1
00:00:18,578 --> 00:00:20,437
- Mmm.
- Can you two
2
00:00:20,508 --> 00:00:23,710
please tell us why you summoned us here?
3
00:00:23,778 --> 00:00:25,835
Thank you for coming. It is appreciated,
4
00:00:25,890 --> 00:00:27,750
especially since Aly is on bed rest.
5
00:00:27,812 --> 00:00:29,934
We brought you here today
to choose a godparent.
6
00:00:30,002 --> 00:00:32,336
Oh, yes! Sorry. I'm sorry. Carry on.
7
00:00:32,404 --> 00:00:34,906
Now, on my side,
we have my entire network
8
00:00:34,973 --> 00:00:36,140
of good friends. Friends so close,
9
00:00:36,208 --> 00:00:37,608
I consider them family.
10
00:00:37,676 --> 00:00:39,644
And on my side, we have Leslie.
11
00:00:39,711 --> 00:00:42,246
- I'm all she's got.
- Oh, boy.
12
00:00:42,314 --> 00:00:44,615
All right, everybody,
please line up in formation.
13
00:00:44,683 --> 00:00:46,784
Winston, I don't have time for this.
It's my first day back at
14
00:00:46,852 --> 00:00:49,720
Ass Strat tomorrow. I should be
moisturizing and making dreams.
15
00:00:49,788 --> 00:00:51,722
Schmidt, we didn't choose you.
16
00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:53,024
- You may face the wall.
- Dork!
17
00:00:53,092 --> 00:00:54,859
- Watch it.
- Cece,
18
00:00:54,927 --> 00:00:57,261
we didn't choose you either.
Reason being is your friendship
19
00:00:57,329 --> 00:01:00,198
is too important to ruin by
making you our baby's godmother.
20
00:01:00,265 --> 00:01:01,699
Mm-hmm. Why do I feel
like your lips are moving
21
00:01:01,767 --> 00:01:04,936
- but Aly's doing the talking?
- Sorry.
22
00:01:05,003 --> 00:01:06,471
- Nick?
- I got a good feeling about this.
23
00:01:06,538 --> 00:01:07,472
Face the wall.
24
00:01:07,539 --> 00:01:08,940
Ooh. This ain't over.
25
00:01:11,610 --> 00:01:12,844
Leslie,
26
00:01:12,911 --> 00:01:14,912
you may face the wall.
27
00:01:14,980 --> 00:01:18,216
- Ha-ha-ha! Suck it, bitch!
- Leslie,
28
00:01:18,283 --> 00:01:20,017
you lost.
29
00:01:20,085 --> 00:01:21,052
Leslie is confused.
30
00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:22,520
And now the moment of truth.
31
00:01:22,588 --> 00:01:24,789
Jessica Day,
32
00:01:24,857 --> 00:01:27,859
will you be our baby's godmother?
33
00:01:27,926 --> 00:01:29,494
Yes, I will.
34
00:01:29,561 --> 00:01:31,762
Why is Leslie still dancing?
35
00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:32,964
Leslie.
36
00:01:33,031 --> 00:01:34,999
- Hey, now we're both godparents.
- What?
37
00:01:35,067 --> 00:01:37,201
Nick, for the hundredth time,
you are not Ruth's godfather.
38
00:01:37,269 --> 00:01:39,437
Yes, I am, for the hundred
and one time... first time.
39
00:01:39,505 --> 00:01:41,572
First of all, Jews and Hindus
do not have godparents.
40
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,908
And even if we did,
we would not choose you.
41
00:01:43,976 --> 00:01:44,909
Ruth is not a fan.
42
00:01:44,977 --> 00:01:46,077
Ruth doesn't like me?
43
00:01:46,145 --> 00:01:48,212
She sees you more
as a dimwitted raccoon.
44
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:49,918
Well, my mind is blown.
This is a game changer.
45
00:01:49,973 --> 00:01:51,082
Okay, everyone leave.
46
00:01:51,150 --> 00:01:52,926
Okay, that was a waste of time.
47
00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:54,385
We got a babysitter for this?
48
00:01:54,453 --> 00:01:55,987
Jess, can you stay back for a moment?
49
00:01:56,054 --> 00:01:57,388
Yeah. You chose wisely.
50
00:01:57,456 --> 00:01:59,991
I will revolutionize being a godparent.
51
00:02:00,058 --> 00:02:02,093
Your son will be my Cinderell... o.
52
00:02:02,161 --> 00:02:04,695
We'll be reviewing
your performance weekly.
53
00:02:04,763 --> 00:02:06,097
You can be replaced.
54
00:02:06,165 --> 00:02:07,932
Heavy is the head that holds the crown,
55
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:11,502
but strong are the neck muscles
that hold up said head.
56
00:02:11,570 --> 00:02:12,470
Ooh.
57
00:02:17,709 --> 00:02:18,676
Cigarette!
58
00:02:22,915 --> 00:02:25,049
- Well done.
- Well done.
59
00:02:25,117 --> 00:02:28,326
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
60
00:02:28,854 --> 00:02:31,589
Uh, before I move on to
the next slide, let me just say
61
00:02:31,657 --> 00:02:34,425
thank you for agreeing
to stay at home this week
62
00:02:34,493 --> 00:02:36,928
while I get back in the saddle at work.
63
00:02:36,995 --> 00:02:39,597
Now, you need to pick up Ruth
at 2:00 p.m. on the dot.
64
00:02:39,665 --> 00:02:40,798
The three pillars of the pickup
65
00:02:40,866 --> 00:02:43,334
are gate code, sign out, and lunch,
66
00:02:43,402 --> 00:02:44,869
which needs to be
a peanut butter sandwich,
67
00:02:44,937 --> 00:02:46,571
otherwise, she will shut down and go
68
00:02:46,638 --> 00:02:48,115
- full armadillo.
- Yeah, I got it.
69
00:02:48,147 --> 00:02:49,360
Pick her up, drop her off.
70
00:02:49,384 --> 00:02:50,397
- How hard can it be?
- Well, first of all,
71
00:02:50,416 --> 00:02:51,421
you got it backwards.
72
00:02:51,446 --> 00:02:52,910
You drop off in the morning,
73
00:02:52,978 --> 00:02:55,112
you pick up in the after... I'm sorry.
74
00:02:55,180 --> 00:02:57,114
I'm a little stressed out.
I know that I said
75
00:02:57,182 --> 00:02:59,217
that I would go back to work
when Ruth started school,
76
00:02:59,284 --> 00:03:01,719
which, look, I'm-I'm excited about.
77
00:03:01,787 --> 00:03:03,087
But I've been out of the game
for a while,
78
00:03:03,155 --> 00:03:04,388
and I've become accustomed
79
00:03:04,456 --> 00:03:05,790
to a different type of lifestyle.
80
00:03:05,857 --> 00:03:08,092
Daddy was gonna get
into that party no matter what,
81
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:09,560
so I jumped over the hedge.
82
00:03:09,628 --> 00:03:11,329
Of course. It was Prince!
83
00:03:11,396 --> 00:03:12,930
You get it.
84
00:03:12,998 --> 00:03:15,633
We'll be fine. What you see
as a life-or-death mission,
85
00:03:15,701 --> 00:03:17,435
I see as a week off with my daughter.
86
00:03:17,502 --> 00:03:19,403
Wrong again. Buckle up.
87
00:03:21,573 --> 00:03:23,374
These should cover
your first four hours.
88
00:03:23,442 --> 00:03:25,275
Okay, I'm off.
89
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:27,033
Yeah, you need to go. Okay?
90
00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:28,117
Now get.
91
00:03:28,142 --> 00:03:30,289
I'm excited.
I shaved my entire body last night.
92
00:03:30,382 --> 00:03:33,517
I feel like I could
ride the wind to work.
93
00:03:33,585 --> 00:03:36,954
And here comes a contraction.
94
00:03:37,022 --> 00:03:38,856
Thank you for filling in for Aly.
95
00:03:38,924 --> 00:03:40,791
- Of course. I'm the godmother.
- And one, two,
96
00:03:40,859 --> 00:03:43,861
three, primal scream.
97
00:03:47,199 --> 00:03:50,501
Oh, my God! That's a big hea... Sorry.
98
00:03:50,569 --> 00:03:51,702
Okay, and now let's practice
99
00:03:51,770 --> 00:03:53,938
some pelvic tilts on the birthing ball.
100
00:03:54,006 --> 00:03:55,039
Oh.
101
00:03:56,375 --> 00:03:57,942
Excuse me. I-I realize you
102
00:03:58,010 --> 00:03:59,510
didn't get me one, so I'm gonna
go ahead and get my own.
103
00:03:59,578 --> 00:04:00,811
Uh...
104
00:04:00,879 --> 00:04:02,380
- Got the big boy.
- Yeah.
105
00:04:02,447 --> 00:04:05,383
Whew! You know what's crazy
is you're gonna be
106
00:04:05,450 --> 00:04:08,080
a father any day now.
107
00:04:08,135 --> 00:04:10,788
- Yeah, it kind of snuck up on me.
- Yeah, you better get ready,
108
00:04:10,856 --> 00:04:13,824
'cause you're gonna get on
the Dad Train soon.
109
00:04:13,892 --> 00:04:15,593
Dad-dad!
110
00:04:15,661 --> 00:04:19,397
"No getting off this train."
111
00:04:19,464 --> 00:04:22,366
- You okay?
- Oh, yeah, I'm good. I'm good.
112
00:04:22,434 --> 00:04:25,202
Well, all right.
113
00:04:25,270 --> 00:04:26,604
Who would like to demonstrate
how to hold a baby?
114
00:04:26,672 --> 00:04:28,539
Any takers? What about you?
115
00:04:28,607 --> 00:04:30,374
Oh, not me. That baby's creep city.
116
00:04:30,442 --> 00:04:31,742
Winnie, you're up.
117
00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:33,577
Me? Oh. Yeah.
118
00:04:33,645 --> 00:04:35,179
- Let's go, Dad.
- Okay.
119
00:04:36,148 --> 00:04:37,748
Hold it like this?
120
00:04:37,816 --> 00:04:39,550
- Cradle the head.
- Cradle it. Yeah.
121
00:04:39,618 --> 00:04:41,952
Well, look at you.
122
00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:46,190
I promise to love and protect you.
123
00:04:46,258 --> 00:04:47,758
Nobody's ever gonna hurt
my goochy, goochy...
124
00:04:47,826 --> 00:04:50,528
- Oh! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Okay, and...
125
00:04:50,595 --> 00:04:53,097
I'm sorry. I'm gonna fix this.
126
00:04:53,165 --> 00:04:56,000
I'm gonna fix him. I'm not ready.
127
00:04:56,068 --> 00:04:57,190
- No.
- Here, put that back.
128
00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:59,170
Put that back inside of you.
I don't want no part of that.
129
00:05:03,375 --> 00:05:07,244
Look at us,
the unbreakable Kim and Schmidt.
130
00:05:07,312 --> 00:05:09,246
God, I forgot how much I despise you.
131
00:05:09,314 --> 00:05:11,382
We're gonna need your thoughts
on a new salsa account,
132
00:05:11,450 --> 00:05:14,285
- so get up to speed.
- Oh, I am up to speed on salsa.
133
00:05:14,353 --> 00:05:16,954
Now heads up, Schmidt,
things have changed here.
134
00:05:17,022 --> 00:05:18,756
It's not the same office you left.
135
00:05:20,025 --> 00:05:22,293
Ass Strat has been taken over
136
00:05:22,361 --> 00:05:24,662
by a Tokyo-based conglomerate.
137
00:05:28,834 --> 00:05:32,069
Are the toilets also Japa...
138
00:05:32,137 --> 00:05:33,404
Yes.
139
00:05:37,309 --> 00:05:40,072
"Cecilia, you're
playing your music too loud."
140
00:05:40,127 --> 00:05:42,009
What's that, babe? Yeah, you know,
141
00:05:42,056 --> 00:05:43,421
I can't hear you out here with...
142
00:05:43,482 --> 00:05:45,449
- Oh, my God!
- What, are we having a laundry party?
143
00:05:45,517 --> 00:05:47,051
- What is that?!
- This?
144
00:05:47,119 --> 00:05:49,387
It's just a bear
I found outside the loft.
145
00:05:49,454 --> 00:05:50,788
Yeah, I brought it for my girl Ruth.
146
00:05:50,856 --> 00:05:52,656
Well, she's at school right now,
and I have
147
00:05:52,724 --> 00:05:55,432
15 binders worth of stuff to do
that Schmidt has left for me
148
00:05:55,457 --> 00:05:56,470
- before I go pick her up.
- Oh, that's perfect.
149
00:05:56,495 --> 00:05:58,462
I'll just pick her up.
I'll pick her up from school.
150
00:05:58,530 --> 00:06:01,365
I don't need your help picking
up my daughter from school.
151
00:06:01,406 --> 00:06:02,446
Okay?
152
00:06:02,471 --> 00:06:03,492
All right, well,
would you please tell her
153
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,936
that I left this bear for her
so she knows it was from me?
154
00:06:06,004 --> 00:06:07,271
- Mm-mm.
- Ugh.
155
00:06:07,339 --> 00:06:09,006
- What?
- There's ants all over its neck.
156
00:06:09,074 --> 00:06:11,575
- What?
- Oh!
157
00:06:11,643 --> 00:06:13,444
There's more ants. Every time
it gets hit, more ants come out.
158
00:06:13,512 --> 00:06:15,112
Okay. All right.
159
00:06:15,180 --> 00:06:16,781
Hey, buddy.
160
00:06:16,848 --> 00:06:19,483
So, two things. Um, first of all,
161
00:06:19,551 --> 00:06:21,285
we're not welcome back in the class.
162
00:06:21,353 --> 00:06:24,866
And, second, they're billing you
for all ten classes.
163
00:06:24,952 --> 00:06:26,690
Jess, what if I'm not ready
to be a father?
164
00:06:26,758 --> 00:06:29,026
Winston, that was a fake baby.
165
00:06:29,094 --> 00:06:30,461
Real babies' heads
166
00:06:30,529 --> 00:06:32,096
- don't come off like that.
- Jess, I was
167
00:06:32,164 --> 00:06:34,498
in that class and it made me realize
168
00:06:34,566 --> 00:06:36,901
that this baby is coming.
169
00:06:36,968 --> 00:06:38,636
What happens when I'm in that hospital
170
00:06:38,703 --> 00:06:40,204
and I see my son's face
for the first time,
171
00:06:40,272 --> 00:06:42,339
coming out of Aly's butt?
What am I gonna do?
172
00:06:42,407 --> 00:06:43,808
What if there's something
that I don't know?
173
00:06:43,875 --> 00:06:46,143
I know this is gonna sound crazy,
174
00:06:46,211 --> 00:06:47,878
but ever since I found out
Aly was pregnant,
175
00:06:47,946 --> 00:06:50,114
I keep thinking about my dad.
176
00:06:50,182 --> 00:06:51,749
That clown? He left you guys.
177
00:06:51,817 --> 00:06:53,584
I know. It makes absolutely no sense,
178
00:06:53,652 --> 00:06:56,187
but I keep thinking,
what does he look like?
179
00:06:56,254 --> 00:06:58,322
You know? Does he think about me?
180
00:06:58,390 --> 00:07:00,558
Does he have a small group
of white friends like me?
181
00:07:00,625 --> 00:07:03,060
Well, have you thought about,
you know, reaching out to him again?
182
00:07:03,128 --> 00:07:04,662
I keep thinking, in
a perfect world, I wouldn't have
183
00:07:04,729 --> 00:07:07,264
to track down my dad
and risk getting rejected.
184
00:07:07,332 --> 00:07:08,866
He would just...
185
00:07:08,934 --> 00:07:11,302
Magically show up.
186
00:07:11,369 --> 00:07:12,736
Exactly.
187
00:07:17,265 --> 00:07:20,077
- Sturdy.
- Hey, Winston!
188
00:07:20,210 --> 00:07:21,377
Looking good.
189
00:07:21,447 --> 00:07:22,486
You don't have to gas me up, Jess.
190
00:07:22,541 --> 00:07:24,330
I've been at this thing for three hours.
191
00:07:24,392 --> 00:07:25,788
- It is all legs.
- Yeah.
192
00:07:25,859 --> 00:07:27,622
Look, I just wanted
to tell you something,
193
00:07:27,690 --> 00:07:30,930
and that is that when you're alive...
194
00:07:30,977 --> 00:07:32,894
Sometimes your friends
think that you're... No.
195
00:07:32,962 --> 00:07:35,548
Okay, I'm just gonna say it.
Your dad's outside.
196
00:07:36,599 --> 00:07:37,933
Okay, that's a weird joke.
197
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,006
Yeah, that's not a joke.
198
00:07:40,076 --> 00:07:43,438
He is, um... he's outside.
At this moment.
199
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:45,573
Well, how the hell did you find him?
200
00:07:45,641 --> 00:07:48,376
Well, it was a journey.
Basically, I Googled his name,
201
00:07:48,444 --> 00:07:50,779
and here we are.
202
00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,113
- Oh.
- Listen,
203
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:53,949
if it would make you feel better
to talk to your dad,
204
00:07:54,016 --> 00:07:55,350
then I think you should.
205
00:07:55,418 --> 00:07:57,452
Yeah, I'll go talk to him.
I wonder if...
206
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:58,853
Nah.
207
00:07:58,921 --> 00:08:00,288
Okay. "Hey, D... Hey, Pop.
208
00:08:00,356 --> 00:08:02,123
"You want to shake my...
You want to shake my...
209
00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:03,792
Your hand looks like my hand."
210
00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:05,627
He'll be like, "What's up, son?"
211
00:08:05,695 --> 00:08:06,928
I'll be like, "Don't call me son."
212
00:08:06,996 --> 00:08:08,997
- Uh-huh.
- "Don't call me son." You know?
213
00:08:09,065 --> 00:08:10,665
"But I love you so much. I miss...
214
00:08:10,733 --> 00:08:12,667
I've never seen you."
I don't know what he looks like.
215
00:08:12,735 --> 00:08:13,835
Or I can tell him to leave.
216
00:08:13,903 --> 00:08:15,770
No.
217
00:08:15,838 --> 00:08:17,238
No. It's fine.
218
00:08:17,306 --> 00:08:18,740
He's my dad.
219
00:08:18,808 --> 00:08:20,041
I'll tell him.
220
00:08:29,251 --> 00:08:30,485
Say what you got to say, son.
221
00:08:32,588 --> 00:08:34,656
Daddy!
222
00:08:37,393 --> 00:08:38,827
- Get it out. Yeah.
- Oh, my... My God.
223
00:08:38,894 --> 00:08:39,894
- Look at that.
- Look at that.
224
00:08:39,962 --> 00:08:40,962
- Look at that!
- Look at that!
225
00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:42,931
Look at that! Oh, come on, now.
226
00:08:42,999 --> 00:08:43,999
- Come on!
- Come on, now.
227
00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:45,165
Be feeling like I'm-a stand up in here.
228
00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:46,601
- Come on, now!
- Come on, now.
229
00:08:46,669 --> 00:08:47,669
Okay. Kids' toys.
230
00:08:47,737 --> 00:08:48,903
I got this.
231
00:08:48,971 --> 00:08:50,939
Okay, I got that.
232
00:08:52,141 --> 00:08:53,508
Go for Nick.
233
00:08:53,576 --> 00:08:55,110
Uh, hey, Nick. Where are you?
234
00:08:55,177 --> 00:08:57,812
I'm at home making a goodie bag
for my favorite little girl.
235
00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,181
Um, listen to me. Uh, I actually...
236
00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:02,717
I need your...
237
00:09:02,785 --> 00:09:05,520
help picking up Ruth from school.
238
00:09:05,588 --> 00:09:07,822
Oh. Isn't this interesting?
239
00:09:07,890 --> 00:09:09,090
Last time I checked, you didn't need
240
00:09:09,158 --> 00:09:10,558
old Nick Miller's help.
241
00:09:10,626 --> 00:09:12,660
Hold a minute
while old Nick Miller laughs
242
00:09:12,728 --> 00:09:14,796
- and says, "Well, well, well."
- Nick.
243
00:09:14,864 --> 00:09:15,930
Please. Okay, I...
244
00:09:15,998 --> 00:09:17,499
Nick.
245
00:09:17,566 --> 00:09:19,401
- Listen to me...
- Well, well, well.
246
00:09:19,468 --> 00:09:21,503
Looks like you do need old Nicky's help.
247
00:09:21,570 --> 00:09:23,302
Please. Please. Listen to me.
248
00:09:23,356 --> 00:09:24,406
Okay, Nick, I forgot
249
00:09:24,473 --> 00:09:26,541
my phone at the house, and that phone
250
00:09:26,583 --> 00:09:27,777
has the gate code
251
00:09:27,810 --> 00:09:29,069
- that will let me into the school...
- Hold on.
252
00:09:29,145 --> 00:09:31,279
If you forgot your phone at home,
253
00:09:31,347 --> 00:09:33,148
then tell me this:
254
00:09:33,215 --> 00:09:35,216
what are you calling me on?
255
00:09:35,284 --> 00:09:37,519
A stranger's phone, okay?
256
00:09:37,586 --> 00:09:39,020
Ruth's lunch
257
00:09:39,088 --> 00:09:40,455
is next to my phone,
258
00:09:40,523 --> 00:09:42,557
and I forgot her lunch, too,
so just bring both, okay?
259
00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:44,259
Got it. Also...
260
00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:47,062
Welcome back, Mr. Schmidt.
261
00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:48,263
I cannot wait
262
00:09:48,330 --> 00:09:50,231
to hear your pitch on the salsa account.
263
00:09:50,299 --> 00:09:51,733
Uh, take it away.
264
00:09:51,801 --> 00:09:53,201
I'd love to. Thank you so much.
265
00:09:53,269 --> 00:09:54,736
Let's talk about salsa.
266
00:09:54,804 --> 00:09:55,804
It's a sauce.
267
00:09:55,871 --> 00:09:56,938
Or it...
268
00:09:57,006 --> 00:09:58,973
Uh...
269
00:10:00,176 --> 00:10:02,377
Uh, I actually have to take this.
270
00:10:02,445 --> 00:10:04,145
So-so sorry.
271
00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:07,415
- Hello?
- Daddy, come pick me up.
272
00:10:07,483 --> 00:10:09,050
Mommy isn't here yet.
273
00:10:09,118 --> 00:10:10,485
What do you mean,
Mommy's not... It's 2:30.
274
00:10:10,553 --> 00:10:12,921
What is she do...?
275
00:10:15,891 --> 00:10:18,760
Okay, um...
276
00:10:18,828 --> 00:10:20,595
Daddy's on his way.
277
00:10:22,865 --> 00:10:25,400
I actually have to step out
for just a second.
278
00:10:25,468 --> 00:10:27,102
You know, in preparation
for this meeting,
279
00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:30,405
I ate an entire jar of salsa,
and it is...
280
00:10:30,473 --> 00:10:32,474
sliding right through me.
281
00:10:35,144 --> 00:10:37,645
Ah, come on.
282
00:10:38,881 --> 00:10:39,948
Hey, little girl.
283
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:41,483
Hi.
284
00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:44,018
- You want to open the gate for me?
- No.
285
00:10:44,086 --> 00:10:45,887
No? You want... Let me see what I got.
286
00:10:45,955 --> 00:10:47,055
A peanut butter sandwich?
287
00:10:47,123 --> 00:10:48,256
You want a peanut butter sandwich?
288
00:10:48,324 --> 00:10:49,624
Come here me a sec. Give me a sec.
289
00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:51,926
Look at this, look at this.
290
00:10:51,994 --> 00:10:53,728
Come over here,
eat the peanut butter sandwich.
291
00:10:53,796 --> 00:10:55,029
Open the gate. Look.
292
00:10:55,097 --> 00:10:57,599
Mmm. So yummy.
293
00:10:57,666 --> 00:10:59,167
Come... come on, come on.
Where you going?
294
00:10:59,235 --> 00:11:00,969
Hey! Little girl!
295
00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:02,770
Come on, little girl, please.
296
00:11:02,838 --> 00:11:04,767
Where you going? Ah. No.
297
00:11:04,792 --> 00:11:06,031
Hey! What are you doing?
298
00:11:06,056 --> 00:11:07,175
Oh, I was just trying
to get a little girl
299
00:11:07,243 --> 00:11:08,176
out of here.
300
00:11:08,244 --> 00:11:09,878
I want to be a girl's godfather.
301
00:11:09,945 --> 00:11:11,646
So, godfathers can basically make rules
302
00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:12,914
and do things with little kids
303
00:11:12,982 --> 00:11:14,082
when their parents aren't around.
304
00:11:14,150 --> 00:11:15,583
- What? Excuse me?!
- And also, they love me.
305
00:11:15,651 --> 00:11:17,151
- You sick bastard.
- No, no.
306
00:11:17,203 --> 00:11:18,126
- You're coming with me.
- No, no.
307
00:11:18,151 --> 00:11:19,430
Peanut butter sandwich. Disgusting.
308
00:11:19,455 --> 00:11:20,622
Stop! Kids love me.
309
00:11:20,689 --> 00:11:21,623
I'm a famous author.
310
00:11:21,690 --> 00:11:23,158
Hey, he's with me. I'm a parent.
311
00:11:23,225 --> 00:11:24,292
- Parent.
- Yeah.
312
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:25,660
No worries. I'm, uh, I'm a parent.
313
00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:26,961
Okay, so what's the gate code, then?
314
00:11:27,029 --> 00:11:29,631
Gate code is four...
315
00:11:29,698 --> 00:11:32,433
- three... seven...
- You're guessing.
316
00:11:32,501 --> 00:11:34,502
- He's onto us, Cece! Run! Hyah!
- Hey.
317
00:11:34,570 --> 00:11:35,703
I'm coming for you, Ruth!
318
00:11:35,771 --> 00:11:37,539
Here comes your godfather!
319
00:11:37,606 --> 00:11:38,640
Oh, my God.
320
00:11:38,707 --> 00:11:40,742
Is that it?
321
00:11:40,809 --> 00:11:42,177
- Wait, hold up, hold on now.
- H-Hold up.
322
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,845
- Hold up, boy.
- You got bees on your shirt.
323
00:11:43,913 --> 00:11:46,314
- I got birds on my shirt.
- Birds and the bees, baby.
324
00:11:46,382 --> 00:11:48,316
- Birds and the bees!
- Come on, now.
325
00:11:48,384 --> 00:11:49,951
My boy!
326
00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:52,654
Hey, Aly.
327
00:11:52,721 --> 00:11:54,222
- What are you doing out of bed?
- I heard
328
00:11:54,290 --> 00:11:56,323
a man's voice and wanted to know
if you were cheating on Nick
329
00:11:56,361 --> 00:11:57,877
in the bedroom of my future child.
330
00:11:57,948 --> 00:12:01,396
Well, big news: I found Winston's dad.
331
00:12:01,463 --> 00:12:03,531
In there.
332
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,234
You want to wrestle?
333
00:12:06,302 --> 00:12:07,502
Take off your pants, Dad!
334
00:12:07,570 --> 00:12:08,778
- You know what we like?
- What?
335
00:12:08,849 --> 00:12:10,505
Those two black dudes from This Is Us.
336
00:12:10,573 --> 00:12:13,074
That's not Winston's dad.
337
00:12:13,142 --> 00:12:15,476
What?
338
00:12:15,544 --> 00:12:16,711
I saw his picture on the database
339
00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:18,880
at the station. I know this.
That's not him!
340
00:12:18,948 --> 00:12:20,141
Huh.
341
00:12:22,584 --> 00:12:24,976
Jess, who is that man in my house
342
00:12:25,032 --> 00:12:26,555
pretending to be Winston's dad?
343
00:12:26,633 --> 00:12:28,059
His name is Van Bishop.
344
00:12:28,141 --> 00:12:29,875
But did he say he was Winston's dad?
345
00:12:29,943 --> 00:12:31,677
I showed him a picture of Winston,
346
00:12:31,745 --> 00:12:33,546
and he burst into tears.
347
00:12:33,613 --> 00:12:35,781
- So no.
- I'm sorry.
348
00:12:35,849 --> 00:12:37,149
Winston was freaking out
349
00:12:37,217 --> 00:12:38,818
about being a father and kept saying
350
00:12:38,885 --> 00:12:40,419
he wished he could meet his dad.
351
00:12:40,487 --> 00:12:42,021
Of course you can sleep over, Dad.
352
00:12:42,089 --> 00:12:43,089
The couch lets out.
353
00:12:43,156 --> 00:12:44,489
Love you, son.
354
00:12:44,552 --> 00:12:46,559
- I love you, too, Pop.
- Mm-mm. This is bad.
355
00:12:46,626 --> 00:12:48,606
They are getting closer every minute.
356
00:12:48,677 --> 00:12:50,029
You need to fix this right now.
357
00:12:50,097 --> 00:12:52,231
Okay, Aly, I got this.
358
00:12:52,299 --> 00:12:54,400
If you don't, when I have the strength
359
00:12:54,468 --> 00:12:57,069
to wrap these hands
around your tiny little neck,
360
00:12:57,137 --> 00:12:58,404
I will do so.
361
00:12:59,473 --> 00:13:00,439
And I will smile.
362
00:13:03,751 --> 00:13:05,419
- This is all your fault.
- This is all your fault.
363
00:13:05,444 --> 00:13:06,561
- Don't talk to me, okay?
- No, don't talk to me.
364
00:13:06,616 --> 00:13:07,842
Now you're just gonna sit there
and mimic me?
365
00:13:07,913 --> 00:13:08,846
Don't do the thing with the hands.
366
00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:10,037
- Grow up!
- You grow up!
367
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:11,326
- Are you kidding me right now?
- Are you kidding me?
368
00:13:11,397 --> 00:13:12,671
- Don't talk to me.
- Don't do the Cece to me.
369
00:13:12,742 --> 00:13:13,709
Don't do the Nick to me.
370
00:13:13,776 --> 00:13:15,310
Mommy!
371
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:17,710
- Hey!
- Uncle Nick.
372
00:13:17,803 --> 00:13:19,981
Hi, honey. I am so sorry.
373
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:21,183
You must be hungry. Right?
374
00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:23,085
No worries, 'cause Uncle Nick
375
00:13:23,152 --> 00:13:24,753
- has your sandwich.
- I do. I have your sandwich.
376
00:13:24,821 --> 00:13:27,389
Here you go.
377
00:13:27,457 --> 00:13:29,424
You ate it.
378
00:13:29,492 --> 00:13:31,093
The truth is I sat on it.
379
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:32,782
Maybe I took a bite.
I took a couple bites.
380
00:13:32,829 --> 00:13:34,775
- I ate a lot of it.
- You know what? It gonna be...
381
00:13:34,829 --> 00:13:36,531
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.
382
00:13:36,599 --> 00:13:37,866
She is going full armadillo.
383
00:13:37,934 --> 00:13:40,068
I need my phone. Give me my phone.
384
00:13:40,136 --> 00:13:41,269
Well, I'm her godfather.
385
00:13:41,337 --> 00:13:42,537
- I'm not a fisherman's vest.
- No.
386
00:13:42,605 --> 00:13:44,005
What you are is the human equivalent
387
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:45,674
of the crack between two couch cushions.
388
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:47,169
Grab her. I'm gonna go start the car.
389
00:13:47,224 --> 00:13:49,294
So, anyway, I'm on the back of a Jet Ski
390
00:13:49,318 --> 00:13:50,441
- with Cornel West.
- Mm-hmm.
391
00:13:50,466 --> 00:13:52,938
And he tells me, "Hey, you're
leaning too far to the left."
392
00:13:52,982 --> 00:13:54,549
I said, "No, you leaning
too far to the left."
393
00:13:54,617 --> 00:13:55,717
Oh!
394
00:13:55,785 --> 00:13:57,686
I see what you did. I see it.
395
00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,009
Y'all talking about Cornel West?
396
00:13:59,048 --> 00:14:01,022
- Dad's got stories for days.
- I bet.
397
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,592
I bet. Anyway,
why don't we button mash this
398
00:14:03,659 --> 00:14:05,560
for next week and, um, Van,
I can give you a ride home.
399
00:14:05,628 --> 00:14:06,728
Wait, what? No.
400
00:14:06,796 --> 00:14:08,630
No, no, no, no. He just got here.
401
00:14:08,698 --> 00:14:10,899
You know, I want to talk
about the old days in Chicago.
402
00:14:10,967 --> 00:14:11,933
Never been there. Garbage city.
403
00:14:12,001 --> 00:14:13,802
Yeah, it has its bad parts,
404
00:14:13,870 --> 00:14:16,438
but, you know, the education
system is getting...
405
00:14:16,506 --> 00:14:18,558
- Wait. You've never been there?
- Never been there.
406
00:14:18,583 --> 00:14:19,925
You know what?
I totally know what he means,
407
00:14:19,950 --> 00:14:22,081
because I feel like sometimes
408
00:14:22,121 --> 00:14:23,745
I've never been to L.A.,
and I live here.
409
00:14:23,813 --> 00:14:25,814
You know what I mean?
Like, ask me where the ocean is.
410
00:14:25,882 --> 00:14:27,282
"Uh, to the left?" I don't know.
411
00:14:27,350 --> 00:14:28,683
- Should we hit the road?
- Jess?
412
00:14:28,751 --> 00:14:30,552
What's going on?
413
00:14:33,856 --> 00:14:35,557
Oh, no. Ruth hasn't been signed out.
414
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:37,959
Um, excuse me. Um, have you seen Ruth?
415
00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:41,596
Brown hair, smile that would
shake the earth, hates peas?
416
00:14:41,664 --> 00:14:43,331
A white man broke in today.
417
00:14:43,399 --> 00:14:45,667
A... a white man?! No!
418
00:14:45,735 --> 00:14:47,769
Well, what did security do about it?!
419
00:14:47,837 --> 00:14:50,272
- Nothing.
- Typical!
420
00:14:50,339 --> 00:14:51,673
I'm calling Cece.
421
00:14:55,044 --> 00:14:57,379
Go for Brian.
422
00:14:57,446 --> 00:14:59,915
Who the heck is Brian?! Where's Cece?!
423
00:15:01,017 --> 00:15:02,717
All right, Ruth,
424
00:15:02,785 --> 00:15:04,853
let's find something
to play with inside this, uh,
425
00:15:04,921 --> 00:15:08,379
pillowcase of crap your future
godfather brought you.
426
00:15:08,434 --> 00:15:10,250
- Oh, God. Okay.
- There's this thing.
427
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,794
- Put that down.
- Yeah, put that down right there.
428
00:15:12,862 --> 00:15:14,696
Look at this! We got an old beeper.
429
00:15:14,764 --> 00:15:16,665
You can pretend to be a-a doctor,
430
00:15:16,732 --> 00:15:18,700
or a late '90s drug dealer.
431
00:15:18,768 --> 00:15:20,869
- What's a drug dealer?
- Don't give her that.
432
00:15:20,937 --> 00:15:22,404
Gah, Ma, stop being such a narc.
433
00:15:24,073 --> 00:15:26,007
Okay, thank God you're alive.
434
00:15:26,075 --> 00:15:27,475
Of course we're alive.
What are you doing here?
435
00:15:27,543 --> 00:15:29,095
I went to the school; Ruth wasn't there.
436
00:15:29,150 --> 00:15:30,512
They told me a white man
tried to hop the fence,
437
00:15:30,580 --> 00:15:33,215
and some man named Brian
answered your phone.
438
00:15:33,282 --> 00:15:35,016
- Hi.
- What happened?
439
00:15:35,084 --> 00:15:36,952
- Nick ate her sandwich.
- I had one bite of her sandwich.
440
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,720
Guess, technically, "inhaled" it.
441
00:15:38,788 --> 00:15:40,655
- I didn't inhale it!
- Guys, please.
442
00:15:40,723 --> 00:15:42,824
It's not a big deal.
I'll make her another sandwich.
443
00:15:42,892 --> 00:15:44,693
No, you won't.
444
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,662
About that. So...
445
00:15:49,565 --> 00:15:51,199
We're out of peanut butter.
446
00:15:51,267 --> 00:15:52,567
What do you mean,
we're out of peanut butter?
447
00:15:52,635 --> 00:15:54,551
I know. Okay,
there was just too much to do.
448
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:57,679
- And those binders. It is not possible!
- I do this every day.
449
00:15:57,740 --> 00:15:59,541
You see, that's when
the-the Chicago Cubs won the
450
00:15:59,609 --> 00:16:02,169
World Series, and, uh, all the
players signed it.
451
00:16:02,224 --> 00:16:05,130
I need you to just be careful, 'cause
it's worth a lot of money.
452
00:16:05,184 --> 00:16:06,514
I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that.
453
00:16:06,582 --> 00:16:08,383
I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't...
454
00:16:08,451 --> 00:16:11,219
- Did Nick fix our child?
- What are you doing?
455
00:16:11,287 --> 00:16:13,238
- Just making it pretty.
- You're ruining it.
456
00:16:13,316 --> 00:16:15,790
Your face ruined it!
You're a dumb raccoon.
457
00:16:15,858 --> 00:16:17,574
- Accurate.
- Oh. As a godfather,
458
00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:18,980
I got to push through that.
459
00:16:19,028 --> 00:16:21,613
Ooh, that's work.
460
00:16:21,699 --> 00:16:24,165
- I got to go back.
- What about spa time?
461
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,868
I need to zap my frown lines.
462
00:16:26,936 --> 00:16:29,571
Oh. Uh, honey.
463
00:16:29,639 --> 00:16:31,873
You know what, honey?
464
00:16:31,941 --> 00:16:35,210
We can do pretend Botox
on another day, okay?
465
00:16:35,278 --> 00:16:37,279
Why?
466
00:16:37,346 --> 00:16:39,247
Because Daddy has to go sell
467
00:16:39,315 --> 00:16:41,383
a Mexican product to Americans
468
00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:43,051
so that Japanese people
469
00:16:43,119 --> 00:16:44,452
can make money.
470
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,588
I'm sorry.
471
00:16:46,656 --> 00:16:49,257
- Bye.
- Bye.
472
00:16:53,296 --> 00:16:55,430
- Jess, is he not my dad?
- Is he not my son?
473
00:16:55,498 --> 00:16:57,265
Before I answer that,
I want you guys to know
474
00:16:57,333 --> 00:16:59,567
I had an accomplice in this,
and her name is Google.
475
00:16:59,635 --> 00:17:00,769
Maybe I'm a little confused here.
476
00:17:00,836 --> 00:17:02,304
I called you "Dad," you called me "son"
477
00:17:02,371 --> 00:17:03,972
for hours. I sat on your lap.
478
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:05,440
We ate pistachios together.
479
00:17:05,508 --> 00:17:07,809
I love pistachios. She told me
480
00:17:07,877 --> 00:17:09,577
that you were my son,
and I believed her.
481
00:17:09,645 --> 00:17:12,280
I mean, you could be.
The '80s were a blur.
482
00:17:12,348 --> 00:17:14,883
And I toured the country
in a Van Morrison cover band.
483
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,618
You did? Did you play
the Portland Rec Center?
484
00:17:16,686 --> 00:17:19,521
Oh, maybe. It was a wild time back then.
485
00:17:21,657 --> 00:17:24,626
♪ Hide behind a rainbow wall ♪
486
00:17:24,694 --> 00:17:27,929
♪ Slipping and sliding all along ♪
487
00:17:27,997 --> 00:17:30,665
♪ The waterfall with you ♪
488
00:17:30,733 --> 00:17:32,600
♪ My brown-eyed girl ♪
489
00:17:32,668 --> 00:17:34,602
♪ You are my ♪
490
00:17:34,670 --> 00:17:35,937
♪ Brown-eyed girl ♪
491
00:17:35,997 --> 00:17:38,620
I can't, I can't, uh...
492
00:17:38,698 --> 00:17:40,608
I-I got to go.
I can't, I can't be here right now.
493
00:17:42,411 --> 00:17:43,745
Oh!
494
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:45,180
- Oh.
- Ooh!
495
00:17:47,493 --> 00:17:49,779
♪ Brown-eyed girl ♪
496
00:17:52,207 --> 00:17:54,474
Mr. Yukimura, uh, I apologize.
497
00:17:54,537 --> 00:17:56,471
- Sell me some salsa.
- Okay, here we go.
498
00:17:56,539 --> 00:17:58,402
Well, what do we know about salsa?
499
00:17:58,477 --> 00:18:00,879
We know that it's a gift...
500
00:18:00,934 --> 00:18:02,868
from another culture.
501
00:18:07,707 --> 00:18:09,341
Schmidt?!
502
00:18:10,304 --> 00:18:12,739
Are you with us?
503
00:18:13,731 --> 00:18:16,782
Yes. Uh, it's just...
504
00:18:18,651 --> 00:18:21,420
You don't know how important
salsa is until it's gone.
505
00:18:21,487 --> 00:18:24,590
You keep it in the back of
your fridge, taking for granted
506
00:18:24,657 --> 00:18:26,191
that it'll be there.
507
00:18:26,259 --> 00:18:27,593
But once it's gone,
508
00:18:27,660 --> 00:18:30,262
you realize you can't go
a single day without it.
509
00:18:30,330 --> 00:18:34,433
Señor Cha Cha's Salsa:
510
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:37,235
the salsa that belongs
in the front of your fridge.
511
00:18:40,292 --> 00:18:43,094
Sure. Throw in a dragon
with a sombrero and I'm in.
512
00:18:43,125 --> 00:18:44,242
Great job.
513
00:18:45,094 --> 00:18:46,610
Moshi moshi.
514
00:18:46,779 --> 00:18:49,114
Hi, Mama Bear and Papa Bear.
515
00:18:49,182 --> 00:18:52,317
Goldilocks is here with an apology,
516
00:18:52,385 --> 00:18:55,087
- and it's gonna be just right.
- Aly?
517
00:18:55,154 --> 00:18:57,255
- Uh-huh.
- Will you please tell Jess to leave?
518
00:18:57,323 --> 00:18:58,790
You're not gonna talk to her?
519
00:18:58,858 --> 00:19:01,093
It's okay. Winston can
talk to me when he's ready.
520
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,495
Baby, she didn't do it on purpose.
521
00:19:03,563 --> 00:19:07,466
It's not her fault that she has
zero detective skills,
522
00:19:07,533 --> 00:19:09,568
and there's another Van Bishop
in Los Angeles.
523
00:19:09,636 --> 00:19:11,336
Which is crazy.
524
00:19:11,404 --> 00:19:13,305
- Her heart was in the right place.
- It was, and
525
00:19:13,373 --> 00:19:16,608
should I have let a strange man
in the house? No!
526
00:19:16,676 --> 00:19:19,611
Will it take a very long time
for you to forgive me?
527
00:19:19,679 --> 00:19:21,313
Yes. Years.
528
00:19:24,484 --> 00:19:26,284
Okay. I get it.
529
00:19:26,352 --> 00:19:27,853
I'll go. Um...
530
00:19:30,823 --> 00:19:34,826
I think this belongs to Leslie now.
531
00:19:39,999 --> 00:19:43,835
For what it's worth, you are
more prepared to be a father
532
00:19:43,903 --> 00:19:46,518
than anyone I know,
and that includes Schmidt.
533
00:19:46,588 --> 00:19:49,916
And look, you'll have
good days and bad days.
534
00:19:49,978 --> 00:19:51,576
But you'll never be alone.
535
00:19:51,635 --> 00:19:55,662
And just remember,
you don't have to have had a dad
536
00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:56,682
to be a great dad.
537
00:20:04,590 --> 00:20:05,924
Here.
538
00:20:07,093 --> 00:20:10,228
Thank you. I won't let you down.
539
00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:12,153
And you know what your mom looks like,
540
00:20:12,215 --> 00:20:13,715
so I'm never gonna present you
541
00:20:13,739 --> 00:20:14,932
- with a fake mom...
- Mm.
542
00:20:14,957 --> 00:20:16,090
- I'll stop.
- Too soon.
543
00:20:16,114 --> 00:20:17,456
Hey, family,
544
00:20:17,481 --> 00:20:19,304
I've been sitting on the curb
the last two hours, thinking.
545
00:20:19,372 --> 00:20:21,106
Look, I know I'm not your real dad,
546
00:20:21,174 --> 00:20:22,774
but a part of me wishes I was.
547
00:20:22,842 --> 00:20:24,476
You know, you're a hell of a kid.
548
00:20:24,544 --> 00:20:27,112
So if you ever need somebody
to play catch with you,
549
00:20:27,180 --> 00:20:28,547
or give you the real deal
550
00:20:28,614 --> 00:20:31,049
when you step out of line,
give me a call.
551
00:20:31,117 --> 00:20:33,018
Nah, dawg. I'm good.
552
00:20:33,086 --> 00:20:34,953
That makes sense.
553
00:20:41,561 --> 00:20:43,862
- Okay.
- Okay.
554
00:20:43,930 --> 00:20:46,998
Am I still wearing makeup?
555
00:20:47,066 --> 00:20:50,001
You look like my grandmother
right before she went insane.
556
00:20:50,069 --> 00:20:51,369
Good, great.
557
00:20:52,739 --> 00:20:54,673
I'm sorry I went overboard
with the binders before.
558
00:20:54,741 --> 00:20:56,508
No, no. I'm sorry.
559
00:20:56,576 --> 00:21:00,412
I honestly don't know how
you do this every single day.
560
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:01,713
How was work?
561
00:21:01,781 --> 00:21:03,749
- Frickin' crushed it.
- Oh, great.
562
00:21:03,816 --> 00:21:06,184
- And I think I want to quit.
- What? Really?
563
00:21:06,252 --> 00:21:09,855
I just kept wishing that I was
here, taking care of Ruth.
564
00:21:09,922 --> 00:21:11,590
It's the best job I've ever had.
565
00:21:11,657 --> 00:21:16,361
What would you think if...
I was home full-time?
566
00:21:16,429 --> 00:21:21,066
I think that anything
that makes you happy
567
00:21:21,134 --> 00:21:23,702
and keeps those binders away from me,
568
00:21:23,770 --> 00:21:25,771
that's what you should do.
569
00:21:31,153 --> 00:21:32,144
Aah!
570
00:21:32,169 --> 00:21:33,678
- What is that?! Bear!
- Yeah.
571
00:21:37,434 --> 00:21:39,458
And stay out!
572
00:21:40,068 --> 00:21:41,535
You bear!
573
00:21:45,681 --> 00:21:48,426
It's all clear, honey! I got rid of him!
574
00:21:48,621 --> 00:21:53,621
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com