Is today the baseball day?
Today was supposed to be the baseball day, yes.
- The finale? - Championship.
Same thing.
What time did you need me to show up
to watch you play the baseball?
Well, as of right now, there you might not be anything
- for you to watch. - Oh?
Gwen dropped out.
Apparently she has to go see
a friend she met on the internet, so...
we are missing a right fielder.
Can you play both parts?
Positions. And, no. That's the whole problem.
We will forfeit the game
if we can't come up with a ninth player.
Well on the upside, there is an Isabelle Huppert
double feature playing at the Elmdale Art House.
David, I can't bail on the game,
I just have to find a ninth player.
Okay, well, good luck. It sounds a bit last minute.
You know, they don't even have to do anything,
they pretty much just stand there.
Have you asked Ronnie?
Uh, she is on the other team,
and I'm pretty sure she hates me
after the bathroom incident.
Oh, I forgot about that.
Hey, you know what, David, since you were already
planning on being there, maybe-maybe you...
Absolutely not!
- Just two hours of your life. - No, no, no, no, no, no!
- We just need a body! - Then go to the morgue.
I will cover you if any flies come your way.
I have a spray for that.
And you know my stance on team sports.
I do. Given today's political climate,
we don't need to divide ourselves any more
- than we already have. - Correct.
Have I mentioned to you that there will be a...
barbecue after?
I have a couple questions.
How many of the questions are about the barbecue?
Most of them.
Like, how soon after the game is the barbecue,
and will the players get to eat first,
and if so, who's enforcing that rule?
- I love you, David. - Okay. I...
- you say that now, but... - Mm... muah!
I don't do well with running.
All right.
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --
Ronnie, I don't know what the big deal is!
Nobody's gonna even notice that Stevie's not at the game.
That's not the problem, Roland.
I gotta be honest, sometimes I don't even notice her
when she's standing right in front of me.
Roland, the rules say that we can't play
if we don't have nine players!
And I can't stomach the thought of Patrick's team
winning by default; the man looks like a thumb!
Ooh, Ronnie!
I'm gonna need you to pour a little of that picante sauce
on the game today.
Because my bookie, Lorenzo, gave me great odds
on us taking this.
There is not going to be a game
- if we don't have a full team! - Um, excuse me?
I used to play a little ball in my day.
I was the star left fielder from my school team.
You played college ball?
No, Hebrew school.
There were seven of us, surprisingly,
not a big turn-out, but uh,
the Flying Latkes ended up in fourth place.
Johnny, I think some things have changed
since played ball, okay?
For one thing, the war is over. Ohhh!
Well, excuse me, I thought you were in a bind,
and needed a player, but uh,
forget it, I'm taking my offer back.
Roland, he's our only option.
No, he's not!
Joce has a CPR dummy that we can just throw
- out into left field. - Roland!
- We're going with Johnny! - Ah, boy.
Great! And just so you know,
I had a pretty strong arm in the outfield.
The Rabbi used to call me "Popeye".
Okay... I am gonna give Lorenzo a call,
and change my bet.
I'm gonna put everything I got on the other team.
Hi Honey, is your Daddy home?
This is so exciting!
I've never been in a musical before.
Although I did have a cousin who was in "Riverdance"
until she got trampled.
Yeah, um, I was one of the original Pussycat Dolls,
But I only lasted like, two weeks.
Because apparently, I'm "too pretty".
This is gonna be such a fun day!
Hey, Twyla!
What about you, Stevie?
I didn't even know that you wanted to be an actor.
- I don't. - Fine, "artist".
I've been dreading this rehearsal
for the past two days.
Okay, as star of the show,
you might wanna set like, a different tone for everyone.
I think this is a huge mistake.
You're not wrong.
There has been a lot of confusion as to why
I'm not the star of the show, but fair is fair.
You earned it. - No, I didn't.
I didn't audition.
I don't like attention.
I can't think of anything worse
than standing on a stage
in front of a room full of people.
Okay, Stevie, I think you just need to chill.
If this is anything like my first day
with the Pussycat Dolls,
it'll be a couple of hours of Kegels,
and then an afternoon of cheeky Bellinis.
It's just a lot of pressure.
Don't even worry about it.
I got your back today, girl.
Just like Nicole Scherzinger did for me.
Willkommen and bienvenue,
welcome, you... to "Cabaret!"
Not now, not yet.
Okay, mhmm.
I'm sure this will come as a shock to all of you,
but this production will mark my directorial debut!
Mmm...
Oh.
Missing cues already.
No, I'm-I'm simply here to inspire.
And instruct, and bring out the very best in you.
And I want to start the day with my lupanarian
Kit Kat Girls!
We've also included anyone who's requested extra
rehearsal time to work on their dance moves.
I just wanna limber up.
There's some pretty tricky footwork, so...
First, everyone, please, direct your gaze...
to the beating heart of our show,
our Sally Bowles, Miss Stevie...
- Budd. - Budd!
You're wondering, are we really going to lay
this colossal enterprise upon her tiny shoulders?
Yes! I'm a 100% confident
that you will all soon see what I hope
I believe I may be seeing in you, Stevie.
Thank you.
As long as you're up, why don't we jump right in?
You can help me lead the first exercise.
Uh, I thought this more of a meet and greet kind of thing.
It's the afternoon upon which
your bodies will meet and greet...
the boards.
Okay, this is called...
"Monster on my Back."
Oh, fuck.
Wow...
Okay, just so you're aware,
I had a very cute,
"my boyfriend's on the baseball team" spectator look
prepared for today,
and now I'm wearing tap shoes.
They're called cleats, and I think you look very cute.
That's a given.
This just isn't how I pictured
being a placeholder rolling out.
Here. I thought we could head outside,
maybe throw the ball around a little bit?
This glove is brown. My shoes are black.
What exactly are we doing here?
- We're gonna practice? - Practice what?!
You told me I was just a body in a field!
- Hey, Patrick. - Hey, Mr. Rose.
- Whoa! - What are you doing?!
Well, what are you doing?
Patrick's forcing me to be on his team
- for the game today. - Yeah.
Well, Roland and Ronnie wanted me to be on their team
- for the game today. - Oh my God!
That's funny, 'cause Ronnie's been telling me all week
how stacked her team is!
So yeah, so this makes sense.
Oh. Well, David, I'm surprised to see
you back in a uniform.
Whoa, I'm sorry, "back" in a uniform?
Okay, we don't need to get into it.
He didn't tell you?
Well, David holds the Little League record
for most times hit by a ball.
That's assuming it wasn't intentional.
They let me go home early.
So... where are you putting him?
Right field.
Okay, well, I'll try and get everyone
to pull the ball to the left.
Well, thank you, Mr. Rose,
but we're trying to keep morale high.
David and I are actually just going outside
to throw the ball around. Well, that sounds like fun.
I think I'll oil up the glove and join you.
Ew! Please don't.
Oh David, don't worry, you'll be great.
I just wish I'd kept that helmet I got you.
Does this come in black?
You can use mine.
Once...
Once.
Uh no, we've moved on from the mirror exercise.
Oh, okay, sorry. Go ahead.
Once...
At the motel...
One word at a time.
Okay.
Once...
Uh sorry, I'm not good at this,
I'm just not good at this, so.
Okay, um, maybe someone else should jump in at this point.
Excellent idea, Alexis. Okay, I'll play with Stevie.
And perhaps we'll get a clearer idea of what we need here.
Maybe you could do it with somebody else though,
let somebody else try. First word is a gimme.
So you may say "once."
- Once... - Upon...
A...
- Nightmare... - My...
- Captor... - Was...
Dismembering...
Okay, does it always get so dark?
Oh, I'm, I'm just flowing with your energy, Stevie.
Which is good, but...
you may require a little scordatura.
Why don't I break us up into groups.
That's a good idea, 'cause it's better
than what's happening here. I'm glad you agree.
- I'll... I'll number us off! - Um, one, two.
One, two.
Two.
Two... two, two.
Jocelyn, take group two for some movement exercises.
- Mhmm. - Thank you.
And you and I will do a little more one on one.
Okay, hey!
Do you think we could maybe switch parts at this point?
Um, at this point I really wouldn't want to.
But if it makes you feel better,
I think lunch is soon.
Um, I'm just wondering when the Bellinis are coming out?
Stay strong, babe.
Alexis, we don't need to exercise our movement?
Come here.
- You ready? - Uh, yeah.
Okay, next time, can you make sure
the ball goes into my glove? Thanks so much.
It's a ground ball, David. So in a game situation,
it is possible that the ball won't be hit
directly into your glove.
How's it going, boys? Do you mind if I toss a few?
That'd be great, Mr. Rose. That way I
won't be the only one chasing the ball
every time I miss David's glove.
Okay, the last thing I need right now
are two people coaching me on something
I didn't wanna do in the first place.
Well, it's more for me, David.
Popeye's arm isn't what it used to be.
Nobody's gonna call you Popeye.
Look alive, Patrick!
Whoa, hold it.
Uh, Johnny?
What are we doing here?
Just tossing the ball around, Roland.
- No big deal. - Wait, David's your sub?
I thought you told me that your team was stacked!
- Good to see you too, Ronnie. - Yeah...
Dave, be honest with me.
Are you just playing to make your dad look good?
I may have to call my bookie again, right?
Okay, this is passive harassment.
Anyway, we just stopped by to say we're having
a little pre-game bevvy and pep talk at my place
if you want to join us, Johnny.
Well, I think I'll just stick around,
and loosen up a bit, Ronnie.
Johnny, I don't think it's really ethical for you
to be doing spring training with the enemy.
He's not the enemy, Roland. He's my son.
There are no sons in baseball!
What?
I'd argue most baseball players are somebody's son.
- So what does that make me?! - Ohhhh!
No but, just 'cause he, he said there's...
Yeah, you know what, good luck.
'Cause you all are gonna need it.
Yeah, I'm looking at you. Roland: Yeah.
Wow, she is really not a fan.
Ohh man, I wanna win this game.
Okay, you told me it was just for fun, though!
Well, it is for fun, David,
but a little rivalry is part of the fun.
It's like when we used to play the Catholic kids
from Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow.
The worst school cheer I ever heard.
Blaaah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Let's be aware!
There are two groups in the room, voices carry.
Okay.
But this is actually a good distraction for you.
Because when you're on stage,
you're going to have to drown it all out.
Okay, so let's now focus on the image
you were about to conjure for me.
Okay...
I'm in the Town Hall.
I'm wearing my maroon plaid hoodie.
And I'm feeling...
very uncomfortable.
Hmm, vivid.
Visceral. Excellent, Stevie.
Although the exercise does ask us to recall
a traumatic event in our life.
This sounds almost as if you're describing
what's happening right now.
- Well, I am. - Oop!
There's that razor sharp wit that landed you the role.
Ah, Moira. Group two is gonna take a fiver.
I have not had this much exercise
since I birthed Roland Jr.
Look at you, Jocelyn!
Pushing your authority as assistant director
to its limit.
But Stevie and I are still doing some memory sculpting.
Uh, Mrs. Rose, I think I could really use
- a five minute break. - Oh, Stevie.
Okay, but we've chatted 30 seconds already,
so we'll call it a company four-and-a-half.
Okay.
Okay...
- Hey. - Hey.
So before I take my five,
which technically won't start until after this conversation,
I just wanted to have a conversation with you.
It's about Stevie.
Oh Alexis, I can't say I didn't see this coming.
This must be very difficult for you,
watching one of your contemporaries step in
as Sally, when you fought so hard for the role.
Oh my God, no! I read the script,
and never would've been able to memorize those lines.
May I ask where your concern lies, then?
This is all a little intense.
- Hmm? - Especially for Stevie.
If anything I'm going easy on her.
You should've seen the conditioning
Rocky put me through.
Our first day consisted of mud runs,
- and sob therapy! - Okay.
Well, she's not you,
and I think she's actually regretting signing up for this.
And feels like it was a big mistake.
Really? What gave you that impression?
Because she told me that she regrets signing up for this,
and feels like it was a big mistake.
That kind of attitude's not going to get her
very far as an actress.
Well, she's clearly not an actress.
You told us this morning that you were here to inspire,
instruct, and bring out the best in all of us.
If only we needed to fill the role of a Dictaphone!
- I'm just saying. - And your point is made.
Thank you.
Whatever's left of the five minutes
might do us all some good.
Thank you.
All right now, two away!
All right, players to first and second!
Outfield in a little bit, two away now, let's go!
Okay, I don't know who this is,
but can we put him back in the box?
David, keep your glove up!
Protect your face!
Hey, Johnny! No coaching.
Always be ready!
Ugh!
Johnny, why don't you just put on a little apron,
and serve them the win on a silver platter?!
I'm just helping out my son, Roland.
The kid has no idea what he's doing!
I can hear you!
Okay, uh, Ronnie, hit one out to right field.
There's basically nobody out there,
Nobody's gonna catch it, go ahead.
You got this, you got it!
- Ohhh! - You can do it, David!
Get out of the way, David!
It's okay, David, I got it.
Hey, you know what?! It's not okay.
I'm doing you the favour,
you told me I was just a body in a field,
not a body that had to catch things,
flying very fast in the air!
So...
I'm out!
Well, actually, David, uh, Ronnie's out,
and the inning's over, and technically, you're walking in the right direction.
Well, that's good for you, then, please get my glove.
- Knock, knock! - Team?
Um, a firefighter with back pain?
No, try again.
Knock, knock!
A vacuum salesman? I don't know.
Bob, try to communicate what's written on the paper.
Is-is there a bell I could ring?
You know, I don't, I don't wanna be rude,
but uh, they could be having dinner.
Um, you know, just keep knocking until someone
guesses what, or who you are.
Help me out here.
Knock, knock.
Yes, let's you and I sit this one out, shall we?
End things on a lighter note.
It is called a "play", not a "work".
Someone caught in the rain!
Um, Mrs. Rose?
I've been thinking...
Oh, that's your first mistake.
Don't think, Stevie, just trust your instincts.
Okay... well, my instincts are telling me
that I'm in over my head.
See, deciphering which instincts to trust
that's the real skill.
You're feeling overwhelmed.
After some quiet reflection,
it occurred to me that this morning's exercises
might've been a bit advanced.
Please remember, this is all new to me as well.
Ooh! A guy that works with animals, but not a vet...
We're in this together.
Okay...
Might I share with you an anecdote about my director...
- A man with amnesia! - Yes!
Well, he may have a story or two about that
from his later years.
No, sorry, I mean, the game.
It-he's a man with amnesia!
Yes! Oh, I'm so glad somebody figured it out!
Oh, I actually forgot what I was supposed to do up here!
Ohh!
You know that you have to come up
and play the game now, right?
I think I can handle that.
- Ohhh... - Thanks.
Vampire person!
Oh! Ghost! Ghost girl!
Hemophiliac!
Woman with amnesia!
No!
Hey! Patrick.
I don't mean to put any pressure on you,
but you do realize that it's the bottom of the ninth,
two out, bases are loaded,
and the game's on the line, right?
Yeah, I realize that, thank you, Ronnie.
So, who's up?
Oh, I think you know who's up.
The barbecue guy wasn't ready,
but he gave me some chips.
Okay David, you're up, but I'm gonna talk to the ump
and see if we can pinch hit for you.
Why? It's the only part of this stupid game
that I'm actually good at.
Well, you struck out three times, so...
I tipped it that one time, you even admitted that!
No, that's true, and that was a-that was a great tip.
It's just that we're trying to win here.
Hey! Hey! Do we have a batter, or what?!
- What's going on? - Yeah, I'm doing it.
- I'm doing the batting. - Ohhh, okay, great!
- All right! - Okay.
Easy out everyone, easy out!
Fire up the grill, we'll be there in a couple of seconds!
Okay, everyone shut up!
Ronnie, throw the thing.
Unh!
Oh my God! Run, David, run!
- Way to go, son! - All right, David!
Johnny! Get the ball!
This is it! Go, David! Drop the bat!
What are you waiting for, Johnny?
Come on, he's going home!
All the way, David! All the way!
Aaaah!
- Safe! - Yeaaaaah!
- Are you okay? - Did I do it?
You did it.
You did it!
Wooo!
Woo!
David Rose, hit the ball!
Ohhh!
- Wooooo! - Woo! That's my boy!
You know, Johnny, the next time I need a sub,
remind me to ask the blind goat over at Mrs. Divine's farm.
It's just a game, Roland.
Popeye smokes his son square in the back.
It was a quick recovery, Ronnie,
but thanks for the play-by-play.
Well, luckily for me, I had a side bet
on whether Johnny would throw the game in his kid's favour.
I consider it a split.
When you get hit in the back playing a game
you never wanted to play in the first place,
does that make you the VIP?
The MVP, and uh, no, we're not doing that.
Okay, what if we were doing it, though?
Well then, you would definitely be the VIP.
Okay.
Listen, I'm sorry if this game sorta unleashed
my competitive side.
Yeah, we really don't need to meet him again.
But, you know, part of me wonders,
would you have hit a home run
if I hadn't lit that fire in you?
Because I have never seen you run like that.
Yeah, it was mainly because I was smelling the barbeque.
- Ah. - Up. Higher.
- Okay. - Thank you.
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --