>> beth: So, dad, guess what tomorrow is. >> rick: Martin luther king
Tomorrow is. >> rick: Martin luther king jr.'s birthday.
>> beth: No.
Jr.'s birthday. >> beth: No. Well, it...Might be.
>> rick: It is.
>> beth: Fine.
But also, tomorrow is your
one-year anniversary back in our
lives.
One-year anniversary back in our lives. I'm gonna make you
Lives. I'm gonna make you flying-saucer-shaped pancakes.
>> rick: Oh, t-t-there's no need
Flying-saucer-shaped pancakes. >> rick: Oh, t-t-there's no need to do that, beth.
Regular pancakes are fine.
To do that, beth. Regular pancakes are fine. [ loud warble ]
[ all scream ] >> morty: [ groans ] >> jerry: Oh, my god!
Oh, what is happening?!
>> beth: Happy anniversary, dad. >> rick: Oh, I get it. Regular pancakes are already
shaped like flying saucers.
Mmm.
Shaped like flying saucers. Mmm. I-I should be making you
breakfast for putting up with
me.
Breakfast for putting up with me. >> jerry: You should be making
Me. >> jerry: You should be making us a whole restaurant.
>> beth: Nonsense.
Us a whole restaurant. >> beth: Nonsense. We couldn't be happier to have
you around.
I just wish I got to see more of
You around. I just wish I got to see more of you.
[ loud warble ]
You. [ loud warble ] >> rick sanchez of earth
dimension c-137, you are under
arrest for crimes against
Dimension c-137, you are under arrest for crimes against alternate ricks by the authority
Arrest for crimes against alternate ricks by the authority of the trans-dimensional council
Alternate ricks by the authority of the trans-dimensional council of ricks.
Of the trans-dimensional council of ricks. >> jerry: Hey! What the heck?!
Of ricks. >> jerry: Hey! What the heck?! >> neutralize the jerry.
>> jerry: Wait! No! I'll --
>> summer: Dad!
>> beth: Dad!
>> morty: Rick!
>> rick: Everybody, relax.
If I know these a-holes, and I
am these a-holes, they just
want to haul me to their stupid
Am these a-holes, they just want to haul me to their stupid clubhouse and waste my time with
Want to haul me to their stupid clubhouse and waste my time with a bunch of questions.
Clubhouse and waste my time with a bunch of questions. Let's get it over with.
A bunch of questions. Let's get it over with. >> bring his [burps] morty.
>> morty: Oh, man.
>> rick: Leave my [burps] morty
out of this.
>> you lost the right to have a
Out of this. >> you lost the right to have a say in these things when you
refused to j-- [burps] join the
Say in these things when you refused to j-- [burps] join the council.
Refused to j-- [burps] join the council. >> beth: W-w-w-what about jerry?
Council. >> beth: W-w-w-what about jerry? >> rick: Will you at least
unfreeze my daughter's idiot?
>> jerry: ...Give you anything!
Unfreeze my daughter's idiot? >> jerry: ...Give you anything! I have a rare antique-coin
collection!
Just don't hurt me!
Okay, maybe not antique, but it was a limited minting. They have little r2-d2s instead
Was a limited minting. They have little r2-d2s instead of george washington.
>> beth: Our son's been
Of george washington. >> beth: Our son's been abducted!
>> jerry: You hate me for buying
Abducted! >> jerry: You hate me for buying those coins!
>> morty: Geez, rick, w-what is this place? >> rick: The citadel of ricks.
This place? >> rick: The citadel of ricks. It's the secret headquarters for
the council of ricks.
>> morty: Council of ricks?
The council of ricks. >> morty: Council of ricks? >> rick: As you know, morty,
I've got a lot of enemies in the
universe that consider my genius
a threat -- galactic terrorists,
Universe that consider my genius a threat -- galactic terrorists, a few sub-galactic dictators,
A threat -- galactic terrorists, a few sub-galactic dictators, most of the entire intergalactic
A few sub-galactic dictators, most of the entire intergalactic government.
Most of the entire intergalactic government. W-w-wherever you find people
Government. W-w-wherever you find people with heads up their asses,
someone wants a piece of your
With heads up their asses, someone wants a piece of your grandpa, and a lot of versions
Someone wants a piece of your grandpa, and a lot of versions of me on different timelines had
Grandpa, and a lot of versions of me on different timelines had the same problem, so a few
Of me on different timelines had the same problem, so a few thousand versions of me had the
The same problem, so a few thousand versions of me had the ingenious idea of banding
Thousand versions of me had the ingenious idea of banding together like a herd of cattle
Ingenious idea of banding together like a herd of cattle or a school of fish or those
Together like a herd of cattle or a school of fish or those people who answer questions on
Or a school of fish or those people who answer questions on yahoo! Answers.
People who answer questions on yahoo! Answers. >> morty: Hey! What do you know?
Yahoo! Answers. >> morty: Hey! What do you know? It's a cowboy version of me.
>> rick: Geez, you're easy to
impress.
Yeah, most timelines have a
Impress. Yeah, most timelines have a rick, and most ricks have a
morty.
Rick, and most ricks have a morty. This place is a real who's who
Morty. This place is a real who's who of who's you and me.
>> turn your boring, old morty
Of who's you and me. >> turn your boring, old morty into a f-- hot fashion statement
with some morty dazzlers.
Into a f-- hot fashion statement with some morty dazzlers. >> hey, check this out.
With some morty dazzlers. >> hey, check this out. >> show me the morty.
>> rick: Dumb.
>> excuse me, sir, is your morty
insured?
You know, every year, hundreds
Insured? You know, every year, hundreds of mortys are injured --
>> rick: Back off!
Of mortys are injured -- >> rick: Back off! Not my cup of tea, this place.
I say the point of being a rick
is being a rick.
>> save your anti-rick speech
Is being a rick. >> save your anti-rick speech for the council of ricks,
terror-rick.
For the council of ricks, terror-rick. >> rick: Hey, save your rick
Terror-rick. >> rick: Hey, save your rick rules for the [burps]
sheep-ricks, rick-pig.
Rules for the [burps] sheep-ricks, rick-pig. >> [bleep] me, pal.
Sheep-ricks, rick-pig. >> [bleep] me, pal. >> rick: [bleep] you?
No, no, no, no, no.
[bleep] me.
>> bring up the holograms. 27 ricks brutally murdered in their own timelines -- an
unprecedented rick-icidal
Their own timelines -- an unprecedented rick-icidal epidemic.
Unprecedented rick-icidal epidemic. What say you, earth rick c-137?
Epidemic. What say you, earth rick c-137? >> rick: You think I did this?
Why am I the first rick you pull
in every time a rick stubs his
toe?
In every time a rick stubs his toe? >> you [burps] have a history of
Toe? >> you [burps] have a history of non-cooperation with the
council.
Non-cooperation with the council. >> rick: Yeah, so does the
Council. >> rick: Yeah, so does the scientist formerly known as
rick.
Scientist formerly known as rick. W-w-w-w-w-why isn't he here in
Rick. W-w-w-w-w-why isn't he here in handcuffs?
>> because he's dead, too!
Handcuffs? >> because he's dead, too! [ crowd gasping, groaning ]
who else would you have us
question?
Who else would you have us question? You fit the profile.
Question? You fit the profile. Of all the ricks in the central
finite curve, you're the
malcontent, the rogue.
Finite curve, you're the malcontent, the rogue. >> rick: I'm the rick, and so
Malcontent, the rogue. >> rick: I'm the rick, and so were the rest of you before you
formed this stupid alliance.
Were the rest of you before you formed this stupid alliance. You wanted to be safe from the
Formed this stupid alliance. You wanted to be safe from the government, so you became a
stupid government.
Government, so you became a stupid government. That makes every rick here less
Stupid government. That makes every rick here less rick than me.
[ crowd grumbling ]
Rick than me. [ crowd grumbling ] yeah, murmur it up, d-bags.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've
Yeah, murmur it up, d-bags. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got pancakes back home with
syrup on top of them.
Got pancakes back home with syrup on top of them. They're about to hit that
Syrup on top of them. They're about to hit that critical point of syrup
absorption that turns the cakes
Critical point of syrup absorption that turns the cakes into a gross paste, and I hate
Absorption that turns the cakes into a gross paste, and I hate to get all andy rooney about it,
Into a gross paste, and I hate to get all andy rooney about it, but I think we all like fluffy
To get all andy rooney about it, but I think we all like fluffy disks of cake with syrup on top,
But I think we all like fluffy disks of cake with syrup on top, and I think we also like to be
Disks of cake with syrup on top, and I think we also like to be accused of crimes when there's
And I think we also like to be accused of crimes when there's evidence!
Accused of crimes when there's evidence! So, as they say in canada,
Evidence! So, as they say in canada, peace oot!
>> evidence! Good idea.
Peace oot! >> evidence! Good idea. Scan his portal gun!
>> rick: Oh, come on.
Don't look at another man's
portal-gun history.
We -- we all go to weird places.
Portal-gun history. We -- we all go to weird places. >> yes, but it appears you alone
have been going to the exact
timelines and locations in which
Have been going to the exact timelines and locations in which the murders occurred.
Timelines and locations in which the murders occurred. [ crowd grumbling ]
The murders occurred. [ crowd grumbling ] >> rick: What?!
That's rick-diculous!
I'm obviously being set up.
>> earth rick c-137, the council
of ricks sentences you to the
machine of unspeakable doom,
Of ricks sentences you to the machine of unspeakable doom, which swaps your conscious and
Machine of unspeakable doom, which swaps your conscious and unconscious minds, rendering
Which swaps your conscious and unconscious minds, rendering your fantasies pointless while
Unconscious minds, rendering your fantasies pointless while everything you've known becomes
Your fantasies pointless while everything you've known becomes impossible to grasp.
Everything you've known becomes impossible to grasp. Also, every 10 seconds, it stabs
Impossible to grasp. Also, every 10 seconds, it stabs your balls.
>> rick: I've heard enough.
Your balls. >> rick: I've heard enough. [ burps ]
run, morty!
>> morty: [ panting ]
Run, morty! >> morty: [ panting ] >> unh-unh. Not you.
>> morty: [ panting ]
aaaah!
>> [ screams ] >> [ screams ]
[ loud farting ] [ steady farting in distance ]
>> morty: Oh! Oh!
[ dialing ] >> yeah, I'd like to order one large person with extra people,
please.
Large person with extra people, please. >> white people.
Please. >> white people. No, no, no, no. Black people.
And hispanic on half.
>> morty: [ panting ]
[ dialing ] >> yes, I'd like to order one large sofa chair with extra
chair, please.
Large sofa chair with extra chair, please. >> high chair.
Chair, please. >> high chair. No, no, no, no. Recliner.
And wheelchair on half.
>> morty: [ panting ]
[ all speaking gibberish ]
>> they could have gone into any one of these. >> [ groans ]
One of these. >> [ groans ] son of a...
>> oh, geez.
Son of a... >> oh, geez. >> oh, man!
>> we lost 'em.
>> yeah, I'd like to order one
large phone with extra phones,
please.
Large phone with extra phones, please. >> cellphone.
Please. >> cellphone. No, no, no, no. Rotary.
And pay phone on half.
>> rick: That'll keep 'em
[burps] busy for a while.
>> morty: Those guys were wrong, right? Y-y-y-you d-- you wouldn't kill
Right? Y-y-y-you d-- you wouldn't kill yourself -- y-y-yourselves.
>> rick: Of course not, morty.
Yourself -- y-y-yourselves. >> rick: Of course not, morty. How could that profit me?
But someone out there is killing
ricks, and the council ain't
gonna stop thinking it's me
Ricks, and the council ain't gonna stop thinking it's me until we clear our names --
Gonna stop thinking it's me until we clear our names -- by finding the real rick-killer.
Until we clear our names -- by finding the real rick-killer. >> morty: I'm scared, rick.
By finding the real rick-killer. >> morty: I'm scared, rick. Maybe we should go home and
stockpile weapons, like that
show "doomsday preppers."
Stockpile weapons, like that show "doomsday preppers." >> rick: Not really my style,
Show "doomsday preppers." >> rick: Not really my style, morty.
Besides, your home is most
Morty. Besides, your home is most likely swarming with ricks by
now.
>> all right, listen, jerry. If rick calls, this device is gonna trace his location.
You just got to keep him on the
Gonna trace his location. You just got to keep him on the phone for 30 seconds or longer.
>> beth: Who wants lemonade?
Phone for 30 seconds or longer. >> beth: Who wants lemonade? >> oh, yeah.
Mmm!
Oh! Delicious!
>> beth [belches] you're a
treasure.
>> I have a beth just like you
Treasure. >> I have a beth just like you in my [belches] reality, except
you know what?
In my [belches] reality, except you know what? She's not as brilliant or
You know what? She's not as brilliant or [belches] attractive.
>> beth: Aw.
Th[belches]ank you.
[ laughter ]
>> oh! She did! She did it!
[ telephone rings ]
>> jerry: H-hello? >> rick: Hey, jerry, it's rick. >> jerry: Rick! Hey.
[ laughs nervously ]
what's -- what's up?
>> rick: So, listen, the heat's
What's -- what's up? >> rick: So, listen, the heat's on, and there's nowhere left to
turn, so morty and I are just
On, and there's nowhere left to turn, so morty and I are just gonna fly my spaceship into a
Turn, so morty and I are just gonna fly my spaceship into a black hole.
Gonna fly my spaceship into a black hole. >> jerry: What?!
Black hole. >> jerry: What?! >> rick: Is that cool with you,
dawg?
>> jerry: Rick, no!
Dawg? >> jerry: Rick, no! Morty!!
>> we got it.
The call's coming from...
♪ inside the house
>> look at his face!
>> you dummy!
>> ugh.
Can't believe our daughter
married you.
>> too easy!
Married you. >> too easy! [ laughter ]
>> rick: The ricks are probably
gonna waste some time messing
with jerry.
Gonna waste some time messing with jerry. They won't be able to help
With jerry. They won't be able to help themselves.
But as soon as they get bored,
Themselves. But as soon as they get bored, they'll be onto us.
>> phones à la clams and
They'll be onto us. >> phones à la clams and phonesghetti with phone balls.
Anything else?
Phonesghetti with phone balls. Anything else? >> rick: Yeah, more phone
sticks, please.
>> right away, sir.
Sticks, please. >> right away, sir. >> morty: You know, rick, when I
first saw all those ricks and
mortys, I thought, "gee, that
First saw all those ricks and mortys, I thought, "gee, that kind of devalues our bond."
Mortys, I thought, "gee, that kind of devalues our bond." but then I realized it just
Kind of devalues our bond." but then I realized it just means that our relationship must
But then I realized it just means that our relationship must be pretty special to span over
Means that our relationship must be pretty special to span over all those different timelines.
Be pretty special to span over all those different timelines. >> rick: Yeah, it's got to be
All those different timelines. >> rick: Yeah, it's got to be that way.
You're a camouflage.
That way. You're a camouflage. >> morty: Camouflage?
W-w-w-what are you talking
about, rick?
>> rick: Ricks have a very
About, rick? >> rick: Ricks have a very distinctive and traceable
brain wave due to our genius.
Distinctive and traceable brain wave due to our genius. The best way to hide from an
Brain wave due to our genius. The best way to hide from an enemy's radar is to stand near
someone with complementary
Enemy's radar is to stand near someone with complementary brain waves that make ours
Someone with complementary brain waves that make ours invisible.
Brain waves that make ours invisible. See, w-w-w-when a rick I-is with
Invisible. See, w-w-w-when a rick I-is with a morty, the genius waves get
canceled out by the, uh...
A morty, the genius waves get canceled out by the, uh... [ clears throat ]
Canceled out by the, uh... [ clears throat ] ...Morty waves.
>> morty: Um...Because o-our
personalities are so different?
[ portal gun beeping ]
Personalities are so different? [ portal gun beeping ] >> rick: Oh, shit, dawg.
My portal gun was hacked
remotely, morty -- obviously by
the real killer, to frame me.
Remotely, morty -- obviously by the real killer, to frame me. But I was able to trace the
The real killer, to frame me. But I was able to trace the signal.
Come on. Let's go.
Signal. Come on. Let's go. [ door bursts open ]
uh-oh.
>> excuse me.
Uh-oh. >> excuse me. We've tracked a pair of
dangerous criminals to this
exact location.
Dangerous criminals to this exact location. They look exactly like us, so
Exact location. They look exactly like us, so in order to avoid confusion, I'm
gonna mark us each with a red
In order to avoid confusion, I'm gonna mark us each with a red "x" right now.
Gonna mark us each with a red "x" right now. That way, if someone has a gun
and we both tell you to shoot
the other one because they're
And we both tell you to shoot the other one because they're the evil one, you'll know who's
The other one because they're the evil one, you'll know who's lying.
The evil one, you'll know who's lying. >> hey, check it out.
Lying. >> hey, check it out. >> damn it!
>> hey, you didn't pay your bill! >> t-the red "x"! Red "x"!
Bill! >> t-the red "x"! Red "x"! >> rick: Hey, it's a good thing
that space outlet had lab coats
and your favorite kind of shirt
That space outlet had lab coats and your favorite kind of shirt in stock, huh, morty?
And your favorite kind of shirt in stock, huh, morty? >> morty: Yeah, rick, I-I heard
In stock, huh, morty? >> morty: Yeah, rick, I-I heard you the first time.
You don't have to keep saying it
You the first time. You don't have to keep saying it over and over.
>> rick: Man, this place is way
Over and over. >> rick: Man, this place is way off the grid.
This guy does not want to be
Off the grid. This guy does not want to be found.
>> morty: Well, if he's a rick,
Found. >> morty: Well, if he's a rick, doesn't he just have to stand by
a morty to hide?
Doesn't he just have to stand by a morty to hide? I mean, isn't that what mortys
A morty to hide? I mean, isn't that what mortys are -- human cloaking devices?
>> rick: Morty, you're making a
Are -- human cloaking devices? >> rick: Morty, you're making a bigger deal out of this than it
is.
Bigger deal out of this than it is. [ groaning in distance ]
Is. [ groaning in distance ] >> morty: Oh, my god, rick,
look!
There's a bunch of people
Look! There's a bunch of people strapped all over that building!
>> rick: Not people, morty --
Strapped all over that building! >> rick: Not people, morty -- mortys.
[ all groaning, screaming ]
>> morty: Oh, god! W-w-why would somebody do this? It's horrible!
>> rick: Well, one morty's
enough to hide from the
bureaucrats, but you get -- you
Enough to hide from the bureaucrats, but you get -- you get a whole matrix of mortys and
Bureaucrats, but you get -- you get a whole matrix of mortys and put them in agonizing pain, that
Get a whole matrix of mortys and put them in agonizing pain, that creates a pattern that can hide
Put them in agonizing pain, that creates a pattern that can hide even from other ricks [bleep]
Creates a pattern that can hide even from other ricks [bleep] I fiddled with a co[burps]ncept
Even from other ricks [bleep] I fiddled with a co[burps]ncept like this once.
On paper, morty. On paper.
Like this once. On paper, morty. On paper. I wouldn't do this.
It's barbaric overkill.
I mean, you could accomplish the
same result with, like, five
mortys and a jumper cable.
Which I also wouldn't do! I'm just saying, it's bad craftsmanship.
>> beth: Coffee time!
Craftsmanship. >> beth: Coffee time! >> yeah!
>> yo, yo, yo, yo!
>> that's what I like to hear!
>> jerry: [ groans ]
>> hi, jerry.
>> jerry: Leave me alone.
I'm working.
>> oh, you are?
W-w-w-what do you do?
>> jerry: [ scoffs ]
I-I'm -- I'm in between
advertising jobs.
>> advertising? Wow!
Advertising jobs. >> advertising? Wow! So, people need help figuring
out what to buy, and then
y-y-you help 'em?
Out what to buy, and then y-y-you help 'em? >> jerry: [ laughing ] well,
Y-y-you help 'em? >> jerry: [ laughing ] well, it's a little more complicated
than that.
It's a little more complicated than that. >> well, I mean, you do it, and
Than that. >> well, I mean, you do it, and you seem like a guy who really
has it all together.
>> jerry: Dude, are you -- w-- you're being a dick, right? >> oh, gosh, I-I hope not.
You're being a dick, right? >> oh, gosh, I-I hope not. I-I-I-I-I-I wouldn't want to
offend you in any way.
>> jerry: You're really a rick?
Offend you in any way. >> jerry: You're really a rick? >> [ laughs ]
y-- of course I am -- just as
much as my morty's a morty.
Y-- of course I am -- just as much as my morty's a morty. >> jerry: Hey, he looks a lot
Much as my morty's a morty. >> jerry: Hey, he looks a lot like eric stoltz from the movie
"mask."
Like eric stoltz from the movie "mask." you know, the one with cher in
it?
You know, the one with cher in it? >> that's right, jerry!
It? >> that's right, jerry! He -- he's from a reality where
everyone is eric stoltz "mask"
people.
Everyone is eric stoltz "mask" people. He's eric stoltz mask morty.
People. He's eric stoltz mask morty. They assigned him to me because
I never had any kids of my own.
But if I did, boy, I'd love them
if they were as smart and as
successful as you are, jerry.
If they were as smart and as successful as you are, jerry. >> hey, get a load of this.
Successful as you are, jerry. >> hey, get a load of this. Jerry's hanging out with
doofus rick.
>> [ laughs ] this is perfect.
Doofus rick. >> [ laughs ] this is perfect. >> I'm not doofus rick!
I'm rick j19-zeta-7!
>> oh, is that the timeline
where everybody eats poop?
Jerry, you know this guy eats
Where everybody eats poop? Jerry, you know this guy eats poop, right?
>> hey, I don't eat poop!
Poop, right? >> hey, I don't eat poop! Y-you guys are always so mean to
me.
[ both laugh ]
Me. [ both laugh ] >> [ sobbing ]
I guess it's only fair to tell
you now, jerry.
I'm the worst rick of them all.
You now, jerry. I'm the worst rick of them all. >> jerry: According to who --
other versions of you?
If I've learned one thing, it's
Other versions of you? If I've learned one thing, it's that before you get anywhere in
life, you got to stop listening
That before you get anywhere in life, you got to stop listening to yourself.
Life, you got to stop listening to yourself. >> wow.
To yourself. >> wow. You really are wise, jerry.
I-I-I guess that's why you work
in advertising.
>> jerry: The fact that you feel
In advertising. >> jerry: The fact that you feel that way makes you the best rick
of them all.
That way makes you the best rick of them all. >> morty: You don't care about
Of them all. >> morty: You don't care about me at all!
I'm no different than that
Me at all! I'm no different than that jacket you've got on!
Y-y-y-- o-or your stupid portal
Jacket you've got on! Y-y-y-- o-or your stupid portal gun!
I'm just a tool!
Gun! I'm just a tool! I-I-I'm just an object!
>> rick: Hey, it's your choice
to take it personally, morty.
Now, for the love of god, be
To take it personally, morty. Now, for the love of god, be quiet.
The point of this is to get the
Quiet. The point of this is to get the drop on the guy.
>> morty: You know what, rick?
Drop on the guy. >> morty: You know what, rick? I'll tell you something!
I'm more than a human shield!
>> rick: Yeah, that's right.
You are.
You're a perfect, impenetrable
suit of human armor, morty,
because you're as dumb as I am
Suit of human armor, morty, because you're as dumb as I am smart, which is why when I say
Because you're as dumb as I am smart, which is why when I say [burps] "shut up," it's really
Smart, which is why when I say [burps] "shut up," it's really good advice.
[ whirring ]
Good advice. [ whirring ] great. Nice work, morty.
[ groans ] [ hands clap slowly ] >> ooh. Look at you, c-137.
You -- aren't you a tough
customer.
>> rick: The slow clap? Really?
Customer. >> rick: The slow clap? Really? Kind of played out, dude.
>> not in this dimension, it
isn't.
In fact [chuckles] I invented
Isn't. In fact [chuckles] I invented it.
Nobody else has ever even done
It. Nobody else has ever even done it here before.
>> rick: Well, la-di-da.
It here before. >> rick: Well, la-di-da. >> hey, that's mine!
>> rick: I don't like the look of that rick, morty. We got to escape.
Of that rick, morty. We got to escape. >> morty: I'm not gonna help
you, rick.
Y-you're a monster.
You, rick. Y-you're a monster. >> rick: Don't be rick-diculous,
morty.
>> morty: Will you -- will you
Morty. >> morty: Will you -- will you stop saying that?
It's stupid.
Stop saying that? It's stupid. >> take his morty away.
>> come with me.
>> morty: Yeah, gladly.
Geez, man. Ricks, huh?
Hey, man, you seem to know how
this place works.
Is there any way we could shut
This place works. Is there any way we could shut down that grid and rescue all
those mortys outside?
Down that grid and rescue all those mortys outside? >> it would be pointless.
Those mortys outside? >> it would be pointless. Mortys have no chance of
defeating a rick.
In here.
Defeating a rick. In here. [ mortys sobbing ]
>> [ farts ] >> ah. Isn't it beautiful? >> rick: Yeah, yeah.
Looks like payday at
neverland ranch in here.
Zing!
Neverland ranch in here. Zing! >> [ chuckles ]
>> rick: That guy got it.
>> unh-unh-unh, rick. Quiet.
You're missing my symphony.
[ mortys groaning, screaming]
>> rick: Hey, I'll take it over
mumford & sons.
Zip!
Mumford & sons. Zip! >> [ laughs ]
>> rick: This guy is on it!
>> he's not laughing at your
dumb jokes, rick.
That's just a random noise it
Dumb jokes, rick. That's just a random noise it makes every 10 seconds.
>> [ laughs ]
Makes every 10 seconds. >> [ laughs ] >> rick: [ groans ]
>> you see, rick, you're not as
clever as you think you are.
I wantedyou to find me.
Clever as you think you are. I wantedyou to find me. We're not so [burps] different,
you and I.
>> rick: Yeah, duh!
You and I. >> rick: Yeah, duh! >> see this right here, rick?
I crunched the numbers.
I created a spectrum of all the
ricks.
I listed them out from most evil
Ricks. I listed them out from most evil to least evil.
Here's where I am.
To least evil. Here's where I am. And lookit -- right here's where
you are, rick.
This guy right here --
You are, rick. This guy right here -- super-weird.
>> rick: I get it.
Super-weird. >> rick: I get it. So you want me to team up with
you to take down the council of
ricks, right?
You to take down the council of ricks, right? Is that where you're going with
Ricks, right? Is that where you're going with this?
'cause that's where I'd be
This? 'cause that's where I'd be going.
>> please.
Going. >> please. I think I'm doing pretty good on
my own.
I'm simply gonna download the
My own. I'm simply gonna download the contents of your brain and then
kill you.
Contents of your brain and then kill you. >> okay, if we add a little more
Kill you. >> okay, if we add a little more titanium nitrate and just a tad
of chlorified tartrate...
Titanium nitrate and just a tad of chlorified tartrate... [ mixture gurgles ]
Of chlorified tartrate... [ mixture gurgles ] ...Ovenless brownies!
>> jerry: Mmm. Mmm!
It's incredible what a gifted
mind can accomplish when
priorities are in order.
Mind can accomplish when priorities are in order. >> well, come on.
Priorities are in order. >> well, come on. I can't take all the credit,
jerry.
It was your idea.
Jerry. It was your idea. Come here, jerry!
[ both laugh ]
>> jerry: Hey, uh, come here.
I-I want to show you something.
Okay, look, everybody makes fun
of me for getting these, but
you're a genius scientist.
Of me for getting these, but you're a genius scientist. What do you think?
You're a genius scientist. What do you think? See?
There's little r2-d2s where the
george washingtons should be.
>> you know, jerry, I'm not
George washingtons should be. >> you know, jerry, I'm not gonna tell you that these will
increase in value or even hold
Gonna tell you that these will increase in value or even hold their current value.
Increase in value or even hold their current value. The truth is, you bought them
Their current value. The truth is, you bought them because you like them.
They have value to you.
Because you like them. They have value to you. That's what matters.
>> jerry: [ voice breaking ] how long are you staying? >> until we find your rick.
Long are you staying? >> until we find your rick. >> jerry: I found mine.
I found mine.
>> morty: Help! >> there is no escape, my son. We will find our peace in the
next world.
>> morty: So, what --
Next world. >> morty: So, what -- y-y-y-y-you're just gonna give
up?
Y-y-y-y-you're just gonna give up? >> we're giving in -- to the
Up? >> we're giving in -- to the power of the one true morty.
One day, he will return.
Power of the one true morty. One day, he will return. >> together: Praise the one true
morty.
>> morty: Ugh.
Morty. >> morty: Ugh. All right, mortys, listen up.
My name is morty smith, from
earth dimension c-137.
I know you're scared, because
Earth dimension c-137. I know you're scared, because I'm scared.
But that's no reason to accept
our fate!
We're mortys!
Our fate! We're mortys! We're not defined by our
relationships to rick!
Our destiny is our own!
Relationships to rick! Our destiny is our own! >> this sounds like something
the one true morty might say.
I'm sick of being a human
The one true morty might say. I'm sick of being a human shield.
I-I-I w-- I want to be a
Shield. I-I-I w-- I want to be a gardener!
>> I want to write really crazy,
Gardener! >> I want to write really crazy, intense action novels!
>> I'm more than just a hammer!
Intense action novels! >> I'm more than just a hammer! >> he is the one true morty!
>> hooray!
>> the one true morty!
>> hey, keep it down!
[ mortys shouting ]
>> you've lived quite a life, rick. It's a real shame you're not
Rick. It's a real shame you're not gonna be around to see it
through.
You're crying? Over a morty? >> rick: No, I'm just allergic
to dipshits.
>> ugh. Pathetic.
To dipshits. >> ugh. Pathetic. We both know that if there's any
truth in the universe, it's that
ricks don't care about mortys.
Truth in the universe, it's that ricks don't care about mortys. [ mortys shouting ]
Ricks don't care about mortys. [ mortys shouting ] do your worst, you little
bastards!
Do your worst, you little bastards! Kill me! Do it!
Bastards! Kill me! Do it! Do I-I-I-I-it!
>> rick: Morty! Thank god!
Get me out of this.
Come on!
>> morty: You're lucky I'm not a
rick.
>> rick: Point taken, but this
Rick. >> rick: Point taken, but this is [burps] no time for arcs.
[ energy powering down ]
Is [burps] no time for arcs. [ energy powering down ] >> oh!
>> [ laughs ]
>> thank god!
[ dialing ]
[ ringing ]
[ telephone rings ]
>> yeah, hello.
>> rick: Hey, what do me and
o.J. Not have in common?
>> huh? W-who is this?
O.J. Not have in common? >> huh? W-who is this? >> rick: I found the real
killer, bitch!
Get over here!
>> yo, ding-dong, we're done here. Time to go.
Here. Time to go. >> well, jerry [belches]
I guess this means goodbye.
>> jerry: W-w-well, does it have
to?
I mean, you -- you look just
To? I mean, you -- you look just like rick.
We could maybe, you know, get
Like rick. We could maybe, you know, get rid of him.
I'm not saying kill him,
Rid of him. I'm not saying kill him, necessarily.
I -- I'm also not saying
Necessarily. I -- I'm also not saying necessarily not kill him, but --
>> jerry, w-we both know it
Necessarily not kill him, but -- >> jerry, w-we both know it wouldn't work.
It's time to go back to our
Wouldn't work. It's time to go back to our lives.
I love you, jerry.
Lives. I love you, jerry. I love you.
>> jerry: [ sighs ]
[ whimpers ]
>> together: Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!
>> morty: W-what -- w-what's gonna happen to all these mortys?
Gonna happen to all these mortys? >> they'll go back to their
Mortys? >> they'll go back to their families, attend school
regularly, play video games,
Families, attend school regularly, play video games, date girls.
Regularly, play video games, date girls. Poor little rickless bastards.
Date girls. Poor little rickless bastards. >> earth rick c-137, the council
apologizes for its false
accusation, and in the way of
Apologizes for its false accusation, and in the way of reparations [belches] for our
Accusation, and in the way of reparations [belches] for our terrible mistake, we would like
Reparations [belches] for our terrible mistake, we would like to compensate you with this
Terrible mistake, we would like to compensate you with this voucher for a free replacement
To compensate you with this voucher for a free replacement morty in the event that
Voucher for a free replacement morty in the event that y[belches]our current [belches]
Morty in the event that y[belches]our current [belches] morty should --
Y[belches]our current [belches] morty should -- >> rick: Uh, guys, not a good
Morty should -- >> rick: Uh, guys, not a good time.
Come on, morty. Let's hit it.
>> morty: Is it time for arcs yet, rick? I did a pretty good job back
Yet, rick? I did a pretty good job back there for a human cloaking
device.
There for a human cloaking device. Saved your ass.
Device. Saved your ass. >> rick: All right, morty.
Don't break an arm jerking
yourself off.
>> morty: Man, I can't believe
Yourself off. >> morty: Man, I can't believe you, rick.
That right there, that w-- that
You, rick. That right there, that w-- that was a great opportunity to show
a little humanity, you know?
Was a great opportunity to show a little humanity, you know? To connect with me a little.
A little humanity, you know? To connect with me a little. >> rick: Hey, morty, you want
connection, go be part of some
stupid club, like all those dumb
Connection, go be part of some stupid club, like all those dumb ricks.
Stupid club, like all those dumb ricks. You know, maybe I don't connect
Ricks. You know, maybe I don't connect because I'm the rickest rick
there is.
Because I'm the rickest rick there is. And, you know, it would
There is. And, you know, it would g-- [belches] go without saying
that the rickest rick would have
G-- [belches] go without saying that the rickest rick would have the mortyest morty.
That the rickest rick would have the mortyest morty. >> morty: It would go without
The mortyest morty. >> morty: It would go without saying, huh?
>> rick: Yeah, it would.
Saying, huh? >> rick: Yeah, it would. Did you hear me say it?
>> morty: Nah.
The mortyest morty.
>> rick: Just don't get too big
for your loafers, buster brown.
A cocky morty can lead to some
For your loafers, buster brown. A cocky morty can lead to some big problems.
It can be a real bad thing for
Big problems. It can be a real bad thing for everybody.
>> morty: Oh, yeah? How's that?
Everybody. >> morty: Oh, yeah? How's that? >> rick: U-uh, I'll explain when
you're older.
[ camera shutter clicks ]
You're older. [ camera shutter clicks ] >> what a mess.
>> pride cometh before the fall.
I guess he got what he deserved.
>> what is that?
[ electricity crackles ]
>> hand me the laser
difibulator.
>> hey, guys, uh, c-can I help?
Difibulator. >> hey, guys, uh, c-can I help? >> no! Go clean the toilets.
Maybe you'll make friends with
some turds.
>> you make us ashamed to be
Some turds. >> you make us ashamed to be ourselves!
My god. I've seen this technology before.
[ device beeping ]
Before. [ device beeping ] >> this rick was being
controlled remotely --
puppeteered by somebody else.
Controlled remotely -- puppeteered by somebody else. This is the receiver.
Puppeteered by somebody else. This is the receiver. >> yeah, but where's the
transmitter?
[ beeping continues ]
>> rick: Wubba dubba dub dub! Oh. Hey, jerry. W-w-w-what are you doing in my
room, buddy?
>> jerry: Nothing.
Room, buddy? >> jerry: Nothing. [ shakily ] I was just, um,
[sniffles] checking the smoke
detectors.
>> rick: All right.
Detectors. >> rick: All right. Okay, get out.
What's that dipshit doing out there? Are you friends with him?
There? Are you friends with him? You know he eats his own shit,
right?
[ laughing ] oh, my god, this is
Right? [ laughing ] oh, my god, this is rich!
I've got like [belches] 10 ricks
Rich! I've got like [belches] 10 ricks to call right now.