1
00:00:00,604 --> 00:00:01,605
* Painting a continent *
2
00:00:01,688 --> 00:00:03,732
* Or driving our sister insane *
3
00:00:03,815 --> 00:00:04,718
Phineas!
4
00:00:04,733 --> 00:00:06,985
D As you can see
There's a whole lot of stuff to do *
5
00:00:07,069 --> 00:00:08,695
* Before school starts this fall d.
6
00:00:08,779 --> 00:00:09,779
Come on, Perry!
7
00:00:09,821 --> 00:00:14,952
D So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb
Are gonna do it all! *
8
00:00:15,035 --> 00:00:20,582
* So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb
Are gonna do it all! d.
9
00:00:20,666 --> 00:00:23,919
Mom, Phineas and Ferb
are making a title sequence!
10
00:00:28,674 --> 00:00:29,776
I think you're right, Stacy.
11
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,219
The ocean would be a lot deeper
without all those sponges.
12
00:00:32,302 --> 00:00:33,887
What is that noise?
13
00:00:33,971 --> 00:00:36,723
It is driving me crazy! Aha!
14
00:00:36,807 --> 00:00:39,101
Nice try, Ferb,
but you can't psyche me out
15
00:00:39,184 --> 00:00:41,144
with your dead-on celebrity impressions.
16
00:00:42,771 --> 00:00:44,731
- All right, what is this?
- Table tennis.
17
00:00:44,815 --> 00:00:45,941
Ping-pong, to the layman.
18
00:00:46,024 --> 00:00:47,276
Yeah, yeah, but is it, like,
19
00:00:47,568 --> 00:00:51,780
laser activated, nuclear-powered,
supersonic ping-pong?
20
00:00:51,864 --> 00:00:53,657
Mmm, no. Good idea, though.
21
00:00:53,740 --> 00:00:55,993
Ping-pong, huh? I bet.
22
00:00:56,076 --> 00:00:59,121
I'll just stay right here
until the inevitable weirdness happens.
23
00:01:01,081 --> 00:01:02,583
Any minute now…
24
00:01:03,917 --> 00:01:05,037
All right, so where's Perry?
25
00:01:06,128 --> 00:01:07,629
Monogram to Agent P.
26
00:01:07,713 --> 00:01:10,090
Already airborne, I see. I like that!
27
00:01:10,174 --> 00:01:14,094
Doofenshmirtz has recently purchased
an inordinate number of chairs.
28
00:01:14,178 --> 00:01:15,178
Hundreds of them.
29
00:01:15,220 --> 00:01:16,221
Far more than necessary
30
00:01:16,305 --> 00:01:17,973
for a person with no friends and
31
00:01:18,056 --> 00:01:19,266
only one tushie.
32
00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,786
Well, actually, I'm… I'm just
sort of assuming about the tushie,
33
00:01:21,810 --> 00:01:24,104
but I'm pretty confident
in the "no friends" thing.
34
00:01:24,188 --> 00:01:25,748
You'd think it would be
the other way around
35
00:01:25,772 --> 00:01:27,834
with the way he's always playing
with forbidden science.
36
00:01:27,858 --> 00:01:29,067
You can never really be…
37
00:01:29,693 --> 00:01:31,653
OK, this is coming out kind of weird, huh?
38
00:01:31,737 --> 00:01:33,089
Look, you were going over there anyway…
39
00:01:33,113 --> 00:01:35,699
Just… Just take a look, OK?
Monogram out.
40
00:01:41,205 --> 00:01:44,833
Psst!
Perry the Platypus, over here!
41
00:01:44,917 --> 00:01:47,252
Hurry! Hurry! The show's about to start!
42
00:01:47,336 --> 00:01:49,129
Ladies and gentlemen!
43
00:01:49,213 --> 00:01:54,009
Someone in our studio audience has
a date with history.
44
00:01:54,092 --> 00:01:57,221
So, come on up,
because this is your backstory…
45
00:01:57,304 --> 00:01:59,556
Heinz Doofenshmirtz!
46
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,683
Me?
47
00:02:01,767 --> 00:02:03,894
It's me! It's me, Perry the Platypus!
48
00:02:03,977 --> 00:02:06,563
Let's give him a big round of applause!
49
00:02:07,940 --> 00:02:11,151
Tonight we explore
the life of a true evil genius
50
00:02:11,235 --> 00:02:13,737
and find out just what makes him tick.
51
00:02:13,820 --> 00:02:14,765
But how?
52
00:02:14,780 --> 00:02:15,864
I'm glad you asked.
53
00:02:15,948 --> 00:02:18,617
With the help of our exciting,
but potentially lethal,
54
00:02:18,700 --> 00:02:20,786
memory extraction technology, all of your
55
00:02:20,869 --> 00:02:22,429
- most deeply suppressed memories.
- Oh!
56
00:02:22,579 --> 00:02:24,623
Will appear right on this screen!
57
00:02:24,706 --> 00:02:28,126
It's like a TV clip show
fueled by your own brain.
58
00:02:28,210 --> 00:02:32,881
Now, let's start our trip down
Memory Strasse on the day of your birth,
59
00:02:32,965 --> 00:02:35,092
in beautiful Gimmelshtoomp, Drusselstein!
60
00:02:35,175 --> 00:02:37,052
I don't really remember much about it,
61
00:02:37,135 --> 00:02:38,720
I was pretty young at the time, and…
62
00:02:38,804 --> 00:02:41,890
Oh! Oh! I can feel it tingling!
Something's coming out…
63
00:02:41,974 --> 00:02:43,183
Aw, how cute!
64
00:02:43,267 --> 00:02:44,852
But where's Mom?
65
00:02:44,935 --> 00:02:47,104
She didn't, uh… show up for the birth.
66
00:02:47,187 --> 00:02:48,856
Remember this voice?
67
00:02:48,939 --> 00:02:50,148
When they are born,
68
00:02:50,232 --> 00:02:53,110
we slap their bottoms
to start them breathing.
69
00:02:53,193 --> 00:02:56,989
Here he is, all the way
from Gimmelshtoomp Memorial Hospital,
70
00:02:57,072 --> 00:02:59,116
Doctor Mortimer Shlussel!
71
00:02:59,199 --> 00:03:01,660
Doctor Shlussel, so good… Hey! Ow!
72
00:03:01,743 --> 00:03:02,953
He is breathing.
73
00:03:03,036 --> 00:03:06,874
And I'm sure you can guess
who this next voice belongs to.
74
00:03:06,957 --> 00:03:09,585
Heinz, my little habengoosher.
75
00:03:09,668 --> 00:03:11,795
Aw, when she says
"habengoosher" like that,
76
00:03:11,879 --> 00:03:13,148
it's easy to forget that it means…
77
00:03:13,172 --> 00:03:14,673
It's your mother!
78
00:03:14,882 --> 00:03:16,049
Mama!
79
00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:17,843
- Ow!
- Habengoosher.
80
00:03:18,093 --> 00:03:20,220
Yep, that's the way
you normally say it.
81
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:25,184
Yes, your relationship with your mother
left something to be desired.
82
00:03:25,267 --> 00:03:26,894
But what about Dad?
83
00:03:26,977 --> 00:03:29,563
Well, yeah, you know, those…
those were hard times.
84
00:03:29,646 --> 00:03:32,274
The stress of running
a family weighed heavily on him.
85
00:03:32,566 --> 00:03:36,695
We were so poor that, one day,
our beloved lawn gnome was repossessed.
86
00:03:36,778 --> 00:03:40,657
Who would protect our zotzenfruit garden
from witches' spells and wood trolls?
87
00:03:40,741 --> 00:03:44,620
From a tender age,
my father decided that it would be me.
88
00:03:45,704 --> 00:03:47,581
While the other children played
89
00:03:47,664 --> 00:03:49,750
"kick the shtoompel"
and ate doonkelberries,
90
00:03:49,833 --> 00:03:52,586
I would stand for hours.
91
00:03:53,879 --> 00:03:55,756
All through the cold night,
92
00:03:55,839 --> 00:03:57,925
as the spitzenhound howled
93
00:03:58,008 --> 00:04:00,928
my only companion was the moon.
94
00:04:01,011 --> 00:04:02,011
And my neighbor, Kenny.
95
00:04:03,138 --> 00:04:04,890
What a fascinating life!
96
00:04:04,973 --> 00:04:08,644
We'll keep track of the level
of emotional pain each backstory causes
97
00:04:08,727 --> 00:04:10,854
on this colorful Gnome-O-Meter,
98
00:04:10,938 --> 00:04:14,316
as shown by Vanna,
our Gnome-O-Meter spokesmodel!
99
00:04:14,566 --> 00:04:17,027
Looks like our gnome has begun his climb!
100
00:04:17,569 --> 00:04:20,948
Scale those heights,
you bearded, Scandinavian cutie!
101
00:04:21,031 --> 00:04:23,158
Perform-a-segue-back-to-rites-of-passage!
102
00:04:23,242 --> 00:04:24,618
Smooth, Norm.
103
00:04:24,701 --> 00:04:26,745
Thank you!
Don't break the rhythm, sir.
104
00:04:26,829 --> 00:04:29,540
Hey, let me tell you,
transitioning to adulthood was painful,
105
00:04:29,623 --> 00:04:32,042
but, actually, I guess,
a good indicator of things to come.
106
00:04:32,125 --> 00:04:34,127
In Gimmelshtoomp,
jumping from the high dive was
107
00:04:34,211 --> 00:04:35,963
an important rite of passage.
108
00:04:36,046 --> 00:04:37,840
Are you a man or a schnitzel?
109
00:04:38,298 --> 00:04:39,967
I'm a man! I'm a man!
110
00:04:46,598 --> 00:04:50,185
After that, my father
and I became increasingly distant.
111
00:04:51,937 --> 00:04:53,856
Whatever. I'm so over it.
112
00:04:57,192 --> 00:04:59,653
And there's another voice
you might recognize.
113
00:04:59,736 --> 00:05:01,697
What exactly am I here for, again?
114
00:05:01,780 --> 00:05:02,724
Roger!
115
00:05:02,739 --> 00:05:05,534
It's your brother,
Roger Doofenshmirtz,
116
00:05:05,617 --> 00:05:07,619
beloved mayor of Danville!
117
00:05:07,703 --> 00:05:09,621
Everybody loves him!
118
00:05:09,705 --> 00:05:11,015
All right, all right,
enough with the cheering!
119
00:05:11,039 --> 00:05:12,749
This is my show, not his!
120
00:05:12,833 --> 00:05:14,918
Can I help it if Mommy liked me best?
121
00:05:15,002 --> 00:05:17,212
Look at all those
burbling memory bubbles!
122
00:05:17,296 --> 00:05:19,173
Tell us all about it, Doctor D!
123
00:05:19,256 --> 00:05:21,091
For a time, I was happy.
124
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:23,969
It was a short time.
It was right… there!
125
00:05:24,052 --> 00:05:25,780
It was, like, five seconds
when I was pushing
126
00:05:25,804 --> 00:05:27,240
the thing back and forth on the rug.
127
00:05:27,264 --> 00:05:30,684
And soon I learned my parents were
expecting a brand new baby girl.
128
00:05:30,767 --> 00:05:33,937
My mother spent months
knitting pretty dresses.
129
00:05:34,021 --> 00:05:37,107
Unfortunately, the baby turned out
to be a boy and,
130
00:05:37,733 --> 00:05:39,151
because we were out of material,
131
00:05:39,234 --> 00:05:44,156
I was forced to wear
those same dresses for an entire year,
132
00:05:44,239 --> 00:05:45,908
drawing mockery and scorn
133
00:05:45,991 --> 00:05:48,160
from all of my manly classmates.
134
00:05:48,243 --> 00:05:51,038
I wanted to gain
my mother's affection somehow,
135
00:05:51,121 --> 00:05:54,333
so I went to the claw machine district
in hopes of winning her a gift!
136
00:05:54,833 --> 00:05:56,710
Fortunately, I had with me my allowance,
137
00:05:56,793 --> 00:05:58,313
which I had been saving for a whole year:
138
00:05:58,337 --> 00:06:00,130
One three-cent coin.
139
00:06:00,547 --> 00:06:03,008
I dropped it into a slot
and carefully maneuvered the claw
140
00:06:03,091 --> 00:06:04,801
toward the beckoning fuzzy grail.
141
00:06:05,177 --> 00:06:08,847
Odds were against me,
but then it happened! The miracle!
142
00:06:08,931 --> 00:06:11,725
The claw grabbed a stuffed animal!
It was mine!
143
00:06:11,808 --> 00:06:13,310
Then, like a knight of yore,
144
00:06:13,602 --> 00:06:16,605
I gallantly gave the prize
to my beloved mother,
145
00:06:16,939 --> 00:06:19,942
who immediately turned around
and gave it to my brother, Roger.
146
00:06:20,234 --> 00:06:23,654
I was crushed as I watched Roger
produce a big, red marker
147
00:06:23,737 --> 00:06:25,239
and write his name on the toy.
148
00:06:25,739 --> 00:06:27,884
And then afterwards proceeded
to do the same to my mother,
149
00:06:27,908 --> 00:06:30,285
claiming both as his own
and effectively shutting me
150
00:06:30,536 --> 00:06:31,829
out of the family dynamic.
151
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:35,207
You know, Heinz, there's
more than one way to a mother's heart.
152
00:06:35,290 --> 00:06:39,002
Kickball. My mother's love
was always inexplicably linked to
153
00:06:39,086 --> 00:06:41,046
well, I'll just let the song tell you.
154
00:06:41,129 --> 00:06:47,177
D My mother's love was always
Inexplicably linked to kickball *
155
00:06:47,261 --> 00:06:53,851
* And my brother was
An expert from the start *
156
00:06:53,934 --> 00:06:59,273
* But I lacked finesse
So when put to the test *
157
00:06:59,565 --> 00:07:04,236
* I couldn't kick my way
Right into her heart d.
158
00:07:09,241 --> 00:07:12,786
Ladies and gentlemen, Love Handel!
159
00:07:15,539 --> 00:07:16,582
D Oh, yeah! d.
160
00:07:16,665 --> 00:07:19,710
Wait a second, you had
Love Handel play your flashback?
161
00:07:19,793 --> 00:07:21,086
I know people.
162
00:07:21,170 --> 00:07:22,156
Really.
163
00:07:22,171 --> 00:07:24,756
No, not really.
I told them it was for you.
164
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:27,593
Aha… well, I've got a city to govern.
165
00:07:27,676 --> 00:07:30,053
Don't let your ego hit you on the way out!
166
00:07:30,888 --> 00:07:32,890
Although your family life was tough,
167
00:07:32,973 --> 00:07:37,102
your social life was, how should we say,
a soul-shattering void.
168
00:07:37,603 --> 00:07:40,230
A painful but accurate
choice of words, Norm.
169
00:07:40,314 --> 00:07:43,817
At the age of five, I was forced
to throw my own surprise party.
170
00:07:43,901 --> 00:07:47,988
Hello, boys and… oh. Mmm… Awkward.
171
00:07:48,739 --> 00:07:51,033
Ten seconds later,
they confiscated the cake.
172
00:07:51,116 --> 00:07:53,118
Apparently, there's a two-person minimum.
173
00:07:53,202 --> 00:07:55,245
Oh! That stings!
174
00:07:55,329 --> 00:07:58,123
Do you recall a young lad named Boris?
175
00:07:58,207 --> 00:08:00,918
Oh, sure. Big Black Boots Boris the Bully.
176
00:08:01,001 --> 00:08:03,587
He was always kicking sand in my face.
177
00:08:03,670 --> 00:08:07,216
When I was in the sand box, sand!
My first date, sand!
178
00:08:07,299 --> 00:08:08,926
Balancing my checkbook, sand!
179
00:08:09,009 --> 00:08:10,009
The beach…
180
00:08:11,595 --> 00:08:12,679
Oddly enough, nothing.
181
00:08:12,763 --> 00:08:15,933
But I couldn't relax
because I kept waiting for it.
182
00:08:16,016 --> 00:08:18,185
Well, Boris owns a car dealership now
183
00:08:18,268 --> 00:08:20,312
and declined to appear on the show.
184
00:08:20,604 --> 00:08:22,105
But he did send some sand!
185
00:08:23,106 --> 00:08:25,192
Well, at least
he cared enough to do that.
186
00:08:25,317 --> 00:08:27,110
You did have one friend.
187
00:08:27,236 --> 00:08:28,654
Balloony!
188
00:08:28,737 --> 00:08:29,723
When I was a boy,
189
00:08:29,738 --> 00:08:33,325
the smell of pork emanating from me
was so bad because, uh…
190
00:08:33,575 --> 00:08:34,910
Well, the reason's unimportant.
191
00:08:34,993 --> 00:08:37,746
It was part of a different
emotionally scarring backstory.
192
00:08:37,830 --> 00:08:38,732
I'm not getting into…
193
00:08:38,747 --> 00:08:41,333
Regardless, the smell of pork was so bad
194
00:08:41,583 --> 00:08:43,085
that no one would come near me.
195
00:08:43,168 --> 00:08:47,130
So one day, the carnival came to town
and I needed money because
196
00:08:47,214 --> 00:08:49,299
well, yet another backstory that, well…
197
00:08:49,550 --> 00:08:52,219
Basically, my parents disowned me,
I was being raised by ocelots.
198
00:08:52,678 --> 00:08:54,972
The point is, I had to get
a job at the carnival
199
00:08:55,055 --> 00:08:57,516
but the only work was at the dunking booth
200
00:08:57,599 --> 00:08:59,309
and not as the guy who got dunked, though.
201
00:08:59,601 --> 00:09:01,186
I was what they threw to dunk him.
202
00:09:01,270 --> 00:09:03,605
Which is, again,
a whole other backstory…
203
00:09:03,689 --> 00:09:05,816
OK, look, long backstory short,
204
00:09:05,899 --> 00:09:08,235
I got a balloon at the carnival,
I drew a face on him,
205
00:09:08,318 --> 00:09:11,530
I sprayed him with special
life-long-lasting spray I created,
206
00:09:11,613 --> 00:09:13,532
and I named him Balloony.
207
00:09:13,615 --> 00:09:17,077
He became my best friend
in the whole world, yada, yada, yada.
208
00:09:17,161 --> 00:09:20,789
Then one tragic day, when I was protecting
our garden as a lawn gnome,
209
00:09:20,873 --> 00:09:23,083
Balloony started floating away.
210
00:09:23,667 --> 00:09:26,044
And then I didn't see him for a long time.
211
00:09:26,128 --> 00:09:27,128
It wasn't till…
212
00:09:27,171 --> 00:09:29,298
Well, there was this whole thing
with an alien ship…
213
00:09:29,548 --> 00:09:30,548
It was really improbable.
214
00:09:30,591 --> 00:09:31,967
Well, here he is!
215
00:09:32,050 --> 00:09:34,553
Oh, Balloony,
I've missed you so…
216
00:09:35,596 --> 00:09:37,764
Balloony!
217
00:09:37,848 --> 00:09:40,184
We're just having fun with you.
218
00:09:40,267 --> 00:09:42,019
That wasn't the real Balloony!
219
00:09:42,102 --> 00:09:43,103
It wasn't?
220
00:09:43,187 --> 00:09:47,149
No, of course not!
The real Balloony popped three weeks ago.
221
00:09:47,232 --> 00:09:48,775
Balloony!
222
00:09:48,859 --> 00:09:51,153
And uncomfortable-transition-
back-to-the-Gnome-O-Meter!
223
00:09:51,236 --> 00:09:52,181
Wow!
224
00:09:52,196 --> 00:09:54,823
That backstory really had some juice.
225
00:09:54,907 --> 00:09:56,885
- Now, if you've finished weeping…
- Norm, you monster!
226
00:09:56,909 --> 00:09:58,094
- Can't you see I'm in pain?
- Let's continue!
227
00:09:58,118 --> 00:10:00,662
In another misguided attempt
to engage in life,
228
00:10:00,746 --> 00:10:03,332
you entered one of your inventions
in a science fair.
229
00:10:03,582 --> 00:10:07,085
That's right.
It was my very first inator.
230
00:10:07,836 --> 00:10:11,173
Just as I was about to demonstrate
my invention to the judges,
231
00:10:11,256 --> 00:10:14,593
a kid with a baking soda volcano
stole the show.
232
00:10:17,095 --> 00:10:21,308
The next year, I tried again
with my Even-Bigger-inator.
233
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:25,103
And, again, my thunder was stolen
by a baking soda volcano!
234
00:10:26,813 --> 00:10:31,652
I'd had enough of science. I decided
to devote my life to poetry instead.
235
00:10:31,735 --> 00:10:34,696
"The movies are gray. The TV is black."
236
00:10:34,780 --> 00:10:37,574
"The horses are running.
Please bring me some food."
237
00:10:37,658 --> 00:10:40,744
Yet, curiously, I still lost
to a baking soda volcano!
238
00:10:40,828 --> 00:10:44,790
And what's worse,
his poetry lacked subtext entirely.
239
00:10:44,873 --> 00:10:45,873
Hey, where's Perry?
240
00:10:46,834 --> 00:10:48,354
Perry the Platypus, what are you do…
241
00:10:48,961 --> 00:10:52,130
OK, playtime's over. Norm?
242
00:10:56,093 --> 00:10:59,304
Behold the Backstory-inator!
243
00:10:59,805 --> 00:11:03,016
You see, evil is born from pain and loss.
244
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:06,854
But reliving one story at a time
was not getting me anywhere.
245
00:11:06,937 --> 00:11:09,606
Now, with this, I can collect
the liquid essence
246
00:11:09,690 --> 00:11:12,067
of all my pain and suffering!
247
00:11:12,150 --> 00:11:16,196
And, when it's all full,
I can reinject it into myself,
248
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:20,617
making me the most powerfully evil person
that has ever lived!
249
00:11:20,701 --> 00:11:26,665
Then nothing can stop me from taking over
the entire Tri-State Area…
250
00:11:28,041 --> 00:11:29,918
Oh, there's Mama Ocelot.
251
00:11:30,002 --> 00:11:34,339
Ironically, she's still more nurturing
than my own mother. Ow! Quit it!
252
00:11:39,094 --> 00:11:42,222
Any time now, they're going to do
something big and bustable.
253
00:11:42,306 --> 00:11:43,849
I just know it.
254
00:11:43,932 --> 00:11:45,601
And so, Perry the Platypus,
255
00:11:45,684 --> 00:11:47,686
to recap what I said mere moments ago
256
00:11:47,769 --> 00:11:50,314
before I was so rudely
and painfully interrupted,
257
00:11:50,606 --> 00:11:52,858
once I have charged my Backstory-inator,
258
00:11:52,941 --> 00:11:56,111
the tragedy of it all will be
reinjected back into me
259
00:11:56,195 --> 00:12:00,991
and I will be transformed
into the ultimate creature of evil!
260
00:12:01,074 --> 00:12:03,535
And look, we're almost there!
261
00:12:03,619 --> 00:12:05,662
One more backstory should do it!
262
00:12:05,746 --> 00:12:08,624
Let's see… remember the time…
263
00:12:08,707 --> 00:12:10,347
Hey, Dad, can I have the keys to the car?
264
00:12:10,542 --> 00:12:12,544
Oh, sure, Vanessa. Oh, no! No!
265
00:12:12,628 --> 00:12:14,087
Good memories flowing!
266
00:12:14,171 --> 00:12:16,924
Can't stop pleasant reminiscences!
267
00:12:17,007 --> 00:12:20,886
D You were a substandard dad *
268
00:12:20,969 --> 00:12:22,304
* But the only one I had… d.
269
00:12:22,596 --> 00:12:25,057
Hey, sweetheart, how'd you like
to take a ride on a real bike?
270
00:12:25,140 --> 00:12:26,600
She's 16.
271
00:12:27,017 --> 00:12:30,062
D But this piece of plastic in my hand *
272
00:12:30,145 --> 00:12:33,941
* Makes me finally understand *
273
00:12:35,317 --> 00:12:38,946
* Maybe you're not so bad a dad *
274
00:12:39,029 --> 00:12:42,616
- d Not so bad a dad after all d
- It only matters that I think he's cool.
275
00:12:42,991 --> 00:12:45,577
She thinks I'm cool!
276
00:12:47,871 --> 00:12:50,016
OK, Dad, if you want to hold your head
and quiver some more,
277
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,334
that's totally OK with me,
but can I have the keys?
278
00:12:52,876 --> 00:12:54,628
Oh, yeah, right. Here ya go.
279
00:12:54,711 --> 00:12:56,922
Have fun with your little toys.
280
00:12:57,005 --> 00:13:00,884
Aw, look at the Gnome-O-Meter!
We're practically starting over!
281
00:13:00,968 --> 00:13:04,721
That's OK, sir, you have
lots of painful history to explore!
282
00:13:04,805 --> 00:13:07,224
Tell us, how did you come to America?
283
00:13:07,307 --> 00:13:10,227
Well, it was when I was
16, or thereabouts.
284
00:13:10,310 --> 00:13:12,020
I had stopped celebrating birthdays
285
00:13:12,104 --> 00:13:14,857
at that point for,
you know, obvious reasons.
286
00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:18,944
And then, one day, my parents sent me out
to the schtor to get some doozenkraut.
287
00:13:19,862 --> 00:13:22,114
- Oh! He fell for it!
- So gullible.
288
00:13:22,197 --> 00:13:24,158
You know, I've always
had trouble distinguishing
289
00:13:24,241 --> 00:13:26,785
between a schtor
and a painting of a schtor.
290
00:13:26,869 --> 00:13:30,205
But it started me off
on the greatest adventure of my life!
291
00:13:30,706 --> 00:13:33,083
I decided to seize the day
with both hands,
292
00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:34,960
and a mop.
293
00:13:35,544 --> 00:13:38,255
I was heading
to a golden land of opportunity.
294
00:13:38,338 --> 00:13:42,801
A land with a pioneering spirit
which welcomed misfits like me.
295
00:13:43,218 --> 00:13:45,179
But I ended up in America instead.
296
00:13:46,013 --> 00:13:47,890
I just knew that I was home.
297
00:13:49,266 --> 00:13:51,101
In the sense that it was familiar.
298
00:13:52,144 --> 00:13:56,607
Once in America, you began the human
rite of passage known as high school,
299
00:13:56,690 --> 00:14:00,736
leading to one of the most embarrassing
viral videos of all time.
300
00:14:00,819 --> 00:14:03,530
Ugh, I thought I deleted that
from everyone's memory.
301
00:14:03,614 --> 00:14:07,075
D I am a superstar d.
302
00:14:07,534 --> 00:14:10,746
Yeah, we've all seen this,
Norm. That's enough.
303
00:14:11,872 --> 00:14:14,833
But you haven't seen the digital remix.
304
00:14:14,917 --> 00:14:18,712
D I am a superstar and it won't stop… d.
305
00:14:18,795 --> 00:14:20,589
Oh, this is really surreal.
306
00:14:20,672 --> 00:14:22,758
D I am a superstar d - Ugh.
307
00:14:23,967 --> 00:14:25,767
It's
creeping me out a little. I'll be honest.
308
00:14:25,844 --> 00:14:28,972
D And it won't stop flushing
And it won't stop flushing d.
309
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:30,974
Seriously, Norm, that's enough.
310
00:14:31,058 --> 00:14:33,018
- D And it won't stop flushing d.
- Stop now.
311
00:14:33,101 --> 00:14:38,190
It's got ten billion hits! And there's
only seven billion people on the planet.
312
00:14:38,273 --> 00:14:40,150
I'm never going to live that down.
313
00:14:40,234 --> 00:14:43,028
And yet, despite
a serious lack of coolness,
314
00:14:43,111 --> 00:14:46,156
you still managed to date
a future pop star.
315
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:48,075
What? Lindana is here?
316
00:14:48,158 --> 00:14:49,952
Actually, she didn't remember you!
317
00:14:50,035 --> 00:14:52,120
Well, that figures.
We only had the one date,
318
00:14:52,204 --> 00:14:55,123
but it was eventful.
It was at the Danville Drive-In.
319
00:14:55,707 --> 00:14:58,544
OK, the coast is clear.
You can come out now.
320
00:14:58,669 --> 00:15:01,129
Ew, it's grody back here.
321
00:15:01,213 --> 00:15:03,882
Well, on the bright side,
you got in for free.
322
00:15:03,966 --> 00:15:06,218
So we'll just split the cost
of my ticket, right? Right?
323
00:15:06,301 --> 00:15:09,012
You know, I could have gotten
in the trunk, like, a block away
324
00:15:09,096 --> 00:15:11,265
instead of when you first
picked me up at my house.
325
00:15:11,807 --> 00:15:14,101
Wow, you just love
to live in the past, huh?
326
00:15:14,184 --> 00:15:15,464
Is that, like, a thing with you?
327
00:15:15,561 --> 00:15:16,255
Whatever!
328
00:15:16,270 --> 00:15:17,956
Let's just try to enjoy
the rest of the evening.
329
00:15:17,980 --> 00:15:20,816
I am a happy robot. Likey what I hear.
330
00:15:20,899 --> 00:15:22,379
I'm just kidding.
That's a thing I do.
331
00:15:22,568 --> 00:15:23,554
- Come on, hop in!
- D That's wings *
332
00:15:23,569 --> 00:15:24,569
* You turkey d.
333
00:15:24,611 --> 00:15:27,322
You were listening to
That's Wings, You Turkey by King of Loud.
334
00:15:27,573 --> 00:15:30,033
And here's a new one from Zanzibar,
What Do It Do?
335
00:15:30,117 --> 00:15:32,202
Oh, turn it up! I love this song!
336
00:15:32,286 --> 00:15:35,873
Eh, it's OK. I'd say it's
in my top seven, eight favorite songs
337
00:15:35,956 --> 00:15:37,082
about reverse engineering.
338
00:15:37,166 --> 00:15:38,667
Makes me wanna be a pop star.
339
00:15:38,750 --> 00:15:40,043
Yeah, right!
340
00:15:40,127 --> 00:15:42,087
And I'm going to rule the world!
341
00:15:42,171 --> 00:15:43,881
Well, why not?
342
00:15:43,964 --> 00:15:45,299
Yeah, like I could do that.
343
00:15:45,549 --> 00:15:47,676
Maybe instead of,
you know, the whole world,
344
00:15:48,135 --> 00:15:50,971
uh, start small with the Tri-State Area.
345
00:15:52,639 --> 00:15:53,625
Hey, the movie's starting!
346
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:58,729
It was at that point you realized
that the only business for you was…
347
00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:02,733
I'm waiting for you
to finish my sentence for me, sir.
348
00:16:03,066 --> 00:16:05,611
Oh, of course. Bratwurst!
349
00:16:05,694 --> 00:16:07,779
Actually, I was going to say "evil," sir.
350
00:16:07,863 --> 00:16:11,575
Yes, but before I was evil,
I was a bratwurst street vendor.
351
00:16:11,658 --> 00:16:14,703
D Doofenshmirtz quality Bratwurst d.
352
00:16:15,037 --> 00:16:17,915
How do you know when you're really lame?
353
00:16:17,998 --> 00:16:21,001
When you sell bratwurst?
354
00:16:24,087 --> 00:16:26,757
Wow, that seemed more painful at the time.
355
00:16:26,965 --> 00:16:28,550
Aw, man! It's gonna take forever
356
00:16:28,634 --> 00:16:30,677
to get the gnome back up
to the top at this rate.
357
00:16:30,761 --> 00:16:32,638
Hold your horses, sir.
358
00:16:32,721 --> 00:16:35,224
We're just getting to… your love life!
359
00:16:35,307 --> 00:16:36,683
Oh, boy.
360
00:16:36,767 --> 00:16:39,770
You are
the cutest thing I have ever seen!
361
00:16:40,020 --> 00:16:42,064
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
362
00:16:42,147 --> 00:16:43,982
You know, some people say we look alike.
363
00:16:44,066 --> 00:16:47,277
Yeah, I don't think so.
Not at all. No, not at all.
364
00:16:47,569 --> 00:16:50,739
But when I turned
the Translator-inator on…
365
00:16:54,243 --> 00:16:56,954
What a loser that guy up there is.
366
00:16:57,037 --> 00:17:00,999
She should dump that pink chimp
and go out with a real mammal, like me.
367
00:17:02,918 --> 00:17:07,840
She left me for that
trash-talking, 35-ton pile of blubber.
368
00:17:09,091 --> 00:17:12,928
D Evil love! *
369
00:17:13,011 --> 00:17:16,723
I have never been
so happy in my entire life!
370
00:17:16,807 --> 00:17:18,183
Oh, Heinz…
371
00:17:18,267 --> 00:17:20,727
I feel nothing.
372
00:17:20,811 --> 00:17:23,105
But, but, but…
373
00:17:23,188 --> 00:17:24,189
Nothing!
374
00:17:24,273 --> 00:17:26,775
And do you recall this voice?
375
00:17:26,859 --> 00:17:27,901
Hello, Heinz.
376
00:17:27,985 --> 00:17:29,653
I have your alimony check.
377
00:17:29,736 --> 00:17:31,154
Charlene.
378
00:17:31,238 --> 00:17:34,783
That's right! It's your former wife,
Charlene Doofenshmirtz.
379
00:17:34,867 --> 00:17:37,119
Delivered in person, like you asked.
380
00:17:37,202 --> 00:17:39,621
Oh! What is this, a game show set?
381
00:17:39,705 --> 00:17:41,623
Is this what you spend the money on?
382
00:17:41,707 --> 00:17:43,876
Well, you know, also groceries.
383
00:17:43,959 --> 00:17:47,254
Well, at least it's not in my garage.
Nice tux, Norm.
384
00:17:47,337 --> 00:17:49,131
She's fantastic!
385
00:17:49,214 --> 00:17:53,802
Norm! Let's bring out the big guns.
Failed inators!
386
00:18:17,701 --> 00:18:19,301
Well, at least I found the key to the…
387
00:18:20,787 --> 00:18:23,081
Nice. Curse you, Perry the…
388
00:18:23,957 --> 00:18:26,752
Why does everything explode so easily?
389
00:18:27,836 --> 00:18:29,338
You know what I'm noticing a lot of?
390
00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:31,840
I blow up more than the average guy.
391
00:18:32,799 --> 00:18:34,218
Do they have
blowing up insurance?
392
00:18:34,301 --> 00:18:35,719
I should get some of that.
393
00:18:35,802 --> 00:18:37,238
You know, if they don't have it,
they should make it.
394
00:18:37,262 --> 00:18:38,248
'Cause I would buy some.
395
00:18:38,263 --> 00:18:40,641
Oh, baby, what an emotional workout!
396
00:18:40,724 --> 00:18:44,144
And one more good trauma
should send Arthur over the top!
397
00:18:44,228 --> 00:18:46,855
Yeah! Hit me with your best shot!
398
00:18:46,939 --> 00:18:50,150
That's just it, sir.
The rest are more comical than tragic.
399
00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:51,178
What?
400
00:18:51,193 --> 00:18:52,673
How are we supposed to go over the…
401
00:18:53,695 --> 00:18:56,615
Oh, curse you, Perry the Platypus.
402
00:18:56,698 --> 00:19:00,160
And by curse you, I mean thank you!
403
00:19:00,244 --> 00:19:01,787
By humiliating me,
404
00:19:01,870 --> 00:19:03,789
you have inadvertently provided me
405
00:19:03,872 --> 00:19:08,752
the last tragic backstory I need
to put this baby over the top!
406
00:19:08,836 --> 00:19:11,630
Remember two seconds ago,
when you foiled my latest plan?
407
00:19:11,713 --> 00:19:13,173
I do!
408
00:19:13,841 --> 00:19:14,785
What?
409
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,280
How are we supposed to go over the…
410
00:19:16,844 --> 00:19:18,554
How are we supposed to go over the…
411
00:19:30,107 --> 00:19:33,026
And now…
412
00:19:33,986 --> 00:19:39,032
I can feel myself getting more evil!
413
00:19:39,867 --> 00:19:42,703
Feel the doom!
414
00:19:42,786 --> 00:19:45,164
Nothing can stop me now!
415
00:19:49,251 --> 00:19:51,170
Huh?
416
00:19:54,173 --> 00:19:56,717
No!
417
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,303
Do you ever get tired
of lugging this big tail around?
418
00:20:01,638 --> 00:20:03,765
D I used to sit alone doing evil all day d.
419
00:20:03,849 --> 00:20:05,142
Well, back at it, I guess.
420
00:20:05,225 --> 00:20:07,853
D But now I think
That someone's gonna get in my way *
421
00:20:07,936 --> 00:20:12,691
* Yeah, there's someone in my life
That doesn't want me to exist *
422
00:20:12,774 --> 00:20:15,110
I've got an even better best friend.
423
00:20:15,194 --> 00:20:18,280
It's clear to me now
that my real best friend
424
00:20:18,572 --> 00:20:20,782
is Perry the Pla
425
00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:28,081
* Now, I hate him and he hates me *
426
00:20:28,165 --> 00:20:31,919
* What a wonderful animosity *
427
00:20:32,002 --> 00:20:34,713
Peter the Panda? And Perry the Platypus?
428
00:20:34,922 --> 00:20:37,216
You're working together to rescue me?
429
00:20:37,299 --> 00:20:41,303
D Doofy-doofy-doofy doofy-doofy-doofy…
Doofenshmirtz! *
430
00:20:41,553 --> 00:20:43,972
I want you to know
that you are appreciated,
431
00:20:44,056 --> 00:20:45,000
Perry the Platypus.
432
00:20:45,015 --> 00:20:47,184
You are appreciated.
433
00:20:47,809 --> 00:20:49,728
You think I'm evil, right?
434
00:20:51,313 --> 00:20:53,607
Thank you, Perry the Platypus.
435
00:20:53,899 --> 00:20:54,885
Thank you.
436
00:20:54,900 --> 00:20:59,905
No! What have you done,
Perry the Platypus?
437
00:20:59,988 --> 00:21:02,115
I'm getting less evil!
438
00:21:03,325 --> 00:21:06,662
Significantly so!
439
00:21:11,667 --> 00:21:13,710
Darn it, I really liked that shirt.
440
00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:16,213
Curse you, Perry the Platypus!
441
00:21:16,797 --> 00:21:19,675
OK, so I'll see you tomorrow, right?
442
00:21:20,259 --> 00:21:22,135
I'm sending you a bill for the shoes.
443
00:21:23,679 --> 00:21:24,972
My boyfriend's a lawyer.
444
00:21:25,305 --> 00:21:27,933
All right, Norm,
let's get this place cleaned up.
445
00:21:28,141 --> 00:21:30,102
Backstory all over the place.
446
00:21:33,856 --> 00:21:36,275
Ugh, fine.
You've bored me into submission.
447
00:21:36,900 --> 00:21:40,737
1,562,972.
448
00:21:40,821 --> 00:21:44,950
1,562,978! We did it!
449
00:21:45,033 --> 00:21:46,743
We've stored up enough kinetic energy.
450
00:21:46,827 --> 00:21:50,038
The quantum vortex should appear
any second now.
451
00:21:58,755 --> 00:21:59,755
Mom?