1
00:00:02,594 --> 00:00:03,993
- You've got something on your face.
- What?

2
00:00:04,137 --> 00:00:05,616
Yeah, me.

3
00:00:05,764 --> 00:00:09,393
Oh, God. Oh, my God, I feel like such a
ho-bag, but I'm still glad I did it.

4
00:00:12,103 --> 00:00:15,413
I do declare spending special
relationary time with my girlfriend

5
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:18,527
makes me happier than
a bullfrog in a beetle bin.

6
00:00:19,152 --> 00:00:20,710
Why are you talking like that?

7
00:00:20,862 --> 00:00:25,060
'Cause I'm smitten with my girlfriend,
Lady, and this is my smitten voice.

8
00:00:25,325 --> 00:00:27,043
Why? What voice do you use
when you're smitten?

9
00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:28,646
My normal voice.

10
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,582
You know what? You hide it well,
but you're a very strange person.

11
00:00:32,624 --> 00:00:33,613
Ma'am.

12
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:41,074
Watch Movies, TV Series and Live Sports
Signup Here -> WWW.ADMITME.APP

13
00:00:49,099 --> 00:00:50,214
How'd I do?

14
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:54,104
Seventeen. That's impressive.
But I'm going to kick your ass.

15
00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:55,946
And... Time.

16
00:00:58,233 --> 00:00:59,348
What's going on, C-Bizzle?

17
00:00:59,484 --> 00:01:01,918
We're seeing who can last the longest
in Mr Seller's room.

18
00:01:02,112 --> 00:01:04,580
He has a fungal infection
under the fat flaps in his stomach.

19
00:01:04,781 --> 00:01:06,931
It smells like the time I accidentally
put lzzy's doo-doo diaper

20
00:01:07,117 --> 00:01:08,106
in the microwave.

21
00:01:08,660 --> 00:01:11,538
- You guys are playing Smelly Belly?
- Time.

22
00:01:11,746 --> 00:01:14,055
- Sixteen seconds.
- Come on!

23
00:01:14,249 --> 00:01:16,160
I win.
See, that's what I'm talking about.

24
00:01:16,334 --> 00:01:18,529
That's how it goes when you fight me!

25
00:01:18,962 --> 00:01:23,274
Hold on, Turk. Let's not declare victory
until we give a shot to Dr John Dorian

26
00:01:23,633 --> 00:01:25,624
and his nostrils of steel.

27
00:01:25,844 --> 00:01:28,119
Your nose can't handle
smells of that magnitude.

28
00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:29,294
Make some room.

29
00:01:30,098 --> 00:01:31,167
On the clock.

30
00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:32,707
You have got to be kidding me.

31
00:01:32,851 --> 00:01:34,250
That is the most disgusting thing
I've ever smelled.

32
00:01:35,812 --> 00:01:38,645
And a sugar-free latte for the winner.

33
00:01:39,649 --> 00:01:41,082
Victory tastes delicious.

34
00:01:41,234 --> 00:01:42,383
You guys aren't even friends.

35
00:01:42,527 --> 00:01:44,518
Why do you spend so much time
competing over everything?

36
00:01:44,696 --> 00:01:48,689
Because we're men,
and that is what men do.

37
00:01:48,950 --> 00:01:51,623
<i>Now a quick look to Turk to see if that</i>
<i>is what men do.</i>

38
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:53,781
<i>What do you know?</i>

39
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:57,111
Don't forget, I crushed you in
"Find the Vein in the Junkie."

40
00:01:57,334 --> 00:01:59,564
Yeah, but I beat you good at gauzeball.

41
00:02:00,170 --> 00:02:02,889
That's nothing.
Yesterday, I won free muffins for life

42
00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:05,762
by guessing how many
coffee beans were in that there jar.

43
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:08,857
Actually, they had a recount.
You came in second.

44
00:02:09,054 --> 00:02:10,373
What? Who came in first?

45
00:02:10,514 --> 00:02:13,426
<i>Do you know the muffin man</i>
<i>the muffin man</i>

46
00:02:13,642 --> 00:02:17,032
If anyone needs me, I'll be in my office
going to town on these bad boys.

47
00:02:17,896 --> 00:02:19,727
<i>Have you seen the muffin man</i>
<i>the muffin man</i>

48
00:02:19,898 --> 00:02:22,617
Why are you guys so obsessed with
reliving everything you've won?

49
00:02:22,818 --> 00:02:24,251
Because we're winners,

50
00:02:24,736 --> 00:02:26,169
and that's what winners do.

51
00:02:27,072 --> 00:02:29,188
<i>Back to Turk for confirmation.</i>

52
00:02:29,866 --> 00:02:30,901
<i>Damn it!</i>

53
00:02:31,034 --> 00:02:34,026
If you'd ever won anything,
you'd know what we were talking about.

54
00:02:34,246 --> 00:02:35,918
I've won something, Perry.

55
00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:45,101
We threw our nerd farther than yours.

56
00:02:45,257 --> 00:02:46,656
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

57
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:47,869
Suck it, bitch!

58
00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:52,104
Guys?
I think their nerd is unconscious.

59
00:02:52,430 --> 00:02:53,988
We should probably roll him over.

60
00:02:55,725 --> 00:02:57,920
That's the moment I realised
I wanted to be a doctor.

61
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:16,795
<i>Every doctor has their own way</i>
<i>of dealing with patients.</i>

62
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,396
<i>Turk was all about efficiency.</i>

63
00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:20,679
Why are you standing on a chair?

64
00:03:21,084 --> 00:03:24,520
Because from this spot, I can see into
four rooms without actually going in.

65
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:28,831
Check it.
Patients of Dr Turk, how are we?

66
00:03:29,092 --> 00:03:31,128
- Okay!
- All good!

67
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:32,755
Fine.

68
00:03:35,557 --> 00:03:37,912
The guy has a tongue surgery.
He's actually okay, though.

69
00:03:39,644 --> 00:03:41,839
<i>Elliot preferred a more</i>
<i>personal approach.</i>

70
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:44,252
Shannon, what's happening, girlfriend?

71
00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:46,891
Yeah, I know I can't pull off calling
someone "girlfriend,"

72
00:03:47,068 --> 00:03:50,185
- but she likes it, so...
- I do. Can't help it.

73
00:03:52,991 --> 00:03:56,347
Shannon's back.
It's been so great getting to know her.

74
00:03:56,661 --> 00:03:58,538
See, that's the great thing about
being in private practice.

75
00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:01,742
You get to treat the same
patients all the...

76
00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:04,339
Come on, you guys!

77
00:04:05,921 --> 00:04:08,435
People are sleeping here.

78
00:04:08,632 --> 00:04:11,510
Well, I guess you think it's so funny...
Wait, why am I whispering?

79
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:13,993
Listen, Barbie, I'd love to take credit
for this idea,

80
00:04:14,179 --> 00:04:17,171
but it was all big Bobby Kelso.

81
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,690
Come on. Heck.

82
00:04:22,270 --> 00:04:23,305
Quick announcement.

83
00:04:23,438 --> 00:04:26,316
I have signed Sacred Heart up
for a website

84
00:04:26,525 --> 00:04:28,914
called Rate YourDoc. Org,

85
00:04:29,110 --> 00:04:31,624
where patients can evaluate
and score their doctors.

86
00:04:31,822 --> 00:04:33,813
I think it's going to lead to
better patient care.

87
00:04:33,990 --> 00:04:37,619
And, if along the way, you all become
paranoid and overly competitive,

88
00:04:37,869 --> 00:04:38,858
happy birthday to me.

89
00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:42,927
Dr Kelso, I became a doctor
to save lives, heal wounds,

90
00:04:43,166 --> 00:04:46,522
and occasionally drop
the M.D. Bomb to pull hot tail in bars.

91
00:04:47,379 --> 00:04:50,974
You know what else works?
Cosmonaut. Try it. Thank me later.

92
00:04:51,341 --> 00:04:52,330
<i>Noted.</i>

93
00:05:01,977 --> 00:05:05,970
Oh, I reckon my Lady's as pretty as
a porcupine on roller skates.

94
00:05:06,731 --> 00:05:08,244
That doesn't even make sense.

95
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,630
That's what we smitten folk
call a metaphor.

96
00:05:10,986 --> 00:05:12,055
You, young lady,

97
00:05:12,195 --> 00:05:15,983
have a head as empty as
a whippoorwill in a tub of moonshine.

98
00:05:16,241 --> 00:05:17,720
There you go.

99
00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:21,496
He's out of his fricking mind.

100
00:05:21,663 --> 00:05:23,654
How does that woman go out with him?

101
00:05:23,832 --> 00:05:28,223
Well, I would say love is blind,
but we both know that isn't true.

102
00:05:28,587 --> 00:05:31,704
My love for Enid falls a percentage
point with every pound she gains.

103
00:05:31,923 --> 00:05:35,598
Since our wedding day,
I am 136% less in love with her.

104
00:05:35,844 --> 00:05:37,516
You're really gonna comment
on your wife's weight

105
00:05:37,679 --> 00:05:39,670
when you got muffins
stuffed down your pants?

106
00:05:39,848 --> 00:05:41,327
I like them warm.

107
00:05:45,896 --> 00:05:48,205
So, you're experiencing vomiting
and shortness of breath,

108
00:05:48,398 --> 00:05:50,468
neither of which are consistent
with your ALS.

109
00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:52,845
<i>It's hard to be comfortable</i>
<i>around terminal patients,</i>

110
00:05:53,028 --> 00:05:54,586
<i>but Shannon made it easy.</i>

111
00:05:54,738 --> 00:05:57,616
- So how's the ALS progressing?
- It's been a blast.

112
00:05:57,824 --> 00:06:01,453
Her legs are fully paralysed
and her arms are on their way.

113
00:06:01,703 --> 00:06:03,056
That does sound fun.

114
00:06:03,205 --> 00:06:05,719
Yeah, but you know what?
I think I'm ready for all this.

115
00:06:05,916 --> 00:06:07,588
Said goodbye to all my friends.

116
00:06:07,751 --> 00:06:09,309
Hell, I even had my funeral already.

117
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,779
She looked so beautiful in her casket.

118
00:06:13,465 --> 00:06:14,659
I'm sure you did.

119
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:16,441
I wasn't in a casket.

120
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,743
I know that.
Come on, who would do that?

121
00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:20,828
Except for vampires.

122
00:06:21,389 --> 00:06:22,947
I told you he was gullible.

123
00:06:23,558 --> 00:06:24,877
Shannon, I hate to leave,

124
00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,849
but I really want to get these
down to the lab for testing.

125
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:28,055
Okay.

126
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:29,223
I can stay.

127
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,386
So you went to your own funeral, huh?

128
00:06:34,277 --> 00:06:36,632
- Were people sad enough for you?
- Most of them.

129
00:06:36,822 --> 00:06:39,382
And anyone that wasn't crying
got a talking-to.

130
00:06:40,242 --> 00:06:43,518
You should've invited me.
I can cry on cue. Say "dead puppies."

131
00:06:43,745 --> 00:06:44,780
Dead puppies.

132
00:06:45,497 --> 00:06:47,852
<i>Connecting with patients</i>
<i>always came easier to me</i>

133
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,190
<i>than it did to some others.</i>

134
00:06:49,793 --> 00:06:51,192
Have a good day, Mr Walmer.

135
00:06:51,753 --> 00:06:54,221
Wow, you actually learned
your patient's name.

136
00:06:54,422 --> 00:06:55,741
Maybe if you don't kill him
in the operating room,

137
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,110
you can take him out dancing.

138
00:06:57,259 --> 00:06:59,773
I doubt it. I'm amputating his foot later.

139
00:06:59,970 --> 00:07:01,528
But he's still going
to give me a good review.

140
00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:03,398
See, we're DBFFs.

141
00:07:04,307 --> 00:07:06,059
Diabetic Best Friends Forever.

142
00:07:06,476 --> 00:07:08,990
You don't usually
bond with your patients.

143
00:07:09,187 --> 00:07:12,782
You're not changing who you are as
a doctor to get good ratings, are you?

144
00:07:13,024 --> 00:07:14,218
Hell to the no.

145
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:16,638
Are you?

146
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:18,772
Please.

147
00:07:19,948 --> 00:07:22,701
So, you're declining chemo
because Wikipedia

148
00:07:22,909 --> 00:07:26,538
says that raw food diet
reverses the effects of bone cancer.

149
00:07:26,788 --> 00:07:28,699
Well, hey,

150
00:07:28,874 --> 00:07:32,230
any info you have that I can pass on to
my other patients would just be super.

151
00:07:32,460 --> 00:07:34,496
And by the by,
while you're on your computer,

152
00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:38,550
perhaps you could jump over to
a little site called Rate YourDoc. Org?

153
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,231
O-R-G.

154
00:07:43,513 --> 00:07:44,582
Patients of Dr Turk,

155
00:07:44,723 --> 00:07:46,918
would you like any one-on-one time
with your surgeon?

156
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,135
- Please.
- Sure.

157
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:49,303
- Yeah.
- Love to.

158
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:52,826
A private consultation with my surgeon
would be very much appreciated,

159
00:07:53,064 --> 00:07:54,053
thank you.

160
00:07:54,191 --> 00:07:56,147
Damn, someone's tongue
is healing fast.

161
00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,396
There. I gave you five stars.

162
00:07:59,988 --> 00:08:00,977
Thank you.

163
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:04,151
And now I have to take your laptop
from you,

164
00:08:04,367 --> 00:08:07,245
as I've deemed you just
too darn stupid to use it.

165
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:09,809
You see those bell peppers
that you're munching?

166
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:11,681
They aren't going to do
a truckload of jack

167
00:08:11,833 --> 00:08:13,949
against the cancer
raging inside of your body.

168
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:17,039
Of course, I've only been a doctor
for some 20 years,

169
00:08:17,255 --> 00:08:19,246
and the person who
wrote that Wikipedia entry

170
00:08:19,424 --> 00:08:21,892
also authored
the <i>Battlestar Galactica</i> episode guide.

171
00:08:22,093 --> 00:08:24,288
So what the heck do I know?

172
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:28,494
But if you feel like living, page me.

173
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:36,408
- So, "Lady" is an unusual name.
- Tell me about it.

174
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:39,528
I was conceived after my parents saw
the movie <i>Lady and the Tramp.</i>

175
00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:41,578
- That's so sweet.
- Yeah.

176
00:08:42,906 --> 00:08:45,704
Got to go meet my guy out front.
Nice meeting you, Carla.

177
00:08:47,577 --> 00:08:49,647
So, you'll never believe this.

178
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:52,143
Lady is normal.

179
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:56,006
I'm sorry.
Did you also win free muffins for life?

180
00:08:56,211 --> 00:08:57,200
I didn't think so.

181
00:08:57,379 --> 00:09:00,177
Now let me read
the final Harry Potter novel in peace.

182
00:09:00,382 --> 00:09:01,531
Everyone's already read that.

183
00:09:01,716 --> 00:09:03,991
Yes, but if anyone divulges any details
to me...

184
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:05,656
What happens, Murphy?

185
00:09:05,804 --> 00:09:08,955
You draw Harry Potter glasses
on their face in permanent marker.

186
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:10,501
That's right.

187
00:09:10,642 --> 00:09:14,555
Now, I don't give a hoot about
the Janitor and his gal pal, okay?

188
00:09:14,813 --> 00:09:16,041
So shove off.

189
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:17,907
You wouldn't dare draw on me,

190
00:09:18,066 --> 00:09:20,819
and I already know whether
Harry lives or dies at the end.

191
00:09:22,821 --> 00:09:24,937
So Lady's completely normal, huh?

192
00:09:26,575 --> 00:09:27,849
Can you believe that?

193
00:09:30,495 --> 00:09:31,848
Hi, Elliot, what's up?

194
00:09:31,997 --> 00:09:33,953
Good news.
Your symptoms aren't ALS-related.

195
00:09:34,124 --> 00:09:36,922
You just took too many baclofens.
You probably just mixed up your meds.

196
00:09:37,961 --> 00:09:40,839
<i>In a hospital, little mysteries</i>
<i>get solved every day.</i>

197
00:09:42,257 --> 00:09:43,406
You look nice.

198
00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:46,542
I'm just glad to get out of that uni
and into my regular clothes.

199
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:49,780
That's why she likes him.
He's pretending to be normal.

200
00:09:49,973 --> 00:09:52,407
No way! Too much?

201
00:09:53,518 --> 00:09:55,554
<i>Sometimes the answer's</i>
<i>right in front of your face.</i>

202
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,481
- You've got to be kidding me.
- It has to be an error.

203
00:09:57,647 --> 00:10:00,081
Are you guys still looking
at that stupid website?

204
00:10:00,275 --> 00:10:02,948
I told you, those ratings are meaning...

205
00:10:03,153 --> 00:10:05,826
I'm number one!
The number one doctor!

206
00:10:06,031 --> 00:10:09,706
Yes! Yes! Number one, number one.

207
00:10:09,951 --> 00:10:11,623
I gotta make a quick phone call.

208
00:10:11,786 --> 00:10:13,139
Call Mommy.

209
00:10:13,663 --> 00:10:15,415
<i>And sometimes you never</i>
<i>could've seen it coming.</i>

210
00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:17,334
You gotta be more careful
with your medications.

211
00:10:17,501 --> 00:10:19,093
I mean, the baclofens aren't so bad,

212
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:23,086
but if you took too many
benzodiazepines, you could've died.

213
00:10:23,340 --> 00:10:25,410
Then that's definitely
what I'll do next time.

214
00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:28,082
Grape?

215
00:10:32,682 --> 00:10:34,673
Why would you purposefully overdose?

216
00:10:35,393 --> 00:10:38,624
You know the answer to that.
I've said my goodbyes.

217
00:10:38,855 --> 00:10:42,131
And soon, I won't be able to
move my arms or even speak.

218
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:46,045
I am literally going to die
entombed in this body,

219
00:10:46,571 --> 00:10:48,084
a lifeless burden to Gayle.

220
00:10:48,657 --> 00:10:51,125
- Who's Gayle?
- My home care nurse.

221
00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:55,054
I know she's sweet,
but she's a little silly for my taste.

222
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:00,930
Oh, God, she's flying.

223
00:11:02,754 --> 00:11:04,824
How's she getting her scarf
to blow like that?

224
00:11:05,882 --> 00:11:07,156
I get to go next.

225
00:11:09,094 --> 00:11:13,133
Elliot, I want things to end
on my terms.

226
00:11:13,932 --> 00:11:16,366
And in a few months,
I won't even be able to do that.

227
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:18,490
Why are you telling me all of this?

228
00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:20,840
I mean, this goes against
everything that I stand for.

229
00:11:21,773 --> 00:11:23,092
Shannon, I'm your doctor.

230
00:11:23,608 --> 00:11:24,757
I know,

231
00:11:25,110 --> 00:11:26,384
but you're also my friend.

232
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:32,568
One blueberry, please.

233
00:11:36,621 --> 00:11:37,690
Because I can.

234
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,129
So what do you want to do tonight?

235
00:11:41,293 --> 00:11:44,922
Well, it's Friday, which is date night.
So perhaps we should see a movie

236
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:48,244
and then get some ice cream
while we walk and hold hands.

237
00:11:49,426 --> 00:11:50,461
I vote yes.

238
00:11:54,097 --> 00:11:57,533
What the hell are you doing? Khaki?
You never wear khaki.

239
00:11:57,893 --> 00:12:00,361
- My uniform is khaki.
- Your uniform is blue.

240
00:12:00,562 --> 00:12:01,881
- No.
- Yes.

241
00:12:02,272 --> 00:12:04,263
- Leave me alone.
- Yeah, right.

242
00:12:05,275 --> 00:12:06,424
Are you coming?

243
00:12:06,568 --> 00:12:11,084
Well, I might as well. Miriam here
has already ruined the book for me.

244
00:12:15,285 --> 00:12:18,163
<i>The Rate YourDoc website</i>
<i>also had a comments section.</i>

245
00:12:18,497 --> 00:12:20,852
Come on.
"What's up with Dr Cox's hair?

246
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:23,555
"One week he's bald, and the next
week he looks like Shirley Temple?

247
00:12:23,752 --> 00:12:25,105
"Signed, Michelle M."

248
00:12:25,754 --> 00:12:27,870
Oh, it's called "Rate YourDoc. Org."

249
00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:31,324
I'm on a completely different,
more awesome site. See?

250
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:32,825
Whoa!

251
00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:37,008
Can I borrow your laptop
just for a second, please? Thank you.

252
00:12:37,474 --> 00:12:39,544
Yup. Still number one.

253
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:42,001
Now to put the cursor back
on Dr Turk,

254
00:12:42,187 --> 00:12:44,542
who's lower down on the ranking list.

255
00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:49,646
Scrolling down, scrolling, scrolling...
Fake watch. Scrolling, scrolling.

256
00:12:50,445 --> 00:12:55,235
There he is, all the way at the bottom,
right above Dr Murphy here.

257
00:12:55,992 --> 00:12:57,220
How can I be last?

258
00:12:57,369 --> 00:12:58,518
All my patients are dead.

259
00:12:58,662 --> 00:13:01,415
Doug, do you remember that guy
you put in the morgue drawer?

260
00:13:01,623 --> 00:13:03,614
Turns out he was just heavily sedated.

261
00:13:03,792 --> 00:13:07,182
Oh, yeah, you're right.
All the comments are from him.

262
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:09,934
My ALS patient just told me
she tried to kill herself.

263
00:13:10,215 --> 00:13:12,251
Shannon? What are you gonna do?

264
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:15,019
Well, Barbie, you have two choices.
You can either tell on her

265
00:13:15,345 --> 00:13:16,334
or look the other way.

266
00:13:16,471 --> 00:13:18,462
Now, me, I'd go ahead
and crank up the Moody Blues

267
00:13:18,723 --> 00:13:20,156
and suffocate her with a pillow.

268
00:13:20,308 --> 00:13:21,661
Of course, I'm a helper.

269
00:13:21,810 --> 00:13:23,926
- As always, thank you.
- Welcome.

270
00:13:24,855 --> 00:13:27,289
Someone named Coco Bosco wrote
that she's sick of me saying,

271
00:13:27,482 --> 00:13:28,801
"That's what I'm talking about."

272
00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:32,062
But sometimes that is
what I'm talking about.

273
00:13:35,073 --> 00:13:37,348
Tell me this. Do you like her?

274
00:13:39,161 --> 00:13:41,959
Well, I've never met her before, but no.

275
00:13:42,831 --> 00:13:43,866
In fact, I may hate her.

276
00:13:46,585 --> 00:13:48,064
I'm talking about Lady.

277
00:13:48,211 --> 00:13:51,089
If you like her, you can't keep
lying to her about who you are.

278
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:52,572
Hogwash.

279
00:13:52,716 --> 00:13:53,944
Lie forever.

280
00:13:54,092 --> 00:13:56,686
It's the natural form of communication
between men and women.

281
00:13:57,471 --> 00:14:00,031
Hell, Enid still thinks
it's too snowy to go outside.

282
00:14:00,891 --> 00:14:02,483
I spray the windows
with shaving cream

283
00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:03,631
to keep her out of the yard.

284
00:14:03,935 --> 00:14:05,493
Her wheelchair tears up the grass.

285
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:09,335
Until you let Lady know the real you,
your relationship is not real,

286
00:14:09,566 --> 00:14:10,715
and it's going to end.

287
00:14:11,234 --> 00:14:12,906
I don't want it to end.

288
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:16,246
That's his sad voice.

289
00:14:19,910 --> 00:14:21,946
We can't lose to J.D.
I don't care what it takes.

290
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:23,109
I thought he was your best friend.

291
00:14:23,246 --> 00:14:24,884
Yeah, well, winning is
way more important than friendship.

292
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:26,314
My gram-gram taught me that.

293
00:14:26,708 --> 00:14:27,936
His patients love him.

294
00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:29,358
How do we undo that?

295
00:14:29,628 --> 00:14:31,937
After you're done rating me
on Rate YourDoc. Org,

296
00:14:32,130 --> 00:14:34,883
go to my website, TheToddTime. Com,

297
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:37,764
and be sure to check out
the "Tranny Todd" feature.

298
00:14:37,969 --> 00:14:40,802
It lets you see what the big dog
looks like with girl parts.

299
00:14:45,435 --> 00:14:48,427
Ma'am, the key to a speedy recovery
is less moaning, more boning.

300
00:14:49,314 --> 00:14:51,430
Sure as my name is Dr John Dorian.

301
00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:54,967
That's what I'm talking about!

302
00:14:56,238 --> 00:14:57,466
I said it again.

303
00:14:58,490 --> 00:14:59,525
Damn!

304
00:15:01,076 --> 00:15:03,112
Hey. I've been looking for you.

305
00:15:04,496 --> 00:15:06,771
Can you imagine what it's like to know
that you're going to be trapped

306
00:15:06,957 --> 00:15:10,108
in your own body,
just waiting for your misery to end?

307
00:15:11,461 --> 00:15:13,452
Elliot, you can't let this girl
do this again.

308
00:15:13,630 --> 00:15:15,427
You gotta tell Gayle
so she can police it.

309
00:15:15,841 --> 00:15:18,150
But maybe dying
is the right choice for her.

310
00:15:18,844 --> 00:15:21,312
Well, I don't think
it's the right choice for you.

311
00:15:22,848 --> 00:15:23,883
You know, as doctors,

312
00:15:24,015 --> 00:15:26,404
sometimes we have to
protect ourselves first.

313
00:15:27,519 --> 00:15:28,634
And I know you better than anybody.

314
00:15:28,770 --> 00:15:31,045
You've always believed in
the sanctity of life.

315
00:15:32,315 --> 00:15:35,387
If you let this girl kill herself,
it's gonna haunt you forever.

316
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:38,344
I could handle it.

317
00:15:38,697 --> 00:15:42,167
You remember when you were treating
that teenager and you broke his iPod?

318
00:15:43,034 --> 00:15:45,343
You felt so guilty,
you let him take you to prom.

319
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:48,714
Yeah, well, I left early,
and I barely put out.

320
00:15:50,292 --> 00:15:51,566
I just don't want you to get hurt.

321
00:15:54,504 --> 00:15:55,778
You're right.

322
00:15:56,882 --> 00:15:58,281
I'll tell Gayle.

323
00:15:59,468 --> 00:16:00,947
Thanks.

324
00:16:01,970 --> 00:16:04,564
Do you know that I'm
the number one doctor in the hospital?

325
00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:06,880
Yes, J.D. I got all the e-mails.

326
00:16:08,894 --> 00:16:12,204
Hi. Aren't we going out?
What's with the jumpsuit?

327
00:16:12,731 --> 00:16:13,720
Okay, first of all,

328
00:16:13,857 --> 00:16:15,051
if we're going to make it,
not a jumpsuit.

329
00:16:15,192 --> 00:16:17,103
- Shirt, belt, pants.
- Okay.

330
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:20,030
Secondly, I think it's time
that you knew the real me.

331
00:16:20,989 --> 00:16:22,183
All right, here we go.

332
00:16:23,158 --> 00:16:25,797
I'm not like normal people.

333
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:28,754
I don't have superpowers,
but I'm working on it.

334
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:31,264
For instance, watch me move this pen.

335
00:16:36,046 --> 00:16:38,480
It worked at home. I don't know.
Maybe my table is slanted.

336
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:42,807
Anyway, in my spare time,
I also enjoy stuffing animals.

337
00:16:43,428 --> 00:16:45,066
Usually with other animals.

338
00:16:45,764 --> 00:16:48,562
For instance, a badger
will hold five squirrels.

339
00:16:48,767 --> 00:16:50,723
A squirrel will hold most of a cat.

340
00:16:51,228 --> 00:16:53,184
A mouse will hold a shrew and a vole.

341
00:16:53,897 --> 00:16:55,125
You get the idea. Circle of life.

342
00:16:55,732 --> 00:16:58,804
I have broken the sound barrier,
but you must never ask me how.

343
00:16:59,653 --> 00:17:00,847
I don't believe in the moon.

344
00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:02,579
I think it's just the back of the sun.

345
00:17:02,739 --> 00:17:04,775
I love a good train wreck.

346
00:17:05,575 --> 00:17:07,213
Furthermore, I think if you look closely
at a monkey...

347
00:17:07,369 --> 00:17:09,883
Stop it, you.
She doesn't know you're joking.

348
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,548
- No, I'm...
- He's joking? Thank God.

349
00:17:12,749 --> 00:17:15,104
And so the lying begins.

350
00:17:15,293 --> 00:17:17,170
You big joker.

351
00:17:17,462 --> 00:17:19,180
Go change and I'll meet you outside.

352
00:17:21,675 --> 00:17:24,633
What just happened?
Did I black out? Did the pen move?

353
00:17:24,845 --> 00:17:26,676
You have to dole out your crazy
in little pieces.

354
00:17:26,847 --> 00:17:28,883
You can't do it all at once.

355
00:17:30,225 --> 00:17:31,260
All right.

356
00:17:32,477 --> 00:17:33,876
Hey, what do you say, 23?

357
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:37,330
<i>Oh, my God. Another new nickname.</i>
<i>But what does it mean?</i>

358
00:17:37,732 --> 00:17:40,644
<i>Play it cool, 23.</i>
<i>You'll find out eventually.</i>

359
00:17:41,444 --> 00:17:43,958
That's what they call me.
Why do they call me that?

360
00:17:44,281 --> 00:17:45,634
It's your new website ranking.

361
00:17:46,158 --> 00:17:49,309
- What? How did I drop so low?
- You know, after I fix that gall bladder,

362
00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:52,255
you might want me to do something
about those flat boobies.

363
00:17:55,792 --> 00:17:58,260
All I wanted to do was
win at something, for once,

364
00:17:58,462 --> 00:17:59,975
and when I finally do, you have to go...

365
00:18:00,130 --> 00:18:02,360
Excuse me. But do you really want
me here for a lecture

366
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,665
that I'm not gonna feel
the least bit guilty about?

367
00:18:05,427 --> 00:18:06,860
Dismissed.

368
00:18:07,804 --> 00:18:11,592
Him, I expected this from, but you?

369
00:18:12,601 --> 00:18:16,435
I mean, you're my closest friend.
In college, we shared a toothbrush.

370
00:18:16,897 --> 00:18:18,888
- I was not aware of that.
- We did.

371
00:18:19,691 --> 00:18:21,966
Look, man, is there anything I can do
to make it up to you?

372
00:18:24,196 --> 00:18:27,586
Here you go, buddy.
Your very own unicorn.

373
00:18:28,825 --> 00:18:30,224
She's glorious!

374
00:18:36,875 --> 00:18:38,467
- Turk!
- My bad.

375
00:18:39,669 --> 00:18:41,227
Is there anything I can do to
make it up to you?

376
00:18:43,298 --> 00:18:44,856
Here's your unicorn!

377
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:50,090
Turk! She's beautiful!
Look at her mane...

378
00:18:51,223 --> 00:18:54,533
- Turk!
- I gotta tell you, unicorns aren't real.

379
00:18:54,768 --> 00:18:56,679
- Stop it!
- They're not real.

380
00:19:00,482 --> 00:19:01,756
There's nothing you can do.

381
00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:04,554
What if I let you beat me in basketball
while the nurses watch?

382
00:19:04,986 --> 00:19:07,216
Can we yell "White Lightning"
every time I make a basket?

383
00:19:07,405 --> 00:19:08,997
- We always do.
- Back in.

384
00:19:09,491 --> 00:19:10,526
- Okay.
- Come on, Bizzle.

385
00:19:13,161 --> 00:19:16,153
Gayle's pulling the car around.
So I guess this is...

386
00:19:16,373 --> 00:19:18,841
Don't. You know I hate the "G" word.

387
00:19:20,085 --> 00:19:22,838
Elliot, thank you for everything.

388
00:19:23,046 --> 00:19:24,877
You've been an amazing friend to me.

389
00:19:31,429 --> 00:19:33,147
- White Lightning!
- White Lightning!

390
00:19:33,598 --> 00:19:36,510
Dude, enough practise lay-ups.
I'm getting hoarse.

391
00:19:38,019 --> 00:19:39,657
- White Lightning!
- White Lightning!

392
00:19:39,813 --> 00:19:41,132
Are you even listening to me?

393
00:19:41,273 --> 00:19:42,911
<i>When you have something you have to</i>
<i>get off your chest,</i>

394
00:19:43,066 --> 00:19:44,738
<i>there are a couple of things</i>
<i>you can do.</i>

395
00:19:45,527 --> 00:19:47,085
<i>You can test the water.</i>

396
00:19:47,237 --> 00:19:49,432
Check this out.
I found it at a garage sale.

397
00:19:49,614 --> 00:19:54,563
- Oh, my God! That is disgusting.
- Yeah, I know. I think so, too.

398
00:19:55,287 --> 00:19:57,084
I just wanted to make sure
we're on the same page.

399
00:20:02,043 --> 00:20:04,318
<i>Or you can come completely clean.</i>

400
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:06,142
I talked to Kelso
about the whole Todd thing,

401
00:20:06,298 --> 00:20:07,651
and you're back at number one.

402
00:20:08,425 --> 00:20:09,904
That's what I'm talking about!

403
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:12,986
I figured since you can't say it
any more, maybe I could have it.

404
00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:14,169
No.

405
00:20:14,723 --> 00:20:16,554
<i>Of course, if you're really</i>
<i>the number one doctor,</i>

406
00:20:16,725 --> 00:20:18,443
<i>you might end up</i>
<i>keeping things to yourself.</i>

407
00:20:20,061 --> 00:20:22,017
Is there anything else I need to know?

408
00:20:23,857 --> 00:20:25,927
No. Nothing else.

409
00:20:30,071 --> 00:20:32,539
<i>Even if it will haunt you forever.</i>

410
00:20:33,305 --> 00:21:33,524
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.