1 00:00:02,567 --> 00:00:06,355 You're a fatty fatty fatty... 2 00:00:06,655 --> 00:00:08,327 What's your son doing? 3 00:00:08,531 --> 00:00:10,601 Apparently, he's doing the "fatty" dance. 4 00:00:10,825 --> 00:00:11,894 Inappropriate? 5 00:00:12,077 --> 00:00:15,592 Well, maybe, but I'm raising my son to be a straight shooter. 6 00:00:15,872 --> 00:00:19,182 - That's his mom right over there. - Oh, thanks for including me. 7 00:00:19,459 --> 00:00:22,451 Dr Cox and Jordan weren't the only ones with kid troubles. 8 00:00:22,712 --> 00:00:24,703 My brand-new girlfriend was pregnant, 9 00:00:24,923 --> 00:00:26,834 and we were trying to decide what to do. 10 00:00:27,050 --> 00:00:29,200 - Should we keep it or get rid of it? - I don't know. 11 00:00:29,427 --> 00:00:32,260 If we keep it, it'll just end up in the dumpster. 12 00:00:32,514 --> 00:00:34,709 Okay, enough pizza talk. I mean, we're clearly stalling here. 13 00:00:34,933 --> 00:00:39,051 - You're right. - So let's go. Do you like kids? 14 00:00:39,354 --> 00:00:42,471 Of course I do. What about you? Any nieces or nephews? 15 00:00:42,732 --> 00:00:44,802 Yeah, I have a nephew, although he's 45. 16 00:00:45,026 --> 00:00:46,823 But occasionally, I do have to change his diaper. 17 00:00:47,028 --> 00:00:48,905 - He was kicked by a horse. - Oh, no. 18 00:00:49,114 --> 00:00:52,151 Yeah. Now, how do you feel about adoption? 19 00:00:52,409 --> 00:00:56,880 So, beautiful, I hope you keep some ice in this locket 20 00:00:57,205 --> 00:00:59,560 'cause you're making me hot all over. 21 00:00:59,791 --> 00:01:02,783 Actually, it's the only picture I have of my biological father. 22 00:01:03,044 --> 00:01:07,640 - Do you want to see it? - What? Oh, sure. 23 00:01:07,966 --> 00:01:11,436 I'll take a look at it first thing tomorrow morning, huh? 24 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:13,517 Yeah, I'm not a big fan of adoption. 25 00:01:13,722 --> 00:01:17,476 - You think if it's a girl you'd doink her? - I know I will. 26 00:01:17,767 --> 00:01:21,396 Yup. All right. Well, look, we don't need to make this decision tonight, right? 27 00:01:21,688 --> 00:01:24,327 - I mean, plenty of time... - I'm totally fine with stalling. 28 00:01:24,566 --> 00:01:26,841 Great, because if I hear the word "baby" one more time, 29 00:01:27,068 --> 00:01:28,387 I'm gonna lose it! 30 00:01:28,570 --> 00:01:31,209 Dude, Carla's in labour! Meet me at the apartment! 31 00:01:31,448 --> 00:01:34,485 Go, go, go! 32 00:01:34,743 --> 00:01:37,780 - Is he coming? Is he coming? - Turk, she's barely in labour. 33 00:01:38,038 --> 00:01:40,233 Oh, he's not talking about the baby. 34 00:01:40,457 --> 00:01:42,527 He's here, and now we can have our baby! 35 00:01:42,751 --> 00:01:45,106 Okay, Brown Bear, commence Operation Brown Cub. 36 00:01:45,337 --> 00:01:46,770 - Suitcase. - Check. 37 00:01:46,963 --> 00:01:48,191 - Stylish big daddy hat. - Check. 38 00:01:48,381 --> 00:01:51,100 - Big-time collegiate drum line. - Check. 39 00:01:53,845 --> 00:01:57,474 I want the whole world to know my baby's having a baby! 40 00:02:06,983 --> 00:02:09,338 Maybe we should just take your car. 41 00:02:33,635 --> 00:02:36,137 Okay, ladies, we're here. Calm down. 42 00:02:36,221 --> 00:02:41,136 What the hell took you so long? Oh, my God. Did you stop for food? 43 00:02:41,476 --> 00:02:44,707 We had to, honey. J.D. promised the band that we'd feed them. 44 00:02:45,563 --> 00:02:49,351 Yeah, let me get 23 cheeseburgers, 23 milkshakes... 45 00:02:49,651 --> 00:02:53,246 Miguel, if you don't stop drumming, you're not getting fries. 46 00:02:54,656 --> 00:02:58,126 Twenty-three... You know what? Twenty-two fries. 47 00:02:58,410 --> 00:03:01,243 Twenty-two fries. You didn't think I'd do it, did you? 48 00:03:01,830 --> 00:03:06,062 Miguel has such raw talent, but his attitude keeps getting in the way. 49 00:03:06,626 --> 00:03:09,982 Yay, congratulations, whoopee. All right, see you. 50 00:03:14,467 --> 00:03:16,742 We are so happy for you. 51 00:03:23,310 --> 00:03:24,709 He's so sweet. 52 00:03:26,521 --> 00:03:29,911 You put one of those inside me. What are we going to do? 53 00:03:30,942 --> 00:03:33,172 Turk, you brought my suitcase, right? 54 00:03:35,989 --> 00:03:38,457 Of course I have your suitcase, honey. 55 00:03:45,415 --> 00:03:47,292 What are you doing? 56 00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:51,254 Sometimes, when you need a miracle, you have to pray extra, extra hard. 57 00:03:51,546 --> 00:03:53,855 - You wanna help me out? - Fo' shizzle. 58 00:04:07,979 --> 00:04:09,458 Please, Lord... 59 00:04:19,324 --> 00:04:20,552 Nothing. 60 00:04:21,868 --> 00:04:23,984 Baby, changed my mind. 61 00:04:24,204 --> 00:04:26,843 - I don't have your suitcase. - Turk, what the hell? 62 00:04:27,082 --> 00:04:31,121 It's okay, it's okay, Carla, because I packed you an extra overnight bag, 63 00:04:31,419 --> 00:04:33,216 and you're all checked in and I got you an orderly 64 00:04:33,421 --> 00:04:35,013 to take you to your room. 65 00:04:36,299 --> 00:04:38,096 Yeah, I'm only four months pregnant, ace. 66 00:04:38,301 --> 00:04:39,859 Yeah, I think you're looking for me. 67 00:04:40,053 --> 00:04:42,362 Move it along before I eat you! Chop-chop! 68 00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:47,078 Sorry, Jack, the machine's broken. 69 00:04:47,268 --> 00:04:49,702 Looks like you're gonna have to guzzle your juice down without any ice. 70 00:04:49,938 --> 00:04:54,728 - Pretend... You know, pretend it's gin. - What's gin? 71 00:04:56,778 --> 00:04:58,336 Gin is an alcoholic beverage, 72 00:04:58,530 --> 00:05:01,602 which, if your mommy's strong genes are any indication, 73 00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:04,983 you'll eventually learn to love as it slowly destroys 74 00:05:05,245 --> 00:05:07,600 a giant portion of your adult life. 75 00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:12,058 First the fat lady, now this? 76 00:05:12,252 --> 00:05:14,971 He's three, Perry. Do you have to be so blunt with him? 77 00:05:15,213 --> 00:05:18,011 I'm not gonna BS my own kid. What's the big deal? 78 00:05:18,258 --> 00:05:19,771 Hiya, sport! 79 00:05:19,968 --> 00:05:22,528 - Your skin is wrinkly. - Yeah? 80 00:05:22,762 --> 00:05:24,912 Well, that shirt you're wearing is gay. 81 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,597 Hey, baby, I know things haven't exactly gone smoothly so far, 82 00:05:31,855 --> 00:05:34,130 but I promise you I'm about to make it up to you. 83 00:05:34,357 --> 00:05:36,154 I spent all weekend talking to my cousin, 84 00:05:36,359 --> 00:05:39,829 who just so happens to be the world's biggest blerd. 85 00:05:40,113 --> 00:05:41,592 That's a black nerd. 86 00:05:41,781 --> 00:05:44,978 Anyway, he taught me everything about streaming video 87 00:05:45,243 --> 00:05:47,996 and now, thanks to me, your sisters in Chicago 88 00:05:48,246 --> 00:05:51,079 will be able to witness the birth of our child live via webcam. 89 00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:54,689 - Turk, that's so sweet. - You know, I do what I do. 90 00:05:54,961 --> 00:05:57,191 All we gotta do is wait for the cameraman to get here. 91 00:05:57,422 --> 00:05:59,378 "Cameraman"? 92 00:05:59,591 --> 00:06:03,345 No man's gonna be filming my pooter unless he's completely asexual. 93 00:06:03,845 --> 00:06:06,518 - Hello! - Oh, hey, Ted. Cool. 94 00:06:06,765 --> 00:06:10,997 All right, I'm gonna go tell your sisters that this bad boy is about to pop off. 95 00:06:13,063 --> 00:06:16,100 All right, Carla, let's check how dilated you are. 96 00:06:16,775 --> 00:06:22,725 Looking real good, Carla. Okay, we're live in three, two, one... 97 00:06:24,491 --> 00:06:27,324 Okay, looks like you're at about three centimetres. 98 00:06:27,577 --> 00:06:30,455 Greatest show ever. 99 00:06:32,499 --> 00:06:34,251 And record. 100 00:06:37,462 --> 00:06:39,930 Cool, Swamp Thing. 101 00:06:41,007 --> 00:06:42,599 What's that, Daddy? 102 00:06:43,510 --> 00:06:47,105 Oh, that's the vagina of a 35-year-old Latina woman. 103 00:06:49,683 --> 00:06:51,002 Baby? 104 00:06:59,985 --> 00:07:01,623 What the... 105 00:07:06,032 --> 00:07:08,068 J.D., we have to talk about all of our pregnancy options, 106 00:07:08,285 --> 00:07:10,003 even if they make us uncomfortable. 107 00:07:10,203 --> 00:07:13,195 There's one way of dealing with this that no one's mentioned yet. 108 00:07:13,456 --> 00:07:15,253 - The "A" word. - I know. 109 00:07:15,458 --> 00:07:17,130 - Abortion. - Appletinis. 110 00:07:17,335 --> 00:07:18,324 What? 111 00:07:18,503 --> 00:07:21,813 I thought that we could discuss abortion over Appletinis. 112 00:07:24,134 --> 00:07:26,409 Did somebody just say "abortion"? 113 00:07:28,555 --> 00:07:32,787 Laverne, with all due respect, this is none of your business or Jesus'. 114 00:07:34,060 --> 00:07:36,369 I believe he would beg to differ. 115 00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:42,000 She's right, J.D. Every life is precious. 116 00:07:42,277 --> 00:07:45,508 But what if having this baby is a huge mistake for us? 117 00:07:47,324 --> 00:07:52,557 Okay, I'm gonna make this real simple. No abortions, okay? 118 00:07:53,204 --> 00:07:54,956 - But what if... - No abortions. 119 00:07:55,165 --> 00:07:56,120 Let me finish. 120 00:07:56,291 --> 00:07:58,168 What if the parents were, like, abusive drug-addicts 121 00:07:58,376 --> 00:07:59,604 who would neglect their kid? 122 00:07:59,794 --> 00:08:01,750 Oh, well, in that case, it'd be okay. 123 00:08:01,963 --> 00:08:03,794 - Really? - No abortions! 124 00:08:04,007 --> 00:08:06,202 How are you not getting this? 125 00:08:07,927 --> 00:08:09,076 This sucks. 126 00:08:09,262 --> 00:08:11,139 I mean, the hardest decision I've had to make in the last year 127 00:08:11,348 --> 00:08:12,303 was what hairstyle to get, 128 00:08:12,474 --> 00:08:14,351 and even then all I did was open up an Us Magazine, 129 00:08:14,559 --> 00:08:16,550 close my eyes and pick a random celebrity. 130 00:08:16,770 --> 00:08:19,807 - Kirsten Dunst? - Owen Wilson. Yeah. 131 00:08:20,607 --> 00:08:21,926 You know what's making this so hard? 132 00:08:22,108 --> 00:08:23,985 This relationship is so new, we can't tell 133 00:08:24,194 --> 00:08:26,549 if we have a chance of making this work long-term. 134 00:08:26,780 --> 00:08:28,293 You know what might give us an inkling? 135 00:08:28,490 --> 00:08:31,209 We haven't technically had sex yet. 136 00:08:31,451 --> 00:08:35,569 That might help us find out if we're on the same page, you know, 137 00:08:35,872 --> 00:08:38,227 - in the boudoir. - Are you hitting on me? 138 00:08:38,458 --> 00:08:43,009 - I'm sorry. I'm being an idiot, aren't I? - No. Clothes off, we're doing it. 139 00:08:46,675 --> 00:08:47,664 Yeah! 140 00:08:48,259 --> 00:08:50,693 All right, we are definitely sexually compatible. 141 00:08:50,929 --> 00:08:53,921 I'm putting that down in the pro "let's have a baby" category. 142 00:08:54,182 --> 00:08:55,297 That's exactly what we should do. 143 00:08:55,475 --> 00:08:57,147 We should make a list of pros and cons. 144 00:08:57,352 --> 00:08:58,910 What did you two just do? 145 00:08:59,104 --> 00:09:02,494 Because I sure don't see any wedding rings! 146 00:09:04,526 --> 00:09:06,676 Laverne, is this your Jesus? 147 00:09:11,533 --> 00:09:13,888 Turk, I got your shift covered so you could hang here. 148 00:09:14,119 --> 00:09:17,429 Oh, and Carla, there's something I wanted to tell you. 149 00:09:17,998 --> 00:09:19,351 Great vagina. 150 00:09:19,541 --> 00:09:21,930 - So helpful! - Don't take it out on The Todd. 151 00:09:22,168 --> 00:09:23,965 He was just giving me a compliment. 152 00:09:24,170 --> 00:09:26,730 - Thank you, Todd. - Hey, happy to say it. 153 00:09:28,091 --> 00:09:29,490 So, what's next, Turk? 154 00:09:29,676 --> 00:09:32,065 Because so far I'm half-deaf from a drum line, 155 00:09:32,304 --> 00:09:34,943 I have no suitcase, and the entire hospital has seen 156 00:09:35,181 --> 00:09:36,853 Ms Priscilla. 157 00:09:37,726 --> 00:09:40,479 I named her after my high school art teacher. 158 00:09:41,187 --> 00:09:42,859 Oh, my God, so did I! 159 00:09:43,773 --> 00:09:47,209 Mr Hebler. "It's nice to meet you. " 160 00:09:49,988 --> 00:09:51,421 Okay, let me just read the last of the cons. 161 00:09:51,615 --> 00:09:53,606 We're not married, we're both totally focused on our careers, 162 00:09:53,825 --> 00:09:56,498 babies are known to be sticky, and the average cost of raising a child 163 00:09:56,745 --> 00:09:58,417 is $400,000. 164 00:09:58,622 --> 00:10:00,294 Okay. Here are the final pros. 165 00:10:00,498 --> 00:10:02,329 Kids are great, we both make good money, 166 00:10:02,542 --> 00:10:04,339 your boobs will get huge, 167 00:10:04,544 --> 00:10:07,377 I can finally buy Beanie Babies without feeling weird, 168 00:10:07,631 --> 00:10:09,064 and kids are great... 169 00:10:09,257 --> 00:10:11,896 - Which you already said. ... tax deductions. 170 00:10:12,135 --> 00:10:13,932 - Oh, yeah, awesome. - Oh, nice one. 171 00:10:14,137 --> 00:10:16,446 - All right, so then what's the final tally? - Nice. Let's see. 172 00:10:16,681 --> 00:10:20,276 That's 20 cons and 19 pros. 173 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:22,596 - I guess we gotta abort. - Yup. 174 00:10:22,812 --> 00:10:26,691 Wait, I'm sorry. That's an eyelash, I made a wish. 175 00:10:26,983 --> 00:10:29,213 - It's a tie. Abortion's off. - Okay. 176 00:10:29,444 --> 00:10:31,002 So now what? 177 00:10:31,446 --> 00:10:33,641 Every couple has its share of problems. 178 00:10:34,574 --> 00:10:36,326 Congrats, Perry. My son just asked me 179 00:10:36,534 --> 00:10:38,172 if my vagina had ever been on television. 180 00:10:38,370 --> 00:10:40,167 And did you tell him not since the late '80s 181 00:10:40,372 --> 00:10:42,442 when you were trying to make it as an "actress"? 182 00:10:42,666 --> 00:10:44,019 Whether it's someone digging in... 183 00:10:44,209 --> 00:10:46,120 Will you just cut the crap and stop treating your son 184 00:10:46,336 --> 00:10:47,530 like he's your drinking buddy? 185 00:10:47,712 --> 00:10:49,384 Jordan, I'm not going to change who I am, all right? 186 00:10:49,589 --> 00:10:51,898 End of story. Jackie. 187 00:10:53,635 --> 00:10:55,751 Or someone's stealing your thunder... 188 00:10:55,971 --> 00:10:59,281 Okay, candles are all lit, lavender-scented, your favourite. 189 00:10:59,557 --> 00:11:01,912 And here's a picture of your mom to watch over you. 190 00:11:02,143 --> 00:11:04,532 And then I got this kit in case you want to bronze the umbilical cord 191 00:11:04,771 --> 00:11:07,888 and use it as a key chain. I practised at home on some calamari. 192 00:11:08,149 --> 00:11:09,741 Elliot, you're amazing. 193 00:11:09,943 --> 00:11:11,934 Well, is there anything I can do to help? 194 00:11:12,153 --> 00:11:14,303 Elliot's got everything covered. 195 00:11:17,575 --> 00:11:19,930 Still, nothing's worse than facing the biggest decision of your life 196 00:11:20,161 --> 00:11:21,389 and not getting anywhere. 197 00:11:21,579 --> 00:11:24,969 Don't you wish it was this easy? Heads yes, tails no. 198 00:11:43,101 --> 00:11:45,456 You don't see that every day. 199 00:11:51,651 --> 00:11:53,209 You know what? We're getting nowhere. 200 00:11:53,403 --> 00:11:55,963 Let's split up for an hour and do some soul-searching. 201 00:11:56,197 --> 00:11:59,667 - Where are you going? - I was just gonna walk around. 202 00:11:59,951 --> 00:12:02,590 Why, where do you go when you soul-search? 203 00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:09,822 All right, Justin, what should my speciality be? 204 00:12:10,086 --> 00:12:12,316 Oncology or radiology? 205 00:12:15,759 --> 00:12:19,035 I go someplace wonderful. 206 00:12:19,304 --> 00:12:22,182 Anyway, I was thinking we need new table linens for the dining room. 207 00:12:22,432 --> 00:12:25,390 Well, not so much table linens as place mats. 208 00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:28,636 What do you think's prettier, burgundy or mauve? 209 00:12:28,897 --> 00:12:30,615 - What the hell's with her? - She's mad, 210 00:12:30,815 --> 00:12:32,214 but she can't give me the silent treatment 211 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:33,879 because she knows I'd actually love that. 212 00:12:34,069 --> 00:12:37,141 So she's giving me talk-until-I-want-to- commit-suicide treatment. 213 00:12:37,405 --> 00:12:39,919 - Sucks to be you. - You have no idea. 214 00:12:40,659 --> 00:12:43,969 What else do I need for that? Oh, I need new pillow shams 215 00:12:44,245 --> 00:12:47,521 and I like cotton, but I think we should get a cotton blend 216 00:12:47,791 --> 00:12:50,908 because that's easier to clean and I hate ironing. 217 00:12:51,711 --> 00:12:53,269 Maybe we need a new housekeeper. 218 00:12:53,463 --> 00:12:56,057 Maybe the housekeeper should come every single day now. 219 00:12:56,299 --> 00:12:59,575 Look, Elliot, I'm really trying to be involved in the birth of my child, 220 00:12:59,844 --> 00:13:01,436 but you just keep boxing me out. 221 00:13:01,638 --> 00:13:03,196 That is not true. Now, out of my way, 222 00:13:03,390 --> 00:13:04,618 I've gotta order the birth announcements, 223 00:13:04,808 --> 00:13:08,278 put in the car seat and find a yard to bury the placenta... 224 00:13:08,895 --> 00:13:12,126 Oh, my God, I'm a monster. Turk, I am so sorry. 225 00:13:12,399 --> 00:13:14,674 - I just love babies so much. - It's true. 226 00:13:14,901 --> 00:13:16,493 Sometimes she makes me wear a diaper. 227 00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:17,844 Keith, private! 228 00:13:20,991 --> 00:13:23,903 - So, what is Elliot's plan? - Oh, it's really simple. 229 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:25,878 See, when Carla says, "I'm thirsty," 230 00:13:26,079 --> 00:13:28,115 Elliot'll say, "Oh, no, I forgot the ice chips. " 231 00:13:28,331 --> 00:13:30,686 That's when I walk in, ice in hand, 232 00:13:30,917 --> 00:13:34,751 and I say, "Christopher Turk, at your cervix. " 233 00:13:35,547 --> 00:13:37,344 Should I have a baby, too? 234 00:13:37,549 --> 00:13:39,665 You know, I'm a little preoccupied right now. 235 00:13:39,884 --> 00:13:43,399 - Why don't you ask your unicorn? - This is way over Justin's head. 236 00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:46,911 He's never even been in love. Not real love, anyway. 237 00:13:49,102 --> 00:13:51,013 What's up with the ice? 238 00:13:51,605 --> 00:13:52,799 I don't know what to do. 239 00:13:52,981 --> 00:13:55,620 I mean, having a baby can completely ruin your life, you know? 240 00:13:55,859 --> 00:13:57,087 Not to mention, as a urologist, 241 00:13:57,277 --> 00:13:59,791 I have seen what childbirth can do to you down there. 242 00:14:00,030 --> 00:14:01,702 I mean, I examined this one woman last month 243 00:14:01,906 --> 00:14:05,296 and it was like, "Hello, hello, hello... " 244 00:14:05,577 --> 00:14:07,488 Not a good time, Kim. 245 00:14:09,539 --> 00:14:12,690 - Oh, God, I'm thirsty. - Really? 246 00:14:12,959 --> 00:14:16,429 Unfortunately, I forgot the ice chips. 247 00:14:18,965 --> 00:14:20,080 Ice chips! 248 00:14:20,258 --> 00:14:23,614 - Dude, help. I'm totally stuck. - Why don't you just yank it out? 249 00:14:23,887 --> 00:14:25,525 I would not do that. 250 00:14:26,723 --> 00:14:28,520 That's how it happened! 251 00:14:28,808 --> 00:14:31,686 Ice chips, ice chips, ice-ice chips-chips! 252 00:14:32,812 --> 00:14:34,086 Hey, guys. 253 00:14:35,482 --> 00:14:37,438 Carla, let me just see how far you can reach here. 254 00:14:37,651 --> 00:14:39,130 Okay, perfect. 255 00:14:39,319 --> 00:14:42,595 Turk would like you to call him because he's stuck in an ice machine. 256 00:14:42,864 --> 00:14:43,899 What? 257 00:14:44,991 --> 00:14:47,459 See, that's why I took the precaution. 258 00:14:49,162 --> 00:14:51,437 Kim, would you be a sweetie and give Turk a call for me? 259 00:14:51,665 --> 00:14:52,984 Yes, ma'am. 260 00:14:53,792 --> 00:14:57,148 Hey, baby, look, I... Yeah, he's right here. 261 00:14:58,296 --> 00:15:00,890 - Hold on. She won't talk to me. - Hi. 262 00:15:01,675 --> 00:15:04,189 Yes, I know, he missed your wedding, too. 263 00:15:05,345 --> 00:15:06,937 All right, hold on. 264 00:15:07,681 --> 00:15:10,149 - That was from her, not me. - Go. 265 00:15:12,352 --> 00:15:14,547 Relax, I'll have him out in one second. 266 00:15:14,771 --> 00:15:16,966 All right, now hold still. Nobody likes a jagged stump. 267 00:15:17,190 --> 00:15:18,145 No! 268 00:15:20,318 --> 00:15:22,673 He's being unreasonable. Okay. 269 00:15:27,492 --> 00:15:28,766 That was from me. 270 00:15:32,289 --> 00:15:33,961 - Hey, there. - Hey. 271 00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:37,393 So, have you decided what you want to do? 272 00:15:38,295 --> 00:15:40,251 You know what? Neither one of us should have to go first. 273 00:15:40,463 --> 00:15:41,657 How about, on the count of three, 274 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,114 we both say what we think we should do? 275 00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:46,337 - Okay. - One, two, three... 276 00:15:46,594 --> 00:15:48,152 - I got nothing. - Appletinis. 277 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:50,591 So, you guys gonna keep it? 278 00:15:50,807 --> 00:15:52,957 - There's a lot to... - Maybe, but if we do, we can... 279 00:15:53,184 --> 00:15:54,583 - Because... - Then we can... 280 00:15:54,769 --> 00:15:56,600 - Probably. - Maybe not. 281 00:15:56,813 --> 00:15:59,532 You know, I had an abortion. 282 00:15:59,774 --> 00:16:01,446 All right, Jackie. As promised, 283 00:16:01,651 --> 00:16:04,040 let's go find ourselves a little stethoscope 284 00:16:04,279 --> 00:16:06,509 so you can hear what your butt sounds like. 285 00:16:06,740 --> 00:16:09,812 - Daddy, what's an abortion? - Enjoy. 286 00:16:12,746 --> 00:16:13,974 My mommy had an abortion! 287 00:16:14,164 --> 00:16:16,632 My mommy had an abortion! My mommy had an abortion! 288 00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:19,548 - My mommy had an abortion. - How you doing? 289 00:16:21,588 --> 00:16:23,738 Okay, Janitor, Carla's starting to push. Tell Turk. 290 00:16:23,965 --> 00:16:26,274 Got it. Your baby has a tail. 291 00:16:27,385 --> 00:16:29,615 I told her to stay away from the microwave. 292 00:16:31,139 --> 00:16:33,972 - Elliot, I can't do it! - Okay, okay, I want you to imagine 293 00:16:34,225 --> 00:16:36,022 that your uterus is like a tube of toothpaste 294 00:16:36,227 --> 00:16:37,740 and you're just trying to squeeze out 295 00:16:37,938 --> 00:16:40,691 all that minty-fresh gel, but instead of minty-fresh gel inside, 296 00:16:40,941 --> 00:16:42,932 there's a little black baby. 297 00:16:44,611 --> 00:16:48,001 We have a prolapsed umbilical cord. She needs a C-section, right now. 298 00:16:48,281 --> 00:16:50,317 - Put Turk on the phone, damn it! - It's okay. 299 00:16:50,533 --> 00:16:54,287 Baby, listen. I'm not angry that you got stuck. 300 00:16:54,579 --> 00:16:57,298 I know you were just trying to be nice because you're a good-hearted, 301 00:16:57,540 --> 00:17:00,293 wonderful, thoughtful man, but listen to me. 302 00:17:00,794 --> 00:17:04,423 They're giving me a C-section, and I'm really scared 303 00:17:04,714 --> 00:17:06,944 and I need you to be here right now. 304 00:17:07,801 --> 00:17:10,269 Something about a C-section. Smile. 305 00:17:20,689 --> 00:17:23,487 - Almost there? - Almost there. 306 00:17:24,526 --> 00:17:27,643 - Baby! I'm here! - Turk, I'm scared! 307 00:17:28,530 --> 00:17:31,840 - Sorry, Dr Turk, no ice machines. - No! 308 00:17:34,869 --> 00:17:38,179 I was 19 and working in Nantucket as a waitress 309 00:17:38,456 --> 00:17:40,890 and dating this amazing guy named Andy. 310 00:17:41,793 --> 00:17:44,148 Curly blond hair and dimples 311 00:17:44,379 --> 00:17:48,008 and eyes that were either sky blue, powder blue, 312 00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:50,530 I could never figure out which. 313 00:17:51,344 --> 00:17:54,097 Anyway, his best friend, Curt, knocked me up. 314 00:17:55,724 --> 00:17:57,601 Don't look at me like that. That was the first guy 315 00:17:57,809 --> 00:18:00,562 - I had ever slept with. - Oh, we're not judging you. 316 00:18:00,812 --> 00:18:01,881 Whore! 317 00:18:02,063 --> 00:18:03,655 I think about it from time to time, 318 00:18:03,857 --> 00:18:07,213 but it would have been the biggest mistake to have that baby. 319 00:18:07,485 --> 00:18:09,123 We've talked, we've made lists, 320 00:18:09,321 --> 00:18:11,312 and we've been as logical as we can here, 321 00:18:11,531 --> 00:18:12,680 and we've still got nothing. 322 00:18:12,866 --> 00:18:16,381 It's not a logical decision. If it's right, you'll feel it in your heart. 323 00:18:16,661 --> 00:18:19,255 Yeah, but what if we don't feel anything? 324 00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:22,042 Maybe that's your answer. 325 00:18:25,503 --> 00:18:27,459 Carla's having a C-section. 326 00:18:32,427 --> 00:18:34,224 Jordan, you okay? 327 00:18:35,430 --> 00:18:39,548 - My mommy had an abortion. - She sure did, sweetie. 328 00:18:41,603 --> 00:18:43,480 How are my boys? 329 00:18:47,067 --> 00:18:48,500 What's going on? 330 00:18:48,693 --> 00:18:51,730 - They're about to start. - Turkleton! 331 00:18:52,656 --> 00:18:55,853 If you are trying to get the same $5 million settlement 332 00:18:56,117 --> 00:18:58,187 that damn hook-handed security guard got, 333 00:18:58,411 --> 00:19:00,686 you're out of luck, stud, 'cause I put a release button 334 00:19:00,914 --> 00:19:02,666 right here on top. 335 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,553 Well, what are you waiting for, son? Get in there. 336 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:19,759 - How you doing, beautiful? - Turk, you're here. 337 00:19:20,809 --> 00:19:22,128 I'm so hot. 338 00:19:23,144 --> 00:19:25,578 Don't sweat it. I got you. 339 00:19:32,529 --> 00:19:35,839 Guys, I have an announcement. 340 00:19:37,492 --> 00:19:39,005 Miguel, please! 341 00:19:39,703 --> 00:19:41,898 The baby's out, but the cord was wrapped around its neck, 342 00:19:42,122 --> 00:19:44,397 so we had to take it to the NICU. 343 00:19:44,624 --> 00:19:46,660 They say you never realise your capacity to love 344 00:19:46,876 --> 00:19:50,312 until you have a child. It can change who you are. 345 00:19:50,588 --> 00:19:52,579 Where do babies come from? 346 00:19:55,176 --> 00:19:58,612 Where do babies come from? Well... 347 00:20:01,850 --> 00:20:06,685 When a mommy and a daddy love each other very, very much, 348 00:20:08,023 --> 00:20:12,175 sometimes they close their eyes and they make a wish. 349 00:20:17,907 --> 00:20:19,818 It can fill you with joy. 350 00:20:20,035 --> 00:20:23,266 Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you 351 00:20:23,997 --> 00:20:25,396 to Isabella Turk. 352 00:20:25,582 --> 00:20:28,574 I'm a daddy! I'm a daddy! 353 00:20:45,894 --> 00:20:47,043 It can even give your heart 354 00:20:47,228 --> 00:20:49,822 the answer you thought you'd never find. 355 00:20:56,029 --> 00:20:57,542 Let's do this.