1 00:00:03,818 --> 00:00:06,696 It felt good to be holding the mother of my child. 2 00:00:06,946 --> 00:00:08,265 This is nice. 3 00:00:08,448 --> 00:00:11,724 But given recent events, cuddling was as far as I was gonna go. 4 00:00:11,993 --> 00:00:14,985 Kim and I had to get to know each other again and build trust and... 5 00:00:15,246 --> 00:00:17,237 Oh, my God, is that side-boob? 6 00:00:17,457 --> 00:00:20,017 Careful with the side-boob, big guy. 7 00:00:20,251 --> 00:00:23,243 My hormones are going crazy. I might just pounce your skinny ass. 8 00:00:23,504 --> 00:00:25,859 - Kim, I really don't think we should. - I won't, then. 9 00:00:27,258 --> 00:00:29,010 I got a giant boogie in my nose. 10 00:00:29,218 --> 00:00:32,528 Look at her saying "I won't" with a giant boogie in her nose. 11 00:00:32,805 --> 00:00:33,794 I must have her. 12 00:00:33,973 --> 00:00:35,088 You know what, on second thought... 13 00:00:35,266 --> 00:00:36,221 Yes? 14 00:00:36,392 --> 00:00:38,747 Still, I wonder what it'll be like having sex with a pregnant woman. 15 00:00:40,146 --> 00:00:42,580 That was so cool. And weird! 16 00:00:42,815 --> 00:00:45,045 Yeah, somebody else liked it, too. 17 00:00:45,276 --> 00:00:46,709 He's going crazy in there. 18 00:00:46,903 --> 00:00:48,734 And now it's disgusting. 19 00:00:49,989 --> 00:00:52,059 The next three weeks flew by. 20 00:00:52,367 --> 00:00:55,245 We stayed up nights talking. 21 00:00:56,037 --> 00:00:58,505 We got the place ready for a baby. 22 00:01:02,043 --> 00:01:04,193 And before you knew it, we were a couple again. 23 00:01:04,712 --> 00:01:05,827 Bye. 24 00:01:06,672 --> 00:01:07,661 Bye, Sammy. 25 00:01:11,886 --> 00:01:14,878 Now that Elliot's wedding was only a week away, things were getting tense. 26 00:01:15,139 --> 00:01:17,733 I just don't understand why our families can't sit at the same table. 27 00:01:17,975 --> 00:01:20,170 Keith, it's impossible to fit all the Dudemeisters at one table 28 00:01:20,395 --> 00:01:22,431 without our wedding looking like Oktoberfest. 29 00:01:22,647 --> 00:01:23,921 Plus, when our families met last month, 30 00:01:24,107 --> 00:01:26,223 my mom ended up doinking your Uncle Ronald in our basement. 31 00:01:26,442 --> 00:01:28,558 Uncle Ronald and Aunt Alicia have been together for 30 years. 32 00:01:28,778 --> 00:01:30,769 Yeah, welcome to my family, Keith. 33 00:01:30,988 --> 00:01:35,061 Look, I know that I'm being a bridezilla, so to make it up to you, 34 00:01:35,368 --> 00:01:37,165 here's a kiss with extra tongue. 35 00:01:44,711 --> 00:01:46,827 Okay, now go try on that tux that I picked out for you. 36 00:01:47,046 --> 00:01:48,035 Chop-chop! 37 00:01:48,214 --> 00:01:49,647 Quick like a bunny! 38 00:01:49,841 --> 00:01:50,796 Hey! And you, 39 00:01:50,967 --> 00:01:52,605 you're the only one that hasn't RSVPed to my wedding yet. 40 00:01:52,802 --> 00:01:55,191 - What the hell? - I didn't know I was invited. 41 00:01:55,430 --> 00:01:57,819 But I sent your invitation to... 42 00:01:58,057 --> 00:01:59,888 1 North Cemetery Drive. 43 00:02:00,393 --> 00:02:02,145 That's the address of The Addams Family. 44 00:02:02,979 --> 00:02:04,412 I changed my records to mess with Kelso 45 00:02:04,605 --> 00:02:06,084 because he's always calling me Lurch. 46 00:02:06,274 --> 00:02:09,505 It was either that or 1313 Mockingbird Lane. 47 00:02:10,028 --> 00:02:11,984 The Munsters. TV show? 48 00:02:12,196 --> 00:02:13,345 I'm old. 49 00:02:13,906 --> 00:02:15,021 So, can you make it? 50 00:02:15,491 --> 00:02:17,925 You crazy? I wouldn't miss it for the world. 51 00:02:18,161 --> 00:02:19,355 Thank you. 52 00:02:19,537 --> 00:02:22,131 Not a big hugger, but... There we go. 53 00:02:22,373 --> 00:02:23,362 There it is. 54 00:02:23,541 --> 00:02:24,860 Things weren't as heartwarming everywhere. 55 00:02:25,043 --> 00:02:27,432 Dr Cox wasn't exactly super-psyched about me being 56 00:02:27,670 --> 00:02:28,864 his daughter's godfather. 57 00:02:29,047 --> 00:02:31,083 Jordan, here are some things I'd rather see happen 58 00:02:31,299 --> 00:02:34,052 than dinkus over there becoming the godfather. 59 00:02:34,302 --> 00:02:38,580 A nuclear war, a sequel to Hope Floats, Hugh Jackman winning an Oscar... 60 00:02:38,890 --> 00:02:41,962 Yeah, yeah, funny long list. We get it. 61 00:02:42,268 --> 00:02:44,623 - You need a new thing, big guy. - Oh. 62 00:02:45,229 --> 00:02:47,823 Sweetie, why would I get rid of him as godfather 63 00:02:48,066 --> 00:02:50,785 when you keep letting me know how much it bothers you? 64 00:02:51,027 --> 00:02:52,221 It's like he's never met you. 65 00:02:52,403 --> 00:02:54,837 - Right? - And I love Hope Floats. 66 00:02:55,073 --> 00:02:57,792 Anyone that's going to the christening... 67 00:02:58,034 --> 00:02:59,069 Not you. 68 00:03:02,038 --> 00:03:03,710 It's at the hospital chapel. 69 00:03:03,915 --> 00:03:06,110 And then Jordan pushed Dr Cox over the edge 70 00:03:06,334 --> 00:03:09,212 by calling their daughter, little Jennifer Dylan, this. 71 00:03:09,504 --> 00:03:11,540 Okay, come on, J.D. 72 00:03:14,258 --> 00:03:15,816 - Dr Cox. - Leave. 73 00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:17,295 Yes. 74 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,233 That goes for everyone. 75 00:03:24,977 --> 00:03:26,126 All living things. 76 00:03:31,901 --> 00:03:33,573 This might not blow over. 77 00:03:35,279 --> 00:03:37,315 Gotta hurt someone. 78 00:03:37,865 --> 00:03:39,981 It's amazing how some couples are so close 79 00:03:40,201 --> 00:03:42,157 that they can finish each other's sentences. 80 00:03:42,370 --> 00:03:45,840 So, there we were, hottest day of the year... 81 00:03:46,124 --> 00:03:50,163 At the beach and we're both wearing jeans. Isn't that crazy? 82 00:03:50,461 --> 00:03:52,816 - Guess who we run into? - Also in jeans. 83 00:03:53,047 --> 00:03:57,006 It was Dr J, Kim, and unless you want to hear about this for the next hour, 84 00:03:57,301 --> 00:03:59,019 please change the subject. 85 00:03:59,345 --> 00:04:03,304 Okay, my lease is up on my apartment in Washington, 86 00:04:03,599 --> 00:04:06,989 and my OB said that my mucus plug is holding firm, 87 00:04:07,270 --> 00:04:09,659 and that's all I've got. 88 00:04:09,897 --> 00:04:12,775 Why don't you just give up that apartment? You said it's so small. 89 00:04:13,026 --> 00:04:16,177 Plus, I think it'd be fun if the baby was around here for a few months. 90 00:04:16,446 --> 00:04:17,435 Okay, I'll give it up. 91 00:04:17,613 --> 00:04:19,569 Incidentally, that's not the first time she's said that today, 92 00:04:19,782 --> 00:04:20,817 if you know what I'm talking about. 93 00:04:20,992 --> 00:04:24,302 - I know what you're talkin' about. - I hit it and I hit it good. 94 00:04:24,579 --> 00:04:25,648 - Yes, you did. - Rowdy-style. 95 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,661 We have to look out for that belly. It's dangerous. 96 00:04:27,874 --> 00:04:31,264 Listen, I have a video that you might be a little interested in watching. 97 00:04:31,544 --> 00:04:33,296 - Are you sure I would? - Welcome to my world. 98 00:04:33,504 --> 00:04:35,495 - Tell me about it. - Okay, so it starts... 99 00:04:50,938 --> 00:04:53,672 Babe, I like this tuxedo more than the one you picked out. 100 00:04:53,816 --> 00:04:55,886 Yeah, it looks really great, Keith, 101 00:04:56,110 --> 00:04:58,146 you know, if you plan on sawing me in half at the altar and yelling, 102 00:04:58,363 --> 00:04:59,352 "Abracadabra. " 103 00:04:59,781 --> 00:05:00,975 But it's comfortable. 104 00:05:01,157 --> 00:05:03,034 You think that I'm gonna be comfortable in my five-inch heels 105 00:05:03,242 --> 00:05:05,961 and my rib-crushing corset and my nipple tape? 106 00:05:06,204 --> 00:05:09,082 There will be no poppers in my wedding photos, Keith. 107 00:05:09,332 --> 00:05:11,687 Look, you have to remember this is probably the only time 108 00:05:11,918 --> 00:05:13,510 that all of our closest friends and our family 109 00:05:13,711 --> 00:05:16,179 are gonna be all together in the same room. 110 00:05:16,422 --> 00:05:18,697 So this wedding really isn't about us, okay? 111 00:05:18,925 --> 00:05:20,404 - Okay. - It's about me! 112 00:05:20,593 --> 00:05:21,867 Now, come on, focus. 113 00:05:22,053 --> 00:05:23,725 There's no "U" in wedding, huh? 114 00:05:26,265 --> 00:05:28,495 This is Mr Cole. He's in a persistent vegetative state 115 00:05:28,726 --> 00:05:31,160 and was admitted with community-acquired pneumonia. 116 00:05:31,396 --> 00:05:35,992 It's most likely related to aspiration given his prior phrenic nerve paralysis. 117 00:05:38,194 --> 00:05:39,422 - His doctor's creepy. - That's his wife. 118 00:05:39,612 --> 00:05:40,727 Right, right. 119 00:05:41,864 --> 00:05:43,422 Men, I've gathered the brain trust 120 00:05:43,616 --> 00:05:46,847 because I have been invited to Blonde Doctor's wedding. 121 00:05:47,870 --> 00:05:50,179 Now, none of you guys should feel bad because you weren't invited. 122 00:05:50,415 --> 00:05:51,643 It doesn't mean she doesn't like you. 123 00:05:51,833 --> 00:05:54,950 It just means that you're not one of her favourite 385 people. 124 00:05:55,211 --> 00:05:57,520 - I couldn't make it anyway. - You gotta have a cutoff somewhere. 125 00:05:57,755 --> 00:06:01,191 Now, what I need from you is gift ideas. Impress me. 126 00:06:01,759 --> 00:06:03,954 You could check their registry and get her some nice linens. 127 00:06:04,470 --> 00:06:07,587 Or I could check the boring and get her some boring boring. 128 00:06:08,099 --> 00:06:09,498 What the hell does that mean? 129 00:06:09,684 --> 00:06:12,960 Oh, you know what I got my mom that she really loved? 130 00:06:13,479 --> 00:06:19,076 That weird birth-control thing that they sew under your arm skin. 131 00:06:19,569 --> 00:06:22,367 Okay, highly disturbing, but you're thinking outside the box. 132 00:06:22,613 --> 00:06:23,762 Oh, yeah! 133 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:25,468 What's going on, guys? 134 00:06:25,658 --> 00:06:28,650 I didn't get beeped on my special brain trust pager. 135 00:06:28,911 --> 00:06:29,900 This is awkward. 136 00:06:30,079 --> 00:06:32,832 Look, Doug, I'm only comfortable with a three-man brain trust, 137 00:06:33,082 --> 00:06:35,232 and right now I'm giving Lloyd here a tryout. 138 00:06:35,918 --> 00:06:37,237 I'm gonna have to ask for the pager back. 139 00:06:38,629 --> 00:06:40,506 Thanks, kid. 140 00:06:41,090 --> 00:06:42,284 You can still come to the picnic. 141 00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:46,084 There you go, Lloyd. There's your pager. 142 00:06:46,929 --> 00:06:47,884 Your idea? 143 00:06:48,056 --> 00:06:49,614 There's this amazing house on my delivery route 144 00:06:49,807 --> 00:06:52,241 with all kinds of valuable stuff and no alarm. 145 00:06:52,477 --> 00:06:54,752 - We could rob it. - I'm gonna need that back. 146 00:06:55,605 --> 00:06:57,323 Hold on to this for a little while. 147 00:06:58,691 --> 00:07:00,329 So, it turns out my hospital in Tacoma 148 00:07:00,526 --> 00:07:03,324 won't grant me more than a six-week leave of absence. 149 00:07:03,571 --> 00:07:05,084 So, just look for a job here. 150 00:07:05,281 --> 00:07:07,158 I'd love to have my kid in the same city. 151 00:07:07,367 --> 00:07:10,484 Plus, Kelso hates the urologist he hired to replace you. 152 00:07:10,745 --> 00:07:11,939 Are you sure? 153 00:07:12,121 --> 00:07:14,112 Hey, I love being the new urologist here, 154 00:07:14,332 --> 00:07:16,800 but I'm having some trouble with my peers. 155 00:07:17,043 --> 00:07:18,795 Get it, "pee-ers"? 156 00:07:19,796 --> 00:07:20,990 God, I hate you. 157 00:07:21,798 --> 00:07:23,197 I'm pretty sure. 158 00:07:23,383 --> 00:07:25,453 All right, I'll check it out. 159 00:07:26,135 --> 00:07:27,409 Raj, Rerun. 160 00:07:27,804 --> 00:07:28,998 Okay, Tina, 161 00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:32,775 here is what I am prepared to offer you to relinquish the post of godfather... 162 00:07:33,059 --> 00:07:34,128 Not interested. 163 00:07:34,310 --> 00:07:37,268 Effective immediately, I will stop calling you girls' names. 164 00:07:37,522 --> 00:07:38,796 You interested now? 165 00:07:38,981 --> 00:07:40,858 I'm still here, aren't I? 166 00:07:41,317 --> 00:07:42,830 Be strong, you can get more. 167 00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:44,016 Good thinking. 168 00:07:44,195 --> 00:07:45,548 What else you got, Per-Per? 169 00:07:45,738 --> 00:07:48,411 I'll give you my real pager number. 170 00:07:48,658 --> 00:07:50,057 I'll be able to page him 24l7! 171 00:07:50,243 --> 00:07:51,562 - No deal. - What are you doing? 172 00:07:52,537 --> 00:07:54,209 Put a cherry on top. 173 00:07:54,539 --> 00:07:55,608 One hug. 174 00:07:56,374 --> 00:07:57,409 Per week. 175 00:07:57,583 --> 00:07:58,902 - Decade. - Month. 176 00:07:59,085 --> 00:08:00,234 - Year. - Done. 177 00:08:00,420 --> 00:08:01,819 You're welcome. 178 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:08,197 And then, as I was about to close the deal of the century, it hit me. 179 00:08:08,511 --> 00:08:09,466 Wait a minute. 180 00:08:09,637 --> 00:08:11,912 If I agree to that, I only get that stuff until you retire, 181 00:08:12,140 --> 00:08:14,608 but if I'm godfather, I'm in your life forever. 182 00:08:14,851 --> 00:08:17,240 I'll see you at the christening. 183 00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:20,815 I think this time, I'm actually gonna kill him. 184 00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:23,533 Yup, this is the one. 185 00:08:25,570 --> 00:08:29,643 Babe, should the valets at our reception wear green or red vests? 186 00:08:30,158 --> 00:08:31,796 Doesn't matter. Why didn't you just pick one? 187 00:08:31,993 --> 00:08:33,346 Because I want every detail of our wedding 188 00:08:33,536 --> 00:08:36,448 to be exactly the way you want it. 189 00:08:36,706 --> 00:08:39,857 I have never loved you more than I do at this moment. 190 00:08:40,126 --> 00:08:42,435 And I want them to wear green. Forest, not lime. 191 00:08:42,670 --> 00:08:43,819 Got it. 192 00:08:46,591 --> 00:08:48,866 How did you get him to be like that? 193 00:08:49,093 --> 00:08:52,608 Did you do that thing all guys want us to do but we swore we'd never do? 194 00:08:52,889 --> 00:08:54,925 I didn't have to. He just loves me. 195 00:08:55,183 --> 00:08:56,218 Why, did you? 196 00:08:56,392 --> 00:08:59,111 I'm saving that bullet for a diamond tennis bracelet. 197 00:09:01,272 --> 00:09:05,185 By the way, Frank's breathing was laboured, so I suctioned his airway. 198 00:09:05,485 --> 00:09:07,635 Mrs Cole, I have to say, I am blown away 199 00:09:07,862 --> 00:09:09,739 by how you're taking care of your husband, 200 00:09:09,947 --> 00:09:11,744 especially after two years. 201 00:09:11,949 --> 00:09:14,861 Is it hard to make yourself do it every day? 202 00:09:15,161 --> 00:09:16,116 No. 203 00:09:16,704 --> 00:09:19,457 We were married 19 years before his accident. 204 00:09:19,707 --> 00:09:24,383 You're getting married, you understand that kind of love. 205 00:09:25,463 --> 00:09:28,421 Sorry, my husband has a little eye gunk. 206 00:09:36,224 --> 00:09:39,261 Okay, I've got something we can't give her permanently, 207 00:09:39,519 --> 00:09:42,317 but I can guarantee she'll enjoy it while she has her hands on it. 208 00:09:42,563 --> 00:09:43,552 No! 209 00:09:43,731 --> 00:09:45,323 Preemptive strike on the sex joke. 210 00:09:45,525 --> 00:09:47,004 Take a time-out. 211 00:09:48,444 --> 00:09:50,912 What about a nice tour in the wine country? 212 00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:53,305 Oh, Doug, now you're just embarrassing yourself. 213 00:09:53,533 --> 00:09:54,852 I still don't know what I did. 214 00:09:55,034 --> 00:09:56,672 You're old news, bro. 215 00:09:56,869 --> 00:09:58,018 Just go. 216 00:10:00,415 --> 00:10:02,167 Okay, maybe I didn't make myself clear. 217 00:10:02,375 --> 00:10:05,367 I don't want to give Blonde Doctor just a "thing," you know? 218 00:10:05,628 --> 00:10:07,107 I wanted her married life to be full of joy. 219 00:10:07,296 --> 00:10:09,127 I want to give her happiness. 220 00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:12,332 Well, that's not really up to us. 221 00:10:12,593 --> 00:10:14,868 It's up to him. 222 00:10:15,096 --> 00:10:19,453 We can't control what kind of husband he'll be. 223 00:10:19,934 --> 00:10:22,402 Lloyd, give me those glasses. 224 00:10:22,645 --> 00:10:24,920 Say that again, exactly the same way. 225 00:10:25,356 --> 00:10:29,907 We can't control what kind of husband he'll be. 226 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,548 Or can we? 227 00:10:33,698 --> 00:10:35,290 Dorian, 228 00:10:35,491 --> 00:10:38,051 tell your baby mama she can have her job back. 229 00:10:38,536 --> 00:10:42,131 By the way, I think it's hilarious that you trust her again. 230 00:10:42,540 --> 00:10:44,258 I know, sir, I got your e-mail. 231 00:10:45,209 --> 00:10:47,279 Well, I'm off to my thinking spot 232 00:10:47,503 --> 00:10:50,336 to put the finishing touches on my "goddad" speech. 233 00:10:50,590 --> 00:10:51,625 A word of advice, 234 00:10:51,799 --> 00:10:53,790 bring your hankies. 235 00:10:55,261 --> 00:10:57,058 You can't do this to me. 236 00:10:57,597 --> 00:11:00,350 Perry, I didn't do this to torture you. 237 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,750 I asked Nancy No-chin to be the godfather 238 00:11:02,977 --> 00:11:05,775 because I know deep down you really care about him 239 00:11:06,022 --> 00:11:10,379 and you know that he would be an excellent godfather for our little girl. 240 00:11:10,693 --> 00:11:11,728 I'll do anything. 241 00:11:11,903 --> 00:11:13,416 Here's what I want. When I buy matching outfits, 242 00:11:13,613 --> 00:11:15,285 you and Jack, you have to wear them. 243 00:11:15,490 --> 00:11:17,446 And I get to go on one movie date 244 00:11:17,658 --> 00:11:19,614 with the maitre d' at that new Italian restaurant we go to. 245 00:11:19,827 --> 00:11:22,580 And no asking "What happened?" after I go. 246 00:11:22,872 --> 00:11:23,827 Done. May I go now? 247 00:11:23,998 --> 00:11:25,147 Yeah. 248 00:11:25,375 --> 00:11:27,843 Let's see, what rhymes with "baptism"? 249 00:11:28,711 --> 00:11:31,908 Faptism, raptism, naptism. 250 00:11:32,173 --> 00:11:33,891 I'm so tired I could use a naptism. 251 00:11:34,926 --> 00:11:36,678 And there's my opening joke. 252 00:11:36,886 --> 00:11:40,242 I should write down "pause for laugh," so I don't forget to. 253 00:11:40,515 --> 00:11:42,551 You, you're out as godfather! 254 00:11:43,976 --> 00:11:46,331 How did he find my thinking spot? 255 00:11:47,647 --> 00:11:50,559 I can't believe who they picked to be the new godfather. 256 00:11:51,150 --> 00:11:54,028 Look at him over there, all smug and cocky. 257 00:11:56,155 --> 00:11:57,349 Doody! 258 00:11:57,532 --> 00:11:59,045 Doody to you, sir. 259 00:12:00,493 --> 00:12:02,131 Is that blood on your scrubs? 260 00:12:02,328 --> 00:12:04,205 Yeah, I just got out of surgery! 261 00:12:04,414 --> 00:12:07,611 What, you gonna get all up in Jesus' face 'cause he don't have his shirt on? 262 00:12:07,875 --> 00:12:10,514 Perry, we forgot to pick out a godmother. 263 00:12:13,464 --> 00:12:17,173 Who wants to be the godmother? 264 00:12:17,844 --> 00:12:19,243 Put your hand down. 265 00:12:19,429 --> 00:12:21,260 Carla, would you do the honours? 266 00:12:21,472 --> 00:12:22,427 Yes. 267 00:12:23,099 --> 00:12:24,851 - Oh, that's bull... - Shhh! 268 00:12:25,309 --> 00:12:26,424 - Rabbi? - Father. 269 00:12:26,602 --> 00:12:28,160 Don't care. Hit it. 270 00:12:28,354 --> 00:12:31,346 When we think of baptism, we think of commitment. 271 00:12:31,649 --> 00:12:33,002 For when a couple decides to bring 272 00:12:33,192 --> 00:12:36,741 a child into the world or share their lives together... 273 00:12:37,071 --> 00:12:39,380 It's amazing how quickly panic can set in. 274 00:12:39,615 --> 00:12:42,527 Like panic over whether or not you love your fiance enough. 275 00:12:42,785 --> 00:12:44,013 I've got some gunk in my eye. 276 00:12:44,203 --> 00:12:45,636 Can you get it out for me? 277 00:12:46,873 --> 00:12:49,990 Or panic over suddenly finding yourself in too deep. 278 00:12:50,251 --> 00:12:51,445 Look at them. 279 00:12:51,627 --> 00:12:53,185 Mom, dad and baby. 280 00:12:53,379 --> 00:12:55,051 That's gonna be us. 281 00:13:02,972 --> 00:13:05,691 Look, Jen, if you need any legal help concerning your accident, 282 00:13:05,933 --> 00:13:07,286 you can talk to Jim, 283 00:13:07,477 --> 00:13:09,827 who is a very successful, esteemed bulldog of a lawyer. 284 00:13:10,021 --> 00:13:13,377 Or you can talk to Ted, who, well... 285 00:13:13,649 --> 00:13:15,924 My mom calls me "Thunder. " 286 00:13:16,235 --> 00:13:18,351 I'll go with the less shiny one. 287 00:13:18,738 --> 00:13:19,853 Tough break, Thunder. 288 00:13:20,031 --> 00:13:21,749 You're not my mom, Jim! 289 00:13:21,949 --> 00:13:23,462 You're not my mom! 290 00:13:24,660 --> 00:13:25,649 Okay... 291 00:13:25,828 --> 00:13:28,023 Sorry, Kim, I know I said I'd come straight home, 292 00:13:28,247 --> 00:13:29,919 but I got stuck covering a shift. 293 00:13:30,124 --> 00:13:31,523 Oh, no problem. I'll wait up for you. 294 00:13:31,918 --> 00:13:32,873 And you know that half glass of wine 295 00:13:33,044 --> 00:13:34,796 my doctor says I'm allowed every night? 296 00:13:35,004 --> 00:13:39,077 I'm gonna hold off until you get here because it makes me super randy. 297 00:13:40,009 --> 00:13:40,998 Can't wait. 298 00:13:41,177 --> 00:13:42,451 I really didn't have to cover a shift. 299 00:13:42,637 --> 00:13:44,707 I just needed some time alone. 300 00:13:46,641 --> 00:13:47,630 Hey. 301 00:13:48,101 --> 00:13:49,216 What are you doing here? 302 00:13:49,394 --> 00:13:51,510 Hiding from my significant other due to a massive panic attack 303 00:13:51,729 --> 00:13:54,289 over the life-altering commitment I'm about to make. 304 00:13:54,524 --> 00:13:56,321 - You? - Same. 305 00:13:56,526 --> 00:13:57,675 I told Keith that I was working tonight. 306 00:13:57,860 --> 00:13:59,373 He already went home. 307 00:14:00,405 --> 00:14:01,804 Good night. 308 00:14:06,661 --> 00:14:09,050 Actually, your night's just begun. 309 00:14:09,956 --> 00:14:10,945 I'm getting married in a week. 310 00:14:11,124 --> 00:14:12,113 A week! 311 00:14:12,291 --> 00:14:14,168 I mean, what was I thinking being engaged for two months? 312 00:14:14,377 --> 00:14:15,492 My mom was engaged for three years. 313 00:14:15,670 --> 00:14:17,342 She had time to soul-search, 314 00:14:17,547 --> 00:14:18,741 to figure out if this was right, 315 00:14:18,923 --> 00:14:22,120 to sail around the world with an insatiable Pakistani oil baron. 316 00:14:22,385 --> 00:14:23,420 Why was I in such a hurry? 317 00:14:23,594 --> 00:14:24,663 Oh, wait, I'll answer that for you. 318 00:14:24,846 --> 00:14:27,519 Because I'm the biggest idiot in the whole entire world. 319 00:14:27,765 --> 00:14:29,278 Really, Elliot, the biggest? 320 00:14:29,475 --> 00:14:31,352 Because a few weeks ago, I got back together with a woman 321 00:14:31,561 --> 00:14:34,280 who lied to me about being pregnant with my child. 322 00:14:34,522 --> 00:14:35,955 You should also note that even though 323 00:14:36,149 --> 00:14:38,379 I promised myself I was gonna take it slow, 324 00:14:38,609 --> 00:14:40,361 I convinced her to give up her apartment, 325 00:14:40,570 --> 00:14:43,607 quit her job, move in with me and start workin' here. 326 00:14:43,865 --> 00:14:44,820 Why? 327 00:14:44,991 --> 00:14:47,141 I don't know. I'm just realising right now that I did all that. 328 00:14:47,368 --> 00:14:50,246 I just wish there was a test I could take to tell me if I'm doing the right thing. 329 00:14:50,496 --> 00:14:51,485 I mean, look at Turk and Carla. 330 00:14:51,664 --> 00:14:52,619 They're so meant to be together. 331 00:14:52,790 --> 00:14:54,508 You spend one minute with them and you know that. 332 00:14:54,709 --> 00:14:56,984 They just have this amazing give and take. 333 00:14:57,211 --> 00:14:59,805 Don't you love this tennis bracelet? 334 00:15:01,132 --> 00:15:02,724 That was awesome. 335 00:15:03,885 --> 00:15:07,434 I'm going through the same thing you are, except I'm also having a baby. 336 00:15:07,722 --> 00:15:09,997 So, imagine your situation multiplied by... 337 00:15:10,224 --> 00:15:12,533 What's a fair number, a hundred billion? 338 00:15:12,769 --> 00:15:15,886 Why is it so important to you that your freak-out is bigger than mine? 339 00:15:16,147 --> 00:15:17,341 I'm a story-topper, Elliot. 340 00:15:17,523 --> 00:15:18,876 You know that about me. 341 00:15:19,067 --> 00:15:21,706 When I was a kid, I had a friend like that who drove me crazy. 342 00:15:21,944 --> 00:15:23,775 When I was a kid, I also had a friend like that, 343 00:15:23,988 --> 00:15:25,387 except he snapped and started playing 344 00:15:25,573 --> 00:15:27,609 "hide the peanut butter" with my dog, Whiskers. 345 00:15:27,825 --> 00:15:29,861 You, my friend, have just been story-topped. 346 00:15:30,078 --> 00:15:31,431 I will kill you. 347 00:15:31,621 --> 00:15:33,054 How am I supposed to handle a relationship 348 00:15:33,247 --> 00:15:35,363 and a kid at the same time? 349 00:15:35,583 --> 00:15:37,380 I don't know. Dr Cox and Jordan are totally dysfunctional, 350 00:15:37,585 --> 00:15:38,654 but they seem to make it work. 351 00:15:39,504 --> 00:15:42,701 Wow, you guys look great! 352 00:15:44,509 --> 00:15:46,227 I'm gonna get the photographer. 353 00:15:48,346 --> 00:15:49,665 Jordan, I hate this! 354 00:15:49,847 --> 00:15:50,802 Why? 355 00:15:50,973 --> 00:15:54,966 I would think an arrogant ass like you would love having his very own clone. 356 00:15:55,269 --> 00:15:56,463 Up yours, Bobbo. 357 00:15:56,646 --> 00:15:58,682 Yeah, up yours, Bobbo. 358 00:16:01,025 --> 00:16:02,060 Outstanding. 359 00:16:02,235 --> 00:16:03,350 Come. 360 00:16:06,531 --> 00:16:09,841 Okay, Incredibly Handsome Guy, you're about to marry Blonde Doctor. 361 00:16:10,118 --> 00:16:13,997 My gift to her is to train you to be a good husband. 362 00:16:14,288 --> 00:16:15,960 Well, I think I'm okay. 363 00:16:16,165 --> 00:16:18,679 Really? Would you know what to do if she suddenly woke up 364 00:16:18,918 --> 00:16:20,431 and couldn't use vowels? 365 00:16:21,295 --> 00:16:22,489 That's ridiculous. 366 00:16:22,672 --> 00:16:23,627 Is that what you're gonna say 367 00:16:23,798 --> 00:16:28,872 when she looks at you with those big blue eyes and cries out, "Tspwklmtsk"? 368 00:16:31,097 --> 00:16:33,691 Look, if I learnt one thing from my parents, 369 00:16:33,933 --> 00:16:39,166 it's this. The key to a good marriage is keeping your emotions bottled up 370 00:16:39,522 --> 00:16:42,992 until they finally explode and you have to lash out physically. 371 00:16:43,276 --> 00:16:45,267 You mean, beat each other up? 372 00:16:45,486 --> 00:16:47,283 I mean beat yourself up. 373 00:16:47,488 --> 00:16:49,444 My mother once snapped her own index finger 374 00:16:49,657 --> 00:16:51,807 because my father was late for church. 375 00:16:52,035 --> 00:16:55,266 She dented the car, he threw himself down the stairs. 376 00:16:55,621 --> 00:16:56,815 Boys, anything? 377 00:16:56,998 --> 00:17:00,547 Whatever you do, don't go bald! 378 00:17:01,377 --> 00:17:02,412 Lloyd, anything? 379 00:17:02,587 --> 00:17:05,101 Yeah, I'm still not sure who Elliot is. 380 00:17:05,423 --> 00:17:07,812 Oh, come on, this guy sucks! 381 00:17:12,972 --> 00:17:13,927 The thing that freaked me out was 382 00:17:14,098 --> 00:17:16,851 watching this woman wipe eye gunk off her brain-dead husband. 383 00:17:17,101 --> 00:17:19,251 I mean, I don't think I could spend two years wiping eye gunk 384 00:17:19,479 --> 00:17:20,832 off Keith's brain-dead face. 385 00:17:21,022 --> 00:17:23,013 Elliot, they were married for, like, 20 years 386 00:17:23,232 --> 00:17:24,824 before that guy was in a coma. 387 00:17:25,026 --> 00:17:26,937 I'm sure once you and Keith have that much time together 388 00:17:27,153 --> 00:17:28,108 you'll feel differently. 389 00:17:29,405 --> 00:17:32,283 Still, maybe we're freaking out about nothing, you know? 390 00:17:32,533 --> 00:17:34,649 Maybe we are with the right people. 391 00:17:34,994 --> 00:17:35,949 Really? 392 00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:37,712 I know last night Kim and I had a moment 393 00:17:37,914 --> 00:17:40,474 that made me think we were perfect for each other. 394 00:17:41,209 --> 00:17:43,769 This salad has beets. 395 00:17:44,003 --> 00:17:44,992 Do you like beets? 396 00:17:45,171 --> 00:17:46,126 I hate beets. 397 00:17:46,297 --> 00:17:47,616 - Me, too. - You do? 398 00:17:47,799 --> 00:17:49,517 We're both beet haters. 399 00:17:49,717 --> 00:17:51,070 You know, people are so passionate about beets that... 400 00:17:51,260 --> 00:17:53,615 J. D! J. D! 401 00:17:54,305 --> 00:17:57,615 A mutual hatred of beets isn't enough to base a relationship on. 402 00:17:57,892 --> 00:18:00,850 I know, Elliot, but you interrupted my flashback. 403 00:18:01,104 --> 00:18:03,493 After the beets conversation, I confided in Kim 404 00:18:03,731 --> 00:18:05,323 that I was really scared about 405 00:18:05,525 --> 00:18:07,595 being a doctor and being a dad at the same time, 406 00:18:07,819 --> 00:18:11,334 because both of those things require you to throw all of yourself into them. 407 00:18:11,614 --> 00:18:12,603 And she was amazing. 408 00:18:12,782 --> 00:18:16,092 She really calmed me down and made me feel good about it. 409 00:18:17,412 --> 00:18:18,401 Oh. 410 00:18:18,579 --> 00:18:20,649 Plus, we both really hate beets. 411 00:18:20,873 --> 00:18:23,307 You know, Keith is pretty incredible. 412 00:18:23,710 --> 00:18:26,543 I've never felt this loved in my entire life. 413 00:18:27,130 --> 00:18:29,200 Let's face it, Keith would walk through fire for me. 414 00:18:29,424 --> 00:18:32,177 Yeah, I'm not walking through fire to prove my love to Elliot. 415 00:18:32,427 --> 00:18:34,497 I find that a little suspect. 416 00:18:35,012 --> 00:18:37,924 Still, I suppose we could switch to some role-playing. 417 00:18:38,182 --> 00:18:39,581 Here's the scenario. 418 00:18:39,767 --> 00:18:41,564 You have just come home from work late, 419 00:18:41,769 --> 00:18:42,918 Blonde Doctor made your dinner, 420 00:18:43,104 --> 00:18:44,901 and she is angry because you didn't call ahead. 421 00:18:45,106 --> 00:18:47,062 Plus, you have brought along with you Lance, 422 00:18:47,275 --> 00:18:50,472 your gay ultimate Frisbee buddy, played by Todd. 423 00:18:50,820 --> 00:18:52,412 I should probably take my pants off. 424 00:18:52,613 --> 00:18:54,331 No, wait for your cue. 425 00:18:55,783 --> 00:18:58,422 And Ted, you'll be playing Blonde Doctor. 426 00:18:58,661 --> 00:19:00,253 Get into character. 427 00:19:00,705 --> 00:19:03,060 Okay, falling in love with you, 428 00:19:03,291 --> 00:19:07,967 long blonde hair, talking very fast, talking very fast, "frick-frick. " 429 00:19:08,296 --> 00:19:09,775 Okay, I'm ready. 430 00:19:11,215 --> 00:19:14,764 Good. Okay, ready and... action! 431 00:19:17,263 --> 00:19:18,776 Todd, did you hear a cue? 432 00:19:18,973 --> 00:19:20,088 - It's just... - That is it. 433 00:19:20,266 --> 00:19:23,497 Look, the only person I have to prove my love to is Elliot, 434 00:19:23,770 --> 00:19:26,967 and I plan on doing that every day for the rest of my life. 435 00:19:28,066 --> 00:19:29,545 We're done here. 436 00:19:30,401 --> 00:19:31,675 Should we go get him? 437 00:19:31,861 --> 00:19:33,374 No, you heard what he just said. 438 00:19:33,571 --> 00:19:35,721 He's gonna be a great husband, and you know why? 439 00:19:35,948 --> 00:19:37,017 Because we got him there. 440 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,270 Way to go, brain trust. Hands in. 441 00:19:40,870 --> 00:19:41,985 Not you, Lloyd. You're out. 442 00:19:42,163 --> 00:19:43,152 I figured. 443 00:19:43,331 --> 00:19:45,447 - One, two, three, brain trust! - Brain trust! 444 00:19:48,586 --> 00:19:50,542 Why are you wearing scrubs? 445 00:19:50,922 --> 00:19:53,038 I haven't seen you in those in, like, two years. 446 00:19:53,257 --> 00:19:55,168 I didn't want to get my christening dress wrinkly. 447 00:19:55,385 --> 00:19:57,615 These are all I had in my locker. 448 00:19:58,513 --> 00:20:00,981 I like you in scrubs. 449 00:20:01,224 --> 00:20:03,180 It reminds me of when we used to date. 450 00:20:03,393 --> 00:20:05,031 That was a disaster. 451 00:20:05,770 --> 00:20:06,919 All of it? 452 00:20:07,105 --> 00:20:08,060 No. 453 00:20:10,233 --> 00:20:11,825 You ever think maybe we're perfect for each other, 454 00:20:12,026 --> 00:20:14,586 we just have the same fatal flaw? 455 00:20:14,821 --> 00:20:16,413 You mean that whenever we get too close to a commitment 456 00:20:16,614 --> 00:20:18,764 we totally freak out and try to escape? 457 00:20:18,991 --> 00:20:20,424 That's what we've been doing here all night, right? 458 00:20:20,618 --> 00:20:22,927 Besides, I've thought about it and there is no escaping this one. 459 00:20:23,162 --> 00:20:26,757 The gifts are all here, people have bought plane tickets... 460 00:20:27,375 --> 00:20:29,293 I'm gettin' married. 461 00:20:29,877 --> 00:20:32,027 I've reached the point of no return. 462 00:20:32,255 --> 00:20:33,483 You and me both. 463 00:20:33,673 --> 00:20:38,872 I mean, to get out of this, I'd have to do something huge. 464 00:20:39,220 --> 00:20:40,972 I'd have to go nuclear. 465 00:20:51,315 --> 00:20:52,953 So there we were. 466 00:20:55,528 --> 00:20:56,802 Together... 467 00:21:07,540 --> 00:21:09,053 But not together. 468 00:21:23,806 --> 00:21:25,797 And, as always, 469 00:21:26,017 --> 00:21:29,293 not knowing what the hell we were doing. 470 00:21:31,481 --> 00:21:32,470 Hey. 471 00:21:33,983 --> 00:21:34,972 Hey.