1
00:00:01,221 --> 00:00:02,723
"PUSHING DAISIES"...
2
00:00:03,357 --> 00:00:05,459
CHARLOTTE WAS
A NICE GIRL.
3
00:00:05,492 --> 00:00:08,327
WHAT IF YOU
DIDN'T HAVE TO BE DEAD?
4
00:00:08,361 --> 00:00:09,595
NOBODY CAN KNOW.
5
00:00:09,629 --> 00:00:12,230
Chuck: YOU TOUCH MURDER VICTIMS,
YOU ASK WHO KILLED THEM.
6
00:00:12,264 --> 00:00:14,032
YOU TOUCH THEM AGAIN,
THEY GO BACK TO BEING DEAD,
7
00:00:14,065 --> 00:00:15,667
AND YOU COLLECT
THE REWARD?
8
00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:16,902
THAT'S IT IN A NUTSHELL.
9
00:00:16,935 --> 00:00:18,803
WHO'S THE FUNNY GIRL
STUCK TO NED?
10
00:00:18,837 --> 00:00:20,638
CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART.
DO THEY TOUCH MUCH?
11
00:00:20,671 --> 00:00:21,805
WISH THEY WOULD.
12
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WHAT'S SHE DOING HERE?
THAT GIRL'S GOT TO GO.
13
00:00:23,507 --> 00:00:24,909
THAT GIRL'S
NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
14
00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:26,209
Chuck: WE HAVEN'T SEEN
EACH OTHER IN 20 YEARS.
15
00:00:26,242 --> 00:00:27,343
DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW
ABOUT ME?
16
00:00:27,377 --> 00:00:28,845
I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING
ABOUT YOU.
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00:00:28,878 --> 00:00:30,245
Ned: WE ALL HAVE SECRETS.
18
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:38,074
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
19
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:41,756
Narrator:
AT THIS VERY MOMENT,
20
00:00:41,789 --> 00:00:46,560
YOUNG NED WAS 9 YEARS, 34 WEEKS,
12 HOURS, AND 54 MINUTES OLD.
21
00:00:46,593 --> 00:00:51,062
HE WAS A GIFTED BOY -- NOT
ACADEMICALLY, NOR ATHLETICALLY.
22
00:00:51,095 --> 00:00:54,900
HE WAS GIFTED IN A WAY
NO OTHER BOY WAS GIFTED.
23
00:00:54,934 --> 00:00:57,267
YOUNG NED COULD TOUCH
DEAD THINGS
24
00:00:57,301 --> 00:00:59,102
AND BRING THEM BACK TO LIFE.
25
00:00:59,136 --> 00:01:03,306
BUT IF HE TOUCHED THE DEAD THING
TWICE, IT DIED AGAIN...
26
00:01:03,339 --> 00:01:05,641
FOREVER.
27
00:01:07,044 --> 00:01:10,245
THE CONSEQUENCE OF NOT TOUCHING
A DEAD THING TWICE
28
00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:12,280
WAS AS CRUEL AS ANY CONSEQUENCE,
29
00:01:12,314 --> 00:01:15,449
AND THAT WAS
SOMETHING ELSE HAD TO DIE.
30
00:01:17,886 --> 00:01:20,321
YOUNG NED RATIONALIZED
THIS CONSEQUENCE
31
00:01:20,354 --> 00:01:21,755
WAS BEYOND HIS CONTROL.
32
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HE WAS NOT TO BLAME.
33
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BUT TO REMAIN BLAMELESS,
HE HAD TO UNDERSTAND.
34
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:39,536
HE REALIZED TO GIVE LIFE,
HE HAD TO TAKE IT.
35
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DEAT HOWEVER,
HAD A GRACE PERIOD.
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00:01:42,706 --> 00:01:47,176
WHAT YOUNG NED DID NOT KNOW WAS
HOW LONG THAT GRACE PERIOD WAS.
37
00:01:49,545 --> 00:01:50,846
ONE MINUTE.
38
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:55,450
FEARING THE CONSEQUENCES
OF HIS ACTIONS,
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00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:59,753
NED VOWED TO NEVER, EVER AGAIN
BRING THE DEAD BACK TO LIFE
40
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,989
FOR MORE THAN A MINUTE...
41
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:05,291
UNTIL HE DID IT AGAIN.
42
00:02:05,324 --> 00:02:09,962
THE EXPRESSION "PIE IN THE SKY"
ENTERED POPULAR CULTURE IN 1911.
43
00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:14,833
IT REFERS TO A DESSERT SO SWEET,
IT CAN ONLY BE FOUND IN HEAVEN.
44
00:02:14,866 --> 00:02:17,868
IF YOU'RE CRAVING SOMETHING
BEFORE YOU DIE,
45
00:02:17,901 --> 00:02:21,170
I RECOMMEND WHERE THE PIE MAKER
MAKES HIS PIES.
46
00:02:21,204 --> 00:02:23,072
BUT IF YOU'RE LIKE CHUCK,
47
00:02:23,106 --> 00:02:26,274
YOU MAY ENJOY THE PIE
EN AFTER YOU DIE.
48
00:02:26,308 --> 00:02:28,543
HER 60 SECONDS CAME AND WENT.
49
00:02:28,577 --> 00:02:32,413
SHE STAYED ALIVE, AND INSTEAD,
SOMEONE ELSE HAD TO DIE.
50
00:02:32,446 --> 00:02:35,616
HE KEPT CHUCK BLISSFULLY UNAWARE
OF THIS FACT.
51
00:02:35,650 --> 00:02:38,284
SHE WAS ALIVE AGAIN.
THAT WAS THAT.
52
00:02:38,318 --> 00:02:40,186
WHICH BIRTHDAY
DO I CELEBRATE?
53
00:02:40,220 --> 00:02:41,721
I'VE GOT TWO OF THEM NOW --
54
00:02:41,755 --> 00:02:43,756
THE FIRST DAY I WAS ALIVE,
THE FIRST DAY I WAS ALIVE AGAIN.
55
00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:45,624
THE ONE THAT REQUIRES
LESS EXPLANATION.
56
00:02:45,658 --> 00:02:48,559
YOU REMEMBER MY 8th BIRTHDAY,
RIGHT BEFORE MY DAD DIED?
57
00:02:48,593 --> 00:02:50,328
YOU REMEMBER
WHAT YOU GOT ME?
58
00:02:50,361 --> 00:02:51,429
A T-SHIRT.
59
00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:52,897
WITH A BEAVER ON IT.
60
00:02:52,930 --> 00:02:54,732
HE HAD LITTLE LIPSTICK
KISSES ON HIS CHEEK,
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00:02:54,766 --> 00:02:56,299
AND HE WAS HOLDING A SIGN
SAYING,
62
00:02:56,333 --> 00:02:58,101
"BE KIND TO ANIMALS.
KISS A BEAVER."
63
00:02:58,135 --> 00:03:00,871
I SUPPOSE SHOULD BE
CELEBRATING EVERY MINUTE
NOW, SHOULDN'T I?
64
00:03:00,904 --> 00:03:03,372
UH-HUH.
I COULD BE ANYBODY NOW,
ANYBODY I WANT.
65
00:03:03,406 --> 00:03:05,440
I LIKE THAT IDEA. I'M GONNA
GIVE THAT SOME THOUGHT.
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00:03:05,473 --> 00:03:08,110
Narrator: THE PIE MAKER
LIKED THAT IDEA, AS WELL,
67
00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:10,411
AS LONG AS HER THOUGHTS
DIDN'T FALL ON...
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00:03:10,445 --> 00:03:11,846
WHY IS IT ONLY A MINUTE?
69
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,914
HMM?
A MINUTE SEEMS
AWFULLY ARBITRARY.
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00:03:13,947 --> 00:03:16,116
OH, A MINUTE'S A LONG TIME.
A LOT CAN HAPPEN IN A MINUTE.
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00:03:16,150 --> 00:03:17,885
BESIDES, T-THE LONGER
SOMEONE'S AROUND
72
00:03:17,918 --> 00:03:19,285
THAT'S NOT
SUPPOSED TO BE AROUND,
73
00:03:19,318 --> 00:03:21,286
THE MORE LIKELY IT IS
THAT SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN --
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00:03:21,319 --> 00:03:23,990
T NECESSARILY DIRECTLY
OR BY ANY FAULT OF THEIRS,
75
00:03:24,023 --> 00:03:26,191
BUT, YOU KNOW,
BUTTERFLY WINGS AND SUCH.
76
00:03:26,224 --> 00:03:27,258
WHAT ABOUT 'EM?
77
00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:29,427
THEY CAUSE HURRICANES.
OH, RIGHT.
78
00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:30,594
AM I A HURRICANE?
79
00:03:30,628 --> 00:03:33,764
A LITTLE BIT, BUT I, UH --
I LIKE THE WEATHER.
80
00:03:39,602 --> 00:03:42,204
YOU REALLY
SHOULDN'T DO THAT.
81
00:03:42,237 --> 00:03:43,405
[ CHUCKLES ]
82
00:03:43,439 --> 00:03:45,808
Narrator: CHUCK WASN'T
THE ONLY STORM BREWING
83
00:03:45,841 --> 00:03:48,276
IN THE PIE HOLE THAT EVENING.
84
00:03:48,309 --> 00:03:51,244
AN INNOCUOUS LOW-PRESSURE SYSTEM
WAS FORMING
85
00:03:51,278 --> 00:03:53,914
THAT WOULD SOON BECOME
HURRICANE OLIVE.
86
00:03:53,947 --> 00:03:57,249
WATCHING THE PIE MAKER KISS
THE WOMAN THAT WASN'T HER,
87
00:03:57,283 --> 00:03:58,718
OLIVE STOPPED BREATHING.
88
00:03:58,751 --> 00:04:01,487
IT WAS AS IF ALL THE OXYGEN
HAD LEFT THE ROOM.
89
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,221
ESPRESSO, PLEASE.
90
00:04:03,254 --> 00:04:04,689
WE HAVE COFFEE.
91
00:04:04,723 --> 00:04:06,324
YOU HAVE
AN ESPRESSO MACHINE.
92
00:04:06,357 --> 00:04:09,493
IT'S BROKEN -- SITS THERE BEING
PRETTY, BUT NOBODY TOUCHES IT.
93
00:04:09,526 --> 00:04:10,561
DECAF OR REGULAR?
94
00:04:10,594 --> 00:04:12,429
NO FLAVORS --
HAZELNUT, FRENCH VANILLA?
95
00:04:12,463 --> 00:04:13,697
WHY CAN'T SUGAR BE ENOUGH?
96
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:15,866
[ COFFEE POTS BANG ]
97
00:04:15,899 --> 00:04:17,533
HERE'S YOUR SUGAR.
98
00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:20,036
OH, I FORGOT TO BREATHE.
99
00:04:20,069 --> 00:04:23,106
EVER FEEL LIKE ALL THE OXYGEN
LEFT THE ROOM?
100
00:04:23,139 --> 00:04:24,406
OH, MY, YES.
101
00:04:24,439 --> 00:04:26,708
Narrator: IN THAT MOMENT,
ALFREDO ALDARISIO RECOGNIZED
102
00:04:26,742 --> 00:04:28,809
A KINDRED SPIRIT IN OLIVE SNOOK.
103
00:04:28,843 --> 00:04:32,378
HE ALSO LIVED IN CONSTANT FEAR
OF THE OXYGEN LEAVING THE ROOM,
104
00:04:32,412 --> 00:04:34,414
BUT HIS PATHOLOGY
RAN MUCH, MUCH DEEPER.
105
00:04:34,447 --> 00:04:37,349
HE WAS HAUNTED BY THE NOTION
THAT, AT ANY MOMENT,
106
00:04:37,382 --> 00:04:39,585
THEARTH COULD LOSE
ITS ATMOSPHERE,
107
00:04:39,618 --> 00:04:42,286
AND HE WOULD BE SUCKED
INTO THE VACUUM OF SPACE.
108
00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:43,287
[ RUMBLING ]
109
00:04:43,321 --> 00:04:45,690
[ GLASS CRASHING ]
110
00:04:47,024 --> 00:04:49,026
[ HORN HONKS ]
111
00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:50,527
EXCUSE ME.
112
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,829
Narrator:
A TRAVELING SALESMAN BY TRADE,
113
00:04:52,863 --> 00:04:55,531
MR. ALDARISIO SELLS
PHARMACEUTICAL ALTERNATIVES,
114
00:04:55,564 --> 00:04:58,501
WHICH HE ALSO USES
TO MANAGE HIS CONDITION.
115
00:04:58,534 --> 00:04:59,769
MEDICINAL.
116
00:05:00,936 --> 00:05:02,871
YOU'RE NOT WRONG ABOUT
THE OXYGEN LEAVING THE ROOM.
117
00:05:02,904 --> 00:05:05,173
THE PLANET IS LOSING ATMOSPHERE.
IT'S AFFECTING GRAVITY.
118
00:05:05,206 --> 00:05:06,775
VOLUMES AREN'T
WHAT THEY USED TO BE.
119
00:05:06,808 --> 00:05:08,209
THEY HAD TO ADJUST
THE KILOGRAM.
120
00:05:08,243 --> 00:05:11,310
WELL, IF YOU ASK ME,
THE KILOGRAM NEEDS TO
BE TAKEN DOWN A PEG.
121
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:13,180
DECAF OR REGULAR?
122
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:16,582
REGULAR, LOTS OF SUGAR,
MORE THAN ENOUGH.
123
00:05:21,052 --> 00:05:23,188
Narrator: EMERSON COD,
PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR,
124
00:05:23,221 --> 00:05:24,455
MADE A BUSINESS OF MURDER,
125
00:05:24,488 --> 00:05:26,590
BUT BEFORE HE COULD GET DOWN
TO BUSINESS...
126
00:05:26,624 --> 00:05:28,859
I FEEL LIKE ICE CREAM.
127
00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,961
Olive: MUSING ON THE IDEA
OF SETTING SOMEONE ON FIRE
128
00:05:30,995 --> 00:05:32,962
DOESN'T MEAN YOU REALLY WANT
TO SET THEM ON FIRE.
129
00:05:32,996 --> 00:05:35,899
IT'S JUST THE THOUGHT OF IT
THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY,
BUT ONLY FOR A SECOND.
130
00:05:35,932 --> 00:05:38,100
THEN YOU FEEL BAD, BUT THAT
SECOND CAN BE A LOT FUN.
131
00:05:38,134 --> 00:05:39,601
YOU THINKING
OF SETTING SOMEONE ON FIRE?
132
00:05:39,635 --> 00:05:41,203
NO, I WAS JUST SPEAKING
IN THE FIGURATIVE.
133
00:05:41,236 --> 00:05:43,304
BUT FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING,
SOMEONE SHOULD SET YOU ON FIRE
134
00:05:43,337 --> 00:05:44,672
FOR THROWING MY HEART
UNDER THE BUS
135
00:05:44,705 --> 00:05:46,073
WHEN YOU TOLD ME
HE DIDN'T WANT ME.
136
00:05:46,107 --> 00:05:47,607
THAT WAS THE TRUTH BUS.
137
00:05:47,641 --> 00:05:48,742
THAT WASN'T THE TRUTH BUS.
138
00:05:48,775 --> 00:05:50,610
THAT WAS THE BITCHY
CROSSTOWN EXPRESS.
139
00:05:50,644 --> 00:05:52,012
BY "BITCHY,"
YOU MEAN "FRANK AND HONEST"?
140
00:05:52,045 --> 00:05:55,215
IF I WANT FRANK
AND HONEST --
141
00:05:55,248 --> 00:05:56,715
WELL, I DON'T WANT
FRANK AND HONEST.
142
00:05:56,749 --> 00:05:58,050
I NEVER WANT
FRANK AND HONEST,
143
00:05:58,083 --> 00:05:59,551
SO LET'S JUST TAKE IT
OFF THE DOCKET.
144
00:06:01,753 --> 00:06:04,555
WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT
OF FRANK AND HONEST,
145
00:06:04,588 --> 00:06:06,824
I DON'T LIKE THAT GIRL,
NOT ONE BIT.
146
00:06:13,830 --> 00:06:16,431
Narrator: EMERSON COD
LIKED HER EVEN LESS,
147
00:06:16,464 --> 00:06:17,732
SO MUCH SO,
148
00:06:17,766 --> 00:06:21,136
IT WARRANTED A PRIVATE
CONVERSATION WITH THE PIE MAKER,
149
00:06:21,169 --> 00:06:23,370
BUT NOT PRIVATE ENOUGH.
150
00:06:23,404 --> 00:06:25,606
SO, SOMEBODY DIED?
HOW DID THEY DIE?
151
00:06:25,639 --> 00:06:27,208
THEY DIED MYSTERIOUSLY.
152
00:06:27,241 --> 00:06:29,342
HE SOMEBODY
OR SHE SOMEBODY?
153
00:06:29,375 --> 00:06:31,811
HE. I TOLD YOU I WANTED
TO DISCUSS THIS IN PRIVATE.
154
00:06:31,845 --> 00:06:33,813
CHUCK IS PRIVATE --
PART OF MY PRIVATE.
155
00:06:33,847 --> 00:06:35,380
SHE AIN'T PART OF MINE.
I DON'T KNOW HER.
156
00:06:35,414 --> 00:06:36,882
SO, WHAT'S
THE MYSTERIOUS PART,
157
00:06:36,915 --> 00:06:38,684
THE WAY THEY DIED
OR THE CIRCUMSTANCES?
158
00:06:38,717 --> 00:06:40,718
I MEAN, DID YOU FIND HIM
WITH A NOOSE AROUND HIS NECK
159
00:06:40,751 --> 00:06:42,119
AND YOU DIDN'T QUITE KNOW
HOW IT GOT THERE,
160
00:06:42,153 --> 00:06:44,322
OR DID HE DROWN IN HIS BED,
BUT THE SHEETS WERE ALL DRY?
161
00:06:44,354 --> 00:06:46,090
YOU'RE OBSESSED.
AM I?
162
00:06:46,123 --> 00:06:48,058
DO YOU THINK DYING
HAS MADE ME MORBID?
163
00:06:48,091 --> 00:06:50,559
COME ON.
HOW DID THE SOMEBODY DIE?
164
00:06:50,593 --> 00:06:52,295
SAID IT FELT LIKE LIFE
JUST GOT UP AND LEFT HIM,
165
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,662
LIKE I'M GONNA GET UP
AND LEAVE YOU.
166
00:06:53,696 --> 00:06:54,864
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT IT COULD BE?
167
00:06:54,897 --> 00:06:56,497
IT COULD BE ONE
OF THOSE UNTRACEABLE POISONS,
168
00:06:56,531 --> 00:06:59,033
OR A FOUR-STAGE POISON, WHEN YOU
HAVE TO, LIKE, TOUCH FOUR THINGS
169
00:06:59,067 --> 00:07:00,602
BEFORE IT ACTUALLY
KILLS THE PERSON.
170
00:07:00,635 --> 00:07:01,736
IT COULD BE THAT.
171
00:07:03,637 --> 00:07:06,273
WHAT DID YOU SAY IT WAS
BESIDES MYSTERIOUS?
172
00:07:06,306 --> 00:07:08,342
I HAVE NOT YET
EXPRESSED MY OPINION.
173
00:07:08,374 --> 00:07:09,976
WOULD YOU CARE
TO EXPRESS IT NOW?
174
00:07:10,009 --> 00:07:11,878
MY OPINION IS,
YOU NEED TO TAKE A COUPON
FOR THIS CONVERSATION
175
00:07:11,911 --> 00:07:13,378
AND REDEEM IT
AT ANOTHER DATE.
176
00:07:13,411 --> 00:07:14,947
I WANT TO USE
MY COUPON NOW.
177
00:07:14,981 --> 00:07:16,681
REDEEM IT TOMORROW.
178
00:07:16,715 --> 00:07:19,650
THERE'S SOMEBODY
IN THE COUNTY FRIDGE
I NEED YOU TO TALK TO...
179
00:07:22,553 --> 00:07:23,988
UM...
180
00:07:26,156 --> 00:07:29,225
IN PRITE -- MY PRIVATE --
WHICH DOESN'T INCLUDE HER,
181
00:07:29,259 --> 00:07:30,727
SO SHE BETTER NOT COME.
182
00:07:35,964 --> 00:07:37,932
I CAN WRITE A BOOK
ON HAND MOISTURIZER.
183
00:07:37,966 --> 00:07:40,501
NOBODY WANTS THE LAST THING
THEY'VE BEEN TOUCHED WITH
184
00:07:40,534 --> 00:07:41,903
TO BE ASHY AND DRY.
185
00:07:41,936 --> 00:07:42,904
TAKE A GANDER.
186
00:07:42,937 --> 00:07:44,771
SMOOTH.
187
00:07:44,804 --> 00:07:48,041
YOU GOT SOME SERIOUS CRACKS
GOING ON THERE.
188
00:07:48,074 --> 00:07:49,842
PUT THOSE UP HERE.
189
00:07:55,613 --> 00:07:56,915
HI.
190
00:07:58,448 --> 00:08:00,550
THOUGHT YOU JUST CAME BY
TO SAY "HELLO."
191
00:08:02,353 --> 00:08:03,687
YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW
I'M HERE.
192
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,454
'CAUSE YOU LEAVING?
NO.
193
00:08:05,488 --> 00:08:07,456
COME ON.
IT MAKES HER HAPPY.
194
00:08:07,490 --> 00:08:09,992
YOU REMEMBER WHAT THAT
HAPPINESS LOOKS LIKE.
195
00:08:10,026 --> 00:08:11,760
REDEEM YOUR COUPON.
196
00:08:13,095 --> 00:08:14,729
OH, NOW YOU'RE GONNA
LISTEN TME.
197
00:08:14,763 --> 00:08:17,531
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I AIN'T GONNA SAY ANOTHER WORD.
198
00:08:17,564 --> 00:08:19,700
"FUTURE ME," THOUGH,
IS GOING, "I TOLD YOU SO,"
199
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,735
UP ONE SIDE OF YOU
AND DOWN THE OTHER ONE,
200
00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:23,836
BUT "NOW ME" IS JUST GONNA
SIT BACK AND WATCH.
201
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:26,105
UH-HUH.
202
00:08:35,213 --> 00:08:37,081
OH, NO.
"OH, NO," WHAT?
203
00:08:37,114 --> 00:08:39,183
Narrator:
THE FACTS WERE THESE --
204
00:08:39,216 --> 00:08:41,451
CUNNING AND CORRUPT
LAWRENCE SCHATZ
205
00:08:41,484 --> 00:08:43,620
WAS A FUNERAL DIRECTOR
WHO MADE A LIVING OFF THE DEAD
206
00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:46,089
ABOVE AND BEYOND
HIS JOB DESCRIPTION.
207
00:08:46,122 --> 00:08:49,692
2 DAYS, 8 HOURS, AND 43 MINUTES
BEFORE HIS DEATH,
208
00:08:49,725 --> 00:08:51,994
HE WAS EXPOSED
AS A GRAVE ROBBER.
209
00:08:52,027 --> 00:08:55,397
OH. I-I WAS JUST PREPPING
THE BODY FOR BURIAL.
210
00:08:55,431 --> 00:08:58,699
YOUR WIFE'S GORGEOUS.
HOW DID YOU GUYS MEET?
211
00:08:58,732 --> 00:09:01,134
Narrator: BUT BEFORE
ANY LEGAL ACTION COULD BE TAKEN
212
00:09:01,168 --> 00:09:03,437
AND BEFORE THE SPOILS OF HIS
GRAVE-ROBBING COULD BE FOUND,
213
00:09:03,469 --> 00:09:05,205
LAWRENCE SCHATZ FOUND HIMSELF
214
00:09:05,238 --> 00:09:07,306
IN THE WRONG PLACE
AT THE WRONG TIME.
215
00:09:07,340 --> 00:09:12,210
HE WAS 44 YEARS, 17 MONTHS, 10
DAYS, 6 HOURS, AND 9 MINUTES OLD
216
00:09:12,243 --> 00:09:15,447
WHEN HE WAS IN APPROXIMATE
PROXIMITY OF THE PIE MAKER,
217
00:09:19,283 --> 00:09:21,551
WHO WAS IN BUT TO KEEPXIMITY
OF HHIS SLEEPING BEAUTY ALIVE
218
00:09:21,617 --> 00:09:24,020
MEANT THAT SOMEONE ELSE
HAD TO DIE.
219
00:09:24,087 --> 00:09:26,189
WHAT IF YOU
DIDN'T HAVE TO BE DEAD?
220
00:09:26,255 --> 00:09:29,691
Narrator: AND ONE MINUTE LATER,
THE PIE MAKER TOOK A LIFE...
221
00:09:29,725 --> 00:09:30,926
OHH!
222
00:09:30,959 --> 00:09:32,961
Narrator:
...AND GAVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE.
223
00:09:32,995 --> 00:09:35,563
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING AWAY?
VERTIGO -- DIZZY.
224
00:09:35,596 --> 00:09:37,431
THE ROOM STARTED SPINNING,
AND I, UH --
225
00:09:37,465 --> 00:09:38,565
I THINK IT'S MY SHOES.
226
00:09:38,598 --> 00:09:40,633
THEY'RE, UH, STIFF, AND
THEY PINCH, AND I, UH --
227
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,635
I THINK THEY'RE CUTTING OFF
MY CIRCULATION.
228
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,937
THAT WAS MEAN. THAT WAS
A VERY MEAN THING YOU DID.
REALLY?
229
00:09:44,970 --> 00:09:47,239
'CAUSE "FUTURE ME" IS RE NOW,
AND HE'S GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.
230
00:09:47,272 --> 00:09:48,807
BUT YOU DIDN'T TOUCH HIM.
231
00:09:48,841 --> 00:09:51,410
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO
FIND OUT WHO KILLED HIM
IF YOU DIDN'T TOUCH HIM?
232
00:09:51,443 --> 00:09:52,910
ALREADY KNOW
WHO KILLED HIM.
233
00:09:52,944 --> 00:09:54,544
SO THE MYSTERIOUS PART
IS HOW HE WAS KILLED.
234
00:09:54,578 --> 00:09:55,679
ALREADY KNOW THAT, TOO.
235
00:09:55,712 --> 00:09:57,681
OKAY, HOW WAS HE KILLED,
AND WHO WAS THE KILLER?
236
00:09:57,714 --> 00:09:59,483
YEAH.
WHO WAS THE KILLER?
237
00:09:59,515 --> 00:10:01,717
Narrator:
THE PIE MAKER'S EYE TWITCHED
238
00:10:01,751 --> 00:10:04,454
IN ANTICIPATION OF THE LIE
HE WAS ABOUT TO TELL,
239
00:10:04,488 --> 00:10:07,123
BUT, INSTEAD,
WHAT HE TOLD WAS THE TRUTH.
240
00:10:07,156 --> 00:10:09,224
ME.
WHAT?
241
00:10:10,938 --> 00:10:12,826
YOU KILLED SOMEONE?
242
00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:15,815
WHO DID YOU KILL?
I DIDN'T.
243
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,050
YOU DIDN'T --
THAT'S WHY SOMEBODY DIED.
PLEASE STOP TALKING.
244
00:10:19,083 --> 00:10:20,486
YOU DIDN'T WHAT?
245
00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:22,320
LOOKY HERE, YOU NEED A TICKET
TO RIDE THIS RIDE.
246
00:10:22,353 --> 00:10:23,521
IF YOUR TICKET GETS PUNCHED,
247
00:10:23,554 --> 00:10:25,055
THEN YOU GOT TO TAKE
SOMEBODY ELSE'S TICKET.
248
00:10:25,088 --> 00:10:27,190
WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING?
I'M RIPPING OFF
THE BAND-AID.
249
00:10:27,224 --> 00:10:29,259
I'M NOT A RIPPER -- I PULL UP
A CORNER A LITTLE AT A TIME,
250
00:10:29,292 --> 00:10:31,461
THEN I RUN IT UNDER WARM WATER,
AND I PULL IT UP A LITTLE MORE.
251
00:10:31,495 --> 00:10:33,462
IT'S A PROCESS.
LET IT RIP.
252
00:10:33,496 --> 00:10:36,898
I DIDN'T ACTIVELY KILL.
I'M NOT AN ACTIVE KILLER.
253
00:10:36,931 --> 00:10:38,199
I'M NOT A KILLER.
254
00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:40,335
YOU KILLED SOMEONE
FOR ME?
255
00:10:40,368 --> 00:10:43,103
IT WASN'T MY FAULT.
IT'S A RANDOM PROXIMITY THING.
256
00:10:43,137 --> 00:10:45,906
THERE WAS NO CHOICE OR
DECISION-MAKING WHATSOEVER.
257
00:10:45,939 --> 00:10:46,940
IT JUST HAPPENED.
258
00:10:46,974 --> 00:10:48,809
BUT YOU KNEW
IT WOULD HAPPEN.
259
00:10:48,842 --> 00:10:51,110
I WAS INCAPACITATED
WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO THINK.
260
00:10:51,144 --> 00:10:53,346
I HAD ONE THOUGHT IN MY HEAD,
AND IT WAS OF YOU,
261
00:10:53,379 --> 00:10:55,213
AND IT CLOGGED ME UP SO NO OTHER
THOUGHTS COULD GET THROUGH,
262
00:10:55,247 --> 00:10:57,048
INCLUDING THE ONE TELLING ME
TO TOUCH YOU AGAIN.
263
00:10:57,082 --> 00:10:58,683
SO EVERY MINUTE
I'VE BEEN CELEBRATING
264
00:10:58,717 --> 00:11:00,217
WASN'T REALLY MINE
TO CELEBRATE.
265
00:11:01,820 --> 00:11:03,889
Narrator: AS CHUCK CONSIDERED
THE LIFE SHE WAS LIVING
266
00:11:03,921 --> 00:11:05,054
THAT WAS NOT HER OWN...
267
00:11:05,089 --> 00:11:06,457
[ HORN HONKS ]
268
00:11:06,490 --> 00:11:08,793
...OLIVE CONSIDERED THE LIFE
SHE WAS NOT LIVING.
269
00:11:08,826 --> 00:11:10,326
MIGHT I MAKE
AN OBSERVATION?
270
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:11,994
COMPLIMENT OR CRITICISM?
271
00:11:12,027 --> 00:11:13,563
A NEUTRAL THOUGHT,
I WOULD SAY.
272
00:11:13,596 --> 00:11:15,531
IT'S NEITHER COMPLIMENTARY
NOR CRITICAL.
273
00:11:15,564 --> 00:11:18,232
NEUTRAL THOUGHT
GIVES ME PAUSE.
274
00:11:18,266 --> 00:11:20,301
NEUTRAL FOR ONLY THIS PORTION
OF THE CONVERSATION,
275
00:11:20,334 --> 00:11:22,036
BUT I DO HAVE
COMPLIMENTARY OBSERVATIONS
276
00:11:22,069 --> 00:11:23,571
AS PART OF
A FOLLOW-UP DISCUSSION,
277
00:11:23,604 --> 00:11:25,305
WHICH I INTEND TO HEADLINE
WITH AN OFFER
278
00:11:25,338 --> 00:11:26,740
TO REPAIR
YOUR ESPRESSO MACHINE.
279
00:11:26,773 --> 00:11:29,175
WHAT'S YOUR NEUTRAL THOUGHT?
YOU DEEM DECIDEDLY UNHAPPY.
280
00:11:29,208 --> 00:11:30,342
I HAVEN'T DECIDED THAT.
281
00:11:30,376 --> 00:11:32,912
NO ANXIETIES, NEUROSES,
PATHOLOGIES?
282
00:11:32,945 --> 00:11:34,613
GARDEN VARIETY.
WHAT ARE YOU BEATING AT?
283
00:11:34,647 --> 00:11:36,014
I'M BEATING AT HAPPINESS.
284
00:11:36,047 --> 00:11:37,917
I'VE BEATEN IT
INTO SUBMISSION
285
00:11:37,949 --> 00:11:40,150
AND BOTTLED IT
FOR CONVENIENCE.
286
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,987
IT'S HOMEOPATHIC.
287
00:11:45,021 --> 00:11:47,290
MEANING IT DEEPLY RELATE
TO GAY PEOPLE.
288
00:11:47,323 --> 00:11:49,258
"GAY" ONLY IN THAT THEY
ARE BRIGHT AND HAPPY.
289
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:52,093
YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT THE OXYGEN LEAVING
THE ROOM AGAIN.
290
00:11:52,127 --> 00:11:54,663
DON'T GO BOTHERING
THE CUSTOMERS WITH THIS.
291
00:11:54,696 --> 00:11:57,365
THIS IS A PIE HOUSE,
NOT SOME HERBAL CRACK DEN.
292
00:11:58,733 --> 00:12:00,000
[ SIGHS ]
293
00:12:00,034 --> 00:12:01,235
CHUCK, SAY SOMETHING.
294
00:12:01,268 --> 00:12:03,704
I CAN'T, FOR THE LIFE OF ME,
THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY.
295
00:12:03,737 --> 00:12:05,906
OH, I FORGOT --
IT'S NOT EVEN MY LIFE, IS IT?
296
00:12:07,407 --> 00:12:09,174
[ SIGHS ]
297
00:12:12,344 --> 00:12:14,546
[ SIGHS ]
298
00:12:18,716 --> 00:12:19,650
NOT NOW.
299
00:12:22,419 --> 00:12:24,721
I FEEL VIOLATED.
THAT WAS MY INFORMATION.
300
00:12:24,754 --> 00:12:27,891
THERE'S YOUR INFORMATION,
AND THEN THERE'S MY INFORMATION.
301
00:12:27,924 --> 00:12:29,525
THAT WAS
OUR INFORMATION.
302
00:12:29,558 --> 00:12:31,961
YOU LET A MAN DIE ON OUR TIME,
A MAN WHO COULD HAVE BEEN ME.
303
00:12:31,993 --> 00:12:33,496
IT WASN'T.
BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN.
304
00:12:33,529 --> 00:12:35,163
THAT WAS A BUSINESS ASSOCIATE
OF MINE.
305
00:12:35,196 --> 00:12:37,165
WHO DO YOU THINK HOOKED US UP
WITH CORPSE BRIDE?
306
00:12:37,198 --> 00:12:39,066
BUT HE STOLE STUFF
OFF DEAD PEOPLE.
307
00:12:39,099 --> 00:12:40,768
REGARDLESS OF HOW HE RAN
HIS OWN BUSINESS,
308
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:42,402
HE NEVER INTERFERED
WITH HOW I RAN MINE.
309
00:12:42,436 --> 00:12:44,638
YOU, ON THE OTHER HAND, MADE ME
AN ACCOMPLICE TO A MURDER.
310
00:12:44,671 --> 00:12:46,172
STOP SAYING THAT.
I DIDN'T MURDER ANYONE.
311
00:12:46,205 --> 00:12:48,174
THERE WAS NO MALICE
OR FORETHOUGHT.
312
00:12:48,207 --> 00:12:51,009
OKAY, MAYBE ACCIDENTAL,
INVOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER.
313
00:12:51,042 --> 00:12:52,777
OH, YOU ACCIDENTALLY,
314
00:12:52,812 --> 00:12:55,614
INVOLUNTARILY
LET DEAD GIRL LIVE?
315
00:12:55,647 --> 00:12:56,948
WELL...
316
00:12:56,982 --> 00:12:59,083
MM-HMM, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
I THOUGHT YOU WAS GONNA SAY.
317
00:12:59,116 --> 00:13:00,584
LAWRENCE SCHATZ
WAS MURDERED ENOUGH
318
00:13:00,618 --> 00:13:02,753
FOR HIS BROTHER TO HIRE ME
TO FIND OUT WHO KILLED HIM.
319
00:13:02,786 --> 00:13:05,421
WHY DID YOU TAKE THIS CASE?
320
00:13:05,455 --> 00:13:07,222
YOU WANT ME
TO TAKE THIS CASE.
321
00:13:07,256 --> 00:13:09,424
I'M MAKING SURE
NOBODY ELSE SOLVES IT.
322
00:13:09,458 --> 00:13:11,660
LOOK, I DIDN'T WANT TO GO DOWN
THIS ROAD WITH YOU.
323
00:13:11,693 --> 00:13:13,227
I'M SENSITIVE
TO YOUR EXPERIENCE.
324
00:13:13,261 --> 00:13:14,796
I UNDERSTAND
THAT IT'S TRAUMATIC.
325
00:13:14,830 --> 00:13:16,764
BUT NOW I NEED TO CHAT
WITH LAWRENCE SCHATZ
326
00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:19,132
BEFORE HE GOES
INTO THE GROUND TOMORROW.
327
00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:20,801
I'M NOT GOING BACK
TO THAT FUNERAL HOME.
328
00:13:20,835 --> 00:13:23,236
IT'S RETURNING TO THE SCENE OF
A CRIME -- THAT'S JUST SLOPPY.
329
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:24,638
AND BY THE WAY,
TO ASK HIM WHAT?
330
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,171
I WANT TO ASK LAWRENCE
WHAT HE DID
331
00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:27,974
WITH ALL THOSE PRECIOUS
FAMILY HEIRLOOMS.
332
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:31,342
SO YOU CAN...
RETURN IT TO THE FAMILIES
333
00:13:31,376 --> 00:13:34,245
AND HELP HEAL THE GRIENG?
334
00:13:34,279 --> 00:13:37,615
YEAH, 'CAUSE AFTER THE GRIEVING
STOPS, YOU HAVE JOY,
335
00:13:37,649 --> 00:13:39,249
AND WITH JOY COMES MONEY,
336
00:13:39,283 --> 00:13:41,083
AND LOUIS SCHATZ
WILL STOP ASKING QUESTIONS
337
00:13:41,117 --> 00:13:42,886
ABOUT HOW HIS BROTHER DIED.
338
00:13:45,087 --> 00:13:47,255
I'M NOT TOUCHING
LAWRENCE SCHATZ.
339
00:13:47,290 --> 00:13:48,524
IT'S TOO TRAUMATIC.
340
00:13:48,558 --> 00:13:51,092
I AM FRAGILE
ON THIS ISSUE.
341
00:13:51,126 --> 00:13:52,092
THAT HOW IT IS?
342
00:13:52,127 --> 00:13:54,094
YEAH.
THAT'S HOW IT IS.
343
00:13:54,128 --> 00:13:56,430
WHATEVER YOU SAY...
344
00:13:56,463 --> 00:13:57,865
KILLER.
345
00:13:57,898 --> 00:14:00,000
Narrator: THE PIE MAKER
346
00:14:00,034 --> 00:14:02,669
RATIONALIZED CIRCUMSTANCES
BEYOND HIS CONTROL
347
00:14:02,702 --> 00:14:05,572
WERE RESPONSIBLE
FOR LAWRENCE SCHATZ'S DEATH.
348
00:14:05,605 --> 00:14:06,906
HE WAS NOT TO BLAME.
349
00:14:06,940 --> 00:14:09,374
RATIONALIZING
THOSE RATIONALIZATIONS
350
00:14:09,408 --> 00:14:11,743
TO THE MAN
HE INADVERTENTLY KILLED
351
00:14:11,777 --> 00:14:13,611
WAS SOMETHING
HE'D RATHER NOT DO.
352
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:15,379
I WANT TO TALK
TO LOUIS SCHATZ.
353
00:14:15,413 --> 00:14:16,581
OH.
354
00:14:16,614 --> 00:14:17,982
I WANT YOU
TO TALK TO HIM, TOO.
355
00:14:20,216 --> 00:14:22,419
WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
356
00:14:22,452 --> 00:14:25,955
SO YOU CAN APOLOGIZE,
AND I CAN SAY "THANK YOU."
357
00:14:28,490 --> 00:14:30,059
Narrator: AS THE PIE MAKER
358
00:14:30,124 --> 00:14:32,894
FOUND HIMSELF BACK
AT THE SCENE OF HIS CRIME,
359
00:14:32,927 --> 00:14:36,096
CHUCK FOUND HERSELF BACK
WHERE HER SECOND LIFE BEGAN,
360
00:14:36,129 --> 00:14:39,499
NOW WITH THE UNDERSTANDING
OF HOW IT BEGAN.
361
00:14:44,070 --> 00:14:46,237
HAVE YOU
ALREADY BEEN HERE?
HMM?
362
00:14:46,271 --> 00:14:49,075
LAWRENCE SCHATZ?
363
00:14:49,107 --> 00:14:50,875
LOUIS.
LAWRENCE IS DEAD.
364
00:14:50,909 --> 00:14:52,711
HEY, EMERSON.
HEY, LOUIE.
365
00:14:52,744 --> 00:14:54,979
"DARLING MERMAID DARLINGS."
366
00:14:55,012 --> 00:14:56,280
YEAH, WE JUST BURIED
THEIR NIECE,
367
00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:57,781
LONELY TOURIST
CHARLOTTE CHARLES.
368
00:14:57,815 --> 00:15:00,316
YOU SEE THEY'RE ON TOUR.
I DO.
IT'S SO EXCITING.
369
00:15:00,350 --> 00:15:01,651
TOUR WAS CANCELED.
370
00:15:01,684 --> 00:15:04,586
THEY'RE IN A DARK PLACE, SOME
KIND OF AN EMOTIONAL RELAPSE.
371
00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:05,654
HAVE WE MET BEFORE?
372
00:15:05,687 --> 00:15:06,989
NO.NO.
373
00:15:07,022 --> 00:15:09,024
Narrator: THE CAUSE OF
THE DARLING MERMAID DARLINGS'
374
00:15:09,057 --> 00:15:12,960
EMOTIONAL RELAPSE WAS THIS...
375
00:15:12,994 --> 00:15:15,495
AFTER LOSING CHUCK,
AUNTS LILY AND VIVIAN
376
00:15:15,528 --> 00:15:18,732
HAD A BETTER APPRECIATION
OF THE PRECIOUSNESS OF LIFE.
377
00:15:18,765 --> 00:15:20,767
WITH LUGGAGE PACKED,
BONNETS CINCHED,
378
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,668
AND SUNSCREEN
VIGOROUSLY APPLIED,
379
00:15:22,701 --> 00:15:24,670
THEY WERE READY AT LAST
380
00:15:24,703 --> 00:15:29,307
TO START THEIR LONG-AWAITED
COMEBACK TOUR, BUT NOT TODAY.
381
00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:30,575
TO THEIR SURPRISE,
382
00:15:30,608 --> 00:15:33,176
THERE WAS SOMETHING WAITING
IN THE MORNING MAIL,
383
00:15:33,210 --> 00:15:35,746
ALONGSIDE THE THRIFTY NICKEL
AND THE PENNYSAVER.
384
00:15:35,779 --> 00:15:37,146
IT'S FROM CHARLOTTE.
385
00:15:37,179 --> 00:15:40,316
Narrator: IN THAT MOMENT,
ONLY FOR A MOMENT,
386
00:15:40,349 --> 00:15:42,885
AUNT LILY FORGOT
CHUCK WAS DEAD...
387
00:15:42,918 --> 00:15:44,920
OR, AT LEAST, DEAD TO HER.
388
00:15:44,954 --> 00:15:47,288
THEN SHE REMEMBERED.
389
00:15:50,524 --> 00:15:53,694
POOR, POOR CHARLOTTE.
390
00:15:53,727 --> 00:15:55,896
Narrator: AND WITH THAT,
391
00:15:55,929 --> 00:16:00,066
THE DARLING MERMAID DARLINGS
CANCELED THEIR COMEBACK TOUR.
392
00:16:00,099 --> 00:16:02,601
I'M HAVING A MARTINI
AND GOING TO BED.
393
00:16:05,637 --> 00:16:07,638
Louie: YOU KNOW, UH,
LARRY DIED ON THE SAME DAY
394
00:16:07,673 --> 00:16:09,507
WE BURIED LONELY TOURIST
CHARLOTTE CHARLES.
395
00:16:09,540 --> 00:16:11,676
WE DON'T OFTEN
BURY A CELEBRITY.
396
00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:12,810
CELEBRITY.
397
00:16:12,843 --> 00:16:14,811
BURYING A CELEBRITY,
EVEN A PSEUDO-CELEBRITY,
398
00:16:14,844 --> 00:16:16,413
WHO'S ONLY FAMOUS
FOR HOW SHE DIED,
399
00:16:16,446 --> 00:16:18,547
MUST BE A COUP FOR ANY
FUNERAL HOME, I'D IMAGIN
400
00:16:18,581 --> 00:16:22,685
IT WOULD BE, IF IT WASN'T FOR
LARRY'S GRAVE-ROBBING SCANDAL
401
00:16:22,718 --> 00:16:24,119
OR HIS MURDER.
402
00:16:24,153 --> 00:16:25,720
HE'S IN HERE.
403
00:16:25,753 --> 00:16:29,189
I GOT IT LOCKED, SO NO ONE
CAN DEFILE HIS DEAD BODY.
404
00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:30,958
ARE YOU SURE
HE WAS MURDERED?
405
00:16:30,992 --> 00:16:33,393
I'VE BEEN
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER.
406
00:16:33,427 --> 00:16:35,862
AND, BOY, DO I HAVE A TALE
TO TELL.
407
00:16:35,896 --> 00:16:38,464
Narrator: AND THIS IS THE TALE
LOUIS SCHATZ TOLD.
408
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:41,033
HE DETAILED A SERIES OF EVENTS
THAT BEGAN
409
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,968
WHEN HE CAUGHT HIS BROTHER
LAWRENCE IN THE ACT.
410
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,303
I WAS JUST PREPPING THE BODY
FOR BURIAL.
411
00:16:46,336 --> 00:16:48,238
YOUR WIFE'S GORGEOUS.
HOW'D YOU MEET?
412
00:16:48,272 --> 00:16:50,474
AW, LARRY.
HOW COULD YOU?
413
00:16:50,507 --> 00:16:53,276
Narrator: WHEN WORD
OF LAWRENCE'S GRAVE-ROBBING WAYS
414
00:16:53,309 --> 00:16:55,912
SPREAD THROUGH THE SLEEPY HOLLOW
OF COEUR d'COEURS,
415
00:16:55,945 --> 00:16:57,279
THERE WAS PUBLIC OUTRAGE.
416
00:16:57,313 --> 00:17:00,348
BULK HATE MAIL AND DEATH THRTS
BY THE HUNDREDS
417
00:17:00,382 --> 00:17:02,818
FRIGHTENED THE TRUTH
OUT OF LAWRENCE.
418
00:17:02,851 --> 00:17:05,419
ACCORDING TO LOUIS,
HE ONLY CONFESSED HIS SINS
419
00:17:05,453 --> 00:17:07,922
TO THE ONE PERSON
HE KNEW WOULD FORGIVE HIM.
420
00:17:07,955 --> 00:17:10,958
[ Crying ] I BURIED IT ALL
WHERE NO ONE COULD FIND IT.
421
00:17:10,991 --> 00:17:12,992
YOU HAVE TO
GIVE EVERYTHING BACK.
422
00:17:13,026 --> 00:17:14,794
BUT I BURIED IT
REALLY DEEP.
423
00:17:14,828 --> 00:17:16,129
Narrator: LOUIS INSISTED
424
00:17:16,162 --> 00:17:18,464
WHAT HIS BROTHER LAWRENCE
DID NOT CONFESS
425
00:17:18,497 --> 00:17:22,700
WAS WHERE HE HAD HIDDEN THE
SPOILS OF HIS GRAVE-ROBBERY.
426
00:17:22,735 --> 00:17:25,837
THAT SECRET HE TOOK
TO HIS OWN GRAVE
427
00:17:25,870 --> 00:17:28,106
WHEN HE PRESUMABLY DIED
OF HEART FAILURE.
428
00:17:28,139 --> 00:17:29,806
BUT AS LOUIS WAS BESIEGED
429
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:33,576
BY ANGRY FAMILIES SEEKING
THE RETURN OF STOLEN HEIRLOOMS,
430
00:17:33,610 --> 00:17:37,680
HE BEGAN TO WONDER --
WHAT IF IT WASN'T HEART FAILURE?
431
00:17:37,713 --> 00:17:39,682
WHAT IF HIS BROTHER
WAS MURDERED?
432
00:17:39,715 --> 00:17:41,549
WHAT IF,
IN THE HUNDREDS OF LETTERS
433
00:17:41,583 --> 00:17:44,119
ADDRESSED TO LAWRENCE SCHATZ,
THREATENING HIS LIFE,
434
00:17:44,152 --> 00:17:46,087
ONE OF THEM WAS A PROMISE?
435
00:17:47,588 --> 00:17:49,456
WHAT IF HIS BROTHER
WAS MURDERED,
436
00:17:49,490 --> 00:17:51,959
AND WHAT IF HIS MURDER WAS NEXT?
437
00:17:51,992 --> 00:17:53,793
I TOLD LARRY
IT WAS BAD KARMA.
438
00:17:53,826 --> 00:17:55,995
THE WHOLE THING MAKES ME
SICK -- JUST SICK.
439
00:17:56,028 --> 00:17:57,964
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO LIVE IN DAILY FEAR
440
00:17:57,997 --> 00:17:59,998
THAT ONE MINUTE YOU COULD DROP
DEAD RIGHT WHERE YOU'RE STANDING
441
00:18:00,031 --> 00:18:01,800
BECAUSE OF SOMETHING
SOMEBODY ELSE DID?
442
00:18:03,501 --> 00:18:05,569
I FEEL LIKE I COULD SMOKE
A CIGAR WITH YOU.
443
00:18:05,603 --> 00:18:07,538
I DON'T SMOKE.
THAT WAS LARRY.
444
00:18:07,571 --> 00:18:10,306
HERE. TAKE IT.
HE WOULD.
445
00:18:11,608 --> 00:18:15,178
IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT
TWINS -- HIS LIFE WAS MY LIFE.
446
00:18:15,211 --> 00:18:16,945
IT'S STRANGE
TO SHARE SOMEONE'S LIFE.
447
00:18:16,979 --> 00:18:18,514
I FEEL LIKE MINE'S
TAINTED NOW.
448
00:18:18,547 --> 00:18:20,448
I WOULD LOVE TO GIVE BACK
WHAT HE TOOK.
449
00:18:20,481 --> 00:18:23,518
UM...CAN WE HAVE A MOMENT
TO PAY OUR RESPECTS,
450
00:18:23,551 --> 00:18:26,419
WHILE YOU GO RUSTLE UP
THAT HATE MAIL TO GO?
451
00:18:28,555 --> 00:18:29,990
YEAH.
452
00:18:33,026 --> 00:18:34,426
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
453
00:18:34,460 --> 00:18:38,063
Narrator: AS THEY STOOD OVER THE
MAN WHO DIED FOR ONE OF THEM
454
00:18:38,097 --> 00:18:40,064
AND WAS KILLED BY THE OTHER,
455
00:18:40,098 --> 00:18:43,902
CHUCK AND THE PIE MAKER
CAREFULLY PLANNED THEIR WORDS.
456
00:18:43,935 --> 00:18:45,369
[ WATCH TICKING ]
457
00:18:45,402 --> 00:18:46,737
[ GASPS ]
458
00:18:46,770 --> 00:18:48,238
YES?
459
00:18:48,272 --> 00:18:49,572
I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I DID.
460
00:18:49,605 --> 00:18:52,275
IT WAS MOSTLY AN ACCIDENT,
BUT PARTIALLY ON PURPOSE.
461
00:18:52,308 --> 00:18:54,509
HOWEVER INADVERTENT,
I AM SORRY I DID IT.
462
00:18:54,543 --> 00:18:56,778
THAT'S ALL.
463
00:18:58,814 --> 00:19:00,215
HELLO.
464
00:19:00,248 --> 00:19:02,050
LONELY TOURIST
CHARLOTTE CHARLES,
465
00:19:02,083 --> 00:19:04,118
ARE YOU PART OF
MY WELCOMING COMMITTEE?
466
00:19:04,151 --> 00:19:06,653
MORE LIKE A BENEFICIARY,
IN THAT I'M STILL ALIVE,
467
00:19:06,686 --> 00:19:07,887
WHICH IS WHY YOU'RE NOT.
468
00:19:07,921 --> 00:19:09,055
AM I A HUMAN SACRIFICE?
469
00:19:09,088 --> 00:19:11,323
HEY, EMERSON.
OH, HEY, LARRY.
470
00:19:11,356 --> 00:19:13,826
WHAT'D YOU DO WITH ALL
THAT STUFF YOU STOLE
OFF THEM DEAD PEOPLE?
471
00:19:13,859 --> 00:19:15,661
WHY DON'T YOU ASK LOUIS
WHAT HE DID WITH IT?
472
00:19:15,694 --> 00:19:17,729
LOUIS SAID
YOU BURIED IT.
AND YOU BELIEVED HIM.
473
00:19:17,763 --> 00:19:19,363
YOU MET LOUIS?
HEY, HOW DID I DIE?
474
00:19:19,397 --> 00:19:21,232
DID SOMEBODY KILL ME?
HEY, DID LOUIS KILL ME?
475
00:19:21,265 --> 00:19:22,567
NOBODY KILLED YOU, PER SE.
476
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,901
Y-YES, THEY DID.
IT WAS SO THAT I COULD LIVE.
477
00:19:24,935 --> 00:19:26,636
IT WASN'T PERSONAL.
I DIDN'T PICK YOU.
478
00:19:26,670 --> 00:19:27,838
THE SELECTION
IS PURELY RANDOM,
479
00:19:27,871 --> 00:19:29,638
BUT IT DIDN'T HELP THAT YOU
WERE IN THE NEXT ROOM.
480
00:19:29,672 --> 00:19:31,174
LOUIS HAS ALL THAT STUFF
YOU STOLE?
481
00:19:31,208 --> 00:19:33,275
WE STOLE --
IT WAS A FAMILY BUSINESS.
482
00:19:33,309 --> 00:19:35,343
LOUIS HAS EVERYTHING
BUT THIS WATCH.
483
00:19:35,376 --> 00:19:37,112
MY DAD GAVE ME A WATCH
JUST LIKE THAT.
484
00:19:37,146 --> 00:19:39,346
YOU WERE BURIED WITH IT.
WELL, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE.
485
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,316
CAUGHT ME
IN THE COOKIE JAR.
486
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:43,318
YOU STOLE THAT
OFF MY DEAD BODY?
487
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:44,885
YOUR DEAD BODY WASN'T
DOING ANYTHING WITH IT.
488
00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:48,421
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HEY! HEY!
489
00:19:50,456 --> 00:19:51,624
IT'S STUCK.
490
00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:53,025
YOU BETTER BE PLAYING.
491
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:54,126
29 SECONDS.
492
00:20:05,316 --> 00:20:05,816
Narrator: ONE MINUTE'S TIME
493
00:20:05,816 --> 00:20:06,549
WAS NEARING ITS END.
494
00:20:07,417 --> 00:20:09,953
RANDOM SELECTION
WAS ABOUT TO BEGIN.
495
00:20:09,986 --> 00:20:11,321
5 SECONDS!
OHH!
496
00:20:11,353 --> 00:20:13,355
MAYBE I SHOULD LET HIM
HAVE HIS LIFE BACK.
497
00:20:15,224 --> 00:20:16,859
NOT HOW IT WORKS.
498
00:20:16,892 --> 00:20:19,261
NO REGIFTING!
499
00:20:20,127 --> 00:20:21,662
THAT WASN'T COOL,
YOU GUYS.
500
00:20:21,696 --> 00:20:23,763
[ PANTING ]
501
00:20:29,468 --> 00:20:33,038
LOOK.
502
00:20:33,072 --> 00:20:37,508
AW, THAT WAS SO SWEET
OF MY AUNTS TO BURY IT WITH ME.
503
00:20:37,542 --> 00:20:39,711
MY DAD HAD IT,
AND THEN I HAD IT.
504
00:20:39,744 --> 00:20:42,846
THEN I SUPPOSE HE HAD IT,
WHICH REALLY STEAMS ME.
505
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,081
YOU GOT IT BACK?
506
00:20:44,114 --> 00:20:46,883
YEAH, I DID.
507
00:20:46,916 --> 00:20:48,618
IT'S NICE
TO GET THINGS BACK.
508
00:20:48,651 --> 00:20:50,353
[ CHUCKLES ]
509
00:20:50,385 --> 00:20:53,189
MY AUNTS
CANCELED THEIR TOUR.
510
00:20:53,222 --> 00:20:54,556
[ SIGHS ]
511
00:20:54,589 --> 00:20:57,158
I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD
TO HIDING OUT IN THE CROWD
512
00:20:57,192 --> 00:20:59,327
WITH A BIG PAIR OF SUNGLASSES
AND A PARASOL,
513
00:20:59,361 --> 00:21:01,528
WATCHING THEM PERFORM
IN THEIR MERMAID SUITS.
514
00:21:01,562 --> 00:21:03,230
[ CHUCKLES ]
515
00:21:03,264 --> 00:21:05,865
HE SAID THEY WERE
IN A DARK PLACE.
516
00:21:05,899 --> 00:21:09,335
HE SAID THEY HAD SOME KIND
OF EMOTIONAL RELAPSE.
517
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:10,736
COULDN'T WE JUST...
518
00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:14,239
YOU CAN'T SEE
YOUR AUNTS.
519
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,573
I'M SORRY.
520
00:21:23,013 --> 00:21:25,916
Narrator:
IF CHUCK COULD NOT REGIFT
THE LIFE SHE'D BEEN GIVEN,
521
00:21:25,949 --> 00:21:27,583
SHE AT LEAST WANTED
TO FIND A WAY
522
00:21:27,616 --> 00:21:31,452
TO SHARE IT WITH HER AUNTS
LILY AND VIVIAN.
523
00:21:34,656 --> 00:21:35,957
[ TIRES SCREECH ]
524
00:21:35,990 --> 00:21:38,558
ANYBODY DEAD BACK THERE
THAT SHOULDN'T BE?
525
00:21:38,592 --> 00:21:40,027
NO.
526
00:21:40,060 --> 00:21:42,495
SWEET.
527
00:21:42,528 --> 00:21:46,065
Narrator: AFTER LAWRENCE SCHATZ
WAS EXPOSED AS A GRAVE ROBBER,
528
00:21:46,098 --> 00:21:48,566
THE MAILBOX AT
THE SCHATZ BROTHERS FUNERAL HOME
529
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:52,570
RECEIVED 1,867 HATE LETTERS,
530
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:56,041
EACH ONE A CATALOG OF HEIRLOOMS
FEARED STOLEN OR LOST.
531
00:21:56,074 --> 00:21:57,975
LOUIS SCHATZ
IS A BIG, FAT LIAR.
532
00:21:58,008 --> 00:22:00,277
AND I SAY "FAT" IN REFERENCE
TO HIS SIZE AS A LIAR,
533
00:22:00,311 --> 00:22:02,279
NOT AS A JUDGMENT
OF HIS PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.
534
00:22:02,313 --> 00:22:03,713
I'M NOT MAD AT HIM
FOR LYING.
535
00:22:03,746 --> 00:22:06,416
IF I COULD PIN MY CRIMES
ON SOME DEAD RELATIVE,
536
00:22:06,448 --> 00:22:08,617
ESPECIALLY SOME GUILTY
DEAD RELATIVE,
537
00:22:08,650 --> 00:22:10,118
I'D CERTAINLY CONSIDER IT.
538
00:22:10,152 --> 00:22:12,254
THAT SUCKER PLAYED ME
LIKE BOO-BOO THE FOOL --
539
00:22:12,287 --> 00:22:14,089
HIRING ME
TO MAKE HIM LOOK INNOCENT.
540
00:22:14,122 --> 00:22:16,958
HE KNEW ALL ALONG WHERE THAT
DEAD-PEOPLE TREASURE WAS BURIED.
541
00:22:16,991 --> 00:22:18,125
IT'S ALL RIGHT, THOUGH.
542
00:22:18,159 --> 00:22:19,993
I'M GONNA FOLLOW
HIS LYING FAT ASS
543
00:22:20,026 --> 00:22:21,461
UNTIL HE LEAD ME RIGHT TO IT.
544
00:22:21,494 --> 00:22:22,696
THEN I'M GONNA TAKE IT.
545
00:22:22,729 --> 00:22:24,797
YOU CAN'T STEAL
DEAD PEOPLE'S STUFF.
546
00:22:24,830 --> 00:22:26,299
I'M NOT THE ONE
WHO STOLE IT.
547
00:22:26,333 --> 00:22:28,934
I DON'T CONDONE WHAT THEY DID,
BUT IT'S ONCE REMOVED NOW.
548
00:22:28,968 --> 00:22:31,370
I'M NOT THE PIRATE --
I'M JUST LOOKING FOR TREASURE.
549
00:22:31,403 --> 00:22:33,905
THE PIRATE METAPHOR
IS WEAK.
IT'S APT.
550
00:22:33,938 --> 00:22:35,907
I FIND A DEAD PIRATE TREASURE
AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA,
551
00:22:35,940 --> 00:22:37,474
I TAKE IT --
DOESN'T MATTER WHOSE IT WAS,
552
00:22:37,507 --> 00:22:39,176
IF WHOSE IWAS IS DEAD,
'CAUSE IT'S MINE NOW.
553
00:22:39,209 --> 00:22:42,545
THIS -- THIS ISN'T A DOUBLOON.
THIS IS SOMEBODY'S SOMETHING.
554
00:22:42,578 --> 00:22:45,681
STEALING FROM A PIRATE WHO
ALREADY STOLE IS STILL STEALING.
555
00:22:45,715 --> 00:22:46,949
IT'S NOT ONCE REMOVED.
556
00:22:46,983 --> 00:22:48,516
SOMEBODY DIDN'T WANT
THAT SOMETHING
557
00:22:48,550 --> 00:22:50,652
IF THEY BURIED IT WITH SOMEBODY
WHO CAN'T USE IT.
558
00:22:50,685 --> 00:22:53,355
WHAT IF LAWRENCE SCHATZ
WAS MURDERED FOR
THIS BURIED TREASURE?
559
00:22:53,388 --> 00:22:55,022
WELL, WAS GONNA BE
BEFORE YOU GOT TO HIM.
560
00:22:55,055 --> 00:22:56,790
WHY'D YOU HAVE TO SAY IT
LIKE THAT?
561
00:22:56,824 --> 00:22:58,691
THERE'S A LOT OF HOSTILITY
IN THESE LETTERS.
562
00:22:58,725 --> 00:23:01,260
DO YOU REALIZE
HOW ANGRY SOMEONE HAS
TO BE TO PUT PEN TO PAPER?
563
00:23:01,295 --> 00:23:03,262
I MEAN,
THESE PEOPLE ARE FURIOUS.
564
00:23:03,296 --> 00:23:04,931
ANY ONE OF THEM
COULD BE THE KILLER.
565
00:23:04,964 --> 00:23:06,466
LAWRENCE SCHATZ
WASN'T MURDERED.
566
00:23:06,531 --> 00:23:10,868
HE WAS ACCIDENTALLY,
INVOLUNTARILY MANSLAUGHTERED.
567
00:23:10,901 --> 00:23:13,070
I APPRECIATE THAT.
THERE AIN'T NO KILLER.
568
00:23:16,173 --> 00:23:18,541
Narrator:
BE THAT AS IT MAY,
569
00:23:18,608 --> 00:23:21,144
MURDER WAS ON SOMEONE'S MIND.
570
00:23:28,950 --> 00:23:31,853
AS CHUCK CATALOGUED
ANOTHER MISSING HEIRLOOM,
571
00:23:31,886 --> 00:23:34,389
SHE CONSIDERED
WHAT HER AUNTS HAD LOST
572
00:23:34,422 --> 00:23:36,424
AND HOW IT COULD NEVER
BE RETURNED.
573
00:23:36,457 --> 00:23:38,892
[ SIGHS ]
THIS IS DEPRESSING.
574
00:23:42,462 --> 00:23:44,330
DID YOU SAY "DEPRESSING"?
575
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,102
FDA-APPROVED
PHARMACEUTICAL-GRADE HERBOLOGY.
576
00:23:52,137 --> 00:23:54,004
LIKE A BULLY
FOR YOUR EMOTIONS.
577
00:23:54,038 --> 00:23:56,373
MM-HMM. EMOTIONS NEED TO BE
BULLIED, OR AT LEAST GROOMED.
578
00:23:56,407 --> 00:23:57,573
INDULGING DEPRESSION
579
00:23:57,607 --> 00:23:59,208
IS LIKE INDULGING
A HORRIBLE, WILLFUL CHILD.
580
00:23:59,242 --> 00:24:00,710
IF YOU ALLOW IT
TO RUN ROUGHSHOD,
581
00:24:00,743 --> 00:24:02,711
YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF CATERING
TO ITS EVERY WHIM.
582
00:24:02,744 --> 00:24:04,414
SO, BULLY IT,
AND BULLY IT GOOD.
583
00:24:04,447 --> 00:24:06,515
EVERYONE NEEDS
TO BE BULLIED SOMETIMES.
584
00:24:06,547 --> 00:24:08,116
DO YOU HAVE
ANY LITERATURE?
585
00:24:08,150 --> 00:24:10,051
I HAVE A PAMPHLET,
IF YOU'D LIKE TO READ THAT.
586
00:24:10,084 --> 00:24:11,919
OUR HERBS FOR DEPRESSION
CONTAIN PROVEN INGREDIENTS
587
00:24:11,952 --> 00:24:13,287
IN THE PROPER DOSES,
588
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:15,922
MANUFACTURED WITH THE STRICTEST
OF QUALITY CONTROL.
589
00:24:15,955 --> 00:24:18,657
"HERBS FOR DEPRESSION"
SOUNDS SO MUCH MORE CIVIL
THAN "ANTIDEPRESSANTS."
590
00:24:18,690 --> 00:24:20,427
AND WITH FEWER SIDE EFFECTS.
CAN I HAVE THESE?
591
00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:23,062
I CAN'T JUST GIVE IT TO YOU.
IT'S A CONTROLLED SUBSTAE.
592
00:24:24,562 --> 00:24:26,564
BUT I HAVE A SAMPLE PACK.
593
00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:31,502
Narrator: CHUCK WASN'T THINKING
OF HERSELF.
594
00:24:31,536 --> 00:24:34,704
SHE WAS THINKING OF HER AUNTS.
595
00:25:03,895 --> 00:25:06,597
EVEN AFTER SHE WAS DEAD
AND GONE,
596
00:25:06,630 --> 00:25:10,000
CHUCK FOUND A WAY TO DO WHAT
SHE HAD DONE ALL HER LIFE --
597
00:25:10,034 --> 00:25:11,634
CARE FOR HER AUNTS.
598
00:25:14,472 --> 00:25:16,738
OH, YOU FORGOT ONE.
599
00:25:16,772 --> 00:25:17,906
OUTSIDE MY ZONE.
600
00:25:17,940 --> 00:25:19,808
OH, IT'S NOT SO FAR.
601
00:25:19,842 --> 00:25:22,244
DO YOU WANT TO BE A DELIVERY BOY
OR A DELIVERY MAN?
602
00:25:22,277 --> 00:25:24,946
BOY.
YOU BE A MAN.
603
00:25:24,979 --> 00:25:26,981
[ SIGHS ]
BUT IT'S MY DAY OFF.
604
00:25:27,014 --> 00:25:28,648
[ SCOFFS ]
AND I'M A GIRL!
605
00:25:28,682 --> 00:25:30,251
Narrator: IN HER OWN WAY,
606
00:25:30,284 --> 00:25:33,587
OLIVE IDENTIFIED WITH THE PLIGHT
OF THE ABANDONED PIE.
607
00:25:33,619 --> 00:25:36,490
IT WAS MEANT FOR SOMEONE,
AND WITHOUT A LITTLE EFFORT,
608
00:25:36,523 --> 00:25:39,391
IT WOULD NEVER BE WITH THE ONE
IT WAS MEANT TO BE WITH.
609
00:25:40,992 --> 00:25:43,428
AND TRAGICALLY FOR LOUIS SCHATZ,
610
00:25:43,461 --> 00:25:46,231
HE WAS MEANT TO BE
WITH HIS BROTHER.
611
00:25:55,357 --> 00:25:58,192
HEY, I DIDN'T HEAR YOU LEAVE
THIS MORNING.
612
00:25:58,225 --> 00:25:59,927
I DIDN'T HEAR YOU COME IN
LAST NIGHT.
613
00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:03,029
I WAS HAVING CONVERSATIONS
WITH MYSELF.
614
00:26:03,062 --> 00:26:04,731
WHAT DID YOU GUYS
TALK ABOUT?
615
00:26:04,764 --> 00:26:06,832
I ASKED MYSELF,
"IF I WERE STORMING A CASTLE
616
00:26:06,865 --> 00:26:09,101
"TO SAVE A SLEEPING BEAUTY
FROM THE JAWS OF DEATH,
617
00:26:09,134 --> 00:26:11,669
"AND IN THE MELEE, MY SWORD
OF TRUTH FLEW SWIFT AND SURE
618
00:26:11,702 --> 00:26:13,905
"AND KILLED AN UNFORTUNATE
OUTLAW HUDDLED NEARBY,
619
00:26:13,938 --> 00:26:15,072
HOW WOULD I FEEL?"
620
00:26:15,106 --> 00:26:17,375
DID YOU SUCCESSFULLY
RESCUE SLEEPING BEAUTY?
621
00:26:17,407 --> 00:26:18,875
IN THIS SCENARIO, YEAH.
622
00:26:18,909 --> 00:26:20,777
AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL,
HYPOTHETICALLY?
623
00:26:20,810 --> 00:26:23,113
I'D FEEL HAPPY AND THEN BAD,
AND PRIMARILY HAPPY,
624
00:26:23,146 --> 00:26:25,047
AND THEN I'D THINK ABOUT IT
TOO MUCH,
625
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:26,415
AND THEN
I'D FEEL BAD AGAIN.
626
00:26:26,448 --> 00:26:28,984
THAT'S KIND OF HOW
I FEELXACTLY HOW I FEEL.
627
00:26:30,652 --> 00:26:31,886
[ UCKLES ]
628
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,055
WELL, I DON'T WANT YOU
TO THINK I'M A KILLER.
629
00:26:34,088 --> 00:26:36,257
I DON'T WANT TO THINK
YOU'RE A KILLER, EITHER.
630
00:26:36,291 --> 00:26:38,225
I WANT TO THINK OF YOU
AS PRINCE CHARMING.
631
00:26:38,258 --> 00:26:39,826
THAT'S NOT GOOD.
632
00:26:39,860 --> 00:26:41,994
I'M NOT SETTING A STANDARD
FOR YOU TO LIVE UP TO.
IT'S JUST --
633
00:26:48,500 --> 00:26:50,135
DID YOU -- DID YOU --
634
00:26:50,168 --> 00:26:52,770
NO. NO!
635
00:26:52,803 --> 00:26:54,372
Narrator:
AS CHUCK AND THE PIE MAKER
636
00:26:54,406 --> 00:26:56,539
CONSIDERED THE DEAD
SCHATZ BROTHER IN THE FREEZER,
637
00:26:56,572 --> 00:27:00,176
OLIVE SNOOK CONSIDERED
THE CONSEQUENCES
638
00:27:00,209 --> 00:27:03,112
OF DRIVI SEVERAL TOWNS AWAY
TO MAKE A DELIVERY
639
00:27:03,146 --> 00:27:06,715
TO AN ADDRESS THAT WAS NOT PART
OF THE REGULAR DELIVERY ROUTE.
640
00:27:08,050 --> 00:27:09,917
[ GATE BANGS ]
641
00:27:15,122 --> 00:27:16,957
[ BIRD CAWS ]
642
00:27:28,933 --> 00:27:31,468
Narrator: AS SHE DREW CLOSER
TO THE FRONT DOOR,
643
00:27:31,501 --> 00:27:34,405
OLIVE CONSIDERED
THE SHEER NUMBER OF CRIMES
644
00:27:34,439 --> 00:27:38,241
AGAINST DELIVERY PEOPLE
AND HOW THEY WERE ON THE RISE.
645
00:27:47,182 --> 00:27:48,984
S.O.S.! O.S.!
646
00:27:49,017 --> 00:27:51,051
O.S.! S.O.S.!
647
00:27:51,085 --> 00:27:53,988
THIS PIE SMELLS DELICIOUS.
648
00:27:59,092 --> 00:28:02,961
PIES FOR BREFAST
ALWAYS REMIND ME OF MOTHER.
649
00:28:02,995 --> 00:28:05,097
VERMOUTH ALWAYS REMINDS ME
OF MOTHER.
650
00:28:05,130 --> 00:28:08,065
WHY ARE WE HAVING PIE,
AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
651
00:28:08,100 --> 00:28:09,334
FORGIVE LILY.
652
00:28:09,368 --> 00:28:11,769
THE LAST TIME WE HAD VISITORS,
THERE WAS A HOME INVASION.
653
00:28:11,802 --> 00:28:13,970
THAT WAS ALL OVER
THE EVENING NEWS.
654
00:28:14,004 --> 00:28:16,606
YOU'RE DARLING MERMAID DARLINGS
VIVIAN AND LILY CHARLES.
655
00:28:16,639 --> 00:28:19,541
I SAW YOU PERFORM AT
THE CALLUM COUNTY COUNTRY FAIR
656
00:28:19,575 --> 00:28:21,076
WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.
657
00:28:21,110 --> 00:28:22,411
[ GIGGLING ]
658
00:28:22,444 --> 00:28:23,678
[ EXHALES LIGHTLY ]
659
00:28:23,711 --> 00:28:26,614
OLIVE IS
IN THE PIE INDUSTRY.
660
00:28:26,647 --> 00:28:27,615
REALLY?
661
00:28:27,648 --> 00:28:29,583
SOMEONE HAS MADE YOU
THE HAPPY RECIPIENTS
662
00:28:29,616 --> 00:28:30,851
OF A PIE
FROM THE PIE HOLE,
663
00:28:30,884 --> 00:28:32,453
AS IN "SHUT YOUR."
664
00:28:32,487 --> 00:28:35,521
OR, IN THIS CASE, "OPEN YOUR,"
'CAUSE IT'S REAL GOOD.
665
00:28:35,554 --> 00:28:38,791
THE PIE HOLE -- I LIKE IT.
IT'S PROVOCATIVE.
666
00:28:39,959 --> 00:28:42,161
WELL, YOU MUST LOVE PIE
TO MAKE IT YOUR LIFE'S WORK.
667
00:28:42,194 --> 00:28:43,496
LOTS TO LOVE
AT THE PIE HOLE.
668
00:28:43,528 --> 00:28:45,063
THERE'S GRUY鑂E
BAKED INTO THE CRUST.
669
00:28:45,096 --> 00:28:46,563
OH, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
WE DID THAT.
670
00:28:46,597 --> 00:28:48,400
CHARLOTTE LOVED GRUY鑂E.
671
00:28:48,433 --> 00:28:50,401
WE RECENTLY LOST
OUR NIECE,
672
00:28:50,434 --> 00:28:52,702
LONELY TOURIST
CHARLOTTE CHARLES.
673
00:28:52,735 --> 00:28:55,071
IT'S ALL OVER THE NEWS.
I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.
674
00:28:55,104 --> 00:28:56,806
M SURE YOU'RE SICK
OF HEARING IT.
675
00:28:56,839 --> 00:28:58,640
I DON'T WANT TO BEAT
A SENTIMENT TO D--
676
00:29:00,642 --> 00:29:03,412
I'M SO SORRY
FOR YOUR LOSS.
677
00:29:03,445 --> 00:29:05,447
THIS HAS TO BE
FROM THAT YOUNG MAN
678
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:08,049
WHO LIVED NEXT DOOR
WHEN CHARLOTTE WAS A GIRL.
679
00:29:08,082 --> 00:29:10,617
OH, HE HAD A FILTHY MIND
AS A CHILD.
680
00:29:10,650 --> 00:29:13,686
HE GAVE CHARLOTTE A BEAVER
T-SHIRT FOR HER 8th BIRTHDAY.
681
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:14,854
[ CHUCKLES ]
682
00:29:14,888 --> 00:29:16,955
WHAT DID WE CALL HIM?
"BEAVER BOY."
683
00:29:16,989 --> 00:29:18,223
BEAVER BOY.
684
00:29:18,257 --> 00:29:20,292
SEEMS LIKE HE GREW UP
TO BE A NICE YOUNG MAN.
685
00:29:20,325 --> 00:29:22,127
BEAVER BOY DID SAY
HE WAS A PIE MAKER.
686
00:29:22,161 --> 00:29:24,463
I IMAGINE HE GIVES
LOTS OF PEOPLE PIE.
687
00:29:24,496 --> 00:29:26,730
BEAVER BOY'S A PIE MAKER?
MM-HMM.
688
00:29:26,764 --> 00:29:29,032
WHO WAS CHILDHOOD SWEETHEARTS
WITH YOUR NIECE,
689
00:29:29,066 --> 00:29:31,301
LONELY TOURI
CHARLOTTE CHARLES, WHO IS DEAD?
690
00:29:32,469 --> 00:29:33,537
PRESENTLY?
691
00:29:35,305 --> 00:29:37,706
Narrator: THE TRUTH ABOUT
THE DEAD GIRL WHO WASN'T DEAD
692
00:29:37,740 --> 00:29:39,308
VIBRATED ON OLIVE'S TONGUE.
693
00:29:39,341 --> 00:29:42,210
SHE DARE NOT LET IT OUT,
SO SHE TOOK ANOTHER BITE.
694
00:29:45,013 --> 00:29:47,181
NOT REALIZING
LOUIS SCHATZ WAS DEAD
695
00:29:47,214 --> 00:29:50,350
AND WEDGED BETWEEN CHILLING
DOUGH AND YESTERDAY'S EGGS,
696
00:29:50,384 --> 00:29:53,653
EMERSON COD PREPARED
TO MONITOR EVERY MOVE HE MADE,
697
00:29:53,686 --> 00:29:56,155
IN HOPES OF FINDING
BURIED TREASURE.
698
00:29:56,189 --> 00:29:57,956
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
YEAH.
699
00:29:57,989 --> 00:30:00,192
HI, UM, ONE OF
THE SCHATZ BROTHERS --
IT'S LOUIS.
700
00:30:00,225 --> 00:30:02,494
LOUIS SCHATZ IS IN MY
FREEZER, AND I'M NOT
SURE HOW HE GOT THERE,
701
00:30:02,527 --> 00:30:04,095
BECAUSE IT DOESN'T LOOK
LIKE IT WAS HIS OWN DOING,
702
00:30:04,128 --> 00:30:05,463
ON ACCOUNT OF
HE'S DEAD AND ALL.
703
00:30:05,497 --> 00:30:07,697
YOU BEING SET UP.
HE SAID
WE'RE BEING SET UP.
704
00:30:07,730 --> 00:30:08,998
WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT
TO SET US UP?
705
00:30:09,032 --> 00:30:10,934
NO, YOU BEING SET UP.
706
00:30:10,967 --> 00:30:13,136
WHY WOULD ANYONE
WANT TO SET ME UP?
HELL IF I KNOW.
707
00:30:13,169 --> 00:30:15,205
MAYBE THEY FIGURE, SINCE YOU
KILLED THE OTHER ONE...
708
00:30:15,238 --> 00:30:17,239
[ SIGHS ] HAVE I BEEN EXPOSED?
DOES SOMEBODY KNOW?
709
00:30:17,272 --> 00:30:18,574
SOMEBODY KNOWS SOMETHING,
710
00:30:18,606 --> 00:30:20,442
AND THAT SOMEBODY PROBABLY
ALREADY CALLED THE POLICE.
711
00:30:22,176 --> 00:30:24,946
Hey, the police are here.
712
00:30:35,790 --> 00:30:38,493
HI.
YOU NEED TO FOLLOW US.
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
713
00:30:38,526 --> 00:30:40,461
YOU'RE GOING TO HEAVEN.
I GOT IN?
714
00:30:40,494 --> 00:30:42,596
YEAH, AND HEAVEN'S CLOSING
IN LIKE FIVE MINUTES.
715
00:30:42,629 --> 00:30:45,132
OR ONE, ACTUALLY.
HEAVEN'S CLOSING
IN LIKE ONE MINUTE.
716
00:30:45,165 --> 00:30:47,101
[ TIRES SCREECH ]
717
00:30:56,340 --> 00:30:58,442
[ GRUNTS ]
718
00:30:58,476 --> 00:31:00,578
HEY, EMERSON,
YOU GOING TO HEAVEN, TOO?
719
00:31:00,611 --> 00:31:02,378
YEAH, WE ALL
GOING TO HEAVEN.
720
00:31:02,412 --> 00:31:04,148
THAT'S SO WEIRD.
WE DIED AT THE SAME TIME.
721
00:31:04,181 --> 00:31:05,548
MM-HMM. THE RAPTURE.
722
00:31:05,582 --> 00:31:07,150
NO WAY.
YES WAY.
723
00:31:09,085 --> 00:31:10,385
IS LARRY HERE?
724
00:31:10,419 --> 00:31:11,954
YEAH, HE TOLD US
TO ASK YOU WHAT YOU DID
725
00:31:11,987 --> 00:31:13,856
WITH ALL THAT STUFF YOU STOLE
OFF THOSE DEAD FOLKS.
726
00:31:13,889 --> 00:31:15,858
YEAH, BUT FIRST, YOU GOT TO
TELL US WHO KILLED YOU.
727
00:31:15,891 --> 00:31:17,358
HEAVEN WOULD WANT TO KNOW.
728
00:31:17,391 --> 00:31:18,860
I CHOKED ON
A PIECE OF TONGUE.
729
00:31:18,893 --> 00:31:20,728
YOURS OR SOMEBODY ELSE'S?
730
00:31:20,762 --> 00:31:24,097
Narrator: IN THIS INSTANCE,
THE TONGUE BELONGED TO A COW.
731
00:31:24,131 --> 00:31:27,266
ALTHOUGH LOUIS SCHATZ
HAD BEEN LIMITING HIS PORTIONS,
732
00:31:27,299 --> 00:31:30,469
THEY WEREN'T SO SMALL
THEY COULDN'T BLOCK HIS WINDPIPE
733
00:31:30,503 --> 00:31:33,172
WHEN HE WAS CONFRONTED
BY AN ANGRY CUSTOMER.
734
00:31:36,608 --> 00:31:38,810
HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT
A CIVIL WAR HEIRLOOM.
735
00:31:38,843 --> 00:31:40,577
THEN I LOST CONSCIOUSNESS.
736
00:31:40,611 --> 00:31:42,646
I USUALLY COUGH IT UP
BEFORE I PASS OUT.
737
00:31:42,679 --> 00:31:44,114
5 SECONDS.
738
00:31:44,148 --> 00:31:45,882
THERE'S NO SEAT BELTS
IN THIS CAR.
739
00:31:45,915 --> 00:31:47,383
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
740
00:31:47,416 --> 00:31:50,153
WHAT DID YOU DO WITH
ALL THAT STUFF YOU STOLE
OFF THOSE DEAD...FOLK?
741
00:31:50,186 --> 00:31:51,686
SORRY.
742
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:53,455
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO
WITH THE BODY?
743
00:31:53,488 --> 00:31:55,723
WE'RE GONNA PUT SCHATZ BACK
EXACTLY WHERE HE DIED
744
00:31:55,757 --> 00:31:57,958
AND SHOW WHOEVER THIS SUCKER
WAS WHO TRIED TO FRAME YOU
745
00:31:57,992 --> 00:31:59,393
HOW A SUCKER GETS FRAMED.
746
00:31:59,426 --> 00:32:01,461
WE DON'T KNOW
WHO THIS SUCKER IS.
747
00:32:01,494 --> 00:32:03,663
YES, WE DO --
WILFRED WOODRUFF.
748
00:32:03,696 --> 00:32:05,765
Narrator:
IN CHUCK'S CATALOGING
749
00:32:05,799 --> 00:32:09,301
OF HEIRLOOMS FEARED STOLEN BY
TRUSTED FUNERAL PROFESSIONALS,
750
00:32:09,334 --> 00:32:12,303
SHE CAME ACROSS A PARTICULARLY
ANGRY DEATH THREAT
751
00:32:12,336 --> 00:32:14,739
WRITTEN BY ONE WILFRED WOODRUFF.
752
00:32:14,772 --> 00:32:17,642
MR. WOODRUFF CLAIMED
A CIVIL WAR HEIRLOOM,
753
00:32:17,675 --> 00:32:20,377
SUPPOSEDLY BURIED
WITH HIS GRANDFATHER,
754
00:32:20,410 --> 00:32:23,180
WAS OFFERED
IN AN ONLINE AUCTION,
755
00:32:23,213 --> 00:32:26,116
WHICH WAS TRACED BACK
TO THE BROTHERS SCHATZ.
756
00:32:26,149 --> 00:32:29,118
MR. WOODRUFF CLEARLY STATED
IN WRITING THAT PUNISHMENT
757
00:32:29,151 --> 00:32:32,054
FOR INSULTING THE WOODRUFF
FAMILY HONOR IN SUCH A WAY
758
00:32:32,087 --> 00:32:33,621
WAS DEATH.
759
00:32:40,561 --> 00:32:42,162
IT'S ALL LOCKED UP.
760
00:32:42,196 --> 00:32:43,930
WHAT?
761
00:32:43,963 --> 00:32:45,731
[ SIGHS ]
762
00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:52,971
I AIN'T GONNA FIT.
763
00:32:53,004 --> 00:32:55,539
YOU'LL FIT.
THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM.
764
00:33:01,444 --> 00:33:04,646
OH, THE WINDOW LOOKED BIGGER
FROM UP THERE.
765
00:33:06,316 --> 00:33:07,649
OHH!
766
00:33:11,586 --> 00:33:13,054
OHH!
767
00:33:13,087 --> 00:33:15,323
ARE YOU STUCK?
NO.
768
00:33:15,355 --> 00:33:17,791
YES, YOU ARE.
YOU'RE LIKE WINNIE-THE-POOH.
769
00:33:17,824 --> 00:33:19,159
GIVE ME YOUR PAWS, POOH.
770
00:33:26,699 --> 00:33:28,000
AAH!
771
00:33:28,033 --> 00:33:29,335
YOU PEOPLE STOP PULLING ME!
772
00:33:33,872 --> 00:33:35,340
OHH!
773
00:33:35,372 --> 00:33:36,341
OHH!
774
00:33:36,373 --> 00:33:37,441
OHH!
775
00:33:37,474 --> 00:33:40,210
OH, THIS ISN'T GOOD ATLL.
776
00:33:41,111 --> 00:33:43,145
WHAT PART
OF "DO NOT RESUSCITATE"
777
00:33:43,179 --> 00:33:44,814
DON'T YOU PEOPLE UNDERSTAND?
778
00:33:48,516 --> 00:33:51,385
HONEY, DID YOU TURN OFF THE GAS?
779
00:33:52,820 --> 00:33:54,889
[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]
780
00:34:10,568 --> 00:34:11,303
AAH! AAH!
781
00:34:11,336 --> 00:34:12,603
AAH! AAH!
782
00:34:12,637 --> 00:34:13,570
WILFRED WOODRU?
783
00:34:15,339 --> 00:34:18,208
Narrator:
THE PIE MAKER CONSIDERED
THE CHOICES HE HAD MADE
784
00:34:18,241 --> 00:34:20,043
THAT BROUGHT HIM
TO THIS VERY MOMENT,
785
00:34:20,076 --> 00:34:21,877
A MOMENT THAT MAY BE HIS LAST.
786
00:34:23,571 --> 00:34:24,406
Narrator:
THE IRONY OF BEING STRUCK DOWN
787
00:34:25,507 --> 00:34:28,409
BY THE MAN WHO MURDERED THE TWIN
OF THE MAN HE KILLED
788
00:34:28,442 --> 00:34:30,076
WAS NOT LOST ON THE PIE MAKER.
789
00:34:30,109 --> 00:34:32,378
ALSO NOT LOST -- HIS AGILITY.
790
00:34:32,412 --> 00:34:33,646
AAH!
OH, MY GOD!
791
00:34:33,679 --> 00:34:35,882
[ Southern accent ]
OH, MY GOD!OH, MY GOD!
792
00:34:39,284 --> 00:34:41,919
WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?!
WILFRED WOODRUFF
FOUND HIS SWORD!
793
00:34:41,952 --> 00:34:44,755
I PROPOSE TO FIGHT IT
OUT ON THIS LINE IF
IT TAKES ALL SUMMER.
794
00:34:44,789 --> 00:34:45,922
WHAT LINE?
IT'S AUTUMN.
795
00:34:45,955 --> 00:34:47,725
ULYSSES S. GRANT
SAID THAT --
796
00:34:47,758 --> 00:34:49,760
NOT ALL OF IT,
JUST THE LAST PART.
797
00:34:49,794 --> 00:34:51,060
BAD-LUCK
MISSIONARY RIDGE --
798
00:34:51,094 --> 00:34:52,995
MY GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-
GRANDPAPPY
799
00:34:53,028 --> 00:34:55,197
FOUGHT PROUDLY AGAINST HIM
WITH THIS SWORD.
800
00:34:55,230 --> 00:34:57,032
ARE YOU ADOPTED?
801
00:34:57,065 --> 00:34:59,535
Narrator: WILFRED WOODRUFF
WAS NOT ADOPTED.
802
00:34:59,568 --> 00:35:03,970
ON A HOT DAY IN THE SUMMER
OF 1863, WILFRED WOODRUFF'S
803
00:35:04,004 --> 00:35:07,274
GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-
GRANDFATHER, PHAN BING WU,
804
00:35:07,307 --> 00:35:10,744
WAS LAYING TRACK FOR
THE CENTRAL PACIFIC RAILROAD.
805
00:35:10,777 --> 00:35:13,412
THE DECISION WAS MADE
TO FIND A BETTER LIFE.
806
00:35:13,446 --> 00:35:15,548
AS THE CIVIL WAR
WAS STILL RAGING,
807
00:35:15,581 --> 00:35:18,683
THE OTHER MEN CHOSE
TO GO NORTHWEST.
808
00:35:18,716 --> 00:35:23,220
WHY PHAN BING WU CHOSE
TO RUN SOUTHEAST IS NOT KNOWN.
809
00:35:23,253 --> 00:35:25,923
SOME SAID IT WAS
THE HAND OF DESTINY.
810
00:35:25,955 --> 00:35:27,990
OTHERS FELT IT WAS HEATSTROKE.
811
00:35:28,024 --> 00:35:30,193
EVENTUALLY, PHAN BING
812
00:35:30,226 --> 00:35:33,696
WAS FORCED TO STEAL THE CLOTHES
OFF A FORMER SOLDIER.
813
00:35:36,097 --> 00:35:39,868
RETURNING TO HIS JOURNEY, HE
SOON REALIZED HE WAS NOT ALONE.
814
00:35:41,702 --> 00:35:43,871
PHAN BING IMMEDIATELY REALIZED
815
00:35:43,904 --> 00:35:47,273
HE DID NOT BELONG IN THIS PLACE
AT THIS TIME.
816
00:35:47,307 --> 00:35:51,778
BUT THIS TIME AND PLACE SEEMED
MORE THAN HAPPY TO HAVE HIM.
817
00:35:51,811 --> 00:35:55,747
DECORATED FOR HIS BRAVERY IN
THE BATTLE OF MISSIONARY RIDGE
818
00:35:55,781 --> 00:35:58,082
AND THE SECOND BATTLE
OF MURFREESBORO,
819
00:35:58,115 --> 00:36:00,618
PHAN BING WENT ON
TO FOUND HIS OWN BRANCH
820
00:36:00,651 --> 00:36:03,320
OF THE WOODRUFF FAMILY TREE.
821
00:36:07,824 --> 00:36:09,191
[ SWORDS CLANG ]
822
00:36:11,393 --> 00:36:12,962
OH!
823
00:36:12,994 --> 00:36:14,530
AAH!
824
00:36:16,297 --> 00:36:17,799
[ GRUNTING ]
825
00:36:21,001 --> 00:36:23,170
THIS SWORD WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
BURIED WITH MY GRANDPA.
826
00:36:23,203 --> 00:36:25,004
INSTEAD, IT SHOWS UP
IN SOME ONLINE AUCTION,
827
00:36:25,037 --> 00:36:26,673
AT WHICH I TAKE UMBRAGE!
828
00:36:30,276 --> 00:36:33,111
REMEMBER, MIND OVER MATTER
MAKES POOH UNFATTER.
829
00:36:33,144 --> 00:36:37,114
I MIGHT BE STUCK,
BUT I CAN STILL REACH MY GUN.
830
00:36:41,352 --> 00:36:43,286
NOW, YOU SHOULD KNOW
THAT I WAS THRICE NAMED
831
00:36:43,319 --> 00:36:45,154
ALTERNATE SWORDMASTER
AT THE SOUTHERN AREA
832
00:36:45,188 --> 00:36:47,357
REGIONAL VOLUNTEER INFANTRY
RE-ENACTMENT REGIMENT.
833
00:36:47,390 --> 00:36:50,559
I WANTED TO BE A JEDI.
834
00:36:57,331 --> 00:37:00,166
YOU KILLED LOUIS SCHATZ
AND STUFFED HIM IN MY FREEZER.
835
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:01,301
I PUT FOOD IN THERE!
836
00:37:01,334 --> 00:37:03,503
IT WASN'T MY FAULT,
IT JUST HAPPENED.
837
00:37:03,537 --> 00:37:05,472
NOT LIKE YOU KILLED
LAWRENCE SCHATZ.
838
00:37:05,505 --> 00:37:07,007
DID NOT!
839
00:37:09,275 --> 00:37:10,409
AAH!
840
00:37:10,442 --> 00:37:11,810
I SAW YOU.
841
00:37:11,844 --> 00:37:13,044
YOU DIDN'T SEE SQUAT.
842
00:37:13,077 --> 00:37:15,446
Narrator: WILFRED WOODRUFF
SAW MORE THAN SQUAT
843
00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:17,715
WHEN HE APPROACHED
LAWRENCE SCHATZ ABOUT
844
00:37:17,749 --> 00:37:20,250
HIS GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-
GRANDFATHER'S SWORD.
845
00:37:20,284 --> 00:37:22,920
HE SAW THE PIE MAKER
FLEEING THE SCENE
846
00:37:22,953 --> 00:37:24,755
OF LAWRENCE SCHATZ'S MURDER.
847
00:37:27,623 --> 00:37:30,225
I DIDN'T TOUCH LAWRENCE SCHATZ,
NOT TILL AFTER HE DIED,
848
00:37:30,258 --> 00:37:31,526
AND IN HIS COFFIN.
849
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:33,060
I DIDN'T TOUCH LOUIS SCHATZ,
850
00:37:33,093 --> 00:37:36,263
NOT UNTIL AFTER HE DIED AND I
ROLLED HIM ONTO A DOLLY TRUCK.
851
00:37:39,833 --> 00:37:41,167
ALL BECAUSE YOU WROTE
A NASTY LETTER?
852
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,436
I WROTE A DEATH THREAT.
THEN SOMEONE DIED.
853
00:37:43,469 --> 00:37:45,405
THAT HAS A WAY OF COMING BACK
TO HAUNT YOU.
854
00:37:49,141 --> 00:37:52,109
UNLESS YOU FRAME SOMEONE
FOR MURDER, YOU ASS!
855
00:37:52,143 --> 00:37:53,879
I HAD NO CHOICE.
856
00:37:55,713 --> 00:37:57,582
OH!
857
00:37:57,615 --> 00:37:59,884
OF COURSE YOU DID.
EVERYTHING WE DO IS A CHOICE.
858
00:37:59,917 --> 00:38:01,985
OATMEAL OR CEREAL,
HIGHWAY OR SIDE STREETS,
859
00:38:02,018 --> 00:38:03,218
KISS HER OR KEEP HER?
860
00:38:03,252 --> 00:38:05,487
WE MAKE CHOICES, AND WE LIVE
WITH THE CONSEQUENCES.
861
00:38:05,521 --> 00:38:08,591
IF SOMEONE GETS HURT ALONG THEWAY,
862
00:38:08,624 --> 00:38:10,993
IT'S THE BEST ANYONE CAN DO.
I CAN DO BETTER!
863
00:38:19,700 --> 00:38:21,668
OHH!
864
00:38:21,702 --> 00:38:22,635
NED?
865
00:38:41,018 --> 00:38:42,719
HELP!
KICK, POOH, KICK!
866
00:38:42,752 --> 00:38:44,587
AAH!
867
00:38:44,621 --> 00:38:49,190
Narrator: AT THAT VERY MOMENT,
CHUCK SAW THE PIE MAKER
868
00:38:49,223 --> 00:38:51,225
PERHAPS NOT AS HE REALLY WAS,
869
00:38:51,258 --> 00:38:54,295
BUT AS HE WOULD ALWAYS APPEAR
TO HER --
870
00:38:54,328 --> 00:38:56,529
HER PRINCE CHARMING.
871
00:39:11,075 --> 00:39:14,846
OLIVE SNOOK'S BLOOD STIRRED
WITH REVELATION AND OPPORTUNITY.
872
00:39:14,879 --> 00:39:17,481
SHE COULD SEE CHUCK
HAD KED HER DEATH
873
00:39:17,514 --> 00:39:19,248
FOR SOME NEFARIOUS PURPOSE.
874
00:39:19,281 --> 00:39:20,783
I CAN SMELL TROUBLE ON HER,
875
00:39:20,816 --> 00:39:23,552
LIKE SHE STEPPED IN IT
AND IT'S STUCK TO HER HEEL.
876
00:39:23,586 --> 00:39:25,487
Narrator:
WHAT SHE COULDN'T SEE
877
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:28,423
WAS THE DISTANT GLIMMER
OF HER OWN PRINCE CHARMING.
878
00:39:28,456 --> 00:39:32,326
THE BROKEN ESPRESSO MACHINE,
SITTING THERE, BEING PRETTY,
879
00:39:32,359 --> 00:39:35,362
WITH NO ONE TO TOUCH IT,
HAD BEEN TOUCHED,
880
00:39:35,396 --> 00:39:38,698
FILLED WITH WATER,
AND PACKED WITH COFFEE GROUNDS.
881
00:39:41,501 --> 00:39:45,437
FOR THE TIME BEING, THE ROMANTIC
GESTURE WAS LOST ON OLIVE.
882
00:39:45,470 --> 00:39:47,939
HER ESPRESSO
WAS MUCH TOO BITTER,
883
00:39:47,973 --> 00:39:50,574
BUT THIS WOULD NOT BE
HER LAST CUP.
884
00:39:50,608 --> 00:39:53,077
NOT BITTER AT ALL
WAS EMERSON COD.
885
00:39:53,110 --> 00:39:56,246
HE LEARNED A LESSON
FROM THE BROTHERS SCHATZ.
886
00:39:56,279 --> 00:39:59,716
IT WASN'T WHAT HE HAD GAINED.
IT WAS WHAT HE WANTED TO LOSE.
887
00:39:59,749 --> 00:40:02,251
HE DIDN'T WANT TO LEAD
THE LIFE THEY LED --
888
00:40:02,284 --> 00:40:05,688
NOT TO SAY HE NO LONGER WANTED
TO MAKE A LIVING OFF THE DEAD.
889
00:40:05,721 --> 00:40:08,790
HE MADE A DECISION WHILE WEDGED
IN THE WINDOW THAT DAY
890
00:40:08,823 --> 00:40:10,725
NEVER TO BE WEDGED AGAIN.
891
00:40:17,030 --> 00:40:19,932
AT THAT SAME MOMENT,
LILY AND VIVIAN CHARLES
892
00:40:19,965 --> 00:40:22,333
WERE ENJOYING
A WEDGE OF HAPPINESS
893
00:40:22,367 --> 00:40:24,869
WITH GRUY鑂E
BAKED INTO THE CRUST.
894
00:40:27,706 --> 00:40:29,339
Woman:
WOODRUFF WAS CHARGED TODAY
895
00:40:29,373 --> 00:40:31,475
FOR HIS INVOLVEMENT
IN THE DEATH OF LOUIS SCHATZ --
896
00:40:31,508 --> 00:40:34,011
KEY PLAYERS
IN THE GRAVE-ROBBING SCANDAL.
897
00:40:34,044 --> 00:40:36,646
Narrator: THE GIFT OF LIFE
CHUCK HAD BEEN GIVEN
898
00:40:36,679 --> 00:40:38,915
WAS, INDEED,
THE GIFT THAT KEPT GIVING.
899
00:40:38,948 --> 00:40:41,216
SHE WENT ABOUT MATCHING
HATEAIL WITH HEIRLOOMS
900
00:40:41,249 --> 00:40:44,553
AND REGIFTING THEM
TO THEIR RIGHTFUL HEIRS,
901
00:40:44,586 --> 00:40:48,222
LIKE SHE HAD BEEN REGIFTED
TO THE PIE MAKER.
902
00:40:49,423 --> 00:40:51,192
I WOULD DO IT AGAIN.
HMM?
903
00:40:51,224 --> 00:40:53,560
OH, I THINK IT'S NICE
THE WAY IT IS.
904
00:40:53,593 --> 00:40:54,794
NO.
905
00:40:55,929 --> 00:40:58,198
I MADE A CHOICE,
AND I WOULD DO IT AGAIN.
906
00:40:58,230 --> 00:41:00,666
I LET LAWRENCE SCHATZ DIE,
AND IF I WAS FACED
907
00:41:00,699 --> 00:41:03,202
WITH THAT CHOICE RIGHT NOW,
I WOULD MAKE THE SAME CHOICE.
908
00:41:03,234 --> 00:41:04,402
YOU COULD PUT ME IN A LOOP,
909
00:41:04,435 --> 00:41:05,937
AND I WOULD MAKE
THE SAME CHOICE EVERY TIME.
910
00:41:05,970 --> 00:41:09,673
THAT'S HOW CONFIDENT I
AM THAT IT WAS THE RIGHT
CHOICE FOR ME TO MAKE.
911
00:41:09,706 --> 00:41:13,910
I'M SORRY IF THAT MAKES ME
A BAD PERSON, BUT...
912
00:41:13,944 --> 00:41:16,612
I'M NOT SORRY
THAT YOU'RE ALIVE.
913
00:41:16,645 --> 00:41:18,547
I LIKE THAT YOU MADE
THAT CHOICE,
914
00:41:18,581 --> 00:41:20,883
AND THE FACT THAT YOU DID IT
ON PURPOSE --
915
00:41:20,916 --> 00:41:23,418
WELL, IT MAKES IT FAR MORE FUN
THAN IF YOU DID IT BY ACCIDENT.
916
00:41:29,523 --> 00:41:33,026
I'M GONNA SEE IF I'VE GOT
SOME PLASTIC WRAP.
917
00:41:33,060 --> 00:41:34,894
MMM.
918
00:41:35,305 --> 00:42:35,942
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