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Pushing Daisies - Season 02 Episode 09
"The Legend of Merle McQuoddy"
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Subtitle (720p CTU v.1.00): A²S Team
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At this moment, a father and daughter
were on a camel trip
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across the Rub' al Khali,
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the 600-mile-long body of sand
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in the vast, harsh wilderness
known as the Arabian desert.
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In truth, young Chuck should have been
floating on a sea of dreams,
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but at 8 years,
8 months, 21 days old,
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she was kept awake
by the varicella-zoster virus,
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also known as chickenpox.
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Her father, Charles Charles, hoped
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this magical journey was the antidote
to his daughter's discomfort.
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Indeed, it eased the girl's itch
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and replaced it
with a burning desire for adventure.
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Adventures her father promised
to take her on someday.
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Sadly, someday's adventures
would never come,
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for, in a month,
Charles Charles would die,
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and young Chuck would learn
the sad lesson that, try as one might,
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one can never recapture
what once was.
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Until Charlotte Charles
would again have her father.
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Hello.
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Only having him back
meant lying to the pie maker she loved.
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When Ned touches you, you play dead.
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Say, you got a squatter
in your old digs over there?
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- I was worried. I thought...
- Charlotte.
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It's okay, dad.
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"Dad"?
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You kept your father alive.
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This looks bad.
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- It is bad. It's horribly bad.
- It can't be that bad.
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Not like I'm the first ghost
he's ever seen.
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Please say something.
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He's up here.
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Lily?
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- Quick!
- No! Get out!
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Lily, Vivian, is that you?!
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You know good and well who we are!
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Damn it!
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And we are spittin' pissed at being
served up a steaming plate of door!
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I don't get pissed.
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A gypsy once told me
it brings on hemorrhoids.
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- Why can't I go out and talk to her?
- No!
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After you were gone, Lily and Vivian
moved into our house to look after me.
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- They can't know that we're alive...
- But they're your aunts, Button-Button.
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Except for the one that's my mother.
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So you know.
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And you're okay?
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Can we get back
to your rude reception?
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- I thought you were home invaders.
- Then why did you say my name?
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- I didn't.
- I heard.
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- It must have been your eye... ears.
- When you came over here
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to check for squatters and
didn't immediately resurface,
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- Lily assumed the worst.
- And brought two barrels of backup.
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Hey, no squatters. No anyone.
Let's all go home.
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- What was that?
- That was me.
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Get it away!
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It's all right.
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Lily's been petrified of clowns
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ever since our grand-papa chased her
around the house with one of those.
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It was Charlotte Charles
whose strategic placement of the toy
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prevented her strong-willed mother
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from strong-arming her way
further into the closet.
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We need to talk.
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You don't want to hear
what I have to say.
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A low-pressure system
moving in from the coast
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threatened Papen County
with its first winter storm.
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But for the pie maker and Chuck,
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it was as if the tempest
had already hit.
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If I were thinking clearer, I'd...
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give you space
to process everything,
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but I haven't slept
since all this happened.
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Since...
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I made it happen.
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If your dad's alive,
someone else had to die.
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- Who was it?
- Dwight Dixon.
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We found him with a sniper rifle
in the cemetery.
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What?
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Emerson thinks that he was planning
on killing both you and me
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- the night we re-alived my dad.
- Emerson knows?
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He helped me bury Dwight
in my dad's empty grave.
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He wanted me
to tell you right away, but I...
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I begged him: "please, just wait until
I know what to say". And then...
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You...
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You found me first.
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What would have happened
if I didn't?
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I'd have brought you here and told you
that I was reckless and selfish.
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Yes, you were.
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And I can say
that I'm sorry for deceiving you,
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and I will say that forever,
but I can't say
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that I'm sorry my dad's alive,
because I'm not.
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It's so overwhelming, I'm so grateful,
I don't know how to explain it.
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You acted on an impulse
so poignant and deep.
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I know what it feels like.
I felt it with you.
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And I'll never be sorry
I did it either.
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I'll let you breathe in a minute.
I promise.
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I'm good.
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So, what's next?
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The reality is, your dad's back...
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in swaddling bandages,
but he's back.
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And if we're gonna be one big,
happy, albeit unconventional...
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family...
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- There are things we need to discuss.
- I've already covered a lot of ground.
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First touch, life, second touch, death,
and that Digby and I are
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the only other alive-agains
to be alive longer than a minute.
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Then that leaves figuring out
what to do with your dad.
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The only way
we can do that is together.
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Are we together?
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We're so "gethered",
electrons couldn't get between us.
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You're beaming.
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I'm not the only one.
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What is that?
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The body of Nora McQuoddy
was what that was.
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Mere moments earlier, the meticulous
Papen Harbor lighthouse keeper,
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obsessing over a stubborn smudge,
would make a fatal mistake,
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because what Nora didn't notice
was her killer...
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who wanted everyone to notice her.
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... County coroner's office.
At this time, the prime suspect,
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seen fleeing from the scene
in a yellow fisherman's jacket,
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has been identified as the lighthouse
keeper's husband, Merle McQuoddy.
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That's some shady shadow puppet.
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Merle McQuoddy!
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Out of all the enigmatic, esoteric local
ghost stories, this is my absolute fave.
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Merle McQuoddy was a salty sailor
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who left his lighthouse-keeper wife
and young child on a fishing voyage
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10 years ago, only to vanish...
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... without a trace.
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Mariners swear his ghost haunts
the sea caves by the harbor.
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And when the lighthouse shines,
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you can hear his ghoulish moans
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as he cries out for someone...
anyone...
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to guide him home and...
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Booed ya!
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In actual fact,
the facts were these.
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Merle McQuoddy did, indeed,
leave his wife and child
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on a voyage 10 years ago.
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His boat, the Knockout Nora,
was loaded down with dungeness,
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when it was knocked out
by the category 5 typhoon Tyrone.
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For 9 years, 11 months, and 5 days,
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the presumed ghost, Merle McQuoddy,
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was very much alive
and alone on a deserted island.
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All the while, Nora kept watch,
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praying that one day
her husband would come home
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and life would return
to the way it once was.
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After a near decade of waiting,
her prayers were answered
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when Merle was rescued by
a gay family cruise ship.
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But Merle McQuoddy
was not the man he used to be.
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He'd roam the beaches at midnight,
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flew into rages,
shunned indoor plumbing!
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And now
he's a murderer at large, and...
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Mr. Cod?
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I was told I could find you here.
My name is Elliot McQuoddy.
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Elliot McQuoddy?
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Son of urban legend Merle McQuoddy.
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Please, you have to clear
my father of my mother's murder.
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My entire life savings...
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everything I ever found combing
the shore with my metal detector.
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By all means, bring me up
to tempo on what happened tonight.
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Mom dropped me off at the movies
with a batch of homemade peanut brittle.
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Afterwards, when I didn't see
the minivan, I walked home.
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Cops were everywhere.
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They told me she was dead.
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And dad was nowhere to be found.
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You want it a la mode?
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The power's out and the ice cream
won't be so much ice as cream soon.
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Lots and lots, please.
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Who knows when I'll get another meal,
without mom to make it?
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You poor boy.
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There, there.
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Not here, here.
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Sorry, kid.
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Eyewitnesses say they saw Merle
McQuoddy running away from the scene.
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All they saw was a yellow raincoat.
There's no way he'd hurt my mother.
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After 10 years of waiting,
our family was finally reunited.
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I don't know where my dad is
and even if I find him...
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they'll take him away.
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Excuse me.
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Hate to be a bitch, but ain't no way
in the world I'm taking this case.
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You think Merle McQuoddy
murdered Nora.
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Merle McQuoddy's ship
returned minus a few oars,
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making it a very easy leap
from captain to killer.
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Nothing this kid had to say
makes me think otherwise.
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Plus, I don't work in the rain.
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You don't hate being a bitch
that much.
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I'll kick you back
my third of the cut.
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And if you're doing
my third of the work, then...
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I'm gonna take a personal day
to deal with personal...
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persons.
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Well...
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Look like papa's gonna
need a new raincoat.
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And leather conditioner.
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You see this water damage?
These wing tips were custom-cobbled.
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Can we hurry?
I'm supposed to see Chuck's father.
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I want to get him
a "welcome back to life" gift.
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Oh, I get the perfect gift...
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tap dad back to the grave.
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- Why would you say that?
- Because you are in over your head.
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You can put a leash on a dog.
You know why? 'Cause it's a dog.
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00:10:47,870 --> 00:10:51,511
But you can't put one on a war veteran
that was cut down in his prime.
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Before long, he's gonna break free.
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00:10:53,388 --> 00:10:56,196
Then he'll just be running the streets,
telling the world what you can do.
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Tap that.
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00:10:59,274 --> 00:11:02,870
This is Chuck's chance at having
a family again. I can't...
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00:11:03,539 --> 00:11:04,342
tap that.
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So make it look like an accident.
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Trip over an ottoman
and Dick Van Dyke that ass.
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Fine. I said my piece.
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Let's get face-to-face
with lighthouse lady.
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- What happened to her face?
- She's been effaced!
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Mrs. McQuoddy?
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00:11:23,692 --> 00:11:26,865
Present conditions are cold, rainy,
with a 100% chance of "you're dead".
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00:11:26,966 --> 00:11:29,151
We're hoping that
you can tell us who killed you.
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00:11:31,059 --> 00:11:32,954
Oh, hell.
We got a melty mouth.
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00:11:33,870 --> 00:11:36,456
- "Yes" or "no" questions.
- She can't nod. How can she nod?
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00:11:37,273 --> 00:11:38,823
What is that tapping?
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00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:42,922
I don't think she's tapping.
I think she's talking in morse code.
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00:11:44,192 --> 00:11:46,934
- How do you know morse code?
- Charles Charles taught it to us
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00:11:46,964 --> 00:11:49,721
when we were kids so we communicated
from our windows with flashlights.
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Mrs. McQuoddy?
Who committed your murder?
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P... C... H... S.
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Is that all?
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Time's up.
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P-C-H-S.
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"Pic-hiss."
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Pic-hiss!
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Peaches!
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It's an acronym, fool.
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"Papen County Historical Society."
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An old lighthouse like Nora's
is bound to have interest.
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"Peaches."
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- What are you doing?
- Looking and finding you,
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which is a cinch, natch, 'cause
I'm such an ace junior PI in training.
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Look what mama got papa.
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I bought one for you, too, Ned.
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00:12:40,433 --> 00:12:42,455
And one for me, too, of course.
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00:12:42,485 --> 00:12:45,235
'cause together,
we're a crime-fighting team.
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00:12:45,661 --> 00:12:47,061
What do you say, papa?
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00:12:47,589 --> 00:12:50,824
I think you and papa are gonna have
a grand old time while I...
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00:12:51,648 --> 00:12:53,503
take care of a... thing.
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00:12:57,388 --> 00:13:00,595
- But...
- Hey, mood-swing Sally, anchors aweigh!
240
00:13:03,952 --> 00:13:06,839
- You sure you don't want some pie?
- Thanks, Button, but I'll have cake.
241
00:13:07,919 --> 00:13:09,926
Since when do you eat pie?
You hate pie.
242
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,495
Well, this is the one
that won me over.
243
00:13:15,075 --> 00:13:16,941
So, no cake? At all?
244
00:13:17,453 --> 00:13:18,403
Oh, well.
245
00:13:19,564 --> 00:13:21,713
Well, let's not worry about pie.
246
00:13:23,461 --> 00:13:25,871
This family has bigger things
to discuss.
247
00:13:25,901 --> 00:13:27,243
To that end...
248
00:13:28,922 --> 00:13:32,603
"Move Mr. Charles from Ned's childhood
home to Ned's apartment."
249
00:13:32,633 --> 00:13:34,483
You killed a tree for this?
250
00:13:34,521 --> 00:13:36,305
I'm happy as a clam right here.
251
00:13:36,335 --> 00:13:38,345
The problem is,
Lily and Vivian are right here too,
252
00:13:38,375 --> 00:13:40,550
and for a couple of agoraphobes,
they get around.
253
00:13:40,580 --> 00:13:42,865
We can't risk them coming back
and discovering you,
254
00:13:42,895 --> 00:13:45,073
thereby discovering the truth
about all of us.
255
00:13:45,103 --> 00:13:47,525
From there, it's a hop,
skip and a jump
256
00:13:47,555 --> 00:13:50,259
to angry mobs
with pitchforks and torches.
257
00:13:50,289 --> 00:13:53,519
If I bunk with you, you'd kill me again
just by passing the pepper.
258
00:13:53,779 --> 00:13:56,113
There are many safeguards
already in place.
259
00:13:56,143 --> 00:13:58,951
Truth be told, you touching me dead
doesn't scare me nearly as much
260
00:13:58,981 --> 00:14:01,331
as the thought of you
doing that to my daughter.
261
00:14:01,635 --> 00:14:05,465
- Sir, I could never hurt Chuck.
- Oh, sure you could, deadly Nedly.
262
00:14:05,495 --> 00:14:07,137
You could forget she's behind you
263
00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:09,610
and stop to tie your shoe
or trip over a forgotten newspaper.
264
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:11,727
No number of redundant precautions
265
00:14:11,757 --> 00:14:14,638
can assure that you won't inadvertently
kill her for good and forever,
266
00:14:14,668 --> 00:14:17,460
unless you're not in the same vicinity,
which is why we're gonna make a deal.
267
00:14:18,654 --> 00:14:20,546
I go quietly
and play by your rules...
268
00:14:23,088 --> 00:14:25,238
and you never see Charlotte again.
269
00:14:30,014 --> 00:14:32,214
The first family of Papen County.
270
00:14:32,481 --> 00:14:35,111
Bunch of blond-over-blue children
of the corn.
271
00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:37,191
Which one we gonna grill first?
272
00:14:37,932 --> 00:14:40,520
Gus...
the "Rosemary Kennedy" of the clan.
273
00:14:40,550 --> 00:14:44,163
While brothers one through four run the
family's commercial-real-estate empire
274
00:14:44,193 --> 00:14:48,455
and south asian call centers,
all he got was the historical society.
275
00:14:54,206 --> 00:14:55,256
Olive Snook?
276
00:14:55,756 --> 00:14:56,706
Mr. Papen.
277
00:14:57,142 --> 00:14:58,574
Welcome to the Pie Hole.
278
00:14:58,828 --> 00:15:02,256
Did you get my application
to declare our wonderful establishment
279
00:15:02,286 --> 00:15:04,910
- a historical monument?
- That application was denied
280
00:15:04,940 --> 00:15:07,768
the moment you people destroyed
an exemplary specimen
281
00:15:07,798 --> 00:15:09,748
of turn-of-the-century
beaux-arts architecture
282
00:15:09,778 --> 00:15:12,170
with the addition
of a stucco-crust overhang.
283
00:15:12,422 --> 00:15:15,007
Told you.
Well, since you're already here,
284
00:15:15,037 --> 00:15:17,426
you mind answering a few questions
about Nora McQuoddy?
285
00:15:17,685 --> 00:15:19,553
Have they found
the bloodthirsty husband?
286
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,305
Merle? No.
287
00:15:21,566 --> 00:15:24,391
What is Nora's connection
to the PCHS?
288
00:15:24,621 --> 00:15:26,533
With her husband lost at sea,
289
00:15:26,633 --> 00:15:28,550
Nora couldn't afford
the lighthouse upkeep.
290
00:15:28,580 --> 00:15:32,149
I used my family influence to declare it
a protected historic monument.
291
00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:35,318
I appointed Nora the lighthouse steward
and the McQuoddys its guardian
292
00:15:35,348 --> 00:15:37,034
until the family line dies out
293
00:15:37,064 --> 00:15:39,531
or the sun swallows the Earth
in a solar flare, killing us all.
294
00:15:39,903 --> 00:15:42,639
Well, that means Elliot's
in charge of the lighthouse now.
295
00:15:42,669 --> 00:15:45,532
Other than that,
I didn't really know Nora.
296
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:48,793
If you want to learn more,
talk to Annabelle Vandersloop.
297
00:15:48,935 --> 00:15:50,918
They volunteered together
in the diorama exhibit.
298
00:15:51,771 --> 00:15:53,921
Such a depressing word, "diorama".
299
00:15:55,675 --> 00:15:57,125
It has "die" in it.
300
00:15:59,162 --> 00:16:00,312
I like "rama".
301
00:16:02,109 --> 00:16:03,929
Okay, so, this...
302
00:16:04,593 --> 00:16:08,441
is so we can keep in constant contact
in the present, and this...
303
00:16:09,140 --> 00:16:12,806
is so you can regain contact
with your past.
304
00:16:18,025 --> 00:16:19,175
Well, I'll be.
305
00:16:20,090 --> 00:16:21,440
Thank you, Button.
306
00:16:24,072 --> 00:16:26,914
Right. Well...
I'll leave you to settle in.
307
00:16:30,262 --> 00:16:31,512
Digby, come on.
308
00:16:48,453 --> 00:16:51,186
- There's milk to go with the cake.
- You didn't have to go to that trouble.
309
00:16:51,601 --> 00:16:54,815
I wanted to.
It's a huge adjustment.
310
00:16:55,002 --> 00:16:56,407
That's big of you, kid.
311
00:16:56,437 --> 00:16:58,443
We won't get anywhere without
a little teamwork.
312
00:16:58,503 --> 00:17:02,364
That's a perfect segue way
to our playbook.
313
00:17:05,857 --> 00:17:08,317
This is everything that pertains
to the alive-again lifestyle with
314
00:17:08,347 --> 00:17:11,456
- your particular alive-again situation.
- You mean my corpse face?
315
00:17:11,833 --> 00:17:12,983
Corpse face...
316
00:17:13,555 --> 00:17:14,960
taken into consideration.
317
00:17:16,309 --> 00:17:19,464
In short, stay inside with the doors
locked and the curtains drawn.
318
00:17:20,053 --> 00:17:22,637
Food deliveries are verboten.
However, telephone use is unrestricted,
319
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:25,562
as long as you choose from the list
of cleared aliases on page 13
320
00:17:25,592 --> 00:17:27,341
when communicating
with the outside world.
321
00:17:27,371 --> 00:17:30,774
For the first month,
I would recommend wearing latex gloves.
322
00:17:30,804 --> 00:17:34,454
- I already got gloves on.
- No harm in double-bagging it, eh?
323
00:17:38,039 --> 00:17:39,889
Sir, I'm really trying here.
324
00:17:40,332 --> 00:17:42,282
Instead of buttering me up...
325
00:17:42,392 --> 00:17:45,045
why don't we deal
with the elephant in the room?
326
00:17:45,211 --> 00:17:46,361
You killed me.
327
00:17:47,642 --> 00:17:50,203
I knew your parents, Ned. You were
raised right. How about an apology?
328
00:17:50,658 --> 00:17:51,808
I'm sorry.
329
00:17:52,024 --> 00:17:54,176
"All is forgiven" is gonna be
a long time coming.
330
00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:55,854
You need to respect that.
331
00:17:56,347 --> 00:17:57,297
All right?
332
00:17:57,882 --> 00:18:00,297
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I got a bunch of reading to do.
333
00:18:03,285 --> 00:18:05,437
While Charles Charles was reading,
334
00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:08,316
Olive Snook and the private
investigator were listening
335
00:18:08,346 --> 00:18:10,891
to one Annabelle Vandersloop.
336
00:18:10,951 --> 00:18:13,022
Nora and I were best friends.
337
00:18:13,052 --> 00:18:15,562
We met through the notable widows
of Papen County.
338
00:18:15,937 --> 00:18:18,732
We paid tribute
to our notable husbands' notable deaths
339
00:18:19,002 --> 00:18:22,031
through
the miniature medium of diorama.
340
00:18:22,292 --> 00:18:24,237
I love dioramas.
How can I get involved?
341
00:18:24,526 --> 00:18:25,489
Are you a widow?
342
00:18:25,877 --> 00:18:27,157
- No.
- Oh...
343
00:18:27,344 --> 00:18:28,997
Unfortunately, I'm single.
344
00:18:29,102 --> 00:18:31,855
But I do have a beloved horse
who bought the farm.
345
00:18:31,885 --> 00:18:33,124
I could "dioram" that.
346
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:35,982
Sorry.
Expired spouses only.
347
00:18:36,218 --> 00:18:39,750
For example, my late husband,
348
00:18:39,780 --> 00:18:42,609
munitions manufacturer
Adolph Vandersloop,
349
00:18:42,639 --> 00:18:43,959
went out with a bang.
350
00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:47,853
An errant 4th of July rocket
flew into an open window
351
00:18:47,883 --> 00:18:49,873
while he was taking inventory.
352
00:18:56,021 --> 00:19:00,058
One can never add enough glitter
to a husband's memory.
353
00:19:00,833 --> 00:19:03,244
Miss Snook,
do you see how your pony death
354
00:19:03,274 --> 00:19:05,529
might make a mockery
of our legitimate efforts?
355
00:19:06,254 --> 00:19:08,971
Do you see how you have
cotton balls stuck to your ass?
356
00:19:09,727 --> 00:19:11,280
I was looking for those!
357
00:19:11,310 --> 00:19:13,870
Yeah, well, I'm looking for something...
information...
358
00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:17,374
on whether Nora McQuoddy's husband
made himself a notable widower.
359
00:19:17,435 --> 00:19:18,654
I was with sweet Nora
360
00:19:18,684 --> 00:19:21,753
when she heard the news
that homosexual boat had rescued Merle.
361
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:26,433
Can you imagine the joy of starting over
with a husband you thought you'd lost?
362
00:19:27,887 --> 00:19:29,261
No. You can't.
363
00:19:30,092 --> 00:19:33,893
Anyway, Nora was the first to admit
that she was an overprotective mother,
364
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:37,702
but with Merle home and Elliot
so desperate to bond with him,
365
00:19:37,732 --> 00:19:39,479
it quickly became two against one.
366
00:19:39,781 --> 00:19:42,065
- She finally had to put her foot down.
- On what?
367
00:19:42,393 --> 00:19:46,601
Crazy things, like, you know, father/son
sailing trips around the world.
368
00:19:46,763 --> 00:19:48,915
She absolutely forbade it.
369
00:19:49,167 --> 00:19:51,441
And I guess that was the final straw
370
00:19:51,471 --> 00:19:54,369
before Merle snapped, killed her,
and went AWOL.
371
00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:59,637
Sometimes I just think to myself,
"life... you can't make this crap up".
372
00:20:00,143 --> 00:20:01,668
Well, thanks for your time.
373
00:20:02,057 --> 00:20:03,807
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
374
00:20:06,650 --> 00:20:07,600
Good luck.
375
00:20:10,282 --> 00:20:12,964
Speaking of crap,
Elliot seems to be full of it.
376
00:20:12,994 --> 00:20:16,401
We met a heartbroken mama's boy
who never mentioned feuds with mama.
377
00:20:16,431 --> 00:20:19,581
- What gives?
- That's just what we're gonna ask him.
378
00:20:24,052 --> 00:20:25,443
Don't bother signing in.
379
00:20:25,868 --> 00:20:27,193
The open house is off.
380
00:20:27,573 --> 00:20:29,162
- Who are you?
- Willie Gherkin.
381
00:20:29,497 --> 00:20:30,530
Smiley Realty.
382
00:20:31,043 --> 00:20:32,642
You lost your smile, pickle.
383
00:20:33,130 --> 00:20:34,784
I thought
it was too good to be true.
384
00:20:35,060 --> 00:20:37,717
This lighthouse lands in my lap,
and now
385
00:20:37,940 --> 00:20:41,666
I find out I can't sell it because
it's a protected historical monument!
386
00:20:42,245 --> 00:20:45,253
This is so not the way
the secret is supposed to work.
387
00:20:46,122 --> 00:20:47,906
- Where's the owner?
- Elliot?
388
00:20:47,936 --> 00:20:49,524
That little bowl-cut split.
389
00:20:49,622 --> 00:20:52,354
But not before I advanced him
10 grand against the sale.
390
00:20:52,684 --> 00:20:55,513
Said he and his father were going out
of town and need cash quick.
391
00:20:55,701 --> 00:20:56,718
Is that legal?
392
00:20:56,748 --> 00:20:58,852
How should I know?
I just got my license.
393
00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:00,576
Screw it.
394
00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:02,948
I'm going back
to personal training...
395
00:21:03,247 --> 00:21:04,463
Where there's respect.
396
00:21:04,793 --> 00:21:05,685
Excuse me.
397
00:21:09,164 --> 00:21:10,486
Try this on for size.
398
00:21:11,881 --> 00:21:14,032
So, Merle kills Nora, and then...
399
00:21:14,371 --> 00:21:15,647
Elliot hires me...
400
00:21:16,344 --> 00:21:18,019
to take the suspicion off Merle.
401
00:21:18,772 --> 00:21:21,214
And then Elliot goes
and gets the funds
402
00:21:21,244 --> 00:21:23,446
so they can take
their little father-and-son trip.
403
00:21:24,393 --> 00:21:25,938
But if they did score a sloop,
404
00:21:25,968 --> 00:21:29,065
there's no way they're taking it out
in this weather. They must be hiding.
405
00:21:29,095 --> 00:21:30,173
Let's smoke 'em out.
406
00:21:32,182 --> 00:21:34,803
I can't believe you got me working
in this downpour.
407
00:21:34,863 --> 00:21:37,216
Yeah, what's up with that,
anyway, rain-hater?
408
00:21:37,375 --> 00:21:40,767
I mean, I'd get it
if you were a cat or had hair.
409
00:21:41,064 --> 00:21:42,017
Or got dumped.
410
00:21:47,108 --> 00:21:48,270
Back in the rainy day,
411
00:21:48,300 --> 00:21:51,619
my ex and I used to hole up with
a bottle of brandy and some tomato soup,
412
00:21:51,649 --> 00:21:53,452
and we wouldn't come out
until the sun did.
413
00:21:55,370 --> 00:21:56,192
Now...
414
00:21:57,992 --> 00:22:00,394
Whenever the drops fall,
it reminds me of everything I lost
415
00:22:00,424 --> 00:22:02,455
and ain't gonna get back. Happy?
416
00:22:03,741 --> 00:22:05,083
Let's wait it out here a bit.
417
00:22:05,718 --> 00:22:07,455
I've always wanted
to see this place.
418
00:22:08,006 --> 00:22:12,382
But you can't get much of a feel for it
when you're trying to peek inside.
419
00:22:14,610 --> 00:22:17,341
Are you trying to give me
the heebie-jeebies or something?
420
00:22:17,876 --> 00:22:20,973
Or a theory as to where
the murderous McQuoddys are holed up.
421
00:22:21,003 --> 00:22:24,644
Remember the sea caves Merle's ghost
supposedly haunted with his howls?
422
00:22:24,704 --> 00:22:26,218
There's nothing haunted about them.
423
00:22:26,248 --> 00:22:30,164
The sound is created when the wind
rushes in off the water, kind of like...
424
00:22:32,716 --> 00:22:35,335
Elliot knows those caves
like the back of his hand!
425
00:22:35,365 --> 00:22:38,051
If he's in there,
he's gonna get the back of mine.
426
00:22:38,782 --> 00:22:40,164
Yeah! Let's go.
427
00:22:42,995 --> 00:22:45,878
All right, sugars have been re-sugared,
creamers have been re-creamed.
428
00:22:45,908 --> 00:22:48,955
Anything else you want me to do before
I head to the store? Dad gave me a list.
429
00:22:50,589 --> 00:22:54,466
"Slippers, mouthwash,
and the last 20 years of my life back".
430
00:22:54,875 --> 00:22:57,052
- He's... so funny.
- Hilarious.
431
00:22:57,596 --> 00:22:59,929
It's bad enough we can't touch.
Now I'm not allowed to see you?
432
00:23:00,187 --> 00:23:01,415
How is that possible?
433
00:23:01,445 --> 00:23:04,106
We don't have to stop seeing each other.
It's just when dad's around...
434
00:23:04,395 --> 00:23:07,729
Which is limited to your apartment.
He can't go anywhere else.
435
00:23:07,996 --> 00:23:10,412
I'm not embarrassed to say
that I'm scared of your father...
436
00:23:10,442 --> 00:23:11,736
Petrified, actually...
437
00:23:11,818 --> 00:23:12,818
and...
438
00:23:12,848 --> 00:23:13,941
stop smiling.
439
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,863
I can't help it. Something's happening
I never thought would happen.
440
00:23:17,924 --> 00:23:19,715
My dad's torturing
my first boyfriend.
441
00:23:19,922 --> 00:23:20,723
Yeah.
442
00:23:21,203 --> 00:23:24,163
Exactly. We get to be the teenagers
we never thought we'd get to be.
443
00:23:24,537 --> 00:23:26,630
You because you were locked up
in some boarding school
444
00:23:26,660 --> 00:23:28,977
and me because I was shut up
with my shut-in aunts.
445
00:23:29,007 --> 00:23:31,642
And now you get to be
the studly varsity quarterback,
446
00:23:31,672 --> 00:23:33,463
and I get to be
the flirty head cheerleader.
447
00:23:35,476 --> 00:23:39,969
Which means we can break curfews
and mislead our parents
448
00:23:40,029 --> 00:23:41,980
and generally...
449
00:23:44,029 --> 00:23:45,255
sneak around.
450
00:23:55,774 --> 00:23:57,195
I may need some more convincing.
451
00:24:03,064 --> 00:24:04,931
I'll meet you later
behind the bleachers.
452
00:24:04,961 --> 00:24:06,356
Bring your pom-poms.
453
00:24:18,403 --> 00:24:19,579
Hello, Nedly.
454
00:24:24,669 --> 00:24:26,935
Looked to me like you were necking
with my daughter.
455
00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:28,786
The one you promised
to keep a distance from.
456
00:24:28,816 --> 00:24:30,314
You can't be here.
Go upstairs.
457
00:24:30,459 --> 00:24:31,618
I'm not going anywhere.
458
00:24:32,891 --> 00:24:34,007
Everybody out!
459
00:24:34,167 --> 00:24:35,942
We have a gas leak caused by...
460
00:24:35,972 --> 00:24:38,583
a radon emission chock
full of asbestos!
461
00:24:39,448 --> 00:24:40,377
Safety first!
462
00:24:40,468 --> 00:24:41,718
Cover your eyes!
463
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,088
Everybody out!
464
00:24:52,411 --> 00:24:54,266
Seriously... no cake at all?
465
00:24:54,450 --> 00:24:56,393
- I made you a cake.
- I'm not one for chocolate.
466
00:24:56,626 --> 00:24:59,297
Who's not for chocolate?
Everyone at least tolerates it!
467
00:24:59,596 --> 00:25:01,996
Mr. Charles,
you can't be in public like this.
468
00:25:02,026 --> 00:25:04,288
- If someone sees you...
- I'll say I'm a burn victim.
469
00:25:04,318 --> 00:25:05,942
If I need to say anything at all.
470
00:25:06,161 --> 00:25:09,281
I've been walking around for an hour,
and no one's looked at me twice.
471
00:25:09,776 --> 00:25:12,757
I wonder if I can get myself one of
those "handicapped parking" placards.
472
00:25:12,787 --> 00:25:15,161
There's no driving!
That's rule number 17!
473
00:25:15,325 --> 00:25:18,135
Why am I supposed to play by your rules
when you don't, Romeo?
474
00:25:18,165 --> 00:25:18,965
I...
475
00:25:19,047 --> 00:25:21,209
I'm just trying to keep you safe.
476
00:25:21,239 --> 00:25:22,127
Look, kiddo,
477
00:25:22,218 --> 00:25:24,504
you may be able to scare
Charlotte with stories of mobs
478
00:25:24,534 --> 00:25:26,676
and pitchforks and torches,
but I know the truth.
479
00:25:26,706 --> 00:25:28,638
If the villagers show,
they aren't coming for me.
480
00:25:28,668 --> 00:25:30,938
No, they're coming
for the guy with the magic finger.
481
00:25:32,437 --> 00:25:35,402
Hate to break it to you, Charles,
but no one cared about Dr. Frankenstein.
482
00:25:35,432 --> 00:25:36,807
They were after his monster.
483
00:25:36,965 --> 00:25:40,255
Regardless of what you think, my
priority is your daughter's well-being.
484
00:25:40,402 --> 00:25:42,813
If you walk out that door,
you put her life in jeopardy.
485
00:25:42,905 --> 00:25:44,983
As her father,
I'll be the judge of that.
486
00:25:45,871 --> 00:25:47,209
You're not leaving.
487
00:26:08,864 --> 00:26:10,615
Not bad for a dead guy, huh?
488
00:26:10,645 --> 00:26:12,731
Don't... touch... me.
489
00:26:22,155 --> 00:26:24,522
As the tide turned
for the pie maker,
490
00:26:25,554 --> 00:26:28,827
a turn of the tide
allowed Emerson Cod and Olive Snook
491
00:26:28,857 --> 00:26:32,072
to turn their investigation
toward a sea cave.
492
00:26:32,405 --> 00:26:36,012
If the McQuoddys are barnacled up
in here, we'll have them cornered.
493
00:26:36,272 --> 00:26:37,777
If McQuoddy is here, I'll just die!
494
00:26:37,807 --> 00:26:39,962
Not because he's a killer,
but because he's a...
495
00:26:42,055 --> 00:26:44,447
Easy there, friend!
496
00:26:45,003 --> 00:26:46,086
Not foe.
497
00:26:46,369 --> 00:26:47,844
Yeah, well, we foe, fo'sho'.
498
00:26:47,874 --> 00:26:49,047
Emerson Cod, PI,
499
00:26:49,339 --> 00:26:52,092
here to trawl your ass downtown.
Where's Elliot?
500
00:26:52,469 --> 00:26:53,773
Gathering supplies.
501
00:26:54,312 --> 00:26:57,430
We know all about
the McQuoddy family killers cruise.
502
00:26:57,522 --> 00:26:58,877
You two murdered Nora!
503
00:26:58,907 --> 00:27:00,555
You're mistaken, matey!
504
00:27:01,096 --> 00:27:03,019
When she died, I was here.
505
00:27:03,505 --> 00:27:05,146
Why are you bunked up al grotto?
506
00:27:05,641 --> 00:27:07,883
For the past month, Nora and I...
507
00:27:07,913 --> 00:27:11,096
had been trying to put
our marriage back on its old course,
508
00:27:11,744 --> 00:27:13,573
but 10 years apart...
509
00:27:13,931 --> 00:27:15,448
leaves you different people.
510
00:27:16,347 --> 00:27:19,170
The other night,
while Elliot was at the movies,
511
00:27:20,112 --> 00:27:24,348
Nora confessed to me that she'd found
her bearings with another man.
512
00:27:25,653 --> 00:27:29,254
Bewildered, I sought shelter here.
513
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,472
Why not clear things up
with the authorities?
514
00:27:31,502 --> 00:27:35,131
Because I'm a ghost with an alibi
515
00:27:35,161 --> 00:27:37,493
as thin as fishing line!
516
00:27:38,599 --> 00:27:41,584
It was Elliot's idea
to set sail from here.
517
00:27:41,614 --> 00:27:44,811
Said he'd garner the funds
and I would prep the vessel.
518
00:27:44,910 --> 00:27:46,479
Just one hole in your story.
519
00:27:47,182 --> 00:27:49,274
Elliot never mentioned
Nora's new squeeze.
520
00:27:49,410 --> 00:27:51,050
Nora never told him.
521
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:54,028
Yeah, well, you better cough up a name,
or we're hauling your buoy in.
522
00:27:54,170 --> 00:27:55,613
She didn't tell me his name.
523
00:27:55,999 --> 00:27:58,074
But I found this...
524
00:27:58,813 --> 00:28:00,753
in her personal effects.
525
00:28:01,387 --> 00:28:03,835
A dutch love spoon.
Men used to give it to their women
526
00:28:03,865 --> 00:28:06,260
as a symbol of the sweetness
that they'd feed each other forever.
527
00:28:07,324 --> 00:28:09,357
I've read
the entire Harlequin library.
528
00:28:09,387 --> 00:28:11,602
I didn't give my wife this spoon.
529
00:28:12,083 --> 00:28:12,908
No.
530
00:28:13,471 --> 00:28:14,724
A lover did.
531
00:28:15,223 --> 00:28:17,396
A lover who murdered her
in a jealous rage
532
00:28:17,426 --> 00:28:20,286
before she had a chance to tell him
that she was leaving her husband.
533
00:28:20,563 --> 00:28:23,988
See? Engraving says:
"A.P. 'hearts' N.M."
534
00:28:24,675 --> 00:28:27,019
N.M. is Nora McQuoddy,
but who in the hell is A.P.?
535
00:28:27,049 --> 00:28:28,343
Papen is a dutch name.
536
00:28:28,700 --> 00:28:31,750
Scurvy! There's 50 Papens
in this county alone.
537
00:28:32,826 --> 00:28:34,790
But only one Augustus.
538
00:28:35,612 --> 00:28:37,230
- Gus Papen!
- Gus Papen!
539
00:28:38,974 --> 00:28:40,227
I think I was first.
540
00:28:46,113 --> 00:28:47,139
What happened?
541
00:28:47,500 --> 00:28:49,722
Your dad came down
and we had a little... tussle.
542
00:28:50,052 --> 00:28:52,519
- What do you mean "a tussle"?
- Well, more like a scuffle.
543
00:28:52,677 --> 00:28:53,518
Charlotte?
544
00:28:54,306 --> 00:28:55,617
- Oh, my god.
- No, wait...
545
00:28:55,647 --> 00:28:57,112
let me explain.
546
00:28:57,680 --> 00:28:59,273
Oh, my god.
547
00:28:59,654 --> 00:29:00,899
Ned. Oh, my god.
548
00:29:01,734 --> 00:29:02,591
Come here.
549
00:29:02,621 --> 00:29:03,817
The light...
550
00:29:04,136 --> 00:29:05,282
so bright.
551
00:29:06,049 --> 00:29:07,303
Are you okay?
552
00:29:07,509 --> 00:29:09,016
- My wrist.
- What?
553
00:29:09,046 --> 00:29:10,581
I think I need to ice it.
554
00:29:11,777 --> 00:29:13,875
Now, you go upstairs
and I'll be right there.
555
00:29:18,704 --> 00:29:20,837
- That was an act!
- An act of foolishness.
556
00:29:21,081 --> 00:29:23,101
Why would you bring him
to the Pie Hole?
557
00:29:23,131 --> 00:29:25,170
I didn't. He left my apartment
of his own accord,
558
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,933
wandered around for an hour,
and then grabbed a seat at the counter.
559
00:29:28,005 --> 00:29:29,780
He wouldn't do that.
He knows the rules.
560
00:29:29,841 --> 00:29:32,481
Didn't you hear? Your dad's not
one for chocolate or rules.
561
00:29:32,511 --> 00:29:34,863
So from this point on,
he's gonna be doing his own thing.
562
00:29:35,810 --> 00:29:38,062
All right, I will go upstairs
and I will talk to him.
563
00:29:39,119 --> 00:29:40,754
We said we'd handle this together.
564
00:29:40,784 --> 00:29:42,130
- I'm coming with you.
- No.
565
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,506
You're far too upset.
I'm not having you fighting again.
566
00:29:44,536 --> 00:29:46,529
He's a big boy. He can handle it.
567
00:29:46,590 --> 00:29:48,156
Yeah, well, maybe I can't.
568
00:29:50,218 --> 00:29:53,141
I get it. My dad is strong-willed
and he's stubborn.
569
00:29:53,930 --> 00:29:55,830
But it's just a normal...
570
00:29:55,860 --> 00:29:58,040
father/daughter/daughter's boyfriend
dynamic.
571
00:29:58,100 --> 00:29:59,089
No, it's not.
572
00:29:59,119 --> 00:30:01,425
Why not? Because he's been dead
for 20 years? Just...
573
00:30:02,734 --> 00:30:04,047
pretend he's been in a coma.
574
00:30:04,107 --> 00:30:06,483
I don't have the luxury
of pretending that he's in a coma
575
00:30:06,513 --> 00:30:08,644
or you're the head cheerleader
or any of this is normal,
576
00:30:08,674 --> 00:30:11,758
because Charles Charles
has no problem exposing our secret
577
00:30:11,788 --> 00:30:14,557
to the rest of the world!
We need to put a stop to this.
578
00:30:14,617 --> 00:30:16,572
How? 'cause re-deading him
is not an option.
579
00:30:16,602 --> 00:30:19,479
I never said that. Look,
I've tried everything to make this work.
580
00:30:19,841 --> 00:30:22,595
You don't want to work
together anymore... fine.
581
00:30:23,402 --> 00:30:24,608
You take care of it.
582
00:30:40,242 --> 00:30:41,262
Hi.
583
00:30:41,605 --> 00:30:42,711
Come here, Button.
584
00:30:43,339 --> 00:30:45,372
What I have here is a cookbook...
585
00:30:45,591 --> 00:30:47,485
of culinary treasures
from around the world.
586
00:30:48,007 --> 00:30:51,323
Close your eyes, tap the page,
and where the spoon lands...
587
00:30:51,715 --> 00:30:54,028
is where you and I
are gonna go tonight.
588
00:30:54,636 --> 00:30:57,162
No, dad, it was just a misunderstanding
that went out of control.
589
00:30:57,391 --> 00:30:59,173
Leaving is not the answer.
590
00:30:59,922 --> 00:31:01,039
Well, is this better?
591
00:31:01,417 --> 00:31:04,431
Let's see. Rule 21...
"When crossing rooms simultaneously,
592
00:31:04,461 --> 00:31:07,924
party A shall announce "Coming"
at which point party B shall pause,
593
00:31:08,243 --> 00:31:10,634
then commence movement
with the response "Going."
594
00:31:11,717 --> 00:31:12,920
This is how you live?
595
00:31:15,149 --> 00:31:17,052
You may have grown up without me,
but I am back,
596
00:31:17,082 --> 00:31:19,351
and I am never gonna stop
trying to keep you safe.
597
00:31:19,381 --> 00:31:21,484
The little girl I left behind
would have never settled
598
00:31:21,514 --> 00:31:22,969
for a lock-and-key existence.
599
00:31:23,268 --> 00:31:25,241
No, she was destined for adventure.
600
00:31:25,271 --> 00:31:26,071
But...
601
00:31:26,393 --> 00:31:27,470
my life is here.
602
00:31:28,019 --> 00:31:29,134
This isn't a life.
603
00:31:29,643 --> 00:31:30,878
This is a freak show.
604
00:31:31,865 --> 00:31:33,864
We're only freaks in Ned's world.
605
00:31:34,147 --> 00:31:37,187
Away from Ned,
we could do anything, be anything.
606
00:31:40,753 --> 00:31:43,155
Dad, I just want things
to be how they used to be.
607
00:31:45,307 --> 00:31:46,694
Come with me, Button.
608
00:31:47,514 --> 00:31:48,583
Pie is...
609
00:31:49,354 --> 00:31:50,179
simple.
610
00:31:50,209 --> 00:31:51,427
It's limited. Just...
611
00:31:51,830 --> 00:31:54,666
a bit of... pastry and filling.
612
00:31:55,393 --> 00:31:56,726
Cake is complex,
613
00:31:57,862 --> 00:32:01,101
layered with treasures
waiting to be discovered.
614
00:32:03,959 --> 00:32:05,370
Which one do you choose?
615
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:15,490
Gus and Nora were an item?
616
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:18,901
Could he have had
something to do with her murder?
617
00:32:19,054 --> 00:32:21,273
- You didn't hear it from me.
- Oh, my god!
618
00:32:22,156 --> 00:32:23,619
Miss Snook, I almost forgot...
619
00:32:23,649 --> 00:32:26,598
I told
the notable widows your story,
620
00:32:26,628 --> 00:32:29,332
and it made us realize
how very blessed we are.
621
00:32:29,833 --> 00:32:33,383
It is better to have loved
and lost than to be you.
622
00:32:34,268 --> 00:32:36,341
Well, you'll have to excuse me.
623
00:32:36,371 --> 00:32:38,298
I have an appointment to get to.
624
00:32:40,327 --> 00:32:41,891
Ta, sad Miss Snook.
625
00:32:42,085 --> 00:32:43,896
See you at Tuesday's potluck.
626
00:32:44,976 --> 00:32:47,660
Not on
the Savile Row glen plaid cashmere.
627
00:32:47,690 --> 00:32:49,287
It's just paper-maché paste.
628
00:32:49,317 --> 00:32:50,552
It'll come right out.
629
00:32:51,068 --> 00:32:53,037
See you at the potluck on Tuesday!
630
00:32:53,067 --> 00:32:53,817
Ta.
631
00:32:54,377 --> 00:32:56,224
You get anything from Vandersloop?
632
00:32:56,254 --> 00:32:57,319
Just a good riling.
633
00:32:58,056 --> 00:33:01,066
'cause I found something,
snooping around in Gus Papen's office.
634
00:33:03,045 --> 00:33:05,498
A proposal to redevelop
Papen Harbor lighthouse.
635
00:33:05,755 --> 00:33:07,071
Check the next page.
636
00:33:09,434 --> 00:33:11,421
- A water slide!
- He got a green light.
637
00:33:11,645 --> 00:33:13,682
The runt of the Papen Litter
found a way to prove
638
00:33:13,712 --> 00:33:16,176
that he can go toe-to-capitalistic-toe
with all his brothers.
639
00:33:16,573 --> 00:33:19,505
Merle's sudden return
gave him a McQuoddy twofer.
640
00:33:19,801 --> 00:33:23,308
Kill Nora and then frame
the crazy captain with the crime.
641
00:33:23,490 --> 00:33:24,940
With both of them out of the way,
642
00:33:24,970 --> 00:33:27,267
he's free to redevelop
to his bank account's content,
643
00:33:27,557 --> 00:33:30,105
- provided he could get rid of...
- Elliot McQuoddy!
644
00:33:30,943 --> 00:33:33,823
Confirming a meeting with Gus
at the lighthouse tonight.
645
00:33:39,726 --> 00:33:40,700
Help!
646
00:33:43,468 --> 00:33:45,538
- Oh, hell no!
- Oh, hell no!
647
00:33:52,003 --> 00:33:53,713
All right, Papen!
Step away from the boy!
648
00:33:53,853 --> 00:33:54,756
Help!
649
00:33:54,817 --> 00:33:56,369
If I do, he'll die!
650
00:33:56,399 --> 00:33:59,147
Is that reverse psychology?
That's exactly what you want!
651
00:34:00,071 --> 00:34:02,373
What I want is to save him!
652
00:34:02,403 --> 00:34:04,181
Is that reverse reverse psychology?
653
00:34:04,322 --> 00:34:05,433
He didn't do this!
654
00:34:05,652 --> 00:34:07,098
Well, then who the hell did?
655
00:34:07,128 --> 00:34:10,636
"Who the hell did?"
was Elliot McQuoddy himself.
656
00:34:11,393 --> 00:34:14,264
Realizing the severity
of the impending nor'easter,
657
00:34:14,333 --> 00:34:17,442
Nora's son struggled
to do his dead mother proud
658
00:34:17,472 --> 00:34:19,739
by raising the signal flags...
659
00:34:20,925 --> 00:34:22,119
Mommy!
660
00:34:22,328 --> 00:34:23,451
... And failed.
661
00:34:23,933 --> 00:34:25,019
Thank you.
662
00:34:25,049 --> 00:34:26,287
It's okay, Elliot.
663
00:34:26,993 --> 00:34:28,079
So, wait a minute.
664
00:34:28,142 --> 00:34:30,226
You weren't trying
to wipe out the McQuoddy line
665
00:34:30,256 --> 00:34:31,662
and take over this lighthouse?
666
00:34:31,692 --> 00:34:33,628
Of course not!
Not when I want to save it!
667
00:34:34,464 --> 00:34:35,880
I don't like the looks of this.
668
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:38,645
I don't like the looks of him!
669
00:34:42,792 --> 00:34:45,886
"Welcome to
the Papen lighthouse resort & day spa"?
670
00:34:50,079 --> 00:34:53,398
I'll be your candle on the water
671
00:34:55,335 --> 00:34:59,043
- my love for you will always burn,
- Always burn,
672
00:34:59,073 --> 00:35:00,863
I know you're lost
673
00:35:01,036 --> 00:35:04,784
and drifting,
but the clouds are lifting
674
00:35:05,092 --> 00:35:07,545
don't give up,
you'll have somewhere to...
675
00:35:07,575 --> 00:35:09,172
Shut the a cappella up.
676
00:35:09,202 --> 00:35:11,732
And that's how
our cocktail hour begins...
677
00:35:11,762 --> 00:35:13,001
with a bang and a song!
678
00:35:13,309 --> 00:35:16,338
Followed by a gourmet meal
and dancing here in the lamp room.
679
00:35:16,717 --> 00:35:19,215
That's why I called Elliot...
to pitch him!
680
00:35:19,825 --> 00:35:21,707
This feels really, really wrong.
681
00:35:22,151 --> 00:35:24,326
How can a symbol of love be wrong?
682
00:35:24,950 --> 00:35:25,950
So, you...
683
00:35:26,263 --> 00:35:27,982
and my mom?
684
00:35:28,012 --> 00:35:29,678
She wanted to tell you.
685
00:35:29,995 --> 00:35:31,269
Then your father returned.
686
00:35:31,390 --> 00:35:33,352
We tried to put our feelings aside,
687
00:35:33,382 --> 00:35:35,594
to give them
a shot at recapturing the past...
688
00:35:35,834 --> 00:35:36,884
But they couldn't.
689
00:35:37,219 --> 00:35:40,090
Let's have something good
come out of this tragedy.
690
00:35:40,868 --> 00:35:43,668
If that's the plan,
please nix the glitter.
691
00:35:44,202 --> 00:35:47,114
Who'd you get to decorate the place...
Annabelle Vandersloop?
692
00:35:47,274 --> 00:35:50,079
Wait a minute.
What if crazy craft lady was up here,
693
00:35:50,712 --> 00:35:53,833
but instead of a hot-glue gun,
she brought a stone-cold harpoon?
694
00:35:54,141 --> 00:35:57,337
Mrs. Vandersloop was my mother's best
friend. Why would she kill her?
695
00:35:57,639 --> 00:36:01,286
Because Nora wasn't the only squeeze
Papen here was squeezin'.
696
00:36:03,001 --> 00:36:04,385
Turn around there, shortstop.
697
00:36:06,081 --> 00:36:07,305
Paper-maché?
698
00:36:07,815 --> 00:36:10,304
You were getting down
with the diorama dame.
699
00:36:10,366 --> 00:36:12,807
I damned that dame every time
she made an advance...
700
00:36:12,954 --> 00:36:16,064
Like tonight, in my office,
and a dozen nights before.
701
00:36:16,125 --> 00:36:17,204
Come on, Papen.
702
00:36:17,467 --> 00:36:18,902
You two must have been swapping
703
00:36:18,932 --> 00:36:20,860
something other
than historical factoids.
704
00:36:21,653 --> 00:36:22,500
Once...
705
00:36:23,088 --> 00:36:24,105
years ago...
706
00:36:24,266 --> 00:36:26,736
at the historical society
Christmas party.
707
00:36:26,766 --> 00:36:28,928
So, spurned lover spears
her best friend,
708
00:36:28,958 --> 00:36:31,390
then frames ghost husband
to take the fall.
709
00:36:32,456 --> 00:36:35,044
Let's rubber-cement
her ass to a prison bed.
710
00:36:38,521 --> 00:36:40,737
Tell me you guys
are missing a baritone.
711
00:36:43,276 --> 00:36:44,842
A full house!
712
00:36:45,267 --> 00:36:48,096
So much for keeping
the innocent-victim count down.
713
00:36:48,392 --> 00:36:50,333
Seriously, does she toot glitter?
714
00:36:51,171 --> 00:36:52,387
That ain't glitter.
715
00:36:52,765 --> 00:36:55,245
- That's gunpowder.
- She's going to blow us up.
716
00:36:55,364 --> 00:36:58,733
You remember my husband,
Adolph, the munitions manufacturer?
717
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:00,985
I inherited
the remaining inventory.
718
00:37:01,292 --> 00:37:03,212
Said I'd save it for a rainy day.
719
00:37:04,043 --> 00:37:06,057
And look... it's here!
720
00:37:06,546 --> 00:37:07,951
Annabelle, why?
721
00:37:08,130 --> 00:37:10,620
You tossed our love aside
like it never happened!
722
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:11,871
It was one night!
723
00:37:11,901 --> 00:37:15,125
What we had was so much more special
than anything you had with Nora.
724
00:37:15,503 --> 00:37:18,111
When Merle returned,
it was the answer to my prayers.
725
00:37:18,141 --> 00:37:19,749
But even then, you couldn't let go!
726
00:37:20,485 --> 00:37:21,798
So I had to eliminate her.
727
00:37:22,199 --> 00:37:24,384
- I still love Nora.
- Shut up.
728
00:37:26,705 --> 00:37:28,768
That's why you've left me no choice.
729
00:37:28,798 --> 00:37:31,912
I don't understand how killing us
is gonna solve anything!
730
00:37:31,942 --> 00:37:33,086
I do! I do!
731
00:37:34,404 --> 00:37:37,605
When you called me "sad Miss Snook",
it really honked me off,
732
00:37:37,913 --> 00:37:42,317
but now I realize that you recognized
sadness in me because you had it in you.
733
00:37:43,348 --> 00:37:45,071
The rest of you don't know
what it's like
734
00:37:45,251 --> 00:37:47,356
to know in your heart
that you belong with somebody,
735
00:37:47,556 --> 00:37:51,168
if you could only eliminate everybody
else so that maybe he'd finally,
736
00:37:51,198 --> 00:37:53,704
finally grasp
what you've been trying to show him...
737
00:37:53,885 --> 00:37:56,000
that feeling
that you've been dying to recapture.
738
00:37:56,030 --> 00:37:57,417
If only for a moment.
739
00:37:57,477 --> 00:38:00,086
But that moment never comes, so what
do you do? Decide not to love Ned?
740
00:38:00,436 --> 00:38:01,729
- Gus.
- Gus! Gus!
741
00:38:01,759 --> 00:38:03,470
- See? I've tried that.
- Me too!
742
00:38:03,500 --> 00:38:04,345
Did it work?
743
00:38:04,375 --> 00:38:05,630
- Heck no.
- Heck no!
744
00:38:05,660 --> 00:38:06,877
So you know what I say?
745
00:38:09,528 --> 00:38:11,960
Annabelle Vandersloop did move on.
746
00:38:12,189 --> 00:38:15,432
She was no longer sad
about losing Gus' love,
747
00:38:15,668 --> 00:38:20,148
since a 30-year prison sentence gave
her something to be truly sad about.
748
00:38:21,051 --> 00:38:23,792
Merle and Elliot McQuoddy
moved on, as well,
749
00:38:23,951 --> 00:38:27,370
becoming partners
in Gus Papen's lighthouse hotel.
750
00:38:27,777 --> 00:38:30,474
They used the profits
for a trip around the world
751
00:38:30,673 --> 00:38:32,433
and found, on the high seas,
752
00:38:32,463 --> 00:38:35,264
the route back
to their father/son bond.
753
00:38:35,504 --> 00:38:36,441
Meanwhile,
754
00:38:36,471 --> 00:38:40,680
private detective Emerson Cod
was afloat in a sea of reward money,
755
00:38:40,710 --> 00:38:43,782
given by the Papen County
Historical Society,
756
00:38:44,015 --> 00:38:47,410
which he shared
with the junior PI in training.
757
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:48,661
Nice work, Snook.
758
00:38:48,691 --> 00:38:49,775
Thanks, Cod.
759
00:38:49,805 --> 00:38:51,329
I learned from the best.
760
00:38:51,359 --> 00:38:52,842
Wait. Hold on, now. We ain't done.
761
00:38:54,508 --> 00:38:57,759
You remember when you said
you were still in love with Ned?
762
00:38:59,434 --> 00:39:01,940
That wasn't just
for wicked widow's benefit, was it?
763
00:39:02,639 --> 00:39:03,389
No.
764
00:39:05,209 --> 00:39:06,835
I thought
I'd stomped out that flame,
765
00:39:06,865 --> 00:39:09,372
or at least brought it down
to a smolder, but no.
766
00:39:09,950 --> 00:39:12,951
I still burn and yearn for him
now more than ever.
767
00:39:14,191 --> 00:39:17,705
Do I need to be concerned that any of my
Pie Hole peeps are gonna be eliminated?
768
00:39:18,216 --> 00:39:21,542
Meaning, am I gonna harpoon
Chuck so Ned will finally love me?
769
00:39:23,413 --> 00:39:24,163
No.
770
00:39:24,587 --> 00:39:25,484
Well...
771
00:39:26,595 --> 00:39:28,414
If the day finally comes that
772
00:39:28,444 --> 00:39:32,202
being around pie boy and his pie girl
make your suffering insufferable,
773
00:39:33,448 --> 00:39:36,648
I just want you to know
that there's a place for you,
774
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:39,310
right here
in this professional establishment.
775
00:39:41,075 --> 00:39:42,332
All you have to do is ask.
776
00:39:42,801 --> 00:39:43,902
Emerson Cod.
777
00:39:44,829 --> 00:39:46,526
I think I may be winning you over.
778
00:39:47,503 --> 00:39:48,656
Itty-bitty...
779
00:39:49,846 --> 00:39:51,919
You made me love a rainy day again.
780
00:39:57,909 --> 00:39:59,384
You've got to understand.
781
00:40:00,017 --> 00:40:01,556
When I was a little girl,
782
00:40:02,134 --> 00:40:03,971
I used to compare my dad to...
783
00:40:04,648 --> 00:40:06,666
all the other dads on our street.
784
00:40:06,854 --> 00:40:08,782
I probably wasn't
very objective, because
785
00:40:09,210 --> 00:40:11,974
I was convinced that he was
the strongest and bravest and most...
786
00:40:12,153 --> 00:40:13,658
fun man in the neighborhood.
787
00:40:13,688 --> 00:40:16,270
I can say, objectively,
he was all those things.
788
00:40:16,300 --> 00:40:19,479
And when he was gone, that's how
I remembered him. I put him on a...
789
00:40:19,788 --> 00:40:21,161
paternal pedestal.
790
00:40:21,909 --> 00:40:22,909
And now...
791
00:40:24,904 --> 00:40:26,143
Now he wants me to leave.
792
00:40:26,908 --> 00:40:28,109
Leave? Where?
793
00:40:28,722 --> 00:40:30,192
Anywhere the spoon lands.
794
00:40:30,687 --> 00:40:32,106
He promised me an adventure like
795
00:40:32,136 --> 00:40:34,079
the ones he told me about
when I was a kid.
796
00:40:34,471 --> 00:40:35,765
All I have to do is...
797
00:40:36,972 --> 00:40:38,481
choose cake over pie.
798
00:40:40,968 --> 00:40:44,083
He's trying to be the dad
that I always dreamed of, someone who...
799
00:40:44,486 --> 00:40:46,910
could keep his little girl
safe and happy.
800
00:40:48,035 --> 00:40:49,451
Except I'm...
801
00:40:50,866 --> 00:40:52,081
I'm not a little girl.
802
00:40:54,283 --> 00:40:56,346
Which is why I told him
the spoon lands here.
803
00:40:58,551 --> 00:41:00,898
I already feel safe
and happy, and...
804
00:41:01,537 --> 00:41:03,394
and, besides,
we have adventures every day.
805
00:41:05,214 --> 00:41:06,928
What did he think of your decision?
806
00:41:07,619 --> 00:41:09,067
He's waiting for you upstairs.
807
00:41:09,246 --> 00:41:10,068
With a gun?
808
00:41:11,287 --> 00:41:12,315
With an apology.
809
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:15,422
He wants us all to start afresh.
810
00:41:15,785 --> 00:41:17,020
Then he's a good dad.
811
00:41:19,808 --> 00:41:20,953
And you're a good man.
812
00:41:24,225 --> 00:41:25,225
Come on.
813
00:41:27,835 --> 00:41:28,682
Dad?
814
00:41:28,955 --> 00:41:30,151
Come on! Grab your hat!
815
00:41:30,181 --> 00:41:32,832
We're taking hot toddies
up to the roof to watch the snow!
816
00:41:40,100 --> 00:41:40,850
No!
817
00:41:41,565 --> 00:41:42,531
Dad!
818
00:41:42,737 --> 00:41:44,739
Synch:
Salomon & Gaillots
819
00:41:44,916 --> 00:41:47,021
Rereading:
Bruno & Toupack