1 00:00:03,977 --> 00:00:05,615 Everyone had gathered because today 2 00:00:05,812 --> 00:00:08,280 was Carla's first day back since she had the baby. 3 00:00:08,523 --> 00:00:11,799 She's coming! This is not a drill! Repeat, this is not a drill! 4 00:00:12,069 --> 00:00:14,344 Remember, one group says, "Welcome," one group says, "Back," 5 00:00:14,571 --> 00:00:17,369 one group says, "Carla. " Okay, get ready. Let's go! 6 00:00:19,952 --> 00:00:20,907 Elliot? 7 00:00:21,078 --> 00:00:24,275 Fine, it was a drill, but I just want us to be ready. 8 00:00:24,539 --> 00:00:25,733 You gotta be kidding me! 9 00:00:25,916 --> 00:00:28,271 - Hey, everyone! - Okay, let's hear it! 10 00:00:28,502 --> 00:00:30,220 Back! Carla! Back! 11 00:00:30,504 --> 00:00:31,732 Damn it, people! 12 00:00:31,922 --> 00:00:33,958 - It's okay, baby. - No, it's not okay. 13 00:00:34,383 --> 00:00:35,816 One more time. Go! 14 00:00:36,009 --> 00:00:36,964 Hey, everyone. 15 00:00:37,135 --> 00:00:39,410 Welcome! Back! Pickle! 16 00:00:39,638 --> 00:00:41,276 Who the hell came up with "pickle"? 17 00:00:41,473 --> 00:00:45,466 I did. If you call Carla "pickle," then I can call Isabella "little gherkin. " 18 00:00:45,769 --> 00:00:47,361 I need this. 19 00:00:47,562 --> 00:00:48,551 Done. 20 00:00:49,106 --> 00:00:51,461 Actually, babe, I'm just heading back home. 21 00:00:51,775 --> 00:00:54,892 It turns out my maternity leave doesn't end until next week. 22 00:00:55,487 --> 00:00:57,443 Pickle, I'm sorry. 23 00:00:58,615 --> 00:01:01,175 What is all this fuss about Nurse Turkleton returning? 24 00:01:01,410 --> 00:01:03,128 She's only been gone six days. 25 00:01:03,328 --> 00:01:06,559 She's been gone six weeks, Bobbo, but wait, before I make you look like 26 00:01:06,832 --> 00:01:10,427 a complete idiot, we'd all like to thank you for setting up the new employee 27 00:01:10,711 --> 00:01:14,420 - discount at the coffee dump. Gang? - Cheers! 28 00:01:14,715 --> 00:01:15,909 Pickle! 29 00:01:16,091 --> 00:01:18,525 Stop. If it had taken any effort, I wouldn't have done it, 30 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,432 and I mean that. I really do. 31 00:01:20,637 --> 00:01:23,754 And back to insulting you! She's been gone six weeks, Bobbo. 32 00:01:24,016 --> 00:01:26,735 The six days that you were referring to are the six days that you actually 33 00:01:26,977 --> 00:01:28,535 worked this month. 34 00:01:29,062 --> 00:01:32,941 Dr Cox was right. This year Dr Kelso had gotten a little lazy. 35 00:01:33,483 --> 00:01:35,951 There was the way he handled requests. 36 00:01:39,740 --> 00:01:41,696 Thanks, I'll look into it. 37 00:01:41,908 --> 00:01:45,378 Or how he found a way to eliminate any face time with the patients. 38 00:01:45,746 --> 00:01:48,897 - Welcome to Sacred Heart, Mr... - Hartely. 39 00:01:49,583 --> 00:01:53,974 I'm Chief of Medicine, Dr Bob Kelso. I see you're here for a... 40 00:01:54,296 --> 00:01:55,365 Vasectomy. 41 00:01:55,547 --> 00:01:57,617 Enjoy your stay here. 42 00:01:57,841 --> 00:02:00,639 Ted, you half-wit! Don't forget the tape. 43 00:02:01,303 --> 00:02:02,941 How does he always know? 44 00:02:06,183 --> 00:02:08,697 He didn't even bother to learn the new interns' names. 45 00:02:08,936 --> 00:02:11,928 Listen up, faces. In order to save us all some time, 46 00:02:12,189 --> 00:02:15,545 I will call all the males "Daves" and all the females "Debbies. " 47 00:02:15,817 --> 00:02:17,773 Debbie is actually my name. 48 00:02:17,986 --> 00:02:21,376 Then, out of fairness to the others, you will be Slagathor. 49 00:02:21,657 --> 00:02:24,774 Daves, Debbies, Slagathor, I will be in my office. 50 00:02:25,035 --> 00:02:27,993 If you need anything, feel free to bother Dorian. 51 00:02:28,288 --> 00:02:30,961 I always wondered what he did in his office all day. 52 00:02:32,542 --> 00:02:37,138 Human Magic 8 Ball, tell me if I should play golf this weekend. 53 00:02:42,177 --> 00:02:43,690 I am a lawyer! 54 00:02:43,887 --> 00:02:46,845 I said, "Should I play golf?" 55 00:02:50,519 --> 00:02:52,032 Ask again later! 56 00:02:53,230 --> 00:02:54,788 Why would I say that? 57 00:02:57,526 --> 00:02:59,323 My daydreams are crazy. 58 00:03:00,487 --> 00:03:02,045 Oh, dizzy... 59 00:03:19,881 --> 00:03:23,157 Since Elliot bought a house, I had to look for a place to live. 60 00:03:23,427 --> 00:03:26,021 Time to get out of my head and into an apartment. 61 00:03:26,346 --> 00:03:27,779 Hey, Dr Kelso. 62 00:03:29,016 --> 00:03:30,927 I actually don't mind that goofy bastard. 63 00:03:31,143 --> 00:03:33,338 If he were gay, he'd be perfect for my son. 64 00:03:33,562 --> 00:03:36,076 Harrison's been looking for a new power bottom. 65 00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:41,525 All my little worker bees, buzzing about. Buzz, buzz. 66 00:03:41,778 --> 00:03:45,214 I love making that sound. Buzz. Dr Reid. 67 00:03:46,199 --> 00:03:48,394 Ever since she quit the hospital for private practise, 68 00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:51,656 you've pretended she's invisible, so don't break stride. 69 00:03:51,913 --> 00:03:52,868 Ker-blam-o! 70 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,109 Hey! 71 00:03:54,291 --> 00:03:56,168 Skiddle-a-dee, skiddle-a-doo. 72 00:03:56,376 --> 00:03:57,411 Dr Kelso. 73 00:03:57,586 --> 00:03:59,417 Well, if it isn't Nurse Buzz-kill. 74 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:00,983 Good morning, Nurse Roberts. 75 00:04:01,173 --> 00:04:04,529 Carla's gone another week. We need a substitute head nurse. 76 00:04:04,801 --> 00:04:08,953 Laverne, from now on, if you need something, just take care of it yourself. 77 00:04:09,264 --> 00:04:10,936 In fact, all of you should hear this. 78 00:04:11,141 --> 00:04:13,609 I believe it was Robin Zander of Cheap Trick who said, 79 00:04:13,852 --> 00:04:15,126 "I want you to want me. " 80 00:04:15,312 --> 00:04:19,351 Well, if I sang that song, it would go, "I don't want you to want me. " 81 00:04:20,817 --> 00:04:23,206 Skiddle-a-dee, skiddle-a-doo. 82 00:04:23,570 --> 00:04:28,485 Time to visit my one random patient of the day, and then it's off to the office 83 00:04:28,825 --> 00:04:31,214 and hello, nappy-nap. 84 00:04:31,578 --> 00:04:36,572 Brian Dancer, has hydrocephalus. Okay, turn on the down-home crapola. 85 00:04:37,376 --> 00:04:40,971 Hey, there, young fella. How the heck are you? Bob Kelso here. 86 00:04:41,713 --> 00:04:43,385 I understand that since your head wound 87 00:04:43,590 --> 00:04:45,421 you've had some short-term memory loss. 88 00:04:46,468 --> 00:04:47,457 Head wound? 89 00:04:48,512 --> 00:04:50,707 Nah, I'm just kiddin', Dr... 90 00:04:53,350 --> 00:04:56,899 Ah, see, now I'm embarrassed, because that one's real. 91 00:04:58,146 --> 00:04:59,101 It doesn't matter, son. 92 00:04:59,273 --> 00:05:01,309 Bob Kelso, write it down, damn it! 93 00:05:01,525 --> 00:05:03,402 So, I see you're in the service. 94 00:05:03,652 --> 00:05:05,529 Yes, sir. Private Brian Dancer. 95 00:05:05,821 --> 00:05:07,891 Private Dancer? Tough name. 96 00:05:08,115 --> 00:05:10,185 You must have had your share of beat-downs. 97 00:05:10,409 --> 00:05:11,762 How did you hurt your noggin? 98 00:05:11,952 --> 00:05:14,512 An I.E.D. got our transport vehicle. 99 00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:18,903 I accidentally left a couple chunks of my skull in Baghdad. 100 00:05:20,127 --> 00:05:22,846 Iraq? You know how controversial that topic is, Bob. 101 00:05:23,088 --> 00:05:24,237 Quick, change the subject. 102 00:05:24,506 --> 00:05:27,896 So, Pluto's not a planet any more. What's up with that? 103 00:05:28,176 --> 00:05:29,529 Well played, Bobby. 104 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:33,030 Lord knows you've seen these hot-button topics before. 105 00:05:33,307 --> 00:05:36,140 Oh, please, Laverne, "global warming"? 106 00:05:36,393 --> 00:05:39,669 Here's an inconvenient truth for you, nobody cares. 107 00:05:43,025 --> 00:05:46,381 So, you think it's okay to just kill animals for sport? 108 00:05:46,820 --> 00:05:49,380 If it serves a useful purpose, yes, I do. 109 00:05:49,990 --> 00:05:50,979 Salt? 110 00:05:53,452 --> 00:05:55,283 Cracked black pepper? 111 00:05:57,748 --> 00:05:59,261 Thank you, Bingo. 112 00:06:01,710 --> 00:06:03,746 Well, I'll check on you later, son. 113 00:06:04,504 --> 00:06:08,258 Yep, Iraq is just the type of divisive subject that would spread around 114 00:06:08,550 --> 00:06:10,541 this damn hospital like wildfire. 115 00:06:11,219 --> 00:06:14,894 Poor kid. His head's blown off, and all for nothing. 116 00:06:15,682 --> 00:06:16,956 "All for nothing"? 117 00:06:17,559 --> 00:06:21,188 My nephew Lance is over there fighting to give those people democracy. 118 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,914 Oh, so that's why we're over there, 119 00:06:24,149 --> 00:06:25,946 and here I thought it was to root out terrorists. 120 00:06:26,151 --> 00:06:30,110 Or was it for the oil? Or for Mama Hussein's secret falafel recipe? 121 00:06:30,405 --> 00:06:33,044 It got so gosh darn hard to keep track. 122 00:06:35,077 --> 00:06:38,194 Dude, I hear they have laws that make women completely cover their bodies 123 00:06:38,455 --> 00:06:39,490 when they're out in public. 124 00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:42,623 The war in Iraq? Try the war to see rack. 125 00:06:44,461 --> 00:06:47,897 Don't you get it, Turk? All the terrorists want to do is kill you. 126 00:06:48,173 --> 00:06:49,731 They want to kill you. 127 00:06:49,925 --> 00:06:50,914 Elliot, if you... 128 00:06:51,093 --> 00:06:52,242 Kill you. 129 00:06:52,427 --> 00:06:54,258 You guys, in case I find an apartment I like, 130 00:06:54,471 --> 00:06:56,382 I need someone to write a reference for me. 131 00:06:56,598 --> 00:06:58,270 J.D., we're in the middle of something. 132 00:06:58,475 --> 00:07:01,308 Elliot, the only good that's come from our occupation of Iraq is exposing 133 00:07:01,561 --> 00:07:03,950 the neo-conservative conspiracy to perpetuate American cultural 134 00:07:04,189 --> 00:07:05,827 and economic imperialism. 135 00:07:07,276 --> 00:07:08,550 What do you think, J. D? 136 00:07:08,735 --> 00:07:10,214 Can you excuse me a second? 137 00:07:10,988 --> 00:07:12,501 Did you break our pact and start reading the newspaper? 138 00:07:12,698 --> 00:07:14,256 Carla's making me. Normally, I wouldn't go near the thing, 139 00:07:14,449 --> 00:07:15,438 except for the funnies. 140 00:07:15,617 --> 00:07:17,209 Well, of course the funnies. The funnies don't count. 141 00:07:17,411 --> 00:07:19,208 By the way, did you read Marmaduke today? 142 00:07:19,413 --> 00:07:22,291 Can you believe he gave the pizza delivery guy a bone as a tip? 143 00:07:22,541 --> 00:07:24,133 No, but that's what's great about Marmaduke. 144 00:07:24,334 --> 00:07:25,323 He's always thinkin' on his feet. 145 00:07:25,502 --> 00:07:26,981 I think you mean paws. 146 00:07:28,463 --> 00:07:29,816 Keep it real. 147 00:07:30,007 --> 00:07:31,645 Well, J. D? The war? 148 00:07:32,092 --> 00:07:35,482 I don't have time for this, Elliot. I have to find an apartment. 149 00:07:35,804 --> 00:07:37,522 If you get a chance, read The Boondocks. 150 00:07:37,723 --> 00:07:39,395 Man, that little kid hates honkeys. 151 00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,374 Who doesn't? 152 00:07:41,935 --> 00:07:44,813 Typical Dorian, running away from an argument you know nothing about. 153 00:07:45,063 --> 00:07:46,860 I know all about the war. 154 00:07:47,149 --> 00:07:50,539 Really? Point to Iraq. 155 00:07:51,653 --> 00:07:53,883 Why do you keep a globe on your janitor cart? 156 00:07:54,114 --> 00:07:56,992 In case I get lost. I'll give you a hint. It's not the country shaped like a boot. 157 00:07:58,368 --> 00:07:59,483 That's Iraq. 158 00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:01,542 - That's China. - You're China. 159 00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,244 That's an outrageous accusation. 160 00:08:08,795 --> 00:08:11,628 Needs salt. Where's my bunny? Bingo? 161 00:08:14,468 --> 00:08:18,620 So, this is a picture of my unit after we secured a bridge outside of... 162 00:08:19,598 --> 00:08:23,671 Fallujah. And, oh, here's my unit when we're playing poker. 163 00:08:24,603 --> 00:08:28,312 And... Whoa, this is a picture of my unit. 164 00:08:30,525 --> 00:08:33,835 I was gonna send it to my girlfriend, but she broke up with me. 165 00:08:34,112 --> 00:08:36,990 Well, send it to her anyway. She should know what she's missing. 166 00:08:37,616 --> 00:08:38,605 Sir? 167 00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:40,502 I like this kid, he gets me. 168 00:08:41,328 --> 00:08:43,046 You know, I was in the Navy. 169 00:08:43,580 --> 00:08:46,697 It's important to remember the good men that you served with. 170 00:08:46,959 --> 00:08:50,269 That's why I carry around a little reminder of my buddy Johnny. 171 00:08:51,338 --> 00:08:53,215 - Would you like to see it? - Sure. 172 00:08:54,174 --> 00:08:55,402 Fantastic! 173 00:08:56,385 --> 00:09:01,095 And Johnny's got a tattoo on the same cheek that says "Bobby. " 174 00:09:01,723 --> 00:09:03,953 He probably doesn't regret that at all. 175 00:09:04,226 --> 00:09:07,377 No, you just can't find that kind of bond in civilian life, 176 00:09:08,522 --> 00:09:09,591 although I've often wondered 177 00:09:09,773 --> 00:09:12,731 what my life would be like if I'd stayed in the service. 178 00:09:34,923 --> 00:09:39,394 I would have asked to be stationed in Southeast Asia, for the food. 179 00:09:40,637 --> 00:09:42,116 You can crack wise all you want, 180 00:09:42,306 --> 00:09:44,217 but our boys over there are doing the Lord's work. 181 00:09:44,433 --> 00:09:47,152 And when you say "Lord," you mean Halliburton, right? 182 00:09:47,519 --> 00:09:50,750 Okay, who here thinks that democracy is worth fighting for? 183 00:09:51,148 --> 00:09:52,501 - Me! I do! - Hear! 184 00:09:52,691 --> 00:09:55,763 Who here thinks we were manipulated by false claims of WMDs? 185 00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:57,017 - Hear, hear! - Right! 186 00:09:57,195 --> 00:09:58,184 Yeah! 187 00:09:58,363 --> 00:10:01,321 Neat. Everyone's already sitting on the appropriate side. 188 00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:03,497 Ted, what do you think? 189 00:10:04,703 --> 00:10:07,012 I think both sides have valid points. 190 00:10:07,247 --> 00:10:09,477 Way to take a stance, Sweatballs. 191 00:10:10,334 --> 00:10:13,371 No, you liberals are right and every American agrees with you. 192 00:10:13,629 --> 00:10:16,860 That's why John Kerry and Al Gore both won in landslides. 193 00:10:17,174 --> 00:10:20,849 Oh, my God! Elliot, you're one of them, aren't you? 194 00:10:23,472 --> 00:10:26,384 You know what? I don't need to be ashamed of this any more. 195 00:10:26,642 --> 00:10:29,475 Yes. I'm a Republican. 196 00:10:30,812 --> 00:10:31,927 Me, too! 197 00:10:32,648 --> 00:10:33,763 Me, too! 198 00:10:33,941 --> 00:10:37,251 Elliot... Me, too. 199 00:10:43,492 --> 00:10:45,562 President Reagan should be on the $ 1 bill. 200 00:10:45,786 --> 00:10:47,219 Oh, God, that's hot. 201 00:10:48,330 --> 00:10:49,809 What do you think about Hillary? 202 00:10:49,998 --> 00:10:51,909 - I hate that bitch. - Oh! 203 00:10:55,462 --> 00:10:58,738 Hot dog! 2: 15, time to vamoose. 204 00:10:59,341 --> 00:11:01,935 Heck of a time talking to young Private Dancer, though. 205 00:11:02,302 --> 00:11:05,021 "You've seen your share of private dancers, haven't you, kid?" 206 00:11:05,514 --> 00:11:07,823 "Sure have, Bob. Sure have. " 207 00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:09,252 What is it, Slagathor? 208 00:11:09,434 --> 00:11:11,550 Dr Kelso, I have a patient who has a mild fever, 209 00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:13,601 but I don't know who to talk to because everyone's arguing. 210 00:11:13,814 --> 00:11:16,044 Slaggy, if you want to get people's attention, 211 00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:20,109 you gotta get more aggressive or more attractive. Pick one. 212 00:11:20,404 --> 00:11:22,440 I should keep an eye on that. 213 00:11:23,323 --> 00:11:26,554 See, a hospital is a complex machine, 214 00:11:26,827 --> 00:11:29,261 and when a divisive issue rears its head, 215 00:11:30,539 --> 00:11:32,575 balls can be dropped. 216 00:11:33,542 --> 00:11:34,941 And the ones who end up suffering the most 217 00:11:35,127 --> 00:11:37,322 are the ones we're here to protect. 218 00:11:43,051 --> 00:11:44,962 Good morning, Private Dancer. 219 00:11:46,263 --> 00:11:47,298 Son? 220 00:11:50,726 --> 00:11:54,514 Get Respiratory for a blood gas and set up for a lumbar puncture! 221 00:12:00,819 --> 00:12:02,138 He's stable. 222 00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:04,323 Whose fault is this? 223 00:12:04,573 --> 00:12:06,325 - Well, I believe that I was actually... - If you ask me, 224 00:12:06,533 --> 00:12:08,125 her kind of medical care is the same as her... 225 00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:11,080 They need a leader, Bob. Give them one. 226 00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:12,445 That's enough. 227 00:12:13,582 --> 00:12:15,493 I said that's enough! 228 00:12:16,585 --> 00:12:18,780 Just a second on the yelling there, Bob. 229 00:12:19,004 --> 00:12:21,120 Do you think you can actually be an absentee Chief of Medicine 230 00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:25,049 and still matter? Let me see if I can make this real clear for you. 231 00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:29,098 If this hospital were a human body, you'd be the appendix, 232 00:12:29,389 --> 00:12:31,778 because at one time you served some function, 233 00:12:32,017 --> 00:12:36,056 but it was so long ago nobody's quite sure what that was any more. 234 00:12:37,898 --> 00:12:39,968 Excuse us, we're gonna talk it out over here. 235 00:12:40,192 --> 00:12:43,264 It is, it's the exact same thing as what's happening in Baghdad... 236 00:12:45,614 --> 00:12:49,573 Well, you got what you asked for, Bob. They don't need you. 237 00:12:53,997 --> 00:12:57,034 Hey, son. How you doing? 238 00:12:58,627 --> 00:13:03,064 Well, even though no one ever comes every time I hit this nurses' button, 239 00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:06,135 - I feel a little better. - That's morphine. 240 00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:10,173 That explains it. Hey, thanks for checking in on me. 241 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:15,189 You're a lot like my sergeant, Sergeant Borden. 242 00:13:17,020 --> 00:13:18,453 He was hands-on, too. 243 00:13:19,648 --> 00:13:21,525 Always trying to be in the game. 244 00:13:23,151 --> 00:13:25,665 That's how you get people around here to listen to you, Bob. 245 00:13:25,904 --> 00:13:28,782 Be like this kid's sergeant and get back in the game, 246 00:13:29,032 --> 00:13:30,624 right after you follow that cupcake. 247 00:13:30,826 --> 00:13:33,056 If she puts it down for even a second, it's yours. 248 00:13:33,537 --> 00:13:35,129 No, now, damn it. 249 00:13:35,831 --> 00:13:37,628 Hey, buddy, you find an apartment yet? 250 00:13:37,833 --> 00:13:39,061 No, man, I feel like an idiot, 251 00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:41,890 so I've been reading up on this whole Iraq war situation. 252 00:13:42,254 --> 00:13:43,403 You know what's so messed up? 253 00:13:43,588 --> 00:13:45,180 I just got to the point where President Bush 254 00:13:45,382 --> 00:13:47,532 gave his "mission accomplished" speech on a battleship 255 00:13:47,759 --> 00:13:50,148 and I still got, like, 400 more pages to go. 256 00:13:51,346 --> 00:13:52,825 Hey, I gotta go. 257 00:13:53,348 --> 00:13:56,863 All right, listen up, people. I am here to roll up my sleeves 258 00:13:57,144 --> 00:14:00,375 and put an end to all this nonsense, so we can get back to work. 259 00:14:01,315 --> 00:14:03,909 We are working. You see, even though we all currently 260 00:14:04,151 --> 00:14:06,426 despise each other, we're professionals. 261 00:14:06,653 --> 00:14:09,121 For example, I can lend Barbie a hand, 262 00:14:09,364 --> 00:14:11,639 despite the fact that she is a heartless, 263 00:14:11,867 --> 00:14:15,940 red state-supporting, NRA-backing, illegal immigrant-hating, self-righteous, 264 00:14:16,246 --> 00:14:19,955 misinformed dope. Essentially, Karl Rove with smaller boobs. 265 00:14:20,834 --> 00:14:22,347 And I can help out Dr Cox, 266 00:14:22,544 --> 00:14:24,296 even though I'd rather punch him in his piss-on-the-government- 267 00:14:24,504 --> 00:14:26,779 until-Jabarah's-crop-dusting- my-condo-with-anthrax- 268 00:14:27,007 --> 00:14:28,884 NPR-listening Al Franken face. 269 00:14:30,344 --> 00:14:32,653 You know, if you're really serious about helpin' out, I could use a hand 270 00:14:32,888 --> 00:14:37,200 with my to-do list. I need to clean the toilets... 271 00:14:38,435 --> 00:14:40,630 I'm just tired of staring at that. Goodbye. 272 00:14:40,854 --> 00:14:42,685 I need to TiVo Crossing Over with John Edward. 273 00:14:42,898 --> 00:14:46,777 I need to turn a cat into a spice rack, and I need to return this thing 274 00:14:47,069 --> 00:14:50,823 to the patient in 307. All doable. Don't need you, thanks. 275 00:14:51,114 --> 00:14:53,753 So, nobody needs any help? 276 00:14:54,368 --> 00:14:56,359 When is your wife coming back to work? 277 00:14:56,578 --> 00:14:58,728 I'm drowning here without a head nurse. 278 00:15:04,544 --> 00:15:08,378 Okay, ladies, I've posted your room assignments on the board 279 00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:12,144 and will pass out the new weekly schedules before your shifts are over. 280 00:15:14,012 --> 00:15:15,684 Being a nurse isn't so bad. 281 00:15:17,307 --> 00:15:19,343 What did you think it would be like? 282 00:15:20,602 --> 00:15:21,717 We're losing him! 283 00:15:21,895 --> 00:15:23,044 B.P.'s falling. 284 00:15:23,230 --> 00:15:25,744 Nurse Kelso, I need one milligram of epi, stat! 285 00:15:27,150 --> 00:15:28,902 Now, nurse! Now! 286 00:15:44,126 --> 00:15:47,323 Way to go, Bob, way to go. Attaboy! 287 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:50,836 I'm sorry, what was the question? 288 00:15:54,928 --> 00:15:58,284 Jumbo latte for Dr Reid, with the employee discount. 289 00:15:58,890 --> 00:16:01,324 - Yay! - Yeah! 290 00:16:02,477 --> 00:16:03,796 Employee discount. 291 00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:05,423 - Yay! - Yeah! 292 00:16:05,897 --> 00:16:07,125 Huh. Neat. 293 00:16:07,316 --> 00:16:09,910 Would you like to see something else that's really neat? 294 00:16:10,152 --> 00:16:12,063 Check out today's quote right on your cup. 295 00:16:12,279 --> 00:16:17,114 "'I enjoy laughing at poor people,' Elliot Reid, April, 2006." 296 00:16:18,118 --> 00:16:20,507 When I said that, I was watching Good Times. 297 00:16:20,871 --> 00:16:22,702 Well, that's gonna be on every jumbo cup for a month, 298 00:16:22,914 --> 00:16:24,791 courtesy of my anti-war peeps. 299 00:16:25,417 --> 00:16:26,816 Can I get a, "Hell, yeah!"? 300 00:16:27,002 --> 00:16:28,117 - Hell, yeah! - Hell, yeah! 301 00:16:28,295 --> 00:16:29,648 Oh, yeah! 302 00:16:30,380 --> 00:16:33,531 Typical lame liberal tactic, taking something out of context in order to 303 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:38,635 defame someone's integrity. Am I right, my "pro-war" amigos? Holla! 304 00:16:38,972 --> 00:16:39,961 Yeah! 305 00:16:40,140 --> 00:16:41,858 - Oh, yeah! - Yeah! 306 00:16:42,434 --> 00:16:43,708 Gosh, there seems to be a lot of high-volume, 307 00:16:43,894 --> 00:16:46,852 over-enthusiastic opinion sharing going on today. 308 00:16:47,689 --> 00:16:49,202 I think I'll join in. 309 00:16:55,072 --> 00:16:56,425 Employee discount! 310 00:16:56,615 --> 00:16:57,934 Oh, yeah! 311 00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:01,495 Okay, I've... I've seen enough. 312 00:17:01,703 --> 00:17:03,421 Right behind you. 313 00:17:10,128 --> 00:17:13,882 Consider that a little gift from Nurse Roberts' nephew, Corporal Roberts. 314 00:17:16,343 --> 00:17:17,696 Hell, yeah. 315 00:17:21,890 --> 00:17:25,849 Okay, Janice, I'm going to need you to make sure Mr Jeffords gets his meds. 316 00:17:26,144 --> 00:17:29,056 And FYI, don't lean over him, he's handsy. 317 00:17:29,940 --> 00:17:32,056 And, Bernice, could you do me a major large 318 00:17:32,276 --> 00:17:34,392 and cover Jessica's shift this weekend? 319 00:17:34,611 --> 00:17:36,249 I have to have a Pap smear. 320 00:17:36,655 --> 00:17:40,489 Have you seen Georgina lately? She looks like she's been eating for two. 321 00:17:40,784 --> 00:17:42,456 - Oh, stop it. - You stop it. 322 00:17:42,703 --> 00:17:46,332 Oh, Nurse Kelso, purple's not your colour. 323 00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:49,471 Listen, could you go down to housekeeping and maybe send up 324 00:17:49,710 --> 00:17:52,383 some fresh scrubs for me? And come here. 325 00:17:53,213 --> 00:17:56,603 Please put on a bra, you're distracting some of the other doctors. 326 00:17:57,134 --> 00:18:00,365 Let him joke. You look spiffy and you're doing great. 327 00:18:01,138 --> 00:18:03,254 Why'd he tell me to give meds to Mr Jeffords? 328 00:18:03,473 --> 00:18:04,872 I did that five minutes ago. 329 00:18:05,058 --> 00:18:08,289 Girl, just humour him. He'll be out of here eventually. 330 00:18:11,398 --> 00:18:14,037 Private, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. 331 00:18:14,943 --> 00:18:18,413 That you were never in the Navy and Johnny's your husband? 332 00:18:19,448 --> 00:18:20,597 If only. 333 00:18:21,116 --> 00:18:22,469 I love you, Johnny. 334 00:18:22,659 --> 00:18:24,490 Your fighting in that war has provoked 335 00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:27,217 some pretty heated arguments amongst the staff. 336 00:18:28,957 --> 00:18:32,791 See, the thing is, they think they can just put their squabbles in a box 337 00:18:33,086 --> 00:18:35,680 and it won't affect their work, but they're wrong. 338 00:18:36,256 --> 00:18:40,249 I mean, judging from the coffee stains on Dr Cox's scrubs 339 00:18:40,552 --> 00:18:43,862 and the quote on this coffee cup attributed to Dr Reid... 340 00:18:44,598 --> 00:18:48,989 "'My bajingo's on fire. ' May, 2004." 341 00:18:51,146 --> 00:18:52,545 What's a bajingo? 342 00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:56,993 Eventually, a page is gonna go unreturned or a test isn't gonna get run 343 00:18:57,277 --> 00:18:59,996 as quickly as it should have been, 344 00:19:01,239 --> 00:19:03,912 and some nice kid like yourself's gonna pay the price. 345 00:19:04,242 --> 00:19:06,881 And what bothers me about it is that I know this is going on, 346 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:09,076 but there's nothing I can do to change it. 347 00:19:09,289 --> 00:19:10,278 Why not? 348 00:19:10,582 --> 00:19:15,610 Let's just say that around here I'm not as loved as your sergeant was. 349 00:19:16,505 --> 00:19:18,097 We hated Sergeant Borden. 350 00:19:19,299 --> 00:19:20,288 Come again? 351 00:19:20,467 --> 00:19:23,027 Yeah, he demeaned us, overworked us... 352 00:19:23,971 --> 00:19:27,680 Still, maybe sometimes that's what being a good leader is, 353 00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:36,495 uniting everybody by giving them someone to hate. 354 00:19:37,651 --> 00:19:41,200 All right, listen up, gang. I'm only going to say this once. 355 00:19:41,488 --> 00:19:44,605 All right, Bob, time to bring it home. 356 00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:49,675 From this point on, there will be no more employee discounts here. 357 00:19:49,997 --> 00:19:53,910 Everyone pays full price. Except for me, of course. 358 00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:56,590 Where's my jumbo latte? 359 00:19:58,046 --> 00:19:59,877 You mind tellin' us why? 360 00:20:00,549 --> 00:20:02,062 Why the hell not? 361 00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:04,860 That oughta do it. 362 00:20:05,053 --> 00:20:06,281 I can't believe him! 363 00:20:06,555 --> 00:20:07,510 How 'bout these guys? 364 00:20:07,681 --> 00:20:09,194 Why the hell... 365 00:20:09,391 --> 00:20:10,983 Why would you have given it to us in the first place? 366 00:20:11,184 --> 00:20:13,823 Since I'd spent the whole afternoon researching the war in Iraq, 367 00:20:14,062 --> 00:20:17,179 I couldn't wait to dive right into the spirited debate. 368 00:20:17,441 --> 00:20:19,352 What a jackass! 369 00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:23,375 Come on, no one wants to debate Iraq with me? 370 00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:26,033 I'll debate Iraq with you. 371 00:20:26,533 --> 00:20:28,251 Prepare to be dazzled. 372 00:20:28,452 --> 00:20:29,407 Okay. In my opinion, 373 00:20:29,578 --> 00:20:31,614 we should be looking for Bin Laden in Pakistan. 374 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:35,474 Do you have that globe nearby? 375 00:20:37,711 --> 00:20:40,589 In life, it seems, we all have a role to play. 376 00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:42,750 Some of us are meant to be loved, 377 00:20:44,551 --> 00:20:47,349 and some of us, unfortunately, are meant to be hated. 378 00:20:47,763 --> 00:20:49,799 Good night, minions, Slagathor. 379 00:20:50,015 --> 00:20:53,644 For Dr Kelso, he wouldn't have it any other way.