Hey, Chocolate Bear.
I didn't have time to shower this morning. Did you wax your dome?
I sure did! Why?
- Thanks, pal! - Uh-huh...
Hold up!
Chapped!
Easy, Moose, that stuff is forty bucks a tin.
"With the long hours at a hospital, you don't have time to worry about your appearance."
"It may sound sexist, but with the female doctors, it's slightly more noticeable."
Hey, Janice. Is it windy out?
No. Why do you always ask me that!?
Because I'm--I'm captain of m-m-my kite-flying team?
The M-m-mighty Kites?
"Agh! Okay, just say something innocuous."
Good morning, gentlemen.
"The truth is most of them don't even bother trying."
- "Except of course..." - Hey, girlfriends!
How do you have the time to look so good every morning?
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Oh, this? Heh. Yeah, it doesn't take long.
"I guess everyone has their morning routines."
Hi, cutie! Since you have so many balls and...
too many toys can be over-stimulating for an infant,
Brantley here was wondering if he could borrow one to play with!
Oh, that's funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady...
who just spent the last hour chain smoking and talking on her cell phone while...
her kid ate sand would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice!
He also thanked me for not naming him "Brantley"!
Y-yeah.
I love our family.
'Married With Children'? Awesome!
- Has Kelly been on yet? - Here she comes.
"Hi, Daddy!"
Anyway, where's Danni? We're gonna be late for our movie.
Stop. Lemme just go grab a sweater.
I love you...
Wow, she's using the "L" word now.
Yeeeaaah, but we're not really that serious.
This isn't the movies?
I just wanted you to see this.
Because if I move here permanently, this would be the type of place we could afford.
Out of body experience?
Yeah.
She wants to move in together. I have to break up with her!
Dude, relax. Enjoy the show.
Have a Bugle.
Ooh, your ghost hands is cold!
J.D.!?
I wanted to put them on my fingers and pretend I had witch nails.
- What?! - Nothing.
I just can't believe how comfortable I've gotten talking to you over these last few months.
I mean, look, I'd still be with my old shrink if I hadn't...
cut across the park the day of the renaissance faire and realized...
that the man I tell my innermost secrets to likes to...
likes to put on a big, giant beard and make pretend that he is a blacksmith.
A-a-a-anyway, something weird's been going on with me lately.
I have been sleeping more, I've been drinking alone... less...
I've even started complimenting people.
Oh, come on! Get your pump on!
God help me, Sluggo, if you get any more buff, I'll be absolutely sure that you're gay!
Oh, I'm gonna get more buff!
Dr. Cox never compliments me about anything!
Well, he should.
Your new look has completely changed my perspective.
For instance, this is not a broom with fraying edges...
this is now a broom that reminds me of blonde doctor's bangs.
Tough and spunky!
Oh, my God! That is exactly the look that I was going for!
- Really!? - Yeah!
Shoobity-doo! Hey!
How 'bout I give you a ride to your next destination?
To the morgue!
- Watch it! - Hey!
So, did you break up with her?
I was going to last night...
but then I looked in her eyes, and I realized how rare...
it is to meet someone who's actually willing to have sex with me.
How did you have sex with the woman you're about to break up with?
Okay, you know how the, uh, couch in the living room has those high arms?
Babe, you gotta understand,
a guy will sleep with any woman he finds attractive, no matter how he feels about her.
If Tyra Banks drove her car over my mom and then offered to have sex with me?
I'd have to dial 9-1-1 in the nude because my pants would already be off!
That's sweet! While your mother lays there dying!
- Tell her. - His mom doesn't die.
Tyra uses her connections in the supermodel world to get...
government scientists to put Turk's mom's brain into Heidi Klum's body.
She falls in love with me, we all move in together.
It'd be awkward at first, but I'd make it work...
'Cause I love my mom.
Mm, and I would love her, too.
New low.
Oh, Mrs. Gorski, I know shingles are never fun.
Unless you're talking about the games we made up the summer my parents got a new roof.
It was kind of like Hide & Seek, only we'd throw shingles at each other?
Ahh, summer time... Still...
a positive attitude can go a long way in helping you feel better, so let's see a big ol' smile!
Excuse me. Can I borrow Dr. Reid?
You may keep her.
Here at Sacred Heart, I like to think that our patients choose our hospital...
not only because I leak vicious rumors about competing hospitals to the press,
but also because when they see one of our doctors they think,
"Now that's a professional!"
Um, I don't think I look unprofessional.
I've let this whole new look thing slide the last few months,
but now that your colleagues are beginning to complain
I'm going to give you the same advice I give my son every morning.
Lose the makeup! Get a haircut!
And stop using my razor to shave your fun zone!
- I hate missing practice. - Me too.
Mighty Kiiiiites!
Morning, class.
As residency director, it is my pleasure to have both surgical...
and medical personnel here with us today.
In fact, in this room we have enough brain power to light up a city!
Not a real city, mind you, but... definitely a tiny ant city...
whose government has recently passed a series of stringent energy conservation laws!
Stringent what?
"Stringent updoc".
It's happening.
Yes, Nervous Guy?
What's "updoc"?
Okay, people, biphasic defibrillators.
How many of you had a chance to practice on the mannequin?
Oh, yeah.
With the defibrillator...?
And I assume none of you have even looked at the literature.
I didn't do anything. No yelling, no breaking stuff, nothing.
And right then...
I figured out what's different.
I figured out what that feeling was that I was having in the park the other day with my family.
I'm...
happy.
Now does that not just make you sick?
Dude, with Danni you just gotta keep your eyes on the prize.
Focus in on how great it is to be single! Chasing tail!
Hell, I miss it every day.
Oh, you don't care if you ever have sex again, do you?
Baby, listen, I'm just trying to keep my man psyched,
'cause since I've known J.D., he's never broken up with anyone.
He's right. I don't like hurting people.
But with Danni, I'm gonna do the honorable thing...
I'm gonna have someone in a fireman's outfit tell her I burned to death.
Bambi, you owe her closure. Hell, you owe it to every woman you've ever dated.
Listen, Danni....
Lisa....
Drunk girl who was friends with the girl I really wanted to hook up with...
It's not all of you.
It's me.
Scott Gerber?!
At soccer camp, I told you I wanted to be more than friends.
I thought you meant teammates!
Well, I didn't!
He used to... borrow my jersey and...
wear it as jammies...
Hey, Danni, it's me. What are you up to?
- I'm keeping busy. - "Oh, that's great."
Uh, listen, something's been on my mind...
"Me too."
I just feel like my life is so scattered lately and you're the only good thing I have going right now.
- Awesome. - How's he doing?
The boy's got no biscuits.
I am trying to break someone's heart here, okay!?
I'm feeling really bummed. Do you have a second to talk?
Actually, I'm kinda swamped right now, uh, let me get back to you, okay?
Elliot, what's wrong?
- Eh, forget it, you're busy. - Come on!
I always have time for you!
Have the other doctors been making fun of the way I look?
- What? No! No way! - Huh? I've never heard anything...
- ...like that! Why? - Why would you say that?
Hell, yeah.
Only the girl ones, and you know, they're all "Mrreeeoww!!"
- Cat fight? - Sorry, Todd!
Let's try and be a little more careful when we use that noise, okay?
God!
Honestly, I haven't been this happy since Christmas...
when I was seven years old and my father showed me how to make a snow angel.
Actually, he was passed out drunk in the yard but...
I did take his arms and his legs and move them back and forth... and...
th-the paramedics said it was one of the finest snow angels that they'd ever seen, so...
maybe the fact that I am the kinder, gentler...
Cox is every last bit of okay. Maybe it's a...
a natural progression.
It's not like there's any real ramifications...
Right?
What the hell, there, Pee-Pants? Are you... the only one here?
I drew the short straw, so I have to press record on...
all the tape players when you start the lecture.
Of course you do, but you don't actually expect me--
Where is everybody?
They all had really important things to do?
Hello, citizens!
Welcome to Sacred Heart!
Home of the world's most giant doctor!
Be not afraid! I'm just like you!
Except I'm giant!
My tush is chafing.
All right! My turn to get on top!
Turk, we tried playing Giant Black Guy. Remember what happened?
- People ran. - Damn!
Besides, I gotta go deal with this whole Danni thing.
You want me to just talk to her for you? I'll do it.
Nah, that's weak. I mean, if someone doesn't care about you enough...
to break up with you themselves, it's like they didn't ever care about you at all.
Hey, guys.
Ohh! J.D., Danni's breaking up with you.
Mm, darn. See ya!
What?
Guys, how many times do I have to tell you? Stop wearing my coat!
Sorry about that, Chet!
Which one of these is Chet's? We gotta put this coat back.
Oh... I think it's this one.
Dude, look at the size of this Odor-Eater! We could surf on it!
I still don't understand why Danni's breaking up with me, man. I gotta go talk to her.
Okay, first of all, words cannot describe the smell that is currently on my cheek.
You get out clean, and now you wanna go back in just 'cause she rejected you?
Who else is that crazy?
Not one resident showed up.
Not one. Would you like to know why?
Because they're not scared of me anymore.
And I blame you... yes.
You have turned me into this soft,
emotionally open, pathetic freak at home, and now it's starting to bleed over into work.
- "...Happy birthday to you!" - "And many more!"
Oh, my... oh, my God!
Happy birthday!
Oh, dammit, people, I've been here twenty-three years.
For the last time, I'm allergic to coconut!
Elliot... Have you been in the supply closet, crying?
Carla... I don't do that anymore!
Oh, my God! I look like Alice Cooper!
You know, I shouldn't have to feel bad for wanting to look good.
You don't, what with your bohemian scarves and...
- pirate earrings. - Thank you for noticing.
But still, it's different for nurses, we're not judged for being feminine.
But when you're a doctor,
if you put in too much effort the men will never take you seriously...
and the women will think you're trying to show them up.
It's a dumb stereotype. You just have to decide if it's worth the hassle.
Laverne!
Good cake, though.
Hellooo?
Little piece of advice:
Your honker's cute in person. Peep-hole? Not your friend.
Ha! I'm sorry, did I interrupt you from trying to eat your baby?
Danni's not here.
Look, do you know how hard it was for me to come here?
- Gotcha! - Oooog! Oh, God...
Not getting up until you come to your senses.
Get your coffee on, dawg.
Say what you want, those big round cheeks are warm in the morning...
What?
I just wanna know why she broke up with me.
Well, why don't you just... hey! Ask her yourself!
Not cool.
Now, there you go, sweetheart!
Now you look more like a doctor and less like a lap-dance!
Thank you, sir.
Floor's wet.
You know, I liked the way blonde-haired doctor looked.
She brightened my day. But you don't care, do ya?
'Cause you're unconscious.
So I...
I'm pretty much thinking it's time to get the fear back.
And I'm sorry, but I think life is just too short to spend...
your time working someplace where people don't crap their pants at the mere sight of ya.
Okay, listen up, people, because this part is crucial.
In order to use the biphasic defibrillator, we have to--
Sorry I'm late.
Hey, Elliot. Is it greasy outside?
Oh, that is so stupid. Elliot, you look... smart.
- Hello? - Of course I'm smart -- I'm a doctor!
"What's up, doc?" I just got it!
Maybe that's why Danni wants to break up with me, she thinks I'm too smart!
You're dating a guy named Danny?
Is he hot?
Listen... I know it's a cliché,
but Sander say that it is indeed the calm before the storm...
that lets you know that danger's coming.
First off, let me just say...
thank you
For the last couple of months I have been adrift in a sea of...
puppy dogs, lollipops,
and, let's face it, mediocre metaphors.
Luckily, you people were kind enough to...
piss all over learning a procedure that could...
determine whether some poor sucker lives or dies, and...
that reminded me of something that I...
wanted to remind YOU of.
Because, you see, I...
am accountable.
I am accountable for the continuous, crashing, undeniable...
amateurism that you people drag into this hospital day in and day out.
And believe you me when I tell you that the next time one of you...
perpetual disappointments doesn't even have the common decency...
to try and do better at something you supposedly DO?
I will go ahead and toss your sorry ass outta here in about...
ten seconds and then I will forget you forever in the next five.
Okaaay! Nervous Guy!
Bring that nervous butt up here, lose the shirt.
We're gonna show these good people how this thing works.
Nice tan, there, champ.
- Thanks? - Clear!
"After Dr. Cox exploded at us, so many thoughts were racing through my head."
"We have been slacking off lately."
"How did Doug get such incredible abs?"
"And what the hell is the deal with Danni?"
- Hey! - Hey.
After you dressed up Rowdy, did you trim the clumpy areas around his butt?
- Yeah...? - Oh...
Thanks. He was due for a good grooming.
Look...
- Just tell me why. - Your cell phone wasn't turned off.
- What? - When you called me.
Actually I'm swamped, Danni. Sorry, I gotta go.
Elliot, what's wrong?
Oh... Forget it, you're busy.
"Come on! I always have time for you!"
That stupid phone! You know, that's the same way Turk found out I collect scarves!
- Ooooh! - J.D.--
You're still not over Elliot. And until you are,
no one's ever gonna have a chance to get close to you.
Right?
That silence?
That's you breaking up with me.
Hey! I finally broke up with someone!
- How you doing, Elliot? - Great!
I figure I spend three quarters of my life in a place filled with misery and sickness.
If I need to feel good about myself, then the hell with everybody!
And for what it's worth, I think you look beautiful, I wouldn't change a thing.
Ohh.... Oh! I did, uh, tone down the eye makeup a little bit.
Oh, thank God! You looked so slutty.
There! All done.
I look hot!
"Everybody has their own way of getting through the day."
"For some, it's as simple as standing up for a friend..."
"and getting away with it."
"For others, it's talking things out with someone."
I--I know what you're thinking, believe me, I...I do.
Why in the world would a civilized, up-town man of the millennium such as myself...
even go ahead and give a good rat's ass about whether a bunch of...
snot-nosed baby docs were afraid of him.
Right? Well...
unfortunately the only way I know how to teach is through...
fear.
And I tell YOU this because...
I know that this particular shortcoming...
will invariably affect your life.
And again,
sorry about the gay sailor's outfit.
Your mother LOVES it.
She couldn't be more pleasant when you have it on. Take it off...
nut bag, have it on... pleasant, approachable....
"As for me, if I'm not over Elliot, I might as well wait it out for the long haul."
"After all, it doesn't mean I'm gonna ignore opportunity if it falls in my lap."
- Hey! Sheila! - Leave me alone.
- Okay...! - J.D.
Let's get going. Sean's calling me at home in like ten minutes.
"Oh, this is gonna suck."
Transcript: http://scrubs.mopnt.com
Synchronisation: Boberman.
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