1
00:00:03,757 --> 00:00:06,225
Lately, people around here
were happier than usual.
2
00:00:06,468 --> 00:00:09,585
Elliot, because she had finally said
those three magic words.
3
00:00:09,847 --> 00:00:11,121
I love you.
4
00:00:12,641 --> 00:00:15,838
Todd, because he had finally
found his true calling as a doctor.
5
00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:17,377
So, what's up with plastic surgery?
6
00:00:17,563 --> 00:00:18,678
Dude, it's amazing.
7
00:00:18,856 --> 00:00:21,051
Just when you think you can't see
another great pair of boobs,
8
00:00:21,275 --> 00:00:22,594
you see an awesome dong.
9
00:00:22,776 --> 00:00:25,768
And Dr Kelso was giddy because
it was the first Monday of the month.
10
00:00:26,030 --> 00:00:28,828
And today,
nothing could dampen his spirits,
11
00:00:29,074 --> 00:00:30,792
not even a grieving family.
12
00:00:30,993 --> 00:00:33,223
I am so sorry for your loss.
13
00:00:33,454 --> 00:00:35,524
He was a fighter right till the end.
14
00:00:36,165 --> 00:00:38,360
We did everything we could.
15
00:00:39,376 --> 00:00:42,891
See, today was the day
the hypodermic needles arrived.
16
00:00:45,466 --> 00:00:48,617
- Happy Needle Day, Lloyd.
- And to you, sir.
17
00:00:48,886 --> 00:00:51,639
And thanks for sending down
an extra set of hands.
18
00:00:51,889 --> 00:00:53,004
I'm a lawyer.
19
00:00:53,682 --> 00:00:56,515
I still don't understand why you get
so excited over needles.
20
00:00:56,769 --> 00:00:59,442
Thanks to a delightful decimal error
21
00:00:59,688 --> 00:01:03,124
made 20 years ago by the
good folks at Zeffer Pharmaceuticals,
22
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:07,359
each month, Sacred Heart
gets $50,000 worth
23
00:01:07,654 --> 00:01:11,647
of hypodermic needles
for the low, low price of $50.
24
00:01:12,034 --> 00:01:13,592
That's it.
25
00:01:14,536 --> 00:01:16,572
I can't feel my arms.
26
00:01:16,789 --> 00:01:20,418
Now, Lloyd, given your past history
as a dirt bag junkie,
27
00:01:20,709 --> 00:01:22,108
I have to ask.
28
00:01:23,337 --> 00:01:26,010
Did you take
any of Uncle Bob's needles?
29
00:01:26,382 --> 00:01:28,338
No, sir. I don't use needles any more.
30
00:01:28,550 --> 00:01:31,826
- Oh, so you finally got clean?
- No. Sign here.
31
00:01:32,930 --> 00:01:34,568
This is a straw, Lloyd.
32
00:01:35,391 --> 00:01:38,667
Doctor Reid! I have a package for you.
33
00:01:39,144 --> 00:01:41,374
It's addressed to your home,
but since you're here...
34
00:01:41,605 --> 00:01:44,073
Lloyd, I wanted that delivered
to my house because it's private
35
00:01:44,316 --> 00:01:47,672
and it'll be embarrassing for me
to open it here at the hospital.
36
00:01:49,238 --> 00:01:50,910
- We can't.
- We have to.
37
00:01:51,115 --> 00:01:52,070
Wait.
38
00:01:52,241 --> 00:01:54,596
You're talking about
opening someone else's mail.
39
00:01:54,827 --> 00:01:55,976
I think we should stop for a moment
40
00:01:56,161 --> 00:01:59,039
and consider
the ethical implications here.
41
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:01,356
All done.
42
00:02:08,799 --> 00:02:11,029
Keith, I'm home.
43
00:02:11,427 --> 00:02:12,746
Hey, Dr Reid.
44
00:02:12,928 --> 00:02:15,806
We accidentally opened your package
and felt so guilty,
45
00:02:16,056 --> 00:02:18,092
we came by to install your
46
00:02:18,308 --> 00:02:20,697
"Slide and Glide Stripper Pole. "
47
00:02:21,186 --> 00:02:22,585
How did you get in here?
48
00:02:22,771 --> 00:02:25,046
Hot cookies, anyone?
49
00:02:25,524 --> 00:02:26,513
Keith!
50
00:02:28,027 --> 00:02:30,541
Do you know how hard it is
to install those things?
51
00:02:30,779 --> 00:02:31,973
Just be grateful.
52
00:02:37,202 --> 00:02:38,920
You guys are gonna love this!
53
00:02:39,121 --> 00:02:40,713
Oh, yeah!
54
00:02:41,081 --> 00:02:44,153
- Why did he take off his shirt?
- I don't know, Keith.
55
00:03:00,059 --> 00:03:02,698
I have a small, non-fat latte
for Dr Dorian.
56
00:03:03,145 --> 00:03:05,534
What the hell, Long-Face?
We were here first.
57
00:03:05,773 --> 00:03:07,286
Yeah, but Dr D's the king.
58
00:03:07,483 --> 00:03:09,792
I didn't ask to be special,
it just kind of happened.
59
00:03:10,027 --> 00:03:12,336
Still, after six years of being
the star around here,
60
00:03:12,571 --> 00:03:14,209
I couldn't help but wonder
what it would be like
61
00:03:14,406 --> 00:03:17,876
if the spotlight were on some of
my supporting players for a change.
62
00:03:18,369 --> 00:03:19,848
Jumbo coffee for Todd.
63
00:03:20,079 --> 00:03:21,956
Everything's jumbo on the Todd.
64
00:03:23,207 --> 00:03:24,526
It doesn't matter that he's a dude.
65
00:03:24,708 --> 00:03:26,824
People should know
you're well-endowed.
66
00:03:27,252 --> 00:03:29,368
- Cappuccino for Jordan.
- Give me that.
67
00:03:29,922 --> 00:03:32,072
Now, let's see who I can sit with
68
00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:34,654
that will drive me the least insane.
69
00:03:36,136 --> 00:03:37,569
Definitely not.
70
00:03:37,763 --> 00:03:39,913
Oh, what a sweet moment.
71
00:03:40,557 --> 00:03:41,831
I should ruin it.
72
00:03:42,101 --> 00:03:43,454
Stop that!
73
00:03:43,936 --> 00:03:45,449
We're on me now.
74
00:03:46,522 --> 00:03:48,035
Extra hot tea for Ted.
75
00:03:49,483 --> 00:03:51,633
He didn't give you
a cardboard sleeve.
76
00:03:51,860 --> 00:03:54,932
Still, don't rock the boat.
You don't want people staring.
77
00:03:55,197 --> 00:03:56,994
Besides, how hot can it be?
78
00:03:57,199 --> 00:03:59,155
Holy mother of God!
79
00:03:59,368 --> 00:04:02,280
Huge mistake, huge mistake!
80
00:04:03,455 --> 00:04:05,969
Just keep moving. No one saw that.
81
00:04:08,711 --> 00:04:09,939
Kelso.
82
00:04:13,841 --> 00:04:15,160
What's going on?
83
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:17,139
Hey, maybe it's the surprise party
84
00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:19,062
you've been waiting for
your whole life.
85
00:04:19,263 --> 00:04:21,936
Just play it cool, Teddy-boy.
86
00:04:22,182 --> 00:04:23,900
The party man is here!
87
00:04:24,226 --> 00:04:26,103
It's not a surprise party, Ted.
88
00:04:26,729 --> 00:04:27,923
It'll never be.
89
00:04:28,522 --> 00:04:32,151
Nurse Espinosa
and her chiquita nursitas are here
90
00:04:32,443 --> 00:04:34,513
because they want more dinero.
91
00:04:34,903 --> 00:04:37,861
Dr Kelso and his racism.
92
00:04:38,115 --> 00:04:41,710
We're not asking for much,
just the basic cost-of-living raise.
93
00:04:42,077 --> 00:04:43,556
No chance, pink pants.
94
00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:47,522
Sir, the last thing we need is a strike.
95
00:04:47,833 --> 00:04:49,664
They'll never do it, Ted.
96
00:04:49,877 --> 00:04:51,549
A strike would hurt the patients.
97
00:04:51,754 --> 00:04:54,222
See, that's their biggest weakness.
98
00:04:54,465 --> 00:04:56,183
They care about the patients.
99
00:04:56,550 --> 00:04:58,302
This isn't over, Dr Kelso.
100
00:04:58,802 --> 00:05:00,599
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scram.
101
00:05:02,723 --> 00:05:04,873
Sir, they aren't asking for much,
102
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:07,170
and the little things can
make a big difference.
103
00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:10,625
I know I'd be a lot happier
with some extra cash,
104
00:05:10,898 --> 00:05:12,251
or friend,
105
00:05:12,441 --> 00:05:13,510
or hair.
106
00:05:13,734 --> 00:05:16,373
How would your life be any different
if you had hair?
107
00:05:24,578 --> 00:05:27,251
Don't worry, baby. You'll get your turn.
108
00:05:27,706 --> 00:05:29,856
Which conditioner
are you going to buy?
109
00:05:37,925 --> 00:05:39,438
Too many choices!
110
00:05:41,804 --> 00:05:42,759
Mom?
111
00:05:48,310 --> 00:05:49,299
Mom?
112
00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:53,572
No!
113
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,038
Why do I have hair?
114
00:05:56,568 --> 00:05:58,286
Why do I have hair?
115
00:05:58,654 --> 00:06:00,645
Why?
116
00:06:04,535 --> 00:06:07,527
I wonder if they'd still do me
after I buried Mom.
117
00:06:10,874 --> 00:06:12,466
- Rounds sucked today.
- I know.
118
00:06:12,668 --> 00:06:14,260
Dr Wen didn't set me up once.
119
00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,656
He never said "bone,"
"organ" or "suction. "
120
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:18,552
I mean, I did what I could
with "carpal tunnel,"
121
00:06:18,799 --> 00:06:21,996
but I don't think people got that I was
using that as a metaphor for vagina.
122
00:06:22,261 --> 00:06:24,217
No, Todd, I'm talking about
123
00:06:24,430 --> 00:06:27,388
when that intern asked me about
cardiovascular instabilities.
124
00:06:28,392 --> 00:06:30,144
- Dude, I've got to tell you, man...
- Turk's bummed.
125
00:06:30,352 --> 00:06:32,912
He definitely needs a high-five,
but which one?
126
00:06:33,147 --> 00:06:34,899
Chin-up five, tough-to-be-black five,
127
00:06:35,107 --> 00:06:36,904
need-a-hug five, need-a-tug five?
128
00:06:37,151 --> 00:06:39,062
Wait, what's he talking about?
129
00:06:39,278 --> 00:06:41,917
Okay, just take the last word he says
and add a five to it.
130
00:06:42,156 --> 00:06:44,147
I don't know,
it just all seems a little unfair.
131
00:06:44,366 --> 00:06:45,640
Unfair five.
132
00:06:46,577 --> 00:06:48,295
Thanks, man. You always know
the right things to say.
133
00:06:48,537 --> 00:06:49,970
I work hard on those.
134
00:06:50,748 --> 00:06:52,784
- Excuse me, Dr Quinlan?
- Who?
135
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,592
- That's you, Todd.
- Oh, yeah.
136
00:06:54,793 --> 00:06:57,512
I just want to thank you for helping
with my daughter's condition.
137
00:06:58,088 --> 00:07:01,080
It's hard enough being 16
and she shouldn't have to be teased
138
00:07:01,342 --> 00:07:04,095
by her classmates just because
she looks so different.
139
00:07:04,428 --> 00:07:06,066
I am glad to help, ma'am.
140
00:07:08,349 --> 00:07:10,658
You are making a difference
in her daughter's life.
141
00:07:10,893 --> 00:07:13,726
What are you fixing,
some type of major facial deformity?
142
00:07:13,979 --> 00:07:17,130
- No, I'm giving her giant cans.
- Okay.
143
00:07:19,860 --> 00:07:21,976
Have you ever heard the phrase,
"Excuse me"?
144
00:07:22,196 --> 00:07:25,871
Here, take the fake sugars, 'cause
I hope you get cancer, I really do.
145
00:07:30,913 --> 00:07:32,983
Well, my parents were mean to me.
146
00:07:33,582 --> 00:07:35,538
- Oh...
- They were mean, apparently.
147
00:07:36,293 --> 00:07:38,284
Keith and I are always so busy,
that he suggested
148
00:07:38,504 --> 00:07:40,620
that we meet here for ten minutes
before our shift starts
149
00:07:40,839 --> 00:07:43,558
for coffee, for some together-time.
Isn't that sweet?
150
00:07:45,052 --> 00:07:47,771
That may have been
the most bored I've ever been
151
00:07:48,013 --> 00:07:49,969
whilst someone was talking to me.
152
00:07:50,391 --> 00:07:51,983
She's ruining coffee-time.
153
00:07:52,267 --> 00:07:54,258
Just pretend she's not here.
154
00:07:55,312 --> 00:07:57,872
- So, anyways, babe...
- I hate everybody.
155
00:07:58,148 --> 00:07:59,342
Oh, look at those two.
156
00:07:59,525 --> 00:08:01,170
Must be the Beard of The Month Club.
157
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:05,194
"My beard is nice and white. "
"Well, my beard is more bushy. "
158
00:08:06,156 --> 00:08:07,384
"Let's be friends!"
159
00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:08,609
Morons.
160
00:08:08,784 --> 00:08:10,900
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
161
00:08:14,915 --> 00:08:16,394
Whoa, what the hell was that?
162
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:18,141
I finally told Keith I loved him.
163
00:08:18,335 --> 00:08:20,132
Now that you've said
what he wants to hear,
164
00:08:20,337 --> 00:08:21,816
he doesn't have to work for it.
165
00:08:22,006 --> 00:08:24,156
It's like when guys are really trying
to sleep with you.
166
00:08:24,383 --> 00:08:26,817
When you finally give it up,
there are no more flowers.
167
00:08:27,052 --> 00:08:28,883
Next thing you know, it's 20 years later
168
00:08:29,096 --> 00:08:30,529
and you're standing over him
while he sleeps,
169
00:08:30,723 --> 00:08:33,681
your third martini in one hand
and a steak knife in the other.
170
00:08:33,934 --> 00:08:35,970
And sure, he's taken a sleeping pill,
171
00:08:36,186 --> 00:08:39,940
so you can slice his arm open
a little bit without waking him up,
172
00:08:40,232 --> 00:08:42,792
but it's not satisfying,
and you know why?
173
00:08:43,110 --> 00:08:44,668
Because you've lost the power.
174
00:08:44,862 --> 00:08:46,056
Hey, Per-Per,
175
00:08:46,238 --> 00:08:48,798
did you ever figure out
what happened to your arm?
176
00:08:49,033 --> 00:08:50,022
No.
177
00:08:52,703 --> 00:08:54,022
Yes, phew.
178
00:08:57,082 --> 00:08:59,073
Carla, can you pull a file for me?
179
00:08:59,793 --> 00:09:04,264
Sorry, I need another five hours
to put this box of needles away.
180
00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:07,907
- I don't get it.
- It's a slowdown, Ted.
181
00:09:08,177 --> 00:09:11,328
The nurses think they're being clever,
still treating patients,
182
00:09:11,597 --> 00:09:13,952
but with everything else
moving more slowly.
183
00:09:14,183 --> 00:09:16,617
And why are you standing here
doing nothing?
184
00:09:16,852 --> 00:09:18,285
I know this is a slowdown,
185
00:09:18,479 --> 00:09:21,516
but I can't really work
any slower than I normally do,
186
00:09:21,774 --> 00:09:23,810
so I pretty much have to
come to a complete stop.
187
00:09:24,026 --> 00:09:26,142
Now, if you're asking why I'm standing
here specifically,
188
00:09:26,362 --> 00:09:29,752
it's because I replaced that light bulb
with a tanning bulb.
189
00:09:30,032 --> 00:09:32,102
I'm tired of being the only white guy
at my mosque.
190
00:09:34,536 --> 00:09:36,925
You know what?
If the nurses keep going on like this,
191
00:09:37,164 --> 00:09:38,358
I'm going to give them their raise,
192
00:09:38,540 --> 00:09:40,496
but I'm going to pay for it
by firing three of them,
193
00:09:40,709 --> 00:09:42,188
the ugly ones. How does that sound?
194
00:09:42,378 --> 00:09:43,857
Whatever you think is right, sir.
195
00:09:44,046 --> 00:09:45,161
You're an ass.
196
00:09:45,339 --> 00:09:47,853
Ted, you idiot. You just said
the out-loud thing in your head
197
00:09:48,175 --> 00:09:49,847
and the in-your-head thing out loud!
198
00:09:50,052 --> 00:09:52,520
Don't make eye contact,
just keep moving!
199
00:09:57,685 --> 00:09:59,721
I'm sorry, but that mother should not
be giving that little girl
200
00:09:59,937 --> 00:10:01,495
breast implants for her
sweet-sixteen present.
201
00:10:01,689 --> 00:10:04,123
So she's 16.
What's the big deal, T-Dog?
202
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,119
Well, I have a daughter.
Imagine being a parent.
203
00:10:11,115 --> 00:10:12,753
Dad, can I talk to you?
204
00:10:13,534 --> 00:10:14,523
What's up?
205
00:10:15,285 --> 00:10:17,480
I don't want to wear
a banana hammock any more.
206
00:10:18,163 --> 00:10:20,438
Rod! Why?
207
00:10:22,876 --> 00:10:24,195
Because I stuff.
208
00:10:24,545 --> 00:10:26,501
Want to know a secret?
209
00:10:30,843 --> 00:10:32,162
I stuff, too.
210
00:10:34,805 --> 00:10:36,158
There you go.
211
00:10:37,725 --> 00:10:39,124
I don't stuff.
212
00:10:39,393 --> 00:10:40,872
Maybe you should.
213
00:10:41,603 --> 00:10:43,833
You know what?
I will just have a little conversation
214
00:10:44,064 --> 00:10:46,294
with your department head.
215
00:10:48,318 --> 00:10:50,832
All I'm saying is, it's not right.
The girl's only 16.
216
00:10:51,071 --> 00:10:54,461
Yeah. No, I felt the same way
until her mother's cheque cleared.
217
00:10:55,534 --> 00:10:56,728
Look, you're not even
in my department,
218
00:10:56,910 --> 00:10:58,582
so maybe I'm missing something here?
219
00:10:58,829 --> 00:11:02,060
Do you see any of your beeswax here?
Because I sure as hell don't.
220
00:11:02,374 --> 00:11:04,205
Todd, do you see Dr Turk's beeswax?
221
00:11:04,418 --> 00:11:05,976
What the hell is he talking about?
222
00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:07,398
Todd, come.
223
00:11:08,964 --> 00:11:11,922
Look, I know your buddy thinks
he's the bee's knees...
224
00:11:12,176 --> 00:11:14,053
What is with this dude and bees?
225
00:11:14,303 --> 00:11:15,941
...but if he keeps poking his nose
in my business,
226
00:11:16,138 --> 00:11:18,527
I will torch him with
every department head in this place.
227
00:11:18,807 --> 00:11:20,957
See how that helps his career.
228
00:11:21,518 --> 00:11:23,429
Internal "uh-oh" five.
229
00:11:27,733 --> 00:11:30,531
What took you so long? I need a drink!
230
00:11:30,861 --> 00:11:33,898
I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
I was just with this super-rude patient
231
00:11:34,156 --> 00:11:37,068
whose heart kept stopping.
He's dead now,
232
00:11:37,326 --> 00:11:40,602
but, darn it all, he should've known
that my ex-wife was down here
233
00:11:40,871 --> 00:11:42,623
jonesing for a Cosmo.
234
00:11:43,082 --> 00:11:44,913
He is so getting cut again tonight.
235
00:11:45,250 --> 00:11:47,286
I gotta go get my jacket.
236
00:11:47,836 --> 00:11:50,111
All right, Trish,
I'm off to the movies with my boyfriend
237
00:11:50,339 --> 00:11:51,294
who doesn't treat me any differently,
238
00:11:51,465 --> 00:11:53,137
even though I already said I loved him.
239
00:11:53,342 --> 00:11:54,457
My name's not Trish.
240
00:11:54,635 --> 00:11:56,353
That's okay, it was for her benefit.
241
00:11:57,388 --> 00:11:58,741
Hey, sweetie.
242
00:12:00,766 --> 00:12:02,324
The guys are going to play poker.
243
00:12:02,518 --> 00:12:05,032
- Is it okay if we skip the movie?
- Sure.
244
00:12:05,729 --> 00:12:07,287
Oh, thanks, babe.
245
00:12:08,691 --> 00:12:11,728
Don't say anything.
Let the dark side draw her in.
246
00:12:12,152 --> 00:12:13,744
Come on, come to Mama.
247
00:12:13,946 --> 00:12:15,777
- Jordan, teach me.
- Okay, it's simple.
248
00:12:15,989 --> 00:12:19,299
If he thinks it's okay to mess with you,
you just mess with him.
249
00:12:19,952 --> 00:12:21,146
Done!
250
00:12:21,620 --> 00:12:24,134
It's so fun to screw
with someone's relationship,
251
00:12:24,373 --> 00:12:26,682
and such good practise
for when my daughter grows up.
252
00:12:26,917 --> 00:12:29,795
- Still, when someone...
... is heading down a bad path,
253
00:12:30,045 --> 00:12:31,683
I'd always try to stop them.
254
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:35,111
Carla, I think you should
reconsider the slowdown.
255
00:12:35,384 --> 00:12:36,612
Can't talk, Ted.
256
00:12:36,802 --> 00:12:39,919
Julie and I have to carry
this chart to this patient's room.
257
00:12:41,181 --> 00:12:43,297
Of course, there's nothing I can do...
258
00:12:43,684 --> 00:12:45,720
...if they're as stubborn as Turk is.
259
00:12:45,936 --> 00:12:48,689
This isn't over, man.
That girl should not be having surgery.
260
00:12:48,939 --> 00:12:50,577
Dude, you shouldn't
screw with Dr Green.
261
00:12:50,774 --> 00:12:52,890
I'm not afraid of Dr Green.
262
00:12:55,154 --> 00:12:57,588
Great, that just makes me want to...
263
00:12:57,823 --> 00:13:00,132
...laugh and laugh and laugh.
264
00:13:00,367 --> 00:13:03,404
I mean, look at him there by himself.
Rub it in for funsies.
265
00:13:03,662 --> 00:13:05,380
Hey, Keith, where's Blondie?
266
00:13:05,581 --> 00:13:07,697
I thought it was
your little coffee-date time.
267
00:13:07,916 --> 00:13:11,352
If she was mad about something,
why wouldn't she just tell me?
268
00:13:11,628 --> 00:13:14,700
You know, I guess I thought
once she finally said "I love you,"
269
00:13:14,965 --> 00:13:17,718
all this insecure game-playing
would stop, you know?
270
00:13:20,262 --> 00:13:21,581
Bye, Jordan.
271
00:13:21,930 --> 00:13:26,162
That did not give me the delicious,
satisfied feeling I was going for.
272
00:13:32,775 --> 00:13:34,094
Oh, look, it's Keith.
273
00:13:34,276 --> 00:13:36,312
Yeah, well, if he wants to talk to me,
he can find me, right?
274
00:13:36,528 --> 00:13:37,517
Right.
275
00:13:38,781 --> 00:13:40,931
Perry, I think there's
something wrong with me.
276
00:13:41,158 --> 00:13:44,753
Now, that is the understatement
of this still-very-young century.
277
00:13:45,454 --> 00:13:48,366
I may have screwed up
Blonde Stick's relationship,
278
00:13:48,624 --> 00:13:51,582
and now I have this really weird feeling.
279
00:13:52,002 --> 00:13:53,958
It's called guilt, you Vulcan.
280
00:13:54,213 --> 00:13:56,681
And why the hell are you giving out
relationship advice, anyway?
281
00:13:56,924 --> 00:13:58,323
What are you, Oprah?
282
00:14:02,262 --> 00:14:03,661
Hi, everyone!
283
00:14:03,847 --> 00:14:05,883
We're back.
We're talking with Barbara,
284
00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:10,298
a cancer survivor, who went on
to form her own head scarf company.
285
00:14:10,604 --> 00:14:12,003
Tell us about that.
286
00:14:12,564 --> 00:14:14,395
When my hair fell out from the chemo...
287
00:14:14,608 --> 00:14:18,567
Not only is that a huge downer,
but scarves are tacky.
288
00:14:18,862 --> 00:14:22,821
Instead, how about I dance
with a little girl who looks just like me?
289
00:14:27,162 --> 00:14:29,312
Right? Look at us, we're like twins.
290
00:14:32,084 --> 00:14:33,437
Can you believe it?
291
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:35,880
I would watch that show.
292
00:14:36,964 --> 00:14:38,716
Anyway, go fix this for me.
293
00:14:38,924 --> 00:14:41,597
Barbie can handle this on her own.
She is an adult.
294
00:14:45,222 --> 00:14:48,498
See, Keith, I've been practising,
and you're missing it.
295
00:14:51,270 --> 00:14:53,420
You wanna make 12, 13 bucks?
296
00:14:54,231 --> 00:14:56,028
Just send it to Keith, Lloyd.
297
00:14:57,443 --> 00:14:58,842
Oh, come on!
298
00:15:00,195 --> 00:15:02,470
J. D., Turk shouldn't
mess with Dr Green.
299
00:15:02,698 --> 00:15:04,495
Now, even though
you're only his second-best friend,
300
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,535
for some reason he listens to you.
301
00:15:06,660 --> 00:15:09,572
If Turk's mind is set on something,
it can't be changed.
302
00:15:09,830 --> 00:15:12,139
I can't even imagine how I'd try.
303
00:15:12,374 --> 00:15:15,093
Oh, great, there he goes,
off into his fantasy world.
304
00:15:15,336 --> 00:15:17,008
Now I'm stuck here waiting
till he snaps out of it
305
00:15:17,212 --> 00:15:18,804
with some weird comment.
306
00:15:19,590 --> 00:15:21,706
We'd have to find
a whole lot of gnomes.
307
00:15:21,925 --> 00:15:23,119
That's helpful.
308
00:15:27,639 --> 00:15:29,197
- Excuse me.
- Hang on, one sec.
309
00:15:29,391 --> 00:15:30,983
Got to make one of these.
310
00:15:32,144 --> 00:15:33,463
Oh, damn it!
311
00:15:33,812 --> 00:15:37,122
- What are you aiming at?
- Nothing. What's on your mind?
312
00:15:38,108 --> 00:15:41,305
Carla needs to end this slowdown,
but she won't listen to me.
313
00:15:41,612 --> 00:15:43,807
People rarely do. Will you talk to her?
314
00:15:45,282 --> 00:15:46,271
Yes!
315
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:48,179
No. Can't do it, Ted.
316
00:15:48,369 --> 00:15:49,768
If you piss her off,
she's going to turn on you,
317
00:15:49,953 --> 00:15:52,513
and I can't have her digging up
the skeletons in my closet.
318
00:15:52,748 --> 00:15:54,898
Although, technically, they won't be
skeletons for six to eight weeks.
319
00:15:55,125 --> 00:15:57,514
Right now, they're just dead badgers.
320
00:15:59,046 --> 00:16:03,756
Okay, time to set things straight with
that neurotic, bug-eyed, straw-haired...
321
00:16:04,301 --> 00:16:05,859
My parents were mean to me.
322
00:16:06,387 --> 00:16:08,855
You don't need to say that.
I don't know what you were thinking,
323
00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:11,248
although I'm sure it was lovely.
324
00:16:13,811 --> 00:16:15,688
I need someone Turk will listen to,
325
00:16:15,896 --> 00:16:18,774
someone persuasive,
forceful, sensitive.
326
00:16:19,024 --> 00:16:21,219
If only my dong could talk.
327
00:16:22,027 --> 00:16:24,302
Hey, I bet he'd listen to you.
328
00:16:25,406 --> 00:16:27,840
I've got to find a way
to stop this slowdown
329
00:16:28,075 --> 00:16:30,111
before someone loses their job.
330
00:16:32,871 --> 00:16:35,226
The stress is killing me.
331
00:16:35,457 --> 00:16:39,496
You're sweating because
you're under the tanning bulb, genius.
332
00:16:40,713 --> 00:16:43,671
If only the nurses had leverage,
I could help them.
333
00:16:44,258 --> 00:16:47,250
Ted, I found this extra box of needles
in my truck.
334
00:16:48,012 --> 00:16:49,161
Needles.
335
00:16:50,222 --> 00:16:51,735
There's leverage.
336
00:16:51,932 --> 00:16:53,843
Man, you keep this place toasty.
337
00:16:57,438 --> 00:16:58,951
So, you wanted to talk to me?
338
00:16:59,148 --> 00:17:01,378
I'm about to speak to you
from the heart,
339
00:17:01,608 --> 00:17:03,678
and since that's very difficult for me,
340
00:17:03,902 --> 00:17:07,611
I need you to sit there silently
while I mentally prepare myself.
341
00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:09,351
Jordan, I have patients...
342
00:17:09,533 --> 00:17:10,488
Sorry.
343
00:17:12,745 --> 00:17:13,700
I'm telling you right now,
344
00:17:13,871 --> 00:17:15,304
me and your department head
are about to have it out.
345
00:17:15,497 --> 00:17:17,533
This surgery ain't happening.
Not on my watch!
346
00:17:17,750 --> 00:17:19,103
- I always wanted to say that.
- Okay.
347
00:17:19,293 --> 00:17:22,365
Before you do anything,
just listen to what she has to say.
348
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:24,393
I want the implants.
349
00:17:25,382 --> 00:17:29,261
Look, I'm constantly mistaken
for a fifth-grader, and I'm tired of it.
350
00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:31,612
This is my choice,
351
00:17:32,056 --> 00:17:34,650
and it's taken me a long time
to convince my mom,
352
00:17:34,892 --> 00:17:37,008
but she's finally supporting me.
353
00:17:37,227 --> 00:17:39,104
I shouldn't have to convince you, too.
354
00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:44,993
What are you buzzing around here for?
355
00:17:45,194 --> 00:17:48,072
Dr Quinlan and I had to
discuss something
356
00:17:48,322 --> 00:17:50,631
that has absolutely nothing
to do with anything
357
00:17:50,866 --> 00:17:52,458
that's happening up in here.
358
00:17:52,659 --> 00:17:55,127
So, you were right, and okay.
359
00:17:58,457 --> 00:18:00,925
Yeah. He's a busy little bee.
360
00:18:01,919 --> 00:18:04,956
Dude, I've got to ask.
What's with you and bees?
361
00:18:07,299 --> 00:18:08,937
What are you thinking, Ted?
362
00:18:09,134 --> 00:18:11,648
I could jam this through the soft spot
on his temple,
363
00:18:11,887 --> 00:18:14,924
then slit my wrists with it
before anyone got in here to stop me.
364
00:18:15,182 --> 00:18:16,376
The usual, sir.
365
00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:19,395
Well, you'd never do it.
You don't have the guts.
366
00:18:21,939 --> 00:18:24,578
If it's okay with you,
we'll take that raise now.
367
00:18:24,983 --> 00:18:28,134
Okay, but in this little fantasy of yours,
368
00:18:28,404 --> 00:18:30,315
can I not have prostate
problems any more?
369
00:18:30,531 --> 00:18:33,807
I can't sleep more than 40 minutes
without needing to take a whiz.
370
00:18:34,326 --> 00:18:36,920
Unfortunately for you,
somebody left the invoice
371
00:18:37,162 --> 00:18:39,198
for the hospital needles on my desk.
372
00:18:39,415 --> 00:18:41,485
They are really undercharging you.
373
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:46,722
So, either you shell out the extra
20 grand a month for our raises,
374
00:18:47,047 --> 00:18:50,835
or we call the needle company
and it'll cost you twice that.
375
00:18:52,553 --> 00:18:55,067
Ted, are you responsible for this?
376
00:18:55,556 --> 00:18:58,434
Please, sir, I don't have the guts.
377
00:18:59,852 --> 00:19:02,412
Oh, yeah! Suck it, bitch!
378
00:19:02,646 --> 00:19:04,318
I will murder you!
379
00:19:06,942 --> 00:19:09,217
I don't know why
I messed with your head.
380
00:19:10,237 --> 00:19:11,955
Did you start talking?
381
00:19:12,156 --> 00:19:13,555
Because I should brush my teeth.
382
00:19:13,741 --> 00:19:15,971
At first, I thought I was just being mean,
383
00:19:16,201 --> 00:19:18,920
because you know
I enjoy the misery of others.
384
00:19:19,163 --> 00:19:20,596
It's not really a secret.
385
00:19:21,248 --> 00:19:23,398
Whenever I see someone in love,
386
00:19:23,959 --> 00:19:26,393
I just lose it,
and turn into an awful person.
387
00:19:27,129 --> 00:19:30,599
Give yourself a break, Jordan.
Your parents were really mean to you.
388
00:19:30,883 --> 00:19:33,317
Here's the big secret. They weren't.
389
00:19:33,719 --> 00:19:37,712
They were actually very supportive.
I don't know how this happened.
390
00:19:38,015 --> 00:19:42,054
Look, Elliot, I'm a woman
in her very, very, very late 30s
391
00:19:42,811 --> 00:19:45,609
who has problems
opening herself up to love.
392
00:19:45,856 --> 00:19:49,212
I hate being vulnerable.
I still play mind games.
393
00:19:49,485 --> 00:19:53,603
Hell, to make Perry feel inadequate,
sometimes I fake not having orgasms.
394
00:19:55,199 --> 00:19:57,918
The point is, if you want to be happy,
395
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,355
you should never, ever listen to me.
396
00:20:02,206 --> 00:20:04,481
You maybe also want to say
you're sorry?
397
00:20:04,833 --> 00:20:05,868
I do not.
398
00:20:11,632 --> 00:20:12,951
Come on.
399
00:20:13,801 --> 00:20:15,598
I'm sorry I was such a jerk.
400
00:20:16,553 --> 00:20:17,668
I love you.
401
00:20:22,559 --> 00:20:25,869
Even though I caused it,
it still feels mildly heartwarming
402
00:20:26,146 --> 00:20:27,704
to fix someone's problem.
403
00:20:28,732 --> 00:20:30,927
- Hello.
- What's up?
404
00:20:31,151 --> 00:20:33,904
That's why I'm glad I kept Turk
from messing up his career.
405
00:20:34,154 --> 00:20:36,190
And I don't care if the nurses
ever find out
406
00:20:36,407 --> 00:20:38,284
that it was me who helped them.
407
00:20:40,953 --> 00:20:43,706
- I guess we all have our parts to play.
- I guess we all have our parts to play.
408
00:20:43,956 --> 00:20:46,424
Okay, I have a coffee
for Snoop Dogg Resident.
409
00:20:47,751 --> 00:20:50,311
I wish just once
someone would call me Ronald.
410
00:20:50,546 --> 00:20:51,979
Where did I park my truck?
411
00:20:52,172 --> 00:20:54,288
Bees, bees, bees.
412
00:20:54,508 --> 00:20:56,976
That nurse is hot.