1
00:00:03,703 --> 00:00:07,400
 It was a beautiful day,
so I invited Elliot over to my halfacre

2
00:00:07,474 --> 00:00:09,999
for some friendly sunbathing.

3
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:12,510
Unfortunately, she brought Keith.

4
00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:14,103
Thanks for doing that, J.D.

5
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:16,944
I'd do it,
but the Bobbsey Twins are already loose.

6
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,485
No worries.
It's not that homoerotic, is it?

7
00:00:19,552 --> 00:00:22,043
Oh, God, no.

8
00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:25,285
 Keith didn't know
I mildly disliked him.

9
00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:28,452
He also didn't know
I was rubbing Crisco on his back.

10
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:32,589
Does it smell like pie crust?

11
00:00:32,665 --> 00:00:34,792
That's the rhododendron, Keith.

12
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,769
Everybody knows they smell
like pie when they bloom.

13
00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:40,806
 Hey, nice new watch, J.D.
 Thank you.

14
00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:44,343
 It wasn't a watch.
Now that Elliot got serious with Keith,

15
00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,140
I needed to get tighter with Turk.

16
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:49,375
Since he's so busy being married
and trying to make a baby,

17
00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:50,677
I had only one option.

18
00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:51,910
Come in, Brown Bear.

19
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,350
I got us watchietalkies.

20
00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:56,981
 Hey, White Shadow.
 That's not my handle.

21
00:00:57,090 --> 00:00:58,352


22
00:00:58,425 --> 00:00:59,653
Hey, Gizmo.

23
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,626
Right on. What are you doin', man?

24
00:01:01,694 --> 00:01:04,322
I'm about to take out the Slip 'n Slide.
Let's do it.

25
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,888
Dude, I can't. It's babymaking time.

26
00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:09,935
 How's it going with Keith?
 Awesome. Check this.

27
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:12,494


28
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,439
Bacon back! Classic!

29
00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:19,000
Hey, stud.
You ready to fertilize an egg?

30
00:01:19,979 --> 00:01:24,075
 Gotta go.
Maintain radio silence on all channels.

31
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:29,282
 A local magazine named
Dr. Cox the best doctor in the city.

32
00:01:29,355 --> 00:01:31,323
Dr. Cox felt this was big news.

33
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,949
All right. Here's how it's
going to work, people.

34
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:38,157
I'm going to ask each
and every one of you just exactly who

35
00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:41,962
is the very finest physician in
this city, to which you will respond,

36
00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:43,593
"You are!"

37
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:47,037
If you do not reply in a timely
and exuberant fashion,

38
00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:50,439
my associate will take his mop
and, these are his words, not mine,

39
00:01:50,510 --> 00:01:51,875
"Popsicle you."

40
00:01:51,978 --> 00:01:54,344
Now my lovely exwife will demonstrate.

41
00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:58,851
Darling, just exactly who is the
very best physician in our fair city?

42
00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:00,613
You are. And now, as agreed,

43
00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:04,418
you owe me a night on the town and some
"me actually getting to finish" sex.

44
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:06,857
Well done. Now, down the line we go!

45
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,086
 You are!
 You are!

46
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:09,492
 You are!
 Yar!

47
00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:11,291
God! Why?

48
00:02:11,364 --> 00:02:14,128
You combined "you" and "are."
"Yar." It made no sense.

49
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:17,067
It's true, Lonnie.
Everybody heard it. Poke him again.

50
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:20,800
 Bob Kelso. Will you be joining us?

51
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:24,833
Hm? There was a line. I assumed it
had something to do with cupcakes.

52
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:27,174
Bob, obviously you read the article.

53
00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:29,715
The last publication
I read was the issue of Out

54
00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:32,876
my son left by the crapper
when he was home asking for money.

55
00:02:32,952 --> 00:02:35,921
You'll never get my validation, hotshot.

56
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,719
And just exactly where was the poke?

57
00:02:38,791 --> 00:02:41,487
I froze. Gimme 20 bucks.
I'll crack him over the head.

58
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:43,324
Only kill him if you have to.

59
00:02:44,697 --> 00:02:45,789
 Mmm.

60
00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:49,164
That was amazing, baby.
I've never felt so close to you.

61
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:52,068
Oh, me too.

62
00:02:52,138 --> 00:02:54,368


63
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,998
Turk?

64
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,576
Were you not done cuddling, honey?

65
00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:03,673
I was thinking maybe
we could go over to J.D.'s halfacre.

66
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:07,311
Put a blanket down. You can lie
in my lap while I stroke your hair.

67
00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:08,785
Real reason, Turk.

68
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:11,823
J.D. Has a Slip 'n Slide
and I want to show off my new moves.

69
00:03:11,891 --> 00:03:14,155
I call this "The Captain."

70
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:16,525
Right. And then, wait, "The Dolphin."

71
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:18,120


72
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:21,964
I swear, sometimes I think you and
J.D. Are more of a couple than we are.

73
00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:25,037
Tell her I've known you longer.

74
00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:27,436
Ugh!

75
00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:30,772
# I can't do this all on my own

76
00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:34,472
# No, I know
I'm no Superman

77
00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:39,710
# I'm no Superman #

78
00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:45,086
I just don't usually burn this bad.

79
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:47,854
Don't worry. Later,
I'm gonna find some aloe

80
00:03:47,927 --> 00:03:51,294
and rub it on wherever it hurts.

81
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:53,160
Well, it's just on my back, really.

82
00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:56,133
Keith, that was innuendo.
You were gonna work on this.

83
00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:58,261
Oh. Right, right, right. OK. Um...

84
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:02,570
It also hurts under my pants...
in my pants.

85
00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:05,008
Damn it! I can't get this!

86
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,239
Sweetie, you'll get it. You'll get it.

87
00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:13,577
What? Laverne, what?

88
00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:15,280
No judgment here, child.

89
00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:18,415
 People were starting
to talk about Elliot and Keith.

90
00:04:18,491 --> 00:04:22,757
But I decided to stay above the fray.
Then I changed my mind.

91
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:24,694
Can you believe those two?

92
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,699
No, I can't.
All that carrying on in public.

93
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:31,100
 It's way too much.
 It's just too much.

94
00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:33,434
Sorry. I switched places
so I could go again.

95
00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:35,337
 Dr. Dorian?
 Yes, Rex.

96
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:37,535
Mrs. Levin won't take her medication.

97
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,578
Mrs. Levin has dementia, Rex.

98
00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:43,878
And I know she loves sweets, so take
the pill, put it in some raspberry jam,

99
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:47,317
put it on your finger,
dip it in her mouth. Hello!

100
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:51,153
 Rex would remember that morning
as the time he lost his finger tip.

101
00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:53,384
With patients,
it's the luck of the draw.

102
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:55,620
You can't choose
how tolerant they are.

103
00:04:55,728 --> 00:05:00,062
Young man, can you make sure
they don't give me any black blood?

104
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,601
 I'll try.
 Hmm.

105
00:05:02,669 --> 00:05:04,694
 You can't choose how classy.

106
00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:07,706
Oh, your hernia stitches look great,
Mr. Borland.

107
00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:09,742
Could you give them a kiss?

108
00:05:09,842 --> 00:05:11,537
Maybe later.

109
00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:15,041
 Bottom line,
you can't choose your patients.

110
00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:16,240
Hello.

111
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,080
It's about time. Are you my doctor?

112
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,246
Yes, I am. I'm gonna
go ahead and give you a second

113
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,052
so you can think about
just how lucky that makes you.

114
00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:26,853
Don't try to be funny.

115
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:30,487
Now, here's a list of things
I'm going to need you to take care of.

116
00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:34,327
That is so helpful.
I'll take a look at this.

117
00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:41,368
 Hey.
 When are you coming over tonight?

118
00:05:41,441 --> 00:05:42,908
I can't. I'm oncall.

119
00:05:42,975 --> 00:05:47,002
I'm really worried about a patient
with metastatic adenocarcinoma.

120
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,640
Aw! See? This is why I hate cancer.

121
00:05:49,749 --> 00:05:51,011
 Listen up.

122
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,312
You are!

123
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:54,353
We're not doing that anymore.

124
00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:57,878
Now you're fairly strong
at diagnosing, right?

125
00:05:57,957 --> 00:05:59,117
 Yes, sir.
 Terrific.

126
00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:03,389
I need you to go figure out what's wrong
with that thirdfloor coffee machine.

127
00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:07,262
And, Gandharoo, I need you
to talk to a young pregnant black girl

128
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,994
who will not let me call her mom.

129
00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:10,535
Why would she listen to me?

130
00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:13,970
I may have told her
that you were Kanye West.

131
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,905
I'm actually all right with that.

132
00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,533
Let's go, group.

133
00:06:19,011 --> 00:06:21,844
Look at our three manly men.

134
00:06:21,914 --> 00:06:25,441
 Perry gets his chest waxed.
 Keith loves to knit throw pillows.

135
00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:28,248
 Turk might be sterile.
 We have a winner.

136
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:31,154
I can't get pregnant
and I already got a fertility test.

137
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,192
Why don't you ask him to get tested?

138
00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:36,092
Turk is very sensitive
when it comes to his manliness.

139
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:39,131
Remember when I told him
his backpack looked like a purse?

140
00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:42,726
Turk, honey, I didn't mean it.

141
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:47,963
I am a man!
And a man does not carry a purse!

142
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,769
Ah!

143
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,610
 Yeah!

144
00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:56,477
If you can't ask him to get tested,
what will you do?

145
00:06:56,549 --> 00:06:59,177
That's easy.
I'm gonna spermjack him.

146
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,947
Sure, sure.

147
00:07:01,854 --> 00:07:04,618
All right. I've made
a little tweak to the schedule.

148
00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:07,250
Lisa, you're on tonight
and Keith is off

149
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,022
because he's got some
hospitalrelated business.

150
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,120


151
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:14,257
Don't give me that.
You'd be off if you had a good reason.

152
00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:18,360
 If you and I were sleeping together?
 First, the only woman in this hospital

153
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:22,807
that I would even consider
sleeping with is Jamie in Pediatrics.

154
00:07:22,909 --> 00:07:25,241
 I know.

155
00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:28,474
And secondly,
I'm the attending, so tough tuchus.

156
00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:35,518
 Wow.
 It's just so unfair!

157
00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:36,885
So unfair.

158
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,390
It really is unfair, you guys.

159
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,428
 Hey, Gizmo,
can you check on Mr. Jensen for me?

160
00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:45,555
No problem, Brown Bear.
Are you nude right now?

161
00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:47,758
Yeah! How'd you know?

162
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:50,997
 Your voice is always higher
when you're nude.

163
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:52,196
 That's true.

164
00:07:52,271 --> 00:07:54,239
It's not weird you know that at all.

165
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:58,971
Bob, just a note about the tapioca.
I'm much more partial to flan.

166
00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:01,912
You're a flan fan.
It's fun to say, more fun to eat.

167
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:05,246
Anyway, anything that you need,
you just ask Dr. Cox.

168
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,684
Perry, Bonnie here is an old friend.

169
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:09,948
 Can't say I'm shocked.
 Take care of her.

170
00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:12,115
You can count on me, Bobbo!

171
00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:15,954
Here's the lowdown.
In three hours, my shift ends,

172
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:18,997
at which point I will be leaving
and meeting with my exwife

173
00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:23,057
for a celebratory "best doctor in the
city" date which is guaranteed to end

174
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,467
in crazy hotel sex.

175
00:08:25,538 --> 00:08:30,475
I'm thinking sixinch heels,
a leather mask, fishnet stockings.

176
00:08:30,543 --> 00:08:33,011
Who knows?
She may even get dressed up.

177
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:37,140
The good news for you, though, is
that you have a case of hypercalcemia.

178
00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:41,676
Any trained monkey can treat it.
Let's see who that monkey's gonna be.

179
00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:43,782
Ooh! Banana.

180
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,323
Rex it is. Have a great night.

181
00:08:47,393 --> 00:08:50,055
You're in very capable
ninefingered hands.

182
00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:58,201
I don't know what's gotten into you,
baby, but I am turned on.

183
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:01,035
OK, baby.
This might feel a little bit weird,

184
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:04,201
but I promise you, you will love it.

185
00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:10,647
Honey? How could you think
I wouldn't notice this on my dangle?

186
00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:14,812
You were enjoying it until
it started making that grinding noise.

187
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:18,050
I know we're having
a hard time getting pregnant,

188
00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:20,717
but, sweetness, it could be you.

189
00:09:20,793 --> 00:09:23,125
I already got tested.

190
00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:26,529
Oh.

191
00:09:26,999 --> 00:09:28,523
Turk.

192
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:30,694
I'm a man!

193
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:33,466
And men can make babies.

194
00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:39,276
I'm not afraid to tell you.
It's gonna be a hell of a night.

195
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:41,279
I got us a penthouse.

196
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:44,009
 Great. How much did that run?
 About five bucks.

197
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,950
While I'm in the shower
you can read it and get revved up.

198
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:49,681
 Awesome.
 Oh, now what the hell, Mongo?

199
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:53,521
 Sorry, I'm his man now.
 Hello, Perry.

200
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,720
Don't get me wrong.
I hit him hard. Twice.

201
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:59,697
It just made him mad.
Guy's got a skull like a mountain goat.

202
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,391


203
00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:05,769
Perry, when I told you
to treat Mrs. Cooke, I meant it.

204
00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:09,365
If I wanted to waste my breath,
I'd have given my wife mouthtomouth

205
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,774
when she went into cardiac arrest.
She's OK.

206
00:10:11,844 --> 00:10:15,780
My mistress used to be a lifeguard.
Now get your ass back in there.

207
00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:19,011
I'm sorry. Looks like we're
gonna have to take a rain check.

208
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,882
No. You are.

209
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:24,081
 Enjoy your evening, ma'am.
 Thank you.

210
00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:26,415
No can do.

211
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,788
 We're gonna get going.
 No, no, no, no.

212
00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:33,194
There is no way that you get
to spring your little boytoy here

213
00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:36,098
for a night of passionless passion
while my ass is here

214
00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:39,501
and Jordan's whispering
sweet nothings to a shower nozzle.

215
00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:41,403
Uh...

216
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,374
I'm gonna hang out back here.

217
00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:47,776
I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
We'll leave it up to your interns.

218
00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:51,908
Who here doesn't think
that Barbie should abuse her power?

219
00:10:53,519 --> 00:10:57,546
Ah. There we go. Fair and square.
Facejock stays.

220
00:10:58,924 --> 00:11:03,884
 It's a strange feeling when
everyone's stuck in hell and you're not.

221
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:07,431
 I might be sterile?
 Oh, honey. Stay calm.

222
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:11,664
 Nobody knows but us.
 You firing blanks, buddy?

223
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:14,228


224
00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:18,766
 I was just glad to watch TV and,
for once, not be in a world of crap.

225
00:11:20,646 --> 00:11:23,615
 Why didn't you stand up for me?
 Or not.

226
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,913
Attendings switch schedules
all the time.

227
00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:28,545
You switched last week
and I totally defended you.

228
00:11:28,654 --> 00:11:31,145
You know what's going on?
You don't like, Keith.

229
00:11:31,223 --> 00:11:32,918
Go ahead, tell me I'm wrong.

230
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:37,757
Thanks, J.D. You're a great friend.

231
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:45,000
 At least you're not sterile.

232
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:47,232
Amen to that, C Bear.

233
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:55,679
 The next morning, I braced myself
for Elliot's odd brand of revenge.

234
00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:00,042
And there it was.

235
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:03,054
Did you individually drain all my eggs?

236
00:12:03,122 --> 00:12:04,282
Morning!

237
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,858
Fine. I'll just have an apple.

238
00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:11,195
Oh. Looking for this?

239
00:12:15,968 --> 00:12:18,095
 How did you do that?

240
00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:23,874
I'm having a rough morning, Brown Bear.
How you doing with your sterility?

241
00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:27,104
I can't really talk about that
right now. I'm in an elevator.

242
00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:31,673
 Not reading you, Brown Bear.
I repeat. Are you still sterile?

243
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:35,050
This is so juicy, I feel dizzy.

244
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:39,047
Stupid watchietalkie.

245
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:44,821
I heard they really want to have
children, but they can't 'cause he...

246
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:51,428
Don't worry, baby.
I'll kick her ass for you later.

247
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,836
We can go
to the fertility clinic after work.

248
00:12:53,906 --> 00:12:55,430
I can handle this myself.

249
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:58,568
When you went to get your
fertility test, you didn't take me.

250
00:12:58,644 --> 00:13:00,475
 Are you sure?
 Yeah.

251
00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:05,006
Yeah, besides, I've been giving
the fellas some inspirational pep talks.

252
00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:08,346
You got to want it, boys.

253
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,547
There is no "l" in sperm.

254
00:13:13,192 --> 00:13:17,561
Hey. You get the patient
with gelastic seizures.

255
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:21,066
Awesome. Every intern wanted this case.

256
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:26,200
Elliot, you're asking for trouble.
Everybody's already talking.

257
00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:30,038
He's the best. He shouldn't be punished
because he has to sleep with me.

258
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:34,306
 Has to?
 Gets to... He gets to sleep with me.

259
00:13:35,347 --> 00:13:40,114
As a woman, have you ever noticed how
selfesteem issues just creep up on you?

260
00:13:40,186 --> 00:13:42,416
I have sausage fingers.

261
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,956
Remember when I pulled strings
with the board

262
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:47,652
and got Perry that promotion? Yeah.

263
00:13:47,726 --> 00:13:51,162
People started talking
and Perry ended up totally emasculated.

264
00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:53,994
So it worked out great for me.

265
00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:57,398
I should not care
what other people think. Right, Carla?

266
00:13:58,804 --> 00:14:02,137
Oh, sweetie, they're beautiful.

267
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:03,766
They're kielbasas.

268
00:14:12,651 --> 00:14:16,212
 Come in, Brown Bear.
Come in, Brown Bear.

269
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:19,382
If you're around,
I'm having some java out front.

270
00:14:26,999 --> 00:14:28,330


271
00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:33,328
 I'm hit. I'm hit.

272
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:36,601
Oh, this is gonna be fantastic.

273
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:44,578
All right, look. I know I said I wanted
to go by myself to get tested today.

274
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:50,020
But I've been doing some thinking
and... I'm scared.

275
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:53,422
So it would mean a lot
if you went with me.

276
00:14:53,492 --> 00:14:55,585
Of course, buddy.

277
00:14:55,661 --> 00:14:59,028
You know I'm not comfortable
getting busy with myself.

278
00:14:59,098 --> 00:15:02,192
Well, you're in luck.
This happens to be my specialty.

279
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:06,034
Here are some tips. If you can't get
over that you're doing it to yourself,

280
00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:09,836
sit on your arm until it falls asleep
then pull it out and use that.

281
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,742
I call it "The Stranger."

282
00:15:12,811 --> 00:15:16,247
If I ever have kids,
you are never allowed to babysit.

283
00:15:16,315 --> 00:15:18,010
I can't believe you're ready.

284
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:21,746
We spend all day taking care of
old people. Washing them. Cleaning them.

285
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:22,980
Why bring that home?

286
00:15:23,055 --> 00:15:27,515
J.D., we're talking about kids, not
going home to a house full of old folks.

287
00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:31,327
All right, fellas.
Two quick announcements.

288
00:15:31,397 --> 00:15:34,855
First of all, whoever's been
filling my TiVo with JAG reruns,

289
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,492
let's cut it out.

290
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:40,902
And secondly, Harvey, no matter how
drunk you get, I like to sleep alone.

291
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:41,940
I like to snuggle.

292
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:44,703
That's your problem, buddy.
I got my own thing.

293
00:15:45,577 --> 00:15:48,512
OK. Chris Turk?

294
00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:50,207
Yeah.

295
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:51,579
We're ready for you.

296
00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:55,145
Excuse me.

297
00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:59,088
Are any of the reading materials
in there available for us out here?

298
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:05,128
 J.D. This is that... black
surgeon that you always hang out with.

299
00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:07,757
Come on outside to the ramp, dawg.

300
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:13,632
Any second. Any second now.

301
00:16:15,741 --> 00:16:19,871
Oh, for God's sake, breathe through
your nose. You sound like my bulldog.

302
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:24,280
You know, as a doctor,
I rarely root for the disease,

303
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:26,647
but with you I find myself cheering,

304
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:31,486
"Go hypercalcemia with underlying
MEN syndrome! Go! Go! Go!"

305
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:35,493
Do you drink out of the toilet?
My bulldog drinks out of the toilet.

306
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,324
God Almighty.

307
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:44,096
Dr. Reid, we think it is lame that you
give Keith preferential treatment.

308
00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:46,569
We're filing a complaint
with Dr. Kelso.

309
00:16:46,638 --> 00:16:50,165
OK. Well, you know what? You guys
can tell Kelso whatever you want.

310
00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:54,008
He's gonna hear facts. I'm sleeping
with Keith, his schedule's shifted

311
00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:58,982
and he gets the most interesting cases.
Who wants 20 bucks?

312
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:03,147
That's not gonna work.
I don't have that much, so...

313
00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:13,798


314
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:16,829


315
00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:18,961
I just got in here.

316
00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:22,664
Baby, what are you doing here?

317
00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:25,107
I was home thinking
about my fertility test

318
00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:27,338
and how badly I wanted you to be there.

319
00:17:28,313 --> 00:17:30,941
Baby, I'm a man.

320
00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:32,779
We're not that vulnerable.

321
00:17:32,851 --> 00:17:35,752
I don't really know why
I didn't tell you about it.

322
00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:40,520
I guess I was just scared that, if I
got bad news, I'd be letting you down.

323
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,822
I can see how you'd feel that way.

324
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:47,088
Anyway, I thought I'd come over.

325
00:17:47,166 --> 00:17:49,293
Aw, thanks, sweetie.

326
00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:53,464
But you might want to go outside
'cause I'm about to fill this up.

327
00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:55,837
Why would I wait outside?

328
00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:02,447
 That's what's up.
 That's what's up.

329
00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:04,516
Mmm...

330
00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:10,747
You are more than welcome
to have your goon take both my thumbs

331
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:15,954
and break them if you want to,
Bob, but I am officially OUT out.

332
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:17,996


333
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,565
I don't even see
how you could like that woman.

334
00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:24,261
I don't. She was married
to my best friend, Richard.

335
00:18:24,336 --> 00:18:28,898
He died a few years back.
You know the deal with friends.

336
00:18:29,007 --> 00:18:31,840
If they love 'em, you have to,
whether you like it or not.

337
00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:34,671
 Do you really believe that?

338
00:18:34,746 --> 00:18:37,681
Or are you just saying
that to look good?

339
00:18:37,749 --> 00:18:40,775
Ah, who am I kidding?
You don't care what anybody thinks.

340
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:42,616
I gotta tell you, though.

341
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:45,714
You gave me some good advice
about how to deal with Elliot.

342
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:49,227
Cootchiecootchiecootchiecoo!

343
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,990
 Can I fire him?
 Sleep on it.

344
00:18:53,365 --> 00:18:56,994
Say, one more thing
about devillady in there.

345
00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:58,900
Why me?

346
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:04,204
I know it's a minor condition, Perry,
but you know how things can turn.

347
00:19:04,276 --> 00:19:09,908
But you wanted me in there
because I'm the best what, Bob?

348
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,540
 No.
 Say it,

349
00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:15,644
or I will go in there and tell her
you're dying to be with her more often.

350
00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:17,484


351
00:19:17,589 --> 00:19:19,750
 Beg your pardon?
 You're the best doctor.

352
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:24,659
Thank you, Bob.
That means a lot to me.

353
00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:29,492
I know that everyone is very upset,

354
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:33,026
but I really don't think there's
any need to bother Dr. Kelso.

355
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:35,073
It's too late, Dr. Reid.

356
00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:37,700
You're right, it is too late,
because from now on,

357
00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:40,267
I'm gonna be
handing out all case assignments.

358
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:44,679
For instance, this cool case right here.

359
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,911
Should I give it
to the annoying intern?

360
00:19:46,985 --> 00:19:48,282
That would be you, Lisa.

361
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:51,789
Maybe I should give it to the
incompetent intern missing a finger.

362
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,018
Because that would be you, Rex.

363
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:57,584
Or maybe I should
just give it to the best intern.

364
00:19:57,663 --> 00:20:00,291
Which would be you, Keith.

365
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:07,770
Now if anyone wants to tell on me
to whomever they like, they can.

366
00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:09,500
Good day.

367
00:20:09,575 --> 00:20:11,736


368
00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:17,982
 Here you go.
 Thanks again, Dr. D.

369
00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:23,577
All right. If you like him, I like him.

370
00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:30,087
 Hey! I'm not sterile!
 Congratulations!

371
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,722
 # Not sterile #

372
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:36,562
 My friends were happy, and even
though I felt like the fifth wheel,

373
00:20:36,635 --> 00:20:38,967
I could take solace in something.

374
00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:43,298
Hey, Turk. I forgot.
I can't raid the freezer with you.

375
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:46,344
Be careful in there.
They lock it up at three.

376
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:49,878


377
00:20:51,617 --> 00:20:53,448
I'm gonna kill him.

378
00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:59,117
 I had finally won one.