Dr. Dorian?
Katie, we've been over this.
It's inappropriate to interrupt an attending while he's hitting that.
Particularly while he's hitting it good.
Turk and I used Katie as a messenger service.
Dr. Turk liked the dry honey that he had taken.
He had never seen himself as a deep sea diver before.
Awesome! And go back and say, JD says you're welcome.
And here's a little something for your bottom.
Oh, and he wanted me to ask you if you wanted to go to the batting cages after work.
Remind him I don't like to do things that I'm not good at.
Yeah. That's why we don't have sex much.
That hurt me so much, I lost my breath a little.
Ooh! Barbara.
Can you please put Mrs. Newell on a 150mg of Clindamycine?
Can't we use Azythromycine instead?
That way she only requires one dose instead of four
and I won't have to be running around all day.
- Interesting. - Interesting.
Elliot didn't think it was interesting,
so they went to the person who settled all disputes between nurses and physicians.
Okay, I'm glad you guys didn't let this escalate.
Elliot, I bet you didn't know that on weekends,
Barbara was a semi-professional kick-boxer.
I did not.
Still, doctors decide all prescription orders and... you know that.
Hi-ya!
Oh, my God! Did she just kick that ceiling top?
Oh, yeah. She's really good.
A little about time, champ. Beer me.
No problem. Just remember our deal: I bring the beer
and you don't tell anybody that we are now spending time together.
You're the new chief, I'm the old chief who bettered and gotten you through it.
I was gonna hit four and be a doctor like I have my entire career.
Well, you can kiss that idea good-bye.
I spend so much time behind that desk dealing with red tape,
my behind still has the imprint of the chair.
You want to see? Since we're friends now, I can show you my butt.
Bob, I saw it 5 years ago at Nurse Roberts' above-ground pool party
and I am still recovering. Honest to God,
there are times when I close my eyes, and it's... just there.
That still doesn't change the fact that you are
going to spend most of your day trapped in that office.
Look, there are a few key differences between us.
For instance, I know that white leather shoes are never gonna be "classy".
I believe that a yard should have trees, not gay little angel fountains.
And I damn sure am not gonna be stuck in my office all day long.
Enid picked up the damn fountains. I don't even like 'em.
Bob?
Fine. I like to pretend that they're friendly stone people.
Alright, I'm... partial to the one with the tiny grains and the flowers for hair.
That's Leslie.
Dr. Turk wanted me to give you this.
I warned you about abusing interns.
That'd better be not another stupid drawing.
Elliot, please. Turk just wanted me to look up a study about
intra-operative beta blockade to prevent post-operative complications.
- Really? - No.
He took a picture of me and Photoshopped it on cactus hands.
Look at me! I can't touch anything I love without hurting it.
Do not do him any more personal favours.
Okay.
Alright... Honey-Had-It.
What are you talking about?
It is my first official day as Chief of Medicine and...
Sure, you've set up some elaborate, annoying spectacle.
I didn't do anything.
As s'pose that giant cake has nothing to do with me.
No, that's cause Colonel Doctor has two years sober.
Puh-lease. Just, go ahead and do whatever it is that you're gonna do
so I might get to work.
Come on! Think of something!
That was actually pretty impressive there, Newbie.
- Thank you for that. - You're welcome, Perry.
How lucky was that!
Why are you playing bongos?
It's Monday. Monday is Bongo Day.
VO Transcript And Major Edits By: VeRdiKT
[www.subscene.com]
"My New Role"
I just had to come see it for myself.
You are the Chief of Medicine.
I know.
It is great to see someone other than Kelso behind that desk.
Ted?
This is the first time I've been allowed to use the couch.
Dr. Kelso always made me stand.
Even when I had thigh reconstruction surgery.
His dog, Baxter, ate the lower-half of my hand sprain.
Oh yeah. That was gross.
Go and make yourself comfortable, pal.
So I hope you don't mind my barging in.
You gotta be kidding me. Infact, Ted,
go ahead and put Carla on the "Always Allowed In" list.
You got it.
Too comfortable, Ted.
Thanks, sir. I need boundaries.
So, you... have a list of who can and can't come in here.
There's the "Always Allowed In" list,
the "Sometimes Allowed In" list, and the "Never, Ever,
"Ever, Ever, Ever, Ever, Ever-hee, Ever" list.
Who's on the "Never, Ever, Ever, Ever"?
Dr. Dorian at your service.
- How was your weekend, Howie? - Well, I bought some new soap,
but it turns out I was allergic to it.
Tried to get a refund, but I lost my receipt.
I was hoping you'd just say fine.
Okay, let's start rounds over here.
Mr. Vaughn, how are you today, sir?
Pretty good, but could you have the maid send some fresh towels?
Mr. Vaughn has pneumonia. He was touch-and-go there for a while,
but you're bouncing back. You're gonna be out of here any day now.
I hope not.
It's nice being with people for a change.
We like having you around too, sir.
If you need anything, you'll let us know.
- What the hell is that? - Some stupid gift from the Board.
It's a photo of Sacred Heart when it first opened in 1884.
- There's a hybrid in the parking lot. - I might have read the date wrong.
- So where do am I gonna hang it? - Somebody else's office.
Are you trying to stop me from doing my job?
How would you feel if I tried to stop you from...
Taking patients' wallets after they died.
Doctors don't do that.
Look at you, sticking with the plan.
Just put it some place, will ya?
Oh, I gotta go.
- I'll go with you. - Chiefs can do that?
I'm gonna stay in here all day,
I wanna get out and see people, check on patients,
maybe make an intern cry.
Actually, Dr. Cox, you need to look for over the (hygiene) paperwork
and these nursing home transfer requests.
See you later.
What are you doing there, Ted?
Dr. Kelso always used to sign his paperwork on my back.
It's not so bad, I imagine it's what a hug feels like.
- Is it? - I'm not gonna hug you, Ted.
Oh.
Hey Carla.
Next time you hang with Dr. Cox,
maybe instead of breaking each other's hair, you could talk to him
about making some new hire
so we don't have to work forced overtime.
Why is Nelly giving you so much attitude?
Even though I'm the Head Nurse,
I mostly hang with doctors,
I'm married to a doctor, my best friend is a doctor.
Who's your best friend?
You are.
I know. I just wanted to hear you say that loud.
The point is: Nurses sometimes think
I'm on the wrong team.
How could they think that?
You're like the most loyal person I know.
Except for the time that you boo-ed me off the stage at the karaoke bar.
Elliot, you're not allowed to sing 'Swing Low, Sweet Chariot'.
I can hit those low notes.
Sure, that's why.
Look, most nurses feel under-appreciated,
especially by doctors.
It's not that bad here, is it?
You know what the M.D. at the end of this badge means?
It means, I Make the Decisions.
You got that, missy?
I'll see you at home.
And sometimes, it's not even that subtle.
My post-op patient is still going in-and-out of consciousness.
You know what I'd like to go in-and-out of?
Disrespecting-nurses five!
They're booting Mr. Vaughn.
His insurance won't pay for him to stay here any longer.
He lives all alone. He's not ready to take care of himself, yet.
You know, I'd like to uphold Dr. Cox. Let me handle this.
Mr. Vaughn is such a sweetie.
You wish you could just bring him home and take care of him yourself?
You're late.
Not five seconds in the door,
and it's already No. 3 on Mr. Vaughn's Greatest Hits.
You know, why stop there, Franck?
Coming in at No. 2: "You Never Introduce Me To People At Parties".
And at the top of the charts, as always,
"What About My Feelings?"
I only say those things because I love you.
Well, you've got a funny way of showing it.
You know what? That might be a little weird.
And how many catheters do we normally order?
We'll just order that.
Great.
And there we go.
What d'ya think?
Why?
Because, now you can see the back of it.
See? Life is more interesting when you look at the back of things.
Women, that's obvious. Baseball cards,
puppet shows...
Plus, you get the 3-D effect.
Look at this.
Hey, what's that off on the distance, a hospital of some sort?
Oh, it is a hospital!
No. Never mind. It took off again.
Here it comes again. Watch it! Watch!
It's got Terry! Everyone run!
You know. It's a game.
Try again there, Chewie.
And done, we get the hell outta here.
Hey there, New Chief!
Barbie, did you not see the list outside?
I saw it. I'm in "Sometimes Allowed".
Oh, now isn't one of those times.
- Yeah, but-- - Don't care. Get out.
Man!
I am not answering that.
Carla, find me a friendly face.
The phone won't stop ringing,
everybody in their sister wants a favour--
Actually, speaking of favours...
I've been noticing all the recent forced over-time.
Maybe we can hire a few extra nurses?
Of course. That's what you wanted.
Just testing out the hammer. See if it works.
It does.
The Board wants to know why you haven't submitted the new budget.
Eh! You're not the only one who can hammer.
I'll just...
Come back another time.
Carla!
Stop it!
I can't help you with the nurses,
and I'm really sorry.
It's okay.
- Hey. - Hey.
Wow! Nice dig, Perr.
Didn't you see your name on the "Never, Ever, Ever, Ever, Ever, Ever" list?
No! It's not on there.
- Ted! - I'm on it.
Look, my pneumonia patient is being discharged,
and he's not ready.
If he goes home now, he could develop ARDS,
he could relapse, even fall and break his hip.
I need you to keep him in here longer.
Can't do it.
The Board knows I pull strings for patients,
and they're all over my ass.
I gotta stay below the radar for a while.
Okay, you know what?
- We're cool - No, we're not cool.
What? Why aren't we cool?
Oh, must be because we're super cool.
Ask him.
Is it because--
And no, we're not super cool.
Look, you seem to think that just because I have this new job,
that suddenly I don't realise that the patients come first.
That I somehow forgotten what matters.
For the love of God, I taught you what matters.
You're arrogant, pretentious, self-righteous, little jackass.
Are you...
hammering in the perfect spots for emphasis?
I was trying to, yeah.
Well, it's just terrific. Thank you for that.
And you, get the hell out of my office.
Yes, sir.
As I left, I couldn't tell if that pounding
was the Janitor's hammering,
or just the sound of my head of Dr. Cox finally being boxed in.
Sometimes, all you can hope for
is the chance to breathe every now and then.
This is the Chief of Medicine.
Well, that's fine. We will get together
and discuss the (**) issue on Thursday, then.
Alrighty.
Are you finally finished with the project?
Yep, all done.
Oh, boy!
I got the nail in there, but it's loose.
You know what? I'm gonna go get some putty.
If you just hold this right here, I'll be done... in a second!
Just hold it novel and tight. Bear the weight.
Here?
Right there, I'll be back in one minute.
You're doing great.
So, that's what a Chief of Medicine does.
Oh, now what's with the lab coat, Bob?
Ah, the old gal down in pharmacy doesn't know that I've retired so,
she still hooks me up with free morning after-pills.
Sir, I was just looking over the...
Dear God in Heaven!
Still got him.
How's the pulse, Ted?
Nothin'.
Why don't you go somewhere and lie down?
Ah, I don't need to go dressing on (**)
So, the Janitor still doing the picture thing, huh?
I beg your pardon?
Well, everytime he would ask me for a real office, I'd say no.
So, now if anyone gets a nice, new office,
he gets very angry and he uses that picture to drive them insane.
Now what the hell does a janitor need an office for, anyway?
So you wanna discuss the urinal cake issue on Thursday, huh?
Let me check my calendar.
Alright, Steve.
I'll... huh?
What did they do?
Oh, hey, good one!
Little rascist.
Yeah, you...
You know what? Um, just give my love to Darlene, okay?
Syphilis, huh?
Well, that's...
I'm not a doctor, Steve, but...
That seems unusual, even for syphilis.
I can't believe they're just kicking him out.
What happened with all that pull you have with Dr. Cox?
Look, he said his hands are tied on this one.
Hobby-konk.
- What? - That's old man for "bullcrap".
You're not dark, aren't you?
That's what they tell me, but I don't see it.
So I asked Dr. Cox about hiring some extra nurses, and he said no.
Did you really ask him, or did you just compliment him on his new office?
- You know what, frick them. - Frick them? I'm one of them.
Yeah, but they're acting like a bunch of frick-heads.
Sorry, about all the F-bombs.
I don't blame them for being frustrated at working here,
because a lot of the times, I feel the same way.
God! You are so clueless!
You're not mad at me, you're just frustrated about something else
and you're taking it out on me.
I mean, it's like last night, when my favourite shoes
made my toes bleed, and so I called you a frizzy-haired mega bitch.
That's why we had to make the rule, that we can't just dump on each other
just because we're pissy about other stuff.
- We need to cancel that rule. - Yeah, I agree. It was stupid. I hated it.
Yeah, but Elliot, all nurses want
is to be treated with the same respect
that you doctors get treated with every single day.
- I do that. - You do with me.
But what about all the other nurses?
Like Barbara this morning?
Were you as suspectful as you could have been?
And ma'am, you should feel confident in the decision
to give you Clindamycine, because it was made by someone
who went to a medical school,
and not someone who turned to nursing after he failed careers recording artist.
And don't you dare try to kick-box me.
Maybe not totally.
When he gets the startle like the one I gave him earlier,
he usually sleeps about 18 hours.
Have people been taking care of him since I left?
We've all been pitching in. We're spending time with him,
taking him on walks.
Who's a good boy?
So, why are you so afraid to get all up in Dr. Cox's grill?
We both know we can occasionally be someone of an avengful person.
This is demeaning.
I know.
God, that's where I want the picture for the rest of the day.
Listen, if he wanted to find a place to hide your patient, he could!
He's just stressed, and out of his elements,
and hell, he's scared.
And even if he hasn't behaved like this,
this job is changing him already!
Because it comes with a whole host of overwhelming responsibilities,
including keeping this hospital floating.
I'd help him if you'd let me, but you know he won't.
When I was Chief,
and Dr. Cox came to begin complained about something,
I would automatically say no.
And if he never complained again, I'd know it wasn't that important.
But if he came back and fought for it, over and over,
I'd know it was something that I have to take a look at.
Now, he's me,
and he's got this damn voice in his head,
telling him to say no all the time,
then he desperately needs someone on the other side
to tell him what he should do, whether he wants to hear it or not.
And now, that person is you.
Here we are.
- Will he be at least grateful? - No.
He's gonna hate you for it.
Go!
What?
Hey guys, how's it going over here?
Awesome...
Look.
Barb, I really just want to come by and apologize
for the way I treated you earlier.
I was planning on waiting for you in the parking lot tonight
and kicking your teeth in.
- Please don't. - Even if she tried,
Carla would just swoop in and protect her doctor friend.
Look, you guys aren't even really mad at Carla,
you're just frustrated by the situation and you're taking it out on her.
Carla actually had a rule about that earlier, but we cancelled it because...
You know what? Probably, not that important.
The point is: Carla's a nurse first.
Even if it means yelling at her best friend.
That's me.
She said that out loud earlier. You can ask anyone.
Anyway, you can either use her relationships with us as doctors
to start a dialogue and make things better,
or ignore me, stay pissed, and you can all hold me down
at the parking lot tonight while Barb here boot-stomps the face.
Taking a pretty long time to think about it.
Got me there!
Look, that was what was all gonna go down.
Look, I don't care if you had to fake a secondary infection or,
claim he's allergic to his medication.
Mr. Vaughn needs to be back here in a bed, and you know it.
I got about the answer I expected.
Get out!
No.
Actually, you know what?
Stay if you want to.
I'm going to get out of this cage.
And I'm gonna go out and see some patients.
No, you're not. It's 7:00. Your day's over.
It's scary how easy it is to become resigned to your latent life.
You just go about your business, same as always.
Oh, here's the new personal director.
Nice office. I just have to hang this.
That's why even the tiniest change in a dynamic
can seem monumental.
Good night, Carla. Good night, Elliot.
- Good night. - Good night.
- Did you do something good? - I totally did.
Okay. Take good care of him.
As for me, I was fine with my new latent life.
Because I knew the payoff would always outweight the cost.
Dr. Cox!
Look, I want to thank you for listening to me about Mr. Vaughn.
Yeah.
Go to hell!
Or not...
# Swing low #
# Sweet chariot... #
Chariot...
# Comin' for #
# To carry me home #
Oh, hey, Dr. Ellis. How's it going?
# Swing... #
# Low... #
# Sweet chariot... #
# Comin' for to carry me... #
# Home... #
Transcript And Edits By: VeRdiKT [www.subscene.com]