1
00:00:02,902 --> 00:00:06,565
[J.D.] Since my apartment's roof
collapsed, I was living at a hotel.
2
00:00:06,639 --> 00:00:08,800
- [Squeaks down rail]
- [Yells]
3
00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:12,038
But that's not the only thing
that's changed around here.
4
00:00:15,548 --> 00:00:18,711
- I'm an attending, a licensed badass.
- [Horn honks]
5
00:00:18,785 --> 00:00:21,345
Elliot actually works
at a different hospital.
6
00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:23,855
She's trying to lay low at first.
7
00:00:23,923 --> 00:00:25,686
- [Screams]
- [Thud]
8
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:28,057
And Turk and Carla
are trying to make a baby.
9
00:00:28,128 --> 00:00:29,561
Here you go, baby.
10
00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:33,861
I know you love foreplay,
but I have five minutes,
11
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:35,992
so I made you a sandwich.
12
00:00:36,069 --> 00:00:38,230
That's the sexiest thing I've ever seen.
13
00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:41,830
- Over here, Turk.
- My bad, baby.
14
00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:43,671
Yep! Life was different.
15
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,938
Hey! Did you take my Porsche
from the valet?
16
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,674
This didn't feel like my scooter.
17
00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:50,511
[Squeaking]
18
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:51,641
Ow!
19
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:54,278
Look, no harm done.
Here are your driving glasses,
20
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:57,720
here's your driving scarf
and here are your driving gloves.
21
00:00:58,858 --> 00:01:02,021
Fine, here's your driving sock.
22
00:01:02,095 --> 00:01:04,791
I didn't care, because
now that I'm an attending,
23
00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:07,890
I had picked out a whole new look.
24
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:11,835
- Good morning, colleague.
- Oh, absolutely not.
25
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,136
What, Tall, Dark and Scary?
I can wear whatever the hell I...
26
00:01:15,208 --> 00:01:18,700
- What are you doing?
- This is my imaginary warning light.
27
00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:22,544
When it starts blinking, a situation
has ten seconds to resolve itself
28
00:01:22,615 --> 00:01:25,345
before I flash white
with rage and kill someone.
29
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:28,945
One, two, three, four...
30
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:32,458
...seven, eight, nine and ten.
31
00:01:32,525 --> 00:01:34,959
I had trouble getting
my babyGap T-shirt off.
32
00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:38,088
- It'll happen.
- Ow.
33
00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:39,188
[Screams]
34
00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:42,029
OK, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go with "ow."
35
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:44,433
How depressing is it being you?
Seriously.
36
00:01:44,504 --> 00:01:46,836
Would you equate it more
to being a Cub fan,
37
00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:48,965
or to, say, being born without lips?
38
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:50,873
- Born without lips.
- I know a guy.
39
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,310
- His house just burned down.
- How sad.
40
00:01:53,379 --> 00:01:57,679
He was smoking in bed. He shouldn't
smoke, 'cause he looks ridiculous.
41
00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:59,513
"I have a snake face."
42
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:03,680
Listen, today if you bother me,
could you do it without being around me?
43
00:02:03,756 --> 00:02:06,816
I have new interns starting.
Can you imagine what it's like
44
00:02:06,893 --> 00:02:09,521
to see this place
through their eyes the first time?
45
00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:12,156
[# The Finn Brothers:
Anything Can Happen]
46
00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:15,098
[Exhales]
47
00:02:18,271 --> 00:02:20,831
- Something on your shirt, kid.
- Huh? Oh.
48
00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:23,273
- Ha-ha! Classic!
- [Intern chuckles]
49
00:02:25,945 --> 00:02:27,503
Hey...
50
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:31,906
Sparky, it's five dollars a minute
to stare in public.
51
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,613
It's free in private... [purrs]
52
00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:36,621
- [Thud]
- [Groans]
53
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,323
You're gonna love it here, sport.
54
00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:44,863
- Get out while you still can.
- [Intern] Hmm.
55
00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:47,764
Seriously,
get out while you still can.
56
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,132
Junior, have you seen Johnny?
57
00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:52,569
Alzheimer's patient,
likes to tackle people?
58
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,037
[Intern] Mmm, mmm-mm.
59
00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:57,576
Has anybody seen Johnny,
the tackling Alzheimer's patient?
60
00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:01,410
Hey! You must be Keith.
61
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,949
Don't look so nervous, buddy.
I got your back.
62
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,882
- Who am I?
- [J.D. Groans]
63
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:10,417
I found him.
64
00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:14,455
# I can't do this all on my own
65
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:17,894
# No, I know I'm no Superman
66
00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:23,201
# I'm no Superman #
67
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,805
Someone's close enough
for a hair-mussing.
68
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:30,399
- [Gurgling sound]
- [Keith laughs]
69
00:03:30,476 --> 00:03:33,809
Dynamite bangs.
Hey, guys. Follow me.
70
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:38,112
Listen, if you're having trouble finding
a vein for an IV, please don't page me.
71
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:39,947
If you're desperate, we're lucky.
72
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,783
This is a city hospital,
there are heroin addicts
73
00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:47,554
who are quite adept at this. Did you
find a vein, there, Reverend Mayhem?
74
00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:50,755
- No problem.
- Good work, buddy. Stay in school.
75
00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:53,458
- Mr. Kellerman, how're you feeling?
- Not great.
76
00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:55,899
Well, that's probably
why you're here! Ha!
77
00:03:55,969 --> 00:04:00,133
Humor is a great icebreaker
for patients, OK? Follow me.
78
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,765
Mr. Kellerman
has congestive heart failure.
79
00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:05,402
Lisa, I want you
to start him on diuretics, OK?
80
00:04:05,478 --> 00:04:07,844
We'll loosen up
some fluid around his lungs.
81
00:04:07,947 --> 00:04:10,074
The good news is he'll go home tomorrow.
82
00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:14,313
The bad news is if he's not here, he
won't move up the heart transplant list.
83
00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:17,254
See, in medicine,
there are lots of Catch-22s,
84
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:21,419
a phrase made famous, I believe, by an
old fisherman who would stay out fishing
85
00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:25,521
until he caught... how many fish?
Anybody? That's right, 22.
86
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:28,897
- See, in 1492, Columbus...
- [Cox] Newbie!
87
00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:32,335
If you loved the sound
of your very own voice any more,
88
00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:35,932
you would probably sit in a little
room all day and sing to yourself.
89
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,977
Oh, you guys can skedaddle.
90
00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:44,843
Booga-booga-booga!
[Laughs]
91
00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:47,147
I love interns.
Gentlemen, a reminder:
92
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:50,155
As attendings, you are expected
to turn in your paperwork
93
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:52,589
and your required urine sample
by tomorrow.
94
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:54,853
I'm not planning
on doing any paperwork.
95
00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:58,693
I did go ahead and leave my urine
sample on your driver's-side car door.
96
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,824
Your lips, my ass,
they should meet.
97
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:05,030
Dorian, after four years, I hope you are
no longer following in his footsteps.
98
00:05:05,104 --> 00:05:08,733
I turned in my paperwork already,
but I'm gonna wait till tomorrow
99
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:12,369
to turn in my urine sample out
of respect to the fellas in the lab...
100
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:14,309
There's an asparagus issue.
101
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:18,908
Now there's an answer that warrants
a half-sincere pat on the shoulder.
102
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,543
Thanks, Dr. Kelso!
103
00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:23,384
He said "half-sincere,"
I think it was full-sincere.
104
00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:25,219
Feel my shoulder, it's warm.
105
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:28,385
Lindsay, by you reaching
the level of attending physician,
106
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:32,488
you've somehow managed to become
a member of a club that I belong to.
107
00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:36,934
Obviously there was no vote.
Because if there had been,
108
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:41,872
you would still hear the sound of my
voice screaming, "Nay, oh, dear God,
109
00:05:41,941 --> 00:05:43,966
one thousand times nay!"
110
00:05:44,043 --> 00:05:48,412
That being said, it's my obligation
to let you in on the organization's
111
00:05:48,481 --> 00:05:53,441
one and only bylaw: We're men.
112
00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:54,713
Yes, we are.
113
00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:58,223
The women are men. The children
are men. The men, of course, men!
114
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:03,251
So I went ahead and took the liberty
of making you five man cards.
115
00:06:03,329 --> 00:06:08,426
Hold them very dear, because every time
you drop the ball, man-wise,
116
00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:10,128
I'm going to take one from you.
117
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:14,162
I don't need your approval
or your stupid man cards.
118
00:06:14,273 --> 00:06:17,936
Although the lettering is darling.
Have you ever done calligraphy?
119
00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:21,173
- Thank you.
- Damn it!
120
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:28,150
[J.D.] That night, since we were low
on cash, Turk snuck me into the movies.
121
00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:29,949
One, please!
122
00:06:30,022 --> 00:06:32,183
We talked about my living arrangements.
123
00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:34,749
- Are you sure?
- You shouldn't stay in a hotel,
124
00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:36,658
so stay here
until you find a place.
125
00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:39,459
Carla was psyched to get rid of me.
Are you gonna tell?
126
00:06:39,532 --> 00:06:41,261
I don't know. What do you think?
127
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,825
- Turk? Is that you?
- [Thud, backpack zips]
128
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:48,634
- Yes. I'll be right in, baby.
- OK.
129
00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:55,748
[Gasps] Dude, you left
your gym shorts in here!
130
00:06:55,848 --> 00:06:59,215
Look, I gotta sex her up.
I'll be back as quick as I can,
131
00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:01,809
so it'd be about a hour and a half.
132
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:04,857
Wait! Could you just
quickly scratch my nose?
133
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:07,721
Ahh. Ooh.
134
00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:12,559
OK. OK. Don't zip me... up!
135
00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:15,396
[J.D. Groans] Turk! Turk!
136
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:17,561
- [Struggling]
- [Thud]
137
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:25,271
- I'm a little sick of the Turks.
- Excuse me?
138
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:27,642
Not you, Omar. I love your people.
139
00:07:27,713 --> 00:07:30,477
I'm talking about
their lovey-dovey crap.
140
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:34,417
Babe, I borrowed your backpack
this morning and my change fell out.
141
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:38,617
Maybe someone or something had to gnaw
a hole in it to keep from suffocating.
142
00:07:38,691 --> 00:07:42,457
Maybe someone already apologized
for that about a hundred times.
143
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:44,257
100 wasn't enough. I don't know.
144
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:48,357
- Absolutely no lovers' quarrels.
- Damn it!
145
00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:50,095
Elliot, what are you doing here?
146
00:07:50,169 --> 00:07:52,729
She hasn't talked to anybody
at her new hospital.
147
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:56,741
- How did this become about me?
- The Turks are sneaky.
148
00:07:57,276 --> 00:07:59,972
Not you guys.
I think Omar took my pudding.
149
00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:01,937
Mmm.
150
00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:04,505
Hey, Keith!
Can I get your pudding?
151
00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:06,142
Uh.
152
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,314
Interns.
153
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:12,482
You should be excited
about meeting people over there.
154
00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:14,526
You could totally reinvent yourself.
155
00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:16,084
You're right!
156
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,858
I'm gonna tell them
I am the most perfect doctor ever
157
00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:21,695
who never needs anyone's help
with anything!
158
00:08:22,802 --> 00:08:24,963
That'll end well. Dude!
159
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:28,040
[Speaks Turkish]
160
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:31,305
This guy's unbelievable!
161
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:36,012
OK, for some reason,
Mr. Kellerman's fluid situation
162
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:39,813
isn't getting any better. I think
we should be more aggressive. Keith?
163
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:42,411
- [Keith] Uh...
- Why don't you go get a Lasix drip.
164
00:08:42,488 --> 00:08:44,183
Other way, Keith!
165
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:51,029
Oh, Jason, when you're filling out
a female patient's exam report,
166
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:56,729
her breasts can be "healthy" or
"unhealthy," never "bangin' double-Ds."
167
00:08:56,802 --> 00:08:58,269
There's so much paperwork.
168
00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:01,101
My dad was a veterinarian,
and he never had to do any.
169
00:09:01,173 --> 00:09:04,472
Sometimes I wish this place
were more like a horse hospital.
170
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:14,984
I'm sorry, Mr. Larson,
but I do not like the look of that leg.
171
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,715
- [Gun cocks]
- [Man neighs]
172
00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:17,756
[Gunshot]
173
00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:21,953
We would have better hours.
All right, gang, get out of here.
174
00:09:23,362 --> 00:09:26,456
Hey, everybody? Great work today.
175
00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:31,863
How do you bother someone without being
around them? That is the question.
176
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:35,739
[Copy machine whirring]
177
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:40,709
[Cutting, tape being pulled]
178
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:52,250
Dorian, I'm paying you to work, not
stand around acting like the Fonz.
179
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:53,952
Perfect.
180
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:58,053
Being Turk's secret roommate
was going great...
181
00:09:58,130 --> 00:09:59,893
- [knocking]
...until now.
182
00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:01,661
Turk? I'm leaving for work.
183
00:10:01,734 --> 00:10:04,567
You've worked on your Turk
impression since college.
184
00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:06,798
- Time to shine!
- Turk?
185
00:10:06,872 --> 00:10:09,170
[Turk's voice] I'll be thinking
about you
186
00:10:09,241 --> 00:10:12,574
until the second I see you,
right now, I'm doing my business.
187
00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:14,875
Don't forget to use the Glade!
188
00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:18,014
Dude! That's the best it's ever sounded!
189
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:21,110
- I thought she was gone?
- Nah, she came back for a quickie.
190
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:24,020
All this baby stuff,
I feel like she rushed me into it.
191
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:25,853
I'm not sure I'm ready.
192
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:28,324
Get ready, she's been off the pill
for a week.
193
00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:29,622
[Guilty snicker]
194
00:10:29,695 --> 00:10:31,128
What have you done?
195
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:40,996
[Gagging]
196
00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:43,132
[Coughs]
197
00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:47,311
Think she'll be mad?
198
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:51,412
[Coffee brewing]
199
00:10:56,022 --> 00:10:57,956
Dr. Reid? Need some help?
200
00:10:58,024 --> 00:10:59,685
I don't need anyone's help.
201
00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:02,190
Stop running!
202
00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:06,155
Doctor, do you know
where the Foley caths are?
203
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:08,325
Sir, I know where everything is.
204
00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:10,359
Be right back.
205
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,971
Stupid coffee robot! Frick!
206
00:11:20,646 --> 00:11:21,943
[Gasps]
207
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:25,279
Don't sweat it. I used to hide here
when I worked at this place.
208
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:28,582
I'm on a fellowship now.
Foley cath, please.
209
00:11:30,556 --> 00:11:31,614
Thanks.
210
00:11:37,229 --> 00:11:40,198
Thanks. Could you also grab
a number six needle?
211
00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:41,857
[EIliot] Ahh.
212
00:11:41,967 --> 00:11:44,197
Frick fricky frick frick!
213
00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:49,565
Nice ass, grandma!
214
00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:53,669
[Screams]
215
00:11:56,248 --> 00:11:59,615
That screaming patient would have
to wait. I had bigger problems.
216
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:04,053
Hey, Keith! I just called upstairs
to see how Mr. Kellerman was doing.
217
00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:07,684
Get this: The nurse told me you
never even started him on a Lasix drip.
218
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:11,229
Lisa! Imagine my surprise when
she told me you never even increased
219
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:14,130
his diuretic in the first place!
I'm forced to ask,
220
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:18,694
are you people trained killers?
Say something, Keith!
221
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:20,929
[Keith stuttering] I... uh...
222
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:24,407
If he gets bad enough
and we have to put him on inotropes,
223
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:28,004
he'll jump to the top of the
transplant list and get a new heart.
224
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,548
They're messing up on purpose?
225
00:12:30,616 --> 00:12:32,311
Who told you guys to do this?
226
00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:34,352
There's a lot of ways to get caught.
227
00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:38,950
Sometimes you get caught because
you couldn't slip your wife her pill,
228
00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:42,187
so you had to feed her one
of your special homemade brownies.
229
00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:44,729
- What's that?
- Oh, that?
230
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:47,664
That's a tiny marshmallow
with writing on it.
231
00:12:49,568 --> 00:12:52,696
Still, if you don't panic,
you can get away with it.
232
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,296
[Clattering]
233
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,100
Just... doing some inventory... sir.
234
00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:00,873
That's why I'm glad you work here,
sweetheart.
235
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:08,778
Come on, guys.
Who put you up to this?
236
00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:12,221
As for me, I caught my culprit
because he made the classic mistake
237
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:15,419
of returning to the scene of the crime.
And all because I, too,
238
00:13:15,494 --> 00:13:18,019
had been eating Turk's
homemade brownies.
239
00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:22,033
Angie, my buddy down in the lab
just told me that your urinalysis
240
00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:24,797
came back positive
for the birth control pill.
241
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:28,806
So, I will be taking one of... these.
242
00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:31,206
- Thank you!
- Damn it!
243
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,712
- Keith, look at me.
- [Keith stammering]
244
00:13:38,784 --> 00:13:41,548
Did he specifically
tell you to disregard my orders?
245
00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:45,080
What the hell.
246
00:13:45,191 --> 00:13:47,819
I was doing this
and mouthing "I'll kill you,"
247
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:51,329
which I will if you don't
get out of here. Go on, get.
248
00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:54,764
[Panting]
249
00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:58,131
I saw it first.
250
00:14:00,639 --> 00:14:01,867
Long day.
251
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:05,502
Newbie, I did tell them to ignore you
and let Mr. Kellerman get worse.
252
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:08,513
And you wanna know something?
I'd do it again.
253
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:13,313
- Bye, Elliot.
- Look...
254
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:16,786
I know I agreed to have a baby,
but you were offering sex at the time.
255
00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:19,380
- I would have agreed to anything!
- [Grunting]
256
00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:20,891
Carla, no.
257
00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:28,260
No! She knows I can't eat
without my strawberry milk.
258
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:29,925
You should've let her fork me!
259
00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:34,268
I think that's how you got into trouble
in the first place! What's up!
260
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:36,308
Euphemism five!
261
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,605
His vocabulary's gotten so much better!
262
00:14:38,677 --> 00:14:41,703
- Elliot, why are you here?
- Oh, I have to make Kelso think
263
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:45,113
I work here so he doesn't have me
arrested for stealing supplies.
264
00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:48,449
What would you have done
if you couldn't give Carla the pill?
265
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:51,080
- I'd have faked it.
- Guys can't fake it.
266
00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:53,158
Really? Does this sound familiar?
267
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:57,025
"Oh, baby, we're going all night.
No, wait, don't move!
268
00:14:57,129 --> 00:15:00,792
- Sorry."
- Way too familiar.
269
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,361
- Hey.
- Thank you.
270
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:05,869
Know what I've been doing?
271
00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:08,304
Besides listening
to my Alanis Morissette CD
272
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:10,466
to get pumped up
to talk to you? Here.
273
00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:12,271
- Yep.
- I've been thinking about
274
00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:15,643
how you would take
Mr. Kellerman's life into your hands
275
00:15:15,714 --> 00:15:18,239
- without talking to him.
- Well, I did talk to him.
276
00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:19,579
He did.
277
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:23,349
Patients who stay low on the heart
transplant list die waiting for one.
278
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:25,583
This way, he moves up to the top.
Come on!
279
00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:29,149
- Then why didn't you tell me?
- Because you're an attending now.
280
00:15:29,228 --> 00:15:32,391
That doesn't just mean
a fat bank account, expensive new toys
281
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:35,331
and a lawyer on retainer
for when you kill a prostitute.
282
00:15:35,401 --> 00:15:37,767
From now on,
the buck stops with you.
283
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:40,839
I know you have occasionally
bent the rules in this dump
284
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,500
over the last couple of years
because you knew
285
00:15:43,575 --> 00:15:46,738
when the crap started raining,
it was gonna fall on my head.
286
00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:49,781
But now, the only way for you
to stay out of the trouble storm
287
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:53,045
is for you to go by the book.
And I got news for you on that front:
288
00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:55,382
By-the-book attendings kill us up here.
289
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:58,514
I couldn't tell you about Kellerman
'cause I don't know
290
00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:00,683
what type of attending you're gonna be.
291
00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:03,990
Thank you for giving me
the opportunity to prove myself.
292
00:16:04,063 --> 00:16:07,692
You know what? This is my last one.
Here, take it.
293
00:16:07,766 --> 00:16:11,031
Whatever happens
to this poor guy is on you.
294
00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:17,100
[J.D.] The next morning was not good.
295
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:19,110
Carla was not talking to Turk,
296
00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:21,669
Elliot had dropped by
to help not talk to Turk
297
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:23,681
and I was sneaking out in my undies
298
00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:25,876
because my clothes
were in the dryer.
299
00:16:25,951 --> 00:16:28,078
- J.D.?
- Morning, friends!
300
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:29,677
Who's ready for some java?
301
00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:32,815
- Are you wearing boxers?
- Yes, I am, Carla,
302
00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:36,327
because I know when Turk's sad,
he likes me to come over in my boxers,
303
00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:41,094
because he likes to call me his "honky
Adonis." And that's what friends do.
304
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,464
They bought it? Are we that gay?
305
00:16:43,535 --> 00:16:46,026
- What's that?
- Oh, that's my new driving sock.
306
00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:47,265
You can borrow.
307
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:49,705
Actually, J.D.'s been
living here secretly.
308
00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:52,835
- Turk, why?
- Get those judgmental eyes off me!
309
00:16:52,911 --> 00:16:54,845
J.D. Didn't want to, I begged.
310
00:16:54,913 --> 00:16:56,676
- Is that true?
- I didn't say that.
311
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:59,183
- J.D. Can do my voice.
- Hey, it's getting good!
312
00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:01,219
Well, thank you! I lost it.
313
00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:03,720
You three are ridiculous.
314
00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:05,620
I'm just here
to grab a ride to work.
315
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:08,751
At a hospital where you
don't actually work! And you?
316
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:12,194
How am I to tell you I'm not ready
to have a baby when you're excited?
317
00:17:12,297 --> 00:17:14,993
And you secretly moving back in here?
318
00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:18,161
Now, I really don't love
being den mother to you three...
319
00:17:19,505 --> 00:17:20,733
It's like crack to me.
320
00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:25,470
Still, let me ask you something. Why
are you three so afraid of moving on?
321
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,780
You're still eating those brownies!
322
00:17:29,848 --> 00:17:31,873
I don't wanna get pregnant!
Shoot.
323
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:36,047
So you're going to the university
for a transplant!
324
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:38,487
Well, come back and see us, OK?
325
00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:41,286
Who is responsible
for not treating that man?
326
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:45,296
Well, I was going to treat him,
but I lost my stethoscope, and that's...
327
00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:47,992
He's my patient, Bob!
328
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,796
I'm responsible.
329
00:17:49,868 --> 00:17:51,927
Dr. Dorian, I have kept my mouth shut
330
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,495
about the recent
sexual harassment complaints
331
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:58,304
because I don't think it's fair
to punish a man for making small talk,
332
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:03,212
or, say, asking his secretary
just once to dress up as a geisha girl
333
00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:05,614
- and call him Kelso-san...
- What?
334
00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:07,914
Nothing. But now I need to know,
335
00:18:07,986 --> 00:18:10,511
is this the type of attending
you're going to be?
336
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:14,116
- I guess so.
- Anything else?
337
00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:17,685
I could tell him there's nothing in my
cup and I'm pretending to drink
338
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,663
to seem nonchalant...
No.
339
00:18:19,731 --> 00:18:23,189
... but I was thinking
about what Carla said about moving on.
340
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:25,031
And I wasn't the only one.
341
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:28,631
Well, at least there's one attending
around here I can count on.
342
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:32,074
The hell with it, Bob.
I don't work here! Have a good one.
343
00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:35,340
- I hate this place.
- It hates you, Bob.
344
00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:43,251
That's it.
All my birth control pills are gone.
345
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:45,790
Not exactly. That Fig Newton
you're about to eat
346
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:49,123
is not only fat-free,
but it's baby-free.
347
00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:50,559
I just don't get it, Turk.
348
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:53,189
Look, we had sex 20 times
in eight days,
349
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,789
and I bet it's because
you sensed my hesitance.
350
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:59,736
- I just want a baby so badly.
- Why?
351
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,273
What's it gonna be like having a baby?
352
00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:06,471
Dr. Cox says it's like having a dog
that slowly learns how to talk.
353
00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:08,206
Awesome!
354
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:12,239
Right? And I come from a big family,
and I love that.
355
00:19:12,351 --> 00:19:13,818
Me too!
356
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:18,016
And every time we sit at the kitchen
table, I feel like someone's missing.
357
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:21,849
I can see him.
358
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:31,392
- J.D.!
- Gotta make a quick twosie.
359
00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:39,467
This explains a lot.
360
00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:43,242
Hey! Meet your volleyball team.
They're terrible.
361
00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:45,215
Newbie! I heard your voice.
362
00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:54,050
Thanks for nothin', ass-face.
363
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:59,154
I'm gonna go ahead and give you back one
of these man cards. You deserve it.
364
00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:01,392
Wow. Wanna hug?
365
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,764
You held on to it as long as you could.
366
00:20:03,835 --> 00:20:05,894
I'm gonna have a good year,
aren't I?
367
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:07,336
Anything can happen.
368
00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:09,202
And I knew he was right...
369
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:11,401
- [Janitor] Excuse me.
- [Screams]
370
00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:13,938
... for all of us.
371
00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:16,742
[# The Finn Brothers:
Anything Can Happen]
372
00:20:16,815 --> 00:20:18,248
[Glass shatters]
373
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:22,651
Dr. Reid, are you joining us
for lunch today?
374
00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:26,549
Anyone want half
a tofu-cheese sandwich?
375
00:20:29,361 --> 00:20:34,094
Repeat after me:
Boy, boy, boy, very tall boy.
376
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,929
Boy, boy, boy, very tall boy.
377
00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:37,366
- Boy, boy...
- Boy, boy...
378
00:20:37,469 --> 00:20:39,596
...very tall boy.
...very tall boy.
379
00:20:43,675 --> 00:20:45,006
Good night, Keith.
380
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,841
Hey, keep your head up,
you're doing a good job.
381
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:50,347
[Keith] Thanks for everything,
Dr. Dorian.
382
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:03,723
Who am I?
383
00:21:03,795 --> 00:21:05,456
- [J.D. Screams]
- [Thud]