1
00:00:03,790 --> 00:00:07,556
<i>J.D.: To make more cash, Sacred Heart
had started catering to rich folk.</i>

2
00:00:07,627 --> 00:00:09,720
<i>Ence, the swanky new suites.</i>

3
00:00:10,230 --> 00:00:11,754
Turndown service, Mr. Worthington?

4
00:00:11,831 --> 00:00:13,992
- No, not now.
- When's a good time?

5
00:00:14,267 --> 00:00:15,666
Never, he's in a coma.

6
00:00:17,070 --> 00:00:19,504
<i>Not only were the new suites
super-expensive,</i>

7
00:00:19,573 --> 00:00:22,406
<i>they were absolutely ruining my figure.</i>

8
00:00:25,845 --> 00:00:28,211
<i>Turk and Carla had just brought
their new baby home.</i>

9
00:00:28,281 --> 00:00:29,305
What's up, Isabella?

10
00:00:29,583 --> 00:00:34,350
<i>For your 16th birthday,
your dad has made you a video tape.</i>

11
00:00:34,588 --> 00:00:35,953
(EXCLAIMING)

12
00:00:38,858 --> 00:00:39,847
(LAUGHING)

13
00:00:40,227 --> 00:00:42,627
Now, I know future me
is probably really strict,

14
00:00:42,829 --> 00:00:45,798
<i>so no dating, no makeup
and no spending spring break</i>

15
00:00:45,865 --> 00:00:46,889
<i>with your friends on Mars.</i>

16
00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:49,534
The last thing I need to worry about
is my daughter getting eaten

17
00:00:49,603 --> 00:00:53,061
by a giant space slug.
You know what I'm saying?

18
00:00:53,139 --> 00:00:56,802
Anyway, for your 16th birthday,
my gift to you is to show you

19
00:00:56,876 --> 00:00:59,811
<i>how happy your mom was
the day we brought you home.</i>

20
00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,045
<i>Baby?</i>

21
00:01:03,950 --> 00:01:05,645
<i>I can't do this.</i>

22
00:01:07,020 --> 00:01:09,045
<i>We have to take her back.</i>

23
00:01:11,157 --> 00:01:14,388
<i>Appy Birthday, sweetheart.
We'll talk later.</i>

24
00:01:14,461 --> 00:01:17,021
<i>J.D.: As for me, my pregnant girlfriend
just moved away,</i>

25
00:01:17,097 --> 00:01:19,031
<i>but I was still keeping things spicy.</i>

26
00:01:19,099 --> 00:01:20,794
Of course I miss you, baby.

27
00:01:20,867 --> 00:01:24,234
You want to see a picture of me
missing you? Hold on.

28
00:01:24,638 --> 00:01:26,003
(CLICKING)

29
00:01:26,406 --> 00:01:27,896
Thanks.

30
00:01:27,974 --> 00:01:31,205
Do you want to see a picture
of my rock-hard abs?

31
00:01:31,311 --> 00:01:32,801
Okay, hold on.

32
00:01:37,817 --> 00:01:39,842
No, no. I've always had an inny.

33
00:01:39,919 --> 00:01:41,614
Uh, okay.

34
00:01:41,688 --> 00:01:43,417
She wants to see a picture of my ass.

35
00:01:43,657 --> 00:01:46,990
- Oh, J.D. I don't want to...
- I am your superior!

36
00:01:49,195 --> 00:01:50,958
What the...

37
00:01:51,031 --> 00:01:53,397
Oh, hey, Elliot.
I'll have him back to you in one second.

38
00:01:54,267 --> 00:01:57,464
Kim, yeah, those pictures are of Keith,
okay? Read 'em and weep.

39
00:01:57,537 --> 00:01:59,164
Look, J.D. Will call you back later.

40
00:01:59,506 --> 00:02:02,805
Keith, why do you keep letting
people take pictures of your body?

41
00:02:02,876 --> 00:02:05,071
I mean, this is exactly like that night
I caught you in the bathroom

42
00:02:05,145 --> 00:02:07,511
- at the bus station.
- Come on, this is nothing like that.

43
00:02:11,251 --> 00:02:12,411
What the hell are you doing?

44
00:02:13,186 --> 00:02:16,417
Oh, hey, Elliot.
I'll have him back to you in one second.

45
00:02:16,623 --> 00:02:19,353
I'm getting a little flare off the urinal.

46
00:02:19,859 --> 00:02:23,192
- Actually, Keith, it's a little like that.
- Little bit.

47
00:02:23,430 --> 00:02:25,694
One areola shot, real quick.

48
00:02:39,512 --> 00:02:41,980
<i>J.D.: Now that Elliot was private
practice, there were tons of perks.</i>

49
00:02:42,048 --> 00:02:44,915
<i>For one, Dr. Kelso
still refused to speak to her.</i>

50
00:02:44,984 --> 00:02:46,212
Hey, Dr. Kelso.

51
00:02:46,820 --> 00:02:49,914
Oh, if you're a doody-face,
don't say anything.

52
00:02:50,090 --> 00:02:51,455
(LAUGHING)

53
00:02:51,524 --> 00:02:54,550
Get used to that joke, people,
because I'm going to be doing it

54
00:02:54,627 --> 00:02:56,026
all the time.

55
00:02:57,364 --> 00:02:59,332
<i>J.D.: Still, the biggest perk
is that at 5:00,</i>

56
00:02:59,399 --> 00:03:02,596
<i>she gets to dump her patients
on someone else and go home.</i>

57
00:03:03,002 --> 00:03:05,562
Mr. Sandville has HOCM.
I'm not using dysopyramide,

58
00:03:05,638 --> 00:03:07,629
so just continue treating him
with beta-blockers.

59
00:03:07,707 --> 00:03:10,608
You're giving orders to me?

60
00:03:10,677 --> 00:03:13,805
O.M.G., Barboo,
you make me want to L.O.L.

61
00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:14,869
(LAUGHING)

62
00:03:15,849 --> 00:03:17,680
I just discovered text messaging.

63
00:03:17,751 --> 00:03:21,380
I know I'm a little late to the game, but
that doesn't mean that you're any less

64
00:03:21,454 --> 00:03:26,915
of a G.A.B.P.I.T.A.W.M.M.W.
Number two, D.

65
00:03:28,161 --> 00:03:29,651
Giant Annoying Bangsy Pain in the Ass

66
00:03:29,729 --> 00:03:31,754
Who Makes Me Want to Die.

67
00:03:31,831 --> 00:03:35,198
Well, I'm just a little bit late
for my brow wax and my facial,

68
00:03:35,268 --> 00:03:38,567
so I'm just gonna
stick these orders to your lab coat

69
00:03:38,638 --> 00:03:40,230
so you don't forget them.

70
00:03:40,340 --> 00:03:42,535
Enjoy doing my bidding while
a team of burly old Russian women

71
00:03:42,609 --> 00:03:44,008
make me beautiful.

72
00:03:45,412 --> 00:03:47,209
Fine, I don't want to go home, anyway.

73
00:03:47,447 --> 00:03:51,247
He said in a sarcastic tone
we've all come to know as "Coxian."

74
00:03:52,118 --> 00:03:54,552
I mean it. I don't want to go home.

75
00:03:54,621 --> 00:03:56,521
Ever since Jordan
entered her third trimester,

76
00:03:56,589 --> 00:03:58,682
she has become a needy,
bloated, behemoth

77
00:03:58,758 --> 00:04:01,022
with a temper as big
as her tree-trunk-sized cankles.

78
00:04:01,161 --> 00:04:03,288
And besides, even if I did go home
she'd probably just send me out

79
00:04:03,363 --> 00:04:06,423
on a food run to satiate
one of her insane cravings.

80
00:04:09,469 --> 00:04:11,960
Honey, I brought you some dinner.

81
00:04:12,038 --> 00:04:13,130
(BLEATING)

82
00:04:13,206 --> 00:04:15,504
JORDAN: Come here, little cooty-coo...

83
00:04:15,608 --> 00:04:17,235
(JORDAN GRUNTING)

84
00:04:17,510 --> 00:04:19,205
(JORDAN EXCLAIMING)

85
00:04:21,181 --> 00:04:23,741
I wasn't finished!

86
00:04:23,817 --> 00:04:24,943
You're finished.

87
00:04:29,055 --> 00:04:31,046
Honey, postpartum depression's
really serious.

88
00:04:31,124 --> 00:04:33,922
True, but there are different levels.

89
00:04:33,993 --> 00:04:36,587
Yes, some women
leave their babies in the woods,

90
00:04:36,663 --> 00:04:38,790
but some women just get the weepies.

91
00:04:38,865 --> 00:04:39,889
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

92
00:04:39,966 --> 00:04:43,424
- And this is just the weepies?
- Just the weepies, baby.

93
00:04:44,871 --> 00:04:48,602
Hi! Since you're African-American,
I was wondering if I can borrow

94
00:04:48,675 --> 00:04:52,634
- some of your Marvin Gaye CDs?
- Sure, come on in, kid.

95
00:04:53,246 --> 00:04:54,577
Here you go.

96
00:04:55,148 --> 00:04:58,879
<i>Thanks. Mazel tov on the baby.</i>

97
00:04:59,686 --> 00:05:01,210
How did he know I had a baby?

98
00:05:05,992 --> 00:05:07,186
(SIGHS)

99
00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,050
Great!

100
00:05:09,128 --> 00:05:11,824
I milked through my last clean T-shirt.

101
00:05:12,932 --> 00:05:17,164
- Baby, we should really get some help.
- No, I've been a nurse for 15 years.

102
00:05:17,637 --> 00:05:20,731
What are they going to tell us
that we don't already know?

103
00:05:20,807 --> 00:05:23,105
Now, now, who are we?

104
00:05:24,244 --> 00:05:26,644
- We're the Turks.
- And can the Turks get through this?

105
00:05:26,713 --> 00:05:28,442
Woman, the Turks
can handle anything!

106
00:05:28,515 --> 00:05:30,244
- Okay.
- Okay, now, give me a hug!

107
00:05:30,316 --> 00:05:31,476
- Okay.
- Wait, you know what,

108
00:05:31,551 --> 00:05:32,779
could you change first?

109
00:05:33,286 --> 00:05:35,618
'Cause I don't want to get
any booby juice on my new T-shirt.

110
00:05:36,055 --> 00:05:37,147
(SOBBING) Okay.

111
00:05:40,426 --> 00:05:44,123
<i>J.D.: To me, the best thing about Elliot
is all her extra cash.</i>

112
00:05:44,564 --> 00:05:46,555
Hey, roomie! I went shopping.

113
00:05:47,133 --> 00:05:49,601
This couch reminded me
of my grandpa.

114
00:05:49,669 --> 00:05:51,762
He used to drive around
in a car just like it.

115
00:05:51,938 --> 00:05:54,998
You know, until he was killed
in that seven-car pileup.

116
00:05:55,275 --> 00:05:58,005
"Seven-Car Pileup" would be
a good name for a rock band.

117
00:05:58,077 --> 00:06:01,638
Yeah, you actually told me that
on the day that he died.

118
00:06:02,081 --> 00:06:03,810
- Oh.
- Anyhoo, I was thinking

119
00:06:03,883 --> 00:06:05,874
maybe we should put in
some new hardwood floors.

120
00:06:06,386 --> 00:06:08,650
Why stop at hardwood?

121
00:06:09,956 --> 00:06:12,151
Yeah! The new floors are in!

122
00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:14,749
(SCREAMING)

123
00:06:16,596 --> 00:06:21,090
Careful, trampoline floors
take some getting used to

124
00:06:22,569 --> 00:06:24,662
but I love them.

125
00:06:25,338 --> 00:06:28,501
I like bouncing, but it is dangerous.

126
00:06:28,575 --> 00:06:31,772
I don't care if you don't like green.
JELL-O is JELL-O.

127
00:06:31,844 --> 00:06:35,905
Laverne, if I accidentally
backed my car over Barbie

128
00:06:35,982 --> 00:06:39,213
for sticking me with
the world's most annoying patient,

129
00:06:39,285 --> 00:06:42,311
what do you think
your boy Jesus would do?

130
00:06:42,422 --> 00:06:45,823
- Your wife is on the phone.
- He is not a merciful God, is he?

131
00:06:47,026 --> 00:06:48,015
Just tell her I'm still working,

132
00:06:48,094 --> 00:06:49,959
I have no idea what time
I'm going to get off

133
00:06:50,029 --> 00:06:52,054
and just go ahead
and eat the entire mattress.

134
00:06:52,131 --> 00:06:54,395
- I mean, for the love of God!
- He'll have to call you back.

135
00:06:54,467 --> 00:06:58,198
I spend the entire day with patients
and the entire night with her.

136
00:06:58,671 --> 00:07:00,229
I need a hideout.

137
00:07:00,306 --> 00:07:02,638
You're telling me.
I got this new landlady,

138
00:07:02,709 --> 00:07:04,267
boozy old broad,
keeps showing up at my door

139
00:07:04,344 --> 00:07:07,404
in an open robe and a bottle of gin.
I don't want to go home.

140
00:07:07,647 --> 00:07:09,877
Can you tell Dr. Kelso
that Mr. Worthington's family

141
00:07:09,949 --> 00:07:12,417
transferred him from the luxury suite
to a hospice, please?

142
00:07:16,122 --> 00:07:19,023
My God, this is beautiful.

143
00:07:19,292 --> 00:07:22,693
Gentlemen,
how's Mr. Worthington doing?

144
00:07:23,529 --> 00:07:26,089
- He, he's in a coma, Bob.
- Great.

145
00:07:26,666 --> 00:07:29,100
The man has the health insurance
of a Tahitian prince.

146
00:07:29,235 --> 00:07:30,634
(LAUGHING)

147
00:07:39,512 --> 00:07:41,309
Well, I've got to tell you, this is heaven.

148
00:07:41,881 --> 00:07:47,217
This gourmet trail mix is fantastic.
I'm tasting vanilla, cranberry,

149
00:07:47,286 --> 00:07:50,187
- a hint of pine.
- That's potpourri, genius.

150
00:07:51,290 --> 00:07:53,485
Is that hickory?

151
00:07:53,726 --> 00:07:56,388
You should see
all the sweet new toys Elliot bought.

152
00:07:56,462 --> 00:07:58,726
It's awesome!
It's like that time in college

153
00:07:58,798 --> 00:08:00,425
when we got to split
all of Chugski's stuff

154
00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:02,127
when he drank himself to death.

155
00:08:02,201 --> 00:08:04,533
I miss you, you crazy Polish bastard.

156
00:08:04,871 --> 00:08:06,463
Pour some out for one's homies.

157
00:08:09,942 --> 00:08:12,877
- So, how are things at the homestead?
- Oh, no worries.

158
00:08:14,213 --> 00:08:17,376
(SOBBING) I can't feed my own baby.

159
00:08:19,986 --> 00:08:22,318
See, baby, the great thing
about working at a hospital

160
00:08:22,388 --> 00:08:25,619
is that we have access
to all types of medical care.

161
00:08:25,692 --> 00:08:30,152
Having trouble feeding your baby?
Say hello to your lactation specialists.

162
00:08:30,229 --> 00:08:32,356
- Hi.
- Try tickling her lip with the nipple

163
00:08:32,432 --> 00:08:33,922
to let her know it's time to eat.

164
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:37,163
Then just use your breast
to lower her bottom lip.

165
00:08:37,236 --> 00:08:38,498
I can't see the nipple.

166
00:08:38,805 --> 00:08:40,136
Todd, get the hell out of here!

167
00:08:47,313 --> 00:08:48,644
It's freezing in here.

168
00:08:48,715 --> 00:08:50,478
If you'd put on a pair of pants,
you'd be fine.

169
00:08:50,550 --> 00:08:53,519
Hey, in my house,
it's no pants, no problem.

170
00:08:53,586 --> 00:08:55,281
I'm putting in a video tape.

171
00:08:58,791 --> 00:09:01,658
- Now, what the hell is this?
- It's a security camera tape.

172
00:09:01,728 --> 00:09:04,094
I like to count the times that
Colonel Doctor goes to the bathroom

173
00:09:04,163 --> 00:09:07,496
during the day and then freak him out
by guessing the exact number.

174
00:09:07,567 --> 00:09:09,057
And there's one.

175
00:09:09,969 --> 00:09:12,767
- Hey!
- Look, this clearly isn't working out.

176
00:09:12,839 --> 00:09:16,172
Well, I found this room,
so you should go.

177
00:09:16,242 --> 00:09:18,642
Oh, okay, okay.

178
00:09:18,711 --> 00:09:20,576
You know,
that's just about enough, Shrek.

179
00:09:20,646 --> 00:09:22,170
(PAGER BEEPING)

180
00:09:23,750 --> 00:09:26,218
- What?
- I specifically told you

181
00:09:26,285 --> 00:09:29,812
not to give Mr. Sandville dysopyramide.
Why would you change my orders?

182
00:09:29,889 --> 00:09:31,914
Well, there were two treatment options
and when in doubt,

183
00:09:31,991 --> 00:09:35,427
I always go
in the opposite direction of you.

184
00:09:35,695 --> 00:09:39,825
- Don't do it again.
- So, do it again?

185
00:09:40,466 --> 00:09:44,732
Look, Barbie, what you're missing here
is that you're private practice now.

186
00:09:44,804 --> 00:09:48,501
That means you're the enemy
and I know, as a doctor,

187
00:09:48,574 --> 00:09:50,508
disease is supposed to be the enemy,

188
00:09:50,576 --> 00:09:53,636
but I'm giving hepatitis and his band
of infectious buddies a pass

189
00:09:53,713 --> 00:09:55,180
and I'm coming after you today.

190
00:09:55,248 --> 00:09:57,512
Because the bottom line is
you'd rather clock out of here early

191
00:09:57,583 --> 00:10:02,111
than run the extra mile for your patients
and, Barbie, that makes you a sellout.

192
00:10:05,458 --> 00:10:09,986
You went 14 times total,
four false alarms and one emergency.

193
00:10:10,997 --> 00:10:12,123
Uncanny.

194
00:10:12,231 --> 00:10:13,528
(LAUGHS)

195
00:10:13,599 --> 00:10:16,932
I'm exhausted. Pick me up a latte.

196
00:10:18,805 --> 00:10:22,002
She's still not eating.
None of this stuff is working.

197
00:10:22,074 --> 00:10:23,439
We're the Turks, remember?

198
00:10:23,509 --> 00:10:26,000
Now, if you ask me,
Isabella is placing calls

199
00:10:26,078 --> 00:10:29,013
but no one's responding
in the areola code.

200
00:10:29,248 --> 00:10:31,478
- What?
- Those two little turkey timers

201
00:10:31,551 --> 00:10:33,849
you got there are telling me that
that birdie's not done.

202
00:10:34,387 --> 00:10:36,582
And this place is too public
for me to arouse them

203
00:10:36,656 --> 00:10:39,056
"freaky-deaky-styley,"
so I'm going to have to go

204
00:10:39,125 --> 00:10:40,456
an alternate route.

205
00:10:41,494 --> 00:10:45,828
Your dead momma had
one of the fattest asses I ever seen!

206
00:10:45,898 --> 00:10:49,527
- What?
- Turkey's done!

207
00:10:49,602 --> 00:10:52,628
She's latching. She's latching!

208
00:10:53,873 --> 00:10:56,137
Dr. Cox is such a jerk.
I'm so sick of hearing him

209
00:10:56,209 --> 00:10:58,507
get all righteous
about private practice doctors.

210
00:10:58,578 --> 00:11:00,273
<i>We're the Turks! What?
We're the Turks!</i>

211
00:11:00,446 --> 00:11:02,311
<i>We're the Turks! What?
We're the Turks!</i>

212
00:11:02,381 --> 00:11:04,076
<i>- We're the Turks! What?
- You're the Turks!</i>

213
00:11:04,150 --> 00:11:07,210
<i>That's right! We're the Turks! What?
We're the Turks!</i>

214
00:11:07,286 --> 00:11:09,277
I mean, seriously,
since when does working at a hospital

215
00:11:09,355 --> 00:11:11,823
suddenly make you a better person?
It's such a load of crap.

216
00:11:11,891 --> 00:11:14,826
(MUMBLING) I don't know if it's really
a load of crap, it's just how you feel.

217
00:11:14,894 --> 00:11:17,761
I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.
Could you say that a little bit louder?

218
00:11:17,830 --> 00:11:20,663
(MUMBLING) I just don't need the
money, you know, like a sellout. So...

219
00:11:20,733 --> 00:11:23,031
Wait, do you actually agree
with Dr. Cox?

220
00:11:23,236 --> 00:11:26,797
<i>J.D.: It doesn't take too much to send
two people down a bad road.</i>

221
00:11:26,873 --> 00:11:28,534
<i>It could be a few simple words...</i>

222
00:11:28,608 --> 00:11:30,098
I guess I do.

223
00:11:31,677 --> 00:11:34,373
<i>... or even just a little surprise
waiting at home.</i>

224
00:11:34,447 --> 00:11:36,415
<i>We're the Turks! What?
We're the Turks!</i>

225
00:11:36,482 --> 00:11:37,881
<i>We're the Turks! What?</i>

226
00:11:39,919 --> 00:11:42,080
Why are you watching my baby
and where's my wife?

227
00:11:42,722 --> 00:11:44,383
She said she'd be back later.

228
00:11:50,830 --> 00:11:54,425
- J.D., have you seen Carla?
- Sorry, Brown Bear.

229
00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:55,797
Hey, Mocha Cub.

230
00:11:57,336 --> 00:12:00,430
Carla just called to tell you nothing fit,
so she went to the mall.

231
00:12:00,773 --> 00:12:02,070
Watch her.

232
00:12:02,775 --> 00:12:07,041
Hey, Chuckles, if you're a doody-face,
just keep walking.

233
00:12:07,113 --> 00:12:10,082
It gets funnier every time, people.
Hey, J.D.

234
00:12:10,616 --> 00:12:12,277
Hey, Elliot.
Look, I know you're probably mad

235
00:12:12,351 --> 00:12:14,819
- about what I said yesterday, and...
- I'm not mad.

236
00:12:14,887 --> 00:12:17,447
Well, I mean, at first I was a little mad,
so I started power-walking

237
00:12:17,523 --> 00:12:19,514
down Fourth Avenue.
But right when I got to the place

238
00:12:19,592 --> 00:12:23,528
where it starts to get a little ghetto,
I realized you're just jealous.

239
00:12:23,829 --> 00:12:26,855
- I am not jealous.
- Oh, please, J.D., I know you.

240
00:12:26,933 --> 00:12:29,367
Whenever you're jealous,
you run your hands through your hair

241
00:12:29,435 --> 00:12:30,424
and then you smell them.

242
00:12:31,337 --> 00:12:32,531
I do not.

243
00:12:32,605 --> 00:12:35,403
<i>J.D.: Okay, resist smelling
that coconut goodness</i>

244
00:12:35,474 --> 00:12:38,443
<i>that caresses your tresses. Don't do it.</i>

245
00:12:39,011 --> 00:12:40,638
Whatever.

246
00:12:43,149 --> 00:12:44,241
(EXCLAIMING)

247
00:12:44,317 --> 00:12:45,909
Piña colada!

248
00:12:48,387 --> 00:12:50,855
I think these would go great
with that shirt.

249
00:12:50,923 --> 00:12:52,948
Why don't you go try them on?

250
00:12:53,626 --> 00:12:55,218
Why were you just helping that guy?

251
00:12:55,294 --> 00:12:57,888
These pants and this shirt
are the only things I have left that fit me

252
00:12:57,964 --> 00:12:59,989
and everyone keeps mistaking me
for an employee.

253
00:13:00,066 --> 00:13:03,263
Anyway, I was helping Phil
with his whole new denim look.

254
00:13:03,336 --> 00:13:05,566
- Hey, could you also get me...
- Go away, Phil.

255
00:13:05,638 --> 00:13:07,469
Baby, let's go see the doctor.

256
00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:09,974
No. I'm not going to have
people laugh at me

257
00:13:10,042 --> 00:13:11,976
because I can't care for my own child.

258
00:13:12,044 --> 00:13:14,979
No doctors.
Not now, not ever, understand?

259
00:13:15,047 --> 00:13:16,173
We're the Turks!

260
00:13:22,955 --> 00:13:23,979
Put that down.

261
00:13:24,623 --> 00:13:26,557
Elliot said that
until you admit you're jealous,

262
00:13:26,625 --> 00:13:28,092
you can't use any of her things.

263
00:13:28,294 --> 00:13:31,024
Well, Elliot's not here, Keith.
What are you going to do about it?

264
00:13:32,865 --> 00:13:35,129
Nice singlet. Does it come in hetero?

265
00:13:35,868 --> 00:13:37,267
Do not turn on that TV.

266
00:13:43,976 --> 00:13:45,307
(GRUNTING)

267
00:13:49,015 --> 00:13:50,004
(LAUGHING)

268
00:13:50,883 --> 00:13:52,214
He wrestled you, didn't he?

269
00:13:52,752 --> 00:13:54,310
See, Keith found
his old high school uniform,

270
00:13:54,387 --> 00:13:56,685
so we've actually
incorporated it into our love play.

271
00:13:56,756 --> 00:13:58,485
I'm the lesbian coach
and he's the captain

272
00:13:58,557 --> 00:14:01,856
of the wrestling team and he turns me.

273
00:14:01,927 --> 00:14:04,725
So, have you decided to admit
that you're jealous?

274
00:14:04,797 --> 00:14:06,389
No, never, okay?

275
00:14:06,465 --> 00:14:09,229
And thanks a lot because the one hour
that Kim and I had to actually talk,

276
00:14:09,301 --> 00:14:11,360
I was stuck
in your stupid boyfriend's scissor hold.

277
00:14:11,437 --> 00:14:12,426
(MOANS)

278
00:14:12,505 --> 00:14:15,736
Don't you just love the way
his thighs feel against your ears?

279
00:14:16,308 --> 00:14:18,833
No, not particularly.

280
00:14:24,550 --> 00:14:27,212
- Dr. Cox, I need your help.
- Not now, Gandhi.

281
00:14:27,286 --> 00:14:31,120
Darn it all, I could have sworn
there was a room right here...

282
00:14:31,390 --> 00:14:32,914
<i>(LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING)</i>

283
00:14:33,926 --> 00:14:35,325
Do you hear something?

284
00:14:46,839 --> 00:14:49,967
Look, Carla's gone all
postpartum depression-y on me

285
00:14:50,209 --> 00:14:51,938
and she won't let me
take her to see a doctor.

286
00:14:52,011 --> 00:14:54,036
She's never going to listen to you.

287
00:14:54,113 --> 00:14:57,640
You're a guy, you have no idea
what she's going through.

288
00:14:57,716 --> 00:14:59,741
The fact is, the only person
she will listen to

289
00:14:59,819 --> 00:15:01,582
is someone who has
gone through it themselves.

290
00:15:02,154 --> 00:15:03,815
Fine, who?

291
00:15:04,557 --> 00:15:07,219
I cannot believe I am doing this.

292
00:15:09,228 --> 00:15:10,559
(THUMPING)

293
00:15:27,279 --> 00:15:29,304
- I'm scared.
- Me too, Gandhi.

294
00:15:35,254 --> 00:15:36,346
What?

295
00:15:36,956 --> 00:15:39,151
- You look pretty, dear.
- So pretty.

296
00:15:43,696 --> 00:15:46,494
Keekers?

297
00:15:46,565 --> 00:15:48,465
Nice.

298
00:15:51,704 --> 00:15:52,693
<i>I, J.D.</i>

299
00:15:52,771 --> 00:15:53,760
(SCREAMING)

300
00:15:53,906 --> 00:15:56,636
<i>Relax, I'm at the hospital.
This is just a web-cam.</i>

301
00:15:56,709 --> 00:15:59,041
What's the matter, your Aryan
boyfriend had to go to a rally

302
00:15:59,111 --> 00:16:00,408
so now you have to watch me?

303
00:16:00,479 --> 00:16:02,845
<i>Look, you don't have to admit
that you're jealous.</i>

304
00:16:02,915 --> 00:16:05,281
<i>I was thinking, Kim's not around</i>

305
00:16:05,351 --> 00:16:07,012
<i>and I can't even imagine
how much that sucks.</i>

306
00:16:07,086 --> 00:16:09,281
<i>So, I sent her a web-cam
just like this one</i>

307
00:16:09,355 --> 00:16:11,220
<i>and you guys can video chat
whenever you want.</i>

308
00:16:11,290 --> 00:16:13,622
<i>Anything to make
the long distance easier, right?</i>

309
00:16:13,692 --> 00:16:16,183
<i>Anyway, I hope you like it. See you.</i>

310
00:16:19,465 --> 00:16:20,796
(EXCLAIMS)

311
00:16:20,933 --> 00:16:22,195
<i>(LAUGING)</i>

312
00:16:22,268 --> 00:16:24,259
<i>I love the Inter-highway.</i>

313
00:16:46,325 --> 00:16:47,952
I've been expecting you.

314
00:16:48,427 --> 00:16:51,362
You know, Jumpsuit,
as I was scaling the hospital,

315
00:16:51,430 --> 00:16:53,057
I had an epiphany.

316
00:16:53,132 --> 00:16:57,592
This back and forth between you and I
is just going to get worse and worse.

317
00:16:57,670 --> 00:17:00,230
I mean, the only thing
I could think about was retaliation

318
00:17:00,306 --> 00:17:02,137
and I'm relatively certain

319
00:17:02,208 --> 00:17:05,041
that you've got a couple of tricks
up your sleeve, too.

320
00:17:05,377 --> 00:17:07,368
I do have a friend,
he works on Wall Street.

321
00:17:07,446 --> 00:17:09,471
He and I got a good look
at your personal finances

322
00:17:09,548 --> 00:17:12,210
and he agreed to fly into town
and bash your head in.

323
00:17:12,918 --> 00:17:15,682
Right, that would roughly be
what I'm referring to.

324
00:17:16,355 --> 00:17:17,344
Then, yes.

325
00:17:17,489 --> 00:17:20,117
There really is
only one way to end this.

326
00:17:20,459 --> 00:17:24,395
We each ingest a cyanide capsule.
On three. One, two, three.

327
00:17:24,797 --> 00:17:25,821
No, what are you doing?

328
00:17:26,498 --> 00:17:28,227
- Mine's a Skittle.
- Mine, too?

329
00:17:28,734 --> 00:17:29,723
Sure.

330
00:17:30,202 --> 00:17:31,191
Get out of here.

331
00:17:31,670 --> 00:17:37,108
Look, there really is only one way to
end this so that we both come out alive.

332
00:17:37,176 --> 00:17:39,076
We've got to page him.

333
00:17:58,264 --> 00:17:59,253
You.

334
00:18:00,132 --> 00:18:01,997
Get the hell out of here
before I charge you

335
00:18:02,067 --> 00:18:04,661
for every cashew
you pilfered from the minibar.

336
00:18:05,104 --> 00:18:08,699
And you, stop eating the potpourri
and get back to work.

337
00:18:14,780 --> 00:18:18,546
- So, you have postpartum depression.
- No, I have the weepies.

338
00:18:18,617 --> 00:18:21,017
- No, baby, you got...
- You have no lines in this play.

339
00:18:21,220 --> 00:18:24,485
- Okay.
- Jordan, I can handle it.

340
00:18:24,623 --> 00:18:26,454
Really? What do you got there
in your hand?

341
00:18:27,059 --> 00:18:29,687
A job application for The Gap.

342
00:18:29,995 --> 00:18:31,462
Oh, that's a good career move.

343
00:18:32,264 --> 00:18:37,759
Look, all I ever wanted
was to be a mother

344
00:18:37,836 --> 00:18:41,932
and now that I am one
I feel like I'm not cut out for it.

345
00:18:42,141 --> 00:18:43,506
And you're ashamed of that?

346
00:18:43,575 --> 00:18:45,941
Well, wouldn't you be?

347
00:18:46,278 --> 00:18:47,575
Yeah. I was.

348
00:18:48,947 --> 00:18:51,347
What's the worst feeling
you've had since you've had the baby?

349
00:18:52,685 --> 00:18:55,153
- I don't know.
- When Jack wouldn't stop crying

350
00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:56,915
I wanted to throw
that bastard out the window.

351
00:18:57,222 --> 00:19:01,716
Really? I wanted to throw Isabella
out the window.

352
00:19:02,394 --> 00:19:04,794
Yeah, but we just had
our apartment repainted

353
00:19:04,863 --> 00:19:06,888
and all the windows were sealed shut.

354
00:19:06,965 --> 00:19:09,661
So, I just wanted
to drop her off the roof.

355
00:19:09,968 --> 00:19:11,629
Oh, my God!

356
00:19:11,704 --> 00:19:15,640
Listen, you can't get rid of this
by sheer force of will

357
00:19:15,708 --> 00:19:19,269
or positive thinking or taking advice
from a big Hollywood movie star

358
00:19:19,345 --> 00:19:21,677
and the dead science fiction writer
he worships.

359
00:19:24,450 --> 00:19:26,077
You need to get some help.

360
00:19:26,418 --> 00:19:27,680
(SIGHING)

361
00:19:28,220 --> 00:19:30,245
- Okay.
- That's what I've been trying...

362
00:19:30,322 --> 00:19:32,449
If you talk again, I'm going to eat you.

363
00:19:39,531 --> 00:19:41,897
- Night, everybody.
- Looky here, Newbie,

364
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,400
Private Practice Barbie is clocking out.

365
00:19:44,470 --> 00:19:46,938
Now if we could just get cancer
to go home at 5:00, we'd be all set.

366
00:19:47,139 --> 00:19:48,663
Come on, you're just jealous.

367
00:19:50,743 --> 00:19:51,767
I know I am.

368
00:19:51,844 --> 00:19:55,837
<i>J.D.: The first step of solving any
problem is admitting that you have one.</i>

369
00:19:55,914 --> 00:19:59,975
<i>After that, you can start to work
on feeling like your old self again.</i>

370
00:20:00,052 --> 00:20:01,349
All right, Izzy,

371
00:20:01,420 --> 00:20:04,685
<i>this is what your mom
looks like on anti-depressants.</i>

372
00:20:04,757 --> 00:20:07,248
- Oh, we're sharing secrets now?
- Yeah.

373
00:20:07,326 --> 00:20:10,454
Oh, because, Izzy, look.
This is what your daddy looks like

374
00:20:10,529 --> 00:20:13,498
the last time he tried
to grow out his hair. How sad.

375
00:20:14,233 --> 00:20:15,359
(CARLA EXCLAIMING)

376
00:20:18,804 --> 00:20:20,601
That's cold, baby.

377
00:20:23,008 --> 00:20:24,407
(RATTLING LIPS)

378
00:20:24,476 --> 00:20:25,875
<i>(KIM CUCKLING)</i>

379
00:20:27,846 --> 00:20:28,835
Hey! Hey, hey, hey!

380
00:20:28,914 --> 00:20:30,142
<i>(GASPS)</i>

381
00:20:30,916 --> 00:20:32,850
That is so not why I bought you that.

382
00:20:32,918 --> 00:20:36,183
<i>Elliot, relax. We heard you coming.</i>

383
00:20:37,189 --> 00:20:41,023
Whatever. Kim, your boobies
look great up there.

384
00:20:42,294 --> 00:20:44,057
I didn't hear her coming.

385
00:20:44,830 --> 00:20:47,856
<i>Me, neither.
All right, now get back in there, stud.</i>

386
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:49,497
In a sec.

387
00:20:50,702 --> 00:20:52,226
I really miss you.

388
00:20:54,740 --> 00:20:56,435
<i>Yeah, I miss you, too.</i>