00:17:33,567
You did a very good job
under difficult circumstances.
442
00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:34,835
Thank you very much.
443
00:17:34,903 --> 00:17:36,263
So I'm gonna die,
444
00:17:36,319 --> 00:17:38,255
and I need you to take care of my wife.
445
00:17:38,279 --> 00:17:39,394
Super.
446
00:17:39,419 --> 00:17:40,708
We're fine. Thank you.
447
00:17:40,775 --> 00:17:42,876
- Okay.
- Okay.
448
00:17:45,113 --> 00:17:47,414
Should I join in or just watch?
449
00:17:47,482 --> 00:17:49,783
What exactly are we doing here?
450
00:17:49,851 --> 00:17:51,552
Who wants to begin?
451
00:17:51,620 --> 00:17:53,954
I mean... I'm not even
mad about the money.
452
00:17:54,022 --> 00:17:56,063
I'm just mad that Coach and I
never talk anymore.
453
00:17:56,125 --> 00:17:57,234
What are you talking about, man?
454
00:17:57,259 --> 00:17:59,260
I called and asked you
if elephants are basically pigs,
455
00:17:59,327 --> 00:18:01,362
and you were like "no,"
and I was like "cool."
456
00:18:01,429 --> 00:18:02,663
Yeah, and that was
an awesome conversation.
457
00:18:02,731 --> 00:18:05,065
It was also three years ago, man.
458
00:18:05,133 --> 00:18:06,400
We haven't talked since.
459
00:18:06,468 --> 00:18:07,768
I mean, honestly, I'd pay another
460
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:10,537
$70,000 to have my friend back.
461
00:18:12,261 --> 00:18:14,149
I feel like we're close.
Let's bring it home.
462
00:18:14,209 --> 00:18:16,443
I guess I just stopped talking to you
463
00:18:16,511 --> 00:18:17,678
'cause I was embarrassed.
464
00:18:17,746 --> 00:18:19,213
Embarrassed with me?
465
00:18:19,281 --> 00:18:21,148
You've seen me trip after a shower
466
00:18:21,216 --> 00:18:23,851
and rug burn my penis on a towel.
467
00:18:23,918 --> 00:18:25,786
Classic Nick.
468
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:28,355
- It really burned.
- It was so scabby.
469
00:18:28,423 --> 00:18:30,224
- Yeah.
- It scabbed up like crazy.
470
00:18:30,292 --> 00:18:32,359
- Yes, it did.
- Like a grilled shrimp.
471
00:18:32,427 --> 00:18:34,228
Like grilled jumbo shrimp.
472
00:18:34,296 --> 00:18:35,229
Eh.
473
00:18:36,131 --> 00:18:37,464
I'm gonna pay you back, man.
474
00:18:37,532 --> 00:18:38,932
No matter how long it takes.
475
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,068
I promise. And to prove it to you,
476
00:18:41,136 --> 00:18:44,438
I... brought $5,000
477
00:18:44,506 --> 00:18:45,939
as your first installment.
478
00:18:46,007 --> 00:18:47,641
You brought it in cash?
479
00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:50,244
Why is everyone so cavalier
about large sums of money?
480
00:18:50,312 --> 00:18:52,980
You just dropped, like, $600.
481
00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:54,448
I can hear him. Don't worry, cat.
482
00:18:54,516 --> 00:18:55,716
I'm coming to save you.
483
00:18:55,784 --> 00:18:58,886
Winston, Winston! Stop it. Babe.
484
00:18:58,953 --> 00:19:00,487
Babe, sit down, sit down. Winston.
485
00:19:00,555 --> 00:19:02,756
Baby, I love you,
486
00:19:02,824 --> 00:19:04,892
but these meows are in your head.
487
00:19:04,959 --> 00:19:07,494
Okay? It's because you haven't
cried over Furguson yet,
488
00:19:07,562 --> 00:19:09,296
and not letting yourself have a good cry
489
00:19:09,364 --> 00:19:11,231
has made you a little doy-doy.
490
00:19:11,299 --> 00:19:12,232
You know...
491
00:19:13,835 --> 00:19:15,602
It's made you really dumb
492
00:19:15,670 --> 00:19:17,805
and stupid, and you're not those things.
493
00:19:17,872 --> 00:19:20,274
Now is the time to let it all out.
494
00:19:20,342 --> 00:19:21,542
Right now, Winston.
495
00:19:21,609 --> 00:19:23,143
You don't have to try
to be strong for me.
496
00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:28,582
Wow, those sinuses swelled up fast.
497
00:19:32,020 --> 00:19:34,121
My cat, my cat, my cat.
498
00:19:34,189 --> 00:19:36,090
You know, it didn't hit me at first,
499
00:19:36,157 --> 00:19:38,125
and then, by the time that it did,
500
00:19:38,193 --> 00:19:40,561
you were already pregnant,
and I just wanted to be...
501
00:19:40,628 --> 00:19:43,597
I wanted to be the rock for this family.
502
00:19:43,665 --> 00:19:45,599
Baby, if there's one thing
I know for sure,
503
00:19:45,667 --> 00:19:47,668
it's that I'm the rock in this family.
504
00:19:47,736 --> 00:19:50,371
Yeah, but if you're the rock,
then what am I?
505
00:19:50,438 --> 00:19:54,475
You're the beautiful flower
sprouting out from the rock.
506
00:19:54,542 --> 00:19:56,944
- I like flowers, so...
- I know you do, buddy.
507
00:19:57,011 --> 00:19:58,045
- Yeah.
- Oh, buddy.
508
00:19:58,113 --> 00:19:59,380
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey, buddy.
509
00:19:59,447 --> 00:20:01,014
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey, buddy.
510
00:20:01,082 --> 00:20:03,717
Oh, I like it when y'all call me
"buddy." It's nice.
511
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:06,353
Also, you can stop looking for the cat.
512
00:20:06,421 --> 00:20:09,022
I don't want to blow you guys'
minds, but, uh...
513
00:20:09,090 --> 00:20:10,391
it ain't real.
514
00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:11,558
What?
515
00:20:11,626 --> 00:20:13,427
The cat isn't real?
516
00:20:13,495 --> 00:20:15,295
That's a...
517
00:20:15,363 --> 00:20:17,731
This is all so Shyamalanian.
518
00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:19,233
I guess I just been
keeping things bottled up
519
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:20,634
a little too tight.
520
00:20:20,702 --> 00:20:21,935
Shh. Okay,
521
00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:23,871
I can't even believe I'm saying this,
522
00:20:23,938 --> 00:20:27,508
- but I think I hear a cat.
- Come on, now.
523
00:20:27,575 --> 00:20:29,410
No, I'm serious. Listen.
524
00:20:30,879 --> 00:20:32,513
Well, I did not see that coming.
525
00:20:32,580 --> 00:20:33,847
It's coming from the couch.
526
00:20:38,453 --> 00:20:40,020
Aw.
527
00:20:46,094 --> 00:20:49,229
Oh, my God, he's scared.
528
00:20:49,297 --> 00:20:50,364
Man, don't be scared.
529
00:20:50,432 --> 00:20:53,679
- He loves you.
- Yeah, I'm here, okay?
530
00:20:55,303 --> 00:20:57,538
Baby, he's not wearing any tags.
531
00:20:57,605 --> 00:20:58,906
Which means he's a stray.
532
00:20:58,973 --> 00:21:00,908
- Can we...?
- Okay, yes,
533
00:21:00,975 --> 00:21:02,810
but only if you feed him
from one of those bottles
534
00:21:02,877 --> 00:21:04,978
like in a zoo documentary,
'cause I like that,
535
00:21:05,046 --> 00:21:06,380
that's cute as hell.
536
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:10,350
Hey.
537
00:21:10,418 --> 00:21:12,786
- You found my cat.
- Well...
538
00:21:12,854 --> 00:21:15,956
Oh, that's the bartender's bar cat.
539
00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:17,458
I'm sorry, but, uh, that cat's gone.
540
00:21:17,525 --> 00:21:19,293
- Give me my cat back.
- Wait.
541
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:22,996
Um, what if we were to offer you
542
00:21:23,064 --> 00:21:25,899
$5,000 in cash for the cat?
543
00:21:25,967 --> 00:21:28,402
Oh, yeah, then, totally. That'd be fine.
544
00:21:28,470 --> 00:21:30,737
$5,000. Curious,
what's the lowest amount
545
00:21:30,805 --> 00:21:32,239
you would have taken for that cat?
546
00:21:32,307 --> 00:21:35,442
I don't know, maybe, like, uh, 50 bucks?
547
00:21:35,510 --> 00:21:36,810
- $50.
- Yeah.
548
00:21:36,878 --> 00:21:39,046
- That's considerably less than $5,000.
- Oh, yeah.
549
00:21:39,113 --> 00:21:40,247
Here you go.
550
00:21:40,315 --> 00:21:41,982
I think I'm gonna name him...
551
00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:43,313
NAFTA.
552
00:21:43,337 --> 00:21:44,625
- Aw!
- I don't like it.
553
00:21:44,652 --> 00:21:46,587
His name's actually Mitzi.
554
00:21:46,654 --> 00:21:51,158
NAFTA!
555
00:21:52,227 --> 00:21:54,161
Meow! Meow!
556
00:21:54,185 --> 00:21:58,385
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com