1
00:00:09,782 --> 00:00:13,403
So, this is the town limits?

2
00:00:13,453 --> 00:00:16,922
Yes sir, 4,500 acres that ends
right here at the town sign.

3
00:00:16,956 --> 00:00:19,825
And it's all yours, Johnny,
it must be a nice feeling,

4
00:00:19,859 --> 00:00:22,026
considering you don't have a lot right now.

5
00:00:22,061 --> 00:00:23,695
You know, because of the
crooked business manager.

6
00:00:23,729 --> 00:00:24,796
You know, the money scandal...

7
00:00:24,831 --> 00:00:27,265
Yes, I know, I know, I know, Ray.

8
00:00:29,735 --> 00:00:30,969
What the hell is this?!

9
00:00:31,003 --> 00:00:33,204
The town sign.

10
00:00:33,238 --> 00:00:35,840
Is this the real sign, or the joke sign?

11
00:00:35,874 --> 00:00:37,193
What do you mean?

12
00:00:37,243 --> 00:00:39,777
You don't see anything wrong with this?

13
00:00:39,811 --> 00:00:41,913
The man!

14
00:00:41,947 --> 00:00:44,582
Standing awfully close to
that woman, wouldn't you say?

15
00:00:44,616 --> 00:00:46,885
Well, he's holding on to her so
she doesn't fall into the creek.

16
00:00:46,919 --> 00:00:49,219
Look a little closer, Ray.

17
00:00:49,254 --> 00:00:51,622
Well, it need a little sprucing up.

18
00:00:51,656 --> 00:00:53,424
- Sprucing up?!
- It's very popular,

19
00:00:53,458 --> 00:00:55,025
people come from all over
to take a picture with it.

20
00:00:55,059 --> 00:00:56,727
I'll bet they do!

21
00:00:56,762 --> 00:00:59,530
You know what? This is coming down!

22
00:00:59,564 --> 00:01:01,164
That's the mayor's family up there!

23
00:01:01,199 --> 00:01:03,434
The sign's been here over forty years.

24
00:01:03,468 --> 00:01:07,637
And you wonder why this place won't sell?

25
00:01:07,671 --> 00:01:11,174
Oh, I think I see it now.
His shoulders are too big.

26
00:01:11,209 --> 00:01:13,343
Get in the car, Ray.

27
00:01:23,275 --> 00:01:25,510
Moira?

28
00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,512
Boy, we've got our work cut out for us.

29
00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:29,614
But I've seen worse.

30
00:01:29,648 --> 00:01:31,749
It's not a problem.

31
00:01:31,784 --> 00:01:33,785
Moira?

32
00:01:33,819 --> 00:01:37,021
They dare to call me irrelevant?

33
00:01:39,424 --> 00:01:41,792
Shag carpeting, that's irrelevant!

34
00:01:44,162 --> 00:01:45,863
L.A. is irrelevant...

35
00:01:49,501 --> 00:01:52,636
I am relevant!

36
00:01:57,675 --> 00:02:00,511
"Good riddance," is what they said.

37
00:02:00,545 --> 00:02:01,979
Oh, who said that, sweetheart?

38
00:02:02,013 --> 00:02:04,982
I don't know!

39
00:02:05,016 --> 00:02:09,318
They're no name commentors.

40
00:02:09,319 --> 00:02:12,722
- Tormentors.
- Are we having a bad day, honey?

41
00:02:12,846 --> 00:02:15,081
Anonymous.

42
00:02:15,116 --> 00:02:18,718
Ominous.

43
00:02:18,752 --> 00:02:20,853
That'll be fine, thank you.

44
00:02:20,887 --> 00:02:26,159
I'm afraid I don't have
a gratuity right now.

45
00:02:26,193 --> 00:02:29,128
So, that guy from the other night.

46
00:02:29,162 --> 00:02:31,563
- He's not for me, right?
- What guy?

47
00:02:31,598 --> 00:02:34,900
That beardy guy that I kissed at the party.

48
00:02:34,935 --> 00:02:38,004
He's gross, right? Like,
that's not a thing for me.

49
00:02:38,038 --> 00:02:41,208
There wasn't like, a spark or anything.

50
00:02:41,642 --> 00:02:43,975
You mean the hitchhiker that was
burning meat over a garbage can?

51
00:02:44,010 --> 00:02:46,178
Yeah, that one.

52
00:02:46,212 --> 00:02:48,313
Have you seen your mother today?

53
00:02:48,348 --> 00:02:49,748
Um yeah, she was face down on the carpet

54
00:02:49,782 --> 00:02:51,750
before dragging herself into the closet.

55
00:02:51,784 --> 00:02:54,052
And you didn't say anything?!

56
00:02:54,086 --> 00:02:56,888
I thought she was maybe looking
for a contact or something.

57
00:02:56,922 --> 00:02:58,490
Yeah, she googled herself again,

58
00:02:58,525 --> 00:03:01,459
now she's having one of her "things."

59
00:03:01,493 --> 00:03:02,994
How bad is it?

60
00:03:03,029 --> 00:03:04,963
How bad is it? A solid seven.

61
00:03:04,997 --> 00:03:07,198
It's not an eight, which
seems manageable for you.

62
00:03:07,232 --> 00:03:09,034
Well, except I've got a few
things I have to take care of,

63
00:03:09,068 --> 00:03:10,869
so I need you two to go in, and take...

64
00:03:10,903 --> 00:03:13,071
No, I did Saint-Tropez, so.

65
00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:15,540
And I did her birthday, and Aspen twice.

66
00:03:15,574 --> 00:03:17,241
And I'm trying to sell this town.

67
00:03:17,276 --> 00:03:20,344
So, if you kids want any
chance of getting out of here,

68
00:03:20,379 --> 00:03:22,746
you'll help me out, and go
in and look after your mother!

69
00:03:22,781 --> 00:03:24,649
Well, my horoscope said
that I shouldn't assume

70
00:03:24,683 --> 00:03:26,784
responsibility for
anybody but myself today.

71
00:03:26,818 --> 00:03:28,252
Yeah, and my horoscope says,

72
00:03:28,287 --> 00:03:32,623
why don't you go in and help your mother!

73
00:03:32,658 --> 00:03:34,124
And don't let her out of your sight, okay?

74
00:03:34,159 --> 00:03:35,492
We don't want her detonating in public!

75
00:03:36,026 --> 00:03:38,128
I know!

76
00:03:38,163 --> 00:03:40,964
Though it is kind of fun to watch, though.

77
00:03:40,999 --> 00:03:42,700
Not when you're the one she's
trying to back over with a car.

78
00:03:42,734 --> 00:03:44,702
What's that?

79
00:03:44,736 --> 00:03:46,336
- Eye cream.
- From where?

80
00:03:46,370 --> 00:03:47,871
From Paris.

81
00:03:47,906 --> 00:03:49,806
How did you pay for it?

82
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:51,741
Oh, one of my credit
cards is still working.

83
00:03:51,775 --> 00:03:53,543
Oh, you're charging things
to your credit card?!

84
00:03:53,578 --> 00:03:56,446
I see, and how are you gonna pay for it?

85
00:03:56,480 --> 00:04:01,218
I don't think you
understand, I already have it.

86
00:04:01,252 --> 00:04:04,120
Well, I know this is a
bizarre concept for you, David,

87
00:04:04,154 --> 00:04:07,323
but if you want cream
from Paris, you need a job,

88
00:04:07,357 --> 00:04:11,160
so you can pay for the cream from Paris!

89
00:04:11,195 --> 00:04:13,896
Okay well, tell that to the
bags under my eyes, then.

90
00:04:13,931 --> 00:04:15,564
And right after you tell your next joke,

91
00:04:15,599 --> 00:04:16,966
I want you to go down to the front desk,

92
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,134
and ask what's-her-name...

93
00:04:18,168 --> 00:04:19,336
Stevie.

94
00:04:20,070 --> 00:04:22,005
Where you can get a job
around here! All right?

95
00:04:22,039 --> 00:04:24,206
I'm in the middle getting
rid of an x-rated sign,

96
00:04:24,241 --> 00:04:27,009
before it scares off the few
buyers we might actually have!

97
00:04:27,043 --> 00:04:29,978
Okay, I'll get on that.

98
00:04:30,013 --> 00:04:33,149
You want the smooth under eyes
of a 16-year-old, get a job!

99
00:04:37,254 --> 00:04:39,387
You just need to relax, because
it's not like your boyfriend left you

100
00:04:39,421 --> 00:04:42,290
for a Scandinavian flight attendant!

101
00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:45,160
What kind of name is Kika anyway?

102
00:04:45,194 --> 00:04:46,795
I'm the one that should be in
the closet right now, not you.

103
00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:48,930
Help me out.

104
00:04:48,965 --> 00:04:50,766
- Help me!
- Okay!

105
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:54,202
- Oh, shhh!
- My foot's fallen asleep.

106
00:04:54,236 --> 00:04:57,438
Hey, shall we see what they're
saying about you and Stavros?

107
00:04:57,473 --> 00:05:00,908
No! It's not my idea!

108
00:05:00,942 --> 00:05:02,977
You were a couple of doe eyed lovers

109
00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:07,649
aboard a trans-Atlantic
airship filled with gas!

110
00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:08,783
You know what I think we should do?

111
00:05:08,817 --> 00:05:10,585
I think we should go get something to eat,

112
00:05:10,619 --> 00:05:13,353
because when you're eating you
can't be talking to me, okay?

113
00:05:13,388 --> 00:05:15,156
- You know what I think?
- What?

114
00:05:17,592 --> 00:05:21,128
You date pigs.

115
00:05:21,163 --> 00:05:24,065
Okay, I just remembered that being
a mother is not your strong suit.

116
00:05:24,099 --> 00:05:28,602
Oh darling, I'm only telling
you because it's true!

117
00:05:28,636 --> 00:05:29,869
And because you gobbled
down a hundred thousand

118
00:05:29,904 --> 00:05:31,871
anti-depressants this morning.

119
00:05:31,906 --> 00:05:35,909
I was hungry! But I could still eat.

120
00:05:41,749 --> 00:05:44,084
Hi, um... question.

121
00:05:44,118 --> 00:05:49,155
If one were to theoretically look for a job

122
00:05:49,190 --> 00:05:53,059
here in Schitt's Creek, where would you...

123
00:05:53,094 --> 00:05:56,129
suggest that that person go to look?

124
00:05:56,163 --> 00:05:58,497
Is there, like, a bulletin
board or a pamphlet,

125
00:05:58,532 --> 00:05:59,999
or something with information on it?

126
00:06:00,034 --> 00:06:02,268
No, no bulletin board...

127
00:06:02,302 --> 00:06:04,604
What kind of job are you looking for?

128
00:06:04,638 --> 00:06:07,840
Um, something in like, art
curating, or trend forecasting.

129
00:06:07,874 --> 00:06:11,043
Oh, okay... um, hmmm, let's see.

130
00:06:11,077 --> 00:06:13,879
Not seeing anything in art curating,

131
00:06:13,913 --> 00:06:16,148
or trend forecasting, that's weird.

132
00:06:16,182 --> 00:06:17,983
Okay.

133
00:06:18,067 --> 00:06:20,468
Um, do you have any other
skills or areas of expertise?

134
00:06:20,503 --> 00:06:22,570
I've been told I have really good taste.

135
00:06:22,665 --> 00:06:24,166
Oh, well, that's good.

136
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,336
Um, let's see... Oh!

137
00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:30,072
Bag boy at the grocery store.

138
00:06:30,106 --> 00:06:31,406
I don't know what that is.

139
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,775
You put groceries in bags,

140
00:06:33,809 --> 00:06:35,142
so that people can carry their groceries

141
00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:38,279
out of the grocery store.

142
00:06:38,313 --> 00:06:41,516
Okay, and how much do
you think that would pay?

143
00:06:41,550 --> 00:06:45,119
Mmm, I'm gonna say minimum wage.

144
00:06:45,153 --> 00:06:47,522
Which is what, forty,
forty-five something an hour?

145
00:06:47,556 --> 00:06:51,225
- Mmm-hmm, exactly.
- Okay. Okay!

146
00:06:51,260 --> 00:06:52,593
Um, well, something to think about.

147
00:06:52,627 --> 00:06:54,628
For sure, thank you.

148
00:06:54,662 --> 00:06:57,965
You're welcome.

149
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:02,303
I would like two apple fritters,

150
00:07:02,337 --> 00:07:05,539
sliver of pecan pie, large
fries with gravy and bacon!

151
00:07:08,309 --> 00:07:10,744
Okay, so, she will have
scrambled egg whites

152
00:07:10,779 --> 00:07:12,780
and some steamed spinach,
please, thank you.

153
00:07:12,814 --> 00:07:17,083
And some pecan pie! Onion
rings, and ice cream!

154
00:07:17,118 --> 00:07:19,119
Actually, none of that, and
I will have a tea, thank you.

155
00:07:19,153 --> 00:07:21,555
Okay.

156
00:07:21,589 --> 00:07:24,824
Um, Mrs. Rose, are you
okay? You seem a bit...

157
00:07:24,858 --> 00:07:28,028
- Mm-hmm, she's fine.
- I'm fine.

158
00:07:40,674 --> 00:07:43,142
Um...

159
00:07:43,176 --> 00:07:45,010
Hey! Stay here, okay? Don't move!

160
00:07:51,117 --> 00:07:52,585
Oh wow, I'm really bored.

161
00:07:54,922 --> 00:07:56,589
Hey! Hey! Hey you! Hey!

162
00:07:58,591 --> 00:08:00,692
Hey, so I just wanted to be clear

163
00:08:00,726 --> 00:08:02,361
about what happened the other night.

164
00:08:02,395 --> 00:08:04,029
The reason that I let you kiss me.

165
00:08:04,064 --> 00:08:06,798
Um, you kissed me.

166
00:08:06,833 --> 00:08:08,667
Yeah, no, I can see how
that would be confusing,

167
00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:10,902
but I just wanted to let you know

168
00:08:10,937 --> 00:08:14,405
that that was just me
going through some stuff.

169
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,074
Cool.

170
00:08:16,108 --> 00:08:18,209
Um, hey!

171
00:08:18,243 --> 00:08:21,346
So, why do they give you table scraps?

172
00:08:21,380 --> 00:08:23,381
Are you, like, a poor person, or?

173
00:08:25,518 --> 00:08:27,752
Uh, no, but thanks for asking.

174
00:08:27,787 --> 00:08:29,754
No, I use it to compost.

175
00:08:29,789 --> 00:08:32,623
You know, that way nothing gets thrown out.

176
00:08:32,657 --> 00:08:34,625
Composting?

177
00:08:34,659 --> 00:08:37,395
Yeah, no, I... I know composting.

178
00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:41,399
Um, Gwyneth Paltrow does
a compost gift exchange.

179
00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:44,102
I'm gonna go.

180
00:08:44,136 --> 00:08:47,037
Okay, great, I'm glad that
we could clear this up.

181
00:08:58,817 --> 00:09:00,618
Speak of the devil.

182
00:09:00,652 --> 00:09:02,319
Good morning.

183
00:09:02,353 --> 00:09:05,622
- Ray! Hi.
- Hi.

184
00:09:05,656 --> 00:09:07,224
I... I just stopped by
to make an appointment

185
00:09:07,258 --> 00:09:09,192
to see the town council.

186
00:09:09,227 --> 00:09:11,094
You're looking at us.

187
00:09:11,129 --> 00:09:14,297
I'm Bob, that's Ronnie, you know Ray.

188
00:09:14,332 --> 00:09:15,865
Yes, yes, Ray.

189
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:18,535
Spent a wonderful morning with Ray.

190
00:09:18,569 --> 00:09:20,803
Well, I can see you've got a
million things on your plate,

191
00:09:20,838 --> 00:09:23,806
so I'll get to the point,
it's about the town sign.

192
00:09:23,841 --> 00:09:25,341
I told you he wouldn't let this go!

193
00:09:27,545 --> 00:09:30,980
The sign tells people what to
expect when they're in town.

194
00:09:31,015 --> 00:09:33,382
Do you have a problem with that message?

195
00:09:33,417 --> 00:09:36,085
A major problem, Bob.

196
00:09:36,119 --> 00:09:38,320
Yeah, you see, it's the first
thing you see when you drive in,

197
00:09:38,355 --> 00:09:40,722
and as the owner of the town,

198
00:09:40,757 --> 00:09:45,161
I'd like to convey a better, cleaner image.

199
00:09:45,195 --> 00:09:47,463
There's a lot of history
in that sign, Johnny.

200
00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:49,387
Schitt history.

201
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,523
That's all we need,

202
00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:54,058
some outsider coming in
here and changing everything.

203
00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:56,961
If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

204
00:10:04,402 --> 00:10:06,137
- Hello, Moira!
- Hi!

205
00:10:08,907 --> 00:10:10,207
How are you?

206
00:10:10,242 --> 00:10:13,611
I'm eating egg whites,

207
00:10:13,645 --> 00:10:16,747
and hoping the building will collapse.

208
00:10:16,781 --> 00:10:19,049
Anyways, I have a giant favour.

209
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:26,690
My class is putting on a play for
the younger grades, and I just...

210
00:10:26,724 --> 00:10:29,325
thought that you'd be perfect,

211
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:31,764
you know, to help coach the kids.

212
00:10:33,798 --> 00:10:36,700
Because they'd be thrilled
to have someone like you,

213
00:10:36,734 --> 00:10:42,932
an actual star... teach them?

214
00:10:43,907 --> 00:10:46,809
That must have taken such
courage to ask me that.

215
00:10:51,148 --> 00:10:54,450
But in show business boldness is rewarded,

216
00:10:54,485 --> 00:10:56,352
so my answer is yes.

217
00:10:56,387 --> 00:10:59,121
Yes, yes!

218
00:10:59,156 --> 00:11:02,056
- That is such good news!
- (Bleep), I know!

219
00:11:10,455 --> 00:11:13,223
So, how'd it go?

220
00:11:13,258 --> 00:11:16,092
I met with a woman at a
very sad grocery store,

221
00:11:16,126 --> 00:11:20,163
and I have a quote unquote
interview to be a bag boy.

222
00:11:20,197 --> 00:11:23,433
Hey, that's great!

223
00:11:23,468 --> 00:11:25,769
That's all that I'm
apparently qualified to be.

224
00:11:25,803 --> 00:11:26,803
When's the interview?

225
00:11:26,838 --> 00:11:28,371
This afternoon.

226
00:11:28,405 --> 00:11:30,106
Well, the interview's where you make

227
00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:31,374
your first good impression,
so, it's gotta count.

228
00:11:31,408 --> 00:11:32,775
I'm interviewing to be a bag boy,

229
00:11:32,809 --> 00:11:34,577
not a personal injury lawyer.

230
00:11:34,811 --> 00:11:37,846
David, I've had enough people
hire enough people in my day

231
00:11:37,881 --> 00:11:40,149
to know exactly what they're
looking for in an interview,

232
00:11:40,184 --> 00:11:42,585
so, let's go! Let's get up.

233
00:11:44,521 --> 00:11:46,289
For what?

234
00:11:48,057 --> 00:11:49,324
Come in!

235
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:55,664
Ah, David Rose.

236
00:11:55,698 --> 00:11:57,699
You're applying for the bag boy position.

237
00:11:57,733 --> 00:11:59,234
Yeah.

238
00:11:59,269 --> 00:12:01,369
Tell me David, why do you want this job?

239
00:12:01,404 --> 00:12:03,272
I don't want this job.

240
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:06,073
Well, thank you very much,
and don't expect a phone call!

241
00:12:06,108 --> 00:12:07,542
- Okay.
- All right, do it right!

242
00:12:07,576 --> 00:12:09,177
Or let's not do it.

243
00:12:09,211 --> 00:12:11,279
Now, we're gonna start again.

244
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:13,214
- Okay.
- Tell me, David, why do you want this job?

245
00:12:13,248 --> 00:12:15,183
I ran out of eye cream.

246
00:12:15,217 --> 00:12:16,284
Okay, you're not gonna get this job.

247
00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:17,619
You're not gonna get this job!

248
00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:20,121
You know why? Your attitude sucks!

249
00:12:20,155 --> 00:12:21,388
- Okay...
- And look at how you're dressed!

250
00:12:21,423 --> 00:12:24,325
What is this?! Colostomy bag pants!

251
00:12:24,359 --> 00:12:26,060
I'm the manager of a
family run grocery store.

252
00:12:26,094 --> 00:12:28,229
I'm not gonna hire you!

253
00:12:28,263 --> 00:12:30,597
You're not gonna get the
job, you're the last person...

254
00:12:30,632 --> 00:12:32,233
- Okay!
- Where's your mother?

255
00:12:32,267 --> 00:12:33,767
Whew!

256
00:12:33,802 --> 00:12:35,736
- Where's your mother?
- What?

257
00:12:35,770 --> 00:12:37,738
- Aaaaaah!
- Aaah? What?!

258
00:12:37,772 --> 00:12:39,973
- Where's your mother?!
- She's with Jocelyn.

259
00:12:40,007 --> 00:12:42,309
- With Jocelyn?
- She's fine!

260
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:43,577
And I'm fine too, if anybody cares.

261
00:12:43,611 --> 00:12:45,512
I told you to watch her!

262
00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:46,714
I did watch her!

263
00:12:46,748 --> 00:12:48,982
I watched her talk to Jocelyn.

264
00:12:52,155 --> 00:12:55,791
Okay, how many of you
beautiful young things

265
00:12:55,825 --> 00:12:56,926
have a background in the theater?

266
00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:58,794
Raise your swords!

267
00:13:02,399 --> 00:13:06,569
I see, a class grounded
in realism, nice work.

268
00:13:06,604 --> 00:13:08,337
Because that is where
we find our deepest well.

269
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:11,607
May I be up front?

270
00:13:11,641 --> 00:13:14,676
Yes.

271
00:13:14,911 --> 00:13:17,213
We're not here to play, or to have fun!

272
00:13:20,483 --> 00:13:25,435
You will work until it hurts!

273
00:13:28,157 --> 00:13:30,291
Hey, come here a second!

274
00:13:30,326 --> 00:13:33,028
Hey, just the man I wanna see!

275
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:35,663
So word on the street is
that you're all freaked out

276
00:13:35,698 --> 00:13:38,466
about the town sign, is that right?

277
00:13:38,500 --> 00:13:40,902
No, no, I'm not freaked out
about the town sign, I just...

278
00:13:40,937 --> 00:13:44,372
And that you have some sort
of problem with my family,

279
00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:45,873
- ... Or something, is that it?!
- No, no, no, this is not about your family.

280
00:13:45,907 --> 00:13:47,508
- Oh, it's not?
- It's not about your family.

281
00:13:47,543 --> 00:13:48,075
- Oh, really? Okay, interesting.
- No, no, no.

282
00:13:48,110 --> 00:13:49,711
In the car, come on!

283
00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:53,881
In, let's go!

284
00:13:53,915 --> 00:13:56,251
Come on, Kaylee, try this.

285
00:13:56,285 --> 00:13:58,953
It's cool.

286
00:13:58,987 --> 00:14:00,755
I can be cool without drugs, Mark!

287
00:14:00,789 --> 00:14:01,956
Okay, stop! No one speak.

288
00:14:01,990 --> 00:14:04,524
Not a word!

289
00:14:06,995 --> 00:14:09,196
It's not your fault, the script is garbage!

290
00:14:09,231 --> 00:14:11,198
Okay, which one of you wrote this?

291
00:14:13,735 --> 00:14:17,237
I did.

292
00:14:17,272 --> 00:14:19,640
Jocelyn, have you ever
been addicted to drugs?

293
00:14:19,674 --> 00:14:21,975
No!

294
00:14:22,009 --> 00:14:24,077
Then write what you know, okay?

295
00:14:24,111 --> 00:14:25,945
The quiet suffering of a woman

296
00:14:25,980 --> 00:14:27,981
trapped in a relationship with a simpleton.

297
00:14:28,015 --> 00:14:30,850
That's not what I know Moira,

298
00:14:30,885 --> 00:14:34,353
and drug awareness is
part of the curriculum, so.

299
00:14:34,388 --> 00:14:36,622
I'm gonna work with these two.

300
00:14:36,657 --> 00:14:39,826
What is it that you want?

301
00:14:39,860 --> 00:14:41,427
To go home.

302
00:14:41,461 --> 00:14:43,029
Is that where you keep the stash?

303
00:14:43,063 --> 00:14:45,031
You want the marijuana?

304
00:14:45,065 --> 00:14:47,033
Yes?

305
00:14:47,067 --> 00:14:50,035
No, you want to be seen,
and heard, and loved!

306
00:14:52,272 --> 00:14:53,673
Now, what is it you need?

307
00:14:56,843 --> 00:14:59,612
It's different, be careful,
what is it you need?

308
00:15:01,981 --> 00:15:04,183
What is it you need?

309
00:15:21,467 --> 00:15:23,501
Okay. Ahem!

310
00:15:32,244 --> 00:15:34,579
Hey!

311
00:15:34,613 --> 00:15:37,582
Um, were you working
out or something? Or...

312
00:15:37,616 --> 00:15:40,918
Ah, sort of.

313
00:15:40,953 --> 00:15:44,121
Okay, well, I'm sorry for interrupting.

314
00:15:44,156 --> 00:15:46,590
Um, I just I happened
to be in the area, so...

315
00:15:46,624 --> 00:15:49,360
Mutt?

316
00:15:49,394 --> 00:15:51,729
Um... just...

317
00:15:51,763 --> 00:15:54,131
Alexis!

318
00:15:54,166 --> 00:15:56,700
Twyla!

319
00:15:56,735 --> 00:15:57,968
I didn't know you two were uh...

320
00:15:58,002 --> 00:15:59,737
Did you wanna come in?

321
00:15:59,771 --> 00:16:01,238
I was just about to make some tea.

322
00:16:01,272 --> 00:16:03,741
Mmm, no, I'm good.

323
00:16:03,775 --> 00:16:06,176
Uh, I should be getting back to my mom,

324
00:16:06,210 --> 00:16:09,246
who's not well, yeah, so, I'm gonna go.

325
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:10,213
- Okay.
- Oh.

326
00:16:10,248 --> 00:16:11,515
You guys have fun!

327
00:16:11,549 --> 00:16:13,149
Thanks!

328
00:16:13,184 --> 00:16:16,586
Bye!

329
00:16:16,620 --> 00:16:20,290
Blaaaaah!

330
00:16:20,324 --> 00:16:23,894
That is my great grandfather
up there, Horace Schitt.

331
00:16:23,928 --> 00:16:26,596
He was a visionary, Johnny!

332
00:16:26,630 --> 00:16:28,898
He discovered this land, he developed it,

333
00:16:28,932 --> 00:16:31,467
and he turned it into the little
slice of heaven that it is.

334
00:16:31,502 --> 00:16:34,169
And I'm proud of him! You understand that?

335
00:16:34,204 --> 00:16:34,970
Roland, you've got this all wrong.

336
00:16:35,005 --> 00:16:37,006
Why do you hate me?

337
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,775
I don't hate you! I don't hate you!

338
00:16:38,809 --> 00:16:39,776
Well then, why do you
have a problem with a sign

339
00:16:39,810 --> 00:16:41,844
that celebrates my family?

340
00:16:41,879 --> 00:16:44,280
It's not, it's just the way
they're celebrating, that's all!

341
00:16:44,314 --> 00:16:45,981
Okay, so now you hate my family.

342
00:16:46,016 --> 00:16:47,950
I don't hate your family!

343
00:16:47,984 --> 00:16:49,785
Well then, what is your big
fat problem with the sign?!

344
00:16:49,819 --> 00:16:51,486
It looks like your great grandfather's

345
00:16:51,521 --> 00:16:55,657
your great grandmother right up the ass!

346
00:16:55,691 --> 00:16:58,627
Oh my go... that is so demented!

347
00:16:58,661 --> 00:17:01,863
You can't tell me you don't see that!

348
00:17:01,898 --> 00:17:04,800
Well, you know, now that you put
that creepy thought in my head,

349
00:17:04,834 --> 00:17:08,369
sure, I... I see it, but
you got it all wrong, pal!

350
00:17:08,404 --> 00:17:10,639
Let me enlighten you, Mr. Johnny Rose!

351
00:17:10,673 --> 00:17:12,774
That isn't even Horace's wife!

352
00:17:12,809 --> 00:17:15,009
That's his sister.

353
00:17:17,914 --> 00:17:20,014
Well, how does that make it any better?

354
00:17:20,049 --> 00:17:22,083
Ohhh!

355
00:17:22,117 --> 00:17:24,252
Well, I don't know how they
do things where you come from,

356
00:17:24,286 --> 00:17:25,920
but around these parts,

357
00:17:25,955 --> 00:17:28,756
we don't do that sort of
thing with our sisters!

358
00:17:28,790 --> 00:17:32,193
Roland, how is anybody
driving past this sign

359
00:17:32,227 --> 00:17:34,295
supposed to know the woman
getting banged from behind

360
00:17:34,330 --> 00:17:36,831
is that man's sister?!

361
00:17:37,166 --> 00:17:40,901
- Oh my.
- Oh my! Yes, oh my!

362
00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:43,003
All right, Johnny, well I never
really looked at it that way,

363
00:17:43,037 --> 00:17:44,905
but now I get it, okay,

364
00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:46,474
well, all right, I'll
do something about it,

365
00:17:46,508 --> 00:17:48,609
I'll fix it, all right?

366
00:17:48,643 --> 00:17:50,945
And thank you, thank you
for bringing that up to me.

367
00:17:50,979 --> 00:17:54,381
Good.

368
00:17:54,415 --> 00:17:55,767
Good!

369
00:17:55,817 --> 00:17:59,554
Jocelyn, we're going off book!

370
00:17:59,588 --> 00:18:00,821
Well, actually, we're running out of time.

371
00:18:00,855 --> 00:18:03,624
Forget the lines, forget the lines!

372
00:18:03,659 --> 00:18:05,726
Let's just be in character, shall we?

373
00:18:08,362 --> 00:18:10,130
Oh, could you be stiffer?!

374
00:18:10,165 --> 00:18:11,865
Just watch, please.

375
00:18:11,900 --> 00:18:13,167
Ahem! Start wherever.

376
00:18:13,281 --> 00:18:16,884
Um... Do you wanna smoke a joint?

377
00:18:16,918 --> 00:18:20,020
Oh Mark, you are better than this.

378
00:18:20,054 --> 00:18:21,989
You can't let others define you.

379
00:18:22,023 --> 00:18:23,723
Look at me!

380
00:18:23,758 --> 00:18:26,559
Never let the bastards get you down!

381
00:18:26,594 --> 00:18:28,861
- Can't say bastard!
- Okay.

382
00:18:28,896 --> 00:18:30,497
You must prepare for life,

383
00:18:30,531 --> 00:18:32,332
and whatever it will throw at you.

384
00:18:32,366 --> 00:18:34,701
The opportunities will diminish,

385
00:18:34,735 --> 00:18:36,903
and the ass will get bigger,

386
00:18:36,937 --> 00:18:38,638
oh, you can bet your bottom dollar it will!

387
00:18:38,673 --> 00:18:40,239
Especially yours.

388
00:18:40,274 --> 00:18:42,608
You're going to have a huge ass.

389
00:18:42,642 --> 00:18:45,544
And you, future baldy.

390
00:18:45,578 --> 00:18:48,181
Sorry, hairless, homeless!

391
00:18:48,815 --> 00:18:51,249
So what? Who cares?

392
00:18:51,334 --> 00:18:54,570
When they get mean, you
tell them to go to hell!

393
00:18:54,604 --> 00:18:57,939
Because only you know who you are!

394
00:18:57,974 --> 00:19:00,241
And those cruel Internet people

395
00:19:00,276 --> 00:19:02,077
cannot take that away from you!

396
00:19:02,111 --> 00:19:05,480
You will forge on!

397
00:19:05,514 --> 00:19:09,750
And you will find some glimmer
of something to hold on to.

398
00:19:09,785 --> 00:19:13,754
And only then will you find your way back.

399
00:19:13,789 --> 00:19:16,691
Only then will you become
once again who you are!

400
00:19:18,494 --> 00:19:20,427
Lady standing!

401
00:19:31,572 --> 00:19:34,041
Good, you're gettin' the hang of it.

402
00:19:34,075 --> 00:19:36,276
Well, putting groceries in a bag

403
00:19:36,311 --> 00:19:38,345
is not as complicated as one might think.

404
00:19:38,380 --> 00:19:40,747
Watch the eggs. What did I say?

405
00:19:40,781 --> 00:19:42,816
You said put them in a separate bag.

406
00:19:42,850 --> 00:19:46,320
Good. Quick learner.

407
00:19:46,354 --> 00:19:50,223
David Rose, line one.

408
00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:53,226
Sorry, I just gotta...
just one... thank you.

409
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,796
Hello?

410
00:19:56,831 --> 00:19:58,331
Hey, how's it going?

411
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,033
Yeah, I can't talk right now, so.

412
00:20:00,067 --> 00:20:01,835
Ah, they're working you hard, huh?

413
00:20:01,869 --> 00:20:06,072
Yeah, I can't talk, so
I'm gonna hang up, bye.

414
00:20:06,106 --> 00:20:07,440
Sorry, sorry about that.

415
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:13,979
Someone's on a health kick, huh?

416
00:20:16,250 --> 00:20:18,684
David Rose, line one.

417
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:23,355
I'm just gonna... scoot past.

418
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:28,293
- Yeah?
- You hung up.

419
00:20:30,564 --> 00:20:32,831
Sorry.

420
00:20:32,866 --> 00:20:35,434
Okay.

421
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:38,103
Where were we?

422
00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:40,272
David Rose, line one!

423
00:20:42,508 --> 00:20:45,444
Right.

424
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:47,679
Take that off.

425
00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:50,082
Hand that to you.

426
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,183
Now I'm gonna... I'm gonna go.

427
00:20:57,058 --> 00:21:00,393
This is worse. This is much worse!

428
00:21:00,428 --> 00:21:03,929
- You did this?
- No, I didn't do this, I tried to fix this!

429
00:21:04,093 --> 00:21:07,495
Well, it... it is what it is.

430
00:21:07,530 --> 00:21:09,230
Okay, it looks like...

431
00:21:09,265 --> 00:21:10,865
I know what it looks like, Alexis!

432
00:21:10,899 --> 00:21:12,867
I know!