Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!
So bored. Bored, bored, bored.
Snoresville central, Candace speaking.
Oh good, you're bored!
You know how my mom wants me to take things more seriously
and focus on what's important, like my grades,
my future and, like, becoming a doctor or a lawyer or a doctor?
Yeah.
Well, she's forcing me to go to this leadership seminar today,
and I'll implode with boredom if I go by myself.
Are you out of your mind?
There might be cute boys there.
All right. But you owe me big time.
This year's all-terrain vehicle.
It goes on the road and in the mud,
in the mud and on the road.
It's the all-new, all-terrain vehicle for all terrains.
Road and mud aren't exactly all terrains.
Somebody ought to build a vehicle that actually goes over all terrains.
Two, three, four…
Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today.
Five, six, seven…
Hey, where's Perry?
Ah, Agent P, uh… Ooh. Uh, hold on a sec.
There we go.
Doofenshmirtz has been spotted buying television cameras,
boom mics, and makeup.
Find out what he's up to.
D Perry! d.
Ladies.
Baljeet, this seminar is for high school kids.
What are you doing here?
Well, I usually attend college-level conferences,
but I thought I would dumb it down for the weekend.
Uh, are we supposed to take notes?
Leaders of the future,
let's give it up for Tad Shaw!
Greetings, leaders of the future!
I am Tad Shaw.
I may be young, but you're never too young to be a success!
So get ready to learn my easy steps to achieving your goals.
Oh, brother.
So, fellas, what's on the menu for today?
An all-terrain vehicle, with an electro-magnetic motor,
super-rubber tank treads, high-strength ceramic body,
hydraulics and all remote-controlled.
Hey, let's take this baby for a spin and see what she'll do.
D Up, down, all around *
* Over rocks and underground *
* In the sky, in the trees *
* Plowing through a bunch of cheese *
* Flying through the air *
* We can buzz the county fair *
* Tell your mama that we're leaving *
* Yeah, we can go anywhere *
* Big top, china shop *
* Off a cliff you take a drop *
* Under sea, look at me *
* I'm talking to a manatee *
* It's not a submarine *
* It's not a plane, it's not a train *
* Come on, let's take a ride *
* We're talking all-terrain *
* We're talking all-terrain, yeah *
* We're talking all-terrain *
* That's right *
* Across the tundra, through a cave *
* Surfing on a tidal wave *
* Over pillows, over nails *
* Off a road and off the rails *
* A tightrope, a trampoline *
* Having tea with the Queen *
* I think you're gonna like My all-terrain machine *
* We're talking all-terrain *
* We're talking all-terrain, yeah *
* Just so that we're clear d.
We can ride on the road and in the mud.
D We're talking all-terrain *
* Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated d.
Ah, Perry the Platypus, so good of you to volunteer for my cause.
Since the cost of evil went up,
my alimony checks barely cover my overhead.
So I've come up with a brilliant idea.
The Telethon of Evil!
With lights and a camera and…
Ooh, and a tote board! Look!
People will call in and send me money.
Uh, you can help on the phones.
I had trouble finding a station that would put it on,
so I invented this, the preempt-inator!
With this machine, I can preempt all the other TV programs.
As soon as I can figure out
if I plug in the red wire or the green wire.
So, let's review.
We've learned the principle of BLARF.
"Be Living Always Really Focused."
That makes me want to blarf.
Then, see, it is already working.
Now, we'll learn another step to the secret of success.
NARG. "Never Abandon Realizing Your Goals."
Isn't that NARYG?
Please hold all questions till the end. Thank you.
OK. Now, can you see how NARGing could help you
become President of the United States?
Yes! Yes, I can!
And you,
do you have a goal that you never want to stop realizing?
Well, yeah! I've wanted to bust my brothers all summer.
And have you used these steps?
Believe me, I BLARFed and NARGed plenty.
I've gotten nowhere.
Well, I'm gonna tell you the final step
to breaking your old, ineffectual patterns,
right after the break.
So don't you go anywhere!
Stacy! Did you hear that? Wake up!
It's not my ferret!
This could really be the answer to me busting the boys!
That weird guy is going to tell us
the final step after the break.
Can it be that I'll finally achieve my summer goal?
Wait, is that…
It is! It's Phineas and Ferb.
Hey Candace, do you wanna give it a try?
Oh, no. I'm going to do it right this time.
Even though every fiber of my being is screaming to tell you
to stay here and find out the information,
then run frantically out to that ATV
and drive my brothers to Mom who will bust them,
I will resist.
Yes, I am going to stay right here and break my old pattern.
Good choice, Candace. I can't tell you how proud…
Stacy, take notes for me!
Hey, Candace. What are you doing here?
Let me in!
OK, then. Buckle up.
Uh, excuse me.
Do you know if there happens to be any seats left?
There just happens to be an empty seat next to me.
OK, I've learned some skills that…
Phineas, you're in the driver's seat.
Why are you operating with a remote control?
Candace, we're too young to drive.
Duh!
Well, no matter, because we're driving this thing home.
I'm calling Mom to make sure she's there to see this.
You're going too slow! Give me that thing.
So how does this thing work?
Maybe give me the remote.
I got it, Phineas!
I hope you're ready for the big show, Perry the Platypus.
Because Evil Incorporated is on the air!
The count is two and two.
There's the pitch…
We preempt your normal programming
with the first annual Telethon of Evil.
And now, live, because it's "evil" spelled backwards,
your host, Heinz Doofenshmirtz!
D I want your money I'm strapped for cash *
* I need your money, Too lazy to get a job *
* Give me your money I'm not being funny *
* Give me your money today! d.
This is a brilliant work of satire.
It's my new favorite show.
Hey, I think I'm getting the hang of this!
All I need to do is BLARF.
Be Living Always Really Focused.
I focused and it worked.
And that's how socks sometimes get lost in the dryer.
And cut tape.
I'm BLARFing! I'm BLARFing!
What was that?
I don't know, but it's more interesting than socks!
To the news van!
And we're back!
The Inator Corporation was generous enough
to send us a giant check for 23 dollars.
Thank you, Sid and the guys.
Uh, you do an important job.
That brings our tally up to… twenty-three dollars.
Uh, let's go to the phones again.
OK, if no one calls in the next few seconds,
the platypus gets it.
We preempt this current preemption
to bring you another preemption.
This is Bridget Oshonomie in the news-breaker van.
We're following an out-of-control all-terrain vehicle
that is barreling down Broad Street.
This is what preempted me?
The news people,
they are behind this and, uh,
I won't stand for it. I must destroy them.
Nothing cuts into my television face time!
Oh, ha, ha, very funny.
Everyone's a comedian.
The vehicle looks
to be filled with children.
Good thing I installed a TV screen so I can follow the live coverage.
Here's for stealing my ratings!
I keep missing!
BLARF! BLARF! BLARF!
What is going on up there?
Are you getting this, Don?
I'm right above you.
Bridget, I'm seeing something kinda strange up here.
Oh, hey, it's me. It's me. I'm back.
Perry the platypus, look, look.
Oh, oh, it's the chopper cam.
Hello! I'm back!
Hi, Mom! Hi!
Oh, going for the more dramatic wide-angle shot.
And the final tally is unbearable pain.
And probably a herniated disc.
And cut tape.
D Perry! d.
You stay right here. I'm gonna go get Mom.
OK.
Mom! Mom, Mom, you've got to come outside.
I just drove up in this crazy, souped-up car that the boys…
Wait, wait, wait. You were driving without adult supervision?
Well, no, I was operating a remote.
Oh, so it was a toy car.
No, no, no, it's a full-sized and it's…
You were driving a full-sized car?
Oh, that's it, young lady. You're grounded!
But… but… but the boys…
Candace. Go to your room.
We will talk about this later.
I thought I did it right this time.
If only I'd stayed till the end of that seminar.
Wait! Stacy's been there all day.
Stacy!
Candace! What happened to you? The lecture's over.
The gift bags were totally cruddy by the way.
It's just a bag. Nothing in it.
Stacy, you've got to tell me what the last step to achieving success is.
The boys' ATV's still here. I still have a chance.
Hmm, the last step. I forget.
Hey, Chad, do you remember
what the last step to achieving your goal thingy is?
Yes, it's FREEPO.
Candace, it's FREEPO. See ya!
Stacy. Hello?
But what does that mean? What does it stand for?
You know, technically, we didn't try all terrain.
Uh, FREEPO.
Uh, Frequent Rampages Encourages Enormous Perpendicular Octagons.
Uh, Free Raccoons Enter Existential Plastic Origami. Oh!
See you in a bit, Candace.
We're going to the moon.
D Talking all-terrain d.
Aw, FREEPO.
Are you and your family
looking for a peaceful vacation getaway?
Come visit delightful Danville.
We have grass, milk, and smiles.
Come to Danville. Pretty please?
Brought to you by the Danville Tourist Board.
You know, begging is really unbecoming.
I mean, I like smiles as much as the next guy.
And milk is a classic.
But what Danville really needs is a big tourist attraction.
Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today.
Bye, Candace. I'm off to make my rounds.
Bye, Mom.
Mom, Mom, Mom!
I'm gonna need some backup.
Hey, Stace, wanna come over and help me bust my brothers?
Ooh, sounds like fun, but I have to go to the eye doctor.
OK, but just don't get big, thick glasses because then you'd be a nerd,
and I couldn't be seen with you.
Oh, Candace, you are so shallow!
I know! I am so shallow.
But seriously, don't get any thick, nerdy glasses.
Ooh, as soon as I get some help, you guys are so busted!
Just dump it right there,
next to the giant gorilla head.
Hey, Phineas. What'cha doing?
Ferb and I have decided to construct
the world's tallest building. Wanna help?
Sure. Who wouldn't want to be a part of a Phineas and Ferb project?
Phineas and Ferb? Pish-tosh!
I'll take ninja discipline over creative whimsy any day.
- Well, I just think that… - Irving, you're my little brother.
So it's my duty to teach you all my secrets of self-defense.
I'd rather see what Phineas and Ferb are doing.
What's in the box, anyway?
It's my old collection of spy cameras.
I'm gonna bring them to Phineas and Ferb and see what they can do with them.
- Give me those! - Give them back, Albert!
Oopsie.
You pick those up, Albert!
Make me! That is, if you're ninja enough.
You're a jerk. I'm gonna go play with Phineas and Ferb.
Fine! You realize these cameras are now forfeit!
Yeah, sure, Jenny, but what have whales ever done for me?
Well, hello.
Fine! OK, if that's the way you feel,
I'll just get somebody else to help me bust my brothers.
I'll help you.
Are you talking to me?
As a damsel in distress, I have to help you, milady.
It's part of my Medieval Knight's Code.
I'm out of here.
But don't you want to bust your brothers?
I'm listening.
Well, have you considered applying
the manly science of spy cameras to your problem?
Spy cameras?
Wouldn't it be easier to just show my mom what Phineas and Ferb make?
I don't know. Is that easier?
No! No, it's not easy! It's never easy! I need help.
And manly technological surveillance.
I need nerd help! Will you help me?
You have my word. My nerd word.
Glad to have you on board, Irving.
You can pick up your hard hat
right over there next to Perry.
Hey, where's Perry?
Morning, Agent P.
It appears that Doofenshmirtz has been brushing up on his astronomy.
He rented an award-winning astronomical musical,
Super Nova, Fabulous Nova!
We don't know what it means,
so we need you to get over there unrealistically fast.
Good luck, Agent P. Agent P?
D Doofenshmirtz, four seconds later d.
Oh, Perry the Platypus.
Why do you rush over here just to get trapped? It makes no sense!
You like that? It's a space helmet.
I got a bunch of them used.
They still smell like astronaut.
I think that's what that is.
Anyway, since you're here, let me tell you about my new hobby,
making charts and graphs! See here.
This is a chart of my canteen usage,
which has plummeted since childhood. And this is my evil!
I noticed that in any given month my evilness,
that's the red part, stays perfectly constant.
Evenly evil.
But around the same time each month,
there's a spike in background evil.
See that? See right here?
And during that part of the month,
I actually seem less evil by comparison.
And why? Why is it? It's the full moon.
I mean, werewolves alone must account for, like,
20 percent of that! How can I compete?
Then I realized, if I could rotate the moon,
then the dark side would always be facing us,
bringing all other evil to a standstill
and making me the only evil game in town!
D Stackin' steel, layin' bricks *
* Poundin' nails and movin' up quick *
* Two-by-fours and RSJs *
* Concrete blocks and bales of hay *
* Stackin' steel, layin' bricks *
* Pondin' nails and movin' up quick *
* Two-by-fours and RSJs *
* Concrete blocks and bales of hay *
* Stackin' steel, layin' bricks *
* Poundin' nails and movin' up quick *
* Two-by-fours and RSJs *
* Concrete blocks and bales of hay *
* Floor after floor after ceiling *
* Carry the load *
* All of my permits in order *
* It's all up to code *
* Floor after floor Now we know what's in store *
* Another floor Then a floor then a floor *
* Floor after floor Now we know what's in store *
* Another floor Then a floor then a floor *
* Floor after floor Now we know what's in store *
* Another floor Then a floor then a floor *
* Floor after floor Now we know what's in store *
* Another floor Then a floor then a floor *
* Floor after floor after floor d.
So, to recap.
I rotate the dark side of the lunar surface towards the Earth,
eliminating the full moon
and corner the market on evil.
What? It's genius.
Why are you looking at me like I'm an idiot?
Would an idiot build this?
Oh, wait, wait, not that.
That's just a cork with a jellybean taped to it.
But don't judge it, it's a layered idea.
Now, behold! The Lunar Rotat-inator!
Oh, wait, wait, wait,
it's not up there yet. Hold on.
Wait. Almost there.
OK, there! Now you can behold.
Camera one is in position and activated.
As soon as the other 16 cameras are in place,
we can render the whole take-down in three dimensions
and busting your brothers will be as simple as a quadratic equation.
For a nerd, you rock.
Albert and Candace and spy cameras?
So that's your game.
Hey, Phineas, how are we gonna know when to stop building?
I guess we'll just know when we get there.
We're there.
That's one small step for Ferb,
one giant building for Danville.
So, your father's an exterminator?
No. Why do you ask?
No reason.
Now sit back and watch the magic unfold.
Not much of a nerd, are ya?
Someone has purloined our cameras!
Hey, Albert! Looking for these?
Irving!
You bring those cameras back down here right this instant.
Ooh, why don't you come up here and endeavor to reclaim them?
We shall!
Actually, I don't do high places.
I shall!
Irving!
Hey, Albert! Pretty neat, huh?
Just a little creative whimsy
from the minds of Phineas and Ferb.
And you want to bust them.
I do if you like them.
Hey, Albert. Enjoying the monorail?
Yeah, well, I was in the neighborhood and I…
Oh, my gosh!
This is our chess floor.
And up here, we have the Medieval Renaissance Fair floor.
Huzzah!
And the new-in-box action figure floor.
The M.C. Escher floor! And this is the…
Oh, that's right, we sublet this floor.
That was a mistake.
So, what are you doing after work?
The rubber ball floor. The barnyard floor.
The studio audience floor.
And of course, there are hundreds of other floors to see,
but we'll need to get you fitted for a pressure suit first.
Thanks, guys.
So, what did you think?
I think you're right. Phineas and Ferb are certifiable geniuses.
So does that mean you're gonna stop helping Candace?
I gave her my nerd word.
Your gave her your nerd word?
But now you've only got two left!
Well, that's on me.
And it's on me to see that Phineas and Ferb are busted.
And so they shall
be.
Did you get the cameras?
No, but don't worry. I've done the math.
There's no way your brothers won't be busted.
Numbers don't lie.
This building is so well-constructed,
there is no force on Earth that could move it
before your mom comes home!
Then that's it. I win,
through the power of nerd help!
Hey, Candace. Working on your cackle?
You guys are so busted.
What's that I hear?
Oh, that's right. It's the inevitable.
Oh, I thought it was Mom's car.
Mom! Mom! Mom!
Ha! I told you it was a layered idea.
Now to show the moon who's boss!
I don't remember adding that.
Mom! Mom! Giant building!
Just a sec, Candace. Let me grab these groceries.
And… There we go. Now, what were you saying?
Look!
Hi, Mom.
Oh, hi boys. What did you do today?
Tried to make Danville a more interesting place.
Well, you guys do that just by being you.
Wait! This doesn't make any sense!
The moon is rotating, but the dark side isn't moving.
Oh, I bet you had something to do with this,
didn't you, Perry the Platypus?
You're always messing me up.
You, you, you're just mean.
Mean, Perry the Platypus, born mean, that's all.
Wait, what are you doing? Making magic fingers at me?
Are you even listening to me?
Wait! You know this isn't big enough to trap me.
Curse you, giant flying building!
Oh, I get it. I think I get it.
The, the light from the moon is just a reflection
from the light from the sun.
Dummkopf. I should have rotated the sun!
D Floor after floor Now we know what's in store *
* Another floor Then a floor then a floor *
* Floor after floor Now we know what's in store *
* Another floor Then a floor then a floor *
* Floor after floor Now we know what's in store *
* Another floor Then a floor then a floor *
* Floor after floor after floor *