1 00:00:07,860 --> 00:00:09,350 Welcome home, Perry. 2 00:00:09,528 --> 00:00:11,086 Here's the new program. 3 00:00:11,163 --> 00:00:13,427 You occasionally lift a finger, helping with Jack. 4 00:00:13,499 --> 00:00:16,332 And I'm gonna try to keep from hating the unborn baby 5 00:00:16,402 --> 00:00:18,495 in my belly that's made my ass so big, 6 00:00:18,571 --> 00:00:21,972 I can't fit the whole thing on a toilet when I pee 800 times a day. 7 00:00:22,041 --> 00:00:23,269 Okay. 8 00:00:23,909 --> 00:00:27,208 You love spaghetti. You had some just last night, didn't you? 9 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:30,841 - No, I didn't. - Jordan, the boy is lying to me. 10 00:00:30,916 --> 00:00:33,043 Oh, Perry, nobody likes a tattletale. 11 00:00:33,119 --> 00:00:34,848 Nobody does, Perry. 12 00:00:37,623 --> 00:00:42,822 All right, champ, just in case you get hungry later on... 13 00:00:44,263 --> 00:00:46,231 (LAUGHING) 14 00:00:46,299 --> 00:00:49,325 Yo, Elliot, what's your ringtone? 15 00:00:49,402 --> 00:00:51,700 Jesus Take the Wheel, by Carrie Underwood. 16 00:00:51,771 --> 00:00:53,671 I'm carrying under-wood right now. 17 00:00:53,739 --> 00:00:56,299 See, that's funny because it's true. 18 00:00:57,743 --> 00:00:59,040 Please. 19 00:00:59,412 --> 00:01:02,540 But that's all you get for the rest of the year, Todd. 20 00:01:02,615 --> 00:01:04,606 I'm downloading *NS YNC's Bye, Bye, Bye. 21 00:01:04,684 --> 00:01:06,049 When that bad boy starts a-jumpin', 22 00:01:06,118 --> 00:01:08,609 I defy anyone not to shake their butt to it. 23 00:01:09,021 --> 00:01:10,215 I'm bringing it back. 24 00:01:10,289 --> 00:01:12,655 Just like you brought back Pop Rocks? 25 00:01:12,792 --> 00:01:14,123 Teddy boy! 26 00:01:14,460 --> 00:01:16,052 (POP ROCKS CRACKLING) 27 00:01:16,128 --> 00:01:19,325 Yeah, well, you're not as big a trendsetter as you think you are. 28 00:01:19,398 --> 00:01:20,865 Right, Keith? 29 00:01:20,933 --> 00:01:22,127 (POP ROCKS CRACKLING) 30 00:01:23,636 --> 00:01:25,570 J.D.: As for me, I spent my free time 31 00:01:25,638 --> 00:01:27,833 getting co-workers I just met pregnant. 32 00:01:27,907 --> 00:01:29,499 You're pregnant? 33 00:01:30,076 --> 00:01:31,600 Are you sure? 34 00:01:34,046 --> 00:01:35,536 I'm pretty sure. 35 00:01:35,614 --> 00:01:38,139 Kim, I'm not really sure how to phrase this, 36 00:01:38,217 --> 00:01:40,549 so I'm just gonna dive right in. 37 00:01:41,087 --> 00:01:42,884 Have there been other penises? 38 00:01:42,955 --> 00:01:44,217 It's yours, J.D. 39 00:01:44,290 --> 00:01:46,155 - Cool. - Are you okay? 40 00:01:46,392 --> 00:01:48,451 (SCREAMING) 41 00:01:48,527 --> 00:01:49,653 Yeah. 42 00:01:49,929 --> 00:01:52,693 I don't think I've ever seen the inside of your apartment before. 43 00:01:52,765 --> 00:01:54,733 Said the father of my unborn child. 44 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:55,789 (CHUCKLES) 45 00:01:56,435 --> 00:01:59,370 That was a joke. Oh, come on. 46 00:01:59,438 --> 00:02:01,736 No laugh from a guy who when he orders a coffee says, 47 00:02:01,807 --> 00:02:03,035 "Thanks a latte"? 48 00:02:03,109 --> 00:02:06,306 Well, that's different, Kim. That's hilarious. This is life-changing. 49 00:02:06,379 --> 00:02:08,142 We're gonna get through this. 50 00:02:08,214 --> 00:02:10,978 You know what else is pretty classic? When the coffee guy asks for money, 51 00:02:11,050 --> 00:02:14,611 you say, "Sorry, my wallet's in my other pair of mocha-chinos." 52 00:02:14,687 --> 00:02:15,745 That always gets 'em. 53 00:02:15,821 --> 00:02:16,947 (PAGER BEEPING) 54 00:02:17,022 --> 00:02:18,182 Oh, damn it. 55 00:02:19,392 --> 00:02:20,916 I have to go to the hospital. 56 00:02:20,993 --> 00:02:24,190 Scone is also a funny word, but I don't like them. 57 00:02:24,263 --> 00:02:26,026 I prefer croissants. 58 00:02:26,098 --> 00:02:28,498 You're clearly freaking out, so, you need to promise me that 59 00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:30,626 you're gonna find somebody to talk to about this while I'm gone. 60 00:02:30,703 --> 00:02:31,897 Please, I'll be fine. 61 00:02:31,971 --> 00:02:34,667 You be careful, you're walking for two. 62 00:02:35,875 --> 00:02:37,502 Call, Turk. 63 00:02:45,885 --> 00:02:47,318 You were right, Turk. 64 00:02:47,386 --> 00:02:50,514 - Hell, yeah. - All right, all right! 65 00:02:50,589 --> 00:02:54,855 Now listen! This is a hospital, not a discotheque. 66 00:02:54,927 --> 00:02:56,690 Turn that damn thing off! 67 00:02:56,762 --> 00:02:58,457 Come on, buddy, please pick up. 68 00:03:04,203 --> 00:03:06,068 This is pretty catchy. 69 00:03:10,376 --> 00:03:13,004 (ALL GROANING) 70 00:03:13,412 --> 00:03:17,109 No problem, I'll just go chill at my deck with a little vino. 71 00:03:20,786 --> 00:03:24,483 Unfortunately, it was still a hangout spot for gay seniors. 72 00:03:26,759 --> 00:03:28,750 All right, that's enough! 73 00:03:29,195 --> 00:03:31,823 I have seen Les Mis over a dozen times, 74 00:03:31,931 --> 00:03:36,265 so I have nothing against giant queens, per se, all right? 75 00:03:37,102 --> 00:03:39,366 In fact, my life would be a whole lot easier 76 00:03:39,438 --> 00:03:41,668 if I was married to one of you guys. 77 00:03:41,740 --> 00:03:43,264 Excuse me. 78 00:03:44,710 --> 00:03:46,268 You heard him, girls. 79 00:03:46,345 --> 00:03:47,437 Let's roll. 80 00:03:47,513 --> 00:03:48,775 (ALL WHOOPING) 81 00:03:49,582 --> 00:03:51,675 (ERE IT GOES AGAIN PLAYING) 82 00:04:06,298 --> 00:04:07,424 (SCREAMING) 83 00:04:33,192 --> 00:04:34,181 (CHEERING) 84 00:04:58,984 --> 00:05:00,884 Hold up, hold up, hold up! 85 00:05:00,953 --> 00:05:03,285 Las Vegas Police Department. 86 00:05:03,889 --> 00:05:05,049 Hello! 87 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,755 Why didn't you answer your phone when I called you? 88 00:05:09,828 --> 00:05:11,227 I was dancing. 89 00:05:12,197 --> 00:05:13,994 Wait, let me hear it. 90 00:05:14,133 --> 00:05:15,600 There it is. 91 00:05:34,186 --> 00:05:35,813 Well, look, I'm in surgery all morning, 92 00:05:35,888 --> 00:05:39,119 but we can meet for lunch, talk this through then, okay? 93 00:05:39,191 --> 00:05:42,024 Hello? J.D., this is a really bad connection. 94 00:05:42,094 --> 00:05:43,721 Ted, please! 95 00:05:43,796 --> 00:05:45,286 (POP ROCKS CRACKLING) 96 00:05:47,499 --> 00:05:48,591 Ted! 97 00:05:51,337 --> 00:05:53,464 Okay, I'll see you at lunch. 98 00:05:54,239 --> 00:05:56,867 Hey, Mojambo, this here's our new flagpole. 99 00:05:56,942 --> 00:06:00,639 Why don't you show Old Glory a little respect and snap off a salute? 100 00:06:03,148 --> 00:06:04,240 There's no flag up there. 101 00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:07,544 We're at war, my friend. All American flags are on back-order. 102 00:06:07,620 --> 00:06:10,953 What do you want me to do in the meantime, run a pirate flag up there? 103 00:06:11,023 --> 00:06:14,186 Maybe turn the whole building into a pirate ship? 104 00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:16,724 I could put a captain's wheel up on the roof, 105 00:06:16,795 --> 00:06:19,423 catch a parrot somehow, slap on an eye-patch, 106 00:06:19,498 --> 00:06:23,264 go to work with a caulk gun, seal her up, make her water-tight. 107 00:06:23,335 --> 00:06:24,996 I could take her out to sea. 108 00:06:25,070 --> 00:06:27,971 - Are you insane? - No, I'm a pirate. 109 00:06:28,407 --> 00:06:30,875 Whatever. I'm not saluting a pole. 110 00:06:32,511 --> 00:06:35,173 And so it begins, again. 111 00:06:36,582 --> 00:06:38,106 My life is over. 112 00:06:38,183 --> 00:06:40,117 Oh, come on, you've gotta focus on the positives. 113 00:06:40,185 --> 00:06:42,983 For instance, the medical miracle that is one woman 114 00:06:43,055 --> 00:06:46,786 actually impregnating another woman, SHEDAISY! 115 00:06:48,861 --> 00:06:52,058 Coincidentally, I have a cousin named Shedaisy. 116 00:06:52,164 --> 00:06:53,290 What? 117 00:06:53,365 --> 00:06:55,560 J.D. Needs us right now, okay. So, this is what we're gonna do. 118 00:06:55,634 --> 00:06:58,831 Dr. Cox, you're backing off. Elliot, you go talk to him. 119 00:06:58,904 --> 00:07:00,371 Can't wait to talk to J.D. 120 00:07:00,439 --> 00:07:02,771 Maybe we can chat about how everyone in this frickin' hospital, 121 00:07:02,841 --> 00:07:04,274 other than me, is having a baby. 122 00:07:04,343 --> 00:07:07,210 I mean, seriously. Having a baby, having a baby, having a second baby. 123 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:09,304 Oh, having her husband's best friend's baby. 124 00:07:09,381 --> 00:07:11,872 That's right, Mona, everyone knows! 125 00:07:13,485 --> 00:07:14,850 What are you looking at, Dr. Beardface? 126 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:18,549 You want a kid? 'Cause, I swear to God, I will mount you right now! 127 00:07:18,624 --> 00:07:21,024 It's Beardfâce, damn it! 128 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:23,057 (WHISTLING) 129 00:07:23,128 --> 00:07:26,427 Gather around, doomed new interns who just paged me. 130 00:07:26,632 --> 00:07:30,466 Quick question. What does this outfit tell you? 131 00:07:30,536 --> 00:07:34,063 You are entering a Joe Piscopo look-alike contest? 132 00:07:35,574 --> 00:07:37,667 It means that I was just working out, 133 00:07:37,743 --> 00:07:39,711 which, incidentally, is the last remaining activity 134 00:07:39,778 --> 00:07:43,305 I have in my adult life that qualifies as "me time." 135 00:07:43,382 --> 00:07:45,873 Other activities recently crossed off of that list 136 00:07:45,951 --> 00:07:47,714 include my morning dump and all showers. 137 00:07:47,786 --> 00:07:50,482 You see, my dear son Jack has decided that those 138 00:07:50,556 --> 00:07:54,890 are team sports. However, I'm here and I'm totally psyched to hear 139 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:58,418 whatever the superty-duper reason is that you paged me. 140 00:07:59,364 --> 00:08:01,832 Mr. Wyatt's chart said to remove his eight stitches, 141 00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:03,663 but we counted nine. 142 00:08:03,769 --> 00:08:06,067 - Should we leave one? - That's it. 143 00:08:07,606 --> 00:08:09,972 Every single one of you is gonna run laps around the hallways 144 00:08:10,042 --> 00:08:11,100 till I say stop. 145 00:08:11,176 --> 00:08:12,404 (ALL CHUCKLING) 146 00:08:12,478 --> 00:08:13,672 Think I'm kidding? 147 00:08:13,779 --> 00:08:16,009 (COX YELLING) 148 00:08:17,983 --> 00:08:21,419 Perry, what the hell? I just got a call from Jack's school. 149 00:08:21,487 --> 00:08:23,648 Apparently, they served spaghetti for lunch, 150 00:08:23,722 --> 00:08:26,623 so he had some sort of Vietnam flashback. 151 00:08:27,126 --> 00:08:29,026 We're having a second baby. 152 00:08:29,094 --> 00:08:30,925 You need to deal with your anger issues. 153 00:08:30,996 --> 00:08:33,430 I don't have any anger issues. 154 00:08:33,499 --> 00:08:38,459 Dr. Cox, I'm sorry, but my asthma is really starting to... 155 00:08:38,537 --> 00:08:40,095 (WHEEZING) 156 00:08:40,572 --> 00:08:42,096 Get out of here! 157 00:08:42,708 --> 00:08:44,073 Seriously. 158 00:08:48,046 --> 00:08:50,310 What are you working on, young man? 159 00:08:50,382 --> 00:08:53,681 New ways to torture that guy. See? 160 00:08:58,757 --> 00:09:01,248 Mrs. Zeebee, I know that we were hoping 161 00:09:01,326 --> 00:09:04,693 that the pain around your areola was simple mastitis, 162 00:09:05,097 --> 00:09:07,895 but it turns out that it's breast cancer. 163 00:09:08,734 --> 00:09:10,065 (SIGHING) 164 00:09:10,135 --> 00:09:12,569 I can't believe this is happening to me. 165 00:09:12,638 --> 00:09:14,367 Trust me, I know what you're going through. 166 00:09:14,439 --> 00:09:17,067 Just yesterday, I found out that my girlfriend... 167 00:09:17,142 --> 00:09:20,407 Excuse us. Dude, please tell me you're not comparing getting cancer 168 00:09:20,479 --> 00:09:23,004 - to knocking up your girlfriend. - I was trying to. 169 00:09:23,081 --> 00:09:25,845 You can't pawn your personal stuff off on your patients. 170 00:09:25,918 --> 00:09:28,716 What about you and the motorcycle accident guy? 171 00:09:29,154 --> 00:09:31,679 So get this. My pregnant wife has decided that it's okay 172 00:09:31,757 --> 00:09:33,384 to steal my pillow in the middle of the night 173 00:09:33,458 --> 00:09:36,086 and sleep with it in between her legs. 174 00:09:36,161 --> 00:09:37,958 When am I going into surgery? 175 00:09:38,030 --> 00:09:41,090 Oh, we can't start the surgery until the troopers find your foot. 176 00:09:43,335 --> 00:09:45,735 That was different. He said, "What's up?" 177 00:09:49,141 --> 00:09:50,836 Hardly seems like much of a punishment 178 00:09:50,909 --> 00:09:52,103 for the kid from Kenya. 179 00:09:52,177 --> 00:09:53,940 I mean, God's sake, he can run all day. 180 00:09:54,012 --> 00:09:55,536 You know, maybe Jordan's right. 181 00:09:55,614 --> 00:09:58,082 Maybe it's time you start dealing with your anger issues. 182 00:09:58,150 --> 00:10:01,950 Carla, for something to be an issue, it needs to cause a problem. 183 00:10:02,020 --> 00:10:04,921 And, honestly, aside from having to, by law, 184 00:10:04,990 --> 00:10:07,220 remain 30 feet away from a certain telemarketer 185 00:10:07,292 --> 00:10:09,726 who I visited while he was eating his dinner, 186 00:10:09,795 --> 00:10:12,161 I don't see the downside. 187 00:10:13,532 --> 00:10:16,433 Mr. Slydell here is suffering from peptic ulcer disease 188 00:10:16,501 --> 00:10:19,937 and hypertension, two conditions you often see in very angry people. 189 00:10:20,005 --> 00:10:23,497 Well, now, you don't know that this gentleman is angry. 190 00:10:24,076 --> 00:10:28,945 Damn it! Why won't this TV go on? 191 00:10:30,582 --> 00:10:32,550 That was the bed remote. 192 00:10:33,719 --> 00:10:35,380 Ted, I got the cola. 193 00:10:35,487 --> 00:10:37,853 - Did you get the Pop Rocks? - No, the vending machine was out, 194 00:10:37,923 --> 00:10:41,518 so I went to the generic store and got some Fizzy Pebbles. 195 00:10:41,593 --> 00:10:44,562 - You sure we should do this? - I'm sick of legends and hearsay, Keith. 196 00:10:44,630 --> 00:10:46,188 I have to know! 197 00:10:49,368 --> 00:10:51,734 No scuffing. No scuffing! 198 00:10:52,404 --> 00:10:56,670 Okay, what if I get a sex change operation 199 00:10:56,742 --> 00:10:59,142 and I trick him into marrying me? 200 00:10:59,444 --> 00:11:02,277 But if it doesn't work, you'll just be an older, 201 00:11:02,447 --> 00:11:04,472 fairly ugly janitor-woman. 202 00:11:05,417 --> 00:11:06,748 That's true. 203 00:11:06,818 --> 00:11:08,479 You know, you and I are quite a bit alike. 204 00:11:08,553 --> 00:11:10,487 I spent most of my life trying to become a lawyer, 205 00:11:10,889 --> 00:11:13,357 but I could never get my Juris Doctorate. 206 00:11:13,492 --> 00:11:14,584 How's that make us alike? 207 00:11:14,793 --> 00:11:18,320 I spent years trying to get that damn J.D. 208 00:11:19,364 --> 00:11:20,353 (LOUD POPPING) 209 00:11:20,432 --> 00:11:22,423 (WHOOPING) 210 00:11:22,501 --> 00:11:23,900 I'm alive! 211 00:11:26,405 --> 00:11:28,066 Hey! 212 00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:30,370 That'll be fun to clean up. 213 00:11:31,009 --> 00:11:33,978 You know what's so messed up about this whole baby thing? 214 00:11:34,046 --> 00:11:37,948 I mean, I feel like I'm drowning and it hasn't even fazed Kim. 215 00:11:38,016 --> 00:11:39,244 (SOBBING) 216 00:11:39,318 --> 00:11:41,946 Okay, let's, close her up. 217 00:11:42,988 --> 00:11:46,856 - Dr. Briggs, why are you crying? - This song always gets me. 218 00:11:49,494 --> 00:11:52,588 My brother was killed by a Funky Cold Medina. 219 00:11:52,731 --> 00:11:56,827 I'm sorry J.D., but you knew that this could happen when you had sex. 220 00:11:56,902 --> 00:11:58,199 I have to tell you guys something, 221 00:11:58,270 --> 00:11:59,464 but you have to promise not to laugh, okay? 222 00:11:59,538 --> 00:12:00,562 - Oh, no. Absolutely. - I'll try. 223 00:12:00,639 --> 00:12:01,663 Sure. 224 00:12:01,740 --> 00:12:04,368 Okay, on the night of said conception, 225 00:12:05,344 --> 00:12:10,543 Kim and I nuded up and, the dirty talk began 226 00:12:10,615 --> 00:12:12,139 and I got a little over-excited. 227 00:12:12,217 --> 00:12:13,548 (EXCLAIMING) 228 00:12:14,052 --> 00:12:16,077 She like the dirty talk? 229 00:12:16,154 --> 00:12:18,952 No, I do. I find it gets the ladies going, 230 00:12:19,024 --> 00:12:21,584 but I occasionally get wrapped up in it myself, 231 00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:24,686 especially when I do some of my different voices and... 232 00:12:24,763 --> 00:12:25,821 He does. 233 00:12:25,897 --> 00:12:29,890 Anyhoo, there was some unexpected friendly fire. 234 00:12:30,202 --> 00:12:33,137 And, even though I never 235 00:12:33,739 --> 00:12:37,038 got a chance to enter the village, 236 00:12:39,277 --> 00:12:41,871 there was a air strike 237 00:12:41,947 --> 00:12:44,347 on one of the outlying regions. 238 00:12:44,416 --> 00:12:45,849 (LAUGHING) 239 00:12:45,917 --> 00:12:46,906 Thank you. 240 00:12:46,985 --> 00:12:49,453 Anyway, I spoke to the gals up in OBG 241 00:12:49,521 --> 00:12:52,786 and they said it's not uncommon for a woman to get pregnant 242 00:12:52,858 --> 00:12:55,588 even if there was no actual penetration. 243 00:12:56,361 --> 00:12:59,728 What you're trying to tell us is that 244 00:12:59,798 --> 00:13:01,698 you never actually had sex with her? 245 00:13:01,767 --> 00:13:03,257 No, I didn't have a condom. 246 00:13:03,335 --> 00:13:04,529 (ALL SNIGGERING) 247 00:13:04,603 --> 00:13:08,300 And we decided not to have sex because, 248 00:13:09,041 --> 00:13:10,736 here's the kicker, 249 00:13:10,809 --> 00:13:12,538 I didn't want to get her pregnant. 250 00:13:12,611 --> 00:13:13,600 Oh, no, you didn't. 251 00:13:13,678 --> 00:13:15,976 (ALL LAUGHING) 252 00:13:16,048 --> 00:13:17,879 J.D.: As I thought about how Mrs. Zeebee and I 253 00:13:17,949 --> 00:13:19,678 had gotten such a raw deal, 254 00:13:19,751 --> 00:13:22,652 I realized how easy it was for doctors to see themselves 255 00:13:22,721 --> 00:13:24,086 in their patients. 256 00:13:24,156 --> 00:13:26,420 Whether it's in the choices they made in their life... 257 00:13:26,491 --> 00:13:29,722 My anger not only cost me my health, 258 00:13:30,762 --> 00:13:34,198 it also cost me my job, my marriage. 259 00:13:35,333 --> 00:13:37,665 It cost me damn near everything. 260 00:13:37,903 --> 00:13:39,530 You're killing me. 261 00:13:39,604 --> 00:13:41,401 ... or the choices they didn't make. 262 00:13:41,473 --> 00:13:43,566 I was so obsessed with getting my J.D. 263 00:13:43,642 --> 00:13:46,475 That I never did the things I really wanted to do. 264 00:13:46,545 --> 00:13:50,709 - Start a family, see the world... - Punch a whale. 265 00:13:51,249 --> 00:13:54,082 No, I punched a whale, right in the face. 266 00:13:55,220 --> 00:13:57,245 Down he went, like Liston. 267 00:13:58,490 --> 00:14:01,653 Either way, it forces you to face your problems head-on. 268 00:14:01,726 --> 00:14:05,162 There you are. You ready to grab some lunch so that we can talk? 269 00:14:05,230 --> 00:14:06,492 Or not. 270 00:14:06,898 --> 00:14:11,198 You know what, Kim, I don't think I can handle this right now. 271 00:14:12,070 --> 00:14:14,436 Oh, okay, yeah. That's great. 272 00:14:22,747 --> 00:14:24,009 Heads up. 273 00:14:25,350 --> 00:14:26,840 - Hey. - Hey. 274 00:14:26,918 --> 00:14:28,408 Have you seen J.D.? 275 00:14:29,654 --> 00:14:30,985 I have not. 276 00:14:31,056 --> 00:14:32,853 Any idea where he is? 277 00:14:36,328 --> 00:14:38,353 Teaching CPR to underprivileged youth 278 00:14:38,430 --> 00:14:40,591 at Lincoln Middle School on 18th Street. 279 00:14:40,665 --> 00:14:41,996 J.D.: I can't believe he got that. 280 00:14:42,067 --> 00:14:45,264 We are so ready for that charades tournament on Saturday. 281 00:14:45,337 --> 00:14:47,430 Come on, Turk, where is he? 282 00:14:48,039 --> 00:14:52,908 You know, Kim, I'm sorry, but I really have no idea. 283 00:14:52,978 --> 00:14:54,309 Traitor! 284 00:14:54,379 --> 00:14:55,368 (YELLING) 285 00:14:56,648 --> 00:14:59,276 ALL: Upside-down, the lily-padded go-cart... 286 00:14:59,718 --> 00:15:01,743 Space-wasters, why haven't any of you 287 00:15:01,820 --> 00:15:04,618 placed a pulmonary artery cath on this guy? 288 00:15:04,689 --> 00:15:08,318 Hey, let's try to use our inside voice around the interns. 289 00:15:08,527 --> 00:15:09,721 We don't want to scare them. 290 00:15:09,794 --> 00:15:11,659 What new kind of crazy is this? 291 00:15:11,730 --> 00:15:15,689 Oh, Elliot snapped a little and decided the interns were her babies. 292 00:15:15,767 --> 00:15:17,166 Oops, Jakey. 293 00:15:17,302 --> 00:15:20,965 Somebody's got a little smoodgie on his face. There you go. 294 00:15:21,039 --> 00:15:22,802 As long as he gets done. 295 00:15:22,874 --> 00:15:25,707 Why doesn't Elliot have a freshly-ripped new one, right now? 296 00:15:25,777 --> 00:15:28,075 I'm not freshly ripping anybody anything anymore. 297 00:15:28,146 --> 00:15:29,943 I am done with anger. 298 00:15:30,215 --> 00:15:32,877 Is that going to be like the time you quit drinking? 299 00:15:32,951 --> 00:15:35,317 'Cause that was the longest 20 minutes of my life. 300 00:15:35,387 --> 00:15:38,550 Your sarcasm is wasted on me, you giant pregnant beast. 301 00:15:38,623 --> 00:15:41,558 This is an anger-free zone. 302 00:15:41,626 --> 00:15:43,116 There is no anger here. 303 00:15:43,195 --> 00:15:45,186 (GROANING) 304 00:15:46,298 --> 00:15:47,526 Counter. 305 00:15:47,599 --> 00:15:48,930 (LAUGHING) 306 00:16:00,245 --> 00:16:01,872 I filled it with blue Gatorade. 307 00:16:01,947 --> 00:16:04,575 - I just do that to freak people out. - Scintillating. 308 00:16:04,649 --> 00:16:07,413 Say, since we're small-talking, let me ask you a question. 309 00:16:07,485 --> 00:16:11,012 Do you have regrets about the way you lived your life? 310 00:16:11,089 --> 00:16:12,579 'Cause I think I do. 311 00:16:12,657 --> 00:16:15,353 You've never been to Paris and cleaned a French toilet, huh? 312 00:16:15,427 --> 00:16:17,520 (CHUCKLING) Good one. No, that's not it. 313 00:16:17,862 --> 00:16:20,456 Come on, be straight with me. Do you think I'm wasting my life? 314 00:16:20,532 --> 00:16:22,466 Let's cut to the chase, freak show. 315 00:16:22,534 --> 00:16:24,798 If you're a 44-year-old man wearing a jumpsuit 316 00:16:24,869 --> 00:16:27,269 and you are not climbing into the cockpit of a rocket ship, 317 00:16:27,339 --> 00:16:30,274 chances are you've made a lot of wrong turns along the way. 318 00:16:30,342 --> 00:16:31,707 Good talk. 319 00:16:35,013 --> 00:16:36,640 Dude, what the hell am I supposed to tell Kim 320 00:16:36,715 --> 00:16:38,205 when she asks why I drove off like that? 321 00:16:38,283 --> 00:16:40,581 Tell her you hate white chicks, and then when she says, 322 00:16:40,652 --> 00:16:42,517 "No, you don't," you say, "I mean White Chicks, the movie. 323 00:16:42,587 --> 00:16:44,350 "Not a fan of those Wayans brothers." 324 00:16:44,422 --> 00:16:47,152 Then she'll laugh and forget why she was mad at you. 325 00:16:47,225 --> 00:16:50,388 You're right, that'll work. But still, you need to man up and talk to her. 326 00:16:50,462 --> 00:16:52,020 You have no idea what I'm going through. 327 00:16:52,097 --> 00:16:54,998 Really? Because the last time I checked, I was having a kid, too. 328 00:16:55,066 --> 00:16:57,694 Yeah, that you planned, with your wife, 329 00:16:57,869 --> 00:16:59,962 whose middle name you know. 330 00:17:01,740 --> 00:17:03,230 It's Juanita, Turk! 331 00:17:03,308 --> 00:17:05,139 Carla's middle name is Juanita! 332 00:17:05,210 --> 00:17:06,802 I knew it was something Puerto Rican! 333 00:17:06,878 --> 00:17:08,209 What if Kim and I don't end up together? 334 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,077 Okay, I already have enough trouble meeting girls. 335 00:17:10,148 --> 00:17:11,240 Can you imagine it now? 336 00:17:11,316 --> 00:17:13,580 "Hey, how you doing? I'm J.D. And this little bugger right here 337 00:17:13,652 --> 00:17:15,517 "already hates you for not being his real mommy." 338 00:17:15,587 --> 00:17:18,147 "Wanna get freaky? I'm apparently very fertile." 339 00:17:18,223 --> 00:17:20,453 My life has changed forever. 340 00:17:20,859 --> 00:17:24,522 You wanna be like everybody else and say, "Everything's gonna be just fine." 341 00:17:24,596 --> 00:17:28,225 Dude, I'm your best friend. I'll tell you whatever you want me to. 342 00:17:32,103 --> 00:17:34,731 Say, Barbie, have you seen any of the interns around? 343 00:17:34,806 --> 00:17:39,038 Yeah, they did so well at rounds, I'm just letting them watch a show. 344 00:17:39,878 --> 00:17:42,108 Hi, interns. 345 00:17:42,213 --> 00:17:43,202 - Hi. - Hi. 346 00:17:43,815 --> 00:17:46,841 Look, you pretty obviously have short-circuited 347 00:17:46,918 --> 00:17:49,148 because the odds of you ever actually having a baby 348 00:17:49,220 --> 00:17:51,711 are roughly on a par with me finding the Loch Ness monster 349 00:17:51,790 --> 00:17:53,951 in my bathtub! 350 00:17:54,025 --> 00:17:55,515 I can't hear the TV. 351 00:17:55,593 --> 00:17:56,582 (STAMMERING) 352 00:18:00,932 --> 00:18:02,399 Hi, honey! 353 00:18:04,402 --> 00:18:05,426 (WHISTLING) 354 00:18:05,503 --> 00:18:09,030 Go on, get out of here! Come on. You, too! Get out of here! 355 00:18:10,408 --> 00:18:12,968 Don't even say a word. 356 00:18:14,012 --> 00:18:17,914 Mr. Slydell's ulcer perforated and he bled out. He's dead. 357 00:18:26,925 --> 00:18:31,157 If it isn't my beautiful bride, Carla Juanita Espinosa. 358 00:18:32,063 --> 00:18:35,464 Juanita? You think my middle name is Juanita? 359 00:18:36,735 --> 00:18:38,635 I am going to kill J.D. 360 00:18:42,774 --> 00:18:45,868 Dr. Dorian, look, this is a bit awkward, 361 00:18:45,944 --> 00:18:47,343 but, as Chief of Medicine 362 00:18:47,412 --> 00:18:51,576 I feel obligated to ask you about your relationship with Dr. Briggs. 363 00:18:53,318 --> 00:18:56,685 Was she naughty? I bet she's a hellcat. 364 00:18:57,389 --> 00:18:59,220 - Get help, sir. - Never mind. 365 00:18:59,290 --> 00:19:01,349 It's better up here. 366 00:19:02,894 --> 00:19:05,226 Mrs. Zeebee's CAT scan came back. 367 00:19:06,197 --> 00:19:08,392 J.D.: Oh, man, this just sucks. 368 00:19:11,302 --> 00:19:16,171 Mrs. Zeebee, unfortunately the cancer isn't localized just to your breast. 369 00:19:17,242 --> 00:19:19,733 We're gonna have to start chemo right away. 370 00:19:19,811 --> 00:19:22,211 The most important thing to remember when you see yourself 371 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:25,044 in a patient is that they're not actually you. 372 00:19:43,001 --> 00:19:45,401 In fact, sometimes they're actually who we wish 373 00:19:45,470 --> 00:19:47,233 we had the courage to be. 374 00:19:47,305 --> 00:19:50,365 You know what? I'm gonna get through this. 375 00:19:51,509 --> 00:19:53,033 Just you watch. 376 00:19:53,778 --> 00:19:56,303 It's not like I can change what's already happened. 377 00:19:56,381 --> 00:19:59,748 The only thing to do is move forward and deal with it, right? 378 00:20:00,084 --> 00:20:01,210 Yeah. 379 00:20:02,020 --> 00:20:04,011 Right then, I knew exactly what I had to do, 380 00:20:04,088 --> 00:20:06,079 come hell or high water. 381 00:20:08,593 --> 00:20:09,582 (GROANING) 382 00:20:12,197 --> 00:20:14,392 I got your Juanita. 383 00:20:14,999 --> 00:20:18,935 Juanita, huh? Well, you can Juanita this right there! 384 00:20:24,008 --> 00:20:26,977 - What the hell? - It's now or never. 385 00:20:28,980 --> 00:20:30,140 (EXCLAIMING) 386 00:20:32,884 --> 00:20:33,908 (BOTH SCREAMING) 387 00:20:38,423 --> 00:20:39,583 (LAUGHING) 388 00:20:40,825 --> 00:20:42,952 Are you going to let me down any time soon? 389 00:20:43,027 --> 00:20:46,121 Not until you spend a little time acting like a flag. 390 00:20:46,197 --> 00:20:48,563 As I acted like a flag, I sensed that the janitor 391 00:20:48,633 --> 00:20:51,227 learned nothing from this experience. 392 00:20:58,476 --> 00:21:01,639 Dr. Cox, on the other hand, got halfway there. 393 00:21:01,713 --> 00:21:03,442 He may always be angry at work, 394 00:21:03,515 --> 00:21:05,881 but he had learned to control himself when it counts. 395 00:21:05,950 --> 00:21:07,918 Jacky, would you like some hot dogs? 396 00:21:07,986 --> 00:21:09,851 I don't want hot dogs. 397 00:21:12,557 --> 00:21:15,617 Oh, that's okay because we've got your favorite yogurt. 398 00:21:15,693 --> 00:21:16,682 (KNOCKING) 399 00:21:18,129 --> 00:21:22,088 As for me, I finally came through, even if it was a little late. 400 00:21:22,300 --> 00:21:24,894 - Can we talk? - That would be great.