4x08 - Primal Perry
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ addic7ed.com ~
Psst! Agent P!
I'm in here.
Sorry for the break in protocol, but this is urgent!
Show him the photo, Carl.
Yes, sir. Here, Agent P.
Notice anything unusual, Agent P?
Look closely. It's very subtle. Here, use this.
Check out that small cluster of clouds.
It spells "Doof." And Doof is short for Doofenshmirtz!
That cloud is directly above the Danville Botanical Gardens,
200 acres of ecologically diverse natural area.
We need you to get out there and find out what Doof is doofing.
Here, take my membership card.
You get free parking and you'll get 15% off at the gift shop
Sir! It says "non-transferable" right at the bottom.
Oh, Carl, they never look at the photo.
Anyway, get out there, Agent P, and good luck!
And make sure you stop and smell the roses.
He never stops to smell the roses.
I know, sir.
In fact, it was the ancient Tunisians
who actually developed many of the techniques still used today.
Wow, Buford. I didn't realize the wedgie had such a rich history.
Help! Help, Phineas and Ferb, and, to a lesser extent, Buford!
I am having an existential emergency!
I find myself incapable of making decisions!
- Is that a fact? You better sit down. - Okay.
Come to think of it, maybe your point would be better made standing up.
- You're right. - But then again, you look kind of tired.
You're right. I had better... Cut it out!
How did you get into such a state, Baljeet?
Well, I was filling out my college early admissions forms and I...
Whoa, Baljeet! College is, like, nine years away!
I said early. Anyway, under personal preferences,
I could not decide whether to select loop or string theory.
I was paralyzed with indecision!
Oh, come on, that's easy. Loop! No, string! No... Oh.
Right? Then I started thinking about how important it is
to make the right decision on everything.
You see, every choice carries with it its own potential timeline.
So every decision I make effectively nullifies a possible future.
I cannot even choose which flavor of ice cream to order.
If I choose vanilla, that may set me on the path to the presidency.
But if I have strawberry, I could get hit by a bus!
Well, it's simple then. Just don't choose the strawberry.
You are missing the point!
I do not know that if I chose strawberry I will get hit by a bus!
I am just saying that every decision we make has unforeseen repercussions!
- Actually, ice cream sounds pretty good. - Yeah, it does!
If it is okay with you,
I have prepared a little presentation to illustrate my point.
♪ Don't know which choice to choose when people ask ♪
♪ Not sure which task to take, or take to task ♪
♪ I don't know which is best, or which is bad ♪
♪ I'm like a question mark, or hanging Chad ♪
♪ Even doing nothing is still a choice that I must make ♪
♪ I'm paralyzed by fear that it will all become a big mistake ♪
♪ Everything is probable, nothing is impossible ♪
♪ Choices left to random chance are highly irresponsible ♪
March, my little off-the-shelf 3D package robots!
I do not know what to choose.
I do not want to lose.
♪ Nothing is impossible ♪
I am sorry, everyone. It sounded a lot better in my head.
Exactly what time did you get up this morning?
What if you could make both choices? Would that make you feel better?
Yes! And no. I mean, I do not know.
- Ferb, I know what we're... - Wait, let me interrupt you.
Where's Perry?
Wow, I had no idea that smoke signals were so complicated!
Perry the Platypus, what an...
Excuse me! You are in clear violation of the garden rules.
Docents. So, uh, what seems to be the problem, ladies?
You are showing blatant disregard for our signage!
Hey, it's all good, ladies.
I am a card-carrying Danville Botanical Gardens club member.
See, here's my card, and I'm carrying it.
Then you should know better, Mr. Doofenshmirtz.
Hey, it's, uh, it's Doctor Doofenshmirtz! So... Okay, bye!
See how cool I was with them? Huh?
So, Perry the Platypus, I bet you're wondering why I haven't trapped you yet.
It's because I've hired someone else to do it for me!
Perry the Platypus, meet platypus hunter Liam O'Cracken!
I found him on an evil consultant website.
Semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammals,
I can't stand the sight of 'em.
And I'll tell you why. Do you mind?
No. You know what? Why don't you do the backstory today?
Back in Australia, I had a good life.
But platypuses ruined everything. You see, when I was young...
Aw, does he like his boomerang, does he?
Oh, my! Look at the cute little platypus!
Hello there, little fella.
Hold still. That's right.
Say musk lolly!
And I never saw me mum again.
It was on that day that I swore revenge on platypuses.
"Platypuses"?
No, no, I know, it sounds wrong but it's actually right.
I always thought it was "platypi."
That's also acceptable. They're vile creatures, not to be trusted.
The only mammal with poisonous ankle barbs.
You have a poisonous ankle barb? How come I never knew that?
But now I'm prepared!
I even have my own poisonous ankle barbs.
And a little something else up my sleeve.
I'd like you to meet the ladies.
This here is Nancy, Barbara, Jill, Lauren...
In all fairness, Perry the Platypus,
there was nothing in his profile about, you know,
naming his boomerangs. Even I find that a little creepy.
...Scheherazade...
- Hey, Phineas. Whatcha doing? - You're just in time, Isabella.
In order to help Baljeet with his decision-making crisis,
we've built the Infinite Probability Generator.
Once Baljeet's been through the machine's infinite imprinter,
he'll be fundamentally altered at the probable level.
Then, any time he comes to a place where he has to make a choice,
he'll split into two probability Baljeets.
Allowing him to explore the consequences of both timelines?
Exactly, Isabella! Hit it, Ferb!
I love it when you guys tamper with the forces of nature.
- I know, right? - Is science happening yet?
I am feeling nauseated!
Yeah, that sounds like science to me.
Oh, this is so bustable!
All right, Ferb, let's get him out of there.
- Now how ya feelin', Baljeet? - Effervescent and frothy.
- Just like my ma's homemade toothpaste! - Come on, buddy, get up!
- How come he ain't split in two yet? - Because he hasn't made a choice yet.
Oh, boy, it's the ice cream guy!
Oh, I thought it was someone's phone.
Come on, Baljeet. Let's see if the Infinite Probability Generator worked!
Howdy, Mike! My good friend Baljeet here
would like to sample your fine frozen confections.
All right, Baljeet, what flavor? Vanilla or strawberry?
Carpe diem, Baljeet, carpe diem!
One vanilla.
And one strawberry!
Weird! Hey, I also have banana splits!
Good one, Mike.
Here you go! Vanilla and strawberry.
- Now I am beside myself. - And I like it!
That's very clever, Second Baljeet.
This is great! Now that I have made both
choices, I will no longer miss any of...
- What do you know? I was right! - Wow. Tough break.
Yes. But that means I am going to become president!
- Carl? Carl, where are you? - I'm over here, sir.
Well, how did you get over there?
I was coming to see you. Why are you over there?
I'm trying to get out of here. What are you trying to do?
Well, I was looking for you so we could leave together.
Oh, for Pete's sake!
...Dani... Oh, and this shiny girl
came all the way from Greece. I call her...
- What the blazes? - See, I told you he was good.
Now, about your refund policy...
That hat don't make you special. You're still a platypus.
I'm gonna make you eat those words. Or that noise.
You and your hat are gonna make a fine addition to my trophy room.
Trophy room? Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on a second.
I just hired you to trap Perry the Platypus, not...
Consider me off the clock, Doc.
Hello?
What is this? Is this a hammock?
If this is it's a hammock, it is way too tight.
Hello? Mr. McCracken? I think you caught me by mistake.
No mistake there, Doc. You're either with me or you're against me.
And come to think of it, I don't have a pharmacist on my trophy wall.
Yet.
Wait, wait, wait, what do you mean "yet"?
I'll give you 60 seconds' head start before the hunt commences.
I don't even know what you're talking about.
Who's this platypus? Why am I handcuffed to him?
And where is Perry the Platypus?
So to recap, in order of importance, why am I handcuffed to him?
So it'll make it easier to hunt the both of youse. Now, run!
Okay, fair enough.
Wow! You know, I really shouldn't have ignored
the 97% of customer feedback that says he tends to go rogue.
So, I guess we should introduce ourselves.
My name is Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
And you being a platypus, you can't talk to tell me your... Uh...
You know, I'm just gonna call you Steven.
Is that all right? You look like a Steven to me.
Bacon! What luck!
I've really worked up an appetite with all this eluding!
Whoa! It was a trap? I did not see that coming!
All right, Nancy, don't hold anything back, love.
What took you so long?
All right, you two, let's get something straight here.
There'll be no messing with the Buford!
Don't make no diff how many of you there are.
- Buford, I would never mess with you. - Neither would I!
That's good, 'cause I still got your number.
Or would that be numbers? I don't know.
Hey, Baljeet, which one would be grammatically corre...
Huh? How rude!
Finally getting around to spring cleaning in the summer.
First up, the fridge.
Mom! Look at this! Look what Phineas and Ferb did!
Hello, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher.
Oh, hello, Baljeet. How's your mom doing?
Oh, she is doing well.
That's good. That's nice. Would you like a snack?
Something to drink if you have it.
Let's see, I've got some grape juice or orange juice.
- I would like grape juice. - And orange juice.
- Mom! - My, someone's thirsty!
Oh, there's more juice down here.
Let's see. I've got pineapple, mango, and tomato.
- Pineapple! - Mango!
- Tomato! - Okay, Baljeet.
You weren't kidding. You really were thirsty.
Mom!
I think we lost him. You can slow down now.
I just said slow down, I didn't say stop.
What are you looking at? Oh, no, you we are not going...
Oh, that's cold!
Wow, you're like a little motorboat there, Steven!
Wow, Steven! That was sweet!
You're really good at that... that barb thing.
What? Why are you turning around? Oh, don't go back that way.
That put-me-on-the-trophy-wall guy is back there.
Oh, I see, a waterfall. Just in time for commercial. Isn't that convenient?
What's that all about, anyway? It's not a cliff-faller, it's called a cliffhanger.
And here we are, falling, and watch, watch, watch, here we go. Wait.
Yep, yep, see, there you go, fading to black.
I know you're down there, you platypus.
And I'm gonna find ya.
Hey, hang on there, Steven!
I'm tired of running.
And I don't mean tired like I need to sit down for a while.
I mean, although I am tired and I do need to sit down after all,
but I mean I'm fed up with that guy.
With your animal instincts and my vast knowledge of science,
I think we can make a stand!
What do you say? Are you with me?
Groovy.
I wonder if the others would like some juice.
- We should take some out to them. - What about Buford?
- Indeed. What about Buford? - What has he ever done for us?
- You mean, to us. - Yeah, he can get his own juice.
- Yeah! - The jerk!
Oh, hello, boys. Are we having a party, Baljeet?
And Baljeet, and... Wait a moment.
If he's Baljeet, then you must be...
Baljeet.
Well, all right, then. Carry on.
So, we all agree. No juice for Buford.
Yeah! No juice for Buford. Come on!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] [CREAKING]
Now, what's all this, then?
All right, Jill, something's not right. Be a love and have a look around.
Jill? Jill? Where are you?
Oh, there you are! I thought maybe you'd taken off on me.
What the blazes?
Yeah!
We did it, Steven! High five!
Ha! So you think you've bested old Liam and his ladies?
Sue begs to differ.
I call this one Sharpay, 'cause she's sharp, eh?
Oh, it's all right, Sharpay, I'll give you another chance.
Whoa!
That's me girl!
Ooh! Ow! Steven!
- Help! - This looks like a job for Natasha.
Okay, Mom, I'm gonna going to replicate the anomaly right in front of you.
Fine. What is it, Candace?
Look closely. How many Baljeets do you see standing here?
One, Candace. There is only one Baljeet after all.
Why, thank you, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher. That is very kind of you to say.
She's talking numbers, kid. Don't get a big head.
Okay, Mom, now watch what happens when he has to make a choice.
Baljeet, would you like some grapes or this chocolate bar?
Grapes, please.
That's really great, Candace. Now I got to get back to the fridge.
- I don't get it. What happened? - I just really wanted grapes.
There's no sign of him.
Well, Doc, it looks like it's just you and...
Ow! What the blazes?
"Danville Botanical Garden"?
Steven! You came back!
That's right! 15% off in the gift shop. Nice going, Steven!
Okay, then. Teresa One and Teresa Two,
let's teach this platypus some manners.
Very clever. But let's see how you do against the seven sisters!
Looks like it's time to break out Toni, with an "I."
- He's always giving us a hard time. - But he says he is our friend.
- Would a friend steal your bike? - To be fair, he stole everyone's bike.
And what about the time he drank all the water out of our fish tank?
Something's going on over there. The Baljeets seem to be gathering.
Well, I don't like the looks of that.
Gatherings have a habit of turning into mobs.
And mobs rarely make good decisions.
Oh, come on. Couldn't a gathering just a as easily
turn into a shindig or a hootenanny?
Under normal circumstances, I'd say yes, but this one
seems to have a "Storming of the Bastille" sort of vibe.
See? They're playing music. It is a hootenanny.
♪ Decisions are much easier When made en masse ♪
♪ No one accountable No fear of loss ♪
♪ Because there's more of us You will obey ♪
♪ You do not have a choice Do what we say ♪
♪ It's only mob mentality You do not understand it fully ♪
♪ Put together 30 nerds And you can make a giant bully ♪
♪ Buford is in trouble now See the sweat upon his brow ♪
♪ Our numbers are superior Surrender, we will not allow ♪
♪ Buford is in trouble now See the sweat upon his brow ♪
♪ Our numbers are superior Surrender, we will not allow ♪
♪ Buford is in trouble now See the sweat upon his brow Our numbers are superior... ♪
Huh. So that's what comeuppance looks like.
Lauren!
You put her down!
Platypuses can't throw boomerangs.
Ow!
Phineas! Ferb!
You've got to save me! They've all gone crazy!
It's the mob mentality. Once it gets rolling, nothing can stop it.
Mom! They're back! All the Baljeets are after Buford!
What do you mean "after," Candace?
- "After" like they're going to get him! - Baljeet picking on Buford?
Candace, Buford outweighs Baljeet by, like, 90 hamburgers.
Now, take it easy, buddies. This is really a bad decision.
Let's be rational about this.
- Okay, everyone... - Get him!
Okay, boys, break it up. What's going on out here?
You missed it! There were, like, 20 of 'em!
It is okay, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher.
We were just talking about how easy it is to make a bad decision.
All right, but play nice.
- Okay, Mom. - Who wants pie?
Now that's a decision we can all agree on.
Okay, okay, I give up!
You've got some skills, platypus, I'll give you that.
But there's one thing you should know about my gals.
They always come back!
Got you!
My greatest hunt ever ends right here!
Stop what you're doing, McCracken!
Step away from the platypus!
Doofenshmirtz!
I'd like you to meet my ladies, Ruth and Esther!
Ugh, docents!
Oh, not again!
I'll be right back. I know how to handle these ladies.
Uh, this sign must have just been installed.
I've never seen it before.
Nice try, Liam, but this is your third infraction in as many weeks!
Hand over your membership card!
What? Well, let's not get crazy now.
All your garden privileges have been revoked for 10 days.
Esther will escort you off the grounds.
But I can't leave! It's my natural habitat!
Your file says you're from Pittsburgh.
But it's not my fault! It's him!
It's the platypus you want!
- Oh, look how cute he is! - Whoa!
What a handsome platypus!
There has got to be a way out of here.
- Major Monogram? - Yes, Carl?
I want you to meet my cousin, Larry.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. You got out of the vent,
found your cousin and brought him back in here?
Well, I didn't have to find him. We had a lunch date.
- He was waiting for me... - Why on Earth would
you bring him back into the vent?
- 'Cause I wanted you to meet him. - Plus, I really like vents.
Mutual, I'm sure.
- How are you feeling, buddy? - Oddly enough, I feel the same.
But I am not worried about making choices anymore.
Well, it's nice to have you back, Baljeet.
I agree. It's nice to have you back. One of you back.
Buford, do I detect true sentiment in your voice?
- You do realize I'm holding a pie here. - I retract my mocking tone.
Perry the Platypus! Oh, this is perfect!
I want you to meet my new friend, Steven the Platypus.
You guys... Huh? He's gone!
I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.
Steven! We were just talking about you!
Hey, I'd like you to meet Per... Now where did he go?
Aw, I really wanted you to meet him. Hey, maybe you know him!
It's not that I think platypuses all know each other or anything,
it's just that I thought that maybe you might, you know,
run in the same crowd or something.
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ addic7ed.com ~