1 00:00:08,131 --> 00:00:09,667 This was a good choice. 2 00:00:10,035 --> 00:00:11,604 Yep. 3 00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,308 - We make good choices. - Mm-hmm. 4 00:00:13,341 --> 00:00:15,345 This was a really healthy choice. 5 00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:19,620 Well, I'm gonna go to work now. 6 00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:21,624 Okay. 7 00:00:21,657 --> 00:00:24,932 Which is where I should've been 8 00:00:24,965 --> 00:00:25,967 Mm-hmm. 9 00:00:27,536 --> 00:00:29,040 Stevie? 10 00:00:29,540 --> 00:00:30,709 Oh, Stevie! 11 00:00:33,348 --> 00:00:35,119 - What? - It's your dad. 12 00:00:35,152 --> 00:00:36,487 He saw me. 13 00:00:37,123 --> 00:00:38,225 Fuck! 14 00:00:38,258 --> 00:00:41,097 It's the towels again, we need towels! 15 00:00:41,131 --> 00:00:43,769 Your dad can't know about this. 16 00:00:45,039 --> 00:00:47,343 It's humiliating for me. 17 00:00:47,376 --> 00:00:50,783 Stevie, is this where you keep the towels? 18 00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:52,821 Okay. 19 00:00:52,855 --> 00:00:54,825 Here you go. 20 00:00:54,859 --> 00:00:57,596 Okay, this is a face cloth, and a bath mat. 21 00:00:58,198 --> 00:01:00,202 Oh! Uh... 22 00:01:00,235 --> 00:01:02,807 I will get you some towels and I will bring 23 00:01:02,841 --> 00:01:05,679 Oh, I'd love to take them with me, 24 00:01:05,712 --> 00:01:06,916 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 25 00:01:06,949 --> 00:01:08,651 I will deliver them to your room. 26 00:01:09,287 --> 00:01:10,289 Stevie. 27 00:01:10,957 --> 00:01:12,794 Is everything okay? 28 00:01:12,827 --> 00:01:15,599 - Stevie. - Yes, I'm just a little 29 00:01:15,632 --> 00:01:18,038 Is anyone in there? 30 00:01:18,071 --> 00:01:21,111 Are you in danger? Blink, if you're in danger. 31 00:01:21,144 --> 00:01:22,479 Stevie. 32 00:01:22,513 --> 00:01:24,885 That's really not necessary. 33 00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:28,258 Okay, well, I'm going back 34 00:01:28,291 --> 00:01:29,693 And I'm gonna call the police. 35 00:01:29,727 --> 00:01:31,497 No, Mr. Rose, please don't call the police. 36 00:01:31,531 --> 00:01:34,905 Dad, please, just take the towels and go! 37 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:40,282 Oh. 38 00:01:41,451 --> 00:01:42,988 Well, I, uh... 39 00:01:43,021 --> 00:01:45,192 I've got everything I need. 40 00:01:46,327 --> 00:01:48,131 Good seeing you both. 41 00:01:57,583 --> 00:02:00,155 Um, what happened with... 42 00:02:00,189 --> 00:02:01,657 Stop! 43 00:02:01,691 --> 00:02:03,428 - What... - You said... 44 00:02:03,461 --> 00:02:04,530 - Okay. What happened... - Something... 45 00:02:04,563 --> 00:02:06,067 You slept with Stevie. 46 00:02:06,101 --> 00:02:08,638 I... What, did Dad tell the whole motel? 47 00:02:08,671 --> 00:02:11,177 Well, no, but I heard through the wall, 48 00:02:11,211 --> 00:02:13,983 'cause he was doing his high-pitched voice. 49 00:02:14,017 --> 00:02:16,721 So, was it cute for you, or what? 50 00:02:16,754 --> 00:02:19,861 It was fine. It was... It was weird. It was good. 51 00:02:19,894 --> 00:02:20,963 - Love that. - It was good but weird. 52 00:02:20,997 --> 00:02:22,233 I love that! 53 00:02:22,266 --> 00:02:24,637 Um, okay, so I have to tell you this. 54 00:02:25,705 --> 00:02:29,147 Um, Ted wants to meet my friends, 55 00:02:29,180 --> 00:02:31,751 so I think it's getting kind of serious. 56 00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:32,987 It's been two weeks. 57 00:02:33,021 --> 00:02:34,991 I know. 58 00:02:35,025 --> 00:02:36,928 What's your point, David? 59 00:02:37,563 --> 00:02:39,600 Ugh! So, anyway, 60 00:02:39,633 --> 00:02:41,938 we're throwing a party at his place tonight, 61 00:02:41,972 --> 00:02:44,210 so I would say be there around, like, 7:00. 62 00:02:44,243 --> 00:02:46,681 That's presumptuous. What if I have plans? 63 00:02:46,714 --> 00:02:50,289 - That's so cute. Bring Stevie. - No, I'm not bringing Stevie. 64 00:02:50,322 --> 00:02:52,960 I'm gonna let the dust settle on that... 65 00:02:52,994 --> 00:02:55,432 Ted's already getting groceries, 66 00:02:55,465 --> 00:02:57,369 I already invited her. 67 00:02:57,403 --> 00:03:00,008 So, it's gonna be fun! David! It's gonna 68 00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:02,113 Children, children. 69 00:03:02,146 --> 00:03:04,350 Your father and I have something to discuss. 70 00:03:04,383 --> 00:03:05,652 I'm really busy right now, though. 71 00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:07,389 I can't right now, I don't have time. 72 00:03:07,423 --> 00:03:10,462 We understand you have found some local friends 73 00:03:10,495 --> 00:03:13,067 with whom to spend time with. 74 00:03:13,101 --> 00:03:15,239 - Oh, my God. - Okay, I can't deal 75 00:03:15,272 --> 00:03:17,409 - And that's fine! - But 76 00:03:17,443 --> 00:03:21,284 we do have to be careful with our hearts 77 00:03:21,317 --> 00:03:24,924 Because a podunk baby out of wedlock 78 00:03:24,958 --> 00:03:27,496 is not something your father and I can afford 79 00:03:27,529 --> 00:03:29,867 to negotiate at this moment. 80 00:03:29,901 --> 00:03:33,708 Well, that's crazy, because all I want 81 00:03:33,741 --> 00:03:35,612 is some podunk baby out of wedlock! 82 00:03:35,645 --> 00:03:37,015 So... 83 00:03:37,048 --> 00:03:38,885 Okay, hi. Hi. 84 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:41,524 I don't wanna sound negative about this at all, 85 00:03:41,557 --> 00:03:44,931 but I think that you two really, actually 86 00:03:44,964 --> 00:03:46,567 the idea of, um, 87 00:03:47,369 --> 00:03:48,538 getting a life. 88 00:03:48,571 --> 00:03:51,644 Alexis, I would not concern yourself 89 00:03:51,677 --> 00:03:54,283 because we have a flourishing 90 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:57,589 Uh, walking over to the cafe and ordering a tuna melt 91 00:03:57,623 --> 00:04:00,161 is hardly what I would call a "flourishing social life." 92 00:04:00,195 --> 00:04:02,333 Oh, that's funny. That's funny. 93 00:04:02,366 --> 00:04:06,140 You're just... It's just that you're so involved 94 00:04:06,173 --> 00:04:09,413 and that was fine when we were child actors 95 00:04:09,447 --> 00:04:11,584 But now David and I are grown-up adults, 96 00:04:11,617 --> 00:04:14,223 and we're just feeling very like, um... 97 00:04:14,257 --> 00:04:15,625 - Suffocated. - Suffocated. 98 00:04:15,659 --> 00:04:17,028 - Wait, stop! - Suffocated? 99 00:04:17,062 --> 00:04:18,931 - Yeah. - Stop! 100 00:04:18,966 --> 00:04:21,972 We came in here to speak about you two. 101 00:04:22,005 --> 00:04:24,209 What could you possibly have to say now? 102 00:04:27,549 --> 00:04:28,818 Well, now I don't remember. 103 00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:30,221 Yeah, I don't remember. 104 00:04:30,255 --> 00:04:32,526 Oh, my God! Thanks. 105 00:04:36,601 --> 00:04:38,471 You know, the more I think about it, 106 00:04:38,505 --> 00:04:41,043 the more I wonder whether David's whole 107 00:04:41,076 --> 00:04:44,016 sexually adventurous thing was just a phase. 108 00:04:44,049 --> 00:04:45,218 It's not a phase. 109 00:04:45,251 --> 00:04:48,157 Well, you know, he was very influenced 110 00:04:48,190 --> 00:04:49,427 all those haircuts. 111 00:04:49,460 --> 00:04:50,996 It's not a phase, John. 112 00:04:51,697 --> 00:04:52,833 The kids are right, 113 00:04:52,866 --> 00:04:55,872 we've been talking about them far more than I care to. 114 00:04:55,905 --> 00:04:58,311 Something about that top that just 115 00:04:58,345 --> 00:04:59,647 Hey, how you doing? 116 00:05:00,081 --> 00:05:01,083 Eh... 117 00:05:01,817 --> 00:05:04,423 - Jocelyn, hi! - Hi, Moira. 118 00:05:04,457 --> 00:05:05,659 Why don't you join us? 119 00:05:05,692 --> 00:05:06,894 Moira, what're you doing? 120 00:05:06,927 --> 00:05:09,166 Attempting to be social, support me. 121 00:05:09,199 --> 00:05:11,103 - Won't you, please? - Hey, sure! 122 00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:12,473 - Hi! - Of course. 123 00:05:13,174 --> 00:05:15,244 - Hello! - Well! 124 00:05:15,278 --> 00:05:16,814 - Hello. - Hello. 125 00:05:16,847 --> 00:05:19,653 - Good to see you! - Look at us, 126 00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:21,056 Uh-huh. Yes. 127 00:05:21,090 --> 00:05:23,828 Jonathan and I were just saying, 128 00:05:23,861 --> 00:05:26,434 wouldn't it be fun to have the mayor 129 00:05:26,467 --> 00:05:29,573 for cocktails and charades tonight! 130 00:05:29,607 --> 00:05:32,278 - Yes, tonight. - Oh, jeez. 131 00:05:32,312 --> 00:05:34,950 Yeah, no, unfortunately that's not gonna work for us. 132 00:05:34,983 --> 00:05:37,423 We're having a huge party tonight 133 00:05:37,456 --> 00:05:38,891 Ton of people coming to our house. 134 00:05:38,925 --> 00:05:40,962 - Whoo! - Ooh, yeah, big. 135 00:05:40,995 --> 00:05:44,001 But we're free any other night other than tonight. 136 00:05:57,829 --> 00:05:59,031 - Hey. - Um... 137 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:00,869 So, um... 138 00:06:02,004 --> 00:06:04,209 So the other... So, last night... 139 00:06:04,242 --> 00:06:05,779 Um... 140 00:06:05,812 --> 00:06:07,549 - That was just a... - Was a one-time thing. 141 00:06:07,583 --> 00:06:09,453 That was a one time... 142 00:06:09,487 --> 00:06:10,655 Just a blip... 143 00:06:10,689 --> 00:06:12,859 Just a blip. Blop. Just a... 144 00:06:14,963 --> 00:06:18,370 Uh, my sister said that she, uh... 145 00:06:18,404 --> 00:06:19,807 Yes, she asked you to Ted's. 146 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:21,343 - Yeah. - Yep. 147 00:06:21,711 --> 00:06:22,779 Um... 148 00:06:22,813 --> 00:06:24,216 Okay, well, I'm gonna leave from here. 149 00:06:24,249 --> 00:06:26,887 Should I just come by your place and get you 150 00:06:26,921 --> 00:06:28,591 Yeah. We can go together, 'cause that's... 151 00:06:28,625 --> 00:06:31,096 That's like a totally normal thing for us to do. 152 00:06:31,130 --> 00:06:34,369 - Why would it not be? - No, it's fine! I mean... 153 00:06:34,402 --> 00:06:36,273 So, um... 154 00:06:36,306 --> 00:06:37,342 So, cool. 155 00:06:37,375 --> 00:06:38,945 Yeah, no, this is a good thing. 156 00:06:38,978 --> 00:06:40,782 So I'll just, um... 157 00:06:40,815 --> 00:06:42,553 I'll see you when you swing by. 158 00:06:42,586 --> 00:06:43,821 - So... - Yeah, I'll be... 159 00:06:43,855 --> 00:06:46,694 Blippity blop. Blippity blip. 160 00:06:50,401 --> 00:06:52,037 You're quiet today. 161 00:06:53,140 --> 00:06:55,111 Am I? 162 00:06:55,144 --> 00:06:56,747 It's just that you're not talking, 163 00:06:56,781 --> 00:06:59,687 and it's annoying, because I'm bored. 164 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,893 Can't we just think and work, or do we always have to talk? 165 00:07:02,926 --> 00:07:06,433 Okay, you're being super sketchy and emo 166 00:07:06,466 --> 00:07:09,306 Have you ever been in a relationship where you 167 00:07:09,339 --> 00:07:11,611 - Yes. - With someone 168 00:07:11,644 --> 00:07:13,147 Oh, what? 169 00:07:13,948 --> 00:07:15,318 Oh. Um... 170 00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:17,288 You know that if it's in your dreams, 171 00:07:17,322 --> 00:07:20,328 or over the clothes, it's not cheating, right? 172 00:07:21,664 --> 00:07:23,868 Yeah, well, it's been happening a lot lately, 173 00:07:23,901 --> 00:07:26,072 and then I look over and I see Twyla, 174 00:07:26,105 --> 00:07:27,175 and I feel bad. 175 00:07:27,208 --> 00:07:29,512 Also, Ted is throwing a party tonight, 176 00:07:29,546 --> 00:07:33,187 maybe that's something exciting for you two 177 00:07:34,757 --> 00:07:37,262 That's probably not such a good idea. 178 00:07:41,270 --> 00:07:42,906 Mmm. 179 00:07:42,939 --> 00:07:44,710 Oh. Oh! Oh. 180 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:53,059 I'm sorry, what kind of event are you hosting this evening? 181 00:07:53,093 --> 00:07:54,496 Event. 182 00:07:54,529 --> 00:07:57,903 Oh, it's more of a soiree. 183 00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:01,476 He's just teasing, it's our annual 184 00:08:01,510 --> 00:08:04,883 Pineapples, pig on the spit, the whole nine yards. 185 00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:07,087 Oh, you, uh, roast pigs? 186 00:08:07,121 --> 00:08:08,257 - We do! - Sure do. 187 00:08:08,290 --> 00:08:11,797 We have a big one hanging in the garage. 188 00:08:11,831 --> 00:08:14,302 Wow, it sounds like, uh... 189 00:08:14,336 --> 00:08:16,340 Quite the evening. 190 00:08:16,373 --> 00:08:19,880 So whose pig do we have to slaughter 191 00:08:20,982 --> 00:08:23,654 Oh, my goodness, well, um, 192 00:08:23,687 --> 00:08:28,330 we just didn't think that you and Johnny 193 00:08:28,364 --> 00:08:30,401 Well, that's a touch presumptuous, Jocelyn. 194 00:08:30,434 --> 00:08:32,438 Why would we not want to be involved 195 00:08:32,472 --> 00:08:34,877 in a themed party in your yard? 196 00:08:35,211 --> 00:08:36,413 Right. 197 00:08:36,446 --> 00:08:40,822 Well, I mean, for one thing, you know, the two 198 00:08:41,791 --> 00:08:42,826 A little what? 199 00:08:45,531 --> 00:08:47,936 Hoity-toity. All right, I've said it. 200 00:08:47,969 --> 00:08:52,245 We didn't think that you'd wanna hang out 201 00:08:52,278 --> 00:08:54,316 Right. 202 00:08:54,349 --> 00:08:59,392 Regular people are how Rose Video became such a... 203 00:08:59,426 --> 00:09:01,263 Right, ca-careful, Moira. 204 00:09:01,296 --> 00:09:04,536 Regular people! I mean, they made us 205 00:09:04,569 --> 00:09:07,041 - What am I trying to say? - We love regular people. 206 00:09:07,074 --> 00:09:08,911 We love regular people. 207 00:09:08,945 --> 00:09:12,418 Well, by all means then, the two of you are invited. 208 00:09:13,254 --> 00:09:14,589 Thank you. 209 00:09:18,965 --> 00:09:21,403 So, just to be clear, 210 00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:24,008 um, I'm a red wine drinker. 211 00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:25,778 - That's fine. - Okay, cool. 212 00:09:25,811 --> 00:09:28,584 But, uh, I only drink red wine. 213 00:09:29,018 --> 00:09:30,020 Okay. 214 00:09:30,788 --> 00:09:32,625 And up until last night, 215 00:09:32,658 --> 00:09:35,531 I was under the impression that 216 00:09:35,564 --> 00:09:38,404 you too only drank red wine. 217 00:09:39,339 --> 00:09:40,975 But I guess I was wrong? 218 00:09:41,009 --> 00:09:42,678 I see where you're going with this. 219 00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:44,282 Um... 220 00:09:44,316 --> 00:09:46,152 I do drink red wine. 221 00:09:47,388 --> 00:09:49,191 But I also drink white wine. 222 00:09:50,794 --> 00:09:54,268 - Oh. - And I've been known 223 00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:57,141 And a couple summers back I tried a Merlot, 224 00:09:57,174 --> 00:09:58,710 that used to be a Chardonnay. 225 00:09:58,744 --> 00:10:00,348 - Which got a bit complicated. - Oh. Okay. 226 00:10:00,381 --> 00:10:02,618 Yeah, so, you're just really open to all wines. 227 00:10:02,652 --> 00:10:05,558 I like the wine and not the label. 228 00:10:05,591 --> 00:10:07,595 - Yes, that does. - Okay. 229 00:10:07,628 --> 00:10:10,067 Um, this is just very new to me, 230 00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:12,104 so as long as you didn't roll over 231 00:10:12,137 --> 00:10:15,644 and cry yourself to sleep with regret, 232 00:10:15,678 --> 00:10:17,181 No, no, no, I absolutely did that. 233 00:10:17,214 --> 00:10:19,452 Just wept for hours in the dark. 234 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,423 I say we go with this one, it's the biggest. 235 00:10:22,959 --> 00:10:25,063 Wow, Ted, the place is very 236 00:10:26,032 --> 00:10:27,402 new looking. 237 00:10:27,435 --> 00:10:29,539 Did you design the interior? 238 00:10:29,572 --> 00:10:31,643 Oh, I wish. 239 00:10:31,676 --> 00:10:34,416 No, I found this website online that sells off 240 00:10:34,449 --> 00:10:36,453 old department store show rooms. 241 00:10:36,486 --> 00:10:38,557 So this whole room... 242 00:10:38,590 --> 00:10:40,528 Just gets delivered, as is. 243 00:10:40,561 --> 00:10:42,432 This is the "bachelor's den" here, 244 00:10:42,465 --> 00:10:46,640 and then that's the "executive dining lounge" 245 00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:48,910 - Hmm. - Wow! 246 00:10:48,944 --> 00:10:50,648 - Yeah. - Wow. 247 00:10:54,689 --> 00:10:58,129 So are we the only ones showing up to this party? 248 00:10:58,163 --> 00:11:00,200 No, we're still waiting for Mutt and Twyla. 249 00:11:00,233 --> 00:11:02,638 Oh, I should take the rolls out of the microwave. 250 00:11:02,672 --> 00:11:04,275 Hot rolls! 251 00:11:04,308 --> 00:11:07,482 Alexis had just said that this was a "party" party. 252 00:11:07,515 --> 00:11:09,452 Ah, well, you must've been misinformed then, David. 253 00:11:09,486 --> 00:11:12,324 No, it's a dinner party. I wanted to get to know 254 00:11:12,358 --> 00:11:14,862 so I figured we'd invite a few couples over, huh, 255 00:11:14,896 --> 00:11:17,033 have some dinner, play some games? 256 00:11:23,213 --> 00:11:24,882 You guys showed! 257 00:11:24,916 --> 00:11:26,219 Yeah, why wouldn't we show? 258 00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:29,859 Twyla, I love your outfit, you look like 259 00:11:31,095 --> 00:11:34,502 - Hi. - So, where is everybody? 260 00:11:34,536 --> 00:11:37,875 It is. It's an exclusive little party. 261 00:11:43,420 --> 00:11:45,691 Hey, who turned off Don Ho? 262 00:11:45,724 --> 00:11:46,993 - Hey. - Oh! 263 00:11:47,026 --> 00:11:48,997 - Aloha, Roses! - Well, look who it is. 264 00:11:49,030 --> 00:11:51,169 It's the Schitts! 265 00:11:51,202 --> 00:11:52,638 Yeah, there you go. 266 00:11:52,672 --> 00:11:53,707 - Jocelyn. - Moira. 267 00:11:53,740 --> 00:11:55,277 Ooh, Johnny! 268 00:11:55,310 --> 00:11:57,281 - Whoo! - I gotta tell you, that suit, 269 00:11:57,314 --> 00:11:59,719 that's pretty dangerous to wear 270 00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:01,890 I just wanna wipe my hands all over that! 271 00:12:01,923 --> 00:12:03,427 Oh! 272 00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:04,829 You just keep getting funnier. 273 00:12:04,862 --> 00:12:06,866 I'm not joking though, I really do. 274 00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:10,173 Moira, I have to ask you. Are those wigs real hair? 275 00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:12,177 I just wanna reach out and just touch them... 276 00:12:12,211 --> 00:12:14,516 No, Maureen does not like to be manhandled! 277 00:12:14,549 --> 00:12:16,352 - Sorry, sorry. - Hey, Roses. 278 00:12:16,385 --> 00:12:18,189 If I tell you a secret, you promise to keep it? 279 00:12:18,223 --> 00:12:20,126 Uh, no, I don't think we would. 280 00:12:21,229 --> 00:12:23,032 Johnny. 281 00:12:26,573 --> 00:12:30,112 Now, listen. I'm the guy in charge of upholding 282 00:12:30,146 --> 00:12:32,585 so if you have any ideas about turning me in, 283 00:12:32,618 --> 00:12:34,889 you'd just be turning me in to myself. 284 00:12:37,126 --> 00:12:38,997 Spark it up, Roley! Spark it up. 285 00:12:39,030 --> 00:12:40,534 - You got it, honey. - Listen, I don't know 286 00:12:40,568 --> 00:12:42,772 if you guys wanna partake in this, 287 00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:44,976 because I'm sure your fancy dinner parties 288 00:12:45,009 --> 00:12:48,148 didn't have illegal substances. 289 00:12:48,182 --> 00:12:50,320 Illegal substances. 290 00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:52,056 Amateurs. 291 00:12:52,090 --> 00:12:54,596 We had friends in the FDA, but... 292 00:12:54,629 --> 00:12:55,731 When in Rome... 293 00:12:55,764 --> 00:12:57,968 Well, damn, Roses! 294 00:12:58,002 --> 00:12:59,606 - Let this party begin. - Mm-hmm. 295 00:12:59,639 --> 00:13:01,676 I'll fire up the cheese fountain. 296 00:13:13,734 --> 00:13:15,337 Oh! 297 00:13:17,642 --> 00:13:18,877 No, thank you. 298 00:13:19,579 --> 00:13:21,916 So, Mutt, did, uh, 299 00:13:21,950 --> 00:13:25,156 you two criminals do any good for 300 00:13:25,189 --> 00:13:26,325 We washed a car. 301 00:13:26,359 --> 00:13:27,562 You washed a car. Wow. 302 00:13:27,595 --> 00:13:29,866 The judicial system is really cracking down 303 00:13:29,899 --> 00:13:31,670 on its delinquents these days, huh? 304 00:13:31,703 --> 00:13:32,972 You know what I always wondered? 305 00:13:33,005 --> 00:13:35,678 What do you two talk about all day out there? 306 00:13:37,882 --> 00:13:39,084 Nothing. 307 00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:44,127 I mean, we talk, but... We don't really talk about 308 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,166 So, like, what? 309 00:13:48,403 --> 00:13:49,405 Like, nothing. 310 00:13:50,674 --> 00:13:52,444 Okay, um... 311 00:13:52,477 --> 00:13:57,186 Like, Mutt was having a bad day today, 312 00:13:57,220 --> 00:13:59,659 You didn't tell me you were having a bad day. 313 00:14:02,063 --> 00:14:03,534 Ted, this is delicious. 314 00:14:03,567 --> 00:14:04,736 - Mm-hmm. - Oh. 315 00:14:04,769 --> 00:14:08,308 I didn't mean a bad day, Twy, I just meant, like, 316 00:14:08,342 --> 00:14:11,281 Thank you, Stevie. I ordered it online 317 00:14:11,314 --> 00:14:13,687 - No sales tax. - What were 318 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:14,789 It's nothing. 319 00:14:14,822 --> 00:14:17,126 So when the lasagna gets delivered... 320 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:20,232 Does it come, uh, 321 00:14:20,266 --> 00:14:22,070 Okay, I just, uh... 322 00:14:22,103 --> 00:14:25,209 I don't know why you didn't feel comfortable 323 00:14:25,242 --> 00:14:26,713 It's not important. 324 00:14:26,746 --> 00:14:28,784 That's why I was talking to Alexis about it. 325 00:14:28,817 --> 00:14:33,192 - Ouch. - Stevie, how long have 326 00:14:33,225 --> 00:14:34,996 - It's very fresh and new. - No, it's not. 327 00:14:35,029 --> 00:14:36,733 - It is, I would say. - Mm-mmm. 328 00:14:38,035 --> 00:14:39,939 So, everyone knows? 329 00:14:40,874 --> 00:14:44,314 - Knows what? - Uh, these two have... 330 00:14:44,347 --> 00:14:46,720 What an elegant gesture, Ted. 331 00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:49,424 Sorry, I thought everyone knew. 332 00:14:50,226 --> 00:14:51,863 - No. - It's okay. 333 00:14:53,834 --> 00:14:54,969 Sorry! 334 00:15:01,916 --> 00:15:03,920 I've been with these people before. 335 00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:06,358 I know them all. 336 00:15:06,391 --> 00:15:09,097 Wow, you've really been getting around town. 337 00:15:10,099 --> 00:15:13,640 No, I was with them in my other life. 338 00:15:14,676 --> 00:15:16,780 I'm gonna tell you something. 339 00:15:16,813 --> 00:15:19,819 I'm from a small town, just like this. 340 00:15:20,621 --> 00:15:23,358 No, I'm not buying that. 341 00:15:23,392 --> 00:15:25,798 - It's true. - Really? 342 00:15:26,431 --> 00:15:27,902 Why would you leave? 343 00:15:27,935 --> 00:15:30,708 Oh, God, I couldn't wait to get out. 344 00:15:31,308 --> 00:15:33,445 I was dying there. 345 00:15:33,478 --> 00:15:35,651 Have you never dreamed? 346 00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:38,288 Of a life beyond? 347 00:15:38,322 --> 00:15:40,861 You have "what ifs," like, what if... 348 00:15:41,830 --> 00:15:43,498 I had enlisted in the military, 349 00:15:43,532 --> 00:15:46,304 what if Roland hadn't been such a smooth talker, what... 350 00:15:46,338 --> 00:15:48,844 Oh, man, what if. 351 00:15:48,877 --> 00:15:53,252 What if I had not been crowned 352 00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:56,358 and moved to the city with my driving instructor? 353 00:15:56,391 --> 00:15:58,830 - Awesome. - And what if I had not 354 00:15:58,864 --> 00:16:02,805 hand modeled at that microwave trade show? 355 00:16:02,838 --> 00:16:05,176 - Yeah. - What if I didn't ask, 356 00:16:05,209 --> 00:16:08,215 "Who's the eyebrows buying everyone's drinks?" 357 00:16:09,384 --> 00:16:11,321 Wow, now you know. 358 00:16:12,090 --> 00:16:14,160 Whatever happened to privacy? 359 00:16:14,194 --> 00:16:16,666 Now your whole family thinks I'm this big hooker. 360 00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:19,706 My whole family does not think 361 00:16:20,439 --> 00:16:22,476 It was a funny one-night thing. 362 00:16:22,510 --> 00:16:24,147 Everyone here is fine with it. 363 00:16:24,180 --> 00:16:25,216 It was funny? 364 00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,957 Yeah, it was a... It was a fun... 365 00:16:28,990 --> 00:16:31,328 It was a funny... It was... Yes. 366 00:16:31,361 --> 00:16:34,634 I had a best friend that hooked. She married one 367 00:16:34,667 --> 00:16:35,771 Wow! So cool. 368 00:16:35,804 --> 00:16:37,373 - Mmm. - It's not the time, Twyla. 369 00:16:37,406 --> 00:16:40,179 Um, Stevie, I don't think you're a big hooker. 370 00:16:40,212 --> 00:16:41,448 You don't talk all dinner, 371 00:16:41,481 --> 00:16:43,686 and now you're telling me I can't talk about Trixie? 372 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,056 I'm sorry, it's just I think 373 00:16:45,089 --> 00:16:47,928 sometimes you have a tendency to say 374 00:16:47,962 --> 00:16:50,768 Is there a right time to talk about being a hooker? 375 00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:53,638 I bet nobody thought sex with Trixie was funny. 376 00:16:53,672 --> 00:16:54,942 I never said it was bad! 377 00:16:54,976 --> 00:16:58,048 Okay, you know what I think is happening, 378 00:16:58,082 --> 00:17:00,788 is things are just getting blown 379 00:17:00,821 --> 00:17:05,229 And honestly, if, Alexis, you just tell us what you 380 00:17:05,262 --> 00:17:07,033 it'd probably help. 381 00:17:07,066 --> 00:17:09,204 Oh, my God, Ted! 382 00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:11,943 We were washing a car and talking about bad dreams. 383 00:17:11,976 --> 00:17:14,014 - Okay? - Okay. 384 00:17:14,047 --> 00:17:15,549 You sound a little defensive. 385 00:17:15,582 --> 00:17:16,953 - Well... - I'd agree. 386 00:17:16,986 --> 00:17:18,455 You know what, I just remembered, 387 00:17:18,488 --> 00:17:21,661 I have to wake up early tomorrow. 388 00:17:21,694 --> 00:17:23,498 Uh, nobody checks-in. 389 00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:26,739 Tomorrow someone is, early. 390 00:17:26,772 --> 00:17:30,479 Uh, Ted, you have a really special place, 391 00:17:30,512 --> 00:17:33,452 and we should all do this again sometime. 392 00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:35,556 Uh, David, would you mind walking me home. 393 00:17:35,589 --> 00:17:37,160 I don't think we're finished talking. 394 00:17:37,193 --> 00:17:38,695 David. 395 00:17:39,030 --> 00:17:40,166 Don't. 396 00:17:43,272 --> 00:17:47,882 My son lives in a barn in the woods, by choice. 397 00:17:49,584 --> 00:17:53,258 He could be the next mayor of this town 398 00:17:54,227 --> 00:17:57,133 My son is pansexual. 399 00:17:58,402 --> 00:17:59,437 Mm-hmm. 400 00:17:59,470 --> 00:18:01,241 I've heard of that. 401 00:18:01,274 --> 00:18:03,880 I know what that is, that's, uh, 402 00:18:03,914 --> 00:18:05,516 that cookware fetish. 403 00:18:05,549 --> 00:18:06,618 No. 404 00:18:06,651 --> 00:18:08,488 - No, no. - Mmm-hmm. 405 00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:10,392 No, he loves everyone. 406 00:18:10,426 --> 00:18:12,096 Men, women, 407 00:18:12,130 --> 00:18:16,104 women who become men, men who become women. 408 00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:20,279 I'm his father, and I always wanted 409 00:18:20,312 --> 00:18:24,821 But, you know, just pick one gender, 410 00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:27,160 Maybe everything would've been less... 411 00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:28,328 Confusing. 412 00:18:30,166 --> 00:18:34,407 Well, you know, Johnny, when it comes to 413 00:18:35,877 --> 00:18:38,182 we can't tell our kids who to love. 414 00:18:40,252 --> 00:18:41,990 - Who said that? - You did. 415 00:18:42,756 --> 00:18:43,859 When? 416 00:18:43,893 --> 00:18:45,162 You just said it now! 417 00:18:45,196 --> 00:18:46,631 When? 418 00:18:46,664 --> 00:18:48,602 Now, right this second. You just said it. 419 00:18:48,635 --> 00:18:52,276 And you're right. You can't tell them. 420 00:18:54,514 --> 00:18:57,586 Thank you for playing along. 421 00:18:57,620 --> 00:18:59,657 I'm sorry, I just had 422 00:18:59,690 --> 00:19:02,330 It was like being in an episode of Couples Therapy. 423 00:19:02,363 --> 00:19:03,833 Okay, wait. 424 00:19:03,866 --> 00:19:07,206 This was all a put-on just to get out of dinner? 425 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,477 Yeah, I thought you were in on it. 426 00:19:10,412 --> 00:19:14,187 Well, you deserve a Daytime Emmy 427 00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,291 Thank you, I think so. 428 00:19:16,324 --> 00:19:19,530 Okay, so you're not, like, raging mad at me, then. 429 00:19:19,898 --> 00:19:21,134 No. 430 00:19:21,168 --> 00:19:25,109 I think it's fair to say that neither of us have ever worked 431 00:19:25,142 --> 00:19:26,912 - True. - It was funny. 432 00:19:27,746 --> 00:19:29,784 And a little humiliating. 433 00:19:29,817 --> 00:19:31,321 Yeah, I, uh... 434 00:19:32,123 --> 00:19:34,194 Saw a lot of my body. 435 00:19:34,227 --> 00:19:36,498 I didn't like it. So... 436 00:19:36,531 --> 00:19:38,001 I'm actually that way. 437 00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:42,576 Okay, yeah, I was, um, wondering if 438 00:19:43,678 --> 00:19:45,883 Try it again, for the sake of practice? 439 00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:47,486 I'd be into that idea. 440 00:19:48,222 --> 00:19:50,192 For the sake of proficiency. 441 00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:58,007 So I guess we won't be playing Hedbanz. 442 00:20:02,116 --> 00:20:04,254 Oh! Why did he say that? 443 00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:05,322 Oh, my God. 444 00:20:05,356 --> 00:20:07,126 What the hell... 445 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:08,762 - Just don't... Just stay here. - What? 446 00:20:08,795 --> 00:20:11,100 Oh, hello again! 447 00:20:11,134 --> 00:20:12,603 Spending another night together? 448 00:20:12,636 --> 00:20:13,805 Dad! 449 00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:17,146 Oh, Stevie, I hope you're being smart. 450 00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:18,615 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! 451 00:20:18,648 --> 00:20:21,388 Because we can't afford a baby right now, 452 00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:24,126 and let's be honest, neither can you! 453 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,733 Okay, well, I think it's about time 454 00:20:27,766 --> 00:20:29,170 - Excuse me! - Uh, David, 455 00:20:29,204 --> 00:20:31,808 I just want you to know that I support this. 456 00:20:31,841 --> 00:20:35,716 Not the fact that you're sleeping with a girl, 457 00:20:35,749 --> 00:20:37,553 But, you know, I'd be just as happy 458 00:20:37,586 --> 00:20:40,659 if you were to bring home one of your guy friends. 459 00:20:40,692 --> 00:20:42,129 What are you talking about? 460 00:20:42,162 --> 00:20:46,204 Um, excuse me while I just go draw a warm bath 461 00:20:46,238 --> 00:20:47,740 No, Stevie. Stevie. 462 00:20:48,775 --> 00:20:51,113 You're a lovely girl, lovely girl. 463 00:20:51,147 --> 00:20:54,454 Bit of an edge, but you know, it's growing on me. 464 00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:56,658 And David, I just want you to know 465 00:20:56,691 --> 00:21:00,332 that I endorse all your sexual encounters. 466 00:21:00,899 --> 00:21:02,169 Are you drunk? 467 00:21:02,202 --> 00:21:04,407 Grass, too much grass. 468 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,979 - A little bit, but... - What the... 469 00:21:07,012 --> 00:21:10,185 Hey, track that cycle, missy! 470 00:21:10,218 --> 00:21:12,222 Okay, good night! 471 00:21:12,256 --> 00:21:14,260 Hey, good night! 472 00:21:14,294 --> 00:21:15,562 Good night.