1
00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:06,066
 After four years,
I know the hospital so well,

2
00:00:06,139 --> 00:00:09,631
I can sneak in a little napwalk
before rounds.

3
00:00:10,977 --> 00:00:14,504
Two quick steps to the left
to avoid Overly Ambitious Orderly.

4
00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:18,540
Hop over the dead guy Doug's dragging
because he lost his gurney again.

5
00:00:18,618 --> 00:00:21,712
The man's dead, J.D.
Show some respect.

6
00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:25,121
And finally,
Dr. Kelso's 9am wrongshouldertap.

7
00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:28,718
Damn it! Every morning, tapping.
No one's ever there!

8
00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:31,286
Of course,
you can't be ready for everything.

9
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:33,628
Hey. Help me move this weekend.

10
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,464
We scoff, and we walk away.

11
00:00:37,937 --> 00:00:41,304
Remind me again why you're
having our son baptized.

12
00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:43,740
Oh, what do you even care?
You're not going.

13
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:46,745
Fine, let him go to church.
I let him go to magic shows.

14
00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:48,838
I'll tell him it's a lie
when he gets home

15
00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:51,383
so he doesn't have
those crazy nightmares.

16
00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:53,612
By the way, I invited your sister.

17
00:00:53,686 --> 00:00:55,847
Jordan, please tell me you didn't.

18
00:00:55,955 --> 00:00:59,413
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.
I didn't realize you'd be so upset.

19
00:00:59,492 --> 00:01:01,653
I'll call her and tell her not to come.

20
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:05,061
 How weird
would it be if I was like that?

21
00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:08,259
 Totally.
 Weird.

22
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:11,303
 When is this joyous occasion?
 You're not invited.

23
00:01:11,371 --> 00:01:14,238
I see. Family only.
That's how they're doing it.

24
00:01:14,307 --> 00:01:16,275
I'm going.

25
00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:18,139
Give me a break. You're going.

26
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:23,147
As a matter of fact, I'd...
like you to be the boy's godfather.

27
00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:28,314
I... am honored.

28
00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:32,347
I... am lying.

29
00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:36,924


30
00:01:36,996 --> 00:01:39,726
I'm not sure I see how that's funny.

31
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,632
 What's with the second beeper?
 Carla gave it to me.

32
00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:47,935
She's got me on
24hour babymaking alert.

33
00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:50,271
We haven't had sex
since her last ovulation.

34
00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:52,368
You know women
only do that once a month?

35
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:55,141
Of course I knew that, Turk.
I'm a doctor.

36
00:01:55,215 --> 00:01:57,445
Once a month? That's crazy!

37
00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:59,212
I don't know why I bother.

38
00:01:59,285 --> 00:02:01,981
Little Hayley doesn't
have a chance this month.

39
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:05,616
I name my eggs.
Big frick. Last month it was Cassie.

40
00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:08,525
 Cassie's pretty.
 Oh, she would have been, J.D.

41
00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:09,653
She would have been.

42
00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:11,162
 Everyone,

43
00:02:11,231 --> 00:02:12,562
this is my sister, Paige.

44
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:15,567
I'd like you to meet
random people I don't care about.

45
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:17,603
Here for the baptism.

46
00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:20,264
I remember my son Harrison's big day.

47
00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:24,469
All of us laughing at him
in his frilly little baptism dress.

48
00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:28,708
Well, we're not laughing anymore.
Harrison's a poofter. Bob Kelso.

49
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:32,677
Hi, I'm J.D.
I'm sure Perry's spoken of me.

50
00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:34,379
No.

51
00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:37,582
Nothing about taking a talented
gogetter under his wing?

52
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,955
Surrogate father
to a boy who's lost his own?

53
00:02:40,026 --> 00:02:42,995
Nothing about that? I'm surprised.
That's interesting.

54
00:02:43,062 --> 00:02:46,623
 Don't cry in front of people.
 Perry and I don't talk much.

55
00:02:46,699 --> 00:02:49,793
They don't talk much!
There's no talking in the family.

56
00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:53,566
Rest assured, Newbie, even if we
did talk from morning till night

57
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:56,541
about all the big and tiny things
that matter most to me,

58
00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:58,941
the big being my son Jack,
a cure for cancer,

59
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,173
the resurgence of the hardshell taco...

60
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:06,844
The small being my exwife Jordan, wind
energy and all fruitinfused liquors,

61
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:10,481
your name still would not have come up.

62
00:03:10,557 --> 00:03:14,118
I'm honestly not sure which one
of you I find more irritating.

63
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,754
What does he find irritating about you?

64
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,593
Fire at will.

65
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:23,227
I've embraced the Lord Jesus Christ
as my personal savior.

66
00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:26,571
I'm not sure why it
was suddenly so awkward,

67
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,732
I wished something'd
break the tension.

68
00:03:28,808 --> 00:03:30,173


69
00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:34,703
# Hallelujah
A brother's 'bout to have some sex

70
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:39,115
# Hallelujah
A brother's 'bout to have some sex #

71
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:42,152
Smack the moneymaker!

72
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,713
 Smack it!
 That's how he likes it.

73
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,918
 Sex time, people!

74
00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:50,292
He's married,
so it's strictly procreation sex.

75
00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:54,891
His wife's throwing her legs up in the
air because they're trying for a boy.

76
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,833
Like Jesus.

77
00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:01,671
# I can't do this all on my own

78
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:04,869
# No, I know I'm no Superman

79
00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:10,282
# I'm no Superman #

80
00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:14,778
You know what used
to drive Perry nuts as a kid?

81
00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:18,220
Every night we'd play Horse
in the driveway and I'd kick his ass.

82
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:20,020
Can Christians say "ass" now?

83
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:23,460
I have a friend, Pat Casey,
he called his mom an ass once.

84
00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:25,554
She hit him in the face with an iron.

85
00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:29,363
He still goes to church,
but he can't whistle anymore.

86
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:32,495
OK. I'm going to go say hi to Jordan.

87
00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:37,508
She's dynamite. How'd you end up
with a bornagain Christian sister?

88
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:42,240
I don't know. Maybe the TV was broken
one day and she picked up the Bible

89
00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:44,545
and found it to be just
a darn good read.

90
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:47,984
Or maybe it had something
to do with our mother's ability

91
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:51,922
to watch silently as our dad
drunkenly knocked us from room to room.

92
00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:55,688
 What do you think, Newbie?
 Probably the room to room thing.

93
00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:56,820
Uhhuh.

94
00:04:57,597 --> 00:05:00,760
 It's hard to find the right words
at a moment like this.

95
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:03,097
Dr. Cox, if it makes you
feel any better,

96
00:05:03,169 --> 00:05:05,729
at the baptism I'll be there
to keep Paige company.

97
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:08,365
Yeah. You're not going.

98
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:11,602
Damn it! Stupid baptism.

99
00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:16,747
# I'm going to have some sex
I'm going to have some sex...

100
00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:20,752
OK, so my cervical mucus is peaking,
my temperature is slightly elevated

101
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:24,688
and pillows will keep my vagina angled
so the semen pools against my cervix.

102
00:05:24,757 --> 00:05:27,248
Baby, that is some Godawful dirty talk.

103
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,761
We're making a baby.
Get down to business.

104
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:32,093
Honey, I need to feel the heat.

105
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,065
I need 30 minutes of foreplay.

106
00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:39,196
Then, and only then, can I be
fully ready... to make love to you.

107
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:40,899
Tyra Banks.

108
00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:44,009
There, you're ready.

109
00:05:44,977 --> 00:05:48,674


110
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,125


111
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:07,758
Oh, hey, fellas. I'm trying to give
somebody the evil eye over there.

112
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:10,927
Would you mind breaking it up
so I can...? You understand.

113
00:06:11,003 --> 00:06:15,064
Thanks, fellas. Very nice of you.
I appreciate it. Thank you.

114
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:17,268


115
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,446
He's just mad
because I won't help him move.

116
00:06:23,516 --> 00:06:26,815
You should have done it.
Helping someone move is like oral sex.

117
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:29,514
You do it once,
and then they owe you for life.

118
00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:33,355
My high school boyfriend is an
accountant and he does my taxes free.

119
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:37,486
You know what's weird?
He also does my brother Barry's.

120
00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:39,827
My son Harrison dabbles
in sadomasochism

121
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,924
and he has a new gimp named Barry.

122
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:46,961
Or is it Larry? At my age it's getting
harder to keep track of his gimps.

123
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,438
And then it occurred to me.

124
00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:52,705
This was the perfect opportunity to take
an enemy and turn him into a friend.

125
00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:54,805
I'll do it.

126
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:57,441
I knew you would.
You're very predictable.

127
00:06:57,517 --> 00:06:58,882
 No, I'm not.

128
00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:00,782
 Stop doing that!

129
00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:02,787
 Peanutbuttereggdirt!

130
00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:05,790
Newbie, let's go.
Mr. Donnelly's test results are in.

131
00:07:06,559 --> 00:07:10,051
 It's never easy to tell a family
that medicine isn't working.

132
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:13,690
I... I wish I had better news for you.

133
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:17,793
We're not seeing the improvement
we'd hoped for with this medication.

134
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:23,035
 What are our options?
 I'm afraid there are no other options.

135
00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:25,201
There's always prayer.

136
00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:27,639
 Oh, no.

137
00:07:27,713 --> 00:07:31,012
You know, with God by your side,
anything is possible.

138
00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:32,641
Could I speak with you

139
00:07:32,718 --> 00:07:36,882
in the "stop filling my patient's
head with false hope" ward?

140
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:41,026
Paige, we have protocol here.

141
00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:45,860
First we shake our Magic 8Ball, then we
explore all witchcraftrelated options.

142
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:50,028
Oh, right, 'cause people who believe in
God are crazy and you're the sane one.

143
00:07:50,102 --> 00:07:54,766
Hey, do you guys like improv?
'Cause I'm kind of an expert.

144
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:58,709
There's a game we play in class where
you make up what people are saying.

145
00:07:58,778 --> 00:08:01,804
Like watch. "Do you want some pie?"

146
00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:05,442
"Not me! I hate pie!" "What are
you talking about? Who hates pie?

147
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:07,986
Everyone loves pie!"
"I've always hated pie.

148
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:10,716
You never understood me.
You're a pie racist."

149
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:12,417
"You're a cobbler whore."

150
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,257
For God's sake, get off pie!

151
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,558
 Jerk.
 Republican.

152
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:19,791
Pie.

153
00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:25,234
I need an improv class that
doesn't meet in the back of a pie shop.

154
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:26,965


155
00:08:27,039 --> 00:08:30,736
 Damn it,
I gotta go have ovulation sex again.

156
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:33,176
Are you complaining
about getting to have sex?

157
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:35,372
Because that is so insensitive, Turk.

158
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:38,508
 J. D...
 Let me feel my feelings, Turk!

159
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,415
We worked on this.

160
00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:45,748
 I really gotta stop doing that.
 You can talk to me if you want.

161
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:50,285
I can't talk to you about sex. I don't
understand that crazy gibberish you use.

162
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,126
Penis is schwingsomething.

163
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,530
Schwingschwong, peepers or peep.

164
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:55,760
And vagina is...

165
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:59,099
Disgusting, but also bajingo or hoohoo.

166
00:08:59,171 --> 00:09:02,538
Here's the deal.
I'm trying to get in the mood, right?

167
00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:06,135
And Carla's going on and on
about her cervical mucus...

168
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,577
Ahah, bbbut, mmmmm.

169
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:12,344
From now on, cervical mucus
will be referred to as "icky sticky."

170
00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:14,852
 Icky sticky.
 Continue.

171
00:09:15,688 --> 00:09:18,657
 Morning, sunshine.
 Never say that again.

172
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:19,918
Noted.

173
00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:22,654
That was quite a fight
you had with your sister.

174
00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:26,255
Won't it be a little awkward
when you show up at St. Mary's Cathedral

175
00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:31,269
on the corner of Maple and Pine right
across from Temple Oheb Shalom at 4pm?

176
00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:33,771
That's not where the baptism is,
but nice try.

177
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:37,297
Mark my words. When that bastard's
dipped in water, I will be there.

178
00:09:37,376 --> 00:09:40,641
Anyway, I just invited Paige to come by.

179
00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:44,979
Mr. Donnelly's labs came back and
it looks like the steroid is working.

180
00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:48,817
If you happen to be keeping score,
that would be medicine one, God zero.

181
00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,752
You don't have to rub it in her face.

182
00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:54,725
I don't have to stick Kelso's
stethoscope down my pants, but I do.

183
00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:58,560
Isn't there some other relationship
you could be out there trying to fix?

184
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:00,292
Actually, there was.

185
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,891
Mornin' sunshine.

186
00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:05,904
 I don't like that.
 Nobody seems to.

187
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:09,237
Come on. Grab some boxes.
Let's get to moving.

188
00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:12,243
I hope I can find a way
to connect with him.

189
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:25,590
Thanks.
That's one of my favorite pieces.

190
00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:27,785
You're welcome, friend.

191
00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:30,556
I gotta say, you have a lot
of Asian art around here.

192
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,360
When I was a kid,
I thought I'd travel the world.

193
00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:36,526
After college I went to China.
Did all the touristy things.

194
00:10:36,602 --> 00:10:40,868
I saw the Great Wall, ate the food,
had a baby with a local.

195
00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:42,464
Just the regular stuff.

196
00:10:42,541 --> 00:10:45,101
I decorate my place this way
because it reminds me

197
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:49,170
of a more optimistic time.
That probably sounds crazy.

198
00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:51,478
Doesn't sound crazy at all.

199
00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:52,812
Thanks, man.

200
00:10:52,885 --> 00:10:55,319
And like that, I was in.

201
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,116


202
00:10:59,191 --> 00:11:00,556
Damn!

203
00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:11,069
 I paged you an hour ago.
 I was in surgery.

204
00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:16,875
Is that doughnut glaze on your cheek?

205
00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:20,002
 Guess we're not having sex?
 Oh, no. We're having sex.

206
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:22,639
 Get in there.
 Wait, baby, I'm too full.

207
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:25,684
 Now, Turk!
 Man!

208
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:29,154
Long story short,
after confirming it with my bunkmates,

209
00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:33,658
that counselor and his "friendship"
lotion were transferred out of our cabin

210
00:11:33,726 --> 00:11:36,058
and we never spoke about it again.

211
00:11:36,128 --> 00:11:38,096
Well, what doesn't kill you...

212
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:41,724
We were thick as two thieves in a pod.

213
00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:44,861
OK, time to move some
of the heavier stuff,

214
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:47,029
so you might want
to put on these gloves.

215
00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:51,600
And the attic upstairs has a lot
of fiberglass in it, so a little hat.

216
00:11:51,677 --> 00:11:53,645
 Thanks, pal.
 Sure, bud.

217
00:11:54,246 --> 00:11:58,080
I figured out why I'm so great
at managing relationships.

218
00:11:58,150 --> 00:12:01,119
I don't rub things in people's faces.

219
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:05,782
I thought you might like to know that
your husband's chest xray looks better.

220
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:08,155
He is finally starting to improve.

221
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,252
Thank you so much.

222
00:12:10,329 --> 00:12:12,593
I was really just doing my job.

223
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:16,795
Oh, I'm talking to Paige.
She was up all night praying with us.

224
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,264
You big jerk!

225
00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:26,976
I never go to bed very, very mad.

226
00:12:27,046 --> 00:12:29,412
Angry sex is awesome.

227
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:34,043
I've always known if I make even
the slightest gesture of friendship

228
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,054
to a difficult coworker...

229
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,357
Who are you?

230
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:42,588
... I'll end up robbing
an Asian couple's house.

231
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:50,962
I couldn't help wondering what the
sentence was for stealing a buddha.

232
00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:54,528
After all, people
get pretty sensitive about religion.

233
00:12:56,976 --> 00:12:59,137
Could I comment on the baptism dress?

234
00:12:59,211 --> 00:13:02,271
You should wait to see
the matching slippers and handbag.

235
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:05,806
You're actually encouraging him
to crossdress on the same day

236
00:13:05,885 --> 00:13:07,853
you're introducing him to a religion

237
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:12,720
that will condemn him to hell for it.
That's a trauma twofer.

238
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,852
Can you two please
just try to get along?

239
00:13:15,928 --> 00:13:17,657
I'm getting some blush for Jack,

240
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:21,222
because this lace collar
is washing out his face. Terrible.

241
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:25,600
Paige, will you just acknowledge
that medicine made Mr. Donnelly better?

242
00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:29,129
 Fine, it was medicine.
 Aha!

243
00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:32,769
 Thank God for creating medicine.
  That's it!

244
00:13:32,845 --> 00:13:34,472
 That is it!

245
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:38,381
Now, you may be a total goner, but
God's not getting his hands on this one.

246
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:40,281
No way. No how.

247
00:13:40,352 --> 00:13:43,446
Come on, Jackie boy,
we've got places to go.

248
00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:45,615


249
00:13:45,691 --> 00:13:50,128
  Turk, I'm ready!
 All right.

250
00:13:50,196 --> 00:13:54,826
So angry sex is awesome.
That's no reason to go down a bad road.

251
00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:59,064
Baby, you know what I miss?

252
00:13:59,138 --> 00:14:01,368
When your body was kickin'.

253
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:04,140
I ain't touching no damn diapers.

254
00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:05,676


255
00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:10,375
Baby, all I'm saying is,
in some European countries,

256
00:14:10,449 --> 00:14:14,180
it's totally acceptable
for a man to have a mistress.

257
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:15,811
What are you...?

258
00:14:21,961 --> 00:14:24,930
I'm gonna make you pay
for every word you said.

259
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,793


260
00:14:27,766 --> 00:14:29,427
Worth it.

261
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:33,932
Now that I'm on the lam,
I thought about two things:

262
00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:36,236
One, what my prison name would be.

263
00:14:36,308 --> 00:14:37,536
Gizmo.

264
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:41,706
And two, whether some relationships
were beyond repair.

265
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:44,078
Then fate threw me another curve.

266
00:14:44,149 --> 00:14:46,913
 Who's your friend?
 My boy in a dress. Who's yours?

267
00:14:47,019 --> 00:14:50,386
Seeing as he gave me the strength
to outrun the sheriff's K9 unit,

268
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:52,549
I'd say he's my new god.

269
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,825
You can rub mine's belly
if I can rub yours.

270
00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:57,657
Don't you touch my son.

271
00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:02,058
Angry sex is like a drug.
I can't stop.

272
00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:04,068
I'll be right out.
I'm fixing my hair.

273
00:15:04,136 --> 00:15:05,569
Rake's in the closet, baby.

274
00:15:08,107 --> 00:15:09,267
Help me!

275
00:15:09,341 --> 00:15:12,606
Turk, just go back to the way
things were. Carla loved it.

276
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:16,910
Trying to make a baby with you is
the sexiest thing in the world to her.

277
00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:19,951
I'm a man. I've been programmed
to think that a baby

278
00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:22,180
is the worst
possible consequence of sex.

279
00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:23,949
Well, it's not.

280
00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:27,887
Honey for my honey.

281
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:36,663


282
00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:38,100
Why are you stopping?

283
00:15:43,575 --> 00:15:46,510
Losing a baseball scholarship
because a bear ate your arm

284
00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:48,842
is a much worse consequence of sex.

285
00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:51,883
You have to help me
end this angry sex cycle.

286
00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:53,144
I'm ready.

287
00:15:53,218 --> 00:15:57,382
Carla, Turk's making you mad on purpose
because the angry sex is so good.

288
00:15:57,489 --> 00:16:01,255
 The cycle is broken.

289
00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:06,431
There will be no whining or crying
while we sit here.

290
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:09,160
 He seems fine.
 I wasn't talking to him.

291
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:11,202
I don't whine or cry.

292
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:14,739
Really? How do you explain these
photos of you whining and crying

293
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,901
as you run away
from the Kwans' apartment?

294
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,537
 These are coasters.
 My camera's broken.

295
00:16:20,612 --> 00:16:23,979
 You turned me into a felon!
 You know what there, Newbie?

296
00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:27,075
You can go to the baptism.
And take Jack.

297
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:30,588
Jordan will kill me if he's not there.
Plus, I know you.

298
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:34,615
You're one watereddown appletini away
from trying to fix my sister and me.

299
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:37,218
No. If there's one thing
I learned from this guy,

300
00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:39,787
I need to stop
fixing people's relationships.

301
00:16:39,865 --> 00:16:41,355
You're welcome.

302
00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:44,732
I've never known you to judge
a person based on their beliefs.

303
00:16:44,803 --> 00:16:48,466
In fact, you're pretty tolerant
of everyone. Except Hugh Jackman.

304
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:49,666
Huh.

305
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:53,041
I don't understand why your sister
being religious bothers you.

306
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:57,679
 It doesn't.
 Then why are you so angry?

307
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:03,450
So do you like pie? "Look at me.

308
00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:06,786
Do I look like a guy
who doesn't like pie? I love pie."

309
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:10,124
Incidentally,
where do you buy your loincloths?

310
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:14,655
I don't think I can do this
without Perry. He's my everything.

311
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:16,894
It would be weird
if you were like that.

312
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:18,834
 Right? Yeah.
 Yeah.

313
00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:21,065
I don't understand
why we can't have fun.

314
00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:23,301
I'm glad you had
to hurt my feelings.

315
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:26,833
 I can't believe you! Calm down.
 Calm down? I'm gonna kill you!

316
00:17:26,912 --> 00:17:30,746
You hear that?
She's gonna kill me. Get her.

317
00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:34,946
OK, look. You two stop fighting
or I will turn this church around!

318
00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:38,478
 Sometimes I think it takes
a child to make you see the light.

319
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:41,321


320
00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:34,841
Isn't he beautiful?

321
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:42,113
Yeah. He is.

322
00:18:58,103 --> 00:19:00,765
 Oh! Wow!

323
00:19:00,839 --> 00:19:04,570
Has anyone ever told you
you're an extremely average athlete?

324
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:07,077
That's cold, sis. Ice cold.

325
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:11,776
You know, I've been thinking
about why I hate seeing you so much.

326
00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:13,818
Please, Perry, don't hold back.

327
00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:16,888
It's not the God stuff.

328
00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:24,020
I've worked hard to try to forget
everything about our childhood.

329
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,155
But when I see you,

330
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:28,995
I... I can't think about anything else.

331
00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:31,399
It's hard for me too.

332
00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:36,400
I don't see why you can't be there
for the major events in Jack's life.

333
00:19:36,475 --> 00:19:38,966
I'd love to see him turn three.

334
00:19:39,044 --> 00:19:41,706
The major events, Paige:

335
00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:46,615
His graduation, his wedding, his
divorce and his funeral. The big four.

336
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:49,245
I beat you at Horse,
he has a church wedding.

337
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:50,787
Done.

338
00:19:53,358 --> 00:19:58,022
 That went in, didn't it?
 Did you thank the Gman for that?

339
00:19:58,096 --> 00:20:02,123
 That was all me, baby.
 Yeah, it was.

340
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:05,503
So maybe relationships can be fixed.

341
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:09,405
Whether it's by coming around
to your spouse's way of thinking...

342
00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:14,241
I'm sorry. I didn't get how
this babymaking stuff could be sexy,

343
00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:16,076
but I do now.

344
00:20:16,181 --> 00:20:17,876
Well, you know, Turk,

345
00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:20,851
I can get angry
if you give me a little help.

346
00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:26,255
If you had no hair,
you'd look like Danny DeVito.

347
00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:28,589
Oh, Turk, a little help.

348
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:30,127
Mmhm.

349
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:34,423
... or by reassuring the Kwans
that their big guy didn't desert them.

350
00:20:37,469 --> 00:20:41,428
In the end, you just have to be willing
to take the first step.

351
00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:45,374
By the way, if you want, Jack's birthday
is in the spring... sometime.

352
00:20:45,444 --> 00:20:48,106
March 21 st. Bye, Perry.

353
00:20:49,147 --> 00:20:50,580
Bye, Paige.

354
00:20:54,052 --> 00:20:58,318
 You know, Paige is a silly name.
 Perry's worse.