1 00:00:02,769 --> 00:00:04,293 Okay, Mr. Rego, 2 00:00:04,337 --> 00:00:06,396 I know you've been complaining about the bedpans being too cold, 3 00:00:06,439 --> 00:00:11,342 so I used an incubator in pediatrics to warm this bad boy up for you. Enjoy. 4 00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:16,344 You know, I used to use an incubator to keep my lunch warm. 5 00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:17,782 Till some whiny new mom complained 6 00:00:17,817 --> 00:00:20,012 that her preemie smelled like a ham sandwich. 7 00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:23,284 Weird thing was, I had a tuna melt in there, not ham. 8 00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:27,657 Most newborns smell amazing. An unlucky few are ham babies. 9 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,493 Oh! God, here comes the happiest person on the planet. 10 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:36,730 Hi! Hey! You look so beautiful today. 11 00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:39,204 Hi! Hi, Katie! 12 00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:41,707 All the interns are going out for drinks. Do you wanna come? 13 00:00:41,741 --> 00:00:43,709 Yeah, I'll get my stuff. 14 00:00:43,743 --> 00:00:45,210 How about you, dude-chick? 15 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:47,536 No, I'm gonna stay here and catch up on my scut work. 16 00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:49,480 You can try as hard as you want not to be my friend, 17 00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:51,814 but eventually I'm gonna get you. Come on, Howie. 18 00:00:51,851 --> 00:00:53,341 If I get drunk enough, I'll undo my scrub bottoms 19 00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:55,149 and let you do a shot off my butt. 20 00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:56,587 All right. 21 00:00:57,824 --> 00:00:59,291 I've noticed that you always stay here late 22 00:00:59,325 --> 00:01:02,294 - and work after your shift is over. - I get a lot of work. 23 00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:04,023 If you don't get out of the hospital every once in a while 24 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:07,227 and blow off some steam, this place will eventually crush you. 25 00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:09,292 So go, okay? For me. 26 00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:12,995 - Fine. - Great. 27 00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:17,268 Oh, my God, Caitlin, that baby's beautiful. 28 00:01:19,979 --> 00:01:21,241 Ham baby. 29 00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:25,816 What? Hell no. 30 00:01:32,525 --> 00:01:33,924 Got you. 31 00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:39,926 Holy mackerel! 32 00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:42,400 Oh, my God. This can't get any worse. 33 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:45,495 That is one long-ass booby hair. 34 00:01:48,741 --> 00:01:51,073 J.D.: Like most hospitals, Sacred Heart makes their interns 35 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:54,103 put on a sketch show roasting the senior staff. 36 00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:57,412 It was never any good, but this year it would be. 37 00:01:57,450 --> 00:02:02,217 Okay, people, before we begin, you need to accept one simple truth. 38 00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:06,385 - We are funny, and you are not. - Sucks to hear, doesn't it? 39 00:02:06,426 --> 00:02:10,021 We will be writing all of your sketches. You're welcome. Let's jump right in. 40 00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:13,726 I need two volunteers to go full frontal. Howie? 41 00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:15,358 No, I have eczema. 42 00:02:15,735 --> 00:02:18,829 Sunny, Denise? Maybe rubbing some oil on one another? 43 00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,635 - Yeah, sure, no problem. - No, not at all. 44 00:02:20,673 --> 00:02:22,971 Okay, well, then let's cut the leukemia sketch. 45 00:02:23,009 --> 00:02:24,476 Dude, no, that sketch is gold. 46 00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:26,638 Well, if they're not naked, they're just sad and dying. 47 00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:28,340 What's funny about that? 48 00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:30,815 - We make them British. - Good save. 49 00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:33,683 It's back in, but only because this man is a comic genius. 50 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,780 I have been called the black Wayne Brady. 51 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,518 Okay, try and believe in us, guys. 52 00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:42,688 This thing has not been funny for eight years, when we were interns. 53 00:02:44,030 --> 00:02:48,399 I love Jesus And, Jesus, he loves me 54 00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:52,371 One, two, three, Jesus! 55 00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:56,273 - I sure do love me some Jesus. - I know, Laverne. 56 00:02:56,309 --> 00:02:57,503 You rang? 57 00:02:57,544 --> 00:03:00,945 The Messiah, ladies and gentlemen. The Messiah. 58 00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:03,073 Shalom and nanu-nanu, my friends. 59 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:06,517 - Oh! Hell no. - Front row. 60 00:03:09,422 --> 00:03:12,050 There will be a 20-minute intermission. 61 00:03:12,825 --> 00:03:14,258 I never saw her coming. 62 00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:17,161 She was killed in a car accident. I miss her. 63 00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:21,264 Anyway, let's be funny for her. 64 00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:26,038 I can't do this all on my own 65 00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:27,699 No, I know 66 00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:29,674 I'm no Superman 67 00:03:32,912 --> 00:03:34,345 I'm no Superman 68 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,912 Hey, will you hand me those blood gas reports, Sonja? 69 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,386 You can call me "Sunny." 70 00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:44,515 My dad nicknamed me that because he said I brighten up a room. 71 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:46,821 Of course, in college, I had a few dark years. 72 00:03:46,859 --> 00:03:49,555 My car was stolen, I had three... 73 00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:53,896 Was it three? No, four. I had four abortions. 74 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,368 I'm joking! 75 00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:59,369 I'm gonna kill you with a hammer. 76 00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:04,102 - Why are you laughing? - 'Cause I'm scared. I'm not that strong. 77 00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:07,705 So, how was last night, Denise? 78 00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:10,307 I ended up staying here and finishing my casework. 79 00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:11,612 What the hell? 80 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:14,279 At least with my patients, I'm used to being ignored. 81 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,948 Like with Mr. Cooper after his triple bypass. 82 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,514 I told him to start eating healthier, 83 00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:20,856 he goes right back to scarfing down bacon burgers. 84 00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:23,327 And you wanna know where he is now, Denise? 85 00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:27,129 - He's dead, isn't he? - No, he just moved back to Phoenix. 86 00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:28,360 I was going to say that he was dead, 87 00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:31,837 but I think saying that about people who are still alive is a huge jinx. 88 00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:34,305 Look, when I kicked you out of the hospital last night... 89 00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:39,167 Please don't be Mr. Cooper dead. Please don't be Mr. Cooper dead. 90 00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:41,578 Nope, just my mom. Ignore. 91 00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:44,276 Look, I promise I'll get out of the hospital tonight. Okay? 92 00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:47,650 Deal. Now come on. I want you guys both to see this case. 93 00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:50,349 She's a 16-year-old girl with cyclical neutropenia. 94 00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:54,588 It's a rare disorder that periodically shuts down her entire immune system. 95 00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:57,528 Basically, every three weeks she almost dies. 96 00:04:57,563 --> 00:04:59,861 Hey, Brianna, Mrs. Tarasi. 97 00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:01,526 Just wanted to introduce you to Sunny and Denise. 98 00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:03,558 They're the interns who'll be covering the floor today. 99 00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:04,865 Oh! Cool. 100 00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:07,998 If you guys give me your cell numbers, I can text you if I need anything. 101 00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:10,703 These kids with their texting and their cell phones. 102 00:05:10,743 --> 00:05:14,440 - Our generation never had that stuff. - Yeah. 103 00:05:14,947 --> 00:05:16,437 I just kind of feel like, I don't know, 104 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:19,679 there's three generations in the room right now. 105 00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:23,087 If you want to instant message me, my screen name is Sunnyhoneybunny. 106 00:05:23,122 --> 00:05:24,612 Of course it is. 107 00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:27,820 - Do you have teenagers? - How old do you think I am? 108 00:05:29,762 --> 00:05:31,992 - What's up? - Where have you been? 109 00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:33,896 - Oh! - How could you be late? 110 00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:35,491 This is our sketch show! 111 00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:36,559 Our sketch show! 112 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:38,728 Our sketch show! 113 00:05:39,138 --> 00:05:41,504 That's cool, man. It's just a sketch show. 114 00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:43,168 J.D.: Our sketch show! 115 00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:46,975 Okay, let's assign sketches. Partner up, please. 116 00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:51,178 Yikes. 117 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,612 I'll be with Denise. Problem solved! 118 00:05:56,622 --> 00:05:57,680 Can we go now? 119 00:05:59,158 --> 00:06:02,958 Good morning. Okay, I think we should just get this out in the open. 120 00:06:02,995 --> 00:06:06,556 I saw you pluck your special hair the other day. 121 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,107 I was there. I saw. 122 00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:18,303 Question is, what are we gonna do about it? 123 00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:21,177 I have an idea. Let me speak first. May I? Good. 124 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,681 I believe that you should give me the hair, 125 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,842 because I've been scrapbooking the most disgusting things 126 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,079 that I can think of, and I want to put it on the page 127 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:30,112 in between my decayed molars and my snug, 128 00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:33,387 which is a snail-slug hybrid 129 00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:37,522 that I was able to splice together in my garage unsuccessfully. 130 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:40,088 We didn't see each other yesterday. 131 00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:44,669 Well, that was unexpected. 132 00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:47,564 Thank you. 133 00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:50,599 Okay, Brianna, your chest x-ray looks good. 134 00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:52,372 We should be able to get you home tomorrow. 135 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,436 I'm just gonna go talk to your mom 136 00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:55,709 about some changes in your medication. 137 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,841 Aren't moms the greatest? 138 00:06:57,884 --> 00:07:01,411 My mom bought me these scrubs last week, just because. 139 00:07:01,454 --> 00:07:03,581 Oh! And this morning, I found this little note. 140 00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:06,387 It says, "You're super special." 141 00:07:07,326 --> 00:07:10,523 If that's what moms do, I'm glad I never met mine. 142 00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:12,929 "Look at me, I'm dark and edgy." 143 00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:16,128 I love my mom, but I wish she would ease up a little. 144 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,433 I mean, I know I'm sick, but not all the time, 145 00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:20,962 and she still never lets me leave the house. 146 00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:23,407 You know, I've never had a date. 147 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,468 It's like she's so freaked out about me dying 148 00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:27,843 that she won't let me have a life. 149 00:07:28,881 --> 00:07:31,714 - She doesn't want your stupid note. - You don't know that. 150 00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:38,055 - Do I know you? - I'm a friend. 151 00:07:38,090 --> 00:07:41,526 What is Jimmy the overly-touchy orderly doing here? 152 00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:44,325 Dude, he does amazing impressions. He's a ringer. 153 00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:46,160 We can put him in any bit that's not working. 154 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,564 Like the Dr. Wen sketch. 155 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:51,029 It's almost show time. Let's work out some of the kinks. 156 00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:54,062 You guys doing the Dr. Cox sketch, make sure you 157 00:07:57,443 --> 00:08:00,310 Really stretch out all your words, okay? 158 00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:02,405 And under no circumstances are you to tell him 159 00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:04,814 that I wrote the joke implying he may have a sports car 160 00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,478 because he has a small penis. 161 00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:10,046 Unless he finds it hilarious, at which point you will break character 162 00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:13,149 and say, "John Dorian wrote that joke." 163 00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:17,026 I will then stand, give a humble nod, like so, 164 00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:19,088 and then gesture for you to continue. 165 00:08:19,131 --> 00:08:21,929 Meghan, you're playing Carla. That's my wife. 166 00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:25,028 Please show some respect. Kathy, you're playing Elliot. 167 00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:28,472 So I wanna see some bug-eyes, all right? And... Perfect! 168 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,499 Plus, find some cardboard, 169 00:08:30,543 --> 00:08:32,704 stick it down the back of your pants, right? 170 00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:35,077 Make that ass flat, girl. Let me see what you got right now. 171 00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:37,207 - Yeah, we could go flatter. - We can go flatter. 172 00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:38,877 - We can go flatter. - You know, I've chewed on that thing 173 00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:41,113 - and it's flatter than day-old beer. - I gotta tell you. 174 00:08:41,153 --> 00:08:43,314 You know what? I made a funny. Turk, rewrite. 175 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,347 I am already on it. 176 00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:48,189 Katie, dynamite Beardface costume. 177 00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:52,687 - I can't see anything in this. - Performers find a way, Katie. 178 00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:56,168 Use your other senses. Where are Sunny and Denise? 179 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,669 Well, you know, they're supposed to be... 180 00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,728 No, thank you. Cool. 181 00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:01,633 They're supposed to be playing us, 182 00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:04,074 but they haven't picked up their scripts or anything. 183 00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:06,809 Hey, Dr. Reid, can we talk to you about Brianna? 184 00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:08,711 Her mom is being way too over-protective. 185 00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:11,615 Unfortunately, my lady, I saw what I saw. 186 00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:16,088 You either plucked a giant hair, or you have mini chest snakes. 187 00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:18,352 Maybe you're just imagining things. 188 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,656 Like that time you thought you built a giant sand castle in the parking lot. 189 00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:24,060 Or the time you said you hung J.D. Up like a flag, 190 00:09:24,096 --> 00:09:26,030 totally defying the laws of physics. 191 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:29,262 - I did those things. - Did you? 192 00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:32,999 At least I thought I... Head games aren't gonna work on me. 193 00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:35,633 Unfortunately for you, I have a photographic memory. 194 00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:38,644 For instance, I arrived here yesterday at 7:45 a.m. 195 00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:40,168 At 7:50 a.m., I took a nap. 196 00:09:40,212 --> 00:09:42,043 At 2:45 p.m., I awoke to find you 197 00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:46,040 plucking a comically large hair off of your baby-feeder. 198 00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:47,347 I then took my afternoon nap, 199 00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:49,650 then I went on break, and then I went home. 200 00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:52,089 Couldn't sleep a wink. Damnedest thing. 201 00:09:52,825 --> 00:09:53,883 Sad. 202 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,488 Stop walking away from me. 203 00:09:56,829 --> 00:09:58,490 And now I'm sleepy again. 204 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,831 Brianna should totally get to live her life. 205 00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:04,460 I'm gonna go talk to her mom. 206 00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:05,970 But you guys gotta do me a favor. 207 00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:07,267 She's really starting to get in my head 208 00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:08,568 with this whole we're-the-same-age thing. 209 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,633 So I'm just gonna start throwing out numbers 210 00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:12,007 and you guys stop me whenever I get to the age 211 00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:13,136 you think I look like. Okay? 212 00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:17,206 22, 23, 24, 25, 25, 25... 213 00:10:17,249 --> 00:10:19,308 You know what? This is a really stupid game, okay? 214 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,115 Aren't you guys late for some sketch show? 215 00:10:21,153 --> 00:10:22,347 Crap. 216 00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:24,247 Idiots. 217 00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:27,923 Isn't this fun, running together? 218 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,791 - Shut up, Sunny. - Okay. 219 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,290 - Oh, my God, I'm so nervous. - Welcome to live theater. 220 00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:36,358 Mmm-hmm. 221 00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:40,862 I'm Bob Kelso. 222 00:10:40,906 --> 00:10:44,637 And my life is so empty that I still come here every day 223 00:10:44,677 --> 00:10:46,406 to stuff my face with muffins. 224 00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:48,843 And I like prostitutes. 225 00:10:51,617 --> 00:10:53,812 That's funny 'cause it's true. 226 00:10:56,355 --> 00:10:59,483 Hey, I'm The Todd. Wow. 227 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:03,124 Looks like we got a full house. I got a full house in my pants. 228 00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:09,591 Hello. I'm Dr. Beardface. 229 00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,028 I was up all night sewing. 230 00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:17,008 - My beard is only this big. - Lighten up, Seymour. I took my lumps. 231 00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:20,710 Okay, one last chance to admit the truth before this gets ugly. 232 00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:23,738 - Did I see the nipple hair or not? - You did not. 233 00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:24,977 Beardface! 234 00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,314 And so it begins. 235 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:31,487 Hi, I'm Dr. Wen, and it's an honor to have you as a patient, Owen Wilson. 236 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:34,687 Oh! Come on, Doc. What about patient-doctor privacy? 237 00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:36,524 How's that supposed to make me feel? 238 00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:39,395 - Mr. Jack Black. - Thanks, buddy. 239 00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:42,466 Sacred Heart! 240 00:11:46,072 --> 00:11:48,939 - Mr. Brad Pitt. - Thank you, Dr. Wen. 241 00:11:48,974 --> 00:11:52,000 I do have to say it's very hard covering the medical bill 242 00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:53,636 when you have 14 children. 243 00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:57,240 You know, people are always asking me, 244 00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:58,978 "Hey, hey, Dane Cook. Hey, Dane Cook." 245 00:11:59,018 --> 00:12:00,042 Yeah, they use my full name. 246 00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:02,350 Hey, what's the deal with tongue depressors? 247 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,787 Is it supposed to make your tongue sad or something? 248 00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:07,884 Like, taste it... This muffin tastes sad. Why do people find me funny? 249 00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,796 Dude, we gave them too much Jimmy. 250 00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:15,767 - J.D.: Off the stage, Jimmy! - Okay, Jimmy. Yay! 251 00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:21,364 Hi, everyone. We're gonna do a sketch about Dr. Dorian and Dr. Turk. 252 00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:23,973 I don't even know what we're supposed to do. 253 00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:25,909 - Just follow my lead. - Okay. 254 00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:31,516 - Look at your mole. - It's huge! 255 00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:34,814 Here are those lab reports you wanted, Turk. 256 00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:37,823 Thanks. I did need those, J.D. 257 00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:40,223 J.D.: They're bombing. - Well, it serves them right. 258 00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:43,820 Man, who cares about them? We did it! We did the whole thing! 259 00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:46,058 Goodbye, J.D. Thank you so much for... 260 00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:53,466 How is that funny? 261 00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:05,044 Hey, Dr. Reid, did you get a chance to talk to Brianna's mom? 262 00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:06,278 - Well, I'll tell you... - Hey, Denise, 263 00:13:06,318 --> 00:13:09,082 we're all going out for drinks to celebrate. You wanna come? 264 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:10,816 No, I'm gonna stay and study. 265 00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:13,484 And you broke your promise yet again. Shocking. 266 00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:16,285 Look, I promise I'll go out tomorrow night, okay? 267 00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:18,523 So, what did Brianna's mom say? 268 00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:20,263 You know, I've been thinking about it. 269 00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:23,166 I mean, we have really no idea what that woman's going through. 270 00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:26,035 I mean, who's to say that she isn't right to be so cautious? 271 00:13:26,071 --> 00:13:30,132 After all, it's her daughter. So I decided not to talk to her. 272 00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:32,337 It's really none of our business. 273 00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:49,020 J.D.: Today was the fifth anniversary of the time 274 00:13:49,061 --> 00:13:51,757 Turk and I met David Caruso on a Ferris wheel. 275 00:13:51,797 --> 00:13:54,129 Usually, to celebrate, Turk would lift me in the air 276 00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:57,135 while I straddled him and yelled "Eagle!" 277 00:13:57,169 --> 00:14:00,536 But this morning, I somehow knew that wasn't gonna happen. 278 00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:02,373 - Hey. - Hey. 279 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,309 J.D.: Eagle. 280 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,335 Elliot didn't seem like herself, either. 281 00:14:07,379 --> 00:14:09,472 I don't care what you think is right for Brianna. 282 00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:13,542 Okay, if either of you hassles her mom, there will be consequences. Bad ones. 283 00:14:16,155 --> 00:14:20,421 - Okay, why are you smiling? - I can't help it. It's permanent. 284 00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:23,893 Donny, muffin, please. 285 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,128 Not bran. Better. 286 00:14:29,101 --> 00:14:30,125 What do you want? 287 00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:32,160 I'm getting ready to torture Nurse Chest-Whiskers, 288 00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,228 but it's her word against mine, 289 00:14:33,305 --> 00:14:35,705 so I need you to verify yesterday's incident. 290 00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:38,471 What incident? I wasn't even here yesterday. 291 00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:39,534 You were there. 292 00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:41,102 Excuse me. What? 293 00:14:41,146 --> 00:14:43,444 Shh! He's standing right here. 294 00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:46,451 - Me? - Okay, I'll tell him. 295 00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:50,653 My muffin thinks you're crazy and she wants you to go. 296 00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:54,617 You tell your muffin that I think she's crazy. Maybe she should go. 297 00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:55,820 No. 298 00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:58,655 What is happening to me? 299 00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:04,559 Nice job. 300 00:15:05,304 --> 00:15:08,637 That lady has no idea what's good for her daughter. 301 00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:12,235 I know. I just want to go over there and smush her face. 302 00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:14,041 So this is you mad? 303 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:16,741 Did you hear me? Like, just smush it. 304 00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,647 So go talk to her. 305 00:15:18,684 --> 00:15:21,050 I mean, you're both sort of almost doctors. 306 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:23,748 Part of that is doing what you think is right. 307 00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:25,848 - Let's do this. - Okay, try to act tough. 308 00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:27,857 And forget it. 309 00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:33,462 Oh! So, now we can't sit on the same side of the table? 310 00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:36,900 - We never do that. - We always do up here. 311 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,335 Why did that sketch bother us so much? 312 00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:41,703 - We've always joked about our little... - Don't say it, okay? I hate that word. 313 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:44,231 It's a bromance, Turk. You can't fight it. 314 00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:46,272 It never bothered me before 315 00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:48,007 because I thought it was our stupid little joke 316 00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:50,277 that Elliot and Carla were in on. 317 00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:54,315 But I didn't know that's how the whole hospital views us, man. 318 00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:55,377 J. D? 319 00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:59,321 - Pretty great, huh? - Well, when you're right, you're right. 320 00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:01,053 - Yeah. - So, how's your day going? 321 00:16:01,093 --> 00:16:02,720 It's pretty good so far. 322 00:16:02,761 --> 00:16:05,025 I see you're eating bread again. I thought you were off carbs. 323 00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,358 J. D! 324 00:16:06,498 --> 00:16:09,296 - I'm sorry. I'm back. Continue. - Look, we're senior staff now, 325 00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:13,298 so maybe at work, we should tone down the PDA. 326 00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:14,636 I agree. 327 00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:17,775 - But does that include... - It definitely includes "Eagle!" 328 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,471 Oh! Good. 329 00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:23,173 Look at that, I'm not hungry anymore. 330 00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:27,514 Brianna has so much to deal with right now. 331 00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:30,454 It just seems like you should let her enjoy every normal moment she can 332 00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:33,151 instead of forcing her to hide from life all the time. 333 00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:35,387 As much as I hate to agree with Dr... 334 00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:36,553 Dey. 335 00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:39,127 - Your name is Sunny Dey? - Mmm-hmm. 336 00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:43,225 Okay, as ridiculous as it was for her parents to name her that, 337 00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:46,567 I think what you're doing with Brianna is 1,000 times worse. 338 00:16:46,605 --> 00:16:48,971 My daughter's immune system doesn't work. 339 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,737 Why don't you two tell me what it's like 340 00:16:50,776 --> 00:16:54,473 when your child risks death every time she shakes hands? 341 00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:57,073 Do you think I care one bit what you think? 342 00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:58,378 We tried. 343 00:16:59,651 --> 00:17:01,516 You know, yesterday, Dr. Reid came in and gave me 344 00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:04,989 the same sanctimonious speech, and I told her the exact same thing. 345 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,015 Hey, what's going on over here? 346 00:17:10,462 --> 00:17:13,056 - Everything okay? - I'm great. 347 00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:17,467 I just don't know what's real anymore, but that's okay, right? 348 00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:22,800 I mean, so what if big chunks of my life were just figments of my imagination? 349 00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:26,072 So I never went to China and had a baby with a local. 350 00:17:27,012 --> 00:17:29,742 Maybe I was never in The Fugitive. 351 00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:33,115 Listen, this place can make anyone crazy. 352 00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:34,449 Once, after a double shift, 353 00:17:34,486 --> 00:17:36,852 I swore I went home and crawled into bed with Turk. 354 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:40,518 Next day, I woke up in the on-call room spooning Dr. Beardface. 355 00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:43,084 Now the guy's always slipping me hotel keys. 356 00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:46,689 I can't believe you're being so nice to me 357 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,599 when I almost punished you for something that never even happened. 358 00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:51,933 Please accept my apologies. 359 00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:58,201 That was easier than I thought. 360 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:00,605 No, Beardface. 361 00:18:04,683 --> 00:18:08,016 I'm so proud of you, man. You know, I've always emulated you. 362 00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:10,886 I shaved my privates bald to look like your head. 363 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:14,518 Todd, I'm actually kind of touched. Come on. 364 00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:17,355 What's going on? 365 00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:20,490 They're gonna publish my old therapy paper. 366 00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:22,022 J.D.: There it was. 367 00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:25,127 He wanted a hug and I damn sure wanted to give him one, 368 00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:27,331 but all we could do was say this. 369 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,670 - Congrats. - Thanks, man. 370 00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:36,739 J.D.: Don't look back. Fight it. Fight it. Damn it, you're only human. 371 00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:38,649 Turk? 372 00:18:42,421 --> 00:18:43,615 I ran all the way around. 373 00:18:43,655 --> 00:18:45,282 It's guy love Don't compromise 374 00:18:45,324 --> 00:18:48,259 - People are gonna look. - What people? 375 00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:52,559 It's guy love between two guys 376 00:18:58,370 --> 00:19:00,497 Why'd you lie about talking to Brianna's mom? 377 00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:01,631 I'm going first. 378 00:19:01,673 --> 00:19:03,698 Why'd you go talk to her after I told you to drop it? 379 00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:07,303 - It's not fair what her mom's doing. - And why is that? 380 00:19:07,346 --> 00:19:08,643 I don't know, because people need to be able 381 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,648 to go out and do things and live life. 382 00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:12,274 Where have I heard that before? 383 00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:15,809 Oh! Yeah, it's the exact same advice I've given you 9,000 times. 384 00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:18,789 So you had me get crushed by that mom just to prove a point? 385 00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:22,726 She even had me give you a little push so you wouldn't wimp out. 386 00:19:22,761 --> 00:19:26,925 I'm very bright. Look, I've been there. I did what you did. 387 00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:29,399 I was an intern. I've lived at this hospital. 388 00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:31,527 I saw the same exact people day after day, 389 00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:34,835 which, for the record, makes even the uggos look attractive after a while. 390 00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:38,243 Oh! Is that how you got together with Dr. Dorian? 391 00:19:38,277 --> 00:19:42,304 What? No. Well, maybe at first. No. 392 00:19:43,882 --> 00:19:45,110 No. 393 00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:47,141 J.D.: Sometimes interns think they know it all, 394 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,347 but the lessons really never stop coming. 395 00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:51,686 Whether you've heard it 1,000 times... 396 00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:54,157 For the last time, get out of here every once in a while, 397 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:58,152 - or this place will swallow you up. - What about Brianna? 398 00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,960 J.D.: Or it's something totally new. 399 00:19:59,998 --> 00:20:02,592 So much crappy stuff happens here all day long, 400 00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:05,865 the best way to get past it is do what I do. 401 00:20:05,904 --> 00:20:08,065 Just pretend it never happened. 402 00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:15,203 - Hey, sorry again. - Don't beat yourself up about it. 403 00:20:16,181 --> 00:20:19,378 J.D.: Of course, some lessons you pick up on your own... 404 00:20:19,985 --> 00:20:23,944 - I just got the urge to buy you a shirt. - Well, then, to the mall! 405 00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:25,553 Mount up. 406 00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,590 Eagle! 407 00:20:30,529 --> 00:20:32,759 J.D.: Like how important it is to have a good friend here 408 00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:34,129 to help you get through it. 409 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,125 Oh! 410 00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:39,729 - Anyone sitting here? - Not just anyone. You. 411 00:20:41,139 --> 00:20:43,903 Okay, no more talking till I'm drunk. Okay? 412 00:20:53,218 --> 00:20:54,446 Partner up, please. 413 00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:57,521 Val, please don't make a sign 414 00:20:57,556 --> 00:21:00,616 that says "LOSER" with an arrow pointing towards Jo. 415 00:21:01,059 --> 00:21:04,187 Ha-ha! Now it's pointing towards me. Very clever. 416 00:21:04,229 --> 00:21:07,062 - Turk, will you get the sign, please? - I am on it. 417 00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,191 - Val! - You guys... 418 00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:09,530 - You guys are doctors. - I'm telling you. 419 00:21:09,568 --> 00:21:12,264 - This is unprofessional. - Got it. 420 00:21:12,804 --> 00:21:13,998 This is a different "LOSER" sign. 421 00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:17,099 Where is the original "LOSER" sign? There's two now. 422 00:21:17,142 --> 00:21:18,973 - Right there. I see it. - Okay, can you get that one, please? 423 00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:20,444 I'm gonna get it right now. 424 00:21:20,479 --> 00:21:21,639 I think we should stop looking for the sign 425 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,808 and start looking for the Sharpie, 'cause we're losing control here. 426 00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:26,818 We are not losing control. 427 00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:28,745 Okay, who wrote that?