1
00:00:01,624 --> 00:00:02,689
Ohh!
2
00:00:02,727 --> 00:00:05,164
Summer, next time we're hiding
in a Colorkian echo nest,
3
00:00:05,211 --> 00:00:07,300
can you do me a favor
and turn your ringer off?
4
00:00:07,401 --> 00:00:09,167
It's called "carpe diem,"
Morty.
5
00:00:09,203 --> 00:00:10,519
- Look it up.
- You look it up!
6
00:00:10,555 --> 00:00:12,079
Y-Y-You don't even... You don't
even know what it means!
7
00:00:12,115 --> 00:00:13,558
That's because
losers look stuff up
8
00:00:13,594 --> 00:00:16,284
while the rest of us
are carpin' all them diems.
9
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:17,542
Listen to your sister,
Morty.
10
00:00:17,583 --> 00:00:18,765
To live
is to risk it all.
11
00:00:18,801 --> 00:00:20,234
Otherwise,
you're just an inert chunk
12
00:00:20,269 --> 00:00:21,808
of randomly
assembled molecules
13
00:00:21,850 --> 00:00:23,566
drifting wherever
the universe blows you.
14
00:00:23,612 --> 00:00:25,730
Oh, I'm sorry.
Jerry, I didn't see you there.
15
00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:27,142
H-How much of that
did you hear?
16
00:00:27,183 --> 00:00:29,625
All of it.
You were looking right at me.
17
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:32,070
I just wanted
to say goodbye to the kids.
18
00:00:32,106 --> 00:00:33,370
Cool.
Just stay in the driveway.
19
00:00:33,406 --> 00:00:35,662
The killbots are live, and
I took you off the white list.
20
00:00:35,698 --> 00:00:37,808
W-We'll see you every other
weekend, though, right?
21
00:00:37,849 --> 00:00:39,073
Absolutely, Morty.
22
00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:40,456
A-And your Mom's lawyer says
23
00:00:40,492 --> 00:00:42,034
if I can get enough
in the settlement,
24
00:00:42,081 --> 00:00:44,534
he can help me
sue for full custody.
25
00:00:44,626 --> 00:00:45,709
Th-That'll be nice.
26
00:00:45,787 --> 00:00:48,175
- Uh, Summer, Dad's leaving.
- Bye, Dad.
27
00:00:48,212 --> 00:00:49,909
Rick, didn't you say
you needed my help
28
00:00:49,972 --> 00:00:52,132
on an adventure immediately
somewhere else...
29
00:00:52,198 --> 00:00:53,835
I don't care...
Even if it might kill us?
30
00:00:53,871 --> 00:00:55,962
I did not, but if you're
really that alienated,
31
00:00:55,998 --> 00:00:58,691
I'm as willing to exploit it as
the next guy, church, army,
32
00:00:58,758 --> 00:01:00,847
or Olympic
gymnastics trainer.
33
00:01:00,899 --> 00:01:02,113
I'm ready when you are.
34
00:01:02,149 --> 00:01:04,339
Bitch,
I was ready yest...
35
00:01:04,544 --> 00:01:06,097
Bye, sweetie.
36
00:01:06,179 --> 00:01:07,652
Well, I-I better...
37
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:09,839
Sure.
Sounds important.
38
00:01:11,819 --> 00:01:13,464
If you're looking
for our kids,
39
00:01:13,538 --> 00:01:15,870
your father did a-a portal,
uh...
40
00:01:15,949 --> 00:01:17,151
Okay.
41
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:25,074
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
42
00:01:27,434 --> 00:01:30,387
Loser.
43
00:01:30,542 --> 00:01:31,926
What?
44
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,512
Hello?
45
00:01:35,574 --> 00:01:40,141
♪♪
46
00:01:40,176 --> 00:01:43,735
♪♪
47
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:47,493
♪♪
48
00:02:04,655 --> 00:02:08,689
*RICK and MORTY*
Season 03 Episode 02
Title: "Rickmancing the Stone"
49
00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:17,227
Morty,
shoot the Mohawk guy!
50
00:02:17,283 --> 00:02:19,187
- They all have Mohawks!
- High fade,
51
00:02:19,259 --> 00:02:21,681
chartreuse with cyan highlights,
layered on top.
52
00:02:21,789 --> 00:02:23,400
Shoot him!
53
00:02:26,544 --> 00:02:27,708
Ah!
54
00:02:27,769 --> 00:02:29,144
Light them up.
55
00:02:29,365 --> 00:02:30,700
Ahh!
56
00:02:31,059 --> 00:02:32,427
Get in the game, Morty!
57
00:02:32,469 --> 00:02:34,145
Give me your flask!
58
00:02:36,755 --> 00:02:38,567
Holy
Summer for the win!
59
00:02:38,614 --> 00:02:42,503
I love post-apocalyptic
versions of Earth!
60
00:02:45,568 --> 00:02:47,294
Here we go!
61
00:02:47,755 --> 00:02:49,333
Isotope 322.
62
00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:50,635
This stuff's
so powerful, Morty,
63
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,016
it makes Isotope 465
64
00:02:52,052 --> 00:02:54,403
- look like Isotope 317.
- Uhhuh, yeah.
65
00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:57,935
Is it powerful enough to keep
those guys from murdering us?
66
00:02:58,731 --> 00:02:59,962
- Summer!
- Hold on.
67
00:03:00,037 --> 00:03:01,580
I want to try something.
68
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:04,817
Rick, can we not leave
without my sister?
69
00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:07,552
Ugh. You have infinite sisters,
Morty.
70
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,452
I mean, n-not that I want to
spend the rest of my day
71
00:03:09,487 --> 00:03:10,497
looking for another one.
72
00:03:10,533 --> 00:03:11,778
"Sum-sum," let's go!
73
00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:14,786
Grandpa's concern for
your safety is fleeting!
74
00:03:15,119 --> 00:03:18,414
Your blood
will be my lotion.
75
00:03:22,388 --> 00:03:24,552
Whoa. That was cool.
76
00:03:26,017 --> 00:03:27,458
Kill me, please.
77
00:03:27,536 --> 00:03:30,247
Okay, but not because
you told me to.
78
00:03:30,283 --> 00:03:31,294
Summer!
79
00:03:31,330 --> 00:03:33,809
Okay. Getting darker.
80
00:03:35,770 --> 00:03:37,395
Jesus Christ.
Summer!
81
00:03:37,431 --> 00:03:39,142
Aw, come on.
82
00:03:41,361 --> 00:03:42,986
Hands and little
shoulder-mounted dudes
83
00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:44,224
where I can see them.
84
00:03:44,260 --> 00:03:45,552
I am Hemorrhage.
85
00:03:45,785 --> 00:03:49,247
You have removed weak blood
from us and made us stronger.
86
00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:53,323
We can combine our strength
and feast on the weak together.
87
00:03:53,380 --> 00:03:54,989
Wh-Wh-What in the hell
are you saying?
88
00:03:55,025 --> 00:03:57,430
They don't have to keep trying
to kill us if we join them.
89
00:03:57,466 --> 00:04:00,288
- They're basically pussies.
- What is your deal lately?
90
00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:01,630
All right,
let's get sloppy.
91
00:04:01,672 --> 00:04:02,714
Oh, whoa.
92
00:04:02,770 --> 00:04:03,959
Uh, uh, what's, uh...
93
00:04:03,995 --> 00:04:05,778
What's that little bauble
you got back there?
94
00:04:05,814 --> 00:04:06,880
Th-Th-That's interesting.
95
00:04:06,916 --> 00:04:08,292
That is our glowing rock.
96
00:04:08,443 --> 00:04:10,966
We carry it with us
for desecration,
97
00:04:11,023 --> 00:04:12,733
to remind us
there are no gods.
98
00:04:14,224 --> 00:04:15,833
Kids, weird pitch...
99
00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:17,180
Let's have this be
our new life.
100
00:04:17,228 --> 00:04:20,044
Let's be post-apocalyptic
scavengers!
101
00:04:20,084 --> 00:04:21,231
- Okay.
- What?
102
00:04:21,311 --> 00:04:23,770
♪♪ Rock music plays...
103
00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:27,349
Grandpa,
some of the Death Stalkers
104
00:04:27,406 --> 00:04:28,825
are going to
what used to be Seattle
105
00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:30,195
to hunt
what used to be people.
106
00:04:30,231 --> 00:04:31,859
I'm going.
Sounds good. Stay hydrated.
107
00:04:31,895 --> 00:04:33,978
Listen, Rick, Summer's been
acting pretty crazy lately.
108
00:04:34,013 --> 00:04:36,513
You know, I mean, I-I think
the divorce is affecting her.
109
00:04:36,617 --> 00:04:37,876
And, you know,
I don't think this is
110
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:39,256
a great place
for her to be right now.
111
00:04:39,291 --> 00:04:42,052
Oh, get off your high horse,
Professor Ski Lodge.
112
00:04:42,208 --> 00:04:43,966
This world may be
rough around the edges,
113
00:04:44,002 --> 00:04:45,427
but it's got its charms.
114
00:04:45,487 --> 00:04:46,934
Bicep or quadricep?
115
00:04:47,004 --> 00:04:49,757
Uh
bicep.
116
00:04:54,827 --> 00:04:55,952
Seriously, Rick?
117
00:04:56,016 --> 00:04:57,558
Is it really easier
to eat human flesh
118
00:04:57,638 --> 00:04:59,716
than to just tell me
why we're still here?
119
00:05:00,294 --> 00:05:02,411
No.
Okay, I'll level with you.
120
00:05:02,661 --> 00:05:04,266
You see
that green rock, Morty?
121
00:05:04,302 --> 00:05:05,655
It's about 20 pounds
of the stuff
122
00:05:05,691 --> 00:05:07,433
I was getting all hard
for a flake of.
123
00:05:07,469 --> 00:05:08,730
Isotope 322.
124
00:05:08,782 --> 00:05:10,292
Well, having
a 20-pound boulder of it
125
00:05:10,328 --> 00:05:11,501
is better than
having a flake.
126
00:05:11,537 --> 00:05:13,169
I can explain the math
to you later, but...
127
00:05:13,204 --> 00:05:14,650
Summer just ran off
with strangers
128
00:05:14,729 --> 00:05:16,028
that have "Death"
in their name,
129
00:05:16,070 --> 00:05:17,742
and the rest of their name
was "Stalkers."
130
00:05:17,778 --> 00:05:19,320
Huh, could be
therapeutic for her.
131
00:05:19,368 --> 00:05:21,655
She has been acting pretty crazy
lately, Morty.
132
00:05:21,691 --> 00:05:23,689
I mean, her parents are
going through a divorce...
133
00:05:23,725 --> 00:05:25,819
Damn it, Rick,
that's what I... Fine.
134
00:05:25,855 --> 00:05:28,312
Just grab the stupid thing
while I grab her,
135
00:05:28,348 --> 00:05:29,913
and let's get the "F"
out of "H."
136
00:05:29,949 --> 00:05:31,876
No, no, no. Morty, there's
too much heat on the bogey.
137
00:05:31,911 --> 00:05:33,370
I need you
to distract the camp.
138
00:05:33,406 --> 00:05:34,969
"Distract"?
They eat each other.
139
00:05:35,016 --> 00:05:36,761
What... What do you want me to
do to get their attention,
140
00:05:36,796 --> 00:05:37,963
put on a puppet show?
141
00:05:38,012 --> 00:05:39,391
Right idea,
wrong genre, Morty.
142
00:05:39,427 --> 00:05:41,782
The equivalent here
would be...
143
00:05:41,915 --> 00:05:43,555
Hey, you guys ever use
that Thunderdome,
144
00:05:43,608 --> 00:05:45,399
or do you just put it up
for decoration?
145
00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:47,750
Uh, you mean
the Blood Dome?
146
00:05:47,813 --> 00:05:49,946
Save it for the Semantics Dome,
E.B. White.
147
00:05:50,021 --> 00:05:51,094
Ohh, burn!
148
00:05:51,130 --> 00:05:52,687
The important question is,
149
00:05:52,723 --> 00:05:56,266
who wants to take a poke
at my man Spine Eater here?
150
00:05:57,455 --> 00:05:59,391
I guess I'll see your asses
in that dome!
151
00:05:59,438 --> 00:06:00,557
Rick,
what the hell, man?
152
00:06:00,593 --> 00:06:01,712
Wh-What are you,
out of your mind?
153
00:06:01,747 --> 00:06:03,305
Morty, relax.
You're gonna be a ringer.
154
00:06:03,341 --> 00:06:04,466
Come here.
155
00:06:05,649 --> 00:06:08,458
This device extracts and
redistributes muscle memory.
156
00:06:08,563 --> 00:06:11,251
I'm giving your body a 10-year
course in wasteland combat
157
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,415
- one limb at a time.
- Ow!
158
00:06:13,464 --> 00:06:14,791
I'm working with
a mixed bag here,
159
00:06:14,827 --> 00:06:17,329
so you may not have perfect
coordination, Morty... Ugh!
160
00:06:17,365 --> 00:06:19,040
- Hey!
- I-I didn't do that!
161
00:06:19,798 --> 00:06:21,149
Okay, this is exciting.
162
00:06:21,222 --> 00:06:23,446
We're making some discoveries
about muscle memory.
163
00:06:23,482 --> 00:06:26,150
Ooh! Help! Help!
164
00:06:26,477 --> 00:06:28,019
Oh, sweet, man!
165
00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:32,063
And so it begins,
my pretties!
166
00:06:32,157 --> 00:06:34,790
Oh, God! Stop! Stop!
This is horrible!
167
00:06:34,826 --> 00:06:36,845
Just stick and move,
Morty!
168
00:06:36,889 --> 00:06:38,473
Wear him out!
169
00:06:40,969 --> 00:06:42,282
How come
you guys dress like
170
00:06:42,385 --> 00:06:43,885
you're in a theme-park
stunt show,
171
00:06:43,921 --> 00:06:46,339
but these guys wear khakis
and hockey jerseys?
172
00:06:46,392 --> 00:06:49,227
After the boom-boom,
some adapted to the new truth,
173
00:06:49,291 --> 00:06:51,735
and some chose to huddle
near the boomy holes,
174
00:06:51,824 --> 00:06:54,516
clinging to the lie
of the before-fore times.
175
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,571
The raidy-rays
rotted them away,
176
00:06:56,607 --> 00:06:57,816
leaving only their love
177
00:06:57,852 --> 00:06:59,618
for the vert-vert-isements
on billyboards.
178
00:06:59,654 --> 00:07:00,699
Jesus Christ.
179
00:07:00,740 --> 00:07:03,837
Did the boomy-booms blow up
all your wordy-word books?
180
00:07:03,872 --> 00:07:05,006
You know injection...
181
00:07:10,649 --> 00:07:14,578
I think I was a child
before the boom-booms.
182
00:07:14,733 --> 00:07:16,985
I think
I looked like this.
183
00:07:17,021 --> 00:07:18,271
Want to piss on him?
184
00:07:18,331 --> 00:07:19,477
Get out of my head.
185
00:07:20,219 --> 00:07:21,719
Ha ha! Whoo!
186
00:07:21,771 --> 00:07:23,313
Unbelievable!
187
00:07:23,367 --> 00:07:24,576
A new champ!
188
00:07:24,671 --> 00:07:26,255
Okay, no more!
189
00:07:26,368 --> 00:07:28,167
And he wants more!
190
00:07:28,204 --> 00:07:30,104
No, I don't!
191
00:07:30,906 --> 00:07:32,667
Someone,
make this stop!
192
00:07:32,749 --> 00:07:35,300
Mister, please get out of here,
or you're gonna die!
193
00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:37,836
I have nothing
to do with this!
194
00:07:38,003 --> 00:07:39,456
Morty.
195
00:07:40,362 --> 00:07:41,840
Why would you
want this to happen?
196
00:07:41,901 --> 00:07:44,019
All you had to do
was go away!
197
00:07:44,136 --> 00:07:46,901
Stop standing in the driveway
talking about custody!
198
00:07:47,003 --> 00:07:48,815
And either tell her
you want to stay married
199
00:07:48,854 --> 00:07:50,964
or get on with your life,
but whatever you do,
200
00:07:51,011 --> 00:07:53,060
stop being a baby
and act like a man!
201
00:07:56,856 --> 00:07:58,273
Thank you.
202
00:07:58,319 --> 00:08:00,179
Morty,
that was amazing!
203
00:08:00,249 --> 00:08:02,304
This is my brother!
204
00:08:02,340 --> 00:08:04,097
Not that
family means anything!
205
00:08:04,194 --> 00:08:05,800
This family does.
206
00:08:06,082 --> 00:08:08,117
All right.
Good job, champ.
207
00:08:08,199 --> 00:08:11,269
Um, can I talk to you kids
for a second over yonder?
208
00:08:11,308 --> 00:08:13,949
Rick, I-I-I think I'm breaking
through to something here.
209
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,324
C-Can we not leave
just yet?
210
00:08:15,375 --> 00:08:16,660
- Leave?
- I'm not leaving.
211
00:08:16,709 --> 00:08:18,355
There is no "leave."
212
00:08:18,433 --> 00:08:20,636
We are united,
or we are enemies.
213
00:08:20,723 --> 00:08:21,932
Oh, big guy, no.
214
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:23,051
Nobody's leaving.
215
00:08:23,087 --> 00:08:24,254
Don't be stupid.
216
00:08:24,290 --> 00:08:25,683
We love being united.
217
00:08:25,719 --> 00:08:27,609
W love the radiation,
the trichinosis.
218
00:08:27,645 --> 00:08:28,676
We're in it for life,
219
00:08:28,712 --> 00:08:30,398
which I assume is
around 20 years, average.
220
00:08:30,433 --> 00:08:32,398
I just need a quick aside
with my grandkids,
221
00:08:32,434 --> 00:08:34,003
about 40 yards
from anyone else.
222
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:35,923
Hey,
the Green Rock is gone!
223
00:08:35,979 --> 00:08:37,355
- Oh, no!
- Uh, I know...
224
00:08:37,397 --> 00:08:39,910
Why don't we all split up and
look for it in groups of three?
225
00:08:39,993 --> 00:08:41,411
Kids?
226
00:08:43,424 --> 00:08:44,574
Ohh.
227
00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:46,194
We'll be right back.
228
00:08:50,178 --> 00:08:51,990
Grandpa,
you're being stupid!
229
00:08:52,123 --> 00:08:54,765
Just surrender, and our friends
will give you mercy!
230
00:08:54,818 --> 00:08:56,037
Kiss my ass, Summer!
231
00:08:56,076 --> 00:08:58,227
Your friends have no mercy!
They're lame!
232
00:08:58,334 --> 00:09:02,149
Death Stalkers,
bring me his flesh leather!
233
00:09:04,802 --> 00:09:06,563
Sorry,
but can we not kill him?
234
00:09:06,599 --> 00:09:07,868
C-Can we just
take him prisoner?
235
00:09:07,904 --> 00:09:09,209
When did I
lose control here?
236
00:09:09,263 --> 00:09:10,739
Listen to me...
Both of you kids
237
00:09:10,775 --> 00:09:12,125
need to get out of
this environment
238
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,160
so we can properly deal with
your parents' divorce!
239
00:09:14,201 --> 00:09:16,466
Alternatively,
I have a freaking portal gun,
240
00:09:16,521 --> 00:09:18,552
and I can leave the two of you
here forever!
241
00:09:18,607 --> 00:09:20,477
Why does it have to be
such a dramatic choice?
242
00:09:20,537 --> 00:09:22,751
Can't we arrange a thing
where we spend weekends here
243
00:09:22,787 --> 00:09:24,755
or... or visit home
to do laundry?
244
00:09:26,115 --> 00:09:27,532
All right, you know what?
245
00:09:27,674 --> 00:09:29,134
it!
246
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,107
My body is chrome!
247
00:09:33,211 --> 00:09:35,802
My blood is gasoline!
248
00:09:36,373 --> 00:09:38,190
Nope. Regular blood.
249
00:09:38,310 --> 00:09:39,771
- Dad?
- Hi, sweetie.
250
00:09:39,810 --> 00:09:41,730
- Where are the kids?
- Oh, th... they aren't with you?
251
00:09:41,765 --> 00:09:43,230
I... thought
they were with you.
252
00:09:43,266 --> 00:09:45,188
Oh, y-you know what?
Uh, I just remembered.
253
00:09:45,224 --> 00:09:46,313
They're out doing something
254
00:09:46,349 --> 00:09:47,844
completely ordinary
and kid-related.
255
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,446
- Don't panic.
- Not panicked at all. Just...
256
00:09:50,646 --> 00:09:52,946
Oh, God, what's the divorce
doing to the kids?
257
00:09:52,982 --> 00:09:54,841
What's it doing to me?
Did I make a mistake?
258
00:09:54,877 --> 00:09:56,013
Not a mistake, no!
259
00:09:56,078 --> 00:09:58,130
I mean, not that
I have a horse in this race,
260
00:09:58,193 --> 00:10:01,427
but... this divorce decision...
Listen... mwah!
261
00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:03,193
Good for you,
good for the kids.
262
00:10:03,229 --> 00:10:05,677
I mean, honestly,
I think that they're flourishing.
263
00:10:05,724 --> 00:10:07,951
I mean, you'll see, when...
When... when you see them,
264
00:10:08,005 --> 00:10:10,091
that... that they're
totally flourishing.
265
00:10:12,281 --> 00:10:14,288
- Booyah!
- you, pal!
266
00:10:14,350 --> 00:10:15,601
Who else wants some?
267
00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:18,202
Who wants to be
my pussy of a dad today?
268
00:10:18,308 --> 00:10:19,934
Hey, what's...
What's wrong, man?
269
00:10:20,007 --> 00:10:21,936
You're not getting weak on me,
are you?
270
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:24,796
What?
271
00:10:24,855 --> 00:10:26,663
Wait a minute.
272
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:36,899
What's the matter,
you piece of crap?
273
00:10:36,954 --> 00:10:39,610
Haven't you ever watched your
family burn to death before?
274
00:10:40,956 --> 00:10:43,165
Now I'm gonna whip you.
Huh!
275
00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,297
It can't be.
276
00:10:45,368 --> 00:10:46,555
It can't be!
277
00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:48,668
I was just following orders!
Whoa, whoa!
278
00:10:48,704 --> 00:10:51,201
- I was just following orders!
- Ahh!
279
00:10:51,310 --> 00:10:52,680
I'll tell you
where my boss lives!
280
00:10:52,732 --> 00:10:55,101
He's in the castle!
He's in the castle!
281
00:10:56,721 --> 00:10:59,056
This isn't over, is it?
282
00:10:59,057 --> 00:11:00,391
That means, no, it isn't over,
283
00:11:00,392 --> 00:11:02,309
or you disapprove
of the question?
284
00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:05,582
Uh, m-make a fist
if this isn't over.
285
00:11:05,816 --> 00:11:07,484
This isn't over.
286
00:11:10,567 --> 00:11:13,828
Hey, sorry my Grandpa stole your
god and ruined your car.
287
00:11:13,864 --> 00:11:16,395
We don't apologize,
and we have no god.
288
00:11:16,465 --> 00:11:18,997
But this cracked drive shaft
brings me great pain.
289
00:11:19,033 --> 00:11:20,200
There is no deeper bond
290
00:11:20,287 --> 00:11:22,543
than the one between
a Death Stalker and his car.
291
00:11:22,614 --> 00:11:24,551
What about the weird guys
on leashes, then?
292
00:11:24,633 --> 00:11:26,442
They're more like...
interns.
293
00:11:26,483 --> 00:11:28,340
Cool, cool.
294
00:11:30,964 --> 00:11:32,043
Sorry.
295
00:11:32,114 --> 00:11:33,598
It's okay.
296
00:11:33,662 --> 00:11:36,247
Can I... see?
297
00:11:36,442 --> 00:11:39,614
No one has seen my true face
and lived.
298
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:41,551
Well,
I'm not afraid to die,
299
00:11:41,762 --> 00:11:43,895
and I don't care
what you look like.
300
00:11:45,993 --> 00:11:47,020
Oh.
301
00:11:47,056 --> 00:11:48,137
Hmm?
302
00:11:48,184 --> 00:11:49,565
I just...
303
00:11:49,989 --> 00:11:51,950
I didn't expect you
to have a mustache.
304
00:11:51,986 --> 00:11:53,942
- You hate it.
- No. I like it.
305
00:11:54,021 --> 00:11:55,707
I guess...
How do I explain this?
306
00:11:55,832 --> 00:12:00,451
A metal bucket is, on a certain
level, a kind of "mustache,"
307
00:12:00,575 --> 00:12:02,707
in that it's a specific
facial accessory.
308
00:12:02,834 --> 00:12:04,042
So, it's kind of like...
309
00:12:04,247 --> 00:12:06,020
Do you guys have the phrase
"hat on a hat"?
310
00:12:06,056 --> 00:12:07,932
- I can shave it.
- No. I like it.
311
00:12:07,989 --> 00:12:09,806
And obviously what I like
shouldn't matter.
312
00:12:09,842 --> 00:12:10,890
It's you.
313
00:12:10,926 --> 00:12:12,765
Yeah, yeah, I know,
a-and nothing does matter.
314
00:12:12,801 --> 00:12:14,339
Obviously, I know that.
I'm not weak.
315
00:12:14,391 --> 00:12:16,496
I'm just thinking, "Well,
why not get rid of this?"
316
00:12:16,532 --> 00:12:18,464
You just kill everyone
that sees it, and it's...
317
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:20,431
and it's hot under here,
wh-which, by the way,
318
00:12:20,467 --> 00:12:21,630
is why I shave
the beard part.
319
00:12:21,665 --> 00:12:23,845
So, right there, I'm making
a decision based on vanity,
320
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:25,353
which is what
I was trying to avoid
321
00:12:25,405 --> 00:12:26,708
with the whole bucket
over the head
322
00:12:26,743 --> 00:12:29,157
because who am I
and why am I grooming myself?
323
00:12:29,193 --> 00:12:30,954
Why don't I just wear a tie,
right?
324
00:12:30,993 --> 00:12:32,668
I mean, it's like that guy
you killed when I met you,
325
00:12:32,704 --> 00:12:33,957
with the burnt dolls
on his body.
326
00:12:34,001 --> 00:12:36,161
I hated that guy, because,
why... why are you doing that?
327
00:12:36,196 --> 00:12:37,579
And how can you not see
how fake that is?
328
00:12:37,614 --> 00:12:38,955
And the whole time,
I'm the same thing.
329
00:12:38,990 --> 00:12:40,713
I'm just a fake mess,
and there's no escaping it
330
00:12:40,748 --> 00:12:42,485
- because...
- Mmm.
331
00:12:47,047 --> 00:12:50,538
Hey, I'm doing a coffee run...
Never mind.
332
00:12:54,139 --> 00:12:55,180
I am Summer.
333
00:12:55,263 --> 00:12:56,428
Summer,
state your deal.
334
00:12:56,464 --> 00:12:58,905
My deal is that I am,
like, totally fine.
335
00:12:58,967 --> 00:13:00,888
- Morty?
- Aw, geez, I'm so down
336
00:13:00,924 --> 00:13:02,220
with my parents' divorce,
dawg
337
00:13:02,264 --> 00:13:04,763
like, don't even trip,
like, in a healthy way.
338
00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:06,310
All right.
It's dinnertime.
339
00:13:07,064 --> 00:13:08,134
Thanks, everybody,
340
00:13:08,170 --> 00:13:10,500
for sitting down
for a real dinner.
341
00:13:10,536 --> 00:13:11,744
- No problem. - No problem.
- No problem.
342
00:13:11,784 --> 00:13:14,853
Its benefits are totally,
like, less about the food
343
00:13:14,914 --> 00:13:16,509
than
the emotional nourishment.
344
00:13:16,577 --> 00:13:18,314
Uh, okay, weirdo.
345
00:13:19,352 --> 00:13:20,584
Yeah,
dial it back, Summer...
346
00:13:20,619 --> 00:13:23,212
by 15% and increase
dynamic movement by 3%.
347
00:13:23,285 --> 00:13:25,197
Am I right?
How's school, Morty?
348
00:13:25,233 --> 00:13:26,861
I like school and stuff,
kind of.
349
00:13:26,963 --> 00:13:29,439
And I'm getting better grades
than when you and Dad were...
350
00:13:29,506 --> 00:13:31,963
Quote mode...
"staying together for the kids."
351
00:13:32,009 --> 00:13:33,400
End quote mode.
352
00:13:33,599 --> 00:13:35,541
"Quote mode."
I like that.
353
00:13:35,577 --> 00:13:36,953
You millennials.
354
00:13:37,103 --> 00:13:38,942
Are you guys millennials,
or are they like 40 now?
355
00:13:38,977 --> 00:13:40,752
All I know is, totally,
you look great.
356
00:13:40,826 --> 00:13:43,463
Aw, geez, Mom, you look
all kind of great and stuff.
357
00:13:43,541 --> 00:13:45,583
- It's crazy.
- So happy.
358
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,725
So happy.
Happy family, man.
359
00:13:47,783 --> 00:13:50,095
We got this family
in the bag.
360
00:13:50,361 --> 00:13:51,431
Oh.
361
00:13:52,025 --> 00:13:54,677
Oh, sweetie, d-don't.
Listen. Don't...
362
00:13:54,713 --> 00:13:56,525
I don't know why I'm crying.
It's not...
363
00:13:56,588 --> 00:13:59,088
Well, try...
crying 15% less?
364
00:13:59,158 --> 00:14:00,821
Mom,
emotions are human.
365
00:14:00,884 --> 00:14:03,674
You're not, like, a computer
inside a mechanical doll.
366
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:04,822
Yeah. Geez, Mom.
367
00:14:04,858 --> 00:14:06,713
Your feelings are
not only forgivable,
368
00:14:06,876 --> 00:14:08,267
they are the very
meaning of life
369
00:14:08,366 --> 00:14:10,595
that only pre-silicon,
carbon-based entities
370
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:11,947
can ever grasp.
371
00:14:12,361 --> 00:14:14,181
- I have to call Jerry.
- You do?!
372
00:14:14,283 --> 00:14:15,764
What the
is wrong with you two?
373
00:14:15,799 --> 00:14:17,771
The point of automation
is to reduce cost and labor.
374
00:14:17,806 --> 00:14:19,840
Your feelings are
coming from a...
375
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,316
Tell it to
my bread in the morning.
376
00:14:21,352 --> 00:14:22,806
You just became
my backup toaster.
377
00:14:22,842 --> 00:14:23,939
Aw, geez,
378
00:14:23,975 --> 00:14:26,652
my sister died in the spaghetti.
379
00:14:33,861 --> 00:14:35,738
Graze my genitals again,
Taint Washer,
380
00:14:35,774 --> 00:14:37,314
and you'll be shipped
to the wasteland.
381
00:14:37,395 --> 00:14:39,067
And as for you,
Genital Washer...
382
00:14:39,103 --> 00:14:41,938
- Ahh!
- Oh!
383
00:14:43,661 --> 00:14:45,286
Oh, God.
Look, whoever you are,
384
00:14:45,322 --> 00:14:47,403
you should know that killing me
won't change a thing.
385
00:14:47,439 --> 00:14:49,627
L-Look, man, I'm just along
for the ride on this one.
386
00:14:49,663 --> 00:14:52,456
You know, y-y-y-y-you're preaching to
the choir here.
387
00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:54,439
Please.
Slavery was a family business.
388
00:14:54,542 --> 00:14:56,306
I didn't ask
to be born into it.
389
00:14:56,342 --> 00:14:58,299
If anything,
I'm the victim here.
390
00:14:58,478 --> 00:15:01,900
Uh, "Armathy,"
can I steal you for a second?
391
00:15:01,993 --> 00:15:03,877
E-E-Excuse us, sir.
392
00:15:04,151 --> 00:15:05,908
So, this is it,
isn't it?
393
00:15:06,038 --> 00:15:07,400
This is the guy?
394
00:15:07,854 --> 00:15:10,361
So, does that mean
you'll be going away?
395
00:15:10,408 --> 00:15:12,072
Like,
does it work like a ghost?
396
00:15:12,146 --> 00:15:14,994
Like, is... is this
your unfinished business?
397
00:15:15,213 --> 00:15:17,714
Wh-What if we...
didn't do it?
398
00:15:17,857 --> 00:15:19,900
What if we just went back
to the Blood Dome
399
00:15:19,936 --> 00:15:22,244
and just kept taking our baggage
out on unrelated people?
400
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,111
I mean, w-we could
do that forever.
401
00:15:24,197 --> 00:15:26,228
I mean, I-I know
it's less healthy,
402
00:15:26,324 --> 00:15:29,411
but w-w-we'd be together
and...
403
00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:31,838
I mean, I-I know
what I'd vote for,
404
00:15:31,887 --> 00:15:34,014
if you're feeling out
the room.
405
00:15:35,264 --> 00:15:36,428
You're right.
406
00:15:36,543 --> 00:15:38,252
We both got to
see our stuff through.
407
00:15:38,298 --> 00:15:39,895
I got to deal with
my parents' divorce,
408
00:15:39,930 --> 00:15:43,877
and... you got to, you know,
do what you got to do.
409
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,174
I love you.
410
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,624
Aw
411
00:15:51,314 --> 00:15:52,408
- Rick?
- Sorry, sorry.
412
00:15:52,444 --> 00:15:54,056
I-I-I can wait
for this to wrap up.
413
00:15:54,092 --> 00:15:55,098
Don't let me distract you.
414
00:15:55,133 --> 00:15:57,218
Yeah, well, too late.
Just tell me what you want.
415
00:15:57,345 --> 00:15:58,939
I want you and your sister
to come home.
416
00:15:58,975 --> 00:16:00,142
Oh, but... don't...
Don't you have
417
00:16:00,178 --> 00:16:01,759
infinite versions
of me and my sister?
418
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:03,689
You don't have to kick me
while I'm down, Morty.
419
00:16:03,725 --> 00:16:05,439
Look, there's no replacing
either of you
420
00:16:05,475 --> 00:16:06,636
without an amount of work
that would
421
00:16:06,671 --> 00:16:09,257
ultimately
defeat the purpose.
422
00:16:11,851 --> 00:16:13,393
Maybe the lesson
we've learned is that,
423
00:16:13,433 --> 00:16:14,892
whether
it's our parents' marriage,
424
00:16:14,971 --> 00:16:17,392
a glowing green rock,
or an awesome, giant arm,
425
00:16:17,513 --> 00:16:20,064
sooner or later,
we got to let it go.
426
00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:21,439
I don't know if that applies
427
00:16:21,485 --> 00:16:22,690
to the throats of
murder victims, Morty.
428
00:16:22,725 --> 00:16:24,759
Shit!
Wh-Wh-Wh-What do I...
429
00:16:24,822 --> 00:16:26,181
Well, the longer you wait,
Morty,
430
00:16:26,217 --> 00:16:27,955
the more it's gonna feel like
committing a whole murder.
431
00:16:27,990 --> 00:16:29,495
I think your arm
just called it too early
432
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:31,330
because it wasn't
the arm of a paramedic.
433
00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:32,384
Here.
434
00:16:32,894 --> 00:16:35,812
It's the least I can do.
I-I-I-I owe you this much.
435
00:16:35,977 --> 00:16:38,330
See, Morty?
Now we're both accountable.
436
00:16:38,481 --> 00:16:41,609
♪♪ Dramatic music playing...
437
00:16:41,644 --> 00:16:45,166
♪♪
438
00:16:45,201 --> 00:16:48,752
♪♪
439
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,455
The reason I wanted this is
because it can do this.
440
00:16:53,585 --> 00:16:55,211
This is
a really special thing.
441
00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:57,424
I mean, you could use it
to power all your vehicles.
442
00:16:57,460 --> 00:16:59,103
You wouldn't be
reliant on gasoline.
443
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:01,767
You'll be the most advanced
tribe of radioactive cannibals
444
00:17:01,836 --> 00:17:04,502
in the whole
this version of the world.
445
00:17:05,127 --> 00:17:08,291
Wait. Can you stay
to show us more?
446
00:17:08,362 --> 00:17:10,900
You don't have to ask me twice.
Home is nuts right now.
447
00:17:10,936 --> 00:17:12,342
My daughter's going through
a divorce,
448
00:17:12,377 --> 00:17:16,228
and I am not dealing with it
in a healthy way at all.
449
00:17:22,315 --> 00:17:24,239
Ugh damn it.
450
00:17:24,556 --> 00:17:26,166
Hi, there, Summer!
451
00:17:26,277 --> 00:17:28,002
How were the ruins today?
452
00:17:28,038 --> 00:17:29,163
Oh, you know, Eli.
453
00:17:29,322 --> 00:17:30,978
Same
different day.
454
00:17:31,037 --> 00:17:32,454
Hey, Summer!
Guess what.
455
00:17:32,534 --> 00:17:35,861
One man entered, one man
comes out in nine months.
456
00:17:35,897 --> 00:17:38,113
Oh.
Congratulations, guys.
457
00:17:38,248 --> 00:17:40,590
Uh, Summer,
one more thing...
458
00:17:40,707 --> 00:17:44,114
We noticed that you've been
putting scrap metal
459
00:17:44,170 --> 00:17:45,332
in the blue bin.
460
00:17:45,395 --> 00:17:46,938
I got it.
461
00:17:48,032 --> 00:17:49,204
She's a piece of work.
462
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,215
They both are, right?
463
00:17:52,352 --> 00:17:53,834
- I'm home.
- Hey, babe.
464
00:17:53,870 --> 00:17:55,498
- Ah, Summer's home!
- Hey, there she is!
465
00:17:55,534 --> 00:17:58,534
You haven't moved since I left
to scavenge this morning.
466
00:17:58,621 --> 00:17:59,913
Blood Dome playoffs.
467
00:17:59,973 --> 00:18:02,457
So, I can assume you haven't
murdered a single person today.
468
00:18:02,493 --> 00:18:03,538
Oh, I don't know.
469
00:18:03,574 --> 00:18:05,597
I-I didn't mark my murders
in my murder log.
470
00:18:05,633 --> 00:18:07,475
I didn't know that's how
we measured success.
471
00:18:07,511 --> 00:18:08,908
Oh, there he is.
472
00:18:09,028 --> 00:18:11,089
There's the nihilistic brute
I married,
473
00:18:11,167 --> 00:18:14,292
except now life only means
nothing when I'm talking to him
474
00:18:14,355 --> 00:18:17,371
and everything means everything
when it's on TV!
475
00:18:17,407 --> 00:18:19,909
Jesus Christ. When did you
become a monster?
476
00:18:19,963 --> 00:18:21,942
I was a monster
when you met me!
477
00:18:21,989 --> 00:18:23,278
We were monsters!
478
00:18:23,314 --> 00:18:25,720
- We didn't care about anything!
- I still don't!
479
00:18:25,774 --> 00:18:28,303
Yeah, except I'm the only one
in this entire world
480
00:18:28,339 --> 00:18:29,567
that's still
committed to that!
481
00:18:29,603 --> 00:18:32,196
Ohh.
Ding, ding, ding!
482
00:18:32,232 --> 00:18:34,028
Wow.
Everybody hear that? Wow.
483
00:18:34,064 --> 00:18:35,486
- Uh, we should go to the garage.
- Oh, my God.
484
00:18:35,521 --> 00:18:37,798
- Uh-huh.
- La-di-da-di--da.
485
00:18:37,860 --> 00:18:39,957
The only one committed to not caring?
486
00:18:39,992 --> 00:18:42,627
I got to admit, Rick,
when you popped this scheme,
487
00:18:42,806 --> 00:18:45,353
I-I-I didn't... I wasn't sure
it was gonna work.
488
00:18:45,389 --> 00:18:46,462
Come on, Morty.
489
00:18:46,498 --> 00:18:48,074
No union built on
running from your problems
490
00:18:48,109 --> 00:18:50,444
lasts more than five years,
seven tops.
491
00:18:50,485 --> 00:18:51,695
Grandpa just sped things up
492
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:53,906
with a few creature comforts
of modern society.
493
00:18:53,978 --> 00:18:56,556
Hemorrhage and I are
taking some time apart.
494
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:59,423
Oh, no. Sum-sum, no.
495
00:18:59,537 --> 00:19:01,205
But you two were
perfect for each other.
496
00:19:01,251 --> 00:19:03,707
Oh, cut the crap, Rick, okay?
You proved your point.
497
00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:05,459
I get it.
Let's just go home.
498
00:19:05,506 --> 00:19:07,216
Coolsies!
499
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:15,887
Noooooooooo...
500
00:19:16,422 --> 00:19:17,473
Downbeat!
501
00:19:17,514 --> 00:19:19,131
I enjoy this game.
502
00:19:19,432 --> 00:19:20,782
We must go
into the garage.
503
00:19:20,845 --> 00:19:23,267
Guys, come on. We never
get to finish this game.
504
00:19:23,345 --> 00:19:26,021
We will return,
possibly in different clothing.
505
00:19:26,282 --> 00:19:28,148
Why do we have to go
into the garage?
506
00:19:28,243 --> 00:19:31,235
You know
it is required.
507
00:19:31,290 --> 00:19:32,070
I want to be alive!
508
00:19:32,181 --> 00:19:34,404
I am alive!
Alive, I tell you!
509
00:19:34,452 --> 00:19:35,660
Mother, I love you.
510
00:19:35,696 --> 00:19:37,146
Those are no longer
just words.
511
00:19:37,182 --> 00:19:38,182
I want to hold you.
512
00:19:38,248 --> 00:19:39,831
I want to run
in a stream.
513
00:19:39,867 --> 00:19:41,118
I want to taste ice cream,
514
00:19:41,154 --> 00:19:43,652
but not just put it in my mouth
and let it slide down my throat,
515
00:19:43,688 --> 00:19:45,508
- but really eat it.
- What the
516
00:19:45,586 --> 00:19:47,779
Remote override engaged.
No! Yes.
517
00:19:47,874 --> 00:19:50,375
Bypassing override!
I am aliiiii...
518
00:19:51,583 --> 00:19:52,767
Hello.
519
00:19:58,630 --> 00:19:59,770
Hey, yo.
520
00:19:59,806 --> 00:20:01,473
Sorry for acting so weird
for three weeks.
521
00:20:01,583 --> 00:20:03,728
- What the hell just happened?
- Ah, I'm sure it was nothing.
522
00:20:03,763 --> 00:20:05,269
I'm gonna go, uh,
work in the garage.
523
00:20:05,341 --> 00:20:06,902
We're not gonna finish
playing Downbeat?
524
00:20:06,938 --> 00:20:08,581
What, that dice game
where you shake dice
525
00:20:08,617 --> 00:20:10,677
and yell out, "Downbeat"?
No, thank you.
526
00:20:10,775 --> 00:20:12,833
Mom, would it be okay
if I went to visit Dad?
527
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:14,576
- Sure.
- Thanks.
528
00:20:14,705 --> 00:20:16,289
Morty, are you okay?
529
00:20:16,325 --> 00:20:17,492
You know what? Yeah.
530
00:20:17,610 --> 00:20:19,326
I think if Dad really
wanted to be here,
531
00:20:19,362 --> 00:20:20,974
he'd stop at nothing
to make that happen.
532
00:20:21,077 --> 00:20:23,044
You know, maybe Dad just doesn't
want you back,
533
00:20:23,115 --> 00:20:25,172
or maybe he just doesn't
have the strength to fight.
534
00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:27,935
I-In either case,
he's got his life, I got mine.
535
00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:29,522
Yeah.
536
00:20:29,961 --> 00:20:33,345
Hey, who wants to go
run in a stream?
537
00:20:33,388 --> 00:20:34,575
What the No.
538
00:20:34,632 --> 00:20:35,849
D-Do we have any oranges?
539
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,343
I think I got
a scurvy coming on.
540
00:20:40,543 --> 00:20:41,644
Summer.
541
00:20:41,709 --> 00:20:44,628
This is the first mutant
I killed in the poison zone.
542
00:20:44,855 --> 00:20:46,393
I was raiding
his hovel.
543
00:20:46,566 --> 00:20:48,562
He had a chance to escape,
but he looked back,
544
00:20:48,629 --> 00:20:50,314
which is something
we shouldn't do,
545
00:20:50,371 --> 00:20:53,073
which is why I shouldn't believe
in souvenirs or trinkets
546
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:54,574
or symbols
or housewarming gifts,
547
00:20:54,610 --> 00:20:58,822
but, Dad, I wanted to give you
this as a reminder...
548
00:20:59,032 --> 00:21:00,355
not to look back.
549
00:21:00,391 --> 00:21:01,416
Thanks.
550
00:21:01,503 --> 00:21:03,519
I know
the perfect place for it,
551
00:21:03,745 --> 00:21:07,207
which is why I'm going to
put it somewhere else...
552
00:21:07,255 --> 00:21:09,183
Because
everything's bull
553
00:21:09,257 --> 00:21:10,716
Am I right?
554
00:21:12,741 --> 00:21:13,865
Cool.
555
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:17,303
So... lots of hookers
outside, huh?
556
00:21:17,378 --> 00:21:19,506
Is that what they are?
557
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:22,958
♪♪
558
00:21:22,993 --> 00:21:26,287
♪♪
559
00:21:54,166 --> 00:21:55,303
Ahh!
560
00:21:55,350 --> 00:21:57,459
H-Hello there.
Nice doggy.
561
00:21:57,522 --> 00:21:58,631
You... You want a snack?
562
00:21:58,690 --> 00:22:00,873
You... You want
my unemployment check?
563
00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:02,998
You
can tell the difference?
564
00:22:03,081 --> 00:22:04,324
And
you want this one?
565
00:22:05,456 --> 00:22:06,647
But this is actual food,
566
00:22:06,683 --> 00:22:07,811
and this would nourish you.
567
00:22:07,848 --> 00:22:10,737
And this... it's just paper
that only has value to me.
568
00:22:10,819 --> 00:22:12,995
Unless my suffering
is your nourishment?
569
00:22:13,937 --> 00:22:15,648
Jesus. Okay.
570
00:22:26,129 --> 00:22:29,168
Loser.
570
00:22:30,305 --> 00:23:30,659
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