1
00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:19,030
Hi, Johnny.
Can we come in for a moment?

2
00:00:19,799 --> 00:00:21,503
Yes. Yes.

3
00:00:23,439 --> 00:00:25,109
Thank you.

4
00:00:25,142 --> 00:00:27,413
- Hello.
- Oh, hi.

5
00:00:27,447 --> 00:00:28,950
Is everything okay?

6
00:00:28,983 --> 00:00:30,854
We've got some sad news.

7
00:00:30,887 --> 00:00:34,127
Uh, someone very close
has died.

8
00:00:35,597 --> 00:00:37,066
- Oh.
- Sorry.

9
00:00:38,001 --> 00:00:39,605
You remember Bob?

10
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:41,909
No.

11
00:00:42,711 --> 00:00:44,982
You broke into his cabin
and had sex

12
00:00:45,015 --> 00:00:47,153
while he and his wife
were in the next room.

13
00:00:47,186 --> 00:00:49,992
Oh, that's Bob.

14
00:00:50,025 --> 00:00:52,429
Yeah, Bob.
He was on the town council.

15
00:00:52,464 --> 00:00:53,933
He's on the town council,
yeah.

16
00:00:53,967 --> 00:00:56,505
- Oh, Bob died?
- Tsk, tsk, tsk.

17
00:00:56,539 --> 00:01:01,114
No. No, not Bob.
Bob's brother, Carl, died.

18
00:01:07,193 --> 00:01:08,228
I don't know Carl.

19
00:01:09,263 --> 00:01:11,367
We barely know Bob.

20
00:01:11,401 --> 00:01:14,273
Carl thought
so highly of you, Johnny.

21
00:01:14,307 --> 00:01:15,611
Oh...

22
00:01:15,644 --> 00:01:17,514
Really? Well, that's nice.

23
00:01:17,547 --> 00:01:19,050
No, I honestly
don't know the man.

24
00:01:19,083 --> 00:01:23,425
Well, understandably, Bob is, uh,
pretty broken up by all of this,

25
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:27,935
and he asked me to ask you if,
uh, you'd be willing to, um,

26
00:01:27,968 --> 00:01:30,741
be a pallbearer
at Carl's funeral.

27
00:01:31,776 --> 00:01:33,713
- A pallbearer?
- Mmm-hmm.

28
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:36,084
At Carl's funeral.

29
00:01:36,117 --> 00:01:37,955
Well, I don't...

30
00:01:37,988 --> 00:01:39,190
Um...

31
00:01:39,223 --> 00:01:42,063
I, you know, I'm flattered.
That's...

32
00:01:42,096 --> 00:01:43,431
It's quite an honor to be...

33
00:01:43,465 --> 00:01:44,802
I knew he would say yes.

34
00:01:44,835 --> 00:01:47,941
And normally
I would, I would.

35
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:50,279
I... You know, but my back.
I have, uh...

36
00:01:51,181 --> 00:01:52,885
I... I have back issues.

37
00:01:52,918 --> 00:01:54,320
- Honey? You know, my back.
- What?

38
00:01:54,353 --> 00:01:56,024
- The thing with my back.
- Your back!

39
00:01:56,057 --> 00:01:58,128
Oh, it's... It's terrible.

40
00:01:58,161 --> 00:02:02,136
And his arms are so weak.
Little muscles like Corn Nuts.

41
00:02:02,169 --> 00:02:04,842
Yeah, we're just talking
about my back, sweetheart.

42
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,211
It's awful.

43
00:02:06,244 --> 00:02:08,717
I don't know
what we're gonna tell Bob.

44
00:02:08,750 --> 00:02:10,754
He's gonna be so disappointed.

45
00:02:10,787 --> 00:02:14,795
Yeah. Yeah. Well,
life can kick you in the teeth sometimes.

46
00:02:14,829 --> 00:02:18,101
Well, that's not gonna help Bob
out too much there, Johnny.

47
00:02:18,135 --> 00:02:21,007
Mmm, no.
Shouldn't bother Carl.

48
00:02:43,385 --> 00:02:45,155
I said bring
the goddamn diaper bag!

49
00:02:46,257 --> 00:02:49,197
Babe, I'm getting
the cooler right now,

50
00:02:49,230 --> 00:02:50,399
in case you didn't notice.

51
00:02:50,432 --> 00:02:51,969
Well, Denim has needed
a diaper change

52
00:02:52,003 --> 00:02:53,572
since before
we left the house!

53
00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:55,710
Oh, my God.

54
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:56,779
What?

55
00:02:56,813 --> 00:03:00,252
Some townie douchebag
is moving in next door.

56
00:03:00,285 --> 00:03:01,487
They've got a baby.

57
00:03:05,997 --> 00:03:08,769
Is there a gun?

58
00:03:11,407 --> 00:03:13,278
- Oh, no.
- Jesus! What the hell did you do that for?

59
00:03:13,311 --> 00:03:14,748
It's still too hot.

60
00:03:14,781 --> 00:03:16,117
It's 20 seconds
in the microwave,

61
00:03:16,151 --> 00:03:18,221
- not 20 minutes, you tool.
- Oh, you've lost it.

62
00:03:18,255 --> 00:03:19,290
- Oh...
- You've lost it.

63
00:03:19,323 --> 00:03:20,425
What the hell
are you so rattled about?

64
00:03:20,459 --> 00:03:21,494
Oh!

65
00:03:25,102 --> 00:03:26,638
- What are you doing?
- Um, I'm gonna go

66
00:03:26,672 --> 00:03:27,807
stay at Ted's,

67
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,611
because I've been to
enough spring breaks

68
00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:30,847
to know how this is gonna end,

69
00:03:30,881 --> 00:03:33,485
and it's not...not good.

70
00:03:33,518 --> 00:03:35,823
You're just gonna leave me
here with these people?

71
00:03:35,857 --> 00:03:38,495
Yeah. Like, I don't
feel good about it.

72
00:03:38,528 --> 00:03:40,265
Hello! Hello!

73
00:03:40,299 --> 00:03:42,770
Is anybody
in that hollow chest?

74
00:03:52,556 --> 00:03:54,060
Hey, Bob.

75
00:03:55,295 --> 00:03:56,632
How are you holding up?

76
00:03:56,665 --> 00:03:59,003
Oh, you know. Not bad.

77
00:04:00,806 --> 00:04:02,744
You know,
they say death is just life

78
00:04:02,777 --> 00:04:04,513
except you're not here.

79
00:04:04,547 --> 00:04:07,119
You're somewhere else,
you know?

80
00:04:07,153 --> 00:04:08,488
But that's okay because

81
00:04:08,521 --> 00:04:10,392
at least you're somewhere,
you know?

82
00:04:10,425 --> 00:04:13,431
But when does
somewhere become there?

83
00:04:13,465 --> 00:04:15,369
And when does
there become here?

84
00:04:15,402 --> 00:04:17,039
- And I... It just...
- Just a coffee, please.

85
00:04:17,073 --> 00:04:18,709
- For here? Okay.
- Yeah.

86
00:04:27,193 --> 00:04:29,330
- Bob.
- Hi, Johnny.

87
00:04:29,363 --> 00:04:31,301
Oh, hi. Hi.

88
00:04:31,334 --> 00:04:33,405
You mind if I join you?

89
00:04:33,438 --> 00:04:34,941
I could use
a little company today.

90
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,077
Oh, no, no.

91
00:04:36,111 --> 00:04:38,548
You... You stay
where you are, and I'll...

92
00:04:38,581 --> 00:04:40,385
I'll come over there.

93
00:04:40,886 --> 00:04:41,989
Oh!

94
00:04:42,023 --> 00:04:43,458
Baby. Ooh!

95
00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:44,761
Wow!

96
00:04:46,664 --> 00:04:50,940
Yikes! That's...
That hurts today.

97
00:04:50,973 --> 00:04:54,413
Yeah, Roland, he told me
about your back and I, uh...

98
00:04:54,981 --> 00:04:56,384
I am so sorry.

99
00:04:56,417 --> 00:04:58,722
Well, I'm the one
who's sorry, Bob.

100
00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:02,697
You know, hearing about your, uh, brother.
Chris...

101
00:05:02,730 --> 00:05:05,102
- Carl.
- Carl. Yeah, he was a good man.

102
00:05:05,135 --> 00:05:06,972
- Good man.
- He admired you, Johnny.

103
00:05:07,005 --> 00:05:08,341
- And I him.
- Yeah.

104
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:09,744
And I him.

105
00:05:09,778 --> 00:05:12,316
Listen, uh, I understand
about your back...

106
00:05:12,349 --> 00:05:13,485
Yeah.

107
00:05:14,187 --> 00:05:17,126
And I was just, uh, wondering

108
00:05:17,159 --> 00:05:21,033
if maybe you could say
a few words at the funeral?

109
00:05:23,071 --> 00:05:25,409
Well, the thing is, uh, Bob,

110
00:05:25,442 --> 00:05:28,916
I don't feel
I deserve that honor. Uh...

111
00:05:28,949 --> 00:05:32,223
Oh, see, I'm no good
at these things.

112
00:05:32,256 --> 00:05:35,562
You know, uh,
you, you're polished.

113
00:05:35,595 --> 00:05:37,199
You know, you're well-spoken.

114
00:05:37,233 --> 00:05:39,603
Oh, no. No, no.
Not really. Not really.

115
00:05:39,637 --> 00:05:44,147
I mean, I'm good one-on-one,
but not good in a public situation.

116
00:05:44,180 --> 00:05:45,582
I clam up pretty good.

117
00:05:45,615 --> 00:05:47,286
As a favor, Johnny.

118
00:05:47,319 --> 00:05:49,490
He must have had
a few close friends,

119
00:05:49,523 --> 00:05:50,893
- somebody that...
- No one.

120
00:05:52,696 --> 00:05:56,103
Well, sure. Sure.
I can say a few words, Bob.

121
00:05:56,137 --> 00:05:57,807
I'll say a few words.

122
00:06:02,082 --> 00:06:04,453
Have you seen the couple
that checked in?

123
00:06:04,487 --> 00:06:08,896
They're like really scummy.
Like, very skaggy people

124
00:06:08,929 --> 00:06:13,571
who happened to produce a child that
hasn't been taken away from them yet.

125
00:06:13,605 --> 00:06:15,309
Imagine being related to them.

126
00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:16,644
No, I can't. It's too early.

127
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:17,780
They're my cousins.

128
00:06:17,814 --> 00:06:18,816
Oh.

129
00:06:19,517 --> 00:06:21,521
Well, um,

130
00:06:21,554 --> 00:06:23,859
the baby's relatively
normal-looking.

131
00:06:23,892 --> 00:06:25,595
No, they're definitely skaggy.

132
00:06:25,629 --> 00:06:27,233
My God, they're so skaggy.

133
00:06:29,203 --> 00:06:30,906
Hmm. Wait,
so you're related to Carl?

134
00:06:30,940 --> 00:06:32,609
Not genetically.

135
00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:36,116
My mom's sister was married to Carl.
Carl is Sean's stepdad.

136
00:06:36,150 --> 00:06:38,120
And was that a factor
in the cause of death?

137
00:06:38,154 --> 00:06:40,191
I wouldn't be surprised.

138
00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:43,030
They broke up right
before Sean got Bree pregnant.

139
00:06:43,064 --> 00:06:45,269
Or someone got Bree pregnant.

140
00:06:45,302 --> 00:06:47,306
I mean,
Bree's not exactly fussy

141
00:06:47,339 --> 00:06:50,312
when it comes to introducing
men to her vagina.

142
00:06:50,946 --> 00:06:52,283
Mmm, charming.

143
00:06:56,858 --> 00:07:00,198
Tell me it's not always
this clean in here.

144
00:07:00,231 --> 00:07:01,567
No, it's always this clean.

145
00:07:01,601 --> 00:07:04,340
Oh, it smells so fresh.

146
00:07:04,373 --> 00:07:05,742
Uh, that's the Febreze.

147
00:07:05,775 --> 00:07:08,180
I was... I was eating Indian
last night, so...

148
00:07:08,214 --> 00:07:10,619
So much better than the motel.

149
00:07:10,652 --> 00:07:13,190
At least you know
what the smell is.

150
00:07:20,572 --> 00:07:22,208
Oh!

151
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:24,413
- Hey, come on now, you two.
- Oh, hey!

152
00:07:24,447 --> 00:07:26,584
- Come on.
- Hi there. Ooh!

153
00:07:26,617 --> 00:07:27,854
Oh...

154
00:07:27,887 --> 00:07:30,191
There's a good girl.
There's a good girl!

155
00:07:30,224 --> 00:07:33,030
- They're so...
- Oh! Well, Macy and Fifer

156
00:07:33,064 --> 00:07:36,003
are just staying with me for a couple of
weeks until they get back on their feet.

157
00:07:36,036 --> 00:07:37,539
Isn't that right, Fifey?

158
00:07:37,573 --> 00:07:40,579
Yeah, your worms are
almost all gone, aren't they?

159
00:07:40,612 --> 00:07:41,681
Yeah.

160
00:07:41,714 --> 00:07:43,618
Is that a diaper
on that little cutie?

161
00:07:43,651 --> 00:07:45,321
Yup. Oh.
You know what, though?

162
00:07:45,355 --> 00:07:49,630
Okay. This is just because
she's scared right now.

163
00:07:49,663 --> 00:07:52,937
But, uh, don't worry.
I can tell that you are gonna win them over.

164
00:07:52,970 --> 00:07:54,707
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

165
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:58,080
I just... I haven't, um, been...
I haven't... I don't...

166
00:07:58,114 --> 00:07:59,951
I'm not around dogs
a lot, so...

167
00:07:59,984 --> 00:08:01,922
No, you know what?
Don't even worry about it.

168
00:08:01,955 --> 00:08:05,094
Just for tonight,
think of them as our kids.

169
00:08:06,063 --> 00:08:08,535
Right? Oh, yeah.

170
00:08:08,568 --> 00:08:10,772
John, you're speaking
at the funeral?

171
00:08:10,805 --> 00:08:13,745
The man was weeping.
What was I supposed to do?

172
00:08:13,778 --> 00:08:18,087
You take his hands in yours,
you look him in the eye, and you say, "No."

173
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,759
What do you say about a guy
you couldn't care less about?

174
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:23,731
Oh, it's Gord what's-his-name's
funeral all over again.

175
00:08:23,765 --> 00:08:25,268
- Who's Gord what's-his-name?
- Exactly.

176
00:08:25,301 --> 00:08:27,806
He was some kind of crewperson
on Sunrise Bay.

177
00:08:27,839 --> 00:08:30,745
I made an obligatory
appearance at the service,

178
00:08:30,779 --> 00:08:34,052
and his hysterical girlfriend
cornered me into saying a few words.

179
00:08:34,086 --> 00:08:37,192
I didn't have a thought in my head,
so I just stood up and sang Danny Boy.

180
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,996
- Not a dry eye in the house.
- Huh?

181
00:08:42,302 --> 00:08:44,339
God, I love this bed.

182
00:08:46,978 --> 00:08:48,715
I'm so glad
you're not my brother.

183
00:08:48,748 --> 00:08:51,687
Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty glad
about that, too.

184
00:08:51,721 --> 00:08:55,194
But let me assure you,
tonight it is just you and me.

185
00:09:09,089 --> 00:09:12,228
Hey, the little guy
is looking at us.

186
00:09:12,262 --> 00:09:15,735
Oh. Yeah,
dogs sometimes do that.

187
00:09:15,769 --> 00:09:16,771
Okay.

188
00:09:22,949 --> 00:09:24,052
Um...

189
00:09:24,086 --> 00:09:27,726
Maybe we could
invite it to go? Go away.

190
00:09:27,759 --> 00:09:30,632
Oh, she's fine.
She's fine. She's fine.

191
00:09:34,072 --> 00:09:37,245
Oh, now you want in
on the action too, huh?

192
00:09:37,278 --> 00:09:42,222
Okay, the big one
is sniffing the diaper.

193
00:09:42,255 --> 00:09:44,192
- Does that mean it's full? What is...
- Okay.

194
00:09:44,226 --> 00:09:47,332
Okay, you guys,
just give us a little bit of time here,

195
00:09:47,365 --> 00:09:50,071
and then you can come
sleep with us, okay? Okay?

196
00:09:51,106 --> 00:09:52,809
Okay, where were we?

197
00:09:59,690 --> 00:10:02,295
Out. Get out.

198
00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:09,743
Pass the chips!

199
00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:14,486
Hello. Excuse me.

200
00:10:15,054 --> 00:10:16,290
Excuse me!

201
00:10:16,323 --> 00:10:17,592
- Hey!
- Excuse me!

202
00:10:17,625 --> 00:10:20,531
- Hey! Go.
- Excuse me, hi.

203
00:10:20,564 --> 00:10:23,237
Oh, buttons, I don't think
you're invited to this one, huh?

204
00:10:23,270 --> 00:10:24,740
I don't wanna be
invited to this one.

205
00:10:24,773 --> 00:10:27,145
Hey, look who it is. It's your dad.
He's here to take you home!

206
00:10:27,178 --> 00:10:29,082
- Yeah, yeah.
- Remember that?

207
00:10:29,116 --> 00:10:31,353
- Yeah!
- You remember that one?

208
00:10:31,386 --> 00:10:32,388
No.

209
00:10:33,390 --> 00:10:35,962
I'm just pumpin' your tires,
bud!

210
00:10:35,995 --> 00:10:39,903
Look, what you gotta understand
is that my ex-stepdad just died,

211
00:10:39,937 --> 00:10:42,342
so we're here
celebrating his life, okay?

212
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:45,148
Okay, you all seem
very devastated by this.

213
00:10:45,181 --> 00:10:46,784
I need you to turn...

214
00:10:46,817 --> 00:10:49,857
- I need you to turn the music down, okay?
- Mmm-hmm.

215
00:10:49,890 --> 00:10:51,393
Because I'm trying to get

216
00:10:51,426 --> 00:10:54,132
at least a couple hours'
sleep tonight.

217
00:10:54,166 --> 00:10:57,305
Well, you know
who's sleeping forever, bud?

218
00:10:57,338 --> 00:10:59,176
- Your ex-stepdad, yeah.
- My ex-stepdad, yeah.

219
00:10:59,209 --> 00:11:01,346
- Yup, yeah.
- Damn, that's sad.

220
00:11:01,380 --> 00:11:03,918
- Are we out of mix?
- Okay, thank you. If you could just turn it...

221
00:11:03,951 --> 00:11:05,321
Thank you.

222
00:11:07,926 --> 00:11:08,928
Oh, my God.

223
00:11:09,930 --> 00:11:11,366
Don't.

224
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:12,502
Oh, my...

225
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:18,948
I am so sorry. They got me...

226
00:11:18,981 --> 00:11:20,852
They got me wasted.
- Mmm.

227
00:11:20,885 --> 00:11:24,025
I hate them, okay?
I hate them so much.

228
00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:27,732
You smell very flammable
right now.

229
00:11:27,765 --> 00:11:29,536
Yes, I'm sure.

230
00:11:29,569 --> 00:11:33,444
I'm gonna need you to get them
to turn it down, okay?

231
00:11:34,246 --> 00:11:35,514
- Yes.
- Yeah.

232
00:11:38,187 --> 00:11:41,460
Hi, Denim.
Hi, sweetie pie.

233
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:43,764
David, I'm so sorry.

234
00:11:54,286 --> 00:11:55,621
- Johnny.
- Hello, Bob.

235
00:11:55,654 --> 00:11:58,360
Moira, so good of you to come.

236
00:11:58,394 --> 00:12:00,865
- John said we had no choice.
- Oh.

237
00:12:00,899 --> 00:12:02,735
Listen, we have
some good seats down front.

238
00:12:02,768 --> 00:12:04,739
Oh, that's very nice.

239
00:12:06,009 --> 00:12:10,251
Boy, what a beautiful day
for a funeral.

240
00:12:19,903 --> 00:12:23,777
Bob, in case I wanna mention
this in my remarks,

241
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,614
how did Carl go?

242
00:12:25,648 --> 00:12:28,854
Well, it was a bit of
a freak accident, really.

243
00:12:28,887 --> 00:12:33,264
Apparently, he was trying to unhook
his belt from the ceiling fan.

244
00:12:33,297 --> 00:12:36,370
Apparently, it got knotted
around his neck.

245
00:12:36,403 --> 00:12:37,838
What?

246
00:12:37,872 --> 00:12:40,844
Yeah, you know, you'd think the whole
thing would've come down, you know.

247
00:12:40,878 --> 00:12:46,623
Try keeping a fan and a body
spinning up there for two days.

248
00:12:46,656 --> 00:12:50,164
But, uh, Carl found
the studs on that one.

249
00:12:50,198 --> 00:12:52,235
- Oh.
- Yeah.

250
00:12:52,268 --> 00:12:53,337
That's craftsmanship.

251
00:12:53,370 --> 00:12:54,372
Oh, yeah.

252
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,745
But that was Carl.

253
00:13:05,694 --> 00:13:08,300
Do you even know
what that stain is or...

254
00:13:08,334 --> 00:13:11,573
Uh, I'm worried if I did,
I wouldn't clean it up.

255
00:13:14,178 --> 00:13:15,914
Why are you cleaning it up?

256
00:13:15,948 --> 00:13:20,090
Sadly, um, I threw most of the
broken glass you see here.

257
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:22,628
You were a bit of
a mess last night.

258
00:13:23,664 --> 00:13:24,899
They told you?

259
00:13:24,932 --> 00:13:27,938
Oh, no, no. We had
a full-blown conversation.

260
00:13:27,972 --> 00:13:30,844
You were barely clinging
to consciousness.

261
00:13:31,112 --> 00:13:32,114
Oh.

262
00:13:32,748 --> 00:13:34,886
Sorry.

263
00:13:34,919 --> 00:13:36,890
Did I try
and make out with you?

264
00:13:36,923 --> 00:13:38,093
Mmm-mmm.

265
00:13:38,126 --> 00:13:39,662
Good.

266
00:13:39,696 --> 00:13:42,067
But now I'm worried
I made out with someone else.

267
00:13:42,101 --> 00:13:44,205
Uh, it's kind of my go-to
when I'm a little boozy.

268
00:13:44,239 --> 00:13:45,441
Mmm.

269
00:13:45,474 --> 00:13:48,814
Mine's shame eating,
so yours sounds more fun.

270
00:13:52,288 --> 00:13:53,290
Um...

271
00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:56,061
Is this your thong or...

272
00:13:56,095 --> 00:13:59,135
Yeah, no.
Bree's a real classy girl.

273
00:14:00,438 --> 00:14:02,642
Uh, his was wrapped
around the remote.

274
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,846
Don't worry,
I threw out the remote.

275
00:14:04,879 --> 00:14:05,881
Hmm.

276
00:14:07,785 --> 00:14:09,589
Well, it looks like
they have a side hustle.

277
00:14:09,622 --> 00:14:12,962
I'm pretty sure she strips.
Why?

278
00:14:12,995 --> 00:14:15,099
Oh, no,
this is just a lot of, um...

279
00:14:15,133 --> 00:14:18,274
- Yes, it is.
- Marijuana.

280
00:14:18,307 --> 00:14:21,078
And if you're offering,
my answer is yes.

281
00:14:27,224 --> 00:14:29,195
Thank you for that, Shannon.

282
00:14:29,228 --> 00:14:33,002
Nothing says we'll miss you like
an excerpt from Breaking Dawn,

283
00:14:33,035 --> 00:14:36,976
one of Carl's favorites
of the Twilight movies.

284
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,449
Now, to say a few words,

285
00:14:39,482 --> 00:14:43,857
I'd like to bring up a close friend
and one of Carl's personal heroes,

286
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:46,563
Johnny Rose.

287
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,485
Thank you, Minister.

288
00:14:59,389 --> 00:15:00,858
Carl.

289
00:15:02,395 --> 00:15:04,999
What to say about Carl?

290
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,205
Once so full of life,

291
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:11,044
and now

292
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:13,984
lying very, very close to me.

293
00:15:15,219 --> 00:15:19,027
What a terrible thing
death is.

294
00:15:19,529 --> 00:15:21,966
And yet, for Carl,

295
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,872
pretty much an all-consuming
thing at this point.

296
00:15:26,108 --> 00:15:29,047
He was a...
He was a man who loved

297
00:15:30,484 --> 00:15:32,622
a good sweater, I'm told.

298
00:15:33,757 --> 00:15:37,063
And he loved the feel of
a big tool in his hand.

299
00:15:37,096 --> 00:15:38,967
Am I right, Bob?

300
00:15:39,769 --> 00:15:41,406
And I wonder,

301
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:45,448
when Carl was spinning around
on that ceiling fan

302
00:15:45,481 --> 00:15:48,118
that he was so very proud of,

303
00:15:48,152 --> 00:15:50,858
was he ever
thinking of this town,

304
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,566
where he was born,
where he lived,

305
00:15:54,599 --> 00:15:56,134
and where he died?

306
00:15:57,772 --> 00:16:00,678
Where he died.

307
00:16:00,711 --> 00:16:03,750
But I'm not up here today

308
00:16:03,784 --> 00:16:07,792
to speak about dying
in Schitt's Creek.

309
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,264
I'm here. I'm...

310
00:16:12,468 --> 00:16:15,272
- Where the hell are you, Sean?
- I'm...

311
00:16:15,306 --> 00:16:16,676
At a bar?

312
00:16:16,710 --> 00:16:19,280
If anyone should be
in a bar right now, it's me.

313
00:16:19,314 --> 00:16:22,286
Fuck, Sean!

314
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:23,355
Excuse me.

315
00:16:26,294 --> 00:16:30,102
Well, I am here to talk about
dying in Schitt's Creek.

316
00:16:30,136 --> 00:16:33,810
I'm here to talk about
the misery of our lives here,

317
00:16:33,844 --> 00:16:36,483
and how we might
never escape this place,

318
00:16:36,516 --> 00:16:40,022
and how we do not want to
end up in a coffin, like Carl,

319
00:16:40,056 --> 00:16:43,295
here in this godforsaken...

320
00:16:43,328 --> 00:16:47,036
# Oh, Danny boy

321
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:55,186
# The pipes,
the pipes are calling

322
00:16:59,260 --> 00:17:02,333
- # From glen to glen

323
00:17:02,366 --> 00:17:06,810
# And down the mountain side

324
00:17:07,945 --> 00:17:10,082
# But God...

325
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:16,228
So, I'm sorry

326
00:17:16,261 --> 00:17:20,202
if earlier I wasn't sensitive
to your animal issues.

327
00:17:20,236 --> 00:17:22,106
And if it's any consolation,

328
00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:24,277
the dogs told me to tell you
that they're super embarrassed

329
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:25,581
about their behavior, too.

330
00:17:27,216 --> 00:17:30,758
Well, I am dating a vet.
I should've known that

331
00:17:30,791 --> 00:17:33,328
there'd be slutty
little animals running around.

332
00:17:33,362 --> 00:17:37,036
And I only take in
the slutty ones, so...

333
00:17:37,070 --> 00:17:41,813
I just, I didn't know what to do
because I love the dogs so much, but,

334
00:17:41,846 --> 00:17:44,350
you know, I also really love

335
00:17:45,888 --> 00:17:49,696
the way that our relationship
is going right now, so much.

336
00:17:50,731 --> 00:17:52,133
Such a sweet face.

337
00:17:53,268 --> 00:17:56,208
So,
to get you more comfortable around animals...

338
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:57,978
Not a puppy, Ted! I...

339
00:17:58,012 --> 00:18:00,016
No, that would be cruel
to the puppy.

340
00:18:00,049 --> 00:18:02,554
No, I got you this.

341
00:18:10,604 --> 00:18:12,306
It's a very specific book.

342
00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:15,012
You might wanna
check out page 37.

343
00:18:18,218 --> 00:18:19,420
Is it a credit card?

344
00:18:20,389 --> 00:18:23,128
No. It's a room key.

345
00:18:23,162 --> 00:18:27,638
To the premium king suite at the
Holiday Inn Express in Elmdale,

346
00:18:27,672 --> 00:18:30,778
and they have a very strict
"no pets allowed" policy.

347
00:18:30,811 --> 00:18:34,986
Well, it just so happens that I
have packed my overnight bag.

348
00:18:35,419 --> 00:18:36,488
Hmm.

349
00:18:36,522 --> 00:18:37,692
Come here.

350
00:18:40,429 --> 00:18:42,066
- Thank you.
- No, thank you.

351
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:43,670
- No. Thank you.
- Thank you.

352
00:18:43,704 --> 00:18:45,607
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Thank you.

353
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:51,318
You know where
I got my hat, brah?

354
00:18:51,351 --> 00:18:52,955
Where?

355
00:18:52,988 --> 00:18:54,826
Assholes R Us.

356
00:19:02,173 --> 00:19:04,244
Oh!

357
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:05,781
Ow!

358
00:19:05,814 --> 00:19:07,350
Oh, my God.

359
00:19:07,383 --> 00:19:09,354
Oh, my God! We need to go.

360
00:19:09,387 --> 00:19:11,893
We need to go. We need to go.

361
00:19:13,328 --> 00:19:15,801
I don't see it.
I don't see it.

362
00:19:15,834 --> 00:19:17,403
Let me see it.

363
00:19:23,850 --> 00:19:24,886
The fuck?

364
00:19:24,919 --> 00:19:26,923
Who trashed our room?

365
00:19:26,956 --> 00:19:29,227
You did, Sean!

366
00:19:29,260 --> 00:19:31,331
Where's
my backwards hat?

367
00:19:31,364 --> 00:19:33,468
My hat. I'm wearing it.

368
00:19:33,502 --> 00:19:35,006
I'm wearing it.

369
00:19:58,954 --> 00:20:02,661
So I'm thinking to myself,
"Oh, God, what if I die here?"

370
00:20:02,694 --> 00:20:06,034
Mmm. That was not lost
on anyone.

371
00:20:06,068 --> 00:20:09,942
Uh, let's pilfer a few sandwiches
and make a gracious French exit.

372
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:11,278
Good idea.

373
00:20:14,685 --> 00:20:17,892
Moira! Your Danny Boy.

374
00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:19,661
What a voice.

375
00:20:19,695 --> 00:20:21,198
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.

376
00:20:21,231 --> 00:20:24,037
I'd really like you to sing
at my cousin's funeral.

377
00:20:24,070 --> 00:20:28,012
She's not dead,
but she's been coughing a lot lately.

378
00:20:28,045 --> 00:20:30,817
Moira, before they close
the coffin,

379
00:20:30,850 --> 00:20:33,522
one more chorus for Carl?

380
00:20:33,555 --> 00:20:34,658
Please?

381
00:20:40,136 --> 00:20:41,438
Take your time, honey.

382
00:20:57,270 --> 00:20:59,474
# Danny

383
00:21:06,421 --> 00:21:08,225
# Boy

384
00:21:10,930 --> 00:21:14,470
# The pipes, the pipes are

385
00:21:16,541 --> 00:21:19,247
# Calling