1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,992
Before I settled on the outfit
for my first date with Kylie,
2
00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:06,559
I had to run it by the experts.
3
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:09,916
So be honest but not too honest,
cos I'm feeling a little chunky.
4
00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:19,112
- We like it.
- Oh, thank God.
5
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,270
I swore I heard the word jowly.
6
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:25,514
So... how many outfits did you
try on before you picked that one?
7
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:33,074
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8
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:40,352
Not too many.
9
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:43,000
On a first date,
I could see what a guy was wearing
10
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,752
and know how far he would get.
11
00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:48,037
- Me too. That guy is getting boobies.
- Yeah, he is.
12
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,075
That guy's getting a hug at the door.
13
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,749
And that guy is getting a fake name
and a phone number with six digits.
14
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,673
- I know this looks ridiculous.
- I don't think you do.
15
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,797
The entire ensemble works.
The jacket never comes off.
16
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,794
Carla, I need keys
to the Mini convertible.
17
00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:07,552
She can't get on my scooter.
18
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:10,950
- The top won't go up.
- It'll be awesome.
19
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,994
Sorry about your hair.
20
00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:19,629
Don't beat yourself up.
I got a scrunchie.
21
00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:25,559
There!
22
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:29,188
What the hell was that?
23
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:35,515
It's a poor little possum!
We should take him to the vet.
24
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:39,354
It was Sophie's Choice,
either leave the possum there to die
25
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,396
or wrap it up in my sports coat
26
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,631
and reveal the short-sleeved
nerd jersey lurking beneath.
27
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,673
Careful. His hoof is
bleeding on the gear shift.
28
00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:49,398
Sorry.
29
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:53,708
This thing's dead. That'll be $120.
30
00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,553
One hundred twenty dollars
for a stupid dead rat?
31
00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:01,109
It's so sweet that you're depressed
about that poor little possum.
32
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,477
I'll always remember him.
33
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,950
Little Carlton.
I named him after my uncle.
34
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,473
He had red eyes.
35
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:14,792
Allergic to preserves, but he
spread them on everything, you know?
36
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,236
We only lost a half hour.
We can still make that reservation.
37
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,472
There's possums everywhere!
38
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,312
No, no, no. It's just a box.
39
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,396
A talking box.
40
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:31,590
I think your shirt stopped the bleeding.
41
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,079
Great!
42
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:39,111
- Happy birthday, Laverne.
- Thanks, Carla.
43
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,351
- Did your brother make you face cake?
- Sure did!
44
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,755
- Wow!
- Can I have a piece of that face cake?
45
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,035
I heard there was face cake.
46
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,310
Back off!
47
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,551
I'm saving this for my party tonight.
48
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,518
Outstanding.
49
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:10,037
Nurse, do me a favour, please.
Bandage this gentleman up?
50
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,998
They sensed my first date
wasn't going perfectly.
51
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:17,039
Though I could smell face cake
in the air, it was about to get worse.
52
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:20,829
- Dr Dorkian, I presume?
- The ex-girlfriend from hell.
53
00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:25,789
Get out! Get out before she sprays her
toxic stink over your new relationship.
54
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:30,431
Danni, love to stay and talk, but I'm
giving Kylie here a tour of the ICU.
55
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:33,114
You were going to take me
back to the underpass!
56
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,272
After the tour!
What is it with you and the underpass?
57
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:39,233
She's your nightmare sister.
You take her to dinner.
58
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,709
I spent the day with her.
She stole a sweater.
59
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,792
So what? You're the one wearing it.
Now, let's go eat.
60
00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,758
I've had nothing all day
except vodka and olives.
61
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,311
Thanks for the shirt, Lonnie.
62
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,834
Are you doing this
because I forgot to shave?
63
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:55,876
Lord! That's a one-day moustache?
64
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,632
No, Lonnie.
65
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:03,512
It's so great, because the residents
are practically our slaves.
66
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:07,195
I just said slaves
to my new black girlfriend!
67
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,708
Unfreeze, J.D., it's over.
68
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:14,238
So... what's wrong with this guy?
69
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,878
Well, let's see.
70
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:18,758
"Fatigue, fever, malaise".
71
00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:22,515
- Have you been to Hong Kong, sir?
- Yeah.
72
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,716
And then I said something stupid.
73
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:25,915
Could be SARS.
74
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,434
I forgot that if any
doctor suspects SARS,
75
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,876
it's cause for immediate
quarantine lockdown.
76
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,198
What have you done, Newbie?
77
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:53,711
Quarantinis, anyone?
78
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,993
Mr Donaldson hasn't
been to Hong Kong in 20 years,
79
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:15,117
so I bet my one remaining testicle
no one has SARS.
80
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,636
Unfortunately, by hospital policy,
we have to stay locked down
81
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:21,837
until the labs come back,
and that will take several hours.
82
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,912
Hang in there,
don't forget this is Dr Dorian's fault.
83
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:30,195
Kylie, angry mob. Angry mob, Kylie.
84
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:31,633
Hey.
85
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,233
SARS sucks.
86
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:37,313
OK. You can direct any technical
questions to my former sister-in-law.
87
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:38,515
- Hi.
- Hi.
88
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,273
Otherwise, bear in mind
that we are short-handed.
89
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:44,796
- There are only four doctors here.
- I counted more than that.
90
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,474
I'm talking legitimate doctors,
turtle head.
91
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:50,028
Pee Pants is a pathologist,
he doesn't count.
92
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,759
Johnson is a dermatologist,
Greek for "fake doctor",
93
00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:55,957
and please don't even
get me started on you four surgeons.
94
00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:57,712
There's only two of us.
95
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,473
You are so very useless,
I counted you both twice.
96
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,073
Yeah, you did.
97
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:07,710
Be honest. Is this the worst
first date you've ever been on?
98
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:11,475
I don't know.
I think it's kind of exciting,
99
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:14,313
being in a hospital,
getting to see you in action.
100
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,868
- I wish I could be your assistant.
- Say no more.
101
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,235
- Lonnie, shirt.
- No!
102
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:21,470
Don't make me say pants. I'll do it.
103
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:26,033
Still tanning, I see.
104
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,880
- He's your bitch, isn't he?
- Yeah.
105
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:33,270
That is so cute! I'll go change.
106
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,755
- It looks like she's having fun.
- It's a front. She's miserable.
107
00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:41,150
The highlight was putting a possum
to sleep. That's not a euphemism.
108
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:44,949
J.D., seeing a young doctor do his job
is an amazing turn-on for a girl.
109
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,029
My dad's a doctor.
110
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:50,318
I remember how excited I was the first
time I saw him work at the hospital.
111
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:54,359
I didn't want to sleep with him, but
there were some complicated feelings.
112
00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,512
But that's totally normal
for an 11 -year-old, right?
113
00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,273
Anyway, yeah...
114
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:01,759
I forgot...
115
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:06,318
- So, what first, doctor?
- Well, you need a chart.
116
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,628
Lonnie, chart!
117
00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:11,556
You look ridiculous.
118
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:15,030
Except for that glorious moustache.
119
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,836
Hey, grouchy pants, want to hang out?
120
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,673
Does "hang out" mean choke you?
121
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:25,593
Hey, Danni, what's shaking?
122
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,395
Turk and Carla's wedding, we made out.
123
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:32,074
- So did we.
- Was it at the same time?
124
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,674
I have a habit of doing that
at people's weddings.
125
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,591
Leaving. Good show, fellows.
126
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,231
Wait for me, Per-Per!
127
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:45,872
Smooth manoeuvre, Hoover.
You scared her off.
128
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:49,635
You were the one
who was embarrassingly forward!
129
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,671
I'm bored. I'm a surgeon,
and there's no surgery.
130
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:56,830
Why do you think I brought you in here?
131
00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:59,559
We're short.
He needs his bedsores redressed.
132
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:03,079
That's nurse stuff.
I don't have the expertise.
133
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:06,197
- Turk, any idiot can be a nurse.
- I know. I just think...
134
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:10,157
I knew you thought that. I knew it!
135
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,992
You tricked me.
136
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,794
- Say she's mine, Murphy!
- Not till you kill me!
137
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:22,440
Only thing I detest more
than treating patients
138
00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:25,557
is treating them on an empty stomach.
I'm famished.
139
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,712
- We've been here for eight minutes.
- I haven't eaten today.
140
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,712
I was starving myself.
I was going to a steakhouse tonight.
141
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:36,396
It was gonna be me, a 24-ounce
porterhouse, and lots of blood thinners.
142
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:39,870
That's an incredibly boring story
with a fantastic...
143
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,757
...finish!
144
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,597
Five bucks says you can't do that twice.
145
00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:48,908
You're on.
146
00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,590
Double or nothing.
147
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,080
So how's it going with Kylie?
148
00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,471
There was nothing exciting going on.
149
00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:03,633
This sucks. I need to look like a stud.
I can't unless I save somebody's life.
150
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:06,678
- I need someone to have a heart attack.
- Got 20 bucks?
151
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:12,235
So, Nurse Ghandirilla,
I need you to suction this guy,
152
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,790
do a wet-to-dry dressing change,
and go ahead and top him off
153
00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:20,476
with a special sponge bath, happy
ending optional. His choice, not yours.
154
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,313
- The guy's in a coma.
- Not all of him.
155
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:27,393
- Not here. Not here. Not here.
- Danni!
156
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,953
- Hi!
- Oh, good! You're here.
157
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:34,237
Since we're amigos now,
could you do me a solid?
158
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,357
This bald, sad clown
isn't really much of a nurse,
159
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,273
so could you go ahead
and keep an eye on him for me?
160
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:41,793
Yeah, sure. I'd love to.
161
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:48,273
- Hey, didn't I go to your wedding?
- Yeah. You threw up on my gram-gram.
162
00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:51,636
Hey! You can't get inside my head.
163
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,435
Hey, mentally strong!
164
00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,916
You can't smoke in here.
165
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,073
I don't see any signs.
166
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,994
So how much does he owe me, Barbarino?
167
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:12,035
Six hundred, so far.
168
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:15,874
Damn it, man.
You cannot afford this. Stop.
169
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,313
Stop.
170
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:18,719
Stop.
171
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,670
Come on, Steve. Stay with me, buddy!
172
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:25,228
You're not getting this one yet, Lord!
173
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:28,437
- Could you make your face a bit redder?
- I want more money.
174
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:30,238
- What?
- Fifty bucks, or I tell her.
175
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:31,548
- I don't have it!
- Get it!
176
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,995
Elliot,
I need another doctor here, stat!
177
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,149
- Give me $30.
- I gave you 20. I'm tapped!
178
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:39,559
Ask Johnson. He's loaded.
179
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,995
I need a dermatologist over here, stat!
180
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:45,311
Oh, yeah! Time to shine.
181
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,395
What do you need? Is it a rash?
182
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:52,109
I paid him to fake a heart attack.
He wants 50 bucks. We only have 20.
183
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,839
You know, I feel like you guys
just use me for my money.
184
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:58,037
You have a trust fund!
Now give me the money!
185
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,318
- Clear!
- I'm alive!
186
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,473
J.D., one. Lord, zero.
187
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:08,956
Just like that, love was in the air.
188
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:12,510
It was as if our first date got others
talking about some of theirs.
189
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,716
I had a first date
where we played paintball.
190
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,360
All he did the whole time
was shoot me in the face.
191
00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:21,149
After two years with that guy,
I'm like, "That's enough!" You know?
192
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:25,028
First dates, huh?
Somebody give me 700 bucks.
193
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:27,793
I went out with a girl.
She was the worst first date.
194
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:31,839
I take her for a romantic ferry ride,
and I decide to take it out...
195
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:33,990
OK. Your turn is done.
196
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:38,153
The worst one I had was with a guy who
took me to a dumpy pizza parlour, right?
197
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:42,791
You know what? Really don't
want to hear about this one. OK!
198
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:46,953
She didn't like the pizza I ordered
because it had anchovies. Believe that?
199
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,999
- It had anchovies.
- And pineapples.
200
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,548
And pineapples?
201
00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:56,313
- And red peppers.
- And green peppers.
202
00:11:57,560 --> 00:12:00,597
- Wait... Red peppers.
- No!
203
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:05,394
I heard the pain in my best friend's
voice, and felt how little I cared.
204
00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:09,189
By the way Kylie was looking at me,
I knew she thought I was sexy.
205
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:10,679
You know something?
206
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:14,196
Seeing you in your element today,
you seem so...
207
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,430
Here it comes... sexy.
208
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:17,635
Genuine.
209
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,712
She would have said sexy
if I had a moustache.
210
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:24,475
You know, James lied all the time,
and I don't know...
211
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:28,030
It's just nice to be
with a guy I can trust.
212
00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:29,519
Cool.
213
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,160
Oh, no.
214
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:40,556
I don't deserve this.
215
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:45,315
I'm no better than her ex-boyfriend.
I paid a hobo to fake a heart attack.
216
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:49,678
So you just tell her the truth, she's
mad for a while, then forgives you.
217
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:53,548
I see what you're saying.
There's no downside. Kylie...
218
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,552
...you dated the devil.
- Turk.
219
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:58,312
- And you lied to me.
- No!
220
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:01,437
You never asked if I dated Dr Cox.
You can ask me anything.
221
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:05,672
- I would never lie to you.
- Do you sometimes wish I had hair?
222
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,194
- Yes.
- This is a nightmare.
223
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:11,909
- I'm standing in a nightmare.
- Maybe I'm guilty of a lie of omission.
224
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,151
- Cos you're a lie omitter!
- This may be asking too much,
225
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,755
but could you keep it together
until we get home and talk about it?
226
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,229
- Fine.
- Thank you.
227
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,311
Carla, I like your hair that way.
228
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,312
Laverne...
229
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:33,631
...I bet you're tempted
to break open that face cake
230
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:35,392
and just tear it apart.
231
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,152
No one's touching this.
232
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,676
Oh, I don't care. I'm not even hungry.
233
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:43,752
Dr Kelso, I don't have $ 700.
234
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,311
That sounded like the word "cake".
235
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:53,599
You get me that damn face cake,
and you are free and clear.
236
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:01,350
- Hi, Glenn.
- Hey.
237
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,829
- I'm Glenn.
- I'm Glenn!
238
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:07,913
Look, let's not go down
that road again. Come on.
239
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,479
Shake.
240
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,515
OK, it's time to come clean.
241
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:22,160
I brought you here
because I want to tell you...
242
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,834
Say I'm Glenn!
243
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:26,592
That's peculiar.
244
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:30,229
- What I really wanted to say was...
- J.D., J. D! Look at me!
245
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:36,752
That's the kind of girl
my ex-boyfriend would have dated.
246
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:38,193
I barely know her.
247
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,554
The lies begin again.
248
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,039
I would never sleep with her.
249
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,634
That's it.
You're stronger than this. No lies!
250
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:45,790
I race motorcycles.
251
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,591
Excuse me.
252
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,155
- What are you doing?
- I need more cash.
253
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,595
- For what?
- I'm putting DSL in my box.
254
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,671
Fine! But know this:
255
00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:59,878
You've been nothing but a disappointment
to me since the moment I ran over you.
256
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,549
- Hey, baby.
- Keep it together.
257
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,552
Do you remember
that quarantine we had seven years ago?
258
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:13,031
It was just you and me, all alone,
late at night, here in the ICU?
259
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,597
- That's it!
- Turk!
260
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:19,069
You had to do that?
261
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:22,038
Come on. If he wasn't jealous,
it wouldn't be a big deal.
262
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:25,351
Give him a break! What if Jordan
had a history with somebody?
263
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,671
Oh, fair enough. Hey, everyone,
264
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:32,514
in the brief 18 months
that Jordan and I weren't together,
265
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,670
how many of you had your way with her?
266
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:40,278
Bear in mind, I need absolute
honesty here or I will brain you.
267
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:47,798
Anyway, whoever taught Jordan
that reverse cowgirl position...
268
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:51,475
...it was long overdue, but thank you.
- You're welcome.
269
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,596
You're a freak.
270
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,070
Who ate my face fake?
271
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,079
He did.
272
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,836
$ 700.
273
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:12,750
Wow, he is really out.
274
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,400
A mild sedative fell into his juice box.
275
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,199
J.D., I know why
you're lying about everything.
276
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:21,556
You don't think you're good enough.
You've always been insecure,
277
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:25,269
even though you're this funny,
weird, amazing guy.
278
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,113
I mean, that's why
I fell in love with you,
279
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:31,670
and I'm betting if you just act
like yourself, Kylie will too.
280
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,035
Thanks, Elliot. Really.
281
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:38,079
But that's a load of crap. Nobody
is themselves when they start dating.
282
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,515
Dating is acting
like somebody you're not
283
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,478
until they like you enough
to show them who you are.
284
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,551
- No, it's not.
- What do you call that bra
285
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:49,030
- you wore for your date?
- The miracle lift super push-up bra.
286
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,872
Not everyone's as insecure as me.
287
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,791
Carla, when you first dated Turk,
288
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:56,668
- did you say you loved basketball?
- Yeah.
289
00:16:56,760 --> 00:17:00,116
- How many have you watched?
- One.
290
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:03,954
But only because he made me choose
between basketball or having sex.
291
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:09,997
Exactly. When I get out of here,
I'll treat her better than anyone has.
292
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,275
I just gotta make it through tonight.
293
00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:16,433
Keep an eye on the bum's vitals. I gave
him enough sedative to put down a rhino.
294
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:23,556
I don't understand why Carla
didn't tell me about you guys.
295
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,468
Maybe because
she's really in love with me,
296
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:31,712
and we injected you with diabetes to
very slowly get you out of the picture.
297
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:35,952
Or maybe it's
because I really liked her,
298
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:39,749
but she didn't feel the same way
about me, and I got the forehead kiss
299
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,479
after spending 90 dollars
on theatre tickets.
300
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,757
Or maybe,
and this is a huge outside maybe,
301
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,912
maybe she knows you're
the kind of person who freaks out
302
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,560
over irrelevant things from the past.
303
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,791
Personally, I hope it's all three.
304
00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:01,638
They say all horrible things
eventually come to an end.
305
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:06,671
The lab results are back,
and there is no SARS.
306
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:10,230
The quarantine is over.
So, bye-bye, everyone.
307
00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,351
That looks like my neck!
308
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:28,837
Oh, this does not end well for you.
Thanks for the heads-up, jumpsuit.
309
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:33,559
You are going to pay
every cent of that $ 700.
310
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:41,668
Double or nothing!
311
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,035
We're even. Good night, sir.
312
00:18:56,920 --> 00:19:00,071
Dr. Kelso made me realize
that lies come back to haunt you,
313
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,913
even little ones about cake.
314
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,878
Even a lie of omission
shook the foundation of a couple
315
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,713
that was much more established
than Kylie and me.
316
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,910
I knew I couldn't
let her go out that door.
317
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,878
- Let's go.
- Kylie, wait.
318
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,714
I paid Steve 50 bucks
and an IOU for another 120
319
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,109
to fake a heart attack.
320
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,636
- I really wanted tonight to go well.
- Is there anything else?
321
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,194
Adios, assface.
322
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,113
I had sex with her a lot.
323
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,953
- Why are you telling me this?
- If I don't come clean,
324
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,793
whether it's a few weeks
or months or years from now,
325
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,111
I know it will come back to haunt me,
ruin us, I don't want that.
326
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,638
I'm not looking for a project.
327
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,875
Yeah. I understand.
328
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,795
So get it together.
329
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,110
Now let's go get some coffee.
330
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:58,950
Wait. You know, if we leave like that,
that's how you'll remember tonight.
331
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:02,715
- I don't want that.
- So, what do you want to do?
332
00:20:03,305 --> 00:21:03,551
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