1 00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:02,692 All right, Mrs Cropper, 2 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:05,066 I think you're gonna be fine without the antibiotics. 3 00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:07,689 And you don't think I'll need a pelvic exam? 4 00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:09,873 Not for a cold, no. 5 00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:14,081 Do it with the gloves off. 6 00:00:14,222 --> 00:00:17,373 Okay, either step aside or I'm gonna go through you. 7 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,637 Then you go through me. You go through me hard. 8 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:24,331 Mrs Cropper wasn't the only one showing aggression. 9 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,981 Ever since Turk visited his brother last month, 10 00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:29,029 he'd been more alpha male than ever. 11 00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:32,107 All right, we all know the rules of remote wrestling. 12 00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:34,996 Last man standing decides what we watch. 13 00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:37,972 Man rumble? 14 00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:42,356 I go next. 15 00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:44,976 Right? Right? 16 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:48,135 Yeah! 17 00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:57,253 No. 18 00:00:57,390 --> 00:01:00,063 I don't care that you've been waiting two hours to be helped. 19 00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:02,736 Thank you for letting me think about it. 20 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:08,095 Anybody have an idea how we can calm down the clientele 21 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,548 when we're this backed up? 22 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,205 You know what would work? Duck pond. 23 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:15,351 Right here. 24 00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:18,001 I can't believe I've never said this to you: 25 00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:20,080 Nobody cares what you think. 26 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:24,030 Listen, guys. 27 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:27,637 It's come to my attention that nobody around here cares what we think. 28 00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:28,914 Tell me about it. 29 00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:30,605 Like, I thought it'd be cute if, down in the morgue, 30 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,156 we got Hello Kitty toe tags. 31 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,860 You know, for the dead kids? But, no. 32 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:36,805 Exactly. Sort of. 33 00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:40,168 I've figured out a way to get our voices heard. 34 00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:42,667 Okay? It's a little newsletter called... 35 00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:44,570 Brace yourselves. 36 00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:48,988 Seriously, brace yourselves. The Janitorial. 37 00:01:50,318 --> 00:01:52,388 Now, what I'm thinking we can do... 38 00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:55,038 Un-brace yourselves. Un-brace. There we go. 39 00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:57,477 Todd has a question. 40 00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:02,168 Yes. Could I be the photographer so I have a valid excuse for wearing this? 41 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:07,930 Don't ruin it. 42 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,758 I'm gonna be writing all the editorials, okay? 43 00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:13,914 On issues like union strife, insurance scams, baby wolf men. 44 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:18,351 What I need is an investigative reporter, yeah? 45 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:23,595 Somebody who is bland enough and insignificant enough 46 00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:26,369 that he'd be listening in on a private conversation, 47 00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:27,598 get the secrets, 48 00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:30,291 but no one would even notice he was there. 49 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:31,836 I'll do it. 50 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:34,237 You been sitting there this whole time? 51 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:38,238 No. First I was in your chair and you sat on my lap, remember? 52 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,559 I said, "Excuse me." 53 00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:45,491 And you said, "Get up and sit over there," and I did. 54 00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,068 Right? 55 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:50,006 And... Hey, Janitor. 56 00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:51,644 Oh, hey, Ted. 57 00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:00,331 Hello? 58 00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:08,574 "Rate Dr Reid's butt"? 59 00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,603 Yes, 9.2! 60 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,142 Thank God this hospital is full of white guys. 61 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,039 Calm down, Enid. 62 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:22,271 It's not my fault that I'm being forced out of my job. 63 00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:25,038 The Board found out about my age 64 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:30,040 because Dr Reid just had to throw a birthday party for me. 65 00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:34,252 Now, Enid, I've got to go back to work. 66 00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:44,676 Don't be too pleased with that 9.2. That's out of 100. 67 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,889 Dr Cox, can Sam watch West Side Story? 68 00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:55,428 It helps him fall asleep. 69 00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,399 And it makes my heart sing. 70 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,925 Fine, but absolutely no singing or dancing along. 71 00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:03,710 And I will throw my coffee at you if I catch you even once doing this... 72 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,318 All right, I'll just do it in my head, then. 73 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,265 I'm watching the game. 74 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:17,060 You put that remote down or be prepared to wrestle. 75 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:20,488 Who ordered a can of whoop-ass? I think you did. 76 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,157 I want you to see this. 77 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,014 Can you see the TV from there, buddy? 78 00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:36,067 Unfortunately, you're going to have to get used to events like this. 79 00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:41,710 Don't listen to him, Sam. Turk, stop bouncing. 80 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:49,074 Watch Movies, TV Series and Live Sports Signup Here -> WWW.ADMITME.APP 81 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,162 How do you get it to spin so well? 82 00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:05,939 You got to make sure the pen's right in the middle. 83 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,873 Check it out. We made the front page. 84 00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:14,416 I know. It's awesome. 85 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:17,032 Now there's no doubt who the best buds in the whole hospital are. 86 00:05:17,233 --> 00:05:19,508 Tracy and Stacy can suck it. 87 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:20,809 Dude. 88 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,850 Oh, sorry, Tracy and Stacy. 89 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:28,613 I see you guys are wearing each other's oxygen tubes. That's cute. 90 00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:30,724 - All right, they win. - Yeah. 91 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,191 Check it out. I'm gonna take this to Kinko's 92 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,890 and get it blown up poster-size. 93 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,191 - Get two. - I know. 94 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,166 Wait a minute. Let me see if I've got this right. 95 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,613 The front-page story about your humiliating ass-kicking 96 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,273 doesn't bother you at all? 97 00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:45,337 You're the only one your son has to model himself after 98 00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:47,271 when he's trying to figure out how to be a man, 99 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,261 and seeing the occasional poster of Paul Mitchell 100 00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:52,708 whenever you take him by the beauty salon isn't going to cut it. 101 00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:56,087 Well, it's unfortunate that all children can't have the amazing role model 102 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,350 that you are, Mr Borderline Alcoholic. 103 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,467 Nailed him! 104 00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:05,206 It's great having silver bullets like that on everyone in the hospital. 105 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,757 - You sure told him. - Thanks, Herpes. 106 00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:12,698 I'm so sorry that they're forcing you out. I feel horrible. 107 00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:15,951 Sweetheart, you should. It's your fault. 108 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:17,316 Look, I'll talk to the Board. 109 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,416 I am so great at changing people's minds. 110 00:06:19,587 --> 00:06:21,225 My best friend in college thought he was gay, 111 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,178 but I totally convinced him that he was into women. 112 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:26,094 After that, he had a ton of girlfriends. 113 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:29,267 Until senior year when he hung himself. 114 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,078 Why is it that so many of your stories end with, 115 00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:34,383 "And then he hung himself"? 116 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:35,880 Bad luck, I guess. 117 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,535 Don't help me. And keep this to yourself. 118 00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:41,272 It'll be our secret. 119 00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,593 This is your new patient, John. What's your secret? 120 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:44,927 I can't tell. 121 00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,027 And besides, you are terrible at keeping secrets. 122 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:49,189 You know, my brothers are great at keeping secrets. 123 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,846 They never once told anybody about the time 124 00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:54,304 they got into a fight in the bathroom and accidentally bumped wieners. 125 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,211 It was only for a second. 126 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,410 - Still gay, though. - Told you. 127 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,059 Well, it's official. The Janitorial is a hit. 128 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,894 But no time to rest. 129 00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:07,086 We got to get another issue out before lunch. 130 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,091 But we just put one out this morning. 131 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,856 Doug, The Janitorial is a tri-daily. 132 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,121 But let's hold out on the meeting until Ted gets here. 133 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:18,507 I'm right here. I bought you that scone. 134 00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,783 I thought the manager gifted it to me for not running that exposé 135 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:26,533 on how Coffee Bucks beans are picked by dirty river monkeys. 136 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,419 I'm kidding, Ted. 137 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,578 Actually, I wasn't kidding. 138 00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,418 Todd, how's the weather section shaping up? 139 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,334 I think all the ladies in the greater metro area should expect to see 140 00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,180 about eight inches tonight. 141 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:45,124 What's up? Entire-Coffee-Bucks-Five. 142 00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:49,287 - Hit it! - Nice newsletter there, fellows. 143 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,380 It's the first thing that I've ever read 144 00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:55,103 where I could actually feel myself getting stupider as I read it. 145 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:57,227 Are you calling me stupid? 146 00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:59,954 Well, it's your stupid paper, right? So, yeah. 147 00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:01,499 - High five. - You're stupid. 148 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:05,641 Hit it! Hit it! Hit it hard! And done. 149 00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:08,048 What did I miss? 150 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,180 Hey! 151 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,981 You want to explain the fingernail marks down my wife's back? 152 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:19,037 First of all, that's a perfectly acceptable fighting style. 153 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:22,719 And secondly, I think you should ask your wife about that. 154 00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,191 This is very close. 155 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,533 What did you have for lunch, scallops? 156 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:30,184 Hey, dude. Why don't you let him go? 157 00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,421 I don't have a problem with you, man. 158 00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,984 I should warn you, I've killed a man. 159 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,376 Granted, it was during surgery, 160 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:40,790 but I don't need anaesthesia to knock your ass out. 161 00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,095 - Sorry. - That's right. Walk away! 162 00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:45,309 Walk away! We got them. 163 00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:46,677 That was a close one, wasn't it? 164 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:49,810 Thank goodness your big, brave man-friend was here. 165 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,227 Sam, I want to be real clear about this. 166 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:56,419 That's your daddy, not your mommy. 167 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,826 How did you get Sam out of day care? 168 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:02,114 Put on a wig and a skirt and told them I was you. 169 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:07,714 So John has had swelling in his chest wall for a few months. 170 00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,796 Cold hands. Should've told you. 171 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,559 So you're pretty tight with your brothers, huh? 172 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:15,631 Yeah. They're idiots, but they're all right. 173 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,300 John, it looks like you have some skin puckering. 174 00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:21,945 I'm just gonna order some tests and see what's going on, okay? 175 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:23,905 I'll be right here. 176 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:28,660 - He's a nice guy, isn't he? - He's incredible. What's your secret? 177 00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,296 Are you pregnant? 178 00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:33,118 Why would I be talking to Kelso if I was pregnant? 179 00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:36,121 - It's his baby. - That was one dream, Carla. 180 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:39,526 And it doesn't count because he was half-dolphin. 181 00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:40,974 Which half? 182 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:44,759 Hey, Mop For Brains, 183 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:48,467 I was reading your paper online while I was on the toilet and... 184 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,544 - Yeah, I squat and surf. - Oh, it's the best. 185 00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,034 Anyway, did you happen to notice 186 00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:55,645 what one of your so-called correspondents put on there? 187 00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:58,568 "Dr Cox admitted that his callous outer shell 188 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,154 "is just protecting a fragile inner core of sadness. 189 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:02,579 "'Lf I seem angry, 190 00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:05,002 "'I'm really just wishing people would give me a warm hug 191 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:08,464 "'or pat me on the back and say, I'm right with you, man!"' 192 00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:11,843 Yeah, I did happen to catch that, while I was writing it. 193 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,425 I never gave you an interview. 194 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,208 - I don't see that that's relevant. - Why am I even bothering with this? 195 00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,479 Nobody ever believes what you put on these things anyway. 196 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:22,539 Really? People believe everything they see online. 197 00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:25,784 Apples linked to hair loss. And post. 198 00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:32,193 - I'm kidding, Ted. - I don't want to eat it again. 199 00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:33,698 Ted. 200 00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:40,576 Here's John's lab work. If you tell me your secret, 201 00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,835 I won't tell anybody about the time you ate a cricket. 202 00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:44,610 You tricked me into doing that. 203 00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,839 Dominican snack, my heinie. 204 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:50,199 You know, you didn't have to save me from Mrs Cropper's husband. 205 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,311 - I could've handled him. - How? 206 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,557 By ramming your face into his fists over and over again? 207 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,975 You make jokes, but I did that to Paul Edwards in college, 208 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,557 and who won that fight? 209 00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:04,252 He broke two knuckles, but I only fractured one skull. Scoreboard, Turk. 210 00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:05,608 Scoreboard! 211 00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,740 He did have to wear that goofy hand brace for a while. 212 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:08,906 Yeah, I don't remember that, 213 00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:12,036 but I am still missing some large chunks from that year. 214 00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:14,291 The point is, I don't want you fighting my battles for me. 215 00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:16,741 I need to be a strong male role model for Sam. 216 00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:19,243 But, dude, that's my job. Remember? 217 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,465 When Sam gets older, I teach him about sports and stuff, 218 00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,630 and you're in charge of lzzy's emotional crap. 219 00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:25,207 We agreed that's how we'd raise our kids. 220 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,912 Our kids? Turk, we're not married. 221 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,423 Dude, we're a little married. 222 00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:31,555 I know. I love it. 223 00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:34,008 Besides, if you start acting like a man's man all of a sudden, 224 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,867 you're just teaching Sam to lie about who he really is. 225 00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:38,346 You know? 226 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,685 That's it. I am a man. 227 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:43,737 And it's time to prove it, once and for all. 228 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:46,990 Walk more purposefully, damn it! You're pissed! 229 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:51,389 We're watching what I want to watch. 230 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,559 With my adrenaline flowing and my pride on the line, 231 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,474 I knew this time... 232 00:11:57,509 --> 00:12:00,182 Oh, no, wait. No, that's... Thank you. 233 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,250 It sucks to feel totally trapped. 234 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:07,549 Whether it's by a misinformed co-worker... 235 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,817 I feel alone, too. 236 00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:14,920 Oh, no. 237 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,219 ... or some very unexpected news. 238 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:22,075 John, your test results came back. You have breast cancer. 239 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:26,336 The hard part is finally breaking free! 240 00:12:26,997 --> 00:12:28,396 Dude, relax. I'm getting up now. 241 00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:30,417 - Calm down. - Get off! 242 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:36,298 I knew I had two choices, apologise to Turk and admit it was an accident, 243 00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:37,617 or this... 244 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,271 Yeah! How you like me now, bitch? 245 00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:44,381 Right? Up high! Up high! That's how we do! 246 00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,070 So uncool. 247 00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,923 I'm gonna kill him! Where is... Move! 248 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,584 After putting a beat down on Turk, 249 00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,883 the last thing I wanted to do was be lame and hide in a supply closet. 250 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,930 That's why I chose down here. 251 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,390 Why are you here? 252 00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,013 After all these years of putting on toe tags, 253 00:13:06,161 --> 00:13:07,674 I sort of developed a foot fetish. 254 00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:10,468 And you get tired of looking at dead ones, you know? 255 00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:12,383 No, Doug, I don't. 256 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,807 Quick question. 257 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,237 How could I possibly have breast cancer? 258 00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:19,856 Anyone can get it, John. 259 00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:22,522 And unfortunately, your sentinel node biopsy came back positive. 260 00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:25,472 We should start chemotherapy right away. 261 00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:27,773 Do you want to call your brothers? 262 00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:30,571 I'm not telling anybody about this, all right? So just forget it. 263 00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:32,248 End of story. 264 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:35,918 Can I have a minute, please? 265 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,150 Why wouldn't John want any help? 266 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:44,472 You know, this reminds me of the time my cousin Greg got stuck at the airport. 267 00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:47,497 I offered to pick him up, but he said he'd just crash at some cheap motel. 268 00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:50,694 - Anyway, the next day... - Let me guess. He hung himself. 269 00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:51,949 What? 270 00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:55,358 No, Dr Kelso, my cousin didn't hang himself, okay? 271 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,300 He did. But he lived. 272 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,191 That's a nice story. 273 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,839 Stop. Stop. Stop it, please. 274 00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:05,966 There's no touching. No touching me. No, please don't touch. 275 00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:08,412 Okay, everyone, can I have your attention? 276 00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:10,828 That interview is a fake. 277 00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:14,487 It never happened. So there's no more touching me. 278 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,640 Not now, not never. 279 00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:18,043 Knock, knock, knock. 280 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,182 Hello, is the real Dr Cox in there? 281 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:24,273 Because his friend Ted wants him to know it's safe to come out. 282 00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:31,178 - You read the interview, too? - What interview? 283 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:42,427 Oh, thank God. Turk will never beat me up in front of Carla. 284 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,899 - What is John's problem? - Yeah, Carla, what is his problem? 285 00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:51,216 He's embarrassed about having breast cancer. Most guys would be. 286 00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:53,389 You know what else would embarrass most guys? 287 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,790 Having their ass handed to them Hong-Kong style 288 00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:58,049 in front of the whole cafeteria. 289 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,870 Elliot, even doctors get self-conscious about their bodies. 290 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,661 Remember last month when Turk pretended to visit his brother, 291 00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:06,137 but he was actually having his testicle removed? 292 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,597 He was so embarrassed, he only let me tell you about it. 293 00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:11,013 And he was only comfortable telling J.D. 294 00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:16,367 Baby, I haven't told J.D. 295 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,691 How could you not tell your best friend? 296 00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:21,311 Do you guys even realise I'm here? 297 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,784 One testicle. 298 00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:27,583 Well, where is it? Did you at least keep it? 299 00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,956 Why would I keep my testicle? 300 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,292 These conditions are perfect. 301 00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:42,821 He's beautiful. 302 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,798 Oh, my God. This is totally awesome. 303 00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:50,370 Can you go pick up Carla's dry cleaning so I can play basketball? 304 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,599 It can't talk. 305 00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:01,549 - What the hell am I gonna do with that? - Stop, Turk. You're making him cry. 306 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:07,835 It's okay, Plant Turk. Friends. 307 00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:12,939 See? He's learning. 308 00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:18,725 - Get the clippers! Get the clippers! - Let him go! Let him go! 309 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:23,267 We have to find your ball, Turk. We have to find it and destroy it. 310 00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:26,987 You don't realise that Carla and Elliot left, do you? 311 00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:36,508 Look at him, he's dying in there. 312 00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:40,014 I mean, emotionally, not dying dying. 313 00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:43,280 Although, he could be. I haven't seen his full blood work yet. 314 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,495 Good, he's not dying. But he is. 315 00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:50,245 I'll never be surprised by the ridiculous behaviour of men. 316 00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:56,213 Wow, Turk's pretty quick without that testicle weighing him down. 317 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,947 I wonder if Olympic athletes have ever thought of that. 318 00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,316 Take them both off and I'll bring home the gold. 319 00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:03,197 Hell, if it makes a difference, you can even take off my... 320 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:08,043 Damn it! Never fantasise while running. You know that. 321 00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:17,821 There. I locked myself in. 322 00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,775 You can't stay in there forever. 323 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,660 You gotta make this stop. 324 00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:30,308 - Why're you torturing me? - Because you called me stupid. 325 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,780 Now, I've been called a great many horrible names in my life, 326 00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:35,927 backstabber, zebra poacher, Josh. 327 00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:39,309 And I've accepted these because to each of them there is a degree of truth. 328 00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:42,350 But I am not, nor will I ever be, stupid. 329 00:17:42,771 --> 00:17:46,127 - Fair enough. I'm very sorry. - Apology accepted. 330 00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,750 Now how about an interview with the real Dr Cox? 331 00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:51,252 Fine, let's just crank this out. 332 00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:54,457 - You don't have to be here. - Beg your pardon? 333 00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:56,852 Off you go. It's all up here. 334 00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:03,648 Occupied! 335 00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,451 It's too bad we can't just call John's brothers 336 00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,108 and tell them that he needs them. 337 00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:12,247 I know. Stupid doctor-patient confidentiality. 338 00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:13,582 It's like wearing a muzzle. 339 00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:16,278 Like last month, one of my patients asks out Nurse Rollins, 340 00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:17,950 and I couldn't even warn her that I'm treating the guy 341 00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:19,326 for a horrible case of mono. 342 00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:22,147 Now she has it and her grandfather has it. 343 00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:24,070 I don't know, she wouldn't say. 344 00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:26,379 Men are always doing this to themselves. 345 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:27,758 If they say they don't want your help, 346 00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:30,254 you can bet your ass they really need it. 347 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,116 That is so true I'm putting that on my answering machine 348 00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:35,073 and saving it for my next relationship. 349 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:38,073 Don't bother. There's no reception in here. 350 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:44,726 Oh, my God. 351 00:18:45,417 --> 00:18:47,294 Dr Kelso wants my help. 352 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,532 I swear, Elliot, if you don't tell me this secret, 353 00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:53,508 I'm gonna go in that stall and change your butt rating. 354 00:18:56,511 --> 00:18:59,264 So which one did you lose? Lamont or Grady? 355 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,030 Lamont. 356 00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:03,776 Now on hot days, he'll be sticking to God's leg. 357 00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,695 - How'd it happen? - My kid kicked me in the groin 358 00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:07,446 and now I got testicular torsion. 359 00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:09,243 That sucks. 360 00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:11,788 Lately, I've been feeling like less of a man. 361 00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:13,384 I think that's why I've been overcompensating 362 00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:16,486 with all of that remote wrestling, alpha male stuff. 363 00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:19,849 But losing a testicle is not gonna make you less of a man. 364 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,032 Although, you do realise you'll probably be having daughters 365 00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:25,161 for the rest of your life, if you lost the one that makes boy babies. 366 00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:31,527 - That's not really how it works, is it? - I'm not really sure. 367 00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:34,349 But still, you whooped me in public. 368 00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:36,301 So we got to fight again. 369 00:19:36,468 --> 00:19:40,302 Turk, have you not been listening? Sam. Role model. I have to win. 370 00:19:41,473 --> 00:19:42,826 So what do you want to do? 371 00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,692 And then we had it. 372 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:49,758 - Rocky III freeze-frame ending! - Rocky III freeze-frame ending! 373 00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:53,921 Yeah, I totally messed J.D. Up. 374 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:57,420 I cut my knuckle knocking his teeth out, right? Check out the scar. 375 00:19:57,655 --> 00:20:00,692 As I showed off the cut I'd gotten from a broken jam jar, 376 00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:03,662 I thought about how complex the male ego is. 377 00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:05,906 It can make us need constant affirmation 378 00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:07,833 that we're strong or even feared. 379 00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:11,541 - This is brilliant. - I thought you'd like it. 380 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,992 It can even make us so afraid to ask for help that instead, 381 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:18,048 we just quietly hope for someone to notice. 382 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:22,457 Dr Kelso, I told Carla your secret and we're gonna help you. 383 00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:24,482 We're going to rally everyone in this hospital 384 00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:27,951 to stop that Board from forcing you out of your job. 385 00:20:28,603 --> 00:20:31,037 Are you in on this, too, Perry? 386 00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:34,587 Nope. First time hearing it and I couldn't care less. 387 00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:39,079 He'll get there. 388 00:20:40,305 --> 00:21:40,301 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.