1
00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:03,359
[J.D.] Since I was currently homeless,
2
00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:06,599
Turk and Carla were letting me
crash here as long as I needed.
3
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:08,937
J.D., you have to get out.
This place is tiny.
4
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,978
I'm sick of seeing your man-panties
all over the bathroom.
5
00:00:12,078 --> 00:00:15,138
- They're called boxers, Carla.
- They're satin, J.D.
6
00:00:15,215 --> 00:00:18,275
With a breathable cotton crotch panel.
King me.
7
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:21,115
I need to find someone
to split the rent at my place.
8
00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:24,315
I thought you were getting
good money at your fellowship.
9
00:00:24,391 --> 00:00:28,953
So first, my fellowship gets canceled
because some jackass cures the disease,
10
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,930
and the only job I can get
is working at this free clinic
11
00:00:31,998 --> 00:00:35,331
for eight bucks an hour.
No one's life could be worse than mine.
12
00:00:37,904 --> 00:00:39,838
Uh, the fellowship's great.
13
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:43,876
Oh, God, Carla, please don't tell them
I'm working at a free clinic.
14
00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:45,911
[Carla] She doesn't want me
to tell them.
15
00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:49,243
Women have an unspoken
connection men can't even fathom.
16
00:00:49,315 --> 00:00:51,783
[J.D.] I know you can't look
because Carla's here,
17
00:00:51,851 --> 00:00:54,547
but you're missing
a Victoria's Secret commercial.
18
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:57,954
[Turk] I'm watching Gisele
in my spoon right now.
19
00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:03,992
You know, you two could solve both of
your problems if you moved in together.
20
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:07,625
- Whoa, whoa, whoa and whoa!
- Hold your horses!
21
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:11,397
- We have a very complicated past.
- Yeah, I hurt her, and I'm not proud.
22
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:12,802
[J.D.] I'm a little proud.
23
00:01:12,872 --> 00:01:16,364
We've restored our friendship
by staying away from dangerous topics.
24
00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:18,570
Relationships, things of that nature.
25
00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:21,705
- J.D. And I keep it superficial.
- Love the superficial.
26
00:01:21,781 --> 00:01:24,545
- Dynamite teeth today.
- Oh, thanks, buddy!
27
00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:26,517
- Sparkly!
- Yeah!
28
00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:30,418
You can't live with Elliot.
You're not living with us,
29
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:32,117
- so get out by Friday.
- Friday?
30
00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:33,557
- Friday.
- My birthday!
31
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:36,151
I've e-vited everyone
to a party at our place.
32
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:38,697
- Whose place?
- Your place.
33
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,733
I can't just un-e-vite everyone.
34
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:45,100
I've already got two e-yeses and 24
e-maybes. That's a lot of e-sponses.
35
00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:47,332
Bambi, I'm gonna
put my e-foot up your ass.
36
00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:52,367
It's a Mexican-themed fiesta on the
first anniversary of my 29th birthday.
37
00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:54,447
- That means I'm turning 30.
- [Sighs]
38
00:01:54,514 --> 00:01:57,449
¿Donde? 56 Walnut Drive.
39
00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:59,417
¿ Cuando? Thank you for asking.
40
00:01:59,486 --> 00:02:02,046
Ocho thirty until
upside-down question mark.
41
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,453
Sombreros at the door.
42
00:02:03,523 --> 00:02:05,252
[Trills]
43
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:07,691
- I'll be there.
- Gracias, amigo.
44
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,762
I borrowed one of your dictionaries.
45
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:13,299
[J.D.] Since there were 12 surgical
residents at Sacred Heart fighting
46
00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:16,824
for four attending spots,
Turk was ass-kissing the senior staff.
47
00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:20,430
Oh, damn, I left my briefcase upstairs.
48
00:02:20,507 --> 00:02:21,667
Excuse me a second.
49
00:02:21,774 --> 00:02:25,141
[J.D.] Turk thought he was
the only one who heard that.
50
00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:28,874
Dr. Wen! Dr. Wen!
I've got your brief...
51
00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:31,576
- [J.D.] He was not.
- [All shouting]
52
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:38,449
I had no idea that there was that many
Asian surgeons in this hospital.
53
00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:41,050
I got your back, T-Dog.
54
00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:42,890
Then let it begin.
55
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:44,862
[# Carl Douglas: Kung Fu Fighting]
56
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,427
[Shouting]
57
00:02:52,705 --> 00:02:53,672
[Screams]
58
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,770
Quit fooling around with those guys
and get down here! Wha-hyah!
59
00:03:34,747 --> 00:03:37,477
[Screams] Here comes the big dog!
60
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:38,881
Yeah!
61
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:41,921
[Both] Hyah!
62
00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:45,082
- [Screaming]
- [Bones cracking]
63
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:48,650
- [Turk shouts a war cry]
- [Surgeons yelling]
64
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,094
- Yeah!
- Whoa-oh!
65
00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:53,823
- [Grunts]
- [Groans]
66
00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:56,060
[Mumbling congratulations]
67
00:03:56,135 --> 00:03:57,898
Hyah, wha-bup!
68
00:03:58,004 --> 00:04:00,336
[Continues war cries]
69
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,374
- [Thudding]
- [Surgeon screams]
70
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:07,713
- Dude.
- Yeah.
71
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:10,647
- Thanks for having my back.
- Yeah. Betrayal five.
72
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:12,207
- What?
- [Both scream]
73
00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:18,353
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey!
74
00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:21,052
- Betrayal five. [shouts]
- [Groans]
75
00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:23,161
Dr. Wen!
76
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,860
- Oh, my briefcase.
- Yeah.
77
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,423
You know, I totally saw that coming.
78
00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:33,534
# I can't do this all on my own
79
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:37,235
# No, I know
I'm no Superman
80
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:42,314
# I'm no Superman #
81
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,885
Dude, look at you.
Thirty years old, all growed up.
82
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:47,920
Oh, really, Turk?
83
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:52,082
Because the Sacred Heart sign
I vandalized last night begs to differ.
84
00:05:02,101 --> 00:05:05,764
Remember when we made lists of all
the stuff we wanted to do by 30?
85
00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:07,396
- Yeah.
- Check it!
86
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:10,032
"Things to do by 30:
Get married, buy a house,
87
00:05:10,109 --> 00:05:12,873
learn difference
between senator and congressman."
88
00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:15,311
- You haven't done any.
- I know. But who cares?
89
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:18,748
I got all the time in the world.
I mean, I'm only turning 30.
90
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:21,309
- Thirty?
- No one's 30.
91
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:24,550
Where did all these
unsupervised children come from?
92
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:29,459
So you wanted to talk
to me about your appendectomy, Mrs...
93
00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:32,794
...Appendectomy?
94
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:34,526
Now that ain't right!
95
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:38,092
15 percent of all surgical
complications are anesthesia-related,
96
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:41,504
so I'd like to use hypnosis
instead of traditional anesthesia.
97
00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:44,509
I'd like to sleep with Beyoncé
instead of my wife tonight,
98
00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:47,876
but that ain't happening either,
you know what I'm sayin'?
99
00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:50,212
Tell you what, I'll think about it.
100
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:54,049
My appendectomy patient wants me
to use hypnosis instead of anesthesia.
101
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:57,214
I'd like to throw in
Gwen Stefani tonight instead of Jordan,
102
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,780
but that ain't gonna happen.
103
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:01,588
- Dr. Cox!
- Dr. Cox!
104
00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:03,356
No! Awful!
105
00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:05,260
Hypnosis is a very powerful tool.
106
00:06:05,331 --> 00:06:08,892
It's helped with depression,
weight loss. It helped me quit smoking.
107
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:12,495
Hypnosis is for birthday parties
and bad Vegas lounges.
108
00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:15,541
Now, you go tell your patient
to let you do what you do best:
109
00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:17,973
Knock her out,
start digging around inside
110
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:20,945
- like a blind man looking for a nickel.
- You should do it.
111
00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:22,537
- Knock her out and dig.
- Do it.
112
00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:24,276
- Dig. Dig. Dig.
- Do it. Do it.
113
00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:27,183
OK. I'm gonna go
with Dr. Cox on this one.
114
00:06:27,253 --> 00:06:30,552
That's a rookie move,
and you hate to see it.
115
00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:35,492
You always side with the wife,
even if she's got a case of the crazies.
116
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:41,456
Turk, we're gonna have kids soon.
We're supposed to be a team.
117
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:45,368
That means you occasionally have to
listen to me and believe in my opinion.
118
00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:48,339
What if we have a daughter
and she wants her ears pierced?
119
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,501
Irrelevant, not having a daughter.
120
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:53,136
What if we have a son
and he wants to take dance,
121
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,407
though his friends
are playing football?
122
00:06:55,481 --> 00:07:00,384
He can dance if he wants to.
He can leave his friends behind.
123
00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:03,354
# 'Cause his friends don't dance
and if they don't dance
124
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,323
# Then they're no friends of mine
125
00:07:05,958 --> 00:07:10,327
# S- S-S-S, A-A-A-A, F-F-F-F-F, E-E-E-E-E
126
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:13,399
Then I said, "What if our son
wants to take dance class
127
00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:17,458
instead of football with his friends?"
Turk ran off singing Safety Dance.
128
00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:21,496
Didn't you learn your lesson that time
you told him the commissar was in town?
129
00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:24,134
- Yeah.
- Someone's leaving!
130
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:29,746
- [Groans]
- [Both] We saw it first!
131
00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:31,612
Jordan, here's the plan:
132
00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:34,448
I'm gonna cram
an entire evening's worth of drinking
133
00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:38,320
into the next five minutes. Now,
you just make sure not to engage them.
134
00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:40,892
Be particularly aware
of the blonde talky one.
135
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,088
I've worked with her before.
She has no off button.
136
00:07:44,163 --> 00:07:46,654
If money is so tight,
have Jake move in with you.
137
00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:49,360
- [Gasps] Who's Jake?
- Jordan!
138
00:07:49,435 --> 00:07:50,993
No!
139
00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:53,367
He's this guy I've been going out with,
140
00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:56,374
but we're not ready to move in.
He's a little closed-off.
141
00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:59,411
Sweetie, are you aware
of who I live with?
142
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:03,540
Jordan Godzilla Sullivan!
You stop that, and you stop it now!
143
00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:07,143
Why don't you try talking to humans
for once? You might enjoy it.
144
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:10,678
Elliot, maybe you should
be the one to open Jake up.
145
00:08:10,756 --> 00:08:13,919
You know, like Turk can be a little...
immature.
146
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:16,484
I have to talk
about my feelings over dinner
147
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:20,658
or shut off his iPod during sex. I bet
you could do the same thing with Jake.
148
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:24,430
Or maybe you could pressure him,
get dumped, throw on 50 pounds,
149
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,405
start collecting knickknacks
and meet your future now.
150
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:30,909
You know, before the
Ioneliness burns too much?
151
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,548
Gosh, I did enjoy that!
152
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:41,378
You haven't done anything on this list.
153
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:43,285
You never slept naked on a hammock?
154
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:46,792
I'm afraid of dragonflies. I'm not
gonna make a big deal out of this.
155
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,884
Neither one of us has made headway.
156
00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:51,987
Don't lump me in with you
'cause I'm a surgeon, I'm married,
157
00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:54,828
I've had sex while playing Frogger,
I'm gonna be a dad.
158
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:57,369
- I'm through my list.
- I've done nothing.
159
00:08:57,436 --> 00:08:58,903
I learned another language,
160
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:01,997
but it was that one where you put
a "b" in every word.
161
00:09:02,074 --> 00:09:05,009
- I was never fluent.
- That secret language was so lame.
162
00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:07,443
Nobba with the ladie-bb-ys!
163
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:13,280
Dr. Kelso! Have any idea who's gonna get
those three attending spots next year?
164
00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:15,377
There are four spots for next year.
165
00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:17,479
Three, not counting
the one going to me!
166
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,115
I'm gonna stick with four.
167
00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:23,753
See, there are numerous
skilled surgeons here at Sacred Fart...
168
00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:26,688
Did you see the sign?
169
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,360
Though there will be
no vandalism here, people!
170
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,201
It was classic.
171
00:09:33,272 --> 00:09:36,833
Anyway, the key is doing something
to get noticed.
172
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:39,912
I don't know if you know,
but I'm doing an appendectomy
173
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:42,447
using hypnosis instead of anesthesia.
174
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:44,346
Well, it's about time.
175
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:48,148
Hell's bells, son, when I say
the name Turkelton, people laugh.
176
00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:50,245
Maybe because that's not my name.
177
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:52,484
Not yet, Turkelton. Not yet.
178
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:59,992
Elliot, I don't think
I understand what you want.
179
00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:05,231
I just want you to open up,
you know, emotionally, spiritually.
180
00:10:05,304 --> 00:10:07,363
I'm not exactly religious, you know,
181
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,534
but I do think that God
watches after my family and,
182
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,305
well, my favorite sports teams.
183
00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:15,006
Tenth grade,
He made Jennifer Martin sleep with me.
184
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:18,642
OK. How about opening up sexually?
185
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:21,050
What's your wildest fantasy?
186
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,384
- Yeah, it's not happening.
- Come on!
187
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:26,357
Sometimes in bed, I feel like
I'm the only one screamin'!
188
00:10:26,425 --> 00:10:29,394
You're quiet as a mouse.
All the screaming is in your head.
189
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,022
Yeah, but in there, it's crazy.
190
00:10:32,098 --> 00:10:33,588
[Growls]
191
00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:36,396
Fine, why don't you tell me
your wildest fantasy.
192
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,403
OK, fine.
193
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,634
You're a Mexican apple thief,
I run the cider house.
194
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:45,541
I catch you behind the stone mill,
you chase me into the tasting room...
195
00:10:45,611 --> 00:10:48,739
Oh, if there's a crow in there, fine,
if not, I can live with it.
196
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,783
Anyway, we're alone,
you don't speak a word of English,
197
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:56,618
but you teach me more about hard cider
than I learned from my fermenting exams.
198
00:10:56,722 --> 00:11:01,386
And our passion is so loud that they can
hear it all the way in the distillery.
199
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:06,892
Oh! God, I can be such an apple slut.
200
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,090
OK.
201
00:11:12,271 --> 00:11:14,000
When did we lose Mr. Heath?
202
00:11:14,073 --> 00:11:17,008
Oh, we didn't. His vitals are fine.
203
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:19,567
Doug, I told you
to stop pre-tagging patients.
204
00:11:19,912 --> 00:11:22,972
It's a slow day in my morgue.
Nothing's written in stone.
205
00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:26,917
- You wrote a time of death!
- I wrote "one-ish."
206
00:11:26,986 --> 00:11:30,319
- Get outta here!
- Why are you so pissy?
207
00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:33,916
Carla, at 6:41 tomorrow evening,
I turn 30.
208
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:36,757
I have to find one thing on this list
I can do by then.
209
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:40,229
Swing by our parts department
and pick up a pair of testes.
210
00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:42,597
Haven't you used that
a trillion times?
211
00:11:42,668 --> 00:11:44,033
I'm OK with it.
212
00:11:44,103 --> 00:11:47,470
"Invent a cereal"?
"Complete a triathlon"?
213
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,701
There's a triathlon tomorrow.
214
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:52,437
Thing One and Thing Two
have been training for it.
215
00:11:52,511 --> 00:11:54,672
We're working on our drafting technique.
216
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:58,307
If your goal is to repel all women,
it's definitely working.
217
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:02,150
Ignoring him... And switch.
218
00:12:02,688 --> 00:12:04,212
I'll do the triathlon!
219
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:06,588
You don't know anything
about triathlons.
220
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:09,719
I didn't know anything
about cereal inventing, either.
221
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:12,696
If it wasn't for a certain
cease and desist letter,
222
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,665
we'd be eating
J.D.'s Bananas & Nuts.
223
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,964
You're not serious about this,
are you?
224
00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:24,905
- Why is everybody wearing wetsuits?
- The water's like 49 degrees.
225
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:28,239
So, what's your best time, buster?
226
00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:32,807
Honestly, Ted, it doesn't really matter,
as long as I finish by 6:41 tonight.
227
00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:35,547
[J.D.] The harder you push yourself
to do something,
228
00:12:35,621 --> 00:12:37,316
the harder it is to back out.
229
00:12:37,389 --> 00:12:39,857
Whether you're caught
in a lie with your wife...
230
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:44,157
I heard you were doing the hypnosis
surgery. You actually listened to me!
231
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:47,393
Hell, yeah, I listened to you.
Baby, come on!
232
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:50,833
That's the reason I'm doing it.
'Cause of you and how well I listen.
233
00:12:50,903 --> 00:12:52,370
- I love you.
- I love you.
234
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,998
... or you're trying
to get your boyfriend to open.
235
00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:57,770
Come on! Come in and show me
what you really like.
236
00:12:57,843 --> 00:13:00,209
No one is gonna judge you.
237
00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:09,518
Oh, my God, Jake!
238
00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:11,419
- You wanna talk about it?
- Nope!
239
00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:15,256
[J.D.] And sometimes, the only thing
you can do is just dive in.
240
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:26,102
Oh, Jehovah, that's cold!
241
00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:27,729
Oh, God, why?
242
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,832
There's a little. Here's some more.
243
00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:33,072
All right, ease it in. Ease it in.
244
00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:38,608
[J.D.] As I sidestroked through
the salty waters of the great Pacific...
245
00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:42,120
Pick an apple, put it in your pocket.
246
00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:45,646
... I wondered if everyone
was doing as well as I was.
247
00:13:45,724 --> 00:13:47,157
Why are these cameras here?
248
00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:50,923
Turkelton, this is quite
the event here at Sacred Fart.
249
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:54,166
I can't help it, it kills me.
250
00:13:54,266 --> 00:13:56,564
Yeah, we got visiting doctors,
video crews,
251
00:13:56,635 --> 00:13:59,103
even that Japanese news anchor
who slept with me
252
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,298
when I convinced her
I was an oil tycoon.
253
00:14:01,373 --> 00:14:04,342
If she comes over here,
my name is T-Bone!
254
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:09,245
We're getting a good bit of interest
from the seismologists at Caltech,
255
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:12,614
who I understand will be able
to chart the magnitude of the scream
256
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:16,246
emanating from your hypnosis patient,
as well as, of course,
257
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:19,450
the numerous after-screams
that are sure to follow.
258
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:23,824
No interviews! [panting]
259
00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:26,421
Turk. Turk, where are you going?
260
00:14:26,498 --> 00:14:29,467
I can't do this.
I don't believe in this hypnotism crap.
261
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:32,629
- I only needed to impress Kelso.
- Oh, great, you lied to me.
262
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:37,267
I'm about to ruin my career by plunging
a knife into a conscious person.
263
00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:41,507
But you know what, you're absolutely
right, let's focus on the lying.
264
00:14:44,516 --> 00:14:48,384
[J.D.] As I reached the biking stage
and finally realized what chafing was,
265
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:51,150
- I got a surprise visitor.
- [Bell dings]
266
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:52,781
How's it goin'?
267
00:14:52,858 --> 00:14:54,485
Well, my bike is rusty,
268
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:58,189
I haven't been able to feel my genitals
since they first touched water,
269
00:14:58,264 --> 00:15:00,824
the only thing I've had
to eat is a half a jellyfish.
270
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:03,231
- Why are you here?
- Can I talk about Jake?
271
00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:04,997
Dangerous topic. Talk to Carla.
272
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:07,630
Anytime I talk about a guy,
she tells me to marry him
273
00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:09,401
so the four of us can go to dinner.
274
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:13,138
I've been dating this guy, but I found
out that he went on a gay cruise.
275
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:15,976
Cheap trick. Marry him,
the four of us'll have dinner.
276
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:17,948
- He said he might be gay!
- Dinner!
277
00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:22,181
Talking about Jake violates the most
important tenets of our relationship.
278
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:25,155
One, keep discussion superficial.
279
00:15:25,224 --> 00:15:29,183
And two, no talking while my boys
are straddling chrome.
280
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:32,389
- That one's new.
- Why don't you try a higher gear?
281
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,928
- It's like pedaling in hummus!
- See ya, buddy!
282
00:15:37,002 --> 00:15:38,367
[Bike bell dings]
283
00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:40,700
[J.D.] Oh, thank God!
284
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:44,300
I think the bike part's finally over.
Oh, no!
285
00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:46,936
Whoa!
286
00:15:47,046 --> 00:15:49,412
[Continues screaming]
287
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,947
I can play with signs too!
288
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:58,119
This is great.
I'm being assisted by a magician.
289
00:15:58,223 --> 00:16:01,454
The only way to get through this
is to believe it's gonna work.
290
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:02,494
Yeah.
291
00:16:02,928 --> 00:16:03,952
Ow!
292
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:05,860
That was just a fingernail, honey!
293
00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:08,900
How would you like it
if I cut out your appendix?
294
00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:11,868
Let's forget that hypnosis
is used to lower bleeding,
295
00:16:11,937 --> 00:16:15,304
aid recovery, or help patients
deal with pain. You are married.
296
00:16:15,374 --> 00:16:20,141
So start believing what I tell you
to believe. And don't pinch me!
297
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:24,849
[J.D.] During the eight-mile run,
dehydration set in.
298
00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:28,853
- Hang in there, buddy!
- See you at the luau!
299
00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:34,753
They already finished and cooked a pig?
300
00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:36,225
Hey, J.D.
301
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:41,996
You're real. Although the
dolphin costume's a little odd.
302
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:44,399
This Jake thing
is still really bothering me.
303
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:46,995
- You know our rules.
- I've been thinking.
304
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:49,404
Who wants to have
a superficial friendship?
305
00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:51,534
Do you remember
how close we used to be?
306
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:54,443
Dealing with Dr. Cox,
our screwed-up families,
307
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:57,846
talking about everything?
I miss that.
308
00:16:57,916 --> 00:16:59,941
- This is working.
- Not for me.
309
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,783
I wanna be able to tell you
my boyfriend freaked me out.
310
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,016
If he freaked you out,
why don't you talk?
311
00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:07,854
I don't know! You tell me.
312
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:13,157
All right, fine, Elliot.
You wanna know why? You're just like me.
313
00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:16,565
You're scared. You feel you
haven't accomplished anything.
314
00:17:16,635 --> 00:17:18,330
Instead of running a triathlon,
315
00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:21,305
you're pushing forward
with a guy you don't belong with.
316
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:24,934
You know as well as I do, he's gonna
open up a bottle of white wine for you
317
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:28,946
when you really prefer red, except you
never told him that. Know why?
318
00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:33,542
It's because he's not right for you,
Elliot. Are you happy now?
319
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:37,077
You're pretty smart
for a guy running in bike shoes.
320
00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:40,986
[J.D.] Must... finish... race.
321
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:44,427
You can do this. You can do this.
322
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:46,794
[Whispering]
323
00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:50,426
- What are you saying to her?
- "You can do this. You can do this."
324
00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:52,629
Small world. Scalpel.
325
00:17:54,973 --> 00:17:56,736
Making first incision.
326
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:04,272
Well, here goes.
327
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,351
Hmm?
328
00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:11,622
All right! [chuckles]
329
00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:13,351
Clamp, please!
330
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:19,426
[J.D.] They say that, in life,
all good things must come to an end.
331
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:23,435
Sometimes it comes quietly.
332
00:18:23,502 --> 00:18:26,630
- I like red.
- You do?
333
00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:30,607
Jake, I think we need to talk.
334
00:18:32,344 --> 00:18:35,006
- [J.D.] Sometimes, not so quietly.
- You can do this.
335
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,805
Oh-b no-b.
336
00:18:38,317 --> 00:18:41,548
You can do this! You can do this!
You can do this! You can do this!
337
00:18:43,355 --> 00:18:47,985
[J.D.] And suddenly, you realize you've
taken something as far as it can go.
338
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:56,492
- What the hell was I thinking?
- No, you did great, baby.
339
00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:59,401
She's right, Turkelton.
Hell, without anesthesia,
340
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:02,440
you made it halfway through.
I bet you could publish that.
341
00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:04,976
Maybe they'll put it
in Almost Magazine.
342
00:19:05,043 --> 00:19:08,501
You know, it wouldn't hurt you
to make some noise around here.
343
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:12,141
How's this? Blow it out your ass, Bob.
344
00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:14,845
See? My baby made some noise.
345
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,013
Yeah, I made some noise, all right.
346
00:19:19,591 --> 00:19:23,288
J.D., what you said before...
347
00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:27,458
I knew you were right.
Anyway, I'm sorry I got mad.
348
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:30,058
[Babbles incoherently]
349
00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:33,798
Thanks. You were wrong
about one thing, though.
350
00:19:33,872 --> 00:19:35,032
We are moving forward.
351
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:39,768
Elliot, I'm 30 years old,
I'm single, I'm homeless
352
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,177
and I'm pretty sure
I just soiled myself.
353
00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:44,306
Why don't you just move into my place?
354
00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:47,409
Oh, great, then we'll be
two losers under one roof.
355
00:19:47,486 --> 00:19:51,547
By my watch, you've got eight minutes
to finish this thing. Come on.
356
00:19:51,623 --> 00:19:55,787
[J.D.] A wise man once said the human
spirit can overcome any obstacle.
357
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:56,919
- I can't.
- Come on!
358
00:19:56,995 --> 00:19:59,520
That man had obviously
never run a triathlon.
359
00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:02,226
Come on.
[Straining]
360
00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:04,763
You're not really helping!
361
00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:09,873
Are you sure this is the finish line?
362
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:15,175
I think I see him.
363
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:18,306
[J.D.] As for me,
I could overcome any obstacle,
364
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:23,116
as long as I had Elliot and her
ridiculously strong thighs beneath me.
365
00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:31,722
Wahoo-hoo!
366
00:20:31,797 --> 00:20:32,957
We made it!
367
00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:35,966
And with...
and with two minutes to spare!
368
00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:39,101
[Yelling, then laughing]
369
00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:44,873
Baby, I'm not carrying 'em to the car.
370
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:49,276
Promise to help me get
through my thirtieth?
371
00:20:49,348 --> 00:20:50,508
Mm-hmm.
372
00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:52,743
Will you tell me
what Jake's fantasy was?
373
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:54,376
- Nope.
- It involve chains?
374
00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:55,715
- No.
- Whips?
375
00:20:55,787 --> 00:20:56,754
- Candle wax?
- No.
376
00:20:56,855 --> 00:20:58,789
- Role playing? Lasers?
- No.
377
00:20:58,857 --> 00:21:00,484
- Hamsters?
- Negative.
378
00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:04,859
- Was he a Mexican apple thief?
- [Sighs] If only...