1 00:00:00,081 --> 00:00:03,045 Pushing Daisies - Season 02 Episode 08 "Comfort food" 2 00:00:03,075 --> 00:00:05,604 Subtitle (720p CTU v.1.00): A²S Team --==All-about-Subs.fr==-- 3 00:00:06,405 --> 00:00:09,881 At this moment, young Ned is 9 years, 9 months, 4 00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:13,070 15 days, 10 hours, and 2 minutes old. 5 00:00:13,344 --> 00:00:16,333 Awakened by loneliness-induced insomnia, 6 00:00:16,484 --> 00:00:19,591 he found himself in desperate need of comfort. 7 00:00:20,144 --> 00:00:22,989 And comfort for Ned meant pie. 8 00:00:23,505 --> 00:00:25,020 The risks were great, 9 00:00:25,050 --> 00:00:28,429 but young Ned rationalized his rogue impulse-baking 10 00:00:28,459 --> 00:00:30,304 as sheep-counting. 11 00:00:31,036 --> 00:00:34,539 What harm could come of a single pie, in the dark of night, 12 00:00:34,569 --> 00:00:36,673 with all the evidence ingested? 13 00:00:37,250 --> 00:00:39,646 He was caught in flagrante delicto 14 00:00:39,823 --> 00:00:42,138 by one Eugene Mulchandani, 15 00:00:42,435 --> 00:00:44,885 who immediately joined him in the act. 16 00:00:45,336 --> 00:00:49,304 Ned and Eugene were unprepared for what happened next. 17 00:00:50,263 --> 00:00:54,552 The aroma of freshly baked pie wafting through boarding-school halls 18 00:00:54,717 --> 00:00:58,862 awakened an entire class who had but one thing in common... 19 00:01:00,108 --> 00:01:03,791 They were all far from home and needed comfort. 20 00:01:04,204 --> 00:01:08,064 The longing and homesickness which filled the school like a plague 21 00:01:08,921 --> 00:01:11,629 was magically lifted with every bite. 22 00:01:11,659 --> 00:01:13,109 And the party began. 23 00:01:34,575 --> 00:01:36,616 Until the party stopped, 24 00:01:37,919 --> 00:01:41,934 and young Ned learned that even a forkful of immediate gratification 25 00:01:42,201 --> 00:01:45,540 can lead to a world of grave consequences. 26 00:01:46,743 --> 00:01:49,583 A lesson to be learned again years later 27 00:01:49,613 --> 00:01:53,558 at the grave of currently dead father of Chuck, the woman he loved. 28 00:01:58,391 --> 00:01:59,191 Ready? 29 00:02:00,785 --> 00:02:02,235 I'm ready, I think. 30 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:04,754 - Wait. - What? 31 00:02:05,013 --> 00:02:06,893 If we both have half a minute, you go first. 32 00:02:06,923 --> 00:02:09,543 No, you go first. If you spill over the first 30 seconds, then no biggie. 33 00:02:09,573 --> 00:02:12,894 As opposed to spilling over the second 30 seconds, which is yes biggie. 34 00:02:13,264 --> 00:02:15,289 I budgeted every second. I won't spill. 35 00:02:15,319 --> 00:02:17,107 That's not enough. You should have all 60. 36 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,688 We don't need to find about Dwight. I don't know what I was thinking. 37 00:02:19,718 --> 00:02:23,968 You were trying to protect us from a mysterious, potentially dangerous man. 38 00:02:24,460 --> 00:02:25,532 You go first. 39 00:02:25,873 --> 00:02:27,823 No, you go. This is awkward. 40 00:02:27,853 --> 00:02:29,745 Go first, or I'm gonna hit you with the shovel. 41 00:02:29,962 --> 00:02:30,762 Okay. 42 00:02:34,499 --> 00:02:36,083 - Hello. - Hi, Mr. Charles. 43 00:02:36,113 --> 00:02:38,161 Or should I call you Charles? No matter. It's me Ned. 44 00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:40,124 I lived across the street when I was a boy. 45 00:02:40,154 --> 00:02:41,821 Hi. It's me... Charlotte. 46 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:44,331 You've been dead for 20 years. 47 00:02:44,361 --> 00:02:47,457 I'm sure you have a lot of questions. Can you put them on hold and tell us... 48 00:02:47,487 --> 00:02:49,347 Is Dwight Dixon a dangerous man? 49 00:02:49,429 --> 00:02:52,485 - Oh, yeah. - Oh. Oh, no. He stole Chuck's... 50 00:02:52,553 --> 00:02:54,961 I still call your daughter "Chuck" still, like when I was 9. 51 00:02:54,991 --> 00:02:55,741 15. 52 00:02:55,862 --> 00:02:57,270 - No, I was 9. - Seconds. 53 00:02:57,300 --> 00:03:00,004 Dwight stole your pocket watch and left a veiled threat about exposing 54 00:03:00,034 --> 00:03:02,938 a very big secret which he knows that we probably don't want exposed. 55 00:03:03,005 --> 00:03:05,464 Oh, if he's got the watch, you got nothing to worry about. 56 00:03:05,494 --> 00:03:07,654 The threat's his insurance policy. 57 00:03:07,684 --> 00:03:09,534 Now, you don't say nothing, 58 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,070 he'll return the favor. 59 00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:13,049 Good to know. You're up. 60 00:03:13,079 --> 00:03:17,167 The pie maker's gift of life lasted for one precious minute only, 61 00:03:17,673 --> 00:03:21,129 a minute he eagerly shared with the Chuck of his life, 62 00:03:21,232 --> 00:03:23,139 to give her but half a minute 63 00:03:23,305 --> 00:03:27,010 to catch up on a lifetime with a father long lost. 64 00:03:27,164 --> 00:03:29,461 30 seconds were all he could give, 65 00:03:29,782 --> 00:03:31,097 and not a second more. 66 00:03:42,460 --> 00:03:43,610 Are you awake? 67 00:03:43,789 --> 00:03:47,585 As Chuck soundlessly broke the bonds of her plastic-wrap embrace 68 00:03:47,868 --> 00:03:50,700 and snuck away to see to business unattended, 69 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:54,207 Vivian waited for Dwight Dixon, gentleman caller, 70 00:03:54,237 --> 00:03:58,517 unaware her sister Lily chased him off their front porch hours earlier. 71 00:03:59,476 --> 00:04:01,334 At the Come and Sleep hotel, 72 00:04:01,731 --> 00:04:05,506 sister Lily would make certain Dwight Dixon, gentleman caller, 73 00:04:05,568 --> 00:04:07,800 would never call again. 74 00:04:21,038 --> 00:04:24,400 Way I see this, we both got something you want. 75 00:04:24,502 --> 00:04:28,006 What would that be, my spicy cocktail? 76 00:04:28,381 --> 00:04:30,448 I got my daughter's watch 77 00:04:30,508 --> 00:04:33,258 and you got your insides where you want 'em. 78 00:04:33,291 --> 00:04:34,954 You're gonna dig up Charlotte's grave 79 00:04:34,984 --> 00:04:37,583 and you're gonna put this watch back where you found it, 80 00:04:37,613 --> 00:04:40,041 after you tell me your real story. 81 00:04:41,579 --> 00:04:42,379 Well. 82 00:04:42,677 --> 00:04:43,586 It all began 83 00:04:43,718 --> 00:04:47,916 when I was conceived in the sweat and sawdust of a traveling carnival. 84 00:04:47,946 --> 00:04:50,217 My mother was an acrobat named... 85 00:05:09,905 --> 00:05:13,199 And Chuck seemed to be waiting for something else altogether. 86 00:05:13,878 --> 00:05:16,328 I'm declaring it an emotional snow day. 87 00:05:16,834 --> 00:05:18,144 But you love that cook-off, 88 00:05:18,174 --> 00:05:19,994 and you and Olive didn't get to go last year. 89 00:05:20,024 --> 00:05:21,864 I chose not to go last year. I was busy. 90 00:05:21,894 --> 00:05:24,710 - Yeah, because of me. - I love being busy because of you, 91 00:05:24,772 --> 00:05:28,568 and I'm looking forward to being busy because of you for the rest of the day. 92 00:05:28,598 --> 00:05:32,134 You can't do what you did last night and not be a little overwhelmed. 93 00:05:32,236 --> 00:05:35,666 Well, believe me, I feel plenty whelmed, but not overly. 94 00:05:35,696 --> 00:05:37,226 Overly is on its way, 95 00:05:37,256 --> 00:05:39,384 probably looking in the window right now. 96 00:05:39,414 --> 00:05:41,353 You had to say "hello again" and "goodbye again" 97 00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:43,098 to your dad in 30 seconds. 98 00:05:43,128 --> 00:05:46,195 I guess I just chose to look at it like it was 30 more seconds 99 00:05:46,225 --> 00:05:47,816 than I was supposed to have. 100 00:05:48,546 --> 00:05:49,528 How did that go? 101 00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:50,967 It was still hard, 102 00:05:51,190 --> 00:05:53,740 no matter how much I budgeted my seconds. 103 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,320 The hello-againing was wonderful, and... 104 00:05:56,625 --> 00:05:58,475 the goodbye-againing wasn't. 105 00:06:00,173 --> 00:06:01,998 Oh, Ned, look... 106 00:06:02,319 --> 00:06:05,003 - You should just go to the cook-off. - You're trying to get rid of me. 107 00:06:05,033 --> 00:06:07,883 No, I'm not trying to get rid of you. I just... 108 00:06:07,916 --> 00:06:10,366 Maybe I need an emotional snow day too. 109 00:06:10,483 --> 00:06:11,841 You need a snow day from me? 110 00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:15,594 This is weird now? Are we weird now because I did "it" with your dad? 111 00:06:15,759 --> 00:06:19,015 No, we're not weird. I've never been so in love with you. 112 00:06:19,075 --> 00:06:21,600 But I'm also feeling a lot of other things... 113 00:06:21,662 --> 00:06:23,843 So many things I want to tell you and I can't tell you, 114 00:06:23,873 --> 00:06:25,896 I'm afraid to tell you, don't know how to tell you. 115 00:06:25,958 --> 00:06:28,573 You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I mean... 116 00:06:28,603 --> 00:06:31,753 - You do eventually. - And I will tonight. I promise. 117 00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:35,011 For the meantime, Olive is depending on you. 118 00:06:35,041 --> 00:06:38,513 She said two years ago, she could taste that first-prize blue ribbon, 119 00:06:38,543 --> 00:06:41,078 and then that taste was replaced with the bitter tang of defeat. 120 00:06:41,180 --> 00:06:43,831 Bitter tang, bitter Olive. It's a story. 121 00:06:44,550 --> 00:06:46,959 And today it's gonna be a happy ending. 122 00:06:47,290 --> 00:06:49,140 Come on. Go to the cook-off. 123 00:06:49,428 --> 00:06:50,754 Olive will love you for it. 124 00:06:55,390 --> 00:06:57,440 Isn't it good to be back again? 125 00:06:57,470 --> 00:07:00,301 Just you and me, shoulder-to-shoulder, eye-to-eye. 126 00:07:00,331 --> 00:07:02,975 Decorative hats fixed squarely on sweaty brows, 127 00:07:03,312 --> 00:07:07,021 bonding in the fiery kiln of competition that forges men's souls. 128 00:07:07,082 --> 00:07:08,397 We're baking pie, Olive. 129 00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:09,750 Not just pie... 130 00:07:09,874 --> 00:07:11,192 Damn great pie. 131 00:07:11,397 --> 00:07:12,467 This is our year. 132 00:07:12,497 --> 00:07:14,826 We're in such a better place than we were two years ago. 133 00:07:14,856 --> 00:07:16,639 I, for one, am no longer encumbered 134 00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:18,900 of the tension of a sexual nature toward you. 135 00:07:18,930 --> 00:07:19,862 I'm focused. 136 00:07:19,892 --> 00:07:22,246 We should have won last time. Would have won... 137 00:07:22,471 --> 00:07:24,745 had we not gotten screwed by... 138 00:07:25,304 --> 00:07:26,354 The Buffalo. 139 00:07:26,559 --> 00:07:28,959 Sweet Lord in heaven, how I hate the Buffalo. 140 00:07:31,114 --> 00:07:32,755 When you say "Buffalo", do you mean 141 00:07:32,817 --> 00:07:35,591 the noble breed of bison lost forever to settlers' greed 142 00:07:35,653 --> 00:07:39,470 or the upstate New York hamlet still thirsting for Super Bowl glory? 143 00:07:39,532 --> 00:07:42,379 I mean that big phony whipping up those crap muffins over there. 144 00:07:42,409 --> 00:07:43,807 Marianne Marie Beetle. 145 00:07:43,910 --> 00:07:45,960 They call her the pastry slayer. 146 00:07:46,072 --> 00:07:48,979 Leo Burns, the new Comfort Food Cook-off coordinator, 147 00:07:49,237 --> 00:07:50,874 lover of all things foody. 148 00:07:51,252 --> 00:07:55,066 And I love that all foods are welcome at this year's Comfort Food Cook-off. 149 00:07:55,096 --> 00:07:57,488 It's like best in show, only "Best in Belly". 150 00:07:58,036 --> 00:08:02,535 Which means Buffalo Muffin will be locking those horns with Colonel Likkin. 151 00:08:03,072 --> 00:08:04,995 He and the Buffalo are the teams to beat. 152 00:08:05,057 --> 00:08:08,207 The Colonel's been "Best in Belly" blue-ribbon winner 15 years running. 153 00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:11,210 But there's an empty winner's plate waiting to be loaded. 154 00:08:11,359 --> 00:08:13,039 With damn great pie. 155 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,034 Oh! Well, you're the Pie Holers! 156 00:08:16,064 --> 00:08:19,264 I'm a very, very, very big fan. 157 00:08:19,346 --> 00:08:20,146 Stop. 158 00:08:20,176 --> 00:08:24,223 As event coordinator, I'm not allowed to say this, but I'm rooting for you. 159 00:08:24,783 --> 00:08:25,933 Oh, thank you. 160 00:08:27,737 --> 00:08:29,087 He's a dreamboat. 161 00:08:29,729 --> 00:08:32,773 Well, tugboat, but still. Let's set up, partner. 162 00:08:33,421 --> 00:08:34,221 Ted! 163 00:08:34,495 --> 00:08:36,422 It's so nice to see that you came back 164 00:08:36,452 --> 00:08:38,627 after taking a year off to lick your wounds 165 00:08:38,657 --> 00:08:41,373 and hide in the dank shadows of humiliating defeat. 166 00:08:41,403 --> 00:08:42,970 And you were so close. 167 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,444 Yeah, mysterious. 168 00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:47,830 It's as if someone deliberately sabotaged our oven, cheater McGee. 169 00:08:48,007 --> 00:08:50,416 It's a poor workman who blames his tools. 170 00:08:50,478 --> 00:08:52,334 Just keep your oven mitts to yourself. 171 00:08:52,396 --> 00:08:56,714 I intend to, as I present more award-winning muffins to the judges. 172 00:08:57,046 --> 00:08:58,673 And you remember, now... 173 00:08:58,736 --> 00:09:01,242 losing doesn't make you a loser. 174 00:09:01,620 --> 00:09:03,356 Oh, wait... it does. 175 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,781 Better get stuffing your pie-holes. 176 00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:08,684 But despite the freshly stoked heat of the competition... 177 00:09:09,135 --> 00:09:10,905 That Buffalo is going down! 178 00:09:10,935 --> 00:09:14,414 The pie maker's thoughts strayed away from pastries to be made, 179 00:09:15,353 --> 00:09:16,832 and toward Chuck... 180 00:09:17,813 --> 00:09:21,267 wondering what she could possibly be afraid to tell him. 181 00:09:22,177 --> 00:09:23,027 Hi, dad. 182 00:09:26,116 --> 00:09:28,852 The secret Chuck was keeping from the pie maker 183 00:09:28,882 --> 00:09:30,663 was born the night before. 184 00:09:31,132 --> 00:09:32,282 Hello, again. 185 00:09:32,914 --> 00:09:35,277 I know I don't look like the Charlotte that you remember, but... 186 00:09:35,307 --> 00:09:38,145 Oh, you're the Charlotte I remember, all right. 187 00:09:38,175 --> 00:09:39,173 Button-Button. 188 00:09:39,243 --> 00:09:40,576 Cute as a button. 189 00:09:40,606 --> 00:09:41,956 I miss you, daddy. 190 00:09:42,577 --> 00:09:44,429 - Isn't this nice? - Yes. 191 00:09:44,988 --> 00:09:48,075 Son of a bitch. Now I'm eating into my "I love you" time. 192 00:09:48,105 --> 00:09:49,665 Look, I... 193 00:09:50,221 --> 00:09:52,227 I love you, and... 194 00:09:54,137 --> 00:09:57,231 - happy birthday. - Oh, it's... it's my birthday? 195 00:09:58,044 --> 00:09:59,652 Not today, but it was gonna be. 196 00:09:59,712 --> 00:10:00,762 Then I died. 197 00:10:00,979 --> 00:10:01,779 Yeah. 198 00:10:01,839 --> 00:10:04,598 I never got a chance to give it to you, but now I can. 199 00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:07,477 So I guess it kind of is your birthday. 200 00:10:07,872 --> 00:10:11,289 At that very moment, a change of plan occurred to her. 201 00:10:11,391 --> 00:10:14,780 Torn between the pie maker she loved and the father she lost, 202 00:10:14,810 --> 00:10:16,177 Chuck acted on impulse. 203 00:10:16,207 --> 00:10:17,669 You're gonna put on my glove. 204 00:10:20,006 --> 00:10:22,090 When Ned touches you, you play dead. 205 00:10:22,352 --> 00:10:25,303 The pie maker gave every second he could give... 206 00:10:25,694 --> 00:10:27,603 I'm gonna be back to dig you up in an hour. 207 00:10:27,633 --> 00:10:29,207 And not a second more. 208 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:36,564 You okay? 209 00:10:41,890 --> 00:10:43,840 It didn't feel like 20 years. 210 00:10:44,989 --> 00:10:47,659 What did it feel like if it didn't feel like 20 years? 211 00:10:47,719 --> 00:10:48,569 Gliding. 212 00:10:49,151 --> 00:10:50,901 Holding your breath and... 213 00:10:51,774 --> 00:10:53,924 being able to breathe and just... 214 00:10:54,616 --> 00:10:55,466 gliding. 215 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,610 I didn't glide. 216 00:10:58,406 --> 00:11:00,255 What business would you have gliding? 217 00:11:00,315 --> 00:11:01,165 I died. 218 00:11:01,646 --> 00:11:02,896 And then Ned... 219 00:11:03,324 --> 00:11:04,574 Ned touched me. 220 00:11:04,675 --> 00:11:06,925 But there was no gliding, just Ned. 221 00:11:07,706 --> 00:11:09,556 He never touched you again? 222 00:11:09,913 --> 00:11:12,363 - No, he can't. Not without... - Good. 223 00:11:13,864 --> 00:11:15,519 How is this even possible? 224 00:11:16,324 --> 00:11:20,205 You, me, here again in the here-and-now when we belong in the hereafter? 225 00:11:20,765 --> 00:11:22,981 Since when did death get a loophole? 226 00:11:23,011 --> 00:11:23,961 Since Ned. 227 00:11:24,214 --> 00:11:26,925 Your dreams, they're gonna be so vivid now. 228 00:11:28,533 --> 00:11:30,952 - It's so neat. And my bees... - You have bees? 229 00:11:31,074 --> 00:11:33,924 Since you died. And then they died, and then... 230 00:11:34,555 --> 00:11:36,105 Ned touched them, too. 231 00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,350 Oh, god, and their honey... 232 00:11:38,380 --> 00:11:40,962 You have never tasted honey like this before. 233 00:11:42,153 --> 00:11:43,889 I hate to look in the gift horse's mouth, 234 00:11:43,919 --> 00:11:46,294 but I'm not gonna start craving human flesh, am I? 235 00:11:47,510 --> 00:11:49,587 Although everything does taste better. 236 00:11:50,399 --> 00:11:52,149 What's the catch, Button? 237 00:11:52,536 --> 00:11:55,308 Hiding me away like every stray cat, dog and goose 238 00:11:55,338 --> 00:11:57,188 that met your acquaintance. 239 00:11:57,455 --> 00:12:00,982 You don't want Nedly-deadly to know that my bucket's still kicking. 240 00:12:01,084 --> 00:12:02,018 Why? 241 00:12:03,334 --> 00:12:05,330 - Is there a catch? - Not that you're aware of. 242 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:06,160 What? 243 00:12:06,764 --> 00:12:08,314 Not that I'm aware of. 244 00:12:10,723 --> 00:12:11,711 There's a catch. 245 00:12:11,741 --> 00:12:14,137 And I'm gonna catch it before I get caught. 246 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,678 You gonna tell me what that catch is, Button? 247 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:19,529 I will tonight. I promise. 248 00:12:19,996 --> 00:12:22,284 As Chuck's plan was percolating, 249 00:12:22,834 --> 00:12:25,293 private investigator Emerson Cod 250 00:12:25,323 --> 00:12:27,966 gently extracted the delicate flavors 251 00:12:27,996 --> 00:12:30,227 of Bolivia Wara coffee grounds 252 00:12:30,257 --> 00:12:33,335 for a smooth, clean coffee experience 253 00:12:33,365 --> 00:12:36,326 on a morning that would soon prove to be anything 254 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,572 but smooth or clean. 255 00:12:39,038 --> 00:12:40,021 Emerson, I... 256 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,072 - I need your help. - Friend help or pay help? 257 00:12:50,485 --> 00:12:53,456 See that? That's the kind of body language you never hear with pay help. 258 00:12:53,486 --> 00:12:55,495 Ned brought my dad back to life, only for a minute, 259 00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,579 when the minute was up, we retouched him as always. 260 00:12:57,682 --> 00:13:00,467 No biggie, but yes biggie, because in the heat of the moment, 261 00:13:00,601 --> 00:13:02,779 my thinking wasn't so much as "thinking" but "feeling" 262 00:13:02,809 --> 00:13:04,587 and I tricked Ned with my glove, 263 00:13:04,647 --> 00:13:07,895 and now my dad's still alive, and Ned doesn't know, and... 264 00:13:09,351 --> 00:13:10,565 Please help me. 265 00:13:10,595 --> 00:13:12,095 What's the part about your gloves? 266 00:13:12,155 --> 00:13:13,346 I've used Ned. 267 00:13:13,406 --> 00:13:17,056 Now my dad's alive because of my impulse-control issues, and... 268 00:13:17,673 --> 00:13:19,352 now somebody else is dead. 269 00:13:19,670 --> 00:13:21,229 First of all, blow. 270 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:24,220 Second... 271 00:13:25,190 --> 00:13:26,274 just relax. 272 00:13:26,586 --> 00:13:27,693 You're not mad at me? 273 00:13:27,755 --> 00:13:29,888 Hell yeah, I'm mad! I'm steamed, furious, red-hot! 274 00:13:29,918 --> 00:13:32,213 And don't think I ain't gonna yell at you later! 275 00:13:34,444 --> 00:13:37,735 But for now, we should just put our heads together and... 276 00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:39,996 try to figure out what to do. 277 00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:48,313 Oh, you're slowing the roll, chief. I'm in the zone. 278 00:13:48,343 --> 00:13:51,293 Working awful hard for disappointment over there. 279 00:13:52,670 --> 00:13:55,482 I'm going to win that blue ribbon, wrap it around her neck, 280 00:13:55,512 --> 00:13:56,821 and strangle her with it. 281 00:13:56,851 --> 00:13:58,349 Olive, you're baking with hate. 282 00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:01,221 Rich, buttery high-in-carbohydrate hate. 283 00:14:01,251 --> 00:14:03,615 You know what no one tells you about cooking with the dark side? 284 00:14:03,645 --> 00:14:05,087 The food is really good. 285 00:14:05,117 --> 00:14:06,624 Revenge is a dish best served cold. 286 00:14:06,654 --> 00:14:09,436 We're baking pie... Warm, delicious, happy-making pie. 287 00:14:09,466 --> 00:14:11,571 Okay, help cook or get out of the kitchen, short-pants. 288 00:14:11,895 --> 00:14:12,695 Fine. 289 00:14:12,967 --> 00:14:15,533 Ah, the sweet smell of victory! 290 00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:18,328 - Not this year, turd-muffin. - I'll shut your piehole good. 291 00:14:18,389 --> 00:14:20,044 Bring it, stale-cakes! We're gonna win! 292 00:14:20,074 --> 00:14:22,204 Who's "we", sucka? I'm gonna win. 293 00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:28,713 My husband, the Colonel... He's dead! 294 00:14:39,756 --> 00:14:41,206 He's not just dead. 295 00:14:42,755 --> 00:14:44,105 He's extra-crispy. 296 00:14:47,999 --> 00:14:49,929 My husband, the Colonel... 297 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,430 gone forever. 298 00:14:51,694 --> 00:14:55,630 I'm afraid it looks like he collapsed and fell into his own boiling oil. 299 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,743 I always knew one of his many massive heart attacks would do him in. 300 00:14:59,022 --> 00:15:02,370 - At least he left this world fryin'. - Should be some comfort. 301 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:06,654 There's no comfort in knowing that the secret recipe will die along with him. 302 00:15:06,729 --> 00:15:08,795 It was his greatest and only legacy. 303 00:15:09,020 --> 00:15:11,740 - Surely he wrote it down. - Surely he didn't. 304 00:15:11,770 --> 00:15:15,885 My husband was a fat-frying savant. He kept that recipe stored in his head. 305 00:15:16,088 --> 00:15:19,013 If only I could have him back for one minute 306 00:15:19,623 --> 00:15:23,011 to preserve his lasting, loving memory. 307 00:15:27,053 --> 00:15:29,803 I need your help. Help me to help the widow. 308 00:15:29,843 --> 00:15:32,035 How? Her husband's dead. What are you gonna do? 309 00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:35,615 Haul him back to life and say, "Colonel, what's your recipe"? 310 00:15:36,531 --> 00:15:37,993 Maybe he left something behind. 311 00:15:38,023 --> 00:15:40,638 Distract the paramedics long enough for me to... 312 00:15:41,125 --> 00:15:42,775 ... examine the workstation. 313 00:15:52,679 --> 00:15:54,257 My eyes are... they're bleeding! 314 00:15:55,289 --> 00:15:57,010 Help! I can't see! 315 00:16:01,554 --> 00:16:04,488 I finally know what my birds felt like. 316 00:16:05,115 --> 00:16:06,561 Guess I'm dead, eh? 317 00:16:06,719 --> 00:16:08,220 Heart attack. Not a lot of time. 318 00:16:08,250 --> 00:16:10,533 And the widow Likkin wants to preserve your secret recipe. 319 00:16:10,563 --> 00:16:12,181 Good woman, my bride. 320 00:16:12,451 --> 00:16:13,501 Let's do it. 321 00:16:13,531 --> 00:16:17,005 I got all 500 herbs and spices right up here. 322 00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:20,408 Better pull up a chair and grab yourself a pen. 323 00:16:20,510 --> 00:16:23,077 That sounds like a long trip down a lazy river we don't have time for. 324 00:16:23,180 --> 00:16:25,501 Now, you can't rush goodness. 325 00:16:26,011 --> 00:16:28,083 - Did you say "heart attack"? - I did. 326 00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:30,501 - We start with the herbs or the spices? - Bushwah! 327 00:16:30,687 --> 00:16:33,511 Some carpetbagging coward snuck up behind, 328 00:16:33,541 --> 00:16:37,589 battered me in my own batter, and shoved me into boiling oil. 329 00:16:37,874 --> 00:16:39,719 That was murder, son. 330 00:16:39,821 --> 00:16:41,637 Really? And you didn't see who did it? 331 00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:43,394 Attacked from behind. 332 00:16:43,424 --> 00:16:46,861 They were stealthy, like a snake... Or a Yankee. 333 00:16:46,969 --> 00:16:47,767 Okay. 334 00:16:48,238 --> 00:16:51,209 Let's hit the recipe, and with the time left over, we circle back to the murder. 335 00:16:51,239 --> 00:16:53,296 This is silly. Are you sure you didn't write it down? 336 00:16:53,326 --> 00:16:55,148 I got one handwritten copy. 337 00:16:55,178 --> 00:16:57,268 I keep it right here in my... 338 00:16:57,298 --> 00:16:58,448 here in my... 339 00:16:58,816 --> 00:16:59,947 tarnation. 340 00:17:00,050 --> 00:17:03,891 This fat-frying process seems to have robbed me of mobility. 341 00:17:03,921 --> 00:17:05,912 - There's nothing in there. - Impossible. 342 00:17:05,972 --> 00:17:09,392 I've kept my recipe right there. Same spot for 30 years. 343 00:17:10,134 --> 00:17:12,418 What scoundrel stole my secret recipe? 344 00:17:12,719 --> 00:17:14,917 I'll find out, and I'll find out who killed you, too. 345 00:17:14,947 --> 00:17:16,371 But now I'm afraid time is up. 346 00:17:16,401 --> 00:17:20,098 I hate to go, but at least I'm going delicious. 347 00:17:23,352 --> 00:17:25,992 And as the Colonel went back to being dead, 348 00:17:26,367 --> 00:17:30,061 Chuck faced the consequences of her impulsive decision. 349 00:17:30,268 --> 00:17:32,918 The "bring back dad" part, I don't regret. 350 00:17:32,961 --> 00:17:36,012 I mean, how can anyone regret being reunited with someone that they love 351 00:17:36,042 --> 00:17:38,216 and they thought they'd never see again? 352 00:17:38,246 --> 00:17:39,322 Point taken. 353 00:17:39,352 --> 00:17:41,381 But the big problem, maybe the biggest problem 354 00:17:41,411 --> 00:17:44,361 in an objective sense, is the dishonesty with Ned. 355 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:47,415 That and the "making someone else less alive" part. 356 00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:49,256 "Less alive." 357 00:17:49,988 --> 00:17:51,624 Nice euphemism... killer. 358 00:17:51,791 --> 00:17:53,665 We were at the cemetery in the dead of night. 359 00:17:53,695 --> 00:17:56,045 Maybe there was no one else there. Maybe no one else died. 360 00:17:56,151 --> 00:17:58,047 You think this is a "sometimes" rule? 361 00:17:58,150 --> 00:17:59,992 Ned lets somebody live longer than a minute 362 00:18:00,022 --> 00:18:02,158 and somebody else has to die "sometimes"? No! 363 00:18:02,188 --> 00:18:03,509 It's an "every time" rule! 364 00:18:03,539 --> 00:18:05,506 There's some sucker out there dead in the leaves. 365 00:18:05,536 --> 00:18:08,620 Oh, my god. Then maybe some sweet old lady with insomnia 366 00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:10,708 who was bringing flowers to her husband's grave... 367 00:18:10,738 --> 00:18:13,190 It could have been anyone. I could have just killed any innocent... 368 00:18:13,220 --> 00:18:16,019 All right, either way, we got another dead body to find... 369 00:18:16,049 --> 00:18:18,253 A body that was deaded by Ned, only he don't know about it 370 00:18:18,283 --> 00:18:21,028 on account of you never told him, which is the wrong I'm correcting. 371 00:18:21,088 --> 00:18:22,489 I know what I did was wrong. 372 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:24,484 I was spurred to action in the spur of the moment, 373 00:18:24,514 --> 00:18:28,229 which leaves me living in the deep, dark world of consequence. 374 00:18:29,096 --> 00:18:30,541 But if you help me clean this up, 375 00:18:30,571 --> 00:18:34,293 then Ned won't have to live anywhere but the bright, happy world of pie, 376 00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:36,283 and all we'll have to deal with is each other. 377 00:18:36,313 --> 00:18:37,335 And your daddy. 378 00:18:37,396 --> 00:18:38,921 You can't keep that from him. 379 00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:42,383 Okay. 380 00:18:43,006 --> 00:18:44,756 We'll find the body first. 381 00:18:45,321 --> 00:18:48,431 But I'm telling you, right after that, you go straight to pie boy. 382 00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:53,507 Don't be pecking me, woman! That's the peck of cahoots, 383 00:18:53,537 --> 00:18:55,521 which we are definitely not in. 384 00:18:55,581 --> 00:18:57,087 Well, thank you anyway. 385 00:19:00,038 --> 00:19:01,527 The cook-off will continue. 386 00:19:02,402 --> 00:19:04,795 The Colonel would have wanted it that way. 387 00:19:04,825 --> 00:19:07,668 His tragic heart attack must be honored by us, 388 00:19:07,698 --> 00:19:10,593 his sacred community of fellow chefs. 389 00:19:12,270 --> 00:19:15,320 Who now all stand a much better chance of winning. 390 00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:17,238 Proceed. 391 00:19:18,528 --> 00:19:21,172 I know it's a tragedy, obviously, but you know what they say... 392 00:19:21,232 --> 00:19:23,196 When God closes a door, he opens an oven. 393 00:19:23,226 --> 00:19:26,434 They don't say that, and if they do, they have no compassion for the Colonel. 394 00:19:26,464 --> 00:19:30,191 I am not gonna let you bait me to get all soft and compassiony 395 00:19:30,221 --> 00:19:32,528 when we're this close to nailing this competition. 396 00:19:32,558 --> 00:19:35,678 What would you say if I told you I think the Colonel was murdered? 397 00:19:35,862 --> 00:19:37,745 More room at the top. 398 00:19:39,102 --> 00:19:40,573 Oh, my god, you're not kidding. 399 00:19:40,603 --> 00:19:42,632 I think the Colonel had a copy of his secret recipe 400 00:19:42,662 --> 00:19:44,527 and someone killed him for it. 401 00:19:44,589 --> 00:19:47,698 How could you possibly know that by just looking at his dead body? 402 00:19:49,351 --> 00:19:51,827 I'm an investigator. Working with Emerson Cod has taught me things, 403 00:19:51,930 --> 00:19:54,580 deductive and inductive reasoning, evidence-gathering. 404 00:19:54,683 --> 00:19:57,917 A dead body can say a lot to the trained professional. 405 00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:02,588 Anyway, my educated hunch tells me that there's a murder to solve. 406 00:20:02,691 --> 00:20:05,582 You've never solved a murder mystery alone before. 407 00:20:05,952 --> 00:20:06,952 I'm not alone. 408 00:20:12,122 --> 00:20:12,925 Me? 409 00:20:13,993 --> 00:20:15,285 I just got all tingly. 410 00:20:15,579 --> 00:20:17,103 And not just in the nether regions. 411 00:20:17,377 --> 00:20:19,841 Okay, how do we go about this whole PI thing? 412 00:20:19,871 --> 00:20:22,435 Do we just jam the gun in the suspect's mouth and say: 413 00:20:22,465 --> 00:20:25,861 "sing, canary, or I'm gonna decorate this wallpaper with your guts"? 414 00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:27,833 Neither. 415 00:20:28,641 --> 00:20:31,882 Technically, I don't believe you can blow someone's guts out their mouth. 416 00:20:32,006 --> 00:20:32,827 Wuss. 417 00:20:33,434 --> 00:20:34,285 Holy smokes. 418 00:20:34,862 --> 00:20:36,080 Our oven's smoking. 419 00:20:45,087 --> 00:20:46,394 Sabotaged! 420 00:20:46,540 --> 00:20:47,883 I bet it was the beetle. 421 00:20:47,986 --> 00:20:49,543 I bet it was the Colonel's killer. 422 00:20:50,853 --> 00:20:53,372 I know this doesn't take the sting out of the responsibility, 423 00:20:53,402 --> 00:20:55,524 but I brought some cash. I thought... 424 00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:58,085 when we find the body, we'll take it to the nearest funeral home, 425 00:20:58,115 --> 00:20:59,672 with the cash and a note that says: 426 00:20:59,702 --> 00:21:02,692 "Every human body deserves dignity. Please bury this one." 427 00:21:02,838 --> 00:21:05,542 It'll be just like leaving a baby on a doorstep, only... 428 00:21:06,149 --> 00:21:07,364 the tail end of things. 429 00:21:08,340 --> 00:21:10,877 And the point of this would be... say... what? 430 00:21:10,907 --> 00:21:11,856 Closure. 431 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:17,717 Well, I got a feeling the body we find is gonna give you anything but closure. 432 00:21:17,747 --> 00:21:20,472 - And where do you get that idea? - Oh, I didn't just get it. 433 00:21:20,502 --> 00:21:21,771 It was given to me. 434 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,004 By Dwight Dixon. 435 00:21:32,196 --> 00:21:33,878 What was Dwight Dixon doing here? 436 00:21:33,908 --> 00:21:35,181 Let me show you something. 437 00:21:39,163 --> 00:21:40,040 A rifle? 438 00:21:40,535 --> 00:21:41,356 Yep. 439 00:21:41,581 --> 00:21:44,853 Looks like sweet old Dwight already had himself a shot lined up. 440 00:21:45,251 --> 00:21:48,553 Your weighty conscience might not feel so weighty after you look through here. 441 00:21:48,583 --> 00:21:50,327 Why would he have a gun? 442 00:21:54,593 --> 00:21:57,244 That's my father's grave. He was trying to kill us? 443 00:21:57,428 --> 00:21:59,095 Not if you killed him first. 444 00:21:59,373 --> 00:22:00,667 Why would he want us dead? 445 00:22:00,697 --> 00:22:03,110 As is traditional, the "why" 446 00:22:03,140 --> 00:22:06,889 in this case was met with an equal and opposite "because". 447 00:22:07,427 --> 00:22:08,743 Upon discovering 448 00:22:08,773 --> 00:22:12,195 that the pocket watch he had stolen from Chuck had been stolen back, 449 00:22:12,987 --> 00:22:17,283 Dwight set out to reclaim the mysterious timepiece one last time. 450 00:22:17,677 --> 00:22:19,560 Following Chuck to the graveyard, 451 00:22:19,590 --> 00:22:22,435 Dwight assumed her intent was to return the watch 452 00:22:22,524 --> 00:22:25,235 to the grave from which it had been stolen. 453 00:22:25,471 --> 00:22:28,335 Ready to pull the trigger and reclaim his prize, 454 00:22:28,365 --> 00:22:32,856 Dwight paused, unbelieving the unbelievable sight he saw. 455 00:22:33,174 --> 00:22:36,341 Dwight's mind reeled at the sight of the pie maker and Chuck 456 00:22:36,371 --> 00:22:38,905 desecrating Charles Charles' grave. 457 00:22:39,173 --> 00:22:40,935 And, as is traditional, 458 00:22:40,965 --> 00:22:44,905 he decided to put an end to the thing he did not understand. 459 00:22:45,269 --> 00:22:47,824 But, as all his reeling and unbelieving 460 00:22:47,854 --> 00:22:50,444 had taken exactly 61 seconds... 461 00:22:51,814 --> 00:22:53,973 No shot was ever fired. 462 00:22:54,187 --> 00:22:57,303 If I hadn't have kept my dad alive, I'd have been murdered twice. 463 00:22:57,406 --> 00:22:58,771 Yeah, once was enough. 464 00:22:58,801 --> 00:23:00,474 And Ned... he'd be gone, too. 465 00:23:00,534 --> 00:23:02,184 My accidentally killing Dwight 466 00:23:02,403 --> 00:23:05,311 lights up three points on our side of the cosmic scoreboard. 467 00:23:05,414 --> 00:23:08,968 Plus, you save that bundle you would have blown on burying Mr. Boom-Boom. 468 00:23:08,998 --> 00:23:10,401 Better we bury him right here. 469 00:23:10,563 --> 00:23:12,924 I got a couple shovels in the car. We'll get him under the dirt 470 00:23:12,954 --> 00:23:15,079 before the "pay your respects at lunch" crowd shows up. 471 00:23:15,109 --> 00:23:17,354 By the time the grass grows back over this plot, 472 00:23:17,567 --> 00:23:19,794 it'll be like none of this ever happened. 473 00:23:19,824 --> 00:23:22,493 And I can't wait till it's like none of this ever happened. 474 00:23:23,189 --> 00:23:24,437 But it did happen. 475 00:23:26,653 --> 00:23:28,182 Someone sabotaged our oven. 476 00:23:28,212 --> 00:23:29,628 The flame won't shut off. 477 00:23:29,689 --> 00:23:32,551 Let it burn... Maybe it'll destroy this building and all its memories 478 00:23:32,581 --> 00:23:34,767 of almost winning with the cleansing power of flame. 479 00:23:34,797 --> 00:23:36,719 Olive, we're staying in the contest. 480 00:23:37,293 --> 00:23:38,595 - We are? - We need to keep 481 00:23:38,698 --> 00:23:41,061 competing as cover so we can investigate Likkin's murder. 482 00:23:41,091 --> 00:23:43,092 Winning would make an excellent cover. 483 00:23:43,231 --> 00:23:46,309 Whoever killed the Colonel is a risk-taker, desperate... 484 00:23:46,444 --> 00:23:49,052 - same as our saboteur. - So find the saboteur, find the killer. 485 00:23:49,082 --> 00:23:51,459 Maybe we find ingredients. They took everything to bake pies. 486 00:23:51,489 --> 00:23:52,317 I'm on it. 487 00:23:54,471 --> 00:23:55,988 Vivian, what are you doing here? 488 00:23:56,343 --> 00:23:58,552 Honey, have you been crying? 489 00:23:58,784 --> 00:24:01,201 I stopped by the Pie Hole, but it was closed. And... 490 00:24:01,730 --> 00:24:03,428 yes, I was crying. 491 00:24:03,687 --> 00:24:05,080 Why is the Pie Hole closed? 492 00:24:05,532 --> 00:24:07,625 It's man trouble. I can tell. 493 00:24:07,881 --> 00:24:10,084 I knew that Dwight Dixon was heartbreak waiting to pop. 494 00:24:10,169 --> 00:24:11,404 This is Lily's fault. 495 00:24:11,671 --> 00:24:14,765 She aimed a shotgun at his privates and told him to stay away from us. 496 00:24:14,795 --> 00:24:17,424 But half of us is me, and I don't want him away. 497 00:24:17,454 --> 00:24:18,802 I want him close. 498 00:24:19,853 --> 00:24:22,386 - Give us a minute. - Vivian, it's good to see you. 499 00:24:23,504 --> 00:24:24,365 Come on. 500 00:24:25,332 --> 00:24:26,484 Forgive me. 501 00:24:26,514 --> 00:24:30,805 I'm so wrapped up in my man, I'm thoughtlessly keeping you from yours. 502 00:24:30,916 --> 00:24:32,358 Who? Ned? 503 00:24:33,020 --> 00:24:35,556 No. No, we're partners in a contest... 504 00:24:35,586 --> 00:24:38,029 Unromantic partners, like a brother and a sister, 505 00:24:38,059 --> 00:24:41,367 like an asexual, androgynous brother and a sister. 506 00:24:41,428 --> 00:24:42,348 My man? 507 00:24:45,346 --> 00:24:46,830 No, that's a laugh. 508 00:24:47,899 --> 00:24:50,636 When Dwight didn't show up for our date, I tried to laugh, too, 509 00:24:51,142 --> 00:24:54,168 tried to tell myself my feelings for him were silly. 510 00:24:55,357 --> 00:24:57,507 But lying to yourself about love 511 00:24:57,610 --> 00:24:58,926 never works. 512 00:25:00,153 --> 00:25:01,079 Damn. 513 00:25:01,109 --> 00:25:02,086 I know. 514 00:25:02,236 --> 00:25:05,495 But still, I keep lying and looking all the same. 515 00:25:06,525 --> 00:25:08,643 If you see Dwight at the Pie Hole, 516 00:25:09,168 --> 00:25:11,062 will you tell him about the "looking" part? 517 00:25:11,777 --> 00:25:13,164 I'd like to see him. 518 00:25:13,430 --> 00:25:14,485 I understand. 519 00:25:21,135 --> 00:25:22,723 Boy, do I understand. 520 00:25:23,177 --> 00:25:24,201 I found something. 521 00:25:25,597 --> 00:25:28,157 The saboteur who sabotaged our oven left behind one sticky mistake. 522 00:25:28,416 --> 00:25:31,704 What is it? Toxic soot with a dash of DNA? 523 00:25:32,019 --> 00:25:36,368 It's sweet, woodsy, like a Berkshire forest on a crisp autumn morning. 524 00:25:37,267 --> 00:25:38,415 Caramelized sugar. 525 00:25:38,445 --> 00:25:39,550 Maple syrup. 526 00:25:39,898 --> 00:25:42,502 Only one chef here uses pure maple syrup. 527 00:25:43,496 --> 00:25:45,384 - The Waffle Nazi. - The Waffle Nazi. 528 00:25:47,768 --> 00:25:49,511 - Good, ja? - Ja. 529 00:25:51,955 --> 00:25:54,371 Chuck had seen dead bodies talk before, 530 00:25:54,401 --> 00:25:55,691 but this was different. 531 00:25:55,721 --> 00:25:59,567 This was just her guilty mind giving rise to her guilty feelings. 532 00:26:00,043 --> 00:26:02,739 You're just my guilty mind giving rise to my guilty feelings. 533 00:26:03,890 --> 00:26:06,410 Doesn't change the fact that you have royally screwed up. 534 00:26:07,331 --> 00:26:08,912 Fine. You talk, I'll shovel. 535 00:26:09,084 --> 00:26:10,052 Was it worth it? 536 00:26:10,456 --> 00:26:12,149 Sure, fine, I'm a bad man. 537 00:26:12,179 --> 00:26:14,812 You saved three good people by putting me down... 538 00:26:14,842 --> 00:26:17,171 A three-for-one sale on the grandest scale. 539 00:26:17,305 --> 00:26:18,893 Anytime with those shovels! 540 00:26:19,986 --> 00:26:21,216 What would you have done? 541 00:26:21,669 --> 00:26:22,974 Same thing, probably. 542 00:26:23,004 --> 00:26:25,428 I'd have killed you, too. But here's the difference. 543 00:26:25,532 --> 00:26:26,555 Emerson! 544 00:26:26,615 --> 00:26:28,057 I would have told Ned by now. 545 00:26:29,300 --> 00:26:30,100 Shut up! 546 00:26:30,161 --> 00:26:31,310 Who you talking to? 547 00:26:31,370 --> 00:26:32,553 Shut up! 548 00:26:33,270 --> 00:26:34,365 Nothing. No one. 549 00:26:35,153 --> 00:26:38,067 I don't need to talk to anyone about anything, 'cause my conscience is clear. 550 00:26:38,347 --> 00:26:39,970 Good. Then grab a shovel. 551 00:26:40,476 --> 00:26:42,363 Ned will never forgive you. 552 00:26:51,396 --> 00:26:54,656 This is an incredible violation of the PCCFCO rule 553 00:26:54,686 --> 00:26:57,163 that says no chef is allowed in another chef's kitchen. 554 00:26:57,193 --> 00:27:00,037 - It's immediate disqualification. - Concentrate on the killer. 555 00:27:00,067 --> 00:27:02,365 That Waffle Nazi is likely our saboteur. 556 00:27:02,395 --> 00:27:04,120 Find the saboteur, find the killer. 557 00:27:04,277 --> 00:27:05,233 Go, go, go, go. 558 00:27:05,263 --> 00:27:06,199 - Me? - Go. 559 00:27:06,229 --> 00:27:07,931 Attention, contestants. 560 00:27:07,961 --> 00:27:10,515 This is your 20-minute warning. 561 00:27:11,957 --> 00:27:14,876 Any evidence linking Waffle Nazi to Colonel Likkin would wrap this case up 562 00:27:14,906 --> 00:27:17,957 brown paper and tie it up with a strong, sturdy twine. 563 00:27:20,758 --> 00:27:22,465 You know what I love about Vivian? 564 00:27:22,495 --> 00:27:23,570 Her imagination. 565 00:27:23,743 --> 00:27:25,689 She thought you and I were a couple now. 566 00:27:26,383 --> 00:27:27,286 It's crazy. 567 00:27:27,316 --> 00:27:29,556 It's like imaging us as hobbits... 568 00:27:29,997 --> 00:27:31,178 or on jet packs... 569 00:27:32,430 --> 00:27:33,830 or hobbits on jet packs. 570 00:27:35,268 --> 00:27:38,934 Isn't the idea of us romantically entwined 571 00:27:39,766 --> 00:27:41,504 a panic, a scream, 572 00:27:41,607 --> 00:27:44,256 a four-hour heart attack of complete impossibility? 573 00:27:44,286 --> 00:27:45,384 It all makes sense. 574 00:27:47,131 --> 00:27:49,512 - It does? - This batter's better than batter. 575 00:27:49,616 --> 00:27:51,532 It's the evidence we need to wrap up this case. 576 00:27:51,562 --> 00:27:52,348 Hurray. 577 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:53,975 What is it? 578 00:27:57,239 --> 00:27:58,442 Delicious! 579 00:27:58,869 --> 00:28:00,084 Savory, not sweet. 580 00:28:00,365 --> 00:28:02,252 Bursting with what's got to be like... 581 00:28:02,792 --> 00:28:04,232 500 herbs and spices. 582 00:28:04,421 --> 00:28:06,121 It's the Colonel's secret recipe. 583 00:28:09,124 --> 00:28:10,840 And the killer on a plate. 584 00:28:10,870 --> 00:28:13,438 - Sir, I accuse you of... - Sabotage! 585 00:28:14,034 --> 00:28:16,199 You have sabotaged mein irons! 586 00:28:16,857 --> 00:28:17,874 We didn't do that. 587 00:28:18,169 --> 00:28:19,544 Don't cry, mein Herr. 588 00:28:19,810 --> 00:28:21,734 Look... It's justice o'clock. 589 00:28:21,764 --> 00:28:22,954 I'm telling. 590 00:28:24,363 --> 00:28:26,773 It looks as if you are soon to be eliminated from ze competition. 591 00:28:26,833 --> 00:28:29,746 We're kicking you out before you baked yourself out. 592 00:28:29,776 --> 00:28:31,763 When Leo Burns tootles up on his scooter 593 00:28:31,793 --> 00:28:33,956 and sees how many rules you have broken, 594 00:28:33,986 --> 00:28:36,587 your dreams of Comfort Food glory are kaputt. 595 00:28:36,647 --> 00:28:38,524 You saw our oven. We were sabotaged, too. 596 00:28:38,554 --> 00:28:39,864 Liars roast in hell. 597 00:28:40,938 --> 00:28:42,843 - Just sayin'. - We're not the saboteurs. 598 00:28:43,423 --> 00:28:44,748 Oh, ya, ya... 599 00:28:44,778 --> 00:28:46,861 mein waffle cord leaped into your arms 600 00:28:46,891 --> 00:28:49,641 like a puppy wanting love and then cut itself in two. 601 00:28:49,701 --> 00:28:51,234 When we present the evidence we got, 602 00:28:51,264 --> 00:28:53,517 you can kiss the cook-off auf wiedersehen. 603 00:28:55,474 --> 00:28:56,891 It's "goodbye" in German. 604 00:28:57,182 --> 00:28:58,869 I do not speak a vord of German. 605 00:28:59,161 --> 00:29:01,511 I speak English mit a German accent. 606 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:03,943 Pageantry. 607 00:29:04,886 --> 00:29:08,865 We found this batch of the Colonel's secret recipe in your kitchen. 608 00:29:08,925 --> 00:29:10,817 That's a big bowl of motive, Fritz. 609 00:29:10,927 --> 00:29:12,218 Are you suggesting murder? 610 00:29:12,679 --> 00:29:13,759 Ridiculous. 611 00:29:13,905 --> 00:29:16,789 Herr Likkin and I were soon to become business partners. 612 00:29:16,850 --> 00:29:18,082 Chicken and waffles? 613 00:29:18,143 --> 00:29:20,090 Would have caught Popeyes with their pants down. 614 00:29:22,463 --> 00:29:25,756 What in the name of Julia Child are you people doing? 615 00:29:26,204 --> 00:29:28,757 I can't count the number of rules violations going on. 616 00:29:28,959 --> 00:29:30,072 I'm so disappointed. 617 00:29:30,226 --> 00:29:32,741 There may be the appearance of rules being bent or broken completely, 618 00:29:32,771 --> 00:29:34,624 but there's a bigger picture you need to see. 619 00:29:34,814 --> 00:29:36,783 I just haven't finished painting it yet. 620 00:29:36,813 --> 00:29:38,227 We're not the saboteurs. 621 00:29:38,287 --> 00:29:39,397 Poppycock. 622 00:29:39,427 --> 00:29:41,166 The Pie Hole is disqualified. 623 00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:50,698 All right, that ought to do it. 624 00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:52,242 Let's get out of here. 625 00:29:52,272 --> 00:29:54,450 No, wait. We need a priest or a rabbi or 626 00:29:54,675 --> 00:29:56,692 - somebody to say something. - What? 627 00:29:56,722 --> 00:29:58,470 Dwight might not have been the nicest man, 628 00:29:58,500 --> 00:30:00,708 but everybody deserves a burial with dignity. 629 00:30:01,273 --> 00:30:04,255 Fine. I got butt loads of dignity to sprinkle on the ground. 630 00:30:04,285 --> 00:30:05,803 - Come on. Get holy. - Thank you. 631 00:30:06,947 --> 00:30:08,510 Here lies Dwight. Here lies his gun. 632 00:30:08,540 --> 00:30:10,718 He was bad. Now he's done. Let's go. 633 00:30:11,833 --> 00:30:14,031 All this and I still have to deal with my mother? 634 00:30:14,093 --> 00:30:15,306 Don't you mean "father"? 635 00:30:18,661 --> 00:30:19,727 Lily. 636 00:30:21,031 --> 00:30:21,854 Delighted. 637 00:30:21,914 --> 00:30:23,898 Can the crap and sell it to the tourists. 638 00:30:25,088 --> 00:30:27,652 - What are you doing here, Cod? - What in the hell are you doing here? 639 00:30:27,713 --> 00:30:29,403 Waiting for Dwight Dixon. 640 00:30:30,715 --> 00:30:32,948 Well, he may disappoint. 641 00:30:33,544 --> 00:30:34,489 Men do that. 642 00:30:35,274 --> 00:30:36,480 What's with the shotgun? 643 00:30:37,154 --> 00:30:38,181 Military salute. 644 00:30:38,304 --> 00:30:39,747 For Dwight Dixon? 645 00:30:40,179 --> 00:30:41,466 For Charles. 646 00:30:41,889 --> 00:30:44,183 But if I happen to miss and 647 00:30:44,213 --> 00:30:46,836 blow Dwight's head off, purely by accident, 648 00:30:47,764 --> 00:30:50,936 well, that's something my lawyers can pretty much sort out later. 649 00:30:51,850 --> 00:30:53,094 So lovely catching up. 650 00:30:59,284 --> 00:31:01,002 Well, that's everything. 651 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:04,722 But there's no trunk big enough to carry home my busted dreams 652 00:31:04,752 --> 00:31:07,066 - of blue-ribbon victory. - Back to the Pie Hole. 653 00:31:07,651 --> 00:31:10,784 Which is empty, which is strange, because Chuck should be there. 654 00:31:13,161 --> 00:31:14,782 The Colonel's chicken booth. 655 00:31:14,903 --> 00:31:16,075 An empty nest... 656 00:31:16,580 --> 00:31:17,840 chock-full of clues. 657 00:31:18,694 --> 00:31:22,032 A really bold detective team would sneak over for one last bit of recon 658 00:31:22,062 --> 00:31:24,366 before packing up their pots and pans for good. 659 00:31:30,045 --> 00:31:34,385 Remember, bakers' hats and hairnets must be worn 660 00:31:34,446 --> 00:31:36,254 at all times. 661 00:31:37,805 --> 00:31:39,428 Memorize the scene... Every detail... 662 00:31:39,458 --> 00:31:41,925 The prints in the batter, the footprints, the gurney tracks. 663 00:31:41,955 --> 00:31:43,106 What's that? 664 00:31:43,567 --> 00:31:45,094 Oh, sprinkles. 665 00:31:45,124 --> 00:31:46,619 I love sprinkles. 666 00:31:46,649 --> 00:31:47,843 You love clues. 667 00:31:48,024 --> 00:31:50,189 Two great tastes that taste great together. 668 00:31:53,068 --> 00:31:54,887 Painted plastic... cheap jewelry. 669 00:31:55,775 --> 00:31:57,665 Left here before the Colonel was killed. 670 00:31:57,695 --> 00:31:59,995 Which means they belong to the killer. 671 00:32:00,025 --> 00:32:03,748 Attention, contestants, this is your 10-minutes warning. 672 00:32:14,036 --> 00:32:16,827 The most important thing is to keep our wits about us and our nerves steady. 673 00:32:16,887 --> 00:32:19,695 There's no good in freaking out, so don't go crazy and start, I don't know, 674 00:32:19,725 --> 00:32:21,596 kissing me or something ridiculous like that. 675 00:32:21,626 --> 00:32:24,373 Just because we're locked in a trunk, we could die at any minute... 676 00:32:25,154 --> 00:32:26,121 What are you... 677 00:32:28,142 --> 00:32:30,744 Clean thoughts, chum. 678 00:32:37,175 --> 00:32:40,078 Don't make me whip up another batch of beat-down. 679 00:32:40,218 --> 00:32:41,863 Look... cheap plastic earrings. 680 00:32:41,923 --> 00:32:43,074 You're the killer! 681 00:32:43,104 --> 00:32:45,824 You're the killer. You deep-fat-fried the Colonel. 682 00:32:45,854 --> 00:32:47,911 Suppose you were gonna bake me in my own oven. 683 00:32:47,972 --> 00:32:49,287 Nobody's baking anybody. 684 00:32:49,503 --> 00:32:50,812 If you didn't kill him, 685 00:32:50,842 --> 00:32:52,742 what were you doing here before he got killed? 686 00:32:52,772 --> 00:32:54,919 I thought the Colonel died of a heart attack. 687 00:32:55,111 --> 00:32:57,337 I only snuck in here to try to... 688 00:32:58,256 --> 00:32:59,516 You're the saboteur. 689 00:32:59,546 --> 00:33:02,639 - But not the killer. - Sabotage is a disqualifying offense. 690 00:33:03,528 --> 00:33:06,079 In the good Lord's good name, have mercy. 691 00:33:06,270 --> 00:33:10,709 I need that blue-ribbon prize if Muffin Buffalo is to roam again. 692 00:33:10,941 --> 00:33:13,858 You see before you a desperate woman, 693 00:33:14,286 --> 00:33:15,512 not a killer. 694 00:33:15,542 --> 00:33:17,367 Marianne Marie Beetle! 695 00:33:17,823 --> 00:33:19,212 You can't be in here. 696 00:33:19,242 --> 00:33:20,218 Disqualified. 697 00:33:20,796 --> 00:33:23,435 Pie Holers, you can't be in here at all. Banned for life. 698 00:33:24,035 --> 00:33:27,163 Which reminds me... I forgot to report your disqualification to the judges, 699 00:33:27,193 --> 00:33:29,358 - which I'm going to do right now. - You're the killer. 700 00:33:32,410 --> 00:33:34,311 Me? Look at me? 701 00:33:34,682 --> 00:33:37,988 I ride a scooter. What kind of killer could I possibly be? 702 00:33:38,344 --> 00:33:39,952 The kind that leaves tracks. 703 00:33:40,012 --> 00:33:44,081 Those are gurney tracks from where the paramedics wheeled away Colonel Likkin. 704 00:33:44,141 --> 00:33:46,184 Those flattened treads that go from the batter back 705 00:33:46,214 --> 00:33:48,001 to the deep fryer are killer tracks... 706 00:33:49,420 --> 00:33:50,332 Yours. 707 00:33:51,541 --> 00:33:54,137 Those are hot-oil burns on your hands. 708 00:33:54,576 --> 00:33:57,197 Did the Colonel spatter when you deep-fat-fried him, 709 00:33:57,227 --> 00:33:58,974 you sick son of a bitch? 710 00:34:00,233 --> 00:34:02,076 Pixie dust and lemonade! 711 00:34:02,106 --> 00:34:03,474 You have no proof. 712 00:34:03,677 --> 00:34:06,093 That story will never hold up in court. 713 00:34:07,028 --> 00:34:07,939 This will. 714 00:34:09,603 --> 00:34:11,234 The Colonel's secret recipe. 715 00:34:11,842 --> 00:34:13,215 You're busted, Tubby. 716 00:34:13,641 --> 00:34:14,529 ... this out. 717 00:34:14,559 --> 00:34:16,079 The facts were these... 718 00:34:16,483 --> 00:34:19,755 one year ago, Leo Burns was a slender and happy 719 00:34:19,935 --> 00:34:21,836 but slightly lonely man. 720 00:34:22,041 --> 00:34:24,913 One day, he chose to drown his sorrows in a bucket 721 00:34:24,974 --> 00:34:27,878 of Colonel Likkin's southern-fried chicken... 722 00:34:28,306 --> 00:34:31,586 Which led to another... and another. 723 00:34:31,647 --> 00:34:35,335 And soon, the Colonel's unique blend of 500 herbs 724 00:34:35,365 --> 00:34:38,462 and spices were all Leo could eat. 725 00:34:38,889 --> 00:34:41,350 Diabetes, obesity and night blindness 726 00:34:41,380 --> 00:34:45,077 were all quick to follow the coated volumes of wings, 727 00:34:45,107 --> 00:34:47,477 breasts and thighs Leo ate. 728 00:34:48,004 --> 00:34:50,265 Having lost himself to Likkin, 729 00:34:50,490 --> 00:34:54,078 Leo vowed to destroy the Colonel and his precious recipe. 730 00:34:54,775 --> 00:34:59,110 Leo volunteered as this year's Comfort Food coordinator, 731 00:34:59,413 --> 00:35:02,292 waiting for the Colonel to make his annual appearance, 732 00:35:02,322 --> 00:35:05,078 which would become his final appearance. 733 00:35:05,138 --> 00:35:06,747 But Leo could not bring himself 734 00:35:06,808 --> 00:35:10,388 to destroy the secret recipe that robbed him of his life. 735 00:35:11,412 --> 00:35:13,166 And that was his undoing. 736 00:35:16,205 --> 00:35:18,690 Attention, cook-off contestants. 737 00:35:18,720 --> 00:35:22,979 All entries must be on the judges' table in 30 seconds... 738 00:35:23,009 --> 00:35:24,514 30 seconds. 739 00:35:24,575 --> 00:35:26,642 Leo never reported our disqualification. 740 00:35:26,672 --> 00:35:29,352 What can we do in 30 seconds? We have nothing, and our oven is broken. 741 00:35:29,422 --> 00:35:31,480 Revenge is a dish best served cold. 742 00:35:31,744 --> 00:35:34,318 Which is why I brought one of your killer icebox lemon pies, 743 00:35:34,348 --> 00:35:36,520 stored it in our fridge, and called it "plan B". 744 00:35:36,753 --> 00:35:38,995 Don't mean squat if it isn't on the judges' table in... 745 00:35:39,025 --> 00:35:42,578 20 seconds... 20 seconds. 746 00:36:35,487 --> 00:36:37,591 The Colonel would be so proud. 747 00:36:37,621 --> 00:36:39,030 Now that I have the recipe, 748 00:36:39,060 --> 00:36:41,954 that nice doughnut man and I are gonna go into business together. 749 00:36:42,148 --> 00:36:44,111 Finger Likkin Doughnut Holes. 750 00:36:44,141 --> 00:36:45,262 Sounds delicious... 751 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:46,990 and filthy. 752 00:36:47,020 --> 00:36:49,371 America's favorite... You'll make a fortune. 753 00:36:52,317 --> 00:36:54,795 The blue-ribbon first prize 754 00:36:54,825 --> 00:36:58,304 in this year's annual Comfort Food Cook-off 755 00:36:58,334 --> 00:36:59,733 goes to... 756 00:37:00,306 --> 00:37:01,778 the Pie Hole! 757 00:37:32,655 --> 00:37:34,561 Close your eyes, 758 00:37:34,866 --> 00:37:38,240 give me your hand, darling, 759 00:37:38,661 --> 00:37:42,182 do you feel my heart beating? 760 00:37:42,362 --> 00:37:44,571 Do you understand? 761 00:37:44,804 --> 00:37:47,571 Do you feel the same? 762 00:37:48,313 --> 00:37:51,979 Or am I only dreaming? 763 00:37:52,594 --> 00:37:55,912 Or is this burning... 764 00:37:55,942 --> 00:37:59,461 an eternal flame? 765 00:37:59,554 --> 00:38:01,063 Say my name. 766 00:38:01,093 --> 00:38:02,088 It's Chuck. 767 00:38:02,538 --> 00:38:03,933 It's... Olive. 768 00:38:03,963 --> 00:38:05,700 No, it's Chuck. I don't know where she is. 769 00:38:05,730 --> 00:38:07,985 She said she'd be at the Pie Hole all day, and 770 00:38:08,015 --> 00:38:09,971 if she was there, she'd have answered her phone. 771 00:38:10,032 --> 00:38:12,349 Maybe she's stepping out... stepped out. 772 00:38:12,531 --> 00:38:14,871 I don't know where she is. Vivian doesn't know where Dwight is. 773 00:38:14,901 --> 00:38:18,148 What if Dwight leaving Chuck's obituary was more than an insurance policy? 774 00:38:18,610 --> 00:38:20,065 Do you mind if I go look for her? 775 00:38:21,208 --> 00:38:22,307 No, I don't mind. 776 00:38:24,362 --> 00:38:25,862 Sorry to leave you with the mess. 777 00:38:26,555 --> 00:38:27,790 I'm used to the mess. 778 00:38:31,402 --> 00:38:35,086 Sun shines through the rain a whole life 779 00:38:35,434 --> 00:38:39,832 so lonely and then you come and ease the pain. 780 00:38:41,327 --> 00:38:45,646 I don't want to lose this feeling. 781 00:38:47,255 --> 00:38:48,926 Say my name. 782 00:38:48,994 --> 00:38:50,053 Olive? 783 00:38:51,323 --> 00:38:52,973 Congratulations, partner. 784 00:38:54,119 --> 00:38:56,101 Congratulations to you, too, partner. 785 00:38:59,808 --> 00:39:03,096 Do you feel my heart beating? 786 00:39:03,467 --> 00:39:05,968 Do you understand? 787 00:39:05,998 --> 00:39:08,613 Do you feel the same? 788 00:39:09,308 --> 00:39:13,162 Or am I only dreaming? 789 00:39:13,746 --> 00:39:16,918 Or is this burning 790 00:39:17,061 --> 00:39:19,906 an eternal... 791 00:39:21,537 --> 00:39:22,813 flame? 792 00:39:32,637 --> 00:39:33,466 Ned. 793 00:39:33,699 --> 00:39:34,685 Hello, Vivian. 794 00:39:35,235 --> 00:39:36,036 Lily. 795 00:39:36,066 --> 00:39:37,934 I was in the neighborhood, passing by, really, 796 00:39:38,061 --> 00:39:41,479 when I wondered if you might like some pie, which I forgot to bring. 797 00:39:41,766 --> 00:39:43,356 But while I'm here, I was also 798 00:39:43,417 --> 00:39:45,609 wondering if you knew where I might find Dwight Dixon. 799 00:39:45,748 --> 00:39:48,093 Ninth circle of hell, if there's any justice. 800 00:39:48,123 --> 00:39:49,305 Lily, stop. 801 00:39:50,188 --> 00:39:51,651 We don't know where Dwight is. 802 00:39:51,883 --> 00:39:53,583 How could you forget a thing like pie? 803 00:39:53,613 --> 00:39:55,744 I find that curious. It comes in a box, you know. 804 00:39:56,014 --> 00:39:58,663 Say, you got a squatter in your old digs over there? 805 00:40:03,624 --> 00:40:04,812 I'll find out. 806 00:40:10,821 --> 00:40:13,094 The pie maker braced himself to find Chuck 807 00:40:13,154 --> 00:40:16,556 held hostage by the deadly, desperate Dwight Dixon. 808 00:40:20,620 --> 00:40:22,647 - I was worried. I thought... - Charlotte. 809 00:40:23,206 --> 00:40:24,314 It's okay, dad. 810 00:40:25,187 --> 00:40:26,187 "Dad"? 811 00:40:28,504 --> 00:40:29,689 I was gonna tell you. 812 00:40:29,879 --> 00:40:31,483 Synchro: Salomon & Gaillots 813 00:40:31,673 --> 00:40:33,401 Rereading: Bruno & Toupack