1
00:00:01,942 --> 00:00:03,944
David, what time is Patrick's
housewarming tonight?

2
00:00:03,968 --> 00:00:05,336
Hmm, you'll have to ask him.

3
00:00:05,361 --> 00:00:07,262
He told me he doesn't want my help,

4
00:00:07,296 --> 00:00:09,197
so I'm just gonna play
the supportive partner,

5
00:00:09,231 --> 00:00:10,698
and watch him fail.

6
00:00:10,733 --> 00:00:12,392
Okay, it's just that if
Ted and I are gonna be

7
00:00:12,417 --> 00:00:14,952
fashionably late, we need
to know when it starts.

8
00:00:15,805 --> 00:00:18,613
Jocelyn: There you are, Alexis!

9
00:00:18,641 --> 00:00:20,808
- Good morning, Roses.
- Jocelyn, Roland.

10
00:00:20,843 --> 00:00:24,379
Look at you, positively
flushed with motherly glow.

11
00:00:24,413 --> 00:00:27,415
We've just been running
around looking for Alexis.

12
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:28,707
That's so sweet; what's up?

13
00:00:28,751 --> 00:00:30,028
Remember that time that you told me

14
00:00:30,052 --> 00:00:32,642
you'd be there for me
if I ever needed you?

15
00:00:32,667 --> 00:00:34,087
I don't think that was me.

16
00:00:34,112 --> 00:00:37,325
Well, our babysitter for
tonight just canceled on us,

17
00:00:37,359 --> 00:00:39,427
and we were gonna have dinner,

18
00:00:39,461 --> 00:00:41,353
and uh, a couples massage.

19
00:00:41,378 --> 00:00:44,046
But unfortunately, the
couple that massages us

20
00:00:44,071 --> 00:00:46,477
can only do it once a month, so...

21
00:00:46,502 --> 00:00:48,202
Hmm, no. Um...

22
00:00:48,237 --> 00:00:49,581
well, I totally would think about it,

23
00:00:49,605 --> 00:00:51,973
but I have a housewarming thing tonight.

24
00:00:51,998 --> 00:00:54,166
Jocelyn and Roland: Ohhh...

25
00:00:55,953 --> 00:00:57,253
David?

26
00:00:57,278 --> 00:00:59,746
Is Patrick also going to
that housewarming party?

27
00:00:59,771 --> 00:01:02,470
Patrick's throwing the
party, unfortunately.

28
00:01:03,085 --> 00:01:05,095
Well Rollie, we're just
gonna have to cancel.

29
00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:07,622
Because we have asked
literally everyone.

30
00:01:07,656 --> 00:01:09,367
Oh, jeez.

31
00:01:09,392 --> 00:01:11,026
Thanks anyways, Roses.

32
00:01:11,051 --> 00:01:13,085
Moira: Sorry.

33
00:01:15,671 --> 00:01:17,665
Well, that was weird.

34
00:01:17,690 --> 00:01:19,991
Seriously. A nighttime couples massage,

35
00:01:20,035 --> 00:01:22,036
what is this, 1985?!

36
00:01:22,071 --> 00:01:25,373
No! They asked everyone
at the table except us,

37
00:01:25,407 --> 00:01:26,708
we're sitting right here!

38
00:01:26,733 --> 00:01:29,168
They're not going to ask
someone of your age, John.

39
00:01:29,193 --> 00:01:31,656
We raised two kids.

40
00:01:31,681 --> 00:01:33,282
"Raised" might be a stretch.

41
00:01:33,307 --> 00:01:35,809
Our nursery was in a
different wing of the house.

42
00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:37,679
- It was a design flaw.
- I'm a light sleeper.

43
00:01:41,252 --> 00:01:45,822
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

44
00:01:47,767 --> 00:01:49,831
John, you're not still working on that

45
00:01:49,856 --> 00:01:51,623
cumbersome laundry hamper?

46
00:01:51,667 --> 00:01:53,783
I told you, it's a playpen, Moira.

47
00:01:53,808 --> 00:01:55,242
I was hoping you were joking.

48
00:01:55,267 --> 00:01:57,569
No. After Roland and Jocelyn's

49
00:01:57,594 --> 00:01:59,281
little oversight this morning,

50
00:01:59,306 --> 00:02:02,517
I... took it upon myself
to offer our services.

51
00:02:02,542 --> 00:02:05,177
Why in God's name would you do that?!

52
00:02:05,202 --> 00:02:07,103
It's a principle thing.

53
00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:10,363
Roland and Jocelyn don't think
we can take care of a kid.

54
00:02:10,394 --> 00:02:12,962
That's an argument I'm willing to lose.

55
00:02:13,723 --> 00:02:16,290
So now I have go to Ronnie's by myself.

56
00:02:16,315 --> 00:02:17,682
What?

57
00:02:17,707 --> 00:02:19,270
I told you, the Lifetime Network

58
00:02:19,294 --> 00:02:21,696
is re-airing the movie
I did with Joyce DeWitt.

59
00:02:21,730 --> 00:02:24,298
Remember? "Not Without My Cousin."

60
00:02:24,333 --> 00:02:25,800
And Ronnie's TV gets that channel,

61
00:02:25,834 --> 00:02:27,101
I told you this, John!

62
00:02:27,136 --> 00:02:28,803
Or at least I'm telling you now.

63
00:02:28,837 --> 00:02:31,736
Okay, well then, have fun.

64
00:02:32,508 --> 00:02:33,915
I'm more than capable

65
00:02:33,940 --> 00:02:35,941
of looking after this kid myself.

66
00:02:36,109 --> 00:02:38,144
John, my sweet husband.

67
00:02:38,169 --> 00:02:40,704
We have nothing to prove as parents.

68
00:02:40,729 --> 00:02:42,363
We did our best for our children.

69
00:02:42,388 --> 00:02:44,188
Yeah, we were there most weeknights.

70
00:02:44,213 --> 00:02:46,214
For at least a couple of hours.

71
00:02:46,239 --> 00:02:47,516
Unless we were out for the evening.

72
00:02:47,541 --> 00:02:48,808
Yeah, or jetting around.

73
00:02:48,833 --> 00:02:50,667
Or if it was a really long day.

74
00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:52,697
Yeah, no, no, I'm not the
least bit concerned, Moira.

75
00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:57,075
Besides, if Roland
can look after a baby,

76
00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,433
anyone can.

77
00:03:00,507 --> 00:03:01,741
Hey, Jocelyn.

78
00:03:01,766 --> 00:03:03,334
- Jocelyn: Hi, Johnny.
- Roland: Hi, Johnny.

79
00:03:03,586 --> 00:03:05,447
Jocelyn: Thank you so much, Johnny,

80
00:03:05,474 --> 00:03:08,539
it just would've never
occurred to us to ask you.

81
00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:10,111
Are you sure you're up for this?

82
00:03:10,136 --> 00:03:11,570
Oh, he'll be fine, honey,

83
00:03:11,595 --> 00:03:15,049
And if he does find
himself completely lost,

84
00:03:15,083 --> 00:03:16,951
and believe me, he will,

85
00:03:16,976 --> 00:03:18,618
he will have...

86
00:03:18,643 --> 00:03:20,777
the baby binder to hold his hand.

87
00:03:20,802 --> 00:03:22,302
Right here, Johnny.

88
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:24,661
Okay, well, here goes nothing.

89
00:03:24,686 --> 00:03:26,508
- Yeah.
- I don't know why, I'm just...

90
00:03:26,533 --> 00:03:28,229
I'm having a hard time letting go.

91
00:03:28,263 --> 00:03:29,897
I've got him. I've got him, Jocelyn.

92
00:03:29,932 --> 00:03:31,309
- Oh, okay, okay.
- Well, I know why.

93
00:03:31,333 --> 00:03:32,783
It's because you don't trust
the guy, and believe me,

94
00:03:32,808 --> 00:03:34,909
I don't either, but
we're in this now, so...

95
00:03:34,934 --> 00:03:37,002
try not think about it. Okay...

96
00:03:37,027 --> 00:03:38,827
Wow, Moira.

97
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,687
Looking so elegant for
a night of babysitting.

98
00:03:41,712 --> 00:03:44,881
Just dressed to the
nines in choking hazards.

99
00:03:44,906 --> 00:03:48,476
Sadly, Jocelyn, I won't be
here this evening to intercede.

100
00:03:48,501 --> 00:03:50,535
Oh wow, so it's just gonna be Johnny,

101
00:03:50,653 --> 00:03:52,954
alone with our precious miracle baby?

102
00:03:52,979 --> 00:03:54,747
Uh... honey,

103
00:03:54,772 --> 00:03:56,773
come on, we're gonna
be late for our massage.

104
00:03:56,850 --> 00:03:59,118
You know Ron and Linda
like to do those stretches

105
00:03:59,143 --> 00:04:01,579
before they get us on the table, so...

106
00:04:01,604 --> 00:04:04,072
I'll be thinking about all
of you during my massage.

107
00:04:04,097 --> 00:04:06,064
No, no need for that, Roland.

108
00:04:06,089 --> 00:04:08,423
Okay Johnny, just don't
do anything I wouldn't do.

109
00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:09,514
Jocelyn: Love you!

110
00:04:09,805 --> 00:04:11,564
- What?
- Whoop! Whoop!

111
00:04:11,597 --> 00:04:14,124
Boop boop be boop!

112
00:04:23,418 --> 00:04:25,252
Wow. What are those?

113
00:04:25,277 --> 00:04:27,011
These are party shots.

114
00:04:27,036 --> 00:04:29,437
- Hmm...
- You ever had one before?

115
00:04:29,462 --> 00:04:31,158
No, nope.

116
00:04:32,056 --> 00:04:33,790
Fine, once.

117
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,816
Twice.

118
00:04:36,001 --> 00:04:37,541
Fine, I had a tray in Cancun.

119
00:04:37,566 --> 00:04:40,201
Okay, well they kinda
go with my overall theme

120
00:04:40,226 --> 00:04:43,262
of a good old-fashioned high
school slumber party, so.

121
00:04:43,287 --> 00:04:45,622
Mhmm, I still don't know
why you were so quick

122
00:04:45,647 --> 00:04:47,448
to dismiss my theme idea.

123
00:04:47,473 --> 00:04:48,907
Where is anybody gonna find

124
00:04:48,932 --> 00:04:51,182
glass-blown Venetian masks around here?

125
00:04:51,747 --> 00:04:53,091
Besides, people are kind of excited

126
00:04:53,115 --> 00:04:54,728
about the high school idea.

127
00:04:55,275 --> 00:04:58,019
Okay. Walk me through
the high school idea.

128
00:04:58,044 --> 00:05:00,879
Models and teen actors are
just gonna lounge around

129
00:05:00,923 --> 00:05:02,490
in their bras and thongs,

130
00:05:02,524 --> 00:05:04,592
and take Polaroids of
themselves all night?

131
00:05:04,617 --> 00:05:06,679
What was your high
school experience like?

132
00:05:06,894 --> 00:05:08,328
What was yours like?

133
00:05:08,538 --> 00:05:10,742
Besides, where are we going
to find a salad bowl of E

134
00:05:10,766 --> 00:05:11,687
this last minute?

135
00:05:11,703 --> 00:05:14,538
You know, I think this
could be kind of a...

136
00:05:14,573 --> 00:05:17,308
a fun opportunity for you to
rewrite your past a little bit.

137
00:05:17,342 --> 00:05:18,643
Mhmm.

138
00:05:18,677 --> 00:05:20,188
It's just that my
parents have spent like,

139
00:05:20,212 --> 00:05:21,879
an astounding amount of money on therapy

140
00:05:21,913 --> 00:05:23,447
to try to do that already.

141
00:05:23,482 --> 00:05:26,617
So forgive me for not wanting
to run back into the fire.

142
00:05:26,652 --> 00:05:27,956
What happened to you?

143
00:05:29,054 --> 00:05:30,755
Nothing, really, I just didn't like it.

144
00:05:32,139 --> 00:05:34,073
- Mm. Okay. Oh.
- Yeah.

145
00:05:38,597 --> 00:05:40,164
You might have to make more of those.

146
00:05:40,198 --> 00:05:42,066
- That's right.
- That's very nice.

147
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:57,181
Honey, I'm home.

148
00:05:57,215 --> 00:05:59,617
Oh, shouldn't I be the one saying that?

149
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,152
A little something to celebrate

150
00:06:01,186 --> 00:06:03,083
the end of the week.

151
00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:06,023
- Yeah...
- Whoop!

152
00:06:06,058 --> 00:06:08,459
Uh, except it's
Neuterpalooza week at work,

153
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:10,194
and I still have two days

154
00:06:10,228 --> 00:06:11,729
of spaying and neutering ahead of me.

155
00:06:11,763 --> 00:06:13,497
Oh, let's stop saying "neutering",

156
00:06:13,532 --> 00:06:15,032
'cause it's killing my buzz!

157
00:06:15,067 --> 00:06:16,467
This is so silky.

158
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,402
Yeah, it's my dad's
housecoat from storage.

159
00:06:18,437 --> 00:06:21,339
I was thinking we
could go as Hef, R.I.P.,

160
00:06:21,373 --> 00:06:22,940
and a Playboy Bunny.

161
00:06:22,974 --> 00:06:25,609
Isn't the theme high
school slumber party?

162
00:06:25,644 --> 00:06:27,011
It is.

163
00:06:27,036 --> 00:06:28,681
My best friend, Summer, used
to date Hef in high school,

164
00:06:28,714 --> 00:06:29,891
which isn't as weird as it sounds,

165
00:06:29,915 --> 00:06:32,950
'cause he was like, a very young 77.

166
00:06:32,984 --> 00:06:35,453
Uh okay, don't be mad, but...

167
00:06:35,487 --> 00:06:36,687
Ted, no!

168
00:06:36,722 --> 00:06:38,299
I have to perform surgery
on people's pets like,

169
00:06:38,323 --> 00:06:39,590
first thing in the morning.

170
00:06:39,624 --> 00:06:41,425
Why'd you have to pick this weekend?

171
00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:42,770
You know how much I always look forward

172
00:06:42,794 --> 00:06:44,295
to Patrick's house parties.

173
00:06:44,329 --> 00:06:46,897
Isn't this his first one?

174
00:06:46,932 --> 00:06:48,032
Okay, fine.

175
00:06:48,066 --> 00:06:50,835
I guess I'll just
finish my drink, and...

176
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,770
wander over there dressed like this,

177
00:06:52,804 --> 00:06:55,005
and see what happens.

178
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,108
Well, I mean,

179
00:06:57,142 --> 00:07:01,228
maybe you don't need to leave just yet.

180
00:07:01,613 --> 00:07:03,781
Snip, snip, Mr. Mullens!

181
00:07:05,016 --> 00:07:08,057
I was just hoping you
could make an exception.

182
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:09,887
Let loose for one night.

183
00:07:09,921 --> 00:07:11,856
Next time. I promise.

184
00:07:14,826 --> 00:07:16,160
Moira: Well, I'm off.

185
00:07:16,194 --> 00:07:18,062
All right, have fun, sweetheart.

186
00:07:18,096 --> 00:07:20,331
You realize the bebe is crying.

187
00:07:20,365 --> 00:07:21,799
I do, yes.

188
00:07:21,833 --> 00:07:23,934
Isn't it scheduled to be dormant by now?

189
00:07:23,969 --> 00:07:25,703
I'll figure it out, Moira.

190
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,638
- You have the binder.
- Yes.

191
00:07:27,672 --> 00:07:29,118
- Yes.
- Ooh!

192
00:07:29,975 --> 00:07:32,076
I think I just found the issue.

193
00:07:32,110 --> 00:07:33,778
It might be in the diaper.

194
00:07:33,812 --> 00:07:36,447
Oh, it was the bebe. I'm so relieved!

195
00:07:36,481 --> 00:07:38,282
Yeah, I think they left extra diapers.

196
00:07:38,316 --> 00:07:39,884
They assumed we'd take care of it.

197
00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:41,685
You wanna grab the rubber gloves?

198
00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:43,487
They're Tom Ford, John, no!

199
00:07:43,522 --> 00:07:44,799
And they wouldn't fit you anyway.

200
00:07:44,823 --> 00:07:46,957
The cleaning gloves under the sink!

201
00:07:46,992 --> 00:07:48,759
Oh! Yes.

202
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:57,067
And, there.

203
00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:58,436
Oh, it looks like Jocelyn's

204
00:07:58,477 --> 00:08:01,078
left you some nice chapter tabs.

205
00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,842
Uh, it's saying here that you should...

206
00:08:04,876 --> 00:08:09,589
wipe counter-clockwise direction, ah...

207
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:12,016
flip it, if you can flip it.

208
00:08:12,050 --> 00:08:14,485
- The baby?
- It doesn't say.

209
00:08:14,519 --> 00:08:17,054
Honestly, Moira, just go! I'll be fine.

210
00:08:17,088 --> 00:08:19,123
I'm not sure you will be, John.

211
00:08:19,157 --> 00:08:21,959
It's not like the old days
when we could just call Adelina,

212
00:08:21,993 --> 00:08:24,495
and have her rush home
from her daughter's wedding.

213
00:08:24,529 --> 00:08:26,130
You're gonna miss your screening.

214
00:08:26,164 --> 00:08:28,165
I'll go after the
first commercial break.

215
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,934
That's when the action happens anyway,

216
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:31,735
when my cousin and I begin

217
00:08:31,770 --> 00:08:33,671
our backpack through Lebanon.

218
00:08:33,705 --> 00:08:35,873
What else does the binder say?

219
00:08:35,907 --> 00:08:37,174
Oh my God, John!

220
00:08:37,209 --> 00:08:39,107
Don't forget to wash its hands!

221
00:08:40,545 --> 00:08:41,678
Okay.

222
00:08:43,882 --> 00:08:46,217
Okay, my turn. Ahem!

223
00:08:47,452 --> 00:08:50,588
Hmm, never have I ever pretended to be

224
00:08:50,622 --> 00:08:52,556
a pizza delivery person so I could get

225
00:08:52,591 --> 00:08:55,359
into Jared Leto's Halloween party.

226
00:08:55,393 --> 00:08:56,627
You're a bitch.

227
00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:59,630
My mom was engaged to
two pizza delivery guys.

228
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:02,666
Can that count? 'Cause
I am really thirsty.

229
00:09:02,701 --> 00:09:04,368
Stevie!

230
00:09:04,402 --> 00:09:05,636
Uh, um...

231
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:10,407
Never have I ever...

232
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,189
Sorry, I'm just trying
to think of something

233
00:09:15,213 --> 00:09:16,847
- I haven't done.
- Okay.

234
00:09:16,882 --> 00:09:18,983
How long did you envision
this game going on for?

235
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,951
Because never have I ever been so bored.

236
00:09:20,986 --> 00:09:23,153
Aw, I'm sorry, David,
when I suggested the game,

237
00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:25,856
I didn't expect that you'd
be drinking quite so much.

238
00:09:25,891 --> 00:09:27,091
Eating out of the garbage?

239
00:09:27,125 --> 00:09:28,993
Okay, I did that in
front of you last night.

240
00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:31,996
Now, as a participant, if we
don't change the game soon,

241
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,098
- I'm gonna get very drunk.
- Oh.

242
00:09:34,132 --> 00:09:36,066
Yep?

243
00:09:37,269 --> 00:09:39,370
- Hey!
- All: Oh! There he is! Yay!

244
00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:41,739
God, what are you doing here?

245
00:09:41,773 --> 00:09:43,140
Hey, sweetie.

246
00:09:43,174 --> 00:09:44,519
You were right, we deserve a night out.

247
00:09:44,543 --> 00:09:46,744
So, I just pushed all
my morning appointments.

248
00:09:46,778 --> 00:09:48,245
Which will be fine, I guess,

249
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,258
it just means that I'll be
staying up 'til 1:00 A.M.

250
00:09:50,282 --> 00:09:52,516
on a Saturday, spaying
with a pretty shaky hand.

251
00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:54,752
Mm, that's so cute. What
can I get you to drink?

252
00:09:54,786 --> 00:09:56,153
Oh no, don't worry about that.

253
00:09:56,187 --> 00:09:57,988
After you used all of
my booze for your punch,

254
00:09:58,023 --> 00:09:59,690
the only alcohol left in my fridge

255
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,493
was a few of your rum,
raspberry, coconut coolers.

256
00:10:02,527 --> 00:10:04,361
So I polished them off, and...

257
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:06,240
it tasted like burnt plastic,
and I regretted it instantly.

258
00:10:06,264 --> 00:10:07,464
Woman: Hi, Ted!

259
00:10:07,499 --> 00:10:08,809
Only you would wear a little robe,

260
00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:11,769
and little slippers to a
high school slumber party.

261
00:10:11,803 --> 00:10:13,948
Oh, no, no, no. This is just
so that I didn't get cold

262
00:10:13,972 --> 00:10:15,506
on the way over.

263
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:17,374
All right!

264
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,476
What is the game, because I'm up!

265
00:10:19,511 --> 00:10:20,945
Ohh! Wow.

266
00:10:20,979 --> 00:10:21,979
- Oh!
- Okay...

267
00:10:22,013 --> 00:10:23,781
Ted: Twyla!

268
00:10:23,815 --> 00:10:26,150
I'm not sure if it's
just the punch, but...

269
00:10:26,184 --> 00:10:27,880
he could get it!

270
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,888
Stevie, that's disgusting.

271
00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:32,923
Ted, can I get you a party shot?

272
00:10:32,958 --> 00:10:34,858
- Cool!
- Okay.

273
00:10:34,893 --> 00:10:36,794
- David?
- Wow.

274
00:10:36,828 --> 00:10:38,162
- Yeah.
- We have orange...

275
00:10:38,187 --> 00:10:40,185
- I'll take that.
- Yellow...

276
00:10:52,076 --> 00:10:54,344
Hey! Do you wanna put
Emir away for a hot sec,

277
00:10:54,379 --> 00:10:57,214
so this game can keep going,
and the party can end soon?

278
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:59,017
Oh, I'm good. I don't
wanna kiss anyone here.

279
00:10:59,050 --> 00:11:00,751
My sister's sitting in the circle,

280
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:02,185
You think I'm dying to play?

281
00:11:02,220 --> 00:11:03,787
Thank you very much.

282
00:11:11,599 --> 00:11:13,667
Ohh!

283
00:11:13,998 --> 00:11:15,632
Oh!

284
00:11:17,558 --> 00:11:19,726
Okay!

285
00:11:22,106 --> 00:11:23,907
Babe, did you rig this?

286
00:11:23,932 --> 00:11:26,967
Maybe I did, and maybe I did!

287
00:11:27,011 --> 00:11:28,345
Ooh!

288
00:11:28,379 --> 00:11:30,981
- Okay, go crazy, babe.
- Mhmm.

289
00:11:31,015 --> 00:11:33,283
All right, who's the lucky lady?

290
00:11:35,086 --> 00:11:38,622
- That's offensive.
- Okay, anyway, re-spin!

291
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,401
Yeah, it actually looks
like it sorta landed

292
00:11:40,425 --> 00:11:42,092
- between two people.
- No, no, no, no!

293
00:11:42,126 --> 00:11:43,594
I know exactly who it landed on.

294
00:11:43,628 --> 00:11:44,962
Oh, Ted! That's not okay.

295
00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:46,730
Man, come here, big guy!

296
00:11:46,764 --> 00:11:47,975
- Mmmph!
- Partygoers:

297
00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,633
Muah!

298
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,528
Oh my God.

299
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:55,572
It looks like the punch needs a refill.

300
00:11:55,607 --> 00:11:57,374
Oh hey, I could use
a refill too, big guy.

301
00:11:57,408 --> 00:11:59,576
Okay, I don't know where
"big guy" is coming from,

302
00:11:59,611 --> 00:12:01,144
but it needs to stop.

303
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:05,282
Um, I don't know about
you, but I smell drama.

304
00:12:05,316 --> 00:12:07,050
Twyla: Okay, my turn!

305
00:12:07,085 --> 00:12:09,453
You know Helen, despite everything...

306
00:12:09,487 --> 00:12:10,988
Oh, if it weren't for Joyce Dewitt

307
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,423
insisting on wearing those pigtails,

308
00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:15,687
this movie could've been a hit!

309
00:12:16,561 --> 00:12:18,261
We're supposed to be astrophysicists,

310
00:12:18,296 --> 00:12:19,529
it just takes you out of it.

311
00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:21,968
And yet, she, she gets the close up!

312
00:12:23,001 --> 00:12:25,335
- Well, that was shocking.
- I know, right?

313
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,604
And I get the aerial
shot for my love scene.

314
00:12:27,639 --> 00:12:29,406
No, no, I'm talking about the kid.

315
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,441
To think this little thing could...

316
00:12:31,476 --> 00:12:33,577
create so much destruction.

317
00:12:33,611 --> 00:12:36,246
Oh, you've completed
the diaper substitution.

318
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:39,187
Aren't you the Sephardic Mr. Clean!

319
00:12:39,417 --> 00:12:42,851
Well, I did the kid, but
I'm not doing the bathroom.

320
00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:45,666
It appears you may need a
change yourself, Mr. Rose.

321
00:12:45,691 --> 00:12:48,192
What is that on your shoulder?

322
00:12:49,193 --> 00:12:51,194
Oh Moira, he spit up on me.

323
00:12:52,854 --> 00:12:54,721
And he's spit up in the playpen!

324
00:12:54,746 --> 00:12:57,681
Ew! That cannot be good, John!

325
00:12:57,706 --> 00:13:00,913
Its body is ejecting things,
what did you do to it?!

326
00:13:00,938 --> 00:13:03,507
Nothing! I-I changed
his diaper, that's all.

327
00:13:03,541 --> 00:13:06,043
Well, perhaps you've swaddled
its abdomen too tightly,

328
00:13:06,068 --> 00:13:08,936
Or maybe it's allergic to something.

329
00:13:08,980 --> 00:13:11,081
John, did you feed it shellfish?

330
00:13:11,115 --> 00:13:12,549
What did you do?!

331
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:14,918
I've gotta wipe him up, and
change his clothes again.

332
00:13:14,952 --> 00:13:17,487
For all we know, it's
got crawling pneumonia.

333
00:13:17,522 --> 00:13:20,057
Oh, he doesn't have
crawling pneumonia, Moira!

334
00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:21,725
I don't want to say I told you so,

335
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,393
but this is an infelicitous burden.

336
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,228
I could be at Ronnie's right now,

337
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,664
preparing for the post-screening Q&A.

338
00:13:27,699 --> 00:13:29,433
Well then, go to Ronnie's!

339
00:13:29,467 --> 00:13:32,202
Because I've gotta get
him a change of clothes.

340
00:13:32,236 --> 00:13:34,438
Well, at least put the gloves back on.

341
00:13:36,741 --> 00:13:38,308
John, it says right here,

342
00:13:38,342 --> 00:13:40,525
spitting up is normal.

343
00:13:42,013 --> 00:13:44,533
Jocelyn's written, "Spit happens."

344
00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:46,416
Very clever.

345
00:13:47,518 --> 00:13:48,744
For Jocelyn.

346
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,358
Oh my God, they just need to chill.

347
00:13:55,393 --> 00:13:56,593
David: Okay, I'm done.

348
00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:58,261
Who chose this theme, anyway?

349
00:13:58,296 --> 00:14:00,330
It was a mistake.

350
00:14:00,364 --> 00:14:02,499
What are you guys doing over here?

351
00:14:02,533 --> 00:14:04,634
You remind me of me at
a high school house party

352
00:14:04,669 --> 00:14:06,436
judging all the
attractive and popular kids

353
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,205
for being attractive and popular.

354
00:14:08,239 --> 00:14:09,973
David, do you have
anything you wanna say

355
00:14:10,007 --> 00:14:12,409
- to me and Patrick?
- Actually, yes.

356
00:14:12,443 --> 00:14:14,311
Now, as an attractive and popular kid

357
00:14:14,345 --> 00:14:16,747
at a house party, I can confidently say,

358
00:14:16,781 --> 00:14:19,216
- it's very fun.
- That's it?

359
00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:21,084
That's all you have to say?

360
00:14:21,119 --> 00:14:22,552
What's going on here?

361
00:14:22,587 --> 00:14:24,154
Mm, things got effed,

362
00:14:24,188 --> 00:14:26,123
and we're not having fun anymore.

363
00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:28,725
For what it's worth,
I'm having a great time.

364
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:30,127
You're like a tsetse fly.

365
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:31,794
Where's your cell phone boyfriend?

366
00:14:32,029 --> 00:14:34,231
- On my cell phone.
- Okay.

367
00:14:34,265 --> 00:14:35,699
You're not having fun?

368
00:14:35,733 --> 00:14:37,872
I don't know David, sure.

369
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:40,370
What exactly did I do wrong here?

370
00:14:40,404 --> 00:14:42,038
Oh, I don't know. David,

371
00:14:42,073 --> 00:14:44,007
mmm, was it the time
you kissed my boyfriend?

372
00:14:44,041 --> 00:14:47,377
Or... was it the time
you kissed my boyfriend?

373
00:14:47,411 --> 00:14:49,289
I think it was the time
you kissed her boyfriend.

374
00:14:49,313 --> 00:14:51,448
Okay, he kissed me!

375
00:14:51,482 --> 00:14:53,517
And I was just told to have some fun.

376
00:14:53,551 --> 00:14:54,992
So I played the game.

377
00:14:55,017 --> 00:14:56,953
I'm sorry that the bottle landed on me.

378
00:14:56,988 --> 00:14:59,222
Hm, technically it landed
between you and Stevie, so.

379
00:14:59,247 --> 00:15:00,140
Yeah.

380
00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:02,069
Okay, so you're upset
about this as well, then?

381
00:15:02,093 --> 00:15:03,403
- Looks like it.
- Patrick: No, I'm not!

382
00:15:03,427 --> 00:15:05,295
I'm not upset. I just, I guess I wonder

383
00:15:05,329 --> 00:15:07,864
how you would react if
the tables were turned.

384
00:15:07,899 --> 00:15:09,176
Yeah David, like, what would you do

385
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,568
if Patrick and I suddenly
kissed at a party?

386
00:15:11,602 --> 00:15:13,069
- Yeah.
- Or Patrick and me.

387
00:15:13,104 --> 00:15:14,874
Okay, we're done with you.

388
00:15:15,173 --> 00:15:16,439
It was spin the bottle!

389
00:15:16,474 --> 00:15:19,276
If Patrick was wasted,
and spun the bottle,

390
00:15:19,310 --> 00:15:21,545
and it landed on you,
and you guys kissed,

391
00:15:21,579 --> 00:15:24,047
- I wouldn't care.
- You're lying, David.

392
00:15:24,081 --> 00:15:25,582
Okay, is that what needs to happen

393
00:15:25,616 --> 00:15:27,651
to clear the air here?
You guys need to kiss?

394
00:15:27,685 --> 00:15:29,329
- David, let's not be dramatic.
- Yeah, maybe it does.

395
00:15:29,353 --> 00:15:30,921
- What?
- Well, by all means.

396
00:15:30,955 --> 00:15:32,866
I think it's actually more
the principle of the thing...

397
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,891
- Okay, here we go.
- Hmm!

398
00:15:38,329 --> 00:15:40,497
Is that really...

399
00:15:40,531 --> 00:15:43,124
Uh huh.

400
00:15:43,668 --> 00:15:45,735
Mmm! Mmmm!

401
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:50,240
Mmmmmmmm!

402
00:15:50,274 --> 00:15:52,509
Yum. That was fun.

403
00:15:52,543 --> 00:15:54,744
Hey, are we spinning more bottles?

404
00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:56,079
Uh, was that fun for you guys?

405
00:15:56,113 --> 00:15:59,249
- That like, satisfying?
- I was never not okay. So.

406
00:15:59,283 --> 00:16:02,018
It was really good for me.

407
00:16:02,053 --> 00:16:03,420
I say we play truth or dare.

408
00:16:03,454 --> 00:16:04,921
Oh Stevie, I'm in!

409
00:16:04,956 --> 00:16:06,570
Oh no, Ted.

410
00:16:06,991 --> 00:16:08,302
Get your housecoat
and your other slipper.

411
00:16:08,326 --> 00:16:10,648
It is time to go.

412
00:16:10,895 --> 00:16:12,796
- You got it, big guy.
- Okay.

413
00:16:12,830 --> 00:16:15,165
Okay. Sorry. I'm sorry.

414
00:16:15,199 --> 00:16:16,666
Good game!

415
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:20,335
Look at him.

416
00:16:21,421 --> 00:16:23,601
Awful peaceful when he's sleeping.

417
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:30,820
Well, we did it, sweetheart.

418
00:16:31,447 --> 00:16:33,815
And, uh...

419
00:16:33,975 --> 00:16:36,209
what do you think we've
learned here today?

420
00:16:36,354 --> 00:16:38,945
That Adelina was grossly underpaid.

421
00:16:39,589 --> 00:16:42,658
No, I mean, we could've been good,

422
00:16:42,754 --> 00:16:45,155
hands-on parents if we wanted to.

423
00:16:45,323 --> 00:16:46,790
We've got it in us.

424
00:16:46,816 --> 00:16:48,617
That was never in question, John.

425
00:16:48,699 --> 00:16:51,368
I'm even more convinced
that our hands-off approach

426
00:16:51,393 --> 00:16:52,827
served them better.

427
00:16:52,870 --> 00:16:56,006
I'll go, but not without my cousin!

428
00:16:56,031 --> 00:16:57,999
That had its moments.

429
00:16:58,042 --> 00:17:01,044
When it shone, it shone brightly.

430
00:17:01,078 --> 00:17:03,013
And I have to hand it to DeWitt.

431
00:17:03,047 --> 00:17:05,591
She had a real breakthrough
during the denouement.

432
00:17:06,183 --> 00:17:09,319
I believe she believed we were cousins.

433
00:17:11,685 --> 00:17:13,686
John?

434
00:17:22,199 --> 00:17:24,100
- Roland: Oh, hello!
- Moira: Shh! Shh! Shh!

435
00:17:24,135 --> 00:17:26,303
- Greet... what?!
- Shh!

436
00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:28,305
- What?
- I just put him down!

437
00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:31,107
Oh my gosh, you got
little Roland Jr. to sleep?

438
00:17:31,142 --> 00:17:32,575
Oh no, I'm talking about John.

439
00:17:32,610 --> 00:17:33,239
Oh.

440
00:17:33,305 --> 00:17:35,630
No, Roland's been asleep
for quite some time.

441
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,889
And everything was
fine? No major problems?

442
00:17:37,914 --> 00:17:41,183
He is a slice of meringue, Jocelyn.

443
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:43,829
You know, I don't know if uh...

444
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:46,356
I'm just all zen'd out
from an hour and a half

445
00:17:46,390 --> 00:17:48,959
of Linda's magic fingers on me,

446
00:17:48,993 --> 00:17:52,228
but I can actually see
myself leaving Roland Jr.

447
00:17:52,263 --> 00:17:53,496
With you people more often.

448
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,294
Ah!

449
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,244
Well, that something
Linda might want to massage

450
00:17:57,269 --> 00:17:59,837
right out of your mind,
the next appointment.

451
00:17:59,862 --> 00:18:01,463
I actually have Ron the next time,

452
00:18:01,505 --> 00:18:03,833
we like to mix it up a little bit.

453
00:18:04,944 --> 00:18:06,655
And with that, I believe
your little inchling

454
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,282
is out past its curfew.

455
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,481
Oh, you get the binger,
I'll get the baby.

456
00:18:11,515 --> 00:18:13,340
Okay.

457
00:18:14,190 --> 00:18:16,091
Ohh, jeez.

458
00:18:16,116 --> 00:18:17,649
Look at him.

459
00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:20,623
You know, I almost think I like
him better asleep than awake.

460
00:18:25,793 --> 00:18:29,229
He's on my side.

461
00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:31,334
Bye bye.

462
00:18:33,176 --> 00:18:34,743
What?

463
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:37,449
Oh, shh!

464
00:18:46,550 --> 00:18:48,195
Ahem! I'm just gonna
take the garbage out.

465
00:18:48,219 --> 00:18:49,552
Okay.

466
00:18:49,577 --> 00:18:50,821
Yeah, and if I don't come back,

467
00:18:50,855 --> 00:18:53,056
it's probably because
I've run off with Ted.

468
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,858
Thanks for the heads up.

469
00:18:54,892 --> 00:18:56,192
We're just gonna go for a ride,

470
00:18:56,227 --> 00:18:57,460
see where it takes us.

471
00:18:57,495 --> 00:18:59,729
Maybe start a vet clinic
somewhere along the way.

472
00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:02,132
He'll the animals back to heath, I'll...

473
00:19:02,157 --> 00:19:04,025
offer grooming services.

474
00:19:04,068 --> 00:19:06,334
Okay, you know what?

475
00:19:07,750 --> 00:19:10,485
Maybe I overreacted for a second.

476
00:19:10,510 --> 00:19:12,909
I was just talking to Alexis,

477
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,354
and we sorta wound each other worked up.

478
00:19:14,378 --> 00:19:16,146
- And Stevie didn't help.
- Stevie never helps.

479
00:19:16,180 --> 00:19:18,848
So I didn't love seeing my boyfriend

480
00:19:18,873 --> 00:19:21,107
kissing some other guy.

481
00:19:21,152 --> 00:19:23,201
I'm sorry, are you
saying you were jealous?

482
00:19:24,155 --> 00:19:26,456
David, I'm not playing
this game with you.

483
00:19:26,490 --> 00:19:27,957
No, you just said you didn't like

484
00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:30,060
seeing your boyfriend
kissing another guy.

485
00:19:30,094 --> 00:19:32,028
Okay, fine. He's a handsome guy.

486
00:19:32,063 --> 00:19:33,306
I might've been a little jealous.

487
00:19:33,330 --> 00:19:34,674
So, you think he's handsome then?

488
00:19:34,698 --> 00:19:37,400
What? He's like-he goes to the gym.

489
00:19:37,435 --> 00:19:39,102
- Goes to the gym?
- Oh my God.

490
00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:41,738
Wow, okay, so when you
said you were jealous,

491
00:19:41,772 --> 00:19:44,007
were you saying you were jealous of him,

492
00:19:44,041 --> 00:19:45,408
or jealous of me?

493
00:19:45,443 --> 00:19:48,483
Because I thought you were
saying you were jealous of him.

494
00:19:49,246 --> 00:19:50,513
Both?

495
00:19:50,548 --> 00:19:52,015
Not the answer I was looking for.

496
00:19:52,049 --> 00:19:53,014
Hey.

497
00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:55,752
Mhmm?

498
00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:56,921
I wonder what would've happened

499
00:19:56,946 --> 00:19:59,614
- if we had met in high school.
- Hmm.

500
00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:02,826
Well, unless you were into candy ravers

501
00:20:02,851 --> 00:20:04,552
with asymmetrical haircuts

502
00:20:04,595 --> 00:20:06,329
and a lot of pacifier necklaces,

503
00:20:06,354 --> 00:20:08,355
I think our paths
crossed at the right time.

504
00:20:13,052 --> 00:20:14,386
How jealous, though?

505
00:20:14,411 --> 00:20:16,112
Why don't you take out the garbage?

506
00:20:16,273 --> 00:20:18,475
- How jealous were you?
- Nope!

507
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:20,634
Scale of one to ten.

508
00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:23,146
- Like, enraged, or...
- Bye, bye.

509
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,981
Like fuming, did you sweat?

510
00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:30,514
- That was fun.
- Yes

511
00:20:30,539 --> 00:20:34,063
- That was really fun. Did you have fun?
- Yes.

512
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,368
- Did everyone had fun?
- Yes, Ted.

513
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:39,504
That's good, it's good
that everyone had fun.

514
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:40,949
Okay, you still have your slippers on,

515
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,618
Yeah, I know, sometimes
my feet get really cold

516
00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:45,210
- when I drink too much.
- It's not a thing.

517
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,212
- Okay, well, gimme a kiss.
- No!

518
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,880
You kissed my brother tonight,

519
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:50,916
I'm not kissing you after
you kissed my brother.

520
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:53,718
Pffft! Who kissed your brother?

521
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:56,655
Okay, it's time for "Fun
Ted" to just pass out.

522
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:59,090
No, he's not even tired.
In fact, if anything,

523
00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:01,927
I'd say he's only becoming more fun.

524
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:04,095
Okay. Okay! Okay! Okay!

525
00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:07,132
I think we should just
like, sleep it off.

526
00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:09,201
Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah.

527
00:21:09,245 --> 00:21:11,379
But first just give your brother a kiss.

528
00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:12,904
- Ew, Ted, Ew!
- Come on.

529
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:15,507
Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!

530
00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:18,210
Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! That's you.

531
00:21:18,968 --> 00:21:23,968
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
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