1 00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:03,493 J.D.: Things were the same around here. 2 00:00:03,536 --> 00:00:05,436 Dr. Kelso was retired... 3 00:00:05,472 --> 00:00:06,496 No. 4 00:00:06,539 --> 00:00:08,905 J.D.: But he had also won free muffins for life, 5 00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:11,502 so he still came to the hospital every day. 6 00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:13,307 Good morning, people. 7 00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:14,870 - Hi, Bob. - Hi, Bob. 8 00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:19,785 Hey, Anderson, before I retired, we never got to have a heart-to-heart. 9 00:00:19,819 --> 00:00:22,720 I'm not really a touchy-feely type, but, 10 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:25,782 well, hell, I'll just say it. You're a jackass. 11 00:00:27,894 --> 00:00:30,590 J.D.: As usual, Turk and I were working our asses off. 12 00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:32,723 Aw, man. You and Izzy are here? 13 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:36,065 I wanted to watch... Oh, nice, it's already on. 14 00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:40,070 It's a good one. The letter's J. 15 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:43,634 J.D.: And Dr. Cox was once again torturing the new interns. 16 00:00:43,676 --> 00:00:47,134 Before we start rounds today, who watches Deal or No Deal? 17 00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:49,877 Get out. 18 00:00:50,116 --> 00:00:52,414 And you, Legally Blonde, 19 00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:56,414 name the three possible causes of this patient's hematemasis. 20 00:00:56,456 --> 00:00:59,516 Peptic ulcer disease, esophageal varices, 21 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:02,619 or Zollinger-Ellison Syndrome? 22 00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:05,589 - That's actually correct. - Yes. 23 00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,032 And if you're wondering why I say "actually," 24 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:11,367 you've proven to be such a vapid, helpless incompetent, 25 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:15,272 that for you to say something correct is a wild departure from the norm. 26 00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:17,868 Therefore, I decided I had better pick a word 27 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:21,142 that drew attention to the fact that it was such an extraordinary occurrence. 28 00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:23,308 And I went ahead and chose "actually." 29 00:01:23,349 --> 00:01:24,407 Zwa! 30 00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:26,009 Who made that noise? 31 00:01:26,453 --> 00:01:27,511 I did. 32 00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:30,785 I'm a little tired of her chipper attitude, so it's cool to see you just slam her. 33 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,382 So I just went, "Zwa." 34 00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:35,189 So, if I were to ask you a question, like, 35 00:01:35,228 --> 00:01:38,720 what is the next diagnostic move in checking for Zollinger-Ellison 36 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,757 and you didn't know, I would say "zwa." 37 00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:46,568 No, 'cause I know the answer. Esophagogastroduodenoscopy. Zwa. 38 00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:50,303 Good. But mark my words, I will zwa you by the end of the day. 39 00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:52,470 Now, since the rest of your brains are so tiny, 40 00:01:52,512 --> 00:01:54,639 from now on I'll speak like a caveman. 41 00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:58,117 You. Bad doctors. Me. Good doctor. You follow. 42 00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:02,013 Hey, did you guys hear that they're starting to interview 43 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,113 for the new Chief of Medicine? 44 00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:05,681 Actually, they already found someone. 45 00:02:05,725 --> 00:02:09,661 That's right, knuckleheads. There's a new Chief in town. 46 00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:12,364 That was a mistake. 47 00:02:12,398 --> 00:02:14,958 I'll be watching you, John Dorian. 48 00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:19,665 And guess what? My eyes never close. 49 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,273 Mine neither. 50 00:02:24,377 --> 00:02:25,969 Actually, they do. That was a lie. 51 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,443 I grew up on the street. 52 00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:31,973 No, not the hood, the Sesame Street. 53 00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:37,113 I can't do this all on my own 54 00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:38,451 No, I know 55 00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:40,181 I'm no Superman 56 00:02:44,063 --> 00:02:45,621 I'm no Superman 57 00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:51,666 Patient. Iron high. Heart swollen big. 58 00:02:51,704 --> 00:02:53,331 You. What make sick? 59 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,867 Could it be hemochromatosis? 60 00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:59,436 Correct. Rounds over. You go. 61 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:01,838 Thoughts on the beard? 62 00:03:01,881 --> 00:03:03,678 - I like it. - Thank you, Perry. 63 00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:05,809 Of course, I'm totally in favor of anything 64 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,685 that covers up parts of your face that were previously uncovered. 65 00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:10,621 Yay, you hurt my feelings. 66 00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:12,887 So, which intern are each of you guys gonna choose this year 67 00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:15,622 to be your personal protégé-slash-lackey? 68 00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:18,958 I'm going with Katie because she's not a jerk anymore. 69 00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:20,727 Plus we've got the same hair. 70 00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:23,531 At first I thought I was gonna mentor both Neil and Garrett, 71 00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,800 because they always ask me to go rollerblading... 72 00:03:25,838 --> 00:03:27,100 Let it go. We don't have the time. 73 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,131 And then I thought, why not pick a woman? 74 00:03:29,175 --> 00:03:31,473 Have a little feminine energy in my life. 75 00:03:32,011 --> 00:03:36,038 You mean like the kind of energy that seeps out of every pore in your body? 76 00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:37,208 Elliot, why? 77 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:38,410 You knew that he was gonna say it. 78 00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:40,510 I thought it would hurt less coming from me. 79 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:43,147 Well, then, thank you. Let's do this. 80 00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:47,655 - Can you help me out with something? - You. Me. Help. 81 00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:49,291 Of course, Dr. Dorian. 82 00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:53,288 All right, Denise, I'm going to kick your butt with scut work for a while, 83 00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:55,801 still I really want you to be yourself around me. 84 00:03:55,835 --> 00:03:57,530 Do you really mean that, sir? 85 00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,539 J.D.: "Sir." Loving this girl's energy. 86 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:03,007 I mean every word, young miss. 87 00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:07,444 Well, buddy, you have no idea how psyched I am to hear that. 88 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:11,177 I mean, I spent four years in med school talking like this 89 00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:13,117 so I wouldn't dare threaten all the male teachers 90 00:04:13,152 --> 00:04:16,144 who pee their pants every time they're even near a strong woman. 91 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:19,181 Seriously, I am so happy to be done with all that, 92 00:04:19,225 --> 00:04:21,386 I could drop a deuce right here. 93 00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:25,363 Well, don't do that here, Denise, 'cause this is a hospital. 94 00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:27,800 What in God's name just happened? 95 00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:29,529 By the way, how can you stand these scrubs? 96 00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:32,834 Mine are so far up my butt right now I can taste them in my throat. 97 00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:34,601 You know, you don't have to be yourself all the time, 98 00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:36,131 just some of the time. 99 00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:37,940 It's Ed? 100 00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:40,478 Sometimes I go by Big Ed. 101 00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:43,710 So, Ed, after you place a central line on that patient, 102 00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:46,082 come and find me and let me know whether or not you killed him. 103 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,484 Big Ed. 104 00:04:48,154 --> 00:04:51,487 Dr. Cox, I just wanted to tell you I really enjoyed rounds this morning 105 00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:55,620 and I'm gonna work harder so you don't just think of me as a... 106 00:04:56,429 --> 00:04:57,453 What was it? 107 00:04:57,497 --> 00:04:59,658 A helpless, vapid, incompetent ass-kisser. 108 00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:02,224 Actually, I don't remember the ass-kisser part. 109 00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:03,792 That's 'cause I just added it now. 110 00:05:03,836 --> 00:05:06,430 That's great. Makes it hurt more. 111 00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:07,968 Great. 112 00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:09,903 Katie. 113 00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:11,909 You don't have to do that. 114 00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:14,674 I know, it's disgusting. 115 00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:18,376 You're just under so much pressure. I have been there. 116 00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:20,249 - Really? - Oh, my God, my first week here, 117 00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:23,722 I totally screwed my best friend, J.D., just to look good in rounds. 118 00:05:23,756 --> 00:05:27,419 Well, not literally screwed. I mean, yes, later, we did it, 119 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,792 but that was for totally different reasons. 120 00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:31,990 And honestly it has been talked to death. 121 00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:34,090 But we are dating again. Don't tell anyone. 122 00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:35,293 Got it. 123 00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:38,594 Don't bother me, I'm busy. 124 00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:40,071 I can't make any promises. 125 00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:43,234 Dr. Cox. Got those test results for you, man. 126 00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,710 You were totally right about that old dude in bed four. 127 00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,337 Syphilis. 128 00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:51,750 I just... I used to be a DJ. 129 00:05:51,784 --> 00:05:54,617 Syphilis. Syphilis. Syphilis. Syphilis. 130 00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:56,679 - Wow! - Syphilis. Syphilis. Syphilis. Syphilis. 131 00:05:57,256 --> 00:05:58,746 Get out of here, Ed. 132 00:05:58,791 --> 00:06:00,224 - Right now? - Yeah. 133 00:06:02,428 --> 00:06:03,793 Come here. 134 00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:06,762 Why do I hate that guy? 135 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,630 So how long you two been dealing with the lung cancer? 136 00:06:12,672 --> 00:06:16,369 Well, Jack's last cycle of chemo was about a year ago 137 00:06:16,409 --> 00:06:19,037 and since then there's been no beta symptoms 138 00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:22,809 and his last chest-scan showed no new lesions. So... 139 00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:24,248 Speaking of new things... 140 00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:26,274 J.D.: Not the time to talk about your beard. 141 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,651 I'm sorry, I interrupted you. Lesions. 142 00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:31,116 Anyway, we've just been feeling so positive 143 00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:34,126 that we haven't even told our son about the cancer yet. 144 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:35,684 Mikey's only eight. 145 00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:38,094 Hopefully this is just a minor infection right now. 146 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,361 Okay? We're gonna run some tests. 147 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,197 He needs a new chest scan right away 148 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,499 and don't let those idiots in Radiology hold you up. 149 00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:48,098 Dr. Dorian, if they pull any crap, I'll bust some heads. 150 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:52,373 She really is like having my very own Jo from Facts of Life. 151 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:55,074 Throw her a bone so she knows she's growing on you. 152 00:06:55,114 --> 00:06:59,141 Denise, call me J.D. Dr. Dorian's my father. 153 00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:00,880 Actually, he's Mr. Dorian. 154 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,356 Well, was Mr. Dorian. He's dead, Jo. He's never coming back. 155 00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:05,789 You called me Jo. 156 00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:07,656 Do you not like that as a new nickname? 157 00:07:07,693 --> 00:07:10,890 Just a little butch. I like banging dudes. So. 158 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,955 I've heard that's nice. 159 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,467 Seems like it would be a host to a variety of infectious bacteria 160 00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:20,472 - or even fungus. - Plus it's hard to look at. 161 00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,701 I recommend it's removed immediately. 162 00:07:23,309 --> 00:07:25,971 Forget it, you guys. I'm keeping the beard. 163 00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:27,775 Chicks dig on the extra fuzz. 164 00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:28,906 Tell me about it. 165 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,542 And you've only got it on two percent of your body. 166 00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:35,486 Hey, what is up, guys? Can somebody give me a high four? 167 00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:37,046 Coming at you. 168 00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:38,215 Near! 169 00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:43,652 Far! 170 00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:47,325 Grover five. 171 00:07:48,367 --> 00:07:50,130 Come on, buddy, let's go. 172 00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:53,365 - Hey, was that Dr. Turk? - Yeah, why? 173 00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:55,533 Well, everyone's trying to figure out who he is 174 00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:58,544 because he's gonna pick an intern to do all the medical research 175 00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:00,045 on a paper he's publishing. 176 00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:01,706 So did you put yourself up for that? 177 00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:04,580 I'm not exactly super-confident right now. 178 00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:07,085 Katie, when I was an intern, 179 00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:09,553 this oncologist asked me to assist him with his research 180 00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:12,786 and I was too intimidated and so I said no. 181 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:15,259 So then he offers it to this other girl, Gina, 182 00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,262 and I really regretted it. 183 00:08:17,296 --> 00:08:18,923 You know, at least until we found out 184 00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:21,126 that he was actually watching Gina whizz 185 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,896 through a hole in his office wall. 186 00:08:22,935 --> 00:08:26,098 But had he not been a perv, it would still haunt me. 187 00:08:26,138 --> 00:08:28,766 Which is why you're gonna go for this, okay? 188 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,403 Okay. 189 00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:32,810 Bear claw. 190 00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:39,278 So maybe you don't like him because he's a freaky, stoner weirdo. 191 00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:41,616 No. Surprisingly, that tickles me. 192 00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:43,683 - Did he say "back in the day"? - No. 193 00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:45,714 - Did he say "back in the dizzay"? - No. 194 00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:47,191 Did he call you Dr. C? 195 00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:48,853 He did, but I liked it. 196 00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:50,328 Does he like Hugh Jackman? 197 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,456 Wrong again. You suck at this. 198 00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:55,467 Perhaps the problem lies within. 199 00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:57,366 By creating false hatred for others, 200 00:08:57,403 --> 00:09:00,668 you don't have to face the fact that you really hate yourself. 201 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,333 And where'd you get that psychobabble? 202 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,400 From some skank at the mall. 203 00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:07,844 I chill at the food court on the weekend. Donny, I'm out. 204 00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:13,179 Want one? I got pull here. Donny. 205 00:09:17,356 --> 00:09:19,051 Hey, what are you guys looking at? 206 00:09:19,091 --> 00:09:21,252 Oh, my God. Is that a picture of a poo? 207 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,922 No, that's not just any poo, Elliot. 208 00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:26,261 That's Izzy's first poo in the potty. 209 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,268 I can't take my eyes off of it. It's gorgeous. 210 00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:31,532 I accidentally hit send. 211 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,030 Aw! 212 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:35,834 They're back. 213 00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:37,771 Jack's are bigger. 214 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,806 Just found my new screen saver. 215 00:09:41,447 --> 00:09:42,812 They're back. 216 00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:45,981 My bad. 217 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,885 Thank you. 218 00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:52,556 Anyway, Turk, my intern, Katie, could really use a boost. 219 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:53,889 Would you do me a favor and consider her 220 00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:55,257 for the paper that you're doing? 221 00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:56,386 Sure, no problem. 222 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,454 Thanks, man. I owe you one. 223 00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:00,556 Oh, my God. Look at these. 224 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,899 The owner of those lungs is gonna die, like, yesterday. 225 00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:07,804 It's Mr. Fremont, patient of mine. His son's eight years old. 226 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,307 I'm sorry, buddy. 227 00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:12,203 Got to go tell Denise. 228 00:10:12,244 --> 00:10:14,337 J.D.: As a doctor, you can spend as much time and energy 229 00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:17,076 on your interns as you do on your patients. 230 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,084 Whether you're frustrated by them... 231 00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,609 Well, I finished my double hot choc, I'm gonna head up. 232 00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:23,315 You guys need anything else? 233 00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:24,846 No, thank you. 234 00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:27,016 All right. 235 00:10:27,059 --> 00:10:30,517 No, it is not just me. He is hateful. 236 00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:34,623 J.D.: Or rooting for them. 237 00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:36,664 Okay, I wanna thank everyone who applied. 238 00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:39,899 Unfortunately, I can only pick one. So... 239 00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:43,098 Ed, congratulations! 240 00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:46,741 Oh, sorry, man. I'm listening to The Da Vinci Code on audiobook. 241 00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:48,212 It's riveting. 242 00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:49,873 Okay. 243 00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:51,177 Damn it. 244 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:54,581 No way! 245 00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:57,551 That was that guy? 246 00:10:58,090 --> 00:11:00,650 J.D.: For me, I was just hoping to figure out a way to tell Denise 247 00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:03,560 that the first patient we were treating together was gonna die. 248 00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:06,690 Listen, Jo, Mr. Fremont's scan came back 249 00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:12,261 and his lungs are covered with lesions. He doesn't have a lot of time. 250 00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:13,532 I was glad I was here 251 00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:16,097 because I knew it would be hard for her to deal with. 252 00:11:16,142 --> 00:11:18,042 Huh. Sucks to be him. 253 00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:20,542 Or not. 254 00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:27,918 I think I see what the problem is. 255 00:11:28,454 --> 00:11:30,581 You have a hand inside of you. 256 00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:33,786 That explains so many things. 257 00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:38,661 Dude, been having fantasies about Muppets all day too? 258 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,359 No. I'm straight. 259 00:11:40,399 --> 00:11:42,799 That's just uncalled-for. I'm freaked out, man. 260 00:11:42,835 --> 00:11:45,167 I told my intern, Jo, our patient was dying, 261 00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,831 she barely even reacted. 262 00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:48,606 That sucks. 263 00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:51,742 I cannot believe that Turk didn't pick you. 264 00:11:51,777 --> 00:11:53,938 I may just have to withhold sex from him. 265 00:11:53,979 --> 00:11:56,243 I mean, not me, personally, but I am best friends with his wife 266 00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:58,978 and if I ask her to, she'll get him all worked up 267 00:11:59,018 --> 00:12:02,715 and then say that was for Elliot and then just roll over and go to sleep. 268 00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:04,985 I never really had a shot anyway. 269 00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:07,549 I mean, surgery is such a boys' club. 270 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,127 I don't know about that. 271 00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:13,455 L-just-pulled-your-pants-down-five! 272 00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:17,425 Maybe you're right. 273 00:12:18,437 --> 00:12:20,803 - No sex for Turk tonight. - Done. 274 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,637 Hey, back to this intern that I hate. 275 00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:25,610 No, I don't wanna play your Why Do I Hate this Intern game. 276 00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,407 It's no fun. Nobody ever wins. 277 00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:28,708 Fine. I need to find somebody 278 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,739 a little more qualified to talk about hate anyway. 279 00:12:31,617 --> 00:12:34,245 Look, you and I are alike in a lot of ways. 280 00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:37,346 We both harbor an internal struggle between the desire to do good 281 00:12:37,389 --> 00:12:39,289 and the urge to become a master criminal. 282 00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:41,293 - We don't. - We do. 283 00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:44,125 You hate people, and I hate people. 284 00:12:44,163 --> 00:12:47,724 What nobody gets is that we never hate indiscriminately. 285 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,759 That is so true. I only hate those that have wronged me. 286 00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:55,172 Like, if they stole my stuff or put a penny in the door or... 287 00:12:56,475 --> 00:13:00,206 That guy. See that look he shot us, like he's so much better than we are? 288 00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:01,440 Plus he's only 25, 289 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,313 and earlier I heard him use the phrase, back in the day. 290 00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:07,384 Well, he's dug his own grave, hasn't he? Let's do this. 291 00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:08,613 Go. 292 00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:15,454 He's even worse than the other guy. 293 00:13:15,494 --> 00:13:17,052 Go get him too. 294 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,462 All right, Denise, here's the deal. 295 00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:24,867 We have to tell Mrs. Fremont 296 00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:26,872 that her husband doesn't have much longer. 297 00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:29,272 She's gonna want us to do whatever we can to keep him alive, 298 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,276 but we both know that putting him on a respirator 299 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:35,246 is just gonna prolong the inevitable and eventually cause him more pain. 300 00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:37,875 So I'm gonna tell her the initial bad news, 301 00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:38,941 and then I want you to come in 302 00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:41,043 and secure the Do Not Resuscitate order. 303 00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:42,485 Okay, J.D. 304 00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:47,419 You're going to make her get the DNR? 305 00:13:47,459 --> 00:13:50,792 An intern shouldn't have to convince a wife to let her husband die. 306 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,388 She's got to learn how to show some compassion. 307 00:13:52,431 --> 00:13:54,331 I'm throwing her in the deep end. 308 00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:56,527 There's got to be a better way to teach that. 309 00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:58,937 Elmo would love to help. 310 00:13:58,971 --> 00:14:01,132 Denise, could you come here for a second? 311 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,699 Well, hubba hubba. 312 00:14:03,742 --> 00:14:06,233 You be the patient and I'll be the doctor. 313 00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:08,243 How's this? 314 00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:12,247 Don't worry, buddy. I'm gonna take care of you. 315 00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:15,583 Elmo knows that together, we can get through this. 316 00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:17,922 And scene. 317 00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:19,448 I get it now. 318 00:14:19,491 --> 00:14:22,119 Yay! She gets it! She gets it! 319 00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:25,289 Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. 320 00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:27,162 - Thank you. - Yeah. 321 00:14:27,299 --> 00:14:28,596 Okay, easy, buddy. 322 00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:29,999 What? She's your woman? 323 00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:32,536 What is Elmo? A seal? 324 00:14:34,773 --> 00:14:36,468 Turk, I am so mad at you. 325 00:14:36,508 --> 00:14:39,272 Yeah, I know. Carla dragged me into the on-call room, 326 00:14:39,311 --> 00:14:41,142 stripped butt naked, did a little belly dance 327 00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:44,343 and then said, "This is for Elliot," then took a nap. 328 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:45,543 What the hell did I do to you? 329 00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:46,983 You're a sexist. 330 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,377 Keep moving, Rhonda. 331 00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:52,216 You ain't moving fast enough, Rhonda. 332 00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:55,353 Admit it, Katie never had a chance with you because she's a girl. 333 00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:56,554 That's ridiculous. 334 00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:57,755 Really? Besides me, 335 00:14:57,796 --> 00:15:00,321 can you even name one other girl that you're friends with? 336 00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:03,699 Carla and a lovely woman by the name of Margaret. 337 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,567 Carla's your wife and Margaret's your mother. 338 00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:08,971 Elliot, don't talk about my mama. All right? I will punch you in the head. 339 00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:10,635 Turk, I was Katie once. 340 00:15:10,676 --> 00:15:12,507 I mean, I know what it feels like to get passed over 341 00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:14,444 because you're not one of the boys. 342 00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:16,638 Okay, fine, I should've given Katie a chance. 343 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,852 Guess what? Ed's gonna let me take his spot. 344 00:15:21,353 --> 00:15:22,479 I didn't wanna do it anyway. 345 00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:24,648 The only reason I signed up was I have this three-way pen 346 00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:27,420 and I wanted to write my name in three different colors. 347 00:15:27,459 --> 00:15:29,324 Dude, that's why I picked you. 348 00:15:29,361 --> 00:15:30,419 Looks cool, right? 349 00:15:30,462 --> 00:15:31,986 It looked so cool. 350 00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:34,261 So Katie gets to do it? 351 00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:37,460 Fine. 352 00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:39,198 - Blow it up, girl. - Yes! 353 00:15:41,407 --> 00:15:44,240 That's it. I know why I hate him. 354 00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,710 Way to go. Wanna borrow my plunger? 355 00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:49,404 Form a perfect seal around his mouth, and then... three times, 356 00:15:50,549 --> 00:15:53,177 And... his Adam's apple pops right out. 357 00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:57,144 Theoretically. 358 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,449 J.D.: Mrs. Fremont. 359 00:16:02,227 --> 00:16:05,060 Your husband doesn't have a minor infection. 360 00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:07,392 It's the cancer. 361 00:16:09,368 --> 00:16:12,030 His body is basically shutting down. 362 00:16:14,406 --> 00:16:15,839 He's dying? 363 00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:18,407 I'm sorry. 364 00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:23,577 No. No, he's been doing so well. No, it's not time yet. 365 00:16:23,615 --> 00:16:26,641 See. There must be something that you can do. 366 00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:29,210 Well, we can make him comfortable, 367 00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:33,824 but by the end of the night he won't be able to breathe on his own. 368 00:16:33,859 --> 00:16:36,123 So you'll put him on a machine. 369 00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:39,456 I'm not sure you wanna do that. 370 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:41,193 Why? Why wouldn't I wanna do that? 371 00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:44,464 Why wouldn't I wanna do anything I can to keep him alive? 372 00:16:45,704 --> 00:16:47,103 J.D.: This was gonna be rough on Denise, 373 00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:48,572 but I knew it was something she had to get through 374 00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:50,700 to become a more compassionate doctor. 375 00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,837 Look, here's the deal. 376 00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:55,910 If you make us intubate him, 377 00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:58,280 we'll probably also have to shove a catheter in his lung 378 00:16:58,317 --> 00:17:01,480 and that sort of thing usually leads to an infection and antibiotics, 379 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,956 and then, before you know it, his kidneys are toast. 380 00:17:04,990 --> 00:17:08,323 So even with all our poking and prodding, 381 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,760 we're still not gonna slow down his cancer. 382 00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:12,457 So you'll finally sign the DNR, 383 00:17:12,498 --> 00:17:14,523 but by then he would have suffered way more than he needed to 384 00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:17,797 because you were just too selfish to let him go. 385 00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:27,044 The real Jo never would've done that. 386 00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:29,672 Hey, skank. 387 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,114 What up, skank? 388 00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:34,779 It's all good, skank. We like to call each other skank. 389 00:17:35,187 --> 00:17:37,815 Okay, I know I was being a little sexist earlier, 390 00:17:37,856 --> 00:17:40,188 but don't you also think Katie might have been playing you a little 391 00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:41,920 so she could get ahead? 392 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:43,222 Turk, she wasn't even gonna sign up 393 00:17:43,262 --> 00:17:45,560 to help you with your stupid paper until I told her to. 394 00:17:45,597 --> 00:17:47,963 That's funny. Because I went back and checked 395 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,458 and Katie was the first intern to sign the sheet. 396 00:17:51,503 --> 00:17:54,904 See? That's her name, right there. Above Ed's. 397 00:17:56,608 --> 00:17:57,905 Skank. 398 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:03,242 Time to go. Donny, I need a way-homer. 399 00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:07,278 See you tomorrow, everybody. 400 00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:08,445 Bye, Bob! 401 00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:09,784 Syphilis. 402 00:18:10,355 --> 00:18:11,379 Whoa! 403 00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,052 Zwa. 404 00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:16,323 You zwa'd the hell out of me, Dr. Cox. Just like you promised. 405 00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:20,092 See, I've seen a lot of crazy things in my life, 406 00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:21,963 but, trust me, I've never seen an intern 407 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,525 with the time to just hang out in a coffee shop. 408 00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:27,664 And it wasn't until you gave up that research paper 409 00:18:27,706 --> 00:18:30,334 that I finally realized why I hate you. 410 00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:32,868 You're lazy. 411 00:18:32,911 --> 00:18:35,311 Am I not doing as well as the other interns? 412 00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:37,137 You are doing better than most. 413 00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:39,707 Well, I don't know, I'm fine with better than most. 414 00:18:39,751 --> 00:18:41,946 But if that stops being the case, let me know. 415 00:18:41,987 --> 00:18:43,955 Believe me, I will. 416 00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:46,415 Thanks, Dr. C. 417 00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:59,332 We always knew this day would come. 418 00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:01,635 How can I still not be ready? 419 00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:04,870 Nobody ever is. 420 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,912 What should I do now? 421 00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:10,779 You should go pick up your son. 422 00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:16,217 We'll do our best to wake him up so you two can say goodbye. 423 00:19:18,223 --> 00:19:19,417 Okay. 424 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:25,224 And then I realized why I'd thought about Sesame Street all day. 425 00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:29,098 In a way you can learn everything you need to know from watching it as a kid. 426 00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:31,729 Like, "Always play nice." 427 00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:36,068 Oh, please, I've got Dr. Reid wrapped around my finger. 428 00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:38,440 I'm gonna be fine around here. 429 00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:43,245 "Always try your hardest." 430 00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:44,874 Hey, you going to the hematology lecture tonight? 431 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:48,250 No can do, other Indian guy. About to go get me some pizza. 432 00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:58,427 And even, "It's okay to cry." 433 00:20:00,999 --> 00:20:03,593 Yeah, you're right, he didn't last long at all. 434 00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:07,134 Oh! 435 00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:09,333 Didn't expect the waterworks. 436 00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:13,744 See you tomorrow. 437 00:20:19,484 --> 00:20:21,782 It's gonna be a long year. 438 00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:34,562 By then he would have suffered way more than he needed to 439 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:38,366 because you were just too selfish to let him go. 440 00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:40,598 I'll let you think about it. 441 00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:45,876 The real Jo never would've done that. 442 00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:48,713 What she was trying to say is 443 00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:52,444 you take the good, you take the bad, and when you take them both, 444 00:20:53,785 --> 00:20:55,946 there you have the facts of life.