What to do, what to do, what to do today.
Any ideas, Ferb?
How about you, Perry? Bursting with any plans?
Ah, I'll never get tired of you doing that.
Awesome. Grr. Come on, Ferb. Fire one off.
I wonder what that means.
Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today.
Let's build a Perry Translator.
We can finally figure out what "grr" means.
Some say he's just a mindless platypus,
but he might actually be thinking some profound thoughts.
Just like another quiet animal I know.
Stacy, it's been four days.
I'm not expecting Prince Charming to bring me
a glass slipper or anything, but a phone call would be nice.
I've got another call.
It's him! Call you back. Bye.
- Hello? - Hey, Candace. It's Jeremy.
- Well, good morrow to you, sir. - Huh?
Heh. I mean, what's up?
I just got the new "Destruction Mayhem 3" game.
I thought maybe you'd like to come over and try it out.
Oh, yeah.
You, me and little Suzie playing a video game, huh?
Suzie? No, she's at her friend's house.
Oh. Hold on, Candace.
Someone's at the door.
So video games?
All set over here.
OK. Now all we need is our subject.
Where's Perry?
Ah, there you are, Agent P. Sorry about the lights.
We're using an alternative energy source
and we haven't quite got it working smoothly yet.
I decided it was high time our operation went green.
All right, assignment, assignment, uh, let's see…
We're saving paper by printing on the same one
over and over again, so, uh, sorry,
for the life of me I can't make this out. Hm…
Hmm… Well, I'm sure it says something about Doofenshmirtz.
Go get him.
For crying out loud, Carl,
peddle faster. I gotta check my e-mail.
Perry!
Oh. There you are.
Come on, boy. Here, just take a seat.
Stay.
All set.
OK, Perry, it's time to hear what's on your mind.
Hit me with your "grr" shot.
Hey, Phineas. What you doin'?
Oh, Ferb and I have invented a Perry Translator
so we can finally figure out what he's saying.
That's great.
But don't you need Perry to be here for it to work?
That was weird. Perry was here a second ago.
I sure love worms.
Don't look at me.
Big, fat, juicy worms.
Gotta find 'em. Gotta eat 'em.
Whoa.
Hello, birdie,
do you understand me?
Aren't you a little young for interspecial communication?
Yes. Yes, I am.
How about you, squirrel? Do you understand me?
Oh, I do. Do you have any nuts for me?
That's so cute.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm cute, I'm cute.
Now nut me.
Wow. This works on all animals.
Hey, do you think it would work on my dog Pinky?
He barks at the door when a doorbell rings on TV.
I'd love to explain the whole concept to him.
Couldn't hurt to try.
Great! I'll be right back.
Wow. With a device like this,
all animals can finally say what's on their minds.
I'm really glad you wanted to come over, Candace.
Most girls really aren't into stuff like this.
Pssh. Most girls.
I guess I'm just cool like that.
Yup, love me my video games.
- Who's this? - Yeah, that's Suzie's dog.
Who's a good girl? Who's a good girl? Yeah.
Who's the good girl? Who's the good…?
Obviously not me.
D Doofenshmirtz Out in the forest *
Perry the Platypus.
Don't be shy. It's just me. Come here.
Ha-ha! You like my new cage?
I got it from a secondhand shark-supply store.
It was half off, because, you know,
something bit half of it off.
So here's my evil plan.
With this remote, I will open the Danville Dam,
flooding all the streets and creating beautiful waterways.
Like the canals in Venice, Italy.
Or to a lesser extent, Venice, California.
But how will people get around?
They will have to buy my latest invention.
It's like a car, but it can drive on the surface of water.
Behold! You like it?
I call it the Buoyancy Operated Aquatic Transport,
or BO-AT for short.
Everyone will want one.
Yeah, I see what you're saying,
but you don't have an argument.
They're giving you 12 cans a day.
Technically, you're not underfed.
All right. Next!
Oh, yeah.
I've been getting a lot of complaints about the vacuum.
Just let it out.
Hey, look at this. I'm getting the hang of it.
No, actually, Candace, you just paused it.
And now you've reset the game.
Oh, no. These were brand new.
Hey, bad dog! That's weird.
Suzie trained her so well.
I see. Suzie trained her.
I can't believe this.
Hey, that's my shoe!
Uh, OK in there, Candace?
Yeah, yeah. Oh!
Don't even think about it.
Where's my shoe?
No, no, no!
Hey, Candace.
You ready for the third level?
Candace?
- Phineas? - What's up?
OK, we've got 78 complaints about food quantity,
42 requests for belly rubs,
and we're still trying to explain TV to Pinky.
Again, forget the idea of little people in there.
So, what exactly are we supposed to do with this information?
- Hmm. - OK,
the Jones' hamster says he's gonna lose it
if someone doesn't oil the wheel in its cage.
Hmmph!
Well, what now?
That's what we'll do.
Let's tell all the owners what their pets want.
Starting with this little fella right here.
Sorry. Lady.
Lady right here.
Hey, Candace. What is going on here?
We made an animal translator.
We'll tell you about it later. Right now we're on a mission.
- Come on, guys. - See you, Candace.
An animal translator?
I have had it up to here with stupid animals today.
Why would you want to know what stupid animals are saying?
Oh, I can tell you what they'll say.
I'm an animal and I bite my own heinie.
I've got a small cranial capacity.
Look at me. I don't have opposable thumbs.
I eat with my face. I sweat through my tongue.
I'm a furry, flea-bitten loser.
Like any other animal on this planet!
Get her!
D It's a perfect day *
* It's in the mid 70s *
* Humidity at sixty percent *
* It's a perfect day *
* Not a cloud in the sky and I *
* Could say without fear of dissent *
* It's a picture postcard Perfect kind of *
* A summer afternoon *
* It's a perfect day d d Ah *
* It's a perfect day *
* Yeah *
* It's a perfect day *
* The birds are singing *
* The bees are pollinating the flowers *
* It's a perfect day *
* The fauna is fawning *
* And frolicking away a ll the hours *
* It's a picture postcard Perfect kind of *
* Summer afternoon *
* It's a perfect day *
* It's a perfect day d.
Now, Perry the Platypus, with the push of this button,
we will move out of the automobile age
and usher in the age of the BO-AT!
I'm driving on water! Look at me!
I'm BO-AT-ing. Woo-hoo! Living the dream.
Perry the Platypus! How…?
I always forget you are a semi-aquatic mammal.
Mom! Mom! Animals hate me!
Oh, honey. That's just ridiculous.
Perry likes you.
Huh. Never mind.
No! Don't open the Metropolitan Oval Aquatic Trench.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Hey, look, it spells "MOAT."
I never noticed that before.
Curse you, Perry the Platypus!
Mom! You're here!
Come on, come on! You gotta see this!
Candace, will you…?
Aha!
I can't believe it. Everything is still here.
There it is. They've built an animal translator.
Oh. That's adorable.
Wait, no, it is not.
Hey, Mom. We built an animal translator. Look.
See? You're gonna see. It really works.
OK, Perry. We've been waiting all day for this.
Oh, well, I guess it doesn't mean anything.
Aww. You know he's saying,
"You guys are the best."
Now, come on, everyone, inside for some lemonade.
B-But… But… But…
- Hey, Candace. - Jeremy?
- Hey, where'd you go? - Well, I…
- I brought you your shoe. - Oh.
Oh, don't worry. I washed it.
Here. Allow me.
Uh, Candace. You OK?
Enchanted.
Ah, yes, the daily crossword puzzle.
Today's theme: "Tip of the Day."
One across: The metal tip of an umbrella.
Let's see. Honey?
The ferrule.
Yes, of course.
Two across: Uh, the tip of the elbow.
- Honey? - The olecranon.
I thought so. Yes.
Easy peasy, that one.
Next: The tip of a shoelace.
Yes, yes, that little hard tip at the end of a shoelace is…
Honey?
I don't know.
- You don't know? - Ugh!
It's like living with a bunch of monkeys.
Just look it up on the computer!
But isn't it weird none of us know its name?
No. That why they make smart word box
for tell monkey hard brain hurty things.
Removing prepositions makes it more condescending.
Wow, 20 people e-mailed me the same video.
I gotta check this out.
That is so humiliating.
I have to send this to Jeremy, and Jenny,
the track team, Chicago Joe…
So, uh, Candace?
Smart word box find name shoelace tip?
Ugh. Would you wait?
I'm dealing with something that actually matters here.
Ah! The Internet crashed!
I know. Baljeet!
This kinda stuff is right up his alley.
Useless Shoelace Facts Volume 8.
The plastic or metal tip on the end of a shoelace
is called an "aglet."
A-G-L-E-T.
"It is one of the most useful,
yet tragically ignored inventions in all of history."
Gosh, Ferb, that seems like a great injustice, huh?
Oh, well. Thanks, Baljeet.
OK. A-G-L-E-T.
Brilliant!
Oh, hi, boys.
Aglet, Mom.
Aglet you too, Phineas.
No, Mom, the shoelace tip?
It's an aglet.
How interesting.
Yeah. Nobody seems to know the word.
I wonder why.
I'll tell you why. Because it doesn't matter.
You can live a long life without knowing
the tip of the shoelace is called…
- Aglet. - It doesn't matter!
Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today.
Oh, look at this, honey. Twenty-seven across,
five letters: "Where's blank?"
Agent P, Doofenshmirtz has crippled the entire worldwide Internet
by spreading a so-called viral video over the whole planet.
Watch carefully, Agent P.
What you are about to see may be the masterstroke of an evil genius
who has distracted us with smaller schemes
while secretly moving us into checkmate.
I am a superstar!
It won't stop flushing!
Agent P, this is no laughing matter!
We need you to find out what he's up to and stop him.
Behind you, rising dramatically from the floor,
is a new high-tech device. It's called a universal delete button.
It can delete any file on the Internet from every computer on the planet.
It won't stop flushing!
Carl, I told you, there's nothing funny
about a man in his underwear skating into a toilet.
Of course, sir.
Now, limericks. Limericks are funny.
The reason we've called you all here today
is to raise awareness for the aglet.
What's an aglet?
Ferb, enlighten us.
The aglet.
Oh, that's what it's called!
Our goal is to bring the plight of the aglet
to the world's attention.
First, we'll use these shoelaces
to make chic aglet awareness ribbons.
Never forget the aglet!
You are going to waste a whole day promoting aglets?
- Who is going to care? - If you diss aglets one more time,
I'll fray your head so bad, it won't fit through your shirt-hole.
Aglets, yay.
Hey, Candace.
The more you know about aglets, the better your life's gonna be.
No one's life will be made better
knowing the whatever-you-call-it.
- Aglet. - What did you say?
Aglet. It's that little plastic tip at the end of the shoelace.
- Aglet? - Aglet! Oh, Louis,
- I will marry you! - Aglet.
The promotion is yours!
Aglet.
My hair's grown back!
Hey, what's going on?
The shoelace tip. It's an aglet.
I can hear!
Well, it seems to be working.
Let's take it to the next level.
Oh, the part when the guy roller-skated into the toilet!
Uh, that was sort of the only part, but, yeah, I was dying!
I mean, everyone in the whole world saw that video.
I wish there was a viral video of me singing going around the world.
I bet you'd become an insta-star.
Yeah, an insta-star.
Yeah. You'd be bigger than aglets.
Wait, what? Why do you know that word?
Aglets are so in right now. Look.
Hey, guys! I, uh,
just wanted to see if you'd come with me
to the big aglet concert?
Agent P, your halo jump is a go.
Go! Go! Go! Jump. And fall.
Keep falling. And keep being a platypus.
Visualize it. You're a falling plat…
Did you ever have an old box of junk
that's just been sitting in the attic forever, and you think,
"I bet I could just get rid of this whole box,
and my life would go on completely unaffected
by the loss of whatever may be inside, like for instance,
an old forgotten video tape made in high school."
Look in the box, Perry the Platypus.
Always look in the box.
Mom!
Candace? What's wrong?
Phineas and Ferb are increasing public awareness
of the shoelace tip thing!
Who knew people could get so worked up over aglets?
No!
Hey, Candace.
Aren't you gonna come sing at the big aglet concert?
You may have infected everyone else with shoelace-tip madness,
but not me. They don't matter.
Bummer. It's gonna be broadcast all over the world.
You could become an insta-star.
OK, but they still don't matter.
Uh, touché?
This video is ruining my life, Perry the Platypus.
I can't even go outside my own evil lair.
Hey, look! It's that idiot from the video!
And that's just my kitchen.
What's this?
A universal delete button?
Thank you, Perry the Platypus.
Sorry, but deleting the video from every computer
in the world isn't good enough.
I have to erase it from people's minds too.
Behold!
The read-my-mind-inator!
You see, whatever I think of appears on this screen in front.
See? See, if I just hook it up
to your universal delete button like this…
Voila!
Now, whatever I think of,
I can push this button and delete it
from every mind in the Tri-State Area!
D Through the eye of a needle *
* It's time to loosen your tongue *
* Got a tip how to make ends meet *
* A-G-L-E-T *
* Don't forget it *
* Gets us all up on our feet *
* Yeah, yeah, yeah *
* A-G-L-E-T d - Aglet!
D Don't forget it *
* A-G-L-E-T *
* Don't forget it *
* A-G-L-E-T *
* Don't forget it *
* A-G-L-E-T d - Aglet!
D Don't forget it *
* We're gonna tie the world together *
* One word at a time d.
Ladies and gentlemen,
my sister Candace Flynn!
D And in the end The most important thing *
* Is that we never forget *
* The end of a shoelace *
* Is called the… d.
The, uh…
Wait a minute!
It doesn't matter!
I can't believe I was almost sucked into this.
I can't believe you still haven't learned the word.
I mean, we spelled it a bunch of times in the song.
- Sing more songs about aglets. - Yeah, aglets are important.
Now, Perry the Platypus, when I press this button,
whatever I'm thinking about,
whatever is on this screen right here,
will be erased from every mind in the Tri-State Area.
Because again, to make myself perfectly clear,
when I… When I press this delete button right here,
whatever I'm thinking of,
which will be displayed on this screen,
will be deleted from every computer and…
And every mind in the entire Tri-State Area.
And to not put too fine a point on it,
but people who haven't seen or…
Or don't remember my video, will be completely unaffected.
So, you know, I'm not doing any real harm.
You understand, right? Good.
Oh. Oh, well, that kind of killed the moment, didn't it?
Oh, shoot. My… My shoelace is all frayed.
I'm going to have to replace the aglet.
I-I always keep extras on hand. Just… Just a few.
Anyway, here's mud in your eye!
- Boo! - It doesn't matter!
- What's going on? - What are we doing here?
Exactly! This whole thing is a pointless and stupid celebration
of the fact a shoelace tip is called,
you know, what's its!
- Who cares? - Yeah, I wear loafers.
What do you mean "who cares," lame-o?
That's what this is all about!
The name of the shoelace is the…
- Who cares? - Let's get out of here.
Wait! Come back!
I'm sorry, Candace.
But I'm pretty sure you're the only one who cares
- about shoelaces here. - But… But… But…
Now I can release you and it doesn't matter.
The entire world has forgotten all about
that humiliating video of me on roller skates.
And I won't be needing this anymore.
I'm free!
Look, it's that idiot from the video again!
Let's use mockery to keep him inside.
I have an ouchy.
In here.
D Too much information *
* But keep your eye on the ball *
* We're gonna drive it hard to the hole *
* Yeah *
* A-G-L-E-T *
* Don't forget it *
* It brings us closer to our sole *
* Yeah *
* We're gonna tie the world together *
* Don't forget it *
* One word at a time d.
It doesn't matter!